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[ - ] Do any of the top NY dermatologists take insurance, or do I need to go out of network? I need to have some moles checked. I'd prefer a derm at Mt Sinai or NYU, take Oxford if poss. Any recos appreciated! 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:17 AM Flag
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My Derm is Dr Colbert on 5th ave and 18th or 19th street. He takes insurance and is very good. He's also very nice. Be prepared for an office that looks like a Hollywood Spa lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:21 AM Flag
[ - ] Childcare prior to kindergarten is making our kids obese? http://www.reuters.com/article/email/idUSKUA46613020080804 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:17 AM Flag
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Very confusing findings imo. Plus the ethnic factor turns the whole thing on its head (Latino kids are more than typically obese) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:29 AM Flag
[ - ] anyone deal with sibling rivalry issues early on that ultimately worked out? My 4.5 yo is still unimaginably mean to my almost 2 yo. Even though she gets so much more attention than the baby, she's still mean to her most of the time. When they play together, it's mostly the big girl goading the baby into doing something naughty. I'm really kind of sad about this and don't know how to properly address it. Need advice and hopefully words of hope. 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:09 AM Flag
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Have you tried the book "Siblings without Rivalry"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:12 AM Flag
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I read it when DD #2 was first born and found the approach a little too touchy feely. Tried it anyway ("it's okay to be angry blah blah") but DD #1 was just like, "yeah, I'm angry and want more attention." I felt the conversation ended there because I wasn't giving her more. But maybe I should re-read it now that they're older. May be a little more relevant now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:18 AM Flag
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NP - #1 may have been too young at the time, may be worth trying again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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how much alone time does she get with you and dh? I have 2 dds that are 4yr apart. We haven't had to deal with a lot of jealousy but have had some incidents. I always take my older dd to the side (in her room or my room) we sit and talk it out. I always ask her if she would like it if I were to treat her that way or if she would like it if her friends treated her sis that way. I explain it and make her understand that not only is it unacceptable but just not nice. I also remind myself that she's a kid and this is normal BUT I don't let her get away with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:14 AM Flag
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We both work so she doesn't get a ton, but we make it a point to give her some alone time with each of us during the weekend. Kind of hijacking my own thread, but if you're thinking of having a second child and wonder about spacing, I feel quite strongly that either do it when DC #1 is under two or over three. DD was 2.8 you when DD2 was born and it's awful. I think it has a lot to do with how old she was when she was born and the age difference in general. Ugh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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I agree about the spacing. My experience is with 4yrs and it worked out great. I'm pg again and the youngest and NB will be 4yrs apart. My friends who all had dc that were 15mo-2.5yr apart have had it hard at the beginning. BTW with our dds we make sure at least once a mo. to take them out alone (dd will be with dh and go shopping or to a movie, ect). I think it helps for them to get some 1-1 time [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:23 AM Flag
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Unfortunately it doesn't work for us. DD1 gets a decent share of alone time. She's a great kid in so many ways, but she's got a tough personality. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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then that's how she is..it's her personality [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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Totally confirm the spacing. My sons are almost 5 years apart and it is an amazing, tender and loving relationship 99% of the time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:27 AM Flag
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You don't want to hear this but according to my parents I was horrendous to my sister until she was about 10 and I was 13 and then I just ignored her for another 10 years. My parents read every book and sent me to counseling but nothing helped. My sister and I now have a great relationship now but it took 20 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:47 AM Flag
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ditto. my sister and i fought with and hated each other our whole lives. it wasn't until we were about 28 and 25 that we became best friends. we have been bff ever since [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:48 AM Flag
[ - ] When do the Olympics start and end? I know I'm in the minority here, but I find them tiresome. I'm already sick of all the press surrounding the games and just want them to be over. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:06 AM Flag
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I hate them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:08 AM Flag
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And the fact that they are in beijing annoys me even more. I just want them to be done done done. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:09 AM Flag
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Aug 8-24 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:08 AM Flag
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I know they start on 8/8 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:11 AM Flag
[ - ] Not a critical issue, but wondering people's thoughts about physicians who call patients by first names while introducing themselves as Dr. X, which happened to me yesterday. It bugs me...I'm going to have the Dr. title myself in a few years and I can't imagine saying "Hi Bob, I'm Dr. Smith"...it just seems kind of patronizing to me...If you're "Dr.", I'm "Mrs.", if I'm "Sue", you're "John", right? 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:57 AM Flag
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I can't believe you have an issue with this. I don't care if the Dr calls me by my first name. I don't like the too formal approach anyway. I like it when Dr's make me feel comfy and familiar [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:01 AM Flag
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OP - thanks for your perspective. Just FYI, the AMA guidance is that all physicians call patients by their last names. In the waiting rooms, staff have to call pts by first names bc of HIPAA regulations... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:06 AM Flag
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all the AMA does is give guidelines but doesn't mean that that works for every physician and Dr. Like I said I don't mind a Dr call me by my first name esp. if it's done in a friendly, respectful way. If they do call me Mrs. XYZ, I will tell them please call me Maria. BTW I worked for a Dr many yrs during college and never once would I ever call a Pt by their first name while working at the front desk. I would use full name but never just first name. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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Now waiting room are supposed to to comply with HIPAA... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:24 AM Flag
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That's not true, HIPAA isn't that detailed. That's just one way that offices have chosen to comply [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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MD here: Just my 2 cents. I do this, but mostly because I have a relatively informal practice, and call most of my pts by their first names. I say I'm Dr. X because if I said, "Hi Mary, I'm Jane", most patients would look at me funny. Many pts eventually call me by my first name during the course of the visit, and I have absolutely no problem with that. If a pt prefers to be called Ms. Smith, I will do so, and I often will do this with more elderly pts because I sense that they would prefer that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:06 AM Flag
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poster above you. You have my kind of practice. As a pt, I like the informal feel. I don't feel that it's disrespectful but just a comforting familiar tone. I also agree that if I were in practice, I would be more formal with the elderly until they asked for me to call them by their first name [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:08 AM Flag
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OR: I can usually get a sense of how formal the pt would likely want to be, even at first glance by demeanor, dress, age, body language, etc, and adjust my greeting accordingly. If I offend, I apologize. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:13 AM Flag
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np: wow, so that's like manners profiling? You decide how to address them based on clothing and age? Yikes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:26 AM Flag
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OR: No, it is part of being a doctor in trying to use all of my senses (in this case, visual) to determine how to best approach a pt and make them comfortable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:30 AM Flag
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OP - thanks, I totally understand when there is an established relationship there. I guess it's just my practice to call people by last name until they say otherwise "oh, call me Jane"...meeting a doctor for the first time and being called y first name while being told to call them by title just seems odd to me...and obviously the AMA agrees with me... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:10 AM Flag
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OR: I do this even with new pts, and after thousands of new pt visits, I have maybe come close to offending 2 patients, who turned out to be bad fit for my practice style anyway. Not saying that either of us are wrong, just a difference in style, and when you open your own office, you will figure out what your style will be. FWIW, the AMA agrees with you, but there are PLENTY of stuff that I disagree with the AMA about. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:16 AM Flag
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Absolutely (about the AMA)...I guess for me it's just a matter of etiquette and respect. If you call someone by title, you introduce with title. And I really don't want to get into it, but i do want to point out - how do you know that only two people would have preferred you call them by last name. I would have preferred it with my doc yesterday and didn't say anything. Plenty of people hold their tongue. And having a preference for a title does not imply "being offended"... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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np; you don't realize but body language says a lot. Maybe you didn't say anything but I'm pretty sure your body language said a lot or others who feel like you do. I'm 40 yr old and am very respectful of those around me but I'm not a fan of very formal situations. Just seems to uptight for me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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Oh, I do realize, I'm a psychologist. I guarantee you doctor didn't sense that I was uncomfortable...also, I wouldn't call a doctor's office a "very formal situation"...it's a doctor's office, and titles confer respect... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:28 AM Flag
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OR: Point taken, but if this is still bothering the next day after seeing the doc, maybe you should bring it up next visit or see another MD. Speaking as a pt now, there are many things about a doctor visit that I may not like (surly staff, long waiting time, brusque manner, incompetence, difficulty reaching by phone, not calling me back, incompetence), but if it is relatively minor, I do not hold it against the MD. I am not so arrogant as to think that I behave perfectly at every pt encounter, but if a pt points out something they don't like, I try to correct it. I am sure I have inadvertently offended perhaps many pts, but I will not know unless they tell me. I am emphathetic but not a mind-reader. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:29 AM Flag
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OP: great point. I guess, interestingly, I just don't want to create tension with someone who is caring for my health. I don't have a problem advocating for my health but this feels difference. But you're right, if I care, maybe I should just say "please, call me Mrs. Jones"... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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OR: If the doctor is worth her salt, she should not be offended. If she is, then that tells you something about her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:48 AM Flag
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OP I totally agree with you. I would LOVE if my Dr. introduced themselves with their first name. I don't need to be reminded (the paper sheets tsicking to me ass is plenty) of the Dr-patient relationship. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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NP: (and another MD here): about 95% of the time, I'll call patients by their last name, but there are definitely times when 1st name works better (eg, if the patient is very young, it can actually sound patronizing to use the last name, and patients who are altered often respond better to 1st names. FWIW, you'll find that once you become a Dr. there will be plenty of patients who don't call you Dr (I get my 1st name, honey, dear, etc. all the time!) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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Just to add another twist to the situation: are you a med student and did the Dr. know this? Because if so, its natural that he/she would call you by your first name, since attendings always call students by their first names, while students use the formal title for attendings. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 07:06 AM Flag
[ - ] Need advice here: what to wear to a saturday wedding in Flushing? ceremony at a church at 3 pm; reception at 6 pm. Some people will probably change in between but I won't be able to. . . 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:40 AM Flag
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what do you want to wear? I would just wear the same outfit. I don't have time to change when I've been in this situation [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:06 AM Flag
[ - ] I knew I LOVED Amanda Peet! I knew it. Never knew why! But I knew it. Rock on sister! 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:29 AM Flag
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ITA! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:31 AM Flag
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what did she do to make you realize you love her? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:55 AM Flag
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read below - vaccine vs autism interview [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:07 AM Flag
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I didn't know until now but g-d bless her [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:22 AM Flag
[ - ] Need HELP! I'm 23 weeks pregnant and have gained about 20lbs. I've tried what everyone's said--don't diet, eat healthy, moderatation, etc. I don't FEEL like I'm eating excessively. I'm pretty concientious, generally. I may be noshing/picking a bit more but I definetly NOT going on benders. Yet the weight is scaring me--yes I know i'm pregnant but if I was aiming for around 30lbs, give or take, I'm going to be way over. ADVICE? 39 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
Toddler 08.05.08, 05:23 AM Flag
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Give yourself over to it....your body will gain as much weight as it needs to. Were you underweight before? What was your pre-baby weight and how tall? Try not to fret..I know it's hard... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:25 AM Flag
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I was prety average--123 or so, 5"1. Maybe even a little chubby. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:25 AM Flag
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OK, like the other NP'ers below, I think you should just relax about the weight issue and stop focusing on the weight gain, turn your back when they weigh you if you think that would help...and try to figure out why weight gain "is scaring" you....GL... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:27 AM Flag
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I know why it's scaring me--because I'm one of those people who just don't lose weight. Slow metaoblism, sluggish thyroid, all that good stuff. honestly, if I knew it would come off with a little work I'd be totally cool with it--I just know my body. And it just doesn't come off. That's why I'm scared. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:30 AM Flag
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Well, 9 months on, 9 months off...you will deal with that after the baby. But you are growing a life inside of you. I think there are a lot more productive uses for all the mental energy you're spending thinking about this, that's all people are saying. Focus on the baby and the baby's health. And sounds like you are healthy too (in body at least)!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:33 AM Flag
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np very very reasonable POV! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:35 AM Flag
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I know you're right--and there's nothing else I can really do, except wait and deal. Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:36 AM Flag
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advice? Chill out! You are fine! The weight gain happens in spurts and you are about halfway there. You may not keep gaining at the same rate. Please don't hurt your kid so you can be skinny! Just eat healthy and exercise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:25 AM Flag
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I said I was eating healthy--what would make you think I'm going to hurt myself to be skinny? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:26 AM Flag
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because you even have a goal weight gain. Pregnancy is a normal part of life. Your body will do what it needs to do to create a healthy baby. The baby needs the extra weight. Maybe you are reasonable but I see these posts here all the time and it freaks me out! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:28 AM Flag
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Doesn't everyone have a goal weight gain--25-35lbs. Isn't that the standard heathly recommendation? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:31 AM Flag
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I didn't. I just ate what I wanted and worried about losing it later [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:32 AM Flag
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^^I figured if I was gaining too much my OB would help me with it. I didn't so it was fine [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:33 AM Flag
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Well you're very lucky. Most people lose with some effort--some of us (suckily me) don't really. It blows. But if I knew I could just take it off later with a few months of Weight Watchers I'd be fine with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:35 AM Flag
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well why can't you? It's not like the weight just falls off of me. I actually held onto it for a couple of years but then got really strict with myself for a few months. You get pregnant and your body changes. Even if you get back to your pre pg weight, you may never be quite the same. You have to deal with that. It's the price of having a baby. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:36 AM Flag
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I just can't--slow metabolism (it's been tested), sluggish thyroid, just life, you know? Let's put it this way--I've gained on weight watchers, jenny craig and south beach. Just the way I am. So weight GAIN to me is scary because weight LOSS is so elusive. I know it's hard to understand because of course, most people with a litttle effort see results. I really don't (unless I just about starve which I don't have in me). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:42 AM Flag
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well then, maybe you are meant to be a little heavier than the avg person. I can understand why this would be a concern, but try to remember that a lot of the weight will probably come off on its own. You will be left with some extra and your body will change shape. Have you tried meds for the thyroid? Mine was burnt out after 2 pgs and I'm now on a low does of synthroid. I have energy again and am able to maintain my weight. Talk to your doc about that after the baby is born. GL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:44 AM Flag
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np: what kind of exercise do you do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:44 AM Flag
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I didn't. The rec was 40lbs is normal. Don't drive yourself crazy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:57 AM Flag
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np: because your words and somewhat panicked state seem to indicate a possible unhealthy focus on pregnancy weight gain...GL to you... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:29 AM Flag
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or thank you. That's what I meant ;-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:31 AM Flag
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Stop worrying. I actually put on 25 pounds my first 20 wks of pg but weight gain slowed and I actually lost weight the last few weeks because I was so big I couldn't eat. Just eat healthy and get some excerise stop worring about the scale the weight comes off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:26 AM Flag
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man, I'm trying but my belly (especially) is already huge. Really. Bet. my height and the weight I look about 7months pregnant. Feel that way too, carrying it around, trying to breathe. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:28 AM Flag
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it's hard I swear my first ds lived right on my ribs for 7 months of pg I was in constant pain! Walking helped me feel better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:31 AM Flag
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What kind of walking? (Like on a treadmill or just getting out and about?) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:32 AM Flag
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I walk outside helped alot! Got out during lunch or after work [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:34 AM Flag
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do people really worry about this? IRL no one I know does. If OP had gained 50 pounds, I might think she has a point. This is silly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:27 AM Flag
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she's pg it's a time for worry ecspecially with your 1st [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:28 AM Flag
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sure - worry about the baby, worry about if you will be a good mother or not, worry about where to send the kid to school (she'd better start filling out those applications now!) but about gaining a few extra pounds? I find that odd [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:29 AM Flag
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What kind of advice are you looking for? Seriously. Do you want people to tell you not to eat, because that's what it seems like. If you are truly concerned that your weight gain is unhealthy, which is does NOT seem to be, talk to your doctor... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:30 AM Flag
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I think that weigh in at the dr office can really mess with your head ecspecially if you had body issues before pg. One nurse at my ob made a comment about my weight gain- likly it was my 2nd pg and I knew that the weight gain was normal for me. but I understand op's concern. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:38 AM Flag
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I totally understand and can empathize, but realize that it is n your head, not in everyone's. There's nothing inherently bad or unhealthy about gaining weight to support a growing a life. I have a friend who recently delivered who struggle with AN and she turned her back at the weigh ins and told doctor her history and that she didn't want to know her weight unless there was a problem (ie, not gaining enough or gaining too much)... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:43 AM Flag
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Actually, wondering if it's normal; if the weight levels off; if it could be a sign of something I should alert my doctor about. Really, I was under the impression that too much weight gain was bad. And that more than 35 WASN'T healthy, regardless of how many people these days seem to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:39 AM Flag
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np this is really something you should discuss with your doctor. My opinion is that we are all different and some of us need to gain more than the "recomended" amount. The important thing is ending up with a healthy baby. Please talk to your doc about this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:40 AM Flag
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around the 6 months mark my weight peck for both pgs put on like 8 lbs in one month then I leveled off and only put on 10 more lbs. I swear I didn't change eatting its just the way it went [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:41 AM Flag
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From your lips...thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:43 AM Flag
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to OP - tell us about your exercise, maybe we can help you with that given your slow metabolism issues... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:53 AM Flag
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STOP THE MADNESS..you are doing fine and don't freak out over this. If you gain 40 lbs so what? You will lose it. You will gain what your body wants. Don't get crazy over the numbers. I never do. I'm pg with #3 and gained 40lbs the 1st 2 times. I'm ok with doing it again. It comes off [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:56 AM Flag
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listen--at least 10lbs of the 20lbs are baby, placenta, and water. think of it that way! i so undersatnd your worries--but if you keep to your healthy diet the weight will not explode and you'll be able to get it off quickly afterwards. your dietary needs will change and cravings will tapper as well. be good to yourself and try and move as much as you can. i don't know if and/or what you do for work, but, if you are in an office all day i think that makes it feel that much worse. an evening walk will make all the difference. all that said--worse case scenario---you WILL lose the weight. breastfeeding helps, if you can do it. trailing after your wee'un really helps. i have a sluggish system and i put on a minimum on 40-50 pounds per pregnancy and i am now back to 130 (my pre prego weight). my eldest is 3 and my youngest is 1.5. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.06.08, 02:25 AM Flag
[ - ] anyone catch the Amanda Peete interview on GMA just now? Take that Jenny McCarthy! 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:14 AM Flag
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what did she say [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:28 AM Flag
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she said that people who don't vaccinate their children are parasites. She did apologize for that, but said she stood by her assertion that vaccines are a good thing. She sounded really well read and intelligent and not hysterical like some people. Glad our side has a spokesperson too now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:30 AM Flag
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she said that people who don't vaccinate their kids are parasites, and that vaccines are important and people should stop listening to self appointed celebrities and start listening to experts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:31 AM Flag
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why do any of us listen to these people. I can't believe Jenny McCarthy and Amanda Peete have become spokespeople. What is wrong with this world? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:32 AM Flag
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LOL! That's kind of what AP said. She had obviously done some research but said don't listen to us, go read [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:33 AM Flag
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actually if you saw the interview she specifically said that she feels unqualified to speak about this and thinks that people should listen to experts and hte only reason she has come out and spoken is becuase she knows people will listen to her and all she wants to tell them is to listen to what all the experts say...Vaccinate! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:34 AM Flag
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and then she went on and sounded really intelligent about the subject. She has obviously done her homework and isn't basing her opinion on coincidence and hearsay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:41 AM Flag
[ - ] anyone successfully use acupuncture to induce labor? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:08 AM Flag
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my sister tried it. It may have helped but it was still a few days I think [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:15 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone go past due date w/ no 2? Did your dr try to pressure you to induce? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:08 AM Flag
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everyone pressure me to be induced with number 2 mother, dh, doc, thank god I went into labor the day they were to induce. ds came 4 days late but the labor was only 45 minutes of terrifing pain. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:09 AM Flag
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8 days past due and I asked for the induction [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:04 AM Flag
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^^^he was ok with it once I went beyond the week. I went into labor anyway the day I went in for induction [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:05 AM Flag
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yes, and i ended up being induced at 1 week late. the induction went really smoothly and quickly but i am still a little sad i did not go into labor on my own, but at least i did have that experience with #1. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:38 AM Flag
[ - ] what happens if i don't show up for jury duty tomorrow. already postponed once so can't again. ds is sick and may be home from camp again tomorrow. may be able to get babysitting in the morning, but definitely not the afternoon. can i go and tell them. any one know the protocol if you have childcare issues. tia 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 08.05.08, 03:59 AM Flag
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when you go be sure to bring a copy of ds birth cert [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 04:03 AM Flag
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if you don't show up they can arrest you. Probably won't but it's possible. I once mixed up the days when I was supposed to report and the woman told me I was lucky that they had enough people so they probably wouldn't do anything to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:06 AM Flag
[ - ] Can anyone recommend someone for individual and couples counseling in Brooklyn Heights? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 02:13 AM Flag
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My MIL fancies herself an expert (then again so does my mother) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 02:27 AM Flag
[ - ] i hear you sister. i have a similar situation with my DH and a new DC. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 01:16 AM Flag
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how are you coping? i can't sleep. appetite is messed up. future seems so bleak. i don't want to be a divorced single mom but i don't know where else to go from here. i just keep thinking why can't he cut me some slack - it's really hard to be pregnant and then to have a new baby. and i was a pretty good pregnant woman - not a lot of complaining, not short tempered - a lot better than most of my friends. and what kind of man is he that he could do this to his wife and new baby? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 01:27 AM Flag
[ - ] I just found out a couple of weeks ago that my husband has been carrying on a relationship over email, phone, and text with an ex-girlfriend. She lives overseas and he has seen her twice since May when she was here visiting. I knew he met her when she was here in May but I didn't know anything happened after that, and I assumed it was innocent then. He swears nothing physical has happened. 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 12:55 AM Flag
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Oops - I hit enter before I finished. If we weren't in our current situation I would consider leaving. But we have a 6 month old daughter. We chose to conceive after 4 years of marriage. I thought we were in this together. He's actually a very good dad, which makes this even harder. He now tells me he's been unhappy with me and unhappy in our marriage for a year or so. Seems to me that has to be issues related to not being able to handle my pregnancy and fatherhood and adjusting to not being the only person I have to care for. But he claims that is not it - he's not the problem - I am. He's willing to work on our marriage, but he can't tell me exactly what's wrong - just that he is unhappy. I don't know what to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 12:59 AM Flag
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Don't panic. Based on your description it's seems likely that he's telling the truth and nothing happened. It's not uncommon for anyone, including men, to have some adjustment problems when they've become a Dad. Your attention is divided, necessarily but not equally, it's a reminder that he's getting old, and it's stressful on everyone. Don't try and overtalk it with him - if he can't tell you specifically what's wrong that means he probably doesn't know himself. Find some time together without fighting or criticism - maybe try and go to counseling. Becoming a parent brings with it lots of changes - and sometimes it's hard. And sometimes it takes a bit of adjustment to realize that playing second fiddle for your wife's affection and attention is natural. Don't tell him that you'd consider leaving if it wasn't for the child....IF he didn't do anything wrong the first time you could cause him to take the position of "Hell, if I've got to do the time, I might as well do the crime." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 01:28 AM Flag
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Maybe I should be more specific - his emails and texts say things like "I think I'm falling in love with you." "Miss you. See you in my dreams." It's not that he's talking to an ex - I'm not even the jealous type - it's what he's saying. And I only found out about it because he was obviously sneaking around with something on his phone and had locked it - so I figured out how to unlock it and read his texts and emails. And I also found out he was planning to go see her in a couple weeks while he's on a business trip. So even if nothing happened, it was about to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 01:32 AM Flag
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Well then, I guess that changes things a bit. People actually write that sort of mush in emails????? That makes things much tougher. Sounds like y'all either go to counseling or court....but it'll be better to figure out which ASAP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 01:35 AM Flag
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He says now that he didn't really mean all that - it was a fantasy life and he realizes it went "too far" and he "crossed the line." He says it was someone to open up to about how he was feeling when he felt he couldn't talk to me (of course i wish he would have!). He says that he felt like someone else cared and that led him to romantic feelings which he now realizes were not really based in reality. I agree - counseling or court - but I don't know which one - and so far he hasn't agreed to counseling. I tried for a week just putting my all into our marriage to fix it - but then I found out there were more lies. And now I'm having trouble doing that. But the thing that's so ridiculous is after that week he was feeling like things were going well and if this keeps up he would not longer be "unhappy." One week of talking about our issues and trying to work on them! Couldn't we have done that a year ago instead of having him suddenly shatter my life by telling me he's been unhappy for a year! I guess part of my problem is that now I'm just so incredibly angry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 01:41 AM Flag
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Even if he's not willing to go to counseling, you should give it a shot, for your own sake and that or your daughter's...GL... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 04:16 AM Flag
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Go to therapy. He is willing & it really doesn't sound like it is all over. It is much better to try to work it out. GL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 04:09 AM Flag
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OP I am sending a hug. So many men seem to fall apart when they become fathers. The transition to grown up is excrutiating for them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:34 AM Flag
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It is, I think, a very different experience for us dhs. You women get nine months of these constant reminders of what is coming and what is happening. Hell, we get overjoyed at feeling a kick which might as well be a gas bubble in reality. We see pictures (ultrasound) which looks half human half Eraserhead. And then wham! When it actually happens, it seems like it is instantaneous... you are a dad. And if you take that seriously, that is HUGE. I never wanted anything as much as I wanted to be a dad. And I never regretted becoming one. But those first few days, after ds was born... I was toast. I'm not excusing OP's husband, just offering a little twist on OR's reply. -a dh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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i appreciate a new dad's point of view. i just don't know how to reconcile that i thought i married a good man - but how can he be a good man when he was carrying on like this while his wife was home with his new baby (we made the decision together, by the way, for me to become a stay at home mom). if he was having problems adjusting he should have been talking to me or a buddy or a counselor about it - not running from it and into the "arms" of another woman. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 07:48 AM Flag
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Again, I'm not going to defend what he did and I'll not pretend to speak for him. But if you believe this was just some inappropriate confidences he shared and maybe a bad decision on his part in how he had an intimate kind of communication history with her, I would say talk to him. (I have not read all the follow up above. I will though.) I would add though that harmless electronic relationships can become inappropriate without you realizing it right away. Especially (I would imagine) if you are looking for some kind of regression/escape cause life just changed in a huge and scary way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 08:10 AM Flag
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NP: This is an emotional affair- no sex, but emotional relationship kept secret from the spouse, it is still a betrayal, infidelity. Read book, "Not just friends". This can be as painful as finding out about a sexual affair. What you need to do if you want to save the marriage is to set ground rules. 1) absolutely no contact with ex GF by any means- in person, phone, e-mail or text 2) DH gives you all passwords to his e-mail and phone so you can check any time you want. 3) You get to ask any questions about this and dh must answer 4) DH sends e-mail or calls ex GF in front of you, ending the relationship because "he loves you and wants to stay married to you". 5) Marriage counseling for both of you. I am speaking from personal experience; it is very painful and you will probably not trust him for a while. Keep checking e-mails and phone as long as you need too. Good luck, it does go away and get better. Work on re-establishing emotional and physical bond betw the 2 of you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 07:52 AM Flag
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I'm the dh above. I disagree. Either you trust your spouse or you don't. I can't imagine ever wanting to have the kind of relationship with my wife you describe. I agree with 1 and 5. I'd give ya' three but think it is a stupid request. 4 and 5 I'd leave if I thought I needed that kind of oversight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 08:24 AM Flag
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You should try to answer to yourself the following questions: How would you feel if you discovered this going on with dw and her ex, and 2) where did you intend for this to head? You have betrayed your spouse and you need to make her feel safe in your relationship so you can help her to trust you again. There will not be a healthy marriage without trust. The way to do this is to allow her to ask all questions she has and for you to answer them honestly and truthfully. You need to reassure her you have ended the relationship with your ex GF and stopped all contact by becoming transparent. If you are unwilling to do this, I would wonder if you have plans to continue the relationship even though you have told dw otherwise. Compete transparency will help to rebuild trust. I had a similar thing happen with dh and he complied. I did help us to heal and move forward. If he din't, I would probably have left him because I would not want to spend my life with a partner I don't trust and feel unsafe with. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 08:33 AM Flag
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You misunderstood my post. I WAS putting myself in the position of the OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 08:44 AM Flag
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so you're not the cheating dh then?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 08:45 AM Flag
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No. I'm the dh who wrote "It is, I think..." I have never cheated. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 09:32 AM Flag
[ - ] I just found out a couple of weeks ago that my husband has been carrying on a relationship over email, phone, and text with an ex-girlfriend. She lives overseas and he has seen her twice since May when she was here visiting. I knew he met her when she was here in May but I didn't know anything happened after that, and I assumed it was innocent then. He swears nothing physical has happened. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 12:55 AM Flag
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If nothing happened, why didn't he tell you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:44 AM Flag
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ita. nothing may have happened. . . but he's thinking about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:46 AM Flag
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Be glad he told you now I guess...that's a good sign right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:48 AM Flag
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well, he didn't tell me. i picked up his cell phone (totally innocent - we have the same phone and i picked up his by mistake) and found that it was locked. it had never been locked before and it's a personal phone so there was really no reason for it. i figured out the code and looked at his texts and call log. when i found texts to a number (no name) that were romantic i checked his email and found more of the same. so i'm not sure if he ever would have told me or what would have ended up happening. and i found an email confirming a train ticket to make a side trip to visit her when he's on a business trip overseas later this month. so i feel like if i hadn't discovered this now we'd be in an even worse place a month from now. as a pp said - if nothing happend before he's certainly been thinking about it. and frankly, i don't care if he thinks about other women - but it seems like it was starting to go beyond that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 07:45 AM Flag
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I just posted on your last post, but this is an emotional affair. Read, "Not just friends". Ground rules to save your marriage 1) confront dh about what u know 2) her or me and if you then absolutely no contact w/ ex GF by phone e-mail text in person. 3) dh is transparent in that he agrees to answer all questions about the emotional affair and gives you all passwords to his phone/text e-mail accts. 3) DH calls ex GF and tells her he wants to end relationship because "he loves you and wants to stay married to you" and you listen in. 4) Marriage counseling to restore intimacy. This is as painful as finding out about a sexual affair as it is still infidelity and still a betrayal to your marriage. YOu have lost the innocence in your marriage and you no longer trust him. This is making you feel unsafe. He needs to make you feel safe again and the above will help. Good luck, it gets better, but I don't think I will ever completely trust my dh 100% again. I will probably always verify if something suspicious comes up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 08:02 AM Flag
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Also you should feel free to check his e-mail phone and texts for as long as u need to as this is part of the healing process. DH must agree to this to make you feel that you are safe in this relationship. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 08:05 AM Flag
[ - ] 1:30 PM & I just went to check on my 3 kids ( 4.5 & two 3.5 y.o.s) & the water in their bathroom sink was one & floor flooded. For having been on for 5 hrs the floor wasn't that wet, but I am totally worried we flooded the neighbors. I feel like they need a special punishment. Not quite sure who did it, but I can guess. Should I punish all 3? Should I take a way a privilege? What? Please don't say TV as it is a Godsend around here. 35 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 08.04.08, 10:55 PM Flag
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you're kidding, right? jesus, just watch your kids, don't punish them for being human and 3 yo! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 03:11 AM Flag
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OP: I can't watch them the entire time they are supposed to be sleeping. And playing with the faucets is an issue in our house. We have already spoken repeatedly about how you can flood the apt. below. Why should I have to defend myself? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 04:17 AM Flag
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cause you flooded your neighbors maybe? don't need to watch while sleeping but do something to prevent them from getting to sink [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 04:17 AM Flag
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no logic here. OP needs to defend herself to OP b/c "she" flooded neighbors [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 04:55 AM Flag
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ITA. You are the parent, put in safeguards to prevent them from using faucet without you if they can't be trusted, which is sounds like they can't... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 04:59 AM Flag
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ITTTA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 07:18 AM Flag
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I have to agree with OR. I don't think I would "punish" children for this...I would tell them it's wrong but I also agree with supervision this shouldn't have happened, at least not for 5 hours... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 04:19 AM Flag
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OP: ^^^1:30 AM [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 04:37 AM Flag
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so did they put it on before bed and before you tucked them in or are you saying they got up and were messing around... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 04:44 AM Flag
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got up & turned on after were asleep [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 04:56 AM Flag
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Hmm...I think you've got to figure out why they are doing this? Are they using sink and forgetting to turn off or just being mischievous? If it's the latter, restrict access to sink until you can deal with underlying issue of disobedience... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:03 AM Flag
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our rule is, If I don't see it, I don't punish. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 04:38 AM Flag
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holy crap!!!! so if your kid bit another kid but you didn't see it, you would ignore it? that's absurd! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:49 AM Flag
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how do you know the other kid didn't punch him first if you didn't see it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 11:30 AM Flag
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shame on you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:14 AM Flag
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OP: You have all shamed me so. I hate myself. I am a horrible mother. At this point I don't know what else I can do, but end it all. Bye bye UB! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:36 AM Flag
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Someone can't take constructive feedback...you are the only with the problem lady, you came to us, you just don't like what you're hearing so you close the door on us (in a faux dramatic, histrionic way). Something tells me your kids are seeing that behavior and doing the same thing to you...they don't like what you have to say so they ignore you...way to continue the dysfunctional cycle... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:41 AM Flag
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Hello, constructive feedback? Geesh. Look at the accusatory tone you took with OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:17 AM Flag
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OR: This is making it about yourself. I'm just saying the *kids* have needs (for supervision, maybe for a way to play with water that works for everyone, a more flexible bedtime, I don't know). To me, the question "how should I punish" is not a useful one. I hope you find what you need elsewhere. Peace. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 07:29 AM Flag
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The sanctimommies are circling... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:48 AM Flag
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OMG. I can't believe no one disciplines their kids! This is crazy to me. Of course they should have an age appropriate discipline. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:48 AM Flag
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np: what should she do then? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:58 AM Flag
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I agree. In my house, this would get them no TV for 2 days. Even if they're 3, they still need to learn that turning on the faucet is not allowed. Geez, people, teach your kids to behave! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 07:55 AM Flag
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Are you sure the water was on for 5 hours? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 05:50 AM Flag
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yeah!?! 5 hours that you did not check on them and all three were awake and out of bed? None of them came to tell you they were up? Why are they avoiding you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 07:06 AM Flag
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I am sure you will hear about it if you flooded the neighbors. I am not sure that little ones understand the consequences of turning on the faucet--I think you just tell them firmly that it is very important to turn the water off after they wash their hands. If they do it again, you can discipline them for disobeying your orders. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:12 AM Flag
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THere are special covers for some types of faucets that keep them from being turned on without squeezing pressure (kid hands are too small to do it). This might help out. BTW- my parents have super 8 film of me at about 2 years taking a bath in their overflowing sink while it flooded their bathroom. My mom said her first instict was to "beat the tar" out of me, her second was to get the camera. She just got the camera. We all still have a good laugh about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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np: or turn off the water below the sink. I say the issue is the kid(s) out of bed without permission. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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agree but with kids this young I'd put some sort of lock/gate on the door. It's pretty young to understand any punishment that the least bit after the fact. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 07:13 AM Flag
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I disagree. Before they go to bed you remind them they are not allowed out of bed without informing mommy or daddy. You tell them what the punishment will be at that time and you make them repeat it. If they disobey you inform them that they have disobeyed and will be punished. Then in the AM, the punishment is enforced and discussed again. At bed time the next night, reinforce what happened the night before. (I will agree the time disconnect between action and punishment is less than ideal, but that would not dissuade me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 08:16 AM Flag
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OP: Great idea! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 08:16 AM Flag
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Wow. Why don't you have a nanny can in the bathroom & monitor next to you bed? So irresponsible & 19th c. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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Folks, this is fake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 07:31 AM Flag
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Ooooh, you are right! thanks for pointing this out! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 08:17 AM Flag
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i guess i'll be the dissenting opinion on this. i wouldn't punish. i'd be very firm and let them know this is a serious matter. I think if you present it correctly they'll get the message. i don't think they meant any harm and weren't doing it maliciously. and i don't think you are a bad mom. i have three dc close in age and stuff like this happens. (in fact, the best thing to get it across to them might be to make them apologize to the neighbors downstairs) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.05.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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