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[+] Ideas; Advice. My 5 year old brother (yeah, I'm 27 years old, big gap, etc..) was rec... 16 replies
- np: not a big gap if it's same dad, different moms. also not big for mom in two marriages 21yo and 43yo for example. I know people in both situations....
Talk : : November 20, 2009
Ideas; Advice. My 5 year old brother (yeah, I'm 27 years old, big gap, etc..) was recommended for a vanguard program going into 1st grade. He is taking the Stanford test in January...what score should I/we be expecting? I WILL be raising this kid in 15 years, so I want to knowwhat I'm in for. TIA!
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 08:11 PM [ Flag ]-
G&T program
[ Reply | Options ]11.21.09, 05:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You'll be raising him when he's 20?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op is assuming parents will be dead by then
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yeah but he is grown up by the time that happens. It's not as if you actually raise a 20 year old boy, he's already grown. She probably should have been clearer in her statement.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]maybe she mistyped and meant will be raising this kid FOR 15 years
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
How old when your parents when they had you....and him? Sorry but it seems like such a HUGE gap.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: not a big gap if it's same dad, different moms. also not big for mom in two marriages 21yo and 43yo for example. I know people in both situations.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yeah, it is is huge...but true. my dad was 37 when I was born and then 20 years later had 2 more kids with his second wife.
[ Reply | Options ]11.21.09, 05:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^I'm the OP
[ Reply | Options ]11.21.09, 05:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np So why will YOU be raising him "in 15 years"? Presumably his mother isn't 50 yet...
[ Reply | Options ]11.21.09, 05:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes, she is past 50.
[ Reply | Options ]11.21.09, 06:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OP here: Yes, I will be very involoved in his upbringing all the way through college.
[ Reply | Options ]11.21.09, 05:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You're a good sister.
[ Reply | Options ]11.21.09, 06:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thank you!
[ Reply | Options ]11.21.09, 06:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OP again: also I have another brother who is 7 and is sn and will need lots of help. its very complicated, and can be very stressing when looking into my future.
[ Reply | Options ]11.21.09, 06:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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[+] I did the post asking what you are most proud of, thinking of a big accomplishment th... 12 replies
- Said really hurtful things to my dh early on in our marriage that still affect us today. I wish I would have kept my mouth shut about past relationships. I think he still resents things I've said....
Talk : : November 20, 2009
I did the post asking what you are most proud of, thinking of a big accomplishment that you worked hard to achieve. Now the opposite question: what single thing did you do as an adult/parent that you most regret or are most ashamed of? Some one thing you could go back and get a "redo" on if it were possible?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 06:48 PM [ Flag ]totally lose it with my ds when he was about two and would run around the apartment until 11 p.m. against all eefforts to put him down
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]used my boyfriends amex to pay for my ivf :0 presto twins
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Cool. I would have put that in the accomplishments post, not the regrets/do-overs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what would you have done differently?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Losing my temper with my kids. On a couple of occasions, I really blew it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Said really hurtful things to my dh early on in our marriage that still affect us today. I wish I would have kept my mouth shut about past relationships. I think he still resents things I've said.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wow - what did you say???
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
trying to "ferberize" dc
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ferberizing dc was one of the best things we did
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Accidentally tipping db out of stroller. I still hear that thunk noise.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Keeping a babysitter I knew was subpar longer than I should have. She subsequently lost my dc at the park. Luckily my dc made it home alone, safe, but it was so awful.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'm not a parent, but the two bad things i did were ruin my gpa by working too much. i didn't save any money like i should have, and it was not worth the drop in GPA. with my 2.7, I am having a really hard time applying to any grad school, even conditionally. I have a 1400 GRE score but everyone looks at my GPA. I'm unemployed, and I can't even get a job as a grocery store bagger...sometimes I wish I chose a more 'vocational' field. I don't really care about being 'well rounded' when I don't have money to pursue any interests at all
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Off the "DIVORCE" post what is the worst divorce you have ever heard? Me: childhood s... 19 replies
- couple had to live bi-coastal for work reasons at the beginning of the marriage (ny/la) but they spent every weekend together. Went on for a few months. After a vacation in HI the wife gets a call from sister saying we can't keep this from you any longer but it seems dh is leading a double life...
Talk : : November 20, 2009
Off the "DIVORCE" post what is the worst divorce you have ever heard? Me: childhood sweethearts, DH takes off with make BFF, yes he was gay.
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 01:31 PM [ Flag ]Friends parents divorced after 25 or 30 years of marriage. The day after the divorce was final the father married the mother's bf. Literally the very next day. The mother had no idea they were involved until that day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]gossip
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]couple had to live bi-coastal for work reasons at the beginning of the marriage (ny/la) but they spent every weekend together. Went on for a few months. After a vacation in HI the wife gets a call from sister saying we can't keep this from you any longer but it seems dh is leading a double life with a totally different woman.... it was heart breaking
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OMG
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I know it was terrible. Her parents even knew, the dh was taking the other woman all over town
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
a coworker got married for the first time long before I knew her. on the honeymoon her husband tells her he "thinks" he's gay. why couldn't have said it the day before? Happy ending, she's now married to a great guy and really doing well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]dh is an alcoholic screw-up. dw loves him but can't stand living with him anymore and he won't get help. she tells him she wants a divorce, doesn't want anything from him (he comes from a wealthy family), feels terrible. things didn't work out, but she didn't blame him. a few weeks later, she finds he has moved in with a girlfriend she did not know about, a girlfriend he knocked up and has been keeping secret! he lets this woman watch their child during his visits! and this woman is TRASHY. when she answers the phone, won't let dw speak with her own son, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]DH told on his honeymoon that DW made the wrong decision and wants out. Get divorced, she gets the house. He remarries and 3 months later DW2 tells him she's a lesbian and her partner moves into the house, DH moves to the basement, eventually they too get divorced. Not making this up.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]awful!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have a friend, a GF, who has been divorced 2 times both times married to dysfunctional men didn't last more than a year
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
DF was pregnant w/ # 3. Dh suggested that they sell their home to buy a bigger one, dh sells house and than backs out of new home purchase. Moves family into a dumpy rental tells dw that he is sleeping with her bf and wants a divorce. Df miscarries #3. Dh cancels all credit cards AND turns off the electricity on his own dcs. Dh (who makes over 2 million a year) hides assets and leaves the country.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh, so sad. That is awful.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Moral of the story: Don’t allow DH no matter how financially savvy to have complete control of finances. Dw allowed him to do everything and even gave him POA at their house closing. Nothing was in her name.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]My ex dh left me when I was pg for someone else, but at least I had the comfort of beautiful new baby. Poor woman. So, so, sad.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That is so awful. I once knew a guy at work who was cheating w/ an office mate while dw was pregnant. Everytime I got within inches of either of them my skin would crawl and I was in my early 20's. Some people should never get married.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Read "Heartburn" by Nora Ephron is you never have--painful but very, very funny, thinly-fictionalized story of the same thing...
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Friend of my mothers find out her dh has another family, living close by (thought he commuted for work) with 2 dd's same age as hers. Had been going on for 10 years. He left her for other 'wife'. He had no money (she had always worked)
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 03:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]My aunts husband ran off with her daughter (his stepdaughter), way before someone famous did the same thing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 04:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]wow...horrible...i can imagine a stepdad being into his stepdaughter, but the idea of the stepdaughter reciprocating the affections and not thinking about hurting her own mom really saddens me. Mom must feel so pained looking at her daughter now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] DIVORCE: Just read a post that said that divorced women are threats to other women AN... 21 replies
- Why is any woman a threat to you and your marriage if it is so wonderful that you pity people who don't have it?...
- no one has everything, so while you can feel bad for someone that his/her marriage didn't work out (which is a sad thing) it's very paternalistic to think that you are being envied...
Talk : : November 20, 2009
DIVORCE: Just read a post that said that divorced women are threats to other women AND that divorced women are pitied by their female friends. Wanted to take a poll, I have two divorced friends and I don't feel either way. Do you divorced friends? Do you pity or feel threatened by them?
21 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 12:56 PM [ Flag ]this is absurd. i was a divorcee and i am sure the answer to both were no.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]divorced women are single and therefore as much a threat as a never married woman. maybe more if the divorcee really wants to be a married woman. and if its assumed or known that she had an affair while married that would be seen as a threat. pity is a strong word but don't you feel a little bad for any friends who don't have what you have and would like to?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why is any woman a threat to you and your marriage if it is so wonderful that you pity people who don't have it?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no woman is a threat to me. I simply stated that they are as much of a threat as single women. For married women who view singles as a threat they'd also view divorcees as a threat.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ I also don't pity unmarried people. I was just trying to find reasons why OP's stats could be true.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
no one has everything, so while you can feel bad for someone that his/her marriage didn't work out (which is a sad thing) it's very paternalistic to think that you are being envied
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what if you have a friend who has said "I would like to have a husband and a family like yours someday". I don't think she envies me, I do feel a bit sad that she hasn't gotten what she says she wants.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have said that to friends of mine who envy me for being single, when actually I don't want their lives at all but just to make them feel better. I think everyone does this. Friends tell me they envy me when I feel low that day, it is what friends do. I like to think we are all choosing lives that improve the past whatever that was.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]of course, you want your friend to be happy...but pitying her would be different...probably, the only people i'd pity would be people stuck in a terrible marriage...being single certainly isn't pathetic
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]exactly, that's why I said "pity is a stong word but ..."
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
wouldn't it be nice if women stopped viewing other women as "threats" to anything? it's so pathetic and useless.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I really can't consider anyone a threat because they are divorced that seems ridiculous to me. I will admit to feeling something, not pity, but something for divorced women with children. Not pity but just .... a wonder why they didn't keep it together. I am sure people might like to flame away for that but that is how I feel.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]... I should say I feel the same for those divorced men -not just the ladies!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well people are different and their situations are different. I am divorced and decided to leave because of things that you might be able to look beyond. Or maybe what I dealt with was far more insidious than you could ever imagine having to deal with.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I totally hear you. I am sure everyone has their good reasons that are right for them and their family. I guess it just makes me think about my relationship and my family?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]of course, hear you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
if a friend of mine divorced because she was dealing with something far more insidious that I could ever imagine, I would have sympathy for her. Not because she got divorced but for having to go through the pain to get there. I realize people can be better because of overcoming the hardship but getting there can be hard.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It depends on the friend. I do worry about one of my friends who recently divorced. She is desperately unhappy, really wanted kids, and divorced her husband because she didn't feel fulfilled (no counseling attempts). Now she is more lonely than ever! But for other friends, it was the right choice and they feel better. I don't pity or feel threatened for people who are divorced. I guess I feel sympathetic for single moms (divorced or not) because I feel like they have the hardest job in the world! Props to them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You worry about her, or you worry about her with your DH?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I feel sorry for them (regardless of whether they are male or female). Divorce is never simple and 'over' when you have kids.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have 3 dear friends (2 "divorcing", 1 "divorved) with a DC. I feel sympathy for them because it's tough. But also very proud of them for making the tough choice and doing what they feel is right for them and dc for their future.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] my friend got caught having an affair. pain to her dh, her child etc is enormous. not... 34 replies
- from kids may seem its vital to keeping a marriage together...
- , you all have a pretty cynical view of marriage! Most of the guys in my family, my male...Including the ones in finance! I don't think marriage is easy for anyone, but a lot of people...picture in a fulfilling life or a happy marriage...
- long hours and talk about lots of things. Marriage problems definitely come up, but like the women I...
Talk : : November 20, 2009
my friend got caught having an affair. pain to her dh, her child etc is enormous. not that she doesnt deserve blame/ridicule. but kills me that the guy gets away with it while her life falls apart.
34 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 11:53 AM [ Flag ]how is it in any way his fault?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]the other guy? he had an affair too. yet his family stays intact.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]eyeroll please. blame god while you're at it - sheeesh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]eyeroll? you dont think it sucks that she suffers what TWO people were complicit in? are you a man? or have you gotten away with an affair to?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]do you think that will help your friend or her husband?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]the other guy was lucky that he got away. but that's a separate issue. she cheated and she should have thought about the consequences before...
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 03:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You think his wife is any happier than your friend's husband? 2 married people having an affair means 2 families are at risk.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]his wife doesnt know. and while i doubt shes happy shes definitely not in the pain my friends dh is
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]and the second she learns the truth, she'll be as miserable as every other person with a cheating spouse.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
what happened that her life fell apart? He kicked her out or soemthing?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]nothing will be the same. dh is staying but is angry and distant. she remains unhappy. whole thing is bad. affair wasnt an answer. but this is bad.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If no one can get over it it will never be fixed tell you friend to leave. There IS life after divorce you know. Why are people esp. women so afraid of divorce?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]gt question. i think my friend was hoping the affair wd make her dh see how miserable she was. it only served to make them both so- i think she should leave.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]because no one likes divorced women w/kids. men don't like dating them. and women see them as threats to their own marriages.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Well that should answer many women's question about what to do if they catch dh has an affair. Apparently consensus seems majority of men won't forgive. Why should women?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i think women tend to look the other way far more than men do. i cant believe the number of women i know who admit they think their dh has had affairs but they like their life and so they stay silent.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Women fear divorce, men revel in it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]so true. I work at a hedge fund and over heard a cpl partners talking about another analyst getting divorced. youd think the guy won lotto. they were green with envy
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Of course, for men getting married is losing the race for women its winning it. Men would love another shot to race the horses.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]whats funny is that they ALL have the same complaint- they feel like their wives chased them- wooed them and as soon as they got them they do nothing. you know things are bad when these guys say "i dont care about the money i just want out".
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am a lawyer, 80% of the men want out but every year they hold off to see where they can put their money or if they can shift it somewhere during a year they make a small bonus. Sad.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]really sad. have to say the whole thing- and listening to these guys makes me realize that as silly as date nights and time away from kids may seem its vital to keeping a marriage together
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: Wow, you all have a pretty cynical view of marriage! Most of the guys in my family, my male friends, and the men I work with are pretty happy in their marriages. Including the ones in finance! I don't think marriage is easy for anyone, but a lot of people really value companionship and love their families. I don't understand this wives chasing men and then doing nothing thing... I guess among my friends, both members of the couple work and help take care of the kids, so nobody is "doing nothing."
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sounds like you aren't friends with a lot of your male coworkers then. And male family members are not going to tell you how unhappy they are. No cynical, realistic.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, friends with a lot of male coworkers. And we work long hours and talk about lots of things. Marriage problems definitely come up, but like the women I work with, in most cases men want to work on the problems and stay in the relationships they are in. To assume that most men are just biding their time until they can bolt seems unrealistic to me!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]everyone likes being in a happy marriage. it's staying/ending a bad one that's the issue. when spouse becomes a diff person from the one you thought you were marrying, that's the problem.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
maybe that's b/c sexual fidelity isn't the entire picture in a fulfilling life or a happy marriage
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
some people get caught...some don't...your reaction is absurd
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]when two people do something wrong it seems unfair that only one suffers. how is that absurd?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]b/c fairness has nothing to do with this...she got caught & suffers the consequences...she wasn't forced to have the affair...are you saying that you want everyone who has ever cheated to get caught so families everywhere are ruined just b/c that's what happened to your friend?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes. i want everyone everywhere to suffer. good god. this man pursued a woman who was lonely and sad and took what he wanted and fled when things were found out. im allowed to want HIM to deal as she has to.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]so your friend is a victim...i see
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ITA... I understand that the woman was OPs friend but OP has an incredibly skewed perspective on this. It's terrible that her friend's husband and DC are dealing with this. But wishing the same on the male adulterer's wife/kids in the spirit of "fairness" is just hateful.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Either the fakest post or pointless anyway BUT i can't resist: OP,The man isn't married to her family or mother to her children. The saddest part of such stupid betrayal is how the 'other person' is simply highlighted as NOT being part of THEIR life. The guy/man/other/doesn't play into the ugliest problems.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I am in a bit of a slump emotionally - About to turn 41, have reached a point where I... 4 replies
Talk : : November 20, 2009
I am in a bit of a slump emotionally - About to turn 41, have reached a point where I just prefer to be by myself (or dh and kids). Just don't have the energy to invest much in my friendships since the often disappoint me - or I them. Still outwardly very friendly and social just much more reserved than I ever have been - even at work. Feel like I need to do something to make my life better even though for the most part my marriage and life with my kids is about as good as it gets.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 09:18 AM [ Flag ]I understand and feel the same way. I just try to focus on what I have and put the energy I have into them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have been feeling that way a lot on and off lately. Less often when I get more sleep. I look at friends who have children who are a littleolder and somewhat less high-maintenance and see that they have more balance in their lives, so I keep telling myself that it will pass. It's hard to be down.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You can make your life better in different ways, volunteering, expanding your cultural horizons etc. These things don't need to be social. I use to love volunteering because no one gave a crap about asking me about MY life. I didn't have to make an effort beyond listening to their issues.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I go through cycles of feeling this way. I think it is normal. What about starting a new exercise routine or signing up to do a race for the cure or something?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Anyone see RHOOC last night? Did you see the new housewife's ring?? It was ridiculo... 8 replies
- ehh--I thought she seemed cool. And didn't find him controlling--they seem to have a mutual thing worked out and I didn't find it crazy that he didn't want her parading her around in lingerie. I founf the "God first, then marriage, then kids" a little odd, but it seems to work for them. Two nannies though--holy cow. Still, anyone who seems willing to put Ficki and Scamra in their place has my vote....
Talk : : November 20, 2009
Anyone see RHOOC last night? Did you see the new housewife's ring?? It was ridiculously huge.
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 08:23 AM [ Flag ]why else would she marry just an ugly controlling man ;p
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]especially when she's only 32 y/o!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]she looks 42
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]haven't seen yet (tivo tonight) but no way is that woman 32??? She looks 40 at least
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
not so pretty herself.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita. The duck bill lips and way overdone boobs are vulgar.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
18 c's.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ehh--I thought she seemed cool. And didn't find him controlling--they seem to have a mutual thing worked out and I didn't find it crazy that he didn't want her parading her around in lingerie. I founf the "God first, then marriage, then kids" a little odd, but it seems to work for them. Two nannies though--holy cow. Still, anyone who seems willing to put Ficki and Scamra in their place has my vote.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Am I being too sensitive? I turned 40 December of last year and dh asked me if I wan... 14 replies
- you want, and you get your party. By keeping score this way, you do your marriage no favors....
- Parties are over-rated. It sounds like your marriage could use a boost, why don't you put that anger (and $$) towards a...for sure, but the point is he asked and I accepted. I agree that our marriage could use a boost, and perhaps I'm using this "forgotten" party thing as...
Talk : : November 20, 2009
Am I being too sensitive? I turned 40 December of last year and dh asked me if I wanted a party (I threw him one for his 40th). My initial reaction was no, but then I decided, hey! that sounds like fun. My birthday came and went and no party, so I figured he was waiting until all the holiday season madness was over. Well, Jan/Feb/March also came and went and no party, so I started to think he forgot. He never mentioned it again so I asked in the spring if he was planning the party and he kind of blew it off. Now, my bday is approaching again and each day I get angrier that he never planned the party. He is a procrastinator, and perhaps he thought I would say no, but he asked and I accepted and then no party??? He also went overboard on my Christmas gifts last year, so in hindsight, I think that was his way of "making up" for not doing the party, but he never acknowledged it this way and I'm extremely hurt by it. I'm also very angry about it and feel like it's a slap in the face from someone I think is selfish, so having trouble letting it go...
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 07:26 AM [ Flag ]You said no, didn't you? Or did you tell him you changed your mind?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I initially said no, but later that same day said yes. He knew I changed my mind because we talked about how to get my wide-spread family together.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
If you really wanted the party, you should have reinforced this, checked in with him about it around the time of your birthday (and been clear about what you wanted him to do). Yes, sure, it would have been great if he'd thrown you a surprise party all on his own, and he should NOT have blown it off (though by dropping it yourself you possibly gave a mixed message) but you are also at fault for holding on to this and playing the blame game, instead of gently making sure it happened. If you want a party this year, talk to him about it early, maybe even help him. That way, he gets to help you get want you want, and you get your party. By keeping score this way, you do your marriage no favors.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I did. See my response above -- we discussed the logistics and I left it to him. I asked him if he needed help and he said no.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think it's OK to be hurt that he wouldn't just do it, but it also sounds like you were sort of expecting him to fail and setting him up to do so. Did you give him a list of people you would want there or any ideas as to type of party or venue, or did you just keep quiet? If you were providing helpful hints/guidance and he still blew it off then he is just an ass not an ass with a wife who wanted to confirm her DH is ass.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It is the latter: he is just an ass. I told him to have it at our place with catering as opposed to an outside venue.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^meant it is the former.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Figured that out - sorry your dh is an ass. Have you ever told him that you were/are pissed?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, I have mentioned it several times since it became evident no party was forthcoming and he has no excuses or reasons why it never happened. I honestly think he just thought the idea would go away if enough time passed. My mom is shocked and appalled (of course!) that he asked me if I wanted a party and then never planned it. I truly believe he only asked because he thought I would say no, but if that's the case, why didn't he do something else that was special for my 40th? We did nothing, by the way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Parties are over-rated. It sounds like your marriage could use a boost, why don't you put that anger (and $$) towards a trip away for the two of you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Parties can be over-rated for sure, but the point is he asked and I accepted. I agree that our marriage could use a boost, and perhaps I'm using this "forgotten" party thing as an excuse to be angry with him, but he has a pattern of selfish behavior and I'm just really running out of patience here. I am not going to plan anything for the two of us because I really can't even stand to look at him these days!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: get it out on the table, as clearly as possible. let him know: a) you're hurt that he blew off the party; b) it's a bad sign that the two of you have not been able to address it for this long; c) apathy and passivity is not ok in the relationship -- if he wants out, then start taking steps; if he wants in, then it has to *get engaged*
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i can sympathize, op. my b-day came and went in august and not so much as a card, let alone a present. i told him exactly what i wanted (an aeron chair or similar-- i work from home and i'm tired of our crappy office chair), still nothing. it sucks, and it's hurtful. dh is an ass.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm sorry your dh didn't step up either. What's with them? Sheesh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] HELP! Married to non-practicing Jew. He and his immediate family have always celebrat... 55 replies
- Didn't you have this discussion before marriage?...
- that makes the majority of the decisions in our marriage/household (finance,travel,events), definitely not the subservient one. hence...aren't tolerant of the issues that an interfaith marriage brings and are advising him that the only way...mom. His fam is entirely comfortable with our interfaith marriage as he was raised non-observant & his family continues...
Talk : : November 19, 2009
HELP! Married to non-practicing Jew. He and his immediate family have always celebrated CHristmas. In recent years, dh has become more religious and has pronounced that he no longer wants to celebrate Christmas, doesn't want me or our kids to celebrate and doesn't want us to go to family's home for Chirstmas (my family is nondenominational and xmas isn't about jesus to us, just a family holiday without religious undertones. dh announced tonight that he refuses to go to my family and doesn't want me and dcs to go either.
55 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 08:08 PM [ Flag ]If it's important to you that you go, go. What to do with the dcs, that's a sticky issue. How have you agreed to raise them, ie, in what faith?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: i'm breastfeeding so no matter what the baby must be with me. i want all of us, including dh to be together. i have agreed going forward to raise kids in his faith but want one last year with my family traditions.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think the fact that he thinks by attending your family's house he's somehow rejecting his own beliefs. That's sort of a stretch and frankly, the mark of a man of immature faith. I am a devout Christian but went to temple with friend on high holy days. Is he afraid their Christianity is going to rub off on him or what??
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: good point about the immature faith and what is he afraid of. is it insulting for me to say that though?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I might not use the word immature but I think it's helpful for you to realize that's what his faith is. He sounds very threatened by the idea of Christmas with your family. And the fact you said this might be your last there, that sounds very fast. Faith should be about love and support and fellowship, not isolation. He also sounds somewhat controlling. I would ask him what he's afraid of and see what he says. GL.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Rather then immature I think it's more like developing. He can't expect you to be in lockstep with his process all along the way. He is finding his footing so he is reaching for things that could derail him and I guess his feelings now about his dcs. This is the reason why I am against Jews having xmas trees at all no matter what level the devotion. It just confuses the issue of faiths. That said, I think that he should go to your family's house with your whole family. After all, you entered into a two religion household when you got married and he can't just deny that now. But it's obviously something that is going to come up throughout the year so it needs to be dealt with but I don't think that it should be an all or nothing conversation right from the start.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: curious digression, or, if you are a devout christian, does that mean you observe sabbath and all the food restrictions. my brother went through a born-again christian phase and he said according to the bible, sabbath is sundown fri-sundown sat like jews, couldn't eat pork, shellfish, or fish without scales and no celebrating christmas as it is a pagan holiday.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no, don't do all that. Devout might have been an overstatement. Observant is probably better! Also, I've never heard all that before...sounds like one interpretation of the bible...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Your dh's increasing religious participation seems like something you two need to seriously discuss.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: we r discussing it and xmas is highlighting the chasm.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what if you are presenting it as just a family get together like Thanksgiving - it just happens to be when kids are out of school and you can take off from work so it is reasonable and convenient, nothing to do with going to church.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]tried that, but he objects to even gathering around a xmas tree, going to "christmas eve" party and having "christmas dinner." even though my family isn't religious, he thinks it is a smack to his jewish faith to celebrate xmas.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ok, he sounds really defensive and threatened....and sad actually. I feel sorry for him. Try to talk to him and see what this is really about. Someone else's Christmas tree is not a smack to his Jewish faith. That's just a fact. Try to help him figure out why he understands it that way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: i do think there are other things at play here. one being that i am a big personality and also the primary breadwinner. i think some of his actions are about taking more control in our relationship. for that reason i give in sometimes, just to let him feel like he has control over something, but jeez, it's christmas and family, how can he be against that?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]He can't. Trying to restrict your movements and restrict your access to family on a holiday is kind of frightening, if you ask me. And it's common for this kind of controlling behavior to come from insecure men. Try to address the issue head on with him instead of letting him make this about Christmas, which it's not.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it really is about religion though, even though control in the relationship is also at play, this wouldn't even be coming up if not for his newly observant religious beliefs. as for tackling the power dynamic head on...yeesh, i'm not sure i'm ready for that, or if it would be helpful or worth it question his "manhood"
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, if you don't want to make changes, you'll need to learn how to accept he status quo. It's one or the other. I think saying to him "what's this really about? Seems like a control issue to me, rather than being about Christmas" isn't that scary or aggressive. But then again, the fact you don't want to address this head in isn't surprising since domineering controlling men typically seek out compliant, subservient women. I wish you the best and think you should deal with this now, before it gets worse and your children see him treating you this way, restricting your access to your family, your practice of your faith, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op:you have clearly misread my posts. i'm the big personality breadwinner that makes the majority of the decisions in our marriage/household (finance,travel,events), definitely not the subservient one. hence i think his newly found religious observance is also a power play for him to control something in our relationship. we spend a lot of time with my family and i'm not religious so he's not restricting my faith. the main issue here is depriving me &dcs of visiting my fam for traditional xmas.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^more^ i'd like to get through the holidays before tackling any other elephants in the room, and fwiw, i've already asked "what is this really about
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^and he said its about religion.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My parents were Catholic and Jewish. We were raised Catholic but went to my grandmother's house for New Year's and Passover. We went to be with her and to know about my father's upbringing. There is room in a family for many ways to worship or even just celebrate in a non religious way. I think his intolerance is scary.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think it's wonderful that he is becoming more drawn towards Judaism; however, he will have to realize that going to your parent's home which like you say doesn't have religion incorporated into the family get together, is OK. He can still be Jewish and becoming more and more religious and still participate in a family dinner for the holiday of Christmas.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Your DH sounds like me. I have become more observant lately and we're not keeping a tree this year for the first time, but I am not forbidding my DH from visiting family. We're all going over on xmas day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]do you have dcs old enough to notice/care about not having a tree?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No, they are still young.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
op: well you are a reasonable person, and right now i wish i was married to you! my dh wants us all to be together, but wants to forbid me from going to family (out of town) and/or taking the kids. this is completely unacceptable to be, especially since i agreed to raise dcs jewish going forward. now i want to renege on that bc he's being such an intractable jerk. what should i do? the anxiety is killing me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Talk to his rabbi. Obviously if his dcs are going to be living in NYC they are going to be exposed to friends as well as family that are not jewish, he is going to have to learn, with you, a method of balancing his desire for following a stricter jewish faith and still living in this world.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]??? religious jewish mom here. Do you really think ANY rabbi is going to enforce this? gonna tell one of his congregants, "listen, you have to make your wife happy and celebrate christmas, this is a diverse city you live in, and you have to balance your desire for religiosity with the multiple religions in NYC?"??? You have got to be kidding me! I do kinda agree with others posters - he was non practicing and unafilliated when they got married - for him to suddenly change and do a 180 and NOW say xmas is unacceptable etc - is kindof unfair. but asking his rabbi for help is just...well really dumb and counterproductive.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 04:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: I think many rabbis would say that going to a relative's home to celebrate Christmas with them does not conflict with your own beliefs. I happen to think that Jews shouldn't have Christmas trees and other celebrations of Christmas in their homes, but should only celebrate Chanukah there, but I have no issues with going to in-laws with family and celebrating Christmas there because I make it clear to dcs that we are Jewish and celebrate Chanukah in our home, but can enjoy in-laws Christmas with them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Speaking to a rabbi isn't dumb. What is wrong with you? Speak to a reform rabbi - whom I am assuming he must be seeing since neither Orthodox nor Conservative rabbis are really keen on interfaith marriages. A reform rabbi will be able to mitigate the holiday season for him and you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Obviously, you two must sit down and calmly discuss this. It is acceptable to bring up your dc Jewish and to only celebrate jewish holidays in your home. However, you do have an extended family, and they are an important part of your life. You can explain to your dc about different religions. And you should ALL visit for holidays. You are a FAMILY. You belong together!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Many Jewish people are as "culturally" as "religiously" Jewish. You may want to dispassionately explain again, as you have, that Christmas is for your family a 'cultural' celebration. That it's another opportunity to have something great to look forward to and share as a family. I am Jewish, fairly conservative "religiously" but we love to help decorate our friends tree and would love to be invited to celebrate with them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would just tell him that nothing has changed, your family is nondenominational, and that you celebrate Christmas. Tell him there is no reason for him to come if he doesn't want to, and that you understand. But that you already have made plans to spend Christmas with your family and you won't be canceling now. We (DH and I) are Catholic and Jewish, and we take turns visiting our respective families and doing Christmas/Hannukah. When the kids get old enough, they can decide which religion they want to practice.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 04:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: I want to spend the holidays with my dh, dcs, my family and his at my family's home out of town, as we have done for several years. It is a 3+ hour drive and we usually stay for a few days to catch up with everyone, my siblings, cousins, friends (his friends too as he went to college in Boston where I'm from.) Am I supposed to just take the kids and leave for christmas without him?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]If he is being unreasonable :( You may not get exactly what you want. And if you do get him to go, will he just ruin everyone else's Christmas? I understand that splitting up for Christmas is not anyone's idea of a good time, but if you set a precedent for letting him control you and your family's celebrations, I think you have to expect more of the same every year.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
op: this morning is the first time in 6 years of marriage that dh has left for work without kissing me goodbye or even telling me he was leaving. and i slept on the couch (although it's not really that unusual since i'm nursing, but i usually get into bed with him after the 3am feeding). this is a mess.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Didn't you have this discussion before marriage?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]sort of, but as posted above, he wasn't as observant then.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm the one responding above telling you to address this with husband head on. I am so sorry that things are getting worse so rapidly. He is punishing you with this behavior. Withholding affection is another sign of emotional abuse. I am really sorry you are dealing with this. Is there a male friend of his who you could talk to and ask to speak with him?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 05:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np:emotional abuse? so anytime dh & i argue and don't make up right away, there is emotional abuse at play? i guess my dh is quite abused as i give him the silent treatment several times a year!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm considering talking to his mom or brother about this. we will be with his family for thanksgiving and i'm sure they will be asking/confirming our/their christmas plans.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think that's a great plan. Good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]that can be a double-edged sword if his new observance is separate from his own family. Before you talk to them, you have to know a few things for sure (a) does he look down on the lack of observance of his own family?; (b) are they 100% comfortable with your intermarriage?; (c) will he just be mad that you went behind his back to discuss your problem with his family?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Op: I am hesitant but considering speaking to his mom. His fam is entirely comfortable with our interfaith marriage as he was raised non-observant & his family continues to be. now that he is observant, he mY look down on their lack of observance but I'm not sure. I do worry it is wrong to go behind his back & speak to his mom but I have no one else to talk to that he might listen to.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, if you really think this is your last option to get to him. I'm very sorry that you're having to live with such a negative portrayal of Jewish observance. Do think about this though: if you take your DCs to your parents', it will ruin this Christmas, but it might also show him how wrong he's being if he has to miss out on all of it as well. In other words, lose this year's battle to win the war.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
op: thanks to everyone for weighing in. you gave me some good points to make with dh that i hadn't articulated before, and i plan on talking to his mom and/or brother over thanksgiving about it. I love when UB is helpful like this. thanks again.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]He really shouldn't be forbidding you from visiting your family on Christmas. That's controlling. If you're not on the same page about religion, that's an issue you will ned to work through, but I know plenty of practicing Jews with gentile IL's (when one spouse converted) who at least allow IL's to see dc's on Christmas and give them presents, even if nothing happens within the Jewish household.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is tricky. Talking to his rabbi might help, it will also help to know who is part of his newly found Jewish community. There are as many opinions on observance and the definition of Judaism as there are Jews, and this goes beyond the traditional four prongs of Judaism (Reconstructionist, Reform, Conservative, Orthodox.) I converted Orthodox, and my Rabbi is a very well-respected Orthodox rabbi who understands the problems related with mixed families. No one in my community would have said "don't go to your parents for Christmas". A big tenet of Judaism is respect for one's parents. However, to give you an example, another friend converted, and in her process, they had classes, one of which was on Christmas Day. The would-be converts were told they'd better show up to class, despite Christmas, or there would be consequences. So your DH might be learning from people who aren't tolerant of the issues that an interfaith marriage brings and are advising him that the only way to show his true faith is by renouncing your Christmas. He needs in that case to understand that this isn't an absolute truth, it's a few people's opinions and it's open to interpretation. I think that many Jews who have never been confronted to any other view than the one they've always been presented with have a hard time understanding that there isn't One Jewish Way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]his stance is bullshit...i think it's totally reasonable for you to present it this way: The kids and I are going to my parents (or wherever) for Christmas. I'm really looking forward to this traditional time with my family. I'm not going to make you come, but I will be very disappointed if you choose not to be part of our family for this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think the ultimatum and emotional frigidity coupled with the intolerance is the bigger issue than what you do this year on Christmas Day. Good Luck working this out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]whatever religious decisions your dh makes for himself, he can't force them on you or deprive you and your kids of normal activities with your family. You need to clear this up now before it becomes more serious.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why the drive to separate and to be apart? Is it really a divine urge? I don't think so.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]So you've agreed to raise DCs jewish going forward? It sounds to me like you and your DH have very different expectations about what this means as a practical matter. He seems to think it means you all will do your own thing as a family on Christmas; you seem to think it means DCs keep celebrating Christmas. To give your DH the benefit of the doubt (although he does sound inflexible) maybe he wants to set a clear message for the kids. If they're Jewish now, that could mean they go to the movies, have nuclear family time on Christmas -- to make it clear to them it's not their holiday. Not saying this is how it needs to be, it just sounds like this is DH's expectation since the DCs will be raised as Jews.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: i think you are right about what he wants in terms of our own family traditions but he also expects that if our parents,siblings want to see us during that time of year they must forgo their traditions to be with us and their grandkids. also i think that raising this a month before xmas is completely unfair. so if i want to see my parents, siblings, nieces, nephews then my parents should cancel xmas dinner, my sis should forgo their xmas eve party &everyone, or at least my parents, should come to nyc & not celebrate. that is unreasonable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
If it isn't about Jesus to anyone in the group, aren't you just spending a long weekend with your family? what's the problem with that?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I am a school teacher on the Westside. My husband works in finance. I have a huge cru... 7 replies
- So you are willing to risk your marriage for your dh's buddy who is a cop? Good luck with that. If you are so bold get a divorce. Cop and teacher=$$$$...
- Snap out of it!!! Why would you tell him? Do you want an affair? a divorce? to break up a friendship? Grow up. If your marriage isn't working, deal with that first....
Talk : : November 19, 2009
I am a school teacher on the Westside. My husband works in finance. I have a huge crush on his friend who is a cop. Do I tell the friend how I feel? Or is this an invitation?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 07:40 PM [ Flag ]Please tell me this is fake.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I hope so.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Get off mommy's computer dear. It's past your bedtime. You sound like my 19 year old sister, with less common sense.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Is what an invitation?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So you are willing to risk your marriage for your dh's buddy who is a cop? Good luck with that. If you are so bold get a divorce. Cop and teacher=$$$$
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]FAKE
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Snap out of it!!! Why would you tell him? Do you want an affair? a divorce? to break up a friendship? Grow up. If your marriage isn't working, deal with that first.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] your biggest health scare.. how did you deal? 10 replies
- Prior to marriage?...
Talk : : November 19, 2009
your biggest health scare.. how did you deal?
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 02:20 PM [ Flag ]Not mine, but DH's malignant melanoma when DC was 20 m/o. Life revolved around getting DH through treatment with minimal disruption to DB's life. Thankfully, she has 4 wonderful grandparents who were willing and able to take her for days at a time on no notice. There were a lot of tears and a lot of prayers. 4 years later, he's cancer free, but I am a nightmare about sunscreen on DD - she's as fair-skinned as he is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 03:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]HPV - it freaked the shit out of me to have an STD
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 03:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Prior to marriage?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 03:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 03:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me too...DH was my first. Got it from him, we split for awhile, but just felt like it wasn't fair to date anyone else after being tainted.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Hep C. Turned out to be a false positive.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 03:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]GD that OB thought was pre-existing type 2 as numbers at 3 hour glucose were SO elevated. Turned out there'd been a lab error; I didn't have GD, let alone type 2 diabetes. 6 weeks of hell.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 03:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have been relatively healthy. However, I have dealt with my father having been on life support for 12 years, with the first full year in the hospital and regular long stints thereafter. As well as 1 full year of my little brother in intensive care before dying. I become super vigilant, organized and in charge. I'm definitely someone you want on your team in a crisis. It will be interesting to see how I handle it when it's my own illness.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]mild-moderate scoliosis, malignant melanoma and HPV. Scoliosis never required surgery/brace, melanoma was caught early and HPV has been kept in check ( by the way, about 40% of the population is estimated to have HPV). I have always felt very fortunate!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]pheochromocytoma...thank GOD it was just a scare.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] do interracial couples get divorced? 76 replies
- don't understand. do you really think the act of marriage transforms the union of interracial couples but not couples belonging...
- She apparently think those of us in interracial marriages are "special," like having your own water fountain was...that's crap. I don't think interracial couples consider marriage more closely or have a stronger bond. My friend's...
- I'll bite. I am not in an inter-racial marriage perse, but in an inter-cultural marriage. I think for...
Talk : : November 19, 2009
do interracial couples get divorced?
76 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 12:58 PM [ Flag ]no, never.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm not even sure that it is legal for them to do so. I know there is a Supreme Court case that held they have a right to get married, but it didn't discuss divorce. Hmm.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have to research the case law in this... hmmm...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No need to research. Take my word for it -- it is odd, but true.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i didn't ask can they, but do they. i don't think so. i think their unions are stronger and thus last forever.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: are you serious? you realize that they are human, right? and what about all of the interracial couples that never get married, but have a kid and then break up? what about their unions?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]in the latter, they are not married so not part of my question.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i just don't understand. do you really think the act of marriage transforms the union of interracial couples but not couples belonging to the same race?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]She apparently think those of us in interracial marriages are "special," like having your own water fountain was special or something.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol, i think she is trying to be supportive in a strange, patronizing, insulting kind of way!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wait I thought she was kidding?! Oy
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
As half of a deliriously happy married interracial couple, I say: WTF??
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]do you know any interracial previously married couples that divorced?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: i do. there goes your theory!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: you realize this is a statistics thing, right? the number of interracial couples you know is probably way smaller than the number of same-race couples you know. so even if they have the same rate of divorce, you will know many fewer divorced interracial couples.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I know two couples that divorced, and one of them were interracial. God you'e so weird... and patronizing... and a little racist.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'm trying to picture who OP is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Rush's illegitimate cousin?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Same person who rushed up to me at a political event and said -- in a hushed voice -- "Did your parents accept [DH]"? I'm Chinese and DH is WASP.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
racist against whom? how can you say that?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: when you assume something of people, based on their race, it is racist. even when the stereotype is positive, it is racist. they are people, they are not defined by their race. interracial couples are human, with human flaws, just like any other sort of couple!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]never mind. and for your information i am in an interracial relationship
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Like saying blacks are good entertainers and athletes.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 03:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Because it assumes that interracial couples are "special" somehow. Like they're not like any other couple. Just because it's not a negative per se, doesn't mean it's not racist, since you're still making judgements and assumptions based on race.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it's not based on race, it's more based on circumstance or situation.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The situation based on race, yes.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think OP's question is idiotic but the people responding that it's racist to make assumptions of people based on just their race: how do you feel about affirmative action? Same assumption principles, isn't it?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm one of the posters (in an interracial marriage) who called the post racist. Yes, I feel that affirmative action is racist, too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thank you. That is awesome that you are so consistent. Few are.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
And what makes their union stronger?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i think because of what they will face they consider marriage much more closely and have a stronger bond.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]"What they will face"??? Come on, DH and I laugh at the minor things that do occasionally happen. Are you in the Deep South or something?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]or live in the 50s?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think that's crap. I don't think interracial couples consider marriage more closely or have a stronger bond. My friend's divorce just became final. She was in an interracial marriage. I am too, my marriage is fine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Umm - my BIL and former SIL were an interracial couple, and they got divorced.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Yes, left quite a pickle.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what about same-sex interracial couples, though? an even bigger conundrum.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I thought there was jurisprudence on them not being allowed to have children?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
what?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Never. Ever. The sex is always so hot.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That is why I have a mistress of another race. Has done wonders for my marriage.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]one of those hot Puerto Rican girls? Like Rosie Perez?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Gloria Estefan!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]puerto rican is not a race.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ah, yes. The fog of academic fatuity begins to roll in.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]nice turn of phrase
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thx.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
race is not a biologically valid construct anyway. so why can't puerto rican be a race?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]the same reason pencil or postit or tall is not a race. because that is not how we define race.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]well somebody defines puerto rican as a race, so why not?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 03:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]somebody who? I thought Puerto Rico was a steak!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
according to a judge in louisiana, almost every time
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]the responses to this post are hilarious. OP why in the world did you ask such dumb question?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]in all seriousness, the rate of divorce for interracial couples is actually lower than for couples of the same race.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ I'm in an interracial marriage, and I know that for us and for other couples I know, one thing that happens is that when you're dating because you're interrcial you just communicate on a different level and you take your relationship more seriously because you have to deal with some external and internal stuff that others don't necessarily have to deal with.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]many couples who are not in a biracial relationship take those relationships seriously.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes, but all things being equal, interracial couples are pretty forced to
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ pretty much forced to.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Do you seriously believe this? OK, I'm in an interracial marriage for the last 13 years and I can honestly say before we got married we didn't have any conversations about it. We just saw each other for who we are. It wasn't any big discussion with our families either. They both could care less what race we are, as long as we're happy. Now this might how something to do with the fact that both my husband and I had dated people of many different races before we got married so race was no thing to us.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ok well that's your experience but I assure you it's not the experience of most.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: I assure you it is. Another interracial gal here, together 12 years. Never talked about it. We love each other for who we are.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: Yet ANOTHER interracial wife of 7 yrs. Have never had to explicitly talk about it, and our respective families couldn't care less either. This ain't Georgia circa 1954.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You don't sound like you're in an interracial relationship at all. I think you're just trying to stir the pot. A rare consensus on UB! The only poster who seems to think it makes a difference is you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what internal stuff would you have to deal with? A person is a person. Why would you have to communicate on a different level?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you're nuts
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Please, post a link to the evidence.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I knew it!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
What a bizarre question. We are an interracial couple and we fight like nobody's business.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]"like nobody's business" I haven't heard that expression since my grandfather died.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]:)
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My friend in the product of an interracial couple and her husband is %100 AA. Even though she is not that smart they seem to have a good family life. They do live in east Harlem though and he wants to move to Jersey!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You win the award for nonsensical answer to nonsensical post.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It was an inside joke on a public forum. This entire thread is the most ridiculous one that has ever been on here.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]And that's really saying something. Although, I have to say, every time I see mass censensus on UB I assume FAKE.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'll bite. I am not in an inter-racial marriage perse, but in an inter-cultural marriage. I think for those that date and marry outside of their and their family's comfort zones, you have to really love the person to deal with all the surrounding noise. My wife was told that our marriage would never last because we aren't the same religion, and both my mother and grandmother flat out told me I shouldn't marry my wife. We are now in our 6th year of marriage with 2 lovely children
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]We are in our mid-30s and many of our friends/family/acquaintances are getting divorced. I guess the point is that a lot of people who marry others from very similar backgrounds may be doing so just to please family or take the easy road. Dating someone of another ethnicity/background/race takes a lot of guts, and marrying them even more so.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Dh is freaking me out. Wants to meet me for dinner tonight. He has some sort of "anno... 35 replies
- I agree. Can't be something bad or else he'd tell you at home. Marriage isn't like the "always fire someone in a public place" rule. In any event, GL and you must come back and tell us what the big news was...
Talk : : November 19, 2009
Dh is freaking me out. Wants to meet me for dinner tonight. He has some sort of "announcement" to make. Now I am worried. He said it is a good thing, though.
35 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 12:22 PM [ Flag ]why in the world would you be worried if he says it's a good thing?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. Are you guilty about something?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]sort of.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]or: now you have to tell us, you know.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No I don't.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you're no fun.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Nope - he said he didn't get a raise or bonus, and now that I asked him he feels bad.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i didn't get a raise or bonus either, if it makes him feel better. in fact, i haven't gotten a raise or bonus in several years, and am now doing the same work I've always done for 1/3 the salary. maybe that'll make him feel better?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It makes me feel better. I am doing 50% more job for the same money, and I thought that was bad. I hope you get a raise soon.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP here. I have annual reviews coming up. I always get lambasted at those and I always have no idea where it was coming from.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I just asked for a raise and came out of totally feeling like shit.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
exactly?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Promotion? Raise? Job offer? Bonus?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Divorce????
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Job transfer?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Keep us posted!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]He's pregnant?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]with another man's baby?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol - right that's what I said.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]he's gay
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]His lover is pregnant, no doubt.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
promotion, new job, you're moving to Paris, won the lottery...good luck. if he wants to meet you out it cant be bad news; he would do that at home so you could scream/cry in private.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Good point.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I agree with above poster - hopefully it is some great news about his job - GL!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]He quit his job to be a SAHD...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I agree. Can't be something bad or else he'd tell you at home. Marriage isn't like the "always fire someone in a public place" rule. In any event, GL and you must come back and tell us what the big news was...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, what was it????
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 03:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]we're waiting!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 04:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]He just wanted to have dinner apparently. But it was very rushed and I was very tired from work and new baby. I was hoping he got a raise!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well that is sweet of him for taking you out anyway :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 09:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wait bulletin - DH's boss was fired. He hated him. So yes - we did have a reason to celebrate!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Uh, people getting fired in one's company is not necessarily a reason to celebrate, when heads roll...
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is a guy who denied DH a raise. We're glad he's gone.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]sorry, if that guy who was fired was an ass I have no problems being happy about it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Do you know that the same people, same mentality that tried to keep slavery and child... 9 replies
- Ditto marriage rights for every adult, including those who are gay....
Talk : : November 19, 2009
Do you know that the same people, same mentality that tried to keep slavery and child labor and block universal education, social security, and every other good thing we have, and also for that matter tried to block giving women the vote and opposed Civil Rights and actually defeated Equal Rights, now oppose universal healthcare. Their argument is always "We can't afford it!". But eventually this healthcare issue will be recognized by all
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 12:00 PM [ Flag ]sorry - posted before I was finished typing!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ditto marriage rights for every adult, including those who are gay.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Umm, actually it originally was the Democratic party which opposed civil rights. And it was a Republkcan who ended slavery.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: yes, but since that time the parties have changed dramatically, and now the Democrats are more like the Lincoln Republicans, and the Republicans are the old "Southern Democrats." Let's not spew hyperbole without doing our history homework, pls.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ITA. They are the same people who opposed the establishment of medicare, which is the only reason parents and grandparents of posters here can get health insurance. Otherwise, no insurance company wants to insure a senior citizen. I dare people to argue that we should do away with medicare.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You would think the folks who wanted to keep slavery and child labor would be all for healthcare since they must be really fucking old.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is UrbanBABY. You need to go find a political site that you can rant on b/c people here do not come here to listen to your political POV
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I disagree- there's a Politics board here exactly for that reason.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
op - you'll notice I said same kind of people and mentality - not same political party. as far as mammograms, not planning to get one at 40 or 50 as I am of that other species - male. Also, I lived in the UK for a few years and found their national health service to provide overall very good care. and of course there was always the option of private doctors and hospitals.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] anyone feel like they are in a good marriage, like a good partnership, but it has no ... 2 replies
Talk : : November 19, 2009
anyone feel like they are in a good marriage, like a good partnership, but it has no passion, no real love, but a strong friendship...
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 10:00 AM [ Flag ]I'm not sure I qualify on all fronts, but we have a very solid friendship-based marriage. There's definitely real love there, though the passion is lacking. We've joked about that for a long time...why do you ask?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This probably describes the period when dc are babies and toddlers and there is no break.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] What do you think of this situation? After dinner I was helping my middle school ds ... 50 replies
- well, if you are right, don't say "I told you so." those are the things that kill a marriage, and by the time your ds is in college, you will need your dh. they were having a bonding moment. let it go....
Talk : : November 18, 2009
What do you think of this situation? After dinner I was helping my middle school ds study for a test when my mom called on the phone. I told my ds to look over his notes while I talk to my mom. I was on the phone for about 20 minutes and when I came back to my ds he had put away all his work and was playing cards with my dh. I said let's get back to studying and my dh said I should've told my mom that I'd call her back instead. He said that ds seems to know his material and they continued playing. Now, when I was helping my ds I could tell he was not well prepared for the test and in the 20 minutes while I was on the phone I doubt ds could've memorized all the material. I didn't say anything and let it go. I guess I'm just pissed that my dh told me that I should've gotten off the phone with my mom and the fact that dh engaged ds into playing cards when ds should've been studying. After dh said what he said of course ds didn't want to study anymore. I guess we'll see how ds does on his test.
50 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 08:55 PM [ Flag ]well, if you are right, don't say "I told you so." those are the things that kill a marriage, and by the time your ds is in college, you will need your dh. they were having a bonding moment. let it go.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You should have told your mother that you would call her back. You put her needs before your childs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita. did you expect your son to keep the momentum going for 20 minutes while you had a chat with your mom. no one is really wrong here. consider it a learning experience.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: Why NOT expect that a middle schooler could study on his own for a few minutes? Seems pretty reasonable to me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP. If a middle schooler needs mom to help (make?) him study, then mom shouldn't have spent 20 minutes on the phone. With other kids, the call might have been OK.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np wow, you don't expect a middle schooler to be able to study by himself for 20 minutes? I am just shocked. Do your children have no self-direction or self-management abilites at all?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA and I have a middle school kid too. Dh need to get with the program.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
But the point here is that the DH sabotaged the study session by coming along and engaging the son in cards! And then he blamed his wife for not getting off the phone. Where is the DH's responsibility in co-parenting this child and helping him prepare for school? OP, please do not listen to these people who blame you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Wait until the test comes back. It could be a good teaching moment. However, I'd let it go unless it happens again. And, only you know whether your Mom really needed to talk at that moment or not. Oh and remember, not matter what happens, it's always the mom's ( your) fault.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]So frustrating, but so true.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
WHY ARE YOU HELPING A MIDDLE SCHOOLER?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]THANK YOU!! If you *are* helping, stepping away for a while shouldn't mean study is over for the night, just that he's on his own for a few minutes.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]you're nuts lady. np here, but my mom helped me study through middle school and sometimes, i even asked my dad for help with my science in high school (he's an engineer). honestly, the world is a collaborative place. for goodness sake, let's help them learn how ASKING for help is a GOOD thing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]we have differing opinions. (and i think yours and op's are "nuts").
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP ITA. This is beyond helicopter parenting. These people are depriving their children of the chance to develop necessary life skills. Like being able to study without Mommy's help.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Good gracious--do you HAVE a middle schooler?! Helping someone to study, ie, testing them, drilling them, etc is normal. This is not helicopter parenting. This is responsible parenting.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Hey, yelling poster - do you actually have a middle schooler?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]no. 2 in high, one in college, and one elementary. none in middle currently.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR: I have one in HS and one in MS. We strongly believed that our kids should be able to handle their homework independently and that they'd develop those skills if we left them alone. It worked for one, but not for the other and the school asked that we become involved to make sure things were getting done and into the backpack. All kids are different and some need help developing organizational strategies.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You need to have a discussion w/your spouse about responsibility - ds is his child also. Why is it only your responsibility to supervise homework or help your child study for a test? I do not get involved in my ds day to day homework butif he has a big test I do quiz him and help him review. Your dh could have picked up the ball and continued helping your son when you had to step out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Is this really how it goes these days? (i don't have hw aged kids) Boy, I can count on my fingers the number of times my parents helped me w/hw. But maybe if they had, i wouldn't be counting on my fingers.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Unless your middle schooler asked you to help him with his homework, you should be staying out of it. And if he did say that he needed your help, you should have told your mom that you would call her back. But really, any teacher would tell you that middle schoolers should be fully responsible for their learning.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Why can't DS study on his own??
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]because they are 10. Did you know everything about staying on topic and managing your time by the time you were a preteen? They are still learning study skills and obviously the fact that it is way more fun to play cards with dad than study for a test shows that sometimes they need prodding and direction. Wait till your dc is older.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, I studied hard and by myself in middle school (I was not 10, BTW - where did you go to middle school?). My parents were HS educated and didn't speak English. Shockingly, I was able to study by myself and get into Ivy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]my ds is 10 & in 6th grade - thats when middle school starts in NYC. I also went to Yale both undergrad and grad but I don't pretend that in 6th grade I voluntarily turned off the TV and started studying spelling words on my own. Maybe by the time I got to college I had that kind of discipline but I thank my mother for working with me and thus teaching me the skills.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's universally true. My MS started in 7th grade (in NYC). I most certainly turned off the TV in 6th grade and studied. Also: there's a difference between mom saying "Turn off the TV and do your homework," and sitting down and helping DS study. Teaching good study habits is different than helping DS do his homework.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I still rather play cards than work - doesn't mean I need direction. Geez.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]No, Father, I shall not play an enjoyable game of cribbage with you. I really must study for this test.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]exactly - OP's husband should not have put him in that position.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np here, although i shouted above. for me, elementary help from parents was all about teaching me how to study. by 5th grade, we were on our own, and rightly so. i don't want my child to think their work is collaborative, sorry.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]hope your child never had to do a team project at work...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]your logic is faulty, and i'm not supposed to be a part of the "team" with her schoolwork. (and, i have to work as a team, and nothing in my scholastic upbringing has precluded that)
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's not the point. Team work is meant to be collarborative . Doing your homework is not, and most certainly is not meant to be collarborative with your mom.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: He was studying for a test, not doing his homework. There's nothing wrong with getting help with studying, even if you don't "need" it. My DH helped me study for the bar, for example.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
nnp: There are plenty of concepts that an educated parent can help their kid learn well past MS. If my kid needs wants help I'm there. (Well, until calculus. Then s/he is on their own.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: ITA. Why does everyone on UB have to take such an extreme position on everything? IMO, a 10 y/o should be able to study on his/her own if the parents are busy, but there's also nothing wrong with sitting down and helping them a bit.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Of course not, but obviously the kid should be able to manage for 20 minutes on his own. Also, obviously the father should not be hindering the kid's attempt to study, which he clearly was.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]they should be able to study on their own period.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]they should but there is nothing wrong with mom sitting down and going over it with him...have you ever heard of study groups? what about tutors?...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It all depends on the child, and the school. Some kids need more help and direction. I'm sure we would all agree that the goal is for kids to be able to be independent in their work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My dc is in high school and I help her study for her history and science tests often, using her study notes. We don't help with homework otherwise and we don't help with math or French tests. I don't see anything wrong with that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OP here. Wow, I see there are some really strong opinions about a 6th grade kid being able to study on his/her own. Yes, my child does homework on his own all the time unless he runs into something really tough, and that happens maybe once or twice a month. I tell him to try to solve it in all the ways he knows, then if he's still stuck then I'd help him along. Last night was about STUDYING for a big test. I saw nothing wrong with having him look over his notes while I was on the phone. He IS capable of doing that quietly on his own. My beef is with DH who not only did not pick up the "slack", which I didn't ask or expect him to, but flipped it around and told me I should've gotten off the phone, meanwhile he is engaging DS into playing cards with him. So in his eyes I was at fault for not getting off the phone but what about DH for playing cards with DS?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]there is nothing wrong with you helping your child study, i applaude you for being so involved..thats what children need!.....on the other note you should not have taken the call from mom just told her you'd call her back
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, looking back maybe I should've told mom that I'd call her back, but what killed me was the fact that Dh was playing cards with DS within that 20 minutes span, and totally gotten DS off the studying mode. If he didn't want to help him study he could've just said wait till mom is done, not start playing with him. Then the kicker is that he blames me because I stopped to take my mom's call.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i totally get your frustration, dh will never do homework duty with ds even when im late coming home from work and it's such a drag because im the evil monster to ruin everyones "play time".... the dh thing, i guess you can find out after the test results who was right or wrong
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks for understanding. It's not even so much about how DS will do on the test. It's more about the "blame game" that DH pulled.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have no idea why you're mad at your DH. Your son is in middle school; he's obviously mature enough to say "hey dad i need to study" if he really needs to. If he didn't want to study, then the presence or absence of your DH wouldn't have mattered. Writing "i guess we'll see" sounds sort of mean..it's like you're wishing your son does poorly so you can tell DH "i told you so". I hope your son does well, and gives DH a high five. And I hope you can become less uptight..gosh..
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Have to get this out! I've been married 15 years. Husband had a two year affair tha... 10 replies
Talk : : November 18, 2009
Have to get this out! I've been married 15 years. Husband had a two year affair that began when I was pregnant 6 years ago (he took a "business trip" with the girl when my DD was 3 weeks old). I found out when DD was one. At the time I was living in another city (because of his career) I hadn't been able to continue my career in that city and I didn't have a social network in that city. He was contrite about the affair but always implied it was my fault (because I wasn't nice enough to him and didn't give him oral sex in the weeks after my daughter was born) he says he should have handled "it" (meaning me) better. We have moved back to Ny and I now have some of my life back (friends in close proximity but my career was destroyed because of a 10 year "break"). I have come to see what a truely abusive person he is (passive agressive, blaming, turning me into a monster). I realize how the entire relationship has always been about his emotions and NEVER mine. I am over it and ready to end it. This is my problem: I cannot fathum why I should now have to turn into a part-time mother to my DD5.5. Alternating holidays? Letting him take her on vacation in the summer? Whole weekends away? Oh, and the girl he was involved with for those two years was completely crazy (threatened me and my daughter) so who knows who he will have DD around. I can't stand this marriage and the stress is starting to affect my health but I am very worried about my daughter and how divorce will affect her. Husband is actually good with her and she is very attached. I do not want to cut him out of her life and I will jump through hoops to make sure that she sees him as many days as possible. I just can't stand the idea of not being with her on holidays and on vacation. The idea that I should have to give her up like this seems absurd. Any thoughts? Be kind :)
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 06:46 PM [ Flag ]So sorry for your mess. You need to move on and make a new life for yourself and your dd. You will come to peace with the shared parenting. You are entitled to happiness. It's time to start a new life! GL!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Hmm. I have a very faithful, kind husband that I am tempted to leave every month, and you need to know what to do about yours? Social network? Who cares. Get rid of him, for your DD's sake. She shouldn't think that's what women are worth..oral sex?? oy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Just read the 2nd half o fpost.. was hidden. Can't yu get a reallly, really good lawyer? I just don't see how a father can get every other weekend, if they are only doing 1/5th the work before the divorce. And 2, could you daughter e so attached bc you clung to him so? Maybe you have taught her his is an honorable character. Worth breaking that spell quickly. I'm sorry you were with such a jerk, and I udnerstand wanting the best for DD. I think a strong single mom would be agood lesson roe model for her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Basic visitation for fathers is every other weekend, one evening a week and alternating holidays. Unless they have a police record, tro for violence or doing drugs, this is what a judge will give as a minimum.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I just think that this is a terrible situation for a child...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I just went through a divorce with worse than yours. My ex is retired on multi-millions. Through his manipulation tactics, my visitation has dwindled over three years. First, I didn't get to put them to bed each night. Then, I had 50/50 - stunned and felt like half my body was gone. 2 years later, TRO issued on absolute lies and I had every other weekend and each Wed. night I begged the judge for. I finally gave up and settled, knowing he is an abusive man and has our children most of the time. I don't have the money to match the over $1mil legal bill he has paid to get this done. Really, I don't know what is worse: living scared and abused every day or knowing your children will likely suffer the same fate as they mature. I couldn't protect them when I was there. At least now I can model good parenting when I have them so they will know the difference. Everyone tells me just to be the best mom I can be, to wait and they will vote with their feet. It has been several months and I still feel someone drained my blood from my body. Most days are a little better than the previous. It is hard no matter what you do. Just prepare yourself for divorce before you engage. The abusers are very successful in court because they do not care who they hurt, as long as they win. Liars also do very well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm so sorry about what you are going through.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]omg..i cannot even imagine....i feel for you
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
One more fact that I thought I would add after reading the last reply...my husband is a very successful lawyer, a litagator.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You will lose time with your child if you get divorced. That's just the way it is. Decide which is worse: sucking it up until dd is old enough to speak up to judge as to where she wants to be, or just go ahead with it if you are that unhappy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Totally cheated on my dh last night before coming home. I have to tell him, but we ha... 55 replies
- I am guessing you have a miserable marriage, why are you still in it?...
- How can you be so nonchalant? this is your family and your marriage...
- get older at some point and then they'll truly understand how dysfunctional your marriage/their homelife is. Your children are young and you can get away with...
Talk : : November 18, 2009
Totally cheated on my dh last night before coming home. I have to tell him, but we have two small dbs. Still, he never pays any attention to me and he had an affair first so I don't think it's all my fault.
55 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 05:24 PM [ Flag ]juicy details plz!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Went out to a hotel in Manhattan. It was great. Dh called my cell; I told him I had a meeting. He took care of the dbs. I feel kinda bad, sort of.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]friend? ex? coworker? craigs list hookup?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Really old friend who just got divorced
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
are you the same totally who totally had H1N1 last week and is desperately looking for some attention?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Is there something wrong with you? Are you fat and unhappy? Totally. Ha.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]??
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh get a life, honey
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am very happy, so happy in fact I actually enjoy sleeping with my husband and don't feel the need to go elsewhere
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sure
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You're both wrong. End of discussion.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You're soooo wise, wow.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OMMMMMMMM
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I feel very sorry for you. Your life is a mess.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Actually, my life is great. I feel alive and look better than ever. My dh does what he wants so I decided I would too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: how long do you think this situation will last?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't really care, why?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you are just on a bad path......divorce is in your near future
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How can you be so nonchalant? this is your family and your marriage
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]she obviously doesn't care about the consequences....
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Nope, I don't. Kids are well adjusted and always will be. My happiness comes first as it should. If Dh wants to do his own thing, I will too. I really don't care if we stay to gether or get a divorce. I do care if I'm happy in life, though
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you're kind of sad and ignorant. this is soooooo fake
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, if that's what makes you feel better than say I'm fake, but the truth is: It's real and I love it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
how can you assume that your children will always be well adjusted? they won't be for long if you continue to mess up their life, oh but as long as you're happy...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If I'm happy so are my kids. Are you jealous? I think so.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]haaaaaaa, so jealous! anyone could have this situation. just start cheating and voila! how old are dcs?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]3 and 4. And I don't think just anyone could have this situation and make it work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
you are so messed up, your happiness does not equal kids happiness, you need to realize that
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So happy mom = happy kids? Wow. That sounds easy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
How on earth do you know if your kids will always be well adjusted?! Circumstances change. Kids change. Life hurts.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Your life ISN'T great. You have a dh who doesn't care about you at all. And YOU are just as selfish. I guess we all get what we deserve in the end....
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am guessing you have a miserable marriage, why are you still in it?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]FAKE
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You are so boring, go find something to do. It's not fake at all.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]without a doubt
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You're fake.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
it does sound fake
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yeah, okay. I'm fake, I'm sooooo fake that I
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^would post this fake situation. I'm just trying to say that there are alternative lifestyles out there that work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ok, how long do you think this will "work"? you are in La La Land. kids are going to pay for your "happiness"
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How will they pay? Their parents are happy doing what they want. My dc are well taken care of and provided for. They are loved and paid attention to. What are you talking about?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ok, just curious, why did you post this in the first place? i don't get it
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
FAKE
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If this is real you sound as if you are very unstable and need help
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You sound like you need to get a degree to judge people
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If not a fake,let's not ignore the need to highlight the words,"HE NEVER PAYS ATTENTION TO ME". OP may not understand that good, distracting sex is just that. It's likely you won't get the sort of attention you seem to crave from your husband-unless that is painful, upheaving and damaging to the spirit of your family. GL; this is a nightmare you don't seem to understand. I don't care if you feel remorse. I know you are unhappy and hope you can start loving yourself.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Fake and mental
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]if it's not fake it might as well be, for all the consideration this poster is going to get here
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So only fake posters get attention? Pray tell, where do you get your logic?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Thank you. I really have problems in my life right now and I want to come online, laugh and do mindless things for 10 mins a day. This post qualifies.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Go for it! Live! Guilt is for wussies and hypocrites.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Please get some therapy. Your children will get older at some point and then they'll truly understand how dysfunctional your marriage/their homelife is. Your children are young and you can get away with almost anything, but that won't last forever. You have major issues in your life that you are refusing to address. It will catch up with you some day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]hey..i'm a weirdo...but just have this one time stand...feel energized, and then go back to normal life. Normal life will feel better. But if you make the fling too long, then normal life gets worse.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Will the fake police please remove herself? Either get on with the conversation or move off. I hate it when people label a convo as a fake. Use your wit -- is there another F word you can use? Ugh. As for you OP -- EVERYONE's family is dysfunctional so for those who want to judge, please take a very close look at your situation.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] OK Ladies, I wanted to tell you first. I took the red eye from California last night... 25 replies
- she is preggers and not married? IRL I would find nothing odd about that but considering how focused she was on marriage I would think she would know better...
Talk : : November 18, 2009
OK Ladies, I wanted to tell you first. I took the red eye from California last night with one of the Real House Wives of New York and she flew coach. I thought Real Housewives would fly business, no?
25 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 01:58 PM [ Flag ]maybe no seats available and she had to get back. but i hear you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]she was with her fiance so it looked personal. I just kind of chulkled. These women are just for show. I don't think they are really living the high life that the show tries to portray.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So it was Bethanny?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]could you tell whether or not her pregnancy is showing yet? that girl is so skinny I would think she could eat a pea and it would protrude out
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Skinny--she can work on; but she's so homely it's painful. Hopefully her pregnancy helps fill in her man-cheeks and gives her a few months of femininity.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The tastelessness continues... she is preggers and not married? IRL I would find nothing odd about that but considering how focused she was on marriage I would think she would know better
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]She's clearly desperate--she took what she could get.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP: I was on a flight from Miami to NYC with her last spring - and she was in first class (and I was not!).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i used to live in LA, so I still read the LA Times. Because of this, i know her father died just a few weeks ago. He was apparently a horse trainer, and lived in Malibu.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^days, I meant, not weeks. My point is that she was probably coming home from his funeral.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Depends, which one? Alex? There is no way she would fly business - she's unemployed.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's pretty funny. For all the posturing they do she SURELY should not be flying coach.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]They are showy f-o-s phoneys!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The only one of them who has any cash to speak of is Jill, so it's not surprising they'd fly coach.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you don't think Bethanny has $? she's probably not doing too badly especially now with that talking head gig on Extra
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, I know that within the last year she lived in the rental across from the movie theater on 62nd and 1st. No one with $$$ would live there, imo.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]maybe she wanted to be near Jill who lived above Bed Bath and Beyond
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Jill lived (or lives) in the building across the bridge from there. The big one on 59th.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is/was her apartment. 401 E 60th which would be the north side of the street. http://www.prudentialelliman.com/Listings.aspx?ListingID=1136194&rentalperiod=&SearchType=quick&Region=NYC
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np LOL. Funny that they used the exterior of the building other poster mentions when segueing to a scene shot in Jill's apt. Guess she thought she'd be stalked if people knew she lived in the Trump-esque building. Can't believe how overpriced that place is!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Almost all of the Housewives are struggling financially. Coach is no surprise.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That surprised you? They wouldn't have accepted the show if they had any class/$$ in the first place so of course they are flying coach.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If this was juicy news to you, I'm sure you were texting your real life friends about it before the plane doors even shut.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Her dad, Bobby Frankel, died Monday morning of leukemia. She was with him when he died. Guessing she had to fly back fast for work commitments.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] This sounds like a dumb question, but I really need answers. What does it mean to "w... 8 replies
Talk : : November 18, 2009
This sounds like a dumb question, but I really need answers. What does it mean to "work hard" at making a marriage good? I'm trying to figure out whether DH and I just need to work at our marriage to make it better, or if it's just done. If you could please give me examples of how couples "work" to make a marriage good, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.
8 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 09:18 AM [ Flag ]Making yourself go on date night, when you would rather stay at home and watch tv
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]the obvious answer is counseling. but it also can mean,. think abotu what teh problem is and try to change you behavior. Stop snapping, try being appreciative, whatever you need. adn also taking time to be together and having fun -- not being mommy and daddy all the time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]letting go of the small stuff
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]"work" is what I always hear to, but I think if it actually seems like labor (not the birthing kind), something is off. Effort/maintenance and compromise, yes - I think a big part of it is letting stuff go, i.e., your way is not always the right way, not getting hung up on stupid nitpicky things that in the grand scheme of things aren't important, not trying (too hard) to change things that you were well aware of when entering into relationship.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]communication. keeping the sex life vital and interesting too, which is work imo
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]acting like husband/wife and not like roomates. praising and supporting each other. not getting angry about the small stuff. anticipating each other's needs, like making dh's favorite meal or getting him his favorite snack out of the blue just cuz you love him. oh yes, and having sex most of the time that he asks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Actively communicating with your spouse. I don't mean hi/bye. But communicating about all things that concern you. Making a conscience decision to not harbor anger but to discuss your feelings. Listen to your spouses feelings. If there are issues to not push them under the rug for fear of someone blowing up or tuning you out, but actually discussing the issues. Then coming up with solutions that work for both parties.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]it is hard work but i would suggest that an active sex life is both a foundation and symptom of a good marriage. also, listening to the other is critical. it's easy to tune each other out over time but you have to pay attention to what is important to THEM, not just you. even if you aren't really interested, you must recognize that listening is an investment you make in the relationship. it's cliche, but women look for fixer uppers and hope their dhs will become what they want them to and men think dw won't change at all. you have to stay interested in each other and that takes discipline and effort
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I married the right man. 12 replies
- Me too! 20 years of marriage and counting....
Talk : : November 18, 2009
-
me too! Do you think it was luck?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: Do you think OP knows he's a bigamist? (This seems like a harsh way to tell her if she doesn't.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Yay!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me three! It has made all the difference in having a great life and not. We still have problems to face but it is better with him.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Mee too! Def wasn't luck--I made a conscious decision to be with someone I really liked as a person and respected (instead of someone I was crazy head over heels in love with and had amazing passion).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Interesting. My GF is currently with a man who is wonderful but doesn't have a lot of passion with. Her ex-bf was throw-each-other-against-the-wall kind of passion. She's trying to figure out if she would stay or find someone who rocks her world. Advice?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]went for stability. married 7 years, 2dcs later, sex life nil, fantasizing about ex.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]good man, responsibe, sexy enough that you will always find him attractive. you don't need the crazy sex all the time, plus that might go away and then what happens.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I thought long and hard about choosing a man that I respected and was my best friend over a guy whose clothes I wanted to rip off. At the end of the day, passion fades, but hopefully true friendship and respect won't. We try to spice things up, but in the end have a really solid foundation and I never allowed myself to feel like I was compromising.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: personally, that kind of passion usually goes together with a lot of volatility and drama which is just not my thing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. have 2 ex-bfs with whom I had "passion" and what it amounted to, in the end, was just drama and me being less than my true, honest self. DH is my best friend and I cannot imagine a life built with anyone else.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Me too! 20 years of marriage and counting.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I married the wrong man. His family is socio economically lower than mine. I though... 28 replies
- and uncaring and their values are so different. I'm sure my husband has bigger concerns than my spelling mediocrity. We have a marriage in crisis....
- I think if your marriage is in crisis, you should try out counseling. Sometimes it can really make a difference. It might help your DH to hear...
Talk : : November 17, 2009
I married the wrong man. His family is socio economically lower than mine. I thought he was different but I was wrong. Now that we have kids, I don't want my kids to be exposed to their mediocrity. It would be different if they were at least nice people but they're not. Is the old adage still true? Its easier for men to marry down but not for women.
28 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 09:14 PM [ Flag ]Did you create this post just to start a flame war, or are you really this awful? If you have such high SES, than I imagine you would be able to spell socioeconomic correctly. Do you suppose that your husband is concerned about your spelling mediocrity rubbing off on your children?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No. Just feeling sad. I'm from a good family and never thought about these things before. I married my husband because I thought he was special and different and that his family didn't matter but he's turned out to be very different person from who I married. Hasn't worked and is dependent on my family's money. His family is cold and uncaring and their values are so different. I'm sure my husband has bigger concerns than my spelling mediocrity. We have a marriage in crisis.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think if your marriage is in crisis, you should try out counseling. Sometimes it can really make a difference. It might help your DH to hear from a third party that he needs to do something that gives his life purpose. But if you keep bringing up your family's money, either out loud or just by thinking about it, your relationship will have no chance of working. When you got married, your money became his money too. It is totally emasculating for a man to be in that position, and you are going to have to figure out how both of you can live with that imbalance. Emphasizing it is the worst thing you can do.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So true... but so difficult. Hence my original question: is it easier for men to marry down than v/v. Isn't that the old adage? Men marry down, women marry up. There's some truth and wisdom to that. God, I hate myself for saying this. I thought I was the independent liberated woman but I'm still stuck on crap like this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You aren't getting it. I think you need therapy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm from a "good family" too, so I know what that really means. In mine,we weren't raised to rate peple as you have done. Somehow, your seem damaged by your own choices & difficulties and are using your spouse's family as the reason. Blame and excuses are immature and understandable in young kids. In adults, they often signal mediocrity in character.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
There are plenty of rich, mediocre jerks. Want me to list some? What does his family's wealth have to do with your dislike of his family? I would worry more about what your attitudes are doing to your kids.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]His family has money. That's not the question. Its more about class, I guess. I hate the word but I can't think of anything else.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Your In-laws' mediocrity might be a good antidote for your kids to your superiority. It sounds like there might be more to your marital issues than just this. Find a well-heeled, highly credentialed therapist.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]A lot of women want to marry up. Face it, that is a reality. I was never aggressive about this and I thought you were supposed to marry for love. I married young and I sort of gambled on my husband, in a way. Now I'm older and reality is sinking in, and its more difficult to overcome. When I mention socioeconomics, I don't really mean poor/rich but more about core values in life (from simple things like what you eat) I can see how my original post can be a bit skewed but I just felt like venting. We all have horrible thoughts that lie dormant and never surface. Anonymity can decrease your inhibition.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
What about; "A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life.” Maybe you could pull him away from his family... and get him to fit with your fam. That'd be old school.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]otoh your dh could say that he married the wrong woman: a snob! please rethink your values as it would be a shame to have dc feeling this way too and growing up with this attitude.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yeah, true, but you don't have a husband who hasn't worked for years. I so desperately wish he could prove all this wrong but its been way too long that there are no more excuses or justifications. I don't know what I'm ranting on about anymore...
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: i just don't see what that has to do with his background. do you really think that rich guys have a better work ethic? let me introduce you to some of my friends who have NEVER had jobs!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
that is a good question, but my criteria are honesty and heart rather than money and fake civility. did you or he marry "down" given those criteria?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Can't believe you meant for your post to sound the way it did, but manners, culture, sophistication are a function of upbringing not class. Well-read, highly cultured people come from every socio-economic level. IME I've found no lack of extremely wealthy unsophisticated buffoons. You may not share the same background or life experiences and this is what's causing a rift but you aren't presenting yourself in the best light either.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
you need to explain what you don't like about his family. do they say "ain't" a lot and burp and go to mcdonalds every day? what's so offensive exactly?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think your husband married down, actually.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Fake or Bitch, take your pick.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I choose both! Fake and bitch!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This has GOT to be fake.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You could say that I married up. My parents were immigrants and didn't speak English, but worked their tails off to provide for our family. We never had expensive vacations,and we rarely went out to dinner, but we had love, stability, a home (which my parents proudly purchased once they could afford it), we went to college (not fancy ones, but we all have our BAs). My dh family was very wealthy, all extremely educated, however, mental illness runs in their family. fil was abusive to mil and kids (not physical but everything else). doctors, attorneys, lawyers.. you name it. Let me tell you, their family is a total miserable mess. dh also suffers from mental illness and, sadly, so is mine now. just sharing, don't know if this makes you feel any better.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ sorry, I know attorneys and lawyers are one in the same - it's too early for this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
sounds like a carrie bradshaw column
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]fake
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Let's be kind and refer to the OP's words as "fictional" v. "fake". Perhaps she was inspired by a recent scene from Mad Men during which, in a heated argument, the lead male character called his wife, Betty, a "MAINLINE BRAT".....
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Fake, fake, fake
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I believe I married the wrong man also. It's not, though, because of mediocrity, but more because he retains this very poor 'look we have money, let's spend it' thinking that makes it very difficult to save. I'm not a great saver by any stretch, which wasn't that important to me until we had ds. Now, I care more and I'm shocked that he doesn't. We rent and to him that is fine, because we already have so much more than he did and will be able to offer son much more then he had. But it's not the level of stability I want to provide.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] So frustrated right now. Yesterday, DH was upset that he couldn't find any socks. Fu... 15 replies
- What is it about the socks? Remember that old Jack Nicholson/Meryl Streep movie where the socks were the dealbreaker for the marriage?...
Talk : : November 17, 2009
So frustrated right now. Yesterday, DH was upset that he couldn't find any socks. Funny, since I washed a TON the day before. I go find him socks while he sulks on the couch. For this I have a masters and a doctorate? Today, I'm pissed because he didn't beleive me when I said our son had a fever. Well, guess who just woke up? Guess who's really hot and wont take his medication, let me take his temperature, or even put on Vapor rub? Guess who's the only one up and worried about how to deal with it? My son is five, sick, and wants mommy. Baby is 3 months old, really really needs to stay healthy, but needs mommy. NOT HAVING A GOOD DAY!
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 08:42 PM [ Flag ]when dcs are sleeping hide all H's socks!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thank you. You made me laugh. I needed that:)
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]and that would be the best medicine!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i would "match" them all up the wrong way
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i had 2 dc's sick with flu and was nursing 7 week old. dh told me "grow up-- kids get sick, deal with it". does your day seem better?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not really, but next time he gets the flu I hope you tell him to grow up and deal with it. Especially if he asks you to get him soup. (If he asks for medicine, hide his socks.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh. if he gets the flu he is whiny and awful. lies on the couch with barely a sniffle. i would have to hide his face lotion and hair re-growth suppliments-- not just socks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I hope your day goes better tomorrow...and dh apologizes in the am
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Uggh... big sympathy here for you. Seems like you've got 3 high-maintenance babies on your hands. Good luck - hope tomorrow turns out better.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Put vapor rub in dh's underwear.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ha!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
What is it about the socks? Remember that old Jack Nicholson/Meryl Streep movie where the socks were the dealbreaker for the marriage?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Lol, I haven't seen it but I'm constantly, somehow losing one sock in the wash (which is my house) but we're getting married in 6 months and my fiance keeps asking me if he has to look forward to a life of mismatched and missing socks. I don't know what to say, he just might.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]F*cking socks. Every time my dh can't find socks, he implies that it's because I'm losing them in the laundry room. (As opposed to because he drops them anywhere on the floor he feels like and forgets them.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I am kind of bummed out today. DH and I have been together a long time. I love him ... 16 replies
- , I would say try to reach an agreement w/ dh about seeking it outside the marriage since he is unwilling to provide it. But, it sounds like are not even good...to have sex with him anyway. I suspect the same thing happened in his first marriage (20+ years ago). I have tried really talking to him about how I feel (..., my guess is that you two are not well matched. The sex ending with the marriage is not a good sign....
Talk : : November 17, 2009
I am kind of bummed out today. DH and I have been together a long time. I love him a lot, but am not so much in love with him anymore since he severely curtailed our sex life literally on our wedding night. It took awhile, but I ajusted because we were great friends and true life partners. I worked really hard to help him start his own company and then I had a baby because he really wanted one. Things were still basically okay for a few years after DC was born, but he was distracted because his elderly parents were having issues (still do) and the sex was now down to about once a year (if it matters, I am fit and still attractive). Still, I never thought of looking elsewhere and tried to be a good, supportive wife. DH is not a great father and I've been disappointed about that. Then a few years ago he developed anxiety and maybe a bit of depression. He still lives in our house, but he might as well not be here. He is not unkind to DC and me, but is just in his own world. I am so miserable and lonely. I've developed an attraction to someone, but won't act on it. Occasionally, I think I should. I'm trying project a positive and happy attitude for my young child and usually succeed. Today I am just feeling so sad and not understanding how my life turned out this way.
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 12:47 PM [ Flag ]'adjusted', that is
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]don't act on it, but get counseling and maybe a divorce. sounds like you'd be much happier, and therefore so would dc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm sorry, you sound very down. But it seems like you need to do something to improve your situation. Therapy?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]wow. you owe it to yourself and your child to get yourself a new situation.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If you just want/need sex, I would say try to reach an agreement w/ dh about seeking it outside the marriage since he is unwilling to provide it. But, it sounds like are not even good friends any more and that you have emotional needs that are going unfullfilled as well. Perhaps counseling would help the two of you put everything in the open, but I wouldn't count on it working things out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Can't you just demand it? I sometimes have to turn to Dh and just lay it out. At first it felt like I was forcing him, but then it became more natural and he was up for it if I initiated it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I guess I could. He may or may not comply. It would just be so much nicer if it was his idea. It's been so long (13 years of this) that I almost don't even want to have sex with him anyway. I suspect the same thing happened in his first marriage (20+ years ago). I have tried really talking to him about how I feel (carefully timed so as not to add to his stress level), but he would never understand how unhappy I am unless I left. We are still co-existing peacefully and I'm not inclined to leave for DC's sake.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]For your own sake, just try to come on to him one night and see how he responds. DH told me that he thought that I was always too tired or never gave him an indication that I was in the mood. The first time I said "I'd like to make love to you" was really awkward, but was well received and felt less odd each subsequent time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is an important point. My DW has given me a hard time for not initiating sex, and seems oblivious to the fact that she sends out "don't touch me" vibes a lot of the time, whether intentionally or no. If you're having some issues, explicit communication, while awkward, is one way to move the ball forward.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I would also add that once we reignited the intimacy in our relationship, other issues were much easier to address. I think you owe it to yourself to at least try.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks. I appreciate a DH's point of view. I'm not optimistic that it will work, but it's worth a try.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: At least if you try, you know you made the effort and know that the situation is what it is. With limited knowledge, my guess is that you two are not well matched. The sex ending with the marriage is not a good sign.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]DH again, it is a weird sign unless there are other explanations. Perhaps counseling would help.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It is weird. Things were pretty good in the initial stages of our relationship. Then literally nothing on our wedding night or our entire honeymoon and then it was down to once a month or so - eventually turning into once or twice a year. He says he has no idea why and that he still finds me sexy and beautiful. Sort of hard to believe that, but he is sincere. He is definitely not cheating.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: I can't believe this thread has gone on this long and not one poster has diagnosed your dh as gay. Gay Uncle must be on vacation;)
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP - I was expecting that too or cheating. I'd almost feel better if he was gay. At least I wouldn't take it as a personal rejection that way. He's not though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] OK. Touring lots of preschools. So far, nothing seems like "the one." We have gripe... 9 replies
- op: I know nothing is perfect. But I kind of thought it would be like marriage: You just know when it's right. No lists involved, just love. Not feeling the love. :-(...
Talk : : November 17, 2009
OK. Touring lots of preschools. So far, nothing seems like "the one." We have gripes about all of them (sub-par teachers at some, no exmissions help at others, philosophical differences, etc)! Did you end up falling in love with a place, or did you just feel lucky to get in somewhere?
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag ]you have a v. healthy attitude. we were the same way. ended up getting into 3, applied to 10. we are happy at our school, would prob have been happy at the others
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]At playdate for the one we went to, I felt the teachers were specially nice to Ds.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]all schools have pluses and minuses. people who think a preschool is "the one" have blinders on.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I did love the one we are at, but could have been happy at probably any we saw. Being at the one where we are (which seems to be one of the more desired ones) has been great, but it is preschool. it's a blip in their lives. Most has been great, some things ok. So I'm not sure how much difference there really is between them. For what it's worth, you seem much more discerning and astute than I was (it all looked like kids playing with blocks) so I'm sure you will make a good decision.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]No school is going to answer every need. Draw up a list of top 10 things you care about and focus on schools that meet most of those needs. Nothing is perfect and once you are there--wherever you are--you will find plusses and minuses that you had not anticipated
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: I know nothing is perfect. But I kind of thought it would be like marriage: You just know when it's right. No lists involved, just love. Not feeling the love. :-(
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I do understand what you mean. We toured many and there was one where we didn't exactly feel love, but we felt something "more" than we had felt at others. It all turned out well. Personally I think that if the place is well-staffed, clean, and has enough resources and activities, dc will be fine, regardless of your lack of feeling of "love"
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
if you have more than one accept go to the closest place
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita. YOu will really appreciate the proximity once the school starts
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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