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[ - ] Looks like DH's firm may ask him to relocate to NYC. Our DS is a smart, consistent student but doesn't like too much pressure. Interested in arts, but not overly wild. Plays sports, but not uber competitive. Doesn't want S/S (nor do we). What would be good Manhattan independents for him for middle school? TIA. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:04 PM Flag
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Grade? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:07 PM Flag
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Look at the progressives. What neighborhood will you be moving to? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:13 PM Flag
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Go public [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:15 PM Flag
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Hard to do for middle school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:28 PM Flag
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Hard to do for middle school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:28 PM Flag
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Will be for 6th. Won't pick neighborhood until we get into a school. DH went independent and wants our DS to also attend. For a hot minute, we thought about publics, but how can a child not already living in NYC get into a public? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:19 PM Flag
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It is in many ways easier to come in for 6th grade in publics. Your dc goes through a summer admissions process and there are usually openings in good schools if dc is a good student with a good report card. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:28 PM Flag
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I think there are some good zoned middle schools on the upper east side but not sure (we do private). Do you have any friends here whose kids are in public MS? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:27 PM Flag
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Can you afford any neighborhood on top of private school tuition? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:26 PM Flag
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Brooklyn Friends (if you are willing to venture from Manhattan). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:25 PM Flag
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Most kids in 6th grade can travel a bit to school and your kid will too, after he gets oriented. You do know tuition is about 40k, right? It may really come down to who has a spot for him. I'd look at Poly Prep(in Bklyn, but they run a bus), Grace Church School (he could stay on till h.s. if happy), Trevor, Columbia Grammer. Start calling an see who'll consider an applic. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:28 PM Flag
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There are plenty of options: Dalton, Trevor, Fieldston, Riverdale, Horace Mann, Trinity, Little Red Schoolhouse and Elisabeth Irwin High School, Grace Church, Friends Seminary, Lehman Prep, Lycée Français, Avenues, Birch-Wathen Lenox, Town...do your research and make your choices. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:28 PM Flag
[ - ] MIL went into my closet and snooped around. How do I know? she's wearing some of my things and asked about things in my closet. my closet closed. 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:59 PM Flag
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W H A T?! WTF! WHY? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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This can't be real. Who does stuff like this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:01 PM Flag
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my mil. I was posting yesterday, steadily. I went to "bed" at 8...."woke" up at 10:45...and I see her wearing my stuff. I knew she opened our kitchen cabinets...but I made sure I closed my closet. I am so angry...but I know this is stupid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:03 PM Flag
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creepy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:04 PM Flag
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Did you say something to her? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:05 PM Flag
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Did she find your sex toys? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:14 PM Flag
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I cannot imagine a MIL who wants to look at DIL's closet [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:17 PM Flag
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Weird! Does she think you're blowing her son's money on clothes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:18 PM Flag
[ - ] s/o- Why haven't there been changes to gun laws after ALL these horrible mass murders? What is the real reason why republicans protect the right to own these guns when our society clearly can't handle the responsibility. I don't get it. If it were up to be I would abolish all guns but clearly thats not going to happen- how about some real laws? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:43 PM Flag
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^ *up to me (not be) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:45 PM Flag
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gun lobby is strong funds their campaigns - dead children do not [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:45 PM Flag
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2nd Amendment + $$$ of gun lobby. It's disgusting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:48 PM Flag
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But why? What's the draw? Why would you want to have this horror hanging over your head- I blame the republican right for this. All of it. Selfish bastards. Protect guns + lower funding to schools and mental health series= dead kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:50 PM Flag
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1. It means they get a lot of money from the NRA. 2. It appeals to the base. I support your right to bear arms and I think the government needs to back the eff off on this issue (as well as many others). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:04 PM Flag
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The second amendment is a red herring. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:03 PM Flag
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If 5000 young black men joined the NRA, there would be gun control laws in 48 hours. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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Brilliant! Lets start signing young AA guys up for the NRA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:01 PM Flag
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Money. The gun lobby lines all their pockets. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:03 PM Flag
[ - ] DH is a hedge fund manager. He wants to send DS to Avenues. I'm an artist and maintain a very popular pinterest account. I want DS to go to LREI. I really don't want DS to become Daddy's Little Capitalist (DLC). 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:43 PM Flag
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What do you guys think about Avenues? I love DH and rely on him for income, but I want to draw the line in the sand here. Avenues seems very gross. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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everyone I know who goes there loves it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:46 PM Flag
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see here's the thing- unless you have two kids going to two different schools, you cant really compare [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:54 PM Flag
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So weird what you are saying. It's ok for DH (who you purportedly love) but not for DS. Are you ashamed of the kind of mind-set that provides you with the freedom to be an 'artist' whose crowning achievement is a pinterest account? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:56 PM Flag
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Avenues makes my stomach turn. The (several) families I know who go there are showy, flashy and new money. AND they were all kids who didn't get into any other schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:48 PM Flag
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Go wherever you want and stop asking people that have no saying on the matter...have him be Mommy's little loony (MLL) or DLC, whichever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:01 PM Flag
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You don't sound like much if an artist if your only "art" is a Pinterest account. FAKE!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:03 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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A very popular Pinterest account? ROFLMAO! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:05 PM Flag
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Could you afford private if not for your capitalist dh? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:14 PM Flag
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LREI - its been around longer, much more proven, much more down-to-earth (even though half the parents are bankers...for goodness sake the President of the NYSE sends his kids to LREI). I actually had a friend in this same situation, she chose Avenues and was so unhappy, they reapplied for LREI at 1st grade and changed schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:21 PM Flag
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Anyone who works in education will say LREI [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:21 PM Flag
[ - ] Has anyone seen the documentary Girl Model? Ashley the agent is the creepiest person ever!! 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:33 PM Flag
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Omg- Her blonde hairy cyst! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:34 PM Flag
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Is that the one on netflix where she travels to Russia etc? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:48 PM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:50 PM Flag
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Yes I've seen it! Very weird..... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:49 PM Flag
[ - ] So the final report on the Newtown school shooter came out. The role that parental denial played is huge. Oh and yeah the mother believed her son was profoundly gifted even though testing showed he was simply average intelligence. It is amazing how many special requests and exceptions were made based on mother's pushiness and insistence that she alone knew what was best. Very disturbing. 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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Shut up! Link? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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In a September 2005 visit to the Danbury Hospital Emergency Room for a crisis evaluation, Nancy Lanza described her son to the health care providers as "having had 'borderline autism' in the past, but having since outgrown it," the report said. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:33 PM Flag
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link? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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Oh page 7. Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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Here's the PDF: [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:33 PM Flag
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On page 31 the mom was a hypochondriac who claimed she had MS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:18 PM Flag
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Every time the kid started to make progress and show improvement in returning to a school- mom yanked him out. It is disturbing to consider the motivational factors driving the mom's behavior. Much more to it than simply a struggling and well meaning parent. Very disturbing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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I blocked it out- did the mother survive? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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No he killed her first. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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np. I actually knew that, but somehow the way you just said that made chills go up my spine ... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:19 PM Flag
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What's heinous is he actually penned a 'book' detailing mass torture/murder of children and that didn't get him locked up. What the fuck did she do when she found that work of evil? Stick it under his pillow? And I sure hope authorities are keeping an eye on the 'buddy' he penned it with. Pure evil. Rest in hell. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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The buddy he penned it with is an adult residential psychiatric facility. Long-term. That speaks volumes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:47 PM Flag
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Link? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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Page 29 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:56 PM Flag
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Very hard to know what is fantasy and what will become reality especially with kids. I agree of course that he did pure evil. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:48 PM Flag
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Yes and given that ambiguity it's best to proactively intervene, not "wait" and ignore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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I know someone who has an only child with a lifetime physical disability. The dc wrote a book in his/her teens about taking revenge on all his/her friends. They published it and everyone says the book is a sign that he/she a wonderfully gifted writer ... not that he/she may be a psycho or anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:21 PM Flag
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Well she certainly got hers... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:18 PM Flag
[ - ] What is a good gift for a 10 year old girl? She is a smart, proper, has her own stationary type of kid, btw. 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:11 PM Flag
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books? or pretty charm necklace? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:14 PM Flag
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I hate to pick books for these types of kids. Who knows what she already has? I actually just hate gift shopping I think. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:13 PM Flag
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Me too! How about cute clothes from Crew Cuts? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:16 PM Flag
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Yeah, that sounds good actually. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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Cant go wrong. Get a gift receipt. Then its basically a thoughtful gift card. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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a calligraphy set [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:34 PM Flag
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This, or perhaps a craft from the Met Museum shop like the hieroglyphic kid or similar. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:38 PM Flag
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Np. I like this idea. Or an oragami set [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:41 PM Flag
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i was really into ink and a quill [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:40 PM Flag
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Diary [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:52 PM Flag
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A set of sealing wax wih her initial? I remember getting this at that age and loving it (especially since she has stationary). Maybe an elegant stamp and ink kit? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:09 PM Flag
[ - ] TMI: I had a failed ivf. Got to know of it a week ago and immediately stopped all progesterone supplements. I started to bleed Wednesday but its a very light period coupled with severe cramps. Earlier this morning, the cramps were so severe that i passed out. I am not sure if this is normal. Anyone btdt? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:10 PM Flag
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Go to the doctor! Asap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:11 PM Flag
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Op: I don't like my ivf doc and unless truly necessary don't want to see her again :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:11 PM Flag
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Go to your Gyn [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:12 PM Flag
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You have to see someone. Losing consciousness should be addressed by an MD. Call your gyn or pcp. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:30 PM Flag
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Its normal to have excess cramping, wait it out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:21 PM Flag
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I'm sorry :( I had a mc beginning of nov. Would this be equivalent to a mc? if so, then yes, the cramps can feel like contractions. A hot pack/hot shower helped me out a lot. Best of luck to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:00 PM Flag
[ - ] S/O- What's the real deal with getting into middle school with an IEP. Everyone says its easier to get into a good school but as far as I can tell my ds is being compared to "normal" kids. fwiw- He is a very "good" IEP, very low needs and pretty good grads, mostly 3 and a few 2s. 38 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:08 PM Flag
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I wish I could sticky this, wondering same thing. All I know is that LAB has a separate admissions process but I can't tell if it's for kids like yours and mine, or just "bad" IEPs. (I.e., severe LDs) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:30 PM Flag
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I think an IEP is and IEP. And that these schools look for "good" ones- thats what I've been told by the other parents. I have a meeting with the school person next week but they can't seem to actually tell you anything real. Its so fucking annoying. Just give me the deal. If I were LAB I would want a good kids with an IEP. I have to turn in my application after t'giving and I'm in the dark. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:35 PM Flag
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Is your ds in an ICT class? At many of these schools you would get in with lower grades than if you were applying for a Gen Ed spot. Unfortunately in past years they looked at more than 1st choice rankings for ICT spots but now that seems to be the same as Gen Ed. I don't know anything about if your child has an IEP but not ICT though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:37 PM Flag
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He's in a ICT class. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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Are you in D2? I ask b/c I also think this may be a district by district if not school by school thing. I just remembered I know one more thing - Clinton was very upfront about their practice of being an inclusion-only school. They want kids with IEPs, but they said that if the kid is used to pull-out services that Clinton may not be the right school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:40 PM Flag
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Clinton said this? An inclusion-only school. What does that mean? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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pull out means that a child would take some subjects out the room- its stressful to the school because of space and staffing. Inclusion means that the kids all stay in the normal classrooms. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:53 PM Flag
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I took it to mean that your kid can have supports like extra time, but not anything that needs to take place one-on-one or in small groups. Argh, I took notes but left them at work. Will look at their website. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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Okay. I get it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:11 PM Flag
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Does the middle school application list services your child needs on it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:45 PM Flag
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It just says ICT [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:53 PM Flag
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He doesn't have pull out services, he's just in a ICT class. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:52 PM Flag
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I am 90% certain you can ask the AP, that she's the one who spoke - Cheryl Goett, cgoett@theclintonschool.net [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:11 PM Flag
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I will- thank you!! Thats helpful. I feel a little lost. Clearly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:14 PM Flag
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What is a good IEP? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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PP here - I took it to mean not a ton of extra supports, mine has one for exec functioning issues and speech. So he's not in ICT classes and has no behavior issues. I know that's clumsy language and I don't mean to offend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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Okay. My ds is in ICT and we are going through the process now. Sounds like Lab would be best for you. They emphasized how they offer all of the services (unlike Clinton). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:52 PM Flag
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OR- we're going to tour LAB next week. I'm worried about the work load- it sounds fierce. Clinton was all about happiness- with really left a mark on my ds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:57 PM Flag
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We like Clinton too. Will they offer the services your ds needs? I agree Lab seemed hard but also a great school that's very supportive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:02 PM Flag
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... now I am getting confused with OP whose ds needs services! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:02 PM Flag
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They have to- all the school have to have a ICT classroom. Its mandated. They only look at 20 kids for ICT. Makes me nervous. I would love to see DS at Clinton because it seems so warm and nurturing. LAB scares me a little but as I said I haven't toured yet -next week. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:06 PM Flag
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I get it. We decided against Lab b/c it's far from us but it was impressive. You'll know right away after you tour. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:16 PM Flag
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I hope so! Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:19 PM Flag
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The work is not as bad for IEP dcs. The pace is slower in that class. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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Really? I assume they modify for the child? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:13 PM Flag
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OP- A child could have an IEP for a million reasons, all LD and ED issues. You could have child with extremely disruptive behavior or super special needs. My DS basically needs more individual teaching and gets stressed out when he needs to compete or is timed. He gets extra time on testing. He has no behavioral issues and unless you knew that he had an IEP you wouldn't know he was LD. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:56 PM Flag
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Okay. So then I think the advice for you is Lab b/c you need the pullout services. Right? Plus you get a different admissions procedure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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We don't need pull-out. Its not in his IEP- just ICT. I might put LAB first, Clinton 2nd, 104SP 3rd. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:10 PM Flag
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I don't mean to stress you out, but I would contact someone at Baruch/104 before ranking them 3rd. I wish LAB was more transparent - I had heard from another parent that if you ranked LAB 3rd but had an IEP they would still consider it, but this is just gossip. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:12 PM Flag
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I have a load of gossip! I need to talk to 104 anyway- I need to know if there is even such a thing as ICT-SP? I do not want him in gen-ed ICT in 104. Yikes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:15 PM Flag
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This was true in prior years but I heard this year is different. First only - unless you know something we aren't being told publicly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:30 PM Flag
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I wouldn't do either Clinton or 104SP if my dc was ICT. Lab. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:13 PM Flag
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Sorry. I posted above too. Getting two people confused! That sounds like a good ranking. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:17 PM Flag
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Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:20 PM Flag
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this is such a joke. more time because he gets stressed out? please. welcome to the real world, veal dc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:12 PM Flag
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Thats a super ignorant comment based on a tiny piece of information. But I'll engage- when he gets 'stressed out' he completely shuts down and stops learning. 3rd grade before he was tested, was a nightmare and during the testing he completely broke down and finished the year very far behind. All we needed was a smaller environment and no timing- and everything changed. In time he'll learn to deal with the stresses of the world but right now he's 10 and needs some extra help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:17 PM Flag
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IEP is IEP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:06 PM Flag
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Depends on the district, the school, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:02 PM Flag
[ - ] My sisters and I are disagreeing about how to handle a delicate family situation this Thanksgiving. We are from an old school Italian family. Very Catholic, conservative, etc. My grandmother is in her late 80s and this is her last Christmas (cancer diagnosis a few weeks ago). She is not open minded- she's a little old Sicilian lady who goes to church almost every day. A virgin on her wedding night, gays are going to hell, etc, etc. The problem is this: our 26 year old brother wants to bring his boyfriend to Thanksgiving. Everyone in the extended family (uncles, etc) kind of knows he's gay, but its not talked about. Grandma does not know. I just want a peaceful uneventful meal for grandmas last Thanksgiving. I want my grandmother to die not thinking that her grandson is going to hell. My sisters think that my brother should get to decide when he comes out, that he has the right to let his grandmother know who he really is before she dies. I'm hosting this year and one of my sisters is preparing some of the dishes. I asked her if she would be willing to host a separate meal at her house so w could keep our brother away from grandma. She freaked out and said no. I don't know what to do. I don't even know what I'm asking. Just venting I guess. 54 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:53 PM Flag
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OP- also, FWIW, I'm scared to have a frank conversation with my brother about this bc he's a drama queen. I don't want to start a feud. I just though if I said there are too many people this year, we broke it up into two parties, that might fly better. My other sister can't cook so I didn't even ask her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:00 PM Flag
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Brother should be able to bring boyfriend. He can say it's his friend if he feels uncomfortable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:59 PM Flag
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I get that you are trying to be sensitive, but don't think your brother should have to tiptoe around Grandma. He has a right to be open about his adult life, and your family should respect that. Grandma is old enough to deal with this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:01 PM Flag
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Too self absorbed. Brother needs to keep it on dl for grandma's sake. If he can't then he needs to not be there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:13 PM Flag
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PP--I totally disagree. Grandma got her way for 80 years, and besides, she's probably seen way more than any of her grandkids give her credit for. She could live another 5 years, and then what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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I understand your feelings about your grandmother, but why can't you just have your brother bring his bf but not let on that he is a bf - just his friend? It's not that hard, should be easy enough to hide from grandma, but still allow your brother to live his life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:01 PM Flag
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^^ also, have you discussed this with your brother in a sensitive way? Obviously he's not happy that his grandmother feels the way she does about his sexual orientation, but if he loves her (and she loves him, as I'm sure they do) he'll probably not want to upset her either. I think your sister is totally right to refuse to have a "separate but equal" Thanksgivng! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:01 PM Flag
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Is your brother sensitive to the situation. Have you spoken to him about brining his BF as "just a friend?" Can't he and BF keep it quiet while grandma is around? If they can't be respectful of her, no PDAs, etc. then maybe it's best for him to skip it. But give your brother a chance first. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:03 PM Flag
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if your grandmother truly loves him, it will all be fine, if she is a true christian she will still love him...if she is not it will be a problem, but it is her problem... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:03 PM Flag
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Well said [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:06 PM Flag
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Hell is real to Catholics. She can love him and still think he is doing the wrong thing by being gay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:07 PM Flag
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have her listen to the pope about this issue, he said we have no right to judge... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:07 PM Flag
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I think these old folks have had good, long lives in which they got to have it their way. Your brother now deserves his turn. He should bring boyfriend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:02 PM Flag
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Hi, I feel for you. This is my advice: grandson is an adult, grandma is an adult. Grandson should know what he's getting into, and so should grandma. Grandson is entitled to bring his friend. However, it would be unkind to grandma to spring it on her. Better for grandson to tell her in advance. If grandson won't do it, someone else should. Then have dinner and let the chips fall where they may. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:04 PM Flag
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Coming from a conservative family, I understand your fear and concern for your grandmother's wellbeing. The idea that your brother being gay could kill her is a real one. People who aren't raised in families like this don't understand how genuine the fear of hell is for catholics and how what comes across as judgement is really a panic to protect loved ones from said hell. That said, there are a few things about your brother coming out. 1. It's none of your business. Really. Even if it disrupts Thanksgiving. It's his and only his decision to make. And 2. Your brother should not be shamed out of his truth for one minute on your watch. That should be your priority, not protecting someone who is loved, but bigoted. If you can't allow your brother to come with his boyfriend to protect your thanksgiving peace, you need to have your head examined. This is so much bigger than a Thanksgiving. And though you say you are protecting your grandma, it really feels like you are protecting yourself. But it's not about you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:03 PM Flag
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OP- I love my brother and respect him and his lifestyle. But he's lived in the closet for 26 years. What's one more! She could be gone by Christmas. Easter would be a miracle. I just want everyone to be happy. I know she will never change her views and will not accept him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:11 PM Flag
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don't you think he knows that? but she could surprise all of you and he wants to find out. he is living a lie. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:13 PM Flag
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Do you see what you did there? I love my brother, BUT! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:36 PM Flag
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OP- Its also not just about her feelings. I don't want him to be shattered when he REALLY finds out that she will not accept him. I know that's very meta... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:12 PM Flag
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It's not for you to protect him. And the fact that he was closeted for TWENTY SIX YEARS means he deserves every last not in the closet holiday he has. Who can blame him for being closeted that long when this is the reaction he is getting? You say you want everyone to be happy, but that is not true. You are excluding your brother and his boyfriend, who, if he sticks around, will have started off on a very bad foot. Also, it sounds like your other siblings are ok with it. Who are you protecting here? Seriously, I know. I come from a family like this. I have had to make countless decisions like this about whether it is kinder to be honest or kinder to lie to conservative elders. The answer is always to choose truth, no matter how inconvenient it is . It just is. And this one is non negotiable. You must stay out of this decision. If your brother wants to come out to his grandmother, he must be allowed the dignity of doing so whatever the consequences. This is Big Deal moment for your family. Don't miss the opportunity to do this for your brother. Seriously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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are you kidding? she is 80, she lived through many changes she will be able to deal with it...you underestimate her coolness... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:05 PM Flag
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Italian mom here- you obviously don't know Italian grandmothers... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:08 PM Flag
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yes, i do, born and raised in bensonhurst [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:10 PM Flag
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See my post below. I had a similar grandmother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:15 PM Flag
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Staten Island Italian mom here. None of these posters have a clue what you are dealing with OP. Where are your parents on this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:06 PM Flag
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+1 and I'm neither Catholic nor Italian. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:07 PM Flag
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OP- my mother passed. my father is in the "we don't talk about it" category. The boyfriend being there will be difficult for him too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:09 PM Flag
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how old is your dad? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:13 PM Flag
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You have a whole life ahead of you with your brother. You must nurture that relationship. Imagine feeling like bringing your husband to Thanksgiving would KILL your grandmother! Just by virtue of being there. Your brother needs unconditional love and support this Thanksgiving no matter how confident he seems. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:12 PM Flag
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I have a similar grandma and I do know what she's talking about. My hunch is she already knows. And my grandma had a cancer diagnosis at 83, stopped chemo after 1 treatment and died at 101. Have your brother bring his friend. I would not expect PDAs if they were a straight couple. These old ladies are very able to use denial expertly. If she doesn't want to "get it" she won't. Have fun. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:14 PM Flag
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This! Read that NYT piece about the old Italian woman who lived in the Tenement Museum building as a child. She mentions the gay neighbors... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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This is true, don't underestimate the ability of conservative catholics to not hear what they dont wan to hear! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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Yup..grandma knows. And this may not actually be her last Christmas. Don't stress. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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Yup..grandma knows. And this may not actually be her last Christmas. Don't stress. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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ITA with this no PDA but no need to pretend either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:54 PM Flag
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As an aside - i was sure I was the only Staten Island Italian here. Good to know someone else can relate to me. Do you still live there? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:27 PM Flag
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^^and I agree that these folks don't really get the situation. We don't do the "live and let live" thing. Theres a real chance this woman will disown her own grandson two months before she dies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:27 PM Flag
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She already knows - it'll be a big drama over nothing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:15 PM Flag
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She already knows - it'll be a big drama over nothing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:15 PM Flag
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Your brother should talk to grandma beforehand, privately. Just like "wanted to hear it - i am gay- from me first", "heads up he is coming to thanksgiving". Grandma can then have a bit of time to process. If you know it is a lot for her, this is more fair. Also my grandma passed away from cancer recently... she was in very poor health when she got her diagnosis, they said there is a 10% chance someone wiht her condtion would live past a year, and she lived a year and 6mo. Sooo you never know, this could maybe not be the last christmas! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:18 PM Flag
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Just change the word gay to black. Would you be okay if your bigoted grandmother didn't approve of your black husband and you had to hide him away. Grandma got 80+ years to live in a bubble. The world has changed. The entire family should stand behind your brother and if grandma can deal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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this times 1,000,000,000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:21 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:52 PM Flag
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The thing is, this is really out of your hands. Your job, as the host, is to invite your family and prepare dinner and to welcome everyone to your home. Your brother is the only one who gets a vote on when/how he introduces his partner. He's the one with the real dilemma here, not you. He has to decide if he wants to come out to grandma or let her die thinking he's still going to heaven. He's got a few choices: 1) He can choose to openly confront the situation (by bringing his partner and introducing him as such, being openly affectionate over the holiday, etc.); 2) he can choose to bring his partner as a "friend" w/o PDAs and let grandma make of it what she will; or 3) He can leave his partner at home and eliminate all doubt about the nature of his "friendship" and keep the peace. Not an easy choice in my view--each path has consequences for him psychologically and potentially, with his partner. Either way, none of this is under your control. You have no choice other than to let the chips fall where they may and to be prepared to support your brother and his partner and to try to comfort grandma (w/o betraying your values or your brother) if she takes the news badly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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+1 Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:23 PM Flag
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I really don't get the point of infantilizing these old people who have been around the block a few thousand times more than any of you. If this will relly "kill" your grandma, which I highly doubt, then so can about a million other unimportant things. my upstairs neighbor is a 93-yr. old sicilian lady who has lived in the neighborhood all her life. She tells very colorful stories about the "queers" who lived on the block--back in the 30s and 40s. These people aren't stupid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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ITA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:40 PM Flag
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I come from a big crazy family and I had a lot of therapy to learn to deal with it. You know what I learned? Your sibling's issues are not yours. You are displaying codependent behavior. Your grandmother is an adult, even if one with many would consider 'old-fashioned' values, and adults are required to deal with things like disappointment and shock. It's why we get to play with the big kid toys. I get your concern, but at the end of the day, let your brother make his own decisions and deal with them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:29 PM Flag
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Absolutely this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:31 PM Flag
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Catholicism: treats women and gays like second class citizens, encourages reckless reproduction in the face of finite natural resources, denies women decision making authority and positions of political power within the church (nun = Ebola fodder), and protects kiddie rapists. And to make matters worse? It's just a made up magical bullshit fairy tale. The good news? The Internet is aggressively chipping away at Catholicism - relentlessly investigating, relentlessly questioning, perpetually encouraging discourse and dialogue. In 20 years? LOL. Adherence to Catholicism will be treated or characterized as a manageable mental disorder. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:52 PM Flag
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Does your brother really have to give her all the details? Can't he just say he's a friend? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:01 PM Flag
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Have him bring the boyfriend and just refer to him as a "friend." Your grandma will have so many emotions and thoughts she will be preoccupied with. And, truthfully, people of that generation usually aren't going around trying to figure out if people are gay or not. It should be fine and uneventful. Sorry about your grandmother's health. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:10 PM Flag
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Does your brother WANT to come out to your grandmother? Bringing a male friend is not the same as standing up and telling dying catholic grandma he's gay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:14 PM Flag
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Well, I had racist grandparents who didn't like black people. One of my cousins knocked up his girlfriend who turned out to be black. They had a kid. No my grandparents didn't like the black part, they didn't like the unmarried part. But no one told them that for the sake of their feelings, we would not have cousin's girlfriend or their baby at the same dinner table in the same building, no matter how they felt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:26 PM Flag
[ - ] nyc public school here, questions? (I have an hour) 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:47 PM Flag
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which one? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:49 PM Flag
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district 20 sunset park [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:56 PM Flag
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Sure... I'll bite. What's the real deal with getting into middle school with an IEP. Everyone says its easier to get into a good school but as far as I can tell my ds is being compared to "normal" kids. fwiw- He is a very "good" IEP, very low needs and pretty good grads, mostly 3 and a few 2s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:50 PM Flag
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Np what schools are you looking at? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:50 PM Flag
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Clinton, Lab, 104SP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:56 PM Flag
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I would do Lab. NP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:10 PM Flag
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schools get more money for students with an iep, but that i can't tell you. teachers don't make those decisions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:56 PM Flag
[ - ] Should I feel guilty? Last night was my bookclub and we stayed up talking all night (until 230am) I didn't drink btw. I woke up feeling sick (stomach) from eating too much late night and was up with acid reflux. I completely blew off my kids' swimming lesson (having DH take them). Also my friend from Westchester stayed over and wanted to go to brunch and shopping and I just can't get out of bed. I feel so guilty, but I need to take care of myself, right? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:42 PM Flag
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Nah. We all need sometime to ourselves. DH will live and it's good for your kids to have a Dad's day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:44 PM Flag
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you should not be taken out by one late night and acid reflux imo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:46 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:48 PM Flag
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OP: tmi, I have diarrhea and feel very tired and sick [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:49 PM Flag
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You might have the bug. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:57 PM Flag
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Pepto Bismal? D is enough to call out sick but there is something in the tone of your post that makes me feel like you are making excuses. Your need to be vindicated from guilt reeks of guilt because you know you aren't that sick. Or maybe you are. What do I know? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:10 PM Flag
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This is pathetic. Pull your shit together and go to brunch. You didn't even drink. What are you 90 years old? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:51 PM Flag
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You already made your decisions. Just move forward. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:04 PM Flag
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If you're sick, you're sick. Just get some rest. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:41 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone take the Vivtrol shot for alcohol dependence? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:38 PM Flag
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No, but have taken Naltrexone. Similar. Good experience. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:43 PM Flag
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If recommended by doctor, do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:16 PM Flag
[ - ] »you are an idiot [ REPLY | MORE ] »Schoolhouse rock taught me to solve 98x2 by subtracting 4 from 200 [ REPLY | MORE ] »That's retarded. [ REPLY | MORE ] 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:38 PM Flag
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Why is that retarded [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:02 PM Flag
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That's how my parents did math. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:18 PM Flag
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that's a smart way to do math [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:24 PM Flag
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Actually, that's the best approach [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:29 PM Flag
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Ugh. Just give it a rest. No one cares. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:10 PM Flag
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