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[+] Hi, This is my first post and I'm not a parent, but a nanny. I am part-time and work ... 14 replies
- np: yes, that's exactly it. kids feel freer to act out with their parents than they do at school, or with their babysitters. parents should just keep insisting that the child go to bed at the appropriate time and let her CIO if need be. it's awful for the parents but will solve the problem quckly....
Talk : : November 18, 2009
Hi, This is my first post and I'm not a parent, but a nanny. I am part-time and work with a couple who has adopted a baby girl. I've been with them since she was just a few weeks old and she's now 22 months. They are first-time parents and so far, it's been an adventure for all of us. I'm writing because lately she has been giving them a really hard time with sleeping. She screams and cries and gets herself hysterical for hours and will even throw herself around in fits when they put her down to sleep- either for a nap or at bedtime. She has never had this problem before and what's strange is that she goes down without a peep with me- both for naps and if I'm here for her bedtime. They have tried everything and are getting really frustrated so are just bringing her to bed with them, but they are not getting sleep themselves. Anyway, I just thought I'd ask if anyone has suggestions. What doesn't seem to make sense is that she is perfectly fine with me. Has anyone else experienced this difference? Thanks!
14 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.18.09, 09:37 AM [ Flag ]-
It's not really relevant to the current situation, but for background info, I guess. They are a gay couple- two men, which is also probably irrelevant, but what the hell? Now you know that too. So, did you have a suggestion or did you just want to comment on the relevancy of the information I chose to disclose?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]great comeback OP.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
How often are the parents with her? Do they work all the time? Sounds to me like she is more comfortable with you b/c she spends a lot of time with you. Do they have a bedtime routine that they follow every night?
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, they do have a routine and they do spend a lot of time with her. This has come on pretty suddenly. I know that can be normal with toddlers, but it just seems weird that she is not consistent about it with me. I know I'm not doing anything special- or at least I don't think I am. I suggested I come and help put her to bed with them here for a few nights to see what happens.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]this is BS - mom here, and my kids were (and are) the same way - of course they behave better for the nanny than the parents! they are kids and that's what kids do!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 11:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Mom of 3 here. Kids are always better behaved for their nanny, IMHO. Now that I don't have one my kids are monsters. I am thinking about having her back to get them back in shape.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: yes, that's exactly it. kids feel freer to act out with their parents than they do at school, or with their babysitters. parents should just keep insisting that the child go to bed at the appropriate time and let her CIO if need be. it's awful for the parents but will solve the problem quckly.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 09:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks. That's what I was thinking. That she does feel freer to act out and have melt downs with them. I mean, she has only ever had a handful of very minor meltdowns with me at all, but sometimes she throws a tantrum within minutes of them coming home, which shocks me. They don't seem to be doing anything particular to feed into it or reinforce the tantrums, so it's a little strange. I feel bad telling them she's so good for me! Lol!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]GL--also if they don't have What to Expect the Toddler Years they should get--it explains this developmental stage pretty well as i recall.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i'll check the shelves, but i don't think they have that one. she's also going through a little bit of separation anxiety lately too (with me also.) Very clingy and shy. I'm sure it's all part of the same phase. I just wish I could give them a definite suggestion. They've tried letting her cry it out, but she gets herself so worked up, she'll vomit!
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np: this is very very normal behavior. not to dis you, but kids often feel safer and more loved/acepted by parents, so they feel free to act up because its less risky. and, like all things, it will pass.
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]no, i totally agree. i almost felt like she was too "nervous" to act up for me in a way. i know that sounds weird and i don't mean she's afraid of me or anything like that, but just that exact phenomenon that you describe. Maybe I should be insulted she doesn't act up with me! Lol! Just kidding. :)
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 10:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP Also, From the very little I have read.. kids acto out with their parents, bc they know, adn can see it upsets them. When they tantrum with the sitter, the sitter doesn't een flinch. They don't get the same drama, or reception. This is totally normal. Mine both do this..
[ Reply | Options ]11.18.09, 12:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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[+] when did you get your child on a sleeping schedule? ,ine is 13 weeks old and when he ... 4 replies
Talk : : November 15, 2009
when did you get your child on a sleeping schedule? ,ine is 13 weeks old and when he wants to sleep, there is no waking him. for example, he slep from 11-2. took and bottle and went right back to sleep. he looks comfortable and I don't want to bother him. He still wakes for a 2 AM bottle....is this normal? is it too early to let him CIO? he takes anywhere from 4-6 ozs then so I feel like he is hungry and don't want to deny him the food if he is hungry. WDYT?
4 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.15.09, 01:23 PM [ Flag ]I think you need to trust your instincts. 13 weeks old is a bit of a gray area (some will say it is too young for scheduling, others say it is fine). Sorry, not too helpful.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't see the problem. 11-2 then a feeding and sweetly back to sleep sounds like bliss to me, especially if he goes down well at 11.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 01:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Too early for CIO. AT this age babies should be able to sleep through the night without a feeding but ask your pediatrician first to make sure. If they give you the go ahead make every night bottle a little less. First 6 ounces, then 4 ounces, then 2 ounces. After that go in and hold/comfort him but don't offer a bottle and see if he will sleep without it. It may not work but then again it might, it's worth a try.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Never Wake a Sleeping Baby. It was my motto and dc is a champion sleeper.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 02:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] parents who co-sleep with their dc -- what are the pluses and minuses? why did you ch... 7 replies
- 17 months. she decided that it was time. she wouldn't settle in our bed and we put up a pack and play. she took to it in minutes. (no CIO, etc.) before that she wanted to sleep next to me. it actually was days after weaning that she stopped. I can't imagine BF without cosleeping, actually. would be really really hard at night....
Talk : : November 15, 2009
parents who co-sleep with their dc -- what are the pluses and minuses? why did you choose to do so?
7 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.15.09, 10:45 AM [ Flag ]pluses: i get to sleep through the nights. minuses: in principle i htink it's ridiculous.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 10:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Plus: it was easier re: breastfeeding-- you just have to role over at night. Minus: Hard to get these little squirmy bodies out of the bed once you bring them in.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 10:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP here: if you co-slept, how old was your dc when you stopped co-sleeping?
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 10:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]17 months. she decided that it was time. she wouldn't settle in our bed and we put up a pack and play. she took to it in minutes. (no CIO, etc.) before that she wanted to sleep next to me. it actually was days after weaning that she stopped. I can't imagine BF without cosleeping, actually. would be really really hard at night.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 10:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR: I should mention that if she wakes in the night i still bring her to bed with us, but that's only happened twice in the last month. I think that's normal amounts...
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 11:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
co-slept half the night when dc would wake up in wee hours, cry and i was too tired to deal with it. older dc is now 4.6, sometimes crawls into our bed in the early hours, but mostly doesn't. they've always rotated and slept horizontal so that is a big pain.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is one of those things that falls under the "There is not a right or wrong, it is just what you can live with" rule.
[ Reply | Options ]11.15.09, 12:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Is 2 months too early to sleep train? I was reading Weissbluth's book and I can't se... 20 replies
- That's diff than CIO, which is what I believe OP is asking about. You're talking about creating healthy sleep habits (hey, the book title!)...
Talk : : November 12, 2009
Is 2 months too early to sleep train? I was reading Weissbluth's book and I can't seem to figure it out from his book. Man, that book is confusing!
20 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.12.09, 12:22 PM [ Flag ]WAY too early. you can start your bedtime routine then, but your kid still needs to eat on demand.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 12:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]WAY too early indeed! My feeling is that sleep training any earlier is essentially child abuse. How on earth do we know how long children can go without getting hungry. It's pure speculation.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 12:34 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would talk to your pediatrician about whether or not your dc needs to eat through the night - I sleep trained my ds at 14 weeks, pediatrician told me at that he no longer nutritionally needed to be fed through the night. Each child is different.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 12:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes. Way too early. They say not until 6 months.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 12:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Good God, YES. Weissbluth states this very clearly in this book.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I agree - that book is not written well at all. I read some of the book, then found this link on the web: http://www.ehow.com/how_2107237_use-weissbluth-sleep-training-method.html fwiw, my ped said a baby can at 2-3mos go 12 hours w/o eating - but I think you need to do what you are comfortable with and what works for your db. GL!
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 12:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i would reallyd oubt that most 2 month olds, especially if ebf, can go 12 hours without eating.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 12:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Mine was at 95% for weight, certainly couldn't.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 12:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ditto.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Sleep train, yes. But if your db is crying all evening and waking several times during the night Weissbluth can help. I read it when my db became "collicky" at 6-7 weeks. Moved bedtime to 6:00 and let him cry for 2 minutes (which seemed like hours but I watched the clock). It was wonderful and changed everything.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 12:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]We started at 9 weeks and had him sleeping at least 11 hours at night by 14 weeks. Used "12 hours sleep by 12 weeks old" by suzi giordano. Everyone I know who used the methods I the book had sleeping babies by 15 weeks or less. Even mom with twins.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 12:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Too early. Feed your child - how hard is it?
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 12:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I don't entirely agree with the other posters here. While feeding on demand is totally appropriate, the "sleep training" that he talks about early on includes giving your baby the opportunity to sleep every couple of hours and beginning to notice how they behave when they are tired, not letting them get too overtired, etc. This should also include beginning to get a sleep "routine" in place. Early on, I always created a warm, dark and quite space and played or sang the same music when my dcs were showing signs of being tired. Both slept through the night by 5-6 months.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 12:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's diff than CIO, which is what I believe OP is asking about. You're talking about creating healthy sleep habits (hey, the book title!)
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 12:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OP Here: I'm not looking to have DC sleep the whole night through. I'm just trying to get him to self soothe and perhaps cry for a while to get to sleep on his own. I have no problem getting up and feeding him during the night.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 02:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]he;s really littel for teh crying part. nothing wrong wiht a bedtime routine adn trying to put him down awake -- some babies will drop off on their own pretty easily, some won't.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 02:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: what if they don't go to sleep right away? I want to have him fuss and cry for a while to get him to go down on his own but is this too early for this?
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 04:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np: My db is 4mos. Around 2mos, I would feed and then put db in crib. Db would fall asleep on her own after about 10-15 minutes. The key with Weissbluth is the 2 or so hours awake - even now, after 2 hours I put baby down and she falls asleep on her own w/o crying. So up and down all day, but I really feel like db is happier when awake if she is well rested. Most times if I time it right, she doesn't even fuss, just kicks and babbles and then drifts off. Sometimes I miss the window and she is more fussy and wimpers a little, but eventually goes to sleep. GL
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 04:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
too early.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 04:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Easy for me to say, I'm a guy, but nevertheless a father, so give me some credit here: I think people should rely a lot more on their natural instincts on these issues and a lot less on books. Each kid is different and YOU know YOUR kid way better than anyone else.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 04:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Sane responders only. We have a difficult sleeper. We transitioned her to a toddler... 13 replies
- , but I think he's way too old for CIO and too young to process the eed to stay in...the parent who feels it is too late to try CIO, we thought this may be the case but so far...When she was 10 or 12 months, we tried CIO and Ferber style sleep training and she cried HYSTERICALLY,...1st, doing CIO isn't a one-time thing, you may have to...of her room. Good luck and hang in there. CIO is hard, but with some kids, it's the...
Talk : : November 11, 2009
Sane responders only. We have a difficult sleeper. We transitioned her to a toddler bed around 15 months b/c A: we had # 2 on the way and figured timing was good, and B: she HATED her crib. We had settled into a decent routine pre-baby 2 which basically consisted of us bathing her, giving her a bottle, reading about 5 books, then putting her in her bed and sitting in the room until she went to sleep. She would usually wake up once around 3:30 am, get in bed with us, whoever got up first took her back to her own bed, then she would wake up around 7 am and jump in bed with us for about a 10 minute snuggle before we started our day.
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.11.09, 05:25 PM [ Flag ]Now she is almost 21 months old, number 2 is about 3 months old, and her sleeping is a mess. Takes forever to get her down, and she gets up around 1 am and about every 2 hours after. If we let her stay in bed with us, none of us sleep. Last night, she was up for almost 4 hours in the middle of the night. We have friends that have done the "just close the door" and they will figure it out route. We are trying it tonight and will report back. Any other ideas??? We have tried SO many things that haven't worked and everyone's advice has been "tough love" (including MIL and BIL pediatricians).
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i don't know if i'm sane but here's my opinion. i have no problem with a child sleeping in my bed as long as it's creating more good than harm, especially in the short run. but if no one's getting any sleep out of it, then it's bad in the long term and the short term and you can't allow it. i agree with the "just close the door" idea. 20mo is still pretty young but i'd walk her back to bed once, explain that it's nighttime, time for sleeping, time for eveyrone to be in their own beds (don't go on and on, but explain it however she'll understand it) and then close the door. let her scream. and just keep telling yourself this is for her own good. screaming now will result in better sleeping by next week which is much healthier for her. good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My #1 and #3 are terrible sleepers. #3 is 26mo and pretty much has a similar bed routine as yours. He sleeps on a twin on the floor next to our king, up at 3am, but then in bed with us the rest of the night. he would *never* sleep in a crib despite trying ferber and weissbluth CIO twice (and i hate CIO, but was desperate). Bedtime is similar to yours in that we stay until he sleeps. He truly needs a lot of physical contact. I would love to sleep alone, but I think he's way too old for CIO and too young to process the eed to stay in his room. I have the attitude that "this will pass." I learned with #1 who was similar that they DO grow out of it eventually, took until about 3.5/4yo for her. However, #2 was sleeping thru in his crib by 6wo so I feel confident a lot is simply genetics. We also trade off sleep on weekends to catch up or mid-week I often go back to bed if not working. I have chosen to accept rather than fight constantly and try to take joy in the closeness. I mean I know it sucks, but I don't believe I can do muc hto change it so I'd rather try to find the positive. GL
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^However, #2 was sleeping thru in his crib by 6wo so I feel confident a lot is simply genetics. We also trade off sleep on weekends to catch up or mid-week I often go back to bed if not working. I have chosen to accept rather than fight constantly and try to take joy in the closeness. I mean I know it sucks, but I don't believe I can do muc hto change it so I'd rather try to find the positive. GL
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Quick update. 20 minutes in, all is quiet. I am going to check on her in 5 mins. She cried on and off for the 20 minutes, but not hysterically. We left a pretty bright light on (about 15 watts), so fear of dark not an issue. She was more whining than crying so it wasn't that painful. To the parent who feels it is too late to try CIO, we thought this may be the case but so far so good. When she was 10 or 12 months, we tried CIO and Ferber style sleep training and she cried HYSTERICALLY, then eventually made herself throw up. We eased off, but it has cost us all in sleep. She is a fantastic girl, but the sleep deprivation makes all of us so edgy. Dear God I hope this works!
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]here's an idea: tell her that she cannot come into your bed but she can sleep on the floor next to you bed just make a little pillow/blanket area for her there so that everyone can get some sleep. desperate times call for desperate measures. hopefully she will soon figure out that her bed is where she will be most comfortable. GL
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np If by "checking on her", you mean going into her room, I strongly suggest you don't! Sounds like you're making headway; don't mess it up.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 05:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Okay here is my suggestion (warning it may take awhile) I put 27 month old in big girl bed. Every time she got out of bed I put her in time out. I have a gate in her doorway as opposed to closing the door. I have her monitor so I can tell when she's messing around. I go in and give her 1 warning and say "You get out of bed one more time and your going in time out." The first night I had to put her in time out 3 times and still do from time to time but most of the time she understands. She needs her negative actions to be followed by a consequence as well, otherwise there's nothing keeping her from getting up. The gate will also keep her in her room. When she wakes up let her cry for a little while, go in, put her into bed, and walk out. It may take a week or so but if you want change you have to make the temporary sacrifice for a permanent solution. Good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 06:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It may take a week or so but if you want change you have to make the temporary sacrifice for a permanent solution. Good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 06:07 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]after two time my dd loses the extras like t.v., DS, etc... works.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 06:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
OP here - quick update. Despite some recommendations, after about 10 minutes of quiet, I had to check to make sure she was OK. Went in, and she was in bed snuggled with her doll. Unfortunately she had thrown up much of her dinner. It made me feel cruel and terrible, but none of us have slept in months, so if that is the worst of it, I suppose it is worth it. She slept like a rock while DW and I cleaned up. We did try the letting her sleep on the floor in our room thing but didn't work (kept getting in bed or crying). Also tried the TO thing and that doesn't really do much for her either. We thought about the gate thing but were at our wit's end today with no child gate so figured we'd go for it. Now the question is, do we leave the light on and door shut through the night? I want to have a plan because it is so difficult to make good, rational decisions at 3 am.
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 06:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks for the GREAT "sane" feedback btw ;) Trolls must be asleep...
[ Reply | Options ]11.11.09, 06:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Sounds like it's going well, so congrats. A few suggestions... 1st, doing CIO isn't a one-time thing, you may have to do it again if her sleeping slips back. But it won't be as tough as the first time. 2nd, there is a clock you can get on one step ahead that you program to change colors at a certain time. It could help your dd to understand when she is allowed to get out of her room. Good luck and hang in there. CIO is hard, but with some kids, it's the only thing that works.
[ Reply | Options ]11.12.09, 06:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Other than the cry out method, what worked for you to help your baby sleep through th... 12 replies
- 1st slept thru the night by 8 weeks, twins slept thru the night by 3.5 months. FWIW - we had to employ the CIO method at some point with all three kids but it was (thankfully) very brief...
- -- CIO means different things. Some kids cry until they puke and some fuss for 15 minutes for a few nights....
Talk : : November 10, 2009
Other than the cry out method, what worked for you to help your baby sleep through the night?
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.10.09, 10:38 AM [ Flag ]this won't help, but she just does, up to 9 hrs at 3 months
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]You are so lucky!!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks, sltho everyone says this will change ...
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
how old is your baby?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]9 months. He slept quiet well for a little while, then he started teething then rolling, then crawling, and now teething again. I don't have the heart to have him cry out (which we tried for one night). Just want to know if there are any other options.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]are you giving him anything for teething pain? teething tablets? infant motrin?
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Infant motrin. But he still wakes up wanting to nurse... and he will fall asleep a minute or two after nursing, but I don't want to make that a habit.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]if he is teething you are just going to have to deal with it, and not worry about it becoming a habit. try the teething tablets, they are very small and melt under the tongue. i did both and it did help, mine is 13 months old and we are dealing with more teething this week. i also have 3 yo, teething is tough and can take forever, off and on
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]remember this is pain if it's teething, don't worry about it becoming a habit. you are lucky if he falls asleep in a minute or 2? mine woke from teething last night and didn't want to go back to sleep even after a bottle
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
full disclosure... we have naturally good sleepers but one thing that we think helped was using this CD called "The BabySleep System". It's an hour long CD that you can loop to play continuously... has a deep resonant heartbeat bass, some gentle chimes and very slow undulating chords. Is supposed to mimic the sound of the baby's in vitro experience. Don't know if the premise is total bunk or not but our 1st slept thru the night by 8 weeks, twins slept thru the night by 3.5 months. FWIW - we had to employ the CIO method at some point with all three kids but it was (thankfully) very brief... usually 2 nights of about 15-20mins of crying and then it was over for good.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 10:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think you have to understand that most of them go through phases. The best thing you can do is teach them to go to bed on their own, keep it dark and don't make it fun for them when they wake up in the middle of the night, have a schedule during the day, make sure they eat enough to be full, and be consistent.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]-- CIO means different things. Some kids cry until they puke and some fuss for 15 minutes for a few nights.
[ Reply | Options ]11.10.09, 11:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] What type of sleep schedule should my 5mo be on? He's always tired, never goes down ... 9 replies
- mine as well, except bed around 8PM. Luckily, DH is the one who trained her to sleep on this schedule. No CIO, just a lot of progressively leaving her in bed earlier and earlier in the process....
Talk : : November 05, 2009
What type of sleep schedule should my 5mo be on? He's always tired, never goes down for naps and usually passes out around 2pm, despite waking up 8am. He doesn't go down for the night until 9-10pm.
9 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.05.09, 06:22 AM [ Flag ]My 5 mos would nap from 9-10:30, 1:30-3:00 and 6:00-6:30. In bed around 9:30.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]mine as well, except bed around 8PM. Luckily, DH is the one who trained her to sleep on this schedule. No CIO, just a lot of progressively leaving her in bed earlier and earlier in the process.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
he should go down for his first nap within 2 hours of wake. look for signs: eye rub, ear pull, yawn, and put down as soon as you see
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 06:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA... I think the key is to capitalize on times when their bodies would naturally want sleep (pretty much in 2 hr increments). At 5 mo old, my DCs took 2 or 3 naps during the day and were in bed for the night by 8pm. Think it went down something like this: wakeup ~7am, first nap ~9am, 2nd nap ~noon, 3rd nap (if needed) ~ 4pm, bedtime ~ 8pm. Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I put mine down after 2 hours in his crib, let him sleep 1 hour at most, put him down after a big feed at 12:30 or so and then down to sleep at 7:30. Stay home for a week to get them on the schedule.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]you may want to check out the book by Gina Ford - i think it's called "The Contented Little Baby Book." She's a British Nanny, and really lays out schedules based on age for the first year. She's pretty hard-core about it - my dh and i called it the Nazi Nanny Book - but i found the schedules super helpful. we followed them to a tee, and our 14 month dc sleeps like a dream!
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]- I used that book too but use it as a guide. The schedule above is from Gina F. and it helps you feed them too. Feeding times help them sleep. My first child was not a good sleeper so I understand, but if you stay home and put them in the crib you have a fighting chance.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Marc Weissbluth saved my life. Read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It's a great, realistic book with answers to most of your sleep problems.
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Love this book!!!
[ Reply | Options ]11.05.09, 07:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] SLEEP: The "Mother-Baby behavior Sleep Lab" at Notre Dame may be a good place to find... 5 replies
- No comments from the CIO crowd? Not even about Ferber recanting his method this past year? The best thing about these studies is that they bring in mothers with their babies and actually watch them all night long. The tests are not on mice or...
Talk : : November 01, 2009
SLEEP: The "Mother-Baby behavior Sleep Lab" at Notre Dame may be a good place to find studies on CIO and Co-sleeping since they do current research and studies are on-going. Last I knew they were promoting co-sleeping, if possible, based on their research results. http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]11.01.09, 11:44 AM [ Flag ]This is one of their "big hit" articles: "Goodnight Nobody? 100 Years of Of Medical Misrepresentations of Healthy Infant Sleep Behavior and Arrangements: Why We Never Asked, Is It Safe For Infants To Sleep Alone." http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/aap.html
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 11:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I like this quote from the article, "Maximizing infant safety in all sleep contexts is the larger common goal which transcends the value-based disagreements which divide us. "
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 11:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]No comments from the CIO crowd? Not even about Ferber recanting his method this past year? The best thing about these studies is that they bring in mothers with their babies and actually watch them all night long. The tests are not on mice or rats, but real American moms.
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 12:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The article is 31 pages long we need time to get through it.
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 12:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^ from scanning the article it cites other works from lower SIDS claims to more sleep for mom and babe claims. I did not find the anti-CIO part. Or was the lower SIDS rates and less crying during the night the implied anti-CIO bit?
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 12:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] ds is nearly 5mo and still not sleeping through the night. he usually goes down arou... 12 replies
- to get up three times until nine months. You can wait until 6mo to CIO, but if you're going to do it, do it sooner. I waited...ready ot really it up yet, try if oyu are ok with gradual cio or wait til 6mos...
- , the study, according to Dr. Sear's website, are on babies that CIO'd for days or weeks, obviously extreme examples that no one should allow. I CIO'd with my nine month old and it took three days. A friend of mine...
Talk : : October 31, 2009
ds is nearly 5mo and still not sleeping through the night. he usually goes down around 9pm and, if I am lucky, sleeps til 3, but sometimes gets up earlier. He then usually gets up around 5 or 6. How do I get him to sleep better? Any advice from anyone btdt? Do I let him cry it out? How much can I reasonably expect him to sleep? HELP!
12 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.31.09, 03:29 PM [ Flag ]Read Dr. Gordon. Also change the diaper before you go to sleep. At 6 months my dc slept from 9pm to 3am (6 hours straight), then 3am to 5am to 7am. We used Dr. Gorden as a guide. DC went to sleep a 8pm and woke at around 10pm but Dc started sleeping straight through from 10pm to 6 am. This was a better pattern for us.
[ Reply | Options ]10.31.09, 03:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have to same problem! Dd is 5 months old, and gets up at least once or twice during the night.
[ Reply | Options ]10.31.09, 04:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]6 hours at a time is considered appropriate for a child of that age. You might want to put him down around 7 so he can wake up around 12 or so and then maybe sleep another 6 hours until 6am. "The no cry, no fuss, sleep solution" really helped us.
[ Reply | Options ]10.31.09, 05:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sounds perfectly normal. I had to get up three times until nine months. You can wait until 6mo to CIO, but if you're going to do it, do it sooner. I waited until nine months and by then he was pulling to stand and took much longer to settle down. GL!
[ Reply | Options ]10.31.09, 05:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is good. One less kid that can compete to get into a good school. I take it you did not see the studies out of Harvard, Yale and Duke about CIO. It causes Cortisone levels to raise and neurons to stop making connections for a stunted period of time. They say anger management issue in the teen years too.
[ Reply | Options ]10.31.09, 05:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Can you please link to this study? I haven't been able to find it and I'm interested in showing it to my SIL. I have a University Library access, so I can get the full text once I find out the full citation.
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 09:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, I'll certainly take your word over my pediatrician's.
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 10:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I've read that study on Dr. Sear
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 10:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ugh, I had a long response to this but lost it. Anyway, the study, according to Dr. Sear's website, are on babies that CIO'd for days or weeks, obviously extreme examples that no one should allow. I CIO'd with my nine month old and it took three days. A friend of mine tried to put her DB down at 6pm and let him cry for two weeks before I finally talked to sense into her. There are extremes in every group, whether you cosleep or CIO.
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 10:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
my ped. recomended trying to let them cry for the 3AM feeding but db might not be ready ot really it up yet, try if oyu are ok with gradual cio or wait til 6mos
[ Reply | Options ]10.31.09, 07:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]It might be the diaper, so here's a great overnight diaper trick - put one diaper on - tear it on the outside and put a second diaper over it. The outer diaper will pull the urine from the inner diaper keeping db dryer through the night.
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 11:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]rice cereal in the formula bottle. signed mom of 3
[ Reply | Options ]11.01.09, 01:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] 5mo DS sleeps from 7 to 7 (hasn't eaten at night for 2 months) BUT BUT BUT, he wakes ... 1 reply
Talk : : October 31, 2009
5mo DS sleeps from 7 to 7 (hasn't eaten at night for 2 months) BUT BUT BUT, he wakes up 2-3 times needing the pacifier. He doesn't go to sleep with the pacifier, just needs it mid-night. It's driving me nuts; I want him to learn to self soothe. (Neither of my other kids had this problem and they both used pacifier during naps as well). Do I just let him CIO and not give him the pacifier? Anyone BTDT? I'm afraid he will cry for hours, not sure how many nights it will take, etc.
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.31.09, 02:51 PM [ Flag ]we sprinkle several pacifiers around the crib, and 6 mo old finds them on his own and pops them into his mouth. maybe endure for a few more weeks until he's able to grab for it himself.
[ Reply | Options ]11.02.09, 11:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] 18 month old ds has turned into the WORST sleeper... horrible naps, waking up early, ... 5 replies
- possibly teething, or it's just behavioral. He has learned to protest bedtime, in which case, it sounds like you're doing CIO, which should be effective if you're consistent with it....
- waking up at night, but things seem to have smoothed out again (knock on wood). At your dc's age, CIO is probably the most effective solution. Good luck with it, and remember that no matter how tough it is right now,...
Talk : : October 30, 2009
18 month old ds has turned into the WORST sleeper... horrible naps, waking up early, crying it out for bedtime. what is wrong with him? I can't handle it anymore
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.30.09, 04:54 PM [ Flag ]Is he ready to move from two naps to one? That could be it, also possibly teething, or it's just behavioral. He has learned to protest bedtime, in which case, it sounds like you're doing CIO, which should be effective if you're consistent with it.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 05:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Any new teeth coming in? Everything is a phase. Stand firm, hold your ground (unless he is sick or uncomfortable) and this phase will pass.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 05:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: No teething issues. He's already on 1 nap.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 05:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OR from above. Then, it's probably behavioral. It's pretty common for them to periodically start throwing a fit about bedtime. My 2 yr old just went through a phase of really resisting bedtime and waking up at night, but things seem to have smoothed out again (knock on wood). At your dc's age, CIO is probably the most effective solution. Good luck with it, and remember that no matter how tough it is right now, it will pass.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 05:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks!!
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 06:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] help! 18 mo suddenly a screaming disaster area at bedtime... separation anxiety? what... 5 replies
- I'm having same problem with my 18 mo. He's CIO now. I'd let them CIO. It only leads to worse things....
Talk : : October 30, 2009
help! 18 mo suddenly a screaming disaster area at bedtime... separation anxiety? what do i do? CIO? past couple of nights i've sat with him til he fell asleep but i fear we are developing a bad habit...
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.30.09, 03:36 PM [ Flag ]Maybe he's got a little bug or something. If it goes on more than a couple nights I would CIO.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 04:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I sit with my 16mo every night to go to sleep.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 04:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ditto. I think it is natural for a child to need to be cuddled to sleep. but if cuddling is not for you, cio.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 05:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Do kids get any teeth at this age? Could anything be going on? Ear infection?
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 04:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm having same problem with my 18 mo. He's CIO now. I'd let them CIO. It only leads to worse things.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 04:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] SIL is pregnant and MIL is already excusing her from breastfeeding - not that I have ... 24 replies
- That's what bothers me. SIL is totally clueless about child raising and babies - she once told me that she put her baby niece on the balcony, strapped in her bouncy seat, to CIO while she was babysitting her. MIL likely didn't have a low milk supply, she's told me countless times how annoying it was to constantly soak her shirts with breastmilk. Likely, she had a crying baby and thought that she was crying b/c she...
Talk : : October 30, 2009
SIL is pregnant and MIL is already excusing her from breastfeeding - not that I have a problem with formula, but here's the story. MIL - "Don't worry about breastfeeding, I couldn't do it when I found out that I was starving you. It happens to a lot of women." This is not true!
24 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.30.09, 12:02 PM [ Flag ]Eh, your SIL will get a lot of advice, good and bad, on a lot of things. You can also pitch in your two cents to her on your views of bf'ing. But at the end of the day, she's gotta sift through all the advice herself.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 12:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]My mother said the same thing to me, with her helpful advice, "you can try it but I had to put your sister on formula because I was starving her..." BF my daughter almost a year, she's still with us and a very healthy little girl. Yes your SIL will hear all sorts of "advice" its up to her to decide what is best for her and her DC. ps. I quizzed my mother and NO ONE ever showed her how to BF correctly which was probably part of the problem.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's what bothers me. SIL is totally clueless about child raising and babies - she once told me that she put her baby niece on the balcony, strapped in her bouncy seat, to CIO while she was babysitting her. MIL likely didn't have a low milk supply, she's told me countless times how annoying it was to constantly soak her shirts with breastmilk. Likely, she had a crying baby and thought that she was crying b/c she was "starving."
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 12:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]if you are close to her, give her some neutral (informed) advice then let her pick.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 12:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm not close to her. I've only seen her a handful of times. MIL is just awful about disseminating her parenting advice.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 12:39 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no doubt she'll ignore it as daughters have for ages. seriously, if she really wants to she will.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 12:43 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
uh, i leaked all the time and still had a low milk suppy - db didn't get back to birthweight until 4 weeks after birth, so that isn't a sign (as confirmed by kellymom). it took me until now (db is 10 weeks) to feel comfortable with my milk level. let it go.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 12:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Were you waking up in sheets that were soaked in breastmilk? Was your entire shirt soaked in breastmilk? We're not talking minor leaking. I don't have a problem with formula, I just wish that she wouldn't discourage her from breastfeeding before she's even started!
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 12:41 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes i was actually which is why i couldn't believe that db wasn't gaining. i'm just a leaker. since you aren't close to sil and question her parenting abilities, i think you are just judging her and your mil.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 12:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
maybe your mil is worried your sil will be a low producer like her and doesn't want her to feel guilty.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 12:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]This is none of your business, really. Whatever your SIL decides about feeding, the baby will be fine. I am sure you have your hands full with your own kids--why not focus on that?
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 12:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Christ! I am NOT judging! If SIL said, I'm going to be formula feeding! I wouldn't think anything of it, but because MIL is being crazy with her stupid advice, it bothers me. You wouldn't believe the ridiculous advice MIL gave me - run baby's feet under cold water when he naps so he'll wake up, be super tired and sleep through the night. I know SIL will take her advice on everything b/c that's how she is.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 12:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I doubt your SIL will do each and every thing your MIL suggests, especially if the things she says are ridiculous. Believe me, my MIL is stock full of crazy advice--and it is pretty obvious. If you are really concerned, you could get her a couple books that you think might be useful. Friends gave me a ton of books before I had my son--I don't think it would be offensive if you presented them as books you found really helpful.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 01:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i don't think op really cares, she just wants sil to be an "informed consumer"
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 12:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, i'm the leaker and until she knows what it is like to find out that you are starving your baby, i think she needs to back off mil.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 12:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Actually, it sounds to me like she wants to be her SIL's business. This is a person you're not close to. Stay out of it! This woman is an adult. She'll figure out what's best for her child. She doesn't need your advice. She has an OB and there is so much information given to new moms about BF. Have you considered how patronizing you sound?
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 02:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I wish my mom told me what your MIL told you SIL. I felt so inadequate when the ped told me to supplement with formula due to low milk supply. I didn't really know about this phenomenon, and how common it was, so I couldn't spot it and felt devastated when I found out about it.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 01:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ita, signed: the leaker.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 01:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Hey, calm down. There is a reason why humans domesticated cows and goats, and it wasn't for tasty steaks, it was Milk!!! Don't be so FN hard on yourselves or each other. Women have had to supplement for one reason or another for a long, long time. Bravo for all those who at least tried and shame on the MIL for trying to prevent the SIL from at least trying.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 02:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i agree, but op's tone rankled since low supply is a very real issue. signed, the leaker.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 02:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Yes, but it doesn't happen to lots of women.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 02:17 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]i know, but i just wish op would be thankful that she hasn't experienced it rather than bash mil's attempt to support sil just in case sil has trouble. ah, well, i'll take my own advice and let it go :)
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 02:24 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
NP: I had low supply with all three DC, and would never give this "advice" to another woman. I'll support anyone that has actual issues, but what's the point of forecasting problems before they happen.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 02:47 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
good for your MIL. Who cares - let your sil do as she wishes. My mom told me not to bf. who cares.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 02:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] To mom w/ 5mo and CIO yesterday...how's he doing today? Was yesterday just a bad day ... 1 reply
Talk : : October 29, 2009
To mom w/ 5mo and CIO yesterday...how's he doing today? Was yesterday just a bad day for him? Hope you're having an easier day of it today. Those first months can be trying at times.
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.29.09, 09:39 AM [ Flag ]She posted a response in the original thread.
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 09:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] DH has been travelling so it's been only me. Last night I woke to DS fussing (moanin... 18 replies
- to fall asleep by themselves eventually. The question is do they really need to be miserable and waking multiple times throughout the night, or are they better off sleeping straight through? The answer is obviously different depending on your POV regarding CIO/AP, but there is no need to twist the knife on an exhausted mom. Do you really think you can go through life without letting your child cry?...
Talk : : October 29, 2009
DH has been travelling so it's been only me. Last night I woke to DS fussing (moaning and talking to himself) and I was so exhausted I fell back asleep. This morning I woke up and felt terrible that I didn't go to him.
18 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.29.09, 06:21 AM [ Flag ]He's fine. Unless he was crying loudly, you didn't need to go to him. He probably doesn't even remember. (I do the same thing btw - crying gets me up, fussing doesn't)
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 06:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Kids need to learn how to fall back asleep by themselves when they wake up in the middle of the night. You did your son a service by letting him work it out himself. My rule is, fussing and whining = work it out by himself; hysterics = go and soothe.
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 06:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITTTTA. it would have been far more disruptive for him had you gone in to soothe when he was just having a dream or turning over etc. And clearly he was able to work it out on his own... good for you and DS!
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 06:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i don't really agree with this as a necessary skillset, but carry on.
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 06:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]How is this helpful?
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 06:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]just another pov.
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 06:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]So what would you have done, gone in?
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 07:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
yeah, i can't imagine how it could possibly be helpful for a small child to learn to fall back to sleep
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 07:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]is any of you suggesting that if you comfort your children they NEVER learn to go to sleep? no wonder science is in such a bad state these days.
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 07:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Oh it's sanctimommy again. Look, your DD just signed loudly, go run to her, okay?
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 07:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]before you resort to namecalling can you answer the question i posed?
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 07:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Why don't you [answer the question]? OP is looking for support. Even if you don't agree with what she did, offer solutions, not judgement. Of course kids learn to fall asleep by themselves eventually. The question is do they really need to be miserable and waking multiple times throughout the night, or are they better off sleeping straight through? The answer is obviously different depending on your POV regarding CIO/AP, but there is no need to twist the knife on an exhausted mom. Do you really think you can go through life without letting your child cry?
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 07:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP: I actually know a mom (by bff from college) who sounds a LOT like sanctimommy above. She has 2 dcs, 6 yo and 3 mo. She was a high powered attorney, double Ivy, but gave it all up to be a SAHM. Today, she is effectively a servant to her dc's. Seriously, she has no raison d'etre other than to cater to her children's every whim.
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 07:16 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have nothing against SAHMs, but it's the moms who think that everyone else is an awful mom just b/c they don't agree with her that really gets me going. Aren't we all just doing the best we can?
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 07:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
THERE WAS NO QUESTION!!!
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 07:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Take a chill pill
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 07:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
is any of you---really?...what about science is in a bad state?---that is the most random & unsubstantianted comment...and what the hell does choosing to let a child fuss a little during the night even have to do w/ science at all?
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 07:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I believe this was sarcasm
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 07:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I am letting my 5mo CIO right now. He's been up since 7am and has only taken a 15 mi... 67 replies
- What does CIO stand for?...
- okay geniuses, if you're so against CIO, what worked for you?...
- a mother. Who says that letting your child CIO is "easier" on the parent? It's excruciatingly...or has colic. No one ever said to CIO for a sick baby. You just want to...important components to your childs' health and sometimes CIO is the quickest way to help them get...
Talk : : October 28, 2009
I am letting my 5mo CIO right now. He's been up since 7am and has only taken a 15 minute nap since this morning. I've tried rocking, nursing, ect. but he just fights me. He's cranky and crying, so I put him in his crib and walked out. I don't know what else to do. I can't leave and walk him around in the stroller as my other DC is napping right now.
67 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.28.09, 12:50 PM [ Flag ]Give him a cold popsicle or a teething ring and some tylenol, he may be teething and uncomfortable.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 12:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]What does CIO stand for?
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 12:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Cry it out (baby waterboarding)
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 12:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Cry it out - it's when you leave your baby crying hysterically in their crib all alone. Some people think it's more effective if they phrase it as 'sleep training'. Either way the only thing this accomplishes is it teaches your baby that their needs and the fact that they are crying means nothing to you, They learn they can not depend on you.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 12:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Nice jugding. That's what she needs now.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 12:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You would think there's a whole slew of zombie babies who CIOd and never cry bc they think it's ineffective.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I let my DB CIO and he has never once been shy about crying in my presence to let me know that he needs something.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
he can, however, depend on her to medicate, then throw back in the crib.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]wow. I feel that if you leave them in their crib crying constantly, daily, they will feel that way, but on an occasion babies just need to cry just like we do. sometimes nothing else will do. Every so often my dc will cry for longer periods of time. I just go in every so often and let her know I'm there by rubbing her back or patting her butt, but I dont pick her up or take her out of the crib. For months she has cried every single day for about 5-8 mins when we put her to bed, but in recent days she hasnt been doing it as much. She has gotten to a point now where she lets us know shes ready by rubbing her eyes and fussing, when we put her in bed she fusses for a min, but then off to sleep.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. At night when I put DB down, sometimes he goes right to sleep and sometimes he cries. If I go back in, it is another half hour of rocking and nursing. If I just leave, he'll cry for five minutes and fall asleep. Why should I deprive him of precious sleep just to save five minutes of crying? Am I supposed to give him brownies when he cries if he doesn't get it? Most of the time he stops crying by the time I walk downstairs.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
okay geniuses, if you're so against CIO, what worked for you?
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]soothe child. repeat as necessary. it's tiring, but when you choose to have children it's not really about you any more, is it.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]meaning pick them up or something else? how long did this take? do you co-sleep? how old were your db when they slept through the night? do they wake up now?
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:29 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]pick up. coslept. dd didn't sleep through the night for years (extended nursing). she only wakes up now when she has nightmares.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:45 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Who says it's about me? I posted above about DS's bedtime routine. He goes to sleep at 7pm, so it's no skin off my nose if I go back in and pick him up BUT he goes back to sleep faster if I don't intervene. It's more important to me that he gets sleep.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]same. If I go to DD, she really wakes up and has a much harder time going back to sleep. If I let her be, she's likely to roll over and go back to sleep within a few minutes. I'll know if it's something really serious.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 06:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
being a good parent is about your sanity & well-being
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thus speaketh the selfishness of Century 21. let me know how it works out for all of you.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I didn't know a department store can be selfish. Being judgmental and lacking in empathy are not better than selfishness, either.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
The above is a GREAT reply. I agree.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 03:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You have to determine why dc is crying, and comeon as mom's we generally have a good idea. When ds was 5mo old *occasionally* he would get overtired and cry like we were torturing him. No amount of soothing would help. We had to just put him down, let him cry and he would fall asleep & wake up happy. Other times he would cry b/c he was sick and we needed to address that. KWIM? You get to know your kid and act accordingly. Different solutions for different cries, different ages.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:32 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. One size does not fit all and there is no need to be sanctimonious about it.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You are an ignorant asshole.
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 04:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I'm so sorry. I'm glad that you put him in a safe place a walked away. Take a couple of deep breaths. Maybe he's teething?
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 12:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. Everyone, including babies and parents, have bad days. Putting him in a safe place while you got yourself back together was a smart thing to do. There are far worse ways to have handled a DB who will not stop crying. Take a deep breath and then see if there is something going on - fever, teething or rash.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]while you get yourself together who puts db together?
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:51 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]5 minutes of crying in a crib while Mom catches her breath is not going to hurt a baby, but a mother who can't keep herself together and does something stupid can.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]and in those 5 or 10 minutes, DB just might fall asleep and wake up in an hour happy as can be.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
If you've ever taken a shaken baby class they tell you to do just that. Put the baby down, collect yourself and then come back.
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 11:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Is he sick? Ds acted that way when he had an ear infection and those are hard to diagnose (even by doctors). If you think so, give him a little infant motrin and see if that doesn't calm him.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]no motrin. he's 5 months. tylenol until 6 mo.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Are you positive? DS is 3 and there were times, prior to getting the tubes, where we gave him motrin and tylenol around the clock. Pediatrician said they do not conflict with each other. Unless something's changed in the last 3 yrs, Motrin should be safe. What does your dr say? And did you try the Tylenol today?
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]my ped said no motrin until 6 months too.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I was told this as well.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ok, definitely go with the dr's advice then. OP-- did you try Tylenol? Is baby cranky or sick? What do you think?
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am the one who responded about the true and sickening description of CIO and let me tell you, I NEVER left my baby alone in her crib crying. The second she needed me I was there every time. She is one of the best sleepers now and the most secure and happy kid. I think CIO has many negative implications that you can't see right now. Babies communicate through crying, it's how they get their needs met. I am sick of people that just leave their baby alone to cry by themselves, how sad. Half the time it is probably teething or gas pain and they have to deal with it with NO help from mommy.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:42 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am so sick of sanctimommies!
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]hear hear!! Fine if you want to respond to every burb & gurgle your child makes but others make different choices for our children and raise equally happy and secure children. stop judging others - they are just as entitled and qualified to their parenting style
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]same. there is no one way to raise a DB. every DB is different and needs different things. what works for one family could be a complete disaster for another family.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am not a santimommy, just a mother who understands that my child is crying because they have a need. When my baby had colic I just didn't leave her alone in a room to cry because she wouldn't stop. I was always beside her, holding her and messaging her tummy. Sure I was plenty tired but once a baby comes it is no longer all about YOU it is about the baby. A defenseless little baby can not tell you what hurts so you if you interpret crying as just an annoyance, your baby WILL learn that they can not trust you to meet their needs. On a site with so many smart people, I would assume common sense would rule, apparently not.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 02:25 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You're baby likely didn't have colic at all... she wouldn't stop crying b/c she has a crazed smothering zealot for a mother. Who says that letting your child CIO is "easier" on the parent? It's excruciatingly awful to listen to your child cry but absent of some physical reason for their crying, you have to allow your child the opportunity to figure things out on their own. It's actually far easier to swoop in and comfort your child... Super Sanctimommy to the rescue!!!
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 02:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ITA. I'm a person who doesn't require much sleep, never have. Half the nights I'm up from insomnia. So I used to go in and nurse DS back to sleep all the time until I realized he looked like an old man from lack of sleep. I let him CIO and he now sleeps straight through and is happier.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Of course you go to the baby when he is teething or sick or has colic. No one ever said to CIO for a sick baby. You just want to pick extreme examples to support your own sanctimoniousness.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 06:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
lol really?
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 01:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]After we get up from bowing down at your feet, where should we mail your medal?
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 02:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]invisible implications?...you mean like the bogey man?...letting a baby cry itself to sleep isn't child abuse...it can be a quick & effective means of helping your baby get over the hump of being left alone & awake in his/her crib (you don't have a problem w/ that do you?) and not being able to put him/herself to sleep...your zealotry doesn't help anyone
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 02:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Either does leaving a baby alone to cry by himself. You wonder why the world is full of kids who say they could care less about their parents or that they 'hate' them. Gee, I wonder why.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 02:27 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm going to go with "mothers like you," as the reason why.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 07:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Hey, calm down, I didn't do CIO either but sometimes I had days like this poor woman and my DD would just not stop crying and I left her in her crib and left the room and felt absolutely terrible. Show some of the compassion that you gave your dc to another mom, please?
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 02:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am not being uncompassionate. I am telling her the truth about the situation. It seems to be all about the mom, nobody seems to care about the baby. Has she checked to make her he wasn't teething and didn't have an upset stomach? I felt awful one day for getting frustrated at my dd after she came in from outside. Only to realize a short few minutes later that she had a bee stinger in her foot, she had stepped on a dead bee. If I didn't know better I would have thrown her in her crib to cry alone...and in pain.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 02:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP clearly stated she tried everything, and everyone else here erred on the side of her having already checked for all those things. The only person accusing her of awful things without any reason whatsoever is you. So go and take your medication already.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 07:03 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You're a loon.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 07:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Another asshole.
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 05:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
you are doing the right thing. just cover your ears- it is so hard to do it- but it gets easier and you are doing the best thing for your child
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 02:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP, how is it going? Is he quieting down? I am one of the true believers of CIO, BTW. If you can get your DB to nap during the day, it will be much easier at night. I started CIO during the daytime, for the morning nap, when the baby is most rested. As soon as he starts rubbing his eyes/yawning/playing with hair, etc. put him in the crib and see what happens. GL!! It is excruciating, but it's best for him (despite what some people think). GL!
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 04:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Here is a success story for you. DD was worst sleeper ever. We finally gave in after 3 months and brought her in bed with us. At five months she was waking up every 90 minutes and needed to be soothed back to sleep. It was insane. At 6 mos. I read HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS. That night we put her in her crib, said goodnight, and she cried for 25 minutes. THEN SLEPT FOR 10 HOURS, without waking up! I would like someone to tell me that her waking up every 90 minutes in our bed was better for her than 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep. (We did not sleep at all, BTW, because we were on tenterhooks, waiting for her to wake up. Didn't happen until the morning.) After that some nights were worse, some nights much better, and by 9 months she was only crying for a minute and then sleeping 12 hours every night. It works. Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 04:36 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]We've all BTDT. You did what you thought was best in the situation, don't blame yourself for that. Let us know how he did when you have a moment!
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 07:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP Here: He cried hard for 15 minutes, then quiet, then cried hard again. I went in to check on him since he sounded like he was undergoing torture. We snuggled, I rocked him - he kept going stiff in my arms which is usually a sign that he just wants to roll over and fall asleep. He crawled on the bed and cried some more. Two hours later, I finally got him down after nursing him. Very long day. And for the sanctimommies - I co-sleep too, but I understand that sleep is of the utmost importance to a baby's well-being. I would rather let my child CIO for a little while then run to him every 5 seconds. I learned this the hard way after cosleeping for 9mo with #1 and waking every 90minutes. I finally put him in his own crib, he cried a bit, but he's been a wonderful sleeper ever since and is a much happier and well rested toddler because he knows how to fall asleep without a song and dance from mom.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 08:31 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well, there you go... you know first-hand that allowing a child to figure out how to fall asleep on their own is the best thing for your DCs! I wholly agree that sleep is one of the most important components to your childs' health and sometimes CIO is the quickest way to help them get that sleep. It
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 08:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]whoops... always amazes me that sanctimommies would not criticize a mother for not letting a child eat mounds of candy even if they were having a fit but they crucify someone for letting their child CIO when they are learning to sleep on their own.
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 08:46 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Thanks for the update. Sounds like you handled it just fine. Here's to hoping for a better day today! Don't let sanctimom get to you.
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 06:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
We let our dd cry it out at 5 months. It was tough on everyone for 3-4 nights but ever since then she sleeps perfectly through the night from 7pm -6:30am, is a great napper, feels secure in her crib and knows how to put herself to sleep. So that's 3-4 days of "torture" and a lifetime of healthy sleep for our whole family.
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 10:58 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]http://national-job-corps-association.gervax.myhomeserver.com/map.html
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 04:01 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]was your baby crying before trying to get to sleep? I think the whole CIO is supposed to be in regards to putting a baby to sleep, not dealing with an already upset baby. A babies limbic system doesn't fully form until it's about 6 months, therefore, a crying baby is doing so because there is an issue...not because they are manipulating you. I know it's very trying, BTDT, but I would keep checking on the baby every 5 minutes, pick him up, cuddle him a bit, try to console him, if he's still frantic, put him down for another 5, and keep doing this until it passes.
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 06:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I posted earlier today. I am the mom whose DH is out of town. Anyway, after nursing him for 45 minutes and he was still awake, I gave up and put him down in the crib. I really really had to pee and I was desparte to shove some food in my mouth. Five minutes later as I was headed upstairs I heard him winding down, so I decided to wait. He fell asleep ten minutes after I put him down. Now I'm kicking myself becuase I felt like I kept him up way too long when I should've just put him down an hour ago. Ugh, it's so hard to know what to do.
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 06:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]So, each time we go through these episodes, we learn a little bit about how to handle it better next time. My son is 16 months, I'm pregnant with the second, and am NOT looking forward to the first 8 weeks. We do the best that we can do. As one of my friends put it, motherhood is one big guilt trip.
[ Reply | Options ]10.29.09, 07:49 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]LOL at this point in my exhaustion I can't fathom having a 2nd one.
[ Reply | Options ]10.30.09, 06:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] DD is 2.5. She wasn't a great sleeper, but when she was 1.5 we did CIO and it worked... 10 replies
Talk : : October 27, 2009
DD is 2.5. She wasn't a great sleeper, but when she was 1.5 we did CIO and it worked beautifully. We were able to put her in her crib fully awake and she was happy to go in and get herself to sleep. Now suddenly, she's insisting that I stay in the room with her until she falls asleep and we have let her cry the past 3 nights and it's so much worse than when we first did it. Crying longer and louder, and this is night #3 (first time, she cried for 12 min the first night, and 2 min the second night and that was it). She's also suddenly obsessed with milk and wanting it all the time. She's also suddenly being very tantrum-y. She's been saying she doesn't feel good, but I think she's just saying it because of the reaction she gets and not because she really doesn't feel good. Our nanny says that she's totally fine all day (I'm a WOHM). DH is out of work, and there's tension in the house. DH and I also also recently took a trip without DD. Is this just the terrible 2's, or is there something wrong with DD? TIA.
10 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.27.09, 07:28 PM [ Flag ]Is she not sleeping well because she is drinking too much maybe? Lack of sleep will cause tantrums and pita behaviour. But so will being 2. She might genuinely have a little virus or something though.
[ Reply | Options ]10.27.09, 07:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]harder now cause she has separation issues. at 18 months, they know less.
[ Reply | Options ]10.27.09, 07:35 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If a lot of things are changing she just might be feeling insecure. Is she in a crib or a bed?
[ Reply | Options ]10.27.09, 08:04 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Crib.
[ Reply | Options ]10.27.09, 08:12 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP- and she's actually been very into being a baby. Pretends to be a baby and saw her old bottles stored away (no idea why i'm keeping them!) and wants them back. What is going on with her?
[ Reply | Options ]10.27.09, 08:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You are not pregnant are you?
[ Reply | Options ]10.27.09, 08:44 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Might she have some new molars coming in?
[ Reply | Options ]10.27.09, 08:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]nope.
[ Reply | Options ]10.27.09, 08:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
No advice, just sympathy - 2-y-o DD has become a terrible sleeper. She's going through a difficult period - tantrums, lots of no, and other "Terrible 2's" behaviors. Bedtime used to be easy, but it's a battle now - tears, more tantrums, asks for water, asks for books, etc. Last night, she made herself throw up. My guess is that it's developmental for both of our DC (and, sure, your DD picks up on tension at home, but I don't think that's "causing" it). At any rate, GL - and post back if you find something that works.
[ Reply | Options ]10.27.09, 08:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]thanks, you too! I just wrote above that she's also regressing- into pretending to be a baby and wants her old baby bottles back.
[ Reply | Options ]10.27.09, 08:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] 13 mos DS does not STTN. But he eats everything and anything, has been on straw cup ... 6 replies
- My 12 month old stopped STTN so I had to retrain. Did whole sleep routine (you do have one right?) then in crib. CIO for 10 mins - go in, no talking, rub back, no pick up - do this couple of times. Then extend it to 15...
- when we did CIO at about 8 mos., we didn't go in. Some babies have the temperament to handle the going in at intervals, but I had...
Talk : : October 26, 2009
13 mos DS does not STTN. But he eats everything and anything, has been on straw cup since 9 mos, gave up pacificer at 4 mos, no real separation anxiety, and is a happy kid. I'm not totally screwing this up, right? The sleep deprivation is getting to me (and I'm not the mom of the post from earlier this morning, so at least I have good company right?)
6 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.26.09, 11:33 AM [ Flag ]How many times does he wake up? You're not screwing up. All kids are different. Some are great at one thing and suck at others. Only in cyberspace do we have so many perfect children. Mine's was a great sleeper, terrible eater, and like yours in other regards.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]If he's a happy kid, of course you're not screwing him up. My only feeling about this is your sanity is important and his getting a good night's sleep is important. So if it's just a once nightly quick wake up and he goes back easily, it's fine. If he's waking several times a night and not getting back to sleep easily, I don't think that's good for his general sleep and sleeping habits. Also, if it's totally getting to you, that's reason enough to do something... if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy! as the saying goes..
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]My 12 month old stopped STTN so I had to retrain. Did whole sleep routine (you do have one right?) then in crib. CIO for 10 mins - go in, no talking, rub back, no pick up - do this couple of times. Then extend it to 15 mins. By 3rd night dc was almost retrained. But use a clock, 10 mins of crying feels like an hour. One week and we're back. Worth a try.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 01:08 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: Yup, he goes down without any problems but the problem is he wakes up in the middle of the night. If I Ferber (go in at intervals) it just pisses him off more and he screams louder when I go in. Ugh.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 01:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]when we did CIO at about 8 mos., we didn't go in. Some babies have the temperament to handle the going in at intervals, but I had a suspicion that mine didn't and I was right. In 3 nights, we were done. She only cried 12 minutes first night, second night it was less than 5, and then done.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 01:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]In the beginning absolutely and it seems like you're waking the bldg. But for us it worked. Over time. Just remember not to engage him - try not to even look in his eyes. My trick? I kept my eyes closed. Sounds so goofy but I was you - running on fumes. BTW- true confessions: still can't consistently get him to sleep past 5:30am but goes down at 6:30 so I'll take it.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 01:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] Feeling so depressed today. I feel like I've done everything "wrong" parenting my 2.5... 26 replies
Talk : : October 26, 2009
Feeling so depressed today. I feel like I've done everything "wrong" parenting my 2.5 yr old DS. I can't get him to bed before 8:30 AND we rock him to sleep...we tried CIO when he was 6 mon old but it never really took. He's a terrible, stubborn picky eater and we rarely have family meals, he basically eats cold cereal and hummus all weekend long (he eats a little better with his nanny but his diet is very limited). I feel so overwhelmed by the thought of trying to change all these bad habits, I'm exhausted all the time. DS is the sweetest, smartest happiest child even but I feel like I'm such a terrible parent who doesn't have her act together.
26 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.26.09, 09:03 AM [ Flag ]You sound overwhelmed. Sounds like he is a good kid. Make two action plans- one for meals and one for bed. THe most important thing is that you be consistent with both plans. Sounds like you have a good kid so you did something right.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I too have a tremendously difficult kids (age 4). his school has now pointed out to me that they have difficulties with him too. It is tough. I blame myself a lot. I wish I had the right answer. I just hope it will pass. I try to be very structured with him, give him things to do, etc. but it doesn't always work. Down the line I think it may be ADD.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I think you should start with a change of attitude. Nothing your child is doing are bad attitudes. Once you can agree with this everything will get much easier. Instead of rocking him look for other ways to lie down in his bed on his own. He is old enough to have a "discussion" about your and his needs. Try rewarding him for good bedtime behavior. The eating thing is pretty normal at that age. Don't feel bad if you offer him something else and he doesn't eat it.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Bad habbits.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ugh. Let me try this again. Nothing your child is doing are bad habits.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
None of this sounds that awful, OP. So he is tricky around food and sleep (like so many other kids). It sounds like he is nice and happy and smart and that is what is important. I think you should buy the Ferber book and maybe No-Cry Sleep Solution and start thinking about ways to SLOOOOOWLY introduce letting him fall asleep on his own. Re: food -- relax, and don't worry, so many kids are picky! Have you read any Ellyn Satter, like CHILD OF MINE or HOW TO GET YOUR KID TO EAT BUT NOT TOO MUCH? They are both WONDERFUL and life-changing. (honestly!)
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Thanks. The Satter book made me cry. She is ALL about family meals - "eat every meal with your kid.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am the poster who recommended Satter just below, and I am a WHOM who clearly cannot eat every meal with my dcs. But I still think she's great--her point is not that you personally have to be present for every meal, but that when you are home, meals should be family meals.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ is the perpetual advice. Obviously I can't be there for lunch and not every dinner, but I haven't been able to get it together to do family meals even on the nights I get home at 6...running home from work, whipping food on the table and dealing with major meltdown/freakout when an unfamiliar food is placed on my son's plate. I keep letting the nanny feed him but I know I am perpetuating bad habits....(even though two-thirds of the other kids of WOHMs I know eat with nannies every night and eat just fine).
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP, let me know if you're still here and if so I'll answer.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]still here. How do you manage it, OR? My weekdays are frantic. Our weekends are fun but chaotic...we visit friends, go out a lot...the thought of sitting in our tiny apartment all day so we can all eat together all the time sounds so awful.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Eating and sleep are a huge part of parenting little kids and it's very stressful when they don't go well. But it's certainly not too late to change these bad habits. Pick one at a time. For help on sleep, read the Ferber book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems," and for help on mealtimes, read a book by Ellyn Satter, either "How To Get Your Kid To Eat," or "Child of Mine." (Both books cover the same ground, but the second is more detailed.)
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:19 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^And I see the poster above me recommended the exact same books! I agree that these books are life-changing.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I am so glad you suggested these, too. (I posted about them, above). I felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders when I read her stuff. OP -- basic premise is that you set scheduled snack and mealtimes, create a relaxed atmosphere, eat with your kid, and offer a variety of tasty, healthy foods to your kid, and then they decide if they want to eat, and how much. Trust me you will be so happy to read Satter's stuff! The sleep thing I *think* with stickers/charts/etc. you can slowly work on, but don't panic about it. You are doing the best you can!
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]op: see above. Satter made me cry. I haven't been able to manage her plan as a f/t WOHM. I guess every other WOHM can, but I can't.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Np: I'm a wohm with a picky eater too and we don't have family meals. I make him a quick dinner (chicken nuggets, scrambled eggs etc) when I get home and he barely sits to eat. He's newly 2. We aim for 1 family meal at home each weekend. You are definetly not the only one struggling with this. The satter books stress me out as well.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 07:06 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Cut yourself some slack and pick your battles. So ds doesn't eat a lot of stuff. Family meals are great - you have lots of time to get into that routine, make that a long term goal. Sleep at 8:30 isn't the end of the world, neither is rocking. Read all the books you can and let what they say inform but not dictate your choices.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Please don't blame yourself. They don't call it the terrible twos for nothing. Just enjoy how sweet your child is, try to be consistent and relax if you can.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 06:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]one more thing, 8:30 bedtime will soon be 7:30 after daylight savings. thank heavens for "fall back"
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 06:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]np, yey, forgot about that!
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 07:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Oh I have same issues. Can't you get nanny to prepare dinner for when you return, or is it too late?
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 07:00 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]If I were you, I would try to straighten out the sleep issues. We had terrible ones and really worked on them (for like a year). It has improved my life immeasurably. Put DS to bed alone and give him incentives to stay there -- maybe some music to listen to while he lies there or maybe even a reward in the morning if he doesn't get out of bed. Just keep trying. Once you get it, it will help to give you some space. Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about the food. Cereal and hummus is not that bad -- at least some protein in there. Add some fruit so that he doesn't get constipated and you're home free. :-)
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 07:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]you don't sound terrible to me! I have three little ones and I also lament our bad habits--but I have to say that some were easier than I thought to break! our oldest napped in her stroller until about 14 months (even in her stroller in her room!) with a bottle! she started napping in her crib one day at my insistence--no bottle--and it worked great. she's also a really picky eater, btw. habits can be changed. hang in there! he's a happy kid!
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 07:38 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Please get him evaluated by EARLY INTERVENTION - if qualified he can recieve free FEEDING THERAPY at your home at a time that you SELECT. Also kids who have feeding issues have problems regulating their sleep as well...they can operate on much less sleep than other children. Does he have other delays - if yes than you need to call EI asap as this can signal other things...PDD. my son has PDD he is almost 3 at 2.5 I was clueless now he is getting the help he needs.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 08:02 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I remember feeling that way sometimes too - I think everyone feels this sometimes. Please don't be so hard on yourself - eating and sleeping habits are fixable - pick one and commit to working on it. Don't try to do both at once. Keep in mind that so many of these bad habits are phases that dc will eventually outgrow. Try to focus more on the positives and don't be so down on yourself. As much as we want our chidren to enjoy their childhood, it is more likely to happen if we can enjoy our own motherhood. I'll bet dc thinks you are the sweetest smartest mom ever.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 08:10 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]One of my dcs has NEVER gone to sleep before 9:30 even as an infant and eats about 12 things. Fought it for a while and then gave up. Now 9 and happy smart kid at great school, still eats few things and sleeps little. Some kids are wired this way. Other dc is not like this. Don't let people make you blame yourself or get fixated on eating nonsense. We overthink this stuff - just love your kid and make sure you help him learn to stay happy.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 08:23 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] I have 13 month old DS whom i still breast feed on demand during the day. Here comes ... 51 replies
- cio is cruel. sorry. sends child very mixed signals....
- Hello, me! I have the same issue. CIO just doesn't work for me. I tried at...i could never do. I'm afraid the phrase CIO is overused now and people sometimes use it when...
- that would be called cio, just so you know....
- we cio'd at 4 months for one night (30...
Talk : : October 26, 2009
I have 13 month old DS whom i still breast feed on demand during the day. Here comes the problem. He still wakes up everynight 2-4 times and 'wants' to nurse. He has not slept through the night since he was born..not ONE night. I hear Ferber and CIO methods.. at this point I know I have to do something to help my toddler to sleep through the night but don't know how to start. Do I let him cry and go into his room every 10 min, then 15 min until he falls asleep? Thank you for your responses!
51 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.26.09, 07:58 AM [ Flag ]If you don't go to him right away, how long will he cry? I was quite surprised the first time I didn't respond immediately that my db fell back to sleep in just a couple of minutes. He was younger, so yours might have developed more or a habit about this but I would let him cry for 5 minutes on the first waking tonight before going to him. I would only try to get rid of one nighttime feeding at a time. I think cold turkey would be too much.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 08:20 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Read 12wks to 12hrs sleep. Or Babywise. Your child is older, but IMO really should be on a schedule. Think about it, the rest of us are.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 08:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]he doesn't have to sleep through the night. he has to nurse through the night.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Bull crap. No 13 month old CHILD needs to eat or drink in the middle of the night. Sleep is AS IMPORTANT to a growing child as proper nutrition.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 08:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]of course they do. that's what their body is telling them to do, and sleep is important. you guys just want to thwart nature and get some sleep yourself.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 08:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Fake.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 08:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]not fake. just have a different approach from you guys.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 08:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
at 13 weeks, sure. not at 13 months. this is a bad habit that needs to be broken, gently.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 08:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]good enough. we disagree.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 08:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
at 13 MONTHS? No way.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 08:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]again, we disagree. children can nurse (mostly for comfort) for a long time.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 08:51 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]at 2am what a 13 month old child needs most is sleep. not food and not comfort, unless they are sick (in which case, all bets are off). it's up to the parent to determine what in a child's best interest at that age and teaching the child to sleep through the night is in their best interest. you might be OK with comforting your toddler every two hours every night, because you like the idea that they "need" you so much, but in reality they are not getting enough sleep. his need for sleep has to trump your desire to be needed all the time.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not OR here. The child knows much better what he needs at night. All my children were crappy sleepers until almost two years of age and none were negatively impacted by the multiple wakings at night. They all grew up to be happy, smart, and well sleeping children.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]A child also knows much better what he needs to eat, too. That is why my 2 yo only eats ice cream.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]and why my 5 y/o would eat chocolate chip cookies for breakfast every day and stay up until midnight every night, if given the option. sometimes you just need to be a parent.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Ah, I was just commenting on sleeping. You have more options when it comes to food.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:45 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Sometimes you have to do what makes DC unhappy in the short run to get to the long term results that DC needs to be happy. I'm not talking about CIO with a 10 week old - I'm talking about putting a toddler to bed to go to sleep when they would rather be playing games with you. Toddlers don't want to go to bed because they don't want to miss the fun they think we are having after they've gone to bed. Too bad - they need to sleep at night, all night.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 10:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
My child knows much better what appropriate behavior is,so I never correct him if he bites another child or pulls toys away form other children or has a temper tantrum when I won't give hime something he wants. If he wants it, I knwo that it is the best thing for him.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Again, I was talking about sleeping. If you don't see a difference then I cannot help and you do your thing and I do mine.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]and if you can't see that they are the same then you are fooling yourself. If you believe that baby knows best, be consistent.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 12:13 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Normal. None of my children slept through the night until 18-24 months of age. Has nothing to do with breast feeding. I never let my children cry to sleep, though.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Not normal -- just shows a different set of priorities by the parents. My son slept through the night at 3mo and at 3+yrs is still a great sleeper. We never had to do cry it out, b/c we taught him to sleep while he was a baby. On the occasions he woke up at night crying it was b/c he was sick. It's important for the child to learn to sleep through the night as it's necessary for good health. And it's important for the rest of the family, parents and siblings, to have a baby who sleeps through the night.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 10:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP agreed. Whether it is "normal" or not, this is hard on the mom, who also deserves some rest. Most 13 month olds should go without eating during the night. Nothing wrong with nursing all night IF that worked for OP but it does not, and the baby is no longer an infant!
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:01 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It is not unnormal for a child at 13 months to wake up often at night. You were lucky to have a good sleeper. Sure, you give yourself credit for that. I would do that, too. I believe, though, that all (let's say most) children eventually sleep well with or without you training them. Babies fall into patterns all on their own. As soon as they are more mature and are less afraid of the night and being alone etc. they sleep even better.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:08 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Children wake during the night but they self-soothe to get back to sleep. Sorry to be harsh here, but parent's who have not put an effort to getting the children to sleep through the night are the ones who say everyone else got lucky. All of my friends who were dilligent in sleep training got their children to sleep through the night by 6mo old max. Some as early as 2 mo. A baby who is at a healthy weight who does not have physical problems should be able to sleep through the night when parents are persistent in sleep training.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 12:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Tonight you willnot go to him when he wakes. It is that simple. He may or may nto cry for a long period of time. but you will NOT go in or it will get worse. In less than 5 days (and probably 3) he will sleep through the night and you will feel better than you have in nearly 3 years. DON"T do Ferber (where you go in and check on him) if you are bfing..it is cruel....like showing him the bottle and taking it away. Make sure DH is on your side with this.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:22 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^you need to pick a time which us reasonable for "non-response" in advance. This might be his normal bed time until 5am, for example, then you can nurse and put him back to bed again until normal wake up. It is time to teahc him how to sleep and self comfort. Some babies climb out of a cirb at 18-20 mos and you don't want him waking in the middle of the night and wondering around
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:25 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP I believe Ferber has some ideas for night weaning, OP -- like you nurse for shorter and shorter periods, or maybe dad goes in with a bottle of water? I cannot remember but he def. does address this problem in what seemed to be a humane and kind way. Not cold turkey but slow gradual weaning (at night, not daytime).
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You can either let your child cry to sleep or you can just wait it out. Either way will most likely work.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 09:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Let him cry up to one hour. If he cries beyond one hour, go in and check on him - make sure he hasn't vomited on himself or pooped. No eye contact. If he's ok, leave and start the clock again. Two nights of this and both my dcs slept through. In fact, I only had to do this for one night. My second was a little tougher bc he would cry so hard he would vomit. But two nights later, he was fine.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 10:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]From the mom whose baby slept through the night at 3months, I think letting a child -- at any age -- cry for an hour is cruel. No? Again, we never had to CIO b/c we started so early.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ha ha hah...you never had to let him cry becuase your child slept through the night without your help. When you have your second child, and if that child still wakes 4 times per night at age 7 mos, come back and post.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 12:09 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I didn't say I would not have let him cry. I said an ***hour*** is excessive.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 12:50 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^ And child slept through the night b/c we were extraordinarily dilligent about sticking to a routine. Don't believe me. Wake up 10x a night with your kid, what do I care?
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 12:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I am sympathetic and really cannot make myself do CIO to my kids, even though I believe in it intellectually. What worked with both my kids at this stage was to cut out the night-nursing, but not the night comfort. I would go in and pick him up and rock him back to sleep, but refuse to nurse. That made me feel less like I was changing the rules too abruptly and unfairly. Eventually he stopped waking up anyway because there was less reason to if he knew he wasn't going to get to nurse. It was more exhausting for me short term than nursing, because it's easier to fall asleep nursing than to rock back to sleep without it, but truly I found it easier than CIO, which made me sit up all night with adrenaline pumping. My advice is do what works for you and your family. Good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:07 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]cio is cruel. sorry. sends child very mixed signals.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:27 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]maybe. My ped suggested to me that I not run to db every time he fussed and she emphasized the difference between fussing and crying. I was shocked that db was sound asleep in a couple of minutes without any intervention. Not allowing you child to learn to put himself to self soothe could also be called cruel. Its a necessary skill. I'm certainly not advocating letting your child cry for hours and hours.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:33 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]never cio'd, but never ran to my dc with the first few sounds of fussing. cio is very different. parents talk about letting child cry for an hour at a time - children vomiting on themselves, etc. c'mon, does that sound normal to anyone.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:34 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]That's something i could never do. I'm afraid the phrase CIO is overused now and people sometimes use it when they are talking about a child crying for a minute or two.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
If I let DS fuss, he'll fuss for 10, 20 minutes and go back to sleep. If I go in, he's awake for an hour. I listen to him fuss, so it's not like I'm getting any sleep but sometimes it's better to not go in.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]that would be called cio, just so you know.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 12:14 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]NP No, it's not. There is a difference between fussing and crying.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 12:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
itda. it sends dc a very clear signal that bedtime is sleep time.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 06:15 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]we cio'd at 4 months for one night (30 minutes) and dc is now, 6 years later, an incredibly good sleeper and a happy, healthy dc. not cruel at all imo.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 06:18 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Hello, me! I have the same issue. CIO just doesn't work for me. I tried at 9 months and it was great and then he totally regressed. I'm going nuts here.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]I have a 17 month old who slept in the same room(in a playpen) with my DH and I until he was 12 months. When I transitioned him to his room what helped us was buying the FP aquarium to attach to the crib as well as the cloud b turtle. Every time he would fuss I would run in and tell him that it was time to go to sleep and that we were not far. After two weeks he was going to bed without giving us a fight GL!
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Our DS slept in the same room with us until he was 12 months(in a playpen). When we transitioned him over to his room we bought the FP aquarium as well as the cloud B turtle which kept him occupied because it was something new. We would go in when he fussed and explain that it was time to go to sleep and that we were not far. After a week he was sleeping without giving us a fight. GL! I couldn't let my child cry himself to sleep, I did a lot of research and found that most kids that age cry bc they have separation anxiety or bc they have had nightmares.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 11:46 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i did CIO at 10 months. hardest thing i ever had to do, but after it was over, never thought about it. my ds (now 3.5) still sleeps 11-12 per night. we did ferber, and an honest answer is that it took 2 weeks. first week was hell, but it gradually got better. by end of 2nd week ds was a sleeping champ, happy, rested, and playful.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 05:53 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]... wanted to add i EBF for one year. no bottle, no pacifier, was anti sleep training for the longest time, but began to realize that it was my duty as a parent to help my child get to sleep.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 05:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I like that happy contented baby approach. Why not go to the library, and skim through a few books, and see what appeals to you the most?
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 05:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]You NY moms make me glad I moved to London and am raising my family here. You're a mean bunch! I had the same situation with my son, who I breastfed until he was 14m (he's 18m now). I was amazed how easy it was to break the habit. We picked a long weekend when he was 12m, and on those nights, my husband went in when he woke. He didn't pick him up, he offered him water, then said "goodnight" and walked back out. Our son realised it wasn't worth waking up, and on the third night, simply did not. He has slept through the night ever since, only waking in cases of jetlag, severe teething/sickness. These babies get used to bad habits quickly, but they can also be undone quickly with consistency. Good luck : )
[ Reply | Options ]10.28.09, 02:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] having hard time getting 1 yr old and 3 yr old to go to bed. in separate rooms. sho... 13 replies
Talk : : October 25, 2009
having hard time getting 1 yr old and 3 yr old to go to bed. in separate rooms. should i put them in same room and let them CIO? 1 yr old still in crib. TIA
13 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.25.09, 07:31 AM [ Flag ]explain your bedtime routine in great detail.
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 07:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]baby gets bottle, in crib slightly awake, sometimes cries, then to sleep. 3 yr old gets stories, lights out, wants us to lie with her until shr goes to sleep -- does not want to be alone
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 07:39 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]so you aren't having a hard time with the 1yo, just with the 3yo?
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 07:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]well, sometimes 1 yr old cries and we have to go back several times. it seems neither wants to be alone and i just wonder if putting them together would work
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 07:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i have dcs in the same room and it works really well. are you the same poster who is struggling with her 3yo?
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 07:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]no. how old are your dcs?
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 07:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]3, 4, and 6.
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 08:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]how old when you put them in same room?
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 08:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i think dc#2 was at 9 months. dc#3 was later and it was a harder adjustment.
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 08:24 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]any tips? how old was #1 when you started? was it a hard adjustment at first? TIA
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 08:44 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i don't know if i have any tips. just be determined to try it for a week. make your rules or guidelines beforehand so that your 3yo doesn't end up running the show. good luck!
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 08:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You need a routine that doesn't change each night and stick to it. My dcs started sleeping better after we put them in together (2yo and 3yo). We do bath, change for bed, 2 short stories in the chair, lights out and into bed, 2 songs. Night night. They often call out for more but they don't get it and they soon settle. GL
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 07:43 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]how old were they when you put them together (years and months)?
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 07:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] sleep training baby tonight... omg, this is painful 29 replies
- Too too young! 5 months minimum for Ferber, at least 6 for cio...
- I'm a CIO proponent but 3 mo is way too early. Feed that baby!...
- You don't CIO a 3 mo. Get better advice please....
- IMO, CIO is wrong wrong wrong at any age. Imagine being tiny and helpless and your single source...
Talk : : October 24, 2009
sleep training baby tonight... omg, this is painful
29 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.24.09, 10:10 PM [ Flag ]How old?
[ Reply | Options ]10.24.09, 10:16 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]3 months
[ Reply | Options ]10.24.09, 10:19 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]that's too young
[ Reply | Options ]10.24.09, 10:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]way to young. even the crazy sleep trainers say earliest you do it is 4 months (sleep training doctors I mean). Signed, mom who sleep trained at 6mo
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 04:26 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]TOO YOUNG! You are torturing your baby and depriving him/her from needed nourishment!!
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 05:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Are you crazy?
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 05:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]She must be. 3 months and sleep training is basically child abuse.
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 05:54 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
when i ferberized dd she was 9 mths. decided to try much earlier with ds, ie: tonight.
[ Reply | Options ]10.24.09, 10:20 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]DON"T DO THIS! Are you reading all these responses telling you it's too early?
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 05:58 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
That's too young. I will never understand why people insist on sleep training a baby who is so young, they don't know any different. Babies cry which is how they get their needs met. It must be hard to be crying and find that no one comes in.
[ Reply | Options ]10.24.09, 10:57 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Heartbreaking! I wouldn't treat my dog this way.
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 12:17 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]not only heartbreaking but stupid.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 07:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I've read that the reason babies don't cry in orphanages is because they've given up hope that anyone will come. Babies stopping crying doesn't mean they've self soothed...it can mean they've given up on you.
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 05:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Too young. I'm no family bed, AP type, but I kept my kids in a cosleeper until they were five months or so. Was really easy.
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 04:30 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Too too young! 5 months minimum for Ferber, at least 6 for cio
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 04:48 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm a CIO proponent but 3 mo is way too early. Feed that baby!
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 05:11 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]3 months is way too young. did you talk to ped? are you nursing? it will kill your supply if you do. plus all books say 6 months. please don't let your baby cry.
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 05:52 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]By the by... I'm the parent from below, the one with the teen.... did Ferber with him at 3 months, nursed him until 13 months and had a freezer full of pumped milk, so no, my supply wasn't "killed" at all. It just shifted more to the daytime.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 05:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
it's painful because you're baby is too young.
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 05:55 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]The advice I was given by an expert on child development and sleep training is that a baby must be BOTH a minimum of 3 months and a minimum of 10 lbs. I sleep trained my ds at 3 months when he was about 15 lbs (big boy). It took 3 nights and was totally worth it.
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 06:21 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]was the "experts" last name "Hitler"? that is downright cruel. shame on you!
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 10:37 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]I'm laughing! My ds is a teen now. The advice came from a top NYC sleep expert. He started sleeping 12 hours a night, I started sleeping again. We were all happier. And in case you want to tell me how I "starved" him, he was 28 lbs at 1 year and is now 6'4" tall!
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 04:55 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]^^^ by the way it was a version of Ferber... not just CIO.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 05:00 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]this may have been right for you; but i cannot ever agree that a three month old should be subjected to sleep training. it is just cruel to such a new baby.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 05:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]It was 3 nights of his life. He was a changed baby... happier, more rested. Totally worth it IMO. His greater happiness was proof that he needed to be sleeping longer and better and that he could. It's also all water under the bridge now as he's grown, but my advice is talk to your pediatrician and listen to your gut. It is an emotional process, but if you feel it's in your child's best interests and that they're ready it's completely worth it. Last I'll be saying on the matter, by the way, as I can tell that many commenters' hysterical pitch is rising on this matter.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 07:23 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You don't CIO a 3 mo. Get better advice please.
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 06:22 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]way, way too young. very cruel to do to a 3 month baby. whoever gave you this advice is sadistic.
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 09:05 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]IMO, CIO is wrong wrong wrong at any age. Imagine being tiny and helpless and your single source of comfort and safety refuses to respond to your frantic cries for help!! But regardless, I know that many swear by it so all I can is that 3 months is way way way too young!! Please don't.
[ Reply | Options ]10.25.09, 10:33 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]ditto.
[ Reply | Options ]10.26.09, 07:31 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] 4 month old up every 2 hrs. HELP! What do I do? How do I get her to go through the ni... 5 replies
- db used to be a great sleeper, at 4 months he started to wake up once or twice. For some days he was up every 2 hrs, it turned out that first teeth (two of them) were peeking. I guess CIO it's a solution when you know that the waking it's because of wrong sleep associations. Anyways I would wait until she's 6 mo...
Talk : : October 23, 2009
4 month old up every 2 hrs. HELP! What do I do? How do I get her to go through the night? Is it too soon to cry it out?
5 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.23.09, 06:25 AM [ Flag ]db used to be a great sleeper, at 4 months he started to wake up once or twice. For some days he was up every 2 hrs, it turned out that first teeth (two of them) were peeking. I guess CIO it's a solution when you know that the waking it's because of wrong sleep associations. Anyways I would wait until she's 6 mo
[ Reply | Options ]10.23.09, 07:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]don't waste any time. Buy "Eight Hours Sleep by Eight Weeks Old"
[ Reply | Options ]10.23.09, 07:41 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]4 months is perfect age for sleep training. it's hard but you won't regret it!
[ Reply | Options ]10.23.09, 07:48 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]How do I go about it?
[ Reply | Options ]10.23.09, 08:36 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Let your kid cry until they decided that they are never going to get any comfort and then pass out from exhaustion. Repeat a few nights in a row until they finally decided that crying is futile because no one cares anyway and they eventually will sleep on their own, except for those nights when they are sick, or scared, or just want an extra hug or two.
[ Reply | Options ]10.23.09, 09:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] My almost two year old is a terrible sleeper. He's up 4+ times a night. A friend of m... 1 reply
- I don't think he's too old for CIO. He probably just needs better sleep associations. My DD is 2.5 and doesn't sleep well either. She wakes up and then I put her in my bed. I've been doing that forever so now she associates going back to sleep to sleeping with me. I haven't tried CIO yet but I may have to resort to that. The lack of sleep is not good for either of us....
Talk : : October 22, 2009
My almost two year old is a terrible sleeper. He's up 4+ times a night. A friend of mine says that he is too old to CIO and that doing so now will just make him really clingy and insecure during the day. Do you think that's true?
1 reply [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.22.09, 05:06 AM [ Flag ]I don't think he's too old for CIO. He probably just needs better sleep associations. My DD is 2.5 and doesn't sleep well either. She wakes up and then I put her in my bed. I've been doing that forever so now she associates going back to sleep to sleeping with me. I haven't tried CIO yet but I may have to resort to that. The lack of sleep is not good for either of us.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 07:29 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
[+] My 18mo DD is the most horrible sleeper in the entire UNIVERSE! She is breastfed at n... 47 replies
- put her in her own bed and let her CIO?...
- but NOT co-sleeping. I know I have to do, CIO, but I've never had the fortitude...
- as to CIO --i don't think you should immediately let them...it cold turkey. i tried to let my baby CIO once at naptime without the weaning and she threw...sleep issues till she was about 16-17mos. We did CIO, but she was tenacious and her cry was really...
Talk : : October 22, 2009
My 18mo DD is the most horrible sleeper in the entire UNIVERSE! She is breastfed at night and still wakes up an average of 3x a night!!!!!!!
47 replies [ Reply | Watch | Options ]10.22.09, 02:52 AM [ Flag ]wean her and stop this.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 03:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]So you think it's 100% due to still breastfeeding? Okay how should I go about weaning her? I was trying to bf her until 2 since that's what all the doctors recommend....but geesh!
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 03:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]No drs recommend that. La Leche militants recommend that.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 04:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]really?? Not even Dr. Sears?
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 04:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
The World Health Organization recommends nursing until two. Still, I weaned my kid at two and he is still a cruddy sleeper. I wouldn't count on it just being the breastfeeding. It is more likely the sleep association of needing you to put her to sleep.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 05:04 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]well they say that because this is a world wide recommendation where unfortunately bm is the only good nutrition for the child - poor countries.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 05:40 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]yes...in underdeveloped countries. not countries like the US with a clean drinking water supply, an abundance of good food, and access to vaccinations and general medical care.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 08:47 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Are you serious... WHO recommends breast feeding until 2 becuase of impoverished countries where clean water and access to food is not an option... you are an idiot
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 07:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
you don't have to wean,necessarily. my kids bf'd at 18 months but they also slept through. Is she actualyl having a ful feed ion the night (then she needs to eat more during the day) or jsut sucking to sleep?
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 08:53 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Not just the breastfeeding. You need to CIO. She is way too old to be waking at night. Put her down and DO NOT get her until 6am no matter what. A few days of this and you will be set. You can still nurse her at bedtime if you like.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 04:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]well we co-sleep...
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 04:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Well - you have your answer to the problem then. Sorry.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 04:11 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]So I need to put her in her own bed and let her CIO?
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 04:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Duh.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 04:28 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]mine is 15 months, still wake 3X, is also still nursing, but NOT co-sleeping. I know I have to do, CIO, but I've never had the fortitude...time to toughen up.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 04:57 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
Try the Jay Gordon nightweaning plan. We co-slept and nursed until 21 months (nightweaned at 18), so I know exactly where you are.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 05:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]as to CIO --i don't think you should immediately let them cry forever ---- wean them to that, too. let them cry for 1-2 mins., comfort them, then put them back in crib--- cry for 3-4 minutes, and so on. read the baby whisperer. it takes a while but for some that's the only way. you may do it a lot but they eventually get used to it. as to co-sleeping, i don't know what you should do except no milk after 9 or before 6 --- maybe you could wean that too --- 2x a night for a couple of nights, then 1 time a night for awhile, then no more. she is so used to it you can't just drop it cold turkey. i tried to let my baby CIO once at naptime without the weaning and she threw up -- i do not believe in that. will never do that again
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 05:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]that was mine. i don't believe in cio, so got used to it.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 05:21 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ditto.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 07:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
let me tell you the opposite of the other posters. my dd is 17 months and JUST outgrew the night waking, and i am pretty sure she has weaned herself. It will happen. don't let them scare you. it's very sudden. you'll miss the sweet moments when it's gone.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 06:06 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]please. there are a billion "sweet moments" still to come.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 08:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ](OR)sure, go ahead, degrade me for giving my body to my DD for well over 2 years now when you count pregnancy. and I loved every second of it, minus the first 6 weeks of Breastfeeding, when I tolerated it because I knew what I was doing was the best thing for my child.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 09:56 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]not sure why it won't post my reply. OR here... I gave my body to my DD for over 2 years when you count pregnancy, and it was the medically sound, right thing to do for my baby. not to mention all the other benefits (reduced risk of breast cancer, for one). no need to degrade me. any nursing mother knows that you WILL miss those moments. it doesn't mean more won't be coming, but it will be different.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 10:03 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]wait until your kid is 5, or 10, or 15, or 20, or whatever, and then we'll talk. your martyr tone is grating, btw.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 12:56 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]
You can nightwean and still BF. My 1 yo was nightweaned at 8-9 months, but is still BF. The most effective technique to me at older than 1y, is to let dh go to her when she wakes up at night. Offer a bottle w a tiny amount of milk at first and then switch to water. Usually wi a week they realize it's not worth getting up for any more. This is easier if you are not in the same room. Also try the no-cry sleep solution.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 06:26 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]All my kids were like this. They all started to sleep better between 18 and 24 months of age. Hang in there.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 07:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i dont mean to flame but i cannot believe that you are co sleeping and nursing your 18 mos dd. how do you function? its time for some boundries. the boobs and the bed are yours. where does dh sleep?
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 07:09 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]what's it to you? Just because you wouldn't do it means that other shouldn't?
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 07:10 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]im just saying it strikes me as a bit excessive at this point. where does DH sleep? has anoyone in ops home slept for more than 3 hours at a time in the last 18 mos
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 07:12 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Hmmm... why is co-sleeping and extended bfing excessive? Sounds lovely to me. I am very sure you, DH, and a baby will fit fine in a queen-sized bed.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 08:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
i do too, and we actually get more sleep...LO sees that we are sleeping and plays quietly on the bed, but once our eyes are open or we are sitting up she's up and ready to go. also, as OP suggested the WHO recommends BF until two years. my DD has weaned a bit before that but that IS the recommendation.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 07:13 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]are you really that uninformed? WHO recommends bfing until 2 years old for people living in underdeveloped countries. NOT the united states.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 08:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]What the WHO recommends for underdeveloped countries is also a good recommendation for the USA.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 09:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]What do you think is the difference? you think formula is recommended instead here? what do you do after the absolutely recommended 12 months (AAP even, and they are sooooo conservative with their recommendations)? wean? go to another mammal's milk? anyway this isn't supposed to be FF vs BF. i see a time for both, but the WHO recommendation is what it is.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 09:59 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]Going to cow's milk after 12 month is a perfectly fine option unless medical reasons prevent you from doing this. That said, bfing longer than 12 months is entirely okay with me as well.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 10:05 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]i find it excrutiatingly annoying when a bfing mother uses the WHO recommendation to support her decision to engage in extended bfing. if you want to bf until your kid is in kindergarten, by all means, go ahead. but to state the WHO's recommendation as support of that decision is uninformed, as the recommendation clearly is more narrowly targeted.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 12:59 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]Huh? What if the mother is convinced that the WHO recommendation has some merit even in developed countries?
[ Reply | Options ]10.23.09, 10:52 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
np here. different strokes. we did this, works out for us.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 08:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
I would night wean, then she will have more milk during the day if she wants it. Maybe put her in a bassinet or cosleeper if you are not ready to have her leave your room - for me it was easier to have her out of the room at night.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 07:38 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]the vast majority of 18 month olds are way too big for a bassinet or cosleeper -- if not too long, then certainly too heavy and too restless.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 08:54 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]ROFL
[ Reply | Options ]10.23.09, 10:30 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
We had the same thing with our 13 month old and am feeling a bit like we might have cracked it without CIO. We do have a crib, but he wouldn't stay in it once he woke up and wanted to breastfeed, after that it was in the bed. I reached a breaking point, and decided that no matter what I was not going to pick him up at night. I would cuddle him, give him a bottle (pumped), sing to him etc, but was not going to pick him up. After only 3 nights of some crying and upset, he began sleeping much better, and now wakes once a night, and often only needs a quick pat before going back to sleep. Sometimes he needs the bottle, but not all the time. Having him sleep so much better, and not in our bed, has done wonders I think for all of our sleep patterns. I think we were probably waking each other up all night, and now no longer. Good luck to you, with what you chose to do. Only you can make the decision which feels right for you and your child.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 07:50 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]OP: Please do not listen to these posters who are blaming it on the nursing. I do agree that you might want to consider weaning soon, but I don't understand why everyone's calling that the cause...I bf'd 2nd for a total of one month, and she had massive sleep issues till she was about 16-17mos. We did CIO, but she was tenacious and her cry was really hard to endure (she would go on for hrs). She's two now, and as of about 18 or 19 months we experienced a major sleep transformation: 13 hrs./night, a solid 2 hr. nap each afternoon. She's now the best sleeper in our house and sleep is never a battle, as it used to constantly be for the first year and a half! All I'm saying is, don't give up hope!
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 11:32 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]My dc was sleeping though the night at 2 months. The issue has nothing to do with nursing. I don’t know about co-sleeping though. Basically your dc needs to learn how to fall asleep without help. You need to change nap and bad time routines so that you are not nursing or staying with her until she is a sleep. She needs to be awake when you walk out of the room and kiss her good night and she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own. It is probably easier to do without co-sleeping but at this point I would first train her to fall asleep on her own before making any other changes in her routine.
[ Reply | Options ]10.22.09, 01:28 PM [ Flag | link to this post ]my son was like this. magically at about 2.5, he started sleeping through the night. hang in there.
[ Reply | Options ]10.23.09, 10:35 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]wow.. so much anger towards extended BFing. OP, you can night wean. I explained to dd that milk has to sleep at night, too. then, stopped BFing at night. the first night, it was hell. she cried and cried. the second night was a little better. the third night she slept through the night.
[ Reply | Options ]10.23.09, 10:49 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]fwiw my ff childreb slept through at 4 mos. That said I think your situation has to do with co-sleeping and what sounds like child directed attachment parenting not BF. Imho ( since you are asking for it by posting on this board) it's time to take a look at your priorities and parenting style and make changes now before this gets more intense as your child gets older. good luck.
[ Reply | Options ]10.23.09, 11:02 AM [ Flag | link to this post ]
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