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[ - ] How important is the Advance Regents Diploma ? How is required ? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:54 PM Flag
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they don't award it till the end, when your kid is already accepted into college, so not important at all [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:58 PM Flag
[ - ] Accepted for the Boston Marathon!!! Anyone else running it? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:47 PM Flag
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Congratulations! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:08 PM Flag
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Thank you!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:49 PM Flag
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Great! Let us know how it goes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:37 PM Flag
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Will do! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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No, but I did 19 and 20 years ago. Congratulations! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:44 PM Flag
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Wow!!! That's terrific! Ever since I got back into running a few years ago this was my dream. Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:48 PM Flag
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It's hard for me to remember what it was like to be that fast, to be honest. I don't run at all anymore (except for the bus). Make sure you cherish it -- look around and take it all in, as many times as you can remember to! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 06:07 PM Flag
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That's good advice! I'm not that fast, but fast enough for my age group (55-59). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 07:07 PM Flag
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Hey, if you qualified for Boston you're fast -- own it and be proud! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 07:29 PM Flag
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haha thank you! Appreciate it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 08:22 PM Flag
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What’s your pace ? Awesome congratulations! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 01:16 AM Flag
[ - ] What time does your child wake up on weekdays and leave for school? 28 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:41 PM Flag
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up at 6:30, out at 7:15 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:44 PM Flag
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same. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:03 PM Flag
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up at 7, out at 7:20 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:45 PM Flag
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up at 6.50, out at 7.20 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:47 PM Flag
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7:30; 8:15 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:48 PM Flag
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used to get up at 6:45, to leave @ 7:25. now rising @ 7 to leave @ same time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:49 PM Flag
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6:00 out at 6:40. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:54 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:36 PM Flag
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7:15, 8. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:55 PM Flag
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up by 7 usually, out by 8 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:04 PM Flag
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7:10 and out at 7:40 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:09 PM Flag
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645 for 8 (she's not a morning person and takes forever) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:15 PM Flag
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DC is a morning person, gets up around 5, leaves at 6:30, does HW at school before classes start at 8:30. Says he likes leaving early when subway is less crowded. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:16 PM Flag
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That's great, hopefully he can keep that habit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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up at 7, leave at 740 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:21 PM Flag
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Same for us [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:30 PM Flag
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6:20, 7:10 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:22 PM Flag
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6:40, leave at 7:40. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:37 PM Flag
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up at 6:30. leaves at 7. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:40 PM Flag
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6;15, bus at 6:55... high school [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:47 PM Flag
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Up at 7, out at 7:45. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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Interesting, I don't know what time she wakes up, just that she has to eat by 7:40 so she can leave at 7:50! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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7:15, leave 8:20. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:23 PM Flag
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Up at 7:30, out the door at 8:35. (Elementary school here starts at 9.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:37 PM Flag
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Up at 7, out the door at 7:45 for grade school. My high-schooler gets up before 6 because she likes to enjoy quiet time before she goes to school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:41 PM Flag
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6:55, 7:40. We pick out clothes the night before. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:07 PM Flag
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Wake up at 6:30, breakfast at 7:00, leaves at about 7:25. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:45 PM Flag
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6:40, out 7:10. I wish school started later and our commute was shorter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 03:55 AM Flag
[ - ] I have a small pre-cancerous mole on my face, that has been resistant to initial treatment. Derm says that if the next treatment doesn't work, she will recommend a chemical peel of the area. Should I just go all in and do my whole face? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:37 PM Flag
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Sure. It sounds like that’s what you want. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:53 PM Flag
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Have you done one? I normally wouldn't consider it, but if I'm going to need to do a partial anyway (paid by insurance), I might consider the extra money and pain. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:57 PM Flag
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Why wasn't it removed in the biopsy phase? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:58 PM Flag
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No biopsy. Just tried to freeze it off. It's very small/ early [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:00 PM Flag
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Then I'd say your doctor is hustling you for treatments to rack up the charges. Find a new doctor. You go for a biopsy and it is removed in seconds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:03 PM Flag
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I don't want an unnecessary biopsy on my face. They do scar. I'd rather start with the least invasive treatment possible. I think I'll trust my MD on this rather than an anonymous board. I just wanted some personal accounts from people who've done peels. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:09 PM Flag
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np: depending on the peel, the biopsy might be less invasive. A whole face peel can involve some downtime if it’s a strong one; there is also a small risk of scarring. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:22 PM Flag
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Pre-cancerous mole implies that it will turn into cancer. That's not true of most moles. Get an opinion from another dermatologist. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 08:22 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone have any success stories with Lexapro? Just starting. TIA 27 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:31 PM Flag
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I'm on it (just 5 mgs) and I find it helps lessen my anxiety. Turns it down a notch. No side effects. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:47 PM Flag
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what precipitated your taking it? asking as I am trying to figure out if maybe i fall in this category and I might be a more pleasant mom and wife if i were to do so (though all that sounds like a pharma script circa 1970s for valium). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:51 PM Flag
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I have recently realized (I'm 57) that my hyper vigilant mindset where I'm always on edge and thinking the worst will happen is not normal and can be treated with medication. It's an eye opener for me. I [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:53 PM Flag
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NP yikes, you just described me as well. I'm 56, and I think the worst thing about menopause so far has been the huge increase in my anxiety. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:49 PM Flag
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Yes! Off the charts. You might want to try it. I tried all the "natural" methods -- meditation, running -- but I found this really helped. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:48 PM Flag
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I'm PP and I'm...57. Did you ever imagine you would do this? I'm just tense, tense, tense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:34 PM Flag
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OP: my therapist recommended. It has also taken me years to understand that my hyper vigilance isn't an asset. GL to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:08 PM Flag
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Is it worth the side effects though? Hyper vigilance and anxiety is no gift, I would be glad to be rid of it, but feeling like a zombie, not having any emotions or sensations down there, and gaining tons of weight doesn't sound like a great tradeback. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:09 PM Flag
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This is not the side effect for most people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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There seem to be at least a couple of people here attesting to these side effects. The crazy unexplained weight gain and complete lack of libido would be a problem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:21 PM Flag
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It's all what DH would prefer, right? It's either a thin neurotic wife or a mellow, but indifferent and fat wife. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:23 PM Flag
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Sex drive is def a side effect. Weight gain in studies has proven to be insignificant. The medication does not mess with your metabolism. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:03 PM Flag
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Good luck to you too! I also realized life can be enjoyed, not endured. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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OP: thanks. I am starting on 5 mg. I am concerned about weight gain and nausea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:07 PM Flag
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I'm tiny, 100lbs normally, and gained a significant amount of weight on Lexapro in just a few weeks. Coming off of it was miserable, I was crazy depressed. Felt so much better once off though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:17 PM Flag
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OP; did you try another medication that worked better? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:22 PM Flag
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I didn't. I honestly felt traumatized coming off Lexapro and was able to work through what I needed with a therapist. I know that's not for everyone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:39 PM Flag
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Wow, what made you gain weight if you didn't change your diet? Or did you start eating a lot more because the meds made you crazy hungry and unable to tolerate it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:06 PM Flag
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I didn't change anything honestly. It was unexplained. I even upped my exercise like crazy, but just kept gaining. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:38 PM Flag
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You mean you ate the same thing all the time? Or you just didn't notice how you started to eat more? It's sort of weird unless your low weight was a result of some miracle metabolism and not super low calorie diet. Because if you are thin due to low calorie diet and you keep up with that and don't change it, there is no way you would gain a ton of weight, maybe a few lb if some weird metabolic changes happen, but I don't believe this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:20 PM Flag
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Yes the medication in theory may cause cravings that lead to weight gain. But studies have shown most people don’t gain weight. The medication does not have a metabolic effect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:04 PM Flag
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Didn't like it. Gained weight, killed my libido, made me emotionless. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:22 PM Flag
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OH I forgot how much it killed my libido. Ugh. Never again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:38 PM Flag
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Thank you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:40 PM Flag
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Huge success for me. But I had real depression issues I fought off and on for two years before I went on there medication. I was in therapy. It has jus gotten really bad and I was crying a lot and totally hopeless. I have been on it for a little over 3 months. I feel ok again, and I can remember saying over and over in therapy- I just want to feel normal, I just want to feel ok. I have some much more motivation. I am so much more present. Before I was in a constant state of despair and couldn’t focus. Sleep was poor. The only way to sort of keep things in balance was working out like 10 hours a week, and that was impossible to maintain and didn’t really get me all the way there either. I feel like a different person now who is re-engaged in life. I gained no weight. Sexual side effects last a few weeks. And I am not numb on any level. It is the opposite almost- before I started the medication I was so wrapped up in my misery I was not living life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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^^it “had” just gotten really bad, not “has”. And sexual side effects for me lasted a few weeks. Not saying it is the same for everyone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:39 PM Flag
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OP: Thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:46 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone have experience with Child Mind Institute and, if so, what do you think? Need to have DS evaluated for autism. Thx. 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:31 PM Flag
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They are good but costly. Also a factory so you have to stay on them. Look at Cornell. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:38 PM Flag
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OP - Thanks. I already have an appointment set up with Dr. Jennifer Cross at Cornell. Maybe I'll stick with that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:43 PM Flag
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She’s very good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:44 PM Flag
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Skip. ESP Booraday. Go to Nyu child study center. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:45 PM Flag
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Is there any chance that he’s highly or profoundly gifted? If yes, it’s best to find someone experienced with that population. Misdiagnosis is common. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:57 PM Flag
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He's only 15 months old - so I don't know, but I doubt it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:32 PM Flag
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+2. My BFF's son is profoundly gifted but was diagnosed for a long time as an Aspie. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 03:56 AM Flag
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Older teen went there and got great results. Nice psychiatrist she met 1x a month in addition to weekly psychotherapy app't. Meds helped her get over her hurdle and now she's weaned off them and doing great in college. Her friends went there for social cues therapy. They did well too. We paid upfront but insurance covered a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:04 PM Flag
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what was the diagnosis and what kind of meds? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:52 PM Flag
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Had DC1 evaluated (I think 2nd grade?) for ADD. Very professional, good report, good job of explaining report to parents. Last year had DC2 evaluated by different 2 person outfit - not nearly as good - took forever to get the results, felt the report was boilerplate recommendations that didn't fit out child, and some that were just flat-out wrong. In retrospect - I should have used Child Mind again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:32 PM Flag
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McCarton Center on 82nd and 1st. Experts in autism and a small practice where you get very individualized attention [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:03 PM Flag
[ - ] Help me get over myself / Dwight looks like a great place for DD, but I can’t get past the nickname and the past reputation. 43 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:02 PM Flag
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To be honest, reputation and nickname well deserved, but if you can overlook both you should go for it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:05 PM Flag
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Why is public not an option? Honest question - no flames. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:06 PM Flag
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Because she has been in a specialized school and has ADD and has never taken ELA, etc and hasn’t had grades so finding the right public will be hard. She has IEP and is ready for mainstream school. We have 3-4 public schools on our list. She will be in ICT [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:26 PM Flag
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OK thanks, GL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:59 PM Flag
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NP - Heard Leman and British International School also good it that situation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:04 PM Flag
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Are you trying for CGPS with its support program? It would be much better than Dwight. Dwight may accept your DC, but that doesn't mean they will educate her well. The Quest program there is no great shakes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:45 PM Flag
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I like it and Columbia grammar is nasty people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:55 PM Flag
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A friend whose daughter had issues was very unimpressed with CGPS wildly-expensive "school within a school" or whatever it's called now. I'm not telling OP what to do, but her public may very well already have the support systems she needs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:51 PM Flag
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Yes it costs like an extra 30k on top of regular tuition. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 02:35 AM Flag
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If you weren't on UB, would you even know the nickname and/or reputation? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:15 PM Flag
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NP She might: I first heard of it when the kids were looking at middle schools and that was before I discovered UB. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:16 PM Flag
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OP: native NYer. Known it for years [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:27 PM Flag
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There’s been this weird new tendency on UB to act like all of these school reputations exist only on UB. It’s simply untrue. UB is simply the forum. These notions, right or wrong, do exist, and they existed long before UB was a thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:36 PM Flag
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same [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:03 PM Flag
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+1. I remember this from the 90s when I was in HS in NYC. I would not rule it out based on rep if I thought it would be good for my dc but this is not something UB concocted. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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What's the nickname? New on UB [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:21 PM Flag
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Dumb white idiots getting high together [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:31 PM Flag
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Lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:34 PM Flag
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DK idiots - i always heard "dumb whites into getting high together" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:52 PM Flag
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That's every school in NYC. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:06 PM Flag
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OMG!!! that's hilarious! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:38 PM Flag
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"I cannot read, I cannot write ..." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:02 PM Flag
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I picked a school most people on UB have never heard of. Do what you think is right for your kid. Don’t be a sheep. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:23 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:45 PM Flag
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NP - it is really any different from places like Ethical Culture? I see a lot of kids from there because I live nearby and I’m not impressed. DC is an infant and we are moving next year so no vested interested. All the kids look the same to me... We are [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:41 PM Flag
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Current Dwight parent. Love it. Amazing, rigorous, better and better each day. Don’t be fooled. Excellent college placement. Amazing facilities. Nice international kids. Competitive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:46 PM Flag
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Huh... Are you fairly new at the school or in the very early grades? Because I am a former Dwight parent who made the mistake of not leaving at the end of preschool and managed to escape later, and it is not amazing. Starting with the corrupting nature of the for-profit model and the ownership structure. They do have great marketing though, and that extends to marketing their students to the colleges. Very good college placement in relation to the education they actually deliver. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:42 PM Flag
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For-profit doesn’t scare me. What I like is the breadth of cultures and opportunities. I’m not in the market for TT and that level of anxiety. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:44 PM Flag
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To each their own. A simple consequence of the for-profit model: our kids have had much better teachers overall at other schools. Dwight does not pay teachers particularly well and it impacts the quality of the faculty over time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:51 PM Flag
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Public schools are much more diverse than private. Ironic but true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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It is not ironic at all. Lol. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:32 PM Flag
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what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:52 PM Flag
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And I think Dwight is well aware of that stigma and unlike other schootrying to improve. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:46 PM Flag
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what are the chances that someone whose kid gets into both schools would choose Dwight? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:25 PM Flag
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This. And I think the TT schools get smug and stop innovating and bringing in kids with different strengths. They become like machines. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:45 PM Flag
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np -- totally different schools, yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 11:52 AM Flag
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Marginally related - took DC out of TT and put in a school often lumped with Dwight. Just as good academically and kids are so so so much happier. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:53 PM Flag
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Columbia prep? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:33 PM Flag
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Birch [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 06:40 PM Flag
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You have to just get over it. NYC is not what it was, and these schools are not what they were. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 07:25 PM Flag
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OP - best advice yet. My new mantra. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 08:56 PM Flag
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Lol. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 12:03 AM Flag
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Some of the nicest people I know went there. And some are truly successful. On the flip side, I know failure to launches from e.g., Collegiate and Trinity. In the end, you make the best of what you have. I think Dwight can be a great place. Go with your instinct and good luck!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 02:34 AM Flag
[ - ] Dd just started HS and having terrible anxiety. Any advice? It doesn’t seem to be getting better. Can some recommend a paying the city that takes ins? 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:54 PM Flag
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I'm sorry! That's so stressful and getting good, affordable access to mental health care here in the city is not easy. After going through so pretty bad people who took insurance, we ended up paying out of pocket. Columbia and NYU have anxiety clinics. if you do go to someone not in an academic setting, just make sure they practice CBT and not just talk therapy. DC should be given clear tools she can use to help her anxiety [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:09 PM Flag
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^^and also, it's completley normal for dd to be feeling anxious about starting HS. If this is a new behavior for her, give her some time to adjust. I may not run to a therapist right away if your dd has always been happy, adjusted, etc and jsut having a hard time with the start of HS. If there were other times in the past where she seemed anxiety-prone, it's time to see someone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:11 PM Flag
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Op she has has anxiety in the past, but this is pretty bad [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:21 PM Flag
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Plan some fun every week when you don't talk about school, grades, etc. We got out for ice cream once a week, and play card games another night, e.g. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:18 PM Flag
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Op we do, but I still think she should see a professional [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:21 PM Flag
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Op a therapist [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:28 PM Flag
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She needs more than talk therapy. She needs medication. I suffered with anxiety for most of my life until I started antidepressants. I've never been depressed, so I was hesitant. Then one day, about 6 weeks after I started taking them, I realized my anxiety was gone. I felt like a new person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:38 PM Flag
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Op I haven’t been able to find someone that takes ins [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:41 PM Flag
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Call you carrier and see if you can get out of network benefits. Or call international center for psychotherapy.?they take most insurance. Even if you get someone in training, they are already licensed therapists. They are getting advanced specialized training. Signed - socislmworker thetapist mom [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:56 PM Flag
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np: I'm on a beta blocker (for fast heart rate). Not depressed. Not necessarily the same thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:06 PM Flag
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Or. I take Propranolol and Klonopin for situational anxiety. But for my general anxiety, antidepressants work best. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:19 PM Flag
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I can manage anxiety without medication. After years of therapy l, am good with exercise and meditation and CBT. Occasional klonopin for anxiety related insomnia. I’m not saying some people don’t need medication but Op’s Daughter doesn’t necessarily need it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 12:07 AM Flag
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Are you the same mom who posted the other day? If so, I was the other mom with a struggling freshman at another SHS. My dd all of a sudden turned it around. Like literally one day in tears, and the next day found some people to sit with at lunch, and now no more crying. I know that doesn't help you, but wanted you to know it does get better, just a question of when. (And I know it won't all be rosy from here). Also, I spoke with our school and they have a therapist who comes in to meet with kids who are struggling - maybe call your school and see if they have something similar. As a side note, a friend with 2 kids in an SHS encouraged me to get a therapist lined up before freshman year even started - I should have listened. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:01 PM Flag
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Op no, not me. It does sound like it’s not just my dd [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:03 PM Flag
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It really is so common - but that doesn't help to hear when you are in the middle of it! Here are the links to some other posts I saved from this week about kids in similar situations. You're in good company! http://www.urbanbaby.com/topics/55925203 http://www.urbanbaby.com/topics/55925421 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:16 PM Flag
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Thank you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 07:32 PM Flag
[ - ] Went to back to school night last night. I saw 3 Goyard bags. They look cheaply made, sort of like they are made of vinyl. I'm guessing they were knock offs, because I couldn't imagine paying $2000 for that. Am I missing something? Have these always been chic and I'm just not? 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:52 PM Flag
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LV bags are like this too. Once I saw those bags I was like--yep, sheeple. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:03 PM Flag
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If they're real LV though, they last for decades. I have an LV bucket bag that is literally 30 years old. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:42 PM Flag
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I've got a croc Hermes clutch from the 1960s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:42 PM Flag
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I'm talking the newer ones that look like vinyl garbage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:07 PM Flag
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They make leather bags too, and canvas still lasts forever, they don't change the way it's made, just styles. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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Not really, Goyard canvas feels flimsy and vinyl like, and wears fast, I see enough of them worn out. LV canvas is thicker, better to the touch, not as sticky, and is indestructible. It's not a fashion statement, but if you want a durable lightweight bag able to withstand weather and abuse and still look decent, LV canvas is the thing. I personally prefer Epi leather in classic designs, but see the appeal of canvas and do own one of them, which I tend to wear for travel and in the rain/snow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:03 PM Flag
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no idea about you. i use mine for travel and really like it. i dont have a lot of high end brand items, but this caught my eye years ago and DH ended up getting it for my BD one year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:55 PM Flag
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At least you can recognize one: I'm clueless! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:59 PM Flag
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I wouldn't be able to tell a Goyard bag unless it had bright neon letters on it. Who are you people who pay so much attention. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:39 PM Flag
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attention to brands I mean. All my bags are gorgeous leather bought from small no brand stores. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:39 PM Flag
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+1. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 03:59 AM Flag
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It's waxed canvas. Goyard is a French heritage brand just like LV. I no longer buy either. I did when it was understated -- LV in the early 90s. Goyard late 90s. It's obnoxious now. Chic is relative. Being you is the best trend to follow. I just bought a vintage Coach bag on eBay. The early days where the leather aged beautifully. Get compliments all the time. I could afford labels but I want craftsmanship. Honestly, any decent designer can go buy waxed canvas and make themselves a tote. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:52 PM Flag
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Waxed canvas is not all the same. There are cheapo waxed canvas bags at TJ Max too, and among these no- brands there is also difference in feel, durability, quality. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:05 PM Flag
[ - ] My MIL passed away yesterday and we've received over 500 texts and FB messages from people filled with saying of how sorry they were or to 'let us know if you need anything' but zero people have actually managed to show any action. I'm running the show here now managing logistics for the entire family while taking care of my children and not a single person has taken any initiative on anything. Is this normal? 59 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:37 AM Flag
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Why are you running the show for MIL death? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:49 AM Flag
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My husband is an only child and my FIL was so dependent upon my MIL to the point of not knowing how to work any household appliances or grocery shop. Everyone is overwhelmed with grief and my inlaws didn't have an end of life plan so I've made all the arrangements. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:52 AM Flag
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Hi Twin. I'm the go to person for things like this. Then I moved to another continent. Guess what? People stepped up and in. If you're filling the void no one will act. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:03 AM Flag
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The sad part is, I don't think that's the case here in my situation. I'm surrounded by people who think someone else will eventually get it done or take care of and therefore don't step up ever. My FIL is one of the most passive introverts that could easily just be a victim of 'out of sight, out of mind.' [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:11 AM Flag
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BTDT I thought that too. Spend some Googling for Codependency. You sound like my type - caretaker. What helped me was realizing that by doing it for them, always, I was actually HURTING them. Like enabling an alcoholic by buying his or her booze. I was preventing them from DIY, so they never acquired those skills, felt invested, felt ownership, felt good about it... It took many years to accept and believe that. There may be a different nugget that resonates for you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:06 AM Flag
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what needs to get done? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:55 PM Flag
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Speak up. Many of them may be quite willing to help but don’t want to intrude. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 06:52 PM Flag
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Seriously, she died yesterday, and by 3 PM you've made all the arrangements and manged logistics for the entire family (which seems to include no one other than your dh and FIL)? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 07:29 PM Flag
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Good job [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 05:17 AM Flag
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People aren't mind readers. 'let us know if you need anything' means - let us know if you need anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:50 AM Flag
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I obviously understand what it means but I simply can't micromanage family and friends on top of that. I remember growing up and my mother sending meals, food or flowers to anyone going through a difficult time; I still do now. After this though, I wonder if I'm the only one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:56 AM Flag
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np- well if you want them to do something you need to give them a little direction or ideas of what needs to be done. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 10:18 AM Flag
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Then ask someone to be uncharge and give her an overview of what you need [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:21 PM Flag
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I do as well op. Unfortunately I think the breakdown of traditions has resulted in people not knowing how to behave. I've found people are disingenuous when they ask you to tell them how to help. They feel good that they offered but don't really expect you to tell them...plus that's just adding one more decision or directive for you during an emotionally draining time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:06 PM Flag
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i don't necessarily think all people are throwing off the request just to feel good. i did learn some years ago when a friend was in crisis that it was much more helpful to be specific. we were having a convo, i made the offer, and as we talked, i was better able to make specific suggestions. she took me up on one of them and then asked for more as she realized i really was willing to do anything. i also got better at anticipating, so every snow fall, i sent kids down the street to shovel their steps and walk, etc. when the ailing relative finally died, I went to WF and bought a meal as well as cocktail snacks, cheeses, etc as I knew there would be people coming through their home to pay respects prior to the funeral. this was the beginning of our friendship as well as our husbands. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:00 PM Flag
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np But in this case, people aren't talking to OP -- they are typing an electronic message in response to an electronic message. "Friends" aren't friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 06:51 PM Flag
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nnp Well, true, but this is more about the fake intimacy inherent to social media, not about 500 people she thought were her true friends turning out to be fake. If FB didn't exist, most of these people would not have called her at all. I think she probably needs to ask specific friends for help with specific tasks - yes, it's disappointing that they haven't volunteered more but that's not the same as blowing off an SOS for babysitting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 02:10 AM Flag
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THIS!!!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:20 PM Flag
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This. "Do you have time to pick up my dry cleaning tomorrow, so we have everything we need for the funeral?" Don't ask; don't get. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:45 PM Flag
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Sister just passed away and sadly, yes, it seems so. She was beloved in her community. FB is on fire with "anything we can dos." But we ordered Chinese food for dinner. There are no casseroles, no help of any substance. People feel like they can click the crying emoji and be done with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:59 AM Flag
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When there was a recent death in my friends family, she put up a calendar that allowed people to sign up to bring over dinner. It was very nice and made everyone feel useful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:01 AM Flag
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I mean, they're fine. Sister's Dh knows how to cook, but I'm amazed at how different we handle death than 20 years ago when my mom died. Then it was food, food, food. Now it is hundreds of photo collages on FB. It's just odd bc sister's DH and DS are just looking through her phone at all the posts on FB rather than people coming by and sharing their grief. It's odd and sad and new. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:13 AM Flag
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Sure, but when people bring food, food, food, the family ends up with a packed fridge and food going bad, and then they complain that they didn't need food, food, food, and didn't get the actually help they needed. People need to stop acting entitled and pretending "in the old days" things were different, and ASK for whatever help they need. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:46 PM Flag
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Good God, my love. This might just be an anonymous board but my heart breaks for you and your family-- losing a sister can feel like losing an arm. I know I'm venting about the words people say, but I'm going to keep you in my thoughts-- and if I knew you in person, you'd have a lasagna at your door. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:02 AM Flag
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OR: thanks, are you OG Lasagna mom? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:09 AM Flag
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No, just the OP that happens to make a mean lasagna for anyone going through a difficult time. :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:12 AM Flag
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omg. lol! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:24 PM Flag
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Sorry OP. My dad just died after being sick at home for months, and I ended up having to do everything. I was also surprised at how bad people were at taking care of logistics and being able to think of things like to bring a casserole or just do some dishes or take the trash out. Family came by and sat around talking for hours and completely drained me socially but didn't offer much in the way of help. Even my older sister barely lifted a finger. I'm not sure why it worked out that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:22 AM Flag
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I hear what you're saying, but maybe in overwhelming times like that, make it easy on yourself by ordering in and using paper plates. Not sure why someone coming to your house to walk your trash bag into the bin would be any less stressful than having a person lingering around your house like that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:44 PM Flag
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I brought a tupperware of soup to a friend whose DH passed away and the fridge was full, no place for my soup! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 09:13 AM Flag
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That is sad. In my mom clique, we always gather money and send food gift cards so the person does not have to cook. As for babysitting, for that you should have responded to the offers of help. Some. People want their kids with them and others do not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 09:18 AM Flag
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Where I live and in my group of friends, one friend organizes a food chain through email or sign up. Do you have one friend you can ask to do this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 10:13 AM Flag
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Oh god I hate those. Just bring food that can be frozen and reheated. People make things so complicated now. I think people like the 'do-gooder' high that comes from seeing their names attached to an act of charity. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:08 PM Flag
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seriously? so much easier for the family to get a meal for that day rather than to stand in their kitchen, figure out what to eat, what to freeze, repackage as not enough room, etc. you really are of no help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:03 PM Flag
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I love them! What do you hate about them? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:55 PM Flag
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This is my life right now too. My father in law is also incapable - he has mild dementia. My dh and sil are caring for him. I'm doing all the family stuff. It's excruciatingly hard. We can get through this. I see this also as opportunity for an entrepreneur as there is this new phenomenon with so many of us in our 40's with young children caring for elderly parents who lived conventional family roles. My father in law doesn't even pick up his plate and bring it to the sink after he eats. My dh is mad at his mother still almost 1 month later for enabling his father as she waited on him hand and foot. I mostly feel for my kids - dh and I worked so hard creating this tight unit and now he has to stay with my father-in-law half the week until we can get stable care for him. I think I've spent 20 minutes alone with dh in the past 30 days. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 11:08 AM Flag
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I'm sorry for your loss. If you ask people what you need I'm sure someone will step up. When my father passed away I realized that "let me know if you need anything " is useless. Now I respond with specific offers (usually childcare). I think bringing food is a thing of the past: everyone assumes you can just order in. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 11:45 AM Flag
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THIS!!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:45 PM Flag
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Also food is complicated now. People are gluten free, dairy free, only eat organic, vegetarian, vegan, doing atkins, doing paleo.. it is not simple like it was before. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:39 PM Flag
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So much this. And how many casseroles can one family eat, anyway? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:47 PM Flag
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So this. When my mom died my office sent food. I ended up sending it home with people so it wouldn't go to waste. But I did get a seamless card which I used a month later. That was SO appreciated! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 08:46 PM Flag
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I’m so sorry, OP. I’m sure you, your dh, and FIL are all overwhelmed. Agree that “let me know if you need anything” sucks, it puts more of a burden on you because now you have to manage people and ask for help, which is hard. Could you make a list of what is needed most, and reply to any relatives and a few close friends and ask for those things ? I do hope that in the coming days more people step up. You sound like a caring spouse and DIL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 11:56 AM Flag
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So delegate. The closest family members often do all the work. If there are other siblings then tell them what needs to be done. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:07 PM Flag
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Ok, slightly different perspective here. The last thing I would want would be more food or flowers - crap that I would have to deal with, sort through, throw out. What would be helpful (if my children were young) would be offers of babysitting, or gift cards to grocery stores, or someone taking my grocery list and shopping for me. So I wouldn't drop off food, because chances are, it wouldn't suit their taste and be thrown out. Flowers - huge waste of money and would have to be thrown out. The calendar and task list idea is great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:31 PM Flag
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Call on someone to help you manage kids and delegate some tasks. Nobody can just be in your head and know what needs to be done. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:37 PM Flag
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Short answer: Yes. I've been through this with 4 deaths and much of what has to done can only be done by a family member, funeral arrangements, closing up an estate, etc. Unless people know you are on a fairly intimate level, they aren't going to step up and advise you how to buy a funeral plot. However, that being said, if you have close friends, ask them to take your kids while you do all the logistical stuff so you can concentrate on it. I'm sorry for your loss. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:44 PM Flag
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Sadly, it is normal. But it's totally ok to ask for help. Ask a close friend to go to florist, or his friends or extended family to write a draft of the obit. People mean well, but they have no idea what you need, or how to offer. My guess is that 495 of them are well-intentioned but not planning on doing anything. 5 of them will step up, if asked. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:54 PM Flag
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PP: This. People are involved in their own lives, and what they offer is pretty perfunctory. If you send out a message saying: I could really use some help with my kids right now, e.g.,taking them to the park on Sunday while I make arrangements you'll find people who can/will help. Also, this is a very tough time for everyone and when you look back you'll be able to say that you did the right thing for the people whom you love. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:02 PM Flag
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Do you mean family members? Or friends. Also, how do so many friends know about her death already? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:40 PM Flag
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Identify the friends who you know can be really helpful and follow up with them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:41 PM Flag
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This. When my mom died we had the same sorts of offers, but I just knew which people I could call on for specifics, and I did. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:50 PM Flag
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Agree with other posters who say food is tricky as people are very specific about what they eat and can easily order in nowadays. If money is an issue, a friend who knows this can maybe ask people to drop by gift cards to trader joes or whatever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:46 PM Flag
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Seconding. I wouldn't touch food. Plus there's seamless web, Fresh Direct, so many options now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:06 PM Flag
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500 people not only already know she died but know you personally enough to immediately text you about it? Is she a celebrity? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:54 PM Flag
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Yeah this. It's fake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:56 PM Flag
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Np. It says 500 texts and FB messages. That's a combined number of messages (not people) across two ways of communicating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:09 PM Flag
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Sorry that you are going through this. As other pps have said, the culture has changed around food - people are generally pickier about food and especially with the ease of ordering food now - no one is going to assume you'd prefer their casserole to take-out. Flowers are really impractical, so I don't think you really want dozens of people sending them. Re child care, I would target a few reliable friends and say, "Hey, guys, any chance someone could watch dcs tomorrow for a couple of hours? I need to go do X thing." I think you'll probably get a good response if you ask people you know well, which clearly doesn't apply to all 500 people who posted on FB. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 12:18 AM Flag
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My mother died this past Saturday September 7th. Granted, she was in her 80s but she was well-liked and had done a lot professionally. But we have gotten about 50 messages!!! Not that I'm complaining but 500???????? Seriously, this is fake or this person is a major celebrity OR she died very young. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 12:39 AM Flag
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Ask someone to organize a meal train. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 02:52 AM Flag
[ - ] Those Koreans really know how to exfoliate. I got a Korean body scrub today and my overly sun baked skin feels anew. The amount of dead skin that came off was amazing. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:15 AM Flag
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Where? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:28 AM Flag
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product name please. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:36 AM Flag
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Don’t know what products they used. But I have moderately sensitive skin and only responded well to whatever they used. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:09 AM Flag
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King spa? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:43 AM Flag
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I tried a new place today in Koreatown: Juvenex. They are doing construction on their main floor but it didn’t have any bearing on my treatments. I will definitely go back. I used to go to Yi Pak, but it closed a couple years ago. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:06 AM Flag
[ - ] The matriarch of dh's family passed away last year, and we've been asked to host Thanksgiving? Would we be insane to accept? It would be at least 7 people and an infant, plus me, dh, and our toddler. 49 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:41 AM Flag
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sorry, one too many question marks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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If you can afford to get some help do it. I would not take on preparing my house and the full meal with a toddler and a baby. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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Can you find help on that day? Maybe $200 for a couple of hours? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:48 AM Flag
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By help I mean have someone come clean the day before, order a few things already cooked, stuff like that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:51 AM Flag
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Makes sense, thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:55 AM Flag
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It's a big dinner, sure, but it's dinner for seven, not seventy. Any decent home cook can manage Thanksgiving. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:14 AM Flag
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It's not about being a decent cook, it's about the logistics. An infant and toddler are quite a challenge. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:26 AM Flag
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She only has a toddler. Two adults can host 7 people and take care of a toddler. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 09:21 AM Flag
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Misread the OP. That's much easier then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:41 PM Flag
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You can do it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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And ask for help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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How big is your place? You can make a new tradition. T'giving doesn't have to be perfect, so go for it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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3 bd 2ba, 2300 sq ft [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:04 AM Flag
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lucky. we hare 3bd, 2ba in 1300 sq ft! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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YOU CAN EASILY DO IT! I've hosted 12 for thanksgiving in 1000, and it was very jolly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 08:02 PM Flag
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7 people is easy. Do it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:46 AM Flag
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That’s a reasonable number of guests to host your first Thanksgiving. Who asked you to host? Were you asked because your home is big enough to host and/or because your have great kitchen skills? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:48 AM Flag
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Because the home is big enough. I've brought dishes that were well-received in the past but never tried something like this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:52 AM Flag
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This is very do-able! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:56 AM Flag
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what the HELL??? WHY IS this a problem? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:11 AM Flag
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WHY are you so EXCITED [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:26 AM Flag
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“Hell” was daughter of “Loki”. She went to rule underworld. I don’t think she ever hosted thanksgiving. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 09:23 PM Flag
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You can do it -- I recommend meticulous planning, including to-do lists for every day of the week or so beforehand. Make anything ahead that you can. If you don't have a turkey recipe, Martha Stewart's Roast Turkey 101 is impeccable -- it uses cheesecloth basted with tepid wine/butter combo to slow cooking of the breast so it isn't overcooked by the time the legs are done. Fool proof. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:16 AM Flag
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Thank you, I'll check that out. I've never cooked a turkey before. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:29 AM Flag
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NP: OP it is the best and easiest turkey recipe. The hardest part is simply cleaning the bird the night before. The rest is a breeze. One suggestion- get a small white board in your kitchen to write down your planned times for dishes ( including the turkey) to go in/come out of the oven and adjust the times as you are actually doing it so you stay organized cooking time wise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:39 PM Flag
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OR: Agree with this. I use my timer a lot but tend to forget what it was for, so I always have a note on the whiteboard of what the timer means/what I should do when it goes off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:47 PM Flag
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That’s not a crazy number. I rather do it than have to travel. Make them stay in hotels. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:16 AM Flag
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I do thanksgiving and it's not as hard as it looks. I find it easier than the other holidays (which i also do) because it's really just about the food. There is no expectation of ott decorations, gifts, or other activities (easter is a rough one between the meal and the baskets and the hiding the eggs). Plus thanskgiving food is easy because there really aren't a lot of options. People want the traditional turkey dinner and pie. I make everything from scratch but you can easily outsource a lot of thanksgiving dishes. It's one time of year when even foodies are actually nostalgic for recipes like green bean casserole with canned cream of mushroom soup and whipped sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top. Those recipes are foolproof. And the stuffings and roasted vegetables that round out the meal are insanely forgiving. Have everything prepped or even cooked ahead in the morning, and pop in the oven to warm while the turkey is resting. Have plenty of wine. You've got this! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:19 AM Flag
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So nice, thank you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:28 AM Flag
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lots of stuff can be made ahead of time--cranberries, pies, casseroles assembled [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:25 PM Flag
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And people usually like to contribute something. Dessert is easiest to outsource to other people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:03 PM Flag
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Of course you can do it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:50 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:49 PM Flag
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I hosted Thanksgiving for 10 when I hard a 2 months old. THAT was insane. This sounds lovely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:53 AM Flag
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so essentially a dinner for 9 people? Why would this be a question? Now if you said 17 that might be different. Order some things in if you are nervous [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:09 AM Flag
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Oh my God, why wouldn't you. We do 30. Have people bring stuff. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:16 AM Flag
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Same here! I did it with 3 toddlers! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 09:22 AM Flag
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9 adults and 2 kids is an easy Thanksgiving. Absolutely you should host! Buy a couple of sides if you're terrified of the kitchen but otherwise the food is simple and the menu was set a hundred years ago. Get a tray of bagels/pastries for early arrivals. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 10:59 AM Flag
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Not 7 people????! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 11:35 AM Flag
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Not crazy to accept. We've been hosting 20+ people for Thanksgiving since DC was a toddler, we assign people things to bring and then we provide the mains, protein, dishes and paper goods etc. If you actually ask for help, people step up. It's helped maintain relationships with those who come, whereas others have drifted away, which I really appreciate even as an introvert who doesn't care that much about family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 11:57 AM Flag
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^^wines, proteins, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 11:58 AM Flag
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7 is doable. Shop for groceries 2 days before. Ask someone to bring dessert and wine. I would do the turkey, 1 vegetable, 1 starch, and ask others to bring 1-2 things. Keep it simple. 7 people are not going to eat that much. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:33 PM Flag
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It completely depends upon you. 10 people for one dinner is nothing if you know how to shop, cook and plan. From your response, I would guess that you don't do this kind of cooking often and are someone who orders out. Take it on and do it in steps - order sides and deserts from Fresh Direct and roast a turkey yourself. This is a basic grown-up skill that you need to develop [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:31 PM Flag
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You don't really need to do anything of the sort unless it brings you some sort of joy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 03:20 AM Flag
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I don't understand how you have been asked to host. was it like another sibling said " hey Jane, we'll do Christmas and you guys do Thanksgiving"? Believe me, Thanksgiving is the better of the two to host. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:35 PM Flag
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Depends on how helpful the 7 people are. Can you cater the meal? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:24 PM Flag
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If I had seven helpful people for Thanksgiving I'd need an eighth person to stand in the kitchen doorway and keep them out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 06:09 PM Flag
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Ha ha! Me, too! I feel the same way ;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 10:50 PM Flag
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I don't know where you live, but I'd suggest you order a Thanksgiving dinner from one of the food chains near you. I've ordered our dinner from Wegman's and it was delicious. Enough food for leftovers! T- dinners from Whole Foods is skimpy! VERY small amounts of food for BIG price tag! If you can afford someone to come and help you set up the table, serve the meal and then help clean up, you would be doing yourself a favor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 10:47 PM Flag
[ - ] Good gifts for 7 and 9 year old sisters? Is there a joint gift I can get them both? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:40 AM Flag
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Games! Twister? Ticket to ride? Scattegories? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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No no, joint gift is a BAD idea. Craft kits often go over well w girls this age. Make sure they aren’t too advanced. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:19 AM Flag
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don't do a joint gift, and I don't like craft gifts either - my dd never did them. I do like art supplies, jewelry, books and clothes tho! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:25 AM Flag
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Robucks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:58 AM Flag
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I'm not sure it fits the situation but it reminded me to mention on UB that you can get a really cool set of a dozen fried egg forms (horse, heart, star, etc.) for like $14 on Amazon. Seemed like a cool gift for a weekend visit to a family with kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:46 PM Flag
[ - ] Married for 1yr. How do I get DH to be more respectful? Examples: 1) usually walks in front of me (instead of waiting); 2) if he’a driving and I’m in the passenger seat and he can’t see to merge, he shouts, “move your head!”; 3) if our cell company warns we’re almost out of data, he tells me it must be my fault and to “get my shit together”. 89 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:22 AM Flag
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Ask him how he would feel if you talked to him like that. If his behavior doesn't improve, don't procreate with him. Nobody is perfect and if he is a fantastic guy in all other aspects, the 2 of you can figure it out. If not, he is a douche [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:26 AM Flag
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x1000 Do NOT get pregnant with him. Stay on birth control, and DTMFA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 06:38 PM Flag
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Divorce [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:27 AM Flag
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+1000. This is emotional abuse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:41 AM Flag
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+2000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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jeez, the guy doesn't sound pleasant but this is NOT emotional abuse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:34 AM Flag
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This! Imagine divorcing because someone says move your head so he can see while driving. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 09:10 AM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 11:58 AM Flag
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read all of OP's responses [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:48 PM Flag
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This. He is just rude, sounds like maybe some anger management issues or stress? Had there been some stress in your marriage, OP? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:33 PM Flag
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Op: this would pretty bad for me due to culture. A last resort. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:50 AM Flag
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You know what? Fuck culture. It's your life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:51 AM Flag
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x1,000. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:53 AM Flag
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Bad for who? I'm not unsympathetic. I am Asian and divorce is worse than death. My family, after 20 years, of watching what my crazy ex DH did to me were happy for me. Don't waste your life. Truly. I get it. I really do. I put everyone else first and was the obedient Asian child. I've lost years. I was suicidal. I was physically abused. Emotionally cut down. No one, no culture should expect this of you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:31 AM Flag
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btw, I'm the poster below "this was my ex DH" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:33 AM Flag
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Yup, this. You are not in a healthy relationship. Sounds toxic, actually. You have no kids. Exit plan is the only option. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:06 AM Flag
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It's the BEST option. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:50 AM Flag
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I would call him out on it each and every time. He's being incredibly rude. Does he not see that? Don't sign up for 50 years of this. This can be fixed, but only if he sees that it's an issue. If he doesn't give a shit, then this is him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:31 AM Flag
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Op: ugh, that’s what I’m afraid of- that this could be the “real” him [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:33 AM Flag
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Did he display these behaviors the whole time you were dating or did he save them up for just recently? Have you found yourself making excuses for his behavior to friends and family? Did he isolate you from certain friends of yours he didn't like? Sorry, but my best girlfriend dated someone who was very hot and cold with her and he did a really good job of separating her from her close friends...because they could see it and cautioned her against him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:40 AM Flag
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So, he wasn't like this when you were dating and up until now? What happened in your lives or marriage to set him off, he is obviously having issues controlling frustration. Is he under more stress, something is happening to his job, finances, maybe some other pressures? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:35 PM Flag
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It is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:41 PM Flag
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This CANNOT be fixed. He's an adult. Not a 3 yo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:50 AM Flag
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Did you get any indication of this before you were married? Have you addressed this with him before? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:37 AM Flag
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Was he not like this before? Did you just let it slide? I can't imagine that he suddenly changed after marriage, unless you had an extremely short engagement or didn't live together. Nonetheless, I would insist on couples counseling asap, and as someone else mentioned, I would not have children with someone who talks to me and treats me like that, because it will only get worse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:39 AM Flag
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Op: we did not live together. I’ll be honest, it happened before and I let it slide. Now more frequent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:42 AM Flag
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Get OUT NOW. Seriously. My dh was a great catch and so appealing before marriage. Then once married, he took the mask off and was increasingly terrible. He started sleeping with other people when I was pregnant with my second child nine years into our marriage. We are now divorced and he's a classic sociopath and narcissist but no one saw the signs before, least of all me. He had everyone conned. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:47 AM Flag
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Okay, YOUR ex cheated on you while you were pregnant. Her's walks ahead of her and tells her to stop using up the phone data. Not the same, [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:36 AM Flag
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This! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 09:11 AM Flag
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you really don't know much about narcissists and sociopaths [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:48 PM Flag
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When I read the OPs post I immediately thought oh boy, the mask is coming off. Then when OP listed his positive traits as being ambitious, intelligent and loyal, while he calls himself blunt - this guy sounds like he is narcissistic and possibly sociopathic too. Be warned these are very telling signs and consider yourself warned to get out before you have kids with this guy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 10:43 AM Flag
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+ 1. Guys who claim loyalty are mostly disloyal. Other ability suggest why he disrespects you. He truly believe you are not as smart as him, not as intelligent as him and not as ambitious as him. Very soon he will change definition of loyalty. In his books fucking others won’t be bad as he is not taking anything away from you. You are getting home, money and getting fucked. Ultimately that’s what you deserve as a mediocre person. He will still be great because he is tolerating you. Narcissist have altered reality and justification of their actions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 09:39 PM Flag
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How long did you date? It’s hard to imagine they #1 and #2 are new. How did you feel about it prior to marriage? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:40 AM Flag
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Why did you marry this guy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:44 AM Flag
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Op: he’s got a lot of good qualities too - very intelligent, ambitious, loyal. He says he’s blunt and can be abrasive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:54 AM Flag
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None of those traits have anything to do with how he is as a partner and it's telling that you don't list any relational traits among his good qualities. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:57 AM Flag
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^ plus, he doesn't sound very loyal if he's talking to his wife that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:57 AM Flag
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Bingo. How is he loyal to you, OP? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:34 PM Flag
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Recognizing his bluntness does not excuse it. I wouldn’t have kids w him until he stops treating you this way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:20 AM Flag
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He doesn't sound like someone who loves their partner. He can't be abrasive. That's stupid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:40 AM Flag
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Excuses, he is already gas-lighting you (yes flame me for using that word, but he is). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:44 AM Flag
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Was he ever nice to you? Or had he always been rude? I know a couple where both people are like this, the DH is abrasive, but DW is no cupcake either, they both have tempers kind of like in old Italian movies, but it works as none of them feels the victim, I guess. In your situation seems like you are not hot tempered, and it hurts you and it's not the norm of communication, so not a good match maybe. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:41 PM Flag
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Calmly tell him he is being rude to you and ask him to not do it anymore. Do it right on the spot. See how he reacts - if he is trying to tell you are too sensitive, you are making it up, etc - seriously consider divorce. His reaction will tell you a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:48 AM Flag
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great advice about paying attention to his reaction. If he can't accept the feedback or tries to gaslight you, there is no point staying married because you will divorce, or be miserable once kids arrive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:52 AM Flag
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stay on it though. please do not speak to me like that. it hurts my feelings and I don't like it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:08 AM Flag
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Or maybe just don’t respond and never do as he requests- teach him how to treat you behaviorally: he only gets a positive result, what he wants if he behaves decently. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:00 AM Flag
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Is he a little Aspie? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:07 AM Flag
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Np: he just sounds like an asshole. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:45 AM Flag
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Very familiar with unhealthy relationships. People like this don’t change. They may have good days, but improve their character? No, that’s not going to happen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:08 AM Flag
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You can look up exactly how much each data each line is using. Look it up and send him a screenshot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:51 AM Flag
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You are very lucky to be questioning this before kids. Get to a therapist for guidance. It’s abuse in early stage. After kids it’s one hundred times worse. You can escape this before that with perspective and help. And without the pain of your kids watching him treat you this way, being treated badly by him themselves, or in his custody alone when you need to finally leave, which is inevitable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:03 AM Flag
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You mention your culture. Are you of the same culture? What is it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:25 AM Flag
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Op: my parents are from India. His is different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 10:04 AM Flag
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That’s why he chose you so he can abuse you and you can’t run away. I bet his every other girlfriend ran away from him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 10:15 PM Flag
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Doesn't matter. People with bad temper exist in every culture and they don't usually change, you either have temper or you don't, and if you do, then the other person is often a victim, unless they have tempter too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:42 PM Flag
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This was my ex DH. I divorced him after 20 years. It does not get better. He will not change his worldview on marriage. It's not you. It could be Cindy Crawford, Beyonce and Elizabeth Warren all wrapped into one and he will continue to treat his spouse like shit. This is not extreme advice: divorce him. Especially if you have no DCs. Seriously. You will save yourself a mountain of heartache, therapy, depression medication, anxiety, pits of self doubt and lack of confidence. There are others who are advising you to talk to him or reason with him. It doesn't matter. You're shit. If he can't respect you on a day to day basis how can he level up when it's important? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:29 AM Flag
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This! OP, please listen! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:42 PM Flag
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BTDT, run OP, run for your life. I believe you can have this kind of marriage annulled *especially* because of the cultural differences. The so-called "shame on our family" pales in comparison to the shame we feel when we are being psychologically and physically abused because we feel helpless and fail to act when our gut tells us something is terribly wrong. Find the strength to do what is best for you, not him, not family or tradition. This is not easy but you must do it for your safety. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:27 PM Flag
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NP. Mine too. Charming at first; then the mask came off. I stayed for 27 years and almost died, mentally. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:46 PM Flag
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Bad omen. I'd get out asap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:03 AM Flag
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I'll bite. Have you talked to him? (1) Hold out your hand. Holding my hand so we walk together would make me feel so good. (2) Probably just get used to sitting with your head glued to the head rest or move to the back set like he's your driver. If he asks it's so you don't obstruct his line of sight. (3) Figure out how much data you two share. Take a pic and send it to him. Go to settings in your phone and limit your data to 50% of the data you two share. Take a pic and send it to him. With all of these I recommend saying something in RESPONSE to him versus some other poor timing. And also, get into couples counselling, even if it's just monthly, it will create a safe space for you two to talk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:08 AM Flag
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I don't know. I am not overly sensitive and my DH walks ahead of me and I tell him to slow down and he will . He gets upset if I say anything loud when driving so now I always say mildly- look out theres a car there. If our data was an issue, I would show him whose fault it was by looking at the telephone bill. These all sound like sound bites from when your DH is upset and not at his best. I have been married for 25 years and my DH has helped me through terrible times, held my hand, held me up and has been my cheerleader. Yet he can be an ass sometimes. It is marriage. Are other parts of relationship good? Can you talk and enjoy each others company? People who think you should divorce over just this info are either crazy or never married. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:23 AM Flag
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AMEN sister [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:24 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:48 PM Flag
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I agree completely. My dh is great but not perfect. These three things are not reasons to divorce. The only one even remotely bad is the data one because my dh would not curse at me. If you are married, you get people at their best and worst. If that is his worst, it is not so bad. Talk to him about it and see if he tries to change. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 09:15 AM Flag
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Love this "If you are married, you get people at their best and worst." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 10:26 AM Flag
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yep [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 10:19 AM Flag
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THIS! Even though I'm perfect, I have to realize my DH will never be. Married 31 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:49 PM Flag
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I walk ahead of my dh because he is a crazy walker. I try to slow down and wait for him and it irritates him. But OP's situation is different. Sorry, OP, and do not have kids with him because kids will exacerbate any problems you have because they create a lot of stress. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:45 PM Flag
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sorry he is a crazy slow walker [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:45 PM Flag
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No, I'm one of those people. Gaslighting, disrespect and demeaning behavior toward your wife should not be tolerated regardless of how long or short a time you have been in a relationship. The biggest thing you are overlooking is the cultural aspect. This guy is an abusive asshole with his new bride because he probably dated women of his own culture who didn't put up with his shit. Narcissists prey on people like OP, I know I've been with my abusive narcissist for 25 years! If it hadn't taken him twenty years to unveil his mask I'd have divorced him 7 months in when he exploded at me for the first time upon getting fired from the company where we met. It was his own fault but eventually he blamed me and then made me quit the industry to SAHM to save money on childcare and taxes. OP is young and has the time and deserves to be treated better by a DH. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:36 PM Flag
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assuming no kids, get the hell out now - he might make an effort temporarily but this is who he is at his core. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 11:45 AM Flag
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It's the nasty yelling that's a problem. I would insist on therapy, stat, and have a short fuse for leaving. And unless he not only makes significant changes but ALSO develops some real insight into his own behavior, do not even contemplate having kids with this jerk. My DH is a genuinely good guy, and even so having a kid has been rough, I can't imaging doing it with someone who yelled at me like this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:02 PM Flag
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He's blunt, so he'll appreciate a direct approach. 1) Hold on, I need to walk with you. 2) After he merges and calms down, honey, I know that makes you tense. Could you add a please to that? 3) Out of data, tell him it is a joint responsibility and this shit is as much his shit as yours. Don't shout, don't lose your cool, just be direct. My husband is a litigator and his professional mode is contentious, so I will have to say: Listen, please don't lawyer me now. Sometimes it is hard to turn off what works in one environment when you shift to another. BTW, this is all pretty normal first year shake down stuff. There's a popular trend on UB to cry "divorce" for everything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:42 PM Flag
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Yes. Your DH doesn't think of this as "disrespectful", but if you find it so, you need to let him know but not in a confrontational way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:49 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:03 PM Flag
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OP, if you your husband appreciates directness, show him this thread and the staggeringly large number of women advising you not to have children with him unless he changes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:45 PM Flag
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BS. Shouting and accusing is not normal communication. I am sorry that you have to live with an ass. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 07:35 PM Flag
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Step one: let him know you are not okay being treated like that. Step two: assess if step one has made a positive difference. Step three: if the answer to step two is 'no' then divorce. And absolutely do not have kids with him until you know for sure that he treats you well. Kids are amazing but can make shaky marriages complete hell. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:31 PM Flag
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THIS and get your cell phone on your own place. Dh and I, and our teenager have prepaid through tello, it is all separate. We ported our own numbers. My data is mine, my teen doesn't run it out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:48 PM Flag
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And we pay between 20 and 24/mo for each of us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:48 PM Flag
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how is this different from before you were married? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:06 PM Flag
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How do YOU react to this? What do you do in this situation? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 05:45 PM Flag
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If this is what it’s like in the honeymoon phase, it will be a nightmare once kids come along and pressure mounts. This may be the first time I agree with the OR who said divorce this guy. Don’t waste your prime years on him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 06:05 PM Flag
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I wouldn't have married someone like this in the first place. Oh, and I know a lot of castrating bitch wives who are like this, too! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 07:00 PM Flag
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Let me guess: his father is a jerk, too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 07:01 PM Flag
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have you tried asking him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 07:02 PM Flag
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Let me tell you how it goes - he will do small stuff like this and totally dismiss any complaint you have. Then when you have kids/house, etc the stress will bring the worst out in him. You will be sad, hurt, lonely and depressed. Get out now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 08:02 PM Flag
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NP: I have to agree with this. If he is such a jerk before the arrival of kids, it's a bad sign. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 08:24 PM Flag
[ - ] If your elementary school child is learning a second language in school, do you help them or let is all happen in school? Do you buy books, flash cards - let them see cartoons, download apps in the 2nd language? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:22 AM Flag
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I let school do this. It's hard when kids learn ahead of their peers and they are bored. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:44 AM Flag
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I did buy some books. also, I hired a tutor for about a year and 1/2 to really teach dc more (was doing great in school, but helped a lot with confidence in speaking the language). my was in a dual language program and is in high school now, and is still taking Spanish and is interested in learning other languages too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:10 AM Flag
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I play pop music for DD in the other language and eventually she picks up the chorus. It is fun to sing in another language and helps her pronunciation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:51 AM Flag
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My kids are in dual language immersion and we have a zillion books in the target language and I let then watch tv in it. My yds is in to "The Flash" and we stream it on netflix and set the language to spanish. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Just had a baby and my mother-in-law stayed with us (despite my hesitation since we do not see eye to eye) to help out for the week. She did laundry, helped feed and change the baby, clean, and watched him when I pumped, napped, showered. When she left this morning, I said, thanks for helping with the baby, she responded, “well, I really did not get to help with the baby,” What the heck does that mean? 42 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:21 AM Flag
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I have a lot of family help along with nannies and I’ve realized that you’re paying one way or another, either with money or with aggravation/annoyance when it’s family. Nothing is free [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:23 AM Flag
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Np so this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:06 AM Flag
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Maybe she thought you would go out to lunch and she could babysit:) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:25 AM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:45 AM Flag
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NP: We hired someone to come in 6 hours a week just so DH and I could go out and just hold hands. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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it sounds like she wanted more baby time and does not respect that you are a new mom trying to bond with your baby [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:26 AM Flag
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ask her [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:27 AM Flag
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this would just create more tension [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:49 AM Flag
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It means she didnt get all the hands on care she wanted with your baby. If she is like my mom she probably wanted to do absolutely everything, that way should could minimize my role as the baby’s mom. Would you describe your mil as controlling? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:27 AM Flag
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oh my god, yes. That is why she drives me nuts and I was hesitant to have her come in the first place, but DH insisted and we could use the help (which was was helpful). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:47 AM Flag
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The comment about not getting to help with the baby is her veiled way of letting you know she didn’t enough one on one baby time and she is letting you know that so you can accommodate her next time she visits. It’s a covert manipulative move. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:52 AM Flag
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She wants more. You can decide it's manipulative or you can be grateful. Sil does the former, i do the later with the same mil. I think I'm happier and my kids have abetter relationships [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:16 AM Flag
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similar for my but my SIL is the daughter of MIL. sil rarely allowed her mother to care for her kids. i was much more open. told dh that the relationship between a grandparent and grand child can be very special and we shouldn't gate keep unless there was dysfunctional behavior. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:12 PM Flag
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Sounds as if she wanted to spend all her time with the baby, while you did the laundry, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:02 AM Flag
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This. Well, there’s always a price to pay for “free help”, and that snide comment was the price. Oh well. What new mom hands over their baby so they can do the laundry??? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:31 AM Flag
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What I mean is that your MILs expectations were unreasonable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:32 AM Flag
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True. But based on anecdotes I am amazed at how many MIL have these wacky expectations. It’s as if a whole bunch of them think this is an opportunity to relive the best parts of when they were new moms, and DIL is simply there to provide the baby to facilitate this peak nostalgia experience for them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:57 AM Flag
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Wacky? Holding her grandchild? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 03:03 PM Flag
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Wacky expecting to hold the baby all the time as a house guest while new mom does all the housework and errands, including all the extra work created by MIL as a house guest. MIL is there to help new mom by doing the laundry, etc. If all she wants is to hold baby, she can visit during a convenient hour, hold baby and then depart. No need to burden new mom with a houseguest. It just adds to the stress and exhaustion. And separates mom from baby during key bonding time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 09:26 PM Flag
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Let it go [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:40 AM Flag
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It’s passive aggressive, but pay it no mind. In fact, I would send her a floral arrangement this week with a effusive card thanking her so much for all her help during this very exciting time, and how you so appreciated the assistance. Hugs and kisses [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:52 AM Flag
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totally this. she was very helpful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:13 PM Flag
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What a bunch of ingrates! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:00 AM Flag
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Yep. My mother had dementia, my MIL was dead. I would have been thrilled if someone would have come and done by laundry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:15 PM Flag
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when my mother stayed with us to help she just literally didn't help and just hung out and asked when we were going to eat various meals and then waited for us to provide them. i would trade a snide comment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:52 AM Flag
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Seconding [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 06:15 AM Flag
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Ha, my mom did this! She came over when DB was a week or two old, to "help," and then sat on the couch, watched TV, and asked me to make her breakfast! All while I ran around taking care of DB. No surprise that 15 years later, DC has no relationship with her although she lives 15 minutes away. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:07 PM Flag
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Memories...my ex-MIL could never travel to our home by herself because it was too complicated so every holiday/occasion x-DH would have to drive 2 hours to pick her up and 2 hrs back. The day we brought DB home from the hospital someone rang our doorbell. It was her with two suitcases for her stay with us ( unbeknownst to us). She spent the entire time asking me what's for breakfast/lunch/dinner, how to use the remote control, letting me know when the garbage neede to be taken out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:25 PM Flag
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I would have taken my baby and checked into a hotel. I don’t know why you put up with this! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:31 PM Flag
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I think her feelings are hurt that essentially she was a maid instead of a grandmother. However, bear in mind that right now everyone's feelings are heightened. Just send her a nice card or some flowers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:14 PM Flag
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This is your baby, but it is also her son's child. Being able to interact with the baby would have been an extension of her love for her son. She could have asked to hold the baby, but I think she was waiting for you to offer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:16 PM Flag
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I am confused, where does it say she did not get ti hold or interact with the baby? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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The poster..she mentioned a MIL who basically did housework. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 02:58 PM Flag
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Yep, she got to do a little, but not very much. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 03:02 PM Flag
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You didn't like your MIL before you had a baby, and you don't like her now. Something to think about: A grandparent who is involved can be amazing, particularly as you want to have more time to yourself or with your DH. Don't burn any bridges. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:17 PM Flag
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so this! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:14 PM Flag
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Sure, an involved grandparent can be good, but it depends on the grandparent. MIL thought that being "involved" entitled her to criticize us and DC relentlessly, to the point where DC hated her and refused to have any interaction at all. DH had to broker a truce, she agreed to stop with the criticism and DC agreed to acknowledge her existence. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:24 PM Flag
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High five to your dh. I see my mil be extremely unpleasant to my sil And her kids. And bil doesn’t nothing to protect the well being of his family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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this. Sometimes it is not worth it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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This! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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Remember: This is the woman who raised the man you chose to marry and have a child with. When you honor her, you honor your husband. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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If my MIL had done this for me all I would have said is: Thank God that I have someone here who is so willing. My response would have been: I hope you can come back for the holidays. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.14.19, 03:02 PM Flag
[ - ] I should not stress buy this, correct? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:17 AM Flag
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Ugly color. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:30 AM Flag
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+ a million [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:08 PM Flag
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Don’t buy!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:23 AM Flag
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Ty!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:26 AM Flag
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its a $1000 dude. And it doesn't look that great [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:28 AM Flag
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Who spends that kind of money on THAT? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:37 AM Flag
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Ugly, grandma sweater. Def don't buy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:40 AM Flag
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Honestly thank you all!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:51 AM Flag
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It's mostly the color that makes it awful. If it were a pretty color, instead of looking like camel poop, it could be ok. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:08 PM Flag
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The style too. Looks like it just came off the line [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:23 PM Flag
[ - ] s/o on names post. If you had it to do over, would you give your DC(s) the same name? Please include age of your child. 26 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:54 AM Flag
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Yes. 12. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:57 AM Flag
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Yes. Without a doubt. They are exactly just like their names. 13 and 14. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:59 AM Flag
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Yes. 11. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:59 AM Flag
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Yes, 17. It has stood the test of time and it suits her. Her middle name is a family name, and I'm glad we chose to do that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:59 AM Flag
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Absolutely. Age 18 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:01 AM Flag
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Yes, 14 and 15. And at the same time, also think the second name for 14 y.o. would have also be fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:13 AM Flag
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Yes, 5 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:19 AM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:20 AM Flag
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Yes. 6 and 9. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:28 AM Flag
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yes 14, yes 12, maybe 7 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:33 AM Flag
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One child totally same name, other child I would have given him my father’s name for his middle name. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:36 AM Flag
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9 and 11 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:36 AM Flag
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Same! 14 and 16. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 09:19 AM Flag
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yes 2 thoguh secdn choice name eli would also have suited [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:40 AM Flag
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No--mom to Jacob and Emma (ha ha) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 01:45 AM Flag
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No. Got caught up in the Cayleigh, Cayley, Kaylee craze. Chose the nicest spelling, but still sounds so dated now, kind of embarrassed. 20. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:05 AM Flag
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Yep. 13. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:10 AM Flag
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Nope. My dd is 10 and we gave her a complicated Hebrew name with an easy nickname, figuring we'd all use the nickname. It never caught on, and nobody has called her that since she was a week old and she's stuck with the complicated one that no one can pronounce or spell. Oh well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:15 AM Flag
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yes - 14 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:19 AM Flag
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yes but I would have given him my last name too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 03:13 AM Flag
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Yes, 19 but different middle name [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 09:17 AM Flag
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No, I should have put my foot down. I never liked the name b/c it was sooo popular. But it's my MIL's name and I got bossed into it. Her name is Lilly. I created a nickname at birth and usually call her by that and so do her siblings and close friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:24 PM Flag
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Smart move with the nn! I worked with someone whose nn was totally different from his given name, when I asked about it he said "moms always win," his mom did the same as you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:28 PM Flag
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Yes. We chose a name that has been in the top 100 for the last 50 years, but never in the top 10...so it is classic, but not trendy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:47 PM Flag
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Oops, he's 17. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 12:47 PM Flag
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Yes. 17. I always liked the name, DH not so much, until one day he came home and announced that he had decided on the perfect name -- the one he'd been rejecting through the first two trimesters. But now that it was his idea... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.13.19, 02:26 PM Flag
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