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[ - ] Tell me something you have learned from parenthood that helps/will help (upon your return to if you are SAHM) in the workingworld... 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:45 PM Flag
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You have to pick your fights. Sometimes people say things that annoy you, but you don't have to smack them down (figuratively, of course) every time. You CAN just let it go sometimes. often. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:47 PM Flag
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I think I have become more goal/challenge oriented. Example - the goal of today is to get to school without having to tell ds to put on his shoes 10 times, as well as how to fit 50 things into 1 hour time. I am much better about time management. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:50 PM Flag
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Ask for what you need. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 10:36 PM Flag
[ - ] How do people send their kids to boarding school? I'm going to have enough trouble sending mine to college - I'm going to miss them so much. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:43 PM Flag
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I totally agree with you re me and my dc. However, to me that just means that we're not going to send our kids to boarding school! I know people who have and sometimes it's because they live in an area where the schools aren't as good as the boarding schools and sometimes it's because it's a family tradition. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:52 PM Flag
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I live in NYC, where we have more school options than gas stations, and I just overheard two people talking about their teenaged kids being home from school. I don't get it, but I guess that's what makes horse races. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:55 PM Flag
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there are some mornings with my obstinate 5 yo that I threaten to look into military school (good friend of mine dh went to one but they don't start until age 9) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:57 PM Flag
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DH went to military school. He's neater, more organized, and has way more self motivation than me! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 10:00 PM Flag
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most of the people i know who have done it are continuing a family tradition or got a scholarship. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:59 PM Flag
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i went to boarding school and it really depends on the child. some schools have amazing academic and athletic programs that may not be available in other places... but it's only for the right child -- an independent, very intelligent child will fare well in a boarding school atmosphere... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 03:58 AM Flag
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Its not like its a bad thing! You make the best decision you can, be it boarding school, private school, public school or home schooling. My husband went to Phillips Exeter, a boarding school in NH and had a great experience and got a great education. I went to public school in Weschester and had the same great experience. Our kids are going to private school in NYC and they love it. So its just another option. Does not mean parents do not love their kids or anything like that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 04:48 AM Flag
[ - ] Tell me, please, that it's not a good idea to make a new recipe for the first time for a whole crowd of people at a party. (Indonesian Ginger Chicken - seems easy and delicious, but you never know.) 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:41 PM Flag
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Is this a trick question? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:41 PM Flag
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Yes. If you say "do it", you get maybe not so good chicken. If you say "don't do it", you'll never know whether you know me or not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:42 PM Flag
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I always do a trial run first, but I'm uptight like that. Too many funky entrees. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 06:51 AM Flag
[ - ] Can someone explain to me why the posts never move on this new site? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:39 PM Flag
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You may be sorted by activity rather than by recency. Alternatively, it could be that EVERYONE LEFT AFTER THE SITE RE-DESIGN. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:42 PM Flag
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np-ita. soooo slow now. other site is much busier [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:46 PM Flag
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Which one? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:47 PM Flag
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I just searched "new site" and found that all references to it were "removed by moderator". Very nice. Screw up your own site, and then further piss people off by censoring their posts. That sucking sound you hear is the vacuum left by the fleeing UB'ers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:51 PM Flag
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is it possible that no one is here? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:47 PM Flag
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i don't like the other site as much... i must be the only one, but i like this one but do wish it were faster [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 05:32 AM Flag
[ - ] Best resort in Riviera Maya Mexico? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:09 PM Flag
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We stayed at the Sandos in Playa del Carmen. It was nice. The best part was that it is the last resort on the town and next to the jungle, so you can walk south down the beach and it is: water, sand, jungle. Very cool. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 04:36 AM Flag
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Ikal del mar, in Playa. hands down. No kids though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 04:40 AM Flag
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We loved Maroma [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 04:41 AM Flag
[ - ] who has good advice for dealing with whining and tantrums? 27 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:01 PM Flag
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what age? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:01 PM Flag
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2.9 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:02 PM Flag
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This, too, shall pass. There's not much you can do about the tantrums. She'll outgrow them eventually. You can try to avoid situations that are triggers--hunger, fatigue, over-stimulation, etc. Beyond that, you can experiment with what works best. Some kids throw tantrums because they feel out of control and are scared. If that is the case, try to hold dc. If she throws tantrum because she is not getting her way, probably best to ignore. Sometimes hard to know the diff. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:09 PM Flag
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op: yes, i worry about this--sometimes i think i should ignore it, other times i think she's gotten so out of control that she's a little scared and needs me nearby. hard to tell. these tantrums are starting to unravel me, though, i tell ya. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:14 PM Flag
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if you think she is scared. Try to hold her and tell her why you are doing it: I can see you are having trouble controlling yourself, so I'm going to help you. She will probably fight you, but you may find that she will relax against you fairly quickly and the tantrum will dissolve more quickly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:19 PM Flag
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i will try this, thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:21 PM Flag
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1.) Say "I can't understand you when you use your whiny voice. If you speak to me in your big boy voice, I will respond." 2.) You can't have a tantrum without an audience. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:02 PM Flag
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op: i've said that about a million times. sometimes she switches tone, sometimes not. sometimes i can deprive her of attention oxygen, but sometimes--like on the street--it's harder to do that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:03 PM Flag
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On the street, just say to her simply "Either you stop that right now, or there will be no (fill in the blank... story, TV, playdate, whatever is important to her)." And follow through. If it's bad, you sometimes just have to pull rank and go home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:05 PM Flag
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op: ita, but what do you do when dc won't get into the stroller? or won't walk? just screams, cries, throws herself ... ? she doesn't ever just stop right now. i feel like i should start selling tickets to the show. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:07 PM Flag
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I tell DS I'm not responding to him until he uses his regular voice for whining. Tantrums, ignore as much as possible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:04 PM Flag
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I can't respond to what you just posted above ("ita, but..."), so I'll respond here. If they won't get in the stroller, you PUT them in the stroller, and latch them in. You have to force it if they're hysterical. And the more consistent and meaningful you are in your punishments, the less they'll have tantrums. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:10 PM Flag
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op: i try. i'm starting to feel mortified out on the street w/ my screaming, hysterical kid, you know? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:16 PM Flag
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If it happens that often, it's time to do a major overhaul of discipline. Have you heard of 1-2-3 Magic? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:17 PM Flag
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i've heard of it, will look on amazon for it, thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:21 PM Flag
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Easier said than done to put a tantrumming 2.5yr old in stroller. My dd snapped the hood off her Maclaren when she was this age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 12:54 AM Flag
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^^^also, I found you could not reason at all, threaten to take stuff away as dd was in a manic world of her own. I just took her home, stiff as a board, put her in her room and left her to cry it out. When she calmed down we would hug and make up. By age 3 the crazy tantrums had stopped. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 12:56 AM Flag
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Logical explanations (simplified of course). Give him/her the reasons why X is not appropriate, or Y cannot be eaten/purchased/flushed/colored/swallowed/spit/kicked.... Set very specific boundaries and stick to them. Sticker chart for positive reinforcement and timeouts for negative reinf. ( I use a naughty chair and this can involve some serious willpower (yours!) at first but they eventually get it.) I have never cared for a child where these tips failed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:14 PM Flag
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op: i don't know what i'm doing wrong then ... i feel like i'm doing these things pretty exactly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:15 PM Flag
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You also need to deal in their currency. Just explaining things to someone under 3 isn't enough. For example, I say "if you keep that up, I will take away your trains for the rest of the day. Do you understand?" that often does the trick. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:17 PM Flag
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"does the trick" meaning they usually stop crying at that point? dd just freaks out more if i tell her the consequences, which seems counterproductive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:18 PM Flag
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are u confident in your firmness? if not, they sense it in a heartbeat. if you are - just keep at it. some take a bit longer to learn than others. boundaries, consistency, providing reasons rather than "b/c i said so" (and opening that up for conversation when they are not in the midst of a meltdown), and total confidence in your parenting skills. you'll get there! :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:17 PM Flag
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i'm a teacher, so i'm used to being firm when necessary, but i also feel sympathetic when she is upset, which may feel like softness to her. i never do "b/c i said so"--it's always b/c it's dinnertime, b/c it's dangerous, b/c you could get hurt, b/c that's not nice, etc. i wonder if it's just her temperament. i hope she'll grow out of it, but in the meantime, it's hellish, esp. in public. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:20 PM Flag
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when she is in a good mood, have you tried discussing it. also acting it out with dolls is helpful (in a lighthearted silly way). this a good way to in her head, to see how she processes that stuff. and again, it's good to just chat about it when she's not pissed off! ;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:28 PM Flag
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also i'd say, err on being super firm in the moment. when she's not in a fit, and you have that converation about why it's important to listen to mommy and when you say something, she's got to listen right away, you can also remind her that you alwasy love her, even when you need to have the "mean face" or whatever little catch phrase you want to use. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:32 PM Flag
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hijack: I saw the most disturbing tantrum by a girl who must have been 7 or 8 in a candy shop the other day. It was unbelievable. After the girl and her mother left, even the owner said it was the worst he'd ever seen, and I figure someone who owns a candy shop has seen everything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:17 PM Flag
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I'm not much of a "time out" person and tend to have more success with quiet menacing followed by whimsical distraction. Some experts recommend imitating the child, which is supposed to confuse him or her into stopping. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 12:58 AM Flag
[ - ] What is a good birthday gift for a 9 yrear old boy? TIA 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 06.04.08, 08:56 PM Flag
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My nephew still enjoys playing with Playmobil. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:06 PM Flag
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magic kit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:07 PM Flag
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any kind of gadgetry science kit, lego model kits for older kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:12 PM Flag
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Budget? A skateboard or Heely's. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:36 PM Flag
[ - ] fashion moms: how to choose complementary nail colors for hands and feet?? i'm color stupid. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:56 PM Flag
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Always red on toes, always pink, buff or clear on hands. Alternatively, you could do a shimmery sand color on toes (my blonde mom does that and it's very pretty). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:57 PM Flag
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ita [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:59 PM Flag
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i'm wearing a wine-colored gown for a wedding this weekend, so i can't do red ... i'm a brunette, medium complexion ... any recs? tia! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:59 PM Flag
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I'd go with an irridescent/shimmery sand color. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:00 PM Flag
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thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:02 PM Flag
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Why always red on toes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 03:05 AM Flag
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because she has no imagination [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 04:39 AM Flag
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one coat of "madamoiselle" on fingers... it is most natural, but "done" and I change the toes always... dark, wacky, red, natural, weird glittery stuff... depends... but hands always what my mother would have considered "ladylike" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 04:48 AM Flag
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What color is mademoiselle? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 05:55 AM Flag
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pale creamy beigy pink, but with one coat it just looks "clean" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 05:55 AM Flag
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That's the kind of color I like. What brand is it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 05:57 AM Flag
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Essi... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 05:57 AM Flag
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Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 06:34 AM Flag
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i buy colors i like and make surei always use a pedi color (essie) that i also own so i can touch up whenev [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.05.08, 05:56 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone ever fool around, just a wee bit (i.e. no sex) with no consequences? In a major slump in my marriage, no sex for months, and a very attractive person who I'm itching to have a no-strings dalliance with. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:55 PM Flag
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search affair mom to see what the reality of doing that is like. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:56 PM Flag
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I don't want an "affair". I want some snogging. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:57 PM Flag
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And how do you plan to avoid having it turn into an affair? Is this something you'd be okay with your DH doing? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:59 PM Flag
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If I never found out, if he did not compromise my sexual health, and if it made him able to think clearly again, possibly. yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:01 PM Flag
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what do you think dh would do if he found out? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:05 PM Flag
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He and I have actually had open conversations about extramarital stuff. We both feel like it's not a dealbreaker, although it would certainly be symptomatic of bigger issues. We're kind of open like that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:06 PM Flag
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do you think that he's fooling around? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:08 PM Flag
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I don't know. But he's a good dad and a committed husband, and I'm still attracted to him. He may have, but I don't know about it. I'm not stupid, but I'm also not jealous. He's a big boy and needs to deal with his own actions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:09 PM Flag
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if you're still attracted to him, try to relight the fire between you. Not all affairs/open marriages end badly but most of the ones that I've known of do. If you're so confident that it won't be a big deal with him, why not let him know in advance so that you're not filing for divorce in a year? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:14 PM Flag
[ - ] bugaboo moms, during the summer do you put any type of liner on the stroller? or does db sit directly on the canvas? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:54 PM Flag
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I believe there are some out there to be purchased. We just put a towel down first. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:07 PM Flag
[ - ] public vs. private posters: please stop overgeneralizing. private school kids aren't necessarily the snobby, privileged ones. public school kids aren't necessarily ignored in huge classes. etc. etc. etc. signed, teacher who has taught in both public and private. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:50 PM Flag
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you stole the words out of my mouth. thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:51 PM Flag
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where would you send your kids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:51 PM Flag
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not 100% sure yet but leaning toward public elem at this point, based on what we know about our local public and private schools and about our kid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:52 PM Flag
[ - ] Menu help- making chicken marbella, rice and dill carrots for dinner. any other side i can make that would go well? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:47 PM Flag
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that's enough. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:49 PM Flag
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A green salad is always nice. Might be a good foil to the hot entree, rice and veg. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:56 PM Flag
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thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:57 PM Flag
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JH? This is JB. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:58 PM Flag
[ - ] I just started a job and I immediately realized I hate it and want to leave. do I (a) quit almost immediately? they are training me and giving me loads of info from the last person and I'm worried they will be irate if I go through all that for weeks and then quit. Or should I (b)wait a few weeks until I'm sure I have something else, so it doesn't look as rude to quit? I have enough income from freelance to make it a good two months without a f/t job so the issue is about 80 percent worry about coming off badly...mixed with 20 percent worry about not getting another job quickly. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:45 PM Flag
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maybe not the smartest thing to do, but i would leave immediately if you feel like it is definitely not a good fit. and leave the job off your resume altogether. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:47 PM Flag
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don't quit until you have another job. unnecessarily tarnishes the resume and raises questions about your reliability. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:48 PM Flag
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what if I am likely to get something else within about a month? stay that long and then just tell them, well, this great opportunity came up and I couldn't turn it down? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:51 PM Flag
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I'd stay til something else arises unless you can't stand it for another second. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:31 PM Flag
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if you will be okay financially - just leave. life is too short. listen to your gut - it ALWAYS has the right answer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 10:04 PM Flag
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tell them that you already had the application for the other job outstanding when you went to work for them. It's hard to be certain that you will get another good f/t job in 2 mos. in this economy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 10:07 PM Flag
[ - ] gosh, just can't stand this new site. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:40 PM Flag
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it's too slow, not "edgy" enough -- I love the debates we used to have about topics that really matter (not public vs. private schools in NYC) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:41 PM Flag
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Oh feh, you're just not paying attention. There is PLENTY of stuff going on here. Stop whining. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 08:57 PM Flag
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