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[ - ] children of divorce: what do you suggest I do to keep from screwing up DC if/when we separate? I expect it to be ugly. I haven't lived through it and want to protect DC. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:48 PM Flag
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There is no avoiding it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:48 PM Flag
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I disagree. I'm a child of divorce and I'm kind of screwed up, but I largely attribute that to the fact that my dad moved clear across the country and more or less cut off contact. But everyone has drama in their lives - yes divorce is painful, but so are lots of other things that can happen in a kid's life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:50 PM Flag
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Define "screwing up". I'm a child of divorce and I'm fine <---- said with wide crazy eyes and a plastered on smile [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:50 PM Flag
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Send them to boarding schools and visit them frequently. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:50 PM Flag
[ - ] I'm a closet softie. I cry during almost every episode of "This Is Us." 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:46 PM Flag
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I found this show unwatchable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:46 PM Flag
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np: I really like it. Even though it is manipulative. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:49 PM Flag
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I really like that show. Sometimes Modern Family can bring tears to my eyes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:47 PM Flag
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LOL, me too! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Winter break activity ideas for a 16 year old male boarding school student? 2.5 weeks off, sports, academic... Anything besides simple volunteering - we have that covered. Thanks in advance! 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:35 PM Flag
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Does he have friends where you live? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:35 PM Flag
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They're more virtual if he still has them nearby - mostly long distance school friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:41 PM Flag
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I would think he would mostly enjoy just hanging out at home. Any friends from school near by that you could host? How about driving lessons? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:37 PM Flag
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Already started driving lessons... Maybe something else with cars though... so it's ok for him to just hang out? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:42 PM Flag
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Is this your child? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:43 PM Flag
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Nephew [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:44 PM Flag
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of course! If he has a computer and wi-fi, he'll be happy. Take him out to eat a lot, or cook great meals, as he's probably tired of institutional food. Go to the movies, ask if he needs anything for school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:50 PM Flag
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I really think a 16 yo boy will know what he wants to do with his time! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:40 PM Flag
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He doesn't tell us anything :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:44 PM Flag
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Just let him chill? 2.5 weeks isn't that long, and a kid that age doesn't really need parents programming him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:48 PM Flag
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Let go already! 16 is autonomous and he doesn't need you arranging his free time [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:43 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:45 PM Flag
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I'd love to, but if we didn't stay on him, he'd be a bump on a log. You guys are lucky if you were able to just let your kids run their lives. So much easier. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:48 PM Flag
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but this is a kid who just finished a semester of school where he also needed to live an a dorm. he should be able to be a log if he chooses. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:50 PM Flag
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Chilling and being a bump on a log is part of what school breaks are for. You already have him volunteering. Why do you need to add anything more to that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:50 PM Flag
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at that age during school breaks, I binged watched TV, made the most ridiculous meals, and forced myself exercise once a day. and this was before nexflix. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Did Flesh and Bone not get picked up for a 2nd season? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:34 PM Flag
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damn. that show was nuts. I wanted to see where they went with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:50 PM Flag
[ - ] Just told friends we are moving this July. Within hours three people said they were very interested in buying. Two have seen the house several times. We haven't signed with a broker yet. How necessary is a broker. If we get an offer that meets our ask should we just do it ourselves? Seems like we would need a pro to guide us. But if we do our research and are careful do you think it might be smart? What is the downside of doing ourselves? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:31 PM Flag
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You're fine if you have a good RE lawyer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:31 PM Flag
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Upside is no brokers fees [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:33 PM Flag
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this. no need for a broker. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:33 PM Flag
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You can most cerainly do it yourself, but if you have 3 people already interested, why not market it with a realtor and get max $$? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:34 PM Flag
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wondering the same thing, a broker might be able to get you more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:35 PM Flag
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absolutely. and it will certainly keep your friendships intact. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:40 PM Flag
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Go to broker, they can write agreement to exclude sales to those 3 named people (ie., you can sell to them, and they do not get commission) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:36 PM Flag
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Make sure you and the buyers have good lawyers. and that you disclose every last gd squeek of the dryer and hum of the ice maker - you don't want to be sued after for anything deemed "existing" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:36 PM Flag
[ - ] Yes I have been living under a rock. Who can I call to help me fix dc's room? I have no clue about domestic things. I saw some practical furniture on the Gothic Cabinet website but I need help with figuring out the whole thing. Pottery Barn? TIA. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:28 PM Flag
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I love Pottery Barn. They have it all. Depending on age pottery barn has some cute stuff too. It's a one stop deal. If you want to do it yourself check out AllModern.com and do it a la Carte? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:33 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone order a magazine subscription through Magazine.com? The rate is so low for a magazine I want to give ds for Christmas that I am skeptical it may be a scam. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:26 PM Flag
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it is a scam, the first year is cheap but they renew you automaticaly at crazy crazy crazy high price fuck that [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:27 PM Flag
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Thanks! I love when UB is so helpful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:29 PM Flag
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This. They sneak that auto renew in there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:36 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you like a boy name Jesse? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:24 PM Flag
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Jesse's girl [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:26 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:27 PM Flag
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:) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:29 PM Flag
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I know only girls named Jesse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:32 PM Flag
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No. Jessie. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:40 PM Flag
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no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:34 PM Flag
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I like it a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:35 PM Flag
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NO [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:37 PM Flag
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No, and he won't like it either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:38 PM Flag
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My brother's name. I like it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:41 PM Flag
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No [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:41 PM Flag
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No...it always strikes me as rough and/or rurar [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:42 PM Flag
[ - ] What ever the tax code subsidizes, society gets more of 27 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:22 PM Flag
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Today, mortgage interest is deductible and child care is not deductible [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:23 PM Flag
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So smart people buy expensive houses and have few kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:23 PM Flag
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Let's flip that around. No more mortgage interest deduction but make child care for WOHMS tax deductible [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:23 PM Flag
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This means that smarter women will be MORE likely to WOHM under trump plan, more likely to stay in the workforce and more likely to have more kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:24 PM Flag
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As a society we can not continue to exist when stupid women have eight kids and smart women have one kid [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:24 PM Flag
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we need this in order to persuade more women to wohm and more wohms to have more kids. Let freedom ring. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:24 PM Flag
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there's a reason why smart women do not have 8 kids and the reason is not bc childcare is not tax deductible! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:27 PM Flag
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Government subsidized child care is successful in persuading the TT scandanavian women to have a lot of kids. look it up [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:29 PM Flag
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Plus, the workday is short. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:41 PM Flag
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the more moms educated professional moms WOH, the harder those jobs will be to come by. this is the dirty secret of the whole unemployment issue - when the vast majority of women didn't work, esp women who were not poor, there were more jobs for men and those jobs paid better. when more and more women started working and continued working in more and more fields, supply went up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:29 PM Flag
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This. Same with college. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:40 PM Flag
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But not own a home, and risk skyrocketing rents which will eat up any savings going forward from the tax credit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:39 PM Flag
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Yeah. Crappy stuff like homeownership [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:23 PM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:39 PM Flag
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Charitable contributions [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:23 PM Flag
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If society doesn't need my money, I will gladly keep it! Thank you Donald Trump! So sorry that I doubted you! http://www.wsj.com/articles/taxes-under-trump-almost-everyone-pays-less-and-the-richest-pay-a-lot-less-1480700891 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:25 PM Flag
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^^^WSJ, Taxes udder Trump: Almost Everyone Pays Less and the Richest Pay a Lot Less^^^^ Awesome news!!! MAGA! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:26 PM Flag
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this is NOT a racial issue. It is an intelligence issue. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:26 PM Flag
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The stupidest white women have more kids than white women with PHDS do [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:26 PM Flag
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the stupidest black women have more kids than black women with PHDS do [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:26 PM Flag
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the stupidest Asian women have more kids than Asian women with PHDS do [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:26 PM Flag
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talk to your friends with PHDS our current system sucks ass. it is very hard for PHDs to have a lot of kids. We need fully deductible child care NOW [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:27 PM Flag
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The Rich get Richer, while the poor get distracted with race issues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:29 PM Flag
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Lol this... the only color that unifies all people is green. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:41 PM Flag
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Also red [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:44 PM Flag
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I agree. The Democrats are creating hatred between the races in order to sneak through their open borders agenda. Don't let them [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:45 PM Flag
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What is red? Blood? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:49 PM Flag
[ - ] s/o Nursing post. I'm the OR of that post who argued that women with top-flight educations have power and should use that power for change. Here's a follow-up question: Most American women of my generation (I'm 41) had mothers who didn't have "careers like a man" as another poster put it. Most of the moms I knew growing up did have some kind of "job"--teacher, nurse, admin, etc. Some professionals, some SAHMs, but even my mom (an engineer) took an easier, public-sector job for the benefits and flexibility. If this is what all these women grew up with, who exactly is urging them to go to law school, med school, etc.? Wouldn't it be in part their own mothers, who saw the limitations of their own choices in life, and wanted them to have more? Maybe there are good reasons these careers are not valued--if they were so great why don't most of our mothers push us into them as well? 26 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:21 PM Flag
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As you say, I think a lot of women felt like they had no choice but to take jobs in a certain limited range of professions (I'm 43 btw, my mom is in her mid 60s). I think they wanted more options for their daughters - meaning that while the jobs might be fine, and they enjoyed them, they carried a certain stigma because they were "women's work" and limited in a way they wanted us to escape. So the problem wasn't the jobs themselves, but how society perceived them and how confining the acceptable options were. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:26 PM Flag
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Maybe. Though my mom did encourage me to go into engineering (I have an engineering degree) but always told me to avoid "women's jobs" like she had. Also, every single LI schoolteacher I know did encourage her daughters to also be LI schoolteachers, because they make a bazillion dollars with summers off, lol. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:28 PM Flag
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As you say, I think a lot of women felt like they had no choice but to take jobs in a certain limited range of professions (I'm 43 btw, my mom is in her mid 60s). I think they wanted more options for their daughters - meaning that while the jobs might be fine, and they enjoyed them, they carried a certain stigma because they were "women's work" and limited in a way they wanted us to escape. So the problem wasn't the jobs themselves, but how society perceived them and how confining the acceptable options were. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:26 PM Flag
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^^sorry for double post [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:26 PM Flag
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This is a topic hugely interesting to me. I'm 42, a lawyer (biglaw partner), raised by SAHM. My mom pushed me so hard to do my best in school and do well, even though her values were that mothers should not work (I have 3 DCs now). I think it was because kids' accomplishments are validation for SAHMs and moms who put themselves on a back burner. I mean of course we all want what is best for our children and want them to realize their potential and be excellent and feel proud of themselves. But I think there is an added layer of the validation it provides to the mother. I mention this only as a counter to the idea that it's all because they see their lives would have been better with better careers. I'm not sure they would have been (I am miserable sometimes and wish I worked less) and I'm not sure they would see it that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:26 PM Flag
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This is so interesting to me--thanks. -OP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:29 PM Flag
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^It's like my parents pushed me to go to HYP, go to a top law school, get good grades, work hard at my job, go for the brass ring of partnership... and finally it's like the gilded cage and it's too much to give up and walk away. Would feel ungrateful or foolish. I'm not criticizing my parents per se but they didn't know what they were asking of us; they had not worked this hard. I wonder if I'd be happier if I'd dropped out long before. But maybe not, you never know how much is your innate personality anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:31 PM Flag
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Op-Yeah, I get this. It's like they heard somewhere that these were the best things to want, but had no firsthand experience of them. My parents were foreign and there was also a cultural misunderstanding there--being a doctor was very different in their country of origin, in training, lifestyle, etc. than it is here. A Korean friend once told me that careers in the arts are very prestigious in Korea and many Korean-American parents push their kids into careers in the arts, which are so difficult here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:38 PM Flag
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Yes, like concert pianist or violinist. Make like 30k a year here. Sad [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:45 PM Flag
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I think what you say is true for many immigrants and their children. Except with them, they have the benefit of having grandparents care for children. Some of my most successful female friends are able to thrive in their careers because they have the peace of knowing grandma is caring for their kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:42 PM Flag
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No worries; All Asian moms push their kids to become Drs. I'm one, but I discouraged my son from it. Takes too long and very intensely stressful. There is more to life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:27 PM Flag
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Maybe many women truly want to be present for their children. Most women have a desire to become mothers at some point, and most (all?) women feel an incredible bond to their young children. It is not "less than" for women to want to focus their time and energy on their children as they grow up- it's biological and natural. finding a job that allows you to make a decent salary, be intellectually stimulated, AND be fully present for your children is incredibly smart, IMO. It's not "less than". Ridiculous to assume that wanting work-life balance, and wanting to raise your own children, means that you were somehow failed when it came to teaching you how to live your life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:31 PM Flag
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Who said that? Did you even read my question? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:32 PM Flag
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"Who is pushing them to go to law school, med school, etc.? Woudln't it be in part their own mothers, who saw the limitations of their own choices in life, and wanted them to have more?" My point is, why is a career where you work 60 hours a week in a high stress environment considered "more" by so many? Did YOU read your question? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:35 PM Flag
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You're really not getting it, are you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:36 PM Flag
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No, i completely get it. You are talking about how women with "top flight" (aka- not nursing, or part time, etc) jobs should "use that power for change". You assume right off the bat that having a job that allows for work life balance is not "top flight". I don't want any changes in my life or my job or my family. I'd argue that many women in my situation feel the same way. I don't need you to "fight for change" on my behalf. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:42 PM Flag
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Well sorry but you're proving my point. First of all, I said "top-flight EDUCATIONS," not jobs. Secondly, I HAVE a job that provides work-life balance, remember? It happens to be in the field in which I received my top-flight education, and it was hard-won, but I HAVE it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:44 PM Flag
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Yeah, I missed that you said education. Sorry. But still- "maybe there are good reasons these careers are not valued"- the only reason is because women themselves are not valued and therefore, mommy track and "womens work" jobs are not valued. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:49 PM Flag
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^Also, my mother was a SAHM and she didn't push me in one way or another other than to do well in school and to be happy. I am the NICU nurse who responded to the other thread. She never told me i should study harder to be a neonatologist as opposed to a NICU nurse. In fact she's mentioned she's proud of me for finding a career I love that provides work life balance, interestingly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:33 PM Flag
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The truth is that raising young kids is a lot of monotonous work and there's no need to do it 24/7 these days. Then kids grow up and move on. You have the majority of your life to live without raising kids. I need to be achieving more than just momdom to feel fulfilled. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:38 PM Flag
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OP-I agree with this. I spend all the free time I have with my kids, but I actually think it's good for them to also spend time around others--with grandparents, at preschool, etc. T [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:42 PM Flag
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It's monotonous, yes, but babies and toddlers thrive on routine. It is what it is. I don't agree with the "there is no need to do it 24/7 these days" because yes, babies and toddlers need 24/7 care even if that "care" is reading in another room while your 3 year old plays independently. I don't think kids need constant attention before someone accuses me of that! But I want to be the one home with them most of the time. I want to be their mom. I also want to have a career and I love that I found one that is so easily part time. I think that attitudes that "I need to be more than a mom" and "it's so boring and unstimulating to raise kids" are what make women continue to be seen as inferior (because it's almost always women doing the child rearing- mom, nanny, teacher, grandma, etc). Maybe if we stop talking about how boring and silly it is to raise kids, and talk about "mommy track" jobs like it's some sort of insult, then women will start to have a little more respect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:46 PM Flag
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NP- You are very defensive. The truth is that many of us don't find nursing all that interesting. Some may do it for the paycheck or the schedule, or whatever, but would probably rather be doing something else. And btw,--my mother was a nurse. She said it was fine, but tedious, and she would have liked more respect. i'm not going to suggest it to my DDs if they don't show interest on their own. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:49 PM Flag
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I'm probably the odd one out here, but my parents were very old fashioned and couldn't imagine me even working after I had kids. I guess I was strong-willed and wanted something else. I'm 53, so my parents are probably a little older than OP's parents, but my parents couldn't see beyond what I was "supposed" to do after I got married. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:40 PM Flag
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Interesting. I was raised by a Korean widow and it was expected that I would become a prestigious Dr. Then she died suddenly when I was 22. I didn't have kids till 39. My life could not have been more different than hers. Her main message to us was become all that you can be, and don't depend on a man. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:50 PM Flag
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Ours is the first generation where girls/women really had an equal opportunity to pursue whatever education and career they wanted. I, and many of my friends, are incredibly proud to be where we are professionally but when we get together (which is rare) we oftentimes lament the incredible challenges associated with being a working mom. It's not like we just clock in and out of a job where we do the same tasks everyday; in fact, many times it feels like caring for more children due to the weight of responsibility. I have two daughters and honestly, I don't want this life for them. It's too hard, although fulfilling in some ways. And sadly, I think they recognize this, too, as I have missed many events where they saw their friends' moms present. Today, I am out of town and missed my daughter being awarded student of the month for her class. It stings. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:48 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you like to see a funny family photo Christmas card? When do people begin to mail Xmas cards? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:20 PM Flag
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I wish people woulda just pay it on fb. I don't need to hang it up aNd always feel bad throwing it out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:22 PM Flag
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Ok Scrooge [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:23 PM Flag
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I find sending and receiving these tedious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:44 PM Flag
[ - ] How hard is it to get a 700k mortgage? No job, but will start working at family business soon. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:19 PM Flag
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No HHI? What's your net worth, and what does it generate in income. Without either of those, it will be impossible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:23 PM Flag
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You need a job unless you have sufficient assets that you don't really need the mortgage [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:25 PM Flag
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You have no income? Are you putting anything down? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:29 PM Flag
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Seriously? Why would anyone give you a mortgage? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:40 PM Flag
[ - ] Did anyone ever spend Christmas in London? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:19 PM Flag
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Yes. It's a lot like NYC. Magical but hectic and overcrowded. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.02.16, 07:38 PM Flag
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