[-]Do Jewish people celebrate Thanksgiving? I want to invite some Jewish friends, but don't want to offend. TIA!
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[-]39 weeks pregnant. going to get hair done today. i have visions of being 1/2 way done with hair when i go into labor and needing to leave in the middle.
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I did this on my due date. Mani pedi and waxing too! Also had a dinner party that night. Felt serious pressure to get this stuff in before the big day! It was great. Haircut held me until all my hair fell out 3 months later and I look fab in the hospital photos. Was 6 days late btw.
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[-]I know this has been done to death but I'd love some input. I pay my amazing cleaning woman $100 for 2300 square feet. She's here 6 1/2 hours (and cleans under rugs, books on shelves, etc.). I think she deserves a raise but how much? She comes every other week and has never asked for a raise or anything else. Would a 5$ raise look cheap? $10? Tx!
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[-]Who can recommend a great foundation. Wiling to pay but need something that really looks good?
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[-]I am over 38 weeks and had a non-stress test/sonogram yesterday. I want to talk to my midwife/ob about what dr at hospital said because I may want to try to "start" labor this weekend. Is it okay to call midwife/ob whoever is on-call to discuss with her? Or should I just wait til next week's appointment when a window of opportunity will be closed?
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I say start labor, but I mean just doing those things like drinking castor oil, eating spicy food, taking a really long walk etc. My point is that I want to talk to my dr. about what I heard at the hospital yesterday and I really don't want to wait until next week's appointment. So is it rude/bothersome to call her on Saturday?
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[-]settle argument btw me and dh. sitter can't make usual day three weeks out because going out night before for celebration. is she being responsible by knowing her limitations, not wanting to work hungover, just being honest, or is she being stupid for telling me real reason she can't make it?
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I'm trying to picture telling MY boss that I can't come in next Thursday 'cause I'm going out to tie one on Wednesday night and will get so wasted I won't be able to function the next day.
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Ehhh. The relationship bet. a sitter and an employer is a lot less formal than most employee-employer relationships though-this is someone in your home, wiping your kid's bottom. I think it's fine that she told you--maybe she just wants to sleep in, maybe she wants to tie on on...would you rather she lie?
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Is she of age? She probably thinks you're cool, and is being honest with you. You probably drink, and if she's of age, you probably know she drinks. She probably didn't need to give a reason, but she did. Now you decide...is she a good sitter? Will you keep her or find a new one over this issue? If she said "Oh, I can't work that night, it's my friends birthday." It's almost the same thing, you'd prob assume there would be some drinking going on. She just stated the obvious.
[ Reply | Options ]^^ Did she say celebration or did she say she'd be hungover? If she said celebration, LET IT GO. If she's young, she needs this. If she works only one day a week, her partying is more important than her job, and if that bothers you, which I can understand, find someone new.
[ Reply | Options ]op: love how ppl are assuming she is young. she is of age, yes. and i agree, prob thinks i'm cool. but she is 28!
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While I applaud her for telling you the truth, I must admit it worries me. I try to look at these people like employees at any other business. Would someone call in and tell their boss that they can't come in because they will be hungover? Probably not. My guess is that they would get fired because they knew while they were drinking that they had a responsibility to go to work tomorrow and yet didn't care.
[ Reply | Options ]Not meaning to flame you here....but, are you a SAHM??? Is her cancellation significantly inconvenient for you? Do you have to find a replacement, or can you get by? I'd be very happy she gave notice, and if it bothers you, try not to discuss private things anymore. And tell her next time to just say "Dr. Apt that morning..." lol
[ Reply | Options ]i am a sahm. the day in question i need her in the morn because of a parent interview at a school. since she gave me such advance notice, it isn't a big deal, i can find someone else, and i'm glad she told me. i'm just marvelling at the fact she didn't lie about reason!
[ Reply | Options ]Yeah, that is shocking. Sometimes I lie to work and say I have a dr appt but actually just go to a personal trainer....shhh. lol USUALLY I schedule the appt and the trainer back to back. Anyway, it seems like it is all going to work out, and if she provides excellent care and you have back up it's not any different than asking for time off. We let our nanny take as much unpaid vacation as she wants, as long as we can get coverage. She gets two weeks paid, etc.
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[-]Dh always complains that he doesn't have time to do the things he wants to do around the house but every weekend it is the same thing. He doesn't plan ahead and he doesn't get to "work." Plus I am 39 weeks and went grocery shopping this morning (after being up since 4:30) and come home to breakfast dishes on the counter above the DW ( except for one bowl still on table). I am not mad, but just flabbergasted because it is always the same thing. How do I approach this with him with out sounding like I am nagging?
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[-]If any of you can give me advice or refer me to someone who can, I would greatly appreciate it. Long story short....I fled an abusive marriage (verbal, emotional, financial, then physical). We're in Family Court to deal with Child Custody/Visitation and Support. My former attorney left me stranded when I could no longer afford to keep him on retainer. I requested and was awarded a court-appointed attorney for the Custody trial. But, I just found out from Family Court that court-appointed attorneys are not given for Support cases. I'd have to either hire another attorney or represent myself. I can't afford another $300+/hr attorney and representing myself isn't an option. My husband has convinced the judge that he has no money. Meanwh...
21 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]just go and represent yourself. the judge will walk you through what you need to do and say. chances are you will end up getting the support you need to get on your feet again. those judges have seen and heard everything and will be able to see through ex.
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http://www.nysba.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Public_Resources&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=15&ContentID=1823
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an organization that helps abused women (such as The Retreat, in my area www.theretreatinc.org)may provide legal advocacy. I was helped with custody problem, no charge. A rep even came to family court with me and waited all day to see judge. if they cant help they may refer.there must be something like this in nyc. good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]don't know if they take such cases, but try the Legal Aid Socienty.... http://www.legal-aid.org/en/home.aspx
[ Reply | Options ]Thanks ladies for the support and referrals! Wanted to clarify, we're in NYC. We've already had two hearings and judge wasn't at all sympathetic to my situation. He keeps saying "You know, you've got to go out and get a job!" And I think to myself, "Yes sir, duh, I know that, but there's the small matter of not having enough money to pay someone to care for my child." That's why a (great) lawyer for trial is so important. Need someone who can get us more $ so that I can get back on my feet.
[ Reply | Options ]call everywhere you can and try to get pro bono attorney, DO NOT REPRESENT YOURSELF. whoever posted that does not know what they are talking about. i am attorney and wouldn't even represent myself, anyone who does is a fool. there has to be resources for you in NYC, i'm not there but looks like you should find something. why were you denied spousal support? do you have copies of your tax returns and other documents that show what your husband makes?
[ Reply | Options ]Denied spousal support because husband is paying off debt that I wasn't aware of: owes ex-wife child support in low six figures!, that payment is $3K/month, plus others. His financials show more going out than coming in, but like I said he's living in nice 1 BR with plans to move to 2 BR in same bldg. So, there's something wrong with this picture, and I can't fix it on my own. As for taxes, he skated by without filing for the past few years. And although he works as a consultant, thank goodness right now his income can be traced because company is paying him as if he were salaried.
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[-]Do you feel presents from "Santa" have to be big/substantial/flashy gifts?
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[-]where did you find him? Has he always been that kind of guy? I wonder when I see posts like this if this was some kind of established dialougue in your relationship that would allow him to think he could say that
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[-]How much do you spend on your high school DC's clothes if they go to a nyc private school?
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Maybe $400 a year, mainly shoes, basics. They work on day a week to earn money for clothes.
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np: if they are working too then they are adding to the OP's 400. budget, right? That's not bad.... say the dc babysits for $10/hr one day a week, that could easily add $200./month.
[ Reply | Options ]Actually, gets paid $15 an hour, 5 hours a week, and I give them $200 twice a year at beginning of season to get shoes and basics. That goes quite far.
[ Reply | Options ]I think that's a great model actually. May I ask an indelicate Q? Are you on a tight budget or do you have means but have chosen this structure for education purposes? I ask because we have $ but I don't ever want my dc to be over-privileged in that they expect everything handed to them. My dc are younger but I think your plan might work for them when they're old enough to work.
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ds will not wear anything but Levi's (preferably old), sneakers (preferably Converse) and dark-colored t-shirts from old rock bands. In other words, exactly what I wore to public HS in the '70's. I couldn't be happier with the style--just hope this keeps up when dd gets to HS! (Though Target and Loehmann's are her favorite stores, so I'm not too worried.)
[ Reply | Options ]We are very MC & struggling to pay tuition. DD is not clothes obssessed & dresses less well than other students. She wears women's sizes so her clothes cost the same as mine. It's like dressing another parent except that she continues to grow out of them every year so she needs new stuff.
[ Reply | Options ]So, jeans are $130 ea, boots $150, fall jacket, winter coat, sneakers, ballet flats, 1-2 skirts/dresses, sweaters, gloves/mittens/scarves/hats, bras, tops...The brands are 7"s, Free People, North Face, just what other kids wear but I must spend $2-3k because she grows out of things so each year we start from scratch. It's killing me.
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[-]when was the last time you had great sex? what made it great?
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[-]Re: Fieldston openly gay guy who resigned to hang out with his lover in the country: I think a Head of school is also a role model for the students. Any school who has a head that's not in a stable, married relationship (preferably with children) living a moral life is not fit.
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[-]bday present etiquette. 3 yo DD was invited to a birthday party for last weekend of a kid that was in her preschool class last year. I'm not close with the mother, but we have a bunch of friends in common and have gone out to to dinner on occasion. i'm 9 months pregnant and felt really sick last weekend and emailed her that i didnt feel well and that we would not be able to make the party (it was 5pm last sunday). She never returned my email (i guess i was expecting a "hope you feel better" or "Are you ok" or we'll miss you" or something). Do i go out of my way to get the present to the kid at this point? we never speak on phone or have playdates, and kids dont even go to same prschool anymore. I sort of feel like she should have asked...
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You bagged at the last minute and now expect the other mom to ask after your well-being and/or make arrangements to get the gift? Sorry, but no. You should have said in your email that you'd like to make future arrangements to get gift to her dc. Better yet, you should have called her in case she didn't see the email before the party. Doesn't matter if she's your bf or a distant acquaintance, manners are manners!
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[-]My ds is in preschool here. We love the preschool. He is in a 3's program. I know that some ongoing schools have pre-ks. Is this something i should look into. How do I know what school (ethical culture, horace mann, c&c) is good for my son? I overheard some moms talking about applying now for a 4/5s program. Should we just stay at our preschool until k? thanks.
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]You have more options if you apply out for K. Also, pre-k programs at ongoings tend to be FULL of sibs--very hard to get a spot if you're not connected.
[ Reply | Options ]i would tour a few pre-ks and if you like them apply to a few. it's hard to get into pre-k but if you luck out and get into one you like you'll avoid the k apps process. it's true that you have more choice but if you don't have good erbs, connections, etc., apps are hell. Worst case, you'll have a better feel for what the schools are like when it comes time to apply to k.
[ Reply | Options ]It might be a moot point, anyway. Isn't it too late in the year to be starting the application process?
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[-]The Head of ECFS just quite (after only 16 months). The place is crumbling...run!
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Don't be ridiculous. The school has been around since 1878, it is not crumbling.
[ Reply | Options ]You're right, but this school is for a very specific family...way progressive and not parent friendly.
[ Reply | Options ]schools that are not parent friendly, as you call it, are happier places for the children.
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don't be so certain of yourself. the poster is right in some contexts--"parent friendly" may simply mean that a school is more or less dictated by a volunteer group of parents who tend to come from the same particular socio-economic situations, and don't have any training or education in education. So I agree. let the school teach the kid, and don't let the parents decide, say, what foreign language will be taught at a school--which is the case, say, at some PA-heavy schools.
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No one says this about Dalton, and they have had quite a lot of changes in terms of HOS's. So stfu.
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[-]How would you handle? I have a wonderful nanny of five years. Today when she is leaving I overhear her say to my 6 yo, "If you are nice to me next week, I won't tell Mommy and Daddy about the secret from the playground." She has never complained that ds is not nice to her. Of course, I asked ds about it and he said "I have no idea."
20 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I would fire her ASAP. She's teaching the DC to lie to his parents and have secrets. Next think you know her boyfriend have her DC jerk him off (aka Michael Jackson) and that's a "secret" we don't tell mommy. Iwouldn't even call her, I would fire her ass
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It is extraordinarily inappropriate for dc to have secrets from parents. Ask her first thing Mon. And ask dc now. It may as simple as an extra ice cream but it sets a bad precedent. YOU are the gatekeeper NOT the nanny. Do not allow her this power of him and you and your relationship with your child.
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I would guess she is from another time/culture and not in-tune with certain safety issues today. I would explain to her why encouraging a dc to keep secrets from parents is potentially dangerous thing. I would also take the opportunity to sit down with ds and her and reiterate that there is nothing that DS could do that would make you not love him and that he should feel like he can tell you anything.
[ Reply | Options ]Just talk to her! Was it said in a threatening way or in a playful way? You can say,
[ Reply | Options ]^"if you're nice to me..." to someone who is always nice to you. The "secret" might be a lucky penny, a girl that's in love with him, or an extra cookie. I agree that even in play the child should not be encouraged from -- should be discouraged from! -- having secrets from you, but if this is your "wonderful nanny of 5 years", then that's what I'd focus on and just work through this hiccup. If you find out that it is something serious, then take the appropriate action, but in all likelihood, it'll just come down to a talk about secrets. Call her today so you don't stew about it all weekend, or talk about it first thing Monday ("I've been wondering about something I heard you and X talking about...")
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