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[ - ] Do you remember Susan Smith - that woman who drowned her two toddler sons because she had been dumped by a man who didn't want an instant family? Well, I think that women who have children and cheat on their husbands, have some of the same psychopathic, "FU" attitude towards their own children. Say what you will, but those women obviously put themselves first. 42 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:41 AM Flag
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I can't judge their mental health, but the hoes who sleep with men some how connected to their kids or DHs clearly have a mental problem. Like oh, I just can't resist that single dad at my child's school...WTF is wrong with these bitches? Go across town somewhere to find some new dick. Not to your child's school or place of worship or neighborhood committee. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:49 AM Flag
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I had a friend once who was sleeping with a married man with children and it upset me so much. Her attitude was that it was the wife's problem, not hers! I just could not do that to another woman. Even one that I didn't know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:51 AM Flag
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Hello, it was the guy who was breaking his marital wovs! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:56 AM Flag
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See how these hoes think. Not my problem. I'm not the wife. Then these hoes turn psycho when they get married and started obsessing over if their husband is cheating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:01 AM Flag
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you seem obsessed with the word "hoes" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:14 AM Flag
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I call them what they are. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:15 AM Flag
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you need to brush up on some synonyms. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:29 AM Flag
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there's someone cheating on a single dad at school? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:22 AM Flag
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LOL. You're an idiot, a puritan, and a judgmental hysteric. Mind your own freaking business. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:52 AM Flag
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Oh, your poor kids. I take it you're having an affair? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:53 AM Flag
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oh, my pooooor kids! Sob!!!!! (whip yourself into a frenzy of self-righteousness. Maybe you'll experience an orgasm.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:54 AM Flag
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^^and no. I'm not having an affair. Nor do I waste my time posting puritanical bullshit like this or even thinking about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:55 AM Flag
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You do waste your time replying to it thought. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:56 AM Flag
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UB is nothing if not one big waste of time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:57 AM Flag
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How about the men who do the same, in larger numbers? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:53 AM Flag
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That's how they're biologically programmed, so it's a bit more understandable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:54 AM Flag
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omg. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:55 AM Flag
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I just love stirring the pot! People on here always fall for it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:56 AM Flag
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yeah right [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:55 AM Flag
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LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nice double standard [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:20 AM Flag
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LOL, isn't that how the world works? A man does something, it's viewed as a variation of normal. A woman does the same thing, and it's pathological. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:55 AM Flag
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Exactly, you got it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:57 AM Flag
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NP: They are just as fucked up. Who was the guy who killed his pregnant wife to be with the girlfriend? The wife was 8 and half months pregnant. Ugh. Get a fucking divorce, then you can have all the new dick and new pussy you want. I don't want to hear that, staying together for the kids bull-shit. You are not thinking about your kids while fucking the next man or the next woman. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:56 AM Flag
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The man was killing his wife. He probably had no connection to the baby at that point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:16 AM Flag
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Well that is some fucked up thinking with regards to a full-term baby. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:17 AM Flag
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you are so self-righteous! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:23 AM Flag
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The "same" psychopathic attitude as Susan Smith? come on, you can make a better point, can't you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:53 AM Flag
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OP said have SOME OF the same psychopathic attitude. Brush up on your reading comp.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:55 AM Flag
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OP sounds like someone bitter because she was cheated on, and needs to find someone to blame. Her post is ridiculous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:56 AM Flag
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probably has been and is being cheated on. No wonder. Sounds like a tightass. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:58 AM Flag
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But my DH loves my tight ass! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:01 AM Flag
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great! Then you'll never need to cheat OR murder your children (one and the same, so I hear). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:04 AM Flag
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Sometimes the two are and it's unfortunate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:11 AM Flag
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what's unfortunate is that you can even make this comparison with a straight face. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:30 AM Flag
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Some of the women on here are so sad. The need to feel superior and self-righteous is so overwhelming, on so many topics. This OP is a ludicrous and hyperbolic generalization. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:58 AM Flag
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i think cheating on your dh is a little different than killing your kids. actually A LOT different [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:20 AM Flag
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you have got to be kidding, this muse be a fake post! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:24 AM Flag
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You're not really equating drowning your children and having an affair, are you? If so, I would like to make a quick clinical diagnosis of your condition: YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 11:00 AM Flag
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LOL. Ita. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 12:19 PM Flag
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total idiot, you actually need your head examined [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 12:28 PM Flag
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I think that that OP has a point. When you cheat on your DH, you're basically telling both he and your children that you come first. You'll probably put the other man first as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 02:58 PM Flag
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you're an idiot [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 03:10 PM Flag
[ - ] UES moms - looking to rent at Astor Terrace (93 and 2nd)- any feedback? TIA 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:40 AM Flag
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It's noisy there on the street now because of 2nd Ave subway construction. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:03 AM Flag
[ - ] Wonderful L&D and Post-Partum Experience at NYU Tisch Hospital - I always read horrible posts about giving birth at NYU on this board. I gave birth there a week and a half ago and had a fabulous experience. I delivered my first there and everything was wonderful too. I really do not have a single complaint. No - it is not the Ritz, but the care is outstanding which is what is important. I delivered 5 weeks early and as a result my DS spent 10 days in the NICU. The doctors and staff turned an extremely difficult time into a positive experience. We were so glad to have delivered there. I'll be on for a little while if you have any questions. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
TTC 03.12.09, 08:28 AM Flag
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congrats and glad that all is well. I love NYU. I didn't deliver there (since my OB is out of an other hospital) but all of my Drs are from there. Great medical staff. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:29 AM Flag
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i delivered there and had an awesome l&d nurse and good post-partum experience as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:33 AM Flag
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i'm delivering at nyu in june - great to hear about a good experience. thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 01:17 PM Flag
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I also delivered a baby who was 5 1/2 weeks early at NYU-- and have only the best things to say about it. My son was in the NICU for 3 days and he came home one day after I left. The nurses from delivery through the moment I left were incredibly supportive as was the support staff. And I actually thought my single room (which I got on day 2) was pretty nice. Ive visited a bunch of friends after delivery (Sinai, NY Preptyerian) and I havent seen a "ritz" room yet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 01:29 PM Flag
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Oh thank you for posting this!! I am giving birth there (my first) in early September. What a relief! About when did you arrange for a hospital tour? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.29.09, 11:25 AM Flag
[ - ] I am not connected and don't plan to make efforts to do so. And I don't believe that as many psoters are as "sonnected" as they claim to be. Can I do the ps and private ongoing without scrambling to "connect? Signed, unconnected and loving it- 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
Toddler 03.12.09, 08:28 AM Flag
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^^typed too fast! -posters are as "connected"- [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:29 AM Flag
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I did both PS and ongoing without any connections. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:32 AM Flag
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OP, I get that you are proud to be "unconnected", but I think that attitude is a bit at odds with your desire to "do the ps and private ongoing". Of course you can simply choose a preschool that is fcfs or isn't a so-called "tt", and there are on-goings that aren't exclusive. Do you not know this? Or are you only interested in the schools where "connected" families want to be? If so, your pride in being unconnected seems a bit silly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:57 AM Flag
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OP here. I am just trying to understand how important connections are. And also get UP posters opinions of how many of the "connections" discussed on this site are BS and don't mean anything. I am willing to do some legwork here, but honestly for schools where *real* connections are the only thing that get you in, I am not as interested as I would feel like the overall intelligence of the kids (for ongoings, not ps, realize it's too soon to tell!) would be lower that that at schools where connections aren't as important. Will also be looking into publics. it's all about the education, not status! Thanks- [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:01 AM Flag
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A smart kid can get a good education anywhere. Except perhaps at Hunter, thinking any test at 4 will tell you the intelligence of a kid is ridiculous. The privates and G&Ts in Manhattan will seem to have a more intelligent student body because they are nearly all kids of affluent highly educated parents. Of course "connections" (siblings, legacies, extremely rich) have a leg up at privates. The quality of the student body is really not going to be all that different, except in people's minds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:07 AM Flag
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^^^do you really think a 99 ERB kid who is quiet and shy and gets shut out is less intelligent than a 99 ERB who is outgoing? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:10 AM Flag
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That is a fine attitude if you don't plan to go the private route. My friend chose to turn down offers to write letters of reference, pull strings, etc for dc and was not accepted at the school she and dh supposedly loved for dc. If you want to do what is truly best for your dc, and if that is private school, don't have an attitude about using connections. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:06 AM Flag
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don't believe all the garbage you read on here. we did great in both the preschool and ongoing process with no connections. dc also did not have a 99 erb (had a good erb, but not a 99x3) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:29 AM Flag
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yes. but if you know someone who can write a letter of reference, why not do it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:31 AM Flag
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Only connection that works is someone who can make a call and get you in. Letters etc seem to have backfired for many people we know. Made it w/o connections to TT. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 11:10 AM Flag
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how do you know they backfired? just b/c the kid didn't get in? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 11:22 AM Flag
[ - ] Madoff was immediately jailed. Buh-bye! 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:24 AM Flag
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and they still have no clue where the money is [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:25 AM Flag
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it must be an election yr for that Judge..the bail was revoked and he's put in prison..BUT he will be in a nice country club prison for white collar crimes. Not like he's gonna do hard time in Attica [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:30 AM Flag
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get over the bloodthirst. do you want him publicly flogged as well? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:32 AM Flag
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no I just think that prison should be prison and not the country club the white collar criminals go to [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:33 AM Flag
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well yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:34 AM Flag
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i think he should be compelled by any means necessary to reveal where everyone's $$ is. He should be taken to Gitmo before they close it down. if anyone is a candidate for waterboarding, it's this sleaze. they should torture his wife while he watches until he starts giving up swiss bank account numbers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:40 AM Flag
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sounds personal!?!?! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:46 AM Flag
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no, no. would that i had that kind of $$ to invest. I just am really moved and upset for all the people who have lost everything. lots of old people who will face desititution or having to find a job. i do not think it's arrogant to be angry when you have earned, saved and planned for a future and then have it stolen from you by a man who lives in a penthouse whilst he awaits his trial. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:49 AM Flag
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np I agree with you on one hand. But on the other hand many (if not most) of the investors were both greedy and exceedingly naive to think that a consistent 10% annual return on their money wasn't fishy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:52 AM Flag
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yes, why not? he has blood on his hands... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:48 AM Flag
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yeah, flogging would be good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:58 AM Flag
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So true. In college I visited a lot of federal prisons for my crim courses and they are pretty much a low class hotel save for the actual cells. The food looked better than what they had at college, art rooms, exercise equip, its a far cry from Sing Sing or Rikers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:54 AM Flag
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I have a friend whose dad retired from being a warden for the Federal prison system. He told the story of one of those country club prisons. There was a hotel across the street where the wives/families would stay when visiting. One October there was an early freak snow storm. Late at night. That morning he got to work and there were a half dozen tracks going across the field from the hotel to his prison. He fired half the guards and a whole bunch of shite collar criminals got extra time. This apparently had been going on for some time.* [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:30 AM Flag
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* I caught my Freudian slip on "white collar" but damn that one is too funny to not share. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:31 AM Flag
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One thing I think the former Soviet Union got right was crimes against the state/against the people at large were viewed (and punished) more harshly than crimes against an individual. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:18 AM Flag
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wrong twice. federal judges have life tenure, they aren't elected. adn in all likelihood madoff wil get a long enough sentence that he'll go to a maximum security prison. camps (the nicer ones) are for people doing short sentences. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:56 AM Flag
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I can't believe he's been out of jail all this time. People who have committed lesser crimes sit their butts in Rikers for months on end until they plead out or go to trial. Money can buy justice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:42 AM Flag
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I think you mean that money can buy injustice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:51 AM Flag
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money can buy bail. unsurprisingly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:59 AM Flag
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it's a white collar crime. this is very normal for a white collar crime. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:24 AM Flag
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This is on an astronomical scale and deserves its very own name. I liked shite collar. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:49 AM Flag
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Well, I'm glad the Bernie show will no longer be playing in the neighborhood. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:53 AM Flag
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I hope they move on to his slimy wife and sons--they were SO involved in this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:54 AM Flag
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ITA!!!!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:04 AM Flag
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Yes and his wife is under major investigation. MSNBC and other sources reported yesterday, that as his accountant, she will be brought up on charges very soon. I'll try to locate the source of the official statement. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:08 AM Flag
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Good. Anyone in the market for a penhouse on the northwest corner of 64th and Lex? Owners "relocated" to, um, less spacious accommodation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:10 AM Flag
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Apparently charges may also be brought against Cohmad and several of its personnel. This is still early days but they're all pretty insulated-in or out of prison. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123436527233573227.html [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:12 AM Flag
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They will go to prison but $$retribution is so unlikely. It's too easy to swindle and skate in the US. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:13 AM Flag
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Of course they were. The fact that the media keeps saying stuff like 'he confessed to his sons' is scary! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 06:06 PM Flag
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After reading this, see his wife being investigated. Anyone know if they are going after his sons? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 06:03 PM Flag
[ - ] my lunch today is a handisnack and pre processed peaches...oh and my special K cereal bar...mmmmmmmmmmmmm 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:20 AM Flag
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did you steal it from that kid from yesterday? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:22 AM Flag
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yes... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:23 AM Flag
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will you share [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:24 AM Flag
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you can have my peaches...or do you want the fake cheese spread? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:25 AM Flag
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I personally love (I'm being serious) the dole peaches fruit cup. Yummm Do you have that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:27 AM Flag
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i did and gave her my organic whole wheat crap with soy nut butter and soy organic cardboard milk... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:24 AM Flag
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and I bet she tossed her cookies [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:24 AM Flag
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ymmmm..all I had were some wheat thins for breakfast and lunch [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:22 AM Flag
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All this talk makes me long for what my mom used to pack in my moon-landing-era lunches: Tang, Shake-a-puddin' and Space Food Sticks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:27 AM Flag
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omg remember tang! The drink of the NASA prgm [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:28 AM Flag
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I bet you're fat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:27 AM Flag
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you're remark isn't funny and immature. Why is it for all insults on UB, ppl like you have to say I bet you're fat? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:47 AM Flag
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And I bet you have a face like a dehydrated weasel. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:04 AM Flag
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zzzzzzzzzzzz [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:31 AM Flag
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i am going to burger king for lunch.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:05 AM Flag
[ - ] Former MD now SAHM, formerly of major metropolitan area, now at essentially rural army base while DH (also MD) fulfills army commitment. I love to watch UB and our local message board, you would not believe the contrast. UB has debates over peanut-free, luxury strollers, (mostly) correct spelling. Local board has fights over who has more toys/cars/shit in front of their carport, and arrangements to "beat your ass" at the local Walmart. It's a cross-section of the US every day! 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:18 AM Flag
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aren't you always a doctor even if you aren't practicing? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:50 AM Flag
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I kind of think of us all as the people who shop at Wal-mart, quick to anger and slow to compassion and understanding. I see people (not literally) get run over by a mob if they dare post something that others don't agree with. I feel like the posters who go around correcting everyone's grammar and spelling as the people who go around the store and it bugs them that everything is out of place so they complain to management. Of course, you also have the people who are so mean that they would start a fist fight with you because you took the last box of doughnuts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:36 AM Flag
[ - ] We'll be starting the K application process for ds in September. DH and I are considering a few schools, but are most interested in St. Bernard's and St. David's. We are catholic, and have ds in a catholic ps, however non-Catholic (ie, StB) is not a deal breaker for us. (FYI, dd is currently enrolled at a well regarded ss school.) Looking to get feedback from current parents on the lower schools at StB & StD. Also, what dc/family characteristics are most important to these two schools? $$$? Diversity? Fit? Connections? All of the above? TIA! 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 03.12.09, 08:14 AM Flag
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headache [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:18 AM Flag
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HEH? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:07 AM Flag
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OP: Sorry all. I guess I loaded up too many thoughts into one question. Let's keep it simple. To all parents who succeeded in getting their sons a K spot at either St. Bernard's or St. David's, I'm just curious as to what you brought to the table that got you that spot. That's it. Thanks much. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:51 AM Flag
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If we knew what it really takes to get into a school we would not be sitting here on UB and giving that info for free. You would be able to hire us for $200/hr. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 11:12 AM Flag
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look for a coed catholic school to send both dcs to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:53 AM Flag
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A willingness to sacrifice any individuality you have to be one of the pack! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 11:08 AM Flag
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OP: Wow, are you serious? What about all that fun "quirkiness" that St. B boys are supposed to possess? That was actually part of the attraction for us. Not true then? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 11:22 AM Flag
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FWIW, the generally held belief, at least in the upper grades, is that Saint Bs is more academically rigorous than Saint Ds. I think that's all splitting hairs and that they are both fine schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 12:41 PM Flag
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thats crap --they arent quirky they are milk toast [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 06:46 PM Flag
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Admitted to both, attending one. I would say both schools value "strong families". St. D.'s seems to value more straightforward boys and St. B.'s like quirky boys that can hold their own. Athletics are strong at both schools, but I think you don't have to be athletic to have a place (unlike Buckley). I think the money issue is overstated and both schools are looking for "fit". "Connections" only help if someone that is well regarded in the community knows you and your son well, and all other things are equal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 02:12 PM Flag
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OP: Very helpful. Thanks so much. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 04:40 PM Flag
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st bernards IS NOT catholic [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 06:44 PM Flag
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OP: I'm aware of that, and actually referenced it in my original post. Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 07:26 PM Flag
[ - ] Brooklyn moms, how would you compare ps 29 and 261? TIA 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 03.12.09, 08:13 AM Flag
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29 is less diverse and more affluent parent body. 261 is a great school and, I believe, has a more "artsy" feel. Also has (or at least used to have) the city's best science teacher, Carmelo. But, both schools only take kids who live in the zone, so you don't have a choice unless you are choosing a new home in one of the zones. 261 used to get lots of kids from Brooklyn Heights who wouldn't go to PS 8, but now that PS 8 is much better, they are staying put. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:50 AM Flag
[ - ] My dd is a July birthday so will likely stay 3yrs in preschool. What are some of the good 5s programs? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
Preschool/Kids 03.12.09, 08:07 AM Flag
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my dd is an aug. bday and she did 2 yrs of preschool. Going to K when she's 5 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:08 AM Flag
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^^^I mention it so you can know that it's possible for your dd to start K when she should [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:08 AM Flag
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92nd st y, Temple Emmanuel, Brick, Garden House, all of the Montessori schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:34 AM Flag
[ - ] I know a number of families in our private that at this point pray for a miracle to be able to afford private next year - income drops of 30-50% are not unusual 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 03.12.09, 08:04 AM Flag
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everyone in our school seems fine.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:06 AM Flag
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how would you know that? do you think they would share their financial issues with you? not!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:08 AM Flag
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reading comprehension problems? OR did say "seems". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 11:10 AM Flag
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If this is what people pray for, they don't know how "blessed" they already are. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:09 AM Flag
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no one at our school is talking about this. I really have no idea what is going on with other families. Except that at parent's day, fathers I haven't seen at school even once in 3 years were there in force. I don't think they were necessarily laid off though, I think they just aren't busy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:36 AM Flag
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maybe they just are realizing that family is what truly matters because tomorrow all their material wealth may be gone . . .. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 02:28 PM Flag
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income drop of 50% here and thank god every day we're in public. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:37 AM Flag
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ditto! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:06 AM Flag
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Same at my school. However, people are feeling that market is improving. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:41 AM Flag
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Just so you know, a lot of Wall Street types can suffer income drops of 30-50% and STILL be able to afford private school! My family is one of them. We may no longer be AS rich, but we're still rich! We can actually retire and never work again and we haven't hit 40 yet. And there are a lot of us in this city... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:45 AM Flag
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Np; So what are you here for? can't you afford to do something more interesting and meaningful? I'm only here becasue i can't afford any other entertainment. By the way, public relations is not your strong point. Dale Carnegie should be in your future. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:50 AM Flag
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We're ok too but I don't jknow what you were trying to achieve by posting this here. This is a very difficult time for much of the world. Keep your good fortune to yourself, give a little to charity and try and look outside yourself a little. It could be YOU on the street corner someday. Hubris is ugly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:04 AM Flag
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So it's okay for people to come on here and spew their venom against the Wall Street types and hope for their downfall, but it's not okay for us to come on here and reassure everyone that us types for the most part will do just fine? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:10 AM Flag
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No, it's not OK. Both groups are acting like asses. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:20 AM Flag
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"reassure everyone"? why does anyone need reassurance that you're still wealthy? why would you presume anyone cares? do you think the general public is staying up all night, concerned that your "types" are no longer wealthy? your post is simply odd. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:49 AM Flag
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This must be a yank. Nobody would be crass, uncouth or hostile enough to seriously post up that they still have enough money to retire before 40. If so, you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 11:08 AM Flag
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I am NOT naming the school, so do not ask, but neighbor just told me she received a letter from her children's private school in NYC that they have a serious financial problem. DOn't know too many details (not enough contract renewals? too many renewals newly in need of FA? don't know....) But I personally am surprised this is not talked about more. I wonder if schools are in distress or anticipate big problems and are hiding it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 04:58 PM Flag
[ - ] my father died 2 months ago, no will, everything (about $2M) understood to go to my mother. i am one of 4 children. i would like to get something of my father's to remember him by. he had about a dozen pricey watches. how do i ask my mother for one without sounding like a money-grubbing kid? should i discuss with my siblings first? 34 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:02 AM Flag
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FIRST: I'm sorry for your loss. as a mom, I would want my kids to have something they loved of their father. I would let them choose esp. since you said their are many watches. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:04 AM Flag
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^^I don't think asking for a watch makes you sound like a money grubbing kid. Makes you sound like you want something to remember your father by [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:05 AM Flag
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ask her for a shirt or a sweater or something from his office. maybe she will suggest the watch. otherwise you will sound like a money grubber. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:04 AM Flag
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first OR: ITTTD. I don't think asking for 1 watch is horrible. Now if OP was asking for the entire collection that's something else [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:05 AM Flag
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op - thanks. on the one hand, money is really not an issue for her so it doesn't seem fair for her not to share with the kids. on the other hand, these watches are 10k average, so it is a considerable amount of money. should i really ask for a sweater? to do what with? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:07 AM Flag
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you know your mom...I know my family. I wouldn't hesitate asking my mom for something that I loved of my dads..but my mom wouldn't hesitate giving all the kids something either (regardless of the value). It's the sentimental value that means more [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:09 AM Flag
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Do you not get along with her? Because if you do, this should not be so hard. Just say you want something of your dads to remember him by. She is likely going to ask, and you'll suggest a watch. Or she may suggest something else, but sweater is not likely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:10 AM Flag
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Doesn't seem *fair* of her not to share with the kids? I don't object to you wanting a memento of your dad's, nor do I think the watch is excessive, but as for *fair*...? It's their money. Inheritance isn't a privilege. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:28 AM Flag
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ITA! OP is not entitled to anything. I assume when the mother dies, then all four children will split the estate? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:42 AM Flag
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Dh and I have told our parents -- repeatedly -- to spend it all. It's their money, they made it, they should enjoy it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:50 AM Flag
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The sweater thing would make sense if that's what you remembered your father by, but it sounds like the watches were more personal, so I don't get that suggestion. How does asking her for a watch sound money grubbing? OP never discussed selling it. I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your father. Probably best to discuss it with your Mom, not siblings. People(esp sibs) may act very strangely,upon death of a beloved parent and I've really btdt. I agree with the poster recommending being straightforward with your Mom. Perhaps you should ask her if there is something that she sees as significant of your father's, in relation to a time of their lives as your parents or to him as your Dad. I know I asked my Mom for something I've not received and doubt she'll put it in a will of her own. It's probably best to cherish memories you have and leave the stuff as stuff-whether you get an object or not. Be Well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:33 AM Flag
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btw, It's your Mom's stuff now-I think it would seem very conspiratorial to discuss possession of her property among your sibs. She's going through a period of tremendous change and loss. Their connection pre-dates any of your arrivals and she is also likely feeling her own mortality-much more acutely than you may realize. Ease up and ease into it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:37 AM Flag
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Give her some time and then offer to help her go through his personal items (clothing, shoes, papers). When you go through them find 1-2 small things that you would like to keep and ask her. You could also offer to find 1-2 things for each of your siblings. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:05 AM Flag
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Don't offer to find stuff for your siblings, let them pick their own stuff, assuming your mom will agree. Why would she not? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:06 AM Flag
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ita. i think it would be weird if the mom wouldn't want her kids to have something [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:07 AM Flag
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Be honest with your mom. "Mom, I would like one of dad's watches." Don't discuss but don't hide. There is nothing wrong with your desire/feeling and anyone who thinks so has their own issues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:10 AM Flag
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AMEN..ITTA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:11 AM Flag
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If you have to ASK your mother for something like this, you apparently didn't have a close enough relationship with your father to justify such a gift. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:11 AM Flag
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You are an asshole. -np [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:16 AM Flag
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np: I do find it a bit odd that OP is worried about asking her mom. Seems to suggest that the relationships in the family are a bit strained. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:18 AM Flag
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np again: when you have an estate without a will, four siblings, and quite possibly four spouses -- this does not surprise me. And to make a personal attack out of a post like that is uncool. PERIOD. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:22 AM Flag
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^^ first -np not second np: [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:23 AM Flag
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The siblings don't matter. All of the estate goes to the surviving spouse. If it was OP's stepmom I'd understand the hesitation but it is her mother. And 2M is really not that much if she is to live another decade or more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:25 AM Flag
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In NY, if you die intestate (without a will) 50k plus one-third of the estate goes to the spouse, the balance is divided among the children (if there is one child it is 50k plus half). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:32 AM Flag
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np: Really? My understanding was since we own everything jointly if either of us dies the other one keeps it all? But you must be talking about third of his half right? Anyway, I guess it is a good thing we do have a will. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:35 AM Flag
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Jointly owned assets aren't impacted, it is just things that are in his name alone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:40 AM Flag
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-np again: of course the siblings matter. We are not talking here about a bunch of charities fighting over scraps. We are talking about brothers and sisters. And people's feelings. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:51 AM Flag
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That was a pretty stupid thing to say. This is a grieving family and you don't seem very sensitive to how altering that may be. If you have to SAY something like that, you apparently don't have much acceptance for the differences in people's cultures or interpersonal relationships. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:40 AM Flag
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BS. If the father had wanted his daughter to have one of his watches, the mother would have known this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 07:13 PM Flag
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when your mother goes you will get a watch...I know that sounds awful, but if you don't feel comfortable asking, you will eventually have something to remember him by [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:33 AM Flag
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It sounds like you really want more than the watch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:37 AM Flag
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Just tell your mom you want something to remember your dad by. Tell her you would like a watch because that is an object you can pass on to kids and grandkids someday and it would be meaningful to you. If your mom does not want each of her children to receive at least watch, she has some weird issues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:49 AM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:52 AM Flag
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Same here. I think she should have offered already. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:03 AM Flag
[ - ] Dear public school teacher: You have been really good at letting kids read at their level. Why don't you do something similar with Math. Why is my DC bored to death by your endlessly repeating the same shit over and over and again? Since 2nd grade you and your colleagues have introduced nothing new in math 36 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 03.12.09, 08:01 AM Flag
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which public school? i think my dc is challenged in math (also public school). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:02 AM Flag
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Math is much harder to differentiate than reading. Are you saying your teacher did not cover multiplication and division yet? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:05 AM Flag
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Dear Overly-Concerned Parent Without a Clue: I appreciate your taking the time to write. I'm sorry your DC is "bored to death" by my math class. I didn't realize it was my job to ENTERTAIN him. The reason I "endlessly repeat the same shit over and over again" is because the bulk of my 38 students in the class STILL DON'T GET IT. It would be pointless for me to continue forward if it was only for the benefit of your precious little Enstein -- who, by the way, is only pulling a "B". I know he can do better, but the problem is he's not "bored to death", but rather intellectually LAZY. This is something you might want to work on, while I try to deal with more pressing issues facing my other students, including broken homes, neglect, substance abuse, and a blossoming pasttime in shoplifting. Sincerely, Public School Teacher. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:07 AM Flag
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substance abuse, and a blossoming pasttime in shoplifting. Sincerely, Public School Teacher. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:07 AM Flag
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OP: Dear fake teacher: Actually the real teacher has been kind enough to give DC straight 4s in Nov. and acknowledge that DC participates and always raises hand. I know you need to teach everyone. Why not breaking them up in groups, by level? You do that in reading, so it is not impossible. So 2-3 "slow kids" will have to hold back the remaining 27? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:11 AM Flag
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Dear Fake Parent: If it's only two to three "slow kids", we put them in another class. And no, it's very difficult to teach math in groups, like you can with reading. Math is much more "hands-on" intensive for the teacher ... we can't just be hovering from group to group like reading teachers can. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:15 AM Flag
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Dear teacher - i am np from below and i love you. ignore this entitled hag who thinks her average child is exceptional. he misbehaves in class because he is overindulged and spoiled, not because he is gifted and underserved in your classroom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:25 AM Flag
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OP: Sorry to disappoint you, my DC does not misbehave in class and teacher loves him [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:27 AM Flag
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not for long with a delusional pia such as yourself up her ass [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:30 AM Flag
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OP - why don't you apply to one of the gifted programs if DC is so far ahead? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:31 AM Flag
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she has no response for that. wonder why? i guess it's easier to insult the teacher and blame children than to admit the truth. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:34 AM Flag
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np-sounds like they are going TT for MS. why all the hostility. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 01:39 PM Flag
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NP: If your teacher loves your DC why are you cursing at her to make your case. Very disrespectful. You can offer your DC advanced instruction at home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:33 AM Flag
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exactly. anyone who claims to have such a bright child and who implies to have such respect for scholarship would never refer to anything academic as "shit." i suspect she's pissed b/c the teacher doesn't fawn all over her and her genius. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:38 AM Flag
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np - it is impossible to customize the classroom to suit any one student-even your little precious. i sincerely doubt that there are only 2-3 children determining the pace of the whole class. perhaps if, as you claim, yours is so exceptional, it behooves YOU to supplement his education instead of expecting everyone to bend to your needs, which we all know you have overinflated. your kid is just fine with the situation as is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:19 AM Flag
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agree [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:22 AM Flag
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nnp: The teacher never teaches the slowest 2-3 kids except possibly right before the math test, normally most of the instruction is given to the middle of the class, so both the advanced kids and the kids that are behind have to find ways to deal. It is how it is, with one teacher and 28 kids that is really the only realistic option. Teacher has to cover the curriculum. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:29 AM Flag
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I'm a real teacher on maternity leave - and I have to say that the OR above is spot on - they actually could be a teacher. Gave me a good laugh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 02:28 PM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:09 AM Flag
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send your brilliant child somewhere else.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:22 AM Flag
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and this is exactly why I pay so much for private school. Public schools just don't have enough teachers to differentiate in math. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:22 AM Flag
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it costs a lot to have teachers stroke you and tell you your average child is exceptional; that's what your ridiculous private school tuitions pay for. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:29 AM Flag
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you know, I didn't say my child was at the top of her class. For all you know, she could be at the very bottom of her class. My point, though, is that she taught math in a group of 7 children who are all doing math at the same level. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:38 AM Flag
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whatever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:41 AM Flag
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what is wrong with you??? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:24 AM Flag
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that's why zoned public schools suck for smart kids after first grade [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:23 AM Flag
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Pick a different zoned public. I was willing to work with mine, and now my math nerds get differentiated instruction. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:33 AM Flag
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Provide additional instruction and support in math at home. Teachers cannot do everything, whether in public or private. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:51 AM Flag
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They SUCK for smart kids in K also [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:09 AM Flag
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not for my dc, who scored 99 on the olsat [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:03 AM Flag
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G&T? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:27 AM Flag
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Be glad they have catered to the advanced reading at least. At our school, you don't even get that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:08 AM Flag
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You could ask the school to send DC in higher grade for math. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:00 AM Flag
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OP: I only used the word "shit" because I know that bad words attract more responses - every time I post something in a really polite way I get more responses. As far as my DC is concerned he's heading to a co-ed tt for MS - thanks to the tons of enrichment we did at home. I have to say though that grades 2,4,5 were totally useless academically at school [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:40 AM Flag
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So what's the point of your original post? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 01:48 PM Flag
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does not surprise me. That's what I've been told by every ny parent I know who has tried public. Public school good until 2nd, or 3rd and then have to go private. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 02:25 PM Flag
[ - ] Birth control question--has anyone had used the Mirena IUD? Are you happy with it? Any problems/issues? I may or may not want to ttc in a couple of years--but need something now. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 07:55 AM Flag
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I am debating the mirena and it sounds like the perfect thing - anyone know the downside? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.09, 08:38 PM Flag
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Yes. Death. Just lost a good friend because it punctured the wall of her uterus. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.09, 08:53 PM Flag
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My friend is due in seven weeks with a baby conceived while using the Mirena! That's the only bad story I've heard (and it's not so bad, just a second sooner than they really wanted). Enough for my DH to get a vasectomy instead of bothering with the IUD, though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.09, 08:54 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone have a completely unconnected August child accepted to private school to start at age 5? Only interested in August. Thx. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 03.12.09, 07:54 AM Flag
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yes dd will start this fall (K) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 07:57 AM Flag
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where? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:01 AM Flag
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city and country [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:06 AM Flag
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Yes, dd. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:03 AM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:00 AM Flag
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yes, early Sept. b'day if that counts [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:02 AM Flag
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yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:02 AM Flag
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If you're willing, will you name the school? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:04 AM Flag
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Yes, but school does not have a Sept. 1st cutoff. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:05 AM Flag
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I previously asked this question because I also have an August dd. A dc had multiple accepts at downtown schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:25 AM Flag
[ - ] Not the best book, but FUN easy read recommendations needed! 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 07:52 AM Flag
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Posted earlier - Savannah Breeze and Savannah Blues are both easy and fun. Also Emily Giffin Something Borrowed and Something Blue are both fun. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 07:55 AM Flag
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ita emily giffin books are mindless fun. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:03 AM Flag
[ - ] Redshirted August boys: if you don't even apply to private ongoings or if you do and get all "too young" letters, are you then at risk of getting a bunch of "too old" letters the following year? How do older August boys generally do-are they still at a big disadvantage? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 03.12.09, 07:50 AM Flag
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if you get a too young letter that's a good thing. It basically means that they were interested in your dc but he's too young. Please reapply. When you reapply you have a better shot at getting an accept since this is your 2nd time applying to this school [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 07:53 AM Flag
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Why not apply to schools that have a more flexible cut-off. I personally know that Collegiate, Manhattan Country School and Metropolitan Montessori take younger kids. I'm sure there are others especially the K-8s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:05 AM Flag
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This has nothing to do with "cut-off" date, but unwillingness to take younger boys. Many times it is the parents' choice as well to dc hold back. Most schools (except Buckley) take a young summer birthday if they feel the child is mature and can handle it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 02:16 PM Flag
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I think some schools see young boys as wild cards. could potentially disrupt due to social youngness or academic youngness. Its an unfortunate bias. Should be illegal to age discriminate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 02:19 PM Flag
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We applied, but regret is now since we just got rejections, not too youngs. Did not apply broadly thankfully, and some schools (Ethical, HM) will not take your application a year later, so you have to try on time if you want to try at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:13 AM Flag
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If you apply to start at 5 and get flat out rejections, can you reapply to start at 6 or are you "out" forever? Also, I know HM and Ethical say they don't take redshirts but do they actually take young summer (esp. August) boys? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 11:24 AM Flag
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They admit them to Pre-K. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 03:02 PM Flag
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ITA. We applied and got a lot of too young letters. but surprisingly, we also were w/l at a few. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 06:50 PM Flag
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What is the deal with summer girls? No redshirting or too young letters? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 07:22 PM Flag
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My August girl got into Claremont. WL at Ethical and Riverdale. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:45 PM Flag
[ - ] Any dh's on? 42 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 07:44 AM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:24 AM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:24 AM Flag
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would you be more upset if dw was having an emotional affair or had a one-night stand? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:30 AM Flag
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Hmm, emotional affair probably, but not much difference. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:33 AM Flag
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would you leave her either way? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 08:49 AM Flag
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Depends. Almost certainly not if she wanted to work it out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:02 AM Flag
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that's nice to hear :-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:04 AM Flag
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Why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:55 AM Flag
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np dh: Maybe. Either would be devastating. But in the end I'm pretty attached to my dw and I don't know if I could bring myself to actually leave. I'd probably stay, but without much self-respect and would unconsciously passive-aggressively retaliate for years, long after I thought I had come to terms with it. Not saying that's the right way, just saying it's probably what I would do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 11:54 AM Flag
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new DH: emotional affair, but i wouldn't mind an open marriage, so that's just me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 11:49 AM Flag
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depends on reason. maybe her dh doesnt care or is doing the same [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:19 AM Flag
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Strange answer given that the person being asked the question re his feelings on the matter is the dh in question. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:55 AM Flag
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np dh: One night stand. Unless I'm not understanding what an emotional affair is. What's an emotional affair? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:35 AM Flag
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frequent emailing, longing for each other, sharing intimate stories, histories, details, becoming very close, acknowledging attraction and yearning [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:40 AM Flag
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Wow. Both would be pretty awful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:41 AM Flag
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Still, assuming in each case that it was definitively over and she felt honest remorse, I think the one night stand would be worse. Based on certain people who post here, it seems to be fairly common for women who have affairs to believe that they have the right to do so, and that they shouldn't feel bad about it, and it seems common though not universal for other women to support them in that self-justification. In either example, that attitude would be a killer even if I felt sure the particular transgression was over. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:48 AM Flag
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nnp/dh: That is one of those choices like, "whose snot tastes better." There is no ok answer. I'm not going to choose. My wife has close relationships with other people (male and female.) I'm not threatened by that. But the "affair" part of emotional affair implies deception. That I find unacceptable. (My feelings about the one night stand issue I assume are obvious.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 09:51 AM Flag
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Is there a particular reason or inspiration for this question? I hope it's not because you're trying to choose which one to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 10:17 AM Flag
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why should I answer you, so I can be flamed and everyone can get whipped into another self-righteous frenzy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 11:12 AM Flag
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That would be one reason. Or maybe because you're asking an unusual question and context helps. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 11:46 AM Flag
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OK, I'll take that answer as saying that either you have or you intend to do one of these things. I think this is an important difference because, at least to me, attitude and intent matter a lot. It's like the legal difference between different degrees of forethought/ intent/ recklessness/ negligence. Same act can have a different meaning. So if this is a planning session, that fact would in my mind make it much worse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.12.09, 01:52 PM Flag
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It was not a planning session. I've already had sex with the other guy, several times. I also happen to be intensely emotionally involved with him. I was wondering which was likely to be more hurtful to my dh (and the actual answer is neither, because hopefully he will never know). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 08:46 AM Flag
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Then I think your original question was not well designed to get the relevant information, since you did not include option 3: full-fledged affair. There's a synergy making that more than twice as bad as either alone. I'm guessing you already knew that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 08:51 AM Flag
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Also, the fact that you've now had enough time to stop and think, and even inquire into this aspect of the topic, and yet (I gather) choose to continue with the affair moves you into a very high category in the intent/reckless/just-happened scale, regardless of how this affair originated. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 08:54 AM Flag
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no, the affair is over, and it was not entered into lightly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 08:55 AM Flag
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You used the present tense in saying "I also happen to be intensely emotionally involved with him." This makes this sound like a current situation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 08:57 AM Flag
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Yeah. Love doesn't go away the second you stop sleeping together, unfortunately. We're not sleeping together anymore. I still love him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 09:01 AM Flag
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Are you still in contact with him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 09:03 AM Flag
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a little. It's hard to cut off all contact at once. The contact now is mostly just sad, not romantic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 09:04 AM Flag
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Sad/romantic seems to me like the same thing in this context. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 09:06 AM Flag
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okay. so yes, we are in infrequent sad/romantic contact. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 09:09 AM Flag
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Then it's not over. If the goal is to prospectively minimize the blow to your husband when he finds out, the only good thing you can do now is send a clear and definitive final communication saying you will communicate no more, and then stick to it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 09:33 AM Flag
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I can't do that. It's a relationship, like any other important relationship it's unnatural just to cut it off. It's already so hard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 09:35 AM Flag
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^^and why do you say "when he finds out"? Why do you think that's a given? do you know how many people successfully keep this kind of thing a secret? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 09:36 AM Flag
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Unnatural? We do things all the time for the people we care about that are unnatural. Important relationship? I guess it depends on whether you think your loyalties on some things ought to be decidedly in a certain camp and not another. As to whether it's already hard, I think clinging to it is unlikely to make it easier. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 09:42 AM Flag
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Btw, now that I have some of the details of your story, I would say that if this were me and I found out about this I think it's one of the few things that could absolutely make me leave dw. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 10:03 AM Flag
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Sounds like you are trying to get a different response out of him. Stop trying. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 10:08 AM Flag
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why is a full-fledged affair necessarily worse than a one-night stand? Some dhs might be more compassionate about their dw having truly fallen for someone, rather than having risked losing everything just to get laid once. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 08:58 AM Flag
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I'm not sure what compassion has to do with it. The question was about which would be more upsetting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 09:02 AM Flag
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Exactly what would that compassion involve? Seriously, I'm trying to picture a scenario and I can't figure out how compassion would enter into it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 09:54 AM Flag
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I think sometimes the line between "friend" and "emotional affair" gets blurry [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 08:59 AM Flag
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Not in this case. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.13.09, 09:54 AM Flag
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