Your search for "miscarriage" returned the following 13269 results:
Displaying results 1 to 25 sorted by recency. Sort by relevance.
[+] dd is 7wo, i'm increasingly anxious that something's wrong with her (past history inc... 3 replies
Talk : : November 21, 2009
dd is 7wo, i'm increasingly anxious that something's wrong with her (past history includes healthy 4yo, 2 miscarriages, failed ivf, genetic testing), feel sad, overwhelmed...etc. is this post partum depression? what do i do?
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.21.09, 06:00 AM [ Flag ]anxiety about newborn is not uncommon, esoecially since you had such a stressful time conceiving. Most likely post-partum after such stress. If you have the presenec of mind it would probably help you a lot to talk to someone, if you just can't do that, find a friend or sister if you have on that you give just give voice to all your anxieties just to get them out of your head. Don't worry all will be fine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.21.09, 07:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
yes, I think this is ppd. Discuss with your doctor asap. You've been through a lot of stress with your past history, but anyone can run up against ppd. I experienced it after my 2nd and was very anxious and sad for no realistic reason. I ended up taking meds for several months, and that was the right answer for me. GL
[ Reply | Options ]11.21.09, 09:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I think that I may have offended a friend. She recently had a miscarriage and in the... 12 replies
- I had a miscarriage last year. I would not be offended, I would be touched. I think one of the things that hurts after having a miscarriage is when people kind of dismiss the lost--there will be another, things happen for...
- I doubt she would be offended by that. I had several miscarriages and fully understood that no one knows what to say, and I just...
Talk : : November 20, 2009
I think that I may have offended a friend. She recently had a miscarriage and in the email I sent her (she's overseas), I said, "I'll be thinking of you, DH and your baby." She's prolife/religious and referred to the pregnancy as her baby, several times, but even so, DH said that was weird of me to say. WDYT?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 11:40 AM [ Flag ]I think you meant well and if I were the friend I would recognize that and not give it another thought. Don't worry you are fine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]http://awning-patio.s.0am.jp/index.html awning patio http://cover-furniture-patio.s.0am.jp/index.html cover furniture patio http://cushion-furniture-patio.s.0am.jp/index.html cushion furniture patio
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I wouldn't have said it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ditto
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 04:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I had a miscarriage last year. I would not be offended, I would be touched. I think one of the things that hurts after having a miscarriage is when people kind of dismiss the lost--there will be another, things happen for a reason, etc. So recognizing that she felt it was a baby was pretty sweet, IMO.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't think it's weird at all. If she was referring to it as a baby, then she feels the loss of the pregnancy is in fact the loss of a baby.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i think it was very nice to acknowledge her loss as a baby. it was not weird.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not weird. Nice.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Agreed... very sweet and well intended.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Hmmmmmm.... I personally wouldn't have written that. I probably wouldn't be offended, but it might have stung a little.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I doubt she would be offended by that. I had several miscarriages and fully understood that no one knows what to say, and I just appreciated the acknowledgment of the loss no matter what people said.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] i am having my first miscarriage. i am going in for a d&c next monday. this pregnan... 20 replies
- It depends on your relationship with your boss. I told mine when I had a miscarriage since I had to miss work. We weren't close, but his wife had had a few mcs and he was extremely understanding. I think it's better to explain that you are having a miscarriage than say "it's a procedure related to IVF" and most people will be very understanding. Unless you think your boss will...
Talk : : November 19, 2009
i am having my first miscarriage. i am going in for a d&c next monday. this pregnancy was the result of ivf (my second cycle) so i have missed a good amount of work for my egg retrieval, transfer adn all the monitoring. my boss hasnt asked any questions and has been totally accomodating. i havent told her what is going on, but thinking that maybe i should just to not seem like i am taking advantage... thougths?
20 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 07:10 PM [ Flag ]Have you told her you need Monday off? I assume she knows your pregnant right?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]doesnt know i am pregnant - i was only 7 weeks. i havent told her that i need monday off yet.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Also I am so sorry :(
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would tell her that you need Monday off b/c you have a doctor's appointment. It's direct but if she asks why you need the whole day off you might have to tell her. Maybe you could also send her an e-mail and tell her that way, if it would be to emotional for you to do it in person. Tell her also that you appreciate how accommodating she has been through all of this before you tell her that you need the day off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sorry! It is a bit awkward. I would just say it is a procedure related to IVF. Offer to work some time this weekend to make up for missed time. I would rather that than feel that boss is too intimate with my life. It makes them think less of you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]she doesnt know that i am goingthrough ivf now either (i just returned from maternity leave earlier this year too)
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Could you just call in with suspected flu? Naughty, but the perfect excuse at the moment.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thats probably what i am going to do. i just feel badly about all the work i am missing - preschool application process, doc appts for 15yo DS, ivf monitoring.... it just feels like i am taking advantage...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i meant 15 mos
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Maybe offer to do a couple of hours extra here and there, or finish up something at the weekends? Boss will appreciate acknowledgement of their flexibility.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I would even take Monday and Tuesday, get doctor to write a note saying you should not return to work until wednesday..rest up, and get ready for another round. I have started arranging doctors visits at weekends, and some pks do weekend visits too...it is a fulltime job doing the pk thing, as well as working, and not feeling well. Look after yourself..GL
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP: I agree with this. No need to go into details. With the flu's going around she will probably not be hesitate to give you the day off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It depends on your relationship with your boss. I told mine when I had a miscarriage since I had to miss work. We weren't close, but his wife had had a few mcs and he was extremely understanding. I think it's better to explain that you are having a miscarriage than say "it's a procedure related to IVF" and most people will be very understanding. Unless you think your boss will have an issue with you becoming pregnant, I think telling her the truth is best in this case.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^oops, just read that you just returned from maternity leave, so maybe you don't want to tell her. Nevermind this post.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
So sorry. You could say you have a gyn/female issue. Enough said! I don't think a boss would pry further than that. You don't have to mention mc, d&c, or preg.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How would your boss react if she knew that you are trying to get pregnant? Is your office environment supportive of pregnant women and moms? If so, I think I would tell her because you have will likely try IVF again (right?) and it will just be easier to have it out there. But only you can know what is best for your situation. Sorry about the mc. My heart goes out to you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh. I just read the whole thread. If you just returned from Maternity Leave I think I would just not offer any explanation. She might think that it is doc appts for your son. That is fine and possibly preferable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Keep it to yourself. If you tell her she may unknowingly start absorbing - and resenting- the time you are out. Assuming you are going to eventually try again, better to not bring attention to that fact.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Tell your boss you need a minor surgical procedure on Monday. Take Tuesday off also. This is (hopefully) only going to happen once. She'll get over it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 03:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have BTDT. At a certain point I felt like I had to tell my boss because I felt like you did. It was okay.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 03:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I had a miscarriage three years ago, then DD a year later. Now I am 7 wks pregnant ag... 3 replies
Talk : : November 18, 2009
I had a miscarriage three years ago, then DD a year later. Now I am 7 wks pregnant again, and simply cannot believe that the pregnancy is OK, partly because, though I have other symptoms, so far I have no morning sickness. Really: I have a feeling of dread. I'm going to get an ultrasound Friday, that will be a relief, but seriously -- what can I do to get through this, those who btdt? Or do I just have to wait? TIA.
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 11:35 AM [ Flag ]I had four mc's. I have three healthy children. But every pg was miserable with dread until I saw the heartbeat... and even then it was hard to relax. I never had any symptoms either and I had a twin pg which should have been over the top miserable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm in the same boat, I even posted about it a few weeks ago. 14 weeks now, no morning sickness. But the baby looks great! Maybe we are just lucky this time around :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Honestly, every pregnancy can be different. My record is 1 mc, 1 ds, 1 mc, and now 12 wks along. With my ds, had barely any morning sickness, and with one of my mc's I had morning sickness even AFTER the fetus had likely ceased to be viable. (Took my hormones a while to go down.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Why do people feel like they can ask me when I'm planning on having another baby (whi... 18 replies
- understand that people struggle with their infertility in different ways. I had repeated miscarriages and only two friends know about it....
- That is fine. There is no need to tell anyone that you had miscarriages unless you want to. But why should the topic of how many children...am not sensitive to her feelings! I relate to them. I had many miscarriages and was deathly afraid that I would never have a child. It...
Talk : : November 18, 2009
Why do people feel like they can ask me when I'm planning on having another baby (which I am not)? WTF is wrong with them. How about minding your own business. Vent over.
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 10:51 AM [ Flag ]yeah, I get asked that about #3 all the time. truth is, I don't know the answer and I feel really uncomfortable discussing it. but whatever. in the grand scheme of things it's low on my list of annoyances.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh Lord, you mean it doesn't stop after dc #2? What is wrong with people? Lol...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My dd is 2.4 and I am unsure about another however, b/c I only have once child I get asked that all the time. I don't know when it became common to pop out 2-4 kids in a row with only a year or two difference between the ages. I can barely handle dd. Don't know how I would handle 4 kids all under the age of 8 - thanks but no thanks. I've got enough time to have more if I want but I don't want them all at one time. I just tell everyone that one is enough but dh is bugging for #2 b/c he didn't like being an only child.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ one child
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
So some of us like to chat about something. So shoot us.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree - what the hell are they thinking - don't they know some of us CANNOT have another one. People are so clueless and insensitive.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i can't have another and people ask me all the time. it gets frustrating, like the years that people asked why i didn't have a child when i had medical problems that were preventing it. but sometimes people ask by habit or by honest curiosity about you. either way, i don't find the questions meanspirited or nosy in any way. but i do wish when i give the answer, that i can't because of my age or medical issues, people would regard this as an opening for a debate. they should just leave it at that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR here who likes to ask. I had a lot of problems getting and staying pg. I think that is why I am extra interested about others. I do not remember being so curious before I struggled myself. I get asked questions all the time like whether I had IVF (I have twins) and I really do not mind because I know people are genuinely curious especially if they or someone close to them has struggled with infertility.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sorry, but you are really off. I think some people who struggle are like you and want to talk about it, but a lot of people who struggle do not want to be asked this question. I myself HATE being asked this question. It's no more intrusive than Why do I work instead of staying at home? How often do I have sex with my husband? How many months did it take us to conceive? All -- NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Then you should understand that people struggle with their infertility in different ways. I had repeated miscarriages and only two friends know about it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That is fine. There is no need to tell anyone that you had miscarriages unless you want to. But why should the topic of how many children you want be off limits? I mean come on, there are only so many things to discuss and nearly every one of them can be taboo... politics, religion, SAHM vs WOHM, where you live, what you do... can be sore spots for some and not others. If you are not comfortable with the subject, change it. But don't take offense if someone asks you if you plan to have another child!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]To me it's deeply personal and nobody else's business. To me OP isn't offended but just frustrated that a sore topic keeps getting bought up. You don't seem sensitive to that, fine, glad we're not friends.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]In no way am not sensitive to her feelings! I relate to them. I had many miscarriages and was deathly afraid that I would never have a child. It pained me at work when coworkers would mingle and chat nonchalantly about when to have number two. All I am saying is that it is a completely normal topic and should not be considered off limits and that perhaps you could look at the whole topic in a different light.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]But thanks for being so nice and saying you are glad we are not friends.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Because I struggled with secondary infertility, I would NEVER ask anyone this question. I now realize exactly how intrusive it actually is. Before that, though, I was unaware. I tell my DH that he shouldn't ask it either, but he doesn't agree, doesn't see what the big deal is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I get frustrated, too. People just shoot off at the mouth without thinking.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oddly enough, this doesn't bother me. i think it's kinda cute. i don't feel pressure about it even. (i have 1 dc.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]people ask me (on the street!) all the time if I am going to have a fourth. or they say "you're done, right?" why would I tell you?! lol.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] To those of you who had their second, third, fourth, etc. baby after 40+--did you hav... 5 replies
- OP - I had medical issues with 2nd and 3rd - and had 3 miscarriages, so we were worried about problems, but the pregnancy had not had complications up to that point. I was with a terrific HR OB and had chosen a hospital with a great NICU. My DH's worry had been for my health as I was at great...
Talk : : November 17, 2009
To those of you who had their second, third, fourth, etc. baby after 40+--did you have any concerns regarding your age or health of the baby? Are you glad you did it?
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 07:35 PM [ Flag ]I had #2 at 40 - and I don't regret it. I'm an only child and it was important to me that I have more than 1 DC (and I'm thinking about #3 - it probably won't happenen, but it's an idea!). I did worry about DC's health (and mine) - but everything was okay (and I'm a worrier - I would have worried at 25, too!). Very glad that we went for it. If I had been married earlier, I would have had DC earlier...but that's just not how my life turned out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]had #4 (oops) at 41 against the advice of my OB - she came at 25 weeks and spent 2 months in the NICU - She is the light and joy of our lives and don't regret it one bit. I do regret the worry I put DH through.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Did you have medical issues that made OB think there would be problems carrying to term?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Is she doing okay developmentally? I'm amazed and in awe that she is okay having been bron so early...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP - I had medical issues with 2nd and 3rd - and had 3 miscarriages, so we were worried about problems, but the pregnancy had not had complications up to that point. I was with a terrific HR OB and had chosen a hospital with a great NICU. My DH's worry had been for my health as I was at great risk when my water suddenly broke and I went into labor. DD is doing well developmentally - she had slight delays walking and is a little speech delayed. She began a "speech expolsion during the past week and I am thrilled. She gets services, but is doing unbelievably well. A true miracle baby!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Had miscarriage 3 weeks ago and now got my period. HCGs are not down to zero yet. How... 6 replies
- I'm sorry for your loss. I've had several miscarriages, and my gyn told me that you can sometimes get a period quite quickly after a miscarriage; it's just the way your body adjusts sometimes. It should even out with a few cycles....
Talk : : November 16, 2009
Had miscarriage 3 weeks ago and now got my period. HCGs are not down to zero yet. How is this possible? I am so confused with what's going on with my body.
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 11:10 AM [ Flag ]depending on how many weeks you were when you miscarried, it will take that many weeks for your hcg levels to go down-also your period doesn't come immediately when the baby dies
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not at all abnormal for it to take a little while. However, do make sure its monitored because if it doesn't go down all the way it can be indicative of something else. Alas, I'm BTDT.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't think you can get your period unless hcg levels are down to zero.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm sorry for your loss.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 02:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thank you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 03:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm sorry for your loss. I've had several miscarriages, and my gyn told me that you can sometimes get a period quite quickly after a miscarriage; it's just the way your body adjusts sometimes. It should even out with a few cycles.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I've been TTC #2 for a year and have gotten a faint positive every day for four days ... 5 replies
Talk : : November 16, 2009
I've been TTC #2 for a year and have gotten a faint positive every day for four days now. Am four or five days late. Going out of my mind waiting for blood test results. I had a miscarriage (chemical or blighted ovum) a year ago and fear I'm about to go through it all again. So sad.
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 07:26 AM [ Flag ]Faint positive for four days in a row sounds promising, actually -- it's still really early. GL!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]good luck - sounds like there's something promising there!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks. I'm almost afraid to be hopeful. The last two times I was pregnant I got really strong positives on day 30 and today's faint line on day 31 was possibly the faintest of the last four days. But I was on Clomid so maybe things are just going very differently? Ugh. Torture.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Well my numbers are in. At 13dpo progesterone is 11 and HCG is 16. Doctor sounded optimistic but I tested again this afternoon at home and got a negative result. Having blood drawn again on Wednesday.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How are you 4-5 days late at 13 DPO?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 12:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] My best friend just had a miscarriage and a D&C. I don't know what to say to her. :... 26 replies
- Well, 3 weeks later is pretty short but what if it's a LOT later? There have been a few situations where something awful happened to a friend--a late-term miscarriage, other friends whose grown daughter was murdered--and I didn't see them for a while and then when I did, I didn't know what to say, if anything. I'd written notes but didn't know whether or not to say anything....
Talk : : November 11, 2009
My best friend just had a miscarriage and a D&C. I don't know what to say to her. :-( This was going to be her first DB. What do you wish someone had said to you?
26 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.11.09, 07:19 PM [ Flag ]The best and easiest thing you can say is "I'm so sorry." You can tweak it with "I'm so sorry this happened to you" or "I'm so sorry this happened to you and your baby". But that will never offend and will always comfort. I'd jot dot due date if you knew it, and send her a little card around that time that simply says, "I'm thinking of you. I love you". As a friend, maybe drop dinner off, listen, follow her lead. I'm very sorry your friend has joined "the" club. I wish we never got another member. :(
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 07:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm in the same boat and agree with previous poster
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 07:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh, and after suffering thru everyone stumbling on their words or avoiding me and/or the subject - I have to tell you my one friend who looked at me with all sincerety and said "That sucks" made me smile. It was just right.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 07:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I had a similar experience when I lost my Dad. People just letting you know they know and giving you a hug really helps. "I heard and I am so sorry" is enough, unless the person wants to talk more about it. The worst was having to tell people ("Heyyyy! How was your summer?!?!") and it was such a relief when that was out of the way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 07:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm sorry you lost your dad.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 07:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks, me too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 06:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
treat it like you would the death of any other family member of hers. - a hug, a sincere "i'm so sorry", and an invitation to go out for coffee/a walk when she's feeling up to it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 07:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think "I'm so sorry" is great. What I hated hearing, over and over again, was people saying "It must have happened for a reason" or "God has a plan."
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 07:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I can give 1000 things not to say - but lets not go there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 07:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No let's. My personal fave (I am the mother of a newborn who died from a fatal heart defect) was "How ARE you". Like it was my responsibility to turn myself inside out and narrate my feelings.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 08:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]"You'll have another baby" (after my first died in my arms. I just wanted to walk up to that woman and say when your husband dies, I'm going to remind you, you'll get married again and hope it brings you as much comfort as your comment brought me. smile.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 08:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The taxi driver who kept asking pregnant me, "so is this your first baby?" "I have no other children". Repeat several times. Finally "So this IS your first, then." "No, my first baby died".
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 08:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It is hard to imagine that a mother would say something like that--was she one? As if children can be replaced. Wow.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 08:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You can always tell the people who have btdt. Even if they don't share, its obvious in the way they handle the situation. That is the one and only good thing that came out of my babies death. I have been a better friend to those who lose a loved one and more equipped to help (and do no harm). For that, I am thankful.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 08:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA--at least I hope so. Lost my mother after a long illness and it was like joining a club, albeit a blub that no one wants to belong to! And yes--some people were wonderful and some people were total idiots and it made me think back on other situations in the past where I realized that I had been dense or completely unhelpful and was just so ashamed. Hopefully never again.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 06:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
This isn't going to translate well. But we had to keep our sense of humor - we were writing all the thank you notes and we would write stupid retalitory (sp) comments back. Just pretend. Our preachers wife wrote a note and said, "1/2 the church is behind you". So in our pretend thank you note we asked what the hell was the matter with the other half?
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 08:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol. people say such strange things in awkward situations. it's good you have a sense of humor.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 08:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm so sorry for you and your newborn.I'm sending you hugs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 05:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
How about the friends you see 3 weeks later and they don't say a word about it. And when you try and get the elephant out of the room they say, I didn't want to remind you. OH YEA, I forgot my baby died. Damn.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 08:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Or the friends who never said anything because they didn;t want to remind you but then a couple of weeks later send you their holiday card and it's their handprints together with their baby's handprint.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 08:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]or a baby shower invitiation.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 08:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I got so tired of having to help other people thru it - it isn't my job. SO ALL YOU MOMS OUT THERE - teach your children how to say, "I'm so sorry". Please.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 08:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Well, 3 weeks later is pretty short but what if it's a LOT later? There have been a few situations where something awful happened to a friend--a late-term miscarriage, other friends whose grown daughter was murdered--and I didn't see them for a while and then when I did, I didn't know what to say, if anything. I'd written notes but didn't know whether or not to say anything. It does remind you how much pain ordinary people carry around with them every day. Sigh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 06:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I know some day you will be a great mother.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 08:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree with everyone else, a simple, "I'm sorry, that's really awful
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 05:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]...oops. "I'm sorry, that's really awful" is a good way to go. Followed with some flowers or a favorite desert. Then, I wouldn't bring it up again unless she wants to talk about it...then be totally available.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 05:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I'm so frustrated by my mom and my husband. i had 1 miscarriage and lost twins earli... 27 replies
Talk : : November 11, 2009
I'm so frustrated by my mom and my husband. i had 1 miscarriage and lost twins earlier this year due to preterm birth at 28 weeks. now i'm again pregnant at 17 weeks and ended up with hyperthyroidism this time around. between my mom telling me that i lost the past two pregnancies due to not eating entirely organic (i eat organic when i can, but don't stress out about it) and because i flew 2x last time i was pregnant (i'm on lockdown this time) and because i reached overhead (i have no idea about this one... we're chinese - apparently it's an old chinese wives tale). and my husband is nervous too, wanting my 3 MDs (my ob, maternal fetal, and endocrinologist) to find more diagnoses to treat me with.. and accusing me of being the source of giving our future child allergies and autism.. i'm pissed. i believe that i should chill, not stress out about these things, and keep things in perspective. but it is getting harder and harder each day. i tell them i understand that they are just concerned, but it's getting harder and harder to hear them tell me one more myth, or suspicion that i'm going to F*** up my unborn child... mind you i'm normally very healthy, active, and happy. it's getting harder and harder to be happy though...
27 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.11.09, 04:46 PM [ Flag ]So sorry for your losses and stress. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Perhaps talk to a cognitive behavioral therapist to work on your reaction to their insanity? It is really horrible that they are blaming you for this - plenty of people fly, reach up, run daily, etc and have normal pregnancies. You have just had bad luck. If you have hyperthyroidism you might get checked for other autoimmune disease though
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 04:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]like what kind of autoimmune disease? i've been taking meds for the hyperthyroidism x2 weeks now and the numbers are coming back better. overall, i feel fine.. any "symptoms" i have are in line with being pregnant... fatigue, shortness of breath (i have a very active job), nausea...
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 04:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know we tend to blame ourselves anyway when something goes wrong during pregnancy. To have two of the people closest to you trying to make you feel worse instead of better... that's horrible. It sounds like you need to take a vacation from your family until these babies are born!
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 04:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i feel very sorry for you--sounds like genes that are better not passed on............good luck
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 04:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]WTF!?
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 04:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]uh... ?? thanks??
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]One could more accurately say the same of yours.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
the not reaching over your head thing is because it was believed the cord would wrap around the baby's neck. medically disproven.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 04:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks - glad you knew the reason.. my mom and my hundred well meaning "aunties" didn't have an idea why... lol.. but i'm short and everything requires me to reach overhead! :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]my dd was born in Hong Kong. i heard all these stories from the little old Chinese ladies. just wait til you have the baby. will your mom want a confinement lady/no hair washing for a month, etc? In any case, you are in charge, even though the cultural aspect is difficult. just try to remain stress free and avoid your mother if you need to.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i had to go through that after the twins... i was only able to hold out for 2 weeks of confinement, they were so disappointed. the no hair washing lasted 2 days... then i was just repulsive after pushing, etc and not washing for 2 days... of course, now that is also one of the reasons that i could potentially F*** up this pregnancy. (not to worry, i don't believe any of it)
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i'd tell your mom very clearly that you don't want to hear it anymore. i'd cut your dh more slack but ask him to keep his worries to himself.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 04:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i just told my mom to stop and it didn't really turn out too well.. hopefully time will resolve this...
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you shouldn't feel bad that it didn't go well. it's a hard thing to have said to you so it's normal that she'd not take it well. give her some time to think it over. and if she doesn't get over it, don't lose sleep about it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think you have full right to tell your mom and your DH to f*** off. Just say "my Drs told me I should avoid stress" and put headphones on. Seriously. Good luck (with the mom/DH and the pregnancy)
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]:) i totally agree... i definitely do not need any stress from them. i just had to vent. this post has really helped me calm down. actually... since i posted, my mom actually just called to apologize for being too overbearing. i should be thankful. let's just hope she remembers this conversation the next time she has another piece of ridiculous advice... like i shouldn't squat because i may stretch out the cervix and the baby might fall out... i wish i made that up.. but it's true. ...and funny.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ha! My father (who is a DOCTOR!!!) gave me grief for squatting ~ I was about 35wks along. Just nod and back away slowly - that's what I do.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 06:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Chinese moms. BTDT. Has she pushed for an herbalist?
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol. no. but she went to taiwan and went to an herbalist for me and came back with all these stinky soups for me to drink... hmm. i wonder if they're organic.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yeah my mom did the same after my second m/c. At that point I was like what the heck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]so did you do it then?
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yup, swallowed the disgusting stuff. Don't know if it was that or the progesterone suppositories, but DS is asleep next door.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 06:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Oh no, I am so sorry. I went into labor with twins at 20 weeks and a few times after that until I finally delivered at 32 weeks. My friends in the NICU had 28 weekers. It was years ago and I am STILL not over it. Tell everyone that they are making you anxious and you are worried what this "stress" will do. Mean, but effective. Best of luck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we actually decided not to use NICU.. my water broke at 21 weeks and they didn't think the outcomes would be good. it was very sad... but i figure it's better for them to go naturally than to poke and prod them for endless weeks and have poor outcomes...
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]if it's any consolation, i totally agree. you did the right thing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Tell your husband and your mother that the stress they are causing is having a terrible effect on the baby. Pregnancy should be a time of contentment and if there is anything wrong with the baby it is due to their poor behavior.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I replied earlier but wanted to say my cousin had a very similar history. m/c, twins that passed at 23 wks., now has two healthy, wonderful DC. Chin up, mama.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 06:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] oh, i'm so overwhelmed by this. last week my ds drew a picture of his deceased grandm... 21 replies
Talk : : November 11, 2009
oh, i'm so overwhelmed by this. last week my ds drew a picture of his deceased grandmother (my mom, whom i mourn reguraly in his presence) in the grave with a gravestone. i was sort of touched by it. well today, he brings me a drawing of what look like a young child in a grave and he says "look this boy died and his name (he had put it on the headstone) is "Colin", which is his own name. I am so scared now...is he forshadowing his own death??? my biggest fear, as he is an "only" and took year of miscarriages to arrive!! i'm so supersticious. i once had a premonition of a car accident and i ultimately happened. this isn't a self fulfilling prophecy??
21 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.11.09, 12:10 PM [ Flag ]how old is your ds? i think he just doesnt understand death and you mourning your mom in his presence seems almost like special time you are devoting that he might like as well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree, I think he is probably confused. How old is DC? If under 6, I would say he doesn't really understand.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
No, this was not a premonition. My feeling is that you are too focused on death and your son is trying to understand exactly what it is. Kids talk about death all the time and ask when/if they are going to die.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i think he's just trying to get his head around how death works and what it means. Have you actually talked to him about the cycle of life or has he only seen you mourn your mother? I would let him know that your mourning is a stage, just like when he falls down and it hurts for a period of time, but that it gets better. You may feel right now that you will never stop mourning, but at some point, you will likely reach a place of acceptance, so that it doesn't rule your life. Will you ever be ok with it? Probably not, but you will reach a better place and I would make sure that your son understands this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Kids are more tuned in to extrasensory perception than adults. It could very well be a premonition -- it's really impossible to tell. And if it is, there's nothing you can do about it anyway -- if it's his time, it's his time. Just enjoy the time you have with him today, no matter how long it is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITTA. Best response.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]why is this best reponse. it is awful.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
eek
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]this is just nonsense.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sweet - that means we are having candy for dinner every night b/c that is what my 5 yo ds drew.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]this is awful response. totally disregard.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]don't let him watch tv, poltergeists, you know that extrasensory is something to be careful of.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 06:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
how long ago did your mom die? how old is he? how do you "mourn regularly"? sounds like you need to quit mourning so much in front of your son. he wants you to think of him as much as you do your mom. he wants the attention she gets.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree about wanting the same attention. Nothing wrong with mourning, it is natural and healthy, but maybe needs to be explained more to DS.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]he is almost 5. my mother died 12 years ago, but i lament her loss on a regular basis (once a month, i will howl). i was her youngest and only daughter and she divorced when i was 2. am sorrowful that she didn't get to know her grandson and mentor me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 02:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you do what once a month?
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you have got to toughen up for your son's sake. after 12 years you should have accepted this more by now. go to a counselor.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 06:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
your ds is probably just processing the death in his own way, and maybe testing you too. Nothing more.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]He is trying to understand death. Please explain it to him so he is not confused.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]My dad died when my children were 4,6,8. They were very close. I let them view him before he was cremated. They had a difficult time understanding the concept of burial, cremation, heaven. I let them view a cemetary. Since they think more concretely, visual teaching is very important. Not to be feared, but needs to be explained well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 12:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]first of all, you should not be mourning your mother regularly in his presence. totally inappropriate. second of all, he is trying to make sense of death since his grandmother died, and probably because you're talking about it all the time (see point #1). there is no such thing as premonitions.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 02:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] 12 wks pregnant. Right after my obgyn visit (doc said I had no issues whatsoever), I ... 11 replies
Talk : : November 10, 2009
12 wks pregnant. Right after my obgyn visit (doc said I had no issues whatsoever), I got a really bad yeast infection. I believe it was a reaction to the ultrasound gel left inside of me...I called the doctor, and the nurse said I should treat myself with either Monistat 3 or 7 day. I did some reaseach online and some people are saying that it may not be safe so early in pregnancy. There have been many cases of miscarriage after treatment with suppositories. What have you guys done to treat yourselves?
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.10.09, 10:39 PM [ Flag ]Ultrasound gel doesn't go inside you. It's an outside procedure. I find this post disturbing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 04:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]um... yes it does. its a transvaginal u/s for the nuchal translucency test.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]of course it does. There are two kinds of ultrasounds.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 06:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]"disturbing" you are a fool! There are two kinds of ultrasounds and of course the gel goes inside you for the vaginal one.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 06:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I find this post ignorant.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 07:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
12 weeks is no longer early pregnancy. go for the 7 day as it's a lower dose over a longer time. yeast infections can be difficult to get rid of during pregnancy but the topical is really the only tested option. herbal treatments, etc. are untested and in my experience i wanted something tested when i was pregnant
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]My ob said the monistat cream was fine. Did the MOnistat 7 day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 06:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I used Monistat while pregnant and it was okay. Dr. had said it would be fine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 07:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I used plain yogurt, seems to work fine, no chemicals.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 09:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]There's an oral medication which is amazing. One pill, and yeast infection is gone. I forgot the name; it's in a pink package & your OB should know about it. You just need to check about pregnancy usage. BTW--be sure to try yogurt too. The natural stuff like Stonyfield (not the processed stuff).
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 09:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]can't take diflucan when pregnant, i think.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 09:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] TTC posters, please don't mark the "General Topics" checkbox as well. TIA! 11 replies
- np: ita. I realize there might be women with infertility issues for whom ttc is a painful topic, but it's a message board. you cannot expect every post to take into account everyone's possible sensitive topics. I had a miscarriage a while ago. I don't expect those who are pg to only post in "expecting" for fear of upsetting me....
Talk : : November 10, 2009
TTC posters, please don't mark the "General Topics" checkbox as well. TIA!
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.10.09, 07:41 PM [ Flag ]Same goes for the NY Schools posters. You don't need to check ANY other category, not New York City, not Toddler, not Preschool/Kid, not General, NY SCHOOLS does it all.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think the 'Select up to 3 categories that are relevant to your post.' is a little misleading. It makes people think they need more than 1 category, but they don't really need more than 1 category.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that's a good point. Yoo hoo, CNET can you make a note of this? And can you freeze posts older than 30 days too? I wonder if I have to swear to get their attention.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
y? and i'm not one. i understand why ny schools shouldn't, but why not ttc?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]check out the box in the right column...you can choose what posts you view when you log in. theoretically, you should only view TTC posts if you check the TTC checkbox in the right column. if they're miscategorized under "general" then people who have no interest in the topic see them as well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]right, but let's say that someone isn't ttc so doesn't have it checked but might have knowledge that helps a poster? (i have everything checked by the way).
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 08:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: ita. I realize there might be women with infertility issues for whom ttc is a painful topic, but it's a message board. you cannot expect every post to take into account everyone's possible sensitive topics. I had a miscarriage a while ago. I don't expect those who are pg to only post in "expecting" for fear of upsetting me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op here. i haven't been through fertility treatments so i don't even know how to respond. it's just not a topic of interest for me. nothing personal to the ttc ladies, of course.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 08:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think the verbiage should read: "Select no more than 3 other categories of readers who might be interested in your post."
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Except then people will inevitably add their posts to 'General Topics' and therein lies the problem.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You know this drove me INSANE during election time because no one would ever post just to politics, and I truly have zero interest in politics. But after a while I gave up and learned to just skip over them. You can expend a great deal of energy trying to steer the board the way you want, but I truly think it will be wasted energy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] If you were 39 and TTC, at what point would you go to a specialist? Been trying 2 mon... 16 replies
- ^^so sorry about your miscarriage, too. that is very painful....
- NOW. I was 37 and ttc, having multiple miscarriages and wasn't referred to R.E. until the 3rd miscarriage and I was pissed. had baby at 40yo, but still I felt like I wasted a lot of time....
Talk : : November 10, 2009
If you were 39 and TTC, at what point would you go to a specialist? Been trying 2 months, miscarried the 2nd month and OB thinks I should try longer before going to an RE. I am worried that I don't have much time.
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.10.09, 01:43 PM [ Flag ]I am the proactive type and I think OBs are too laxed about it. I would make an appt. now and get started on some tests to see what issues there may be.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]maybe 6 months? that is what i always heard for over 35 and ttc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^so sorry about your miscarriage, too. that is very painful.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I was 31 and saw RE after four months of TTC. OB wanted at least 3 more months but I'm so glad I did not listen to her. We had real issues.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]go now. can't hurt and there may be some tests you need to take that will take some time (scheduling, etc.) so you can continue to try while you are getting the other tests done.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'd give it another cycle and then head to the RE.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Now. Don't wait because if there is anything wrong, you will be so mad at yourself for wasting time and waiting.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I lied at 32 and said we had tried for a year. Thank God, we had problems.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Heh, I did the same thing (we'd only been trying for @8-9 months). And it turned out something WAS wrong, so my instincts were right.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
At 41 it took us 8 months with no help. I am glad I did not go to a specialist.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 02:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Go to the RE asap imo
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 04:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'd at least make the appt for an RE (it may take a bit of time to get your first appt w/them, esp if it is someone popular.) You can always cancel if things change closer to the appt. date. If you are in NYC there are many wonderful drs -- I saw Dr. Pak Chung at Cornell/Weill and liked him a lot, but I'd suggest anyone there who takes your insurance. gl
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 04:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thank you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 04:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NOW. I was 37 and ttc, having multiple miscarriages and wasn't referred to R.E. until the 3rd miscarriage and I was pissed. had baby at 40yo, but still I felt like I wasted a lot of time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 04:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Insist. My OB told me to go after 3 mo at 37. Plus, depending on RE, it can be hard to get an appt.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 04:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It takes time to see a doctor so I would go although some might argue that you did get pregnant on your own at 39 which is a good sign. Unfortunately, as you get older, your eggs are not as good.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 06:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Anyone else trying a long time to concieve a 2nd child and it taking a terrible toll ... 12 replies
- It took us 13 months, one miscarriage before it "took." I think you both have to make up your mind that it's NOT going to take a toll on your relationship. If one of you finds yourself getting worked up, take a break. Figure out a plan that will work...
Talk : : November 10, 2009
Anyone else trying a long time to concieve a 2nd child and it taking a terrible toll on your relationship?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.10.09, 11:13 AM [ Flag ]Absolutely...only we are TTC #1.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Maybe if you concentrated more on your relationship and less on "TTC", you might have a stronger, healthier relationship.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Lots of factors at play, I'm sure. TTC can put a huge strain on the relationship, lots of pressure on DW.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]And even more pressure on DH, who is often made to feel more like a stud service than a partner and husband.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have a wonderful, fantastic husband and marriage. That's quite a leap you made there from my question to assuming my relationship is a mess. Suggest you read more Oprah psychobabble books...
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: OR did sound preachy, but you did ask whether ttc had taken "a terrible toll on your relationship." i think it's natural people will assume that you are struggling with something similar.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 06:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ttc'ing is horrible.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ttc is awful. Either way, it pulls at you. Same direction or apart. Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thank you. It's amazing to me even as close and strong as our relationship is, this process is brutal and bruising. he feels pressured, I feel abandoned!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
We have been ttc #1 for almost two years. It has been a very difficult time (compounded by the fact my husband was laid off for a few months), but I think if our relationship has changed at all, it's for the better. I guess we've never really been tested before this and the experience has made us realize that we really can rely on each other. So I guess it can go either way. If IVF doesn't work for us, our only option will be adoption, and we're not really on the same page with that, so I expect working through that decision will be a challenge.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 05:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It can be a tough road but hang in there together. You might disagree on some issues but try to talk through them together. Patience is important. My DH thought he would never adopt but eventually he was willing to consider it. We finally decided to be content with just one and got pregnant with #2 after 6 years of trying. Ultimately, our marriage is a lot stronger because we have been through so much together.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 06:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It took us 13 months, one miscarriage before it "took." I think you both have to make up your mind that it's NOT going to take a toll on your relationship. If one of you finds yourself getting worked up, take a break. Figure out a plan that will work for both of you. If you are together and already have one child, keep counting your blessings and know that, worst case scenario, you will be a fine and happy family as-is. More than likely everything will work out in time!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] i'm very sad. over the past two years i had three miscarriages. i've consulted with... 51 replies
- old now but it's a good resource for multiple miscarriage treatment. It tells you where they started and what they...that the overwhelming majority of people with up to 4 miscarriages go on to have a healthy pregnancy with no intervention.... test for the clotting disorders? They can def cause miscarriages at that stage. I have factor v leiden and...
- I have a physician friend who was you. 5 miscarriages, no definitive cause. She successfully delivered a healthy child...
Talk : : November 10, 2009
i'm very sad. over the past two years i had three miscarriages. i've consulted with 3 ob's, 2 perinatologists, and two referral organizations. the best suggestion was to try again, using blood thinners. i wanted something more definitive than a "hey, why don't you try this". it's so hard. hard on me physically, hard on me and dh emotionally, hard on our marriage, etc. i'm getting to the end of my mandatory wait to ttc again and i'm scared.
51 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.10.09, 09:24 AM [ Flag ]I understand. I had two second trimester losses and an early miscarriage. I remember the need to know why. BUT, why doens't matter. What matters is WHEN. When are you going to hold your beautiful baby in your arms? So, keep your eye on the prize. Keep focused. Do what you need to do. Once you are holding that baby, this won't be quite as bad. Best of luck to you!!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thank you. i think i'm just feeling despairing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Have you ever been to an RE?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]they told me to see a perinatologist or maternal-fetal-medicine speicialist. i'm not sure why.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am the poster who posted about Orli Etingen. When I got pregnant, I went to Edersheim, but no MFM would touch me until I actually WAS pregnant (just my experience).
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i don't know how it works. i went to the two perinatologists for consultations. don't know how it works iwth REs and mfms.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
When did you M/C? Did you have any problems TTC?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]no problems ttc (thank goodness. that would be even more scary to deal with, i think). miscarried between 12 and 14 weeks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Hang in there and it will happen.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thank you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Dr. Orli Ettingen gave me a great workup when I was concerned about this. She is at Cornell.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wife saw Etingen - very happy with her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks. it seems like everyone is in agreement about what tests to run (all came up with no problems) and what the options are. but maybe i'll look into this doctor.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I had the official tests (which came up empty) and then went to her and she ran EVERYTHING, even that crazy stuff that you read on the web that "can be the cause of miscarriage"- all was negative and she went through it patiently with me. For the piece of mind alone, she was well worth it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'll see if she's covered by my insurance and if i can get an appt soon. thanks for the recommendation.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]She doesn't take insurance - we paid out of pocket, but was worth it. DW's brother was diagnosed with a genetic blood disorder and we were testing DW. She turned out to be heterozygous for the disorder so it wasn't a huge risk, managed with folic acid and baby asprin.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ouch. but it's good to have her name anyway. i feel much more confident about the baby aspirin/blood thinner now. so we'll try it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Don't give up hope. I've had four miscarriages, have two DSs and am pregnant again - 22 weeks. First, pick up Coming to Term, by Jon Cohen. It's a few years old now but it's a good resource for multiple miscarriage treatment. It tells you where they started and what they are looking for in their tests. It should empower you to push more for certain tests. Blood thinners treat certain clotting issues but there could be many, many other causes (or none at all). The best stat in this book is that the overwhelming majority of people with up to 4 miscarriages go on to have a healthy pregnancy with no intervention. I think you are past OB and before perinatologist stage. You need a good RE like yesterday. Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i thought an RE was used for problems getting pregnant and a perinatologist was for problems during the pregnancy? and thanks very much for the book recommendation. i'm going to get it. i'm feeling very despairing. if they can't figure out a reason then it's just a craps shoot and we have to try and see if it works. (which, if you htink about it, really happens with every pregnancy anyway). but it's a very scary proposition to go through.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think a perinatologist is a specialist who treats problem pregnancies, but they seem to get involved after the first trimester. An RE helps someone get and stay pregnant. Infertility is defined as not only the inability to get pregnant, but also recurrent loss. My RE was a Godsend (not in NYC though). He went through everything (and did additional tests from the Ob's workup) and told me how he could fix the various problems that often cause recurrent miscarriage.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me again. And the good news is that if you've had all of the tests and nothing is wrong - there is nothing to be fixed. You are just getting screwed by the fates. This was my situation too. I would have preferred to have something to put my finger on, at some point, I think. But the great news is that the odds are on your side, overwhelmingly. Why and when did you have your losses? Chromosomal?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]12-14 weeks. didn't test chromosomes on all but the one(s) that we tested didn't show a problem. they think it's clotting problems but the fetuses and placentas didn't show excessive clotting so that would've been a nice support to the theory.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I took a baby aspirin throughout first trimester in the pregnancy that resulted in my kids. Doc said it was ok.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]really? you have no idea how happy it is to have you post this. that's what the latest recommendation was and i was colossally not impressed. but i guess it really does work for some people. i'm practically crying from relief thinking there's some hope.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh it worked, I also took Omegas until I got pregnant. I also had given up hope. That was what was different when I finally got my kids (I am the Etingen poster- nothing wrong was ever found).
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks again. i guess we'll try it and see if it works. it's funny b/c the doctor telling me it can help wasn't encouraging. but knowing that it did work for you (and i don't even know you!) makes me feel like it can totally work for me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
They should have run chromosomal testing with each loss they did a D&C for. God forbid you have another, insist. 50% of miscarriages are chromosomal, and if you've had one, that changes your treatment/outlook in some ways. (I've had two, one normal, one too early to tell). It also will give you peace of mind to know that some things are just flukes of nature. They can karyotype you and your DH to see if something is in your genes that cause recurrent loss (balanced transolocations). If so, IVF with PGD to treat this. Cont'd.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Another thing, is a single aspirin can treat anticardiolipid antibody issues - if they are bad, you might need heparin. This is also an easy fix. If you have a single or double MTHFR variation, you need more folic acid, another easy pill fix. There is so much they can do! They just need to tune in. An RE can look at your file, see your tests and fine tune your treatments. Obs try to do it, but it's the jack of all trades, master of none bit. Cont'd
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Another thing - did you m/c at 12-14 weeks after seeing a heartbeat at early scans? Do they follow your HCG early to see it rise, or are you only confirming the loss then because it's the first appointment where they are looking for a heartbeat but not finding one (i.e. you could be m/c earlier but not knowing since they aren't looking)? The timing of the loss sometimes indicates what's happening, too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks for all these questions. (you seem very knowledgeable). i answered about chromosomal testing below. the m/cs were all after seeing a heartbeat, after things had been going very well. all were discovered at 14 weeks, with two measuring at around 13 weeks and measuring at 14 weeks. so everyone seems to be leaning towards clotting issues, with chromosome problems being the next best guess. so they never tested hcg b/c it wasn't a problem. i know both perinatologists i went to said my ob's had been very thorough in ordering tests. they tested for the thrombophilia/clotting disorders and nothing came up as a problem
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]How horrible for you. Each time, you thought you were safe and into the clear and then a loss - That must have been excrutiating for you. I'm so, so sorry. If it's a clotting issue, though, a baby aspirin and heparin are easy fixes. I think the baby aspirin is a low dose blood thinner, the other two are a little more of a big guns approach. In light of your history, I would think they would order the heparin. Unfortunately, as you know, the knowledge comes through experience because no one cares as much about the ultimate outcome as we do. That book is amazing, though! I hope you get it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: thank you. first time was like getting hit in the face with a hammer, it came from totally out of the blue. next time i was holding my breath thinking lightning wouldn't strike twice, but it did. third time was almost like having blinders on, just determined to believe that it wouldn't happen again. now i'm a wreck and i'm not even ttc'ing yet. i'm going to call the ob and discuss the heparin vs. the aspirin. i don't want to do too little but i'm also nervous about being on blood thinners if it's not necessary, kwim? but i'm really glad to see from so many people that the heparin and/or aspirin really can work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]One of the hardest things to wrap your brain around is that it *can* and and likely *will* be okay for you. You feel like Lucy is holding the football and you are Charlie Brown always falling for it, but you have to try to stay sane and positive. You have good facts (no big uglies that are causing problems) and so long as you don't give it, it will happen for you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
thanks. i never got the results from any tests run with the first one. the second and third times i'm not sure if it was too late to get results or that the results showed no problems.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Did they test for the clotting disorders? They can def cause miscarriages at that stage. I have factor v leiden and take lovenox for blood thinning throughout pregnancy, carried #1 no problem, now 31 weeks with #2.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: yes, they tested. nothing showed a problem. they said they are leaning towards blood clotting as the problem anyway. but they were hoping to find clotting in the placenta to support the theory and they didn't.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am the RE poster from above. My RE did a whole panel of blood tests on me. He found that I had one gene mutation for clotting (gosh I wish I remember what it was). He said that it wasn't two, so it's not technically a defect, but that it could benefit from baby asprin. He then referred me to a high risk OB to assess whether I needed to be a heparin (I didn't). Anyway, I took baby aspirin throughout and progesterone suppositories and my third pregnancy (after two MCs) ended up in DS. GL and hang in there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
did they end up coming up with a reason for your miscarriages? i think the timing of mine is making it possible to rule out a lot of issues. thanks very much for this information. just "talking" about it with other people is very helpful to me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]My first one was genetically normal, and a twin pregnancy. Not sure why I lost that one. Second one was triploidy (a full extra set of chromosomes - freak of nature, two sperm, one egg thing). Third was too early to tell, almost a chemical pregnancy. Fourth one was Trisomy 20. Since I had chromosomal issues, I am slightly more likely to have them with an additional pregnancy (1% chance). I've had two healthy boys and all looks good for this pregnancy (girl). This has all been since 2004 - so 7 pregnancies, four losses in 5 years). I was on heparin and baby aspirin for both boys. This time, I'm not on anything.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]wow. what a lot to go through. i'm so happy for you that you have your healthy dc. good luck this time. are you nervous about not being on aspirin or heparin? have they tested for chromosomal problems?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^i ask b/c it seems like you'd understand how i feel now. that i want to ttc, hope i get pregnant, but can't help but feel like i might be waiting for the other shoe to drop. it's very scary.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm not nervous about being off of everything this time - not sure why - you would think I would be. I think it's just that I came out the other side okay with my boys and it gave me faith again that my body could do this. When I was in your position, I doubted everything, that it could ever be okay. Now, it just feels differently. My situation was like yours that there was nothing they could definitely say was the problem. Cont'd.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]We had first trimester screening done this time and everything looks okay. I'm hoping for the best. I hope time speeds up for you because I have faith that you will have a healthy baby - it's just that the road is often longer than we expect. And it's so scary and isolating because it seems so easy for other people. And there isn't much out there as far as support for recurrent loss.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
how about adoption? i'm sure there was a reason you didn't consider it before, but there are plenty of kids who need homes as loving as yours.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: i had never thought of it before. i don't think it's something i'd want to do. i can more likely see myself doing short term foster care or something like that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Short term foster care is a great way to test the waters. I have friends who have done it and ended up adopting really great kids. It can take a while to do the training and jumping through the administrative hhops, so you might think about beginning the process sooner.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 09:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I had 3 mc's also, but have had 2 healthy kids. One mc before first DC; 2 after; then the baby (yep, she's a baby now). The view doesn't change till you succeed, is all I can say. I would never have believed things would improve - until they did!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks so much for this post. i'm really hoping for good things.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me too. I think you will get there as I did. But trust me if someone had said that to me at the time(s) I would not have believed them at all.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 01:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have a physician friend who was you. 5 miscarriages, no definitive cause. She successfully delivered a healthy child after using blood thinners the moment she knew was pregnant. Good luck. Sometimes you just don't know, you have to try everything.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Listen, I feel bad for you but I'm assuming you have a child already and in my experience, people who have miscarriages always end up with a baby. It's the can't get pregnant infertiles (like us) who tend to struggle for longer. Make an appointment with an RE, try some lovenox or heparin and you should be fine. Remember, no one is sick, this will probably work out in the end and you will have wasted all this time feeling miserable. I've seen people go through infertility hell and you're not even in the ballpark. Hang tough. You don't sound like a very difficult case to me. Nothing some IVF and lovenox can't fix.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 07:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] ARE ONLY CHILDREN AT A DISADVANTAGE? OR ADVANTAGE BECAUSE OF TIME/RESOURCES POURED IN... 23 replies
- I've had people ask me when will I start having kids while I spent three years miscarriage after miscarriage. In all I think people mean well, just to make small talk....
Talk : : November 09, 2009
ARE ONLY CHILDREN AT A DISADVANTAGE? OR ADVANTAGE BECAUSE OF TIME/RESOURCES POURED INTO THAT ONLY? ON THE FENCE ABOUT A SECOND.
23 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.09.09, 09:49 AM [ Flag ]please don't type in all caps- people assume you're yelling. I would guess there are just as many advantages as disadvantages. Having a 2nd is definitely more work for you though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Stop shouting.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sorry that was my first posting on the site.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
some people don't have the option of have a second. Some people have very strong feelings about the financial side of having more than one. It's a choice you have to make for yourself. I had two and am glad I did
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have one 5 year old and am sick and tired of strangers asking me "when" i am having my second. It is a sensitive issue for me, because I am biologically too old. Yet society assumes that you always have to have a second.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]there are rude people everywhere, but hope you've developed a great come back
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'm in that position and i don't have a great comeback, i just say we're done with a smile and a finality that makes people shut up. nobody wants to hurt your feelings, they just need some validation for their own choices/point of view.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, I think that's a great comeback, especially the smile
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Me too! People dont' mean to hurt my feelings, but am asked on daily basis about when I will have another.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I've had people ask me when will I start having kids while I spent three years miscarriage after miscarriage. In all I think people mean well, just to make small talk.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am also on the fence about a second. My DS is almost 2 and I feel I am still not ready for another. I also feel it wouldn't be fair for my DS at this pivotal stage of his delevopment. I also remembered how tired I was the 1st 3 months with #1. NO way could I handle that now with work and a toddler and a DH who works long unpredictable hours.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Plus if you think in financial terms from birth to college you can save one million dollars. If you need to bottom line it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]True but sad
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Depressing
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think that is an exaggeration
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 12:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]at least half a million then.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 12:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am in your situation, actually just posted about having another. I don't think a person should not have another due to finances. You can make it work with two, if you really want it (and we have a lower middle-class income).
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No idea, but I posted about this last week: we have decided to stick to one child. I underwent some minor secondary infertility and did not even feel up to doing all the testing. The urge to have a second is just not there. Plus, there's so much I want to do with my own life still, and a second baby would delay all that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 01:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh god, people post this question every single day! the answers you will get are: only kids who loved that they had all their parents attention and extra money, only kids who wished they had a sibling, and multikids who love their sibs. you will have a few who say they hated their sibs and wished they were a only, but that's rare.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]if you have the time & money to support more than 1 i think it's a no-brainer...having siblings is incredibly helpful to development & a potential best friend later on is a huge possible bonus...plus, it's hopefully more great friends for you 20 years from now
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 02:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what if the mom really wants 2nd but dad refuses?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i can't get in the middle of a spousal dispute on this...i don't advocate "tricking" him by stopping taking the pill or something like that...just remind him of all the wonderful aspects of having a larger family...is he close w/ parent(s) or sibling(s)?...choose an angle he can relate to
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 10:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] At what week is it ok to tell people about pregnancy? 18 replies
- once a heartbeat is detected miscarriage risk is not statistically greater than 12 weeks, when most people tell....
- everyone is different. some people wait until they hear a heartbeat, because miscarriage odds decrease a lot at that point. others wait until the amnio. i waited a really long time, more...
Talk : : November 09, 2009
At what week is it ok to tell people about pregnancy?
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.09.09, 06:49 AM [ Flag ]I wait until 20 weeks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^I wait until after my amnio results, but I did tell people once around 12 weeks, and it made the pregnancy seem so much longer. But if it's your 1st, that probably wouldn't bother you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ANYTIME! Come on. Seriously? If you're old enough to be pregnant, you're old enough to know yourself in this regard. If you feel you'd need the support anyway, should the pg miscarry prior to 10 or 12 weeks, then by all means, celebrate vocally. If on the other hand, you're more private and deal with pain on your own, then wait until you at the very least have a confirmed heartbeat and a fetus the size the doc expects it to be. Safer of course to wait until 12 weeks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 06:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]She's just asking, relax.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I hate it when people tell me to relax. It is obnoxious. How do you know I wasn't just irritated by the question - which was all it was by the way. My blood pressure didn't even blip, so off with you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np, why post then? Such an obnoxious & unnecessary post.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]you really need to take a chill pill
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think you're the one who is obnoxious. No one suggested your blood pressure "blipped," it's a figure of speech. There's no need to jump down on OP for a commonly posed question.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Generally, after the first trimester (around week 13), but it's not a hard and fast rule - whenever you feel comfortable, and depending on whom you're telling.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I waited until I was showing. Which was almost 5 months with first, barely 14 weeks with second. I agree with telling people later, people kept commenting as to how I'd been pregnant "forever" the second time around!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I waited until the first trimester was over, I think that is standard. If you have issues, you may want to wait longer but it also depends on whether you can get away with it or not.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]once a heartbeat is detected miscarriage risk is not statistically greater than 12 weeks, when most people tell.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I started telling people around 13-14 weeks. I was so paunchy at that point that most people had already figured it out, though. I started showing by 11-12 weeks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 07:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Whenever you want to. No rules on this one.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 09:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I told people at 12 weeks with #1 and about 20-30 weeks with #2. I enjoyed waiting longer and don't have any annoying, "are you still pregnant" comments and at work I was treated like a lame duck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]On this board you essentially asked, "How long before you started showing?" and the competivie moms are arguing over who managed to go the longest. You can tell people whenever you want to. Some wish to wait because they worry about mc or telling their employer, others just want to scream it to the world as soon as they see a heartbeat or even as soon as they get a +hpt.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]why is it good to go the longest without showing? I am chubby around the middle and not a small person, I think this is why I took so long to show. SOme of my petite friends showed so early, because they ahd no fat to camoflauge!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 11:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
everyone is different. some people wait until they hear a heartbeat, because miscarriage odds decrease a lot at that point. others wait until the amnio. i waited a really long time, more than 20 weeks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] need advice. short question is: can i go back to my former ob-gyn for a consultation... 8 replies
- the two main reasons were that i don't like his office staff and that the office he has near my home is his second office and he's only there twice a week. after my first miscarriage (which i had while i was his patient) i knew i needed someone that was there every day for all the times i panicked and wanted a sonogram or a fetal heart check asap....
Talk : : November 08, 2009
need advice. short question is: can i go back to my former ob-gyn for a consultation even if i don't want to use him for regular care, or is that offensive/rude? longer story: i was using an ob, i ended up switching practices and since hten have been having unexplained miscarriages. i think my original doctor is very intuitive and i trust his opinion. i'd like to go to him for advice but then would probably not use him for regular ob care, assuming i get pregnant. wwyd?
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.08.09, 04:21 PM [ Flag ]Why did you switch if you trust his opinion?
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 04:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]the two main reasons were that i don't like his office staff and that the office he has near my home is his second office and he's only there twice a week. after my first miscarriage (which i had while i was his patient) i knew i needed someone that was there every day for all the times i panicked and wanted a sonogram or a fetal heart check asap.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 04:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I don't think that is uncommon.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 04:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]he's a professional. you don't have to worry yourself over what's offensive to HIM. YOU are the one who needs help.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 04:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I didn't go back to a doctor for a consult after I hadn't been to her in 3 years, though I was sorely tempted. Felt too weird.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 04:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i can hear this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 08:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think you should level with your former ob and see how he reacts. Doctors need to be clued in to why patients switch. He might be really understanding and help you with a referral. If you have liked him otherwise, you owe him your honesty.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 04:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: thanks for this and all other responses. i guess i'll call and see if i can make an appt for a consultation.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 04:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] DH and I separated last weekend, after two years of TTC with no luck, and a few other... 62 replies
- He's been tested, and everything looks good on his end. Had two miscarriages, stopped trying for awhile after the second. Plan was to give it one more try, and if a third mc/inability to get pregnant again, to go for treatments....
Talk : : November 07, 2009
DH and I separated last weekend, after two years of TTC with no luck, and a few other issues. He met someone else, and moved in with her. Now I find out I'm pregnant. What are the odds of that? Anyway, do I even bother to tell him? I don't think I can raise a child with him, and I certainly can't do it alone.
62 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.07.09, 06:55 PM [ Flag ]of course you have to at least tell him, that's the decent thing to do
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 06:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am sorry. How ironic. Are you happy to be pregnant? I think you definitely tell him. He owes you child support and besides, he will eventually figure it out. Will he insist on having contact with the child?
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 06:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Part of the reason we decided to split was our inability to have children together. He really wanted children, and he is hoping his young new girlfriend will be more fertile than me. I was willing to consider adoption, but he wasn't. Egotistical bastard only wanted a child that was really his. But I don't want him back.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well he sounds like a gigantic jerk. But you are going to have to tell him. Congratulations on being preggers though! That is exciting.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You separated last weekend and he already moved in with someone? I am sorry. I would tell him, it is his baby also. Hopefully you can work out an arrangement that works for everyone.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yeah, so apparently he's been cheating. Some girl that works in his office. I don't think he really loves her, he just wants to procreate.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]would you forgive him?
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think I could. I really loved him, but the last two years have been very frustrating and hard on both of us.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ttc is very stressful, as I am sure you know. I would try to work something out. Go slowly. Maybe he could get his own place and you guys could 'date' and rebuild your relationship?
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So you suggest telling him now and getting him away from the new girl while we wait this out? Is it selfish for me to ask him to do that? What if I miscarry again, and end up just wasting his time?
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If it were me, I would tell him now (I see below, others say wait it out) - if you were to have a mc, he can support you. You said earlier he just wants to procreate - what if he stays with this chick and she gets pregnant? This is your life - you know him, you know the details of your relationship, you need to think about how you feel about him. Would you want him back if you weren't pregnant? If you do mc would you want him around?
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. Tell him now. You can always separate if things are not right. But it will be better to get started on figuring that all out now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't know if I'd want him around if I have a mc. I would feel like such a huge failure, I wouldn't need him to rub it in. I think he would be a fabulous father, he really wants a baby, and so do I. We had a great relationship, I think the ttc was too hard on the marriage, and pushed him away.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How far along are you? Did you confirm with your doctor? Maybe meet up with him and talk about trying to fix things - see if he would come back for YOU. Then, like I said, take it slow, date, etc. and then tell him after a week or two?
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Just did an at home test this morning, missed period earlier this week, so not far along at all. I don't think he would come back for just me, but maybe me + baby. I'll try to schedule an appointment this week.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]are you ok with that? He needs to want YOU AND baby, not you plus baby.... I am so sorry you are going through this - I would confirm pregnancy and then talk with him. I think in the long run you will not be happy if you think he doesnt want you....
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]He really wants a family, and we couldn't agree on ways to achieve this goal, if we couldn't do it the natural way. He wanted to use a surrogate (so the baby would be genetically his) and I preferred adoption. Something about surrogacy turns me off. I think if I had gave in and went with the surrogate, he would have stayed. I really had no idea there was anyone else in his life.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]above you say "What if I miscarry again?" Have you miscarried before? He was not supportive? Have you had any testing done to try to find a reason for mc's? Reading all your posts, I do have to say that your DH sounds unusually obsessed with having a baby.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Have mc'd before. Doctor said we didn't need to do any testing yet, we should keep trying naturally. If I mc this time, I think I would move forward with testing. DH really wants a family, and I love that about him. Just hoping it works out this time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well I can tell that you definitely love him. Like a PP said, TTC is really hard on a marriage. I think you guys have a good chance of making things work out. You and your DH need to remember that a lot of couples try for some time to have a successful pg. One MC does not mean anything. Two MCs do not mean anything. Maybe start worrying after three. And relax. That is most important to a pg. That is why I think you should tell him now. Maybe you would be able to relax more? Do whatever will give you the most comfort and least anxiety right now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Wow. You wait until after 12 weeks or amnio if you do one, until you are sure it will stick, and you sue his a** off for child support and alimony.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree, I guess I should really wait longer. Don't want to cause problems/consider taking him back unless this pregnancy goes full-term.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It will also give you time to figure out what you want to do for yourself. You might end up wanting to have the baby by yourself. But right now all you have to decide is whether or not to go ahead with pg. Am I correct in thinking that you want to keep it? BTDT, by the way, I split from dh while pg.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm just not sure if I can handle it on my own. I'd probably quit my job and move out of the city, without DH's support. I have a job that I LOVE, and it's very rewarding, but I couldn't afford to live in nyc on the salary. Abortion has crossed my mind, although I've told myself I would never do that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, either way, you will have his monetary support for babysitter, expenses and so on, it is his kid. So you should be able to swing it financially...don't even think about turning your back on your career etc. That would not make you happy, if you love it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Very fortunate to have had dh's support in the past. I would leave this job to be a sahm. It's a job I loved, but only did it because dh made enough money to take care of both of us. On my own, I would let this job go, and take something less rewarding but higher paying (if I could even find it in this economy) if I were on my own with a baby.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]See, this is where you lose me, because he will have to give you considerable child support/alimony if you finally split. So don't even worry about the job thing, leaving city, losing happy work life thing. That is unlikely to happen if you ask him for appropriate support(does not have to be contentious, big fight). Just write him a letter, with result from doctor, explaining situation. Ask him to think about it for a few days, and then arrange to meet to talk.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Should I see ob first without him? Or tell him before the first appointment? If he still wants to be with me/have a child with me, he would want to go. But if he's over me already, I'd guess he has no interest in being a part of that, and a letter would suffice.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Most OB's will not want to see you until 8 weeks..I am sure you know why, there is a chance of mc before then. But you should go get your blood work done on Monday, and again on Wednesday, to make sure your levels are going up properly. And make the appointment with the OB. It will be in a month or so. So maybe that is a good amount of time to think this all through. Don't forget to take your vitamins!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I know, if I call for an appt with my ob, I'll be lucky to get in by 8 weeks. I'm traveling for three weeks around thanksgiving, so maybe I'll wait until after that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, I would tell dh, only if your levels are going up the right amount, so the end of this week. And have the doctor app booked for a months time or so, whenever 7/8 weeks will be. Congrats, I have a feeling you will have a new baby this time next year.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
over you since LAST WEEKEND? i'm starting to think this post is fakety mcfakestein.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]He clearly didn't meet this girl last weekend.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would say a letter, just to reduce stress and drama for yourself. You don't want to get all upset, and coincidentally mc, and always feel like that was the reason. Prioritize looking after yourself, and being kind to yourself.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ITTA!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what if he knocks up the hussy he's shacking up with in the meantime??
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, that is a chance you will have to take. Or else you could just tell him now, but I would take a few days, and be sure of your plans for the future first. And take it easy. Try not to stress. Try to focus on the fact that you are pg, which is something you wanted. Don't let the situation spoil the pg for you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: That's what I'm afraid of too. Would be one of the leading factors in me telling him now vs. later.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]for this reason alone i would tell him now. slow things down with the new girlfriend so you have more options.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 07:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Of course you can do it alone, and I am sure you very much wanted to be finally pg.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I would tell him but I would wait to until after the first 12 weeks are over. You do need to tell him b/c it is his child and he might want to be part of his/her life. If he does, make sure to be civil to each other (if you don't want him back/he doesn't want to come back) for the sake of your child.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 07:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think you have to tell him right away. Like tomorrow. And then you'll have to do some serious thinking about your futures, but he must know or that could be held against you. It sounds like the past two years have been brutal and how ironic that now you're pregnant. I wish you well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I kind of agree. I think we have a better shot at working things out without the new girl in the picture. The longer she's around, the more attached they could get.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, tell him this week. Man, will she be pissed! B**ch.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
fake
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I was thinking that... not sure
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Each night there seems to be compelling soap opera like situation with clearly clever OP. Is it the same person....!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You know, you are right. I don't know though; this might be real.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It does sound too ironic to be a lie.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it might be this guy: http://babble.com/single-guy-YouBeMom-mother-of-three/
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 08:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Good one.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 09:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Very funny!
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 09:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I laughed so hard I cut and pasted it into word. It makes me feel better that other people (who are not generally vile and vicious) have trouble staying away from the site. I have been battling this addiction for a long time :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 09:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Maybe we will find it easier to give up if we know we are chatting with figments.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 09:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Going to tell him today, and let him decide how he wants to handle it. I couldn't sleep at all last night, way too anxious about his response.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 06:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]good luck! either way keep the baby, especially since it was hard for you to get pregnant. you i will not regret it. how old are you?
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 07:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm 30, he's 42. We are meeting tonight for dinner, he seemed eager to see me again, so maybe everything will work out. We haven't even tried fertility treatments yet, still have a lot of options. But hopefully we won't need them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 10:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np - Why would you want to be with someone who values you only for your ability to carry a child to term? If he's willing to cheat on you and then move in with another woman just a week after you separate - is he really someone you want to raise a family with? Don't you (and your future child(ren) deserve better than that?
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 11:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think he's starting to worry we'll never have children, and he freaked out a little bit. A midlife crisis. I don't know how serious things are with this other girl, or how long it has been going on, but I think it's worth at least giving it another try.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 11:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sorry to be curious, but why would you wait for two years without trying any other fertility methods, especially when it seems to be so important to him?
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 11:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]He's been tested, and everything looks good on his end. Had two miscarriages, stopped trying for awhile after the second. Plan was to give it one more try, and if a third mc/inability to get pregnant again, to go for treatments.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 12:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would not tell him at this moment in time. But I could handle keeping the secret and I could handle being a single mom. I think when people show you who they are you should believe them. He has shown you. He's a jerk. Now, you got a beautiful baby out of the deal so it wasn't a total loss, but I would wait a very, very, very long time before I told ANYONE and I would definately not tell him for at least five months! Depending on his behavoir, I might not tell him at all until he was served for child support. Serve his nasty butt right.
[ Reply | Options ]11.08.09, 02:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] My ds scored terribly on the erb any suggestions as to what I should do? All I ever h... 39 replies
- What does that stand for please excuse my ignorance. I only have one child and I had 5 miscarriages before I was able to have him. I feel as though I failed him....
Talk : : November 05, 2009
My ds scored terribly on the erb any suggestions as to what I should do? All I ever hear in that everyone in Manhattan scores in the 90th percentile and above. How can this be true? Is it?
39 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.05.09, 05:30 PM [ Flag ]go public. there's no shame in it...
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]People lie. Especially on UB. Your ds will be fine. Just send him to a good public. It worked for most of us.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Give me an O...O!, give me an L...L!, give me an S...S!, give me an A...A!, give me a....
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What does that stand for please excuse my ignorance. I only have one child and I had 5 miscarriages before I was able to have him. I feel as though I failed him.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Attempt to say redirect your energy towards OLSAT, the test for gifted and talented public schools.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OMG, please don't say that. you didn't fail anyone. he is what he is, and love him regardless of a silly test score. he'll do great in the long run...just wait and see!
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
What does O L S A mean?
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think the lady above is talking OLSAT....for public school tests.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
what does "terribly" mean? what did ds get? Just apply to schools that will be right for that score. PSD will be able to guide you
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np Ditto. People want those top 15 or so schools, though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Do people prep their kids for the erb?
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]of course they do, everyone in Manhattan is neurotic about getting their kids into the "right" schools
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
He scored in thee 55th percentile. He is bright. Thank you for your kind words. I spoke with someone and she tried to indicate that there was something wrong with him. He went to a well known Prek for 3 years and now he is in a Montessori school. He has learned mored since September than he learned in the previous 3 years. I moved him because they did not get boys at all.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]the honest truth is that a 55th percetnile will not get you into NYC private schools. I might consider staying at your Montessori if he can, if your local public is not an option. Where you applying for 1st grade?
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am hoping to keep him in the Montessori for Kindergarten then take the erb again and hopefully apply to a boy's school-Browning, St Davids. Do you have any ideas?
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]how did he have 3 years before this year?
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]A playgroup at the school when he was 18 months to ensure that he would have a spot in the preschool
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
honestly, with a 55, I would try and understand why his scores were what they were....perhaps an indicator for something you need to work on (could be shy-ness or focus, not necesarily an "issue"). Schools will see your previous score as well as this one. St. David's can be very competitive.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Do you think it can be a maturity issue- he was at a new school, in a strange room with a stranger and had only been back at school less than a month?
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]sure, ti could be anything! he is a little kid. But you need to read the commentary as well as the scores of individual sections.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np Unless you're a Trump, 55 isn't going to get your kid into those schools. Lots of kids get 99x3 at erb office--strange room, strange place and stranger. Be realistic. Really.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Please refrain from being so harsh I am quite upset this is my child we are talking about.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Also I would not want to be related to Donald Trump in any way he and I do not have the same values.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
What if I transfer him into a school in 5th or 6th grade do those scores still follow him?
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]For some reason, I think they are on your permanant record. But schools will discount them. This is a good quesiton for the ERB office.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np Doesn't matter--IF the kid has top grades.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What do you mean? Doesn't mean-If the kid has top grades?
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
These scores go on his permanent record? How is that possible. He is 4? When we apply to HS they will have these scores?
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
She has been great!
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
he is your darling little boy-the same child before you found out his results.Please don't treat him like there is something wrong with him-children can feel that.And make sure you don't treat him in a way that will change his behavior-self-fulfilling prophecy?(sorry if I make mistakes,English is not my first language).There is a lot of pressure on this children nowadays.I agree with a good public school(move/rent if you have to).Try to find out the areas where he did less well-if speech,see a speech therapist a few times to find out how you can stimulate him etc.You did not fail him, it is just a test and expectations are too big at this age.OLSAT is a free test, you will get some more feed back from those results.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks for your kind words. You are right he is my darling boy and I love him. Warren Buffet was reject from Harvard Business School and Bill Gates and Matt Damon dropped out of Harvard. I have to keep this in perspective.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Matt Damon is quite nice, but not that smart
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Smart enought to get into Harvard. So he can't be that dumb considering he is a white male.
[ Reply | Options ]11.06.09, 12:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
if you think the scores are not correct and you can afford it, have him privately tested. if you go back and do ERB again, they must report scores. if the private tester does it, you can send them to schools if he does better and, if he does the same, chuck them. these tests are nothing more than an indication. If he's bright, he's bright. It just sucks for you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i think that this is good advice. heave him tested privately. if the scores are radically different, you can certainly send them to the schools this year. if they aren't, you will have to sit down and figure out an alternate plan. of course he could transfer into a private school later (these scores will not follow him). but you need to worry about right now. if the montessori has been as good for him as you say, there is no reason not to keep him there for a few years. my friend's son was a very smart boy with a bad erb. they didn't get in anywhere and ended up in westchester where he is thriving. i am not telling you to move out of the city. i am just saying that there are many options other than a nyc private school. you just need to re-focus your efforts now. good luck to you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.06.09, 07:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thank you for your kind words/
[ Reply | Options ]11.06.09, 12:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am glad you read them in the kind tone they were written (ub posts are sometimes hard to interpret because there is no "tone". Seriously, though, I feel for you because I watched my friend go through it and it was very difficult to watch her stress and suffering ( it hurts to have your wonderful child rejected by people who really know very little about him/her). Having said that, I am a big believer in always having a plan b (and c and d if possible). It sounds like you have a few options to consider. And that is a very good thing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.06.09, 01:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
DS got 50 x 3. I was so new to NYC that I thought that meant he was perfectly on track, which he is. Test score does not shake my faith in him or the environment that his 2 PhD parents provide for him. We only applied to a few privates; rejected at a very tough one, rejected at his sib's school, accepted where we had a strong connection (not sure if they saw ERB score).
[ Reply | Options ]11.06.09, 03:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am glad to hear that. I am sure that your son will grow up to be a wonderful person and it is a testament to how you and your husband raised him. I feel better when people are honest and supportive. I had felt so isolated and cried for 3 days. Thanks again.
[ Reply | Options ]11.07.09, 01:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] CVS or Amnio? 16 replies
- np Higher risk of miscarriage with CVS, fwiw....
Talk : : November 05, 2009
-
Amnio. How old?
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I didn't have either at 32 or 37. Nor did my friend at 37, 39 or 41. I'm ttc at 41, and will likely have amnio this time around. Really depends on whether you could handle knowingly having an SN child, I guess.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Nuchal at 34. CVS at 36.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Do the nuchal first. then decide.
[ Reply | Options ]11.06.09, 07:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree!
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I had an amnio. It was not a big deal.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]3 amnios. better to be certain.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 05:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm 39. Wondering which is less painful. Amnio for my last one hurt like crazy. (I was 36)
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np Higher risk of miscarriage with CVS, fwiw.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]isn't this based on out of date stats? If you're in NYC & go to Stone/Edleman I believe that the chances are =
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i had CVS at 41 and it was practically painless
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np 41 and ttc. Was all well?
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes!!! (sorry for the late response)
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^ baby is great. CVS was great comfort, and everything else fine, too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Depends on what you will do with the results.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 11:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]cvs - the earlier you know the better IMO.
[ Reply | Options ]11.09.09, 10:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I am 46 and just found out I'm pg with baby #4!! WWYD? 19 replies
- very amazing to get pregnant at 46 with your own eggs. i would wait to tell people until after amnio. not to be a downer, but risk of miscarriage is very high at our age. oh, and did you know that women who conceive/have baby late in life live longer? shows your body is aging slowly. congrats!...
Talk : : November 04, 2009
I am 46 and just found out I'm pg with baby #4!! WWYD?
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.04.09, 07:24 PM [ Flag ]congratulations be happy and take it easy!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Your older kids are going to be so much helpful than you think (Mom of 10,8,5 &2)
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Congratulations. Count your blessings.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np ita
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i think i'd be really depressed. as a sahm with a workaholic husband, no way would i want to go thru it all by myself again for a 3rd time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How old are your other kids? How far along are you?
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]7, 5 and 3. i'm about 8 weeks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Planned?
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]not at all. using bc (contraceptive film), but not consistently.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, given how young your other kids are, it actually could work out nicely for you (7 year old can babysit in 4-5 years)! Congrats and hoping everything works out for you. What was DH's response?
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]He was very surprised at first, but happy. he always wanted a gaggle of kids.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: I thought you were going to say your youngest is 16. I would celebrate- that's wonderful news! The 4th is a walk in the park.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Congrats! My grandmother was 47 when my mother was born - she was #9 (though only #6 to make it past infancy).
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks. I never expected to be fertile in my late 40s.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Congratulations!
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]very amazing to get pregnant at 46 with your own eggs. i would wait to tell people until after amnio. not to be a downer, but risk of miscarriage is very high at our age. oh, and did you know that women who conceive/have baby late in life live longer? shows your body is aging slowly. congrats!
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yeah, I know I'm at a high risk for miscarraige. Will definitely keep quiet until after amnio (or may do CVS since I can do it earlier). Didn't know that women who conceive late in life live longer. That's good news!
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 07:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]GL! Don't forget to do the nuchal too, at 12 weeks...
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 08:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]if she is planning on doing CVS there is no reason to do nuchal-
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Looking for some reassurance...had a cvs last week. All is fine with the baby. The ... 19 replies
- yes, next wednesday. i feel like i have no perspective. ob (who i had never met, b/c i actually was just there for a follow up ultrasound and wasn't even supposed to be seeing ob) said that he estimated about 15-20% incidence of miscarriage, and that it could lead to pre-term labor or small baby. i'm 13 weeks now....
Talk : : November 04, 2009
Looking for some reassurance...had a cvs last week. All is fine with the baby. The day of the CVS had bleeding and the next day had an ultrasound and OB said i had a hematoma. Went for follow up today (10 days post CVS) and hematoma grew from 4 cm to 7 cm. No bleeding now though. He said this is a relatively common thing, but there is a chance of miscarriage. Anyone have any experiences to share? Also, a little freaked out by the size...
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.04.09, 11:29 AM [ Flag ]Dear friend just went through this with the hematoma. She began bleeding and all thought she was losing the baby, but it turned out the bleeding was due to the hematoma. She was on bedrest for about 6 weeks, and is now progressing fine with her pregnancy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 11:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]similar experience with a friend. She went to the hospital with bleeding and all worried that she would miscarry, but all was fine in the end. She was only on bedrest for a couple of weeks
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 11:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op here, my ob told me just to take it easy, no hard core excercise, etc, but didn't put me on bed rest.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 11:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, take it easy and rest as much as you can for awhile.. There's a great chance that things will be fine. GL!
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 11:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I had a hematoma, was on bedrest for 3 weeks, and delivered a healthy baby. Take it easy and see what doc says.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 11:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]How big was yours? Mine's 7cm which sounds much larger than what I've read on other "hematoma" posts.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 11:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It was about 4 cm. What did your doc say to do?
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 12:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]just to take it easy -- no strenuous exercise, but that was it. I'm kind of freaking out. It went from 4cm to 7cm in a week.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 12:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It also depends on the placement of the hematoma. In addition, my doc (RE) was european trained and he said that he was trained to be more cautious (while my OB who is American trained) said not to do bed rest. Do you have an appt to measure it again? If so, when?
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 12:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes, next wednesday. i feel like i have no perspective. ob (who i had never met, b/c i actually was just there for a follow up ultrasound and wasn't even supposed to be seeing ob) said that he estimated about 15-20% incidence of miscarriage, and that it could lead to pre-term labor or small baby. i'm 13 weeks now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i should add, that i'm debating calling my primary ob, who i have a relationship with, but feel kind of like a baby about it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 12:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]call, call, call. Who cares as long as you feel good about your baby! Seriously, call!
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Also, I got the same info and DS was 10 lbs 4 oz, 39 weeks and very healthy. I hope things will be okay for you. Keep me updated!
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 12:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks!
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 12:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
hematoma is lower placenta, or something like that. what does that mean?
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 12:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Where is the fetus in relation to the hematoma and size relative to hematoma?
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 12:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]they didn't tell me, but on the ultrasound it looked like the baby was above it, with the hematoma under it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 12:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I would say that your uterus will probably absorb the hematoma or you will bleed a bit. Ask your ob but since your 13 weeks, you're probably safe. The size of the fetus should be larger than the hematoma at this point.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 12:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I was diagnosed with a 4cm hematoma after my nuchal. I was not put on bedrest at all - just told to take it easy. I am now at 25 weeks and still trying to take it easy, but I WOH and take care of my toddler.
[ Reply | Options ]11.04.09, 12:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Can somebody ease my mind? I am pregnant with my second child, 12 weeks. I am worried... 14 replies
- I think after you have a miscarriage, you can never really let yourself relax. But once you feel it moving, that really does help. And every pg is different, with #3 I did not realize I was pg until 3 mos gone. No symptoms at all, kept getting spotting at around...
Talk : : November 02, 2009
Can somebody ease my mind? I am pregnant with my second child, 12 weeks. I am worried because I just don't feel pregnant. I guess I am fatigued, but with my first child, I was sick each and every morning and had terrible heartburn every day. With this one I just feel more tired than usual. I guess I am prone to worry because it took so long to conceive and I've already had one (very early) miscarriage. I want things to work out! Anybody out there that had pregnancies that felt totally different?
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.02.09, 03:21 PM [ Flag ]I think it is pretty common for pregnancies to be experienced differently (baby to baby and woman to woman) and be just fine. Plus, this being your 2nd, your perception has to be different as well. You can't shouldn't compare one to one (looking for issues), just as you shouldn't compare DC1 to DC2 in a competitive way! GL!
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 03:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks--I'll try to stop comparing. I am a worrier by nature! During the first pregnancy, I was worried BECAUSE i felt sick all the time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 03:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You and I are having completely reversed experiences, but I can tell you my first one was a breeze and he was completely healthy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 03:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks!
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 03:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh, and I've had mcs too, so I know the worry. But the fact that you're at 12 wks is great.
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 03:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
mine were actually very similar even though one was twins and one was singleton, but it is not unusual to have totally different pregnancies. many people have different pregnancies even having the same gender kids. I had very bad m/s the first time and hoped I wouldn't the second, but that wasn't the case. good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 03:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]sorry that you had bad m/s both times. it doesn't seem fair!
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 03:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
With my first, I had a textbook pregnancy--morning sickness, tender breasts, fatigue and all. With my second I was 10 weeks along before I even realized that I was pregnant. Enjoy not feeling ill--there will be plenty of time to feel tired in the 3rd trimester!
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 03:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks, it is really nice to hear that from someone else. I guess i should not be complaining about NOT getting m/s!
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 03:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Yes, I have. The question is have you been to the dr lately? I rented a fetal heart monitor after an unhappy experience and anytime I felt anxious (before fetal movement beagan) I listened to the heartbeat :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 05:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes, doc says everything looks fine so far. i'm just a worrier--i'm sure i will feel better once i can feel the baby moving, as you said! i wonder if a fetal heart monitor would soothe my mind or whether i would do it compulsively. it sounds like it worked well for you--did you get one from the hospital?
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 05:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think after you have a miscarriage, you can never really let yourself relax. But once you feel it moving, that really does help. And every pg is different, with #3 I did not realize I was pg until 3 mos gone. No symptoms at all, kept getting spotting at around time of period.
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 05:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]After two mc's, I was only sick once I'm my third pregnancy. No nausea at all and DS is aslleep in his crib right now. GL!
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 05:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks!
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 05:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Subscribe to our newsletters!
Go »
Inside UrbanBaby
UrbanBabyBuzz
Flash back to physics class a few decades ago. Newton’s third law of motion states, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” The same can be said of parenting philosophies. “The Case Against Over- ...
More »
UrbanBabyNewYork
Preview artwork from NYC/New Orleans artist and children’s book author Alex Beard. Take in the three bears marionette puppets going multicultural for the holidays (no strings attached). Hit the ice. Or get lucky … fashion-wise. (What ...
More »
UrbanBabySanFrancisco
Dance, sing, listen, or tinker, the holiday season is upon us.
11th Annual San Francisco Hip Hop
A grand total of 22 hip hop dance companies to blow your mind.
When: Program A, Fri., 11/20, 8pm & Sun., 11/22, 2pm; Program B, Sat., 1 ...
More »
