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[+] DH taking myself and dd on Royal Caribbean cruise to Mediterranean in May, DD will be... 4 replies
- Yes, I left my 18 month old with a cruise daycare facility. It was not Royal Caribbean, but the care facility was fine and not too many kids there. I only left her for 1-2 hours at a time though....
Talk : : November 20, 2009
DH taking myself and dd on Royal Caribbean cruise to Mediterranean in May, DD will be 25 months. Cruise to Rome, Florence, Barcelona, Cannes, Monaco. Anyone been on cruise and anyone leave their dc in the care of the cruise daycare facility? I've never been on cruise and travel agent talking up ability to leave child with providers but don't know if this is okay or not for a toddler. Any experience with this will be greatly appreciated. TIA
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 04:52 PM [ Flag ]np: That was my first reaction too! So weird. I guess she doesn't work? I couldn't even read the rest of the post
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Good grief. What is so wrong about her phrasing? I assumed it was a present.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Yes, I left my 18 month old with a cruise daycare facility. It was not Royal Caribbean, but the care facility was fine and not too many kids there. I only left her for 1-2 hours at a time though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Religious UBers: where is God when little girls and boys are getting raped and sodomi... 47 replies
- I saw that news story, and it is pretty out there. Perhaps these things really happened. But there is a good chance that they did not. Remember the case of rampant sexual abuse in a daycare center in CA...
Talk : : November 20, 2009
Religious UBers: where is God when little girls and boys are getting raped and sodomized for years on end in Missouri?
47 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 11:05 AM [ Flag ]Evil exists alongside good, you know.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: but why god would allow it?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]see below. if you read harvey cox, he's right there with us, suffering and hope we can "get it" as a species.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]And if He did not allow it, what kind of people would we be? Without choice or will?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
But why would God not protect the innocent?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]god doesn't protect anyone. that's not what we invented him for.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]great answer
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
not interfering because that's what we have free will for.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Where's God when innocent children drown in a tsunami or get crushed in an earthquake?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 04:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I thought this was for folks who religiously UBed - like a trick question only folks who've been here a lot would get
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OP: this is my biggest struggle with religion, and why I can't get on the bandwagon. What's the point of worshipping some Almighty "all-powerful" being that is powerless to save innocent children who have no one else?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]it's hardly compulsory. if you can't wrap your mind around it, then don't bother. (you could probably stand to read more about faith, and less about religion)
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]faith in what?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]any one of the myriad of deities out there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ITA. The world and its workings are not black and white and neither is god. Study more.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Who do you credit to for all the good things?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
What? Was this some kind of news story or something?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]that was my 1st thought also
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What?? YES! It's been on the news for about a week now: http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/11/20/missouri.family.sex.abuse/index.html
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i didn't see much coverage in the NYT
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR: yes, i look at the NYT every day and seem to have missed this story. I wonder if there is a reason they didn't report on it more?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I guess no one else is as effected by this as I am
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]There is a significant difference between being religious and being spiritual. Religion is about rules and "worshipping some Almighty "all-powerful"being. Spirituality is about morals, values, ethics, understanding, forgiveness and hope in the face of adversity.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No, spirituality refers to the "spirit", the non-physical soul that most religions hold as a central tenet of their belief systems. What you describe (wrongly) as "spirituality" is actually a mixture of ethics and self-help psychology.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 04:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Religion is about rules? Whose religion? That is an awfully general statement.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Good grief, I am not religious at all (atheist in fact), but could your post be any more baiting?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: it's an honest question. There are people out there who are very passionate about their religion and I'm curious how they work this one out in their minds...
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i guess, but wow, so hostile. you can't blame "religious people" in general for this sort of thing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: what do you mean hostile and how is this blaming anyone? To repeat: I'm interested in hearing how they work this out in their minds
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i think it's the tone of your original post. the question is a good one, and worth discussion, but the tone struck me as hostile. maybe it's just me, though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree. I'm 'religious' (I don't even like that word) and I didn't want to touch this post with a ten-foot pole. You sound like you've already made up your mind and just want to slam people who believe in God. If you're interested in a genuine, open-minded debate, that is one thing. But from what you just posted about 'working it out in their minds' it sounds like you really can people who can possibly believe in God in an evil world.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sorry my post got messed up--you really can't understand people who believe in God is what I was trying to write before the window closed!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: the accused are religous people
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I saw that news story, and it is pretty out there. Perhaps these things really happened. But there is a good chance that they did not. Remember the case of rampant sexual abuse in a daycare center in CA... that got tons of media attention, despite having not actually occurred? Innocent until proven guilty. I don't think that it makes sense to question God every time you hear a wild story in the news.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: Fair point.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I grant you, if ANY of that stuff is true it is awful.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I agree this story really seems to out there to be real and it is getting more bizarre every minute. Like you, it reminds me of all those ritual satanic abuse cases that were so prevalent in the eighties that turned out to be fake.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
god is dead
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]now THAT makes sense
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]the trial for mankind will commence as soon as a jury can be empanelled. please stand by.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]big words and even bigger concept coming from someone who can't back it up. better hope you are right when the end comes, otherwise you've made an infinite mistake. i'm always curious by people who are so black and white when it comes to God...after all, what makes you the authority on the Almighty?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 03:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
God gives us free will because he desires a loving relationship with us that we freely choose. Also without free will, so much of the beauty of honorable, decent human behavior would be lost. Yet, because humanity is flawed and often deeply broken, we use that free will to make hurtful and sometimes horrific decisions. As much as we think our hearts are broken by the wicked crimes people commit, God's heart is infinitely more broken. Although God offers forgiveness and redemption for those who seek it, those who commit these crimes and do not repent will face judgment far greater than any we can imagine. Just because God does not make all of us souless robots who always do good does not mean that He abandons us when awful things occur; for those who call upon Him, He can offer healing and comfort and strength we never knew we had.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thank you! Well put.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: Thank you for responding. I feel the same.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You feel the same what? The same throbbing insanity?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
So, why does God allow innocent children to drown in a tsunami or get crushed in an earthquake?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Help! I'm running out of day care options!! I'm a full time single mom expecting in J... 14 replies
- Ughh, sorry, I might start asking around about family daycares in the area....
Talk : : November 20, 2009
Help! I'm running out of day care options!! I'm a full time single mom expecting in Jan, and I put my name on lists in Oct, however I'm finding out that there will be no openings at either of the Manhattan kids clubs (which are the most convenient for me - Union Square area-. Anyone know of any other good full time infant daycares around Union Square? Chelsea? Grammercy?
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 10:08 AM [ Flag ]Maybe a synagogue, 14th St Y, McBurney Y?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Tried those too.. they don't offer any day care. Ugh!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Ughh, sorry, I might start asking around about family daycares in the area.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Chelsea- CP Kids, Preschool of America, Buckle My Shoe
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Does Church of Immaculate Conception on 14th have a day care facility too - I know they have preschool, but not sure about babies.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is supposed to include all the liscenced day cares in teh city https://a816-healthpsi.nyc.gov/ChildCare/Search.do
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Keep calling those you are interested in even if you get a less desirable spot. With infants first time parents often change their minds and decide a nanny or SAH parent or moving to suburbia is better for them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Could you do a nanny share?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]not sure how to find a nanny share?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
How about Tutor Time (I think it is 37th btw 3rd and Lex) or I also believe there is a day care at Chelsea Piers
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]38th between 3rd and 2nd
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have a visit coming up with them... have you had any experience with tutor time on 38th or 26th? Would you give it a good review?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Chelsea Piers has an excellent daycare.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]try the children's garden at the general theological seminary and trinity nursery at trinity church downtown. they both had wait lists when we applied and we weren't able to get a spot at either, but you never know.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] DH is giving me a hard time about not breastfeeding. He makes snide little remarks a... 12 replies
- Don't feel guilty, 6 months is actually longer than most people keep it up! DH needs to relax and stop obsessing. IME it's not lack of bf, but rather exposure to other kid's germs (through older sibs or daycare) that leads to babies getting colds, and that's just part of life, no way to avoid it. Your db will be fine....
Talk : : November 20, 2009
DH is giving me a hard time about not breastfeeding. He makes snide little remarks about how he hopes our DB doesn't get sick now that he's no longer getting the immunities from breastmilk. I nursed DS#1 for 18 months, but I really don't want to nurse DB anymore. He's 6mo and I think it's ok to stop now. I know it's not ideal, but I just don't want to do it and it's making me feel resentful.
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 10:00 AM [ Flag ]Why don't you ask him to spend one of his days fake breastfeeding, i.e., sitting down doing absolutely nothing holding the baby for 20 - 30 minutes however many times a day db eats. Also pull on his nipples a few times just for emphasis.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]HAHA. i love this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
tell him to pay for a wetnurse
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wow. Snide little remarks are uncalled for. I'm not even sure it's proven that at that age, breastfeeding helps with immunity. N=1, but I breasfed for 9 months and baby still got sick a few times. If you've calmly explained the reasons you no longer feel comfortable BF'ing, he needs to understand that it's better for a baby to be bottlefed than to have a mother who is resentful and unhappy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Tell your dh that there is some amazing medicine that he can take, so that he can breastfeed himself. It is easy to criticize when you are not the one doing the feeding! Your dh should not be giving you a hard time about this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: The reason for the remarks is due to the fact that our eldest has never been sick, not even a fever and he's 3yo. He attributes it all to the breastfeeding, but I know plenty of breastfed babies who have still gotten sick.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ridiculous, ours was bf and got colds all the time
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Me too. I breast fed for 6 months and dd got sick twice during that time, but between 6 and 18 months she didn't get sick once and I hardly think it has anything to do with whether I was breastfeeding or not.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
the biggest benefit of immunities comes in the first few weeks of bfing. Your DH doens't even make sense. I stopped at 6 months and think that's pretty common.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]that's crazy. don't let him get to you...there is no reason you should feel bad about stopping. I bf my first for 8 months, and he still got a double ear infection at 7 months! My second I had to stop at 6 weeks because she has a milk protein allergy and going completely dairy free didn't help. So be proud that you were able to make it 6 months!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Don't feel guilty, 6 months is actually longer than most people keep it up! DH needs to relax and stop obsessing. IME it's not lack of bf, but rather exposure to other kid's germs (through older sibs or daycare) that leads to babies getting colds, and that's just part of life, no way to avoid it. Your db will be fine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Give him Atlantic Monthly article to read--google it, it's called The Case Against Breastfeeding. A lot of the pro-breastfeeding hype has not been founded on scientific studies, but theory.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Does anyone else's child NOT have playdates? I woh f/t and have 2 dcs. weekends tend ... 49 replies
- when I was a kid i just played with my brothers. Now have an only child now and i thought that daycare (before she was in school), then school and now that she is older, after school activities she had plenty of social interaction. i guess you need to do playdates if you dont get out of the house much. certainly play & solcial interaction is important;...
Talk : : November 19, 2009
Does anyone else's child NOT have playdates? I woh f/t and have 2 dcs. weekends tend to be family time and if we do playdates it's with friends that dh and i want to catch up with. My younger dc who is in preschool is begging for playdates which is just hard - have an after school babysitter but also older dc would have to tag along...and I don't know when else to fit this in but i feel guilty. Someone tell me I am not the only one.
49 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 09:45 AM [ Flag ]I don't but I have twins. I feel guilty about it but I don't think it really matters.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Can older DC do drop-off playdates while sitter takes younger DC to his/hers?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]time to do drop off playdates
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]maybe you should put the pre-schooler in an all-day program like CADS.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]believe me if there was an all day program available i would - could stay longer at preschool but costs $ and difficult with schedule of other dc. older dc doesn't really do play dates either...see - i feel like i am raising two socially inept kids.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]but that's even worse! school is not a playdate.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think play dates are important for developing more intimate relationships and a chance to socialize one-on-one.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ha - signed a sahm i bet.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I work until 1 or 2 and then pick kids up at school and either have a friend dropped off with me or drop one of mine off- or have other parent pick up mine and hers and then go pick up at about 5.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]doesn't really work if you work until 5 and have a dc with homework to get started on too
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]What do your dcs do from 3 when school ends until 5 when you stop working?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]they are with babysitter - sometimes go to park or bookstore - stuff around neighborhood or come home to have snack/play with eachother. depends largely on weather
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Can babysitter handle dropping kid off at play date or looking after another kid for an hour or two?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]My babysitter used to have other kids (and the other kid's sitter) over to our house - or the library - or met up in the park.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
hijack - what kind of work do you do where you are off by 1 or 2? always looking for ideas for part-time
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm a preschool teacher.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
tee hee hee. signed: wohm mom, who has a little guilt that 5 YO DC doesn't have many PD. one or two a month max.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I don't think you have anything to worry about. They get lots of socialization at school. I was in a similar situation as you and my kids who are now a bit older are social and form great friendships.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]this is sort of like saying adults get plenty of socialization at work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]yeah if you got to spend most of the day playing, painting and clownging around with your co-workers
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]so dumb. all of my friends growing up (that i chose, i was forced to play with my mom's friend's kids) were from school.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^and by the way, I've also formed great friendships at work. Still fiends from old co-workers at my first job out ofcollege over 10 years ago.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]you seem to be missing the point. you form friendships at school and work but you see/saw those friends outside of those contexts.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Started doing drop off playdates when dcs were 4. I work FT but have an au pair who shuttled the kids. I don't think kids will suffer if they don't have them but it doesn't hurt either.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]when I was a kid i just played with my brothers. Now have an only child now and i thought that daycare (before she was in school), then school and now that she is older, after school activities she had plenty of social interaction. i guess you need to do playdates if you dont get out of the house much. certainly play & solcial interaction is important; glad i never had to run my schedule around setting up play appointments though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]not to make too big a deal out of this, but an arranged playtime with a special friend is different from "social interaction" with random dcs you meet out and about or in the context of some other activity, like afterschool. in this day and age, setting up play appointments is sort of part of the deal of being a parent.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]agree. but i think it can get out of hand when a child's every day is scheduled with playdates and not just "play". not to flame, but i think a lot of playdates are sought in an effort for the mother to gain access to certain social circles, not necessarily who the child would choose for their date. My point is that too much importance can be placed on the playdate. It can seem like there is a competition for certain friendships.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't do playdates because I think it is more important for my children to bond with each other than any other children. I have a 7yo boy and 5yo girl. They play with others randomly at the playground but at home, it has been lovely watching their play develop from bickering to setting up a store to inventing games and building forts in the living room. They both beg for playdates, they get them at birthday parties and a few times a month. School and school events give them more time with peers. They are both very social and leaders in their classes. I've forced them to deal effectively with difficult differences and it shows in their interactions with friends of all ages. I value the relationship my kids have with each other above friends who will come and go.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]But don't you think seeing little friends is important as well, but in a different way? I know a lot of families who feel as you do and it just seems like something is missing from the kids' lives...even if they do get along well. It kind of is a normal thing to have non family playmates, isn't it? I would see it as enriching the sibling relationship, to have other personalities and experiences. I know I need to interact with a variety of different people.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]friends at that age will come and go....
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
isn't younger dc out of preschool before older dc is out of school? or could nanny arrange dropoff playdates for older dc and take younger one on playdates herself? make this the nanny's problem. also, i think it's a little selfish of you to make your weekend socializing all about you and dh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Nanny should be making play dates.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Can older dc do an afterschool activity or program one or two days a week? This would replace "playdates" because if itwhile he could be doing something he enjoys
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ because if he likes it he'll be socializing
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]again, not the same. "socializing" and hanging out with a bff and doing things of your choosing, not a structured activity led by an adult, are two different things.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
while i don't think that playdates are the end all be all, i also think that it is a legitimate request from your dc. clearly he or she really wants to spend some more time with preschool friends. I think that once a week your sitter can handle a playdate. Most preschool kids either have a babysitter or a SAHM who can bring the kid to your house and your older dc can either go home with a friend sometimes or bring a friend over sometimes. I can't udnerstand why this is so hard.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I was you last year--while play dates aren't essential, when your kid starts asking for them, they are socially important. Why not just host them all? Invite other sitters and moms to your place--people are used to doing that when there's a younger sib at home.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i am in similar situation. Have found it works well with other siblings (eg. sets of kids the same age). Also, many people in NY have babysitters, so email moms and ask if your babysitter can arrange a playdate with theirs. Host first, then most will not mind your other dc tagging along if your babysitter has them under control. Or, try to sign older DC up for a drop off program and do playdates with the younger one around then.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't understand the problem. I have a preschooler and an elementary school aged child. I WOH f/t and have a baby sitter with the kids in the afternoon. They both have plenty of play dates. My older child's play dates are drop off, so she goes home with a friend or the friend comes home with her and our baby sitter. With the younger child, the baby sitters both stay. If it doesn't work out that older child is at someone else's house when younger child has a play date, older child comes or they all play at our apartment. Both of my kids have always played with one another's friends.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]MY Step DD who is 8 doesn't have playdates. Her mother works and she goes into after care after school. I feel it has really hurt her socially. She has no close friends, does not get invited to parties etc...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]why>? are there no kids in the after care?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i've worked since dd was a baby, she's always attended afterschool programs and has tons of friends and a great social life. I dont really understand your point. Maybe she is just shy or the kids dont like her...?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i good nanny should set up these playdates for you--i think more than needing it, preschoolers like having playdates. or you could always arrange them yourself and then send your sitter or host them at your house. i dont think being a wohm is a good excuse and most of these responses sound self righteous. are playdates critical, no, but kids enjoy them and it's good for them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i think you've got to do the playdates. i work f/t too (and so does dh), so i understand where you are coming from. we just try to make playdates as easy as possible, and usually do them with other woh parents (most of the parents i know work full time). we'll take turns dropping off for a weekend afternoon, take another kid along to the zoo or museum, whatever. also, do you live in an apartment? if there are kids in your building that you could help dc connect with it is SO much easier. our ds plays with other kids from the building everyday.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]My DC rarely have playdates. DH is a SAHD, which makes the whole thing a little difficult. (I wonder how many of the ladies going on above about how essential playdates are would actually schedule one with their DC's BFF if he/she had a SAHD.) I'm not all that concerned about it. They play a lot with each other (they're less than 2 years apart), have cousins close in age that they play with one-on-one, play with friends on the playground after school and a lot of stuff like that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I view playdates as part of life - I like opening up my home to friends and I expect DCs do as well. You can manage it if you work, just a different schedule. Friends are part of life especially for children. I think it is important to learn how to be a good host and to deal with different people outside the family.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I was you last year, and now I accept invitations and then reciprocate, but I don't seek them out. I have to say it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be to get into the rotation and reciprocate, I leave work a little early or work from home that day and finish early, then pick them both up and take them somewhere or bring them home. I do this about once a month and it is manageable, and I do see that ds is learning something from it, how to be a good host, have a friend one on one, do what someone else wants to do, offer a snack, etc. He is in aftercare and that is very social too, the kids there have lots of friends- it is a different kind of socializing though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Do what's right for you family but playdates one-on-one are different then just being at school and are important for social development and conflict resolution. Of course if they have a sibling and parents they are probably getting that at home on the weekends anyway! But I'd try to get one in every now and then.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] POLL: Let's consider the pros and cons of having a family in different Manhattan Neig... 116 replies
- Pro: The Paris offers excellent daycare during the day....
- .the cafe? offers daycare?...
Talk : : November 19, 2009
POLL: Let's consider the pros and cons of having a family in different Manhattan Neighborhoods.
116 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 08:19 AM [ Flag ]UWS (below 110 & Above 72)
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Pro: Riverside Park! Love being close to the river:)
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Two train line choices (C/D & 1/2/3) and Two BIG Parks!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]North of the 80s, the PSes are not great.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Pros: Central & Riverside Parks, Fairway/Citarella, Symphony Space, mostly decent/good public school options; Cons: ?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Cons: Spotty shopping north of 87th Street...But the new Whole Foods is great! Wish we had a Kmart or Target up here!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]That would lower the value of the real estate
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]What would? Kmart? or "spotty shopping"?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Kmart/Target
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]There's a Kmart in the East Village and it doesn't seem to have driven the prices down in that area, I'd say...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]And that Kmart is usually pillaged!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
How is that different from BB&B, TJMaxx or Whole Foods? Kmart at Coopers Union/Astor definately helps that neighborhood.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: grew up in rural PA and Kmart was always the mean kids insult - "You shop at Kmart!" It does seem to have a more negative connotation than a lot of other stores, though I guess that's been replaced by Walmart now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Not if you are around 110. It is great in that area.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]no - i went to columbia. there's not a lot of fresh meat/fish up there i think...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita. loooove the new whole foods.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
westside market has great produce on 110.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
not great restaurants, far from everywhere else
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Couldn't disagree more!!! An assortment of different restaurants--middle of the road, family/local and variety of ethic foods.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]but restaurant per capita sucks and variety doesn't come close to downtown nabes
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Totally agree, however, 80% of those downtown restaurants have no interest in your stroller-bound monster. I eat out frequently in the 70's and 80's and can count on 1 hand the number of restaurants where I have felt not welcome with my toddler. For date night, I can always grab a cab to Spice Market, or the Gansevoort, or etc. etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Pros: parks, museums, lots of "kid stuff" (haircut, clothes stores etc), preschool options. Con: restaurants suck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]great parks, very kid friendly.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Central and West Village
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Con: Small/Few Parks for the amount of children! Bleeker Street and WSQ are always crowded.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]We love the trees on every street. But the sidewalks are very narrow for a double wide stroller!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Too many NYU kids! They are loud and rude.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]As compared to...?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we're in the far west village and never see them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Cons are transvestite hookers then!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]not too many of those around these days
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]there are on my block. always a little scary to run out to starbucks at 6 a.m.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
pros: beautiful housing stock, low density (not many high-rises) great schools, great restaurants. cons: not many parks (though hudson river park is great), more tourists/students the closer to central village you get.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
East Village
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]SoHo/Tribeca
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Con: Too many tourists (SoHo) to go shopping...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Even families with $$$ attend public
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is a pro, right?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: it's a pro, but it's (generally) not true!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think at 234 it's fairly true. Publics for soho aren't really in soho but are more 41/3 (and I agree, that's significantly less true).
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
con; some nasty little brat euro-trash kids run around at the parks...but overall a great nabe
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Pro: Least crowded Whole Foods in the city (Tribeca).
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]tribeca - great transportation to anywhere in the city.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Have you ever been to Tribeca? Have you ever seen a bus there? 1/9 or bust!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Tribeca con: Hipsters left long ago. Replaced by hedge fund guys. there's not much to do south or there. Always heading north, unless BPC floats your boat.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]pro: pretty quiet, still know tons of people in the neighborhood. con: no decent doctors or synagogues down here.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
LES
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]welcoming, hip mommy friends--who use that term ironically.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Either small tight apartments or glass towers--nothing inbetween:(
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]disagree. signed mom in 1600 ft 3 bedroom in one of the brick coops
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Lucky you!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]playdate at my place!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
you're probably right, although I happen to be in 1800 sq feet in a 7 unit/floor building
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]essex street?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
diversity -- race, occupation, religion, economic (btw, I consider that a pro)
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]cons: lack of subway lines/transportation; schools
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]cons: lack of good supermarkets, good korean delis
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]there is not a lack of bodegas. Supermarkets, I agree.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i live way east... no good bodegas. unless you count a place to get your lotto tickets as good. :(
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
pro: in addition to what others have said....lots of great restaurants/cafes/shopping con: I live on the LES, but might as well be in China. I'm having a difficult time living amongst the Fujianese. Dodging the spit, constant sound of hocking loogies, women being treated as second class citizens, lack of basic considerations....really making me crazy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]and you didn't know any of this before you moved?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 06:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]no, snarky, I didn't. I lived 4 blocks north for 4 years. It's amazing the difference 4 blocks makes.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Smart people do their homework first.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
sounds like you are in chinatown, not les
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no, I'm on the LES, but might as well be Chinatown.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]curious: what street? hester?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Canal and Orchard
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that is chinatown
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no, that is not. I think I know where I live.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that is dangerously close to chinatown!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 08:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Murray Hill
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]we live across the street from st. vartans which is great. excellent public school. Convenient to all other areas
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]cons: lack of subway lines; annoying 22yr old crowd Thurs-Sat evening/nights
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Yorkville
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Con: Long bus ride/walk to my dcs school!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Too far from the subway and central park
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Pros: John Jay and Carl Schurz parks. Tons of kiddie class options. Absolutely full of dc to play with. Lots of relatively affordable highrises, d/e bldgs with good playrooms. Convenient to shopping. Cons: walk to subway. let's hope this is solved in the next few years.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I doubt it. If they didn't push to resolve the transportation problem during boom years, they certainly are not going to push it to be completed now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]heard they are specifically pushing to subway now to employ people. they are certainly making more obvious progress on 2nd than I've seen in the past 10 years.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]we'll see how long it lasts...sigh
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. I'll believe the 2nd Ave subway actually exists when I ride it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Carnegie Hill
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Quaint; good shopping/cafes; long ride to any theater venue.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]The occational sighting of the "blue blood socialite" of years past with an outrageous hat and jewels. Makes me giggle just thinking about it!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]occasional? the neighborhood is crawling with blue-blood blondes in Barbour jackets, and men/boys wearing navy blazers with gold buttons, khakis, and loafers on the weekends. ugh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA with the socialite thing, and grew up somewhere cheesy so I like people watching at Yura and seeing all the kids in uniforms. Pros: 92nd St Y and lots of parks, playground, museums, sports stuff (Asphalt Green, the park, etc.) for kids, quaint and not that crowded. Cons: PS198 and if you are under 70 the restaurants for date nights.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Lots of private school kids/hunter running around the neighborhood. Impossible to find good restaurants and too stuffy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]there are som v nice restaurants there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]aside from Sfoglia, they're all over-priced and utterly mediocre, and there's a lack of decent take-out, too
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Pros: beautiful architecturally, clean, quiet, close to park, museums; Cons: socially vapid, almost no good restaurants or food shopping, boring as hell
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Pros: quiet, peaceful, calm and lovely environment. Can see the sky. Near to many schools and museums and Central Park - all easy walks. Close to public transportation - Lex subway, 86 and 96 crosstown buses, plus all the avenues and buses on Mad and Fifth that go east to west. Ever-changing foliage in park avenue medians - tulips, begonias, xmas trees. Good access to many churches and synagogues. Access to incredible resources at 92 Street Y.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]And cons: bad supermarkets (dirty and overpriced). Boring. Too homogeneous.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
South Street Seaport
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Pro: The Paris offers excellent daycare during the day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]The Paris....the cafe? offers daycare?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Cons: The Paris is an option for daycare.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Tourists:( The Peking :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
UES: con subway construction pro: lots of playgrounds, parks, families
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Con: Lots of Projects between amsterdamn and Columbus & 96th Street Station Construction.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Is living near projects really that big of a deal to people? I'm not trying to start trouble, I just honestly don't get why some people warn that there are projects nearby in certain areas like they're toxic waste plants or something. I'm not gonna lie and say I'd walk through them at night, but just their presence in the neighborhood? Subway station construction is annoying, with that I agree.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It isn't the safty issue (anymore), but rather the children who live here attend the local ps. Research has show the effect of social class and parent involvement on general school test score...Under Obama/Bush NCLB, that means reduced funding for low performing schools. So PS 75 draws from an UMC neighborhood (see Riverside & West End), but because of the high % of projects kids, has LOWER test scores, less parent involvement and less political clout in the DOE. We send our kid to a private BECAUSE of that reason.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]How charming. At least you're honest!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
yes, projects ARE a big deal. I wouldnt walk thru them at night, nor would i want my kids riding bikes down those streets. or walking down those streets. or being exposed to waht goes on. sorry, but yes, it IS a big deal. if u are paying thru the roof for real estate (millions), you want nice neighbors who are on the same page as u.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Perhaps you should move to Mayberry, then...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Then seriously, you cannot live in most of NYC, which can be block to block, even in the "nicest" neighborhoods. I live on CPW, and there are city housing projects within 2 blocks of my apartment. If you want everyone your DCs sees to look like you, I know some lovely suburbs you should be looking at.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Sorry. Above is for UWS.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
South Harlem (below 125th, west of 5th): pros= large apts & brownstones, 3 awesome parks (central, morningside, mt.Morris), fairway & citarella. every kind of diversity, close to A,B,C,D,1,2,3. Cons= weak schools, weak retail.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Park Slope
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Pros: incredibly kid-centric, beautiful brownstone architecture, convenient to Manhattan. Cons: such a cliche!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]convenient to manhattan? not really. cons: too long a commute, schools are too crowded, overpriced. one pro you overlooked: prospect park.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If you work downtown, Park Slope is as "close" as UES or UWS.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]not really. if you take the express from w. 72nd to wall st. you're there in ten minutes. the 2/3 from gap won't do the same. and forget the f or the d train.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Other parts of Brooklyn not an option (Brooklyn Hts, Cobble Hill, etc)?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Stuy Town / Peter Cooper Village
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Lots of kids and families, elevator, tons of outdoor space and play grounds.. but kind of secluded even though its in the city it feels like a city of its own.. a little weird maybe?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] TO MURRAY HILL MOTHERS...Any suggestions on Day Cares in the area or things to do wit... 7 replies
- Manhattan Nursery School 8W32nd is a daycare...
- .also has a daycare program....
Talk : : November 18, 2009
TO MURRAY HILL MOTHERS...Any suggestions on Day Cares in the area or things to do with infants?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 05:59 PM [ Flag ]the park on 2nd and 38th (i think it's 38th) anyway they have a kind of coop thing for little kids that i hear is pretty good.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]st vartan's park has a playgroup that is inexpensive, but no caregivers allowed. 36th and lex is wee ones. there is also a gymboree.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Manhattan Nursery School 8W32nd is a daycare
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we joined appleseeds and went to real birth developmental movement classes - she also gives the class at appleseeds- really great.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Scandinavia House. NYU Hospital greenhouse and playground.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Scandivian House toddler room is no longer free during week, as it was four years when my dc was a wee one. Need membership to get in during week.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Vanderbilt Y has good offerings....my dc started there when she was 14 months old....also has a daycare program.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Does anyone know anything about Tutor Time Day Care on 38th Street in NYC? Also, wha... 3 replies
- i prefer a good daycare b/c kiddo gets consistent, daily playdates and there's a cadre of professionals. nannies are okay, but not for me because no checks and balances like a daycare....
- I personally think the best daycare in Manhattan is one that is midtown east -- Children's All Day School (CADS)....
Talk : : November 18, 2009
Does anyone know anything about Tutor Time Day Care on 38th Street in NYC? Also, what are your thoughts on Nanny vs. Day Care?
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 05:54 PM [ Flag ]i prefer a good daycare b/c kiddo gets consistent, daily playdates and there's a cadre of professionals. nannies are okay, but not for me because no checks and balances like a daycare.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Any suggestions on a good day care in Manhattan (preferably midtown east)?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I personally think the best daycare in Manhattan is one that is midtown east -- Children's All Day School (CADS).
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] What is your best advice to wean a 19 month old? 5 replies
- Throughout the night like 3 times she wakes up! Then she nurses to sleep also and on the weekends she nurses every few hours because I'm right there and she can see me (as opposed to during the week when she's at daycare)....
Talk : : November 18, 2009
What is your best advice to wean a 19 month old?
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 01:57 PM [ Flag ]If you've made it this far, I'd just wait until they self-wean. That said, I'm sitting her nursing my 2 1/2 year old!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]you just made me feel so much better :) still nursing my 16 mo old! :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
same as with any kid, cut back one feeding at a time. how frequently is baby nursing?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Throughout the night like 3 times she wakes up! Then she nurses to sleep also and on the weekends she nurses every few hours because I'm right there and she can see me (as opposed to during the week when she's at daycare).
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Are there any daycare centers or early preschool centers (with full time options for ... 4 replies
- Thanks for your input. So it sounds as if there still aren't any daycare or full-time preschool programs in the 70s or 80s, which is too bad....
Talk : : November 17, 2009
Are there any daycare centers or early preschool centers (with full time options for working parents) on the UWS in the 70s or 80s? I only know of Preschool of America and River School down in the lower 60s, and Smarter Toddler on 89th. Can anyone recommend anything in between those locations? Thanks.
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 01:16 PM [ Flag ]The River School is excellent for high ability kids who don't have any behavioral issues like biting or hitting. It's just not tolerated at all. They usually get kids into G&T public programs but they're not as helpful for private schools in Kindergarten. PA is just not good for typically developing kids. They have a high percentage of special needs kids in their 60's location. They cost about $300 less per month than RS if that's a consideration. I haven't heard much about ST since we pulled our deposit from their new location in the 50's. Their 89th street school was fantastic when I toured it a few years ago though, very warm and inviting with a diverse group of kids. Also try the Westside Y program in the 60's. They have a wonderful reputation even though I didn't like it when I toured. And they're also less expensive.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]RS has a very international student body.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]just get a nanny.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Thanks for your input. So it sounds as if there still aren't any daycare or full-time preschool programs in the 70s or 80s, which is too bad.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] WOHMs, how much of your net salary goes towards childcare? This is not a bash WOHMS i... 16 replies
- I agree with this. Daycare in manhattan is about $2K per month per child, but then you don't have to pay for preschool. As for the cost of a nanny -- there are gazillion posts about this....
Talk : : November 17, 2009
WOHMs, how much of your net salary goes towards childcare? This is not a bash WOHMS in disguise; we are new to NYC and trying to figure out a reasonable budget.
16 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 05:16 AM [ Flag ]45%
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thank you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
30% of my personal take-home pay but DH currently making a lot more cabbage than I so a much smaller % of our HHI.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]To figure out your budget you need to find out what childcare will cost and use that number. Your salary has nothing to do with it, that only comes into play if you're deciding if its worthwhile to WOH or SAH.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree with this. Daycare in manhattan is about $2K per month per child, but then you don't have to pay for preschool. As for the cost of a nanny -- there are gazillion posts about this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Right. The point I was trying to make is if she gets a bunch of 10% answers because everyone on today makes 500K that doesn't mean that OP can budget 10% of her pay to daycare. As you said it will be $2k or higher per month.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
40-50% of net depending on the year.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]same here, but this doesn't say anything about what percentage of HHI it is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
35% of base, 5% of base+bonus for past 5 years.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]15%- if you combine with my dh's then 10%-
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, I work at home when my baby is sleeping, and I'm just debating whether it is worthwhile to pay for childcare, which is why I asked.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]its an evolving thing. when your baby is more mobile and naps less, this plan may not work as well as now. also if you get more work or have more time pressure it might not work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's exactly the position I'm in now... I'm a writer operating under deadlines and I'm now working at night till 11 or 12 to get a job done--but childcare would obviously take a huge chunk of my income. I have other children in school too, and so I can't work at night until they're settled, which isn't usually till around 9. I guess I just need to suck it up and pay for childcare.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]do you have SAH friends who'd be willing to swap childcare?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Possibly... although most of my friends have school-aged kids... this is my 4th child and she is a lot younger than the others, so I'm kind of out of the baby loop.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i did this estimate based on my child going to a private school, and me paying nanny for afternoons etc (I'm single parent and wohm), it's a whopiing $60,000 net! Or about $25,000 for childcare. It depends on the age of your child and whether they are in preschool. You need to sit down and work out how many hours a week you need the nanny for. Most people don't take into account how many days the schools are closed for, they actually only oeprate for about 35 weeks a year, which leaves about 15 weeks of fulltime childcare for you to cover as well as school costs and afternoon care. Also, you need to cover nanny's holidays and bonus.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] My mommy friend asked if I could pick up her son from school - she has swine flu. I ... 87 replies
- for a long time. Is she slacking? Are you expecting too much? WHO KNOWS but it is time to part ways in a way that is kind and respectful to both of you. Let her go as soon as you are able to -- can you line up after-school daycare or some other option for the time being? OR can you talk to her about some of the probelms you two seem to be having?...
Talk : : November 16, 2009
My mommy friend asked if I could pick up her son from school - she has swine flu. I asked my nanny - after hesitating and hissing, she said OK. Then, mommy friend called and said she wasn't taking him in at all, she was too sick. I said I will take him! Asked nanny if she would do it, she said no. I had to leave work, run to get him and drop him off. Thoughts?
87 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 06:09 PM [ Flag ]first of all, why are you agreeing to all of these things and not actually doing it yourself, and not asking your nanny. that is not her job and I don't blame her for not wanting to potentially being exposed to it for no reason... not her kid or the one she takes care of.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA! That flu is not joke, I wouldn't take the chance either
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I *DID* do it myself in the end.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Fire insolent nanny. Pronto!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why would you volunteer your nanny to drop off the child when she barely agreed to pick him up? She was nice to agree to the first half--it is not part of her normal duties, and how would you like your employer telling you to go expose yourself to swine flu? It sounds like you are treating her more like a slave than an employee. If you want to help your friend, great, but I think you should be willing to do it yourself (and not ask your nanny to brave the flu).
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have to agree with this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]- [ Removed by moderator ] [ Options ]11.16.09, 09:56 PM [ | ]
The flu part is total bullshit. She had MY KID at a play date, where the other kid had swine flu three days later. She also babysat someone else on Saturday, and the kid has swine flu. Her sisters kid has swine flu. She is beyond exposed to swine flu. The kid she was supposed to be picking up had swine flu two weeks ago, and now the mom has it. You seriously don't think nannies should help out and be somewhat willing when asked to do something not in their regular routine?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]but you asked. and she said no. you could have given a direct order, but obviously you didn't want to use one up.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that is my question - do you give a direct order to a nanny on something like this? Or do I walk on eggshells for the rest of my life with her? I think when she realized I was leaving work to grab the kid, she could have a least hissed louder and said, "FINE, I'll take him". She totally inconvenienced me, and it would have not been a big deal AT ALL for her to walk a couple of extra blocks and grab him.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]direct order? you are not in the military. it is not part of her job. you asked and she said no.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It was wrong of her to say no. Really wrong.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It is part of her job.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Yes I do, in a polite way. As is: "Please pick up John from school, b/c his Mom is not well and asked for help". It's one-off and I expect my nanny from time to time to do (reasonable) things that are not part of the regular routine. She's not a slave, but she's my employee and I pay for her time. Personally, I'd have a talk with my nanny if she did what the OP's nanny did.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So you think it is ok to have asked her?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Having been exposed to it in the past doesn't mean she wants to increase her exposure to it in the future! I wouldn't have asked my nanny to do that (but I probably would have volunteered to help my friend).
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I agree potentially being exposed to swine flu is a good point. But to the other point: how is it not her job to do a favor her employer asked her to, once. She is not a slave, she is an employee.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I wonder if her employer is so nonchalant about asking her to do this, though--and shocked that she refused--what other "favors" her employer asks her to do. I have no idea what is going on in this situation, obviously, but there are many unreasonable employers (as well as employees).
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I ask her to do nothing. She stopped taking out the garbage months ago, I never said a word. She now leaves her dirty dishes in the sink, I let it go. She comes late 3 times a week, at least. I have had her for 6 years, and she has been good, but she is pissing me off every single day more and more. Today's incident makes my blood boil - not because she should have said, "of course, anything you say", but she literally walked out and said, she was not going.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It sounds like this is the last straw, and it's not today's incident so much as what has been building up. If all of those things are true--late 3 times a week?!--then I think that you probably need to find a new nanny!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Didn't you post about the trash thing like months ago?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes - that was me. And many said fire her, others said shut up and move on. This is driving me insane - but I think she sucks and I need to fire her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think she's beyond the expiration date. Being a nanny is a boring and repetitive job with no career path. It always comes a point when performance deteriorates and it's the beginning of the end. For some nannies is 2 years, others 4, but the time always come. Time to let her go.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How do I do it? Now? My kids will be accounted for in June from 8-3. Do I wait until then, or do this now. Please help.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is a bit of a tricky one, as you'd have to hire someone only for a few months. If I was you, I'd let her know that you are not happy with her performance any more. That you expect her to do X, Y, Z (and that includes trash and dirty dishes). You can start with "You know that we love you very much, BUT ....". Chances are that you'll notice a short term improvement, then back to where you are, at which time you repeat. It may take you to the early Summer. From what you say, she's paid well and has tons of vacation. Unlikely she'll leave you. I'd also start doing spot checks, so that she understands she has to be on her best behaviour all the time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Slave??? Oh please. She is overpaid, has the cushiest job, and I think should not have an attitude when I ask her for a favor, that would not be a big deal for her. Seriously, you think SLAVE???
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't know... maybe that is true, but you kind of sound unreasonable and high strung in this post so far, which makes me doubt that she is truly overpaid and has the cushiest job...
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]She is totally overpaid, and had the cushiest job. My kids are both in school for a large part of the day for G-d's sake!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]whose fault is it to over pay her?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So you want me to now underpay her and hope she becomes more willing to help? Ever heard of the research that shows compensation motivates people, and people leave jobs due to compensation??
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
How generous of you to want to exposure your nanny who has the swine flu. I think her response was completely appropriate.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA, what would you do if you nanny actually got the flu and had to be out of work for two weeks, you might actually have to do something for yourself, weird!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]She gets six weeks vacation. I would take off if she was sick - it's not a big deal. She had "back problems" a few months ago and was out for 10 days. It worked out perfectly between me, my husband and my in-laws. What are you suggesting, I don't do anything myself? I do HER dishes, and take out HER trash.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]so keep a committment that you make for yourself and dont make your nanny keep the committment for you, especially if it poses a health risk and makes her uncomfortable
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]There is NO health risk in taking a healthy kid who has already had swine flu to school on a crowded NYC bus, where probably the entire bus is carrying worse germs. Uncomfortable or just lazy?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:55 PM [ Flagged | link to this post ]
I can see why your nanny did not want to get near the mom with swine flu. That said, I am surprised you guys couldn't reach a compromise, like the kid coming downstairs himself so your nanny didn't need to go into the apartment.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The swine flu mom was waiting on the corner - outside the building!!! I would never have her go upstairs to the swine flu apartment!!! This was purely about her being a lazy ass, and not wanting to be inconvenienced, and not wanting to help me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you sound pretty bitchy. you do have to wonder why she doesn't want to help you...
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I might sounds bitchy, because I am furious the more I think about this and justify it to all of you - you should see it for what it is - she completely defied me, did not give a shit about telling me to go F myself. I do everything for this women - there should have been a better negotiation, she chose to simply say NO.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]so then get rid of her if you hate her so much. jeez.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am obviously furious about this, but am I over-reacting!!! Was her response seriously appropriate to me? Do I get rid of her or look back at the past six years and shut up and be happy?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I do think you are overreacting to this situation.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Tell me why. She was extremely awful to blow me off like that, in my opinion.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: You committed her to doing something that isn't in her job description without asking her first. Wouldn't you be annoyed if your boss did that to you?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I did not commit her. I ASKED her if she would do it. She said no. Then I did it myself. I never said, "DO THIS". I said, "can you do me a huge favor and please help so and so, who is really sick, it is only two blocks out of your way", walk-on-eggshells, mousey, mousey, beg beg, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's your problem. You should have not asked, but simply told her (in the nicest possible way, but just told her to do it. Period)
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So she had the right (and you should have been able to expect that) to say "no". Either you ask her (as you did) and deal with her reply or you order her around.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have worked as a nanny, so I've dealt with plenty of crazy moms, *but* if what you're saying is all true--and you're not exaggerating--it seems like you probably need a new nanny. it was nice of you to offer to help out the sick mom. have you had other problems with this nanny?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have been having a lot of problems with her lately. So tell me, do nannies, like everyone, simply get burnt out? After six years, is she just done? Little by little, the things she used to do are slowly no more.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think after 4 years, it must be boring being with same family.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think she probably is burnt out, because if she didn't have a bad attitude when you hired her, it has developed. Maybe you need to lay her off? If your DCs are older now, you might want to get a college student or someone younger--he she may not be a great cook or do laundry, but by being 20 or 22 years old, lets most things just roll off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Wow, thats the way you speak about someone who has cared for your children for 6 years? She couldn't of been all that bad if you have kept her on all this time-or were just too lazy to search for someone new...therefore subjecting your children to subpar care all this time. I dont even think this is a Nanny/mom issue anymore...it sounds like you dont respect her and she doesnt respect you and on some level you both enjoy pissing each other off. If your children are in school all day maybe you could look for other options-like an afterschool program until you can pick them up. This isnt healthy to walk around resentful all day. As for the swine flu issue-you dont really want to take the chance for this to be brought into your home infecting your children...that would be a nightmare. As nice as you may want to be to your friend-she shouldnt impose on you in that way...time to call grammy or have daddy take a day off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
BTDT after about 4.5yrs with our last nanny. She simply got burnt out. She was amazing for 4 years - really the best. Then she wasn't anymore. Started being late, not getting basic things done, hitting me up for more and more money. It was obvious she was ready to move on. It was hard for me, but somehow I was able to move past the anger and part on good terms for my kids' sake. Though honestly she really, really took advantage and was inappropriate and dishonest at the very end. But she was amazing, kind, loving, and reliable for 4yrs. That meant a lot. Burn out is common in this fiield and it's easier to accept that than take it personally. That said, I would give her a nice severance, part amicably, but not give her a glowing reference for further childcare jobs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^for further childcare jobs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How did you find someone new, and did you cross-train?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You cannot cross-train if you are firing someone. Also, how old are your kids? If they are school-aged, you don't really need to "train"--nanny will learn about how your dishwasher works or what DD needds to bring to soccer practice.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Back up a minute here, OP. Your original posting said other mommy asked YOU to pick up other kid. Then YOU volunteered to do so. Nowhere in there do I read what you really MEANT was you would volunteer someone else to do the job YOU volunteered to do. Get off your nanny's back. Take responsibility for what you said YOU were going to do.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]YES - I said "I" would do it. And then I asked my nanny, who sits around all day not taking out my garbage and doing my dishes, or laundry, as she once did, if she could walk two blocks out of her way to help a mommy friend who is very sick, and help ME given I work to pay her to sit around. I DID then leave my job, my office and spent $40 on cabs to get the kid to school, and she knew that was what I was doing, and still left. She could have helped me. I hate her more and more after fighting with all of you here and just re-hashing this total bull shit. Thankfully, one or two of you understand, so thank you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: You shouldn't have said that "you" would do it unless you could do it yourself or had asked the nanny first. And it's really disturbing that you keep using the word "hate" in connection with your children's caregiver.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I DID DO IT MYSELF - which was a terrible inconvenience - BUT OF COURSE I ULTIMATELY SUCKED IT UP AND DID IT. Doesn't mean she was right in refusing to do it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I can't imagine why the nanny has a bad attitude. Since you seem so low-key and easy to work for.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh please. I am obviously furious at this situation, but generally never ask her for anything. Whatever.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It depends on the relationship you have with the nanny. You seem to think that it is okay to "order" nanny around.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I found someone via employer posted ad on craigslist, but in between trialed two people who were not a good fit. yes, we cross-trained because we did not fire our nanny of 4.5yrs. We had a heart-to-heart and agree that things were not working and we wanted to part as friends (she still sits for us occasionally now 2yrs later). Kids are 2, 7, 9yo. this was just after birth of our 3rd dc which was a big factor - old nanny really did not want to do the baby thing again. We did not "need" to have a crossover, but it was certainly a lot nicer for the kids and our new nanny to understand the whole situation honestly.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]- [ Removed by moderator ] [ Options ]11.16.09, 09:55 PM [ | ]
Same exact situation here. So glad she is gone now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: can someone please explain nanny "burn out"? I don't understand why, unless the fundamentals of the job change, someone who was great and honest and trustworthy, would suddenly be dishonest and inappropriate, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think you and your nanny are trapped in some strange, dysfunctional power struggle where she hates working for you but doesn't quit and you don't fire her because you like all the drama and complaining to your "mommy friends" about the latest nanny crisis. And it can't be healthy for your kids.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think she hates working for me (now at least), but knows she will never find a gig this good. Not in this economy. And definitely not this cushy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have no idea, based on your OP or replies, why you continue to employ this nanny - whom you obviously dislike, distrust, and resent. In addition, you feel she is grossly overpaid, underworked, lazy, unpleasant, has a poor work ethic, and a bad attitude. Regardless of her tenure or your perceived attachement of your dc, you have given ZERO reason for continuing to employ this woman beyond poor judgment on your part.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You were very wrong asking your nanny to potentially expose herself; she your nanny, not your handmaiden. Show more respect for her wishes. If I were a nanny, you would never be my employer.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh please, those of you who feel sorry for this nanny - you are obviously nannies yourself, not employers of nannies, and have ridiculously high expectations for how your employer should treat you - NP was completely within her rights to request that her nanny do this for her, and the nanny has a bad attitude and probably should work elsewhere
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I mean OP
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Guess what? Some people here treat our nannies not just like employees. I would have asked nanny to do the favor for me, too, but I would have been ok if she hesitated or refused.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. Not a nanny, just a decent person. And why would nannies come on this site? I doubt it is that common!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It's actually very common for nannies to be on this site. And I'm not sure why you think it's indecent to ask your nanny to do what OP asked hers to do.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Huh? We said that we would have asked her, too, but we would have been okay if she turned us down.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: OP just won't give up.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Here is the thing. You are not happy with someone working for you who you were happy with for a long time. Is she slacking? Are you expecting too much? WHO KNOWS but it is time to part ways in a way that is kind and respectful to both of you. Let her go as soon as you are able to -- can you line up after-school daycare or some other option for the time being? OR can you talk to her about some of the probelms you two seem to be having?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]These replies are sad - HAVE you never needing a helping hand? This mother was kind enough to offer her nanny to help a mother in need to get her child to school. My nanny often runs personal errands while my kids are in school - while I would not ask her to " keep" someone's child I expect her to pick them up or drop them off when someone needs a favor. If my nanny said "no" Id be so upset - we often help our nanny too and it must go both ways!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I can't believe the answers that I am reading here. Yes, when hired, there were certain expectations set regarding responsibilities. However, being flexible once in a while is not too much to ask. Picking up a friend is no big deal as long as she does not have to babysit the kid for a long period of time. If I am asked at work to do something that is outside of my day to day duties, yet i can do and it's similiar to my day to day responsibilities, I wouldn't even imagine saying no. Would expect the same of my nanny as it is just as much of a job as anything else.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You can't believe that there can be two points of view? Why do you assume that yours is the right one and mine is not? My nanny would have the right to say no in this case and I would not be surprised, hurt, or disappointed. Yours, I assume, would not and you expect her to do the favor for you. Neither one of us is right or wrong here. I would just not do it the way you would do it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
the favor is not yours to give. your "mommy friend" either needs to befriend your nanny and leave you out of it, or forget it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think your nanny had a right to say "no", you have a right to expect more. You have to sit down and talk and see if you both are on the same page. If you expect a nanny to be flexible and step in and she doesn't want to or she thinks how dare you had asked her that, you have to part your ways and move on.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't know... I just don't think it is right to commit anyone to doing something without checking with them first. It just doesn't seem respectful. I realize you are the employer and she is the employee but she still deserves some modicum of respect. Then, when you throw in the possibility of swine flu exposure, it seems even less respectful. Just a mom weighing in...
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I would start looking for new nanny. Make sure next one understands job description includes occasionaly asking for help with respect to friends' children. I happen to agree with you that asking her was completely appropriate. I think her response sounds insolent. She is your employee and she is not respecting you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
she has the right to refuse. if you are unhappy then fire her, that is your right
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I don't get those "playgroup interviews" for preschool, what do they judge in a kid? 19 replies
- Try separation at your gym daycare or a mommy and me class or with a new babysitter....
Talk : : November 16, 2009
I don't get those "playgroup interviews" for preschool, what do they judge in a kid?
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 03:36 PM [ Flag ]my dd doesn't stay by her self, and keeps crying hard every interview we go, does she have any chance to get in?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 03:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]prob not
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 03:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Did you apply broadly? She won't get into tt or 2nd tier, but might have a chance at "nurturing" schools like BWL, Hewitt, MM if she has decent erb and school report (I'm assuming they're not able to get much info on playdate).
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 03:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]she said preschool -not K
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
it probably lowers your chance
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
They corroborate or refute erb AND give them an idea of how well socialized kid is, too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 03:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]again - preschool
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
for preschool I think it is just to make sure there are no obvious developmental or behavioral problems imo.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]she has no problems, she is actualy, outgoing, i think is just the process of going to a room without me, and have to play with people she dosn't know
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]at Trevor the kids had to stay in the same room the parents had the meeting with the director...she didn't want to play with the teachers and other kids, she would keep running back to me instead
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np Huh? Don't parents generally stay with 1 1/2, 2 or 3 yos applying for preschool?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
As someone (a teacher) who used to do these: 1) They are to size up the kids basic social-emotional level...Can they separate? Do they parallel play or interact with peers? How do they "share" or show "empathy"? How do they investigate and play in the space (do they wonder, choose one thing, watch other kids...)--none of these are bad, we just try to get a good mix, after all everyone can not be a leader or a watcher. Personally, I like the kids who watch and then figure out where/how they want to fit. 2) We use these playdates to figure out if there will be any special needs support. Our school does not have nor can support special needs children. 3) We use the separation time to figure out how the parents-child dynamic works (or doesn't) in our school framework. I hope that helps. Oh, and btw, sometimes our playdate recommendations get over ruled by upper administration because of a families connections.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]basically, the kids who separate well are chosen first...
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]really? that's awful. IME, those are some of the least interesting kids.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np What a stupid assertion to make. Because you're afraid your clingy child will be dinged (or was dinged), kids who separate easily are "some of the least interesting". Thanks for the insight.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i think you have a point, i know this very quiet, shy kid, he talks very little, started to speak late, and he got in a 2nd tier preshool
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
it's just a little unfair,you can't tell by one playdate how that kid behave
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That wasn't necessarily true, in our case... It helps that a child is comfortable, but we do understand that a 2-3 year old may not separate "perfectly" everyday. You can "practice" separation and make the child comfortable in a school setting...Try separation at your gym daycare or a mommy and me class or with a new babysitter.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]she already goes to a preschool everyday, isn't that funny? it's just at those playgroups that she behaves like that...
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I am supposed to label all my kids' clothes (and I guess bottles) for daycare. Shoul... 7 replies
- I just used a sharpie too. Stuff gets beat to death at daycare and those little labels (from what I saw with other children) fall off too easily....
Talk : : November 16, 2009
I am supposed to label all my kids' clothes (and I guess bottles) for daycare. Should I get those labels you iron into the clothes or just get an indelible marker? Wondering if anyone else has had this experience.
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 03:29 PM [ Flag ]I just used a sharpie!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 03:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]amen on the sharpie. you want to break out the iron-on name labels when it's overnight camp time. that's because sharpies will eventually come off in the camp laundry. as for your kids, they'll outgrow/stop using the stuff with the sharpie marker on it faster than it took me to write this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 05:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I used a Sharpie and I never sent ds in his favorite jackets or sweatshirts. They always seem to get lost. Just a helpful hint.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 03:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. Once a brand new jacket from REI got lost at his preschool! I was really bummed out. If you love it, keep it home!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^sorry, by "his" i mean my son's...
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Not cheap, but Mabels Labels (online) has ones that are like the iron-ons but you just stick them on like stickers (but they don't come off in the wash).
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 04:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I just used a sharpie too. Stuff gets beat to death at daycare and those little labels (from what I saw with other children) fall off too easily.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 05:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] $750 per week, on the books (social security, workers comp etc paid), 4 weeks of paid... 7 replies
- It's definitely on the high end for a 9-6. My nanny (only 1 dd) works 8:00-6 for $600 and she is amazing, helps with the housework even though we don't ask and offers to cook a side dish or make a salad for us while DD sleeps. She's college educated, worked at a daycare previously and wonderful with our daughter. Don't let anyone lead you into believing that the only way to get great help is to pay through the nose....
Talk : : November 16, 2009
$750 per week, on the books (social security, workers comp etc paid), 4 weeks of paid vacation a reasonable salary package for a full time (9 to 6) nanny?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 01:21 PM [ Flag ]Holy crap. I'll take that. I don't get that and I have to wear a suit to the office.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Absolutely. More than fair assuming 1-2 kids.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: only 1 child. Nanny's been with us one year. She's all right, not great. We are starting to wonder whether we are paying too much.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]the 750 is after taxes? How much does it work out to a year before taxes?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^ you are paying at the high end for sure.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It's definitely on the high end for a 9-6. My nanny (only 1 dd) works 8:00-6 for $600 and she is amazing, helps with the housework even though we don't ask and offers to cook a side dish or make a salad for us while DD sleeps. She's college educated, worked at a daycare previously and wonderful with our daughter. Don't let anyone lead you into believing that the only way to get great help is to pay through the nose.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I'm a SAHD and my wife is putting pressure on me to return to work. She said that sh... 53 replies
- what about working part time, maybe at night or weekends so you dont have to do the daycare thing and still be there for the dcs? I did that for 4 years....
Talk : : November 16, 2009
I'm a SAHD and my wife is putting pressure on me to return to work. She said that she has a hard time respecting the fact that I stay home all day and finds me less attractive because of this.
53 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag ]And you don't want to go back to work?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No, I enjoy being home with the kids and I'm good at it. My wife doesn't like the fact that we have to stick to a budget.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Everyone has to stick to a budget. Even if you went back to work, you'd have to pay for child care and she'd be spending more and it still wouldn't feel like enough. It never does.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If your wife thinks that new shoes is more important than the happiness of her family then she's not a fit parent.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Who says everyone is "happier" with him at home?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]He said he enjoyed it and he was good at it. Presumably being good at it means that the dcs are happy. Everyone is happy but her because she doesn't want to stick to a budget. Sounds like a winner to me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Lots of people are good at being at home and enjoy not working. There is no indication that having a father that works outside the home will cause them unhappiness. Perhaps she would like her children to be able to go to college.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Leave her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh, come on...then she'd REALLY find him less attractive!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
As weird as it sounds, and I don't know why - psychologically I would find a man who doesn't work less attractive too. Maybe it's a tribal thing, but I'd feel like he was less masculine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that's rude
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]why rude? it's her opinion.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
wasn't the most masculine in the tribe (the King) the one who stayed home?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree with this, even though I know it's not right. I've just always been attracted to "manly men" and I equate that with being physically strong and being the provider.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ not to say he has to be the sole provider (bc I do work) just a provider.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am not into the whole SAH parent thing personally. I don't think you can force this on her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. not working is throwing yourself at the other person. And at the end? The one that works finds more interest in other people at work, and not in the frumpy housekeeper.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you think all parents should work then and hire others to care for their children?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Honestly, I do believe all able-bodied adults should find a way to contribute meaningfully to this earth. There is a difference between a leave for a baby and spending all day at home when the children are school age.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't find most jobs contributing to this earth. Most only contribute to your pocket but do as you see fit.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I disagree. Everyone has a role and a job to contribute.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]But with all this unemployment, if someone is happy making and keeping a happy home and the family can get by on one salary...isn't also contributing to this earth to not compete for the job with someone else who needs it more? Just because someone feels he *should* have a job?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, the person who feels he should have a job is the person footing the bill for him to stay at home. And her thoughts are relevant.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree hers are. And they should discuss this. But...yours aren't. And you said you think EVERYONE should have a job.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I was asked for mine above- "you think...." HTH
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 02:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
the age old argument - being a sahm is a job but not in your eyes. Have fun at the office
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, are the children at home all day or not? That is relevant.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My DC are school-aged and I find it very meaningful for them to have a parent around when they get home from school.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]And there is nothing at all you could do between 8am-3pm? I think it is ok to say you don't WANT to work outside the home, I just don't believe the implication that people do this for their childrens' happiness.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np You're making the COLOSSAL assumption that she doesn't do volunteer work--whether at her kids' schools or in the greater community.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I would consider that work/contributing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR: Actually, she's making the colossal (and incorrect) assumption that the parent at home is me. It's actually my DH.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So you are into the SAHP thing, I personally am not. I don't think the OP can force this on his wife since she does not agree that this is necessary for everyone's happiness.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think the OP's wife is trying to force a change on him, actually, since the status quo is him being at home. But whatever, your personal feelings aside, it does work out better for many families to have a parent at home, for a variety of reasons.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Many of my friends whose spouses do this express thoughts that they don't think it is better, but that they know they are "never allowed to say that."
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 02:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
what about working part time, maybe at night or weekends so you dont have to do the daycare thing and still be there for the dcs? I did that for 4 years.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what was the agreement (if one was made) when you went to SAH status?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Tell your wife she should worry less about your sex appeal and more about what's best for your DC.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Obviously, there is no clear consensus that this is "best" for children- sometimes I think this is best for the stay-at-home-parent.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Obviously, but the reasons the DW is giving here are all about HER (she doesn't respect him, she finds him less attractive, she doesn't like being on a budget...)
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, because we are hearing his version of events. Maybe this "budget" issue is so the children can have a better quality of life.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Talk to her about it. And don't use these replies in your argument. Your UB research will not impress her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]To me there's nothing sexier than a guy who's good with kids.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]My DH is a SAHD and I totally respect him for it. It's a hard choice for a man to make because, as you see on this thread, there are still a lot of double standards attached to it. I'm sorry your wife has these issues.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]My dh is also a sahd and I find him HOT! He does a great job.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 02:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
What about a compromise? A work from home job or part-time?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm WOHM w/ SAHD - Was she not part of the decision making process that you would stay home or did it happen by default after lay-off? Either way, it sucks and that has to really hurt, and can't imagine how her attitude is going to change absent some epiphany. If it were just the not working part, I would say volunteer - perhaps doing something "manly", but sounds like she also wants the cash. Tough sit. b/c sounds like you have different priorities.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 02:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It's best for your dc to have a parent at home. However, every SAH dad I have seen gets sloppy and lazy. All of these marriages end in divorce when the kids don't need a babysitter any more. The dad has become unemployable and is a drain on the wife. His social network is not the same as a SAH mom. Women have girlfriends, stay attractive, for the most part, and can get parttime jobs or start new careers when the kids are older. Sorry for the bad news, but personally know of 5 couples divorced when the kids could drive!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 05:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]well let's start with what was your line of work before you became sah? why did you choose to stay at home? Is her telling you this shocking to you?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 05:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]this is horrible, but I think of SAHDs as being akin to eunuchs, so not sexy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 05:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]well maybe that is how some people feel but that isn't helping this guy. Plus they made this decision together so maybe if he talks about some of the above stuff we can help him some.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 05:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think if she feels that way, she feels that way. Societal pressure for men to work and the impact that has on we women and how we feel about men cannot be underestimated. I think you should talk it out more but I wouldn't just blow it off and say she's being unreasonable. It's pretty honest and I might feel the same way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 05:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]and just because you talked about it in advance doesn't change the fact that now in reality, this is how she feels. don't focus on the past: deal with the here and now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] WOHM's with toddlers. What time do you leave, what time do you get home, and are you... 34 replies
- Leave home (with dd) at 7:30, dropoff at daycare around 8:15 and pickup at 5:45. We have quality time from the time she's up and on the commute and until bedtime at 8:30. This works well for us....
Talk : : November 16, 2009
WOHM's with toddlers. What time do you leave, what time do you get home, and are you generally ok with this? (Me: 7:30 or 8am, 5pm, and no)
34 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 12:54 PM [ Flag ]8/8:30 leave, 6ish home - I'm very happy to have a well paying job with these hours.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 12:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: If the pay weren't great (e.g. academia), but the work was still fulfilling, would you feel differently?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 12:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]wouldn't know unless I were actually there, but probably.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np--i don't get paid well but feel very fulfilled by my job (and i have had very unfulfilling jobs), so I know what you mean, but for me, I stick it out because it makes me feel good and like I have worth.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I had that and was not happy. These years are short, and yo'll never get that time back.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Leave home (with dd) at 7:30, dropoff at daycare around 8:15 and pickup at 5:45. We have quality time from the time she's up and on the commute and until bedtime at 8:30. This works well for us.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]drop off between 8 and 9, pick up at 6pm. I feel like the day is a bit long for them. would be much better with pick up at 5pm but happy to have a good job and I love working.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I leave home anywhere from 7:30-9:30am and I am home on a normal day by 6:30pm. I like that I have AM flexibility bc younger dc goes to bed early so I don;t have much time in the evenings. Wish I could have a shorter day though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]8-8:30/6-6:30, works for us. I get time with the kids in the morning, DH gets time with the kids at night and then weekends are all kids, all the time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Leave home 5:30-6am for the gym. Home by 5:45pm.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]why? can't you skip the morning gym and spend time with your kids?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh, obesity loves company, doesn't it?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I weigh under 100 pounds = so no
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yeah, but you're only 4 feet tall
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 02:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]5 3
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
right, god forbid she indulge herself in an activity to maintain her health and wellbeing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]DC wakes up at 7ish and i have to be in the office by 8. I might as well make good use of the morning and take good care of myself
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Oh god. Is this a bash-the-WOHM-post in disguise?? Please stop.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: No! A guilty WOHM trying to feel comfortable in my skin.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Leave at 9, home around 6 - work 4 days/week. Love leaving late, but wish I could be home by 5:30 so we could more easily do family dinner. I get about 4.5 hours with dcs on a normal day and feel good about that. Having that fifth day off is crucial too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Leave house with 2 olders dcs at 8:10am to drop them off at school; Home between 5:30-5:45pm. Live-in nanny home with another DC who is 3.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]leave home 8:45 db still asleep. home by 6. he goes to bed at 9:30 - not really - but...
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]7:15, 7pm, yes (not much choice in the matter, so I'm not going to waste time & energy thinking about what might have been).
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Leave the house between 7:30 and 8. Usually not home until 7:30. Not okay with this at all and looking for a solution.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 01:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]leave at 8AM, come back at 6PM. Feels pretty normal.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 02:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ditto
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 03:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
leave around 9/9:15, arrive home 6:45/7. if i can leave work early and squeeze in 45 mins. at the gym on my way home, i do, but either way, i am home by 7. i am OK with this, but DD is still young (18 mos) and, like another poster said above, the weekends are kid-centric, which helps me justify.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 02:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]leave home between 7:30 and 8:30, home between 7:30 and 8:30. no i'm not okay with this. most days she's sleeping when i get home.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Leave at 8am, return at 6pm, yup.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Leave around 9AM, home at 6:30PM, fine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Leave 8ish, return 6ish, feel guilty leaving work early (relative to my childless colleagues) but even more guilty when I come home to my 2 DC who are both tired from a busy day and need dinner, attention and love.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Leave for work at 10:30pm and get home at 7:30am. I have a nanny while I sleep until 3-4pm. I work in finance and am trying out this schedule, which I don't love, but I get to spend a little more time with them this way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]8 am, 530 pm, yes. I work 4 days.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]leave at 9, either DH or I are home by 6. Yes, I'm totally happy w this - I have a great job that I am lucky to have, I have time both before and usually after work to play with DS, and have ME time after DS goes to sleep. Honestly this great balance was the reason why we never had a second.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] When did you...(1) wean from bottles, (2) wean from binkis, (3) wean from spoon feedi... 17 replies
- 3 boys. First went to daycare and I pumped for him so he weaned from bottle at 12 months but took sippy at around 9 months. 2nd two never took bottles, just bf'd. Binkies - 1st gave up binkie on his own around a year old. 2nd two, much to my dismay, stopped taking...
Talk : : November 16, 2009
When did you...(1) wean from bottles, (2) wean from binkis, (3) wean from spoon feeding....
17 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 11:34 AM [ Flag ]1) 12 mos during the day (at 16 mos still does one at night), 2) 6 mos, 3) not yet
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]bottles at 12 mo (switched to sippy cups), never used passifiers and only spoon feed cereal or soup at 15mo.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]DCs are 11 and 9 and I don't even remember. Bottle around a year? Binkie- long before preschool, spoon feeding- zero recollection. I guess it didn't end up mattering much for us. Ha, ha
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]db is 15 months. we've made no effort to do any of these.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ](1) 13 - 14 most, (2) dc refused them (though I first read this as "bikinis" which left me a bit confused) (3) not sure exactly what you mean - if when did I let them start feeding themselves - as soon as they started eating finger foods, but if you mean make them feed themselves with spoon, it was gradual - there are still times I'm shoving food in my 3 yo's mouth with a spoon b/c I just don't have the time to let her spend 35 minutes conversing with her food before she eats it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i was weaned from bikinis 4 months into 1st pregnancy : )
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL--that's how I read it too!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 12:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
1) never. my babe refused the bottle around 8 mo. and only had breast until 17 months
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]oops! hit enter too soon 2) not yet. dd is 18 mo. and NEEDS the pacifier or she will suck on her finger/hands/thumbs and has severe eczema so the pacifier is a necessity. Of course I know the issues with them, but like any parent i decide to do what is right for my baby. SO sick of the looks. and 3) um...if it's messy I still spoon feed her, but if you mean purees, she decided she was done with them on her own, around 15 months, but we did other finger foods along with them all the while.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
1) Still using bottles (milk only) @ 19 mos. 2) She never used them, 3) around 15 mos. DD uses fingers to eat more than utensils, but self-feeds now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]bottles, 18 months. binkis cant. still uses one he is 3.5 at night. spoon feeding 15 months?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]12-14mo; 2.5yo-2.7yo; not sure. all dc were able to do some spoon feeding by 1.5yo, but I still helped out until about 3yo depending on my patience.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]1) the day before her first birthday (she didn't like it anyway) 2) weaned from day use at 18 months (when teething ended) but still uses at night 3.) also at 18 months but she wouldn't eat solid food b/c of the teething - moved from baby food straight to solids after all teeth were in.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 12:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]this is helpful to hear. my 15mo old has 4 teeth and refuses almost all solids. it seems with each new tooth he adds a new food but that he won't be off liquid diet until almost 2!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 12:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
#1: (1) for water/juice at 12 months, for milk at nearly 4yo (AM & bedtime only); (2) 4 months gave it up on his own; (3) sometime btwn 1 and 2yo but even at 5yo he still likes to be fed (we don't do it though!). #2: (1) still using bottle for milk at 1yo, but uses suppy for water; (2) still using paci; (3) except for cereal or soup, has not been spoon fed since 9 mo.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 12:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Your 15 mo can eat soup by themselves? My 18 mo can't even do that!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 12:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]3 boys. First went to daycare and I pumped for him so he weaned from bottle at 12 months but took sippy at around 9 months. 2nd two never took bottles, just bf'd. Binkies - 1st gave up binkie on his own around a year old. 2nd two, much to my dismay, stopped taking binkies at 7 months. I honestly don't remember spoon feeding my first. Still spoon feeding 2nd two at 13 months. When will it end?!! Working on it!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Longshot but any moms who freelance for a living? I'm an editor/writer and so tired o... 21 replies
- The daycares often ahve a lot more spaces at this age, so I...
- What do you do for childcare? Daycare?...
- It's worth a try. I wish there were more good daycare options on the UWS!...
- , but I know others not so lucky). On to the daycare issue: I have 2 dcs, 2.7 years and 7 months. I work...
Talk : : November 16, 2009
Longshot but any moms who freelance for a living? I'm an editor/writer and so tired of high-stress f/t job. I know I could make about 2/3rds of my salary freelancing, which would be manageable. The problem is where to work, literally. DC #1 is 2.5 and won't leave me alone when he's home, even if nanny is there - she does take him out for long stretches but not a full workday's worth. And I'm due with dc #2 in the early summer. Daycare seems the obvious solution but I tried to find a good one near me two years ago and came up with nothing - either the place sucked or the waitlists were insane. Anyone else make this work? Ideas?
21 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 08:23 AM [ Flag ]I am a freelancer but work in the company's offices, on more long-term projects. Could this be the way to go for you?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]The daycares often ahve a lot more spaces at this age, so I would try again?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I do it and it only works with a separate space.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR, you could set hours to work from somewhere else. Coffee shop. Friend's office. With another friend who freelances.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Coffee shops are tough when you have to do phone work. Can't imagine doing a professional interview by phone at Starbucks...
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]depends on the job
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
not to pee on your parade or anything, but gl making 2/3 of your current income freelancing. thanks to all the layoffs and foldings, there are dozens of us lined up for every job that comes along, which isn't very often because most places are strapped and forcing staffers to do the work they used to farm out. two buck a word? forget it. i used to get three and now i'm lucky to make a buck fifty. i know people who are considered tops in the field reduced to doing work they once did right out of school. if you can get a guaranteed set freelance income from your current employer, that's one thing. but don't otherwise expect the assignments to come rolling in.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: I hear you....but I'm pretty darn sure my current employer would offer me a contract. I'm also really well versed in a very niche subject. If not for that, I agree, the income might be dicier than I think.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i would try getting on the waitlists. you could keep the nanny and do preschool alternative with number #1 but that doesn't help you with #2. it's not like you have to quit your job this second. just wait until the wls move.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]freelance mom here and the dcs really have to be out of the house for me to get anything done. no way could i work in a starbucks. op, you could also check out spaces like the writers' room, which you join and pay to have a desk at. the problem is no phones allowed, so you wouldn't be able to conduct interviews there, only write and research.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]What do you do for childcare? Daycare?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]dcs are in school now so i work from 9:30-2:30 and sometimes later if i arrange for afterschool or a playdate.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: yeah...that's what most of the women freelancers I know do....I just hate the thought of being in this FT job until #2 can go to school....three more LONG years. But we need my income.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i would 1) get on some wls now and 2) see if you can negotiate office space from your current employer if only temporarily. it's a win-win for them. you're still doing your job (or part of it), essentially, so it's not like they need the office for someone else, but they are paying you less and no benefits. i would think an office would seem like a fair trade-off from their pov.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks. It's worth a try. I wish there were more good daycare options on the UWS!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Could you work out of your current office?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I could try to negotiate that but I really can't count on it. It's a big corporation and I don't think people can just come squat in the office. They'll turn off my ID once I'm no longer employed there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]also, you couldn't really work for anyone else there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
There's a thing called office pods or something like that where you can rent a desk and have access to conf room and technology
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]this sounds cool. have you done this?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm a freelancer editor/writer, and I work in a very niche area, so that helps. I also have contacts at many different companies, so I always have jobs rolling in, even in this economy! In the past 3 years I only had one month where I didn't have work... and it was December, so I looked at it like a long vacation. The main issues with freelancing are: 1) Cash flow-- sometimes you don't get paid until 30-45 days after invoice; 2) Set aside cash for tax time, because you'll pay at the end of the fiscal year (no witholding from checks); 3) Must rely on husband's for health benefits; 4) Unpredictability of work flow (again, not a problem for me in 3 years, but I know others not so lucky). On to the daycare issue: I have 2 dcs, 2.7 years and 7 months. I work while they nap (1 hr during the day), at night (usually 8-11:30 pm - but not every night), and dh has a great work schedule and gets home at 3:30, so he takes them to the park if needed and I can work a couple of hours. Yes, it's crazy because it feels like I work two full-time jobs, but it does allow me to SAH and make money, so I'm happy. IN all I make 1/2 of my salary when I was working in-house full-time, but then, I only work about 20-25 hours a week, plus I don't have to commute and I'm not paying for day care, so it works for us. Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I've recently moved to the UES and am having a really hard time making mommy friends.... 19 replies
- I think there is a toddler group at the 92nd st y and a few parents-only playgroups at churches, and maybe a toddler group on meet up. It's not you - it's just tricky until nursery school. I was hanging out with daycare people but just started to stay home and may try these things....
Talk : : November 16, 2009
I've recently moved to the UES and am having a really hard time making mommy friends. I have a 2 yo in a 2's program, which I thought would help, but there are only 12 kids in the class and only 4 SAHM. I've emailed two moms and got turned down, for a fairly open-ended invitation. My building has no other young children. I'm very friendly, but actually extremely shy about things like asking for a playdate, by the way, I've always had lots of friends so I think I'm fairly normal, and pretty low key person. Any suggestions for me? I'm really lonely.
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 06:46 AM [ Flag ]Oh I am so sorry, do the playground, the park strike up a conversation on the swings!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I've been successful at striking up a few brief conversations, but I feel weird asking for a playdate with someone I just meet on the swings...will people think that is bizarre?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]If you go the same time every day or the same day every week you'll run into the same moms. After a few conversations it will seem less weird to ask for a playdate.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: you don't need to invite them to your home, you can ask if they want to take the kdis for lunch or meet back at the swings another day, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm sorry about this. I don't live on the UES so I'm curious if this is particular to that neighborhood. When you got turned down for playdates did they basically say they don't do playdates? I can't imagine how they could turn down an open ended invitation.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm very curious about this too, I find that weird...
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]One just didn't even respond to the email (and I know it was the correct address), one just said she couldn't make it at the time I suggested and didn't get back to me about doing it another time. I do go to the same playground nearly every day. I think I'm so distracted by having both kids with me that I'm not able to focus on which moms are there.....I do feel like I mainly see nannies.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]some people are busy. has nothing to do with the OP.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sure, but "would you like to get this kids together sometime" and the answer is "I'm busy for the next 10 years" I don't think that's busy so much as rude.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
try striking up a conversation at pick-up and ask if the mom wants to walk over to a playground or meet at a playground later on. i find outdoor playdates more casual and easier to arrange the first couple of times, then after chatting a bit it's easier to arrange a play date.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I know part of the problem is that I get really freaked by asking for the playdate- can't even manage it in person, but this sounds so casual I think I can handle it. good idea.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
How old are you? My kids are a little older, otherwise I'd offer to give you tips at the very least and maybe even be your BFF. Don't be put off by rejection. I have two older kids so I'm having to reject people all the time. Just a ton going on. Nothing personal! Real nursery school will help a lot.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]37. i think i'm the same age, maybe a few years older than the other moms. not sure. it's too bad because two of the WOHM seemed really friendly, but they are not around during the day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ask the wohms if they want to do family brunch on a saturday or sunday.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am sorry, OP. I feel like some people can be snotty and callous...just because you are busy doesn't mean you can't try to get together for even one playdate in the near-future. Try to throw yourself into as many activities that interest you as possible...babybites, things like that, going to the library, B&N for storytime, doing things at your kid's school if possible, branch out from the playground a little bit. I hate asking for playdates too, but don't be discouraged by the responses you've received. I recently moved here too and found it hard at first but there are definitely nice people around, you just have to "sift through" the snotty ones a bit and find them. Good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think there is a toddler group at the 92nd st y and a few parents-only playgroups at churches, and maybe a toddler group on meet up. It's not you - it's just tricky until nursery school. I was hanging out with daycare people but just started to stay home and may try these things.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]join a moms' group...check out meetup.com
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Do you know of any programs that allow you to bring along a baby? that's part of the problem.....most of these classes are for one kid only. sigh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR. I think the church group things (it's called Child's Play) which are not for any specific religious group? I havent' been yet.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 12:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] This morning I'm giving props to WOHM who use daycare: I only work part-time, and the... 4 replies
Talk : : November 16, 2009
This morning I'm giving props to WOHM who use daycare: I only work part-time, and the whole process of getting dc up and out in the morning on time is kicking my butt, only to be matched by the return process at the end of the day. I guess if you do it full time, you must get your routine down to a science....
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 06:07 AM [ Flag ]I only do it part time, but it's okay as long as everything is done and set out the night before. Most mornings it works. Some mornings everyone's screaming. You can't make everyone happy all the time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Very detailed schedule with babysitter and back up sitter. Calendar planned 1 month in advance and includes dh calendar as well. Nothing happens spur of the moment- it'a all a well orchestrated symphony.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It gets easier once dc and you are in a routine but it is still exhausting :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 06:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It's always a little chaotic! Some mornings are okay, others are tiring.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 07:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Applying out at Episcopal and worried that competition will be tough with legacies...... 33 replies
- That's why you shouldn't have been so happy to have gotten your kid in there. Better to go to 2nd tier or even a daycare if you want a shot at a top ongoing as an unconnected family....
Talk : : November 15, 2009
Applying out at Episcopal and worried that competition will be tough with legacies...
33 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.15.09, 11:48 AM [ Flag ]It will be. But they do a good job, will get you in somewhere. My advice: Listen to what you're hearing from them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 11:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]We have run into two totally horrible families applying out of E during our interviews, so if you are normal you will likely be ok.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 11:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Heard overall really poor scores there and Admin is suggesting prep to up them. Most or your competition are legacies or uber-rich or uber-connected so I'd either quietly push for school you really want or just go wherever they squeeze you in.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What do you mean by bad scores. 70's 80's?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What is the reason for bad scoring?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP: episcopal families are horrible, totally agree.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 12:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Agreed E does there best work when you are on waitlist. I have heard numerous suggestions of prepping this year as well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 12:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Does the psd acually tell families to prep their kid if they feel they won't do well?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I was just floored. Both times, the father showed up 15 minutes late. No apology either time. The second couple, when we came out from our interview he was looking at his watch and basically hollering at the woman that if they can't take them right then, he needed to leave, he could not stay any longer. Never mind the fact that the delay was caused by him being 20 minutes late to begin with. And while waiting, the woman had two loud and obnoxious cell conversations with her 'help'. They obviously must have mega connections but still, DH and I could not believe it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I hope they are shut out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Gross. Was this at a ss?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
tell us which schools you were visiting! you have nothing to lose! describe the parents.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no desire to out myself sorry, I know admissions people read on here, and I am not sure how common what we have seen is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
why horrible?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
tough with legacies and just the sheer number all applying to the same schools. I had never heard of the school before we applied to k and it seemed like every tour we were on the other couple had a dc at episcopal
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You have to take what you get at Episcopal, I feel sorry for unconnected people there when apparently their "connected" people can't get any better than third tier. Look at Browning and Hewitt this year lots of Episcopal families.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 12:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Having been at Browning for a few years now, ( and I was not happy that ds ended up there) I can only laugh when it is referred to as 3rd tier. People have no idea what they are talking about, and I include myself in that category when we were applying. I don't know how such a great place has this rep on UB -anyone? I also hear this year's preprimary class is a stellar group, and signals the direction the new admissions director has in mind for the future.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np Browning may well be a great school but it is certainly in your interest to project it as such.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What do you mean? DS is there, not going anywhere, reputation of school much less important when you are at a place, make friends, become part of the culture etc... Don't think it is that relevant to us personally now. I think is is puzzling why an objectively great place ( except the building-def worse of all the all boys) is thought of as bottom of heap. Not from NYC-what am I missing?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You're missing the unimpressive college list and the low ERB scoring entrants. Otherwise I'm sure it's lovely.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Actually, you're a little behind the times. Out of a class of twenty five boys, five got into ivies (Yale, Brown, etc.) this year, one into the us air force academy (impossible to get into, even if it isn't harvard!), and then there were boys at u of chicago, wesleyan, etc. There was a post about this not too long ago. And the erb scores are higher than ever (the new admissions director has seen to that). Its "weakness" is neither the academics nor the "quality" of its students but, rather, the fact that the facility isn't as fancy as a school like st b's. Having said that, it is a wonderful school and anyone who dismisses it as a poor school really and truly has no idea what they are talking about.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 10:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
That's why you shouldn't have been so happy to have gotten your kid in there. Better to go to 2nd tier or even a daycare if you want a shot at a top ongoing as an unconnected family.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 12:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]People who are not legacy or highly connected re: tt ongoing schools do not choose Episcopal because of the future, they think being at that school is a badge of honor like they belong to a special club or something. I think it is only after their ds gets a 3 on the ERB do they realize how much they live BWL- Iean how screwed they are that their competition is the child of like Lorne Michaels and Ron Perlman (and they never become friends with the to boot).
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, then they're dummies. We had NO connections and didn't bother with so-called "tt" preschools because we wanted a good shot at tt ongoing. Dc now at fc tt. Top erb score *might* have gotten dc into 2nd tier if we'd gone to Episcopal.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
agree. I'm not sure wre all the poor scores remarks are coming from since there are alot of kids scoring high but the school does better with the donar/ legacies famiies and only work harder for the rest when the families are wl everywhere. For my first child we had a bad experience we were wl everywhere and got off wl in march at a 2nd tier. The wealthier families took all spots at tt and unconnected kids who blossomed at playdate but everyone else had no spots. Last year there was alot of unhappy families and quite a few friends pulled their younger kids out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I hate to say this but the unhappy families would have been unhappy anywhere. they went to E thinking it was the golden ticket to a tt school and then got pissed off when it wasn't. if they were going to be accepted to one of those schools they would have been accepted regardless of preschool.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]There is alot of 4 year olds applying to k from this prek. Unconnected families have a much better shot at another school because the psd works harder for the super rich.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]how many apply out?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think it is best if the families ask the director to give you a list of schools to apply. Therefore you might get into one.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP here: does being "connected" mean "wealthy"? Why are people thinking the psd will work harder for the wealthy families? what if - and this is just to explain my question - you are wealthy and UNconnected? what then?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Connected = legacy or board member
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Just pray! Those women in the administration at Episc only work for the money families and then if you don't "treat" them right, you'll get shut out of schools. Scores have been bad there for years. Those cute little bows are pulling the brains out of kids, if they ever had any! AWFUL SCHOOL!!!!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 07:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Does Babby always try to make downtown parents feel like Dalton isn't just UES types?... 115 replies
- I just know that kids came from 45 different prek's and I think many of them are daycares and no name prek's. I think it's easier if you come from no name prek than feeders as non-sib/legs....
Talk : : November 13, 2009
Does Babby always try to make downtown parents feel like Dalton isn't just UES types? Friend had a great meeting with her and said she went out of her way to make sure they knew it would be a welcoming environment to a downtown family.
115 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.13.09, 06:18 PM [ Flag ]Sounds like she wants your friends more than she wants us. We live dowtown, and she didn't say anything about that to us.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Really? Nothing? She apparently did a very hard sell with them. But, then again, friend is respected in her field and in the arts, so maybe this is why. Sigh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]don't you want her child to get in?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I do; just jealous. I know. I suck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, now that you mention it, you do.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I know. I think this process is turning me into a terrible person. Maybe I was always terrible, but I just didn't realize it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh please, give her a break--everyone's checking everyone else out in this process, even those of us who are trying our darnedest to take the high road and not compare ourselves or our dc. putting it out there on an anonymous board in a fit of neurosis is far from evil. -np
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks. I'm normally really happy for people when they get what they want and not the envious type. Oh, well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i don't really care what she does on an anonymous board, fact is she begrudges a child a spot at a school. god don't like ugly.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No, actually I don't "begrudge" a child a spot. You are kind of creepy with your "god don't like" crap, actually. How do YOU know what god don't like--are you Carrie Prejean?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]doesn't sound like anyone's got a spot at a school to begrudge. sounds like her dc and her friend's dc are both applying--and honestly, who wouldn't feel kind of crappy if their friend's dc got in and theirs didn't.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, this or is a freak, what with the god-speak. Honestly, in this day and age to think that someone knows what "god" "likes" or "doesn't" is a little pathetic.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The voice of god or is likely drunk. Just ignore and carry on!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'm hardly the metatron. it's an expression, silly - haven't you ever heard - sheesh, they made a song out of it. you guys are limited.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP: the people who I think of as friends, for them I would be thrilled if they got into the school they loved. That is what friends are like. Anything else and you are not friends, which is fine, but for real, they are not your friends if you feel like that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Wait. Compare ourselves to our DC? what is that about?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
She did "sell" us the school (and we really liked it and her), but didn't seem to think she needed to make us feel we'd be comfortable coming from downtown (maybe because she didn't need to!)
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yeah, well, my friend went into the meeting unconvinced about Dalton and left feeling like she liked it more than she thought she would, so I guess it worked. We, on the other hand, didn't even get to meet with Babby, so we are likely sol.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]if you search it seems that plenty of people who have not met with babby end up getting in. she seems to meet primarily with the sibs/legs/connecteds/diversity and parents at "feeder" preschools.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
We're absolutely nobodies and my dc goes to D with heavy FA but Babby still did a hard sell. I don't think it has to do with whether you're famous or wealthy. If you seem already sold, she doesn't sell. If you seem skeptical and IF Babby thinks your dc is a good fit, then she will sell.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Interesting. What, btw, are the "feeder" schools to Dalton? Any from downtown?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Grace.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Meant preschools.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]First Pres
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What about Chelsea Day or Beginnings?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]They all send their share. A lot from Acorn as well. Many from Beginnings, but that's several times the size of the other downtown schools, so it makes sense.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Huh? Beginnings is small. You mean Acorn?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Beginnings is much, much bigger than the other downtown schools.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^ meaning in terms of number of students, not size of space.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not sure what you mean but Beginnings has only 2 classes of kids applying out this year. Each class has about 18 kids and not all applying to private so unless the other schools are significantly smaller, that's not all that big.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]They have 4 classes applying out, and the morning classes have a lot more than 18 kids (afternoons are smaller).
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You would think with all those kids it would be easier to get into!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: I always thought Beginnings was one of the largest too. J&J has about 20 entering K each year, with 1/2 going public. Acorn about 30, with maybe 1/3 going public.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]BTDT. Beginnings has more like 60-70 entering K. Very few of them want public.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No way 70 and no way all want private. Also btdt.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Morning and afternoon 4's classes (all eligible for public K, many for private as well) and morning and afternoon 4/5's classes. Do the math. It's 4 classes.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
One from CDS last year. Kind of an exceptional kid who got in everywhere.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 11:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]What made her/him exceptional?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 02:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Not Grace. What DT preschools?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OR: I don't know about DT prek's... I just know that kids came from 45 different prek's and I think many of them are daycares and no name prek's. I think it's easier if you come from no name prek than feeders as non-sib/legs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
What is DC like? What do you think made DC a good fit? I love the school but I am not sure if my dc is a good fit. Do you like it so far? Thanks!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, sorry, I stepped away for a while. Dc absolutely loves the school/friends/teachers.. I wasn't sure if we'd fit in socially at first but I was pleasantly surprised to find the parent body very open and friendly. Vast majority of them are nice and down to earth enough to hang out together as families. Most people dress very casually and since so many people are different, I feel like we don't stick out. If everyone's different, nobody's different. Dc is self-motivated and inquisitive but can also follow instructions well. But the kids have all different personalities. Few shy kids but most are outgoing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thank you so much! My one concern is the little Dalton facility. It seemed a chaotic to me. Is it? Would your DC ever have felt uncomfortable in a dynamic environment? I think Dalton is our FC, but I worry that DC will feel out of control. Does that make any sense?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]My dc doesn't complain about the facility though I felt a bit cramped. Bec it's small and only small kids are housed there, the kids are more independent and go around the bldg by themselves for various tasks which is nice, imo. They let the kids be kids but have enough structure as well without stifling the kids. I think it's a nice balance. It might not be such a great place for extremely shy or extremely timid kids though I've seen few kids like that who are happy there. I would not describe D as chaotic but kids are more independent and the school lets kids burn their energy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Cool. DC is not shy at all, just worried about it could be confusing, but it seems like such an incredible program. Thanks for the info.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Good luck!! I think they spend enough time to help kids adjust and I haven't heard anyone concerned about kids being confused... though I don't know your child, I think it'll be okay. :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP: another Dalton (DT) parent here. Little Dalton is great, I don't think the kids feel cramped as they are small, plus the school bought the townhouse next door and is expending, which will create more space. They have separate space for science, art, music, gym, two roof playgrounds. I do agree that it is nice for the kids to be able to go around the school on their own, gives them a sense of empowerment
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 03:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
She met with us, and we did not get in..and we are not UES. At all...
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not UES but what do you do? Do you have interesting professions?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes I suppose so, but we completely bombed parent interview. And they showed up to observe dc on a day when dh took dc to school 30 mins late...except they showed up on time. The whole thing was a fiasco. Just want to forget about it, but I want to apply for younger dcs now. Am embarrassed to face them again.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How did you bomb interview? This is how we felt, too and I suppose also jealous because when I asked friend how theirs went she said it was fun. It's not her fault; she had no idea I felt bad about ours. OK, I need to stop!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Dh turned up 20 mins late, stinking of booze and cigarettes, with 4 days of beard on face. He was so late, we already went into B's office. It was so awful. And apparently they loved dc until then. PSD told us not to even apply anywhere else except citywide.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OMG. What up with your dh? What was that about? We live downtown, and I've never met a dad who shows up *anywhere* in that kind of state. -np
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: exactly! he is not UES or DT, he is a drunk.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]He is ex dh now, and selfish idiot generally. I really resent him for doing that. It would have been funny if it was not so humiliating.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Hope dc got a good spot somewhere!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that totally sucks. are at least happy with DC's school?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, but still would prefer Dalton for many reasons.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Terrible. I am so sorry. His loss, seriously.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
why did you feel so bad about yours? -np
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Yes, it's one of her "things". She absolutely wants downtown families, and the number is growing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How do you know? Does she accept more from downtown these days? Are the people in "cool" jobs or is it just that they live downtown?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]She also wants Uptown (Harlem, WaHeights) and the Bronx families, too. We have some Queens families, though I don't know anyone from Staten Island. K class is 25% UES, 25% UWS, and the rest from Uptown, outer boros, NJ, and what have you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]>ooops forgot Brooklyn. Many Brooklyn families.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Really? From where in Brooklyn? What would be an OK commute from Brooklyn (or, relatively OK)?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The 4/5 from Borough Hall to 86th Street probably takes max 20 minutes. So Brooklyn Heights is easy enough. -np
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Is Borough Hall a stop which only serves Brooklyn Heights? What else in Brooklyn is 4/5?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not sure about 4/5 but people from a lot of nabes many UBers don't discuss.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Maybe there are kids from BH but none that I know of.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: this is just false. my best friend lived in brooklyn heights for years and her dad who was ill lived on 79th St so she did that ride a lot and it is WAY longer than 20 minutes. More like 40 and that does not include the walking to the subway or the walking from 86th/lex to little dalton.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am really amazed that the families travel loooong distances. Such dedicated parents! All over Brooklyn and I don't mean Park Slope.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 06:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I actually think moving to Staten Island could improve a family's chance for admission to many NYC independent schools.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Just like moving to Wyoming would improve chances at HYP!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Maybe we could use fake addresses, and then say we moved close by, after we get in. The opposite of the ps87 problem.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You are 100% correct. I think even moving to Roosevelt Island would be a powerful geographic diversity card. They LOVE, LOVE, LOVE geographic diversity.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I would love to make documentary, and try this hunch out.....
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think it would make a terrible documentary, but it would be an interesting long article in the New York Times.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, it would involve lying about addresses, so probably NYT would not touch it, but Time out or somewhere..
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]there you go, Time Out New York.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]But the poor child I use as my guinea pig would never get into any school in real life. they would be shut out:(
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Hey, there were several families willing to screw themselves in that terrible "Getting In" movie. Not for nothing, but isn;t it insane to think that anyone would lie about their address to get into Dalton or the like?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I watched that the other day. Why would those stupid people ever let themselves be filmed?! Unbelievable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How did they harm their chances, or you think they did b/c schools would look down on it? Did schools know?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I just think it is so demeaning to be involved in a doc like that. People will do anything to be on camera.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, I know Jack Briken is now in public school in Spring Lake NJ (we have a place there). Not the result that she hoped for, obviously.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What's the school that accepted? Browning? Is that all boys, 3rd tier?
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yep yep
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
LOLOL!! You are so right. I don't know about all the privates as some might prefer to be a neighborhood school and there's nothing wrong with that. But Dalton loves geographic diversity so it would help if you lived far away. Opposite of PS87!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I would seriously like to move to City Island.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh, I love City Island. But what a commute to Dalton. How about commuting to Brearley? That might work, you could sail there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]A big chriscraft!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ok, do you have a DD? I do, we can all move to City Island and do "boatpool" to Brearley.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That would be so cool. I'll bet we could do that. Probably need a boat license though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The only thing is Brearley doesn't give you many points for geographic diversity (or other diversity).
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ok, Chapin it is!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Toot, toot, all aboard!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Every K class is different. Ours is nearly 50/50 UES, UWS. A couple of UUWS families and one outside of Manhattan.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 08:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]They tend to cluster minority kids (more of them live outside of ues/uws) together, so some classes are more diverse than others. But as a total statistic to my dc's grade, only 25% from ues.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 09:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we have 8 non-white dcs in our class in spite of that split - although to be fair, only one AA dc is on UES.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 09:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Because it's true, Dalton is unique in that way. We interviewed at another uptown school and when we asked about DT families they said "we had one, but they moved uptown." Signed, Downtown mom of a Dalton DC
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 07:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Babby is so FOH. Her "things" are visible diversity, "cool" jobs for parents and downtown. She's obsessed. Show me a kid from Carroll Gardens with a mom who works for NBC and a dad who works for the NFL and a kid with an 85 ERB and I'll show you a sure thing Dalton accept. Mark my works. She's so predictable. The only reason Dalton's college acceptances aren't worse than they are is because the students of color do well in the college application process as well. Babby is no fool! She's not looking for good, mixed, integrated classes. She couldn't care less. She's looking for famous parents, multicolored faces for show and tell and geigraphic diversity so she can tell people that people are willing to cross oceans to go to Dalton.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 09:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OMG, I'm sorry but you're FOS. You assume only the kids with boring job parents or white parents or live in UES have smart kids?? I beg to differ. Dalton does not have to pick kids who have lower standards, diversity or not. You'd think all the 8 kids who got into Harvard this year (but 5 turned down) are all stupid kids of color who only got in due to affirmative action??
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 09:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm not saying that the diversity kids get into Dalton because of the diversity factor. I'm saying that whether they're geniuses or not, it helps (a lot) with college results and Dalton wants a piece of this.I also know of some really unimpressive kids there (from nursery school--I know the kids pretty well) who have parents with very distinctive jobs. Funny coincidence, I guess. I don't see this nearly as much elsewhere. It's Babby who is FOS. She's trying to "design" classes that seem really interesting on paper. This one's from the Bronx, his one is Ethiopian, this one's dad owns the Jets, this one's mom runs Southeby's. Like that. I admit that it does look "interesting", however the kids don't generally have anything special going on. They passed on several of the most "special" kids in our class in favor of $ or cool parents jobs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 09:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]So, which schools have children with something special going on?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 10:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't know how you can tell who is unimpressive... but there are very very impressive kids (outliers) who balance the scale, too. I haven't seen as many outliers at other schools that much.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 03:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
She told us they had a special club for people below 57th Street. My husband couldn't get out of there fast enough.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 04:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Just curious, where did your dc wind up?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 06:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It's not a club it's a committee - and all it does is have a party once a year to welcome the new (below 34th St) families in each division of the school, First program, MS and HS. There are also Brooklyn and Queens committees and Uptown/bronx committees - it's really just a loose affiliation to help people communicate about transportation/afterschool stuff - and mostly for the lower school parents - big HS kids travel on their own and it's not a big deal. Now, probably 1/3 of the school now comes from the west side, downtown, outer boroughs - we're a long time downtown family - and it was unusual when DC first started at school, but no longer. BTW - totally unconnected family, didn't interview w/ Babby, boring jobs, summer birthday, shy, quiet, bright kid. All the UB theories are jokes. It's the kid and building a class.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 07:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Ah yes - took the tour and loved the place as did dh. Went back and told PSD who turned around and said she could not support our application if we applied since the whole class was applying (some legacy and sibs) she could not support our application there as a non legacy non sib - we read the writing on the wall and did not apply
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 09:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OMG that is insane! What preschool?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 12:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that is really awful
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 12:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Maybe she honestly didn't think your kid would be a good fit and was saving you the hassle of going through the process.
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 12:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Who the f*ck is Babby?
[ Reply | Options ]11.14.09, 01:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Dalton doa
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
yes but didn't mean we got in
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] My 9 month old is big and is doing things early. I feel like the daycare is pushing ... 3 replies
- The daycare should know that walking early is no indication of higher intelligence later in life. A lot of kids who walk early are no smarter than other kids, just have better balance and coordination. However, I don't think the under 1 year old group are really prepared for a 9 month old that walks, which may be why they are pushing it. There is a lot to do with little babies that makes it harder when one is mobile. It's also dangerous to let babies have tummy...
Talk : : November 13, 2009
My 9 month old is big and is doing things early. I feel like the daycare is pushing to move her into the 1 year group and I'm resisting because who knows if she is going to continue on this track. Am I over reacting? I just want to let her be a baby. I'm sure it must be hard for the teachers have her stomping around the 2 month old babies - but she's still my baby.
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.13.09, 02:32 PM [ Flag ]The daycare should know that walking early is no indication of higher intelligence later in life. A lot of kids who walk early are no smarter than other kids, just have better balance and coordination. However, I don't think the under 1 year old group are really prepared for a 9 month old that walks, which may be why they are pushing it. There is a lot to do with little babies that makes it harder when one is mobile. It's also dangerous to let babies have tummy time if one is walking. Not only that but I am guessing she really doesn't want to stay immobile anymore so she is probably always on the go. Even though she is a baby, just try moving her up. She can always go back if it doesn't work but will probably enjoy being around other kids who are mobile as well. She will be a little behind b/c of her age but that's fine at this point b/c they aren't really doing highly educational stuff.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 04:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^who are mobile. She will be a little behind b/c of her age but it's okay at this point b/c they aren't doing highly educational stuff.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 04:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I completely agree with this response. At nine months, keep her with the babies her age. We've had a little of this with my two-year-old and did move her up a month early but only because she was one of the oldest in her "class" and thought she might thrive more if she was around kids her own age and older. But still, we waited until only a month early. I think being with their own age group is important--especially before they are talking and learning the more "educational" stuff.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 04:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Do any of you SAHMs feel as though you're taking advantage? I have one child and feel... 15 replies
- FT work. I was a teacher for the past seven years, and I just feel as though I'm not doing enough, that I am not busy enough. I have the urge to contribute financially, at the same time most of that money would go to a nanny or daycare if I had to work....
Talk : : November 13, 2009
Do any of you SAHMs feel as though you're taking advantage? I have one child and feel like I'm not helping enough, though I left my job to move here for my husband's and haven't found another. So hard to figure out the puzzle of work/mom!
15 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.13.09, 09:51 AM [ Flag ]No, I honestly never felt that way. I'm the one raising our child.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 09:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Taking advantage of what? I think staying at home is much harder on a day to day basis then going to work in a nice office.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 09:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It crosses my mind now and again but I have been SAHM for 4.5yrs. I have only really thought about it when dh job became unstable and saving money became more important.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 10:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I sometimes feel like I'm lazy, though I know I'm not. I just tend to feel guilt easily. When I worked PT, I thought that work was sooooo easy- the days I worked were literally my days off. I try to remember that when I'm feeling like I'm not contributing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Only if you have FT help.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 10:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't have FT work. I was a teacher for the past seven years, and I just feel as though I'm not doing enough, that I am not busy enough. I have the urge to contribute financially, at the same time most of that money would go to a nanny or daycare if I had to work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 11:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You are a SAHM, the job is important enough. On days I have from work, I'm lucky if I can maintain the house in the same shape at the end of the day, and I'm a superhero if I have dinner ready.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 11:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My friend and I discuss this all the time. I'm a WOHM and she's a SAHM and as the SAHM, she has so much more of the home responsibility than I do. She has to do all the appointments, the upkeep, the holiday gifts, the sorting out of the social life. I have to do a lot of that, probably 60-70%, but my DH still does SOME of it. So if you're doing the 50/50 thing AND staying at home, it's probably an off balance, but if you're keeping life running while your DH keeps the finances running, keep it up.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Lucky you! I WOHM and do almost everything. I do work less hours, though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 10:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]He's barely keeping the finances running (not really his fault), however.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 11:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Absolutely not. I am raising our children, which is equally as important. I do however, take care of everything house related, do all of the cooking, shopping etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 11:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]right--but you said, "our." i don't want another, but sometimes I feel the job is very manageable with one. that said, it was virtually impossible when i WAS working!
[ Reply | Options ]11.13.09, 11:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I do, only because my husband complains about the bills and seems stressed all of the time as a student and sole earner. I actually have more education than him and have more earning potential. We do not live near family that could help with childcare and agreed we did not want baby in daycare.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think it might depend on the age of the children and how many. Right now I have a 16 mo and am pregnant. I definitely do not feel as thought I'm taking advantage. My husband and I both work very hard and both appreciate each others efforts.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am a SAHM of one and have been for 4 year. I am expecting #2 in Jan. I have NEVER felt like I am taking advantage. I honestly feel like I work 3 jobs, childcare, cook, and cleaner. IMHO my job is just as hard if not harder. I really wish I had some help.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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