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[ - ] Going to cape cod at the end of August. Renting a cottage on the beach. Any pointers? Never been there. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:36 PM Flag
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Go to Provincetown and enjoy the juxtaposition of fat middle America going whale-watching, and all the crazy LBGT folks. Then go clubbing and have awesome fun...! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:43 PM Flag
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Provincetown is great. Truro has nice cottages on the water. Enjoy! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:51 PM Flag
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Op it's actually in Eastham [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:17 PM Flag
[ - ] Any good ideas for preserving iPhone photos? Books, prints, etc. I have so many good ones but they're not doing me much good on my phone! 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:34 PM Flag
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First, make sure they are backed up somewhere - cloud, external hard drive, etc -- phones are easily lost and you probably want those photos. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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they're on iCloud, just set that up. Now I can delete them off my phone and have some extra storage at long last! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:56 PM Flag
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I don't have suggestions but watching this. And id love something easy! Find making photo books so challenging sometimes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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This looks great! Going to check it out this weekend. Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:59 PM Flag
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get iphoto - and store them all on your mac. and make sure you back up the hard drive to the cloud [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:28 PM Flag
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I just heard about this - groovebook. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:48 PM Flag
[ - ] s/o Super and Social Security post below. A poster seems to be saying that there is no SS fund. Is that right? Where does all the money go? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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it gets paid out to today's retirees. If there is an excess just because there is more money coming in from workers than goes out, it has gone to pay the rest of the govt's operations with the govt giving the SS Administration IOUs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:46 PM Flag
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so there is no fund... all the talk about the "fund running out of money" is bull? it has already run out of money? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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It never had money. Its just bookkeeping. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:53 PM Flag
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So its all bull - the talk of a Social Security Fund. There is no Fund. Ha. No wonder we're fucked compared to the Australians. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:44 PM Flag
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the fund is the holdings of the IOUs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:56 PM Flag
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Which is just a fancy way of saying that the money has all been spent. Because the issuer of the IOU is the one spending the money in the first place!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:48 PM Flag
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agreed- it is a total joke that Democrats dont want to reform SS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:04 PM Flag
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np. I didn't know that! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:05 PM Flag
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Social Security is a "transfer payment" The money paid in now is paid out now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:07 PM Flag
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SS is a Ponzi scheme. Only difference is that it's run by the gov't. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:02 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:14 PM Flag
[ - ] Seven years and he won't get married. I have a ring. Iam so tired of the run around. Feeling really down over it. 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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we have a child together [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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we are going away so i said to him lets get married. I don't want a big wedding. He just does not answer. its upsetting [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:44 PM Flag
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You're not supposed to have to beg someone to marry you OR make it really easy for him. I know you think you love him, but IF you leave and never look back, I can guarantee you that in 9 mos. you will have met someone else, be planning your wedding and laughing at how you even entertained marrying this person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:56 PM Flag
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Give him a deadline and leave. You could have been married and divorced twice already in 7 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:42 PM Flag
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This. "I really think we should sort this out. I think four weeks is long enough to decide if you either want to make this official or break up. Let me know." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:42 PM Flag
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I posted below. I think it's official presuming they are living together with their child. Only thing missing is the marriage cert (and everything else that comes along with that). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:44 PM Flag
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Do you have other issues that may be the cause for his reluctance to get married? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:49 PM Flag
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Leave the ring on his pillow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:50 PM Flag
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Are you madly in love with him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:51 PM Flag
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If he didn't marry you when you became pregnant, he's never going to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:52 PM Flag
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Forget this guy. You are fabulous. Just remember this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:45 PM Flag
[ - ] Real advice please. Can't stand DH, DC, our life any more. Just stormed out, told them they are all a#$hol)@s and I was moving to a hotel. All they do is sleep all day, can't get off their ipads, ignore basic requests to set table, etc. Also mother is visiting for a month, so not a lot of space and I have to schedule her/their activities. Did I mention that DH refuses to get a job, runs 2 failing businesses in which I have infused 80-100k over the years, etc. I am sick of being the breadwinner, caterer, housekeeper, laundress, financier, entertainer, all of the above. 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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Does he have a big dick? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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DIVORCE. Kick him out, get yourself a full-time manny [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:39 PM Flag
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Divorce. It's over. He is a sponge and your life is going nowhere fast. Drop him and you will only have the kids to take care of. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:43 PM Flag
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I should say. I don't see why you would stay in this situation either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:43 PM Flag
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Your kids aren't assholes. You need to parent up here. If they're under 18, take away the ipads. Have chores for them. Teach them how they need to be in the world. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:45 PM Flag
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np: This. and then you need to call a lawyer. Time to kick the deadbeat to the curb. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:46 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:36 PM Flag
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How old are kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:51 PM Flag
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Tell mom to shove off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:57 PM Flag
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OP: they called me, using DC as bait, asking me to come home, and then DH gets on the phone to tell me I am behaving like a kid and I should not call them a#Shol)@s. I told him they are a#Shol)@s and he needs to get a job and she needs to get off the ipad. Then he hung up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:27 PM Flag
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OMG. You are all dysfunctional. Maybe stay together so you don't spread the crazy any wider. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:38 PM Flag
[ - ] Do Muslims have Fridays off? Hamas mom seems to be gone. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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too busy with youbemom. that place is a nuthouse right now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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she went there? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:27 PM Flag
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i dont know, but every other post is about israel and there are some really hateful and deranged comments. much worse than here, surprisingly enough. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:40 PM Flag
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I guess she must have found youbemom [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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Oh please, honey Israeli mom should be preparing food for shabbas tonight. Which means she is calling for take out now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:40 PM Flag
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? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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Maybe she has Ebola [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:38 PM Flag
[ - ] I can understand why Israel closed its border with Gaza, but why did Egypt close its border? If the Palestinians could easily cross into Egypt, they'd be in much better shape and the lack of access to Israel would not result in such hardship. Why isn't Egypt more hospitable to its Arab/Muslim brothers and sisters? 25 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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All the boo-hooing from the Arab world is a sham. Truth be told, they all hate the Palestinians and nobody wants any part of them. Plus, they're not even Palestinians, since there was no Palestine until England called it that in WWI. They are Syrians. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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Huh? It has been known as Palestine (or some variation of Palestine) since ancient times. Pick up a book and stop embarrassing yourself, idiot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:53 PM Flag
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Troll [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:40 PM Flag
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There were no Palestinians. It was a region, not an ethnic description. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palestine [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 09:00 PM Flag
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The military govt in Egypt is anti-Musilm Brotherhood, to which Hamas is historically tied. There is an interesting NYT article yesterday or day before about how moderate, secular Arab governments are actually very anti-Hamas, so they aren't complaining too much about Israel. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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The border with Gaza was closed long before the current Egyptian government. I lived in Egypt. They all hate the Palestinians when they're not being bombed by the Israelis. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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OK, so it is an immigration issue? I'm all for understanding it if this is the case. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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It is a lot more than that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:39 PM Flag
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Because Hamas is an internationally-recognized terrorist organization, and Egypt is in the hands of a new president, Abdel Fatah el-Sissi, who wants to distance himself from the Muslim Brotherhood, which was recently forced from power and banned. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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The border was closed before Sisi [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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Because Egypt hates Hamas and it would be too hard to control who leaves. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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This. And they also hate the Muslim Brotherhood, which had strong political ties to Palestinians. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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For all the reasons Israel is trying to explain and no one but Arab nations seem to get it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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Hamas actually recently shot several missiles into Egypt near border, killing 4 children. No one in the media said a peep about that, shockingly enough. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:32 PM Flag
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They also dug tunnels into Egypt and Egypt tried to destroy these tunnels as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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Hopefully Ebola strikes the Middle East [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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I just wish there was a way to get rid of Hamas without so many civilians dying. Its dissolution would make the 2 state solution so much easier to achieve. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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As compared to Hezbollah, Hamas has been the best neighbor Israel has had. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:28 PM Flag
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but at least when Israel has to fight Hezbollah, it seems more legit to the world, because Lebanon is a sovereign nation. When Israel has to fight Hamas in Gaza, despite its almost total sovereignty, it looks bad to the international community because there hasn't been a 2 state solution acheived yet. Hamas seems to be the biggest obstacle standing in the way of its people's statehood. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:44 PM Flag
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Of-course because then they can't spend every penny of aid on weapons and then claim that Israel didn't provide them with electricity, water and medical care. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:34 PM Flag
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Compared to Jordan? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:33 PM Flag
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Today: HAMAS EXECUTED 20 PALESTINIAN ANTI-WAR PROTESTORS IN GAZA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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They're a lovely people, the Palestinians. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 08:27 PM Flag
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Almost none of the Arabs want anything to do with Hamas. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:52 PM Flag
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They want nothing to do with the Palestinians, Hamas or anyone else being in charge. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 08:27 PM Flag
[ - ] DeBlasio is out of Park Slope and into Gracie Mansion. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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hopefully one of the garbage trucks runs him over [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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and already ruining the neighbohood [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:33 PM Flag
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Hate him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:27 PM Flag
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Can I rent his house? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:53 PM Flag
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Wow, awesome. Maybe he can stop being the mayor of Brooklyn and start thinking about the rest of the city! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:02 PM Flag
[ - ] The name Miles for a boy, thoughts? 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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love [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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My friend's brother's name. It's ok. Never loved it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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why not Inches or Kilometers? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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Whatever, DAD. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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Feet or yards. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:48 PM Flag
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Like [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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AWFUL! Completely trashy! You will be judged, harshly, for naming your offspring such a terrible name! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:27 PM Flag
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Trashy? I don't think so. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:56 PM Flag
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prefer Kilometers [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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I like it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:51 PM Flag
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Michael's boss on thirtysomething. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:54 PM Flag
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like [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:52 PM Flag
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long hair, wimpy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:45 PM Flag
[ - ] Favorite beach on the North Fork or the Hamptons 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:10 PM Flag
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Amagansett Beach right before Napeaugue [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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Matituck beach on Peconic Bay Blvd. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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Great park for the kids! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:56 PM Flag
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Wherever the Kartrashians didn't soil the sands. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 08:17 PM Flag
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Two Mile Hollow [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 08:33 PM Flag
[ - ] Freedom Flotilla I to deliver Food+Medical Supplies to Gaza under a 3 yr siege in 2010: Israel kill 9/10. Freedom Flotilla II to deliver Food+Medical Supplies to Gaza under a 7 yr siege in 2014: will Israel kill them again? This time around, Turkey is sending its Navy to protect Freedom Flotilla II from Israel's navy. Let's pray Israel doesn't kill NGO workers again. 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:07 PM Flag
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Gabi Ashkenazi, Israel’s former Chief of Staff ++ Eliezer Marom, former navy chief ++ Amos Yadlin, former military intelligence head ++ Avishai Levy, former air force intelligence chief == if you have any info on them, please contact Interpol. "Nadeem Ahmad Khan said that apology and compensation offer from Israel is not enough and he only want freedom and resettlement of people of Gaza that is why he had decided to go to Palestine with aid Flotilla, adding he demanded of the world community to help Turkey for extradition of Israelis’ accused." http://dailyfrontierstar.com/%EF%BB%BFfreedom-flotilla-survivor-welcomes-charges-on-israelis-by-turkish-court/ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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um do you know what was in some of those humanitarian aid shipments? stuff to make weapons with. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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That is the problem. And no one can even trust the UN to inspect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:55 PM Flag
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I prefer a freedom tortilla. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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as enlightened as the "freedom fries" as a response to France saying "there are no WMD in Iraq" before the invasion. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:44 PM Flag
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http://newindia.tv/en/world/300-survivors-of-freedom-flotilla-refuse-to-drop-lawsuits Lesson on Integrity: Musa Cogas who was shot in the soldier by the Israeli commandos in the Mavi Marmara said “We will continue with the criminal lawsuits we have opened against the Israeli soldiers and commandos and we wont accept dropping this suit if compensation is paid”. The 30 year old who witnessed the killing of his friend Cengiz Songur added that “Its not possible to heal my wounds with just an apology”. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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So. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:54 PM Flag
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interpol -> due process -> jail. there's no need for resistance when there's access to justice. it's a great thing for both sides, means less violence down the road. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:22 PM Flag
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Israel provides food and medicine to Gaza every single day. The only thing that is "blockaded" is materials that could be used as weaponry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:33 PM Flag
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only thanks to Oslo Accords, otherwise Israel would have starved them already. Palestinians complain that Israel does calorie counting like the Nazis did. that's why Israel considers Norway "the most anti-semite country in the world" when instead it's the most highly regarded country when it comes to Human Rights. seems that Israel has the opposite opinion as the rest of the world in important issues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:40 PM Flag
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do you know that also the ridiculous shape of hte Gaza strip comes from Norway stepping in and demanding Israel returns at least a tiny bit back of beach it stole so that they can keep on fishing? too bad the Israel Navy shoots them when they try. http://dissidentvoice.org/2009/12/gaza%E2%80%99s-shrinking-borders-16-years-of-the-oslo-process/ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:41 PM Flag
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the map, http://dissidentvoice.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Gaza-map-08s-fishing-limits-20090119.jpg the IDF took fishing (main source of food for Gaza) way from them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:32 PM Flag
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HAMAS EXECUTED 20 PALESTINIAN ANTI-WAR PROTESTORS IN GAZA TODAY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:36 PM Flag
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three days ago actually [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:02 PM Flag
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not much in the media about that.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:53 PM Flag
[ - ] What makes you feel old? I'll start - the girl I babysat since the day she came home from the hospital turned 25 today!!! 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:00 PM Flag
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The kids I used to babysit in junior high are now in their late 30's and early 40's. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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Everyone I see driving cars on the road looks like a kid to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:55 PM Flag
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The professional athletes of my vintage are all retired, some long since. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:01 PM Flag
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When 8yo boys refer to me as "that lady" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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My sister just celebrated her 25th wedding anniversary. I was her maiden of honor. I was 14, but still. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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The kids who were campers when I was a counselor are having babies. Some of them did so even before I did! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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Some of my son's friends are starting to have babies. Scary [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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My best friend's daughter got married last weekend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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My interns have to teach me how to use the computer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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UB -ers refer to women older than them as "old hags" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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when I hang out with my 23 year old SIL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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25th anniversary of Seinfeld, any time I see one of those signs that say "to buy alcohol/cigarettes you must be born on or after today's date in X" and X is like 1993. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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The mirror. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:41 PM Flag
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Ha! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:45 PM Flag
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The moms I am friends with we're in college during 9/11 and I was working Downtown [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:44 PM Flag
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People are having 90s parties. What happened to 70s parties?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:44 PM Flag
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The partners at my first law firm all had little kids when I started. All of the little kids are now lawyers! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:35 PM Flag
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my whole life every day makes me feel old. no special extra reminder needed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:45 PM Flag
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Everyone who e-mails me at work starts the e-mail with "Hey Susan". And it doesn't bother me, but I find it a funny. When I was 23, I can't imagine saying, "Hey" to a 50-year old co-worker. And come to think of it, my name -- Susan -- makes me feel old. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:44 PM Flag
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When I'm filling out a form online and have to give my birth date and I have to scroll really far down for the year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 11:24 PM Flag
[ - ] What are your favorite restaurants on the north and south fork? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:58 PM Flag
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Jedediah Hawkins [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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North Fork Table [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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The best! If they have corn soup, order it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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It's nothing special, but Hampton Chutney in Amagansett. They are in uws and les too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:00 PM Flag
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Yum. Love it there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:56 PM Flag
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love them [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:02 PM Flag
[ - ] Some of us have unstable moms, according to posts I've read. My mom is "insulted" that DH is not coming with me and the kids to visit her tomorrow. My dad called me afterwards to reiterate this on her behalf. I told them that DH and his kids see my ILs/his parents all the time and I go and do my thing. My mom is very sensitive so I don't know the best way to change the subject. How irritating. 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:58 PM Flag
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Tell her you're sorry she feels that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:01 PM Flag
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I did. She dwells. I need to let it roll of my back but my parents hound me. I'm a grown woman! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:02 PM Flag
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I have these parents. Just keep repeating: "I understand you're upset. This weekend DH and the kids need to do X" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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I am bringing the kids and those are who they want to see, not DH! Yet, they think it's a jab at them that DH does not accompany us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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How do you respond to "why does DH never join us/accompany you?"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:07 PM Flag
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"I understand you're upset. DH isn't able to make it." (FWIW this is not a lie. He can't make it because he would be rude if he were there, or he hates your parents, or whatever. ). Don't lie, don't bluster, don't hedge. "He can't come." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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Having said that, what's his problem? Why don't you go see each other's parents? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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OP here - I do see his parents but my point is that we are both busy working parents and he and the kids see his parents sometimes on weekends and I go do other stuff (like errands). His parents would never get insulted that I didn't come along. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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He doesn't really want to see my parents because they make him anxious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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Thanks. You are right. It's kind of funny because it's not like my mom and DH were ever close or got along so well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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Your mom is needy and manipulative, and your dad is an enabler. They need to cut the crap, or you will have to put up boundaries big time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:01 PM Flag
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Well-said. Have already put up boundaries. "waaa does your DH not like me?" I then asked her if she wants to see the kids or him tomorrow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:02 PM Flag
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Would you confront them or just change subject? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:03 PM Flag
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How is she unstable? Your mom just wants to see the whole family. Why don't you visit your ILs? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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She is unstable for reasons I'd prefer not to go into. She's not always such a nice person. I do visit my ILs - just not every time DH sees them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:00 PM Flag
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My DH dislikes my parents. They came over recently and he was about to leave the house. My mother made a bitchy remark to him about how he never wants to see her and he said "you got it!" and walked out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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What an ass [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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EW. Both of them sound awful [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:43 PM Flag
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He's put up with their shit for a long time and always remained calm and polite. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:56 PM Flag
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My in laws are like this too. They don't really want me there, they kind of ignore me, and when I try to start a conversation they just stare at me blankly unless it's one of the three things they have an interest in. But if I didn't show up it would like I was offending them - they'd do the same thing. "What, you don't like us?" They talk massive shit about other in-laws who do this kind of thing, unless it's their own brother who has his "issues", in which case "oh, he's so BUSY." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:33 PM Flag
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Ugh. Do you limit contact? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:55 PM Flag
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No. I haven't figured out a way to, yet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:59 PM Flag
[ - ] My 12 yr old dd (soon to be 13 yr old) is very often whiny and very often mopey. Her sister at her age wasn't like this. Should I be worried? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:54 PM Flag
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Worried that she's turning into a teenager? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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First borns are the best. Later born children are more manipulative and underachieving. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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Third. Overachiever of the family here [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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That's great! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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not sure about the underachieving, but my theory is they have to resort to more extreme behavioral measures to get the attention that the 1st one gets intrinsically [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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That's true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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Do you think any two people are the same? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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This! This board is better than any conspiracy theory site. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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op: actually, she is a twin... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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So what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:37 PM Flag
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her sister at her age?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:39 PM Flag
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Just normal 12 year old behavior. The hormones are charging in. I remember being 12ish, and our family was going to our favorite Chinese restaurant, and I was in a horrible mood and I didn't know why. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 11:37 PM Flag
[ - ] My best co-worker friend said something somewhat sexual in her cubicle the other day when talking on the phone to friend and the old hag who sits two cubicles over reported her to HR. Dear friend now has conference call at 5:00 with CEO and HR to discuss. She's getting fired isn't she. Is there any scenario in which CEO and HR Director stay after work hours on Friday afternoon and she doesn't get fired? 66 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:54 PM Flag
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There are plenty of disciplinary actions that can be taken other than firing. But yeah, she might be getting fired, though doubtful. Now your friend will learn to be more discreet when she's at work. She can text if she wants to be sexual. If the "old hag" can hear her two cubes over, your "friend" is too loud. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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OP: I understand, but would they start a conference call at 5:00 on Friday to discuss discipline less than firing? It breaks my heart, she is a dear friend and a great person and really needs this job. She is very afraid how her husband will react tonight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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Yes, they would do that for less than firing. They may want to keep it private, which is good for your friend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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Honey, it's not your friend, is it? Also if she's afraid of how her husband would react she has larger problems. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:44 PM Flag
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How can you be sure who reported it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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she was stupid to do that. lesson learned. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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Tell your friend to deny it. Teach the old hag a lesson. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:10 PM Flag
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horrible advice [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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So what? This girl needs her job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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So she should lie and make someone else look bad? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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No she should lie to keep her job and that woman should mind her own business in future. Who takes a complaint for something so small so far anyway?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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PS. The other person already looks bad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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Lying is not a good idea. It will send the message that she isn't taking responsibility which will raise a red flag that she doesn't recognize her mistake, and is often a sign that it will happen again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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How would they know? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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Just say she misinterpreted what she heard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:45 PM Flag
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Exactly, I'm not saying call the other woman a liar, just deny you said it or imply the woman misheard somehow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:57 PM Flag
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Cause the moral high ground pays the rent. That women should have better things to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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She should do the exact opposite- say she is horrified at her behavior, very sorry to put the firm in a bad spot and to offend people, but that she looks forward to redeeming herself, i.e. make the assumption that she won't be fired. That is the best way to minimize the chance of actually being fired. Doesnt matter if she believes in all that or not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:17 PM Flag
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Absolutely this. Thank you for a mature, well thought out response. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:15 PM Flag
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No, she shouldn't lie. She should just say, I was joking with a friend on the phone and maybe I made an inappropriate comment but I was speaking really low and wasn't trying to offend anyone. It won't happen again and I'll gladly apology to Phyllis for my crude comments. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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What she said. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:45 PM Flag
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Don't justify. "I was speaking really low". Just "It was a horrible mistake, I apologize, I know all the reasons why it could be offensive and don't blame Phyllis, I won't make this error in judgment again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:45 PM Flag
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Definitely don't say 'maybe'...it sounds like she's diminishing what she did. Defensive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:37 PM Flag
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If she gets caught lying then she will surely lose her job [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:36 PM Flag
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Sounds like she's losing anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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Lying is never good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:16 PM Flag
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YOur friend should learn a lesson and move on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:01 PM Flag
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At least she will have august off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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'Somewhat' sexual doesn't sound serious enough to get fired over [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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True but when people report these thing, the mgt have to be seen to act. It sucks for OPs friend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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OP: she called her friend she was talking with on the phone "sugar-tits" I'm not kidding. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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oh geez, so what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:40 PM Flag
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If this is really what happened, then they are using it as an excuse to fire her for a different reason. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:46 PM Flag
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Agreed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:05 PM Flag
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The CEO has time for this stuff? How big is your company? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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OP: Not huge maybe 350 employees total in 4 offices. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:35 PM Flag
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CEO doesn't have time for this unless other woman filed a lawsuit against company for sex harassment or something [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:49 PM Flag
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What I was thinking [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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If she's good at her job, she's not getting fired. If she's not good at her job, she just gave them the excuse to fire her that they've probably been looking for. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:35 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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Precisely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:46 PM Flag
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Human Resource Manager here. DENY IT. YOU NEED PROOF. PERIOD. Just make sure there are no inappropriate emails on the server [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:32 PM Flag
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This too. Someone was eaves dropping on a private conversation to a friend. Biggest offense is that she was making a phone call during work hours, but other than that, she should be in the clear. OW misheard her and she doesn't remember what the call was about or what she said. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:48 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:41 PM Flag
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Wow, some of you people are nasty. Such good examples for your children. Karma will bite you, if it hasn't already. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:16 PM Flag
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Helping a friend keep her job is good karma. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:21 PM Flag
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Encouraging her to lie to keep her job is NOT good karma. You know this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 08:01 PM Flag
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The lie is not big stupid. Getting someone fired for a non work related issue is NOT good karma honey. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 10:52 PM Flag
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No. She's at-will. All they need to say is she's being let go. Only grounds she can sue on is discrimination against a protected class, which doesn't include yapping to a friend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:01 PM Flag
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Lawyer here. Agreed. Don't listen to these fools telling you to just be honest. Deny. Deny. Deny. "I don't recall saying that." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:05 PM Flag
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You must not be a very good HRM. She needs proof? Not really. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:17 PM Flag
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oh yes. What is HR going to show as proof in court? You need proof. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 10:53 PM Flag
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Totally depends on what was said - if it was really nasty, then sure, she's probably toast. But really, if she just owns up to it honestly and sincerely - "look, I was on the phone with a friend, I screwed up, I realize that. I'm sorry and it won't happen again" I'm sure she'll be fine. Also, two things - 1) People don't get fired by conference call. and 2) people don't get fired by the CEO for shit like this. This is why they pay the HR people - to fire other workers. I'd be more concerned if they randomly invited her to a 4pm meeting with only HR in the conference room. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:47 PM Flag
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So now I want to know what happens. Post back after 5pm if you can. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:59 PM Flag
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+1 Don't leave us hanging. How does your co-worker know that the meeting is about the phone call? I agree that it seems strange that the CEO is involved. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:43 PM Flag
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OP: She didn't want me to stay in the office during meeting, and she hasn't called or texted me yet. Is that good or bad, it has been almost an hour. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 09:44 PM Flag
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I'm still watching this OP! Keep us posted! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 10:07 PM Flag
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Me too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 10:53 PM Flag
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Me three [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 11:46 PM Flag
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Was she on break? If she was on the phone with a friend then the sexual comment has nothing to do with work. I don't see how she can get fired. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 09:45 PM Flag
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Eh, the old lady can claim she's making a hostile work environment by talking about sex stuff at work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 10:08 PM Flag
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I don't think the old lady has much of a case seeing how the coworker was not discussing sexual stuff to work colleagues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 10:35 PM Flag
[ - ] Had to kill time and decided to pick up some cargo shorts for DH at one of the big discount fashion places. On the way out they had displays of marked down Snooki, Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson and Kardashian Perfumes. Please take my money and sign me up! These are going to be the best gag favors ever for SIL's bachelorette !! 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:49 PM Flag
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OMG I love this. You sound fun. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:01 PM Flag
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+1 Fun party gift idea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:07 PM Flag
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Ditto. ILY and I'm stealing the idea for the next bachelorette. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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Did I forget to mention Selena Gomez and Khloe and Lamar ("unbreakable bond", ironically). The one thing I did not realize was how many perfumes PH has. There were like half a dozen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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Snooki - for the woman who wants to smell like vag and stale booze. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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I would die laughing if she called it "where's the beach?!" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:31 PM Flag
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LOL. I saw someone on 7th Ave yesterday wearing a tee shirt emblazoned with "Kardashian Kollection" I kid you not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:10 PM Flag
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Well, you just answered my question about who buys that stuff [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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Please don't line their pockets [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:37 PM Flag
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OP Heavy discount. Some of the perfumes even rang up at original prices like 64.00. They had to rekey the marked down price. 14.99. That's about the perfect price point for fun bridesmaids gifts (from me not from bride). I know no one has them. And when else would you actually smell them? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:44 PM Flag
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"I know no one has them" LOL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 08:02 PM Flag
[ - ] "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "E." "E. who?" "E. Bola." 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:48 PM Flag
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they are being flown to emory. this is how the walking dead begins,... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:03 PM Flag
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Moron. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:19 PM Flag
[ - ] I am married to a financially controlling husband. Please no flames, I looking for suggestions and help. Not in NYC. I am a SAHM to a 4yr old (1/2 day PreK) and 6yo (1st grade) My husband is a higher ranking officer in the military. We share 2 check books..one comes out of the family savings acct..his paycheck and one is for my personal spending money. He allocates money to me each month and deposits it into my checking acct/debit acct (please no flames) We have a shared credit card as well. He handles all bills except for those that I've taken responsibility for (my Nordstrom card :). I've never had a spending problem or major debt. This summer he's hit an all time low. I have a teenage sitter that I prefer to come 2x each week for 4 hrs each. I always make him aware as to when she is coming. He refuses to contribute to her payment as he doesn't think it's necessary to have her come at all. I do not have access to our shared acct other than checks and what teenage kid who is sitting for the summer wants a check? She wants cash! I need a freakin break from my kids and how else am I supposed to get it? I have given up successful jobs for this man as we move around so often and am not interested in finding full time child care this summer or after school child care for my kids during the school year so finding a job for myself is out of the question. I plan to work once both kids are in school full time. I enjoy spending time with my kids but not 7 days a week during the summer. All of our bank accts are thru USAA and my husband is the primary card holder. Any additional transfers from the family acct to my personal acct have to be approved by him. Can I write a check from our shared acct out to CASH and have it cashed at any bank? I'm obviously pretty disgusted with myself that I am this clueless and allowed my husband to remain this controlling. I'm not interested in talking to friends about because then will know just how much of a jerk my husband can be 76 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:47 PM Flag
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tl; dr. Condense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:58 PM Flag
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If you had the time to write that, you had to time to read it, loser. - np [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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+ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:30 PM Flag
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not NP, but this is a crazy answer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 09:55 PM Flag
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Either way, isn't he going to see that there are funds leaving the shared account and ask you about them? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:51 PM Flag
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OP: exactly! Is there no way to go about this other than to be "sneaky?" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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I would hate to kick you when you're down, but since both kids are in school maybe you don't need a sitter. I'm not saying his treatment of you is ok, but it sounds like there's a reason (overspending?) for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:52 PM Flag
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His treatment of her is not OK. His need to be controlling is his need to be controlling, it doesn't mean OP has done anything wrong or deserves this treatment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:58 PM Flag
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I specifically said I'm not endorsing his treatment. And yes, you're correct, sometimes men are assholes. And sometimes there's a reason. If my brother didn't give his DW an "allowance," she'll literally spends hundreds of dollars a day. She'd shop all day and drop $500 on a pair of flip flops without a second's thought. If she can't find something, she'll buy a new one, rather than look for it. It got ridiculous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:00 PM Flag
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You claimed to not endorse his treatment, but then you blamed the victim. It's not her fault. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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NP: She's not the "victim". She chose to marry this man. She chose to SAHM. She chose to accept this financial arrangement. She continues to chose not to work. She choses to remain married. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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honestly some of this is because her husband moves a lot. pretty hard to maintain jobs when you are constantly relocated. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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More of the passive victim BS! I know a lot of military wives that find ways to make money (having a career is a different issue). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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np: How great of a career can you have moving around all the time? Sure, she can sell Avon. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:10 PM Flag
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Is she looking for a great career? It seems to me that she wants me time and spending money, which is completely achievable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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OP: TY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:37 PM Flag
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You are obviously not a military spouse [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:32 PM Flag
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She didn't choose to be in a situation where her husband controls the finances to this extent, otherwise she wouldn't be posting. If you spend any time reading UB you know that the person you marry doesn't always turn out to be who you thought they were. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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NP Of course you do. You choose to quit your job. You choose not to get a new one. You choose to not have control over the checking account. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:10 PM Flag
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Note that it doesn't bother her enough to do anything other than complain! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 08:20 PM Flag
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I didn't blame the victim, I asked what the circumstances were. If you had a spouse (forget SAH v WOH) who overspends, don't you think the other spouse should curb spending? Believe me, my brother has tried talking, discussing, setting a budget, everything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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You don't "curb spending" unilaterally in a healthy relationship. You make decisions together about how to change spending patterns. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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Again, my brother tried all of that, but to no avail. What do you say to a DW who bought a brand new all-clad pan because the old one was scorched slightly and she didn't want to scrub it? And again, I am not even saying this is OP. I am asking if she does, in fact, have a spending problme. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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You also don't unilaterally declare that "finding a job for myself is OUT OF THE QUESTION" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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Her choices to work or not work have supported his career. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:27 PM Flag
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OP: TY! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:33 PM Flag
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If that's true, and he choses not to appreciate it, what can she do? Keep whining? Or change something? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:27 PM Flag
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OP here: just to be clear, I AM NOT OVERPENDING and have never had any debt issues. Please don't insinuate that this is my problem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 08:20 PM Flag
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"$500 on a pair of flip flops" well... somebody who does that has all sorts of issues that are tougher to solve than OP's [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 09:56 PM Flag
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OP: it's summer...both kids are NOT in school. Hence my need for a break from them and the sitter [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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I don't get this; summer is the best time - go out and have fun with your kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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OP: do you spend all day (all waking hours, 7days a week with little help from your husband on weekends) with your kids during the summer while your husband works? It's freakin exhausting! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:30 PM Flag
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Damn. Why did you have kids? Yes they are work, they are kids. Your kids that YOU chose to have FFS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 08:22 PM Flag
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I'm also a military spouse. I have 3 kids under 8 and my DH has been gone for most of the summer. I strongly recommend meeting other military moms who you can trade babysitting with--no cost to you, and a great way to get out of the house as well as helping friends out. I've had great success with this everywhere we've lived. GL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 09:03 PM Flag
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yes, three of them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 10:06 PM Flag
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and all day with one of them all year-around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 10:06 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 08:21 PM Flag
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You sound really confident and secure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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a bully? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 09:56 PM Flag
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Yes, you can write a check to cash. But then anyone can cash it. You can also just write the check to yourself. I'm sorry your husband doesn't understand you need a break now and then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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Tbh with you he is probably cheating as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 05:54 PM Flag
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If you are interested in financial independence you may need to be come interested in working. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:02 PM Flag
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Right!? How about... Get a job and make your own money! Pathetic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 08:23 PM Flag
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HA! and this is how this thread now turns into a SAHM vs WOHM war [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 09:56 PM Flag
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Is he controlling in other ways too? Does he discourage you from finding work or threaten you when you talk about his financial controls? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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OP: I've mentioned numerous times when the kids are in school, that I would like to take some college courses towards my Masters as I have more alone time. He was not enthused and told me to "just wait" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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Is he violent or threatening? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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OMG. Not wanting to pay your tuition isn't the same thing as discouraging/threatening you from working! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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People who are very controlling about money can be controlling in other ways too, including resorting to violence to maintain their sense of control. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:33 PM Flag
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Also, this is not uncommon among men who are in the military. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:35 PM Flag
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Which is not the same thing as not wanting to pay for a master's! Or for that matter a babysitter! Jesus, people! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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So not paying for your SAHWs babysitter and grad school = domestic violence? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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OP and her DH have a family, but DH is treating his earnings as though they are *his money*. At the same time, he has no reservations about the fact that she is spending her time, 24x7, raising their children. It's not equitable. I agree that OP should consider getting a job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:48 PM Flag
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So no, you havent' tried to go back to work [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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OP: it's hard now to go back to work because my 4yo is only in part day preschool. It's hard to find a job that can handle my schedule. Again, I like being with them when school is out of session just not 24hrs a day, 7days a week during summer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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A US citizen teenager has a bank account. Her parents will even likely spot her the $. Just write the check. If he is that controlling, don't write it to cash or he may accuse you of a whole lot worse than hiring a babysitter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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OP: if I write it out to myself isn't that really the same as writing it out to cash? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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Yes. Write it to the babysitter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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OP: sorry I misread your response [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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I am sorry you are going through this. The only way to solve (and you have to solve it before it becomes worse) is to sit him down and discuss this with him. See if you can reach a consensus. Unfortunately, lots of marital problems originate in finances. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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OP, it sounds like your DH attaches a lot of power to being the primary breadwinner. It might help your position in your relationship to get a job, even if it means more complexity in figuring out childcare. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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What do you mean he doesn't want to contribute to her payment? The $$ in your personal spending account is from his income, so he's contributing. He's just saying he wants you to find a way to cover it within the existing budget which sounds reasonable to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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OP: yes the money he deposits into my acct is from our family acct but that is my personal money..his words, that I can do as I please with. Why am I paying my sitter with my personal money when I only get personal money deposited once a month? It cuts down on the little cash I do have access to [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 06:30 PM Flag
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If YOU want a break from YOUR kids, pay for it with YOUR money. Damn. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 08:25 PM Flag
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DH doesn't trust you -- why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 07:54 PM Flag
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Because he's kind of an asshole. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 08:10 PM Flag
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Well, what is your HHI, how much $ does he give you and how much are you spending on the sitter? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 08:54 PM Flag
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I feel like you should tell him that you need him to watch them on Saturday to give you a break, since you can't afford to pay the sitter. I was from a military officer's family with a SAHM. My dad was not controlling about money at all but they didn't have it to spend on a sitter just so my mom could get away from us. She just never, ever, ever ,ever got away from us. And that's how it was. She would take us to the O-club pool and let us play there for 3 hours and that was the most break she got. But if you really need a break, he'll have to give it to you with his time if he won't do it with his $. P.S. You have my sympathies on his being like this. Can you have a sit down where you tell him how unhappy you are with this situation. Get him to remember that he loves you and trusts you with his children. How can money be more valuable than they are? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 09:19 PM Flag
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Tell him if you guys can't afford a sitter then he needs to watch the kids all day during his day off while you go out for alone time. Watch his time change real fast [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 09:25 PM Flag
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Give him the choice A) he comes home earlier each day and you leave for an hour or B) you hire a sitter and you both decide on salary and hours. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 09:33 PM Flag
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Your DH sounds horrible and abusive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 10:22 PM Flag
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I have a friend who gets gift cards every time she buys groceries. Sometimes she resells them. I have told her she needs counseling - it sounds like you do too. GL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.01.14, 10:54 PM Flag
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