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[ - ] Posters with HHI above 500k, in what tangible ways has money made your life better/worse? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:19 PM Flag
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Better-We can afford to do most everything we want and don't worry about retirement. Worse--Somewhat alienated from family, I worry that DH could upgrade in a hot second. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:24 PM Flag
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is that because the HHI is all of his making? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:31 PM Flag
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yes and he's aging into a silver fox [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:36 PM Flag
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I second this. Also alienating period. No friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:34 PM Flag
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why do you friends know your HHI? I have a few friends who own successful businesses or made big law. I don't know how much they make and I don't feel that they have changed much since we became friends years ago. They travel more than us and I am sure can afford nicer restaurants and more cultural events than we can but I don't feel any different when we visit or hang out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:37 PM Flag
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better because i don't have to make real tradeoffs around money like i did growing up. money buys freedom for me. and a path to being able to not have to work. i'm thinking about the retirement i want, which is one focused on philanthropy (started already, but in retirement, it will be the full time engagement of my time). there is still work to do to get there, but i am starting to see it and i really am excited by it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:27 PM Flag
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We aren't at 500k but adding another 120K to our HHI couldn't possibly make our lives worse. I think it is comforting to people to think that having more money could somehow make one less happy but I think it is nonsense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:30 PM Flag
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Worse, because my dh left me for a much younger woman who would have no interest if he were not wealthy. Better, because my kids got to travel a lot but not worth it now that they are dealing with their dad leaving. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:32 PM Flag
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would you have been better off if he left you while making under 500? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:35 PM Flag
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np--he probably wouldn't have been able to trade in for a newer model on a lower hhi [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:37 PM Flag
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Better- we don't have money problems anymore Worse- feel like we are always being judged even by our own families. This isn't a big deal at all but it's certainly annoying. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:35 PM Flag
[ - ] Please no flames. Was at a party and another mom's DH, quite obviously checking me out. Probably no one noticed but if it happens again and someone does, what should I say to deflect? TIA. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:19 PM Flag
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Say "oh - okay. didn't notice". and move on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:20 PM Flag
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Thx. I don't need any excess snarkage from these women. Appreciate it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:21 PM Flag
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guy here - don't say anything. it's not your problem that the husband is checking you out and whatever you say or do can be mistaken for you being the slutty mom. just ignore and avoid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:29 PM Flag
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Thx. Good point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:29 PM Flag
[ - ] I know UB helped me a lot when I visited NYC. Could we do a list of things to do in various cities like: 32 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:09 PM Flag
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NYC [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:10 PM Flag
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Brooklyn Bridge Park, preferably on Sunday when they have the Smorgasbord food fair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:14 PM Flag
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Smorgasburg** [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:17 PM Flag
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They haven't had that in 2 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:17 PM Flag
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Thanks for the update. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:19 PM Flag
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Frozen Hot Chocolate ice-cream at Serendipity 3, ride the Staten Island Ferry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:18 PM Flag
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Boston [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:10 PM Flag
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Washington DC [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:10 PM Flag
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Arlington cemetery, Smithsonian museums, get a walking tour guide, book in advance for guided tours of capital, congress, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:22 PM Flag
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Vancouver [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:10 PM Flag
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Granville Island [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:12 PM Flag
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Ride the little ferry boats to Yaletown to eat at night. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:21 PM Flag
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Capilano Bridge and Stanley Park [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:13 PM Flag
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second this. Rent bicycle for Stanley Park and downtown [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:21 PM Flag
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Grouse Grind [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:21 PM Flag
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Toronto [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:10 PM Flag
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Canada's Wonderland, Royal Ontario Museum, Ontario Science Centre, Toronto Zoo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:12 PM Flag
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Philadelphia [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:17 PM Flag
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Reading Market [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:19 PM Flag
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make the reservation to tour independence hall. and get cheesesteaks (pats', gino's or jim's, depending on your taste and openness to grit) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:28 PM Flag
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Philly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:17 PM Flag
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Montreal [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:22 PM Flag
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Paris [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:22 PM Flag
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catacombs. dinner at the top of the eiffel tower. musee d'orsay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:29 PM Flag
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San Diego [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:22 PM Flag
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tour navy ships, hike torrey pines and black's beach (nude), attend mass or mission tours, balboa park eg museums, walk across the border and enjoy fish tacos and see mexican families reaching out through the wall like berlin germany [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:25 PM Flag
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Barcelona [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:22 PM Flag
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London [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:22 PM Flag
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jack the ripper tour. tate modern. westminster abbey (with a guide!) tower of london. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:29 PM Flag
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Thanks! Visiting in a few weeks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:35 PM Flag
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Stockholm [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:24 PM Flag
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Chicago [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:31 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone keep in contact with camp counselors? DC had the best summer and I can tell he and lead counselor developed a close bond. I would like to send a care package to counselor at college. Is this strange? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:09 PM Flag
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Yes a little strange. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:15 PM Flag
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Yes, strange, not just a little [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:23 PM Flag
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I wouldn't bother. A nice tip at the end of the camp session, and perhaps an invitation to contact you via email is enough to show your appreciation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:16 PM Flag
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This is how I would handle it too. I wouldn't send him things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:19 PM Flag
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We gave him a nice tip. He is a really sweet young college kid and asked to keep in contact with DC during school breaks. I'm sure after the first week of being back in college he will forget DC and move on but it really touched me. I wanted to do something thoughtful for him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:21 PM Flag
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Yes. Have DC write him a letter but don't send stuff. That's bordering on creepy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:17 PM Flag
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I guess you are right. I'm also 8 weeks pregnant and the look on his face when he asked to keep in touch with DC just about broke my heart this morning. Must be my crazy pregnancy hormones [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:22 PM Flag
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How old is DC? How old is counselor? Honestly, and I don't say this lightly, I would we wary of an inappropriate relationship. Have DC write him a letter, see if he responds. Don't use email or send anything at this point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:26 PM Flag
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I am the most paranoid mom you will meet. Believe me, it isn't that. But I get your concern. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:28 PM Flag
[ - ] My biological family (immediate and extended) has an unfortunate plethora of mental illness, that or they're just much more comfortable letting their crazy display. Some members I haven't spoken with in years, like my mother, who was diagnosed with early dementia and alzheimer's in her 40s. 24 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:07 PM Flag
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To add to that chaos, I am marrying up, and where we live is a public display of wealth, and also remote. So any "family introductions" are not casual; it is an orchestra of travel and arrangements. I am petrified that if my fiancé meets these people that our relationship is over. So far he has met only one family member. That meeting went great. Everybody loved everybody :P Do I dare risk more? Or do I continue to avoid? So far I am doing a good job of the latter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:08 PM Flag
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Avoid. I would not want to marry someone with a strong genetic background of mental illness and have futures dcs risk that. If it were 1 member nbd but a plethora shows genetic predisposition. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:14 PM Flag
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I agree. We are not having children. I was genetically tested and psychologically screened, but I don't think that shows everything. Also, I wonder how much is genetic vs learned from environment? I experienced too much foul behaviour that I fear repeating; I don't know if I even remember it all. I read everyday on this board about stressed parents; it's too great a risk that I might repeat something from my past. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:20 PM Flag
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Good points on all but I just find it unnecessary to expose him to a plethora of mentally ill relatives. What is the upside? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:25 PM Flag
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Some people say it's weird that he hasn't met everyone. He personally feels obligated to meet everyone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:30 PM Flag
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My DH hasn't met everyone and they are not even ill. Do your relatives live locally? I guess some families are more into "family." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:35 PM Flag
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No. My relatives are in different countries and hemispheres. It is not easy for anyone to get to where we live. This makes it easier to avoid my family, and sadly friends too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:37 PM Flag
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That sounds very cruel towards your mother- if she developed Alzheimer's in her 40's that is a real tragedy. You chose to cut off ties with her over that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:10 PM Flag
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She also abused me as a child. It was on again off again abuse based on whether or not she was sober. I ended up caring for her and my younger siblings while I was in high school and college. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:14 PM Flag
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FWIW I made sure all her affairs were sorted and she had care before I cut ties with her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:14 PM Flag
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Where is she now? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:16 PM Flag
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In that same care community, situated near her grandchildren so they can visit (and have those visits monitored, as my siblings and I don't trust her alone with children). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:18 PM Flag
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sounds like you have her set up well. are you going into your second marriage? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:21 PM Flag
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No. My first. And hopefully only. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:27 PM Flag
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Also thanks for the compliment. I tell myself I do the best I can, and try to live with that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:31 PM Flag
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Dont' have family involved - just avoid the issue. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:32 PM Flag
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Thank you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:36 PM Flag
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and it turns out you are a narcissist. so you fit right in. what kind of creep cuts ties with a sick mother? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:12 PM Flag
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Narcissist don't care about others, so that's not my issue. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:15 PM Flag
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Do what you need to do to keep yourself and your relationship safe. You need to learn how to create and maintain these boundaries now. It only gets worse once you start having DCs. BTDT. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:21 PM Flag
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+1. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:23 PM Flag
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Thank you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:26 PM Flag
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I don't normally answer your posts but I'd say avoid. Only invite people you plan to be actively in touch wit and have in your lives as a married couple. That said, a wife isolated from family can be very vulnerable to dh if he becomes controlling, abusive or substance abuser. So pick a few normal folks and keep it at that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:23 PM Flag
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Thank you. I didn't even think about that risk eg repeating a past relationship dynamic. Good point about having a physically close social network. I need to work on that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:26 PM Flag
[ - ] Is anyone competitive with their SIL (DH's biological sister) for DH's affection? I've always sensed that SIL resents me for having 'snagged' DH. She constantly talks about how lucky I am to have married him and how much she wants a husband just like him. She is very touchy feeley with him (hugs, kisses) and likes to bring up memories that predate me so I feel like an outsider. What would you do? 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:00 PM Flag
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And this is one the reasons my brother told me, "I wouldn't invite our sister to your house". He's worried my sister will be like this with my husband. :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:01 PM Flag
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*of [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:01 PM Flag
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My mother is like this my my husband! It is so weird. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:15 PM Flag
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We might be related ;) My grandmother was like that with my cousin's husband. It was down right creepy! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:17 PM Flag
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pp: Is your mom a narcissist? My mother was also like this with her sister's dh and made fun of her sister for being jealous. My mother was all over my uncle! It was obscene. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:27 PM Flag
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That's a good question? There are some memories people are not are their best. In those moments, sure could be labeled a narcissist. Probably most of the time my mother was a good, giving, caring, maybe martyr level...so she can't be a narcissist. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:33 PM Flag
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See how DH feels about her, insist on keeping a distance between each other. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:01 PM Flag
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I wouldn't have married him if it bothers you so much. You're weird. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:02 PM Flag
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troll [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:03 PM Flag
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a competition is only a competition if you choose to engage in it. if you are unwilling to play a part, she is just a weirdo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:04 PM Flag
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Marry someone who isn't creepily enmeshed with his family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:04 PM Flag
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Don't invite her anymore. You don't owe her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:06 PM Flag
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She's playing you. You're easy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:07 PM Flag
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My dh's brother's wife was like this calling him at work constantly, asking him to take off work to babysit [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:21 PM Flag
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I had a bf once like this. The sister ended up finding a guy who was a CARBON COPY of her brother. It was the strangest thing that no one said a word about it (at least to me). I almost burst out laughing when I met the carbon copy guy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:24 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you know that kind of deep anxiety that makes you feel hot and all twisted inside? What do you do about it? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:59 PM Flag
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Zoloft works. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:02 PM Flag
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I'm already on meds [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:08 PM Flag
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Sleep [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:18 PM Flag
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Pray. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:24 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:36 PM Flag
[ - ] Would you defriend someone on FB if they have dropped you, won't respond to your occassional calls or texts? Last message was me saying I'm sorry if I've offended/insulted you in some way- still no response. 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:56 PM Flag
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doubtful, i don't use fb that often, so....would not matter to me if she sees my feed or if I go on and see hers [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:57 PM Flag
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Honestly? Yes. What should I do? Realize I could be miscommunicating, invite them to a face to face meeting like brunch my treat, and ask what's going on in their life (no why questions, just lots of "tell me more"). They're a friend. Treat them like one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:59 PM Flag
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Have tried, no response [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:01 PM Flag
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Hm. I don't think I'd reach out anymore then. I'd just be quiet and move on to other people in my life. If that person reaches out to you, great. If not, no skin off your back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:11 PM Flag
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PS You're a better person than I to do that invite :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:11 PM Flag
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They could be going through something they don't want to talk about [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:01 PM Flag
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No. Because I don't take Facebook that seriously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:13 PM Flag
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I did, yes. Took about a year but I think we have reconciled more or less. However I was so turned off by how she behaved I have no desire to reconnect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:20 PM Flag
[ - ] Am I the only one who can read an email and act without having to call people on the phone to have them explain things to me? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:56 PM Flag
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I hate talking on the phone so I prefer texts/emails. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:59 PM Flag
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I hate email and text. I love face to face. I will take telephone if that's not possible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:00 PM Flag
[ - ] I'm always shocked when I meet a Jewish RN 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:54 PM Flag
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Really? I'm always shocked there are racists in the world. Grow up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:59 PM Flag
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Bedpans! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:00 PM Flag
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Why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:00 PM Flag
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The Stereotype of well-groomed princesses [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:16 PM Flag
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That's a stereotype that needs to be shut down. I'm neither well groomed nor am I a princess. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:22 PM Flag
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But could you do a bedpan in a pinch [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:23 PM Flag
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They usually work in private practice and not in the hospital. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:29 PM Flag
[ - ] Starting my second year of school and have a huge knot in my stomach. So nervous. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:51 PM Flag
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What kind [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:53 PM Flag
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College [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:16 PM Flag
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How old are you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:24 PM Flag
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I withdrew from law school in 1L hell. If it doesn't feel right don't feel pressured to continue. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:58 PM Flag
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What did you do [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:00 PM Flag
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What did I do... about what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:02 PM Flag
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What school are you in NOW? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:07 PM Flag
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I am not in school. Of the classmates I kept in touch with, every single one of them lamented to me for the following decade after graduation that I made the right choice and they wish they had too. Today? only 1 is still practicing law. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:12 PM Flag
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What what are you doing [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:17 PM Flag
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Work [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:17 PM Flag
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lol. What kind of work? (lord, this is painful!) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:20 PM Flag
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What did you do immediately after dropping out and what are you doing now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:22 PM Flag
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I helped launch a start up (I wasn't a founder, but one of the first non founder hires). Degrees aren't the pathway to security that they once were. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:28 PM Flag
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Are you being purposely obtuse [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:23 PM Flag
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Semi retired now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:24 PM Flag
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From what [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:25 PM Flag
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PR [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:20 PM Flag
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Bad advice as she is in college. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:30 PM Flag
[ - ] If a nanny who is exactly what you want and works for you part time on weekends is not jumping on an offer for full time job even though she doesn't have any other concrete offers yet and you offered good pay (better than her last employer and likely better than what she will get otherwise). Would you keep talking to her about the job or just internalize that there is some reason she doesn't want to work for you and let it go. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:40 PM Flag
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Step one: Make a formal written offer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:51 PM Flag
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Step two: Seek professional help to learn, once and all and forever, that the world does not revolve around you and very likely she has other things going on in her world that you may be internalizing. I know you because I have the same problem. It's not you. She probably loves working for you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:52 PM Flag
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Step three: Remember the power of goal visualization (prayer, positive thinking, law of attraction...whatever phrase you want to use, they are all the same!) and instead of imaging her NOT liking you and NOT wanting to work for you (which you might just manifest into reality) imagine her LOVING you and WISHING she could accept that offer. If not now someday soon. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:53 PM Flag
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Lol. OMG. This board cracks me up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:00 PM Flag
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I have no idea what you are talking about. I am not insane. It isn't about me or nanny not liking me or my children. There are many other considerations such as hours, commute, responsibilities, expectations etc. I am simply wondering if I should keep pushing or let it go. Nothing beyond that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:29 PM Flag
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To borrow your reply, do you feel better about yourself now? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:36 PM Flag
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did you formally offer the job or did you just one day throw it into conversation that you were looking for full time help [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:54 PM Flag
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I formally but so far verbally offered her the job listing out responsibilities, hours and pay. I think that putting it in writing as above poster suggests will create too much pressure and I prefer to stay on good terms as I prefer to keep her on terms we have now vs lose her completely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:22 PM Flag
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Yes, I would assume she hates your bratty, spoiled kids and can't take them all week. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:06 PM Flag
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OP: do you feel better now about yourself? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:23 PM Flag
[ - ] Can't stand being a lawyer. Not just the hours but the pressure. Wrong choice for me. In house would still be pressure. I want a mommy track job in biglaw professional development/diversity/training/knowledge management etc. How do I get one (my firm doesn't have much of this and positions are filled) and how much would they pay? 38 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:24 PM Flag
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If you really feel this way look into a claims position at an insurance company. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:26 PM Flag
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Thank you. Do these pay as well? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:38 PM Flag
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I doubt they will pay Big Law money, but good money nonetheless. The jobs are 9-5. Look for positions like, "Claims Attorney", or "Complex Claims". Are they intellectually stimulating? Fuck no. But you find many attorneys in insurance because they want to put their legal degree to work, but want a normal home life and regular paycheck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:24 PM Flag
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In NYC they pay around $150k maybe. Seeing how you are a licensed practicing attorney coming from Big Law, you might be able to do better than that through negotiation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:30 PM Flag
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No! Talk about soul sucking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:00 PM Flag
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In what way? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:10 PM Flag
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Plenty of opportunity in the education profession. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:27 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:29 PM Flag
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With good pay? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:37 PM Flag
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LOL, so you want a high-paying, low-pressure job that doesn't require you to think? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:40 PM Flag
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Thinking is fine. And I specifically said the kind of position I'm looking for, and these positions do exist. Not sure why you need to be snarky but ok. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:48 PM Flag
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np here but she was spot on. high pay comes with high pressure. life involves trade offs. grow up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:01 PM Flag
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I mentioned specifically the kind of job I am looking for, so your "grow up" comment is just your getting your jollies out. These jobs do exist, and I'm not assuming they pay 300K a year. Asked very specific question about what I could do to get one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:04 PM Flag
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Find a good headhunter and explain what you are looking for. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:30 PM Flag
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+1. The people I know who have made the move from associate to associate development/recruiting did it years ago (i.e., 10ish) when some of the associate development positions were newer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:32 PM Flag
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I don't think those jobs usually go through headhunters, at least the ones I talk to never know of any. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:37 PM Flag
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Those job will still have pressure. All jobs have pressure, honestly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:32 PM Flag
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np: but of a different kind. Deadlines but not that require technical judgment calls on legal issues [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:33 PM Flag
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OP: exactly. It isn't even the pressure it is the being wrong--I am just too wildly insecure to be a lawyer. It would be great to stay in this realm making a good salary at one of these mommy jobs even if dead end. How do I get one? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:36 PM Flag
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This has to be fake. If not, embarrassing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:39 PM Flag
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Why? Admitting I'm too insecure to be a lawyer? Sorry if that is such a taboo quality one can't mention it or be shamed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:49 PM Flag
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Look up all of thr people in those jobs at all of thr firms in your city. Reach out to anyone who went to your law school or was ever at your firm. Ask to meet with them for coffee to discuss the field, etc. headhunter as suggested [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:39 PM Flag
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Not a lawyer, but even if you are in development don't you need to be able to teach others how to make those high pressure judgement calls? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:37 PM Flag
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Biglaw associates don't spend much of their time making "technical judgment calls on legal issues". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:37 PM Flag
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Yes, they do, in a way. Every document I sent out is fraught with possible error and sometimes real error. Mistakes happen. I can't deal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:39 PM Flag
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What year are you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:48 PM Flag
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6 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:57 PM Flag
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You may not but of course they do. You are the one drafting indemnification provisions and reps and warranties and spotting (or failing to spot) gaps in what the other side is giving your client. At most firms, partners delegate snd do not re-review the baseline work of any associate after a few years. If an associate misses and issue, it can simply be missed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:52 PM Flag
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I know how you feel. To be honest though, I've been doing it for 15 years and it's like the ocean tides. I love it and I hate it. I didn't go to law school until my 30s and one of the reasons for the shift was the love/hate relationship with other work! Hang in there and good luck finding a good fit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:36 PM Flag
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I know how you feel. To be honest though, I've been doing it for 15 years and it's like the ocean tides. I love it and I hate it. I didn't go to law school until my 30s and one of the reasons for the shift was the love/hate relationship with other work! Hang in there and good luck finding a good fit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:36 PM Flag
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I know how you feel. To be honest though, I've been doing it for 15 years and it's like the ocean tides. I love it and I hate it. I didn't go to law school until my 30s and one of the reasons for the shift was the love/hate relationship with other work! Hang in there and good luck finding a good fit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:36 PM Flag
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Good grief! Sorry for the triple post! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:37 PM Flag
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Are you in Biglaw already? If not, probably not have a chance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:37 PM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 12:39 PM Flag
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What salary would you be ok with? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:01 PM Flag
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Anything around 150 would be great. Biglaw salaries have gone up so much this seems reasonable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:05 PM Flag
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You do realize that is a lot of money in the non-professional world? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:15 PM Flag
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Maybe try a lower pressure field in law. Work for the city. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.26.16, 01:07 PM Flag
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