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[+] Who here truly feels that where DC goes to preschool/elementary/high school truly wil... 33 replies
- is this bc you are SAHM?...
Talk : : November 20, 2009
Who here truly feels that where DC goes to preschool/elementary/high school truly will affect his/her life that dramatically? Honestly I don't believe it matters as much as people think it does. I went to public schools, second-tier college, and ended up in fabulous job.
33 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 12:15 PM [ Flag ]ITA!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I hear you, but where I went to high school demented as it sounds gets people's attention in away you should understand from reading this board alone plus it opens you up to a completely different level of networking (when you are older of course) my classmates are doing incredible things and the common tie between us allows us to call up the other for a career change, discussion or opp. Does that make sense?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: yes, but most of my colleagues went to ivies, and there i am in the same place as they are. agree that networking makes a difference, but it's not the only difference.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]But it is such a huge network that is dispersed, all going to Harvard for instance while wonderful I am sure is not the close and similar experience that being Spence '83 is for instance. Or Spence any year for that matter. I went to an ivy but I never use the alum directory for networking only my private it actually has a more impressive roster for my year!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What kind of impressive work are your fellow alums from your class doing?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I don't know, I went to fancy-schmancy schools, and I don't think I have ever really used that network in my career. In fact, I'm always a little embarrassed to mention where I went to school. I still talk to my best friends from high school, but I don't think any of us feel we benefited much as far as networks. I do appreciate the great education, and I think it is natural that if you get a bunch of pampered, educated rich kids together they will go on to do some pretty incredible things relative to kids with less resources.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think 'fancy-schmancy' is what gave away the fact that you didn't actually go to one but ok
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: huh? do they train those little spence darlings not to say "shmancy"?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL, nice try. I do think it gives away the fact that I don't take where I went for K-12 very seriously, and I definitely don't think it determined my life's path. I can't even think of a situation in which I have gone through an alum directory to "network"! I now teach at a fancy-schmancy University, and the students I most enjoy working with--and many of the brightest-- are usually from publics. Different strokes...
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP. i hear/use "f-schm" all the time and i went to andover/stanford (2 degrees).
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ha! I love these assumptions. I went to a fancy-schmancy school too (not in NYC) and have never used it for any networking or anything else.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
To me, the education itself matters more than the job it leads to. It is possible to get a great education at second rate schools, but its easier to do so at first rate schools. My guess is that the first years of that education matter about as much as the other years. So, yes I do care.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]is this bc you are SAHM?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wow; astute (if a bit cynical), but not quite on the mark. I'm DH who can't get or keep a job, but who manages to contribute in a variety of different ways... for which a well-rounded education is very useful (e.g. reading laws, navigating bureacracies, solving technical problems, coming across as a high-level person), as well as life-enhancing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I suspect that more moms without Ivy-level college are more private school obsessed than moms who have BTDT. That is always the sense I get, at least on this board. They ramble on and on about the import of education, yet their posts are full of spelling/logic/grammatical errors. I think moms who have it don't worry so much about it either way. They know there are many ways to get to HYP, or not, and have a great, rewarding life either way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^OTOH, i also think there is another cohort of moms obsessed with private not neccesarily for educational reasons, but as if they are trying to get into (or were accepted by) an exclusive country club.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i ignore spell/gram issues -- i never proofread and i assume no one else does either. the ignorance and lack of curiosity is a bigger problem. suggests posters are rich folks living in a bubble.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Lazy writers are lazy thinkers.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: i think that everybody makes typos sometimes, but i agree that some posters consistently make elementary mistakes (your vs you're is a pet peeve) and it makes me wonder.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You are totally on the mark. I went Ivy and have a grad degree too. I know you can transfer into Ivy easily - although many here probably don't know this or believe this. Dd zoned for a good public so private is not a necessity. There are actually some very good schools that don't cost $35K a year and your child will still get a great education.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It doesn't matter one bit for the majority of people. Then there are those rare few who rise above against insurmountable odds from the ghetto school and wind up at Harvard and those mediocre students born with a silver spoon in their mouth who know how to rub elbows and work connections.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 12:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I absolutely believe it's important at the university level--but as for elementary, junior high and high school--not important. The rest of the country could give two craps whether your kid went to a tt NYC school or not. Seriously, it's ONLY the NYC crowd who gets spun up over this and we want to believe it's globally important so we don't feel like schmucks for putting ourselves through this self-induced hysteria.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA but it's funny - my city friends who went to Stuy and Ivies have never even heard of most of the tt schools UBers talk about!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^plus I grew up in nearby NY burb and always knew about Stuy/BxSci/BklynTech but had never heard of a single NYC private school. So it is a pretty insular world.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
prestigious schools have nothing to do with accomplishing things in life. Life in general or in a Career. People talk about it so much on here and it seems like insecurity. Its probably the greatest thing they ever did that they can still hold on to. If a person has talent, focus and drive they can accomplish anything. I went to a million different no name schools in different states, never finished college and still have worked for 6 major NY companies making 6 figures by my mid twenties. Peoples obsession with who is who and who went where on this board is laughable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ok, but then you have no education, who cares how much money you make if going to Europe is going to be lost to you
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: I know plenty of kids who went to TT schools but are not educated. Going to an elitist school and taking trips to Europe does not an education make. Ask Paris Hilton.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL. Paris Hilton is hardly a good example--being that she was kicked out of Spence.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 04:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So if she had only had a few more years there she would have been transformed?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 04:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Who said I have not gone to Europe? What a weird comment
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: you think only people that have gone to prestigious schools can appreciate europe? really? what about asia? or africa?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 02:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think it is important. I don't care about prestige, but I do care about the quality of education--probably because mine was mediocre until college (where it was above average) and grad school (were it was excellent). Did my not-so-great high school stand in my way careerwise--not at all. Do I feel inferior or lack confidence--absolutely not. But I am aware of a missed opportunity to be challenged in a meaningful way, to be exposed to subjects on a deeper level that might have made a difference in career choices I made.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 04:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Seeking Advice: I am a SAHM with a 27 month old and 13 month old. They are generall... 6 replies
Talk : : November 20, 2009
Seeking Advice: I am a SAHM with a 27 month old and 13 month old. They are generally healthy boys, but the 13 month old was in the hospital for 2 days (Sun night-Tues pm) for bronchiolitis. We are now treating at home and all is going well, he's getting better. Had a follow up with pedi on Wed and he saw fluid in ear. Today's follow up the fluid was still there and cloudy. no infection, no redness. the pedi left it up to us if we want to treat now or if it becomes infected (I have a script). I'm torn as I don't like medicating unless necessary, but he's been through a lot and don't want him to be uncomfortable when I can prevent it. Neither of the boys have had an ear infection and I have no experience with this. WWYD?
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 10:35 AM [ Flag ]I don't think you can make a wrong choice. He will likely get over without medication but it might take a little more time. If you have never given ABs, one time won't hurt... but nothing wrong with watching him either.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm an MD (not a pedi!), and I wouldn't fill it now if it were my dc. Getting better, no sign of infection. Nice that they left it up to you, but that means they don't think you need to treat now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: thanks. I forgot to say 2 things...she did mention that if it was her child she probably would treat...but less due to the symptoms and more because he has been sick and he's not 100%. also, she did not request another follow-up appt for the bronchiolitis, so unless he has symptoms of the ear infection we probably won't be back for a few weeks (to get his flu booster). if I do start treating, we would have to go back 2 weeks after to make sure it all went well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]treat, Having btdt with Bronchiolitis/RSV/asthma etc, I have never had fluid that did not turn into an infection
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thx everyone. so I have 1 for, 1 against, and one "either way". LOL. can't say this makes my decision any easier!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Our son had fluid in his ears all of the time before he got tubes. He never got an ear infection, though. I think it's likely the fluid will disappear pretty fast, if it is only there b/c of illness, and if he's like my son it's likely that it won't get infected!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 11:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] What age were your children when you began to really enjoy being a SAHM? I loved eve... 11 replies
- OP: I probably should not have said "SAHM" in my original post. It must be hard as WOHM too! Anyway, I completely agree, still waiting for walking and talking and hope things will feel a little more enjoyable....
Talk : : November 20, 2009
What age were your children when you began to really enjoy being a SAHM? I loved every minute that I spent with my first born but with my second I feel that I am struggling. I think that it is difficult for me to bond with him the way I did with my first because my attentions are split and my energy is drained. I feel like an awful mom.
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.20.09, 09:57 AM [ Flag ]I feel EXACTLY the same way. I am so worn out and I am not enjoying the baby period at all. I just want to get on with things! How old are your DCs?
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is going to sound horrible. The baby is 13 months old. My first is 4.5 yo. I really felt like once the baby hit a year, things would get better. But they are still really hard and I feel like I am wishing his life away.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]13 months is a hard age...now you have to deal w/ the mobility/safety factors...but #2 will grow up just like #1 did...what do you mean "wishing his life away?"...that sounds scary, but i'm hoping it's a typo
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]All I mean is that I keep wishing him to be older and I am not enjoying the moment that we are in. Ugh. It makes me sick to think how you might have interpretted that. Sorry. I just don't want to suddenly feel like he is 3 yo or something and all I did was wait to get to that age.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR: I get what you meant b/c I feel the same way. Mine are 7mo and 2yo. Things are really hard right now. I have been counting down the days until DB is 9mo, because that is when DC#1 began sleeping through the night. I know there's no guarantee, but I hope that DB is going in that direction. It's really hard and I'm sad to hear that it doesn't get any better once they reach 1 year. I have been waiting for that time as well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: i know what you meant and ITA. dc #2 is 17 months and i frequently (and secretly) can't wait for her to be ready for preschool.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: i think she meant that since she's wishing the baby years to go quickly, she feels like she's robbing him of these next few years that she "should" enjoy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: i am a wohm w a 5.5yo and a 13 mo and i feel the same way. i just can't wait until he gets older and is more independent. i too though 1yo would be better and it is, but not sufficiently. i keep thinking that until he walks and talks it's just too hard!
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: I probably should not have said "SAHM" in my original post. It must be hard as WOHM too! Anyway, I completely agree, still waiting for walking and talking and hope things will feel a little more enjoyable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I take much more pleasure in my older dc. I love babies, but not for hours at a time. By 2yo I enjoyed them more, but it really took me until 3.5 or 4yo to love the games and activities for hours.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks to everyone for the replies. It makes me feel a little better to know that other moms feel the same way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 10:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] My nanny has been with us for about 1 month. Today she asked about doing a nanny shar... 24 replies
- , but now she's trying to find an apartment in the city, and it's difficult. She wants to try and find a SAHM with a child close in age to ds, so the 2nd family can be flexible with our needs, when we have sick kids,...
- if she were a sahm with school aged kids or something? I wouldn't send my kids to queens for a nanny share at nanny's house there....
Talk : : November 19, 2009
My nanny has been with us for about 1 month. Today she asked about doing a nanny share in the mornings, while my dd is in school, but ds (2) is home. Anyone btdt? We really like her and want to keep her, but she says she needs more pay.
24 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 03:38 PM [ Flag ]It depends what you are paying her. If you are paying her a decent rate, I'd say no.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]is she underpaid? shares can work, but they are more complicated and should benefit both parties. her total pay should be rougly 1.5 current so your portion drops to .75X. Your situation will be complicated since it's just a morning share. Whose house will it be at; do you share the same parenting/food/nap/discipline styles? I think what would concern me most is that your new nanny accepted your position with the known pay, and is now (only 1 mth later) saying it's not okay.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think she really thought she could work with the wage we were paying, but now she's trying to find an apartment in the city, and it's difficult. She wants to try and find a SAHM with a child close in age to ds, so the 2nd family can be flexible with our needs, when we have sick kids, school closings, etc. I'm still not sure how I feel about it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Is she new to NYC? where was she living before? as long as you are okay with it and get some $ savings yourself, then go for it. not sure how easy it will be to find someone who just needs help for mornings though it's worth a try.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]She worked in NYC for her last job, but commuted from westchester. I think I am open to it, as long as it's beneficial to my child, in a way and not negative to my ds in any significant ways. Hopefully it won't be every day Mon-Fri....I told her I still want her to take him to one class a week, and ideally get him out one other day a week, but I guess I'd be fine if he did that with the extra kid, as long as he gets out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
what does nanny share mean?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]1 nanny-2 kids from 2 diff families
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]in your house?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yours or the other families. Some families swap. Possibly in the nanny's home...if she were a sahm with school aged kids or something? I wouldn't send my kids to queens for a nanny share at nanny's house there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think that if she's making these kinds of requests after just one month on the job, you are in for a bumpy ride with this woman.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i don't think asking after 1 month means she's dissatisfied. it could be that another family recently offered the nanny share. if was a nanny and had an opportunity to make more money, and to give my first charge a playmate as well, i'd probably ask too. the main thing is you should be on the same page with the other family's rules and their kid.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP, like other posters, I think what concerns me most is not that she wants to do nanny share, but htat she accepted a job and is now presenting this idea 1 month into it. at any rate, I would do it, but on YOUR TERMS. that means, if she wants to find another mom to drop HER KID off at YOUR apartment every day, and pick him/ her up (or nanny can take a walk with your kid to drop this other child off), then fine. but anything short of that, is just unfair.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What are you paying her for how many hours of work? You haven't answered this question yet and it's important.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]800/cash for 55 hours a week. She's a teacher, educated, experience as a nanny and in her early 30's.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i was the poster who said that she might not be dissatisfied, but $800/month is a pretty good gig...so i'm a little surprised now...that she feels short on cash. i used to be paid $300 a week FT so I suppose that's why I was sympathetic to the nanny wantign more pay. But this is a little weird. Anyway, you are the employer, you're in charge, if you say no, it's not a big deal, right?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]she's paid well. so her dissatisfaction would concern me. plus her hours are already on the high side, so taking on extra work would also concern me. sorry, but i don't think it's a good sign.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]She currently works 2 nights a week babysitting to make extra cash, so if she did this "babysitting" as a share, she'd have more free time, which I think would be good for her. I couldn't imagine working 55 hours a week and not making enough money to pay my bills. And given the hours, she wants to live close by to alleviate commuting time. And I do need a nanny on time so I can go to work...I just want everyone to be happy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]this is not making practical sense. so she's working 8am-7pm (or 7am-6pm) for you, then going to another job 2 nights a week working another ~5hrs (so 65 a week!) and making ~$150 extra. Even if she sits 4hrs a morning x 4 days (you say not every day and just mornings) she can expect an extra maybe $10/hr for $160 total. So she won't be netting anymore than she is now, which she's already telling you isn't enough to live on. This is just not a good setup. She needs to work less and live in a less expensive area like most ppl making that much do.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
that is a LOT OF MONEY. She has chutzpah.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I do not tolerate re-negotiating. Unless something drastic happened in the last month, when she took the job, her pay and your arrangement were agreed upon. All of these %, and decisions-- you are compromising the freedom, security and consistency you are paying WAY WAY to much for. There are plenty of nannies looking, who would accept less and STILL be grateful and loyal and professional. Move on from her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
WOW. She is makin 32K OFF THE BOOKS and has the chutzpah to tell you she wants YOU to rearrange your life like this? sorry, but the fact that she is trying to push you around like htis 1 mo after starting is QUITE disconcerting.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 05:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Please don't do this. What if anything do you know about other family, their dc, their habits, their demands? For $800 your nanny should be at your disposal for your convenience.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm the OR. I know it's a bad economy but that's actually not an especially high salary -- less than $15/hour, which is the starting salary for many nannies. If she is truly a teacher and educated, she can probably get more even in this market -- people really do pay $18 - $20/hour for some nannies, although they have to be truly amazing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Why did she accept the job and now 1 month later, she needs more money?? It happens to me once - girl was too greedy - she left me the minute someone else offered her a penny more... don't bother..
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Do you think having kids later on (late 30s/early 40s) keeps you young or ages you mo... 5 replies
- i think what aged me was being a mom and a wohm at age 40. no time to go to the gym or take care of myself. now that i sahm i've finally lost the baby weight and feel like i look pretty good for my age. that said, i'm still a lot more pooped than i was when i was younger....
Talk : : November 19, 2009
Do you think having kids later on (late 30s/early 40s) keeps you young or ages you more quickly? Why?
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 11:43 AM [ Flag ]hmm...idk...a older mom will probably make more of an effort to stay in shape and healthy for 2 reasons: i. she is more aware of the age difference so wants to take every measure to prolong her life ii. she wants to minimize the contrast between her and the younger moms. However, i have 2 aunts who are 50 yo grandmas and they really make me want to be a young mom. Their kids are out of college, so they are really able to enjoy stuff with their kids as friends almost, rather than the old parents who slow them down. So..I guess my answer is, it depends.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]keeps me young. Had dc at 40.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Younger... had first at 39, twins at 41. Chasing after toddlers/preschoolers is great physically. Being reminded by their young innocent perspective constantly confounds the tendency to get stuck in one's ways. And FWIW, in Manhattan, I seem to be very average aged vs the other mom's in my DCs class.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 02:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]honestly, it aged me. i always looked ten years younger than my age through my 30s. once i had dc at age 40 it all caught up to me and then some!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 02:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i think what aged me was being a mom and a wohm at age 40. no time to go to the gym or take care of myself. now that i sahm i've finally lost the baby weight and feel like i look pretty good for my age. that said, i'm still a lot more pooped than i was when i was younger.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 02:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Does anyone else's child NOT have playdates? I woh f/t and have 2 dcs. weekends tend ... 49 replies
- ha - signed a sahm i bet....
- friends. I think that once a week your sitter can handle a playdate. Most preschool kids either have a babysitter or a SAHM who can bring the kid to your house and your older dc can either go home with a friend sometimes or bring...
Talk : : November 19, 2009
Does anyone else's child NOT have playdates? I woh f/t and have 2 dcs. weekends tend to be family time and if we do playdates it's with friends that dh and i want to catch up with. My younger dc who is in preschool is begging for playdates which is just hard - have an after school babysitter but also older dc would have to tag along...and I don't know when else to fit this in but i feel guilty. Someone tell me I am not the only one.
49 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 09:45 AM [ Flag ]I don't but I have twins. I feel guilty about it but I don't think it really matters.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Can older DC do drop-off playdates while sitter takes younger DC to his/hers?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]time to do drop off playdates
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]maybe you should put the pre-schooler in an all-day program like CADS.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]believe me if there was an all day program available i would - could stay longer at preschool but costs $ and difficult with schedule of other dc. older dc doesn't really do play dates either...see - i feel like i am raising two socially inept kids.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]but that's even worse! school is not a playdate.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I think play dates are important for developing more intimate relationships and a chance to socialize one-on-one.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ha - signed a sahm i bet.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I work until 1 or 2 and then pick kids up at school and either have a friend dropped off with me or drop one of mine off- or have other parent pick up mine and hers and then go pick up at about 5.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]doesn't really work if you work until 5 and have a dc with homework to get started on too
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]What do your dcs do from 3 when school ends until 5 when you stop working?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]they are with babysitter - sometimes go to park or bookstore - stuff around neighborhood or come home to have snack/play with eachother. depends largely on weather
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Can babysitter handle dropping kid off at play date or looking after another kid for an hour or two?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]My babysitter used to have other kids (and the other kid's sitter) over to our house - or the library - or met up in the park.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
hijack - what kind of work do you do where you are off by 1 or 2? always looking for ideas for part-time
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm a preschool teacher.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
tee hee hee. signed: wohm mom, who has a little guilt that 5 YO DC doesn't have many PD. one or two a month max.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I don't think you have anything to worry about. They get lots of socialization at school. I was in a similar situation as you and my kids who are now a bit older are social and form great friendships.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]this is sort of like saying adults get plenty of socialization at work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]yeah if you got to spend most of the day playing, painting and clownging around with your co-workers
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]so dumb. all of my friends growing up (that i chose, i was forced to play with my mom's friend's kids) were from school.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^and by the way, I've also formed great friendships at work. Still fiends from old co-workers at my first job out ofcollege over 10 years ago.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]you seem to be missing the point. you form friendships at school and work but you see/saw those friends outside of those contexts.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Started doing drop off playdates when dcs were 4. I work FT but have an au pair who shuttled the kids. I don't think kids will suffer if they don't have them but it doesn't hurt either.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]when I was a kid i just played with my brothers. Now have an only child now and i thought that daycare (before she was in school), then school and now that she is older, after school activities she had plenty of social interaction. i guess you need to do playdates if you dont get out of the house much. certainly play & solcial interaction is important; glad i never had to run my schedule around setting up play appointments though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]not to make too big a deal out of this, but an arranged playtime with a special friend is different from "social interaction" with random dcs you meet out and about or in the context of some other activity, like afterschool. in this day and age, setting up play appointments is sort of part of the deal of being a parent.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]agree. but i think it can get out of hand when a child's every day is scheduled with playdates and not just "play". not to flame, but i think a lot of playdates are sought in an effort for the mother to gain access to certain social circles, not necessarily who the child would choose for their date. My point is that too much importance can be placed on the playdate. It can seem like there is a competition for certain friendships.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't do playdates because I think it is more important for my children to bond with each other than any other children. I have a 7yo boy and 5yo girl. They play with others randomly at the playground but at home, it has been lovely watching their play develop from bickering to setting up a store to inventing games and building forts in the living room. They both beg for playdates, they get them at birthday parties and a few times a month. School and school events give them more time with peers. They are both very social and leaders in their classes. I've forced them to deal effectively with difficult differences and it shows in their interactions with friends of all ages. I value the relationship my kids have with each other above friends who will come and go.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]But don't you think seeing little friends is important as well, but in a different way? I know a lot of families who feel as you do and it just seems like something is missing from the kids' lives...even if they do get along well. It kind of is a normal thing to have non family playmates, isn't it? I would see it as enriching the sibling relationship, to have other personalities and experiences. I know I need to interact with a variety of different people.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]friends at that age will come and go....
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
isn't younger dc out of preschool before older dc is out of school? or could nanny arrange dropoff playdates for older dc and take younger one on playdates herself? make this the nanny's problem. also, i think it's a little selfish of you to make your weekend socializing all about you and dh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Nanny should be making play dates.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Can older dc do an afterschool activity or program one or two days a week? This would replace "playdates" because if itwhile he could be doing something he enjoys
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ because if he likes it he'll be socializing
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]again, not the same. "socializing" and hanging out with a bff and doing things of your choosing, not a structured activity led by an adult, are two different things.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
while i don't think that playdates are the end all be all, i also think that it is a legitimate request from your dc. clearly he or she really wants to spend some more time with preschool friends. I think that once a week your sitter can handle a playdate. Most preschool kids either have a babysitter or a SAHM who can bring the kid to your house and your older dc can either go home with a friend sometimes or bring a friend over sometimes. I can't udnerstand why this is so hard.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I was you last year--while play dates aren't essential, when your kid starts asking for them, they are socially important. Why not just host them all? Invite other sitters and moms to your place--people are used to doing that when there's a younger sib at home.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i am in similar situation. Have found it works well with other siblings (eg. sets of kids the same age). Also, many people in NY have babysitters, so email moms and ask if your babysitter can arrange a playdate with theirs. Host first, then most will not mind your other dc tagging along if your babysitter has them under control. Or, try to sign older DC up for a drop off program and do playdates with the younger one around then.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't understand the problem. I have a preschooler and an elementary school aged child. I WOH f/t and have a baby sitter with the kids in the afternoon. They both have plenty of play dates. My older child's play dates are drop off, so she goes home with a friend or the friend comes home with her and our baby sitter. With the younger child, the baby sitters both stay. If it doesn't work out that older child is at someone else's house when younger child has a play date, older child comes or they all play at our apartment. Both of my kids have always played with one another's friends.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]MY Step DD who is 8 doesn't have playdates. Her mother works and she goes into after care after school. I feel it has really hurt her socially. She has no close friends, does not get invited to parties etc...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]why>? are there no kids in the after care?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i've worked since dd was a baby, she's always attended afterschool programs and has tons of friends and a great social life. I dont really understand your point. Maybe she is just shy or the kids dont like her...?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i good nanny should set up these playdates for you--i think more than needing it, preschoolers like having playdates. or you could always arrange them yourself and then send your sitter or host them at your house. i dont think being a wohm is a good excuse and most of these responses sound self righteous. are playdates critical, no, but kids enjoy them and it's good for them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i think you've got to do the playdates. i work f/t too (and so does dh), so i understand where you are coming from. we just try to make playdates as easy as possible, and usually do them with other woh parents (most of the parents i know work full time). we'll take turns dropping off for a weekend afternoon, take another kid along to the zoo or museum, whatever. also, do you live in an apartment? if there are kids in your building that you could help dc connect with it is SO much easier. our ds plays with other kids from the building everyday.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]My DC rarely have playdates. DH is a SAHD, which makes the whole thing a little difficult. (I wonder how many of the ladies going on above about how essential playdates are would actually schedule one with their DC's BFF if he/she had a SAHD.) I'm not all that concerned about it. They play a lot with each other (they're less than 2 years apart), have cousins close in age that they play with one-on-one, play with friends on the playground after school and a lot of stuff like that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I view playdates as part of life - I like opening up my home to friends and I expect DCs do as well. You can manage it if you work, just a different schedule. Friends are part of life especially for children. I think it is important to learn how to be a good host and to deal with different people outside the family.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I was you last year, and now I accept invitations and then reciprocate, but I don't seek them out. I have to say it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be to get into the rotation and reciprocate, I leave work a little early or work from home that day and finish early, then pick them both up and take them somewhere or bring them home. I do this about once a month and it is manageable, and I do see that ds is learning something from it, how to be a good host, have a friend one on one, do what someone else wants to do, offer a snack, etc. He is in aftercare and that is very social too, the kids there have lots of friends- it is a different kind of socializing though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Do what's right for you family but playdates one-on-one are different then just being at school and are important for social development and conflict resolution. Of course if they have a sibling and parents they are probably getting that at home on the weekends anyway! But I'd try to get one in every now and then.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I am interested on being on the board at dc's school. How does that happen? Do they... 37 replies
- c'mon its simple networking--get the board list of current members and work it (sahm use your noggi please)--and give $ too!!...
- with some advice for all the people who clearly don't know what they are talking about. First, I am not a sahm (and your comment was offensive to all who are) and am currently on a number of corporate and non-profit boards. Each...
Talk : : November 19, 2009
I am interested on being on the board at dc's school. How does that happen? Do they ask you? Do you ask them?
37 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 06:56 AM [ Flag ]give a big donation. or else invest a lot of time volunteering for other duties like the fundraiser or the PA
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Right ... but after i've done that, how does the board process happen. Who initiates?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]they think of a list and consider. Approaching them is not going to get you anywhere.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why do you want to be on the board? Is this a nursery school or K-12?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]K-12. Interested in how the school is run ... capital decisions, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]c'mon its simple networking--get the board list of current members and work it (sahm use your noggi please)--and give $ too!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]if you cannot figure this out how will you figure out the capital budget??
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
honey, if you dont know how this works, you're not an appropriate candidate. sorry.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]eyeroll, please
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]w/ev. we all know this type. bored, unqualified individual who thinks her money qualifies her for an important job but doesnt have a clue how to get things done or be helpful to her institution. trust me, the people on the board know how to navigate.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i work with boards ALL the time, they might as well be people who are interested and have money. most of these people are self aggrandizing blow hards that can't get out of their own way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]self aggrandizing blow hards who know how to navigate themselves onto the board, natch
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: while i agree that could have been said better, OR is right--you really need to be extremely involved with the school in order to be considered for the board. unless someone is very powerful or very rich, they want board members that are an impt part of the school fabric. if OP is, she should make her interest in being on the board known to the school director or a key board member.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
btw, i don't think volunteering matters so much. boards are typically comprised of big donors
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OP here again ... with some advice for all the people who clearly don't know what they are talking about. First, I am not a sahm (and your comment was offensive to all who are) and am currently on a number of corporate and non-profit boards. Each industry has its own protocol in choosing board members. In some, if you approach the board and "ask" it is really not appropriate. In some others, they are always looking for members so are happy when people approach and ask. Since my dc is in K, i was simply curious as to how schools work in this way. And, I assure you that if you use the words either "honey" or "noggi" during board meetings, you will no longer be welcome. Thanks!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol !! good for you@
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]good luck op. i assure you that your entitled attitude will take you far!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]quickly tell which corporate boards, because I want to short them ASAP. Anyone as sophisticated as you, (nuancing the different ways to get on a board), asking for info like this on UB must be a stellar corporate director. Are you a GM or AIG director?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Atleast she is not on any of our DC's school boards yet, that is good to know. I think OP is a veteran co-op board member.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]totally. her corporate board experience is on the "board" of her friend's startup technology firm. sigh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Still you come here seeking advice, hilarious!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]also I meant noggin-- your very small brain
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'm still trying to figure out who called her a sahm. man, this one is three kinds of crazy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]trying to figure it out--figure what out--Suzy did it..whats to figure out --which anonymous poster did it..go get em, so funny
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]somebody did, up in the top part. the same person who typo'd noggin.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]yup. see it now. sorry.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]and so? what a detective
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Either need to be a (very) big donor or have something else "special" to offer board - either "diversity" or a skill they need (legal, investing, education, real estate, etc.). Anyone else not in one of those categories - fuggetaboutit.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I was approached by a current board member who I didn't know, but was friendly with at drop-off and pick-up. She asked if I'd be interested and then I had to fill out an application and 6-weeks later, they called and offered me the position. Now that I'm on the board, I also realize there is a separate step where they all get together and gossip about everyone who turned in an application and sometimes it's not so nice.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]as opposed to when after drop off people get a coffee and gossip not so nicely..oh people can be not so nice, like where ever they are..did you expect fancy board proceedings, a lot of power point??
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Filling out an application and providing a lot of personal details is very different from people getting together and talking about you. What's your problem this morning? You seem like a very contrary cranky butt! I'm glad I don't have to deal with you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]She's just jealous that she's not board worthy...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]you do I am chairman of the board--lol, your right I am pissed off today--but it does not surprise me, people are gossips--with or without sensitive info at their fingertips..but regardless, sorry for being nasty though
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have been on a school board, and can tell you many of them are self-perpetuating (nominating committee or person sits on the board). Every school is different, but they generally look for: alums to help perpetuate the culture, big money donors ("money boards"), or people with professional skills they need (law, finance, medical, architect) - usually it is a mix. They will need to know you well, so get involved now. Every board is charged with fund raising, so volunteer for the annual fund, it would be a good start. BTW I have worked on school budgets as a board member, so I can answer any burning questions.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 09:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]If you have a good bankroll..what would be a good amount to give to the annual fund but stay below the radar of school thinking you are big money but it still be a meaningful amount??
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 11:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]All the schools publish the annual fund donor list. You will be able to tell from that. At our school, I think that amount would be about $5 - 7.5 - $10k depending how under the radar you want to be. They publish a "gap" number, which is code for what they would like if you can afford it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 12:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ps - any amount is really appreciated. Often they are going for % participation.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 01:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I feel like like DH has weird shopping issues. For example, last night he came home ... 14 replies
Talk : : November 19, 2009
I feel like like DH has weird shopping issues. For example, last night he came home with a down comforter for DD's crib (not that I expect him to consult me on every purchase but I feel it's odd he didn't say to me "Hey, what do you think of getting a down comforter for DD?"). I looked online & easily found the same comforter for $50 less than the site he purchased it from. And he also came home with a bag for my yoga mat which I only use at home (He asked a while ago if I wanted a bag & I said no since I don't ever need to carry the mat bc I don't take classes.) With the mat, he also spent an extra $6 to expedite shipping, which seems pointless to me. He works & I am SAHM & worry about saving $$.
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.19.09, 06:01 AM [ Flag ]I understand that he may find shopping entertaining, or is using "gifts" to express himself. Encourage window shopping, and encourage him to try 'gifts" that aren't material things that cost money. He may be looking for validation, appreciation, etc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: Thanks for your input....I think the validation/appreciation things makes sense esp since right now he feels underappreciated & stressed at work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Some working away from home partners may impulse purchase simply out of a moment of 'connection' to the family they are 'away' from. Try to imagine their place: If you spent much time away from the day to day hours with your loved ones,esp. a small baby, these may be a way to remain closer. Don't let it make you nuts and try to sympathize without making it a big deal. Show appreciation in the moment and practice patience by broaching the economics away from the moment.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]The above poster is 100% correct.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. I think it's rather sweet!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: That's a nice way to look at it, thanks. I just get frustrated that he spends $ on silly things.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I know and I've been in both of your shoes. I am the super economical one and have given him a hard time about the same issue. When I was on jobs and missing my daily place, I STILL go for the better deals-unless it's something I'll only find once.My partner finally got scared off of expressing himself in those ways and I missed it. He's finally coming back around...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]*that's why I posted above.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: Yeh, my DH is sort of going thru a rough time lately w/ work/stress/etc & has recently said things like "I feel like I can't even get the smallest things right." So I want to be sensitive to him & keep my mouth shut. I just thanked him for the yoga mat & he seemed happy to hear it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
WOHM w/ SAHD here and I can relate to this explanation - but I'm also a skinflint so do bargain shop for my purchases - plus dh is a big sweet tooth so a good cupcake work for him
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I love this reply. I love it when people are thoughtful (both emotionally and intellectually) on UB. We need more of this. Whoever you are, you should post on UB full time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ditto. very insightful. I do the same thing as the OP's dh and this explains a lot of it. thanks insightful mom!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, maybe just this time;, so Thanks! I could just relate to the OP & husband, so I replied when I usually don't.I'd been razzed on UB for being soooo perfect nearly anytime I posted anything positive.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 10:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
This is really sweet that he's being so considerate. $6 on expedited shipping is obviously wasteful, but in the big picture it's nothing. Just as long as he's not wasting $ every day, take pleasure in his thoughtfulness!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] My 3-year old has swine flu and so I stayed home from work on Mon and Tues. My boss ... 85 replies
- np: who wrote the above? a man or a woman? and are you wohm or sahm if it was a woman?...
Talk : : November 18, 2009
My 3-year old has swine flu and so I stayed home from work on Mon and Tues. My boss left me a voicemail this morning saying how "disappointed" he was that my DH didn't stay home with our DS yesterday. I don't even know how to respond! I work for a co with 3 employees, I have ZERO benefits or job security and they change my hours willy nilly to fit their checkbook. And my DH, who is top mgmt and his very large firm, is supposed to stay home? How would you respond?
85 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 12:23 PM [ Flag ]Disappointment is part of life.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I guess his side of the argument is that when you're out, the company's manpower is down 33%. I think he is pretty rotten, though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, I worked from home, so manpower wasn't really affected. He's made the comment in the past that he feels like he is "subsidizing" my DH's firm. I was stunned when he said that and had to point out the fact that DH's firm actually subsidizes MY firm by providing me with all the benefits that I don't get here, therefore making it possible for me to work here!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why hire a woman who misses work regularly to take care of her children unless she was a single parent?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh shut up - 2 days is hardly "regularly"
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]regularly = every time her kids are sick. Pretty regular to me. But since I hurt your feelings, I'm sorry.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: who wrote the above? a man or a woman? and are you wohm or sahm if it was a woman?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
2 days this time, but since this is obviously an issue that comes up regularly, it's 2 days regularly.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I don't get it, why is manpower not affected because you work from home?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You are going ot hate my response. I think working women should make every effort to make sure they are not handling 100% of the childcare duties no matter how senior their spouses are. It just causes a circle of women not getting promoted. I foudn it very annoying whem my female colleague missed so many work days, and I had to cover, and never expected her husband, also a senior law firm guy, to miss. She was pretty senior too, mind you. It's one more reason to hire a man over a woman. i don't care how senior your hsuband is, he's a dad too. He should stay home every other day with your child. Really.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]*small voice* I agree *hanging head in feminine shame*
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]are you op?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No, NP sorry.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
And by the way, what do your benefits and pay have to do with who should handle the childcare responsibilities. It seems like youa re acknowledging that your DH should NOT miss work for your child, since it miaght negatively affect his job, however you are questioning why your missing work negatively affects your job.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i don't hate your response, i just disagree with it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why don't you find a new job, and in the interview, sugggest to the interviewer that your DH has a very senior level job, so will not be able to miss his work to take care of impromptu matters with the kids-- you will handle these. Make it clear you will be taking the kids to doctor visits, and covering flus, etc, and make sure this is OK with new employer.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]all that is personal information. it doesn't matter what her dh does (in our home, dh works a blue collar job, so can't take time off). you don't ask permission to be human. shame on her boss.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It doesn't matter what her DH does, ITA. What does matter is how many days she is missing work. If it is 2 days a year, I am certain her boss would not mind. If it is 5, that's significant.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
most jobs give you a certain number of personal and sick days which you may use for whatever purpose and for which they should not begrudge you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]moreover, your boss can't mandate the equity in your home.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No, but he can tell you that you can't take days off without notice.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]how much notice is one supposed to be able to give for sick days. Hello boss, I will contract the flu next week and will be taking 2 days off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]and i feel a bout of stomach virus coming in january. stay tuned.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is specifically in response to "can't mandate equity in your home." Well, no, he can't. But an unscheduled day off is an unscheduled day off, and he does have a right to ask that you minimize those (by having DH take a turn).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]he shouldn't bring your husband into it at all. he can ask that you minimize, and sh*t happens, or h1n1 happens.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't disagree, but I think asking you to minimize a sick child is effectively the same as asking DH to take a turn. So yes, I think he could've been more tactful but the message is the same. Unplanned missed work day sucks for managers, especially in such a tiny company.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ITD. Sick leave is for you, not DC. Last minute days off, prolonged vacations, etc., are all not okay even if you have the days.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not the case, my employment contract specifically states that I can use sick days for sick DC's.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]not most places, not even in my tiny 7 employee shop
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]not so fast - sometimes it's for children.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. How many people actually use up all of their days off?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]My company calls it "unplanned time off" and doesn't specify who/what it should be used for.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Since OP's company has three employees, I doubt they have anything resembling this policy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I replied above that my employment contract specifically states that I can use my sick days for my DS.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I personally never use all of my personal sick days, even though they could be used for DC. DH and I take turns.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
That's a good point. If you have x personal days, and don't go over, then just call your boss and saying you are taking a personal day, not need to supply any more info.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
ITA. DH's job is substantially senior to mine, but he's stayed home/worked from home on days when I had to go in. We take it on a day-to-day basis - if he's got to be in a face-to-face meeting, they he goes in, if I have clients coming in, he stays home. On days when both of us need to put time in the office, we have been known to trade off (both of us work 20 minutes from home, in opposite directions). It's not always me missing work and both of our bosses know this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Another WOHM and ITA
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am stunned so many WOHM would agree with this response - the U.S. has a dreadful attitude toward work/life balance of working parents and needs to get out of the dark ages. Women want to or have to work, and there are men who want the ability to assume 50% parenting responsibilities without having it threaten their career. Shame on you
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: ???? It sounds like you and the OR agree with each other, so I'm not sure where the "shame on you" is coming from.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Who are you shaming. You think this or any woman should be able to take off work everytime her kids are sick? My kids have missed over 10 days of school already, and it's November. Kids are sick A LOT. Spouses need to share responsilibility,
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What does this mean? If OP is the only parent that takes days off, then her boss has a right to be annoyed. We are only saying that DHs need to share the burden, and that being a woman in and of itself does not mean you should always be the one to miss work. We're AGREEING with you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
please, please, please tell this to my dh, who always says "but i have a lot of work to do!!"
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i wouldn't respond at all. he's disappointed - how fascinating for him - he'll have to get over it. (you need to consider another job, though)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]DH and I try to be fair about the days we take off for DS, but it doesn't always work out that way. He has the more demanding job, so I take off 75%. Like the other poster said, though, if you're always doing 100% I can see where the annoyance comes from.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So sorry, I know how you feel. My boss, who has a SAHW, once told me "you know my kids get sick too, and I manage to come into the office". Not sure what he was saying there, friend in HR said that was actionable not that I would go there. My dh does actually take alot of the days, but I don't report it to my boss that that happens, he doesn't know the number of times I have come in when child is sick.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]As a mom I sympathesize with you. As a manager and if this happened all the time, I agree with your boss. Sorry.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]please then do us all a favor and hire only men at your workplace so you don't have to worry about it
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Men/women have nothing to do it. If I had an employee that regularly missed work for whatever reason, it's going to cause all sorts of problems.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm a BigLaw partner and so is dh, and there is no reason at all that your husband cannot pick up some of the childcare responsibilities. No doubt one of the reasons that you are forced to work on such unreasonable terms is because you carry all the weight at home. DH needs to step up at least some of the time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP here - so funny to me that you are all making the assumption that my DH doesn't take time off to stay with our DS when he's ill or otherwise, quite the contrary! This board is ridiculous! I posted earlier this summer about a funny text I got from my DH while he was chaperoning a field trip, and I got questions regarding whether he was unemployed and chaperoning field trips is the mom's responsibility, etc! So ridiculous. This just happened to be a week where my DH could not take off, so be it. And, yes, I do have sick and personal days that I should be able to use at my OWN discretion.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It's a pretty reasonable assumption to make, based on what you wrote. ("And my DH, who is top mgmt and his very large firm, is supposed to stay home?")
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. You explicitly stated that he is "top mgmt" [in] his very large firm," otherwise, how would we have known. I'm sorry your kids are sick. That stinks. I think you might need a nanny. Or a new job with a more understanding boss.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You kind of said it in your post "my dh, who is top mgmt. . ." I'm one of the ORs above, and I sympathize. Boss never knows that dh is home with the kids unless I'm annoying and report to him that I came in when my ds was sick. . . GL to you, hope the worst is over for the swine flu.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree, didn't make any assumptions about your husband, but posted that your boss can't mandate equity in your house. Maybe you should call and not give him any information, and say you're working from home.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]We only can make do with what you posted, and this is what you implied.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My DH quit his job 18 months ago to be a SAHD and I think not having to play "my job is more important than your job" every time one of our DC gets sick is probably one of the biggest benefits. Better for my career, better for our marriage. The American workplace has a long way to go in terms of being accommodating to working parents.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, my world is rooted in reality, not a power struggle. My DH's job IS more important than my job. If we lose my job, whatever, if we lose his job, then we lose our benefits, etc. That's a much bigger worry.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So if you think of your job as not important, it's probably showing and that's what your boss is reacting to.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I didn't say it wasn't important, I said that my DH's job is MORE important.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Same difference to your boss.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OP again, and for all of you who are assuming this is such a "regular" thing, my DH's firm actually provides back-up childcare for instances like this, but there is, understandably, a swine flu exclusion this year.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sigh... one more time: We are only responsible for the information that you give us. It seems unreasonable for a boss to complain about two days off if it's a first occurrence or rare occurrence. If that were indeed the case, we *assumed* you would highlight that in your post. But you didn't. So at best your post was unclear and did not provide enough information, but that's your fault, not the fault of the responders who gave replies based solely on the information you provided. We're not mind readers.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP asked the board how they would respond and no one even really answered. Just made a bunch of assumptions and gave their opinions. If she had asked for an opinion, she probably would have included more details.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: If she had left out the sentence about her DH being too busy and important to miss work, she would have gotten better responses. (And I'm not sure why she even included it if DH regularly takes off work for stuff like this like she claims.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. No even sure what the importance of DH's job or the no-benefits of her job have anything to do with it. A job is a job. She took it. She agreed to it. The fact that they offer her no benefits is not an excuse for her to do whatever she wants.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wow, a woman stays home with a sick child, uses sick days that she is contractually allowed to use for her sick child and now she is being accused of doing "whatever she wants"? You're a moron...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]YEs, it's your job. Do accountants take vacation 4/15? Do u take vacation wo advanced notice? Do you resch MD appts if needed? Just bc you get these benefits does not mean you can use them whenever you want. Doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman. Op's boss is angry bc he clearly needed her there, and she had an alternative.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sick time and vacations are not even comparable. You are indeed a moron.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sick time for DC when there is another caregiver is
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
All the debate centered around the "You're going to hate my response" post. So no, no one was answering OP's question, but a spin-off, which is fine.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
So then tell your boss that this was an extenuating circumstance that will never repeat itself and you apologize for the inconvenience. But that's really not how you described the situation in your original post.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]bah. don't apologize.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
a dh (and a boss): this is why I don't want to know why people are out. You work X number of days you get Y number of days off. So, 1. don't talk about why you are out. Just that you are. 2. why does your boss presume to know when your husband does/does not work?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thank you!! people share too much information, then get dinged over it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, if it's an unscheduled day off, then some explanation should be provided. If it's scheduled, then who cares?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If you work in an office of 4 people, they either know you are a good worker or not. I tell my staff, "Don't abuse it and don't tell me why you are not here. I really don't want to know."
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sounds like OP is not a good worker based on boss's reaction.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I wouldn't jump to that conclusion at all. You know nothing about her or her boss and, in this economy, if she were a shitty worker at a THREE person firm, she would be replaced.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ita. One of my employees take off all the time for her sick DS, and I 100% support her bc she works hard. If this is OP's first time off and get boss is bent out of shape, clearly something else is going on here.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i think your boss's comments were overly personal, but i don't agree that you should always be the one to take time off work, just because your husband is in a senior mgmemt position. I am a manager and I wouldn't want to hire someone who took 100pc responsbility for childcare on the grounds that her husband was too senior to do it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You obviously haven't read the entire post.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 03:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Np: I'm inclined to stick to this version. I just find it hard to believe that she would be yelled out for using two days of sick leave in Nov when she doesn't do it all year round.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would think that as a senior person, like your dh, assuming no pressing conflict, should easily be able to take off. I'm a big law partner & one of the benefits is that I can take off whenever I need/want to without having to explain it to anyone. My dh otoh is midlevel in his job & gets nickel & dimed over time off.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Why do people feel like they can ask me when I'm planning on having another baby (whi... 18 replies
- politics, religion, SAHM vs WOHM, where you live, what you do...
Talk : : November 18, 2009
Why do people feel like they can ask me when I'm planning on having another baby (which I am not)? WTF is wrong with them. How about minding your own business. Vent over.
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 10:51 AM [ Flag ]yeah, I get asked that about #3 all the time. truth is, I don't know the answer and I feel really uncomfortable discussing it. but whatever. in the grand scheme of things it's low on my list of annoyances.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh Lord, you mean it doesn't stop after dc #2? What is wrong with people? Lol...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My dd is 2.4 and I am unsure about another however, b/c I only have once child I get asked that all the time. I don't know when it became common to pop out 2-4 kids in a row with only a year or two difference between the ages. I can barely handle dd. Don't know how I would handle 4 kids all under the age of 8 - thanks but no thanks. I've got enough time to have more if I want but I don't want them all at one time. I just tell everyone that one is enough but dh is bugging for #2 b/c he didn't like being an only child.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ one child
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
So some of us like to chat about something. So shoot us.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree - what the hell are they thinking - don't they know some of us CANNOT have another one. People are so clueless and insensitive.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i can't have another and people ask me all the time. it gets frustrating, like the years that people asked why i didn't have a child when i had medical problems that were preventing it. but sometimes people ask by habit or by honest curiosity about you. either way, i don't find the questions meanspirited or nosy in any way. but i do wish when i give the answer, that i can't because of my age or medical issues, people would regard this as an opening for a debate. they should just leave it at that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR here who likes to ask. I had a lot of problems getting and staying pg. I think that is why I am extra interested about others. I do not remember being so curious before I struggled myself. I get asked questions all the time like whether I had IVF (I have twins) and I really do not mind because I know people are genuinely curious especially if they or someone close to them has struggled with infertility.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sorry, but you are really off. I think some people who struggle are like you and want to talk about it, but a lot of people who struggle do not want to be asked this question. I myself HATE being asked this question. It's no more intrusive than Why do I work instead of staying at home? How often do I have sex with my husband? How many months did it take us to conceive? All -- NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Then you should understand that people struggle with their infertility in different ways. I had repeated miscarriages and only two friends know about it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That is fine. There is no need to tell anyone that you had miscarriages unless you want to. But why should the topic of how many children you want be off limits? I mean come on, there are only so many things to discuss and nearly every one of them can be taboo... politics, religion, SAHM vs WOHM, where you live, what you do... can be sore spots for some and not others. If you are not comfortable with the subject, change it. But don't take offense if someone asks you if you plan to have another child!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]To me it's deeply personal and nobody else's business. To me OP isn't offended but just frustrated that a sore topic keeps getting bought up. You don't seem sensitive to that, fine, glad we're not friends.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]In no way am not sensitive to her feelings! I relate to them. I had many miscarriages and was deathly afraid that I would never have a child. It pained me at work when coworkers would mingle and chat nonchalantly about when to have number two. All I am saying is that it is a completely normal topic and should not be considered off limits and that perhaps you could look at the whole topic in a different light.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]But thanks for being so nice and saying you are glad we are not friends.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Because I struggled with secondary infertility, I would NEVER ask anyone this question. I now realize exactly how intrusive it actually is. Before that, though, I was unaware. I tell my DH that he shouldn't ask it either, but he doesn't agree, doesn't see what the big deal is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I get frustrated, too. People just shoot off at the mouth without thinking.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oddly enough, this doesn't bother me. i think it's kinda cute. i don't feel pressure about it even. (i have 1 dc.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]people ask me (on the street!) all the time if I am going to have a fourth. or they say "you're done, right?" why would I tell you?! lol.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Regardless of her spunk, ambition and dogged determination, how can a thinking, logic... 139 replies
- If you want people to flame you for being an idiot why not post that breast feeding sucks or being a SAHM is for suckers like all the other masochists?...
Talk : : November 18, 2009
Regardless of her spunk, ambition and dogged determination, how can a thinking, logical person think Sarah Palin is qualified to be president..? Baffling.
139 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 09:20 AM [ Flag ]like any other politician, Palin is entitled and misses the spotlight. This is her chance to get back in it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. This woman considered a question about 'which magazines and newspapers she reads' to be manipulative.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]What amazes me is that is an ok answer for some. "Ewww, the tricky Katie Couric asked me a surprise question I had no way of answering without preparing for it." In the middle of an interview to be the #2 political person in the country a heartbeat away from the red phone, "What is the cube root of twenty seven?" is a trick question. Not what do you read?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: people that think its acceptabel think that katie couric is part of the evil liberal media and that reading/ kniowledge/reality is overrated.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm surprised they don't go, "Wait, you were tricked by who?" I mean if it was Barbara Walters or Gwen Eifel (sp?) that would be one thing but Katie? c'mon. How are you going to negotiate with King Abdullah?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
or: well exactly. And isn't that telling? That she needs to "prepare" a response about what she reads? Because perhaps she doesn't read anything of real substance? Which speaks to how much she KNOWS about the world around her? Surreal all of it, really. I'm not running for president but could come up "the right" answer in a heartbeat.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I thought is was hilarious that she referred to Couric as "perky"--that woman could out-perky anybody...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
IF you agree with her, you mgith think she is qualified. there is a really strong anti-elite current in US political thought, and she is seen as a great example of that
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. I wouldn't hire Sarah Palin to be a showroom assistant, hanging up clothing that customers try on (I don't think she's smart enough to put everything back where it actually belongs), but I know that there are people out there that think well-educated, articulate people are scary and shouldn't be making decisions that impact "real people". I am not the smartest person out there, I don't have the best education, but I want people who are a lot smarter than I am making the decisions that I know I'm not capable of sorting through.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: I get anti elite - I really do. But I do not get anti, plain old qualified. Without an ounce of sarcasm, based on competence alone - I am more qualified. And I'm no Einstein.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: i think any one of us could do as good a job as that crazy eskimo.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. In America, anti-elite appears to mean anti-qualified or pro-moron. I hate politicians who wear their ignorance and incompetence as a badge of honor. Other than politics, where else in life do we take pride selecting the most unqualified person for the job?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Her resume is quite similar to what Barrack Obama's was before he was elected, with the minor difference that Sarah Palin had some executive experience, and he did not. I personally detest Sarah Palin, but the level of Orwellian doublethink that surrounds the issue of her qualifications vis-a-vis those of our sitting president astounds me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Has she ever read the US Constitution? He taught law school classes on Constitutional Law. I think there is a substantial difference in their resumes, he actually a respectable one. Her's is a bad joke.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]A bad joke? You can't possibly even mean that. She was a mayor and a governor.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]you can't possibly compare her education to Obama's. She went to 4 different colleges to end up with a degree in journalism and a goal to be a sports commentator on tv. She is a total lightweight.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]She's done pretty well for being such a dumb lightweight. Of course, Obama has vastly superior academic credentials, but I don't understand why you think Palin's executive experience is irrelevant, even so.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]The "executive experience" you claim she has is laughable. She was the mayor of a small town, with no real authority (all major departments/infrastructure were handled at the county or state level - she had no authority over police or fire dep'ts). She couldn't handle the responsibility of being Governor of Alaska, so she quit.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Still better than zero. Also, I'm not sure where you get the idea that she could not handle the responsibility of being Governor of Alaska. Looks to me like she (correctly, if somewhat cynically) saw that she had the opportunity to become a national figure, and like many politicians have and would, left her state position when it no longer suited her ambitions.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think you are the one drinking some serious KoolAid. She's not a "national figure", she's a laughingstock, getting into a public shouting match with a teenager. If she wants to be taken seriously, she needs to start acting like it. Finishing the job that she was elected to do would have been a place to start, since she quit that job, she has to make up some ground - let her start publicly speaking on real policy issues to serious groups - Heritage, AIE. Until then, she's just a bad joke who couldn't handle the job she had.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP. Hold on. You seem to think SP's experience counts even if she wasn't very good and showed no interest in trying to improve. If she's a lousy mayor/governor, then her experience counts against her, not for her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: Great point.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Mayor of a town smaller than most NYC suburbs and used it as her personal feifdom (zoning violations ignored so she could sell her house?). She was elected governor as a reaction to widespread corruption accusations against the incumbent and didn't last half her term. It took her 6+ years and at least 4 colleges to get a bachelor's degree from a 5th rate institution. Wow, she's impressive. If she really wants to build a resume, let her start speaking, on the record, to groups like the Council on Foreign Relations, even the Heritage Foundation would be a good place for her to start, and get out of the gutter war with her grandson's teenaged father. Right now, she looks like a publicity whore with no common sense, not a serious presidential candidate.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]A dean at a small college has more people they are responsible for than the mayor of Wasilla. And apparently the part time job of governor of Alaska was too much for her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]And this is (1) more or (2) less executive responsibility/experience than Obama had before the Presidency? As I said, doublethink.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Your post exists in a vacuum. There are many people I loathe as ppoliticians, but they are qualified, regardless of my opinion of their views. Stop parcing a poor analogy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I disagree. Her post makes perfect sense. You just drank the Obama Kool aid so you are not thinking clearly.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Where did I post I voted for Obama?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]wow--Obama Kool-Aid!! That's such a funny and original comment. Do you have anything else witty and clever to contribute or would you care to post some photos of his forged fake birth certificate?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]tee hee
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
No one ever claimed that he had "executive experience" that you seem to think is all that is the only qualifying factor. His supporters understood that he was/is smart enough to understand his job and it's responsibilities. She, for all her "executive experience", is simply not smart or engaged or capable of understanding the ramifications of her decisions (hence, she quit the only serious job she's ever had because she didn't understand what she had signed on for and couldn't actually do the job).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]But what Obama brought to the table was not Executive experience. I mean John McCain has none either. He never had a command position in the Navy. This is like arguing she should get it because she was the best baton twirler.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Right, suggesting that being a state governor is relevant preparation for the presidency is like suggesting a baton twirler is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]So the job she quit because it was too much is what shows she is qualified?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Umm, what makes you think the job was too much for her? It seems pretty clear to me she dumped it to further her national aspirations. I'm no fan of hers, but that says "smart move" to me, not "dummy who couldn't handle being Governor."
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]How did quitting further her national aspirations?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You are almost unique in holding that position. Everyone I've heard, GOPer's included, think it was an idiotic and perplexing move.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: No, she's not even close to unique in that position. Many totally agree...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
If she had "national aspirations" beyond her 15 minutes of fame she wouldn't be whining about not liking the photo on the cover of Newsweek or getting in the mud with her grandson's idiot of a father.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Is she not the most visible and discussed Republican political figure right now? Don't get me wrong, as a moderate conservative the Sarah Palinization of the GOP makes me weep and gnash my teeth -- you have no idea what it is like lol -- but to characterize her as anything other than a shrewd and capable self-promoter strikes me as inconsistent with the facts.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]But she's not being discussed in a good way. The focus has been on the soap opera of her life, not where the focus should be. If she has serious ideas, she needs to get them out - until then, she's just another media whore.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]do you think the majority of Americans view her favorably now? 2/3 Americans say "No." to her running for WH in 2012. 7/10 say she is unqualified. And those numbers are dropping.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't think anyone willing to publicly trade insults with Levi Johnson has much in the way of common sense. Media savvy, sure, but that should not be enough to be a viable candidate for president.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Again with the public insult comment. Do you only watch Olbermann, Maddow, and read the Times?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Where is she making serious policy statements? Is she talking to AEI? No, she's on Oprah and Twitter, trying to sell a book and inviting that kid to Thanksgiving dinner. She needs to climb out of the gutter and start talking policy before she can or should be taken seriously.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
If Obama ever held a class officer position in high school or college, then Palin's experience in Alaska does represent LESS executive experience than he has. It doesn't sound like you have ever been there or lived there or know anyone in Alaska?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]"If"??? He was the Editor of the Harvard Law Review.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]And yet, no one has come forward that remembers anything he has done. We also haven't seen any of his work (thesis, etc...).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Um, totally untrue. Google Lawrence Tribe, for just one example.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What the hell are you talking about? The strength of his HLR work got him a book deal before anybody knew his name.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Mayor of Walissa (sp?) is basically a popularity contest. Governor was that spunk and determination.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]How do you know that? From the liberal newsites. Levi Johnston...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]no, that would be common sense, since she's NOT QUALIFIED or impressive otherwise.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]She really scares you. Ha, Ha, Ha. I love to see a liberal bent out of shape.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]not scares... terrifies.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL--seriously, as a liberal I would LOVE to see you dopes put her up as your 2012 candidate, sealing your fate as the biggest laughingstock political party on earth.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think Obama will take that prize.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]um, I think that was the Nobel, not the Gibbering Idiot Prize that they're reserving for your party. Burrrrrrrrn!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not Burn - he is a laughingstock for getting a Nobel Prize. It means nothing now!! What a joke, based on what they "hoped" he would do.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Please... that was the lamest response yet. The Nobel is now a joke thanks to that moron. Let's give him the Nobel before he does anything! That should be your idiot prize.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]jeeaaaaaaaloooouuuusssss!!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]????
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm really sorry that none of your Presidents have been especially popular outside the U.S. but you really shouldn't be so bitter
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What are you, nine?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: Did you not read about the battle within Wasilla that got her the nomination over the long time mayor? They were both life long Republicans she sicked her church on him... it sounded like Senior Class President at Dysfunction High.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]What liberal rag did you read this in? Vanity Fair would be my guess.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I looked it up for you. Anchorage Daily News. "'Fresh face' launched Palin: Wasilla mayor was groomed from an early political age". Anchorage Daily News. http://www.adn.com/sarah-palin/background/story/510447.html
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^ It has been four hours. Did you get through that article yet?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
As opposed to all those other elections that are not popularity contests....
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I can't stand her but I don't think her resume is the problem, being a governor is good enough (worked for reagan)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Different states have different types of governments and make very different demands on their governors. California has a very active, demanding, executive office. Alaska (like Texas) does not. This was as true when Ann Richards was governor as it was when GWB was.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Could answer. You managed to insult Palin and Bush at the same time.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Like how I did that?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I hate liberals - you can't get past Bush. Let it go, already - sheesh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Hey dopey, I gave California credit for having a demanding executive -- aka Reagan. GHWBush had no experience as governor. Texas for GWBush. See, I went back for all the R presidents over my life time. (And I'm not a liberal. If I was I wouldn't have bad mouthed Ann Richards. They love her -- although God knows why.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
If Obama had ever read the Constitution he would know there is nothing in the Constitution that permits him to do most of what he has done (and wants to do) as President. Obama has more contempt for the constitution than any President in my lifetime.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If you want people to flame you for being an idiot why not post that breast feeding sucks or being a SAHM is for suckers like all the other masochists?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
executive experience, in this case, is a red herring. McCain ddn't have any. and obama had more private sector experience thatn either mccain or palin. but if you want to make obama look unqualified, you drag this argument out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]So black and White. Obama had lots of experience and the Republicans had none. What did Obama do exactly? I know he wrote a couple of books? Sounds like that is about it. But, all that shows is that he has a huge ego.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You're really saying that executive experience is a red herring? Bizarre. BTW, I'm not attempting to make Obama look bad: I think Obama won the election because he was both a better candidate and a better campaigner than John McCain. The point is that, viewed objectively, Obama's and Palin's experience are sufficiently equivalent that it is irrational to view her as grossly unqualified while treating Obama as qualified. FWIW, I voted for Obama, but the endless and unfair Palin-bashing is most unreasonable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: Only if you think the only experience which counts is experience as the executive in the public sector. Why is this so hard a point to get?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'm saying in thsi context it is. republicans decided aht "executive experience" was the standard after they picked Palin. McCain had no executive experince
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Nor did Bob Dole, GHWBush had some as an oil man, Ford none.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
"private sector" ??? You must be joking. Obama never did anything in the private sector. Every job he ever had was a government or government funded job of some sort. Nothing "private" about any of them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Same for Nixon, Ford, McCain, Bob Dole, Clinton, Carter (for the most part)... By this logic we should elect whom? I have it Bloomberg-Corzine 2012!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]PP: Right. I didn't say "private sector" experience is a qualification for the Presidency or any other office, because if it were the list of "qualified" people would be very small. I was just objecting to anyone saying Obama had private sector experience when he has not.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]And I would vote for them
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
um, he and Michelle met while working for the same private law firm. When has John McCain ever worked in the private sector? Gov't salary from birth to earth.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: I see it like this - sometimes you interview someone inexperienced in the actual job and hire them anyway because their education/degrees, life experience, other job experience, other credentials and intelligence lead you to believe that they will be very good at that job. Then you meet other people, whose resume seems to suggest that they have relevant experience at the job and yet based on their education/degrees and your dealings with them, you truly wonder how they ever got the job. Oftentimes you find out that the job was not really what it appeared to be, or that there was nepotism involved or that there were company "politics" at play and somehow this person ended up in a place far beyond their abilities.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]their experience was about the same level. his education is superior, but there are lots of qualified intelligent people who don't have access to that level of academia. palin is probably not one of them, but i am completely offended as a woman by the sexist jabs at her by her detractors. between how the dems treated hillary and palin, they have lost my respect.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Intelligent people, of either gender, don't consider "what newspapers do you read" to be a trick question or one that needs prep. My grandmother, who never graduated from high school, could have answered that question without stumbling over it (and had a real answer - the Miami Herald). Palin couldn't answer it and didn't (and still hasn't). I don't think that showing Palin as she really is, inarticulate and willfully ignorant, is unfair or sexist.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think her point was the mainstream media was just looking to find something wrong with her. She was trying to guard her words. Honestly, you should get passed the fact that you don't like Republicans and look at it in a fair light. She knew she was walking into a lion's den and her handlers were keeping a muzzle on her. I think she deserves a pass. Both parties have candidates that say stupid things all the time. Biden for one, Gore with the internet, Bush, etc...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No, that was her explanation after the fact for why she flubbed the question. It's not that I don't like Republicans, I've voted for Republicans, I just don't like her. There were at least 3 other Republican women who should have been on that ticket before her - Kay Bailey Hutchinson, Olympia Snow and Susan Collins would all have been much better choices. If Palin couldn't handle a real softball from Katie Couric without being caught off guard, how would she be with Vladimir Putin?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]But see this is what kills me, Gore never said he invented the internet. "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet. I took the initiative in moving forward a whole range of initiatives that have proven to be important to our country's economic growth and environmental protection, improvements in our educational system." A. Gore But you repeat a lie enough and the dopes out in the hinterland who won't bother to read and figure things out for themselves will buy it hook line and sinker.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what words could she have possibly been trying to guard in reply to that question? "oooh Katie, I read the Star every time I'm at the supermarket buying moose chops!" It's not like a complex policy question.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
What I don't get is that she keeps getting a pass on being so poorly qualified. Bobby Jindal is smarter than she is, and usually better prepared/more articulate but when he did so poorly on the Republican response to an Obama address to Congress he faded into the woodwork. She keeps inserting her foot into her mouth, gets called on it, responds "you're being sexist", and keeps going. Pointing out her absolute lack of education and non-existant intellectual curiosity isn't sexist.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL--I forgot about his "Kenneth the Page" speech...
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Written like someone who has never set foot in Alaska, much less Wasilla! A top high school student with one government class under their belt could have run circles around her in being a mayor of her tiny hamlet, or governor of Alaska.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITTTTTA
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
What makes a community activist qualified to be President? What about an actor or a peanut farmer?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]The others were intelligent people, with grasp and critical thinking skills.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yeah, because I'm sure he made Pres. of Harvard Law Review or taught constitutional law at UChi for twelve years without either intelligence OR critical thinking skills. Do you know what a total asshat you sound like when you write stuff like this?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no. one of them has good PEOPLE skills and is a wonderful prolific speaker. the peanut farmer, I am still scratching my head about that one... I guess other than party affiliation they can both pride themselves in the fact that they are both nobel laureates?
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Jimmy Carter was a nuclear engineer in the Navy. He was no hayseed. He also was a non-Washington person in the post Nixon era.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]and he lasted only 4 years. people were disenchanted with nixon, fine. Sorry, I was half kidding with my comments. I am (obviously) no huge carter fan, but the truth is he is a very intelligent guy. not much street smarts though IMVHO which I think is a large part of why he was a 1 term president. my point was more that you dont have to be a senior senator with 30 years of experience in politics to be elected president.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 04:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]gotcha. I think there was some really dirty shit that hurt him (Iran/Contra type stuff between RR and the mullahs) and of course the gas thing. But his ultimate demise was that he was too much executive type and not enough legislator/politician.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 04:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
More qualified that Obama, easily. She actually ran a state while he was just 1 of 100 senators (and he rarely voted, instead voting "present" on hard issues). I don't want her to be president, for my own reasons, but she is definitely "qualified".
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]The basic issue is that the people decided in 2008 that they did not want "qualified". McCain was far and away the most qualified of the 4, with Biden clearly in second place. McCain realized his qualifications were a liability and chose her in an attempt to dilute his qualifications. But in the end, and unqualified President trumped an unqualified Vice President in the eyes of the people. Now, a year later we are just starting to see the result of that choice, and just starting to realize it might have been a mistake.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thank you. 100% on target. but hard to say things like this on the liberal dominated UB.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]um yeah--his "qualifications" were a liability? How about that he had foolishly sold out his "maverick" positions to kowtow to GWB, turned his back on his own bipartisan immigration bill, and suddenly seemed--in contrast to 2000--older, weaker, less decisive? In an attempt to reassure the right he lurched and stumbled--couldn't decide how to handle the financial crisis, and then yes--picked the MILF from Alaska instead of Pawlenty or some other serious contender. Foolish, foolish, foolish. And seriously--I'd just love to hear what you think he'd have done differently to solve the financial crisis since he certainly couldn't articulate it thirteen months ago.
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Baffles me too. Why oh why did McCain have to choose her as a running mate. Death sentence.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I hate spunk.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm not sure how relevant "executive experience" is. It seems very important to American voters, but I wonder about it. I'm not American, but it appears that the most important aspect of being President is being able to get Congress to pass the bills you want, as painlessly as you can. Doesn't someone with experience in Congress have a higher chance of getting that right? I mean, even if you've run a city, or a state, the issues you'll be dealing with as a head of a country are entirely different.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The problem is that as a governor, for the most part, you don't have to take stands which piss off half the people. As a Senator, you have to vote on gun control/immigration/funding bills/stimulus packages/etc. so there is all this history behind you. (I'm not saying this is ACTUALLY bad, just that this is one of the reasons political scientists/talking heads often give for why so many more modern presidents have been governors than legislators.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The U.S. President is in charge of the federal executive branch -- probably the largest organization in the country, not even counting active duty military as employees -- and most of the day-to-day is managing the demands of that. It is an overwhelmingly huge responsibility. I would imagine that much of the actual work is quite similar -- although more complex and stressful due to the higher stakes, larger scale, and lower degree of control over the organization -- to being the CEO of a big multinational corporation like GE or IBM. Obviously legislative affairs is a larger proportion of the President's work than it would be in a private organization, and Obama's health care priorities throw that into more focus, but managing the executive branch is a mind-boggling responsibility.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]branch is a gigantic task.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: Is it your POV that the POTUS spends some significant percentage of his time "managing" the Federal Government? If so, what do you mean by "managing"?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]obviously he has to order all the notepads adn schedule everyone's vacation.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Right, and fill out the TPS reports, don't forget that. Are you seriously saying that there are not enough important policy decisions that are elevated to the President for consideration that it does not fill up a bunch of his time?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]and keeping track of paid time off for 1,800,000 employees. (Thank God for the postmaster general! Throw in the USPS and even Obama would be in over his head.)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 02:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
She winks a lot and tries to be witty. But after that I really don't think she is very qualified. President Obama is a very intelligent person who can think on his feet. I can not say the same about Palin.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Really? I notice without a teleprompter he kinda sucks. "Uh, uh, uh,...."
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 04:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: that is just dumb. Have you never seen him in a debate/press conference? Did you see him on O'Reilly Factor? Granted, O'Reilly is a left wing liberal douche so they probably reviewed all the questions ahead of time...
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol! O' Reilly--"The Manchurian Talk Show Host."
[ Reply | Options ]11.20.09, 07:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Because some people vote with their "guts" and not with their head. It's about who they would share a beer with and pall around with. Voting for the smarter more capable candidate is an admission that the voter is not all that bright and no one wants to feel bad about themselves right? Palin makes peoe feel tough and cool because she can shoot a moose. It's the whole cowboy mystique. Plus, having a degree or an office job does not necessarily make one intelligent.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I like Palin's values and I know other people who do as well. I don't think she is qualified so it would be hard to vote for her in 2012. It's interesting to me how one's intelligence is measured on how well they can deliver a speech and how cleverly they might come up with an answer, oh and being attractive doesn't hurt (ie. Clinton, Obama) One thing to keep in mind though is people are willing to look past this. The jokes about Bush being dumb were relentless and he was elected twice. My vote included.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh, and Palin isn't attractive? Snort. All of those GOP nerdlings were acting like eighth grade boys. As to intelligence--does that really not matter to you? And no, not just "cleverly" answering a question, but intellectual depth, understanding, curiosity...that's not important to you? Just the "values" of someone who seems to be fundamentally dishonest, ruthless, disloyal...? And btw, you still feel good about voting for Bush--really?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I guess Palin is attractive, that hair just bothers me. Unfortunately voting for me has come down to choosing the lesser of 2 evils, which is what I did when Bush was running. In the last election I wasn't happy with either candidate so I didn't vote for either. Of course intelligence matters, my point was how is seems to be determined by the masses. As for dishonest, ruthless and disloyal I'm not sure what your referring too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Maybe you should ask anyone in the McCain camp what I'm referring to. I think the woman is pathological.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
people think she is qualified because she is, sadly, still smarter than about 75% of the US population
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Isn't it amazing what 40 years of "dumbing down" of the public education system in the US has done? We used to rank near the top world-wide, and where are we now?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sadly, with people like you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, this is really disturbing. Take a look at any top college, and a large fraction of the students are of Asian decent. I worry where we will be in another 40 years.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I said the same thing about one junior senator from chicago. still saying it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 03:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Amen!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 04:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
People believed Obama was qualified...baffling.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why is this thread still alive? We all know that Sarah Palin in nowhere near qualified to be pres.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]No, but she made a darn good cheerleader.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 08:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] SAHM going on first interview tomorrow in years!! What should I wear? FOr creative ... 2 replies
Talk : : November 18, 2009
SAHM going on first interview tomorrow in years!! What should I wear? FOr creative firm, so not wearing suit.
2 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 08:31 AM [ Flag ]first off, congrats on the interview! how about a nice sweater set with slacks? (not in a talbots kind of way, of course)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Knee length dress with a cardigan, tights and boots.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] What are you wearing when you are at home and your husband is with you? Do you change... 42 replies
- I am a sahm and super not fancy. dh gets home late, but I try to keep my day clothes (jeans, t shirt, sweater, etc.) on, brush...guess I don't get it either. I've been married a while and I really could care less what I wear around him. I'm a SAHM mom too and he doesn't see me until late at night, if I'm awake when he gets home. By then I'm wearing...
Talk : : November 18, 2009
What are you wearing when you are at home and your husband is with you? Do you change when he comes home from work to look special or put make up, etc? We have 2 DC's, I am SAHM, used to change into something nice and look good for my husband but lately let myself go.. usually wear training pants and a t-shirt. I love jeans but don't feel them comfi to wear at home in the evening.ANy other options? Thanks
42 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 08:02 AM [ Flag ]I wear pajamas. He almost never sees me in clothes during the week because he leaves for work early and comes home late. On weekends I wear jeans during the day and dress up if we are going out at night.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ditto. PJ's and sweats almost always.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ditto - i occasionally feel bad about and recently considered make up, but so far it is only in the theoretical stages.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^ (not really PJs but shorts / sweats /leggings and T
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I try to look nice all the time. I don't per se change into a whole other outfit but do try not be in pajamas the whole day, and do refresh my makeup (just lipstick).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i work at home and wear yoga pants with a sweatshirt. sexy!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]can you show me an example of yoga pants?! Where do you buy it? Thanks
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i get mine all over the place, but always buy them fairly cheap, under $20, from target to tj maxx, etc. lulu lemon has them but $$$: http://shop.lululemon.com/Lulu_Pant_II/pd/c/560/np/560/p/1407.html
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I usually take off my work clothes and put on something like sweatpants and a tee shirt.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]me too, and my husband strips down to his briefs and undeshirt. We're a sexy couple, what can I say?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]purrrr...;)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]please tell me he keeps on his dark socks
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's my husband!! Dress shirt, boxers, dark socks. Oooh baby. Can't make this stuff up.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]my hubby is opposite. i had to train him to take off his suit when he gets home so he doesn't get dinner all over it. now he will change into pj pants when he gets home. i didn't think guys were trainable!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Absolute truth
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
yes, and the undershirts are pretty badly stained too. THough my husband's gorgeous so still looks good.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
me too! the day is long and my pajamas are so comfy! he does the same thing a lot.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
June? Is that you?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]lol.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Only if it's our anniversary or his birthday or something. Other that, track pants and a T-shirt it is.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]What? DH is one of the few people in front of who I can just let myself go. Why would I want to dress up for him?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wow I am amazed at how many women wear sweatpants. To answer the question though. I could care less about how my husband sees me. I don't have to dress up for him, he surely doesn't for me. I like to wear make up and dress nice for myself though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You think sweats warrants a "wow"? That's all I wear unless we're going out. I have three young boys. Wow.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Is this 2009 or 1963? I mean really.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am a sahm and super not fancy. dh gets home late, but I try to keep my day clothes (jeans, t shirt, sweater, etc.) on, brush my hair and put some lip gloss on before he walks in the door. I don't think he would care if I were in pj's, but I guess I do for some reason. I don't cook so this is as good as it gets here.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Don't you just want to be yourself for him? He knows who you are? Why do you do this? I truly do not get it. My husband has seen me w/make up, w/o make up, naked, dressed, sick, healthy, pregnant, vomiting, etc. He loves me no matter what I look like, and why on earth would he care how I dress at the end of the day at home???????
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]of course. I like to stay dressed when he gets home. I feel a little better after a long day with 3 kids. that's me. and I like when he puts a little effort in as well. it's nice to care after many years together--like when we would go out on dates so long ago. he has seen the worst of it and couldn't care less. He's the best. you didn't really get what I was saying.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I get it. I think it's silly. And kind of sad.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]wow, I really can't see why. we have an hour a day together, and I look forward to it. whatever though. we're happy. I hope you are too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: I guess I don't get it either. I've been married a while and I really could care less what I wear around him. I'm a SAHM mom too and he doesn't see me until late at night, if I'm awake when he gets home. By then I'm wearing whatever if anything at all. If I bothered to look nice he wouldn't notice anyway.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, I guess lip gloss and hair brushing don't feel like a big effort to me, and it makes me feel a little nice after being with three little ones all day. I don't see why that's sad, but to each her own.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It is sad that your husband wouldn't notice anyway..
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]sorry, i meant to post for the above poster.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
this is dumb. do you shave your armpits? or your legs? i mean, i guess i could keep the hair long on it because it doesn't bother me at all, but I don't want to "be myself" that bad. I know he loves me, but we are visual creatures at heart so yes, I will keep waxing/shaving my legs. He does the same for me...ex shaving 'down there', etc. even tho he would probably grow a huge rainforest if he was single
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 02:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Ladies who don't make an effort for their husband are being a bit cavalier with their relationship. The sex industry in NYC is alive and targeting your man every day. Reality bites.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh go blow a hose.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]She does, and that's why she's still married.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
this may be taking it a bit far...but really why not look great for your DH? Make sure the jeans or whatever fit well and are flattering. I guess I am in the minority but I never wear sweatpants for longer than an hour after I get up...and I make sure those flatter me. It means more for me to look good for my DH than to look good for school pickup, for example.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
old tee-shirts (usually his)
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]mostly sweats. i only change & do makeup when i leave the house. he cares more about what's UNDER the clothes anyway!
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm probably still in work clothes when DH comes home.
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 06:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I take off my work clothes and put on comfy stuff - knit pants, tshirt and hoodie. DH is usually wearing the same kind of thing. I also wipe OFF my lipstick when I get home bc DH hates it when I wear makeup. :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.19.09, 07:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I have a horrible head cold and I ebf my 4mo db. Usually when I am sick, I barely ea... 3 replies
Talk : : November 18, 2009
I have a horrible head cold and I ebf my 4mo db. Usually when I am sick, I barely eat - now? I am starving all the time. Is this because I am bfing? Also, any tips on how to keep db healthy? I am SAHM so I am with db all the time. I have been washing my hands like crazy, but can't really keep a distance from db. Hoping db doesn't get sick.
3 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 07:29 AM [ Flag ]there's not much else you can do. in general, i found that db did not get sick from me though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Breastfeeding while you are sick is a great way for db to get immunity through your milk. Keep breastfeeding! (But maybe hold off on the kisses for a while...)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]less chance of db getting sick if you are b-feeding. change your shirt before holding and wash hands.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] So annoyed right now! I have a group of mommy friends whom I've gotten to know over ... 34 replies
- that they know she's been "struggling to be a SAHM" and they all clearly know what's been said by...back seat to the kids. the fact is, that a SAHM is not best for every family - whether it's financial or bc SAHM gets depressed or bc DH finds his SAHW boring or a burden or...As some have indicated above, I too sense that the SAHM v WOHM nerve is being jarred for you. Conflict in...doesn't offend, but though i am currently at SAHM, i feel i would have little to offer my...
Talk : : November 18, 2009
So annoyed right now! I have a group of mommy friends whom I've gotten to know over the past 3 years. They all know that I've been struggling to be a SAHM. Today, I found out that one of the women has been talking about me in saying that she feels sorry for my DCs as I clearly don't love them b/c I'm "obsessed" with returning to work, plus other typical anti-WOHM garbage. This woman has never held a job in her life, married at 21 and dropped out of college to follow her DH here when he began his residency. I'm sorry for having an identity that isn't reliant upon my DH's! Ugh. Hate this crappy mean girls shit. Today was the last day that I deal with these girls.
34 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 06:01 AM [ Flag ]It would be best if you were together and you have an opportunity to address the "talking smack" about you, the tolerance of those attitudes and even the 'tattling'.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't even know if that would accomplish anything. She seems to be the ringleader since she's young, pretty and the idealized housewife/mom. She's always planning mini vacations, showing pics of her decorating expertise from their country home. All of them eat it up. I've only stayed with the group b/c it's nice having other DCs for my DC to play with - all of our DCs were born the same month & year.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sounds exactly like the kind of woman I would not want to be friends with, and who is setting herself up for a huge disappointment in life when the kids no longer "need" her and she loses her looks. Be the first to dump her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
you need to consider the motives of the informant. Why did she repeat these hurtful things? Why was she engaged in the gossip herself? Yuck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I don't know about this. Grown-ups all have opinions of each other, and at some point, they might seeep out. i question why you were told. I would consider the tattler less of a friend. Have confidence in yourself, and your family, and keep these friends. Make sur eyou are never the person to be caught speaking ill of any of them, and you will be all the more powerful. And don't feel badly, I know my own brother thinks I am a terrible mother for working. Imagine that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]why would she consider "the tattler less of a friend"? if someone was talking badly about me behind my back, i would want to know and would appreciate that friend for telling me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: The person who told me is actually a friend.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]which was why she told you and was being a good friend in doing so
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]A good friend would have said something to THEM. The 'spy&cry to you" think sounds wuss to me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
the person that told you this is the real jerk. stay away from her. personally, I'd stay away from all of them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]but wouldn't you want to know if someone was talking crap about you behind your back?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]only if they were a true and dear friend of mine. this is so caddy. the mother who told you is a gossip. wanted to hear your response and now will probably run back to the other mom and tell her. gross. children with no filters behave this way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]BS. I had a "friend" like this and was thrilled to know and dumped her. Her husband clearly steps out on her and she is terrified he will actually leave her, so masks herself as some sort of martyr for the kids. Good luck with that! LOL.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'd want to hear the part where my 'friend' stepped up, instead of running back to me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
She's trying to justify her own choices. Stuff like this is so petty. I try to stay out of stuff like this, but I was telling DH how our moms group has essentially dropped 2 moms from the "go out to dinner" group bc the person who organizes the dinners isn't friends with them and i think it sucks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is what ALWAYS happends when a group of women get together. Jealousy I guess. Just ignore it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It isn't jealousy. Women are mean to each other, and they are even meaner when the other person doesn't think as they do or pursue the same life path. Better to know who your friends are. I'd just smile, take the high road, and share nothing except superficialities with the group.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Look at it this way. Now you know. Who cares what she things? Is she mean and exclude you and dcs from stuff? If not, then my feeling is, don't be apologetic. If your returning to work comes up, you can always say "I know it's so controversial to return to work with young kids, but being at home simply isn't working for our family. I'm sure some will think that makes me a terrible mom, but I have to do what is best for all of us." The problem is that YOU are feeling a bit guilty and conflicted and therefore what she says opens that crack a little further. But you SHOULDN'T feel guilty (conflicted comes with the territory!).
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I wouldn't say this, sounds defensive.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op IS defensive. she already said that they know she's been "struggling to be a SAHM" and they all clearly know what's been said by that one mom. I think it's better to put it out there, that you're aware that people feel differently and that it's a controversial issue. I think it also puts the other mom on notice that you know what she's been saying. Again, I don't really care if my social friends think I'm a good mom or not. Maybe you do,
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I would simply say "I feel I am a better mom when I am personally fulfilled". More neutral.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]that sounds like a load of hooey! not to mention that those who are anti WOHM think that personal fulfillment is selfish and should take a back seat to the kids. the fact is, that a SAHM is not best for every family - whether it's financial or bc SAHM gets depressed or bc DH finds his SAHW boring or a burden or whatever.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]seems as if you're angling here. Personally I wouldn't engage this woman at all. I would assume that the respective choices we each had made left us with nothing in common, and wouldn't waste my time trying to bring her around to my view. It all seems like asking permission to feel okay about going back to work
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You owe them no explanation. Ignore, ignore them and move on.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Remember that game of telephone we used to play, and how the original message became so grossly misconstrued once it got to the final person in the line? If this is, understandably, bothering you, I suggest that you find some time alone (that means away from the GROUP) with the original person who allegedly said these things. You will discover the truth, good or bad. I do not mean confrontation. I simply mean that you can form a more accurate evaluation of the dynamics at play here, which will help you to decide if the social nourishment you get from this particular mommy group outweigh any troubling inconsistencies. As some have indicated above, I too sense that the SAHM v WOHM nerve is being jarred for you. Conflict in this area is inherently inevitable. I have done both over the years. Find that balance between your heart, your gut and your balance sheet.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
The person who told you is rotten.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Don't let two jerks be the people who define who you are and how you behave. Talking shit about her is just as wrong as what she did. Stop. Drop them both and move on.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, who would really give what she say much weight, since she so clearly has an agenda to look down on you to make herself feel/look better. People see through this imo. Feels sorry for your dcs? C'mon, that is so high school.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 07:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i am not mean to other woman. I am not in High School any longer and there is just no need-if someone is rude or mean to you--move on. Who has time for this nonsense?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]agreed
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would wonder what the back story on her side is. Does she fundamentally feel that something is important (maybe beibg around when the kids are sick, having Mom pick up from school, take to ballet, be at soccer, etc) and feels like if you work, your DC's will miss out on having that attention from you? Also, maybe the whole "Mommy thing" came easy to her and she doesn't understand the voids that professional women feel when they are home. In any case, it sounds like you're not on the same page as her. I'd be glad I live in a city with a ton of people and find some new friends. Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i honestly think this is one of those situations where you recognize that just because you have "being a mommy" in common, doesn't mean you have much else to share. these women are obviously very different from you and you may not have had anything in common before you had children. they are obviously younger with less experience in life. that's fine for them, but it's probably not very edifying or fulfilling for you. i agree that getting back to work will be good for you because it will give you the opportunity to be surrounded by like minded adults who share your interests outside of parenting. i don't mean to be judgemental, but if i feel sorry for anyone's child, it's the child of a mother who doesn't have a developed identity or range of experiences in the world outside of being someone's wife or mom. hope this doesn't offend, but though i am currently at SAHM, i feel i would have little to offer my child if i hadn't had a life as an individual before she came along. also, as someone who mostly had male friends before i became a mom, i can relate to you fear of the "mean girls". one area of growth that i've had to work on since having a child is expanding my social circle to women. because frankly, my guy friends will never get it and i want to be a good example to my daughter of how to have women friends in a productive and mature fashion and how to avoid the cliques!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]wise words, thanks.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA, and what is so great about NYC is that it's so easy to find like-minded adults who share your values!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 01:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I'm having such a hard time finding a job. It's even tougher being a SAHM when you ac... 1 reply
- this is true. it's nice to be a sahm when you're really at leisure. but when you sit there all day thinking about how you have no money, it's really stressful....
Talk : : November 17, 2009
I'm having such a hard time finding a job. It's even tougher being a SAHM when you actually need the income!
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 07:40 PM [ Flag ]this is true. it's nice to be a sahm when you're really at leisure. but when you sit there all day thinking about how you have no money, it's really stressful.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I deserve a UB medal! Two of my posts are the most popular for the day. 10 replies
- You must be a SAHM...
Talk : : November 17, 2009
I deserve a UB medal! Two of my posts are the most popular for the day.
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 06:37 PM [ Flag ]love when that happens...never had 2...jealous.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]which 2?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Jews & Christmas trees and Breastfeeding.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Wow, actually a third. The one about forgiving a parent. Ouch. I spend too much time on here.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You must be a SAHM
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
the highlight of my UB career was when i had two of the 'most watched' and three of the 'most popular'. but the board was much slower then and it wasn't so hard.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What were they?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
we are pathetic.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 07:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]indeed
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I deserve a medal for getting along with my visiting Mom all day!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] My nanny is lazy. I came home from work early and I found her watching tv while dd p... 19 replies
- have a little "ME" time, it will ultimately benefit your dc. If she is there all day, everyday, and does a good job and your dc loves her, and you trust her, I would allow a little down time. There is not a SAHM out there who does not take a breather. Why should your nanny be any different?...
Talk : : November 17, 2009
My nanny is lazy. I came home from work early and I found her watching tv while dd played by herself. I don't pay her to watch tv.
19 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 03:44 PM [ Flag ]fire her.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]fire her! wtf?? how old is dd? how long have you had this nanny?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That would bother me too. How old is dd? My 2yo recently started saying "I'm too busy" am hoping nanny isn't saying that to him
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what was she watching?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Here is my take - if dc is happy playing alone, then that's not a big deal unless there's other stuff on her to do list that was not getting done. I think dc should learn to play alone and I never interfere if dc is happy. Assuming she takes dc to the park and on playdates and in general interacts with her, this is no biggie.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, she does all those things and I really like her. I guess she just looked to comfortable in my house and I was jealous for a moment.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]She should be folding laundry, or clearing up, imo. Think of it like an office job, we would have our asses canned if we sat down, put our feet up and watched tv.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]or: ITD. if she regularly has so much time to sit around, maybe you could ask her to do specific things. but IMO, plenty of jobs have down time - the receptionist is on the internet or reading a magazine when there are no calls, same is true of any secretary. in an office job there may be no tv, but there is online shopping, chatting on the phone, etc going on. being a nanny is a physical job and it is often a long day, i would never begrudge nanny some down time if she was otherwise good. now if you came home to a screaming baby or a toddler who'd just dumped all the cereal on the floor while nanny watched tv, that's different.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, I am a small business owner, and have sacked people who repeatedly sit chatting their friends online in my office, whilst I am paying them to work. So I guess I am perhaps less tolerant of people taking advantage of me, whilst I work my tail off to come up with their wages.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I completely agree. Every job I've ever had (from administrative assistant, to corporate attorney) has downtime and sometimes in the middle of a stressful task I'll need to take a few minutes and read a funny email or call a friend/dh. I don't see a problem with my nanny doing the same thing as long as everything is fine with db.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Itttttaaaa
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Did you have the tv discussion before you hired her? If not, when you came home and saw her watching tv-what did you say? To me it doesn't matter the ages of the children are (I am a career nanny) even if they are 10 plus and totally independent-I dont turn on the tv at work. And even with babies that are sleeping-if I am finished with my childcare related duties (laundry etc...)I'll read a book. Talk to her-if things dont turn around-let her go. If there is more going on than just tv watching-there are many qualified nannies looking for a great family...dont settle.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]mommies can watch tv - just because you read a book doesn't mean other of us don't - but we aren't being paid for it
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Reading a book and watching TV is pretty much the same thing
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
not accetable, she should be doing other things, the TV shouldn't be on to begin with
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]next week, they are gonna be watching tv together
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
While I agree that your nanny could find something else proactive to do to fill the time, I also feel that a caretakers job is an emotional one and takes a toll. If your nanny was taking a second to have a little "ME" time, it will ultimately benefit your dc. If she is there all day, everyday, and does a good job and your dc loves her, and you trust her, I would allow a little down time. There is not a SAHM out there who does not take a breather. Why should your nanny be any different?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You never UB from work? Every work minute is accounted for with non personal biz?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] DH got a job offer from an excellent business in France (the country where he grew up... 22 replies
- well, I dont get why youve made this decison NOT TO WORK. unless you have seriously always dreamt about being a SAHM, THS is the only part of your post that scares me! not only are you "giving up" your life in NY (I mesn, you admit, you love france and are fluent in french, etc, so its not too much of a culture shock...
Talk : : November 17, 2009
DH got a job offer from an excellent business in France (the country where he grew up). He currently has a good job in NYC. Taking the new job would mean I wouldn't have to work and I do love spending time in France. But I'm not sure how I would adjust (I speak French, but am still very much "the American" among our friends there)... WWYD?
22 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 02:46 PM [ Flag ]Try it? Do you have kids? If so, how old?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes. 2 dcs (1.5 and 5 years). Both are bilingual (French-English)... The only problem is "coming back" to the states might be hard (from a job perspective).
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i understand your concerns. you may lose some significant money coming back. also, would you be near his family or does that matter? i only ask b/c a support system may be even more important if you aren't familiar with the notorious red tape of france. i mean, dh is of course familiar, but he'll be at work during the day.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Near dh's family--but that is as much a blessing as a curse. They are lovely, but very demanding of his time. No babysitting (if that is what you mean) as they are too old/frail.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would go. Chance of a lifetime.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Of course, it would feel like all the "admissions work" last year was for nothing, now that dc is in a great kindergarten.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]france is a big country. do you mean paris? or somewhere out in the country. do you have friends where you'd be going? sure, youll be "the american" in your gang, but u have friends nonetheless. AND you speak french. ID say DO IT. its the opportunity of a lifetime!! is this permanent, or a few yrs gig? whats w/ kids and schools? do you have fam out there? if not, how often would you come home to visit?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: Not Paris (Lyon); yes, we have a lot of friends (both ex-pats and French); It would be permanent; We'd have to send dcs to private (bilingual) school--probably the British school; only get to come back to the States 1 or 2 times per year. I guess I'm kind of wondering what I'll do with my time if I'm not working...
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sorry, I meant "OP" above...
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Tons of expats in
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, I dont get why youve made this decison NOT TO WORK. unless you have seriously always dreamt about being a SAHM, THS is the only part of your post that scares me! not only are you "giving up" your life in NY (I mesn, you admit, you love france and are fluent in french, etc, so its not too much of a culture shock), but I think 5 yrs down the line, you might regret this move. so what youll do with your time if yure not working? cant you find a job in your field? giving up NYC is one thing. giving up yourcareer, IMVHO, is anohter.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
do it
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Is there a possibility for you to try it out for 6 months and then decide?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]We would have to go for a year. We could move back after that- but DH would lose all his power at his current job.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That is difficult. I guess, if you decide to do it, you need to both be at an understanding that, should you become unhappy, it would be okay to move back without any resentment because of what would happen with his job. You know yourself and your adaptability best and are the only person who can decide if this is a leap you're willing to take. The only other thing I can think of is if you and the kids go for maybe 3 months this summer and see how you feel after that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
This could be a great opportunity for your family, but don't underestimate how hard it will be to adjust. You will have it hardest -- seems like a blessing not to work, but as an expat who speaks French like an American, it may be hard for you to integrate with the other SAHMs. Your husband will be at home, and your kids will adapt quickly. You'll be the foreigner, probably, to some extent, for the rest of your life. You might miss the routine and social aspect of working. Check out what the expat scene is like in Lyon. Of course, you wouldn't want to limit yourself to expat life forever, but it might be a good bridge for you to adjust, and other Americans there could give you good advice about the transition.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You hit the nail on the head for me. Plus, I kind of, sort of, like my job...and there is no way I could get hired to do it in France (I'm not part of the French system). Plus, my dh's salary sounds like enough for now BUT we would definately be limiting future income by moving there.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't mean to be too negative, but being a 'trailing spouse' is really hard. I think it's better to go into it with eyes open. . Plus, from my experience, trying to continue some kind of a career could really help you feel less isolated/ more independent. Perhaps you can't do your current job, but would be able to do something close to it, or at least volunteer in a meaningful way.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Would the firms hiring your husband get you a relocation consultant? Would they be willing to help you find appropriate employment?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]How does HE feel about it? Is this something he's yearning for or would he blamelessly go with whatever you decide?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np-my British SIL followed her dh to Guadeloupe, Toronto and France. She found a job in all places. It can be done.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^French dh
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I am so tired of cooking, i am sahm with dcs 3 & 1. cooking is hard with 2 little on... 13 replies
Talk : : November 17, 2009
I am so tired of cooking, i am sahm with dcs 3 & 1. cooking is hard with 2 little ones. i either have to cook or get take-out. my dh hardly ever cooks, & most of time gets home too late to bring/get take out. HELP. how do i get over this? my children have to eat....
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 12:55 PM [ Flag ]buy prepared foods, order in. stop cooking if it is making you crazy!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I like the Fresh Direct chef-prepped things. Ie: tonight we are having an 8-pc. chicken marinated in teriyaki. Also, left-overs are your friend.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Try getting heat-up meals from Fresh Direct.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]accept that delivery is a big part fo your life for a while. whne you cook, try to amke enough for two meals. The freezer is your friend.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree, but maybe go for one ambitious day every week or two in which you make a lot of something that freezes well (pasta sauce, pesto, turkey chili, white bean soup). I find it very gratifying to pull something homemade out of the freezer w/ no effort.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR: ITA. in fact i was the crazy lady who did that in her 9th month. I had gallons of frozen soup.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
The crock pot is also a great option. You can find a lot of reciepes that don't require much prep.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
me too- but i work full time. i have been preparing/cooking on sunday -something that lasts a few days for leftovers if that thelps.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]dh is sahd and I think he feels somewhat the same, but he has a number of fairly simple standards that are used most of the time with something new thrown in maybe once each week. Do I sometimes get tired of roast chicken or pasta w/ sauce or roast beet salad? A bit, but since I'm not cooking, I have no right to complain.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: Thanks guys, i dont live in NYC, so no Fresh Direct and delivery options are very limited here. I'm like Betty Draper in Mad Men, small town and i don't even have a Carla. I'm stuck
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i feel for you. but there are things that make it easier. cook meals you like. cook things that require minimal preparation or at least minimal clean up. use your crockpot. for ten minutes in the morning, supper is ready and hot for you to just sit down and eat.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: i guess i need new recipes. i am just so tired of everything i cook. i need some simple meals, crockpot recipes i guess, but i always think crockpot is kind of like soup, and i'm not a big fan of soup and the kids won't eat soup. anyone know of a cookbook for real, real simple meals that isn't just meatloaf, etc.?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Bell and Evans chicken (good quality, heats up in the toaster), Dr Pragers broccoli bites and spinach bites, Amy's pizza squares or rectangles, pasta, make your own pizzas, salmon with couscous, lamb chops with asparagus or broccoli, roasted everything vegetables, chicken dipped in egg and then breadcrumbs, Edamame, lima beans, peas and carrots, lentils, garbonzo beans. Hope this helps.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] How do you handle flying when nanny accompanies you? Is it wrong for DH and I to go f... 80 replies
- Isn't that the life of a SAHM with FT help??...
Talk : : November 17, 2009
How do you handle flying when nanny accompanies you? Is it wrong for DH and I to go first class, and let nanny and db sit in coach? Also, do you pay more for travel days? Nanny is salaried already, no hourly.
80 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 10:51 AM [ Flag ]I think it's kind of ghetto to put the nanny and db in coach if you're sitting in first class.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]why? I don't think anyone from the ghetto would be traveling with a nanny in the first place!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
all good questions, very curious but he goes: we put nanny in back of the bus with kids, why pay MORE for travel days? what do you do if she works later than normal at home? we pay ot, if you don't, why do it any different just because you are traveling?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Because on travel days, she does not get to go home at night. Just not sure if this is standard. We don't pay OT for late nights, they are covered by a generous salary, and we try not to take advantage. I just hate counting hours.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
If I were you and had limited first class access, I would put your BABY in first class where db would be more comfortable.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why is a baby more comfortable in first class? I can't even relate to this sort of OP and most of the ORs (would not take a nanny on a trip!- that's family time- and spending hours on a plane in a different section than my little boy, no way!) but your comment makes no sense.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree...wouldn't db be in a car seat either way? Same level of comfort as in a toyota or BMW.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I was saying that I can't imagine sending my kid to the back of the plane while I sipped champagne up front. Don't know how old db is, but more room for an older baby means happier baby. Happier family. If this were my family, the nanny would be home, and we'd all be in coach together.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]no, what you said was "I would put your BABY in first class where db would be more comfortable"- that doesn't make sense. Calling the OP weird and spoiled, well I'm in total agreement!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP: It's easier to care for the DB in first class than it is in coach (more leg room, easier to get to the bathroom, etc.). Although someone else caring for the DB in coach is clearly the easiest, LOL.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Ugh. I hate it when people have babies in first class. The tix are expensive - I'm going to pay an arm and a leg to sit next to a crying, fussing, pooping baby?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]free market okay? if they pay the $$, they deserve to be there just as much as you. I never understand this way of thinking!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree, if it's such a stretch to afford it, fly coach, expect a rough flight, and spend the $$ for a nice hotel room where you can relax at your destination. Flights aren't usually fun for anyone.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Many people put kids/nanny in coach. Pay the same for travel days.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]kids travel with the nannies, not the parents? how interesting.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
It is normal to pay extra for every night she is away with you (unless she is live-in and will only be away the nights she would normally live in). $50/night extra if her hours will be roughly the same, $100/night more if she will be working more.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Do they even allow nannies in first class?!?! The thought of it just gives me a shutter.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It's the db they try to keep out.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I fly with my db and nanny in first class. Have had very few issues with other passengers not wanting us there, either nanny or db. Often DH travels on different schedules and at a moments notice, so I need nanny there to help me out. I buy db a seat too, and it makes the trip easier for everyone.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes, because heaven frobid you should have to travel alone with 1 CHILD! how do people do it?? what's next, changing diapers on your own?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I can't manage all the things db needs on my own. A car seat/stroller/diaper bag + (to have enough stuff/clothes for a 10+ hour flight), etc. It's exhausting, I couldn't ever imagine doing it alone.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]then you're a moron! I have flown TWICE with my son alone- once at 3 mo's at then at 13 mo's. Not really all that difficult.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np And I lived in the UK until #1 was 3, and started flying alone with her when she was six months. Poster's quite the fragile flower...
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: this is a hilarious post! "it's exhausting" please...I fly with db alone all the time, and yes, for long flights!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: how very sad for you that you can't manage your own child.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I feel sorry for you, you can't manage a stroller/car seat and diaper bag? Pray tell, why not?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]How do you carry the carseat while you are pushing the stroller and have a roller bag with all the essentials you need for a long overseas flight?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]get a sky cap to help you!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]They are only for disabled people beyond the security check point, I was told.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: so the nanny doesn't do anything once you get where you are going ?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have a college girl that is dd's "summer nanny". She's legal and does all my travel with me. My regular housekeeper/nanny is illegal, and has trouble coming/going. So sometime she works with us, and sometimes she is just there to help me get to/from one location to the next. Last year she stayed with us in London for 4 weeks, and worked only 40 hours + the flights. She'll help us fly around the holidays as well, if she's available. It's good for her to get abroad, and good for us, because she's flexible/legal.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]okey dokey. you are super rich. got it. let the poor girl travel in business or first. cheapo.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm not OP. I always have my helper with me in 1st. One time one of my mom's friend flew with me to lend a helping hand.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP: Backpack carrier for the carseat, push the stroller with one hand, pull the roller bag with the other. Certain easier to have another adult along, but not essential.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Never saw a backpack carrier for a stroller...link/name/etc? Thanks...Also thinking about going orbit.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I got mine like 5 years ago, I think it was from One Step Ahead?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I never understood bringing a carseat on the airplane. Rent a car with the carseat in it when you get to your destination. There are adapters for the airplane seats to convert the seatbelt for any children over 20 lbs. It is very small and easy to pack. Also, we usually purchase a first class seat for our kid so she has extra room, especially for long flights.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]some kids sleep better in their car seats.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have an active 2 year old that needs to be strapped in well, so we still bring our car seat. And I don't trust rentals. I've seen some pretty unsafe looking rental carseats. But I do use a smaller car seat to travel.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP: seriously? have you never traveled? all long haul flights have bassinets that baby sleeps in comfortably. if you insist on a car seat, get one of those carseat/stroller combo for travel and check in your real stroller (I'm sure you can afford this) and as for stuff you need? what do you need that need to carry a roll away suitcase for? I've traveled long haul (15hrs) twice with baby before 1yr old and managed just fine. of course its tiring but no impossible like you make it out to be. get over it. you are a parent now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i have flown alone with a baby and a 4 y.o. If i could do that, you can do this.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yeah, I've flown alone with my 9mo db 4 times since he was born!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
wow. you really need to get a grip then! I have flown ~50 times with my 22 month old. every time except one (standby, emergency) in first class. Half with DH, half without. yes, I handle a car seat and a stroller (first, bugaboo snap n go. later, grao car seat and quinny zapp). with a tumi bag. and a diaper bag on my shoulder. its not rocket science. if you seriously cant handle traveling alone with your kid, you need help lady. and god knows I can afford to pay for my nanny to travel with me twice a month. its not a wealth thing, its an IQ thing.gosh your post is just sad
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you fly appx every 2 weeks?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yup! DH is working in Paris (another 14 months). often times it is easier for me to take off weekends than for him, so I end up going there! its not the most ideal arrangement but it works. and seriously, I cant complain. Weve all gotten used to the schedule, including DS! he sleeps well on planes.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 05:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I feel sorry for you. I frequently fly to Europe and I am able to travel with 2 dc just by myself (and they are young: 15 months and almost 3).
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Nannys are people too. At least...someone told me that once.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]it was a joke--at least i hope it was
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]mine was a joke too...
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
that's just jalousie. (in other words, it's SHUDDER, moron)
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you beat me to that one. Oh my.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:40 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would want db with me on a plane in case there was an emergency. Plus I just think it's tacky to put nanny in the back with your kid while you relax.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Isn't that the life of a SAHM with FT help??
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]definitely.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
good god, you cannot be serious.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]We never need our nanny when we travel and enjoy the family time. we usually travel with extended family (mom, mil, or with friends with kids). Next year we will be traveling for the first time with nanny (going to a conference for work in a tropical locale, so need her so we can attend evening events) and we will use miles to fly business and have dcs with us, and buy nanny a coach ticket. seems reasonable to me.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think it's fine for the nanny to travel in coach if you're not asking her to watch DC while she travels.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]According to the post the baby is with the nanny, so I'd hope she would be watching her. I cannot imagine traveling separately from my child though... if you feel that way, why not leave the baby at home? It sounds easier.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Will you pay the nanny for the travel time, even though you are taking care of the kids?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]that is what I was not getting about these posts. I love my nanny and all, and so do my kids, but vacationis family time. the ONLY time I ever took my nanny with me, was to a medical conference. usually we go as a fam and DH does stuff with the kids while I attend lectures. but for this one, he had to be overseas, so the choice was me with kids or him with kids, so I too them with the nanny and skipped all eve. lecetures for fam x with my boys.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: for really long trips, we generally have the whole family minus one in economy (3 kids and babysitter and one parent) and then get one seat up front for the 'sanity break' seat. we then take turns getting to rest/sleep/decompress up front, while the rest of the family is together in the back. works out pretty well.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 01:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]SMART!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]clever!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Have done both. If we all travel in 1st class, then I am paying my nanny to work during the travel time. If she is in Coach, then I am not paying her regularly hourly rate, just part of the negotiated overall. Dh is always in 1st due to back probs. The rest of us depends on miles/money, but I'm always with the kids regardless. For travel, I have learned to specify *everything* up front - hours on duty, detailed pay, overnight responsibilities, sleeping and meal arrangements, etc. Have done different things wtih diff rates of pay, but the key is for everyone to have clarity and agree to terms before travel. Roughly, we pay double salary for double on duty hours (but actual hours worked about 1.5X). To those who aren't sure why people travel with a nanny, the answer is - To Have a Vacation! Travel is extra work for us with 3dc. If I want any break at the destination, I'm going to be paying for some kind of sitter or kids' club and I'd rather just have someone along that I trust. I estimate that even with a full time nanny on vacation, the only time without dc is 1-2 dinners and sleeping in a few hours in the am. Rest of the day is with one or all dc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^To those who aren't sure why people travel with a nanny, the answer is - To Have a Vacation! Travel is extra work for us with 3dc. If I want any break at the destination, I'm going to be paying for some kind of sitter or kids' club and I'd rather just have someone along that I trust. I estimate that even with a full time nanny on vacation, the only time without dc is 1-2 dinners and sleeping in a few hours in the am. Rest of the day is with one or all dc.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I can see the point of this--I have 4 kids and we frankly don't have the money to take a nanny (we don't have one, period) on a vacation, but often our vacations don't feel like vacations b/c there are no breaks. Family time is great, absolutely, but with several children it tends to deteriotate towards maintenance--someone is taking older dc to pool, someone else is watching baby in hotel, etc. However, I still feel weird about having your kids fly coach while you fly first class. Call it a gut feeling, but it just feels... wrong. What message are you sending to your kids?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]the message that you are older, and it's ok for your young kid to be in coach
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR: I always sit with the dc, coach or 1st class. DH sometimes sits separate (he is always in 1st) because otherwise he ends up with back pain which ruins vacation for everyone. I would not sit separate from dc, not because of any true sense of right/wrong, but simply because my parental guilt would ruin the pleasure of 1st class for me! Plus, they would spend the whole flight taking turns coming to find me wherever I was, even if it were in the cargo hold (which would probably be more relaxing than flying with the kids anyway!).
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np LOLOLOL. What message is the airline sending to travelers by having multiple classes? Basically, you pay a lot more, and you get some wine and a bigger seat and the food is slightly less toxic. All that's wasted on kids.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i think you have to put the nanny and db in coach, obviusly
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 04:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]These people whe are posting they stick their nany and baby in coach are kidding, right? These must be fake posts.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I can't believe that the majority of responders buy first class tix for travel. It is ridiculously overpriced except for very long flights.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I can count on one hand the # of times I have paid for a full fare first or business ticket. I have never (yes, never) paid for an overseas business ticket, but in the past 5 or so years, have yet to fly economy overseas. it all boils down to using your miles correctly and buying tickets in the right class (Y/B/M). 10k for business from NYC to Paris is insane. 960 for an upgradeable coach seat that ultimately lands me in business rather than 600 for a coach seat that is not upgradeable - I am totally willing to swing extra 350.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I can't believe so many people fly first class! On international flights? What do you/husband do?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]very insulting to put nanny in coach with db. all of you should either be in FC or coach.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't know why, exactly, but I find this post so uterly revolting on so many levels. You have one kid and two parents - learn to take care of your own kid. Why do you need to take nanny along. And, if you take her along, you should absolutely have her and dc sit near you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Agree-- this poster is probably a fake anyhow--
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 06:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I hope so. I have taken a nanny on outings on vacations with multiple kids so I can't cast too big a stone but still. Jeez.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I have never replied like this before- you are horrible. Seriously! Why not just leave the little bastard at home?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 08:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Need nanny advice, first time with a nanny. Found someone amazing, loving, does lau... 26 replies
- Not at all, in fact, it is common in my experience for a nanny (esp. with sahms or when there is another care for the older child) to basically act as though they are baby nurses. These aren't the best nannies imo. Babies just need to have needs met. Children need constant one-on-one attention and can report back what happens. I...
Talk : : November 17, 2009
Need nanny advice, first time with a nanny. Found someone amazing, loving, does laundry, cooks, etc. I have two kids, 1.5 and 4, new baby in March. Nanny started two weeks ago, she cares for DS2, DS1 goes to preschool 5 days, full days with my DH (he works at the private school). I would like to have her do more with DS1, keep him home some days, take him along on the fun things she does with DS2 (for instance, she said she wanted to take DS2 to see Santa come to town on Thurs. I asked if DS1 could stay and go, she said it would be too much, but she could come back that night and take DS1). I think she's nice and certainly not lazy, but I wish I felt like she wanted to have DS1 more. I felt this a little in the interview process, but loved everything else about her (experience, etc., with last family for 8 years). Am I expecting too much? Is it normal for nanny to bond with baby and be more hands off with older child? She's thinking that it will be hard for DS1 to do stuff now, and then not when DD comes along in March.
26 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag ]What were your expectations when hiring her? Did you communicate this to her initally? I know it's hard if you've never had a nanny before to list the expectations, as everything's so new. How much are you paying her?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]cont'd loved everything else about her (experience, etc., with last family for 8 years). Am I expecting too much? Is it normal for nanny to bond with baby and be more hands off with older child? She's thinking that it will be hard for DS1 to do stuff now, and then not when DD comes along in March. Are my expectations just off?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm paying her $15 per hour, we aren't in NYC. During interviews, we didn't know what we were going to do with DS, whether a half day preschool or a full day program. If we chose half day, she would have him every day, for half the day. I'm nervous, now, like do I need to clear it with her when he has school holidays? I feel like it's morphed into she is the nanny for DS2 and new baby only when we are a family (or will be) of three children. I just feel badly for DS1, feels like he is missing out on fun things for no real reason.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why did the other family let her go? I think she may indeed be lazy. Babies are easy.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:15 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]She was with the other family from birth of first child until their youngest was in school full time. I talked with the other mom at length and she was candid. I don't think laziness was ever an issue. This woman is so helpful - on her own she cleaned my whole house and did all of our laundry (mine and DH's too!) because DS2 was sleeping and "it's just too much for me to do"
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, then I think you have to accept that she is afraid to take both children out at one time. If I were planning a third, this might be a limitation. I live in the suburbs, though, and would never expect my nanny to take my kids out (I have twins).
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Strange question, but do you think that's "okay" or do I owe it to DS1 to try to find someone else? I'm just not sure what the normal role is when you have one in school and one at home. But since he's only 4, he's not really in school. I don't know.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]For me it wasn't. I actually think that having a nanny who is fun and stimulates development in both/all children takes priority over cleaning. My neighbor prioritizes laundry/cleaning. It depends on what is important to you.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think that's my problem. I love how she makes life easier but I need for her to want to be involved with my older DS, too. He's a part of the family and should get the benefit of this level of care, too. How do I fix this???
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't know that you can. I would keep looking.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]So you don't think I'm expecting too much? I just want to make sure I'm not creating a problem because I don't know how things are normally "done".
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not at all, in fact, it is common in my experience for a nanny (esp. with sahms or when there is another care for the older child) to basically act as though they are baby nurses. These aren't the best nannies imo. Babies just need to have needs met. Children need constant one-on-one attention and can report back what happens. I would keep looking.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks a lot for talking through this with me. I appreciate the help and experience.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Do you really think children *need* constant one-on-one attention? I'm genuinely curious.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OK, first of all, you don't owe her anything, and you are in charge! Just set out your requirements and if she is not happy with them find someone else.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Problem is that real nannies are hard to find here. I've interviewed before and never felt remotely close to finding someone. I think this is why I'm bending over backwards so much.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
will you be working when the new babya rrives?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I will take about four months off after new baby arrives.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]so there's not reason she can't take DS1 out sometimes now because she can continue to do so while you're on leave through most of the summer. WIll your son be in kindergarten next september? You can't have your employee dictating the terms to you, or this is going to be trouble!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]How do I fix this? Should I just say that DS1 will be home one day a week from now on. Do I have a sit down with her and be perfectly honest and say, I need you to do more with DS1 because I want him to be involved in the fun things because he doesn't have to go to school every day?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:37 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]IMO it helps to offer her your thinking behind it. Assure her that when the new baby comes, and after you retrurn to work, you recognize that being out with all three may be problematic and you'll make sure she's not overwhelmed at that time-
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I had a nanny who was GREAT at the baby stage, not so much at the older stage. Switched and was happier. JME.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:14 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It's probably tough if she has never really been taking care of DS1, for her to suddenly take him out for the day. Maybe you need to give her time to settle in, for her to have both kids all day when older dc is on break from school, etc. She needs to develop a relationship with older dc and that can't happen until she's spent time with him.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]hello, the nanny's new! And why is it tough for her to take two kids out at once? What is wrong with people on these boards? Why would handling two kids one day a week be overwhelming??
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
btdt -- you need a new nanny. Our long-time nanny had to leave for personal reasons when older dd was 5. New nanny bonded right away with then 1 year old, but not so much with older dd. I didn't worry about it too much at first b/c older dd was only with the nanny 3x/wk for 2 hours and only had to supervise the two kids playing together or sometimes older dd would bring a friend home from school on the bus and they would play together so really all nanny had to do was give older dd a snack. fast forward 1 year and something happened with nanny which made older dd feel unsafe and nanny totally brushed it off and I finally woke up and realized that nanny just didn't give a sh*t about older dd and that this situation wasn't at all fair to my older dd. We fired her and are now looking for someone new, and the candidate we are leaning toward has experience starting a job when the kids are older. You need someone who knows how to bond with an older child and unfortunately that isn't the easiest thing to find. But you can't leave your older child with someone who doesn't want to take care of him.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Does this nanny drive? It can be overwhelming taking two kids out alone. BTDT. :( My 2 yo alone is overwhelming at times. Also, has she ever worked in NYC? When I first read the post, I saw that you were taking your kid out of school to go see Santa and I thought WTH? If I spent a year trying to get my ds into a private school for pre school, he would go, EVERY day. Especially if I paid 30k. But your situation is different. Straight up ask her what her comfort zone is, where she is willing to take both kids.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Want some real life stories. For those that didn't get the h1n1 vaccine and came dow... 14 replies
- , then were done. One kid had a mild fever for 6 days, a lingering cough, and 24 hours of a high temp right in the middle of those 6 days. I have it right now- ugh. Cough and fever. It's a drag, but manageable given my lifestyle (SAHM,) and lack of other health issues. We didn't get Tamiflu partially because I didn't believe that my other kids could have it since it was so mild. I'm not sure I even have it, as it started with a mild sore throat and fatigue,...
Talk : : November 17, 2009
Want some real life stories. For those that didn't get the h1n1 vaccine and came down with the swine flu exactly how bad was the flu? Were you or your dc sick in bed for days? Super high fevers? Vomiting and diarrhea? Aches and pains? How many days before you felt 100% again? Did you take Tamiflu?
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.17.09, 08:51 AM [ Flag ]It was just like any other flu I had in my life.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]oh, and it took a week before I was able to go back to work and I did not take Tmaiflu.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I didn't get it myself, but I can give you my husband's story. He got it last winter. He was REALLY sick for a week and a half. Couldn't get out of bed sick. High fever, aches, pains, diarrhea, almost delirious for part of the time. Even after he got out of bed, recovery was REALLY slow. It took about three weeks for his energy to come back, the coughing to stop, etc. I guess the flu is never any fun, and I'm not sure whether this was worse or better than a normal strain would have been. But it was pretty terrible. No tamiflu.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: my dh just had it in October & almost the exact same story. After flu was gone, still coughing, tired and weak for 2 weeks following.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:18 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I thought H1N1 flu wasn't reported until the spring. I don't think it got to NYC before April.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]My bad! He must have had some other kind of flu. So let that just be a story about what the flu was like for him!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Last winter? Your DH had some other flu. The epidemic started in the spring of this year.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
df's 15 mo just had it. 3 days of 103 fever, cranky, sleepy, etc. but she started getting better on day 4 and fine by day 7. another df (in his late 30's got it). no tamiflu. more like the poster above ... was REALLY sick for over a week. don't know if he got tamiflu.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]My children and I all had it--the older the child, the more severe it was for some reason. 5 year old: 1 day fever, lingering cough, no missed school (his fever was over the weekend). 8 year old: 3 days fever, 3 days off school, lingering cough, aches and pains. 11 year old: 4 days fever, lingering cough, aches and pains, 4 days off school. Me: 4 days fever, etc, still have cough and am fatigued a week later. We did not take tamiflu.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:42 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]All 3 kids got sick - fevers >103, headaches, vomiting,lasted about 4 days for each child. Husband and nanny got it too - seemed much milder for adults - That being said dear friends husband had a mild case and is very ill with pneumonia now.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, based on people's experience I guess the risk associated with the vaccine outweighs the actual flu.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What risk? I mean the flu has actual, demonstrated risk. What significant risks have been demonstrated for flu vaccine?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Friend's healthy 5 yr. old got it and went from only sick enough in the morning that she debated taking him to the doctor vs. school to intubated and airlifted to the ICU at a major hospital that night. He's now recovering and won't have lasting effects, but it was a very scary several days of serious illness.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 02:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Two kids had mild fevers for 2 days, a headache, then were done. One kid had a mild fever for 6 days, a lingering cough, and 24 hours of a high temp right in the middle of those 6 days. I have it right now- ugh. Cough and fever. It's a drag, but manageable given my lifestyle (SAHM,) and lack of other health issues. We didn't get Tamiflu partially because I didn't believe that my other kids could have it since it was so mild. I'm not sure I even have it, as it started with a mild sore throat and fatigue, and the fever didn't show up until 24 hours later, versus being hit by the proverbial bus.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Hubby and I just did a CC debt check today. WOW. its So much higher then we thought. ... 60 replies
Talk : : November 16, 2009
Hubby and I just did a CC debt check today. WOW. its So much higher then we thought. We dont really use the cards. I feel like its a constant weight over our heads. Pretty much living paycheck to paycheck now. I'd like to get a very part time job, but not feeling confident about the probability of someone hiring a SAHM for a 'very part time' evening/weekend job. Ugh. Any ideas/ experience with this?
60 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 09:08 PM [ Flag ]There is a program run at 166 to help moms rejoin workforce. Cannot remember name....maybe on their website?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]In your boat, sister. I just tried to get a part-time job at a B& B and wasn't hired because I was "overqualified." Ugh.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]And I guess we are not hot enough to work behind a bar anymore. What are your skill, OP?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am an artist (painter/sculptor) with about 6 yrs serving experience, 2 yrs salon receptionist experience, minored in Education in college.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^op^
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Could you start up afternoon after school art program? Portfolio prep for HS students who want to apply to art college?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I would LOVE that, but NO CLUE how to get that started. Also, I have a 8 month old, not sure how that would work with the baby.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If with older HS kids, could you do it in the evenings, after dh has come home?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Also, are you still making art? Could you do sell your work? Join a collective gallery?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am still making art. I have my art going up in a cafe soon, but that doesnt exactly pay the bills. I adore my work and its my passion (actually have had some respected artists praise it), but I worry that its not of quality to 'have the audacity' to think i deserve to be in a collective gallery or something. its a self esteem thing. I know
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Stop thinking, and just put it out there, and make it simple for people to purchase.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]any clue how much these friends would like to pay for large scale, contemporary, architecture inspired paintings? I know what my art colleges suggest, but sometimes I worry they overprice for the real world!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What size, roughly? How intense is the 'coverage'
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]some are about 2 1/2 x 3ft. most are on avg 4 x 5. VERY labor intensive. Very colorful. Many textures. balance of organic and linear.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
And throw a party at that cafe to celebrate your opening, and use that as the time to tell everyone about your virtual studio, and that you want to sell from it, so they must each tell 5 people about your work.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I could! any clue how one starts that though? I cant imagine advertising on like craigslist or something...
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I would find a cooperative gallery, or local cafe, that would show your work. Also, set up a web page to show your work, price it, and start telling everyone that you have decided to start selling and painting again. Print up a card with info, get everyone to get their friends to go online and see what you do. I know so many people who want something to hang on their wall.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]http://cover-furniture-patio.tut.wjg.jp/index.html cover furniture patio http://awning-patio.tut.wjg.jp/index.html awning patio http://heater-patio.tut.wjg.jp/index.html heater patio
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP: What about Etsy? It's huge - but if you get a mention on a blog or 2 (plus positive feedback from buyers), it could snowball. Do you follow any blogs? You could offer a giveaway.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, Etsy is great.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
op here: any suggestions for how to get rid of the cc debt quicker. I mean obviously pay huge amounts on the CCs, but any other tips?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Try to get them to reduce interest rate, or transfer balance to card with lower rate. My card company refused though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]op here: tried that, ours refused too. that was bout 6 months ago though.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]My rate is 25%. Awful.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ours is 15. A family member said thats horrible, I thought it was okay? not GREAT, but not bad?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, I guess I make you feel better then. I would be happy with that.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]im sorry, I hope I didnt insult you! :-D
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not at all! I am just insulted by citibank.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ugh. they are stinkers. got rid of them long ago. yuck
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 09:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: let's put it this way: you get next to no interest on your cash; treasuries pay, say 1-3%; investment grade corp bonds pay 2-6%; junk bonds pay 6-12%; and there's pretty much NO WHERE to get 15% on your money, unless you, say, run a credit car company. then you can get 15-35% interest...
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
how much debt do you owe?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]12K
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^op^: that 12k is my husband and I together
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we have 27k how old are you both
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]26, u? what is ur hhi and housing?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we usually make 100, this year only 70, which is why we are in trouble. we are late 30's. housing all told is 3200 a month, 400 k mortgage, you?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]dh brings in 110. rent 1700. oh and 100k in student loans b/w both of us. ugh
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you should be ok with that kind of income. how many db's do you have? do you live in bk? i know you don't live in manhattan for 1700
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]1, and yep Manhattan. Good neighborhood, good future school zone for db
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^-^ oh and a car too. forgot that
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]do you make more than you spend each month? h??ow long you been married
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]make = spend. married 2 yrs. whats that matter?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]just wondering. dh will probably make more money in coming years, no?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thats the plan. hopefully. Hes 'on track' to keep moving up, but we're not COUNTING on that. <crossing fingers> but hoping for it!
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 10:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]can you cut back anywhere? just in the short term? did you grow up upper middle class?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes and no. lived very low income 1st half of childhood, then to middle class. parents were comfortable, but not loaded.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]so it's not like you both are used to really fancy stuff? where does all the money go? what did you study in college?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]goes to car payment, cells, just bills. and of course living. i buy clothes here and there (still losing baby weight) but i by no meaans wear prada and such. more like h&m and old navy, but not a ton of $$.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]what kind of car do you have? did you and dh date in college?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]wow many ??s
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]just bored. up late
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 11:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Your housing costs are killing you. Anything you can do to reduce them?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 03:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]her rent is low
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 05:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I was responding to the 70K income paying 3,200 for housing.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You could sell stuff on ebay, or start a "WAHM" business like making cloth diapers. Lots of moms doing that. Mothering.com has a whole board just for them.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]you didn't know what your CC debt was? suze orman would have fun with you two.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]touche! she does now, and that's what counts!
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 08:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]yeah thanks. we werent complete idiots, we both knew approximately how much WE had (individually) but then to put it all in one sum is a quick wake up call. im sure we could have some real fun with suze orman too.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 09:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
DH has a gig, why not consider a little "night work"--how are your looks?
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 11:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]looks are pretty good. I mean no Cindy Crawford, but definitely not bad. Still losing a little baby weight though, but by no means chubby. Would love to get back into waitressing (did it for many years) but my concern is getting home at 4am... wont work well with an 8 month old that wakes up at 7 or 8.
[ Reply | Options ]11.17.09, 06:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] 9 out of 10 Hoveround owners got their electric wheelchair at little or no cost. M... 11 replies
- I doubt it. BUt I bet the venture capital guy who owns Hoverround is married to a SAHM and sends dcs to TT....
Talk : : November 16, 2009
9 out of 10 Hoveround owners got their electric wheelchair at little or no cost. Medicare paid most of the wheelchair expense for them.
11 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.16.09, 08:11 PM [ Flag ]That is good for us granny moms to know
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]: )
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Do 9 out of 10 Hoveround owners also oppose health care reform?
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I bet 9/10 Hoveround owner's kids got 99 erbs.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I doubt it. BUt I bet the venture capital guy who owns Hoverround is married to a SAHM and sends dcs to TT.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]close. http://www.linkedin.com/in/alanpdozier
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You, my friend, have too much time on your hands.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]seriously though, it's sht like this that is causing skyrocketing healthcare costs. Big bucks private equity guys stealing OUR tax $
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
* Chief Operating Officer at Hoveround Corporation * Independent Consultant/Advisor at Private Equity * Chief Operating Officer at GN ReSound A/S A senior executive with a proven track record of delivering significant revenue, profit, cash flow and market share growth across a diverse range of medical products businesses. Deep operating experience in North America and significant global experience.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
private equity, not venture capital you moron:The company is family managed and majority-owned by The Jordan Company, a Chicago PE firm.
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
but what is their IQ (see that post from earlier?)
[ Reply | Options ]11.16.09, 08:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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