[-]What are the best organic diapers to buy? Seventh Generation? Their wipes do not smell good.
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I hate 7th generation ones so much I didn't finish the pack, every single one leaked. Whole foods brand ones are ok. Honestly though, I love my cloth diapers and they are so much better for the environment. The "organic" diaper thing is kind of a scam, they are the exact same as pampers except for the non-chlorinated bleach.
[ Reply | Options ]Huggies just introduced an organic line of diapers, although don't know anyone who's used yet.
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[-]I find it terribly sad that just because somebody expresses their opinion that one parent should stay at home to raise a child that it's labeled as "uncivilized." I feel for your children. Funny how nobody answers the question about WHY they had kids...not a single reply to that. :-(
149 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]You really have a reading comprehension problem, don't you? The post said "the way you express your opinions is uncivilized" which is absolutely, 100% true. You're a bull in a china shop and you ruin any discussion that's already going on by your relentless, repetitive attacks and self-righteous me me me attitude. There are plenty of SAHMS on this board, yours truly included, who can manage to discuss the topic in a decent way without venom and personal attacks. If you really cared about your "opinions" you'd try it.
[ Reply | Options ]Your tone, which is laced with anger and hostility, is what's putting people off an what people see as uncivilized, not the viewpoint you expressed in this post. And why do you care so much about spouting this viewpoint? You seem defensive about your own choices, to top it off. To each their own.
[ Reply | Options ]Nope. No hostility or anger and if you perceive it that way then that's YOUR problem not mine. I'm totally happy with MY choices, are you with yours? Seems to me the people who blatatly attack me & just have to have my posts "removed by moderator" (boohoo) are the ones thare angry, hostile, and can't handle others' opinions. I'm not going to be "nice-nice" on this board just to spare other people's feelings. I'm going to say what I want in a manner that I want. If you don't like it then don't respond. Thanks! ;-)
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You really do have some kind of psycho-social disorder. It's like someone going into a restaurant where everyone is having a good time and then screaming at the top of your lungs...and then being surprised when people are annoyed and ask you to leave the restaurant. The web is only a "free" space in the sense that it's self-regulated or community-regulated. You don't seem to understand the concept of social give and take. And sorry--you can keep claiming that it's everyone's problem but yours and everyone else here is angry, hostile, crazy, etc. but after a while you just sound like the schizo guy who's insisting that there are evil purple monsters in the room and that everyone who can't seem them must be crazy. Anyway--off to dinner. Good ...
[ Reply | Options ]You call people wacko. You call people stupid. How is that not angry and hostile?
[ Reply | Options ]Ummm....the people I call "wacko" are the ones that jump on me for my opinions. Everybody is entitled to them even if they don't agree with the majority. For the record, I never name-called until I was called a "c***". And no, I'm not harping on that, but if that's how this board is then so be it. I can play with the rest of 'em. ;-)
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So you're defending calling people wacko? Have you not noticed that everyone on this board is united in agreement that you are rude and hostile. How is that everyone else is the one with a problem, not you?
[ Reply | Options ]I read your past topic and you immediately insulted people. You're not innocent.
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Have you ever heard the expression "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar"? Your tone makes people shut out everything that you say. You're actually doing your cause more harm than good. You'll be used as an example of SAHM and give ammunition to people who are against that option.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't really care what people think about the fact that I SAH. I do it because I want to and people can call me whatever they want but I know I am doing the very best thing. I think the people that defend the option to work are those who feel the need to defend themselves so they bash those who SAH to cover for their own insecurities because they don't spend any time with their kids.
[ Reply | Options ]oh blah blah blah. You sound just like the obnoxious EBFers the other day. It's fine--do whatever you want but continually and smugly trumpeting what a great mother you are and how your way is the best and only way only makes us long for the day that your kid gets his first failing report card or gets nabbed with a trunkful of marijuana. There is no magic bullet, OK?
[ Reply | Options ]What an asinine statement, "trunkful of marijuana". Sorry, sweetie, but the ones that'll have kids in juvenile hall are for drug charges are the ones that don't keep an eye on their teens after school because they're busying being "power women" at their jobs. And just because somebody states that they think SAHMs are better than WOHMs doesn't make them "smug" but if you perceive it that way, it's YOUR problem. But you know what....I AM pretty darn smug - LOL! I'll take that as a compliment. BTW: I'm not the one who made the above comment that you're so pissy about, but I agree with it 100%. ;-) Luv, 867-5309 Girl
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OTOH, the fact that you defend your option as "the very best thing" is to cover your insecurity that you have no career or financial worth whatsoever. . .
[ Reply | Options ]Uhhh...I don't know what her career was or if she had one, but I know that I did and still have a substantial financial worth from the money I made while working. We SAHMs are not insecure about anything (at least I'M not) but you WOHMs come here & attack SAHMs because you know darn well that you're doing a disservice to your child. ;-)
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I happen to feel that up to the elementary grades, one parent should not work FT. If the other parent must work it should only be PT. The years go by so quickly and young babies/children benefit in terms of security and a sense of well being when there is parental involvement on a large scale in their lives. I am NOT jenny and disagree with her mean tactics, but want to express in another way that as a parent it is the best gift we can give our young children ie to make THEM the priority for these important years. My kids are in middle school and I am back PT; I wouldn't have wanted to not be there for them and whatever the years ahead may bring I have the peace of mind that I did what was right for my kids, in my own judgement.
[ Reply | Options ]which is totally FINE!!! I was lucky enough to SAH and I loved it, but I know it is not right for everyone, temperamentally, financially, career-wise. I have never thought "wow--so-and-so is a sh*tty parent because she didn't SAH." I knew a lot of moms who were much happier and more stable after returning to work at least part-time if not full-time. And frankly a lot of the WOHM's that I know are the ones with the work-hard-play-hard attitude and energy--I'd say that they give 100% at work and 100% to their kids (and like 0% to actual sleep or leisure!)
[ Reply | Options ]Sure, the MOMS were happier and stable, but what about the CHILD, the one that's the most important? How come you selfish people only talk about me, me, me? ICK!
[ Reply | Options ]That's classic. Sweetie, all you EVER talk about is you, you, you! : ) Have you ever actually posted a question, a comment, shared an idea about your DD or actual parenting? No--it's all about you...
[ Reply | Options ]Yes, actually, I've posted question and comments many times. Just do a search on "Jenny" and you'll see. Ummm...Dumb-ass, when I said that all you do is talk about "Me, me, me" I didn't mean literally "ME" as in Jenny. I meant that you are very selfish and only think of yourselves instead of your child. Good god, how dumb are you NYers? Seriously. UGH!
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For you, sure. But NOT for everyone. Having two working parents is how some parents prioritize their children. They may have different values than you, but that does not mean that they are not involved in their children's lives and are not giving their children a sense of security.
[ Reply | Options ]WOHM here. Ignore the bashers. I think the way you expressed it is fine. Everyone's opinion is differnet. There are some that may say that you must be there for your DCs even in middle school, and that what you're doing means that you're not there for them in their teenage years. The variations on theme are endless. In the end I think we all just try our best to do what's best for our families.
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People have kids because: 1. What else would you do with your life? 2. To care for them in their old age (yeah, lots of luck with that). 3. And for the "unconditional love".
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np- Not really. Having kids has long been a societal expectation. You grow up, you get married, wait a few years, have kids.
[ Reply | Options ]That's a stupid thing to say. Who cares about "societal expectations"? If society were jumping off a cliff, you would too? Wow, talk about a follower. Nobody should do something just because they THINK society expects it of them. That's a total disservice to the child/ren that you bring into this world. How awful!
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i'll add a #4 to that. i think there's a biological imperative we can't even sense that urges us to replace both parents for future survival. we can talk about all that other stuff, but when it comes down to it there are thousands of years of evolution propelling us to reproduce.
[ Reply | Options ]A "biological imperative"...(eyeroll). OH brother! Another stupid reason. Why don't I see any responses like, "Because I love children" and "I wanted to be a mother"? UGH!
[ Reply | Options ]you're brain dead. see the number in front of that? 4? there's ABSOLUTELY a biological imperative to reproduce...if you can get your head out of your 21st century arse and educate yourself about evolution, you'd understand. first, you have to want to be a mother or father. then you have to want to love that child more than you love yourself. etc. etc. if you think all of your reproductive choices are conscious ones you're a bigger idiot than you appear.
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let me rant for a minute about posting on UB. once you make a comment about "you" or "your", it's not a comment about the issue, it's an insult to the reader. you originally had a good point, that there is a valid argument for having a parent stay at home. but once you say "i feel sorry for your children", you are point is completely set aside. and then to end with that little sarcasm...you hijacked your own post and lost the opportunity to have a really good discussion about the merits of having a sahp.
[ Reply | Options ]Okay, I'm laughing my butt off because all of the comments that were "removed by moderator" this time, weren't mine! LOL! Luv, 867-5309 Girl ;-)
[ Reply | Options ]So let me get this straight "Jenny"; you are supposed to be able to say anything you want, any way you want--including in ways that are almost universally viewed as insulting, provocative, and self-righteous even by those who fundementally agree with you--, but it is "terribly sad" if others form opinions about how you choose to express yourself that differ from you own rose-colored perception of yourself. To put it crudely, it sounds like you want everyone to tell you that both your shit and your Quiche Lorraine smell like petunias.
[ Reply | Options ]I can take criticism just fine, or else I wouldn't be here. The fact that you criticize me for advocating SAHMs is pretty pathetic though. And yes, I can say anything I want, in any manner that I want. Do you think I give a crap that what I say is viewed "universally"? Besides, that's YOUR opinion anyway. YOU don't know how everybody views what I have to say (are you a friggin mind-reader, Dumb-ass). As for me being self-righteous, that's your opinion again. And yes, it is terribly sad that somebody who doesn't agree with people neglecting their kids is "uncivilized". Now you can bite me. Luv, 867-5309 Girl ;-)
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You seriously need to LOG OFF of UrbanBaby.com and start associating with people face to face. You are unhinged. Relax, sweetheart. Take your kid to the park or whatever it is you SAHM's do.
[ Reply | Options ]Don't you people have anything new to say? Seriously. FYI: We just got home from a visit with great-grandma and a pool party where we "associated" face to face (eyeroll). I think the only ones that need to relax are the NY freaks that don't get outta the house enough cause your weather is constantly so crappy. Now, why don't you get back to work and don't worry about your kid sitting in that daycare where he/she could drown in a water bucket because some minimum wage earner doesn't care enough to pay attention to your kid...or whatever it is you WOHMs do. ;-)
[ Reply | Options ]Andrea Yates drowned her 5 children. But thank goodness she was a stay at home mom. She's a real hero.
[ Reply | Options ]Uhhh....Stupid, she had PPD and was told not to have any more children. Her asshole of a husband is the one who wanted her to have more. They were "god-fearing" people (what a joke!) I'm not surprised they were holy rollers. ICK! p.s. I know you're just grasping for straws because you couldn't handle the water bucket comment. Poor thing. It must suck to be you. :-(
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Pssstttt....I hear Susan Smith was a WOHM (whispering)...she can be YOUR hero! LOL! ;-) Loser.
[ Reply | Options ]Actually she was a SAHM but she needed to find a job to support her kids. But instead you met a man she thought would support her, except that he didn't want any kids.
[ Reply | Options ]Yawn....I'm sure if I had time to google & troll the internet like you do (is the drive-thru THAT slow today?) then I could google a bunch of moms who killed their kids & where WOHMs, but alas, I'm not as lame as you. LOL! ;-)
[ Reply | Options ]Oh, please cunt. You love googling *facts*. You seem to think that children are only harmed in daycare or with a babysitter because of what you call a negligent working mom. Plenty of maimed and dead children by the hands of their SAHM. You're the one insulting people and wishing their kid will drown at daycare.
[ Reply | Options ]You're really fucked up in the head to say that I'm wishing their kid would drown in daycare, and you're one angry MO-FO too....I can tell by your "c" word usage. ICK! You're scary, angry, and probably guilty for neglecting your own child. The "fact" is that anybody can harm a child, I wasn't hte one who brought up Andrea Yates, but I'm the one who finished the argument by putting your moron ass in your place. Now buzz off, freak. ICK!
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She was still a stay at home mom. Don't fault her Jenny. She did what you wanted her to do. She didn't have an abortion and gosh darn it she stayed home with her kids.
[ Reply | Options ]She should've had an abortion or given those kids up. Your argument is weak (Andrea Yates - eyeroll - how pathetic). Now why don't you run along & make a shrine to your fellow WOHM, Susan Smith. I hear she likes to swim. ICK!
[ Reply | Options ]I use an eyebrow pencil to take messages because I can't find a working pen in my house.
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When I was a kid I put away all my Barbie dolls in a bag on top of my closet. A mouse got in and couldn't get out. The smell was terrible.
[ Reply | Options ]Oh, no. Did it traumatize you? I remember my boy cousin flushing my Barbie head down the toilet. I think I cried for 5 days. LOL.
[ Reply | Options ]I was a little older at the time, so no. But I did want to save them and my parents - God bless them, cleaned them up and bleached them. I never played with them again, but it was very nice of them to do it for me (don't flame, we really couldn't afford a lot when I was little, so they couldn't replace them).
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[-]does any know why my posting sale of 2 Skuutes on craigslist isn't showing up in their for sale list of baby stuff?
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[-]I am shocked. DC got an offer for incoming 2nd grade to Lower Lab. I truly expected NO offer. I am overjoyed, of course
50 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]^Anyone else get an offer for 2nd to LL or other school? I honestly did not even think this would be a possibility so really need to do a lot of research. Any guidance from LL parents appreciated, in any form!
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Do you think there is a real shot at it becoming K-8? I know this is basic stuff, but I honestly didn't even think this was possible so don't know it: is there foreign language instruction? how is MS placement? do you think the Everyday math is an issue?
[ Reply | Options ]Actually, I do think there's a decent chance of it becoming K-8. Our new principal comes from Anderson and seems really committed to making this happen. As of now, we have a Spanish program for K-2 and next year, we will have a Latin program starting in 3rd grade (no more Spanish at that point). As far as I can tell, people are happy with their MS placement. Most go to selective public middle schools, like Upper Lab or East Side Middle. A few go to private or citywides and a few to gen ed middles. The math program is probably LL's weakest point, though I think it's comparable to all the other District 2 public schools. I personally like the intuitive math and think it's an improvement over the way we learned it. Quite frankly, I can...
[ Reply | Options ]^^^I think the end got cut off, I was saying that I can't keep all the different math programs straight.
[ Reply | Options ]op: thanks! do you know the rational for doing Spanish for 3 years, then switch to Latin? I understand either choice, but not the reasoning for the switch. I believe our school now is some sort of modified Everyday or TERC math, but can't ever get a straight answer. I just know dc is completely bored with it. How is the science progam - is it a separate teacher and instruction?
[ Reply | Options ]It's because the Spanish program that is in place isn't really appropriate for 3rd and up, but it's a nice introductory program for younger kids. And, they really can't start Latin any younger than 3rd. This is going to be the first year for Latin so I guess we'll see how it goes and eventually figure out what the overall language program should look like. We do have a separate Science teacher and science room.
[ Reply | Options ]Thanks. The current website says gr 3-5 have an 8 week choice of Spanish elective. Will this continue? Also how many 2nd grade classes are there?
[ Reply | Options ]^also, is there anything "special" in terms of a unique program or offering that LL is known for? We did actually tour the school about 5 years ago back pre-OLSAT for 1st dc so I know the facilities are good, but did not re-tour now b/c I really thought placement was an impossibility.
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no, someone earlier posted that they got the email also. no offer. my email went to the junk folder but is there.
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again, what's impossible about it? I'm sure a LL parent on here will be able to verify that there is at least *some* attrition at higher grades, esp in this economy. I believe (though maybe I'm wrong?) that DOE requires the schools to fill the seats so wouldn't they have to offer to someone?
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I have no idea why I keep replying to you since you are clearly just trying to annoy me. But here's the quote of the first part of the email, "Dear Parent/Guardian: The Office of Student Enrollment is pleased to inform you that your child has received an offer to the Gifted and Talented Program at: 02M077: P.S. 77 LOWER LAB SCHOOLGrade: 2Address: 1700 3 AVENUE , MANHATTAN, NY, 10128Phone: 212-427-2798." What other info would you feel was necessary to make you believe this?
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My cousin got her son in last year for 3rd grade. I posted about it last week. It was a life-saver for her. Her son was in private and she got financially dessimated (sp) by the divorce after it was found out her ex-husband had all this hidden debt.
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LL parent: It's a great school! But you need to look at everything for your DC and family. DC will get an absolutely amazing education at LL. It's heavily funded with a great principal, awesome teachers and a very supportive (if not overzealous) PTA. Gotta consider where you are now, and if your family wants to transition. It's still a "young" grade, but if DC and your family is truly happy where you're at, you might want to stay where you're at.
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[-]my 14 month old has weaned and is for the most part sleeping through the night inher crib. she was a nursing ondemand (often 5-7 times inthe middleof the night) co-sleeping mess and she just grew into better habits-it CAN happen without CIO-it was a long, hard road but i am very proud of her and me for sticking it out and letting her wean and sleep through the night in her own time
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[-]best blocks on UWS? live in columbus circle area in rental, LOVE our neighborhood (proximity to transportation, central park, convenient to pharm/grocery/stores). HATE that we're 2 blocks from st. roosevelts - the sirens are literally driving me to drink. we're ready to buy - have a toddler and would like to have another child soon, so space & schools are top priorities. and after dealing with the sirens, peace & quiet (have lived in nyc for 9 years - the noise is above and beyond previous apts). thoughts on RSD/WEA vs. a more central ave? want to stay below 89th & avoid trump buildings/new developments in 60s. can we stay under $2.5M and "have it all?"
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[-]When did you get your dc their first tricycle, how old were they and how long did it take them to learn?
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[-]On the subject of lending nannies money...our nanny of three years, whom we adore, is struggling to send her daughter off to college this fall. I know her daughter worked very hard in high school and was accepted at a great LIC. Daughter got some fin aid, some merit, but still has lots to cover; nanny is helping her but i also know daughter is taking out lots of loans. We would like to help, but is there a non-awkward way to do so? We have the money, our two dcs are both young and in public, and nanny's daughter has worked her butt off all through high school to get where she is. Thoughts?
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i don't think this would have to be awkward. someone i know had a benefactor that put her through a private high school and college. it was an older nun (friend was from a big catholic family). i don't think it was ever awkward. whole family was just very grateful!
[ Reply | Options ]I'm just concerned Nanny will be a. shocked when she sees check and b. refuse to take it. DH and I are thinking $10K and I mean, I know that's a pretty big chunk of change and I would not be surprised if she refused to take it.
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absolutely shouldn't be awkward if she didn't ask and you just want to give a gift. i would give her a card (for her daughter) telling her that she worked so hard and there's so much to pay for in college, you'd like to contribute to her education and give her encouragement. i was one of the people anti-loan in that other thread but in this one, i'm all for it. you're very generous.
[ Reply | Options ]If you adore your nanny then why is it awkward? Do as we did and set up a college fund for Nanny's dc
[ Reply | Options ]I am now having a total duh moment. Why didn't we think of that? Can you give me a little more info on what you did, how you presented it to nanny, etc? Did you just open up a savings account at your own bank and give nanny/dc card, pin, etc?
[ Reply | Options ]We worked with Fidelity and opened a UGMA for our Nanny and her son. Her mariage was unstable at the time ans she wanted to make sure the money was not accessible to her dh. As far as presentation is concerned my mother had just passed away and we gave her the initial gift in my mother's name since they were close.
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From a Nanny and a mother of a dd in college: you are a good hearted human being, call the college and make arrangements to pay them directly. Your goodness will come back to you ten-fold.
[ Reply | Options ]OP--This is also a great idea and perhaps better than a UGMA because it is a tax-free solution. Thanks for suggesting this!
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Do not call the college and pay them directly. If daughter is receiving aid from the school, whatever you pony up will be factored against the aid she is receiving from them. It is best that this be a private exchange between you and recipient. Financial aid is for people who need the money, if she's got money coming her way and the school knows about it, her 'need' on paper will be diminished.
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This is great. I am so happy to see genuine kindness and generosity on this board! I'd left for a while and it's great to have this be the first post I see upon my return. Lovely gesture and it sounds like you have a great way to make it happen now. GL to all of you - lucky nanny and daughter too!
[ Reply | Options ]All I could think when I read this was "God Bless You". Seriously, as a nanny it is wonderful to see posts like this. It's not even about the money. The fact that you love and respect the woman enough, and see her as part of your family to want to help her in that way, gives me hope that there ARE great families to work for out there. It's a wonderful thing you're thinking of doing!
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[-]i made a korean dish for dinner tonight. i thought dcs would be interested and more likely to eat it. ds flatly refused. he told me "we live in america. we don't live in korea. i'm NOT eating their food".
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i just let it go. actually, i had a hard time trying not to laugh. he sounded like a crotchety 70 year old!.
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long story. we had read a book about a korean family and in the back of the book was the recipe of what they had eaten for supper. we had been talking about it all week and i finally got the ingredients and made it tonight. i think he was just too overtired. he had actually been looking forward to it until he sat down at the table.
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[-]I've become more pro-choice than ever since having a child; I can't imagine this kind of a responsibility/life change/sacrifice (sometimes) without really really wanting it.
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I have always been Pro-life. How hard is it to sacrifice nine months of your life and give the baby up for adoption?
[ Reply | Options ]I agree. I worry also about the child also who may grow up in the foster care system if they don't have the "desirables" or being abused by the woman who is suppose to care for him or her. Ugh. No easy solutions. Which is why I'm big on promoting birth control. I may be tilting at windmills but so be it.
[ Reply | Options ]honestly, little babies get adopted right away in this country (even the minorities). Everyone wants babies, it's the kids who are put up for adoption later that have a hard time getting adopted. I'm pro-choice, and am the poster above who said it would be hard in my book, but this isn't a very compelling reason.
[ Reply | Options ]That is so not true and many, many, many minority babies and toddlers are languishing in foster care in this country.
[ Reply | Options ]of course they are. while people are travelling across the hemisphere to get a child that looks like them. hypocrites.
[ Reply | Options ]ummm, they also travel to Ethiopia to get babies (many who have been taken away from their parents without full disclosure)
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I'm not the pro-life loon, I'm pro-choice, but I think that you are wrong. Most babies in this country who get given up immediately after birth get adopted. In my area it is nearly impossible to even become a foster parent for these babies because there is so much competition (assuming no other serious health issues like addiction).
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that would be anti choice, and it is hard. also, people act as if folks are out there clamoring for babies, but statistics show otherwise.
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ITA. it scares the hell out of me that people who don't want babies would be charged with carrying them around for 9 months and perhaps parenting them for the rest of their lives. i definitely give mad props to the women who are willing and able to carry babies for 9 months and give them up for adoption. but i recognize that this is not for everyone, and it is DEFINITELY not in the best interests of a child to have a woman who doesn't want this responsibility determining his/her lifelong health. parenting, and even pregnancy, requires major sacrifice.
[ Reply | Options ]I had two babies 1 at 16 the other at 18. I often think about what I would do if I could relive the moment I had unprotected sex or the moment I found out I was pregnant. I actually thought about putting my baby up for adoption. I confided in a nurse at St. Luke's hospital. You know what she said, a Black baby boy will never get adopted. This was in 1988. To be honest, if I could go back knowing all the struggles, I would have had an abortion. Things worked out alright. I put myself through NYU & Princeton, got remarried to a great guy and have a kid at Cornel and one at American. But there were a few exhausting horrific moments along the way.
[ Reply | Options ]Ugh. Pro lifer here (as in anti abortion in all but the most desperate medical circumstances, even then, I'm iffy). The fact that you referred to said child as an "it" said it all for me and how you view the lives of the helpless.
[ Reply | Options ]was pro-choice before, am now after one dd and one on the way. i AM uncomfortable about the fact that i do believe life begins at conception, and after seeing that little heart beat at 8 weeks. but the implications of having a society which forbids abortion are worse. i do wish we had tougher restrictions but that's a different story.
[ Reply | Options ]Odd since I had me dd I have become more pro-life. There are tons of people out there wanting to adopt right now so why not have the babies and let them be adopted instead of killing them.
[ Reply | Options ]what about the huge problems that many of the babies have for their entire lives, because the women who carried them didn't want to be pregnant? babies addicted to drugs, babies crippled because of prenatal deficiencies, babies with fetal alcohol syndrome? these babies have a very hard time finding stable homes. even terribly committed and loving foster parents are often unable to handle caring for them for long periods of time.
[ Reply | Options ]have you actually researched the number of kids available for adoption that cannot be placed? it sounds like you are talking about healthy babies. many of the kids up for adoption are not healthy and have a terrible time being placed. women with unplanned pregnancies are much more likely to give birth to children with serious health problems.
[ Reply | Options ]according to the latest stats, 130,000 kids in the U.S. foster care system are waiting to be adopted. only 50,000 are adopted per year. most unwanted kids are not adopted. http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/afcars/trends.htm
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I've always been pro-choice. It rules! Luv, Jenny ;-) p.s. Pro-lifer whack-jobs are nutty as a fruit-cake. They talk about saving babies but then shoot Doctors! ICK!
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Right, only women are supposed to involuntarily or unwillingly put their lives at risk (people still die of complications of childbirth and labor), vomit unremittingly for 3 months, get heartburn, get fat, be split in two during labor, yadda, yadda... If men got pregnant, Big Pharma would make a pill to stop this horrible disease! Oh right, THEY ALREADY HAVE ONE BUT THE FREAKING PRO-LIFERS MAKE ACCESSING IT A HUGE FREAKING PROBLEM!!!!!!!
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I was vehemently pro-choice, former member of NOW and even marched in Washington, but after having my children I became much more pro-life. I still think it's a woman's right to choose but I wish that abortion would be limited to the first trimester, except in very limited circumstances. A woman in my mommy group just had an abortion at 18 weeks because she couldn't make up her mind. Things like this need to be stopped. Flame away if you must, but most of us knew the sex of our babies by that time and here she is thinking should she or shouldn't she? Makes me very sad.
[ Reply | Options ]I'm vehemently pro-choice AND I'm sad, conflicted, and disgusted. When I would speak to teenage girls who were knocked up and were in total denial or just plane wishy-washy, I would want to shake them and want to scream out there are 62 forms of birth control you can get for FREE, YOU IDIOT. Ugh. They just don't understand that it's better to make the decision early. But most are ashamed and really think "it will just go away". Ugh.
[ Reply | Options ]where do you get bc for free? Not flaming at all--I really do wish people in this country were more frank with themselves and with their teen kids about bc, pregnancy, etc. We have an insane number of unwanted pregnancies in this country. I am another reluctant and conflicted pro-choicer--just wish pro-lifers were more pro-active about tackling the problem at the source, i.e. before it happens.
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[-]I feel like I have delpeated all my life's patience and my dd is only a year old. How the hell will I keep this up another 17 years?! Is there boarding school for toddlers?
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it keeps getting better and you'll be amazed at the energy and patience you can conjure up. i promise. still going strong and my dd is 7yo (and i had her at 40...)
[ Reply | Options ]OP - I don't know ...she keeps getting harder and harder. Newborn stage was cake compared to this. She still wakes up 2-3x per night and nurses all night. I spend literally 22 hrs a day with her and she has some crazy seperation anxiety. I am loosing my mind. I told a pregnant woman on the street today that "kids ruin your life" when we passed on the sidewalk.
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There are draining the first couple years. As they get older and learn boundaries and rules it gets easier. My dd is almost 2 and listens really well when she wants to but I still have to remember that she's becoming independent and that she is trying to figure out the world around her. You've heard that saying "This too shall pass"
[ Reply | Options ]it sounds like you might want to consider therapy. you sound overwhelmed and depressed and I'm sure it couldn't hurt to talk to someone about what's going on.
[ Reply | Options ]I have a typical life w/ a 1 year old - how is therapy going to help me? unless the therapist suggest names of cheap babysitters.
[ Reply | Options ]actually, it doesn't sound like you have a typical life with a 1 yr old. I have 2 children, the youngest is one, and your experience sounds dramatically different from my own. If you are telling people on the street that kids ruin your life, even jokingly, then it sounds like you are under a lot of stress and that being in therapy could really help. it doesn't sound like you are enjoying the experience of being a mother.
[ Reply | Options ]you are right but I don't know how a therapist can help. What I need is a sleep trainer and a babysitter. I'm pretty much doing this on my own (DH works a ton) and get around 5 hrs sleep per night. So... nope, not enjoing this at all.
[ Reply | Options ]well i'm biased b/c i am a therapist, but i do think that a lot of women think that their experience as mothers is "typical," everyone just tells you that the first year is hard, etc., but there is a difference between being occasionally overwhelmed and the tone of your email. it sounds like you may have PPD and in my opinion, a good therapist could help a lot. all of us mothers of one year olds are sleep deprived, but it sounds like there is more going on and it's a shame to spend these early years as miserable as you sound.
[ Reply | Options ]I don't even know what I would say - I'm stressed b/c I'm exhausted when I wake up and count down the minutes after 4pm till her bedtime so I can finally sit down. And that I think my old stressfull job was 100x easier than this. Oh, and I am sick to death of having someone sucking at my tit every hour. :)
[ Reply | Options ]Are you cosleeping? She's definitely old enough that she doesn't need to be nursing that much. Have you read about how to wean her off some of these feedings? If you just cut her off it's going to be much worse for both of you, but when I weaned #1 I picked one feeding at a time and decreased it by a minute until it was out. It was pretty easy for both of us and she was completely weaned by 14m (and she LOVED to nurse). Secondly, once she stops nursing all night she will probably sleep better. Have you read Ferber? I found him v. helpful. Thirdly, find a therapist who can meet you for an evening appt and have DH commit to being home one evening a week for you to go. It sounds like you are struggling w/a lot, including the transitio...
[ Reply | Options ]We cosleep from 2-7am. We cut out nursing at night a month ago but she regressed so I have no choice. I can't do your meathod as she also nurses for comfort throughout the day. I read Ferber but CIO won't work on her - I just feel totally hopeless that I will ever sleep again. She is so clingy during the day - literally sits on my lap to play. I'm just so TIRED of having someone on me or sucking on my almost 24/7.
[ Reply | Options ]sounds like you definitely need help w/all this. There is a parenting center that used to be in the same space as soho pediatrics; i can't remember the name, but i'm sure they can give it to you. i know that they offered support grps and workshops on all this stuff and you can bring DD.
[ Reply | Options ]then get help. you are beginning to sound very martyrish and like a victim. you need to set some boundaries and regain some sanity.
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Been there, done that... You are depressed and will feel so much better (a) sleep-training your child and (b) seeing a therapist and (c) possibly taking medication. It is NOT your child's fault that she is nursing every hour. Some children are more challenging than others, yes, but while their temperments may not be changed their behaviors certainly can. BTW screaming and crying are normal parts of growing up and you shouldn't allow yourself to become resentful because you have made yourself a slave to them. A child needs love and limits, not martyrdom and resentment.
[ Reply | Options ]And incidentally, being depressed affects your child in significant ways that are difficult to imagine. Read some of the literature; even as tiny infants children pick up on and react to mothers' moods. I'm sure some of her clinginess and difficulties with separation are connected to the depression and stress you are feeling. Getting help for yourself will help her be able to have a secure attachment and less trouble w/separation. Otherwise this is not a problem that is just going to resolve on its own. It looks like the consensus here is that you should get help/support for yourself!
[ Reply | Options ]what kind of help? A sleep trainer? I really don't feel depressed - mostly just tired after a year of this and wondering when I will sleep again. Sleep deprevation is serious and I don't think meds will fix it.
[ Reply | Options ]it seems like everyone is drawn to help you on this board and you just want to argue that nothing can help. therapy absolutely can help. meds probably can too. sleep training as well. you don't have to CIO. ferber is the best sleep book i read and really explains the process. you balance showing her that you are there and that she's safe with teaching her how to fall asleep by herself and self soothe instead of nursing to comfort.
[ Reply | Options ]You have to be consistent. It sounds like you are weaning and sleep training, then stopping, then starting. it all sounds extremely confusing. If she doesn't get that there is any kind of structure than why shouldn't she nurse at 4am? how does she know there is a difference between 4AM and 4 PM?? these are things we teach our kids by parenting consistently.
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Amen! Amen! Amen! I had PPD, got treated at 4 months, and will forever be sad about emotionally missing those first four months and feeling like I got the wrong baby. My DD isn't easy, isn't perfect, makes me crazy sometimes, but without the veil of depression, I know that growing up is every bit as hard as raising a child so we are SO IN IT TOGETHER and I adore it!
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np : ita. get therapy, get help. You sound really overwhelmed. I have 2 kids and can't say I relate to your post. I can't imagine saying babies ruin your life, etc. That is not a typical first year. You should not be this drained!
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the first thing you need to do is stop all the breastfeeding in the middle of the night, maybe wean altogether. it really does get easier around 2/3... but you need to set some boundaries and get some help.
[ Reply | Options ]i don't agree. if you are this overwhelmed at 1, things don't get easier at 2 and 3 when kids are testing limits, etc. this is not a normal amount of stress. i recommended the brazelton book touchpoints to someone earlier. i just read the 1 yr old chapter w/my DC in mind and found it very helpful in understanding where she's at developmentally. just waiting it out (for a year or two or three..!) is NOT the answer!
[ Reply | Options ]OP - actually I know that 2 and 3 is harder which is why I feel so bad when I have a heard day with my 12-mo!! I think the root cause is that I am *SO* sleep deprived and it is catching up with me big time. I guess I always told myself that she would STTN at 1 and she just celebrated her 1 yr bday is is still a horrible sleeper and my hope has just vanished that I will ever sleep again.
[ Reply | Options ]Listen to what all the posters are saying. We are all able to understand the effects of sleep deprivation. My first was colicky and screamed around the clock for 4 months straight, but I can't say even then I felt as down as you sound. There is more going on then you are realizing and your DD is being affected by it. You need to set limits around her nursing and sleeping and take care of yourself by getting support. It's not that we all have babysitters and great sleepers; we all have difficult kids but you are having a harder time than others BECAUSE YOU ARE DEPRESSED!! get help for yourself so you can be a good and engaged and happy mom to your daughter!
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OK, i give up then. you are the one who started out by saying you've depleted your life's patience; you are telling pregnant women they are ruining their life; you can't take nursing one more night, etc. There seems to be a pretty strong general consensus that you sound depressed, but you sound pretty determined just to argue with anyone who dares to help you improve the situation. If you don't get therapy i certainly hope your daughter does, since living with someone depressed and resentful is brutal.
[ Reply | Options ]the OP was in jest and yes, I told one preg woman that as a joke during a low point in the day. Did I mean it 100%? no, of course not. I am not about to go on Prozac because of a bad moment. I appreciate the posts here and I agree that I lack "strength" in the sleep training area. I am absolutely a bad parent in this regard and it has come back to bite me in the ass. But I want to thank you all for giving me the motivation to cut out the night nursing tonight (for the second time) and hopefully it will end soon...
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ITA. I did it with my son and he was a terrible sleeper too. 4 nights of suffering and then you get your sleep back. I'm not sure why you don't think you can do this but trust me, you can. Do it.
[ Reply | Options ]np: some kids just don't ferberize all that well (like my son, who would cry for 4 hours, 1 hour, then ten minutes on consecutive nights...then cry for four hours again!) Try the "No Cry Sleep Solution" book. You may well have PPD, but you also may have a child who's strong-willed or sensitive by temperament. I had a high-needs first child who nursed through the night, and I did attachment parenting with no babysitting (though possibly I had more support from my husband? don't know your situation), but I didn't feel that depressed. First son is still "spirited" or "strong-willed" or what have you, so I've survived with the help of lots of parenting books.
[ Reply | Options ]I always thought that CIO was the least amount of crying total. Ferber is a little bit of a tease. The No-Cry Solution takes incredible consistency and patience (props to you) and it would seem OP has neither.
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thank you. I feel like this is more my situation - she is very strong willed and I feel a little overwhelmed by the lack of sleep as well as her energy at 5 or 6pm just as I am crashing! Obviously I have to cut out the night nursing as others have said.
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she sleeps from 6:30pm - 7 (and wakes to nurse when we cosleep) plus 2 naps per day
[ Reply | Options ]12-month-olds need a solid 12-13 hours/night(some even more). If she waking 2-3x, she's not getting that. If you are so exhausted from the sleep schedule, it is likely that she is as well.
[ Reply | Options ]I agree with you but I just read Sears' Sleep book and it says night nursing is still common w/ BF babies so I thought maybe I was still ok but I'm seriously questioning my parenting in this area now and not sure what method will work on a strong willed 12 month old.
[ Reply | Options ]My DD, 5, would still be night-nursing if we hadn't taken matters into our own hands. It is totally okay if all aspects of attachment parenting aren't for you. Believe me, your DD needs a well-rested and happy mother more than she needs to co-sleep and nurse all night long. Say what you want about Ferber and the gang (I don't distinguish between controlled-crying, CIO, pick-up/put-down - crying is crying), but they know about infant sleep.
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i've only read some of the responses here but i think your child is at the age where you really have to start asking yourself what is in your child's best interests. until a certain age, i think it's in your child's best interests to have you at their beck and call. but there comes a time when you have to realize that your child needs to learn to sleep through the night on their own. a child needs to have the ability to separate from a parent. and you have limits too. you'd be wise to re-evaluate your needs and your child's needs now that you've passed the 12 month mark. good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]OP, I was in your situation and I completely understand. And, by the way, this was with db #2, who was much more attached to me, much worse sleeper, than db #1, so I truly think that you just got one of those dbs who isn't a good sleeper. Db #1 weaned easily at 1 year, didn't need to co-sleep, etc., but db #2 did. It's annoying when people who have never had that experience think it's all about you.
[ Reply | Options ]no cry sleep mom here: I agree. Having two kids (plus having babysat dozens of my children's friends) has been helpful for me as a parent to sort out how many of my difficulties have been due to my parenting techniques, and how many have been due to the child's temperament. What works for one child often does not work for another. Having a strong-willed kid is a wild ride but there are ways to help channel that power for good (later you'll want to check out books like "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles", "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk", etc.) Good luck and may the Force be with you! Wishing you lots and lots of beautiful sleep...
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It really gets better; one is a tough age, a gorgeous baby but a lot of work. When dc is 2 you may yearn for one again, but 3 is the reward you get for enduring, and by 4 you'll truly understand why you LOVE being a Mom. Try to get a sitter and get out once a week for something just for YOU.
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