• Filter the conversation
[ - ] Thinking about teen/teen sex. What about teaching girls that giving a hand-job in situations when they have given initial consent but do not want to have sex/change their minds? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:41 PM Flag
»
Such bullshit. FFS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:42 PM Flag
»
What a terrible idea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:51 PM Flag
»
OP: Not being funny here. Sexual encounters are often unpleasant, messy, confusing. Maybe teaching boys and girls a variety of less intrusive ways to get out of the situations (that they got themselves into) would be a good life skill. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:43 PM Flag
»
How about saying: "Hey, Jack - this isn't a good idea. I'm leaving. Bye." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:44 PM Flag
»
I think you are right. I have two daughters and would like them to know this was potentially the best option if they're in a tough situation. I'm in my late 40s now but when I was initially sexually active a dry hump was all the rage. It's scary how intimate the kids are now as I worry about disease, pregnancy and so on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:45 PM Flag
»
Then they should tell the guy to give himself a hsndjob [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:55 PM Flag
»
Why? Boys aren't entitled to sexual gratification just because a girl seemed into it earlier. If she changes her mind, that's it - game over. Boys have the right to do the same. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:47 PM Flag
»
the voice of reason. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:50 PM Flag
»
That's perfect. "Hey, if you pressure Molly, you'll at least get a hand job out of it!" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:51 PM Flag
[ - ] need advice on divorce holiday schedule - my exdh and i cannot agree on christmas. he has a big family event christmas day every year, so he wants them every christmas day and says i can always have them christmas eve and every other christmas day morning. so every other year i won't see my dcs on christmas day. he is refusing to move on this and says plenty of families open presents on other days. wwyd? any btdt advice or thoughts? 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:39 PM Flag
»
op: his suggestion is i can have the 23rd, so they wake up on the 24th and santa as come. i am not sure if this is fine for the kids, which is what's most important, or if i should be fighting to see dcs on christmas day for a few hours on the years that aren't mine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:40 PM Flag
»
You get kids one year he gets them next year [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:40 PM Flag
»
op: technically that's how it is, except he has them every christmas day and i am sad about not opening presents on the actual day with the dcs every other year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:46 PM Flag
»
It's just a day [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:41 PM Flag
»
I'm confused --he wants to have them one christmas with him , one with you, or he wants them every single xmas? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:42 PM Flag
»
op: he wants them every single christmas day, i get them every christmas year - every other year it switches whose house they sleep at christmas eve night. so i get christmas day for a few hours to open presents every other year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:45 PM Flag
»
Not fair. One year you get Xmas and one year he does. That can be the alternate year that the other parent gets Thanksgiving. You'll need your lawyers to help work this out if he can't [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:51 PM Flag
»
op: sigh. part of me agrees. we are so close to being done when i realized this wasn't sitting well with me anymore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:53 PM Flag
»
That is nice that his family has a big event every year but that doesn't mean he owns the holiday. These are your kids too so he has to share the holiday time, meaning, alternate. That is what the judge would tell you both to do. Like most men, your dh probably doesn't know how to spend time with the kids alone so he needs his family. If the family wasn't around he probably wouldn't bother. On the other hand, you can use this to trade off for a holiday(s) that are important to you. At the end of the day, years from now the kids will remember and hold it against him for co-opting xmas every single year. Does he really want that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:44 PM Flag
»
op: thanks for your response. i agree that he does not own christmas. he fought hard for this in mediation and i gave in because i wanted us to be able to move forward. my family doesn't have any big traditions around christmas. i don't know if the dcs will care or not about celebrating a day early with me, and if i should just drop it. otherwise it's back to the mediator... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:47 PM Flag
»
So you get them every Xmas eve and every other Xmas morning, and he gets them every Xmas day and every other Xmas morning? That seems fine to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:45 PM Flag
»
^ You can build your own Christmas Eve tradition with your dcs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:45 PM Flag
»
op: thanks. i am trying to think this way. they will be w me the 23rd, so we will do things as if it's christmas eve and santa will come on the 24th. part of me things this way they aren't being schlepped from house to house on christmas day, and they can stay and enjoy their presents all day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:48 PM Flag
»
I mean, I see where you're coming from, but this just isn't something over which I would dig my heels in. You can create a wonderful Christmas tradition with your dcs (in some countries, Christmas Eve is the main event - Sweden, e.g.). Maybe figure something out based on where your forebears are from and create a tradition around that, or just steal from a culture that looks fun. :) I don't think it's worth creating additional acrimony over, but don't hesitate to bring it up if there's something you want - remind him that you acceded to he preferences on this matter and would appreciate it if he could reciprocate on another matter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:53 PM Flag
»
I don't think that sounds very nice. Dh is being rigid and self-centered. I would push to alternate every other year. If christmas even plus day every other year isn't so bad, and plenty of families open presents on other days, then he can join those ranks. Sheesh these guys can be so narcissistic. Can he really not see your view? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:45 PM Flag
»
op: he says "i understand this is important to you, however this is what we agreed to (documents aren't signed yet), and i will not change anything." i don't know if i want to spend more money on another mediation session to address this - will the dcs care? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:49 PM Flag
»
They will care, spend the money [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:52 PM Flag
»
op: will 8 year olds know though? i just hate the thought of now saying that bc of the divorce santa comes on a different day at both houses. he says this is fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:55 PM Flag
»
Alternate every other year for the full day. I would absolutely not budge on this. He is being out of line. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:50 PM Flag
»
op: this would definitely be the easiest solution. thanks for your thoughts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:54 PM Flag
»
OH, please. They can do both. Think of how many married couple shuffle around to various relatives' houses on xmas day. Insist that you both get to see them on xmas day, and get lawyers involved if need be. no one is going to say you can't see your kids on christmas, especially not if you actually celebrate the holiday in a religious sense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:52 PM Flag
»
op: good point. i suggested he just brings them for a few hours before his family event and he said no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:54 PM Flag
[ - ] I am purging my apartment this weekend. Is there a place where I can get rid of a large number of books? I know you can't donate to the library but I don't want to just throw them out. These are mostly hardback novels and social science literature. TIA 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:36 PM Flag
»
I would take them to Strand. Whole foods on 14th has a slot for donating books too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:37 PM Flag
»
Did you check their value on Amazon. Sometimes you can send then there for free for a gift card. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:38 PM Flag
»
I am decluttering, too this weekend and the next week. What about Housingworks for books? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:39 PM Flag
»
you can donate to goodwill or salvation army, also. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:40 PM Flag
»
I donated 12 grocery bags full to one of the book sellers on B'way near fairway. Left with doorman on a Sunday, he picked them up on Monday. Win win. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:42 PM Flag
[ - ] Has anybody actually started on K applications. Many of the schools we are interested in have posted their applications online. I thought we could get away with waiting until Sept. 1, but now I am starting to get nervous. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:33 PM Flag
»
not K, but preschool. we put ours in the day they opened the process just because we wanted to make our interest super clear. that said, i'm not sure it really matters all that much because they don't start looking at them until post labor day anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:38 PM Flag
»
When I applied last year I sent in the applications as soon as possible. Some schools like Trinity only interview a certain amount of applicants. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:43 PM Flag
[ - ] I am reading a memoir and one of the scenes involves the authors' father hitting the author to teach him a lesson about "life"--if you don't stand up for yourself, no one will. The author had let a snide comment from a classmate slide, his father asked him if he let it slide because he was afraid of getting hit, his father said well, nobody could hit you hard than this, pow pow pow, and that was that. It "hit" me viscerally, and hard. Parents who hit their children are cowards and weak. Lazy. If hitting were effective, we wouldn't balk at caning in other countries, or other physical punishments meted out to adults by the state. It would be permissible for adults to hit other adults to teach them correct behavior. Your husband cheats on you? Then call in a much larger, stronger man, to abuse him physically so that he learns not to do it again. And it is the power differential that is part of the cruelty. The people you are supposed to be able to trust the most in this entire world are the ones losing their cool and humiliating you physically. I say that if you are willing to spank your kids, fine. But then you should be willing to be hit, perhaps in public if you hit your own child in public or in front of siblings, by somebody much bigger than you, for your own transgressions. Because if you still make mistakes, then, just like your children, you still have lessons to learn. Ugh. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:32 PM Flag
»
^^the memoir is sag harbor by Coleson Whitehead, perfect end-of-summer Hamptons reading [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:33 PM Flag
»
Um there's a HUGE difference between punching your child in the face and swatting them in the rear so that they make a quick but effective sound/visual/physical connection that it is REALLY important not to do something that they just did. I've taken my child and given them a smart cheek swat (not a big open handed hand slap) when they were freaking out and having a tantrum. It means calm down NOW. And it's not illegal, so gtfo [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:40 PM Flag
»
Okay, so the physical repercussions an adult would get from a bigger adult would vary based on the mistake. So if I were to forget to pay the bills again, someone larger would come over and give me a swat on the behind. If I were to steal money or something, I would get a punch in the face. And we would make it legal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:43 PM Flag
»
Long winded but good point. Wish there was a service to hire physically larger men to teach a-hole dh's life lessons. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:46 PM Flag
[ - ] We have such a messed up situation with my in-laws. DH is the highest earner out of all their kids, but they are wealthy and feel their mission in life is to make sure that none of their other children suffer or feel bad by comparison, so they have left him out of the will (we don't "need" the inheritance) and while we pay tuition for all our kids, they pay tuition for all the nieces and nephews. Whatever we purchase for our kids, they purchase for the other kids, again so no one feels bad. Now they're upset because we are giving our 16 yo a car (because they need to drive to school) and now they "have to buy a car" for the same aged cousin. We even offered to have our dc drive the cousin since they attend the same school, but "that's not good enough" and it will make the cousin feel bad by comparison. Just stop with this already. 29 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:26 PM Flag
»
This does sound like an awkward situation. Is your dh upset about it or just you? Maybe he can speak privately with them? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:28 PM Flag
»
and say what? that they shouldn't spend their own money as they wish? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:33 PM Flag
»
Nope -- just to clear the air and explain that he totally understands that they are in a position to help the other grandchildren and he respects 100% that this is their money to spend how they want but that he did not buy his own kid a car to make anyone else feel badly. It sounds like they are mad at him for what he's doing with his money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:35 PM Flag
»
he doesn't have to justify his decisions any more than they have to justify theirs. I would just let it go. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:36 PM Flag
»
NP here and I see your point but if he and his parents are close and it's causing tension, i would prob (speaking as a parent here) the opportunity to clear the air and make sure we're all okay with each other. No blame, but more, hey, is there something going on? I wonder if his mom and dad feel guilty or something and they're acting funny. My sense is from OP's post is not that dh wants more from them, so maybe he needs to state that explicitly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:39 PM Flag
»
i think OP is the one with the problem over it. her dh's family has probably been this way his whole life and he is used to the dynamic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:42 PM Flag
»
What if her dh loses his job right after they die? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:45 PM Flag
»
presumably he has life insurance and other things that will set up his family well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:48 PM Flag
»
OP. It usually doesn't bother us at all, because who cares if the nieces and nephews get a good education? I am happy about it. But MIL acted all out of joint because we had somehow obligated them to make a purchase they hadn't planned on. No, we didn't do that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:42 PM Flag
»
eh. i would just say, it's really up to you, MIL, and leave it at that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:47 PM Flag
»
I hate this kind of story. Sorry op. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:28 PM Flag
»
How are your brothers in law? Do they then act snotty like they're buying that stuff? If yes, I would cut them all off until your FIL treats you fairly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:32 PM Flag
»
OP. No, everyone's cool, I love my other in-laws, they're fine. Maybe *one of them* out of like 6 clearly takes advantage of the situation but the rest of them are fine. I know at least two actively feel bad about it, but they're not going to shortchange their kids, and I don't blame them. It's the one who "takes advantage" who is doing the car grab for her dc [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:43 PM Flag
»
it's not taking anything away from you and your family, so why do you care? they're ensuring equal opportunity for all of their grandchildren. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:33 PM Flag
»
oh my god. my IL's are the same way. 2 under performing sisters, who are both older than my DH btw. IL's still pay for their entire family phone plans, plane tickets for vacations, sometimes even groceries etc - (stuff far beyond just tuition) because the girls "need the help". The sisters are not seriously poor or anything - just chose professions that pay less than traditional business related jobs...creative industries (think fashion design, hospitality, culinary arts) and they also don't know how to manage their money because the IL's have always bailed them out rather than make them feel 'less than' when compared to my DH. our family spends responsibly and we provide for ourselves and receive no help financially (and honestly, very little emotionally - the sisters are drains.) cannot stand this arrangement. sorry for the novel. how long has it been going on with your family? hope you can find the positive in your DH being a great pillar of your family, despite his parent's shitty approach [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:33 PM Flag
»
Unfortunately, that is not uncommon. My mom feels bad that my sister doesn't have as much as we do. I'm like 99% positive she's getting my mom's entire estate. I'm not 100% sure because I'm not so tacky as to actually ask, but that's how it's gone my whole life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:34 PM Flag
»
If your story is true, it's ridiculous. Talk about incentives--maybe you could fudge the truth, tell your in-laws that DH's job was cut back, continue to draw the good income, and then start to benefit from some of the parental handouts. Just kidding, but tempting, no? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:36 PM Flag
»
np: i was totally thinking the same thing... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:43 PM Flag
»
This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:44 PM Flag
»
Nah, it's one of those situations where it's just not possible. Honestly it's all fine as an overall thing but it gets annoying when you feel like you can't make your own decisions for your own family without feeling like you are creating waves. And of course as the kids get older, the waves get bigger and bigger. Where does it stop? Is everyone going to need tuition for college? Is everyone's wedding going to be paid for? Home down payments? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:46 PM Flag
»
That's kind of messed up that they actually took DH out of the will. That's not treating everyone "equally" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:37 PM Flag
»
no, it's treating everyone according to need. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:40 PM Flag
»
np: agree. think dh needs to sit down with them, after organizing his thoughts on the issue, and discuss. if his parents are so concerned w no one being hurt, leaving their son out of their will just bc he has been more financially successful is pretty hurtful! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:44 PM Flag
»
they are not concerned with people not being hurt -- they are concerned with everyone receiving according to need. I would really just let it go. op's family doesn't need the money, so why does it really matter? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:48 PM Flag
»
NP. It's not "need," though. Their other grandchildren don't all "need" their own cars just because OP and her DH are buying their child a car. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:50 PM Flag
»
OP's son and nephew go to the same school. so OP's son "needs" a car and the other one doesn't? why not? That's the thing -- OP has set up the "need" standard, so grandparents are keeping pace. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:54 PM Flag
»
Why should the others get a windfall? Op's children can end up in worse shape as adults than the freeloaders. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:54 PM Flag
»
How does their buying the other niece/nephew a car affect you in anyway? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:40 PM Flag
»
Your in-laws need to be needed. It is their problem they want to keep up with the Joneses (meaning OP). If they are imposing their needs on you they are being meddlesome. I'd just do whatever is best for my family. Frankly your group is being left out of their will so who are they to tell you what to do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:50 PM Flag
[ - ] Any other consultants on? I recently started my own company, offering advisory work to a few of my former clients. I need to find a better way to charge so I don't feel taken advantage of. Initially I agreed to a monthly retainer as I wanted to have some regular income, but now I'm finding that they expect me to do a lot of work beyond my original scope so the hours are creeping up. Any good way to manage this? Also, if you have a call set up and they run late or reschedule, do you bill for the time when you were available for the original call? I find myself waiting hours for a call that gets pushed back a few times. TIA 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:25 PM Flag
»
Absolutely it should be clear that you will do X amount of work for X amount of money, and any additional hours will be an additional Y per hour. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:28 PM Flag
»
Thanks, but invariably there is creep in the scope of the monthly contract, sometimes it works in my favor and they renew for a few more months, other times it's annoying as more work gets added that wasn't originally contemplated but I do it and don't get compensated for it. This is in part my fault as I need to be more assertive and remind them about the scope versus what they're now expecting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:32 PM Flag
»
if it's a wash sometimes, a win sometimes, and a loss sometimes, is it really worth the headache of renegotiating? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:35 PM Flag
»
OP - I'm trying to improve as I renegotiate, or take on a new client. I'd prefer to bill hourly as I think it's more fair for both sides, but some clients prefer monthly so that's what I'm soliciting help for. How do I agree to a monthly fee and scope and avoid too much creep. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:39 PM Flag
»
got it. in that case, sounds like you need to increase the retainer to allow for that type of overrun. what i would do is increase the retainer, and if they stick to the scope of work, i would give them a credit to the next month's retainer. if they go over, i would document that and keep the full retainer. i would do that to avoid conflict and make them feel like they were getting something positive if they stay with scope. alternatively, you can set the retainer and then constantly remind them when they're going over (which is hard on the "customer relations" front . . . ). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:44 PM Flag
»
This is a good idea, thank you. I feel like I got set up on this one because they haggled on the monthly retainer to 50% of what I asked for, we did reduce the scope significantly, but then they basically expected me to do the whole original scope at the lower price. Also the client is very disorganized and will set up a call for 10am, then move it three times, call is eventually at 2pm and I've been waiting around all day for them. It's annoying! You are right that it's hard to keep haggling, I really think hourly will be best and I'm going to insist on it going forward for the first three months of any contract. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:49 PM Flag
»
Yeah this is a learning curve for you. I work as a freelancer and I'm much better now than I was a few years ago. There are prob a ton of consultant blogs and "how to" that you need to get involved with to avoid this happening to you too much. GL! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:36 PM Flag
»
Thank you, any tips you can share? Or links to some of these blogs, I'll go do a search myself too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:38 PM Flag
[ - ] WOHMs: How often do you check and respond to work emails over the weekend? Working on unplugging from a high-stress job on the weekends. I usually check emails every time I get a notification on my phone and take work calls on the weekend when they come in. It's having a huge impact on my family. Any advice? 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:15 PM Flag
»
Once on Saturday and once on Sunday. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:19 PM Flag
»
it really just depends on the nature of your job and your level of seniority. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:19 PM Flag
»
^^i check periodically, but there was a time in my career where i had no choice except to do as you describe. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:20 PM Flag
»
OP: My position is high-level and I constantly feel pressure to respond to any emails, calls, or texts immediately. It's the norm in my field. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:26 PM Flag
»
I had a similar situation in a prior role. It was a global role and trades would need to be approved etc so I would be getting calls until 11 pm and as early as 7 and had to make calls at 5 am a few times. Eventually I took a step back in my career (role and pay wise) to have a more manageable life. GL! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:28 PM Flag
»
OP: Thanks. It seems like the only options are to take a step back (which would be really hard for me) or keep doing what I'm doing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:40 PM Flag
»
if it's the norm, then it sounds like you need to keep doing it. Given that you are senior, though, you may have some wiggle room, e.g., check 3x/day instead of every time it buzzes, set a tone so that it rings a certain way when it's someone you need to get back to immediately, respond by telling people you'll take things up on monday, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:30 PM Flag
»
DH checks his phone constantly during the day, and I used to do the same when I worked at a law firm (switched fields). If it is expected, you had better check your phone every time it dings unless you have some kind of away message on. In my new field, I check my e-mail once per day at the end of the day on weekends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:35 PM Flag
»
OP: Thanks. What field are you working in now? Once a day sounds heavenly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:41 PM Flag
»
I had a very senior role and eventually resigned because I hated being on call 24x7, it's really up to you. Is it time sensitive or busy work? Don't waste time on face time stuff but if a quick email can help to move something along then I guess you should do it. I am now retired and it has it's own set of issues too! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:22 PM Flag
»
OP: This is me. If I'm not at a networking event on weekend nights, I'm taking calls and sending emails constantly. I feel terrible for my family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:28 PM Flag
»
How old are your DCs, what is your childcare situation? If you're making enough get someone to help on the weekends so you can have the flexibility to stay connected to work, but also have some personal time and time with your family. GL it is not easy. You will know if you get to appoint where you've had enough. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:37 PM Flag
»
OP: DCs are 3 and 6. We have a full time nanny. Nanny also works some Saturdays when DH and I both have work events or need to be available for conference calls, etc. Even on Sundays when we try to have family time we are both constantly on our phones for work. Our 6 y/o son is definitely aware of this and sensitive to it. We both know that something has to change but both have senior positions in high-stress fields. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:46 PM Flag
»
Every 10-15 min [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:26 PM Flag
»
If something is going on that I know will demand my attention, I'll keep checking, which I don't mind. Other times, I'll check a few times over the weekend. Even if non-emergency related questions and items come in over the weekend, I'll just wait to address on Monday. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:35 PM Flag
»
this - only urgent emergencies get my attention, everything else waits until Monday [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:54 PM Flag
[ - ] I don't want to start a city vs. burbs debate but would just like to get all the knowledge before making any big decisions. For those who know, how is New Canaan? I've heard some great things but don't know many people there and haven't spent a lot of time there. Could someone how knows about the town let me know if you like it? Thanks! 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:59 PM Flag
»
gorgeous and expensive [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:02 PM Flag
»
Will you be commuting to city? That's a haul. At the least, 75min one way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:25 PM Flag
»
I live in Stamford and we used to go to church in new Canaan. It's really beautiful and the schools are great. However, it's very white and very wealthy. If you aren't either of those things it won't be for you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:30 PM Flag
[ - ] Everyone who inherited or bought $100k beach huts brags on Facebook about them (can't imagine how four adult siblings share a bungalow). But my friends with huge beach houses never post about their house, maybe just a beach shot. Weird. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:56 PM Flag
»
Not weird. Would be tacky to brag about a huge mansion. But it's ok to be excited about something humble [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:58 PM Flag
»
But I wouldn't know if I didn't snoop. They make it sound like it's their mansions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:03 PM Flag
»
You need to get a life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:07 PM Flag
»
Pronto! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:09 PM Flag
»
As does everyone on here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:38 PM Flag
»
I wouldn't brag about buying one on FB but we have friends with a tiny 4 room bungalow in York, ME in a little postage stamp of a village of similar little places. It's like a camp, so cute and friendly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:07 PM Flag
»
One FB friend brags constantly about their Breezy Point place. Seriously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:21 PM Flag
»
You should see the nondescript vinyl house my sisterinlaw sent pictures of as their change of address card. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:31 PM Flag
»
You are so silly. Like so insanely silly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:35 PM Flag
[ - ] My mom is looking for some great toys to keep in her apartment so grandkids (4 of them between 1 and 4) always want to visit. It is a large apt across the street from park. Any ideas? We are thinking scooters (but could be tricky needing helmets for everyone) or power wheels. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:55 PM Flag
»
Games and puzzles, crayons paint, games like trouble, connect 4, trouble. My 2 yr old loves playing with the peices. Memory game [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:59 PM Flag
»
with table and easel [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:02 PM Flag
»
Thanks. My dd loves memory but both my 3 yo and (newly) 4 yo nephew are clueless about other games (bingo, chutes and ladders). When does that start to click? We come from a game loving family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:06 PM Flag
»
My 3 year old loved playing sorry and trouble. Helped him learn to count. I play memory game with 2 year old, but limit to 12 cards at a time. Also zingo is popular [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:13 PM Flag
»
Is this a VBA? I can't tell. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:06 PM Flag
»
Ha no- it is not a NYC apt- she just moved to st Louis from ny to be close to us. So it is nothing grand (but also not a studio- there will be space for toys) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:12 PM Flag
»
soccer balls for the boys [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:10 PM Flag
»
Easy. Magnatiles and Legos Duplos. A few puzzles, a couple cars/trucks and some small squishy balls. And If she doesn't mind the noise a toy piano. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:38 PM Flag
»
And art supplies and a few books. The end. Everyone is happy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:38 PM Flag
»
My parents keep some small, older toy trucks (think my dad's from the early '50s), and they are deeply loved by my kids. Also, Lego Duplos. Don't saddle your mom with cleaning paint smeared everywhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:39 PM Flag
[ - ] I am divorced and teen DCs are with me almost always. Particularly in the summer, they often have friends over on the weekends and sometimes weekday evening/dinners. I generally am OK with it and don't mind having friends over and feeding everyone and their friends are good kids. An acquaintance of mine who also has teens thought this was very weird - she said it was disrespectful of family time which she and her DH preserve and protect. Perspective appreciated. 29 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:38 PM Flag
»
Maybe her kids have no friends and she is jealous [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:39 PM Flag
»
^^^i always love having docs friends over. At every age [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:45 PM Flag
»
DCs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:45 PM Flag
»
she is weird, i love having my dc friends around, they put energy into the home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:40 PM Flag
»
this, my house has gotten too quiet now that they have gone to college [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:41 PM Flag
»
i know now that they can cook and clean for us and themselves they move out, wtf? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:42 PM Flag
»
OP and I generally enjoy the ambient energy too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:43 PM Flag
»
So much better to know who your kids' friends are so you can keep an eye on who's influencing them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:43 PM Flag
»
OP and I agree I would rather know them then not. Many of them have actually been friends for years, they are good kids, and it is cool to see their peer group. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:45 PM Flag
»
This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:59 PM Flag
»
ITTTA - so much better to have them under your eye - feed em! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:05 PM Flag
»
+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:05 PM Flag
»
Totally normal for teen DCs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:43 PM Flag
»
Maybe she thinks because you are a divorced mom you don't really have family and are letting the energy of teen friends in your house make you feel less lonely? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:46 PM Flag
»
I'm sure you've had plenty of family time, yes? Doesn't hurt to do something special once a month. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:50 PM Flag
»
We definitely have family time, including some time with extended family (grandparents). And of course during the school year, when they are busy with school, homework, and sports, weekday dinners are always just family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:54 PM Flag
»
My Aunt was this way. Some of these teens will turn around and start visiting you when they become young adults and check in on you when you are old. I'd say carry on! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:52 PM Flag
»
That is sweet. I had a neighbor mom like this growing up and still talk to her to this day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:55 PM Flag
»
Yes quite a few showed up at her funeral and she died at 98 ! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:43 PM Flag
»
ITA - For many years, I would always stop by and see one friend's mom whenever I was in town. Her house was always welcoming, in a non-imposing kind of way. We were welcome to raid the fridge, but we always cleaned up. She didn't make a fuss about us being there and it was great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:05 PM Flag
»
She's wrong but it was also super rude of her to share her (weird) opinion with you instead of minding her own business, so now you know your friend is both obnoxious and has bad judgment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:06 PM Flag
»
the funny thing is, she isn't even that close of a friend which made me all the more surprised to hear her opine on something kind of personal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:14 PM Flag
»
Also cute story, my ex boyfriend's mom and dad were super nice and friendly and they actually stayed friends with one of their daughter's ex girlfriends. I really think it's nice when adults are friendly to their children's friends [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:29 PM Flag
»
I have always had an open door policy, though it got worse when they entered the drinking years and i had to let them know that wasn't happening here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:10 PM Flag
»
OP and indeed, no drinking happens here, unless you count me having a beer on occasion, especially if I have an adult friend over too. If anything, I guess I hope I am modeling responsible drinking... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:12 PM Flag
»
Me, too. Some of the stories I've read on this board from parents of teens give me the chills. I think we lucked out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:20 PM Flag
»
She is going to have a rude wake up call when her kids go to college and never want to come home. Either that or she's raising kids who won't know what else to do except keep coming home. They need to form relationships outside the family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:11 PM Flag
»
I have a close family (brother lives across the street and mom comes in to the city all the time) and we always had friends over. It's nice your friend has something that works for her family, but she shound keep her judgement silent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:11 PM Flag
»
The acquaintance is will become a controlling parent. Too bad for her kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:53 PM Flag
[ - ] My 10 yo dd found out from a classmate that one of her df's in the class (together for. years is leaving for another school. I am friendly with the mom - they've been away much of the summer so we haven't talked for a while - and I feel so hurt she didn't tell me herself. Am I over reacting? 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:30 PM Flag
»
yes, just call her and say a little birdie told you they were transferring, tell her good luck and we should get together real soon. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:33 PM Flag
»
OK sure. We had talked several times about the girls going to MS together. She got her dd a 5th grade seat at k to 8 school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:35 PM Flag
»
plans change, not such a big deal, and when they get to hs they are all over the city. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:38 PM Flag
»
I'm sure that is true. Her new school is on my list for dd for MS but it's hard to get a seat. It's a better school than ours. Maybe I'm jealous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:40 PM Flag
»
i was say you are... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:41 PM Flag
»
I posted below about the DC going to MSC. Spots are rare and she wanted to maximize her DCs' chances to get one. You can't blame her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:05 PM Flag
»
yes completely over reacting [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:33 PM Flag
»
Yes, she's busy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:38 PM Flag
»
AND give this mom some credit....she may not want you to feel bad, so she didn't want to tell you herself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:59 PM Flag
»
Same situation happened here except it's a friend of my DS moving to MSC. The child was struggling academically and the parents were looking to get him in a school where the MS process is not competitive. I can't blame them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:00 PM Flag
»
^ anyway what I was trying to say is that maybe your friend did not advertise it because 5th grade transfers are rare and spots are precious, or because her DC was struggling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:02 PM Flag
»
I don't think it's necessary to formally announce to everyone that you are changing schools or moving. It's a decision personal to the family, why do they owe it to everyone else to keep them informed? It's no one else's business. Besides, there are always those weird people who will 1. either drop off the face of the planet for you because you won't "matter anymore" or 2. the ones who will feel like you need their input on your decision (which you don't). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:13 PM Flag
»
Right. I guess I think she will drop off bc I/we don't matter anymore. I will give her the benefit of the doubt as everyone who has left the class in this way was in stealth mode, sup rised by the last minute offer, conflicted so they only shared if you happened to run into them face to face. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:42 PM Flag
[ - ] NYC question: Does Zabar's or any grocery store above 59th have a really good spice selection? Including blends, flavored salts etc. Or do I have to trek down to Chelsea Market? TIA 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:18 PM Flag
»
Dean and Deluca, Citarella [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:28 PM Flag
»
Fairway? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:39 PM Flag
»
Trader Joe's [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:45 PM Flag
»
Zabar sucks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:45 PM Flag
»
if you're willing to order online, may I suggest the spice store in Chicago? their selection of spices is amazing, really high quality stuff and really reasonably priced. It's where I order all my spices now (their truffle salt is to die for) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:47 PM Flag
»
I *adore* Penzey's. Excellent selection, quality, and value. Quick shipping. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:40 PM Flag
[ - ] Someone tell me about the Berkshires. I posted in another thread but would like as much info as possible. DH and I are in the market for a second home but he isn't a beach person. Our kids do camp all summer (in Maine) so it is more of a second weekend home for us to be together and to entertain - we love entertaining and are huge foodies. We have about 800k to put towards a second home and that goes far in the Berkshires, we would be able to get a 4+ bedroom house with a pool and stay in budget. Can anyone comment on bets towns, restaurants, entertainment? What else do people do for fun there? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:18 PM Flag
»
Personally, if you are into that scene I prefer Hudson Valley. I find the Berkshires boring and too far from Manhattan, just my humble opinion [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:29 PM Flag
»
HV can be boring too! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:07 PM Flag
»
There is a lot to do. We have a place basically in between Hudson and Great Barrington, so we straddle the Hudson Valley and Berkshires. Both offer great food, local produce, beautiful scenery and hiking, cultural events, festivals, theater, dance, etc. Also have winter sports option. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:53 PM Flag
»
Same. Any of the towns like Sheffield, Great Barrington, Egremont, Alford gives you access to Hudson Valley and MA. Berkshires is sleepier, more retirees, but lower taxes. Also, near Butternut for winter skiing and Guidos is close, which is a great place for grocery shopping. I know someone with a fancy house on Lake Windermere, I think, in New Marlborough, and I think they use it exactly as you intend to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:57 PM Flag
»
I love the Berkshires -- and agree, awesome year round community. Skiing in winter, tons of good food, great in spring/fall, busy and gorgeous in summer, festivals and artsy, if you're interested this is a fun local read: http://ruralintelligence.com [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:07 PM Flag
[ - ] ‘Racist’ Long Island athletic director fired for enforcing eligibility rules: lawsuit. This is unbelievable - http://nypost.com/2015/08/30/racist-long-island-athletic-director-fired-for-enforcing-eligibility-rules-lawsuit/ 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:10 PM Flag
»
Blacks are truly awful [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:25 PM Flag
»
Oh please. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:33 PM Flag
»
I think eligibility rules are stupid. It isn't like these black kids need an education for their future. Just let them play. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:38 PM Flag
[ - ] Designer found a rug for me that is a close out price. So it had been in the thousands but the trade price is now 650, plush shipping, plus her fees etc etc. It will be about 1k. I found it myself online from a retailer shipping and tax inclusive for 480. What is the etiquette here that results in me getting the best price but also preserving the relationship with the designer. I was thinking of showing her the lower price and offering to pay her directly what her fee on that lower price would be. 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:06 PM Flag
»
Show her and pay a fee to her [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:07 PM Flag
»
+1, signed Designer, she will appreciate that [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:29 PM Flag
»
Ok, thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:31 PM Flag
»
this seems the fairest [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:07 PM Flag
»
i think that's fine. my architects always got crappy prices on things. that sounds perfectly fair. why should you pay extra because she is a bad shopper (or has an arrangement with a company and probably gets other benefits) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:08 PM Flag
»
I like your suggestion [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:08 PM Flag
»
OP here - thanks all. I might even elect to show her the price and let her buy it at that price and invoice me as she normally would. I want to work with her, value her time etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:11 PM Flag
»
You are cheap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:12 PM Flag
»
She probably only cares about making her profit/markup on the rug. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:16 PM Flag
»
So if I give her the $$ (even happy to give her what she would have gotten from the original price) we are all good? IT's still far less to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:17 PM Flag
»
It only saves you $170. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:27 PM Flag
»
Np: it's more than that - $480 includes shipping, the other rug is $650 plus shipping. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:29 PM Flag
»
OP - this is right. It would be about 400$ difference even after we pay her a fee for the lower price. Which is just enough for the price to be acceptable to DH and to finish this freaking project out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:39 PM Flag
»
Are you the one using a consultant to buy 1 rug and some throw pillows? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:42 PM Flag
»
It's a bigger project than that, but that is what we are down to at this point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:46 PM Flag
»
Considering you are already trying to pretend to the world that you can afford designers and rugs that list at thousands of dollars, you should just suck it up and pay the price she found. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:26 PM Flag
»
+1 you are the worst kind of client when you sit there nickel and diming everything and trying to outdo the designer on price. Just let her do her job. It's not her job to find the cheapest price on everything- the point isn't discount decorating. Plus the fact that your dh is a pita. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:50 PM Flag
»
I know my DH is a PITA. And thank you for this perspective, seriously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:53 PM Flag
»
I would tell her you found it at a lower price and that you will order it directly and be responsible for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 02:30 PM Flag
»
i think what you have suggested is very fair. be prepared, though: her fee may be the difference! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:22 PM Flag
»
Thanks for the reply....The original price (650) is before her fee is applied. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:25 PM Flag
»
Right, so paying her fee isn't going to save you all that much, except maybe taxes and shipping. And that might be enough to make it worth it, but it may not, either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:50 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions