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[ - ] My sister is not going to marry the father of her baby, but thinks they will stay together. He really wants the baby to have his last name. I'm nearly convinced they will not stay together, and she's asking my advice on what to name the baby....so give me advice. How to convince her to give the baby her last name, without telling her it's because I know this dude is a goner.... 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
Toddler 05.30.08, 02:48 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:50 PM Flag
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I predict: Completely out of hers, and mostly out of the kids. I could picture some spectacular trips and visiting in the future, becoming less and less over the years, then *poof* nothing. He has another child who we used to see ALL the time, who is pretty much a ghost to us now... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:53 PM Flag
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i'm not married to baby's father, she has his last name. never thought about it, and if, for some reason, we break up, i would be fine with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.31.08, 10:10 AM Flag
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Do you think he'll still be around for db? If so, I think I'd give db his last name. (And so you know, this is coming from a feminist who did not change her last name and who was raised by a single mother and I have her name - father never in picture. (If she does give DB her name and eventually marries someone else, then she should still keep her own name, otherwise it's like Db will have no one's name) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:55 PM Flag
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if it were me the kid would have my last name as long as i weren't married to the dad no matter what. but most people would give the kid the dad's last name regardless (this has been my observation anyway). i took dh's last name and am generally very traditional in this regard, but i think the mom and the baby should have the same last name. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:14 PM Flag
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ITA with you. Not married, then the kid gets my name. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 04:39 PM Flag
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I'm with you guys. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 04:41 PM Flag
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I think you should think of your reasons that you are convinced they won't stay together. If others agree with you also. I would just be honest with your sister, tell her that you feel that since they are not commited to married that you fear he may not stick around and that her baby may have a name later that he will be unhappy with. But otherwise my true feelings are..what's in a name anyways when the baby is grown he will know who his Mom is and somewhat who his father is if baby decides to, a name doesn't tell you who you belong to in the end. But your sister should definitely think of the future affects of any name she chooses. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.31.08, 08:45 AM Flag
[ - ] MIL is driving me crazy. I try my hardest to have her just deal with DH on things and she insists on calling me at work, my cell phone, email...she is all over me. we are expecting our first and she just will not give it a rest. sending name options, wanting to buy her ticket NOW for when i give birth in the fall....i can;t take it! 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:46 PM Flag
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Don't answer her calls. She'll get the picture eventually. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:47 PM Flag
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I have tried that. but then she tells Dh she doesn't think i like her. she just wants so much attention. i mean, please. and i fear it will only get worse when the baby comes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:55 PM Flag
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i am expecting my first and also have a very needy attention seeking mil (who also has a mean streak). it has been really tough and dh and I have had a sit down with her about it recently. my best advice is to have dh tell her he thinks she is smothering you and that she needs to back off. it will hurt her feelings but there's no way you can impress upon her what needs to happen without doing that. she's being overbearing and you need to set some boundaries now or it will get worse. you might want to see a therapist. i did and it helped a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:18 PM Flag
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wow. well she isn;t mean but she is manipulative and just bulldozes over me (and dh). he feels bad for her for the most part but also sees how much stress it puts on me. i end up being my worse self around her, passive aggresive. she has 2 sons and my SIL goes throw the same thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:21 PM Flag
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ARE you my sil? because MY sil goes through the same thing too, mil has two sons, is very manipulative. you really are going to have to set some boundaries if you want things to be better, i hate to tell you. realizing that and growing the spine to do it was incredibly hard and stressful but there is no other way. i really do wish you luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:27 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 03:29 PM Flag
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lol - i'm pretty certain you aren't but it's weird how common this is [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:33 PM Flag
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oops. hit return. anyway, i am trying but i get fristrated and end up being kind of meanand drawing a line ni the sand..and then she pouts and says poor me and i feel bad and give her another inch and she takes another mile. I am trying to do better. I just wish she would try as well. but she plays dumb and it infuriates me. Dh ignores it for th emost part and just says "well thats her" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:33 PM Flag
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i cannot believe how similar these situations are. STOP giving into her - you are making the situation worse every time you give in and you are going to end up really hating her which will be bad for everyone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:40 PM Flag
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Put a stop to it NOW, it won't just get better. Be a bitch, she's not your concern. Focus on db and put her in her place. You can do it lovingly, but if she doesn't respond, stand your ground. My mil was overbearing and it was a real problem. I lovingly set the limits and now we are really close (but not TOO close...) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:33 PM Flag
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np: how did you go about setting limits? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:41 PM Flag
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That is where I need to get to. Where she is simply just my mother in law. another family member. But she wants so much to be a part of our lives in a very intrusive way. Ways that my family (whom i am very very close with) would never dream of. it is like she can;t accept we are married and share things between just the two of us. she asks how we split finances, how much the crib costs, etc. she cried that we weren;t flying to see them for thanksgiving (db will be 6 weeks old) but yet when we told her to come to us she said no. my parents are coming and now she is upset about that. she cannot be pleased. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:45 PM Flag
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change your cell number. Why does she have all of your personal contact info, anyway. I doubt my MIL would have any idea how to reach me at work, by cell, or by e-mail. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:45 PM Flag
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Damn you're lucky. my sister is the same way..she barely has contact with her mil. my MIL has had tmy contact info for a while. i guess it just happened over time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:50 PM Flag
[ - ] thinking of driving to the hamptons next weekend. will be 3.5 wks post partum. will this be fine or insanelt uncomfortable? i will be the driver. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:42 PM Flag
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I couldn't have done that but if you feel up to it... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:43 PM Flag
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i would have been fine. Expect for the fat and bloat I was pretty much back to normal phyically within about a week. By day three I was taking 2 hour walks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:46 PM Flag
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you know better than anyone - are you comfortable sitting for a few hours? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:43 PM Flag
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i'm okay sitting but get abit ache-y when i take a 45 min walk. just wondering if there is something i'm not anticipating. just feelking like it would be really nice to get out of the city . . . . [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:49 PM Flag
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I couldn't drive but I went 3 weeks pp and I had a c section. Went every weekend after that [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:57 PM Flag
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no I went 2 weeks pp actually [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:58 PM Flag
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op: it just sounds so nice to be out there . . . unfotunatelt dh doesnt drive . . . [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:00 PM Flag
[ - ] how much tylonol do i give my 20 lb 8 month old? TIA 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:38 PM Flag
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askdrsears.com medicine cabinet - go by weight [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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.8 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:40 PM Flag
[ - ] Facebook creeps me out. I signed up and suddenly EVERYONE I have ever met is sending me requests to be my friend or whatever AND it comes up when you google my name. I don' like it. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:38 PM Flag
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I hate it for that reason too. I signed up and stopped using it almost straight away. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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so, why did you sign up if social networking "creeps" you out? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:40 PM Flag
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or. because all my friends stopped e-mailing 'because we post everything on Facebook'. I needed to sign up to keep in touch with friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:42 PM Flag
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I am staying faaaarrrrr away because it will be something that has to be maintained...I need that like I need a hole in my head. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone go banana today? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:38 PM Flag
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No, but I'm generally bonker. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:39 PM Flag
[ - ] I have no clue what to get my mom for her birthday. I honestly dont know her that well. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:37 PM Flag
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get her a plant. a box of chocolates. some scented soap or candles. a scarf. a cookbook. a pitbull. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:47 PM Flag
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get her a framed picture of the kids... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:07 PM Flag
[ - ] just moved to nyc w/ a 2.5 yo. couldn't apply to preschools prior to moving, since it was kind of last minute. i'm f*%*ed aren't i? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:37 PM Flag
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Not necessarily if you want help to find open spots then sign up with The Parents League but personally I'd just call the schools I was interested in to see if they have spots or waiting lists. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:41 PM Flag
[ - ] What do I do after I sign up for facebook? Do you have a "page" with pics, etc? I'm too old for this. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:36 PM Flag
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^^I can't even post on UB correctly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:37 PM Flag
[ - ] I really hope my friends come over with TP and kandoo wipes for my Potty Training Celebratory party tonight! 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:36 PM Flag
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I'm bringing reading material too. Does dd like the economist? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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She really likes Popular Science. Occasionally will read The New Yorker. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:42 PM Flag
[ - ] we got a wedding invitation to the wedding of the dd of a peer of dh's at work. are they really hoping we will attend (we can) or just hoping for a present? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:32 PM Flag
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depends on the relationship [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:33 PM Flag
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brides father and dh are somewhat close at work, but we don't know the dw or the dd getting married [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:35 PM Flag
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np: maybe the groom has a huge family and they don't [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:36 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:44 PM Flag
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Could be either. You can do neither [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:34 PM Flag
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you should send a small gift if you do not go...just the polite thing to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:00 PM Flag
[ - ] OK, so I haven't posted since the site changed. I tried to keep up a couple times but this new format just doesn't do it for me. I'm skimming through and realizing that there aren't too many "off topic" posts. Where's the snark? Where are the random posts? Where did all the snarky random moms go? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:32 PM Flag
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youbemom.com [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:32 PM Flag
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op: holy crap, I thought you were kidding but I looked. I knew the real ub'ers would find a new home !! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:36 PM Flag
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yup! That's why there are never responses on this site - there's hardly anyone on [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:37 PM Flag
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op: Thank you thank you! I had almost given up hope. I'm out of here. Bye bye UB. You suck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:38 PM Flag
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they're here too...just not all the time, but it's a more positive tone here. YOu don't log off feeling like shit the way you did on the old one [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:37 PM Flag
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np: unless you haooen to mention that you're worried about your kid learning to read. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:41 PM Flag
[ - ] So I have a strong EMOTIONAL desire to have #3 (NOT to have a 'baby' but to add to our family, give my kids another sibling and because I just really love my 2 dc's...) but have decided not to (i think) for the PRACTICAL reasons that : 1) outlook for our financial stability in the next 2 years is not good 2) DH is a great parent but almost no help with day to day care of baby/little one and with finances tight, this means 3) no extra help to hire and 4) we live thousands of miles from family. and 5) i am now over 35 (but not by much...) . Did I make the right choice?? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:32 PM Flag
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Only you know if you made the right choice, but your reasons sound like very good reasons not to have another child -- particularly the financial outlook and the lack of help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:35 PM Flag
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^^^if you had only one, I'd think maybe you could swing it, but 2 is enough to keep you busy. ;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:36 PM Flag
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op -- yes, this is another thing -- I really don't know how I am going to find the time to be a good parent to all 3...although I think having 2 siblings is a good thing, too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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If you're not much over 35 just wait it out and see, but it seems that right now your decision is a good one. Besides, 1 sibling is great. The kids don't need 2 as long as they get along with each other. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:41 PM Flag
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I've heard that number three isn't really that hard because the other two help so much. The financial thing is really a bigger deal in the future. It doesn't have to cost that much in the beginning (it can cost what you want it to cost). College, however, get's pricey. I'm having similar feelings about having a third. I think I'd really like to, but I don't know if I'm up for the financial part of it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:37 PM Flag
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yes yes yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:40 PM Flag
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you have 2 healthy kids already...can't go wrong there. Just be grateful for what you have instead of lamenting on what you may not have. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:02 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you think that if your mom stays after the birth of your baby, your MIL should be able to? I don't think so. 39 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:27 PM Flag
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no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:28 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:29 PM Flag
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what about if dh does? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:30 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:31 PM Flag
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np. He is the father though. Sometimes you have to play happy families. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:36 PM Flag
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I agree, but not right after you've given birth and you're recovering from major life change, hormones, etc. Maybe after a couple of weeks -- signed a mom who loves her MIL, but needed the space anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:38 PM Flag
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this is not the time for a new mom sacrifice her sanity for the sake of family. If she is ok with it, that is one thing, but I wouldn't do it just to play "happy family". There will be MANY other times for that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:38 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:42 PM Flag
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ITTTTA and wonder who are these people who don't [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:35 PM Flag
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But in my experience, and I had both stay after dc's birth, your own mother is there to help YOU, whereas your MIL is there to be with the baby. My mom would cook, clean, help with laundry, go out to buy me maxi pads, whereas my MIL was offering to hold the baby so I could do housework. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.31.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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you are wrong. a horrible DIL imo. this is just as much the husband's family as it is the wife's family [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:38 PM Flag
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Then yes she has exactly the same relationship to your dc as your mom does. I would treat them the same however I have a great MIL!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:33 PM Flag
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this is crazy - one is your mother, one isn't. treat them differently. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:34 PM Flag
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but the baby is the grandchild of both - be fair [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:37 PM Flag
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what's fair is that the mom has been carrying the child and is going to be nursing the child and needs some help from someone. Its not about the child at that point. The infant won't remember who was there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:41 PM Flag
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np: i adore my MIL and one reason is that she always let my mom come first when my babies were born. "at a time liek this, a girl wants her mother." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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I think if you have the space it's a nice thing to offer. Make it clear that you need help, not someone else to wait on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:30 PM Flag
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i think its up to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:31 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:35 PM Flag
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i think that it is her grandchild too, yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:35 PM Flag
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ita, your husband wants her to be involved. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:43 PM Flag
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np: They are so not equal, and fwiw, when you're having a baby, your word is law. Dh better just stand back and negotiate. Any mil who thinks of her own stuff at this point is just an idiot, imho. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:31 PM Flag
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but it's not about the grandchild, it's about the recovering MOTHER at that point [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:36 PM Flag
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I think it depends your relationship with them and DH's. in our family, DH is just as close with his parents as I am with mine. I couldn't have both staying becuase I don't have the room or the mental health for that. But if my mom stayed and my MIL said she wanted to come and stay, I would find a time for her as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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Not necessarily. My MIL would not be welcome (she's pretty horrible) but she wouldn't really want to be here in the first place. She's too self absorbed and refuses to change a diaper. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:42 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:59 PM Flag
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how long does she want to stay? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:17 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 03:27 PM Flag
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^^^ spend with my family, but that's what happens when you have just one kid and don't bother to find a companion of your own. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:28 PM Flag
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You sound awful. how easy it would be to be nice and include her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.31.08, 05:57 AM Flag
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My mil didn't see the diff between her daughter's births and mine, and it was really offensive to my mother. She got to the hosp first and told the front desk that she was my mother, so when my mother got there they almost didn't let her up to maternity. wtf, mil, boundaries, pls! It def didn't stop there, btw. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:30 PM Flag
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itttttttta! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:40 PM Flag
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no way - and if dh has surgery on his genitals and has to walk around half naked, sleep deprived and bleeding for several weeks, my mom doesn't get privileges for that either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:34 PM Flag
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Ha! My dh *had* surgery (not on genitals, but he was getting cancer cut out of his body for chrissake) and his mother chose to go to Vegas instead of coming to the hospital. *My* Mom came to the hospital, though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 08:45 PM Flag
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This thread makes me grateful for my MIL. She totally got that my mom should come out first. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 03:39 PM Flag
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No, but this was a huge point of contention for me and dh and mil. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.31.08, 06:18 AM Flag
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I don't think it's right. It's just a different relationship that you have with your mother than with your mother-in-law. The first few days/weeks after giving birth aren't easy physically or emotionally. My mom stayed with us after both kids were born. MIL came to visit often but did not stay. She was actually really helpful the second time around bc she asked what she could do to help and I told her it was really important that she make #1 feel important, so she would come and take him out for special outings to the zoo, toy store, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.31.08, 06:27 AM Flag
[ - ] Asking again: Silas for Nico's (short for Nicolas) baby bother? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:26 PM Flag
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They kind of sound the same. Go for it if you like it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:29 PM Flag
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I think they are very similar, but nice names. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:30 PM Flag
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nice [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:46 PM Flag
[ - ] I plan to wait until my now 2yo ds is three to start him in preschool. I have him in music classes but would like something like a playgroup to give him more socialization. Anyone in NYC know of something like this? I am on the UWS. Thanks 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
Toddler 05.30.08, 02:25 PM Flag
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I met people along the way at classes etc and formed our own playgroup. Do you have friends you can start one up with? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:31 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone have the Oeuf Classic Collection Crib? Are you happy with it? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
Expecting 05.30.08, 02:24 PM Flag
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Yes and yes. love it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:30 PM Flag
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