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[ - ] I keep going back and forth on public vs private. Ds is in a good g&t program. But I think private schools provide a better education (in elementary not by much but still) but the entitlement and messed up values of the students is something I definitely do not want for him. It would be possible financially but it would be stretching. I just go back and forth all the time. 62 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:50 PM Flag
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Welcome to the club. DD is starting private but not sure we made the right decision. GL to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:16 PM Flag
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Op most of the time I am happy with his school. But I'm currently sitting in school r oom and I see postedd signs with multiple spelling eerrors and I cannot believe that I am giving them my kid every day. But I cannot and will not give the lifestyle that many private kids get. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:20 PM Flag
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I wouldn't worry about lifestyle. It's the education you should focus on. If your kid is being well educated where they are--that's great. We live in bad district, so we really didn't have a choice. Hoping it works out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:12 PM Flag
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Op I went to a private and lifestyle and values were terrible. I do not want to expose ds to that. Your attitude is the one my folks had. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:25 PM Flag
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Maybe choose a less tony private for HS? Or private boarding for HS instead? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:19 PM Flag
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Boarding school isnt our style. I dont know of a solid private that doesn't have a significant proportion of these types. If you do I'm all ears [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:31 PM Flag
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The PK-8 schools tend to be less like this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:23 PM Flag
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imo, some schools that seem to be better at it than others include St David's, Collegiate, St Ann's, St Hilda St Hughes, Cathedral, and Bank St than others. it varies by class, but overall those (and i'm sure others) have good reputations in this area. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:08 PM Flag
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^^^skip the second "than others" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:08 PM Flag
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I hope it works out for us. We are at a private that is not UB friendly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:20 PM Flag
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Good luck. I just go back and for th and sometimes fwel like a good burb public is in our future but I dont want the commute [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:34 PM Flag
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aaah. so this is your personal experience clouding things. it probably makes sense to think about public values as well. i am an np but i grew up in a very wealthy area and went to public. the values were completely screwy. money can corrupt anywhere. public school is not a panacea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:42 PM Flag
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Op true. But ds school is economically and demographically diverse in a way privates just arent. Not a true reflection of the city but better than most. What do ypu mean by public values, iye [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:46 PM Flag
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ridiculous purchases (17yo's driving porches and mercedes to school, obscene vacations were the norm, lots of drugs, insane clothing "budgets", crazy parties when parents went away, etc. probably the same stuff you saw) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:40 PM Flag
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Yeah that is what I saw but the underlying idea that your worth as a human being was tied to your ability and willingness to spemd money is not one I want my dc to have. My parents kept me groumded but th dichotomy of having one set of values at home and seeing another at school (and socially ostricized and bullied) was really tough. Scarring in fact [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:43 PM Flag
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i can see how it would be. honestly, i'm just trying to share that just because a school is private (or public) you cannot hide from it if you live ina wealthy community like nyc. you have to check the community of your specific school (some privates/publics obv. better than others) AND be sure to live your values at home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:04 PM Flag
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I know. Just talking about all the issues. But as hs is citywide how could this be true? the values thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:06 PM Flag
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It's only worth it if you are guaranteeing a spot for later grades (MS) that you might not be able to get then. If you will or could leave NYC before then, not worth it, unless you're saving $$ on housing by living in a bad zone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:16 PM Flag
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may I ask why you feel privates schools provide a better education in elementary? i don't see it with my friends kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:17 PM Flag
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she said not by much-- [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:09 PM Flag
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by enough for her to go back and forth so I would like to hear her thoughts. I am truly interested in why she thinks this and the question isn't meant as a flame [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:22 PM Flag
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I think most people understand public schools do better for elementary. But once in private, it's easier to matriculate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:13 PM Flag
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agreed but that isn't what OP is saying. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:24 PM Flag
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I don't think this is true at all, many public elementary schools fail to teach basic foundational skills needed to succeed at the high school level. At some point kids are so far behind they can't really catch up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:24 PM Flag
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Every single child I know in 4th grade private reads and writes below average level of our public school where kids are actually younger. IA public schools don't teach some fundamentals and we do try to compensate for this which ultimately costs us a lot less than 40K. I think the traditional privates teaching the basics are for the most part a myth these days. Progressive education has done away with the basics. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:38 PM Flag
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np--Most independent schools teach the basics very well. As an example, a book read in 3rd grade at my child's private school is Dave at Night by Gail Carson Levine. The book ties into a study of the Harlem Renaissance in which children learn what a renaissance is and about Harlem and black writers and artists. Children wrote biographies (all research done in school in the library, with the librarian teaching them how to research from books) and present them orally. (Subjects range from Alexander the Great to Indira Gandhi. In private schools, kids read and discuss the same books. I think the teaching of writing is especially good at my child's school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:21 PM Flag
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We live in the burbs and don't have G&T in elementary, so take that into account. Switched DS to private in 3rd, and the writing is *far* more rigorous, as is the reading, as is the science. Math is slower, however. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:27 PM Flag
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I don't have experience with suburban public schools so can't compare [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:56 PM Flag
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THIS. My child is in a district G&T and I have been appalled at the complete lack of "foundational skills". I'm talking about basics around phonics, reading instruction, writing instruction (rather than this Teacher's college- just "write about what you want" crap), math, etc. I keep wondering if a slightly more traditional private would do a better job. However, we can't afford it, so its not in the cards. But still- I have not been happy with the actual teaching at our school. My kid is still learning though (with a lot of help from me at home). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:42 PM Flag
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can you imagine how appalled you would be if you where paying 40K for this. most privates have this exact same issue. its an educational trend these days. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:49 PM Flag
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i do not see it that way. but it is okay if you do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:40 PM Flag
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how do you see it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:42 PM Flag
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i think that the private schools focus in the elementary years on many skills that aren't tested on state tests. e.g., social and group skills, time management and organizational skills. they know the children will learn their math and reading, but the drilling around it is less intense. they also, imo, do a better job on specials in the early years and more layered education (just two brief examples of many: in 2nd grade, ds's class listened to the magic flute in music and had active discussions about it. they did a unit on portraiture in art and came home talking about frida kahlo and diego rivera self portraits.) overall, i believe that building up the full set of skills is more important than some of the math and reading prep happening in publics right now in nyc. i know why the testing is necessary for the whole city, i just dont think it serves children w/ active involved parents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:55 PM Flag
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None of what you describe is a solid foundation. It is a little bit of everything and yes IA most privates have more extras. If financial resources are unlimited OP could do this private and also teach fundamentals at home. IME though if money is at all an issue it is much easier to enrich music, arts, and sports. My 2nd grader not only listens to magic flute but can play pieces of it but we couldn't afford private music lessons if we did private. Public schools give homework which pretty much forces my dc to manage his time and organizational skills. IA given unlimited finances there are definitely a handful of private schools that are better than good public elementary schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:03 PM Flag
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apparently we differ on the definition of a good education. thank goodness there are many different schools in nyc and we can each choose something that makes sense for us and our families. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:51 PM Flag
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agreed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 03:01 PM Flag
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Op we went with public because he is a fall bday and was ready for academic experience which would have been 2 yrs away with private. I think the benefit of private in elementary is student teacher ratio. In terms of keeping up with the stimulation ds needs, I think public has been better up to 3rd grade. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:13 PM Flag
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is your dc going to 4th grade? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:25 PM Flag
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Third but this I what I've heard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:17 PM Flag
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My dc is going into 5th. The best years so far have been more dependent on a teacher than grade. The best year academical in our case has been 4th grade which UB typically knocks as the worst. I still don't understand how your dc would have been getting a better (even if not by much) education if he started private 2 years later or even if he could start at the same age as public. Can you explain? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:32 PM Flag
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^^ Also, if you can afford private but its a stretch put 42K into a separate account and use the $$ for private MS and HS. This way tuition is fully funded and its not stretch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:34 PM Flag
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PP: Private mom here. We have a fall bday too, did not get into G&T or Hunter. Wish DS was going into regular public but we have to do another year of Pre-K. I am telling myself it will give him time to mature, but he is also ready for intellectual work. Think we may have to supplement on our own. We are considering retaking G&T and skipping K, fwiw. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:17 PM Flag
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Op I would not recommend skipping for a boy. Ds is one of the youngest in his class. It is starting to matter less but in k and 1 it mattered a lot [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:30 PM Flag
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I know--it's so difficult. He got accepted to pre-k and K for private, but we liked the ongoing with pre-k much better. It kind of stinks either way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:22 PM Flag
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Our private does a better job by far as evidenced by the fact that only 40% of the children in our public graduate from high school and less go to college while at our private (k-12) 98% of the children earn the IB diploma and nearly all go to college. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:22 PM Flag
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She is talking elementary. Not HS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:36 PM Flag
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Op. Yes. The advantage of private is ypu (almost) guarantee yourself a spot at hs while in public it is all a crapshoot. Also the or here isnt in nyc as there is no way to know what hs my kid will go to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:31 PM Flag
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I am comparing good public elementary schools (g&t and gen ed) vs private. Not average public data vs private data. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:41 PM Flag
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If you really feel that all children in private schools are entitled they are probably not the place for your children. You should consider actually looking at the schools though and decide based on what you see instead of relying on stereotypes that are in many cases incorrect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:20 PM Flag
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way to go hyperbolic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:21 PM Flag
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Op im basing it on my own experience growing up in private in nyc. There are a couple I would consider but ds got into the g and t before they had openings (fall bday so...) but there are only 4 or 5 I think fit this mold. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:23 PM Flag
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ITDA with you, both that private schools provide better education and that all the kids are messed up and entitled. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:37 PM Flag
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Op. Could you tell me why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:29 PM Flag
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They're both over generalizations. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:08 PM Flag
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I just met two lovely young men who attended public school in the bronx and are now both at bx science HS. If your kid is authentically talented and you continue to support him, he will be fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:34 PM Flag
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If $$$ is remotely an issue, stay in public as long as possible. My kids are a little older and I've seen countless examples of parents pulling kids out of private schools clearly for financial reasons and it it the worst. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:46 PM Flag
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From your post, I think you are relying too much on word of mouth for your opinions. Most private schools offer an excellent elementary education. The difference is that they start more slowly with academics, but by 3rd and 4th grades the differences between them and even top public schools are quite clear. Tour schools and ask how they address values and entitlement. You might want to look at the Episcopal schools (Cathedral, St. Hilda's St. Hugh's, Grace, St. Luke's) and also Town and maybe City and Country and Manhattan Country School. The latter has a sliding scale tuition. A big plus of private K-8 or K-12 schools is the seamless transition into middle school. I think it keeps the kids younger. All schools have some grades that are better than others, but you want to find a school that addresses issues of entitlement and values. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:08 PM Flag
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np: can you explain how starting "more slowly" coupled with children being at least 1 year older can possibly cross over by public's 3rd grade. Basically you claim that in 2 years time private kids are academically ahead of public school kids yet somehow privates are slower. Please explain. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:15 PM Flag
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Sure. Reading in most private schools is taught in small groups of three or four students, each with a full-time teacher in a separate room for the entire reading period. Almost all schools use the phonics-based Explode the Code series, with workbooks that can be matched to each child's needs. Kids read and discuss the same books. Kids that need extra help in reading get one-on-one with a reading specialist. The reading goals are higher. Many schools do the same for math. As a note, depending on the school cutoff, about one third to over one half of every grade at many private schools would be in the same grade in public school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:25 PM Flag
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hmmm theoretically this sounds solid but my real world experience shows reading level of public school kids in my dc's grade much ahead of our friends with private school kids. (just finished 4th grade) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:59 PM Flag
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^^ reading goals are not hire. Are you joking? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 03:00 PM Flag
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Thank you all for a serious discussion of a fraught topic [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:29 PM Flag
[ - ] That devil statue they want to erect in Oklahoma next to the 10 commandments is being made and warehoused in Brooklyn! 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:39 PM Flag
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Haha that's awesome! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:41 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:42 PM Flag
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Negative. That thing looks like a pedophile's dream. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:32 PM Flag
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Why is is awesome? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:51 PM Flag
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creepy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:07 PM Flag
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The devil made me do it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:36 PM Flag
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Omg [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:47 PM Flag
[ - ] Best facial cream to use at night? I'm 40 and have pretty normal skin except for the melasma on my forehead. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:36 PM Flag
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What's melasma? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:23 PM Flag
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Dark spots from sun, prior pregnancies, or birth control. Like a lot of freckles but more intense/dark. It's referred to as the mask of pregnancy. I've done IPL to lighten it but I'm on the pill so it'll likely never go away. I don't really care about it, I just want some kind of cream that will be good for my skin overall. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:16 PM Flag
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Ask your husband to help [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:48 PM Flag
[ - ] Does one need to collapse a stroller on the subway? Going in at 11am so not rush hour but want to plan ahead. Thanks. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:35 PM Flag
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no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:40 PM Flag
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no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:55 PM Flag
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I don't think so but a bus driver yelled at me two days ago because I didn't fold up my stroller and carry db on board. So I would call 311 if you want to be 100 percent sure [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:56 PM Flag
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on the bus you do, on the subway, no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:12 PM Flag
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nah, I wouldn't. the bus is a different story-- I always collapse it on the bus. the subway, almost never. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:57 PM Flag
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same. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:43 PM Flag
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Agreed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:01 PM Flag
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According to the rules yes - even while taking it up and down stairs and escalators. In my opinion that rule is stupid though. I think it is less safe to have a kid under the arm and the stroller under the other, than the kid strapped into the stroller. I never folded my stroller, when the kids were young, and I don't see anybody else do it either, and it does not bother me. Buses - yes - always fold. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:21 PM Flag
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No. No one is going to give you a hard time. It's good that you're going during a slow time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:28 PM Flag
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typically no. but if super crowded, you may have a hard time getting on the train. busses, people collapse them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:43 PM Flag
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Just buy an inexpensive umbrella stroller they cost 20-40 bucks. Folds down like a charm. This was my best friend for traveling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:50 PM Flag
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no, but bring a small stroller. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:02 PM Flag
[ - ] At this point, no one should have to spend 12 hours a day with my 2yo and 4yo. This is such a difficult age. So they go to camp for the day. And i go to work. A newborn and 2yo was ok. A 1yo and 3yo was not bad. But 2 and 4 is too much. 58 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:31 PM Flag
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Yep. I was a sahm of 2 & 4 yo. Tough times! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:46 PM Flag
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I can see the 4yo slowing down, and focusing. But the 2yo? No. The 2yo brain and body does not rest. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:37 PM Flag
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How many 2 yos at camp together? Hmmm [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:40 PM Flag
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Yep. And it is the best decision i ever made. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:43 PM Flag
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Are they both boys? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:23 PM Flag
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What? I have 3 dcs and younger kids are now almost 2 and 4 and its finally easier. Camp for 2 yo? You worry about "someone" more than your own dcs? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:38 PM Flag
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Incoherent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:41 PM Flag
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Coherent: you are doing something wrong if it got more difficult [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:45 PM Flag
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It's not called terrible 1's. It's not called terrible 8's. It's called terrible 2's. And for a good reason. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:22 PM Flag
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If kids like camp and seems good for them, sounds good, but many many people can and do hand and enjoy kids these ages. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:52 PM Flag
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Good for them. Godspeed. Yes, my kids enjoy their summer program. I need to vent. Just the process of getting them to/fro is exhausting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:45 PM Flag
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2 and 4 is when I felt like things got SO MUCH easier for my family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:47 PM Flag
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+1 In fact, it's probably the time I most miss! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:59 PM Flag
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OP: if youre dealing with teenagers now, i can see why u would feel that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:01 PM Flag
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If I was like you, wouldn't I be missing nb and 2 yo more? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:06 PM Flag
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I think most people find this age easier than when they're younger. The exception is those who are raising super brats. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:50 PM Flag
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Even more coherent. TY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:09 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:06 PM Flag
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Agree. If they're more difficult now than they were as babies, I can't imagine what she'll have on her hands in a couple more years! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:18 PM Flag
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+3 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:09 PM Flag
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If you and your family work best with them at camp and you and dh at the office, great. I love my kids as does dh but neither of us wants to sah. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:52 PM Flag
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+1 at those ages, it is rough. They run you raggedy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:24 PM Flag
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I love all of these responses discussing how perfect and easy a 2 year old should be! Ridiculous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:53 PM Flag
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I don't think anyone said that. But 4 and 2 is a lot easier than 2 and newborn. Unless your 4 yo is a massive brat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:56 PM Flag
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Depends on the kid. If you did this 100 times with different children each time, I doubt you would make this blanket statement. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:54 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:21 PM Flag
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this is the age where the 4 yo and 2 yo need to learn to interact, to share (you attention if anything else), to take turns, to be patient. you are avoiding teaching them all these fundamental skills. it will only get more difficult for you if you don't see it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:18 PM Flag
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They learn that at home, and in their summer program. We dont have help on the weekends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:03 PM Flag
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Which responses say that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:10 PM Flag
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Can you read? Apparently my 2 year old should be so much easier than an infant. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:55 PM Flag
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I am sorry, are you saying your infant was much easier than your 4 yo? You had a 2 yo in both scenarios. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:56 PM Flag
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See above. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:04 PM Flag
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+10000 it's called terrible 2's for a reason. But on UB... It's an alternate universe where 2yos are easy! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:27 PM Flag
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2 yo is a constant in her claim. She found it easier to have a 2 yo and a baby vs 2y and 4 yo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:44 PM Flag
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Yes. Because i could stabilize one at that age, and focus on the other. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:14 PM Flag
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^^^at 2 and 4, they are both very active, and ur constantly pulled in 2 directions. (And outnumbered! Lol:) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:15 PM Flag
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It's not easy, it's work, but it's up to you to set boundaries and discipline. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:50 PM Flag
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That is exactly what makes the 2's difficult. My point exactly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:52 PM Flag
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Ugh sorry about the triple post! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:02 PM Flag
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Op: no prob. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:15 PM Flag
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+1000000000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:57 PM Flag
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That is exactly what makes the 2's difficult. My point exactly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:52 PM Flag
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That is exactly what makes the 2's difficult. My point exactly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:52 PM Flag
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Op: i discipline them, and i discipline myself. Yes it is hard work, but this too shall pass. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:07 PM Flag
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I don't mean to flame, but I have to wonder if those above who are labeling your kids brats are on to something. It's really the only explanation I can think of for finding this age more complicated than when they were younger. Or maybe your two year old is an exceptional hellion? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:09 PM Flag
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Two yr ools are tiring. They dont play by themselves and have opinions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:27 PM Flag
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THIS! Amen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:12 PM Flag
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Nope. hellion at age 8. Not at age 2 when tantrums are quite normal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:02 PM Flag
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Is hellion a code word for boy? Little boys are much more exhausting than little girls. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:05 PM Flag
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Op: ds is 4. Dd is 2. Right now, there really is no diff. (Lol.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:17 PM Flag
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I just want to say - hang in there. It will be so much easier a year from now. As long as you don't get #3. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:22 PM Flag
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wouldn't you have said this to OP 2 years ago when she had a 2 yo and a baby? what makes you believe it will get easier for op a year from now? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:24 PM Flag
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Because many, many children begin to settle down as they approach Kindergarten. It' neurological. In most places, school is mandatory until 1st grade. Children are just too unfocused before then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:49 PM Flag
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It's never easier until the youngest is 3.5 or 4. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:06 PM Flag
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Op: everyone (in real life) says this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:18 PM Flag
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Op: thanks! I can already see 4yo can focus more, sit with a puzzle or even a book for 20 minutes. He was off the wall at 2 though. And no. We are not having a third. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:56 PM Flag
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FYI, at 2, it's daycare, not camp. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:02 PM Flag
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What's in a name? Especially to a 2yo and 4yo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:09 PM Flag
[ - ] Finalist baby boy names: Henry, Charles or Theodore. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:30 PM Flag
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Can't go wrong- enjoy your boy!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:42 PM Flag
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Theodore, love Theo as a nn. Teddy cute too. IME Charlies tend to be assholes and Henry just doesn't do it for me and is wayyyy overused in NYC now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:32 PM Flag
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Charles. Henry has been overused for a while now and Theodore is trending. If you're open to other suggestions, I'd like to throw out Timothy and James. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:32 PM Flag
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+1 also I love Charlie as a nn [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:05 PM Flag
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+2 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:23 PM Flag
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All good! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:45 PM Flag
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Charles though all are solid names [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:46 PM Flag
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all popular/overused now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:45 PM Flag
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Theodore is the new thing. I know two baby boys born last month named Theodore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:47 PM Flag
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Theodore/Teddy/Theo is uber trendy. Henry is painfully overused. So...I guess I vote for Charles? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:01 PM Flag
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Love all three! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:04 PM Flag
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I would pick theodore but all are good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:06 PM Flag
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all great! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:58 PM Flag
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Charles nn Charlie [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:06 PM Flag
[ - ] What is estimated income range for psychotherapist with private practice with two offices? TIA 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:16 PM Flag
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Guy you're dating or frenemy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:32 PM Flag
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OP: New guy possibility [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:22 PM Flag
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I would guess 300 - 600k? If they have "employees" at their practices. My mom is a psychologist and she only made 20% of what clients paid (owner of practice took the rest, and paid costs of course), and still made close to 100k/year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:43 PM Flag
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Only 20% seems really low. I live in Cleveland and 60% is standard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:06 PM Flag
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It is super low. She left that practice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:19 PM Flag
[ - ] What idiot gets on a plane for Israel right now. Stfu Bloomberg. "It's a great place to visit". W the actual F. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:11 PM Flag
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lol THIS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:16 PM Flag
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OP - after what just happened LAST WEEK with that plane getting shot down ? There are a million places in the world right now that aren't a war zone. For vacation, I'm picking the NON war zone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:20 PM Flag
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he is trying to make a statement. certainly not going there on vacation. He just wants to underscore that Americans need to support Israel now. there must be other ways to do this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:32 PM Flag
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What is your issue? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:30 PM Flag
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Why do Americans need to so this exactly? I don't have any horse in this race. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:33 PM Flag
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bc the vast majority of americans are pro-israel and anti-muslim terrorism. go figure. politicans want to get re-elected. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:49 PM Flag
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I know so many people going recently as well. Why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:18 PM Flag
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Me too!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:20 PM Flag
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Try in to prove a point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:34 PM Flag
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bc it's summer? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:47 PM Flag
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I know people going, and btw, the WSJ headline was so wrong. It said US stops flights to Israel NOPE, it stopped US carriers. EL AL flying [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:17 PM Flag
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Yes, Bloomberg was on an El Al flight. So what? So stupid and irresponsible to encourage this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:29 PM Flag
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What is your problem? He isn't in the office? He doesn't need your approval? Looking at UB and it seems the only people getting hurt ate the poor innocent Palestinians and Israelis are perfectly fine and dandy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:29 PM Flag
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My problem is that he's being stupid, not that anyone has to listen. Why would you encourage people to fly into a war zone? Ridiculous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:40 PM Flag
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Yep. Ridiculous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:43 PM Flag
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then the poor innocent plaestinians must be doing something wrong, to warrant attacks like that. maybe it's time to stop supporting terrorist leaders. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:47 PM Flag
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You can always take a ferry from Greece to Haifa. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:30 PM Flag
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Agreed. He should have said, "it's a great place to visit when it isn't besieged by hourly rocket attacks." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:41 PM Flag
[ - ] What's the best way to manage an employee who doesn't like to be managed? Very bright, productive but chafes at authority and doesn't follow certain instructions/doesn't respond at all to certain requests, which leads to our team being blindsided by consequences. 26 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:53 AM Flag
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Fire [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:57 AM Flag
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Even if really smart? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:05 PM Flag
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If he's that smart then he already knows he's screwing you over and doesn't care. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:08 PM Flag
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Unfortunately, may be right. I get a vibe of her feeling "above the job." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:21 PM Flag
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YES. You don't necessarily want the smartest person. You want someone "just smart enough" who is a team player [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:27 PM Flag
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Manage in such a way that he doesn't feel managed, and try to induce buy-in through discussion/conversation instead of instruction. And let him know his job is on the schneid if he doesn't smarten up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:12 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:29 PM Flag
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Ask that employee how you can best work together? State your observations about his performance and output and ask him what he thinks would make it better given the parameters of each of your roles. Because the current state of affairs is unacceptable. (I'm assuming it's a guy.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:12 PM Flag
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A woman. Very smart but rigid and won't take direction. I've tried playing to strengths and being frank, laying off to give room with clear context, but at some point team dynamic and taking instruction actually trumps raw talent. We'll see. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:17 PM Flag
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Ha! I was wrong. Anyway... If you really want to keep her for her smarts, invite her to be part of the process of managing the expectations while identifying your role as the authority. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:02 PM Flag
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Ditch. Possible short term gain, but long term is just going to get worse and worse. What if you are in a crisis situation where you need him to do something to which he "doesn't respond well?" He also needs to learn how life/society works. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:05 PM Flag
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Explain the "doesn't respond at all" piece. Does he simply ignore your emails and status follow-up? Under what circumstances does he do the work required? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:08 PM Flag
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Just doesn't respond at all to certain emails. Most employees, me included, always say, "Got it" or "Handling." Later, I find out certain things never happened (often the annoying but necessary administrative points of our jobs like turning in forms or expense reports. As managers and senior level employees, we know those are the things upper management doesn't have time to have to track down. I'll have one more clear expectations talk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:24 PM Flag
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Hate to say this but could it be that he doesn't respect and won't report to you either bc you're a woman or bc he doesn't view you as senior enough. Does he respond better to either men or other women with partner/MD, etc titles. I'm not justifying it but rather saying that another talk may do no good and if you haven't figured out the real issue, those more senior *could* view it as your inability to manage/being threatened by this guy if you don't get ahead of it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:17 PM Flag
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Fire. Great managers know how to both manage those manageable and cut bait when pointless. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:09 PM Flag
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Wow, sound like my teenager. What do you mean by certain requests/instructions? If they are productive and bright I would not fire yet. Are they just belligerent or are you asking things that they need to have a reason for/ see the outcome? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:20 PM Flag
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She has a chip on her shoulder, likely feels too smart to worry about those things she doesn't do, very passive aggressive. Move on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:21 PM Flag
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Will you team function better with or without him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:17 PM Flag
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I'll consider this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:32 PM Flag
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Do you have authority to fire or does someone else need to do it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:30 PM Flag
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I have authority. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:31 PM Flag
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Is she older or younger than you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:37 PM Flag
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sit down and discuss your frustrations fully with employee, put them on written notice that xyz needs to be worked on and you'll sit down and discuss again in one month [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:12 PM Flag
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make sure they understand that they will have to change or will be fired. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:44 PM Flag
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THis is a tough one. I've fired people and have coached them back from the brink, but this is the hardest employee to deal with. Honestly, I would encourage them to find another job. They're really smart but they'll always they're better than you and anything you do is a slight against them. You can't win. You can't fight every little jab they take because you look petty, but you can't put up with it either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:40 PM Flag
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needs a humbling experience. needs to honestly believe job is at risk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:44 PM Flag
[ - ] What movie house have you always wanted to live in? 49 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:51 AM Flag
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somethings gotta give? with diane keaton [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:03 PM Flag
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Haha. When I read it I thought you meant what movie house, like movie theater. Was thinking Landmark Sunshine could be a cool place to live! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:08 PM Flag
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I read it that way the first time, too! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:43 PM Flag
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Diane Keaton always lives in fabulous houses in all her movies! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:06 PM Flag
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It's probably in her contract. ;) That house was beautiful in the movie. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:44 PM Flag
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Yeah, this one's amazing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:38 PM Flag
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It's Complicated - Meryl Streep's house [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:08 PM Flag
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A great one! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:13 PM Flag
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OP: this is actually the one I was thinking of when I posted this! That kitchen! I also kind of want to be her in that movie when I grow up. The bakery, the daughters who love her, the men chasing after her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:18 PM Flag
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+1!! I remember thinking watching the movie that I want to be her... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:45 PM Flag
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+2 the kitchen and her garden are amazing. I also love her look/clothes. And the family that she built. And even the dynamic she has with her girlfriends [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:47 PM Flag
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Nice! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:45 PM Flag
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Santa Barbara, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 04:58 PM Flag
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Philadelphia story with k hepburn. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:12 PM Flag
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The Family Stone house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:12 PM Flag
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Alvin & Chipmunks house [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:12 PM Flag
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Fight Club. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:05 PM Flag
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rosemary's baby [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:19 PM Flag
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San Remo! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:47 PM Flag
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I thought it was the dakota [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 04:48 PM Flag
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oops, yes, you are right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 04:49 PM Flag
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father of the bride, the Steve Martin version. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:21 PM Flag
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Yes, see Diane Keaton comment above [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:13 PM Flag
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I love around the corner from this house in Pasadena! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:40 PM Flag
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Love this house! Can't believe it was only $1.3M. It seems like a lot of house for that price. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:39 PM Flag
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The proposal (Sandra bullock) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:22 PM Flag
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OMG yes love that house! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:27 PM Flag
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The Others (w Nicole Kidman) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:39 PM Flag
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That house is so creepy! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:47 PM Flag
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The Royal Tenenbaums [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:47 PM Flag
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Jersey City redbrick. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 04:57 PM Flag
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Michael Douglas and Gwyneth paltrows apartment in a perfect murder [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:36 PM Flag
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Np- Good one!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:41 PM Flag
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dh loves that apt too! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:56 PM Flag
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Home alone [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:48 PM Flag
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I liked it better in the movie than what they did to it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 03:00 PM Flag
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The apartment with the greenhouse in Green Card. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:47 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:13 PM Flag
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The Great Gatsby. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:20 PM Flag
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haha, I would be happier with Nick's cottage [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:31 PM Flag
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When I was younger and never home sure, but now I'm middle age and stay home more so I'd like a little more space. (-: [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:44 PM Flag
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Which one? Redford or Leo? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 04:58 PM Flag
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If I were to live in the burbs, the moms house in Stepmom [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:28 PM Flag
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Oh, I love that one! And that movie makes me cry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 03:08 PM Flag
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I kind of like tinkerbell's house [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 03:09 PM Flag
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The shingled, tower Hamptons house in Deathtrap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 04:47 PM Flag
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Looked like a restored windmill. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 04:59 PM Flag
[ - ] please recommend a great book - something with some substance or history, but not too dry. TIA 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:38 AM Flag
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I hated Eat Pray Love, but apparently her new book is good. Historical fiction. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:53 AM Flag
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I read it already, thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:02 PM Flag
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Goldfinch? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:09 PM Flag
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I liked this book. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:14 PM Flag
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Different author. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:15 PM Flag
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np- correct - the pp is referring to EG's the signature of all things [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:20 PM Flag
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I know. She said she read my first rec so I made another. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:55 PM Flag
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read it and loved it. thx [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:16 PM Flag
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Fiction or non? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:05 PM Flag
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either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:08 PM Flag
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For fiction: let the great world spin by Colum McCann or daughter of fortune by Isabel Allende. For nonfiction, On Gold mountain by Lisa See (a history of her Chinese family in China and the U.S.) or for something really different The Snakehead. I can't remember the author's name but it's a biography of this woman who recently died in federal prison after being arrested by the FBI for years of smuggling illegal immigrants into the U.S. fascinating story and it weaves in a lot of interesting discussion of immigration policies and their impact in the U.S. and abroad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:05 PM Flag
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ty [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:31 PM Flag
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Unbroken [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:11 PM Flag
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read and loved it, too, Thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:16 PM Flag
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The White Woman on the Green Bicycle. Novel about growing old, being a woman, but also about the political history of Trinidad. I found it to be a great read. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:12 PM Flag
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ty - that sounds interesting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:17 PM Flag
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The Invention of Wings- about slavery in Charleston [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:29 PM Flag
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I just finished And the Mountains Echoed. It's a beautiful story set in Afghanistan. A Thousand Splendid Suns by the same author is really good too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:10 PM Flag
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The Bronze Horseman [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:19 PM Flag
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The Volcano Lover by Susan Sontag [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:38 PM Flag
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Someone on here previously recommended The Three Musketeers, and it was so much fun! Get an annotated version w/ footnotes and you will appreciate how it ties in to history. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:36 PM Flag
[ - ] I am on vacation with my inlaws. Because I have been at my current company only 2 years, i don't have much vacation time. So I have to drive back and forth from the beach for a few days. DH is here with our DSs 12 and 8. I got yelled at (yes yelled at) by DHs aunt for not taking the whole week off. "You need to be here. This is a family vacation." I snapped and said "you do not tell me what to do. I could have stayed home this week." Who the hell does she think she is? 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:35 AM Flag
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Wow. One of those controlling "family is everything" types. But try to stay calm and not engage. You have a long road ahead with dh's family, and this week will soon be behind you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:38 AM Flag
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Yes but it is HER family who is everything-my family is an annoyance to her [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:59 AM Flag
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If you were a man who had to work, I wonder if it would have crossed her mind to be incensed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:50 AM Flag
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This! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:54 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:14 PM Flag
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Agree, but a calm answer would have worked. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:54 AM Flag
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Rude of her but did you explain the circumstances? Agree with PP she never would have said this to a man. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:55 AM Flag
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Op here-good point that she would not have dared say that to DH. He's an attorney and he apparently is only one who works hard. She forgets he has his own firm so I HAVE to work so we can have affordable benefits. Not that I mind but her comment was rude. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:51 AM Flag
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I hope you are able to enjoy the rest of your vacation and let it to. That generation still just doesn't get it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:06 PM Flag
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Contemplating working all week ;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:00 PM Flag
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Rude of her, and you don't have to explain anything to anyone. Adults do not explain. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 04:41 PM Flag
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let me guess: she doesn't work. tell her you don't have enough vacation time to do that. but I agree with pp do not engage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:02 PM Flag
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She does NOW-she didn't when her daughter was young so that is wrong in her mind. She is divorced now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:01 PM Flag
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What is wrong with people? My DH has to work frequently when family gets together and everyone understands. Sorry OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:14 PM Flag
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It's because she's female. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:16 PM Flag
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Yep I would much rather be at home with my kids but this isn't reality [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:32 PM Flag
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And here's the other thing-I make as much as my husband and if you throw in my bonuses and stock options AND benefits I am the breadwinner. They don't see that-just because I am not an attorney and don't have a fancy title doesn't mean I don't bring in my share. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:32 PM Flag
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If they are anything like my ILs, it's not just bc you're female it's what the first poster said, "family is everything" types. My dh's entire family is made up of people who either don't work or work for themselves and when I was still in BigLaw (SAH now) I got crap ALL THE TIME about not being able to take off, leave early on a summer Friday, etc. they just didn't appreciate what it was like to have a boss/company to have to answer to since none of them have to do it. Take a deep breath, calmly respond that unfortunately you have to work for a few days and that's it. Ignore after that. You do have a long road ahead. Of course, now that I SAH and am at the shore w my kids a ton ILs never, ever, ever come down even a few hours early to spend some quality one-on-one time with them before the whole family swoops in (generally at 4/5 pm I might add) and it gets crazy for the weekend. Just can't win. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:48 PM Flag
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Op here-thank you for this-i know it's crazy. We usually go on vacation with my family (retired teachers) who "get it". DH just asked me if he could come to work with me-his family is driving HIM crazy. Apparently he doesn't know how to care for his own kids and just got told that the breakfast he gives them everyday is wrong. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:55 PM Flag
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You guys need to stop vacationing with the in-laws or just go for an overnight stay over the weekend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:27 PM Flag
[ - ] Getting laid off at work at a big bank. They offered me a standard severance package for someone at my level of 16 weeks' salary, no bonus. I've been working there just 18 months but I'm 56 years old. Should I negotiate for a better deal? 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:10 AM Flag
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That's pretty good for only 18months. Maybe you can say, "thanks, I'll review it with my lawyer and get back to you." I think after a certain age, you have more time to respond. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:02 AM Flag
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16 weeks for 18 months is really good. I guess you can try for more but offer sounds generous [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:03 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:04 AM Flag
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Look at it this way-the company doesn't actually have to give you anything-very generous [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:31 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:42 PM Flag
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What leverage do your have to get something better? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:34 AM Flag
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This is very good severance for the amount of time worked. What basis do you think that you have to negotiate? It can't be age since they hired you only a year and a half ago. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:37 AM Flag
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Sounds like a decent severance. At 56 will you retire or look for another position? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:58 AM Flag
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I've never heard of such a generous severance. The only thing I'd considering asking for - to boost chances of finding a job - staying on the payroll until X Date before severance kicks in. That way you may get an extra few weeks paid because you'll still be employed. Also, it is always easier to find a job while employed - and play the age card. Offer to keep your deal confidential (and then of course do) so not everyone asks for the same special treatment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:59 AM Flag
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+1 - I think this is a good plan. Also, be sure to have strong references from this company arranged before you leave. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:02 PM Flag
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PP - YES on references. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:19 PM Flag
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+2. Ask if you can come into office through the severance period and stay on payroll. Law firms often do this. People come in but don't do any work and job hunt. Only issue I could see is if you are on a trading floor set up and everyone will know you aren't working so no way to keep confidential. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:23 PM Flag
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She has to keep it confidential anyway. Most severance agreements require signing a general release of any claims you may have against the employer and there's is always a confidentiality clause. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:37 PM Flag
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Agreed, when I got offered severance in BigLaw from a certain old firm before they imploded I had to accept by around Thanksgiving but I was able to stay on the pay roll/website through Feb or so I think which made it much, MUCH easier to find another position. GL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:41 PM Flag
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Oh, and make sure they are willing to take calls from prospective employers for references and willing to say that they are aware you're looking to make a move and not out you as getting laid off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:52 PM Flag
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You are lucky. I have worked at my company (large media) for 11 years and I will be lucky to get 12 wks butler likely it will be 6 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:33 PM Flag
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I was at a Silicon Valley company for 13 years (I was one of the first wave of employes in a startup that did well). When they reorganized and got rid of my division, I got 12 weeks. FML. 16 weeks for 18 months sounds F&^%in awesome [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:48 PM Flag
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HR mom here - if lay-off is due reduction in force/redundancy, then your age won't get you more money. If that is policy for your level and years of service, you won't likely be able to negotiate more than that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:29 PM Flag
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You found employment 18 mo ago at 54 1/2 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:55 PM Flag
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that's a good severance package, and they're not going to give you more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:14 PM Flag
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Just a heads up if you are in New York State. They've changed the law, so that severance is counted as income against unemployment benefits. If you negotiate to get the severance more than 30 days after being fired, you are eligible for unemployment right away. http://www.syracuse.com/news/index.ssf/2014/01/terminated_workers_receiving_severance_pay_can_no_longer_collect_unemployment_be.html [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 03:14 PM Flag
[ - ] DH was having a hissy fit last night about kids, their mess, the state of the place etc. At one point he threw a skipping rope towards DD7 and it hit her in the leg (I saw him throw it, I didn't see it hit, DD says it hit her in the leg). When I said to him "You can't throw things at kids" everything escalated. He screamed at me "Are you calling me a liar" and I said "Yes, although you've probably convinced yourself that the bullshit coming out of your mouth is now the truth". He lost it, called DD out, asked her to repeat it etc etc. Then started picking on me about something else, brought up an ex-boyfriend etc etc. This happens maybe once a year. I felt afraid when he came near me. Not interested in therapy, have tried that over the years, he says he'll go but won't go. Actually I feel pretty much at the end of the tether, can't be bothered going around again. 37 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 10:32 AM Flag
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He should not have thrown the rope at her, but you should not have escalated the situation in front of the kids. What he did wasn't OK either way but around the kids, safety first (physical and emotional). If you are done, but focus on a peaceful transition. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 10:37 AM Flag
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He was telling her he didnt throw it, it didn't hit her, she was making it up. I felt the need to protect her reality. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:44 AM Flag
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Totally get it, but you could have separated them and kept things calm. Her reality is now mom and dad screaming and hearing something about your ex. Also, did he really throw it at her or toss it to her to put it away? Be honest. If he is a guy who really throws things at children then just move on now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:01 PM Flag
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He threw it at her in anger, also a jumper, with rage [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:04 PM Flag
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A sweater [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:06 PM Flag
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PP: That's awful and scary. If you are done, get your ducks in a row and ask him to move out. He may be relieved and a better father with less pressure/FT kid responsibility. And you can find a loving, calm man. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:08 PM Flag
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It's rare, that's what's confusing, but I was afraid tonight, afraid he'd hurt one of us. But yes, I know things will be calm for a while now as I will force him to think about, say sorry etc.. So I just need to start lining things up. It's rare, but not acceptable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:18 PM Flag
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You shouldn't have though. You really shouldn't have intervened. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:12 PM Flag
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she was looking to me.. what I should just shrug and leave her to her confusion, or tell no, it's ok, i believe you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:07 PM Flag
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Was the house, in fact, a mess because of the kids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 10:52 AM Flag
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Yes but also I didn't tidy for his homecoming like I normally do, I wahm and was crabby at him about his drinking and smoking and had brought that up with him earlier in the day [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:46 AM Flag
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Shouldn't the kids be tidying up? Especially at seven years old? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:08 PM Flag
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Yeah.. With dd it's a massive struggle, she argues, pouts, delays, that's why raged at her [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:30 PM Flag
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Drinking? Well there we have the source of the moodiness and anger. Meet Mr. Low Blood Sugar and his tantrums. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 02:18 PM Flag
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Ouch. If you end up getting divorced, your dd will think it is her fault. If you are done, I would talk to him and agree to wait a while and not speak another nasty word to one another until things smooth over and cooler heads can prevail. It will still screw up the kids' lives, but perhaps they won't think it's b/c of them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 10:58 AM Flag
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Wtf. Kids aren't that easily screwed up. Parents fight, that's life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:28 AM Flag
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Wtf? All kids get screwed up by divorce. Parents fighting in front of the kids is not my "life." And every kid questions whether it is his fault. Fighting OVER and involving the kids is a surefire way to solidify that fear. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:37 AM Flag
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Oh brother [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:46 AM Flag
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I think OP said that this happens once a year. Not ideal but it is not that big of a deal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:47 AM Flag
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So given that this happens once a year, maybe but not likely twice, what is better for DCs, stay or go [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:48 AM Flag
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wow you are clueless [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:25 PM Flag
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^^^sorry that was for the other poster saying "kids aren't that easily screwed up." They'll most likely think it is their fault especially if it happens right after this fight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:27 PM Flag
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Listen, you all had a bad night. Everyone should go out to dinner tonight and the movies and ice crew, TIme to regroup. Shiat like this happens in EVERY FAMILY. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:21 AM Flag
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This. I don't get the hysteria in the responses. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:28 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:18 AM Flag
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Speak for yourself. We don't scream in our house. We don't involve the kids in heated discussions. -np [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:28 AM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:29 AM Flag
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Yeah, see I'm still seething about all the unrelated things he started ranting about in front of my kids, regarding an ex boyfriend, regarding touching a friends boobs when I was drunk plus more stuff he threw out to try to attack and discredit me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:52 AM Flag
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This is why she may be ready to leave. More to it than just a family blow up, which does happen in every family. Do you still love him and think it could be better? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:09 PM Flag
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He's obese yet expects regular sec and BJs. He drinks, smokes and lies. Ialdo I'm resentful that my career was sidelined and I could have gone further, while he went out to work each day and still brings in the same as. I do. I can pick up my career again and maybe if we split that would be easier as he doesn't actually want me out there as he's insecure and jealous. So.. Do I love him? I kind of feel like he's one of my kids! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:22 PM Flag
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if you think that this is unforgivable and is not going to change, you need to talk to him when you are calm. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:11 PM Flag
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^^np [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:11 PM Flag
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You brought this on yourself by jumping into his argument with dd. If you thought he was wrong, you should have discussed that with him afterwards. If you thought dd was in danger, you should have picked her up and walked out. But in no case should you have gotten in the middle of their fight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:04 PM Flag
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well she was sobbing to me, confused, telling me he hit her with the rope, and he's yelling 'No I didn't, no I didn't' [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:08 PM Flag
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Maybe the kids should be tidying up? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:08 PM Flag
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He sounds really immature. And he smokes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:21 PM Flag
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Sooo immature, we struggle with $$ also snd I reckon he had lost respect at work due to massive gut and stinking of cigarettes, so wasting his ccareer plus $ on cigarettes and wine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 12:24 PM Flag
[ - ] Biggest ERB scandal was not the prepping, but the bias that the testers had when they came to the schools to do the testing. If you look at the average score of a test administered at the test center and the average score when given at a nursery school, you would be shocked! 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 07.23.14, 07:24 AM Flag
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This! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 07:24 AM Flag
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Yes, ISAAGNY never addressed this more significant issue because their member schools benefitted greatly from this arrangement. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 07:26 AM Flag
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Which way did the bias lean? Why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 10:38 AM Flag
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onsite testing always better. mostly, the child was more in his or her element. if the child was having an off day, the teachers would just send a child who was having a good day. everything was much more controllable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:47 PM Flag
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Please tell details. very interested to hear about this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:31 AM Flag
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How do you know this. Besides anecdotal evidence, unless you work for the testing device or possibly a nursery school, how did you come to see a large number of scores and test reports? Was taken? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:41 AM Flag
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Are we supposed to just take your word for it? How would you know this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:12 PM Flag
[ - ] I love waking up DH with a blow job. He gives me that "What, wait, wow" look and I just fall in love all over again. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 06:15 AM Flag
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Good for you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 07:26 AM Flag
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That's cute :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 07:26 AM Flag
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I need a husband that would like this. My talents are being wasted on my own. Love giving wake up blow jobs! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 01:38 PM Flag
[ - ] Why are the Satmars generally considered the most "prestigious" of the various Hasidic groups? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 03:50 AM Flag
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by whom? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 03:51 AM Flag
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They aren't. They are the biggest nut jobs of the lot. Well except for the yechi Lubavitch anyway. Those guys aren't even Jewish anymore. In any even my grandparents would laugh to hear any chasids described as prestigious. In Europe they were the uneducated rubes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 05:10 AM Flag
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The Rebbe's teachings are a lot more sophisticated and interesting than you likely realise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 05:18 AM Flag
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The scholars were all migdagnim. As for the Rebbe, it's one thing to think he was a great teacher and quite another to think he was the messiah died and is coming back. There's a name for that set of beliefs and it ain't Judaism. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 04:09 PM Flag
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what the heck is that? How many Hasidic groups are there? Can they marry outside of their groups? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 06:23 AM Flag
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Based on their appearance and shaky genetics, no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:31 AM Flag
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Pretty sure "Hassid" and "prestigious" don't show up in the same sentence too often. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:31 AM Flag
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This. They creep me out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:36 AM Flag
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The most prestigious form of Judaism is egalitarian Conservative Judaism [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:40 AM Flag
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Reform. It's the episcopalianism of judaism. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 11:57 AM Flag
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But are they the most Important, like schools? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.23.14, 04:25 PM Flag
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