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[ - ] Need an easy crowd pleasing item for children's theatre cast party tomorrow. Not dessert. Ideas, anyone? I like to have the most popular food. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:15 AM Flag
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Yeah, you killed my motivation with the last sentence. Research your own recipes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:23 AM Flag
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Ants on a log using Wow butter [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:25 AM Flag
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Just use ants [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:44 AM Flag
[ - ] Is the movie "Farewell My Concubine" accurate? Do the Chinese train young boys to become opera stars in brutal training institutes in which they are beaten and abused for years on end? Also, are candied crab-apples really a popular street food? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:57 AM Flag
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Didn't it take place in the 20s? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:26 AM Flag
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it was a long time ago. the chinese have more opportunities now and care about money. they don't even send them to gymnastics schools anymore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:49 AM Flag
[ - ] UB taught me... 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:33 AM Flag
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a dozen+ acronyms. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:34 AM Flag
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that some people don't flush their tampons. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:34 AM Flag
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one blocked toilet and you'll never go back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:49 AM Flag
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Some people spend crazy amounts of money on some ridiculous shit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:21 AM Flag
[ - ] Widowed mom here, and all single moms can relate, I'm sure. I promised DDs two things for the weekend: we'd go biking and we'd play Pokemon Go. This morning, I became convinced we have bedbugs. Started the whole process with the linens etc. Then had to teach myself how to play Pokemon Go in order to teach DCs, who are too young to play on their own. Had a good day and tonight, realized that I had overheated DD's favourite teddy bear, its fur is no longer nice and soft. She tried to be brave but cried a good long while. So I went online to find a replacement, searching for one that will ship faster than in three weeks. Then I went and got my bike out of storage and tuned it up from 5 years ago, assembled the new trail-a-bike for the youngest DD. What broke me was the stupid bike rack for the car. I cannot for the life of me figure out how to assemble it. I've been crisis manager, handyman, Chief Tech Officer and consoling mom today. And I made a huge mistake with the teddy. I just can't do this alone. I've been alone almost 6 years and tonight, I feel like it's simply an impossible job... 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:27 AM Flag
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You actually sound amazing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:30 AM Flag
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Signing in to send you hugs. You are walking a difficult road and doing it with determination and love. Your daughters are lucky. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:32 AM Flag
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You are doing GREAT! We all have bad days...and then we usually end up arguing with our DH. You are doing it alone YOUR way! Good for you! Be proud of yourself. Your kids will appreciate it, but that won't happen until they have kids of their own. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:35 AM Flag
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Maybe not. They can appreciate it sooner than later. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:42 AM Flag
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I don't know how you do it, I hope you don't beat yourself up - you sound like a great mom. Find someone on taskrabbit to help with the bike rack. Wish I could lend you my DH to do it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:37 AM Flag
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+1 on Taskrabbit [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:41 AM Flag
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+1 on Taskrabbit [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:41 AM Flag
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Hugs to you. Your DDs must love you so much for being such a caring and hardworking mom to them. They will especially appreciate everything you're doing when they're older. What you're doing is hard, but it sounds like you're handling it so well xo [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:40 AM Flag
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I'm so sorry. Hang in there. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job. I've been a single mom for 7 years now and I have some hard days too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:41 AM Flag
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I hope you find someone to cheer you up when you do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:54 AM Flag
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OP here: thank you everyone. The kindness of a bunch of strangers works magic sometimes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:53 AM Flag
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Newly widowed mom here: OMG you sound like you are actually doing an amazing job! Step away from the bike rack and try again when you are not so frustrated. Lately I have had so much anxiety over being alone and in-handy with a house to maintain, but miraculously I managed to re-wire a broken lamp with a tutorial fromYouTube. I felt victorious for a fleeting few minutes, just like you'll feel when the bike rack has been assembled and the teddy bear is delivered. Hugs to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:55 AM Flag
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OP here: it's the handy stuff that I usually find the most gratifying. Probably because the success is so palpable and concrete. And yes, frustration never helps... Hang on to the fleeting feeling! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:00 AM Flag
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Wow, you tackled quite a lot. I'm a single mom and everything falls to me as well but I think I have lower expectations of myself. Celebrate the successes, and give yourself a break when there's a misstep. Your kids don't need a perfect mom, just a mom who loves them. Show your kids that it's ok to ask for help and that it's ok to try and fail. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:12 AM Flag
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My mom was widowed w 3 kids, 7, 5 and 18 mo. Spoke no English, couldn't drive. Stationed in Europe military dad died there. Came to US in winter, deep snow. Learned to drive and speak broken English. no family around. The youngest nearly died of pneumonia. She was a complete wreck. You are doing great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:22 AM Flag
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You sound great. I'm a single mom and I suck. I tell my 7 year old he's in charge of his toys. Most everything is out of batteries. He wants to make an iMovie and I don't know how. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:29 AM Flag
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Plus, I buy him cookies and eat them all myself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:30 AM Flag
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Good, he won't get cavities [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:45 AM Flag
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it's tough. my husband used to say that when he was a young boy, he thought it was immoral to have children outside marriage. then we had a baby and he said that even though he no longer believed it was immoral to have children without two parents, he now believed it was simply insane. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:51 AM Flag
[ - ] Wait; why did Hillary vote "yes" on the privacy-eroding USA-PATRIOT act? And why hasn't she pledged to repeal it during her first 100 days in office? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:15 AM Flag
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Oh the bush days. Freedom fries! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:19 AM Flag
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Patriot Act is a very good thing. TRUMP 2016. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:45 AM Flag
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what's wrong with patriot act? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:04 AM Flag
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Здравствуйте [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 05:26 AM Flag
[ - ] Does that Clarisonic brush really make a difference? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:08 AM Flag
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no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:20 AM Flag
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nope [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:21 AM Flag
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Watching [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:30 AM Flag
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Scam [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:45 AM Flag
[ - ] Used an ovulation strip today this morning and it was positive. We had sex yesterday morning and this morning too. Should we have sex tomorrow or wait until Monday? I'm worried my ovulation window will end, but I also know doctors recommend you have sex every other day. I should have bought the ovulation kit earlier but it just arrived today. TIA for any helpful advice. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:06 AM Flag
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How old is dh? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:07 AM Flag
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36 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:07 AM Flag
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i think supposed to be every other day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:07 AM Flag
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I would do late tomorrow night [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:08 AM Flag
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That might be good, it will have been 36 hours. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:12 AM Flag
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Yes. Good luck [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:13 AM Flag
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Thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:14 AM Flag
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Huh. I guess they know what they're talking about but I don't get this every other day logic-- you would think the more sperm a man pumps in there during the ovulation period, the better the chances... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:32 AM Flag
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supposedly the sperm need a chance to mature and re-up [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:35 AM Flag
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I never could get pg on the every other day routine. We had to switch to almost every day during the peak week. By the end, my DH is grateful for a break. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:06 AM Flag
[ - ] I dont get the outrage over Trump's comments about the Muslim military family. Hillary's campaign found one grieving family who doesn't support the Republican side. They do exist. Trump reflexively sends venom back to anyone who criticizes him. What is the big deal? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:55 AM Flag
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there isn't. i really wonder if hillary will get a post-convention bounce. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:57 AM Flag
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Wait. You want a venom spewing president? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:01 AM Flag
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No, but he is closer to my views than Hillary's. That said, if the next 3.5 months are nothing but this, may have to go with Gary Johnson. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:04 AM Flag
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why bother to vote at all? may as well stay home and save yourself some time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:05 AM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:06 AM Flag
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Not assured I wont vote for trump at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:24 AM Flag
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Might want to check if he is even on the ballot in your state [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:08 AM Flag
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Seriously? Those poor people who he demonizes lost their son to patriotic duty and the implies that the mother is oppressed by the father? Can you imagine talking that way to grieving parents? AND he has hte nerve to say he's sacrificed? Shows lack of common decency. That is why it's a big deal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:19 AM Flag
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> Can you imagine talking that way to grieving parents? I think they lost their sympathy protections when they decided to cast fireballs in a nationally televised address. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:25 AM Flag
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Which views are they? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:45 AM Flag
[ - ] Aging sucks. Not only can I no longer drink more than 1-2 drinks, I can't stay up past midnight without feeling sleepy and zombie like the next day 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:45 AM Flag
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Its true. Life changes. Sniff... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:01 AM Flag
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Tell me about it, i'm approaching 38, skin is going downhill, putting on a few lbs and generally not enjoying looking in the mirror these days. Especially sucks bc dh is 37 and looking better than ever! Wtf [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:03 AM Flag
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Hate to break it to you, but you're pretty much in your prime. Wait until your 50s! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:26 AM Flag
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:( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:33 AM Flag
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Exactly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:23 AM Flag
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Totes. And naps are the most wonderful ever again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:08 AM Flag
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It sucks. I also gain 5lbs after having a couple of drinks and the only way to be happy with my weight is to not drink. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:02 AM Flag
[ - ] Honestly, do you have a favorite child? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:41 AM Flag
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Changes daily. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:44 AM Flag
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Yes, but it's easy for me because I only have the one. I don't like many children in general, so it's fortunate I do like the one I got. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:44 AM Flag
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Same here! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:47 AM Flag
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honestly, i don't [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:46 AM Flag
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i have different feelings for them but i love them both. i don't think my girl loves me like my boy does. but i still love her very deeply and i don't gauge my parental success or relationship on the feelings of my children towards me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:51 AM Flag
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Yes, my sister's oldest daughter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:53 AM Flag
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Do you have children of your own? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:21 AM Flag
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I love them all equally, however, there are phases where one is noticeably easier or more difficult than the others and I may temporarily like them more or less. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:01 AM Flag
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Makes me think of the story where the mom told each of her kids in private, "You're my favorite--don't tell your siblings." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:01 AM Flag
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I do find my son a delight, easy to get along w. Dd is 12 and moody and not easy. But I love them both just as much. Yet I know I have to be vigilant not to show the slightest sign of favoritism [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:48 AM Flag
[ - ] What factors did you weigh when deciding between public and private school for your DC? How do you assess the value for elementary school? 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:35 AM Flag
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I decided to live somewhere where that had good public schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:36 AM Flag
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i went to public and private and really wanted private for my kids. i tried a "great public" instead of applying for aid. my kids were miserable and as soon as we could afford it, we switched them to private. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:38 AM Flag
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what's so great about private? i've done both. nothing really very different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:52 AM Flag
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Wow ok. DC taking both Latin and French in middle school. Teachers with masters in their subject from places like Stanford. Small classes. Unbelievable arts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:57 AM Flag
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^if 5 kids need honors geometry in 8th grade, they make a class for it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:57 AM Flag
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Who goes to Stanford to teach ms? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:02 AM Flag
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Moms [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:10 AM Flag
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french is a waste of time as is latin. teachers don't need masters in anything, esp in elementary. small classes also don't matter. the benefits of arts, though i enjoy it, is rather questionable. my son is fairly advanced in math and i did teach him algebra in 3rd myself. i tried very hard to get 3 different schools, including one private and all the schools we interviewed, to make an exception for him but none would. i don't think kids need honors geometry in 8th. geometry is geometry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:02 AM Flag
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Yeah and SUNY Binghamton is just like Harvard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:58 AM Flag
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college is different because you go there for the career placement opportunities. but i'd venture that i could have gotten my ivy education somewhere else had i been studious enough and serious enough elsewhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:03 AM Flag
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I think privates are too small. Not just class size, but grade size too. I'm also not a fan of SS. I worked hard to find good publics. Dc headed to HS in September, happy so far [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:40 AM Flag
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my kids have attended private b/c they were overseas for a while. but in the us, i haven't found one school yet that justified the costs. good publics and even the "bad ones" are very good as long as the student body is not violent. we will be abroad again and i presume we'll do an online US high school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:40 AM Flag
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We knew we would opt for public if we got an assignment to one that was good enough. I toured four likelies (zoned plus three district g&t). Our zoned gen ed and one of the g&t schools were good enough, and we got our first choice. If we'd been shut out, we would have gone private. We didn't feel any need for any perceived social benefit from a private school, and we also don't need the education to be as aggressive as it possibly can be. So free plus good enough won the day. And with cursive -- I insist on cursive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:42 AM Flag
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We are public and plan on giving her that money after college (which is funded) for a down payment on a home. Is she missing out? Can't say for sure. But we can't afford both and your first house is very important. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:05 AM Flag
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i think the cost in nyc is insane. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:08 AM Flag
[ - ] You know... I don't LIKE the elimination of gendered noun descriptors. I think they sound better in many cases. More poetic and interesting. I think "murderess" and "actress" and "executrix" and "championess" and so on are great words. I don't see why we're supposed to abandon them out of some politically-correct purging of the language. 25 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:21 AM Flag
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My pet peeve is the accepted use of "chair" instead of chairman/-woman (or heck, even chairperson) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:23 AM Flag
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totally [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:23 AM Flag
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Chairman is a horrible word, like Chairman Mao. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:35 AM Flag
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he was the chair of the comm party. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:41 AM Flag
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yeah, let's call men an actress or doctoress, see how they feel about it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:24 AM Flag
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Males have their own "stems." That's the point. It gives the language more texture. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:28 AM Flag
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You can use them when it's an actual person in the role. It's when it's an unknown person that you have to go gender neutral. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:29 AM Flag
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But actor is not gender neutral. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:38 AM Flag
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it is just like "he" is third person neutral. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:53 AM Flag
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The fact that actresses now want to be called actors says to me that the female version is less desirable than the male, which makes no sense. Be proud to be an actress. Why would you want to be a male actor? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:31 AM Flag
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Do you call your doctor doctress? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:48 AM Flag
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Never have but I think I'm going to start [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:50 AM Flag
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Yes and when you go to court try judgetress, your honortress [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:53 AM Flag
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np: it doesn't matter if you are amale or female doctor but it matters to a part whether you are female or male. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:53 AM Flag
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Bunk [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:03 AM Flag
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Shakespeare [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:03 AM Flag
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we're out of the 17th century now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:06 AM Flag
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:). Guess you don't go to Shakespeare in the park. Really good all female cast this summer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:14 AM Flag
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no. i really only enjoy midsummer night's dream and the merchant of venice. i don't like the "serious" stuff. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:52 AM Flag
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championess? never heart that or executrix. dominatrix, yes, executrix, no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:41 AM Flag
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I know executrix [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:48 AM Flag
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Curious as to why there are even gendered titles. Most other professions don't have a gender descriptor. Lawyer. Doctor. Banker. Journalist. Etc. perhaps the jobs listed in the OP were commonly open to both genders in the old days. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:14 AM Flag
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A female lawyer is an attorness. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:16 AM Flag
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Ha, I forgot! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:17 AM Flag
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I've always loved executrix,testatrix [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:08 AM Flag
[ - ] Has anyone gotten one of those dna tests to find out where you family is from? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:20 AM Flag
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bought one months ago, still in my drawer. Been lazy about it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:22 AM Flag
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You sound French. See, I saved you the trouble! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:30 AM Flag
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lol, thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:36 AM Flag
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Yes, did 23andme for my daughter, who's mixed ethnicities. It was just for curious fun, but I don't rely on it for any real scientific fact. I think in a decade or two, when the sample pool is larger, it may be more precise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:05 AM Flag
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I just saw this article about the genetic makeup of people in the UK from one of these DNA tests. It was pretty interesting. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3711040/How-British-Genetic-study-reveals-Yorkshire-Anglo-Saxon-UK-East-Midlands-Scandinavian.html [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:25 AM Flag
[ - ] I'm on 5 mg lexapro and instead of going to 10, want to add lo dose Wellbutrin so I won't gain weight. Thoughts? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:20 AM Flag
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isn't 10 the lowest [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:20 AM Flag
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No, 5 is [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:33 AM Flag
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stay on 5, add Wellbutrin. Watch out for hair loss [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:22 AM Flag
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Wellbutrin causes hair loss? I started on a low dose several weeks ago and am supposed to increase it tomorrow. Hasn't made a dent in my depression at all yet but being bald will bum me out even more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:29 AM Flag
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not for everyone but google Wellbutrin alopecia. It is even listed as one of the side effects. It caused my hair to fall out and my hair recovered but not 100%, about 9 months after I stopped taking it. It was visibly thinning and I have thick hair [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:32 AM Flag
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What dose? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:33 AM Flag
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i was at 75mg, very low dose [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:37 AM Flag
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Might have just coincided with regular old female androgenetic hair loss [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:42 AM Flag
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i don't know but I have tried Wellbutrin 3 times. This happened each time about 3-4 weeks into me starting it. Maybe I am one of those lucky ones to get the side effect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:07 AM Flag
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That is low. My dr. started me at 150 and is increasing it. Zero effect so far. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:52 AM Flag
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i heart zoloft. lexapro gave me vision problems [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:30 AM Flag
[ - ] please help, fighting with my ex over this. He is brainwashing my child into video games and I can't do anything about it while he visits but the corporate virus is now spreading into my home as well. He is buying my son video game devices, just got him an iphone too even though I had clearly stated that I do not want it in my home as my son already has an ipad. My son is 8 and hs a true addiction has father has been enabling. He does not eat dinner with me unless the ipad plays something while he eats. When we get home, he goes to his room and closes the door to get on line or play on the ipad. 10pm comes and he refuses to start the bed routine and he has a breakdown every night when I insist he gets off the ipad and brush his teeth. Today his dad hung out with him and just brought him back, with an iphone. I told him I never agreed for my son to get another device and he answered that I am over reacting and that I am unfair while my son was yelling at me/repeating the same things his dad was telling me. It's such a battle. I can't take it anymore. How many hours do your dcs play on devices/screen time? Thanks and I am sorry for the rant, it may not even be coherent. 41 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:18 AM Flag
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Relax. It is ok. There are good games. One that actually teaches kids how to program their own mini games is MCDiamondfire.com. Buy him the computer version of Minecraft and he can be very creative. It's educational and keeps them off stupid or violent games. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:24 AM Flag
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my son plays at least 3 hours a day which I think is a lot. Now that he has the phone, it will add another 3 hours of gaming since the iphone is apparently for his daily commute. It's hard to relax when it comes to 6 hrs of screen time per day. During the weekends it is 12 hrs a day at his father's place. They have two large flat screen tvs: one of them has American football game live and the other one the videogame. They watch and play at the same time. When the basketball season starts, they switch to basketball videogame as well. This is not easy to swallow tbh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:27 AM Flag
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The real problem is that you have an 8 yo who knows there are no consequences for disobeying you on this issue. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:28 AM Flag
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I am OP and yes, this is an issue. His father does not care about consequences either and voices that in front of him. My son repeats everything his father says: Mom, you're over reacting, you have issues, you're unfair, etc. not to mention talking back to me and not listening. I was trying to avoid confrontation yet his father put me in front of the fact: oh, he has an iphone now, even though I had said no to it. Neither of them care. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:30 AM Flag
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You won't win. As long as he does well in school, you needn't worry. Mine are older and they've always played video games w friends. They self regulate as needed. Many benefits. Improved multitasking, quick decision making ability, improved hand eye coordination, increased perception in finding errors in a picture, etc. very social too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:38 AM Flag
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I disagree. It's not just about doing well in school when the kid is 8, it's about providing guidance and setting limits and boundaries. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:46 AM Flag
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He does not self regulate at all, as you can see from my post. His father allows him over 12 hrs at the time and he never even wants to eat. It is a very, very bad addiction. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:09 AM Flag
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Ugh, sorry. Your ex sounds like a kind of a PITA to deal with. Agree w/above poster that you may need to pick your battles. I do think if you consistently enforce that screen needs to be off at dinnertime and at a certain time for bedtime he will stop melting down every time (and btw - if 10 pm is his bedtime this may be part of the problem - not judging in general but 8 yo at 10 pm is probably not at their best and so waiting until then to instruct that the ipad needs to go off is hitting him when he's tired, over-emotional, and won't have great self-control.) GL. I do think this is not the worst thing ever as long as you'r otherwise keeping him active and he's doing okay in school, for better or worse this is pretty common now thought I understand it's frustrating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:46 AM Flag
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yes, I tell him every night to get ready around 9:30 and he yells at me that it is not 10 yet and that he just does not want to get ready. At 10 a second round of argumenting starts. I am tired of this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:10 AM Flag
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That seems like a really late bedtime. My 12 year old goes to bed at 9pm. Maybe he's overtired? Tell him in the morning what the consequences will be if he doesn't mind your rules at bedtime. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:24 AM Flag
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seems like I have really a real problem here. You all talk as if this is so easy to do. This is not the case with my child. I am not a lazy parent, my son goes to an amazing summer camp, has activities 4 days a week and I take him to museums as well. When it comes to rules he never obeys, is very defiant. Last time I took something away he threatened to hurt himself or damage things in his room. Maybe he needs medication. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:27 AM Flag
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If he's threatening to hurt himself, call the pediatrician immediately for a psych referral. This sounds very serious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:51 AM Flag
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Oh, I believe that you are not lazy. Some kids are very, very stubborn and determined by nature, and especially if the dad is encouraging this it is very hard for you to undo alone. But agree, if he's threatening to hurt himself this is beyond normal misbehavior and I'd talk to a professional about this because when he gets older he will be capable of actually following through. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:13 AM Flag
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Lock up all electronics for rest of the summer. Then allow for verimited amounts of time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:32 AM Flag
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I was doing well for a while, keeping my son very busy but my ex always manages to ruin my hard work. Now my son says that if he has activities 9 hrs a day he should be able to play video games 6 hrs a day. This is the first time I hear him considering summer camp as a dreadful activity. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:35 AM Flag
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This situation calls for "because I said so!" A child this defiant should not think that he has a chance of getting what he wants by reasoning with you about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:48 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:55 AM Flag
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You can only make the rules in your own home, but if I were y I would lock the gadgets up as soon as yr son gets home and give them back when he leaves to go to his dad's place. I wouldn't even allow them for a limited period, since he has plenty of time with them at dad's. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:40 AM Flag
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This is exactly what I was saying. He already has time at his dad's and has an ipad he is not allowed to take to camp. The bus ride to cam is over an hour each way and his dad got him an iphone for the bus. I was excited he has time to read in the bus. UGH! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:11 AM Flag
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Not trying to sound judgmental, but you can't control you ex. It would be nice if you were on the same page, but if not, your rules apply in your home. Your rules are that he can't bring the iPhone to your house; he can't have the ipad at the table; he has to shut it down by 5:00 (or whatever time you decide); and he can only play for a max of 2 hours a day (for example). You have to consistently enforce the rules. If he argues or defies the rules, you start reducing tomorrow's allotment of time. I know it's hard, but you have to hold the line here. He's only 8 and your in charge. These issues won't get easier when he's 13, 15 and 17. Let him know whose boss in your house (and it's not him, and not your ex-DH). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:42 AM Flag
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I agree with you, have been trying really hard but my ex sabotages this. Tonight he brought him and my son knew I would be upset about the iphone and then they argued with me. My ex kept saying that "You're being unfair. I am his father and I decided to give him a present. You are over reacting" while my son kept repeating that "You have an issues mom, you're over reacting, you are mean" while I kept saying "This is my home, my rules" then the dad kept repeating "You can't take his present away. So what if he plays some extra hours in the evening and on the bus, who cares, why read?" And my son kept repeating this. After his father left, he argued with me again and again after which he rushed into his room and slammed the door. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:15 AM Flag
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If you didn't agree to it, then just flip it on him: confiscate it and when Ex-DH protests say, "oh, you didn't agree to me taking it away? Well, I didn't agree to him getting it in the first place." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:43 AM Flag
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the problem here is the ex who is indulging the child in oppositional defiance to the mom. as a child of divorce, i'd like to say that the child will come to identify the father as simply a tool he can manipulate to get what he wants. on the other hand, the child may not clue into that until it's way too late. i am divorcing too and could envision the same problem here except that i am the tech savvy parent and stbx barely knows how to put batteries in an electric toothbrush. being the tech savvy parent i am the one who decides on the types of games and set parental controls. i also relax them when i see the kids self-disciplined about turning off their own devices. if you are really stumped with your child, install a wifi blocker and set the times it blocks. and yes, my 11 dd has a iphone too, but her dad's old iphone 3g which i jailbroke. she is ok with it since i had been threatening that she'd be getting a clamshell. an 8 year old with an iphone 6 is a ridiculous situation. your dh is not clued into what a child needs, but what he wants. the two are very different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:43 AM Flag
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Also, my kids have friends who have limited access to electronics and I remind this to them all the time. Peer comparison gives them a benchmark. Programmed afterschool activities help a lot too. The fact is, most men don't know what the heck to do with kids and so plug them in. I saw a man with his kids on the subway and all of the were busy with their devices. They all wore glasses (even the little one in the stroller) and didn't bother even looking at one another for the whole ride. My kids have electronics at home but come on, for a subway ride? How about teaching kids to navigate and observe the real world cuz they will be commuting on their own soon enough. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:48 AM Flag
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my son was yelling at me today "Show me who doesnt have TWO devices!!!" and then kept yelling: "See? You can't think of anyone" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:19 AM Flag
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+1 on wifi blocker. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:51 AM Flag
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This! My ex ran away when I got pregnant, we were going to get married but he disappeared. We had been together for 8 years. He then had a fling and got someone else pregnant. I was hurt but moved on and do not care. I am only sharing this to reinforce his defiance. It's so horrible. My child treats me so bad because he hears his father talk to me the way he does. I do get frustrated and raise my voice. What a mess! I am so tired [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:18 AM Flag
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I am totally with you on this. Frankly it sounds like Ex-DH is just lazy and is using devices instead of parenting. I would look at bringing this up as dereliction of duty. This is the same thing as feeding him only candy, allowing him to stay up all night, or living in pajamas. Imagine what DH will neglect/allow when DC is a teenager. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:45 AM Flag
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Being an uptight shrew will not work. Kid will sulk and hate you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:48 AM Flag
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op here. He already hates me because his dad calls me unfair, uptight, closed minded, etc. I am not that square; I love music and even smoke pot once in a while. I just don't want my kid to succumb to the corporate brainwash. His father wasted his life playing video games instead of working on a career. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:22 AM Flag
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I'm telling you, pick the right video game. It's Minecraft and only let him play the mcdiamondfire one that teaches programming. Make him learn how to play it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:28 AM Flag
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Divorced mom here. You may not like what happens at the dad's house but you can't do anything about it. Breathe deep and focus on how you want to run your own home. Set the rules, communicate them and enforce them. Different houses have different rules--what's wrong or right is subjective. I don't have strict screen time limits, but I insist that chores and homework come first. And I agree with PP...Minecraft is fantastic for kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 02:46 AM Flag
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Well, i have these issues with child. There is no gaming during the week during the school year. The summers, If she does 45 mins of work, i am pretty relaxed about it. Lay down the law at home mom. Kids need discipline. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:09 AM Flag
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My son has a serious Minecraft addiction. Very, very serious. I am op [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:22 AM Flag
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If you think he has a serious addiction, maybe take him to a child psychologist. But I think exercising some discipline with him would be a good first step. If he knows he can walk all over you and there are no consequences, he's going to keep doing what he wants. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:35 AM Flag
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My kids are in their teens and played that since it came out, then grew out of it. They really did learn how to program their own games. There is only one minecraft server community that is structured like that, the mcdiamondfire.com one. It has a well moderated, nice community. I checked regularly and was highly impressed with it. They never played other junky or violent dumb games. They did play a lot of super Mario etc. but that teaches reading and has amazing story line. My kids type 120 wpm, computer science wiz, and very social. Straight As. No stress in my house about screen time. Of course we do other stuff too. They are in music and sports as well [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:36 AM Flag
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When you said your eight-year-old was just starting to get ready for bed at 10:00, was that a typo? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:01 AM Flag
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I wish, he refused to go to bed earlier. He read that he can sleep 8-10 hrs a day at this age and calculates that 10-7 is more than enough for him. Unfortunately this has been his schedule and he never slept much as a baby either. I am trying to do 9:30 but he argues with me even over 2 minutes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:24 AM Flag
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and when it is weekend, forget it. He wants to go to bed at 12. I go to sleep and he is still up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 03:25 AM Flag
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Has he been evaluated for ADHD/hyperactivity? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:15 AM Flag
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thanks, ladies and good night [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.31.16, 04:15 AM Flag
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