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[ - ] I've had a sore throat and a cold on and off since Halloween. But the time I start to feel much better and assume this is finally the end I wake up the next day feeling horrible again. Am I just constantly catching something new? When I woke up Sunday I went to urgent care with a elevated temp (100.1) and trouble coughing because my chest hurt when I took a deep breath. They did a chest X-ray, said it was prob a virus and gave me prescription cough medicine. Yesterday thought I was doing much better and surely this was the end but woke up exhausted, cold sweat and 100.1. Now I'm absolutist freezing. Any thought on what this could be or I can do? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:51 PM Flag
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Pneumonia [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:07 PM Flag
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Urgent care said chest X-ray was clear. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:13 PM Flag
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Maybe they didn’t do a good job reading it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:27 PM Flag
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How many days have you taken off work? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:12 PM Flag
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I work from home so haven't been out and about much except kid drop off/pick up. Sunday I slept most of the day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:13 PM Flag
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So you have a virus that is giving you cold and sore throat symptoms for three weeks and you haven't taken any real days off to rest and let your immune system work. It's time to let someone else handle dropoff and pickup for the rest of the week, an push all work to next week, and stay in bed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:22 PM Flag
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Go back and tell them you want antibiotics - that you aren't improving. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:20 PM Flag
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Antibiotics don't work for viruses. If she thinks she has a bacterial infection, she needs to get tested, so they can identify the infection and prescribe the correct treatment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:25 PM Flag
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This. And taking antibiotics unnecessarily leads to superbugs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:49 PM Flag
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True, but that ship has pretty much sailed. We're definitely going to see a global pandemic within a generation or two. Get ready to get set up to work and school completely from home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:04 PM Flag
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I'd call back. My doctors office did the same with me and by that point my throat was swollen to the point I was having anxiety about breathing etc. They then rx'd a z pack and I was fine within 2 days. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:33 PM Flag
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1) You have allergies. That is the sore throat and cold feeling. Try allergy meds. 2) sounds like you picked up a virus with the slight fever. 3) rest and drink a lot of fluids. 4) If it continues for a week with fever, go back to dr. You may need an antibiotic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 05:01 AM Flag
[ - ] BIL hasn’t worked in 10 years and is living off my sister. He is literally down to his last cents of savings and is getting depressed. He has been looking for 2 years now. What advice would you give in this situation? Very educated but at this point they don’t give him even a minimum wage job, he has tried. 66 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:26 PM Flag
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Trader Joe's, BArnes and Noble, Starbucks all hire educated staffers [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:30 PM Flag
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Tried and rejected [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:32 PM Flag
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What was he rejected? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:42 PM Flag
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From Trader Joe’s and Aldi [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:57 PM Flag
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np: As in, he interviewed and they declined to make an offer or he applied and just hasn't heard yet? Frequently those "hiring now" signs don't actually mean they have multiple jobs open, they just want to collect resumes for later use. If the former, do you think he interviews well or comes off as strange or problematic in some way? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:15 PM Flag
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What are his actual education and skills? What was his last job? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:27 PM Flag
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Does he have a college degree? He could teach English online. It's only about $15/hour, but it's pretty easy to get hired, and the hours are good for SAHMs and SAHDs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:34 PM Flag
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why? does he have a bad attitude. Then the advice would be to fix that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:44 PM Flag
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COntainer store. Good pay, I assume, because the employees are really smart, educated and awesome. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:39 PM Flag
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FedEx. UPS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:32 PM Flag
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Tried and rejected [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:32 PM Flag
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He should reapply to those places. Could have been a time when they didn't need staffers. All stores ramp up now. He could at least get seasonal work in dept-type stores. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:34 PM Flag
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Are you my sister? It sucks. I'm the wife in this situation. No clue what the solution is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:38 PM Flag
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OR - Temp agency maybe? He needs a good story as to what he's been doing the past 2 yrs. Are kids young enough that he can white lie and say took a break because they needed him at home (for some obscure reason he doesn't go too deep into). Or pet project he can bill as a business he was trying to start. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:41 PM Flag
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Are you certain he has applied at all these places? Or if he applies is he saying/doing something inappropriate during the face to face? Seems highly unlikely a normal acting person would have any trouble getting a min wage job if they are applying all over town. Unemployment is reasonably low right now and everyone wants good workers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:40 PM Flag
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He sent out close to 1000 applications and had about 5 interviews. Some of them were scams, some just didn’t hire him. It is a very low application to interview ratio. The resume is fine though, I saw it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:42 PM Flag
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He needs to temp. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:42 PM Flag
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Don't send out applications. Walk into Trader Joe's and talk to the manager. Repeat at Starbucks, Target, Old Navy, etc until someone hires you. You don't passively email blast people and expect a reply. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:03 PM Flag
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My never employed 16yo dd got a call the same day she applied for a job at Chipotle. Got an interview the next day and the job. Not to minimize you bil’s hardship but 1000 applications and 5 interviews makes me think there may be something up with your BIL. I feel like there is more to the story... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:20 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:28 PM Flag
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Maybe he could try becoming a tutor at places like Kaplan? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:48 PM Flag
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He’s even tried that too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:57 PM Flag
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He has only been looking for 2 of the 10 years? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:49 PM Flag
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trader joes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:51 PM Flag
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get seasonal retail. just get him going again. low stress, low stakes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:52 PM Flag
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this! right now many stores will be looking for extra help. Just getting out and having the structure will be a help. and it seems like any pay even if small will be a positive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:56 PM Flag
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Just get a fast food job or anything minimum wage. He will start feeling like a working person and that will frustrate him to get a better job. He will also build job skills like getting up on time and such. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:58 PM Flag
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Trader Joe's etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:58 PM Flag
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He needs a head hunter to do the legwork for him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:58 PM Flag
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Do they have kids? I really miss the days when DH was the SAHP. It's such a luxury. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:05 PM Flag
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THIS. Sure, maybe he can get hired in retail or seasonal or temping, but it's not like those come with health insurance and 401k matching, and they aren't enough to pay for the childcare. She's better off taking advantage of the in-place housekeeper/driver/nanny/personal assistant, so she can get promotions at work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:10 PM Flag
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Kids are in school and she has insurance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:41 PM Flag
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So? He can be doing drop-offs, pickups, afterschool driving, homework help, dinner, dishes, cleaning, doing/scheduling home repairs, laundry, dry cleaning, grocery shopping... A SAH husband should be making her life so easy. Anyone who has a decent paycheck and has health insurance covered for the whole family should encourage her spouse to stay home and do the grunt work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 08:02 AM Flag
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This. If he sucks at working, milk him in other ways. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:39 PM Flag
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Plus one. Perhaps he can cater to her in other ways [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:44 PM Flag
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Not that I want to take men's side, but why is it "a man supports his family" but when it's reversed, it's "a man is living off his wife"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:06 PM Flag
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NP: good catch. There’s still a lot of this in the world. I’m in my 50s and had to do everything on my own (of corse with criticism by others) and my 50 year old brother is still be coddled by my parents today because he is “supporting his family.” The hypocrisy annoys me still. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:03 AM Flag
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Course [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:06 AM Flag
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+1000. SO antiquated. women have been 'stay at home moms' forEVER. why can this man not have dignity and be one? it seems like that dynamic does not work for their family but not fair to say 'living off my sister' you would never say this about a woman. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 03:41 AM Flag
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To be fair, "stay at home moms" are really a mid-20th-century development. Women have always worked, and usually have done paid work. Poor and middle class women had to help bring in money, whether it meant working in a factory, things like taking in laundry, or working the farm with the rest of the family. Wealthy women were expected to manage household employees and to contribute to communities in tangible ways. Only a few women had enough wealth or income not to work at all, but not enough wealth or income to have societal expectations. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 08:06 AM Flag
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This too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:21 PM Flag
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He should 100% temp. He may just end up in a great company that hires him permanently. Lots of temps are awful. When I temped in college, I got job offers all the time. Granted, that was entry level crap, but still. Show up and be valuable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:21 PM Flag
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+1 I'm a professional temp, because I am really bad with people over the long term and have a near-zero EQ. Some temp jobs are boring, but a lot of them are project-oriented and let me learn new skills, and I almost always get offers for extensions or full-time employment after the first three months. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:41 PM Flag
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I landed an attorney position at a firm that is known for only hiring law review editor top ten law school candidates even though I graduated in the middle of my class at a second tier law school. I’m personable and impressed them with my work ethic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:13 PM Flag
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This. Sometimes we need that "foot in the door" to have a chance to show our best sides. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:15 PM Flag
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Sounds like he is lying. My dad just didn't want to work. So he didn't. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:05 PM Flag
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No, my sister saw the 800 job applications he submitted via Linkedin. At most he lied about 100-200 but it seems plausible that those were via Indeed or other source. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:30 PM Flag
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Look, in one way or another, he is playing her. She can decide what to do about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:35 PM Flag
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This. The economy is red hot, especially at the entry level. Literally any reliable person can get a minimum wage job right now. Zero exceptions. Even convicted murderers getting our of prison after long sentences are getting jobs. We are in a TT economy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:43 PM Flag
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Those jobs will never call you back. You make a good resume and figure out how to network. You have to call people, post on FB that you (or you can too for dh) are looking for a job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 12:05 AM Flag
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Did he write cover letters and actually pitch himself or did he just click and submit his resume? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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Go drive an Uber. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:40 AM Flag
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After 10 years he needs to figure out a strategy. Sending resumes in through a portal like Indeed will not help him. He should enlist help via job seeking help sites like the public library, social service agencies, a place of worship etc. Do volunteer work where he can put those thing on a resume. He may have to take a very menial job to do at first (menial in terms of pay, not degrading anyone doing those jobs). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:54 AM Flag
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This is one of the better responses. Not sure if he knows how to look for a job. First sending resume to job openings is just one way to look for a job. In some ways, it is the lazy/easy way. Hey, I have been looking for a job, but nobody responded to my resume. Did he network? Reach out to old contacts? Reach out to people in this industry? Maybe he needs help? A career coach would be a good start. Sometimes you need an independent person telling you that you dress poorly, your answers are not polished, you sounded like an arrogant ass, etc. I had a friend that was having a hard time with her career; I connected her with a friend and she ended up working for him until she screwed it up. This highly intelligent and articulate person could not get along with people and had trouble with details. Now I know why she can't hold down a job. If he can not afford a career coach, he should job search groups. I recommend getfive.com. This is the old five o'clock club, and it is cheap ($150 per month) and provides good value for the services. There is a weekly meeting with a coach, online videos, weekly presentations, etc. Ultimately, he needs to drive the search. If he is depressed or lazy, it will be much harder. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 03:44 AM Flag
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If he is sitting at home and doing nothing, then maybe any job is better. If he still has a drive, he should not just take any job. He needs to be targeted. If his profession is truly dead, then he needs to training for a new career. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 03:49 AM Flag
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ITA on volunteering or doing some projects for free that maybe will get you jobs in the future or connections. But it has to be compatible with something he knows how to do well to give him some positive signals to start rebuilding his brain circuitry with rewarding feelings. Menial jobs are not for everyone who used to have high paying jobs requiring education, many of these people are simply unsuitable candidates and smart managers don't want to hire them, I wouldn't either. His focus should be on education, acquiring skills and connections or doing something good for the resume, e.g. working with his brain. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 08:17 PM Flag
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Taskrabbit [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:14 AM Flag
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he needs a strategist or a lifecoach [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:39 AM Flag
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Men are often such babies when they don't get jobs right away. He can volunteer at an organization to get recent experience on his resume, work for free for a friend for the same. He can take online classes to learn a new skill. He can find a minimum wage job for the holidays - which many retails stores look for extra help during. There are opportunities out there, but you have to want to work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 03:15 AM Flag
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When you are depressed, you don't want to live often, so how do you get yourself to want to work dead end crappy jobs that lead to nowhere? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 08:14 PM Flag
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What was he doing for the first 8 yrs? Could that be what is affecting his chances? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 03:55 AM Flag
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NP: I would suggest this--become a volunteer tutor at a school, family shelter, religious institution---whatever. Do that for 6 months, then register on care.com as a tutor. Tutors can make anywhere from 30 to 150 an hour. No one is going to hire a highly educated person to work a minimum wage job because the expectation is that he won't work hard. Also, those jobs are deadends..tutoring he can do forever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:54 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:12 PM Flag
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If you've been successful it is hard to accept that you aren't, and easy to get depressed. He needs to find some kind of purpose which will get him out of the house and using his mind. Check out volunteermatch.com and do some extensive volunteer work. Sitting around is not going to make him attractive to any employer no matter how menial the job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:57 PM Flag
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If he is educated and smart, the only advice is to go back to school in some capacity. Learn new skills that are buildable on top of existing skills and through education you also meet people and expand your network. You don't need to invest a lot of money these days as many programs are online and you may not even need a degree, just a certificate, anything to get you to put something new on your resume, but also learn new things and build connections. Learning usually has anti-depressant effect on people who are intellectuals by nature, even though they may have other issues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 08:08 PM Flag
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^^And people who are intellectuals and hyper educated AND depressed also aren't a good fit for low paying service jobs that everybody and their mother here advises to pursue, it's a path to nowhere for these people and they don't see it as a temporary solution as they may lack the grit required to succeed in getting promoted in service industry or making anything good out of it. People are different and their sources of depression are different too, so another advice would be also to seek some sort of therapy or at least group support. Often the family isn't a great support for someone who is clinically depressed if the spouse/relatives had never experienced it and cannot relate. He may need external help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 08:12 PM Flag
[ - ] Ugh. I need to look more presentable in a bathing suit in 1 week. I’m thin but have lots of cellulite on my thighs and am pasty white at the moment. What should I do? 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:23 PM Flag
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Spray tan? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:28 PM Flag
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I've never tried it but maybe a seaweed wrap at a spa? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:42 PM Flag
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People will be envious of your trim size. Don't stress about it. But if it makes you feel better, you can buy a cute swim mini skirt to throw on over your bottom. I like to wear one when walking on the beach. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:42 PM Flag
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Get a spray tan. No one cares about your cellulite. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:43 PM Flag
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Relax and enjoy your time at the beach. No one is judging you the way you judge yourself. And if they are they suck. Life your life and enjoy it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:44 PM Flag
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This!!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:48 PM Flag
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this is me. a fake tan helps and try to drink a lot of water over the next week. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:44 PM Flag
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Get a cover up and jump into a pool when you get there. Honestly nothing can be done in 1 week and no one cares. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:58 PM Flag
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The best thing you can do at this point is to accept it. You are what you are. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:00 PM Flag
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Board shorts and a rash guard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:07 PM Flag
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+1 They fit close and flatter slender figures, while covering cellulite and week-old bikini lines. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:26 PM Flag
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Just get some shorts to cover your thighs if you like but FYI most women have cellulite on their thighs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:28 PM Flag
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Spray tan, nice cover up, mani/pedi [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:16 AM Flag
[ - ] Favorite downtown restaurants? Meeting another couple for an annual holiday get together. No dc’s. Preferably someplace new/interesting... 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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Manhatta, The Fulton, RH Rooftop but will be impossible to get a reservation. Also Crown Shy is supposed to be good [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:43 PM Flag
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I like Petrarca [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:35 PM Flag
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-1. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.19, 02:17 AM Flag
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Via Carota, Market Table [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:57 PM Flag
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Crown Shy, The Fulton, Augustine, Houseman, Marc Forgione [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:45 PM Flag
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Love Marc Forgione. Also Little Park. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.19, 02:17 AM Flag
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Frenchette, Le Coucou, Manhatta, Crown Shy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 12:34 AM Flag
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+1 on the Frenchette if you can get a res. Manhatta too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 03:16 AM Flag
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NP: I had a bad experience with snotty waitstaff at Le Coucou, and my dinner was meh. The rest are great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 06:56 PM Flag
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da Claudio [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:40 PM Flag
[ - ] DC should have sat out state tests in 7th. Her grades were so good and test scores just pretty good 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 11.20.19, 09:18 PM Flag
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Same here. Annoyed at myself for not thinking about this... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:39 PM Flag
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You post this and respond to yourself all the time [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:44 PM Flag
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Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. troll [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:55 PM Flag
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Sorry! Can't change the past. Just work with what you have. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 03:29 AM Flag
[ - ] I just went to the bathroom and a tampon came out - my period ended two weeks ago. I feel fine aside from the smell that I noticed while it was in. Should I go to the doctor? Has anyone else experienced this before?? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:54 PM Flag
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You are fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:54 PM Flag
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YES and i felt so gross about it. Is good to know i am not alone in having done this! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:55 PM Flag
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you'll be fine. Take a shower at home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:00 PM Flag
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It happens. If you're not dead right now, you're in good shape. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:19 PM Flag
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Np- Oh God. I keep telling myself it’s an irrational fear, that surely I would notice if this ever happened, that it would smell or something...or TSS symptoms... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:44 PM Flag
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It's gross, but you are fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:45 PM Flag
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I once left a tampon in for a week. It was the smell that made me get a mirror and look inside. I was fine. No TSS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:01 PM Flag
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Ugh happened two me as well. Just be thankful it was not dh who discovered it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:15 PM Flag
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This happened to me in college and I got BV. Easily treatable but if you still have an odor after showering, go to the dr. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 12:16 AM Flag
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Ugh, my OB found one in there at my exam! So embarrassing. She made me take antibiotics. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:36 AM Flag
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If you continue to have a smell , go to GYN. this is dangerous and you need to keep better track . Toxic shock syndrome is a real thing. If you run a fever, or don't feel well, go to dr asap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 05:04 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone else here been ghosted by a company after rounds and rounds of interviews? 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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yep. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:51 PM Flag
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what happened in your case? I have such rage about it. Not sure why it's so hard to email and say 'this is not happening but thank you for your time.' [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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I eventually reached out to the headhunter and found they went with someone else, but they had left me hanging until it was finalized. I wonder if they ever would have said anything had I not reached out. Rude mofos. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:04 PM Flag
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I've reached out and they STILL haven't said anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:33 PM Flag
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they are waiting to see if the other person accepts [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 06:20 PM Flag
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Yes. Then I found a better job. Poo poo on you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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what happened to you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:00 PM Flag
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Good things. I'm always amazed at my good fortune. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:01 PM Flag
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Yes - 30 minutes before I was supposed to show up to interview in person, was told they would reschedule, after many rounds of phone interviews. Found out later in the week - via the news - that the company had been acquired. Never heard from them again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:01 PM Flag
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Bad references? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:03 PM Flag
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I hadn't got to reference stage! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:08 PM Flag
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Maybe but the craziest thing that happened to me after interviewing and re-interviewing, was a guy who said: “so you think you’ll ever find a job again?” I was working at the moment but he somehow took away from the interview that I was unemployed. WTH?!? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:05 PM Flag
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omg what company or industry was that? that's horrible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:14 PM Flag
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A large company that produces medical equipment. A complete sh___t show. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:24 PM Flag
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I got ghosted after many rounds of interviews, including flying in from out-of-state, reference checks and a verbal offer. It really messed with my head and made it hard to ever trust the interview and hiring process again. When I followed up, the administrative assistants acted like they’d never heard of me and the interviewers went silent. It was SO weird and awful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:38 PM Flag
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That is really bad - i'm sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:45 PM Flag
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That is SO awful! Can you name the company? Horrifying! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:05 PM Flag
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Post a review on Glassdoor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:49 PM Flag
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Yes. I could have followed up (should have) but at the time was so shocked that they just left me hanging that it became a thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 12:23 AM Flag
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All of them. You have to follow up and follow up because they won't give you a no otherwise. They only keep talking to you if you are a yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 03:18 AM Flag
[ - ] I have 2 young elementary school aged DCs. Husband and I will be out of town and need a babysitter to pick up kids after school, do dinner/bed/etc., sleep over, feed and take to school the next morning, then pick up from school until we get back that night. In total, about 12 hours of hands on work while the kids are awake. Should I expect to pay hourly for those 12 hours plus an overnight fee? How much is the going rate for overnight fee? This is the first time we are both leaving kids so have no idea. Thanks. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:46 PM Flag
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I would expect to pay for the entire time. I'd also have this person come baby sit a few times before leaving for days. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:29 PM Flag
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Thanks so much. This is a babysitter they know and like, she’s just never done an overnight before. I trust her completely though. She’s very responsible. Would you pay her her hourly rate the entire time thru? Even when they are sleeping and at school all day? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:27 PM Flag
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Yes, if you are out of town I think you should pay her for all the hours she is responsible for the kids (maybe a flat fee for 9pm-6am if your kids are good sleepers and won't bother her). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:52 PM Flag
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I would pay her from 3-9 pm and 6-9 am and than 3-when you get home. In addition to these hours add $150 for overnight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:35 PM Flag
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Thanks. I was thinking that. It’s very helpful to hear that. I was thinking $100 for overnight hours, but $150 sounds reasonable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 12:20 AM Flag
[ - ] If traveling to Tuscany from NYC, are there any direct flights to Florence or Pisa in the summer? Could only see flights w stops. 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:33 PM Flag
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Doubt it. I would fly nonstop to Rome and stay in Umbria, I think--not a long drive, amazing area. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:38 PM Flag
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totally agree. No direct flights to Florence or Pisa (would be pretty funny if there was a NYc-Pisa flight). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:44 PM Flag
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Why funny? There used to be. I’ve flown it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:32 PM Flag
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Pisa is the main international airport for that area, not that weird [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:35 PM Flag
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Delta from JFK to Amsterdam and on to Pisa. I think there may be non-stop Delta to Pisa in summer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:11 PM Flag
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They had one briefly in 2014, but not since. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:16 PM Flag
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Fly to Pisa! I believe there are direct flights. The Florence airport is tiny [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:24 PM Flag
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no non-stops. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:41 PM Flag
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Just fly to Rome, it isn't that far especially from Southern Tuscany [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:25 PM Flag
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agree [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:36 AM Flag
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I swear there used to be Newark - Pisa? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:26 PM Flag
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Delta used to do a seasonal flight JFK to Pisa but not sure if they still do. You might want to call [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:29 PM Flag
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THEY DO NOT PEOPLE! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:29 PM Flag
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You can fly to Venice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:30 PM Flag
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Or Bologna [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:52 PM Flag
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oy no nonstops nyc to Bologna! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:31 PM Flag
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during the summer there are non-stop flights from Philadelphia to Bologna on American Airlines. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:25 AM Flag
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that's not nyc! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 05:37 AM Flag
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NO NO NO not American, not nobody has a nonstop this summer Phillie-Bologna!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 05:43 AM Flag
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Fly to Rome. Train to Tuscany [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:18 AM Flag
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We fly several times to a smaller norther city in Italy and usually fly Luftansa/United and connect through Munich or Frankfurt...you can get really good connections and if you ever miss a connection, there are usually several flights every day. Connecting through Paris is also pretty good. I absolutely hate connecting through Amsterdam or London. I also try to avoid Alitalia (long story...had issues with strikes in the past) so we don't fly though Rome or Milan. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:32 AM Flag
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NP Agree about Alitalia. Air France to Florence is great and not expensive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 04:26 AM Flag
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Peretola is very small and expensive to fly into. A European friend told me to use Pisa and take a bus or train. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 04:25 AM Flag
[ - ] We've had our new nanny for 4 months now. When we were interviewing we asked if she is flexible to work late on weeknights as needed, as well as an occasional weekend, for extra pay of course. She said no problem. While she has worked late during the week like 5 times (until 8/8:30pm max), she always complains after that it took her forever to get home. With our past nanny we said we would do an Uber after 9pm on weeknights and she was fine with it. Second, I have asked her 3 times in 4 months to work on a weekend day but she always says she is not available. It's starting to feel that she isn't as flexible as she said, and not sure it's going to be ideal for us long term. If everything else about her is great, would you just let it go and keep her, or would you look for someone new in this case? 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:31 PM Flag
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Why not just get a weekend sitter/date night sitter. It's exhausting to be with a child so long and also she may have her own family needs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:41 PM Flag
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This. You need more than 1 person for ALL your childcare needs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:43 PM Flag
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I'd let it go on the weekend stuff. If everything else is great, get someone else for the weekends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:45 PM Flag
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have you offered her time-and-a-half? After all, she's already spent a full week with your kids.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:46 PM Flag
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Yes, we offer extra plus Ubers one/both ways if needed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:33 PM Flag
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I would send her home in an Uber even if you are home by 8. It's a very long day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:51 PM Flag
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I don't think it is reasonable for her to keep every weekend open in case you need her. And I agree; I would pay for uber after 8:00 p.m. It seems to me it is worth the good will. So year, if she is otherwise great, I would keep her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:12 PM Flag
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Not talking about every weekend. Again in 4 months we have asked her to work on a weekend day only 3 times, and she had at least 3 weeks notice. She said no to all. She also does not have local family or kids of her own. Totally understand she may not want to work beyond Mon to Fri, but she should have stated that in the interview since we clearly said we would need someone on occasion. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:32 PM Flag
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She said keep every weekend open. What could she do? Just never make plans on weekends in case you need her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:39 PM Flag
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It probably does take her a long time to get home when trains aren't as frequent. Pay for Uber after 8. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:48 PM Flag
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You don't get weekends too. Hire a weekend sitter. Pay for an Uber after 8PM. Do you really want to go through hiring again? No guarantee that the nanny you hire won't have different (maybe worse) issues. If almost everything about her is great, take the win. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:52 PM Flag
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But I know plenty of people who have their nanny work on weekends too as needed, and this is why we explicitly asked her about this in the interview. We really prefer the consistency of one sitter for all because one of my kids is not great with new sitters and it causes an extra headache. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:30 PM Flag
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I would never work for you. No one wants to be on call. Get a live in if you need it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:08 PM Flag
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If it’s take Friday off and come Saturday instead, maybe. But not cool to expect her to work 6 days a week no matter what she said in her interview. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 11:44 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:46 AM Flag
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Did you post about this in the hiring process? Sounds like you want UB to tell you that you're right and she's not flexible enough when everyone is telling you the opposite. There's a rare UB consensus. Listen to all of the reasonable advice here--you keep refuting it or explaining why your situation is dfferent when it's not [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:45 AM Flag
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Nobody is going to say no to a question like that in an interview. Just get a regular sitter for evenings and weekends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 03:21 AM Flag
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Get a weekend sitter. It will be good for all of you if you and your kiddo can learn to adapt and be flexible without controlling every detail. Kids can learn and should learn that other grown ups can be safe and good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:55 AM Flag
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I don't know who your nanny was before but this seems to be very unrealistic. 12 hour days are very long and I would send her home in an uber on any day she stays that late. Find a weekend sitter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 05:07 AM Flag
[ - ] Roll call - condense your UB history to a descriptor of one post you personally posted. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:28 PM Flag
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No. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:39 PM Flag
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Can't. I've been on here forever and a lot has happened and changed in my life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:41 PM Flag
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Is "Roll Call", the new "Go!"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:45 PM Flag
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God I hate the "Go!" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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Np- I hate “discuss” as well [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:45 PM Flag
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And 'gifted' [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:58 PM Flag
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"I don't care enough." (This sums up my response to this post as well as the overall descriptor. Killing two birds with one stone). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:48 PM Flag
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FTM, sick mom in Asia. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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I'm bored and I want to say things I can't say out loud in front of people I know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 03:24 AM Flag
[ - ] I have finally come to the realization that the grey in my hair is visible. I've used temporary 'color' shampoos because I don't have the time to dye regularly. What do you all do, has anyone tried a "glaze"? Thanks 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:11 PM Flag
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I use Nice 'n Easy, once a month. It takes about half an hour. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:41 PM Flag
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OP: do you really? And it looks natural? Despite having plenty of grey, I like having different shades. Some women have one solid haircolor, because they obviously dye their hair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:56 PM Flag
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I get occasional comments about how lucky I am to still have my natural color at 40+, so I guess it's fine. I do get "highlights" where the color is darker on my brown hair than it is on my greys - people have asked if it's from summer sun. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:11 PM Flag
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I get a gloss done every 6-8 weeks. The color takes to my greys (doesn't for everyone though), and it fades, so there's no "roots line" like you get with permanent dyes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:37 PM Flag
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I do a glaze every 2 weeks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:38 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone live near the 57th and 7th subway? What's up with that lady who hands out that free newspaper at one of the entrances? She yells "No devices on the stairs" if people are walking up and down the stairs looking at their devices. 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:22 PM Flag
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OP she reminds me of a Seinfeld character [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:23 PM Flag
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Ha, she's right. People walking or climbing the subway stairs on their phones drive me crazy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:23 PM Flag
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that's funny. she's probably seen a number of people fall. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:47 PM Flag
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So, she's just doing a little service. And she's right. Someone yesterday just stopped short on the stairs and began texting. For real? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:01 PM Flag
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That won't happen when we're all living in a virtual reality! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:42 PM Flag
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We have some zealous people at Jay Street Station in Brooklyn who hand out the free Metros. It's actually become part of my day. When they're not there, I feel sad and lonely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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What’s up with her? Good for her! I’m so sick of navigating around clueless people who can’t look up from their phones long enough to get off the stairs and find a place to stand out of peoples’ wat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:55 AM Flag
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I meant peoples’ WAY. No, I’m not on the subway steps. Im home on the couch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:57 AM Flag
[ - ] Any actor/casting agent moms? I am 50, trained professionally and have acted in Europe and the US. I can act in 2 foreign languages with no accent. Unfortunately I don't have a reel because most of my work took place in the 90s and early 2000 (I have a couple of blurbs and a short film on disc and some voice over files - that's it) I was thinking if I may have any chances to get work in soap operas in NYC. How do you submit for that work? Moving back to NYC at the end of the summer, had an agent when I lived in NYC and will have to contact them again when I return. But in the meantime I was wondering what chances I may have and would I be able to already send headshots/resumes for soap opera castings or is that a difficult sector? Thanks for any advice and feedback 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:13 PM Flag
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Most soap operas are off the air nowadays. New York used to be a huge employer of soap actors, but not anymore...If your second language is Spanish, maybe you can work in telenovelas but I don't know if they shoot in nyc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:29 PM Flag
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You have to become a SAG member first. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:29 PM Flag
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op- I am SAG eligible, I could join any time [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:31 PM Flag
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Soaps are going away. Days of our Lives just closed shop. Get some extra work. Then see if a manager will take you on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:02 PM Flag
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op- thanks, very useful. Didn't know that soaps were going away... makes sense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:32 PM Flag
[ - ] Do any UB moms live in the East Village? My dd (23) lives there, and it's so over the top busy and young, I can't imagine living there with a family. I was curious what it was like. Thanks! 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:04 PM Flag
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I"m in the burbs, btw. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:05 PM Flag
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My mid-20s DD lives there, too, and it's incredibly fun for her. I love visiting but it's too busy for an old fart like me (we live in a quiet brownstone neighborhood). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:06 PM Flag
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op- I agree! Visiting is so much fun, but it's insanely busy and chaotic. Dd is having the time of her life, though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:08 PM Flag
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Now is the time to do it! I had a crazy fun time in my 20s, too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:08 PM Flag
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We lived there and loved it from marriage until dcs were 8 & 10. Moved to Yorkville to be closer to the kids' schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:12 PM Flag
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We live on 4th Ave so technically it's the EV but kind of removed. Close proximity to lots of restaurants, shopping, and transportation, but lacking in green space. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:14 PM Flag
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There's a reason your 23 yo lives there. Not much in the way of larger apartments for families. Has not traditionally been a family area, though Stuy Town and Peter Cooper, just a few blocks away, are very family oriented. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:16 PM Flag
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Except there are families there. Lots. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:19 PM Flag
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yeah, but many don't fit the UB demographic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:09 PM Flag
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2002 just called, they want you back [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 04:18 AM Flag
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It’s fine. Used to be gritty, Tompkins square still is. Lots of restaurants, east village progressive public schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:19 PM Flag
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I do, well, btwn EV and Gramercy. Love it. Easy to get everywhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:56 PM Flag
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There are quieter parts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:02 PM Flag
[ - ] How is mom with rehab DD and DS with early signs of autism? Anyone else we want to hear from? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:03 PM Flag
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last we heard she had a job offer and her dh has a job offer or is close to getting one [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:08 PM Flag
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That's me! I am starting a new job in January after I get my bonus at my current firm. New job is slightly better salary and better, cheaper medical insurance, and seems like a better fit overall. DH hasn't had a drink in 70ish days and is currently interviewing for a job that he really wants. They know that he was terminated for "health reasons" that he has since been treating. I'd be shocked if he gets the job, but I'm hoping and praying. We took DS to a developmental pediatrician who said that he was too young to diagnose but showing red flags for ASD. He has made tons of improvements through Early Intervention therapies and is starting ABA within the next couple of weeks. It's been rough. I've had tunnel vision and I'm completely focused on my kids. I guess I'm not as down as I was. If DH starts drinking again, I'm leaving - no question. Thanks for checking in! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 03:44 PM Flag
[ - ] I love that I can lock the door to my office and take a power nap. Sweet dreams to me! 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:02 PM Flag
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I used to do that when I had a big-shot job. Enjoy your snooze! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:03 PM Flag
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Do you go under your desk like George Costanza? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:10 PM Flag
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that episode was hilarious! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:14 PM Flag
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OMG, I was thinking exactly this!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:46 PM Flag
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Lol. When I was a baby attorney pregnant with first DC, I took a nap at my desk almost every day in my first trimester. One time, one of the senior partners walked in while I had my head down (he always knocked and then walked right in). I was so embarrassed, and he really didn't say anything, just said stop by my office. When I got there, he gave me the key to the small senior partner conference room that also had a couch in it, and told me to go nap there anytime I wanted to. He was a good man :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:34 PM Flag
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That’s so lovely! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:58 AM Flag
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We have a little lockable telephone room at the office because it's open plan, and I keep a cashmere throw in my drawer to take a 15 min snooze. Heaven. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:48 PM Flag
[ - ] If you found out that your husband of 5 years was having multiple affairs(baby on the way), would you stay? Is it possible that he can truly love his wife? 86 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:53 PM Flag
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No. No man who is exposing his wife and unborn child to STD risks is worth it. Instead of helping his wife deal with health transitions/stress, he's off having sex with someone else. It proves he is selfish. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:56 PM Flag
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What if he said he always wore a condom. He is having sex during the day, saying he is at work. He doesn't do weekends or nights unless it's a business trip. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:00 PM Flag
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lmao, what a gentleman! Why would anyone believe him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:03 PM Flag
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His wife apparently does. She has no idea he does these things. How does a wife not know her dh?! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:11 PM Flag
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Yeah, she's the bad guy here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:27 AM Flag
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NP: How grand of him. What does it matter if he always wore condoms? That's the abso-fucking-lutely least he should do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:05 PM Flag
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Is his wife pg or one of his people he is sleeping with? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:07 PM Flag
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Wife is pregnant [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:10 PM Flag
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I think he is not husband material and he will continue to cheat. You may catch him, you may not. If you have only been married 5 yrs you are better off leaving. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:44 AM Flag
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So, he's also not a hard worker. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:07 PM Flag
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He has seniority. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:21 PM Flag
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So he isn't just messing with his wife's trust, he's cheating his employer of time he should be at work, and gambling with his career too. Wow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:23 PM Flag
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Seniority means you don't have to work?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:37 PM Flag
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He sounds like someone who first and foremost loves himself. To me it wouldn't matter if in his warped mind he believed he truly loved me, I couldn't ever trust someone who has multiple affairs (within such a short time-span, no less) like that again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:57 PM Flag
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No and no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:57 PM Flag
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No - multiple affairs? He would never stop. It would be hard to be a divorce mom with a newborn, but my guess is his affairs would escalate over time. I would not want to be in that marriage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:57 PM Flag
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ok thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:58 PM Flag
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It’s not even just affairs. He’s a sociopath. Who knows what else he’s capable of. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:18 PM Flag
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How many is too many? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:58 PM Flag
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How many? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:35 PM Flag
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Who is having the baby? One of the affairs?? Either way, I wouldn't stay for this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:00 PM Flag
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Wife is expecting. Their first child. He's had at least 10 women... mostly would see them 3x. One a bit longer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:01 PM Flag
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^ Majority are married women. He found them online. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:02 PM Flag
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Uh, gross. Does the DW want to stay? If yes, why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:04 PM Flag
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She doesn’t know yet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:14 PM Flag
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How do you know? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:14 PM Flag
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A mutual friend told me. He saw him entering a hotel with another woman. Then he opened up to his friend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:20 PM Flag
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Whatever he told the "friend" is likely a half-truth, at best. This dude is bad news. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:21 PM Flag
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I know. His close friend who is also my close friend, we’re the only ones who know. I hate it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:24 PM Flag
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What did your mutual friend say to him? I don't think I could keep my mouth shut in this situation, and I am not a buttinski. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:26 PM Flag
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He told him he’s insane and his wife would be devastated. But he doesn’t feel like it’s his place to tell. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:28 PM Flag
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YES IT IS. SHE DESERVES TO KNOW. He is abusing his wife by treating her this way. There is an ethical obligation to intervene. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:51 PM Flag
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No and he can't love the baby, either. He's deeply flawed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:05 PM Flag
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Such bullshit. He can absolutely love the baby. He might not be sexually attracted to the wife. Don't project. This isn't about you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:01 PM Flag
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I don't think you know what "project" means, or love for that matter. But it's funny, since you are the one who mentioned attraction to his wife??? Totally irrelevant information. It's a fact that he's putting his needs above his child's. That's the opposite of love. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:43 PM Flag
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Absolutely leave. Baby will never have to know or be torn from a life with an intact family and wife can get a away from a cheating narcissist. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:05 PM Flag
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How do you know his wife would leave? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:15 PM Flag
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His wife is insecure and is dependent on him and her parents. He says she’s a neurotic. She’s a teacher. He says he loves her though and wouldn’t leave her. She needs him and he likes to feel needed, does a lot for her. He began his affairs 2 years after their marriage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:18 PM Flag
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^after their wedding [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:18 PM Flag
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Are we talking a real life situation here? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:06 PM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:14 PM Flag
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Op: he separates love and sex. Says he likes the thrill and he knows he’s getting away with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:15 PM Flag
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So? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:16 PM Flag
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He's also a liar, so unsure as to why you're thinking he's suddenly being candid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:17 PM Flag
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Op: he normalizes it which is crazy. Very nonchalant about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:24 PM Flag
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Just wanted to say sorry, that sounds horrible. I'd like to say definitively that I'd leave but a baby on the way complicates matters. Either way you have a rough road ahead of you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:17 PM Flag
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Op: I don’t think his wife would ever leave. She’s dependent on him. Very insecure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:22 PM Flag
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Are you the other woman? And pregnant with his child? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:40 PM Flag
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No! I explained above. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:03 PM Flag
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So majority say it’s not possible for him to love his wife? What if it’s only sex and nothing else... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:36 PM Flag
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If you truly love someone would you betray them like that? It might be "only sex" to him but he's putting his feelings way above those of his wife and ultimately children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:55 PM Flag
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He really only sees this as sex. And since he wears a condom, he feels that he’s not putting her in jeopardy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:10 PM Flag
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"Seeing" it that way doesn't make it reality. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:13 PM Flag
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He believes it. My friend tried to talk to him. He believes marriage is fiction. He said he never cheated on her when they were dating and the first 2 yrs of marriage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:20 PM Flag
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Right, but he lied to his wife about the terms of their relationship. And as another poster pointed out on another thread, it takes a special kind of man to cheat on his wife, but refuse to open the relationship so she can sleep around too. He gets off on hurting her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:25 PM Flag
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So he does know what he's doing is wrong, otherwise why stress that he initially didn't cheat on her. He should seek therapy since sex seems to be an escape mechanism for him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:28 PM Flag
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I think he knows it’s wrong. He told my friend it’s separate and he compartmentalizes it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:32 PM Flag
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Because he is mentally ill and likely a sociopath. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:50 PM Flag
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Wrong. Condoms don't fully protect against HPV. He could be giving her multiple strains and eventually she gets vaginal, anal or cervical cancer. And his baby loses his mom. Think about that for a moment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:02 AM Flag
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Until now, has he given you the things you want? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:41 PM Flag
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What do you mean? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:02 PM Flag
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I assume you're one of the other women. Why do his feelings about his wife matter to you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:52 PM Flag
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I answered above. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:03 PM Flag
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I see. Sorry. Do you plan on telling his wife? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:08 PM Flag
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No, I can’t. My friend knows her better. I know her but not well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:09 PM Flag
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nope. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:02 PM Flag
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Op: My friend told me that he stays connected with a few of his past women. He uses a certain messaging app only for these women. He considers them his friends. He recently had a one night stand with a 22 year old. He’s 39. He was away on business. But he still has her contact info on this app. He’s able to contact all of these women! One women he tell his liaisons to but apparently she wants to sleep with him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:24 PM Flag
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I've BTDT. she should get out NOW. You sound entrenched in his way of thinking. He is sexually compulsive, any therapist would describe his actions as such. His behavior is not typical or within the range of normal, mostly because he is living a lie. Whatever he feels about love and sex being separate, he is living a complete lie. Someone should tell the wife NOW while she still has a chance to live a normal life without him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:49 PM Flag
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Five years is nothing. Get out now! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 09:57 PM Flag
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NO: was thinking the same. Five years is like a blip. I’d have more angst at around the 15 year mark when you’ve actually invested time in a life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:14 AM Flag
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“NP” not NO [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:14 AM Flag
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DH here: however dependent she may be on him - this cannot end well. She needs to know - find a way to do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 10:24 PM Flag
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You've posted about this same situation several times. I remember your other posts. I'll bite. Yes, I think he can love his wife--love means different things to different people. There is no right or wrong answer to any of these questions. I'd likely stay depending on how I felt about our relationship--fidelity is not a deal-breaker to me. If he's an otherwise good husband and provider, I'd make the best of it (possibly have my own affairs) and move forward. To each her own. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 01:27 AM Flag
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There is absolutely a right or wrong answer to some of these questions! Lying and deception are WRONG. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:24 AM Flag
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+1. And it's immature to say "love means different things to different people." That's why you make a contract at the beginning of a relationship to make SURE it means the same to both parties. Wouldn't that excuse a lot of horrible behavior if such an excuse were viable? E.g., Pedophiles completely believe they are in love with and in a "relationship" with their victims. Please. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:48 PM Flag
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I can't speak to the second question but this is a truly shitty thing for him to do and says terrible things about his character. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:32 AM Flag
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You NEVER truly know what's going on with other people. Maybe the wife knows and would rather stay in the marriage than divorce him. Mind your own business and stop worrying about what other people do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 02:57 PM Flag
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^^My mother-in-law put up with many affairs over the course of 65 year marriage. She saw her husband as a high-status man, and it was more important to her to hang onto him. She also (probably realistically) felt she would never attract someone with equal status, if they divorced. Sometimes people make a choice and their choice is NOT YOUR BUSINESS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 03:00 PM Flag
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It's up to the wife. Poor wife, though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 03:12 PM Flag
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Yes, it is. And it's not up to the OP to be judging other people, and contemplate revealing what she "knows" to the wife. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 03:24 PM Flag
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But it can't be up to the wife if she has no clue. At least two people know, probably more if the guy is this careless and enters hotels in his hometown in broad daylight with his side piece. I'd be devastated to find out people knew about DH's affairs and didn't have the guts to tell me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 04:23 PM Flag
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You're putting a spin on this -- "didn't have the guts to tell me". It may have nothing to do with GUTS. It's a matter of people minding their own business. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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For ages that was the same argument for keeping domestic violence silent. The personal is political. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 04:57 PM Flag
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A marriage where one or both partners are not exclusive is NOT comparable to domestic violence. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.19, 02:36 AM Flag
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Yikes. This is a hard one. I got married young and found out my husband (now, ex) of 3 years was cheating and we divorced. We didn't have any kids, co-mingled assets, etc and it was a clean break. We first tried to work it out but he refused to try therapy and I found out he was still seeing/communicating with the OW. They ended up pregnant like three months later. It's been 12 years, I'm remarried with my own kids and SO much happier. Good luck! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 05:00 PM Flag
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How much is he worth? If tons - check out laws in your state, stay as long as you need for pension sssets etc. plan your e it. Document. Take him for everything you can. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.21.19, 05:44 PM Flag
[ - ] Interviewing for new job tomorrow after 17 years at my company. The company is going through changes and they gave the director position for a new dept I should above been the head of to someone else, explaining that it was not fun to deal with management. Obviously hugely offensive even though they were absolutely right - I don’t want to deal with management. What do I tell new company why I want to leave after 17 years? If I say I don’t agree with direction of internal changes I’ll appear a whiner, complainer or fearing being fired. 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:28 PM Flag
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Why do you have to tell them anything? You mean like in an exit interview? Just say you got an offer you couldn’t refuse and leave it at that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:42 PM Flag
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No the new company will obviously ask what is prompting a change after 17 years [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:46 PM Flag
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Oh, I see. I would not spend much time, if any, discussing your current company. Instead focus on how much you’re interested in the opportunity you’re interviewing for. Focus on how you’re excited by the potential for a new challenge. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:34 PM Flag
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You'll have incompatible ideas of how to move forward. You are looking for new opportunities to grow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:42 PM Flag
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Do I mention the internal structural changes? It just seems like they would be able to tell something is making me move. And I’m really sensitive because since I’m way old I assume they will think I am being pushed out (which despite the director thing I truly am not - current company would be shocked) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:49 PM Flag
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They can't find out really. Make it seem all very civil and polite. And say as little as possible [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:50 PM Flag
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I think you're overthinking it. After 17 years it may clearly be time for a change, it's completely reasonable. You could even position it as, with the change at your current office you wanted to take the opportunity to investigate other job opportunities. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:54 PM Flag
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"It's less about wanting to leave there, although there are some changes looming that concern me. I'm really here more out of real interest in the opportunity that you have here." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:58 PM Flag
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^^Also, take the concept of "I should have gotten the directorship" right off the table. If you can't deal with management and it's part of the job, no way you should have gotten ot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 06:59 PM Flag
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np- I disagree. This sounds negative and pessimistic, particularly about "changes"- which are intrinsic to most organizations. I would frame it more positively, as an interest in what's out there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:14 PM Flag
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Just don’t know if to bring up the internal changes though that would be an obvious trigger. Anything I say about not agreeing with the changes will sound like I’m being pushed out.Can I say it’s like a marriage that has gotten too comfortable? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:16 PM Flag
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Why do you insist on all of this? Focus on the opportunity ahead, not the details of what's driving you to leave. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 07:41 PM Flag
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Growth, feeling like you want a change. All valid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:03 PM Flag
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Is your current company in the news regarding these changes/restructuring? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:07 PM Flag
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Not currently but I’m worried it may become known and then I’ll look like s liar and it was obvious I was passed up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.20.19, 08:12 PM Flag
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