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When you people say that people give up too easily on marriages, what is it that everyone is supposed to keep enduring before it's enough, and if you're here and divorced, then why? Do you regret it?
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i truly believe with the extremely busy lifestyles we all lead that marriages are ended to quickly and frequently. It sucks be a child of a broken marriage
[ Reply | Options ]I think it's more like people's expectations about marriage and their partner can be too great. You need to be your own person too and not expect too much from the other person. Of course, I draw the line at emotional or physical abuse.
[ Reply | Options ]I'll tell you my scenario: dh has gained 60lb since we got married, he has ocd, he has boxes and boxes of born hidden in the house, he chews tobacoo, and we fight all the time. is it time to leave him or what?
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well, i don't know about you and what you do and what you're like.....there is more to this obviously.....what are you fighting about?
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people give up too easily meaning that if they don't feel passion or marriage is boring or they're not best friends, then divorce must be the answer...find someone else! shouldn't be that way. you made a commitment, had children w/this man, if he's not cheating or abusing you in some way, or has a drug problem etc., then deal w/a not so exciting life.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't actually know anyone like this, but I know a lot of people who assume others are like this.
[ Reply | Options ]there are so many posts on here that are just people saying their unhappy/not satisfied w/their marriage and so many responses of "life's too short, leave him and find someone else"
[ Reply | Options ]op: in my case, it's not about lack of passion. it's about lack of movement on the part of my husband. it's about lack of compromise. it's about quality of life, and the fact that i have very little, that i'm the maid and nanny that works full ti well
[ Reply | Options ]then why don't you just make decisions w/o consulting him? get a maid & nanny (which you must have if you work full time).
[ Reply | Options ]i'm permitted to get a cleaning lady, but only every other week. He makes tons of money.
[ Reply | Options ]well, this is where your problem is...you make money too, you have value, you raise your children, etc...you don't need to ask permission. if you feel overwhelmed & need more help, then get it. if he has a problem with it, then fight it out. but stand stand up for yourself!
[ Reply | Options ]op: certainly, the problem is that i don't stand up for myself. CERTAINLY. But, if i constantly must fight and deal with anger, repercussions for even these most basic things, and he makes a significant amount of more money than me, how exactly do I f ght it out? Rebel on a daily basis? Live in a warzone?
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Why do you care what other people do? People should be happy. Life is too short to be with someone who makes you unhappy.
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Again, why do you care? Things change, people grow, sometimes you are very different people after 20 years than you were when you got married and are no longer compatible. Why stay together? Just because you thought you would 20 years ago? To prove something?
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But why? If you're not happy, your partner isn't happy, you live a less full life than you want, you should stay together because of some words you said years ago under very different circumstances?
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My marriage is based on our everyday experiences with and treatment towards each other, not words we said 18 years ago. We stay together because we want to, not because we signed a contract.
[ Reply | Options ]but if things got shitty for some reason, wouldn't you do everything you possibly could to fix it before considering divorce as the answer? especially w/kids in the picture.
[ Reply | Options ]Sure, I would, but sometimes you can't fix your incompatibility issues and those issues aren't necessarily abuse or infidelity or any of the reasons that are "okay" to leave for. Sometimes you're just plain unhappy with someone and you can both hav better lives apart. I actually wouldn't leave because of infidelity, but I certainly would leave if I felt we were alienated from each other emotionally and that this would not change.
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If your husband said the only reason he's with you is because of vows, despite the fact that he finds no joy in your relationship, feels no love towards you, is bored and lonely and that this will not change, how would you feel? Do you want to be married to someone out of obligation to honor vows despite serious and unchanging unhappiness?
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then you don't believe in marriage. you took the vow. if you don't believe you should have to stick to it (assuming no abuse, cheating, etc) then you shouldn't take the vow.
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np: but what is a commitment when you are thinking mostly of yourself? Life is too short but you made a decision to be married.
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UrbanBaby Asks...
When I ride in a taxi cab with my DC I:
- Use a carseat
- Buckle him/her in his/her own seat
- Hold him/her on my lap
- I'd never ride in a taxi with my DC, it's much too dangerous!
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