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[ - ] When using a compund interest calculator what is a realostic about to assume as the interest rate? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:52 PM Flag
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For a house? An auto loan? A shark in Macao? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.08.15, 12:01 AM Flag
[ - ] I feel so bad for a good friend of mine. Her son is a great athlete and a good student and is being recruited for his sport to some of the top schools, which unfortunately have no athletic scholarships. They are in that bubble where they earn just enough so that they are not eligible for any financial aid, and the Dad is making the kid look at all D2 schools where he can get athletic money because "it was good enough for him when he went to college." My friend is beside herself that she has to give up on these great other schools because her husband has decided he just won't pay for it. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:48 PM Flag
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What happened to "we will pay for it." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:50 PM Flag
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They really don't have enough in savings anyway. They live at their means, apparently. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:53 PM Flag
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why can't she pay for it or get loans? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:50 PM Flag
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There is very little to use to pay for it. They have two others already in college. I'm not sure about the loans. She's just saying her husband is putting his foot down, and she doesn't have the independent means to effect another choice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:54 PM Flag
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No D1? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:55 PM Flag
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No, D1 is already done. Kid is a very good Ivy or top D3 candidate, though. But they just don't qualify for any FA and dad is dead set on paying as little as possible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:57 PM Flag
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In the end, the kid is better off getting a degree without debt. It does not matter where he goes to undergrad grand scheme of things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:56 PM Flag
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Sorry for this kid,but most of us will be in that position. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:56 PM Flag
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He should apply to join the military as an officer via ROTC. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:57 PM Flag
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that is an interesting idea !! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:58 PM Flag
[ - ] From Craigslist: "Daddy is a great 32 year old guy, I look younger so I don't look like your uncle or your daddy, I have all my hair an all the experience of being an older guy. I am searching for my little girl 18 and UP someone who wants to make daddy happy. Someone who when she is sad can call daddy and talk to daddy, someone who needs a caring older guy someone who will give you hugs and make you feel secure and someone who is going to make you feel great in bed. Daddy wants to make sure you have a shoulder to rest, someone to cry with, someone to experience places, experiences orgasms like you have never had. Have you ever felt like giving yourself sexually to someone who will tell control and make you push yourself and get out of the box and experience all sort of pleasure . Be my little girl and I will do that and more. I will protect you be there for you, be your mentor and adviser. My dream is to have this relationship, I know this is not for everyone so if you are interested please make sure this is what you want I am single, NO kids and I want to give all my attention to my girl. Please make sure you are looking to receive lots of love but give lots of love to daddy and pleasure. You will get praised and encouraged for everything good you do but when you do wrong you will be told how to make it up and how you can avoid disappointing daddy. This relationship is based in mutual respect. understanding and love. if this is You please reply. Please attach a picture and tell me about you single one liners are a waste of time so take time and write about you and send a pic and I will do the same. Please feel free to ask anything. Also there will be gifts for my little girl but this relationship will not be based in What i can give you financially again I have a job and will spend on you but don't assume this is for financial transactions . Thank you baby girl. Put daddy on your subject" 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:44 PM Flag
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Eeee-yikes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:49 PM Flag
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Dd?Lg [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:49 PM Flag
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? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:53 PM Flag
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Dd/Lg Daddy dom/Little Girl it is a form of BDSM. It takes all kinds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:55 PM Flag
[ - ] I hate when my SIL announces to everyone that I or someone in my family will surely do something for her even BEFORE she asks me. Today is the 2nd time in a very short time that this has happened. DS goes to a private boys HS and is getting his license before September. He's driving one of his boy cousins (who lives nearby) to the same school. SIL's daughter just got out of a very small private elementary and it's her first time in public. I just heard from MIL that SIL has told her she is sure my son can give her daughter rides because "she doesn't trust the buses." SIL works FWIW. No one asked me or DS about this at all. Number one, niece's school starts at 7:30 and DS's school starts at 8:30. Number two, SIL is not exactly "on the way" to DS's school. Number 3, here's the good one, my own daughter will be same grade and school as niece and the bus is good enough for my daughter, but not for hers. And number 4 ... please do not tell everyone we are doing things for you when you didn't even ask us! At least I will have a good time telling her it's not happening and niece will have to associate with all the nasty public school kids on the yellow bus just like our daughter. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:43 PM Flag
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I would master "I'm not sure why she said that, she's not mentioned it to me" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:45 PM Flag
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what does it mean that "SIL works FWIW"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:46 PM Flag
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I was just anticipating the question of why SIL doesn't just drive her daughter herself. She and BIL both work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:49 PM Flag
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SIL has two other children and up until now they have all attended the very tiny private that MIL and FIL pay for. MIL has been doing all the driving to that school for the past 6 years. But that private is in a different direction, and the public middle that niece is eligible for is in the complete opposite direction. Niece has to take the bus or have a ride, and there is no ride. There is no real good private option for middle or high school girls where we live. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:51 PM Flag
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She is insane. Don't even acknowledge this nonsense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:58 PM Flag
[ - ] If I am up 6 percent this year total return, and also up over the last 15 years an avg annual total return of 15 percent, do these facts alone mean I am smart? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:41 PM Flag
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No. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:45 PM Flag
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definitely not, because it means you arent committed to citing accurate return figures, unless you are one of a few private equity funds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:49 PM Flag
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Wise man say: he who go to bed with itchy asshole wake up with smelly finger. If you didn't say this then you not wise man. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:52 PM Flag
[ - ] Just discovered I am pregnant. I was due for promotion in February. Do you think this will no longer happen? Also, currently I do reformer pilates and a small group circuit class. Can I still do this? Sorry for the inane questions - it is too early to speak with family/friends and other pregnancy forums seem dreadful!! 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:38 PM Flag
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Congrats on both pregnancy, pending promotion and mastering reformer pilates (seriously!). These are good problems to have!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:43 PM Flag
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Haha, thank you :-) 2 and 3 may be on shaky ground now though! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:45 PM Flag
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Pilates should be ok. Just quietly tell your teacher and she can probably adjust the exercises for you. Congrats! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:46 PM Flag
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most reformer is not recommended for pregnant women. you can take pilates privates to learn how to modify or prenatal pilates classes. talk to the studio director. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:47 PM Flag
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I lost my promotion during maternity leave, so there are no guarantees. Ask your doc about the exercise, my OB would have said no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:59 PM Flag
[ - ] Malcolm X noted decades ago that just as soon as a Black man begins to gain success and influence, the System begins to devise ways to bring him down should he become an inconvenience. I don't think it's paranoia to point out the consonance between Malcolm's cautionary words and the current attempts to tear down Bill Cosby. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:34 PM Flag
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Oh God. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:36 PM Flag
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np. Seconding that 'Oh God.' [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:37 PM Flag
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Dude has been successful for decades. I don't think this really applies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:37 PM Flag
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He should have left the "roofies in the bottle" and "Fat Albert" in his pants, and he would be enjoying all of the blessings of success. He destroyed himself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:44 PM Flag
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What are Brother Malcolm's thoughts on rapists? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:45 PM Flag
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Well as a fairly doctrinaire Muslim on crime and punishment matters, he probably believed in execution. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:49 PM Flag
[ - ] MIL knows that dh and I have been having problems. She has even said that she would talk to him about her depression, taking medication, etc. ILs were just visiting. MIL was coming to help with kids, then FIL also came. They/she never spoke to dh. This afternoon I received a group email from FIL saying how much they enjoy the kids but how dh and I should go to counseling (which I have already talked to MIL about) because we were so unpleasant to them while they were here. He also said that our children made "unsolicited" comments to them about dh and I not getting along. I have quite a few things I would like to say about their visit, things that were said and not said, etc. I have been holding my tongue, but if FIL can send out a group email then I have the opportunity to share (some of) my thoughts. 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:28 PM Flag
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Take the high road. Write back. "This is not the forum for this discussion." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:31 PM Flag
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That doesn't exactly seem like the high road in my book. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:34 PM Flag
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Can I at least say, "You had many opportunities to talk about this in person but chose not to. You can not complain that there were times when I didn't make polite conversation while you were here and call me your child in the same email"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:37 PM Flag
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I don't understand why you are starting an email fight. If you care what they think, say you are sorry they were disappointed with their visit and that you will call them to discuss. If you don't care, say the same thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:38 PM Flag
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I'm not sorry they were disappointed with their visit. MIL knew dh and I weren't getting along, that I have a lot of concerns about him, that he and I were barely talking. She still agreed/offered to help with kids (for which I am absolutely grateful) but FIL didn't have to come, and they didn't have to stay for over a week in our small 2br apt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:44 PM Flag
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Just ignore her and FIL. Who cares. They are jerks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:32 PM Flag
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I care! There is so much I want to say, and I have literally been biting my tongue. If I write back I will first wait to see what and if DH writes back first or talks to me about it. But I feel like a door was opened. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:40 PM Flag
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^^^I would edit and not be overly reactionary. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:40 PM Flag
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I think you are acting like an impulsive child and will not accomplish anything. Call and talk. Email will not solve any problem and will likely create more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:52 PM Flag
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OP: This sounds like an unpleasant soap opera. I am hurt though. ILs can't/won't address their "concerns" about their own son to their son, and then to receive this email! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:33 PM Flag
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They did raise your dh... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:35 PM Flag
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Why was MIL going to talk about her depression? Why does FIL think it is his business? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:35 PM Flag
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She told me last fall that she and FIL are concerned about DH. She has clinical depression and thinks he may too. (He might. He shows some signs.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:38 PM Flag
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What is the group? You MIL, DH and FIL? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:36 PM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:37 PM Flag
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Either ignore or tell DH to call his father and tell his father to knock it off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:40 PM Flag
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I don't want to tell DH to do anything. That is part of the problematic dynamic. Either he addresses on his own or he doesn't. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:45 PM Flag
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Ok. then ignore. and I would delete it from your in box and your trash so you are not tempted to reread or reply. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:48 PM Flag
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This makes no sense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:39 PM Flag
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Ignore. His email 'advice' is unsolicited. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:44 PM Flag
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Forward to DH and copy all. Not your circus! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.08.15, 12:00 AM Flag
[ - ] Spin off. I need your advice. My boyfriend has a strong family history of cancer. His grandfather died of cancer at age 50. Father died at age 47, father's brother at age 45, father's sister at age 52. Would you marry and have kids with this guy? I don't want to pass on bad genes. 37 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:23 PM Flag
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what kind of cancer? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:24 PM Flag
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I would. Your kids won't be 45 for at least 45 years - there will be enormous medical advances before then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:26 PM Flag
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Op. Grandfather prostate, father colon, aunt breast/brain, uncle colon [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:27 PM Flag
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colon cancer is one of the more preventable cancers. your bf will have to get a colonscopy earlier (starting age 40) and depending on what kind of polyps they find, they'll have him repeat every 1 yr, 3-5 yrs. also with prostate, its now thought that it's just inevitable/matter of time since men live longer. no reason to not have children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:29 PM Flag
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Op. He started getting YEARLY colonoscopies at age 20. He has already had polyps removed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:31 PM Flag
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^^ no screening will prevent brain cancer, which his aunt died from [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:32 PM Flag
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listen, the only thing guaranteed in life are death and taxes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:33 PM Flag
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Op. I am worried about having a child who will contract cancer at a young age. That would be devastating [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:40 PM Flag
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50 is not young. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:43 PM Flag
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Op. 50 is young when discussing cancer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:48 PM Flag
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I don't really understand your extreme concern. you could marry a guy who is healthy and have a child who is autistic. you just never know [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:47 PM Flag
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Op. Because in this case, i DO know. This is a situation where the risks are obvious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:48 PM Flag
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then walk away. i think your mind is made up [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:52 PM Flag
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that's great! he's proactive, and sounds like he's getting good care. I understand it's scary, but if you love the guy why not be together? even if you married another person with out a heavy family hx, who knows how your children will turn out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:32 PM Flag
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I think OP is worried about her own relationship -- that is, if her husband dies at 50 (in 10-15 years), he will leave her with young kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:27 PM Flag
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Op. I'm more worried about my children inheriting cancer genes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:28 PM Flag
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wow be thankful he was honest [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:26 PM Flag
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Op. He told me this on the first date. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:27 PM Flag
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That is weird. It must have come up before. Is a full medical work-up now required on first dates? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:28 PM Flag
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Op. Well he was talking about his father's death [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:29 PM Flag
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On the first date? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:30 PM Flag
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Op. Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:31 PM Flag
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You've asked this before. He is asking "should I marry this neurotic woman who will pass her mental illness to our children?" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:26 PM Flag
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No, who needs that worry! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:27 PM Flag
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you asked this before. he should avoid you. but he can also get his genes checked for Brca [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:32 PM Flag
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Op. He got all the tests, they came back negative. I believe he has a rare mutation, maybe specific to his family, that hasn't been identified. The tests only look for known mutations. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:33 PM Flag
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OP, stop going on and on about this on UB. Your boyfriend doesn't know what the future will hold for him and neither do you. If this is a deal breaker, then end the relationship. If not, then move forward and put this behind you. Time for you to pull up those big girl panties. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:40 PM Flag
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Op. He always makes comments like "well I know I'll only live till 50 since that's when everyone in my family dies." Um ok [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:43 PM Flag
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Dump him. He has a terrible outlook on life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:48 PM Flag
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Then he's depressed. I wouldn't marry him for that, moreso than his cancer genes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:48 PM Flag
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Op. I don't think he's depressed. He's right. Everyone in his family dies around Age 50 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:49 PM Flag
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yes, but it obviously weighs on him. He can't get past it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:53 PM Flag
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Is he the asshole who keeps telling you about your ticking biological clock? Would you please dump this tool already? He is not going to suddenly change for the better. You can do better than this. His family hx of cancer is the least of his problems. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:43 PM Flag
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Op. Yep same dude. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:48 PM Flag
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What are his good qualities, besides being a med student? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:58 PM Flag
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He is kind, old fashioned, mannerly, strong character, very enterprising and self sufficient [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.08.15, 12:00 AM Flag
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How is he kind and of strong character if he is telling you that your eggs are old? How is he mannerly by harping on his bad genetics? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.08.15, 12:02 AM Flag
[ - ] Any tips to help 3yo DD adjust to a new baby coming in a few weeks? She is the first grandchild on both sides & very used to lots of attention...this will not be a smooth transition. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:16 PM Flag
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We gave our older (20 months) son a gift from his new brother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:21 PM Flag
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Start getting her excited about her new baby. Parents have a lot of control for how this plays out, I think. You're going to need her help etc (think of specific things she can do), have the baby bring a present. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:35 PM Flag
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My older kids stayed with my mother wbile I was in the hospital and she made a very big deal about them and their new roles as big brothers. She took them shopping and they got to pick out a gift for the baby ( and gifts for themselves). It got them very excited. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:44 PM Flag
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All of the above advice emphasizes the relationship with the new baby. I would not focus much on this. Think how you would feel if your husband brought home a new wife and told you all the exciting ways you could help this new wife. Spend time alone time with the three year old--time with her while holding baby doesn't count. I would also avoid situations where you take older child somewhere ( school or camp drop off ) and then leave with the baby. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:55 PM Flag
[ - ] I'm 28 and single. I told my mother that I want 3 kids, and I refuse to date guys who say they only want 1-2 kids. She says I'm an idiot. Wdyt? I don't see how I'm an idiot. This is something I feel strongly about, so why would I marry someone who doesn't feel the same? Luckily my current bf wants 3. 96 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:11 PM Flag
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I agree with your mom, you have no idea what having kids is like until you have them. You may not want 2 after having 1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:12 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:36 PM Flag
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So many friends wanted lots of kids till they had one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:13 PM Flag
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Op. I am 100% sure I want more than one. I just know this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:14 PM Flag
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No one is 100% till they have one... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:15 PM Flag
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Op. But I strongly feel I want at least 3. So why would I marry a guy who wants different. I feel like that would end in sadness [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:16 PM Flag
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Because as sure you are is how sure he is till there is a baby in the mist. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:18 PM Flag
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np why is 3 the magic number? someone is always left out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:18 PM Flag
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Op. I grew up with 2 and felt it wasn't enough. It wasn't fun. It was boring and our parents were always overbearing. 3 just seems more fun to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:19 PM Flag
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^^even as an adult, I am jealous of friends who have multiple siblings. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:20 PM Flag
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This, 3 sucks, go with 1, 2, or 4...middle children are always a problem [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:19 PM Flag
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Op. I'd be thrilled with 4. The expense is the only thing stopping me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:20 PM Flag
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Is this a joke? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:22 PM Flag
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No. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:23 PM Flag
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No one is this proud about making a foolish statement about the future [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:26 PM Flag
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You don't know what you're talking about. You sound really rigid and naive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:22 PM Flag
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I suspect this is just another hypothical by grad school future SAHM, but I'll bite. I understand her logic- why cut out prospects based on something that may change (and I don't mean you- he might have one and decide he wants 2 more), especially something that men might not have thought through entirely, as they're less prone to planning out their lives. That being said, I feel very strongly about being a WOHM and staying in the city, and while I'll date guys who don't seem sure, I do end things with anyone who seems to feel strongly about moving to the suburbs and having their wife SAH. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:16 PM Flag
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Op. No, I am a medical student. Not a future sahm by any stretch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:17 PM Flag
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^^i actually would like to move to suburbs but continue to WOH [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:18 PM Flag
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Would you want to work in a suburban hospital/practice? That is my big reason for wanting to stay in the city- I don't know if it's fair to have 2 parents who work in the city if you're 45 mins out in the burbs and I don't personally want to be a SAHM. (Nothing wrong with being a SAHM, I just don't think it is the right choice for me. Of course, like my preference for the city, that might change when I'm an actual parent.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:22 PM Flag
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Op. I would like to move to a town that has a quick commute to my hospital. I know a lot of doctors who do this, it's not a huge issue. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:25 PM Flag
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Fair enough- just asking out of curiosity [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:26 PM Flag
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So true. So many fake posts on UB. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:22 PM Flag
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Op. This isn't fake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:24 PM Flag
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Sadly, a lot of them to be at the expense of single 20-somethings, which really sucks for those of us who are here because we want to learn things from real parents [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:24 PM Flag
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Is a great spouse really less important than that third child? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:17 PM Flag
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Op. Can't I find a great spouse who wants what I want? He's not a great spouse if he doesn't. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:17 PM Flag
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np. It's great if you're both starting out on the same page - I do think that's important - but even so, you both need to understand that real life has a way of thwarting all your best-laid plans. And you each need to be flexible enough as people that you can make adjustments and compromises along the way without falling apart in the process. If you're not, your relationship is doomed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:35 PM Flag
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U jus a big dummy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:18 PM Flag
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Why [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:18 PM Flag
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Not even a special big dummy, jus a regular big dummy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:23 PM Flag
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Says the woman who has never raised a child.. I wanted four! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:18 PM Flag
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Op. How many do you have? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:19 PM Flag
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Two. Can't imagine having more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:25 PM Flag
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I have three. It's fine. - np [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:37 PM Flag
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life never works as planned. My dh and I waited 11 years to have dcs (thought we wanted none!)> now I am pregnant with my 3rd... Nobody knows what they really want (or can have) until they cross that bridge. I also believe strongly in finding the right person for you first and foremost otherwise you could have 3 dcs and be miserable in your marriage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:19 PM Flag
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you're like some of my single friends. you have such stringent rules on what your future spouse must be like, you're letting all these potential guys slip by. you never know who you'll fall in love with. as long as the guy wants kids, you're good to go. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:20 PM Flag
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Op. I really don't have stringent rules. This is the only deal breaker. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:21 PM Flag
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this rule is really crazy. you never know what life will bring, and you never know what it's going to be like until you have children. maybe the guy will want more, maybe you'll want less. you just never know [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:23 PM Flag
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Op. So if I want 3, and he wants 1, you think it makes sense to get married? I don't know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:26 PM Flag
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ok, op....gl w/your love life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:31 PM Flag
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Op. I'm asking for advice. You think that would make sense? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:33 PM Flag
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For who? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:36 PM Flag
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You have OCD and are limiting TONS of guys with this nonsense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:21 PM Flag
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Fake post. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:22 PM Flag
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Nope [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:24 PM Flag
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Of course it is. T R O L L [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:26 PM Flag
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It's not fake. I would really like advice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:27 PM Flag
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See how your rectum feels after having 1 or 2. I stopped at 2 and my rectum thanks me every day for not having more. Yes, I'm not being funny here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:23 PM Flag
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Wtf? I know so many people who have 3-5 kids. Nobody has rectal issues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:24 PM Flag
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Not that they share. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:25 PM Flag
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You just said you were single and then ended with current BF. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:23 PM Flag
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Op. I am single meaning I'm not married. I have a boyfriend but still consider myself single. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:26 PM Flag
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Because she's a troll talking out of her ass [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:27 PM Flag
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Agree with your mom. You just never know! Since the time before I can remember I wanted 4 children. Before DH and I got married, we agreed we wanted to have children, but never the numbers. I never predicted having such horrendous pregnancies. I didn't think I'd make it through the first one. I had a second, and then waited four years before getting my courage up to have the third. After the third, DH and I decided I couldn't go through it again and wouldn't be fair to the kids to have a mom in bed throwing up for 9 months. I can't believe I made it to three; I'm not hard in myself for not having 4. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:26 PM Flag
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And if he changes his mind? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:26 PM Flag
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Are you the med student who said that she could be only be happy making >$250K? Your posts make you seem rigid and inflexible. And destined for unhappiness. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:29 PM Flag
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Op. Yes. I'll be honest. Up until now, my rigidity has worked. I told myself in high school, I will not settle for less than HYP. It worked. In college, I told myself I wouldn't settle for less than a top 15 medical school. That worked. I work hard and I get what I want. I make smart, calculated decisions. How is this different? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:30 PM Flag
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You claim to be in med school, and don't understand how family size is different? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:35 PM Flag
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Op. I really don't. I'm planning to go into a lucrative specialty, specifically so I can afford a nice lifestyle AND a large family. These things require planning. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:36 PM Flag
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So fake! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:38 PM Flag
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Op. It's not fake at all! Why do you think this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:41 PM Flag
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Np: Because those other things were more in your control. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:36 PM Flag
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Op. Why is this out of my control? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:37 PM Flag
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NP: You may be infertile. He may be infertile. You may be up for a promotion and its not a good time for a baby. You may m/c. He may have an affair and leave you. You may have an affair and leave him. He dies. As long as you are OK with your life not turning out exactly as you like, then yes, it is very good to make smart plans with the facts that you have before you today. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:42 PM Flag
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Op. I'm not infertile. If he is, I'll use donor sperm. If he's not cool with that, divorce. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:45 PM Flag
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How do you know that you will not have trouble getting pregnant and/or keeping a pregnancy. Yes, true infertility is rare, but secondary infertility is not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:50 PM Flag
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Op. Those conditions are uncommon, and medical advances are such that very few women will be unable to carry a pregnancy to term. Yes, I suppose I could be extraordinarily unlucky. I also could get hit by a bus tomorrow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:53 PM Flag
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I guess there's no infertility in Trollandia? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:43 PM Flag
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Op. Oh please. True infertility is pretty rare. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:46 PM Flag
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Because how much you studied was something you could control. You can even control for the kind of man you date (ie. someone who says he wants a large family). However, what you cannot control for is how you will feel after having 1,2,3 or 10 kids. So yes, of course you should only date someone who wants the same type of family that you do. What may put a kink in your plans is if you or he decide later to "back out" of whatever you agreed up earlier. For someone as rigid as you, that may really cause a problem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:40 PM Flag
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Op. So you are agreeing with me -- I should date men who want several kids. This is my point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:41 PM Flag
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Yes. I wouldn't focus on that number specifically (what if he wants 4?), but if it is important to you to have more than 2 kids, then of course you should date men who have the same idea. Just like if it was important to you for your DH to be a certain religion, or like sports, or X,Y,Z. I imagine it's probably off-putting for you to bring out your clip-board and list to each date, but you will probably date/marry a Type B (you are the Type A/Alpha, I gather), he probably likes a ballsy women who tells him what to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:46 PM Flag
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Op. Thanks. This is exactly what I think [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:50 PM Flag
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Or if one of both of you can't produce the required 3 children on demand. Or produce a fourth child when you're not supposed to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:42 PM Flag
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Op. 4 would be great! I just want more than 2 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:44 PM Flag
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np. Okay, but to be fair, now you're going against what other posters and her mother have been telling her, which is that she shouldn't eliminate prospects who are telling her at the outset they want something different. And *that's* what OP asked about, not what she should do if her hypothetical future dh starts of by saying his goals align with hers but then he changes his mind or something else goes wrong. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:46 PM Flag
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^ starts off [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:46 PM Flag
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MD mom here. Professional success is very different from personal happiness. I also was HYP undergrad, then Ivy League med school, and it took me a while to realize that none of that matters when it comes to overall career satisfaction and a joyful family life. Straight As, great board scores...they don't mean anything in the big scheme of things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:48 PM Flag
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Op. Ok, yes, but I feel I can plan for the family life I want. I'd love 3 dc. So why should I date men who say they don't want 3? Seem stupid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:51 PM Flag
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np. I'm obviously in the minority here, OP, but I agree with you. There's nothing wrong with having a vision of what you want your life to be, and there's nothing wrong with choosing a partner whose goals align with yours. I thikn that's smart, actually, and more women should run their lives that way. BUT, that said, I also think you need to have enough strength of character and be flexible enough to deal with it if and when some parts of your plan don't work out or things change along the way. What, if any, significant setbacks have you experienced in your life so far, and how did you deal with those setbacks? How about your prospective spouse? All of your achievements to date are wonderful, but getting everything you want, even when you had to work hard for it, doesn't really test your character the same way as failing at something and having to cope with the consequences. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.08.15, 12:00 AM Flag
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I think your mother is dead on but if you feel strongly about this, then act accordingly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:42 PM Flag
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People change their minds and I think this type of requiement is both limiting and dangerous. DH and I had the loose expectation that we would be child free. Guess what? 16 married years later we had a child and are happy with those change of events. My sister was pretty adamant about having a large family and married a guy based on that. He has turned out to be a horrible husband and her life with him is depressing. She got her big family, and she loves her kids, but she doesn't have a dedicated partner or someone who respects or loves her. You need to think about your whole life, OP, not just discreet wants. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:43 PM Flag
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Op. I care about having kids above all else. I know I will have a lucrative career and be able to support myself, so that's not an issue. If my husband is a douche bag, I will find another one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:46 PM Flag
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You should care about being a better troll. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:47 PM Flag
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Not trolling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:51 PM Flag
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Okay, my work here is done. If you're not a troll, you're extremely stupid. I'll give you the benefit and call you troll. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:49 PM Flag
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I'm not stupid. In fact, I'm the opposite of stupid. I think you just don't understand my approach to life. I plan and I work hard to get what I want. I don't just "let life happen." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:52 PM Flag
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You should have more maturity for a 28 year old. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:53 PM Flag
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How so? I should understand that life is "unpredictable?" Well guess what? The harder you work towards your goals, the less unpredictable your life is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:56 PM Flag
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Given that she's claiming to be someone's future health care provider, let's all hope for troll. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:52 PM Flag
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Not trolling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:56 PM Flag
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So you're admitting to "extremely stupid"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.08.15, 12:01 AM Flag
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But then why marry? It sounds like you want to (and can) do everything yourself so you can have control. That's fine! If you do not want or need a partner, it sounds like you would be better off with a sperm bank. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:52 PM Flag
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Op. I enjoy having a partner. I love my current boyfriend. I don't know if we are heading towards marriage, it's too early to tell. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:55 PM Flag
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^^but, he has talked about how many kids he wants, etc (he wants 3!) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:55 PM Flag
[ - ] Whats for dinner? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:09 PM Flag
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I'm phoning it in. I bought dunkin donuts breakfast sandwiches and decaf coffees [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:27 PM Flag
[ - ] toyota or lexus? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:08 PM Flag
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Toyota. Hate Lexus [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:09 PM Flag
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Np: why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:10 PM Flag
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you realize its the same company?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:18 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:36 PM Flag
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Bmw [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:10 PM Flag
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we've had those, i want regular fuel [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:43 PM Flag
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same car just lexus is more luxurious. Like both. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:23 PM Flag
[ - ] Best schools for a DC to study modern dance? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:03 PM Flag
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Paul Taylor studio [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:07 PM Flag
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Alvin Ailey , Mark Morris. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:17 PM Flag
[ - ] S/o Does anyone have a very expensive friend? I don't mean a friend who is richer than you, I mean a friend who always seems to cost you an inordinate amount of money. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:02 PM Flag
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Yes called a hooker [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:03 PM Flag
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Lol I don't mean that. For example, I have one friend who is like "Wouldn't it be fun if we threw a White Party?" yea, sure, fine, and the next thing I know I'm splitting the bill to rent the party room in her building, buy food and liquor and table linens and flowers and miscellanious decor and a dress for this freaking party. She makes less than I do, so it's not like she has a lot more money to blow than I do or anything [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:12 PM Flag
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I think we had the same friend! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:27 PM Flag
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*have! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:27 PM Flag
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Yes...she was my bff in college and now my husband calls her our wayward teenage daughter. She never got her shit together and spent her late 20s and 30s bumming around a 3rd world country teaching english. She comes to visit once every few years and we have to pick up the tab for everything because she is perpetually broke. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:12 PM Flag
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You are a good friend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:18 PM Flag
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+1 and no snark. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:42 PM Flag
[ - ] Who makes the best chocolate chip cookies? I want to make cookies using bittersweet chocolate squares and caramel. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:00 PM Flag
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Take your favorite regular recipe for a dryish cookie and add the extras. Caramel burns quickly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:07 PM Flag
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Why does the chocolate need to be in squares?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:29 PM Flag
[ - ] My husband and I get into shoving matches sometimes. I would never tell my girlfriends because I know they would call it abuse. What do you think? 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 10:52 PM Flag
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Why do you care what strangers think, if you don't give any value to your friends' opinions? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 10:54 PM Flag
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Because UB is anonymous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 10:55 PM Flag
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zzzzzzzzzzzzz [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:01 PM Flag
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BFD, I hit mine and he twists my arms and pushes me back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:05 PM Flag
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I think you know that is not normal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:51 PM Flag
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I have been married ten years. We got into a shoving match once maybe six years ago. We both realized then that we had crossed a line and it never happened again. You and your husband need to stop it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:10 PM Flag
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what are you both 5 year olds? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:14 PM Flag
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it is abuse [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:37 PM Flag
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np. Who's abusing who in this scenario? I would say it's seriously fucked-up, dysfunctional behavior, on both their parts, but I wouldn't label it abuse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:40 PM Flag
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Would your girlfriends think you're being abused or that you're an abuser. Remind me to get the two of you boxing gloves for Christmas. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:43 PM Flag
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Put it this way: my husband and I got into a physical fight once, where he left bruises on me. However, this was because I had a scalpel and was slitting my wrists, and I was fighting furiously, and dirty, to keep the scalpel and get on with it while he was trying to save me. So, the good kind of domestic violence I guess when you save wife's life. I gather that's not the case with you. So no, not acceptable in your case. Stop before it escalates. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:44 PM Flag
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I think it's abusive too. But I wonder about my yelling as well. With that said, I'm honest with my friends about my struggle. Noone is perfect. Just try to continue to work on yourself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:49 PM Flag
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What kind of guy would shove is wife? And who do you have to get physical? Do your kids see? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.07.15, 11:52 PM Flag
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