UrbanBaby - I went to therapy today, and i said, my ...

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I went to therapy today, and i said, my DH is not cheating, or hitting, or anything, but he's immobilized and scared of everything making me feel the need to walk on eggshells. She said, it's a quality of life. She said it's a profound decision and I ally need to think about it. I kind of got mad because I want her to say "you go girl, and be done with it." What do you think?
28 replies
- Toddler
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04.16.08, 01:19 PM [ Flag ]
- What. You wanted her to tell you to leave him?
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  04.16.08, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - no, see below. i wanted an okay. i didn't want more doubt.
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    04.16.08, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- Stop looking for confirmation from people
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  04.16.08, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- What do you mean, you wanted her to give you a license to divorce your dh?
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  04.16.08, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - i wanted her to say, you tried everything i know. she said, i could negotiate. i cannot negotiate with him one more second for the things he makes me negotiate
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    04.16.08, 01:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    - question, is HE in therapy?
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      04.16.08, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      - yes
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        04.16.08, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        
        for how long? it takes time you know?
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        04.16.08, 01:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        
        3 years. well, let's see.....first he withheld sex for 3 years....
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        04.16.08, 01:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    - You can leave your dh without her consent.
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      04.16.08, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      - i need a voice of reason. i'm basically unstable in my thoughts right now after permitting myself to be controlled for so long
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        04.16.08, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        
        but you want a voice of reason that agrees with you...
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        04.16.08, 01:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        
        right.
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        04.16.08, 01:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- she's not there to make decisions for you
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  04.16.08, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- it's not her job to make choices for you
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  04.16.08, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- she cannot tell you what to do. She is right.
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  04.16.08, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
- you want your therapist not to tell you to think hard about leaving your husband?
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  04.16.08, 01:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
  - op: i guess not. it's just that, in my heart of hearts, i'm done. i will try to go to couples counseling, but people cant change that much
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    04.16.08, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    - It sounds like you know what to do.
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      04.16.08, 01:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    - YES THEY CAN>... i have seen tremendous changes in my dh since he's been in group therapy.
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      04.16.08, 01:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    - did he start out like this? if not, then he changed that much once, he could again.
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      04.16.08, 01:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
      - he started out like this
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        04.16.08, 01:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        
        well then why did you marry him?
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        04.16.08, 01:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        
        because i wanted kids, and i thought i could handle.
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        04.16.08, 01:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        
        oy
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        04.16.08, 01:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        
        i don't think i'd be a great partner to someone who only married me to have kids and thought they could "handle" me. i think that's the sort of thing i'd pick up on.
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        04.16.08, 01:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
        
        i do love him. he is very controlling though. before kids, he didn't like when i went out with my friends. felt left out. that type of thing.....
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        04.16.08, 01:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
    - np: doesn't sound like there's much point to being in therapy if you've already made up your mind
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      04.16.08, 01:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]

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Posted June 5, 2008 (50 replies)

What. You wanted her to tell you to leave him?

no, see below. i wanted an okay. i didn't want more doubt.

Stop looking for confirmation from people

What do you mean, you wanted her to give you a license to divorce your dh?

i wanted her to say, you tried everything i know. she said, i could negotiate. i cannot negotiate with him one more second for the things he makes me negotiate

question, is HE in therapy?

yes

for how long? it takes time you know?

3 years. well, let's see.....first he withheld sex for 3 years....

You can leave your dh without her consent.

i need a voice of reason. i'm basically unstable in my thoughts right now after permitting myself to be controlled for so long

but you want a voice of reason that agrees with you...

right.

she's not there to make decisions for you

it's not her job to make choices for you

she cannot tell you what to do. She is right.

you want your therapist not to tell you to think hard about leaving your husband?

op: i guess not. it's just that, in my heart of hearts, i'm done. i will try to go to couples counseling, but people cant change that much

It sounds like you know what to do.

YES THEY CAN>... i have seen tremendous changes in my dh since he's been in group therapy.

did he start out like this? if not, then he changed that much once, he could again.

he started out like this

well then why did you marry him?

because i wanted kids, and i thought i could handle.

oy

i don't think i'd be a great partner to someone who only married me to have kids and thought they could "handle" me. i think that's the sort of thing i'd pick up on.

i do love him. he is very controlling though. before kids, he didn't like when i went out with my friends. felt left out. that type of thing.....

np: doesn't sound like there's much point to being in therapy if you've already made up your mind

UrbanBaby Asks...

When I ride in a taxi cab with my DC I:

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City vs. Suburbs