[-]Just took my measurements and I have the weirdest body. I am 36D-26-35. No wonder I am a size 2 even though I'm 130lbs. My ass is smaller than my middle area by 2 inches. Damn pregnancy pooch. I have such a weird and disproportionate body now. Sigh..
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[-]Any tt alums sending their kids to Manhattan public schools? Please tell me your impressions of how their education compares to yours so far.
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[-]Do you guys think I could find a new college grad computer programmer to create a website for me in exchange for a free one bedroom apt in Manhattan? For example, one month's rent for a certain number of hours of work? What do you think would be reasonable in terms of hours per month of work I could expect?
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[-]Off the "DIVORCE" post what is the worst divorce you have ever heard? Me: childhood sweethearts, DH takes off with make BFF, yes he was gay.
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]couple had to live bi-coastal for work reasons at the beginning of the marriage (ny/la) but they spent every weekend together. Went on for a few months. After a vacation in HI the wife gets a call from sister saying we can't keep this from you any longer but it seems dh is leading a double life with a totally different woman.... it was heart breaking
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dh is an alcoholic screw-up. dw loves him but can't stand living with him anymore and he won't get help. she tells him she wants a divorce, doesn't want anything from him (he comes from a wealthy family), feels terrible. things didn't work out, but she didn't blame him. a few weeks later, she finds he has moved in with a girlfriend she did not know about, a girlfriend he knocked up and has been keeping secret! he lets this woman watch their child during his visits! and this woman is TRASHY. when she answers the phone, won't let dw speak with her own son, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]DH told on his honeymoon that DW made the wrong decision and wants out. Get divorced, she gets the house. He remarries and 3 months later DW2 tells him she's a lesbian and her partner moves into the house, DH moves to the basement, eventually they too get divorced. Not making this up.
[ Reply | Options ]DF was pregnant w/ # 3. Dh suggested that they sell their home to buy a bigger one, dh sells house and than backs out of new home purchase. Moves family into a dumpy rental tells dw that he is sleeping with her bf and wants a divorce. Df miscarries #3. Dh cancels all credit cards AND turns off the electricity on his own dcs. Dh (who makes over 2 million a year) hides assets and leaves the country.
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My aunts husband ran off with her daughter (his stepdaughter), way before someone famous did the same thing.
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[-]Therapist mom here - had a long day, on a wave, ask me anything.
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this being an anonymous board: do you ever get interested/emotionally involved in your job? Like you think about a patient's problem on the way home?
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I think many people these days are so lonely, especially in NYC. So many people get married, have kids, have friends and despite all that are so alone. I think I am a friend for hire sometimes, someone that can listen, and doesn’t judge, gives advice, sheds light on a new perspective, a new outlook. If you can help change someone’s perspective you can have change happen in the physical world.
[ Reply | Options ]What is your take on the fact that meds can change perspective in a very tangible way?
[ Reply | Options ]I’m not a Psychiatrist, I’m a LCSW. I am aware of the fact that some people need meds to be able to literally survive. I refer patients to Psychiatrists if I feel that they need more help. In a perfect world talking, opening up, facing issues would get people to straighten up, deal and get better. But in this world it’s not the case, plus some psychotic people do need meds and these are beyond the scope of my practice.
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Do you have times where you question the value of therapy, and your chosen profession altogether? I know several MSW's who feel this way, my sister is one of them.
[ Reply | Options ]How should I deal with my alcoholic borderline personality father? Cut him out completely? Sad he won't have a relationship with dd but maybe it is for the best.
[ Reply | Options ]I personally don’t believe in a rigid definition of “family” – sometimes blood can’t overcome hard personalities, sometimes past experiences affect the way we look at parents, siblings, etc. I have many patients that complain, especially around the holiday season, that they have to go to dinners with their family, however they don’t feel close to those people – a lot of anger, hurt bottled in, yet they go to dinner, act, put on a happy face while questioning the whole “production”. Your father may not have been a good father, and he may never be but he can still be an excellent grandfather, loving and caring, drinking problem or not. However, if he is not interested, doesn’t show affection etc, the fact that he is blood ...
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Any advice on surviving 6th grade? I feel so helpless when dd reveals what's going on socially.
[ Reply | Options ]If she is being picked on or singled out, boost her up as much as you can. Even if it seems "silly" or like overkill, if you tell her she is beautiful or smart or [fill in the blank] literally every day, when she is an adult she will have better self-esteem than all of her friends. If she is one of the ones doing the ostracizing, do what you can to teach her compassion outside of her social circle. Perhaps volunteer work, but not by forcing her to be nice to kids considered outcasts - that will be too hard on her because of the other girls. Also, encourage her to be friends with boys.
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How does one go about choosing a good psychologist? What resources would you recommend?
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Trailer trash mom here- how can I get a MILF with two kids to stop calling my boyfriend to ask if she can move in/spend the night?
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Let me preface this by saying that I have definitely benefited from therapy at different times in my life. I do notice, however, that many people who choose to study/practice some sort of mental therapy are generally the people who seem most screwed up. Do you think the majority of people who choose some type of psycho therapy as a profession are trying to fix themselves?
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[-]What NYC restaurant would you go to for Thanksgiving dinner with a 3 year old boy?
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[-]Annual fund question: is it common for a school to send out different versions of the letter asking for donations? some got a letter asking for 500 dollars (not financial aid family) others 5000. how do they know how much money people have/want to give? does this seem right to you?
36 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]Good fundraising mentions a specific amount. A good fundraiser knows what to ask for.
[ Reply | Options ]They know based on previous donations. It's common to have a targeted process and I don't really see a problem with it. I used to to fund raising for my college and it was the same in that we had people whom we called and asked for amounts based on what the giving history was.
[ Reply | Options ]Yep, fundraisers assess a lot of public info to draw conclusions about what a family might give (i.e. property values, what other orgs they give to, employer, etc.).
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I am sure we get googled if they are serious about a family. They do not want any embarrassing pasts.
[ Reply | Options ]Hijack: how much googling takes place? I mean, if my wonderful dh has major criminal conviction in his past (which you would find from some skillful Internet searching) then are we totally out of luck? Should I disclose to the school? (ps it's bad)
[ Reply | Options ]Maybe in the meantime he could become a major donor somewhere instead, to mitigate the bad stuff.
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np And if you're not getting FA, they'll call to see what you'll give. It's not complicated.
[ Reply | Options ]we got FA, and we still got the call. It was expected that everyone give something, and the amounts were not published, just whether you gave.
[ Reply | Options ]op: that's not what happened. they targeted different people for different amounts, without ever talking to us
[ Reply | Options ]the schools all have development offices and this is what they do for a living. they target people based on past giving history and if there is no history, they base it on whatever information they can find - addresses, jobs, publicly listed donations, etc. if you work at Goldman Sachs, they will target you for a different number than someone who is a lawyer at a non-profit.
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[-]help me out -- I had a discussion with someone (who doesn't have dcs) who said she can foresee a time when women would choose voluntary surrogacy (paying someone else to have their db) instead of carrying a db themselves. That it's another change to how technology becomes a part of our lives and how we try to control/preserve our bodies in different ways. I just don't think efficiency would ever outweigh wanting to be pregnant, if you can do it (for most people -- of course, there are exceptions). What do you think?
28 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]I can foresee it, far not the road and for a handful of women, but once it starts the practice could grow. And I say this, even though the thought appalls me.
[ Reply | Options ]I do not think it would ever become routine. Yes, a very small group of women would choose this out of need or desire. But most women take pleasure in pregnancy on some level and it is a biological urge similar to sex.
[ Reply | Options ]that's what I feel, too -- there is a sense of pleasure, and almost a primal desire. But she suggested, couldn't the idea of what's pleasurable change? How do we know it's pleasurable before having gone through it?
[ Reply | Options ]I truly think it's similar to sex rather than plastic surgery - an innate desire, rather than a superficial/convenient act.
[ Reply | Options ]That's what I was telling her -- that it's hard to understand until you are on the threshold of being able to be pregnant. Why do we want it? Because of what others are telling you? Because of how we've been raised? Because it's primal/innate? I don't know, but it's powerful, and ITA with you -- I can't imagine efficiency/beauty/convenience is what would dominate.
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I've been pregnant twice and hated both pregnancies. There was no part of it that I enjoyed. I would definitely be one of those women who would pay someone to be my surrogate. Pregnancy is an amazing experience for some and torture to others. I don't think this would be mainstream, but could be a good alternative for some people.
[ Reply | Options ]But would you have done it BEFORE getting pregnant? In other words, you know now that you had a horrible experience (after having gone through it). How would you make the decision before knowing you personally had it bad?
[ Reply | Options ]Honestly, I would have gone the surro route even before I got pregnant. Always wanted kids but hated having no control over my body for 12 months (pregnancy + recovery). I would have to know that the surro method would ensure a healthy environment for my baby.
[ Reply | Options ]interesting! And you would feel like you could trust a surrogate to be a healthier environment than your own body?
[ Reply | Options ]i'm with you OR. two awful pregnancies. i suppose I would have tried it the first time, but definitely not the second (even though that one was slightly more bearable). if i could do this i may consider a third, but never want to be pregnant again. if the surrogate could be my husband than i'm first to sign up!
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I agree and feel the same way about woman who chose c-sections instead of regular birth when their is no medical need for one. Some woman said that they wanted it because they wanted their baby born on a certain day or b/c they didn't want to stretch out 'down there.' There is too much stock in vanity today despite the fact that woman have been having babies naturally since the world began. I don't like woman who seem proud of c-sections b/c of artificial reasons or concerns about themselves. Of course if there is a REAL medical reason than okay but 75% of the people I know that have ever had one had either vanity or a scheduling conflict that resulted in them wanting a c-section.
[ Reply | Options ]I disagree that elective c-sections are along the slippery slope to on-demand surrogacy. C-sections, even when elected for what you consider trivial reasons, do not involve using another woman, who often has much less money and many fewer options, to gestate your baby. I hated hated hated being pregnant, but would never choose the emotional complications surrogacy evolves. A scheduled c-section, on the other hand, was absolutely what was best for my baby and me. And stretching out 'down there' had nothing to do with my decision.
[ Reply | Options ]np: I'm glad to read that other women don't like being pregnant. I always hear such glowing stories of pregnancy. I not a fan, but I kind of felt alone in that opinion.
[ Reply | Options ]how old are you? All my friends and I were 35+ when pregnant; children dearly wanted. Very few -- even the yoga divas-- pretended that pregnancy wasn't ten months of nausea, swelling, and flatulence. I thought uncomfortable pregnancies might be a symptom of 'advanced maternal age', but my mother told me all her pregnancies, starting at age 24, were similar. So maybe my circle of friends are more honest/complaining than many . . . .
[ Reply | Options ]I'm 35 and pregnant. Was 30 with 1st pregnancy. I know women my same age and they seem to like it. Honestly I didn't have difficult pregnancies, but still don't seem to like or love it like some people I know. I like knowing I'm going to have a baby and I'm very thankful for my kids. But that glowing wonderful I love every moment of this look that some people have I just can't relate to.
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I had two C-sections for medical reasons. The first was after waiting 20 days past due date, being induced, 48 hours of labor then haveing a c-section and giving birth to a 10 lb baby. I'm 5;3" and 110 lbs. Damage was irreversible of carrying such a large child so late. My story is not that uncommon, and I wish could have opted for an elective C-section the week before due date because I knew it would go like that. I'm guessing you had relatively easy births so
[ Reply | Options ]Actually I did not. My birth was not easy. I did have a small baby but was 3 days late and after 9 hours of labor had only gotten to 2 cm. Not only that but my baby was only 6 pounds and I had a 4th degree tear that required 4 sets of stitches inside and out. I was in pain for days and unable to walk or get in and out of bed by myself. However, I would do it all over again and plan to have the next one vaginally too. Don't you read the responses carefully b/c I stated "of course if there is a REAL medical reason that is okay" I am not taking about people who actually have reasons I am talking specifically about people who do it for vanity or selfish reasons, this does not apply to every person who has ever had one.
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I think there is a lot of research yet to be done on the impact of the mother (or surrogate) on the fetus' development. I don't think a baby's personality is solely genetics, i think it must be affected to some extent by maternal behaviors as well. Since I am a control freak, I would want the baby in me so I would have full assurance that the baby was in a good environment at all times. But i have thought a LOT about surrogacy...i want 2 kids close in age, and it would be much nicer if i had 10 months to recuperate with my hubby and child, rather than getting immediately preg again. the only other thing stopping me is trying to explain to my MIL why she couldn't come to the hospital...i know...but if she didn't know, and i completely truste...
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[-]Any women on here who actually LIKE The Big Lebowski? I'm not aware of a single woman who likes it, or a single man who has said he doesn't like it.
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[-]I'm expecting triples girls! What do you think of the names Anita Louise, Clarice Amalia (or Amelia), Helena Maria?. My last name start with D and dh last name start with L.
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I was wondering this because my first thought when I read this was that you were Hispanic. These sound very Hispanic, especially Helena. Cute names would be Anita, Clara, and Helen - all not popular but are pretty and all close variations of the names you already have. Good luck with your pregnancy.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't understand. There is something wrong with choosing a hispanic sounding name? Why did you feel the need to anglicize the names that the OR chose?
[ Reply | Options ]I am not I am just saying that to me if I heard the names, I would assume the parents were Hispanic. I didn't say there is anything wrong with being Hispanic or choosing Hispanic names. I like to know so I don't suggest other names that are maybe too American or too 'other culture' for them.
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I think all of the names are lovely. I am not a fan of Clarice, but that is just my personal taste and I think it goes well with Amalia and the others. Congratulations and best of luck for a long and healthy pregnancy!
[ Reply | Options ]Or Amalia Louise, Clara Anita, Helena Maria. Just to break up the phonetics a bit.
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Enjoy these last moments when you have time and energy enough to ponder. Consider perhaps Anita, Bonita and Conchita.
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What's so mean? Triplets are going to take up a lot of time and energy. Why not be organized and have an A,B,C?
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[-]18 month old DC slipped out of his second plaster splint in two days -- supposed to be protecting his fractured left foot -- xrays negative. Now he can weightbear with little pain. ER says to come back. The foot seems much better. Anyone with experience with a "fractured" toddler foot? TIA!
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[-]Excuse me if this is too gruesome for UB (back in the day I could've posted inside!), but how does one, uh, "prepare" for a**l sex?
23 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]imo, a lot of the prep is mental. you also need lube. my suggestion is also to do it with a condom, even with monogamous partner/dh because you shouldn't switch back and forth between anal and vaginal. that way do vaginal w/o condom, get all "juicy" then have him put on condom for anal, and he can just take it off to switch back to vaginal. i find it super hot but can only "take it" a few times a year.
[ Reply | Options ]Probably lots of clitoral and nipple stim, plenty of lube and something smaller than a penis in there first, while you're getting worked up. If you've had some smaller sized anal stimulation and then it's taken away, you'll find yourself wanting it back. Lots of lube is a definite.
[ Reply | Options ]i agree about the clitoral and nipple stim, but for me a finger(or other object) in my ass felt gross and clinical, although the first time i did it i was primed first with a finger. now, i can go straight to d*ck in ass after good foreplay and vaginal sex without a finger in ass first.
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a long time ago I swore that it was exit only. Then I became more opened minded. Now I love anal. I can only enjoy anal if a have a vibrater on my clit. He knows that it wont happen if I'm not being pleased also. When I cum I want him to go deeper and then he cums. Of cours dh is gentle with the foreplay. He's excited that we have a kinky new way to enjoy sex.
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not to be too gross, but don't do it soon after you have gone #2. i always thoroughly wipe with baby wipes beforehand. i've heard some do enemas, but i don't think it's necessary. the more important thing is to clean well afterward to make sure no booty juices travel to the vajayjay.
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i hate it...first time felt like i got stabbed in my gut..we haven't tried again, but i know he's into it...so i feel like trying again, cuz i want to make him happy...i sort of wish it was still stigmatized as a 'gay' thing cuz then i know DH wouldn't be into it. But years of porn have made his mind think it's a turnon...blech..
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[-]does anyone have a recommendation for a good pediatrician on the UWS?
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[-]I did the post asking what you are most proud of, thinking of a big accomplishment that you worked hard to achieve. Now the opposite question: what single thing did you do as an adult/parent that you most regret or are most ashamed of? Some one thing you could go back and get a "redo" on if it were possible?
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Said really hurtful things to my dh early on in our marriage that still affect us today. I wish I would have kept my mouth shut about past relationships. I think he still resents things I've said.
[ Reply | Options ]i'm not a parent, but the two bad things i did were ruin my gpa by working too much. i didn't save any money like i should have, and it was not worth the drop in GPA. with my 2.7, I am having a really hard time applying to any grad school, even conditionally. I have a 1400 GRE score but everyone looks at my GPA. I'm unemployed, and I can't even get a job as a grocery store bagger...sometimes I wish I chose a more 'vocational' field. I don't really care about being 'well rounded' when I don't have money to pursue any interests at all
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[-]Hiring a private preschool tutor for child who can't easily leave the house. How much should I expect to pay hourly?
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You might be able to hire a teacher/nanny to do a little pre-school homeschool program. Our nanny is a teacher, and we pay her $25/hour. But she is with dd the whole day, not just PT hours, like a half day preschool program would require.
[ Reply | Options ]I am sure you could put ad up at local teacher training school, and pay around 30.
[ Reply | Options ]You get what you pay for. Make sure your tutor has whatever level of degree makes you comfortable, checkable references, teaching/tutoring experience particularly with early learners, and in your case someone who has experience with families who need special attention to health-related considerations. IMHO less than $75 or $100/hour is not going to get you all that.
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[-]I'm going Speyer. Done. I don't care what you guys say. It is the best for our family. AND I don't have to keep up with the Jones's.
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[-]Is it true that Columbia Grammar cancelled their camp for this summer?
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