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what do you think about a 35yo single mom who leaves her 4yo dd with her 55yo mom (granny to dd) to go back to school? the mom would have to go across country for a specific 4yr program.
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04.26.08, 10:37 AM
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why can't dd go with her?
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ITA. move to the school city, find a daycare/sitter, and you are done.
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because childcare in the school area is atronomical compared to hom
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where is the program? can the dd go to public pre-k and then afterschool care? I'd rethink the program before I abandoned my child like that. sorry, but it's too long. a month maybe.
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she's going to leave dd for 4 yrs?
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on and off. summers back at home. christmas...
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that's no good. no good at all.
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ITA. BAD idea. Kids need their parents.
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itttttta.
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VERY BAD.
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Ita. She needs to pick another career.
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op: you need an education in any career
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np: What kind of idiotic response is this? You can become educated locally. Stop being so incredibly selfish.
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look at the rest of the responses, there are no educational opportunities at current locations. pay attention before you start name calling
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np I'm calling BS on that. There are colleges and trade schools in every city. Maybe not the program OP wants, maybe nto the best school in the world but she can get an education within a couple of hours of her home. I will bet $$ on that
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ditto
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op is not in the states.
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No matter. She should take her child with her anywhere she goes. And take her mother too for that matter.
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Then you pick up your kid and you MOVE to where there is opportunity. You scrimp and save, beg and borrow, and MOVE WITH YOUR CHILD.
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Please. Don't be an ass. Where is she, in the Gobi Desert?
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nnp so there are no schools at all nearby?
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none.
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where do you live?
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Where are you? In the Amazon jungle?
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Name the town, lady. I'll find you a school.
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i'm not in the states. if there was a nearby option, i think i would know
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WHERE ARE YOU? HOW ARE YOU ON A COMPUTER IF THERE ARE NO OPPORTUNITIES?
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travel a little please
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You are a FAKER.
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I've traveled the world. That's why I know you're lying and your post is fake.
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oh c'mon. The woman has a computer, obviously speaks english very well and is pretty educated already. I am beginning to think this one is fake
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Yeah. I can't believe I bothered. Better go.
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np - i think this post is fake, honestly
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So bad.
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what kind of program is so specific there is only one across country. so unfair to her child
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the mom is in a country where there is no such opportunity. the school is a 3hr flight
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ah, this is done in other countries- there are fewer options and the stakes are higher. I wouldnt judge in that case
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She need to readjust her priorities and compromise. Get another career. Yeah, I wanted to be a pilot, but I have a 2 yo. I could never leave my child that way.
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but you do have to take care of your child someway right? it may not be as a pilot, but i have got to get the appropriate education
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there are no educational programs nearby that could be useful?
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Where in the hell are you? Why don't you post it? This is B.S.
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VERY BAD IDEA
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Sounds like mom wants to abandon child and move on with her life
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op: the mom is trying to make a better life for the child
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then she needs to bring the child along, even if it's not ideal. even if the mom has to sleep on the couch in a tiny one-bedroom.
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it's not affordable to bring dd. it's either not go or leave dd
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np: If she wants to make a better life for her child, she needs to be in the child's life. This is hugely selfish and ignorant.
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i think you are ignorant. sometimes things out of the norm need to happen
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LOL. This scenario, if played out, is so out of the norm, that it will interfere with the child's psychosocial development. Out of the norm, yes--leading to abnormal.
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maybe where you are from. i am in a country where i can't get the education to do anything be scrape by for my dd's entire life. if i don't do this, i will have to depend on her in my old age. the way my mom depends on me
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Please tell me then, how you're on a computer.
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because i'm not in the middle of the Gobi Dessert
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^^^or should i say "Desert"
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It's "desert" not "dessert."
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Yum! I love Gobi Dessert!
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np its done in many countries... perhaps there are very close ties with granny who can fill the void while mom is away
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op: yes. lots of ppl who care and who are encouraging me to do this
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Are you going to France to Le Cordon Bleu?
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Why can't you be straightforward in stating where you want to go and where you live now? It's still anonymous information. You lack credibility by not stating this.
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it wouldn't be anonymous if i told you that. i'm can't see who it is relevant
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You are a fake. No one would know.
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sigh... I also think you are now fake. This makes no sense- we do not live in your country and would not know you no matter what you said
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that is because you are from a large place and cannot understand that some people are easily identifiable with very litte info
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np: You are a fake...oh, educated computer owner. LOL
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glad to know that i present myself as educated. something good came out of this. a compliment
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No, an insult, sweetheart. Clearly you're a mental case. It seems as if your daughter is better off without you. Please leave her as soon as possible.
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won't matter. granny comes with you or you stay closer to dd. end of story.
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I'd think there was a lot more going on than it's my business to know. Maybe granny's is the better place?
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op: it's me. i was trying to not get flammed. i can't afford the daycare where the school is
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then you can't afford to do the program, sorry. YOU HAVE A CHILD WHO NEEDS YOU.
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ittttta - wait til the child's public-school aged. then go.
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where are you? can your mom move with you? you can't abandin your child for 4 years
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So where are you? Where is the program? How will this improve your life and your dc's life? What does granny think? Does you and dc live with her now? I live abroad and here many people have to make hard choices.
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my mom likes the idea. she knows that things will get better for all of us
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Where are you?
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np: OMG. Don't you understand what this would do to your child psychologically, not to mention the cost to you down the line. This would permanently change who she is as a person. It's the worst damage you can cause.
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np: If you're not a psychologist, please stop with the armchair analysis
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Armchair analysis can work fine in your case, which appears clear cut.
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I don't have a case here, but if you mean OP, itda
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And what if something happens to your mom? What then?
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np: I think if you feel like you can handle it, and your mom can handle it, and it will really make a difference in terms of career, you should do it
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thank you. i hope that i'm not going to be judged too harshly if i do it. but i have my dd and my mom to take care of long term
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WHERE ARE YOU???
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An education can be gotten at any time. A child's years pass quickly and are soon gone forever. You will regret this, I'm sorry. Down the line, you will. Nothing's worth leaving your kid for four years like that.
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would never consider....but maybe she's desperate
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I think you are abandoning your child and your dd will feel that way too. Terrible. There isn't a program good enough for you to take your child with you?
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I'd think she wants to be a good provider for her dc
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thank you for trying to understand. i am not abandoning my dd
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np - i understand, but it's still not good for dd. she will prob feel abandoned despite your intent.
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op: we live next door to my mom now. it is less than ideal, but she will stay in her home... it's not an easy decision
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i know... what the heck is the program? can't you do something else?
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this is the program in a field that i have worked for the past 5 yrs. my employee is willing to pay. i wouldn't be able to afford otherwise
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so the employee needs to pay for childcare for your kid.
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wayyyyy less expensive at home than in the states. specifically, where the school is
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but your dd would be with you. why does cost matter on this? why not bring your mother, rent a 2bdr apt and you all live together where you are going?
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cost matters when you don't have the money. anyway, i posted again and i appreciate all of your responses and a couple of suggestions. i may be able to bring her
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so you've made your mind up already? 4 years is a long time for your dd. You will miss her entire childhood.
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she doesn't seem to care
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This is very hard on the child.
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your dd certainly won't feel that way
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she will be an absent provider then Kids need more then money, They need their moms. I would find another program or area that is near home and then go back to school
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a child need a loving caretaker, a grandma seems ideal if the mom has to be away to improve the family's life.
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she's probably very sad to have to leave her dd but i guess it;s the right thing at this point in her life. single parents have it really rough.
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ITA that it can be very rough but I think this is way too much. A 4yo cant understand any of that. She needs her mother. I think OP needs to reassess her options. There are bound to be some other ways to get an education
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So she's going to abandon her kid to the kid's grandmother for four years while she goes to college? I would think she should have done that before getting pg, or she should go to school closer to home if she couldn't afford to take dd
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Wow. Missing years 4 through 8. I could never do it. I would find something appropriate nearby. You don't have to give up your education dreams entirely, but you have to think of your child's welfare. This will have a HUGE negative impact.
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well said
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but maybe the educational program is required for this family to survive- who knows
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BS. There are always options. There may be better ones and worse ones but there are always options
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Jesus Christ. I have mircoloans out to people who run small businesses in countries like Uganda and Seirra Leon, Peru and Bolivia. The OP is bullshitting. She is likely in the States and has gotten flamed so much that she's trying to find a way to make t this all sound legitimate.
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^^^micro-loans
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high jsck - do you do micro loans personally? Through a group? I've wondered how that worls
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or: Kiva.org is fantastic. Someone turned me on to it. I love it. I have 7 loans out and my previous ones have all been repaid. I just do it in $25 increments. So satisfying to do it this way.
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that is fantastic! I can afford $25!! Thanks for the info :-)
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My pleasure. You'll really enjoy it! GL.
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they are not available for everyone. ppl try to get into the states bc of lack of opportunity in their home countries- not like they make out real well here either
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Do any of you responders have nannies or cleaners who have left young children back in their hom countries? I'd bet there are a few....
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04.26.08, 10:45 AM
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