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[ - ] Any UBers, or have any DCs or friends etc., that did one of these group trips for 30+ days? Wondering if after a while it gets tiring... just seems like a big commitment if say 2 weeks into it I hate it! 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:07 PM Flag
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what kind of trips? which brands? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:19 PM Flag
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Contiki I'm too old for and I was never a night owl or partier. Top Deck, G Adventures... welcome others? -op [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:28 PM Flag
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Like one of those teen tours? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:42 PM Flag
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This is exactly what came to my mind but my coworker said her first was in her 20s, and she's done a few in her 30s too, and she loves traveling this way, but advised at least 2 weeks, more is better ideally 30 days -op [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:29 PM Flag
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I've always wanted to do a Tanya Aebi women's only crew sail tour, but I'm too chicken. Also probably too overweight. oh well [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:47 PM Flag
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interesting, there's another UBer (or maybe you ;) or two that suggested some similar womens only sailing trips from women that solo sailed too. I sailed, co-ed, and would probably do it again, if I had some familiar faces -op [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:30 PM Flag
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or. I have a lot of seep-seeded anxieties about the ocean, combined with a curious fascination for it. I seriously think I need to lose like 50lbs to even be in the game, though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:29 AM Flag
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People usually gain weight on boats, actually can’t think of anyone hwp boating -op [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:31 AM Flag
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*deep-seated [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 08:03 AM Flag
[ - ] DH seems to be in a midlife crisis. He’s only 40... is growing a beard (refuses to trim or groom it at all) and his hair, just bought a raptor. Talks constantly about moving out of state to a “small town”, has no actual plans or specific desires but is adamant that he’s done with life as we know it. Have a 3yo and 6yo... what do I do? Wait this out? He’s already in therapy but sporadically lately and I can only imagine the version of events the therapist is getting. Help! 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:06 PM Flag
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Marriage counselling. Sounds like the reality of being responsible for two children has fully hit him and he has realized he doesn't like this life, so there needs to be real communication about what is possible and what is obligatory at this point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:39 PM Flag
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Money. What’s the money situation? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:50 PM Flag
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As a bird owner, to me a raptor is a bird of prey like a hawk or falcon. It must be code for something else, right? Maybe he's into falconry, which is pretty cool, IMO. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:59 AM Flag
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I think it is a car or a motorcycle. I go to a rescue aviary and there are so many birds that should not have been in someone's home to begin with. Raptors are in that category. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:52 AM Flag
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He sounds more fun now then what he probably was, embrace it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 02:00 AM Flag
[ - ] Just found a THC "pen" in 16 yo DD's pants when I was doing laundry. We have a good relationship, and she is a good kid (great grades, plays an instrument, heavy extracurriculars). I asked her about it, she says it's nbd, she doesn't use it during the week,it's safer than drinking. (We know that she and friends sometimes drink.) Frankly, I am really scared and don't know anything about these pen things and don't want my dd to be a pothead. Am I overreacting? WWYD? 79 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:38 PM Flag
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Idk, seems to be the things kids are doing. Not sure you can rein it in. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:49 PM Flag
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Reading OP's comments below, it's pretty clear she's the teenager who got caught, and she's hoping to convincer her parents they are overreacting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:35 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:41 PM Flag
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safer than drinking is debatable - it's not good for the brain. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:00 PM Flag
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That's what they say about anything they don't want kids to do, because it's so hard to disprove. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:02 PM Flag
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...said the teenager who is goofing off on UB instead of studying... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:56 PM Flag
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So much safer. Do you have personal experience with both? Only one can kill you. Fact. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:09 PM Flag
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BS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:19 PM Flag
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Alcohol can kill you. Pot can't. That actually is a fact. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:20 PM Flag
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That’s exactly what I was saying. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:21 PM Flag
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And ITA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:28 PM Flag
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That's a pretty low bar for safety. Right up there with, "He's not as bad as Ted Bundy." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:23 PM Flag
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They’re debating which is safer and there’s a clear winner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:24 PM Flag
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They're debating which is less dangerous and which has fewer bad effects on health. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:25 PM Flag
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Again, there’s a very obvious winner. Death is probably the worst effect on health lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:26 PM Flag
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That doesn't mean it's safe. Especially for teenagers whose bodies and brains are still developing. But hey - let's put your logic to the test. It's safer for you to jump off a fourth-floor balcony than a tenth-floor balcony. Why don't you go jump? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:29 PM Flag
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love you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:05 PM Flag
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NO ONE CARES IF YOU DON'T LIKE WEED. If you don't think it's safe, don't use it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:18 PM Flag
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The question is not whether I should use it, as an adult with healthcare, experience, money, and emotional stability. The question was whether OP should just blow it off and let her daughter use (or vape other substances) "because kids will do it anyway". Now grow up and go get your summer job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 07:26 AM Flag
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No one said alcohol was "Ted Bundy." I'm basically saying that if alcohol is a knife, weed is a spoon. One's statistically much safer to play with than the other. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:26 PM Flag
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"Statistically" -- because there is almost no research on weed, compared to the research on alcohol. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:30 PM Flag
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FTW [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:37 PM Flag
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People have been smoking weed for millennia. It wasn't even illegal in the US until the 20th century. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:15 PM Flag
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Again, you can't stay on logic. No one said people haven't been using it. They said there is not a statistically significant body of research. The fact that you can't understand the difference tells us that you do not have the education or maturity to be trying to tell your parents they should let you use. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 07:27 AM Flag
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Right, but which has a larger impact on the developing adolescent brain? For adults, weed is definitely safer, but for kids, the science is not nearly as clear. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:27 AM Flag
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Personal experience? That's ridiculous. Studies show that marijuana use damages teen brains--even in small doses. https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/legal-pot/even-little-marijuana-may-change-teen-brain-study-finds-n958536 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:36 AM Flag
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Smoking and vaping are not okay, regardless of the substance. Breathing particulates and chemicals is bad for your lungs. She is not allowed to make this decision for herself until she is self-supporting and has her own healthcare plane. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:01 PM Flag
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I literally just had my physical the other day and my Dr. was fine with my vaping. Also, though, I am in a legal state. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:04 PM Flag
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Research is just starting to come out about nanoparticles of heavy metals and other cancerous toxins that are produced when the coils heat up during vaping. The deleterious effects of smoking cigarettes were unknown for many years too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:11 PM Flag
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So you are saying that vaporizing oil is bad for your health? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:16 PM Flag
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We're saying there are already research results on individual products that show dangerous ingredients and effects, and the research is only in its infancy. You do you, but my kid can do her when she is an adult. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:21 PM Flag
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Oh, well good luck. My children have already been raised. You're right, you do you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:22 PM Flag
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How are you worrying about metal heating coils transmitting 'nanoparticles' when humans have cooked in metal vessels for thousands of years> [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:19 PM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:24 PM Flag
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Last time I checked, cookware didn’t contain cadmium and lead. Vaping introduces those particles directly into the lungs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:40 AM Flag
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+1 Also, you are an adult and can make your own decisions and live with your own consequences. When kids pay for their own healthcare, they can make their own decisions about risks and benefits. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:20 PM Flag
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Absolutely. Where do you get off telling people that it's okay for their kids to smoke pot when the long term health consequences have never actually been studied? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:26 PM Flag
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Except they have, and it is. But keep getting angry over your own feelings!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:27 PM Flag
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No they haven't, except for short term studies that show that it incites schizophrenia. But if you actually are a parent, STFU about mine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:32 PM Flag
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No they haven't. For decades, since marijuana was criminalized, it has been very difficult to get approval to study it at all, and nearly impossible to study it long term in typical users. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:34 PM Flag
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We know that someone can drink themselves to death in a very brief period but no one has ever od’d on marijuana in any form. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:21 PM Flag
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No one has ODed on marijuana, but plenty of people have made dumb decisions on marijuana, and because marijuana has been criminalized for so long, we do not have a reasonable body of research on its effects. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:26 PM Flag
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20 year olds were mass-smoking marijuana in the late 60s. They're all in their 70s today. That's 50 years of empirical evidence. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:16 PM Flag
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That’s ridiculous. I know plenty of people who are screwed up from way too much drug use in the late 60s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:12 AM Flag
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Finish high school. Pay attention in your science and math classes. Maybe think about going to college and doing more of the same. Then come back and talk about evidence. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 07:28 AM Flag
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Yeah, and I know plenty of former pot heads who do not want their kids to start smoking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:27 PM Flag
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So how old are you? What’s your point? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:18 PM Flag
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My point is that vaping is accepted as medicinally therapeutic in all states where med is legal. Even if it isn't therapeutic, there's no proof that there is physical harm if you like the effects. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:21 PM Flag
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No proof YET -- and no decades of research yet. Thanks, but DCs are not allowed to smoke anything until they have moved out of our home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:24 PM Flag
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ok whatever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:29 PM Flag
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Where's the long-term research? Link? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:32 PM Flag
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Found the teenager. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:35 PM Flag
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Okay kids! Go for it! Let's all light up! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:28 PM Flag
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I mean, you don't even sound like you know what you're talking about. THC can be delivered in a lot of ways. I don't "smoke" anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:30 AM Flag
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There is no doubt that vaping will significantly increase your risk of cancer. Why? Because chronic inflammation is a major risk factor for cancer. What happens is that as you smoke or vape, the heat/chemicals damage tissue in your lungs. This leads to two responses that contribute to transformation into a cancer cell: 1. Cell division to replace your damaged cells. Having cells in your lungs constantly destroyed means that new ones must be produced. As your cells divide, they pick up mutations, and cancer is nothing but a disease in which a cell has the wrong combination of mutations. 2. Your body's immune response to damaged tissue is inflammation. One problem with inflammation is that some of your immune cells (macrophage) release cytotoxic granules that can lead to DNA damage of your other cells. It's kind of an overreaction of your body that does more harm than good. This increased occurrence of DNA damage once again increases the likelihood that one of these mutations will lead to cancer. All of that doesn't even account for whatever chemicals are in the cigarettes/vape themselves that may be carcinogenic-unfortunately, we do not yet know whether the vaping products contain carcinogens. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:36 AM Flag
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I work with an oncologist who specializes in lung cancer. Every single one of his patients die. Every single one-it is one of the worst cancers in existence. I asked him about vaping and he said it's probably better than smoking. He said it probably causes cancer, but nobody knows for sure. It's up to you whether you want to take the risk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:17 AM Flag
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so what's your plan to stop her. Gonna drug test her? Bet that'll be really great for the relationship [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 02:23 AM Flag
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Oh, honey... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 07:29 AM Flag
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meaning what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 02:47 PM Flag
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I am pretty relaxed about weed. Would rather have my kids doing that than drinking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:03 PM Flag
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Weed hurts ones brain, damages memories. If you really think your kids need not to have good memories then fine [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:21 PM Flag
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No, it doesn't. If anything, in my personal experience, it unlocks them. It's fun and harmless. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:23 PM Flag
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This! Some of my best memories are from when I was high [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:28 PM Flag
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Found the poster who failed statistics and logic courses. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:32 PM Flag
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I'm stunned by the women on here who think their personal experience is somehow a meaningful contribution to the conversation. Don't be stupid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:38 AM Flag
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Heavy use over decades, maybe. With the vices that are available to teens, I’d take it. Lighten up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:25 PM Flag
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ILY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:29 PM Flag
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Oh yeah, cuz when you start a bad habit as a child it's so easy to quit, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:33 PM Flag
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She wouldn't rather not parent, it's easier that way. Then she can do whatever she wants too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:30 PM Flag
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You kids are not my kids. so STFU. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:28 PM Flag
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If she's already got the pen, to be completely honest, there's not much you can do. She clearly has a way to obtain them and can obtain another one if you dispose of it, or can just use those of her friends. I think if she is using it the way she says she is (just with friends on the weekends in a relatively limited capacity), it's not that big of a deal. If she starts to use it more on her own or more frequently then you should take more action. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:33 PM Flag
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There’s a Reefer Madness fan on. Let’s try this discussion another day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:34 PM Flag
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You mean all of your "arguments" have been shot down by people who aren't dumb enough to fall for them, so you want to wait and "go ask dad later, when mom's not around"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:40 PM Flag
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she is a pot head, I dont think you are overreacting. Only using on weekends, how stupid are you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:41 PM Flag
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SMH. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:57 PM Flag
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OP: So many years on UB. This was my first MP post. Who would have thought that this question would make it there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:35 AM Flag
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I would be so upset. I am very against it and I think it’s so bad for the brain. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:45 AM Flag
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I've been thinking about this myself for my kids. If my kids would be secretive about this, I might secretively stop contributing to 529s and secretively drain their accounts. I cannot stomach supporting and enabling this sort of thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 02:27 AM Flag
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I think like anything else, "dose makes the poison." If it's once in a while, there's probably nothing to worry about. If she's blazing every weekend, that could be a big problem depending on what career she wants. Also once she goes to college, a weekend habit can easily become an every day habit. I don't know if your assertion that weed is safer than drinking holds true for adolescents, as THC impacts the developing brain, so she could have impaired cognitive function that may impact her ability/motivation to compete in very intense areas. Or it may not impact her development at all (just like how many smokers never develop cancer). Alternatively, if she wants to go into a more creative area like comedy/writing, then it could actually help her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:26 AM Flag
[ - ] DH is not capable of emotional support. When we talk and it is obvious that I need his support he starts becoming defensive and if I talk back at some point he starts saying hurtful things; nothing offensive but hurtful when you know the context such as suggesting that I was weak at a certain situation in reality I was being strong but selfless. It is becoming more difficult everyday as I become more aware about his lacking of emotional support when I need it the most. I need coping skills as I need to start working again but need to prepare for interviews and need the mental strength. How to cope? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:23 PM Flag
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Go elsewhere for your emotional support. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:25 PM Flag
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like therapy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:02 PM Flag
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No, like friends, sisters and cousins. Women. Men really don’t want to talk and listen about emotions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:08 PM Flag
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Same thing as my husband. Always defensive. I ended up just doing things my way, and ignore his "opinions". If he wants things done his way, he'll have to do them himself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:53 PM Flag
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I don't understand. Why kind of emotional support are you so desperate for? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:19 PM Flag
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*what kind [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:20 PM Flag
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think about it this way: you can home from work and had a very bad day because of a difficult manager. you tell your DH about it and DH starts to question if you had something wrong. Or DH says that he feels sad for someone because they use antidepressants and tells you to start antidepressants if you feel depressed instead of talking to him about your problems. To sum up, it is always little things that he say or do that makes you feel not worthy, not good enough and guilty over time and in an insidious way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:51 PM Flag
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Huh? You sound very needy. If you're talking emotional support like you're really upset dealing with your mother with Alzheimer's or a death in the family, yes, I get it. Your sentence about "coping skills" and preparing for job interviews and mental strength bit is bizarre. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:29 PM Flag
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obviously, you don't have a similar problem, good for you. I'm not needy. Being needy and being devalued by the person you live with for years are different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:52 PM Flag
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He may be genetically low empathy. If you're genetically high empathy, then it is a tough situation. See https://www.snpedia.com/index.php/Rs53576 for more detail about a major gene that influences this. I'm sorry he isn't supporting you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:49 PM Flag
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Same here. My DH relies on me for emotional support but professes he does not have much empathy. I tried therapy but the therapist said I couldn't change him and had to accept him for who he is. No answers, only commiseration. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:56 PM Flag
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op: A therapist who has seen both of us told me not to expect emotional support from DH. Nowadays, I wonder if a marriage can survive under these circumstances? Obviously, mine has survived for 20+ years but as a result I feel diminished. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:02 PM Flag
[ - ] Just finished the new Elin Hildebrand book,Summer of 69. Kind of hate her books since characters are so spoiled (some of them could be UBers, seriously) but the books draw me in, they are entertaining. Anyone else read it? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:26 PM Flag
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Haven’t yet but I’ve read most of her others. Maybe I’m just a simpleton, but I enjoy them all especially the Winter Street series [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:41 PM Flag
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I like her books too. They aren’t great literature but she doesn’t pretend it is [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:03 PM Flag
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OP: Oh i read a ton that isn't great literature :). Just something about her characters comes off as irritating to me. Read the one about the wedding and the most annoying character was actually the mom who had died and who was issuing instruction about the wedding from her notes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:18 PM Flag
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I haven't - but I just finished the new Jennifer Weiner book "Mrs. Everything". Anyone read that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:53 PM Flag
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OP: I have that one too, from library (huge library goer). First page didn't pull me in, not exactly uplifting. Did you like it? Have liked a couple of hers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:11 PM Flag
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I liked it a lot. But you are correct - not uplifting at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:30 PM Flag
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No, I'm reading Things To Make And Do In The Fourth Dimension by Matt Parker this summer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:27 PM Flag
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Just finished Middlemarch and there are some uncanny likenesses to Rosamond Vincys on UB! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:57 AM Flag
[ - ] I hate it when people ask you to take your shoes off when you go to their house. It’s rude. What if people have foot issues? Also bare feet are unhygienic 76 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:13 PM Flag
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I agree. DH’s Canadian relatives do this. So gross looking at everyone’s sock feet [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:22 PM Flag
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Or bare feet with ugly toes, Bunion’s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:26 PM Flag
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Better than walking around in all of the urine and feces on NYC sidewalks and then walking into someone's home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 07:36 AM Flag
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I don't think it is a Canadian thing, there was a whole Sex in the City episode where Carrie didn't want to take off her shoes (but I think you don't like your DH's Canadian relatives since I have seen your posts a few times) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:32 PM Flag
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I like them fine. I don’t like them walking in my front door and leaving their shoes in a pile. Nor do I like being asked to take off my shoes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:35 PM Flag
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Canadian mom: this is big in Canada because of snow/salt. Super rude to track wet streak through someone's house. And it's common enough, you can plan to wear socks instead of tracking filth through someone's house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:37 PM Flag
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NP: Exactly. I always wear nice socks when I visit someone’s house because I never know if I’ll be asked to take my shoes off. I just assume I’ll have to and plan accordingly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:20 AM Flag
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Is it necessary for you to identify their country in order to say something about their feet? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:35 PM Flag
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Well no. But I think it’s a northern thing. I live in the South and it just doesn’t happen here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:37 PM Flag
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It’s also a Hawaiian thing. The red soil there is a real problem there to have tracked into their houses. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:15 PM Flag
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Canadian mom - interesting. I think people bizarrely expect other people's homes to be like restaurants or public spaces, not private, intimate spaces where you are lucky to be invited. They fail to consider the truly practical and hygiene-oriented reasons why people arrived at these rules. In Canada, carpets are a *lot* more common because of the cold. The idea it would be appropriate to track wet snow all over someone's house is just crazy. And I live in California now, so I'm fine with people wearing shoes in the bottom of my house, because it is dry here and I have hardwood floors. But in Canada? No way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:45 PM Flag
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I live at the beach and have tile, i am O.K. with shoes downstairs for guests but we always take ours off - it is a new practice to us and has made a world of difference in terms of keeping sand out and the floor is much much cleaner - i get why the Japanese and other cultures do it - makes a lot of sense to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:21 PM Flag
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I've noticed an inverse relationship between taking shoes off and the cleanliness of the floor. You would expect shoeless houses to be spotless. But no! The floors are often covered with hair and dust bunnies. It's like the homeowners don't realize they still need to sweep and vacuum, even a "no shoes" policy. People are free to wear shoes in my house, and my floors are spotless because I actually clean them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:31 PM Flag
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This!!! It’s usually the “earthy crunchy” types that insist on this and they don’t clean because of harmful chemicals [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:38 PM Flag
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haha - this is my family and the Italian method - the floors are stone and mopped once - sometimes twice a day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:22 PM Flag
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+1 We lived in Malta for five years. Shoes off, because the streets and sidewalks were gross, and sweeping & mopping at least once a day because of all of the dust that settles on everything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:33 PM Flag
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I don't ask people to remove their shoes in my home, but when visiting homes of others, I always ask if they prefer I remove my shoes. And I don't mind doing it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:39 PM Flag
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Same. And we don’t wear shoes in our own home. My floors aren’t spotless - I vacuum and mop all the time, but I have a collie and two young kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:45 PM Flag
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How can you have a dog AND ask people to remove their shoes? That sounds pointless and also gross for the visitors. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:16 PM Flag
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She just said she doesn't ask people to remove shoes. calm your tits. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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Ha, thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:46 PM Flag
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This is the correct way to do things. We don't wear shoes at home but I would never ask guests to remove theirs. And as another responder pointed out, there could be foot situations going on; my mom had a major foot issue and had to wear shoes all the time. She did not want to have to discuss this with people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:45 PM Flag
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Also elders with balance and gait disturbance could be unsafe. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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Same. We take our shoes off in our home but we don't ask guests to. I appreciate it if they offer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:49 AM Flag
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Same here, too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 10:20 AM Flag
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Same here, too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 10:20 AM Flag
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Don’t go to Asia. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:00 PM Flag
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I'm from middle east and it is in my culture to take off shoes inside home. It is rude not to take off your shoes when asked. Also studies show that taking off shoes at home has health benefits associated with this practice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:11 PM Flag
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Spinoff from above: if you have a dog, and the dog doesn’t wear shoes outside, why ask humans to remove shoes inside? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:17 PM Flag
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We have a paw bath for the dog right by the elevator. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:21 PM Flag
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This is the stupidest spinoff ever. Not just because it's a spinoff, but just the concept in general. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 04:37 PM Flag
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It’s actually a valid question. Unless you have a “paw bath” (hilarious, I love it) like poster above, why is it ok for Fido to track shit and dirt around apartment but freak out about shoes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 05:48 PM Flag
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We don't wear shoes in the apartment but it wasn't for germ issues. We don't wear shoes because it reduces noise (neighbors below) and it's more comfortable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 06:53 PM Flag
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There is dog poop and pee all over the sidewalks of NYC. You don't get to trek that into my house! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:21 PM Flag
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This!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:34 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 04:04 PM Flag
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Right?? I have a crawling baby. Yes, take your shoes off please!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:15 AM Flag
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you are weirdo neurotic. don't have guests if you are OCD [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 04:01 AM Flag
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np: whatever. I was the same. nyc streets are so dirty. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 10:54 AM Flag
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but babies actually need to come in contact w the elements in order to build a healthy immune system. and that includes dirt, urine, dog poop. they say kids who grow up with pet dogs have fewer allergies and stronger immune systems [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 08:34 PM Flag
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x1,000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 10:54 PM Flag
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Most people are nice and ask first, especially in our NYC apartment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:43 PM Flag
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I always have people offer, I tell them no. My pets go outside and they don't wear shoes, so it's not like there's a bacterial firewall anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:49 PM Flag
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This is a practice in many Asian cultures. Leaving your shoes on is disrespectful. Not everything is about you. If you have a genuine health issue, sure! But if you just don't want to, come on. Respect the rules of the home you are visiting, just as you would want them to respect yours. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:38 PM Flag
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well sure, but it's disgusting [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:50 PM Flag
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And some would argue that keeping shoes on is more disgusting. If it bothers you so much, bring a pair of indoor house slippers with you when you visit these people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:18 AM Flag
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I agree with you - think it's gross as hell [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:49 PM Flag
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Hey Gross Mom. How are things in Eww Land? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:02 AM Flag
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Your downstairs neighbors must love you. And foot issues should be treated by a doctor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:58 PM Flag
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We had upstairs neighbors who wore shoes all the time and were basically nocturnal. Lots of clunking at 2:00 a.m. I don’t think they had any rugs, even though the coop required 80% coverage. We complained, they did nothing. And our child was 1 to 9 years old while we lived there. What inconsiderate a-holes. If you walk around in your shoes all day in your apartment, you may want to think about that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 10:28 AM Flag
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I think people are way too germaphobic no matter where they stand on shoes-on vs. shoeless. The odds that a person with a healthy immune system will catch some terrible disease from the floor are fairly low. I let my guests do whatever they feel comfortable with, and if I’m a guest and the hosts prefer I take off my shoes, I’m fine with that. I walk around in bare feet all the time at the pool, the beach or yoga and made it four decades without incident. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:28 AM Flag
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We are a shoes off house but we don't ask guests to take their shoes off. I actually prefer guests to keep shoes on because I've noticed too many of our houseguest putting their feet up on our stuff when they are shoeless (coffee table, curling up on chairs etc.) that I don't think they would ever do if they kept their shoes on. If a guest offers to take their shoes off I say no they don't need to, that's just for the kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:53 AM Flag
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NYC - you walked all over the city with your shoes stepping on dog shit and pee. I really don't want to to track all that into my house and rather you don't visit if you don't want to take your shoes off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:41 AM Flag
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We live in nyc gross just take off shoes- there was a report on how much bacteria is tracked all Over house if shoes are left on, more illness etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:53 AM Flag
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oh please [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 02:01 AM Flag
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NP - this is true, I posted below. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:14 AM Flag
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Ditto. You forgot to mention garbage juice in addition to pet eliminations. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 02:23 AM Flag
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Sorry but this topic has been beat to death on this website! And usually, as this thread demonstrates, the majority vote no shoes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 02:30 AM Flag
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^ Kick your shoes at the door. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:13 AM Flag
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The polite approach if you request shoes off is to provide slippers for guests. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:19 AM Flag
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THIS!!! So uncivilized to ask people to take off their shoes! Seriously, what planet wree they raised on to think this is okay?!!? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:59 AM Flag
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I think you need to reassess where you fall in the uncivilized scale. Can’t believe you think feet are worse than shit? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:01 PM Flag
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Sorry OP but you are behind the time. It's common courtesy when you're invited into somenoe's home to at least ASK the host if they'd like you to remove your shoes. Generally, people say no, but if they don't wear shoes in the house and they say, "yes, please" then you should respect that. We don't wear shoes in the house, but I don't care if guests do, I'll say no if they ask me if they need to take them off. I just clean the floors after they leave. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 06:18 AM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 10:23 AM Flag
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In the Bay Area it seems like more people I know DON'T wear shoes inside than those who do. Nearly everyone I know takes them off and it seems normalized to take yours off when you are a guest. Just make sure you wear cute socks when you go over for a visit! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 06:18 AM Flag
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wow - please never travel as you are an egoist- shoes off in Middle East - Asia - scandinavia - we think it is so gross that you bring in the street juice to our home where we eat and live- I will provide slippers and socks to unprepared guests - but really - stay away from my house with your dirty shoes - do you where shoes in you sofa? in your bathroom ? your bedroom ? EWWWWW [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:34 PM Flag
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Grew up in Eastern Europe, same - very rude not to take off your shoes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 10:53 PM Flag
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wow - please never travel as you are an egoist- shoes off in Middle East - Asia - scandinavia - we think it is so gross that you bring in the street juice to our home where we eat and live- I will provide slippers and socks to unprepared guests - but really - stay away from my house with your dirty shoes - do you where shoes in you sofa? in your bathroom ? your bedroom ? EWWWWW [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:34 PM Flag
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How disgusting do you have to be to A) have dirty feet, and B) track nasty street dirt and bacteria all over your home? How the hell is your floor ever "clean" if you wear shoes in the house? I can't stand wearing shoes indoors, what's more comfy than bare feet? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:25 PM Flag
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I'm sorry - I am the last germophobic person ever - I've gotten flamed on here because I don't hover on public toilets and don't wash my hands before eating - but I think it's gross not to take off your shoes when you enter a house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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*least germophobic [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:53 PM Flag
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I am the same! I ALWAYS st on public toilets. Never had a problem. But hate when ppl leave their shoes on and get dirt on my floors and carpets. And don't get me started when it is rainy or snowy out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 05:36 PM Flag
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I'd rather see people's gross feet than have my carpets and floors get filthy. If someone really has a foot problem, they can keep their shoes on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 05:35 PM Flag
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No shoes in my home. Sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 07:45 PM Flag
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I hate it as well. I think it's stupid. You have germs all over the place anyway. People are neurotic and controlling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 10:11 PM Flag
[ - ] I spent the last 3-4 hours decluttering DC’s room, and the games closet in the living room, as well as pet of the storage. We got rid of at least 7-8 large boxes of stuff. It’s nowhere nearly done but it feel so satisfying. Should do this once a year, but we haven’t done a radical cleanse since we moved in a few years ago. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:45 PM Flag
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The next big project will be my closet, I have to get rid of many old clothes because I can’t find anything anymore. This will be very hard for me as I don’t like to part with my clothes. Wish me strength! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:47 PM Flag
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Good luck to you. Be ruthless! Think of how great it will be to open your closet and only have things you love! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:59 PM Flag
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It will be very liberating! I see other people’s houses that are smaller than mine and they look so much better because there is a place for everything and they aren’t cluttered. I think I can achieve that too! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:09 PM Flag
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Do again in November before the holidays. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:02 PM Flag
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I think there are a few items that I can’t part with right now but I think if I keep them and revisit during the holidays, i can get rid of them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:08 PM Flag
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I just spent 2 hours in the basement going through stuff. Have 4 huge boxes to throw away and 2 to donate. It makes me feel so good. I hate stuff and yet it manages to accumulate. I will say I have managed to keep on top of it in the rest of the house by pre-scheduling a donation pick-up once a month. Even if there is only one bag of stuff I know they are coming and I need to keep on it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:13 PM Flag
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We all (self included) just need to stop buying so much crap. It all ends up in the landfill, makes me ill thinking about it. Too much STUFF [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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OP. I agree. I am not buying much anymore. Kids have uniform at school and sports clothes on the weekends. A few nice outfits. But I have stuff from them they were 2-7 (now 8 and 11), so it’s just a lot. I also noticed that I can wear the same pants or shoes for many years but I bought stuff that I didn’t need and never wore in my 20s and that needs to go. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:01 PM Flag
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This. This year my new year's resolution was to buy nothing new unless I truly need it and can't get it used. I have saved a lot more money than usual and I have a lot less stuff everywhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:04 PM Flag
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OP. I have stuff that I bought 20 years ago, I just never decluttered. It’s really horrible, but there are cute theory sweaters etc, that now fit my DD. Not sure whether it was worth it. I gave away (and threw out) so many boxes .... all toys from when the kids were 2 and onwards. It’s crazy. Why didn’t I do this before?!? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:59 AM Flag
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^ I am buying new things because lots of clothes are worn out, especially those that I wear a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:59 AM Flag
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You don't need to buy new clothes. There is plenty of selection at secondhand shops. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 08:04 AM Flag
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Congratulations [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:56 AM Flag
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OP. The scary part is that there is still so much left. I mean I don’t even know how all of this fit into our storage space (laundry room, closets etc). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:02 AM Flag
[ - ] I hate going to other people's summer homes. You are trapped by their rules, feeling uncomfortable, do what they want to do, etc. No freedom. Yet, people w summer homes constantly invite and want people to come out to stay w them. How do I respectfully decline (over and over)? 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:45 PM Flag
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Thanks -- so kind! Weekends are tough for us -- lots of church commitments! Hope we can get together when you are back in town. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:46 PM Flag
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^few people will buy that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:48 PM Flag
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say "we have birthday parties for the kids it's so hard to get away" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:54 PM Flag
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then they will throw out other dates. They never stop asking. I sound ridiculous, but seriously, it is becoming a real thing! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:56 PM Flag
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Don't make excuses. A simple, "No, thank you" is all that is necessary. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:05 PM Flag
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I would never stay at other people’s houses. This is such a weird UB thing. Just meet up with people who have houses wherever you go anywhere and meet you other friends during the week or after the summer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:49 PM Flag
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Me neither! I always saw we are busy and then the summer homeowner then says "how about next weekend, or the weekend after that?" or "which weekend works for you." It is literally endless. I am not at all interested in staying in someone's home for the weekend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:51 PM Flag
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So just say you are going to your own place, you are traveling or you have to run errands. I guess I am blessed that people don’t do this in my circle. I have a vacation place in Europe, I have my own friends there, they don’t invite me to stay with them because they know I have my own place, here in the US, we live in a suburb in FL and weekend homes are pointless, so no one has one. When I go back to NY, i stay in a hotel, and even when I was in my 20s i didn’t crash with friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:01 PM Flag
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Tell the truth! Thanks, but I don’t enjoy staying with people, I have too many weird habits. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:00 PM Flag
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This is good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:03 PM Flag
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^This. Makes it about you, not them. Make the thanks sincere, and ask if you can get togehter in the city one evening before or after. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:03 PM Flag
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^This. Makes it about you, not them. Make the thanks sincere, and ask if you can get togehter in the city one evening before or after. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:03 PM Flag
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You are funny [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:07 PM Flag
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I say that summer is my down time, and there are so many things to catch up on. It's actually true, and most people understand. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:11 PM Flag
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We stay with people all of the time but very rarely at summer places near NYC. I get annoyed by the people who press you and think they are doing you a favor because "won't it be nice to get out of the city?" I like the city! That always used to happen when we lived in London. My DH had a lot of friends who had moved out of the city and I think they were bored. But I was in aid work and have a lot of non-wealthy friends from far-flung places and we all stay with each other. I find it fun. Some people are bad guests but most aren't. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:16 PM Flag
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Ugh, I know what you mean. Some people just won't take no for an answer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:17 PM Flag
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They will, if you actually say, "No." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:06 PM Flag
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I've never been invited but I would agonize over how to say no but desperately have to say no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:29 PM Flag
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I hate staying at other people's homes, too. That's what hotels are for. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:05 PM Flag
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I am surprised your friends press. We have a summer home and I really prefer no overnight guests, outside of extended family. We meet up with people locally when we feel social. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:34 PM Flag
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^^^dcs sometimes bring friends but not entire family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:35 PM Flag
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send the invites to me! we love it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:52 PM Flag
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I’ve been on both ends. Here’s the thing—-if you actually want to spend time with the person/family or generally enjoy their company, why wouldn’t you want to do it in the context of someone’s lovely home, with a pool, near the beach? It should be about hanging out! Having fun! It is possible for it to be low-key. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:11 PM Flag
[ - ] Family vacation advice appreciated (situation in first comment): 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:19 PM Flag
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OP: I am getting angry pushback from family after declining to go to annual beach vacation with my parents, siblings and their families. I have three DCs (5, 3, and 4 months) and the vacation was scheduled for my first week of summer vacation (I'm a teacher), and I am completely exhausted. Also, the visit would have required cross-country flights for us, and while we are comfortable, ~$3k for flights is a big expense. I'm tired and angry, and would appreciate any advice or perspective before I lose it with my family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:20 PM Flag
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Go. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:32 PM Flag
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Stick to your guns about the flight but don’t couple it with complaints of exhaustion, you’ll dilute the force of your explanation that th flights are too pricey. I get that you’re tired, but everyone who works gets tired, not just teachers. And you do have an entire summer to recuperate so your family won’t cut you a break there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:33 PM Flag
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She never said only teachers get tired. Someone who teaches kids and has three young kids is tired and does not need to justify it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:50 PM Flag
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np: but it was kind of implied.I am at the end of the school year and exhausted! except everyone else who works gets exhausted too, and will not get 2.5 months to recuperate. The family is not going to appreciate the argument. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:04 PM Flag
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My family would totally get a teacher with a newborn would be too tired to travel. Thankfully, my family has empathy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:26 PM Flag
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Anyone with a newborn could be tired, teachers are not more tired than anyone else though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:19 PM Flag
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Of course. I never said teachers are more tired than anyone else. Teachers are tired, other people are tired. Nobody needs to justify this to family. OR made it seem that the family would Not accept that she could be tired. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:21 PM Flag
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NP: I totally get what you're saying. Don't see why others are being so defensive. The point is OP's argument is much better if she makes it about something that's non-refutable--like the cost of the flight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:32 PM Flag
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Advice is quit doing family vacations. I can't stand it and finally told my mother no more. We just say "no thank you". It makes her mad b/c she wants the picture perfect vacay with all of her grandkids. But I just can't. I do not enjoy spending time with my siblings. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:33 PM Flag
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Just tell them it doesn’t work for you this year. I often blame my job when I decline stuff makes it easier and for some reason that’s an acceptable excuse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:39 PM Flag
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But can’t afford it is certainly a reasonable excuse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:40 PM Flag
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What kind of push back? Just say "We can't this year". When you hear annoyed comments, repeat "we can't this year -- oh -- 3year old needs attention (or whatever). Bye!" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:41 PM Flag
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Are you sure you don't want to go? While my family can be annoying, I'm really grateful that my kids spent time with my family who lives across the country on family vacations when they were little. It really gave them a chance to bond with their cousins and my parents--even if they don't remember, every one else does and this creates a bond. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:30 PM Flag
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What are you doing on UB? Don't you know you cut off family members if they are even a tiny bit annoying? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:57 PM Flag
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np She’s just killing time here, waiting for her macarons to cool. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:23 AM Flag
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I can't imagine traveling cross country with 3 kids who are that young. Stick to your guns. If everyone feels so strongly about getting together, they should be willing to travel to you (especially since you have a baby). It's nice to get together so that all the little cousins have an opportunity to bond, but you shouldn't have to always incur the expense and stress of travel to achieve this. And don't let people guilt you into things...it just creates a lot of resentment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:30 PM Flag
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"No, thank you. We don't want to." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:07 PM Flag
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I think you can decline this year with the excuse that the baby is still small and you are getting into a routine. After that I would go...it is really nice for kids to be with cousins if you can afford (else can you schedule somewhere closer to you?) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:05 PM Flag
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Your kids are young. I found it hard to enjoy traveling when the kids are that age. You still have all the work of childcare without any of the conveniences of being at home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:53 PM Flag
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Tell them you won’t take the baby on a plane until she’s had a year of vaccines. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:23 AM Flag
[ - ] Question for lawyer moms. Im thinking about a career change from journalism (obviously). I've always wanted to be a litigator, mostly for criminal cases, either prosecution or defense. Is it crazy to think about doing this with the law profession also in turnaround? 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:36 PM Flag
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No, it's not crazy. But my advice would be to go to a low-tuition law school, like CUNY. Don't take on huge debt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:42 PM Flag
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Will there still be a need for good litigators in 10 or 15 years? Im definitely a good storyteller and very strategic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:52 PM Flag
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As long as people are still committing crimes, and we have a government. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:58 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:54 PM Flag
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Agree somewhat, but a brand law school like Yale, etc will open doors. Otherwise go solid state and cheap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:27 PM Flag
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There is a big difference between prosecution and defense... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:54 PM Flag
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DA's office or Legal Aid do not pay well but health insurance is amazing. Private practice is hit or miss. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:54 PM Flag
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It's a hard road. Went to law school at 37 and it was tough, but knew what I wanted to do, so that's half the battle. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:34 PM Flag
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Did you feel very out of place at 37 in a class of younger people, or was it fine? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:52 PM Flag
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Yes, totally out of place. I was in the arts and construction before and I didn't fit in except with a select few, who are still my friends 15 years later. It was sort of a shock because people had just come from college and were very focused on school still. I had to learn it all over. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:55 PM Flag
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Sorry, it's 20 years now! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:55 PM Flag
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How can you not care whether you are prosecution or defense? This does not bode well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:46 PM Flag
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Of course I care. People say that you often should start in a prosecutor's office if you want to be a defense attorney. That's why I wrote it that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:51 PM Flag
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Those are very competitive, tough jobs to get, esp. in a big city. Unless you have very high LSAT scores and get into a top law school, I'm not sure that it's worth it. I've been a litigator for 25 years and I'm trying to figure out how to get out of it. Too bad we can't swap, I would love to get into journalism. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:06 PM Flag
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I went from journalism (well, copyediting) to law (criminal defense for Legal Aid) and back to journalism. Legal Aid was the most fascinating job I ever had, but it was very stressful. I looked for a while for other public interest jobs, couldn't find one that was a fit and went back into journalism. Anyway, I went to Fordham at night and my fellow students ranged from 23 years old to 60. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:06 AM Flag
[ - ] I was at my son’s little league trophy ceremony with my 12 year old daughter. One of his teammate’s mom said twice that it would be nice if my daughter watched her three young daughters so she could enjoy the ceremony. I know they are a handful and I did not respond. Was I rude or was she rude? 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:08 PM Flag
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She was out of line. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:10 PM Flag
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Do you really have to ask? Of course she was rude. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:10 PM Flag
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OR by this I just mean you are really a nice person if you think it could have been you who was rude! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:11 PM Flag
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She did not say hi to me later and I told someone and they thought I should have helped her out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:11 PM Flag
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Whoever told you that is full of it. That mom was over the top out of line for thinking your tween should watch her kids and mentioning it multiple times. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:12 PM Flag
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Also she is taker for even asking, and then snubbing you later is just rude. That mom is incredibly ill mannered. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:13 PM Flag
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Thanks! I do not mind the snub because I do not like her. I did feel bad because my Ed has played with some siblings at games but that was her choice and it was not expected. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:16 PM Flag
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She wasn't asking you to help out. She was asking for your dd to give her some free childcare. She should have offered a $20. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:20 PM Flag
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She should have asked what the DD would charge. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:25 PM Flag
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She may have paid her but 3 small kids in a very chaotic environment is a lot. Plus, my dd came to see the ceremony. My dh was home with my other child. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:54 PM Flag
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Did you just not respond to that request or did you ice her out and not even talk to her? If the latter, yeah, that was rude. If you just changed the subject like you thought she was joking, fine. She's an idiot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:31 PM Flag
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She said it “kidding” and I laughed and changed the subject but than she brought it up again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:55 PM Flag
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Smile and say "Jennifer, it's so flattering that you think Lauren is so responsible, but she's here at a guest of her brother, not to work." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:19 PM Flag
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It wouldn't have killed you to say "I know how hard it is with little ones. Mary really wants to watch the ceremony too and she's had a long weekend so I don't think she's up for babysitting just now but let me know if you need to run to the bathroom." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:44 PM Flag
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that's something to say to a person who isn't trying to make it your problem, not someone who is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:34 PM Flag
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That would have been a good response but my dd would have felt bad if I said that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:56 PM Flag
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Then raise her better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:08 PM Flag
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What does that mean? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:23 PM Flag
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This happens all the time with my dd who is 13, sometimes she does do it and sometimes she doesn’t feel like it. It is not your dd’s responsibility to watch her kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:06 PM Flag
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She has watched other kids before but three kids at a closing ceremony with 100s of people is too much. Nobody should expect this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:24 PM Flag
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No way, this is out of line. They should hire a sitter, you don't want to put your kid in this position. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:32 PM Flag
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My other kid was home with dh. He would have liked to see him get his trophy but couldn’t. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:57 PM Flag
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that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. why should it be your problem that she had a bunch of kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:33 PM Flag
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Tell her she'll do it for $25 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:34 PM Flag
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"Yes, it would be nice if you could find a sitter." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:37 PM Flag
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Friend has kids exactly this age, younger one plays Little League and older sister makes a mint watching little kids, she set it up as a business (I think they also do travel games and she also does it when away). Could be something for your DD to think about (but yes, friend out of line) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:08 PM Flag
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Only on UB would another mom try and shame you to get free child care. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:55 PM Flag
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she has 4 kids and is overwlmed. bummer. not your respomnsibility. your child shouldnt be farmed out to strangers to babysit their kids. you are fine! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:56 PM Flag
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She has 5 kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:24 PM Flag
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When I nannied, it wasn't an uncommon question. "Mrs. Smith, since Lauren will be there anyway..." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Sahm here with unemployed dh. Divorced is filed but am receiving 0 support. Should I cash out my pension savings? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:51 PM Flag
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no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:57 PM Flag
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No. Get a job and move to wherever you can afford to support yourself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:59 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:02 PM Flag
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no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:03 PM Flag
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No. Can you move in with family until you can get a job? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:08 PM Flag
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No. What are your plans for getting a job? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:48 PM Flag
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Doesn't one half of your retirement savings belong to your husband? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:32 PM Flag
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Are there any family assets you can tap into? Pension would be a last resort as there is a tax penalty. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:47 PM Flag
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And there’s also a “poverty in old age” penalty. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 02:06 AM Flag
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Drop the kids off at his place and go find a job. If he's unemployed, he should be parenting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 08:12 AM Flag
[ - ] does anyone have any advice for me?. She has ADHD and one way it manifests is by talking a lot about whatever she is excited about, whether or not whether or not the other person indicates they are interested in what is being said. I am currently staying with our father helping him while he goes through chemo. My sister comes by to help by going on shopping trips but spends a long time just sitting around asking us what we want and going over her list loudly after everyone has said a few times they don't need anything else. Then she talks loudly and boisterously about whatever comes to her mind while my dad is trying to nap. She also talks "at" me while I politely try to signal that I'm not interested. She just started talking about serial killers and I finally said "I don't really want to hear about serial killers, that upsets me" and she got angry and now is sulking. It's been like this my whole life, but I didn't know until recently that she has ADHD. It explains a lot. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to handle this? I am already under a lot of emotional stress with my dad's illness and I don't have the energy to deal with this. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:10 PM Flag
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* My sister has ADHD [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:10 PM Flag
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Sounds like she could also be on the spectrum. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:13 PM Flag
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OP: I think that may be the case also. could it be both? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:15 PM Flag
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This sounds like de who is autistic and has adhd. Stress brings out these behaviors. She feels out of control and disconnected This leads her to obsess over what she can control like a shopping list and to info dump instead of converse. She’s Dealing with the same stress you are but doesn’t have the skills you have. Reinforce your boundaries and explain what to do if what she is doing is harmful. Also, try to praise her efforts. She may feel useless on top of feeling scared for your dad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:41 PM Flag
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OP thank you this is really helpful, especially the praise part of it. I get so annoyed and overwhelmed with her I forget to thank her for the things she does that help [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:49 PM Flag
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Can you or your dad think of things she could do to help out that don’t involve all hanging around at home together? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:42 PM Flag
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I have a SIL like this. Verbalizes her every thought and has no awareness that others are not interested. I've finally decided for her it is anxiety and that's the way she soothes herself. It's incredibly annoying but she's not a bad person and fortunately I only have to see her twice a year. I've found the only way to deal is to leave the room. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:57 PM Flag
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OP It's the same, my sister is not a bad person and I end up feeling so terrible about how angry and annoyed I get with her. Sadly if I try to do things like leave the room or set any boundary at all she gets her feelings hurt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:00 PM Flag
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No offense but this is not ADHD alone. This is not normal behavior for an adult with ADHD AT ALL. - mom who has ADHD, and adult siblings with ADHD [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:58 PM Flag
[ - ] Looking for some advice here as I am trying to read between the lines. I had quarterly review with my boss and there were some goals that I did not make progress on. He asked if I could track my hours on Google sheet to Gage how much time I spend on each task. I am fairly new. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:54 PM Flag
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Best case trying to mentor and redirect. The worst case is they think you are not grasping something and are trying to figure out if is your time managment or skill set. It is a fair warning but it is a warning. GL- lots don't get this opportunity. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:58 PM Flag
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It also could mean that they feel that you aren't putting in the hours. Are you often late or leave early? Take long lunches, grab with co-workers or spend time on personal stuff at work? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:53 PM Flag
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gauge? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 08:12 AM Flag
[ - ] Just bought a few birthday gifts from the Stationary/Toy Store on 72nd st, their prices are so high! Same things are sold so much cheaper online. I shouldn't have waited till last minute to buy them. 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:26 PM Flag
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Live and learn. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:29 PM Flag
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We have a place like that around the corner in Brooklyn. Crazy high, but it’s convenient if you only need one of something or if, as happened recently, you realize only after taking out the ice cream cake to soften that you aer out of birthday candles. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:30 PM Flag
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You're paying for convenience. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:40 PM Flag
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No. You’re paying for a small business to continue in your neighborhood. You are paying real prices instead of slave wages to the likes of Amazon. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:53 PM Flag
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Both. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 08:13 AM Flag
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Yup. Dollar store in the burbs = $14 at that shop. But if you're in a pinch... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:54 PM Flag
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I love that shop. It has been there for at least 25 yrs and probably lots longer. Enjoy it while it lasts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:38 PM Flag
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+1000. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:43 PM Flag
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How last minute?Amazon Prime gets things to you pretty quick [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:10 PM Flag
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*stationery [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:09 PM Flag
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You waited until the last minute and then shopped in a store. You paid for convenience, availability, and on-site inventory. Of course the prices are higher. Stop shopping online. Buy local, or there won't be local stores at all one day. Is that the kind of city you want to live in? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:12 PM Flag
[ - ] We’re all so spoiled by Amazon — just found out something I ordered from Company Store on June 19th that shipped on the 20th won’t be here until the 27th. Outraged that I might have to go to a store in person to pick one up instead! 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:22 PM Flag
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I am amazed in this day and age how long it takes for some companies to ship. Even large ones like Nprdstrom and Sephora can take upwards of a week. And dont count the "shipping time" until the order has been "processed," which can be a few days. Up your game, corporate America! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:22 PM Flag
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Sephora is the worst. Every time I order they say they are having very high order volume and will be slower than usual. Every time! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:40 PM Flag
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NP - or that you ordered something that’s not eligible for 2 day shipping and has to go ground. Like sunscreen lotion. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:46 PM Flag
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I ordered a dress from the Sundance Catalog and spent 20 dollars in shipping and it took 14 days to arrive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:12 PM Flag
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Watch out - I had to return something to The Company Store and it was such an annoying process that I swore I'd never shop there again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:52 PM Flag
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Thanks, I think I’ll just refuse delivery so the shipper sends it back. Assuming that’s the cheapest way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:04 PM Flag
[ - ] Hey, This is Amazon Prime Now Shopper mom. Someone yesterday had questions about the job. I’m here now and quite at my leisure, if that person or anyone else has questions. 52 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:08 PM Flag
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That wasn’t me but I’m interested in what you do, hours and pay. Do you set your own schedule? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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$15 an hour, which is minimum wage in NYC but also applies in areas where that’s above minimum. Sometimes there’s an added $1 - $3 an hour in high-demand times (Sundays mostly, and holiday periods). You set your own schedule subject to specific shifts, which are 6:10 a.m. to 11:10 a.m.; 11:10 to 3:30 p.m.; 3:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m.; and one or two people per site working 5:15 p.m. to 9:15 p.m. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:29 PM Flag
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These shifts are totally contrary to working parents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 02:19 PM Flag
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How so? I have a sixth grader, but she has another parent. They are contrary to SINGLE parents, I agree, but nobody has the right to be a single parent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.25.19, 02:15 AM Flag
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Hi !! I was just curious about how it all works - an order comes in ... what happens next? thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:30 PM Flag
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Everything is done on iphones (company owned). I log in, and the next order is assigned to me automatically. Once I hit ACCEPT I can see the items, and I go around and pick them up. We use regular shopping carts that we arrange with bags so we can pick directly into a bag (for speed). [MORE] [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:35 PM Flag
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Once I have everything, the system prompts me to tell it how many bags I have, and I seal them with labels and “stage” them in the room where the delivery guys will pick them up. There are long banks of shelves, fridges and freezers with labeled compartments that each hold 1-6 bags. Each compartment is identified with a QR code, as is each bag, so I’ll scan the shelf code then the bag code, and the system records that bag XYZ1 is now on shelf 14C or whatever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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In NYC Breakaway Courier delivers the orders. They come in and have a phone that has the customer name and address and a list of bag numbers and locations for each order. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:37 PM Flag
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Thank you !! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:15 PM Flag
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My pleasure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:41 PM Flag
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Cool, that's seriously interesting to see what it's like behind the scenes :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:27 PM Flag
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Thanks. It’s definitely a different world from office work! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:41 PM Flag
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Is there a minimum number of orders you have to fill per hour / shift? How is your "performance" measured? I've heard a lot about how demanding it is to work at one of Amazon's warehouses, and I'm wondering if they work you "to death" as an Prime Now Shopper too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:47 PM Flag
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We are tracked by several different statistics. Most important is “units per hour” or the pace at which you pick and scan items. It has to be at least 60, including all the time from when we hit ACCEPT on an order until when it is all staged on the shelves and we hit COMPLETE. Once you learn the store layout it isn’t difficult to make over 60 UPH. The key is tracing an efficient path through the store without back tracking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:57 PM Flag
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^^I read that long Mother Jones article about work in the warehouses, and this is not even close to that. Even people below 60 are kept on if they are improving. I have many colleagues who are always in the 50s, and some newer (under a month) colleagues still in the 30s and 40s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:58 PM Flag
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^^We are also tracked on how many orders we accept/reject and total work time that we are logged in as available to shop. Also the percentage of “items not found” i.e. out of stock, and whether we offer a replacement item in those cases, which we are supposed to do 100% of the time. But those aren’t emphasized the way UPH is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:00 PM Flag
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Does the store help you with mapping out a pickup route for a particular list or do you all basically do it by memory on your own? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:28 PM Flag
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We do it on our own. The item list is sorted within department, and the departments are listed alphabetically. But the stores all have a different layout and the same order could be routed to shoppers at any one of several stores. And even within one department, items could be in different locations “Bakery” for example includes things from the in-house bake shop, which I would hit first, but also mass-produced bread from an aisle in the middle and gluten-free bread, which is in frozen. Also mini bagels, which are in produce and full-size bagels which are with the prepared “grab and go” meals. You really just need to learn your specific store. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:32 PM Flag
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Hi! I wanted to ask you the best way to go about applying -- I have looked online but only see stores in NJ etc, what is my best bet if I want a store near me? You've inspired me to do this! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:47 PM Flag
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I applied in October through a link on Craigs List, but I think the offical site is amazon dot jobs. Friend of mine applied recently and had a choice of Columbus Circle or East 103rd Street. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:01 PM Flag
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thank you! I will look again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:35 AM Flag
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What do you like about the job? And dumb UB question - does it help keep you in shape? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:16 PM Flag
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I like the schedule flexibility and the fact that you do the work in front of you and when it’s done, it’s done. There is no waking up at 4 a.m. in a panic when you realize Stewie from Manufacturing never signed off on the quarterly report draft that has to go to the printer by 7:30 a.m. or whatever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:34 PM Flag
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Also, yes — I lost 20 pounds my first four months. But I try to work fast — many people walk at a normal pace and don’t seem to have lost weight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:35 PM Flag
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np how often do you see others? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:09 PM Flag
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At work? There are between five and 20 people on per shift, depending on the day and time. Lots of new faces recently but lots of people who’ve been there longer than I have. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:26 AM Flag
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I have a "prestigious" job now but my very favorite job in my life was the shift job I had right after HS. I did it, I went home, with the satisfaction of having done it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:37 PM Flag
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Have you ever ridden a segway? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:28 PM Flag
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No. I wouldn’t trust my sense of balance for that. I can’t even wear clogs because I would fall off and twist an ankle. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:35 PM Flag
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Thanks for doing this! Why are all the shifts 4 hours? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:22 PM Flag
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I believe it’s for temporal liquidity. That is, people who opt for the early morning shift likely have to be somewhere later — they can work 6:10 to 11:10 but not 6:10 to 3:30. I often work two shifts back-to-back, but that is unusual. It also relates to labor laws and how long people can work before you have to give them a meal break. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:27 PM Flag
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How many shifts do you work a week? What are your paychecks like? I may be retiring from a stressful career soon and the idea of a job like this is appealing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:43 PM Flag
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I’ve been working between 30 and 35 hours a week, which is high. I usually do two shifts a day for three days including Sunday plus maybe one more shift a week. I’m “off” for the summer — just have to work one shift per calendar month to stay active in the system. They request/expect at least 20 hours (but there’s no enforcement). I’m diverting 30% to the 401k since we don’t really need the money, so there’s not much left. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:58 PM Flag
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Question - if you don’t need the money why do it? Not being snarky, serious question. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:02 PM Flag
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I quit work to stay home with the baby, and the baby is now in middle school. But I’ve become accustomed to total schedule freedom and don’t want to give that up by going back to a regular full-time job. And I like being busy and having somewhere I have to be at a certain time rather than just a bunch of amorphous to-do list things that I could do any time I want. I actually get more done now because I have less free time so have to be focused. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:19 PM Flag
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np me too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:08 PM Flag
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What a mind-numbing job! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:23 PM Flag
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What a bitchy response! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 08:30 PM Flag
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You sound unhappy. Maybe you could do with some mind numbing? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:18 PM Flag
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OP: It’s not for everyone, for sure. What do you do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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Don’t feed this troll. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:22 PM Flag
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I have to agree. OP, do you have an education and did you have a career before this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:21 PM Flag
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Yes. Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:35 PM Flag
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Don't listen to these people, OP. This sounds like a great way to earn $'s for someone who needs a flexible schedule. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:44 PM Flag
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np -- I don't understand why you say this when she has said she enjoys it, it's keeping her active and healthy and it's an honest day's work! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:39 AM Flag
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Hey, if a minimum wage job that can be done by anyone with a pulse rocks your world, carry on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:50 AM Flag
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np; Maybe sometimes that's what we need. My friend who is a lawyer says it's mind numbing too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:52 PM Flag
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Nice! I think I would like this job too. I worked at WF right after college and I enjoy grocery shopping. Sounds way better than most 15/hr jobs especially since you don't have to interact with anyone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 09:52 PM Flag
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Yes, that last part is KEY. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 11:45 PM Flag
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np haha! "especially since you don't have to interact with anyone." I didn't reply earlier but is that what UB is for? ;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 02:32 AM Flag
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Do you get tips? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 02:30 AM Flag
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No. The delivery drivers do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 02:49 AM Flag
[ - ] How would you handle? Friends want to come stay in our apt in nyc for 3 days when we are away for a week in August. I don't like someone staying in my home when I'm not there. 53 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:04 PM Flag
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Just say the building doesn't allow it and they've been cracking down because a lot of people have been renting their apartments on air bnb. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:07 PM Flag
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This. Plus your friends sound kind of nervy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:08 PM Flag
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Just say, "No, that won't work for us." Done. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:15 PM Flag
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Or just, you know, tell the truth. “Sorry, but we don’t allow people to stay here when we are away.” [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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Doesn't that sound rude? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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If they are good enough friends they will understand. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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OR: I think so. Most people will get that the first answer really means OP doesn't want it but it's a more polite way of saying it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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PP It’s not rude because it’s a blanket policy. It would be rude to allow it for some people but tell these particular ones you don’t trust them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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^^Lying unnecessarily is rude. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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^^Also, “no, thank you” is almost never a rude answer. It’s not the answer people want to hear, but that doesn’t make it rude. Many on ub should learn this — would make for much less agonizing over whether we “have to” attend destination weddings or nephews’ graduations! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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I know what you are saying but I feel uncomfortable to say this. I wish I could be this direct. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:18 PM Flag
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They have offered their home to us when they were away, but I don't like staying in someone's home when the host is not there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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Wow. Glad I’m not such a wimp! If they dislike you for it, they aren’t really friends, [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:21 PM Flag
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I'm not a wimp, I'm quite bold in other situations believe it or not. With friends its a bit different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:22 PM Flag
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Okay. My “people pleasing” tendency (never strong to begin with) flipped off overnight when I turned 50. You’ll get there, I hope! In the meantime, keep lying to get out of thngs you don’t want to do! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:26 PM Flag
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np -- I've had friends who ask, and were insulted by this, so I'd go with above option. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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Their reaction is misplaced and not to be catered to. Are they the type also to be offended if anyone declined their wedding invitation? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:03 PM Flag
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pp -- yes, good point. High maintenance people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:40 AM Flag
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No, it does not sound rude. But people who want to manipulate and take advantage of their acquaintances will try to convince them it sounds rude, so they can get their way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:16 PM Flag
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I thought of exactly that, but they use to live in the city, I'm nor sure if they will believe it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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Then just tell them the truth [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:26 PM Flag
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np -- there has been a problem now though with airbnb and my building for example sent out a long letter about all the rules if a person wants to stay at all, getting permission from the building management, pictures, etc -- it is a huge pain in the ass. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:51 PM Flag
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I’ll bet your building has a rule against it, though. It’s worth checking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:25 PM Flag
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This is my ideal ... friends get to enjoy the city and I don’t have to host! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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I don't really like them that much. They are nice and decent but not my favorite. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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This happens to us all the time, we have a townhouse and are away in the summer. I tell everyone that our nieces from out of state are staying for the summer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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Same. We say no unless its a close friend or family from out of state. We also have a beach house in Del Mar and get requests all the time from people wanting to use it for free. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:43 PM Flag
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Who are you friends? I swear ppl don’t have a back bone anymore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:09 PM Flag
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Blame your or husband or the lease. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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Tell them you've already arranged for someone else to stay there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 04:45 PM Flag
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And then they change their dates or ask again twice a year for the next three decades. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:13 PM Flag
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We have a friend who is always dying to do this. They live in CT suburbs. Always wanting to trade, because they regret leaving Manhattan. But I don’t want them in our stuff and I don’t want to clean all my personal stuff out like an AirBnb. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 05:22 PM Flag
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I would say, oh sorry but we are in no shape to have anyone stay here. If they push, say seriously, it won’t work out. Need a hotel recommendation? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:12 PM Flag
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"We're having it painted then, sorry." But be prepared for future asks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:14 PM Flag
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That is really ballsy of your friends to ask. I would just say NO. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:20 PM Flag
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+1 incredibly pushy. I know people who sometimes try to arrange a “swap” with friends in London or LA, but if they are not offering anything in return I see no reason why you would consider this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:48 PM Flag
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I would only do this if they were in some kind of emergency, like a child receiving medical treatment in a hospital here. Not because they want to save on hotel costs, that’s not your problem [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 06:50 PM Flag
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That makes sense, and even then I wouldn’t be thrilled. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 02:06 AM Flag
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The truth usually works. Dear Jane, bob and I aren’t comfortable with guests in our apartment while we are away. I trust you will understand. Talk to you soo. Sally [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:05 PM Flag
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Ughhh apartment crashes are the worst [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 07:08 PM Flag
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Just say 'no, that doesn't work for us' and don't don't discuss it further. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.23.19, 10:02 PM Flag
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As a general rule, I do not let these things cost me too much time. Just find peace with the fact that the answer is no. And then either respond and say sorry this won't work for various reasons, including the building doesn't allow it and our place is in no shape for guests. Or just don't respond and they will take the hint that way. And if they don't take the hint and ask again, give the excuse when they ask again. But dismiss the issue from your mind now and don't let it bog you down. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:29 AM Flag
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My neighbor has friends who stay in his apartment every time he goes out of town and I HATE it. I recently had a friend who asked if she could stay in our place and I used the issue with the neighbor as my excuse. Sorry Kelly, the co-op doesn't allow us to have guests when we ate gone. My neighbor Emily has very loud guests when she is gone and I complained to the co-op about it and as a result I'm in no position to violate the policy myself. Hope you understand [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:31 AM Flag
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DH's cousins asked to stay in our apartment over winter break for a week while we were overseas. I set the parents up in older DD's room as her bed can be made into a king and put the DCs in younger DD's room - in bunk beds. I locked our bedroom as it was messy and I didn't want to clean it. Cousin later made a crack about our locking the MBR. No good deed goes unpunished. That said, I would do it again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:26 AM Flag
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Why was cousin trying to get into MBR? I'd respond with a crack: How would you know? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:49 AM Flag
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How about simply saying NO? "I'd love to but can't. Let me know if I can help you find an alternative in town!" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:48 AM Flag
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Just say your apartment is being painting, white lie and no hard feelings on either side [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 01:51 AM Flag
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no need to lie-- don't lie! just say no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:17 AM Flag
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stupid and cowardly to lie [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:17 AM Flag
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psychologist mom here: why can you not say exactly what you said to us, "I am not comfortable with people staying in my home when I am not here"? SAY IT AND OWN IT. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 03:14 AM Flag
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NP: I know you dread obvious Why? Just say “ I am just not comfortable “ no need to explain, you can repeat as many times as you want. They will get it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 02:44 PM Flag
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Tell her your building doesn't allow it and/or your insurance doesn't allow it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 12:47 PM Flag
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Then say no. We have a cat who needs company so we're alway happy to have someone stay, such as a grandmother visiting her grandchildren who live in the neighborhood. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.24.19, 04:33 PM Flag
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