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[ - ] Facebook friend shared something about Indians being 30% of doctors and similar stats for scientists, NASA employees, Microsoft, and so forth. These stats are obviously completely made up. I want to say something but I'm restraining myself. Indian people always have this need to over inflate themselves which I find completely obnoxious. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:19 PM Flag
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I don't get why people care. Just say ok and move on. Let the person be delusional. People have such a need to prove that they are right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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Some just do the slurpees and sell lottery tickets [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:23 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:27 PM Flag
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She's a SAHM which makes it more annoying some how. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:28 PM Flag
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Ask if 30% are also SAHMS? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:32 PM Flag
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Mean, but lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:39 PM Flag
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Is your friend from India? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:28 PM Flag
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What was the source? I don't know about 30% but I will say that many, many Indians do seem to enter the medical field. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:29 PM Flag
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She shared it from another page. Only about 6% of doctors are Asian which includes Indians. Race statistics don't drill down further to Chinese, Korean, Indian, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:32 PM Flag
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Jeez. Are you going to fact-check every thing people post on FB? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:37 PM Flag
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I don't even need to fact check her it is just so ridiculous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:39 PM Flag
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But this the truth. Look at Surgeon General of USA, NASA Astronauts and Microsoft CEO. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:55 PM Flag
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Both of you sound like Bimbos [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:06 PM Flag
[ - ] My mom often visits me for long periods. In her emails to my sister, she always tells her how much she does for us and how much work it all is. For example, we moved and she came a few days later. We had 100 boxes and she didn't help us unpack them (wasn't expected either) and she tells my sister that the house is totally chaotic and it's very stressful. A week later, 90% of the boxes were unpacked. I don't understand why she has to complain about me. She said it's just an excuse she uses when she doesn't respond to my sister's emails. Sounds mean to throw me under the bus though. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:18 PM Flag
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It is mean. I wouldn't invite her during stressful or busy periods. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:20 PM Flag
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My life is always stressful - WOHM of 2 young DCs. She wants to see the kids but then isn't happy when they want to play with her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:22 PM Flag
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ok, but there's normal stress and there's having to unpack 100 boxes stress. have it be during the comparatively less stressful times. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:23 PM Flag
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But she didn't unpack anything. DH and I did everything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:28 PM Flag
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doesn't matter. unpacking and setting up house is stressful no matter who is responsible for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:30 PM Flag
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She likes to appear as if she is wanted and needed more than she is [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:24 PM Flag
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This sounds exactly right. When I go back home, sometimes I am there for weeks and in front of my sister she acts like during those times, she singlehandedly watches my children. As if I spent my days in a spa or something. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:28 PM Flag
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My mother does a similar thing--she complains how much work it is having me and the kids stay. She complains how much cooking she does (I counted--14 day stay she cooked 1, I cooked 12 times and we went out once). I think being long suffering is her self appointed role, and everything is seen through that lens even if it's just not true. I ignore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:25 PM Flag
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My mom is local, but she does this too. She'll watch my kids for a few hours maybe four times a year. It is great, and I appreciate it, but she tells everyone who listens that she just doesn't know what I would do if she didn't help me out, that I'm just barely hanging on by a thread and that she is the one who makes my life work. These aren't last minute emergencies where she rescues me--she'll say drop the kids off and go to the movies. So if she wasn't helping me, I'd just not go to the movies a couple times a year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:28 PM Flag
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Lol!!! I'm sorry but I just had to laugh at this. She sounds like my mom (although my mom does do more than this). I agree with above poster - our moms want to be needed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:31 PM Flag
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My mom wants to seem needed without actually doing anything! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:34 PM Flag
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that's my mom too - I just ignore [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:35 PM Flag
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She needs to pitch in more with the kids if she is going to stay with you. Nerve complaining when she doesn't do anything [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:27 PM Flag
[ - ] s/o of pg eating habits: someone just posted that when you're late in the second trimester and not eating much, getting full quickly, etc., you're more likely to be having a girl. Never heard that! Does that ring true for the rest of you? Not so hungry for a girl and ravenous for a boy? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:17 PM Flag
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Kind of. I had a girl and felt like I couldn't eat. No room! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:19 PM Flag
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All of these are old wives tales [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:23 PM Flag
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Nope. Had a girl and ate like a piggy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:23 PM Flag
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It was the other way around for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:24 PM Flag
[ - ] My 3yo DS has recently become a picky eater. He used to eat everything we put in front of him until about 8 months ago. I admit, I was one of those smug moms. Ugh. My question is, is this a phase? Will he grow out of it? Or do I have to start "sneaking" vegetables into other dishes, etc.? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:15 PM Flag
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I read that this is a survival thing, leftover evolutionary mechanism. Kids eat whatever a trusted caregiver gives them until they are old enough to gather their own food then they become wary of everything. This was so kids wouldn't accidently eat poisoned berries or rotten things back in hunter/gatherer days. He will grow out of it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:18 PM Flag
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op: that's very interesting. thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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I never grew out of it - I'm 31! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:25 PM Flag
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That was my DS and if it's a phase, it's a long one. He's 5 and still picky. He told me he will eat grown up food when he is older. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:19 PM Flag
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op: oh no, that's what I'm afraid of. How do you get veggies into him, if you do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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Mine too. She's 9 and still picky. My older son is a really healthy eater. I used to be super smug too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:35 PM Flag
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If you don't indulge in it, it won't be a phase. No need to sneak veggies in. Place more veggies on the plate day after day, and when he's hungry, he'll eat it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:33 PM Flag
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My 8 year old was a very good eater. His palate has definitely shrunk recently and he has more opinions. You just have to give options. Do you want the cucumber salad or the broccoli. You have to eat at least one [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:35 PM Flag
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Same thing happening to me. No clue what to do except just roll with it. I hope its a phase. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:16 PM Flag
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thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:20 PM Flag
[ - ] End of summer Equinox sale: $150 initiation and $163 a month. This does NOT sound like a sale to me. Is this the going price? Where is the TOO EXPENSIVE CAN'T AFFORD poster when I need her? 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:11 PM Flag
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Ok, then you open a gym and lease the space, and get the equipment and staff and provide a cheaper alternative for us in NYC. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:14 PM Flag
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All other gyms in NYC are less expensive: New York Sports Club, New York Health and Racquet, YMCA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:19 PM Flag
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I'm thinking of doing this actually, bc NYSC is a good value but just brings me down [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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What are you thinking of doing Equinox or NYSC? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:28 PM Flag
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Thinking of equinox. Already at NYSC. It's totally fine if you aren't aesthetically oriented, but I'm one of those people who wants a zen environment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:29 PM Flag
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Sometimes there's a promo, where you don't have to pay an initiation fee at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:19 PM Flag
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watching this- what location is this? NYC is $50 initiation single club and $100 all-access, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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op here: It is for NYC Grand Central location. I need to go before or during lunch. There is one by my apartment but I will never go at night. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:28 PM Flag
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np: I've been going during lunch and really enjoy it. Better than having lunch with co-workers bitching about work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:33 PM Flag
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Does anyone have any tips/thoughts for someone about to sign up for Equinox ? I thought initiation was cheaper through august but maybe it varies by club. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:30 PM Flag
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Get a discount gym--Boom or something. They are $20 a month. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:27 PM Flag
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Thanks will look into it. Never heard of it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:36 PM Flag
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I am considering class pass over a gym membership. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:40 PM Flag
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Yeah, what ever happened to her? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:41 PM Flag
[ - ] Lawyer moms if someone accused me of cheating, but then later said they were joking, can I sue for defamation? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:11 PM Flag
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Wtf [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:12 PM Flag
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What was your injury? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:15 PM Flag
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How did they disseminate the information and what are your damages? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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Did it affect your livelihood. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:29 PM Flag
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Did it affect your livelihood? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:29 PM Flag
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Did it affect your livelihood. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:29 PM Flag
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They need to tell OTHERS that you cheated. And truth is a defense. So if you did cheat, nothing can be done. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:34 PM Flag
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If that someone is NY Times, yes. If it's your friend, no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:34 PM Flag
[ - ] flight leaves Newark tomorrow at 7:30 am. When should I have the car service pick me up from UWS? 4:30? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:07 PM Flag
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5:20am [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:09 PM Flag
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No way- 5am earliest- there won't be any traffic- you will be there in 40 min. assuming this isnt intl since few foreign flights leave at 730a [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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DH missed his flight from Newark this morning. His flight was also 7.30 am. He barely made it to the Laguardia to catch another flight at 9.30 am. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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^^ I would say start at 5 am. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:11 PM Flag
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Is it an international or domestic flight? If the former car should come at 4:30am. If the latter p/u should be 5:30am. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:15 PM Flag
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How do you women get through the day? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:22 PM Flag
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OK - thanks I made pickup for 4:30 just to be extra safe. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:23 PM Flag
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they often don't open the security line until 6am, fyi. you will be standing around with nothing to do for an hour. signed, ff mom [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:46 PM Flag
[ - ] Ladies, help me find some luxurious cashmere gloves for winter. No fur, please. Thank you! 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:58 PM Flag
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Bloomie's. Beautiful soft cashmere on the inside and leather on the outside. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:59 PM Flag
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THIS. Any department store in NYC will have them. Why are you buying gloves already? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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Barney's doesn't have any. I want to make sure I get them early this year because I really missed the boat last year and ended up with itchy unstylish gloves that fell apart. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:01 PM Flag
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Why not? People wait until it snows in NYC and then are shocked to find the selection of coats, boots and gloves have dwindled. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:11 PM Flag
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I guess I can't imagine that anyone in NYC doesn't have gloves, hats, boots, scarf. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:15 PM Flag
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I mean just cashmere - no leather. These are surprisingly hard to find! There are beautiful ones at Loro Piana, but they only come in cream and camel and I'm looking for a dark or wild color. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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J.Crew has them but the quality is only okay [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:13 PM Flag
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Try Harrod's. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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Bluefly and they are on sale. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:22 PM Flag
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Cucinelli, Brora [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:47 PM Flag
[ - ] Longshot but any PS 166 (on 89th) parents on this board? The website says there is free afterschool available. Is that a well-regarded program? I assume the private program (Re Create) has more enrichment but if the free one is good too any reason not to do that? 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:57 PM Flag
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the 2 programs are totally segregated [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:15 PM Flag
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Ugh, that's depressing. Isn't it supposed to be a top school in District 3? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:32 PM Flag
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No, sorry. PS 199/87/9/452 are all better. 166 is mediocre. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:44 PM Flag
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What abut PS 84? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:54 PM Flag
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Also not great. 166 has a g&t that parents like. 84 has a DL program that's pretty good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:59 PM Flag
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its an after-school program... the better one costs money [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:32 PM Flag
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Not PS166 but in another D3 school with a heavily subsidized after school. It's safe and cheap, but not great. Essentially supervised playtime. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:05 PM Flag
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np: At one of the schools above. Opposite program. Afterschool is great, but expensive. I will have two kids in the school next year and need to hire a sitter due to cost, when I would prefer the afterschool program. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:12 PM Flag
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^^opposite problem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:13 PM Flag
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That's logical tho - you get what you pay for. Free after school is going to be basic. I honestly don't understand why it's free. There should be a nominal fee for those who use it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:15 PM Flag
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OR above: seems like there should be a happy medium, no? Like $25 for 1st kid and $15 for 2nd, vs ours is $35 for each kid (so $70 per day or $350/week), which far exceeds the cost of an afterschool sitter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:42 PM Flag
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If it's 3 hrs a day, then $35/kid is cheaper than a sitter. They should be offering sibling discounts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:49 PM Flag
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Unfortunately it's a daily rate not hourly. And I only need care until 5pm. So I'd essentially be paying $35/hr for both my kids per day vs $18/hr for a sitter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:11 PM Flag
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np: yes - these programs are intended to provide affordable after school childcare for those who need it. the idea of afterschool activities that are enriching, etc. is an UMC luxury :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:18 PM Flag
[ - ] We were going to start TTC but I just landed a really great job that I've been working towards for years now. I'm nearly 36. How long should I wait after starting the job? 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:56 PM Flag
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6 months tops. It may take you several years to conceive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:01 PM Flag
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Congrats! I would give it 4 months. Don't want to wait too long. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:01 PM Flag
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Thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:14 PM Flag
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Don't wait. The chances that you get pg on the first try are slim. Just keep living your life. GL! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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If you want to stall a few months, that's fine. But what you may want to do now is buy that clear blue easy monitor on amazon and just start tracking your cycle and making sure you're consistently ovulating and such. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:07 PM Flag
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good idea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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you don't need that expensive monitor. it doesn't do anything more than the strips. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:27 PM Flag
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Definitely use that monitor!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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Wait at least 4 months so you are entitled to FMLA protection. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:09 PM Flag
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Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:13 PM Flag
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I would freeze some embryos TBH [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:20 PM Flag
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Good time to get a checkup w/your OB to let him/her know you're going to start TTC (if there's any genetic testing they want to do, if you're on any meds you need to go off, etc) and start taking prenatal vitamins now w/folic acid [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:37 PM Flag
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Start now, 36 already. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:11 PM Flag
[ - ] Do celebs such as Kate Hudson eat very little? What do you think she eats for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Snacks? I realize these celebrities have chefs and nutritionists, and others doting on them. I know she's not eating an everything bagel with cream cheese every morning. 59 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:54 PM Flag
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or even every other morning [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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or, actually, ever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:56 PM Flag
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They all smoke. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:57 PM Flag
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Actually, tons of celebs smoke. Have a friend who was an actress. She said they all smoked and drank coffee all the time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:46 PM Flag
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In college, I lived with a model. It is a reality check to see how very slim people eat. A cup of coffee and 2 nuts for breakfast, a salad with lemon juice for lunch and a tiny piece of fish and steamed vegetables for dinner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:58 PM Flag
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That's a depressing way to live life IMO. Pass the pasta. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:01 PM Flag
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2 nuts?? lol. why bother? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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+ 1. Every day not just when they are 'on a diet' [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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Agree. I don't think most people realize that most models are compromised physically. Meaning they have poor muscle tone because of lack of nutrients. They have starved themselves so badly that they have also lost a major amount of muscle mass. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:52 PM Flag
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This. People that are thin will tell you that it's "natural" and they "don't diet." Not eating is basically a way of life for them, so they don't consider it a "diet." To me, it would be akin to starvation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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np: but this is bc we've normalized eating way more food than is necessary. when we talk about dieting, most people are refering to calorie restriction - something "less" than what htey deem is normal. but maybe we all need to re-define normal. the human body wasn't "designed" for a world of unlimited-supply calorie-dense food. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:15 PM Flag
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exactly- americans overeat and think its normal [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:24 PM Flag
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That's true but there is a middle ground. I have worked in the industry and most models have poor muscle tone. It's not like the 80s and 90s where they were fit. Now they have starved their muscle away. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:53 PM Flag
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i think there's a difference between typical runway/high fashion models and "supermodels" and swimsuit models - industry looks for different bodies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:06 PM Flag
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So you're saying what the OR described is an appropriate amount of food for an adult woman? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:35 PM Flag
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i have no idea how much activity she gets, how tall she is, etc. but if she's not losing weight and a doctor doesn't consider her underweight, then yes - i'd be more concerned about malnutrition than quantity. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:44 PM Flag
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Seek therapy, please [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:47 PM Flag
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why? bc i think that most people think "normal" eating is too much? starvation is about your body not getting appropriate nutrition - not about not eating whatever quantity of food you want. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:50 PM Flag
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Np - In many cultures it would be perfectly normal. Americans significantly over eat and use any excuse to justify it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:25 PM Flag
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There is a difference between 800 cals a day (standard model diet nowadays) and 3000 (standard overweight person diet). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:54 PM Flag
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right - but when most people say "i don't diet" they mean "i don't eat less than my normal". and models and eating disorders aside, if you eat a nutritionally balanced diet wi reason for your height/activity level and exercise moderately, your "normal" is a lot less than most people think. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:00 PM Flag
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no. I was resoonding to the post above, which is that some people consider it 'dieting' to eat what the rest of the world considers normal. Obviously the roommate is way abnormal [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:32 PM Flag
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I think I recall something about Bethenny having an egg white for breakfast. It may have been half an egg white. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:09 PM Flag
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OP I do not admire Bethenny's physiqiue :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:05 PM Flag
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She also has a boob job. Makes her seem curvier than she is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:54 PM Flag
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That's not normal. I used to be thin for modeling (meaning...thinner than even a thin person would be naturally). I ate tons of meat, vegetables and fruit. Very little grains. That was enough. Probably ~1500 cals a day at least. But yes the grains didnt work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:23 PM Flag
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but yes...that said, I did see skinny models who ate like that. Apples and cigarettes all day or something else weird. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:25 PM Flag
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a lot of models have disordered eating - it's not necessary to eat that way to be thin. but it's not starvation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:51 PM Flag
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There is a difference between 'thin' people, and getting those last 10 lbs off to be model thin. A lot of models have to go extreme to be bony, but normal thin girls just avoid overeating, overindulging in carbs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:31 PM Flag
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np: if you ever look at models carefully - esp those that are fashion/runway as opposed to say print/catalog - is that many of them have bodies that are not that great - that if they were not rail thin, they would actually not be the bodies most people think of when they envision a great body. this is why say a Cindy Crawford could be a size 6 and not be rail thin - bc she actually had a great body. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:54 PM Flag
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Fine, but you were 5'10" let's say and you certainly didn't have proper muscle mass. A diet like that starves your muscles. Any fit person would tell you that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:55 PM Flag
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ITA I had a trainer who was a young, adorable woman who was at the gym all the time and she told me her "treat" was a black coffee and piece of cherry Trident. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:38 PM Flag
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Ugh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:55 PM Flag
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OP I think she's in great shape and not "scary skinny" but I'm wondering if she goes to extreme measures to stay that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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She inherited her mother's genes plus she works hard. It isn't completely natural. Look at how much weight she put on with her pregnancies. It's rarely just one thing that's going on, but a combination of whatever it takes. And with some people it does take more effort than others. She's probably lucky, but she doesn't take it for granted, either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:08 PM Flag
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They work out for several hours daily and eat just enough calories to sustain them at their perfect weights. They do drink a lot of their meals. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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But look at her body type. That's what screws people up. They think "if I just ate less, I'd look like that!" You will never, ever, ever look like that. The minute she was born she was destined to be a skinny flat beanpole of a woman. Yes, I'm sure she eats well, but two things - a) people like that don't need as much food as you and I do, because they're so tiny, so they're not actually hungry. And b) even if she did eat relatively normally, she'd still look kind of like that. Her body is built to be tiny. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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This. She takes after her mother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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When you work out a lot you can eat more. They usually eat very healthy full meals and don't skip meals. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:01 PM Flag
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It's easy to stay thin in your 20's and 30's. I'm impressed by the amazing bods at 40+. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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Agreed. I am in my 50s, so I have great appreciation for those who have kept it together in their 70s. Alana Stewart has a figure a 30 yo would be proud of and Jane Fonda still has curves. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:08 PM Flag
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np. They're still skinny but they walk like their legs are broomsticks with hinges [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:12 PM Flag
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Blame that on arthritis. It happens to most of us eventually. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:15 PM Flag
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Yep. I don't say it to be mean necessarily, but I have a mother who is a clone of those two women. She is still in heels at 75 and getting nips and tucks and doing a great impression of Helen Gurley Brown. But look as good as you want for your age, your bones advertise your age, so I don't get all the effort. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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np" my MIL is 69 and looks amazing - fit, active - walks like a women my age, not like someone w an issue w their bones. heck, my 80yo DAD doesn't walk like that! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:55 PM Flag
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OK, but name me ONE woman who is old (and there is a huge difference between 70 and 80 believe me) who looks young. They may be fit, but they don't look young. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:00 PM Flag
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well "young" at 80 means looking late 60s, not looking 35! everyone ages, but you want to age as well as you can. staying in shape, staying active, staying engaged as well as some nips and tucks and whatever make a huge difference. go look around at what 80s looks like for people who don't! my 80yo dad still works and people think "he should be approaching retirement age, no?" which menas he looks pretty darn good! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:08 PM Flag
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Yes, and HANDS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:59 PM Flag
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True, but Jane Fonda doesn't look so hot in person. Seen her in real life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:59 PM Flag
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I had no idea who Alana Stewart is. Just Googled her. How can that woman be 70 years old? Obviously she has had a facelift but she looks amazing. She has Christie Brinkley beat. I want what she is having. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:24 PM Flag
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You don't know them in person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:00 PM Flag
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You realize that Jane Fonda has admitted to tons of plastic surgery right? She has admitted it on talk shows. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:58 PM Flag
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True. She's only 35 or so. The older actresses like Jane Fonda have had significant plastic surgery (boob jobs, ribs taken out, MAJOR facial plastic surgery). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:58 PM Flag
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i think ALL people need to eat way less food than we think and it should be far more nutritionally dense. i also think we all need far more activity than the average adult w an office type job gets. my mom always joked that she never had to worry about "dieting" when her kids were little bc she spent all day running to the playground, chasing after a bicycle, climbing to get a kid down form the top of the jungle gym, pushing a stroller or a shopping cart, going ice skating, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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Sure, but some women have thyroid problems and PCOS. That's not me, but know people who struggle. Don't be judgy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:02 PM Flag
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of course they do - but that doesn't change how much people should eat. those conditions do not increase your caloric needs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:09 PM Flag
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Some people are naturally thin and eat what they want. (Me) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:14 PM Flag
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I hear you, but you will still look old when you're old. Everyone does. Jane Fonda looks old, just nipped and tucked. I have seen her in person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:02 PM Flag
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In magazines she says that she works out every day, and sometimes for 2 hours but always at least 20 minutes. She gained 70 pounds with her first pregnancy and worked hard to take it off [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:25 PM Flag
[ - ] I was rear ended this weekend by a young woman. Can they tell if she was on the phone, texting or voice texting? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:50 PM Flag
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Very easily. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:51 PM Flag
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how? who was watching her when the crash happened? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:53 PM Flag
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Were the police called? Are they treating as accident or crime? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:52 PM Flag
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Police called-accident [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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Can who tell? Nobody is going to invest the time to subpoena her cell phone records, pin point time of the accident, hire an expert to opine that she was on the phone at time of accident. Sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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That someone is OP, if she wants to spend the money on an investigation and would have to sue first to enable a subpoena. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:57 PM Flag
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I am just trying to figure out how this would ever be a financially viable option (assuming standard rear end accident. I doubt there are major damages. Damages should be covered by insurance.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:01 PM Flag
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at the very least you need a starting place- did she admit she was on the phone to the police; did someone say they saw her on the phone when the accident happened. It's too costly to try to figure it out by going after her cell phone records from scratch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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Why does this matter? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:59 PM Flag
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+1. She hit you. She's liable. Doesn't matter the reason why. Do you live in a state where it is illegal to text while driving and you are trying to bring criminal charges against her? That's the only reason I can think of. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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Did she use a dildo? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:34 PM Flag
[ - ] Has anyone changed their body shape in 10 days? I have a big, unexpected event coming up in 10 days (think TV appearance) and want to look my best. What can be done in that time frame, if I really buckle down? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:46 PM Flag
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Really good foundation garments. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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Cabbage soup diet followed to the letter, plus exercise. It's generally good for 10 lbs for me. Water weight, but weight off all the same. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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Cut out diary & bread, and cut salt (which makes you bloated). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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You can lose some water weight. Cut salt and carbs and do lots of weights/barre/other toning exercises. Eat vegetables and lean protein. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:49 PM Flag
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Plus laxative the day before for a flatter tummy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:58 PM Flag
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No. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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I lost 20 lbs by juicing for 10 days and then gained 10 back immediately when I started eating again. It's terrible, but it works. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:59 PM Flag
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No. You can't change your body shape in ten days. You can lose water weight. No carbs, no salt, no dairy, no alcohol. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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t-tapp [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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Raspberry ketones and cambodia garcinia or whatever it is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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cut grains and dairy. Lift heavy weights a couple times. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:26 PM Flag
[ - ] I never saw Primates of Park Avenue discussed on here (but I did take a UB break for a while). How did the author live such a lavish lifestyle on her husband's lawyer salary, and who is the Queen Bee in real life? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:44 PM Flag
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Family money, maybe? I know a lot of "princesses" whose DHs are probably not making lot of money. Does not stop people from living beyond their means. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:51 PM Flag
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if i recall, it came out to basically be 3/4 fake. she was just another huckster publicity hound. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:54 PM Flag
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THIS. She was a poser and sounds like she wasn't included in the crowd so decided to turn on them. So many made up cliches that were laughable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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IA I just assumed it was all a big joke. But was the friend who lost her toddler real? If so, how sad, and how sad to be included in that awful book. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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I was just reading the part about women hitting each other with their birkins. I have lived on park for 15 years and have never encountered this phenomenon. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:29 PM Flag
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I thought that was hysterical [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:23 PM Flag
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I thought it was a terrible book [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:23 PM Flag
[ - ] How many oz of whole milk a toddler should drink at 15 months? Mine drinks about 16-18 oz and she is not interested in solid food. I am thinking about cutting her milk intake but the recommended intake is between 16-24 oz. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:43 PM Flag
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My daughter dropped her milk intake dramatically when we cut the bottle out at 12 months. I'd say she went down to less than 8 oz on her own and always ate lots of healthy foods. 16oz seems like too much to me but I'm not an expert. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:45 PM Flag
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Mine was the same and you have to drop down the milk intake, for sure. My ped said 12oz is totally fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:47 PM Flag
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Our doc said max of 16 oz at that age. What solid foods will she eat? Is it so severe that you are concerned about sensory issues? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:08 PM Flag
[ - ] A teenager who can't get an adequate wi-fi signal in his room is more annoying than a crying baby 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:43 PM Flag
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So true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:45 PM Flag
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ITA. Is there a booster or something we can get? I want DC to do homework in her room this year, but without adequate wifi that may be a problem (lots of online assignments) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:52 PM Flag
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booster. you're welcome. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:54 PM Flag
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Where do I get it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:54 PM Flag
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I use extenders- they really dont work that great because the extended signal is 1/2 the rate of the primary one- having the darndest time getting signal to the other side of 3000 sq. ft. apt where the router is on one end. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:59 PM Flag
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OP thank you for the suggestion! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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Only thing worse would be my crying when I can't get an adequate wifi signal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:35 PM Flag
[ - ] Another pg UBer here: I'm late in the second trimester and barely hungry. When I do get hungry, I tend to fill up after only eating a little bit (nothing like pre-pg appetite). I do eat, but it's generally small amounts (e.g., fruit smoothie with nut butter for bkfast, maybe 1/2 of a large salad or sandwich or hot meal for lunch, and the other half of lunch for dinner). Is this normal? Should I be trying to force down more? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:43 PM Flag
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Totally normal. You're bigger and things are getting tight in there. As long as you're not dropping weight, you're probably fine. I only gained 20 pounds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:44 PM Flag
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Thanks. I was worried about eating more -- I literally gag when I try. It's just too much. Small amounts def work better for me. It's very weird -- it's like a timer goes off internally that says: stop. And even if I have just a couple more bites left, I generally just have to stop at that point. I'm not dropping weight, but I'm not gaining, either. Just static. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:46 PM Flag
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Yeah, I kind of lived on tums at the end. Just so uncomfortable. And the gagging thing was odd too. I couldn't brush my tongue in the morning without involuntarily gagging. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:49 PM Flag
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same here on the tongue brushing. gross. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:50 PM Flag
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No - sounds like you are doing great. Feeling full is totally normal. You might have super hungry days at some point or maybe not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:45 PM Flag
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Thanks. I was just nervous because I thought now is the time baby is really supposed to be laying down weight, and they need to get it from somewhere . . . [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:47 PM Flag
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np. end of third trimester is where they can gain .5 pound per week. They will do it on their own though, so just keep eating as normal. no worries. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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TY! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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Fine. I wasn't hungry through most of my pregnancies and had terrible heartburn that prevented me from eating much. Once I was breastfeeding, I couldn't stop eating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:07 PM Flag
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TY! but sorry to hear that for my breastfeeding future -- I thought bf would help me LOSE weight! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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Normal for a girl pregnancy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:08 PM Flag
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Really?! Does this mean it's more likely to be a girl? We don't know the sex yet . . . [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:12 PM Flag
[ - ] "Having boomeranged once, will women do it again in a couple of decades? If we flash forward to 2030, will we see all those young women who thought trying to Have It All was a pointless slog, now middle-aged and stranded in suburbia, popping Ativan, struggling with rebellious teenagers, deserted by husbands for younger babes, unable to get back into a work force they never tried to be part of?" http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/whats-a-modern-girl-to-do.html?_r=0 106 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:38 PM Flag
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op: This article is from 2005, but I just came across it, and thought it would be a great discussion on UB. The thesis is basically that today's generation saw their mothers working the double shift and exhausted from trying to "have it all", and realized that wasn't a realistic path to happiness, so today's young woman sees catching a man and being a SAHM as the ideal life. It gives examples of this trend in movies, magazines, fashion, TV shows, other news articles, and studies. It's a fascinating read. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:41 PM Flag
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more typical ny times anecdata passing as reporting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:57 PM Flag
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That's my sister. My mom was a SAHM and never gave us any space, was way too focused on us getting married and giving her grandchildren. I went to an ivy league school and have a wonderful career (along with a husband and a toddler) but she tells me I am doing some great injustice by my child because I work full time. My sister lives in the burbs and her husband is never home. She calls me up crying about him or the kids every other day and seems absolutely miserable. "She's trying," my mother says. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:43 PM Flag
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op: so your mom thinks you're not "trying" to be a good mom? That's awful. I'm sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:45 PM Flag
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op: one point to note and possibly debate on here is that men tend to go for women who are beautiful and smart, but have a nurturing personality rather than a high powered job that will make a man (with his fragile male ego) question his manliness. I've talked before on here about how high powered men are drawn to smart teachers, social workers, and other caring type women, and gotten flamed, but this article seems to corroborate that idea. Men don't want an equal. They want to be superior. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:44 PM Flag
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trouble is, you can't count on finding a "superior" male. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:47 PM Flag
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op: true. That's why it's important to search while you're young and at your own "superior" peak, so to speak. I would say this is age 22-27, prime DH finding time if there ever was a time for it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:52 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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My husband is a SAHD. We're relatively happy but I also have a nurturing side. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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op: that's cool, glad it works for you guys. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:52 PM Flag
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Such a nice response. Are you new here :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:53 PM Flag
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op: aw, thanks. I've been here for a few years now. I like when UB is a happy and supportive place rather than a mean place. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:39 PM Flag
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np: I actually agree with you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:49 PM Flag
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op: To clarify, I have the upmost respect for working women, but I do think my generation (Millennials) sees being a SAHM as #winningatlife, if you will. Yes, it's true that SAHMs who end up divorced will have a harder time getting back into the workforce than women who never stopped working, but that's a risk we're willing to take because it's a less scary risk than the risk of ending up a never married 40 year old cat lady who lists on match.com that she "might want kids" even though her appeal in the dating market has drastically decreased compared to the 25 year old women she's competing against. If I had to chose, between having kids and being a SAHM for 15 years before ending up divorced and having to go back to school and start a career from the bottom vs having a successful career but missing the boat on marriage and kids and having to live with that loss for my entire life, I would choose the former for sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:50 PM Flag
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It's not an either/or proposition. I would choose my kids over my career any day but I managed to have both. However I was focused on getting married and having a family a lot earlier than my peers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:52 PM Flag
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op: I agree that it doesn't have to be either or, but I do think there are trade offs and for me personally I would rather have those years at home as a SAHM and then go back to work when the kids are much older like high school or college since I have my whole life to work versus only a small number of years when the kids are young and living in my home. But I am curious, can you describe your "process" if you will of how you managed to do both and find a DH at a younger age than your peers? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:56 PM Flag
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np: what you don't realize is that you can be desperately UNHAPPY w that life that from the outside you see as desirable. or you may never get married even though you're not career focused. or you may get married and struggle w getting pg. or your dh may lose his job and blame you for sitting around doing nothing. there are so many ways that people can be unhappy, not just by wokring whule they have kids or by never getting married. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:08 PM Flag
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op: true, there are all kinds of negative hypotheticals that could derail any plan, but I guess my point is that I think it's a good idea to maximize for finding a stable DH when you're at your peak and then maximize for raising kids while the kids are young and at home. At least that's my perspective in terms of my priorities. I do realize that I'm in the minority in terms of putting this before a career when I'm in my twenties, but I wonder if my peers will look back at age 40 and wish they had done the same rather than put off finding a DH until age 35. This article seems to suggest that I'm doing the right thing. It's interesting how different the advice of older women is from the advice of my peers in their 20s who are mostly concerned with hooking up and earning lots of money for going out drinking. I guess my priorities have always been different coming from such a broken home. I think many of them will end up happily married though. I least I hope so. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:19 PM Flag
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while SOME women put off looking while they work on careers, i do not find that to be the norm AT ALL. as someone who went to top HS/college/grad school (and i am mid 40s), I would say that the women I know who were career focused in their 20s, did not for the most part date less or marry later or end up less satisfied in terms of family than those who were less career focused. that MUCH of it was luck and circumstances and personality. most women i know married between 27 and 35 and had kids starting around 30-35. some stayed home, more than half did not. the women i know who remain unmarried in their 40s are not single bc they were so career focused, although of course they ARE self-supporting so did remain focused on their careers in that way, but they aren't more successful than the others, some are less successful. and the one woman i know who was very focused on finding a DH and staying at home w kids and never cared about a career - she is still single and childless and also unemployed at almost 50yo for over a decade - ironically she has become the ultimate cat lady, who takes care of her elderly parents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:32 PM Flag
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op: i remember you talking about her in a a past post. That's sad. That's why I think it's important for women to start their search for a DH younger like at age 22-26. I found mine at 25. But the later you start the harder it will be, especially in places with a skewed female to male demographic. I hope she finds someone though. Is she doing online dating? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:57 PM Flag
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my point is that most women ARE actively looking in their 20s - very very few say "oh i'll get around to that later". even my friends who had those work all the time jobs dated in their 20s. and some got married at the same time. i think your notion that if one starts their search early, it's easier, is a misconception. i have many a friend or acquaintance who was in a serious relationship leading to marriage at 26yo and then it didn't work out and they were single at 28. the person i referred to earlier was engaged at 26. most women who are single until they are older were not trying to put it off, they were trying to meet someone or thought they already had. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:09 PM Flag
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But those aren't the only 2 choices. Plenty of women having kids on their own these days. Divorce isn't an easy thing to go through, nor is co-parenting afterwards. All paths have their own trade offs. Also, your comments about the 'never married 40 year old' seem rather harsh. Might want to dial that back a bit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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op: fair point. I don't mean to insult anyone, but for me personally that thought has always been terrifying since I very much want a family. No, divorce definitely isn't easy, and my top goal in life is to meet get divorced since my own parents had a very messy divorce involving decades of suing each other (yes decades, they are still at it as we speak.) So for me the appeal of working and making life more stressful for the family and possibly increasing my divorce risk just isn't worth it. I don't need a status-y career, but I do very much need a family to be happy. Women on here tell me I'm going to be unfulfilled as a smart SAHM. I guess we'll see. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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I think the best any of us can do is aim for what we think we want in life and then if it doesn't turn out as planned, adjust our expectations and effort and see about a new direction. I just think that if you believe you can control your outcome to a huge degree, you end up setting yourself up for disappointment if things don't fall in line perfectly. My least happy friends are the ones who kind of got everything they wanted in their 20s and early 30s just to encounter unexpected disappointments in their late 30s and 40s. They seem to have no coping skills and just can't give up on the idea that they were cheated at life because it's not fitting their initial narrative. The friends who had disappointments earlier on and adjusted and altered course as needed are much more happy. So I would say, go for what you want, but be flexible as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:13 PM Flag
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op: very good advice, thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:41 PM Flag
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This is true of some men but not all. The majority of the men I know prefer professionally successful women, or at least prefer those qualities. I only have one friend who has a "nurturing" wife. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:53 PM Flag
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They prefer not having to support a household by themselves. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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Well, obviously, but they also haven't ended up with the nurturing, "mommy" type of women. They have picked intellectual and professional equals for the most part. The professional part may change with time, but my point is they weren't looking for caretakers or someone whose only aspiration in life is to be a mom (even though some will likely end up SAH because of practical factors). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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op: I'm every bit my DH's intellectual equal (same top 1% GRE scores) and have always wanted to be a SAHM. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:09 PM Flag
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op: that sounded braggy, sorry. My point was that it's insulting when people demean SAHM-hood and put down the intlect of those that do that or want to do that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:11 PM Flag
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I didn't mean to sound offensive or critical. My point is that the men I know weren't looking for women who specifically were nurturing or family oriented - "what sort of mother would she make" was not a factor that played into their decision-making. Some of these women may end up SAH, but that wasn't a quality or factor for which their husbands were screening (so to speak). Of course there are intellectual, bright, dynamic women who have always wanted to SAH and have worked toward that goal, but I don't happen to know anyone like that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:44 PM Flag
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^ I don't know many SAHMs at all, FWIW. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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upper middle class and wealthy men have always preferred to the breadwinner and support a wife and kids. Middle class men have too in almost every city of the country aside from SF/NYC wth crazy high cost of living expenses. Even lower middle class men in flyover prefer to be the breadwinners [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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This is just not true among the men I know, nearly all of whom were raised and still are UMC to UC. Why would they prefer this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:25 PM Flag
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op: "or at least prefer those qualities" Can you elaborate on this? I think this may be in line with what I'm saying in that men want a beautiful, well educated, conscientious woman who will gladly put home and kids first. This type of woman could have been a successful lawyer or art gallery curator but chose to be a mom and put her energy and time into the family. Do you disagree? If so, in what ways? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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I do disagree - the men I know weren't looking for someone who would gladly put home and kids first. They were looking for a partner. When their wife gets a great new job or promotion, her career will take precedence and he will spend more time on home, and vice versa. I expect the matter will happen more, but the point is to be flexible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:17 PM Flag
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^ latter, not matter [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:20 PM Flag
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I don't know if that the right way to put it. Many do prefer that the woman be "superior" at nurturing and that sort of balances everything out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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This is way overstated. Men want looks and things in common. I have met so so many guys who were interested in me throughout grad school and since. Many of whom I have a better job than, some equal, some they have a better job. The common factor? Sexist mother and father made me try to be attractive to men bc of their worldview (appearance,mostly). If you would attract the guy without the job, you'll attract even more with the job. I don't have the very most aggresive of personalities, but assertive enough to do well in male dominated business in NYC. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:33 PM Flag
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So teachers and social workers are beneath people who make more money. That is an awful attitude [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:32 PM Flag
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This is so obvious to me. People are not meant to spend 40 or 50 years of their life doing nothing. There's this great myth that it's traditional for women to "tend the home"- but people forget that it's only in the last 50 years that this didn't mean a full, 12 hour day of chores and "work". The reason women as early as the 1960s realized that SAHM is detrimental to them is because even back then, after only a few years of vacuums and prepared foods, blenders and supermarkets and washer/dryers, they realized that its abnormal to spend all day doing nothing, or finding makework to do to keep busy. It's moved back the other way now, but I see no reason that the same thing - even more so, now that you literally don't even have to leave your house to have your week's worth of food, your dry cleaning, your toilet paper, and your wine delivered right to your door - wouldn't happen. Women will realize that it's just not right to spend all day with nothing to do. It's unnatural. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:56 PM Flag
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Back when everyone did farming, several family members spent a good chunk of the winter "doing nothing." We don't need to be busy 365 days of the year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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LOL, you know nothing about farming! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:21 PM Flag
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op: so the choices are doing nothing versus doing chores versus working? What about hobbies, continuing education classes, reading/learning, art, music, volunteering? Why must our time be given to someone else in order for it to be worthwhile? What about personal happiness and fulfillment that comes from learning something new like and mastering a craft or new subject? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:07 PM Flag
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Many people are happier being told what to do and when to show up. On their own they will never read a book or learn anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:09 PM Flag
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op: true [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:23 PM Flag
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NP: not everyone feels that way. I'm quite happy working and still do my own thing. It's a lot more complex than just the idea of "working for the man." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:16 PM Flag
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Because those things are not productive activities. They are luxuries available only to the independently wealthy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:37 PM Flag
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np: i think that one can be a full-time homemaker, but for those w resources, they will only do that if they really enjoy it. i have friends who love to do traditional home things - food shop, meals from scratch, home made baked goods, DIY home renovation/decorating, arts and crafts of all kinds (knitting, sewing, needlepoint) - and who have DH's w careers taht involve entertaining and the like and they are managing an active social life. so no, they aren't scrubbing the sheets down by the river and then dragging them home to hang to dry, but they aren't sitting around the house watching soaps either. i also think tha tin 2015, it is far easier to stay intellectuall engaged if you want that, wo having to WOH. i am NOT this kind of person, so I work ;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:11 PM Flag
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I'm 32 and have zero friends who view catching a man and SAH as a goal. Obviously there is likely some selection bias here, but I've known the majority of my friends (male and female) since high school or college, so it's not like I met them through work. I just don't know any women who aspire to this or any men who want a SAH wife. Some will likely end up making that decision due to circumstances, but it's not a goal or some sort of brass ring. I doubt my experience is that unusual. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 03:59 PM Flag
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Look around at these friends again in 10 years. At 32, men and women are the "same" but the paths will be diverging shortly as women trim their career and goals for husbands and families and the men get promoted up the ladder. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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Yes, I would regard that as "making that decision due to circumstances." My point is that it was never a goal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:14 PM Flag
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op: I don't think there's anything wrong with having a goal of being a SAHM. I think pretending we are passive little delicate flowers blowing in the wind and doing whatever circumstances have us do is demeaning to women and takes away their agency. I think having goals to work toward (yet remaining flexible) is Important for personal long term happiness. And I think most SAHMs say they never planned on staying home and that it just happened that way, but I think that's a lie that ends up demeaning SAHMs as a whole as something we should be ashamed of and make excuses for. I think most SAHMs always wanted to be SAHMs, but don't want to be labeled as anti feminist or anti progressive so they pretend the decision fell into their laps when in reality they were planning for it the whole time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:46 PM Flag
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I couldn't agree more [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:46 PM Flag
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op: I will add that I think it's important to have a plan B and a plan C, but again there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a SAHM as your primary goal in life. It's a perfectly admirable goal for a smart, educated, family-oriented young woman to have provided she plans to finish her education [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:50 PM Flag
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I'm not sure why you are arguing with me about what my experience has been. I don't know anyone whose goal was to SAH - these are my close friends, whom I've known since we were teens. Many of them were/are ambivalent about having kids at all and most do not want to sacrifice their professional ambitions to have kids - childcare is a duty they split with their husbands. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:33 PM Flag
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It's more common for the younger generation. Think ages 16-26. The girls who wear 59s style dresses and pin curl their hair and grew up with Pinterest. Youe generation is the last of the ball buster feminists. At least until these girls have grandkids and the tide turns again [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:22 PM Flag
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Not wanting to SAH makes you a "ball buster feminist"? Riiiight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:35 PM Flag
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Many moms in my circle opted out from the rat race, and live very simple lives of small incomes. Think the Soulemama approach. It might seem counter culture, but maybe it will become more common. I SAH and homeschool three kids on a HHI of $190k (not in NYC). I'm very active in the community and volunteer all over the place. We don't have nice things - I have no designer handbags (hello my canvas tote sisters!) and no beach house. But my life is very rich and very full, and in feel that I do, in fact, have it all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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Nice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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190 not in NYC is doing very well. Most people do not have this choice . [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:08 PM Flag
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op: Soulemama approach? Can you explain? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:22 PM Flag
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+1. Never heard of this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:59 PM Flag
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i have a friend who SAH w 2 kids (public shcool) on $115K/year in NYC (UES). she had a career but it became too hard to do it w 2 kids and she felt she never saw them. kids are older now and she's divorced so is going back to work once she finishes grad school, but yes, they live comfortably but simply. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:39 PM Flag
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zzzzzzz [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 04:59 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:10 PM Flag
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+1000. What a retard. Good luck finding a guy who wants to foot the bill for her lazy ass his entire life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:35 PM Flag
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you sound jelly and angry [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:58 PM Flag
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I don't know, but I would MUCH rather be a single working woman vs. a sahm dependent on a husband. If you're a single successful woman, you can always go to a sperm bank and have a kid. if you're a sahm, you're totally dependent on another adult. Which makes me very uncomfortable. Could not do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:10 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 05:35 PM Flag
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op: interesting that this is the second post here mentioning going to a sperm bank. So marriage is just a way to get babies? I view that as a part of marriage but another draw to marriage is having someone to take care of me. Not that I can't take care of myself if need be, but isn't being taken care of by someone who loves you so much better if you have the chance to go that route? What's so great about being independent? I was independent for years before I found DH and sure I had my "pride" at behind independent, but honestly it was quite lonely. I'd choose being taken care of by DH any day. Feeling like there's a safe harbor is a much better source of happiness IMO than feeling proud at the fact that I just carried 4 heavy bags of groceries up to my apartment by myself, had to trap and kill and spider on my own all while freaking out, then had to burden my friend to pick me up from the hospital after a colonoscopy, and crying alone when I wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares and flashbacks due to the child abuse I suffered growing up. Honestly I think being independent is overrated. I'm happier than I've ever been with a DH who enjoys taking care of me. Sure, if that ended I'd be devestated, but I'm going to ride this train as long as I can and enjoy it while it lasts, which may be until I die of old age. The divorce rate among graduate educated people married to other graduate educated people is actually extremely low. But I admit I'm not immune to divorce. It's just that growing up in an abusive broken home, having someone who loves me and takes care of me is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Call me a traitor to feminism if you want, but I don't think my need to prove the the world that I can join the boys club and climb the corporate ladder and attain a status filled position should outweigh my own personal happiness. How rare do you think I am in thinking that my happiness comes from my marriage rather than a career? I think very few people have careers that bring them happiness. I think relationships are the ultimate source of happiness. But maybe I'm just a crazy, crunchy, new age hippie weirdo.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:17 PM Flag
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NP: most people don't view it as either/or. I derive happiness from my marriage and DH and from my career. Wouldn't you say your DH does as well? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:19 PM Flag
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I agree with you that very few women have careers that make them happy, but you also need to realize that very few women can find a DH who is willing and able to support them and a family on one salary. In any case, make the decision that leads to the most happiness for you. In your case, I can see how being married and having a stable family would be your best route to happiness. For many people who grew up poor or middle class, being able to work and provide money for a family and afford things they couldn't afford growing up brings them happiness. Everyone is just trying to live the best life they can. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:21 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:21 PM Flag
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NP: i think your personal history of NOT being cared for as a child dramatically influences what you need in a relationship. i think this is YOUR baggage and not everyone's. (alhtough everyone HAS haggage of one kind of another.) being independent is valuable bc what happens if your dh drops dead? walks out? gets sick? in a marriage, one of those 3 is not statistically improbable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:29 PM Flag
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op: I agree that my past certainly inpacts my current value system. I'm not saying I'm immune to one of those 3 things happening. I would be devestated if any of those things happened. So in order to hedge against the unhappiness of tragedy in the future I should live a less happy life in the present, as if we only get so many "happiness points" from God and I should use them sparingly? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:38 PM Flag
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nope. i think that you should strive to be more independent - which doesn't mean WOH necessarily, but not promoting the idea that beind dependant on a spouse who likes taking care of you is a such a positive thing in life. most people whose marriages end in some way are going to be upset - it's rarely a positive, HOWEVER, when you have a life beyond that marriage, when your marriage is ONE thing in your life, it will be far less traumatic when you know you are capable of sustaining yourself as an individual too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:42 PM Flag
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op: that makes sense. Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:13 PM Flag
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I completely agree with you. My DH, family, extended family, and home life make me happy. Not work. Not being "independent". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:42 PM Flag
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Divorce rate is 8% for college educated women married to college educated men, so no Maureen, you will likely see married women who are glad they chose to opt out and raise their kids feeling sorry for the women like you who missed their chance on a DH and kids. Sad but true. Hope she finds someone though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:25 PM Flag
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^actually I just realized this article is 10 years old. Anyone know is Maureen was able to snag a DH in the last 10 years? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:26 PM Flag
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She's still single at 63. Se looks good for her age though. She could pass for 50. I could see her marrying a divorced or widowed older guy around age 70 in the next few years [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:29 PM Flag
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At that point why bother? She could just have flings on tinder with hot younger guys [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:29 PM Flag
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Because some people want companionship, not just flings. Average age of male lifespan in the U.S. is 84, so if she marries a 70 year old she gets probably 14 years with a guy before he kicks the bucket. That's enough time to travel and enjoy retirement together [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:30 PM Flag
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You're assuming those years will be healthy which is a big assumption. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:31 PM Flag
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and wiping his ass and watching him nap and ask her to turn the tv up since his hearing aid can't hear that far. Sexy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:31 PM Flag
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lolz [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:31 PM Flag
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Maybe she will marry a younger guy who is a SAHD artist type and they can adopt kids or foster kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:32 PM Flag
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Adopt kids at 63? I think not. Placement agency would not place kids with a mom who will likely die before they finish college [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:33 PM Flag
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Okay maybe not adopt but plenty of foster kids would be more than happy to have rich, stable, caring older parents [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:33 PM Flag
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I don't understand why people on here seem to feel you have to choose between being married and having a family and having a career. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:28 PM Flag
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Because of all the women who are depressed over working the double shift. Every other post is a woman saying how miserable she is trying to do both and how impossible it is. This is why the younger generation wants to SAH. They see te older generation damn near suicidal at trying to juggle everything. Look at how many women on here are on antidepressants. Just make a fake post about antidepressant advice and watch 50 people reply with what medications they tried for their depression. It's tragic. Women's happiness levels have been going down in recent decades as feminism takes hold and women are expected to both work and be a full time mom. Something has to give [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:41 PM Flag
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I work and have kids and my life is fine. I think it's rampant materialism more than work that is making people unhappy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:05 PM Flag
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NP: that is way optimistic - the statistic is about 25% divorce rate for couples that are college grads. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:36 PM Flag
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Nope, 8% [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:09 PM Flag
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This. 8% for college grads. 2.5% for grad school grads. Not sure about PhDs married to other PhDs but I'm curious [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:10 PM Flag
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either cite it or you're just wrong. it's low, it's substantially lower than non-college grads. it's not nearly that low. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:19 PM Flag
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My personal experience is different. 50% of the women in my office are divorced , another 25% have DH's having very blatant affairs that are being ignored. The rest seem happy. A woman being pulled in 10 different directions doesn't make for a great wife, and many men feel they can do what they please if they are not happy. The happiest families seem to have found eachother early, have one parent staying home, and the working parent has a very strong career. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:33 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:41 PM Flag
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ITA. My divorce lawyer friends say that most of their clients are WOHMs, not SAHMs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:44 PM Flag
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That's a biased sample. Divorce is correlated with income. The more money you have, the less likely you are to divorce because you can hire help to do chores and take away many of the stresses of marriage. Middle class women are more likely to WOHM than SAHM, so thus more WOHM women getting divorced would make sense even though this may have nothing to do with the fact that they WOHM than SAHM. Income is the best predictor of divorce. That and IQ, according to studies on the matter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:45 PM Flag
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I don't think so. I'm in finance where 2 incomes equal a very large HHI. You can have all the help in the world, it is still very stressful. Ironically the men that have SAHW's seem to be happily married and go home right after work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:58 PM Flag
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The women I work with, on the other hand, are being put through the wringer. Makes me nervous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:59 PM Flag
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WOHM is a lot to deal with, a person can only handle so much. You get used to it, of course, but it's a very busy life. Some men take advantage of the too busy factor to eff around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 06:55 PM Flag
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+10000000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:09 PM Flag
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NP: a lot of women go back to work if they think divorce may be in their future. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.15, 07:14 PM Flag
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