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[ - ] I have a DD who turned 2 in November and a 7 month old DS. DH and I both work full-time and kids are in daycare during the week. DH started a job in November and is now working 14 hour days seven days a week typically. (We needed the salary increase, so I'm not complaining.) But it's gotten to the point where my DD has very little structure. I let her watch TV (though was never adamantly against this) - oddly, she loves movie musicals. If she doesn't want to eat a meal, I allow it. She's 90s percentile for weight and height, so why force her? Ever since new baby came and DH started long hours, she refuses to sleep in her crib. We fought and fought this, but have now given up. I really try to read a few books with her every night before bed and stick to baths every other night. But I'm finding it impossible to get a good routine going again. Anyone have experience like this? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:33 PM Flag
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^OP - Am I doing any serious harm here? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:35 PM Flag
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You do what you have to survive right now. It will get easier when the kids are a little bit older. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:42 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:56 PM Flag
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Your DH cannot keep up that schedule for long. He will have a mental or physical breakdown. Your DD misses him and has to adjust to the new baby. You seem to have checked out. Something's gotta give. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:01 PM Flag
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OP - How am I checked out? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:02 PM Flag
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You aren't doing any long term damage. When things are a bit easier it might take some intention to change habits, but don't worry about it. Just get through it. Good luck! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:10 PM Flag
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FWIW I've got three teens and am an early childhood educator. So experience plus professional opinion! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:10 PM Flag
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As someone whose dh worked very long hours - try to have one family meal per day. Often my dh had breakfast with us instead of dinner. TV off, everyone sit together to eat breakfast. My dh would see the kids and spend time with them at a family member like every 36 hours or so on average. Very rarely would it go 48 hours without that. At 2, she doesn't need to be in a crib. Take the crib out and put her crib mattress on the floor and let her sleep there. Or when you say she is refusing to sleep in her crib, do you mean she is sleeping with you guys? We had our kids sleep with us until 2 or 3 and that time was very important with the kids since dh was working so much. Cosleeping was great for keeping that closeness. Watching movie musicals is fine. Don't worry about that. At 2, most kids are grazers anyway so if you are offering healthy foods and she is grazing, that is fine. Don't worry about that. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:28 PM Flag
[ - ] Got so much done Moms, so proud of myself, will have a scoop of ice cream to treat myself ! 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:27 PM Flag
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good for you! enjoy it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:34 PM Flag
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I'm sick at work and having a piece of cake for lunch out of self-pity. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:34 PM Flag
[ - ] Annoying phrases my cubicle co-worker uses: Baked Right In and Optics. Also likes to abbreviate / nickname our bosses so they sound like street rap artists. He’s so. Annoying. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:18 PM Flag
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Okay, that last one is funny. Maybe annoying, but funny. You should make a list of them and write up something funny. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:26 PM Flag
[ - ] Favorite kind of pizza? Bonus points if from a particular spot. 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:08 PM Flag
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Proscuitto parma Naples. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:09 PM Flag
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I doubt people would come down to my neighborhood but I either just like a regular slice or a margherita slice, depending. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:09 PM Flag
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NY style topped with mushrooms (and sausage, if I want meat). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:14 PM Flag
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John's on Bleecker will always be my #1. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:14 PM Flag
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Ha ha old school. So good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:59 PM Flag
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Motorino in the east village [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:15 PM Flag
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Love Chicago style best. Unfortunately I am in NYC and haven't found a good spot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:17 PM Flag
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This! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:19 PM Flag
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OMG I find Chicago style so disgusting. I tried it and it ruined my day. But I also am not a saucy person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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Love Chicago style spinach, very light on the cheese, so it is mostly sauce, spinach and crust. And now I'm hungry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:32 PM Flag
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OP - ha ha sorry, this question was prompted by me eating my sad salad and wishing it were pizza and thinking of all the kinds of pizza I wish I was having instead... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:53 PM Flag
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Congrats on the will power! Now I'm debating having pizza delivered for lunch. Someone stop me! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:58 PM Flag
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Gross. Like eating cake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:52 PM Flag
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Keste in the West Village Robertas in Brooklyn [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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Neapolitan Quattro formaggi or Speckenwolf - Luzzo's EV or Robertas Bushwick. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:27 PM Flag
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Ah thank you. Poster from above - I am not a meat eater but my DH and Dc rave about the speckenwolf at Robertas. I couldn't remember the name. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:44 PM Flag
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Plain cheese NY style with lots of sauce. I can't stand when there's hardly any sauce. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:37 PM Flag
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Square from Spumoni Gardens [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:43 PM Flag
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Hawaiian. I’ll take EXTRA pineapples, please. Flame away. I am used to it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:47 PM Flag
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There's something satisfying about that combo to some people. I'm starting to think there's some kind of genetic component or memory associated with the combo of flavors that does it for people. I'm not fond of it, but DD, who grew up on pizza in Brooklyn, loves it! I don't know why that is. Just enjoy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:51 PM Flag
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San Matteo on UES. Napolian style. Best. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:49 PM Flag
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Thin crust with mushrooms and prosciutto. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:53 PM Flag
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Felice pizza from Farinella! OMG, I could eat an entire palam of it, it is so good. How has no one else mentioned this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:05 PM Flag
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I'm never uptown. I'll keep it in mind though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:08 PM Flag
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Do it, you won't regret it. Every person I know who has tried it at my urging has told me they loved it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:09 PM Flag
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Lingua de Foco from Dar Poeta [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:06 PM Flag
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OMG, yes, Dar Poeta. I don't even know the names ... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:07 PM Flag
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I had to look it up - I just knew it was the spicy one! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 09:31 PM Flag
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Wu Tang Clam at Milkflower in Astoria [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:54 PM Flag
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Vito and Nick's, Chicago, sausage, thin crust. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:08 PM Flag
[ - ] What are your favorite sources for affordable but interesting/classic/good quality lighting (kitchen, island, dining room)? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:04 PM Flag
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There is none. Just pay for a high end fixture, or get a used one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:00 PM Flag
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Rejuvenation, Lumens, Schoolhouse Electric [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:02 PM Flag
[ - ] Completing a new life insurance policy for various reasons, realized after I was interviewed that I did have a speeding ticket within the window they asked about. I genuinely forgot, until I just reviewed the draft to sign. Should I correct? Is it true that any false statement on an application permits them to withhold paying out the death benefit? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:01 PM Flag
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i would correct. life insurance is to buy you peace of mind. no use taking this risk. obviously there is a chance is results in an increased premium. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:04 PM Flag
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thank you! You are right. I just did. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:13 PM Flag
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I highly doubt they are going to refuse to pay out because of a speeding ticket. One ticket does not indicate a pattern of dangerous driving. I'm sure a lot of people forget about this stuff especially if it was a one off [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:14 PM Flag
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that could be a loophole for them not to pay out. I would correct it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:28 PM Flag
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Not for the ticket, per se, but for lying on the application. Insurance companies look for reasons to deny payment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:06 PM Flag
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Definitely correct it. There are entire law firms that do "insurance defense" work scouring the documents looking for reasons why an insurance company should not pay on a policy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:04 PM Flag
[ - ] At what age do little kids enjoy those Melissa & Doug Magnetic Dress up dolls? I see they make them for boys and girls. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:58 PM Flag
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I think around 3. Can't remember exactly. Got a few sets at stoop sales. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:01 PM Flag
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+ 1. My 3.5 yo dd plays with these. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:08 PM Flag
[ - ] S/O from the T&C post below. What do you usually spend on airfare and lodging during spring break and what is your HHI? 46 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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Very rarely travel. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:37 PM Flag
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We spend about $3500 on flights for family of 4. We stay at a friend’s tropical Paradise and only spend on food and activities about $1000. HHI is $350k. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:39 PM Flag
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^^Sorry $450k. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:39 PM Flag
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So helpful [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:45 PM Flag
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OP asked, I answered. How can I be of other service? Not everyone travels on spring break. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:46 PM Flag
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You aren't required to answer every post. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:50 PM Flag
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Yes, and I don't, but the question wasn't tailored to only those who travel. I don't travel, and answered honestly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:52 PM Flag
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Here is your medal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:07 PM Flag
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Wow, you're the one who keeps henpecking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:12 PM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:08 PM Flag
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We spend 5-10k all in. Very broad but sometimes we just hang out in Mexico and sometimes we travel around Japan. Flights are usually the big difference. HHI 1MM. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:24 PM Flag
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Divorced mom, HHI 250/300, I usually spend 5-6K on vacation lodging and activities for a week, and 1.5-2K on travel. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:43 PM Flag
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That's a lot of money on that HHI. Be careful for retirement. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:46 PM Flag
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Lol what a ridiculous comment. You have no idea what her situation is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:56 PM Flag
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OR: this. Thank you. Retirement and college are set, thankfully. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:59 PM Flag
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this. I 'only' make 250K but I live in a flyover with a paid off house. My monthly expenses are 5K. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:03 PM Flag
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We have a similar HHI and spend a ton on travel. We are not in NYC and so housing cost is low. Plenty of retirement savings and college is funded for DD. I'm not interested in dying with more money having stayed home every year so I can brag about my retirement savings. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:04 PM Flag
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Just looking out for her. I'm probably older and I know when you're young you just want to have fun. On $250HHI vacations that cost $6K could make you very sad when you have nothing for retirement. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:10 PM Flag
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OMG. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:11 PM Flag
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Why OMG? You can't win on UB. Poster just trying to lend older advice and then gets laughed at. Every day an UBer posts about having no savings, no retirement, etc... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:31 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:13 PM Flag
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OR: I appreciate that! I'm divorced and jaded though, so no worries. During divorce I was incredibly focused on all the "boring" stuff. So many women say "I just want my kids"...I was like, no I want my kids and all that I'm entitled to! I was the saver and planner and managed all the assets, so I am satisfied in that dept.! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:12 PM Flag
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Good for you. More women need to think about the end game. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:32 PM Flag
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NP: ROFL. Our HHI is about 200K and we take a 6K vacation each year. We also have a paid off house and a couple million in savings. Maybe because we deigned to live in a sneered-at "middle-class" neighborhood and opted not to spend 50K for kindergarten? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:21 PM Flag
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Can I ask how you have millionsnin savings at that hhi? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:31 PM Flag
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Sounds like she lived in a sneered at middle class neighborhood. I get it. DH and I made way less than $200k but our digs were totally uncool. We saved a lot of money by not putting it toward rent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:34 PM Flag
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Yes, what she said. Uncool middle-class hood. Live well beneath our means (although life certainly feels quite comfortable and luxurious to me!) Buy used cars with cash and drive for years, stuff like that. I SAH for several years until the youngest DC was in K, thus eliminating childcare costs and the other two-income-trap expenses. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:56 PM Flag
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How is the "stayed home for x years" trap salary cut working for you now? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:05 PM Flag
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Pretty well. We always lived on DH's income, so what I make is just extra savings. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:14 PM Flag
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Why would this be ROFL material? Sounds like you are very wise and should teach others how to save money. Good job? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:32 PM Flag
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We are going skiing. Air fair and car are around 1K. We are staying with friends so free, but will spend extra on food to treat so 1.5K on food, then 2K for lift tickets and lessons for kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:50 PM Flag
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Oh HHI 275,000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:50 PM Flag
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$1500 on food? $2000 for skiing? You mean each? Or is this the total? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:55 PM Flag
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each, the trip will be around 5k total. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:02 PM Flag
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Spring break is usually our one and only splurge vacation during the yr. so maybe 10k-12k. HHI is about 800 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:51 PM Flag
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where do you go? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:52 PM Flag
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this year we are doing a big trip (so probably 8-10K), but usually we just go visit family ($1k or less). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:55 PM Flag
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We had sticker shock when we tried to price out the Caribbean or Florida, so DH is taking the kids skiing in Whistler. Just paying airfare as we are staying in a friend's condo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:00 PM Flag
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Are you going to Whistler as well? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:14 PM Flag
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I think you also need to ask for family size. I usually do 5-6k for family of 6. But that is by tracking flights religiously. If I had less kids, could prob do for less. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:06 PM Flag
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We usually spend about 1k for flights and stay with family for free in FL. HHI 450. Tempted this year to say screw it and go somewhere good which will be $$ since we have left it late [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:15 PM Flag
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Am I the only one who has no idea? I am serious. I usually am booking flights early on, adding hotels later, throwing in a rental car if needed, buying meals and activities once there . . . I guess I could back of the envelope it, but you all seem to know. HHI $450k, single mom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:17 PM Flag
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I'm more like you. I have a ballpark figure. What I do know is that we are paying cash for vacations and I'm comfortable with what we spend. Some people get a thrill by saving $75 / flight. Thank goodness DH and I are on the same page. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:26 PM Flag
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I’ve been driving DH crazy to plan already cuz prices keep going up. He keeps saying I’m happy to pay a premium for procrastination. So much going on it’s less pressure to plan more last minute. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:30 PM Flag
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I feel bettr! I always pay the credit card in full, and it is not like I am staying in $1500/night hotels, but just don't want to think too hard! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:22 PM Flag
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Our cost is about 2k in airfare and 1k in restaurants for a family of five. That said, we will stay in a ski home owned by my in laws, we have season passes to the slopes and own our ski stuff. We probably spend 1k in lunches on the slopes and eat at home most nights. The cost of the ski passes and gear is spread out over time. All in maybe it’s more like 4K for spring break. HHI is 500k. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:09 PM Flag
[ - ] Turks & Caicos question: We usually stay at Seven Stars but it is sold out. I found availability at Ocean Club Provenciales Original (not West). Is this resort nice? I know it won't be as nice as Seven Stars and I'm ok with that but don't want to stay in a run down dump. Thanks. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:30 PM Flag
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P.S. It is 3.5 stars vs. 5 stars and still over $600 per night. Seems like a lot for that rating but it is high season. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:31 PM Flag
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I'm going to Seven Stars!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:59 PM Flag
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OP here: You're lucky. Do you know the island? Is the other place ok? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:05 PM Flag
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only ever stayed at seven stars. sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:48 PM Flag
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How long ago did you book? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:29 PM Flag
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maybe october? can't remember exactly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:47 PM Flag
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Look at Amanyara [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:21 PM Flag
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Every place is booked ! I am so annoyed - NP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:24 PM Flag
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I know. I'm OP and usually book in October. I'm late to the game and everything decent is sold out or over $2K per night for a small room. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:34 PM Flag
[ - ] Ladies with super fine european hair, where do you do your highlights? My latest attempt ended up in over processed disaster yet again. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:27 PM Flag
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You have to be vigilant in reminding the colorist, no matter how good they are, that you’re getting highlights for the texture and not to look bleached blond. Request lowlights as well. Also, if possible, don’t go to the salon when it’s busy. Go when the colorist can their devote time & attention to you. I also keep a bottle of Roux vegetable temporary ( washes out each time) rinse on hand to use when there’s too much contrast as the roots grow in or if it seems too blind. Just use a saturated cotton ball to blend the area between natural & overlightened. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:39 PM Flag
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^^^ seems too Blond not blind. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:40 PM Flag
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^^^ I also like Bumble & Bumble Surf Foam spray- a very light mouse you spray on vs traditional hair mousse and some of the Living Proof products for increased volume. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:42 PM Flag
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THANK YOU! Very helpful [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:50 PM Flag
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CORINNE at Serge Normant downtown [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:13 PM Flag
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I bet they are good.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:08 PM Flag
[ - ] RIP Carol Channing 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:25 PM Flag
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Aww, what a life! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:34 PM Flag
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Goodbye, Dolly :( RIP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:41 PM Flag
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I saw her in 1995 production [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:55 PM Flag
[ - ] Can you please help me explain this to a man I am dating: I am a single mom and I pay all the bills and have done so for 7 years. I am proud of this. when it comes to the holidays and special occasions I don't want to receive big gifts. 20/40 dollars because I: 1. know the guy isn't rich so he is in effect taking from himself and his kids, 2. I am too scared. I associate rec as being vulnerable, 3. I would accept ONE gift- the ring I always wanted. that's the gift that I WOULD take. I want to tell him this but not in these words as I do not think it would be wise. I am not asking for help analyzing/changing my position rather how to express my position in the best way to this man, thank you. 36 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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Gifts are such a loaded thing. I think you should "accept" any gift he wants to give you and express gratitude. And you can always hint about the ring you've always wanted. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:34 PM Flag
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right. but something has come up and that's why I want to say something about my "positon" on gifts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:35 PM Flag
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What has come up? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:38 PM Flag
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I saw a brand new sneaker that came out the day I texted the pic to him. He likes sneakers as well. (I was intending to make conversation.) And I think it could have been misconstrued as a hint that I wanted him to buy them for me! and I want to explain- not so! and take the opportunity to add a bit about my thoughts on gift giving. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:42 PM Flag
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Wait. Isn't there more to this story, like you texted him about it and he texted you a photo of a different gift suggesting it might be for someone else? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:45 PM Flag
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no? I texted him and don't want the text to be taken as a hint. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:46 PM Flag
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no, what?* [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:46 PM Flag
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But did you post about this last week? Where you texted him the pair of shoes, he texted back a picture of something else, you replied that you didn't know who the gift would be for, and then you freaked out that he didn't reply immediately saying it was for you? I might be misremembering the details. Or maybe there are multiple posters texting footware to their lovers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:54 PM Flag
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Only I texted him a pic. not me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:58 PM Flag
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Oh, sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:09 PM Flag
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i think saying "i wasn't hinting for you to buy them!" is enough. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:48 PM Flag
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Gifts aren't payments for your services. They are gifts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:35 PM Flag
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op: how does that answer my question? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:37 PM Flag
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Read between the lines, OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:38 PM Flag
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op: ? just speak plainly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:38 PM Flag
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No. If you don't get it, you'll never get it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:39 PM Flag
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op; ok, np. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:42 PM Flag
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op; If you are intending to insult me- I get it. I would just rather you did it plainly. being that I know who I am, either way- np. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:44 PM Flag
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You are the one who should do some work here, not him. Work on receiving and being a gracious receiver. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:44 PM Flag
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This. Good lord. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:45 PM Flag
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op: I don't want to receive. I wont take the risk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:47 PM Flag
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just to be clear -- an expensive engagement ring is the only gift you want from this man? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:53 PM Flag
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op: one day, some man, I don't know if this one, will love and I will love him and I don't know if we will marry BUT there is one piece of jewelry I have loved for years, it happens to be a ring. I would love to rec it. it costs 2k and I will buy it for myself if that man does not come along. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:56 PM Flag
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You sound pathologically romantic, in a way that is unhealthy for you and your children. I hope you have some support and therapeutic nurturing in your life. Perhaps seek a therapist? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:02 PM Flag
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To me romantic is being unrealistic. how is that romantic? I would say I am too negative or have low expectations but romantic? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:07 PM Flag
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Because you are saying that "one day my prince will come" and buy me the ring I want and "if that man doe not come along" you'll buy it yourself...this is very romantic and a bit delusional. Honestly, now I'm calling it. Fake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:18 PM Flag
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op: its not one day my price will come. it is one day- I will find love. the same it is for everyone else. AND since I am older and am NOT a romantic, and I do love this ring and I can and will buy it for myself. You are reading a lotttt into my words that I don't see as being there. I don't even see what is delusional about buying something for myself? Do you know what delusional means? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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You sound incredibly codependent. It is NOT the same for everyone. You are projecting. Peace out, I'm done here! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:27 PM Flag
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NP. I agree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:12 PM Flag
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Risk of what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:54 PM Flag
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Being "in relation" to other people is an ongoing risk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:03 PM Flag
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I think that if your relationship is solid it will survive the conversation you need to have. Just express to him what you have express here. Basically you are more interested in a less materialistic foundation to your relationship. At some point as the relationship progresses exchanging gifts that have meaning will be appropriate. But for now giving gifts for the sake of giving gifts that impact financial situations make you uncomfortable. Hopefully he is not shallow and will not view gifts as a the only way to express his love for you. Maybe he will be relieved that you don't want or expect gifts [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:11 PM Flag
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You sound a bit innebriated. What types of gifts have you received? How long have you been together? Why is this such an issue? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:40 PM Flag
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op: ummm- I'm not a drunk, But thx anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:42 PM Flag
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I think you need to figure out what you want here. I'm totally with you on not exchanging big gifts, especially when everyone is older and has kids (whether they're your kids together and you've been married a long time or it's a second relationship with kids from first marriages). Its a sign of maturity to accept that you show affection in other ways and to focus on planning for your future or other couple/family treats and goals instead. That's an easy conversation to have and makes sense to bring up before holidays or birthdays or as part of a more general discussion about finances. But then you lost me with the part about being scared to get a gift. that is immature and unhealthy and sounds like the sort of thing that bleeds over from not wanting an extravagant purse for your bday to not allowing this man to help you out at all in other ways. And that tells me either you're not ready for a relationship or he is not the one. But if you're going to be with someone, you need to be willing to be vulnerable and to share the ups and downs of life. And then your last comment about wanting an engagement ring tells me maybe you do love this man and do want a relationship which means you definitely need to work on this vulnerability thing and that is a much bigger issue and priority than some trivial conversation about gift exchanges. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:22 PM Flag
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Op: I don't think it's a trivial conversation either. and for me, time and trust 9actions) are what will decrease the vulnerability. Also, I realllyyyy am grateful for your time but I just wanted to hear advice on how to say what I wanted. A little more than lets not exchange costly gifts and less than, there's one thong I truly want, if we get there... :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:29 PM Flag
[ - ] Today is "comp day" at my firm. (If you are one of my thousands of colleagues, you'll be able to guess the bank). This means that they communicate bonuses and promotions today. But I feel like it is organized for maximum stress, e.g., at any point today, your manager will just say "do you have a minute"? And then tell you if you got the promotions / raise, etc. you have working towards for years. Expecting a promotion, and jumping out of my skin every time my manager speaks to me. Could they not put 15 minutes on the calendar?! 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:18 PM Flag
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Grow up, like this in many places [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:20 PM Flag
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so sage, how'd you become so wise? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:37 PM Flag
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Dilbert [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:12 PM Flag
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Good luck [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:20 PM Flag
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Good luck! I hope you get good news soon. And I hear you. It seems like a lot of corporate America is modeled like pledging a frat or sorority. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:21 PM Flag
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Zero job security and pay seems to go down each year vs. up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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former finance HR professional here and that is so accurate! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:47 PM Flag
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Good luck! That was me last year and I got the promotion. I know that feeling very well!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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Good luck. Warning: comp is down :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:31 PM Flag
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JPM? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:38 PM Flag
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Report back when you know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:00 PM Flag
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GS? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:10 PM Flag
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And best wishes. Husband in Asia and waiting for the number as well [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:11 PM Flag
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Blackrock? I agree with everyone, comp is down. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:19 PM Flag
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Lazard? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:28 PM Flag
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You should sort of know by now anyway if you haven't been told you aren't getting it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:46 PM Flag
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Good luck MS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:17 PM Flag
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Gotta be Morgan Stanley. My husband used to work there and mentioned last night that y'all are finding out today. Good luck ! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:27 PM Flag
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OP - haha, I guess it is comp day at more than one big bank today! One of those guesses was right. Got the promotion :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:33 PM Flag
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Congrats!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:01 PM Flag
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Congrats! Go celebrate! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:04 PM Flag
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Thanks! I will celebrate by working late tonight, of course, in the finance tradition ;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:26 PM Flag
[ - ] I am visiting Israel and am having a packed itinerary with many things to see. Would love recommendations on what to eat, shop and anything at all... I do not practice any religion but nevertheless am very excited to make this trip to explore their culture, history and understand some religion as well. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:18 PM Flag
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Understanding religion might be a stretch. I didn't understand the worship of Ra better when I went to Egypt, but I did enjoy seeing how ancient cultures worshiped and the time and effort they spent on building temples, taking care of the dead, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:23 PM Flag
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Israel is a fascinating country; try to visit Masada and Yad Vashem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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where exactly will you be? The country is small enough that you can cover everything by car . [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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We were there in April. The trip exceeded all expectations. We had a tour guide who brought us everywhere. Are you going alone or with a guide? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:29 PM Flag
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A tour guide is a must. City of david water tunnels is awesome. Ein gedi is beautiful. Dead Sea super memorable. If you have time for eilat it’s worth going. And of course the old city of Jerusalem and the western wall. So much more— any specific places you know you’ll be? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:52 PM Flag
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Depends where in Israel you’ll be. It’s kinda like saying what restaurants are good in Florida. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:53 PM Flag
[ - ] Elementary school moms: do your kids do Reading A-Z program in school? Up to which grade do the kids work on this? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:14 PM Flag
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No. They do refer to the F&P reading levels though, but seems to pretty much have stopped in 4th grade. I think they may still evaluate for report card purposes, but kids can read whatever - most books in the classroom are T or higher (NYC public district G&T). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:20 PM Flag
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My kids do F&P reading levels. My kid tested at 12th grade last year and the mentioned that they won’t test him again because the scale stops there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:58 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you get nervous before performance reviews? I always do. Is this normal? I'm a good performer, but I always worry that there will be an unpleasant surprise. Any suggestions on how to help calm my nerves before my review today? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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Of course, it is completely normal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:14 PM Flag
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Totally normal - it means you care! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:14 PM Flag
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definitely. i'm always harder on myself than anybody else. also, i get all self-conscious about the idea of anyone thinking about or evaluating me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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No, I always know how I’ve done, and my boss wouldn’t wait until PRs to address an issue. I always feel slightly awkward because I’m an introvert and uncomfortable with praise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:09 PM Flag
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I used to. My last boss, however, always said, “No surprises. If I have an issue with you you will know it before your performance review.” [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:32 PM Flag
[ - ] I have said for weeks the shutdown will end when business travel is affected. It appears that happened yesterday with major problems at airports like Hartsfield in Atlanta. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:06 PM Flag
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What happened? I heard this morning that one airport shut down because no TSA coverage but not sure which airport. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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I hope you're right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:37 PM Flag
[ - ] I think my brother is having a mental health problem leading to emotional abuse of my SIL and niece, I don’t think I can help and it’s both scary and very sad. He’s always been insecure, a bit of a know it all but it’s morphed into controlling and rigid and irrational. He’s now working remotely so all of his focus is on her, constantly criticizing, name calling etc. His daughter doesn’t want to be around him (preteen). It goes from screaming directions from the sidelines so much that the child cries (11), to telling his wife that unless it’s illegal, unethical or immoral, she needs to blindly support him 100% of the time in all things. SIL is in therapy, TG, he of course refuses to go because there’s nothing wrong with him, therapist is wrongthat they are codependent etc. We don’t have a healthy family of origin so there’s no one else to tell who can maybe guide him to get help. He’s got women issues, authority issues, permavictim etc so knows everything. I don’t know why I’m sharing, I’m just scared for SIL and niece and sad for my brother. There’s so many more examples but it’s all the same thing. I’ve heard him call her a fucking bitch because he thought she embarrassed him by disagreeing with him in front of other people. She can’t force him to get help and he’s getting worse and worse. This coincides with him turning 40+ and getting on ADHD meds. It’s like he’s hyperfocusing on being critical and controlling. He has grandiose thoughts about how “everything would fall apart without him” but he legit doesn’t cook, clean, do laundry etc (they both work full time, him from home). He’s my brother and I love him but I don’t enjoy talking to him any longer because of the pessimism, right wing knowitall stuff (he gave me a huge lecture about AOC being bla bla bla). And of course he’s a gun owner so I worry about a total psychotic break (but that’s probably my own anxiety). This just sucks. He has so much going for him, he’s ruining it all, I just wish he would get help. Can’t say that though because he would lose his shit if he knew SIL told me anything and he wouldn’t listen to anyone least of all me (female) anyway. Thanks for letting me vent. 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:04 PM Flag
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Be there for your SIL and let your know you totally understand. Is she going to leave him? Are your parents still alive? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:07 PM Flag
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OP: our parents are alive. He’s acting very much like some of their more unhealthy traits (codependency and narcissism, depression). I am trying to support SIL as much as I can by listening but it’s a risky game because he really would go berserk. She has started to say that if this is a blip, she will ride it out with him, she’s a very patient person with a special ed background - he’s very lucky in that. She’s said he isn’t well, but that she’s not willing to live the rest of her life this way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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She knows she will get out sooner or later. Just tell her you're there for her and to work on her escape plan, whether it is now or years in the future. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:35 PM Flag
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Help SIL and niece leave. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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OP: I’ve asked her if she feels unsafe etc and just this week, her therapist started with the same thing. Told her to have a plan, a go bag. I know SIL doesn’t want that. She’s afraid she will lose the whole extended family (which beyond my branch, is pretty amazing). I’ve tried to reassure her. He needs a wake up call. She’s like the frog in water, doesn’t really see how bad it is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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She'll lose the "whole extended family" if she's dead. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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YOU will make sure she doesn't lose the extended family. You need to help her get out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:33 PM Flag
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If they are so amazing they won't take the side of someone who abused his family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:37 PM Flag
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This. He won’t get better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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He's sick. If he won't get help, advise your SIL on options. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:12 PM Flag
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OP: Part of his thing is that everyone else is wrong, he’s right, and he doesn’t want mental health things on his medical record so he can buy more guns (if only that were enough to stop gun sales). She says he wouldn’t leave. Is this something I should be advocating or do I just listen and hope her therapist pushes her that way? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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Wait, he has guns?? She’s got to leave. This really can get ugly fast. Verbal abuse often doesn’t stop there . Sending you and her good wishes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:14 PM Flag
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Also, has she seen big little lies? The storyline with the abusive husband may be helpful for her to watch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:17 PM Flag
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My brother was schizophrenic. Symptoms became full blown in his 20s, he was married and had two kids. I just kept checking in with SIL, took the kids for overnights, gave her money when she was deparate, etc. You can't really help your brother, but you can help his family. Just keep being there for your SIL and niece. Knowing she has an out, helps a lot. Sometime she may be ready to take your help. If you think SIL and niece are in danger, call the cops. Good luck. This stuff isn't easy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:20 PM Flag
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I wish police departments offered the service of someone in this situation (SIL) being able to call the police and surrender all of the guns in the house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:36 PM Flag
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Someone like your brother just murdered a young police officer in my town. It made the national news. YOu need to help your sister and niece get out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:37 PM Flag
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^^^ I mean SIL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:01 PM Flag
[ - ] I hate to admit this but DH is not good in bed. He was never great and I looked past it because everything else was good. Plus, we were in the "honeymoon" phase. On a few occasions it was good. But I think he's just a little awkward and wound too tight. He needs to let loose, be more playful, try new things. We've been married for 12 years now and I'm dying for someone who knows what they're doing. I'm awful, right? 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:04 PM Flag
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Midlife crisis for you. We buy the idea that there’s these amazing lovers out there but I think everyone is probably mediocre. :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:06 PM Flag
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Op: I hope this is the case! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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Np: I’m not sure if you are just trying to make op feel better but there are indeed amazing lovers out there but so much is also about chemistry and the woman knowing her own body. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:41 PM Flag
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I need to find one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:38 PM Flag
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Wrong. My husband's fine - a bit better than mediocre - but Side Guy is amazing. Foreplay for over an hour. Maybe because he's a bit older with more patience. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:59 PM Flag
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This is SO not true!!! My ex DH was like this (just mediocre, sex was boring). I'm now divorced (for 2 yrs) and my boyfriend is amazing. He's so sensual and open in bed, and we have INCREDIBLE sex. He is also extremely well endowed. He gave me a vaginal orgasm for the first time, as well as multiple orgasms for the first time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:11 PM Flag
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Not awful at all. What does he say when you give suggestions? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:07 PM Flag
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Op: he’s very square. He likes the same 2 positions. He’s not a very kissy or cuddly guy. Doesn’t hold me after. :/ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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and what does he say when you suggest doing something else? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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Op: he doesn’t like me on top. He looks terrified when I am! He usually keeps doing what he’s doing or says wait. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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have you discussed this NOT while you are actually having sex? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:22 PM Flag
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Op: yes, he says he climaxes too quickly. But honestly he doesn’t last that long anyway! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:30 PM Flag
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oh boy. i think you need to have a general conversation about how you would like to mix things up some rather than specifically say, why can't i ever be on top, and maybe solicit his ideas. tihs is scary stuff but can make you both happier in the long run [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:33 PM Flag
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OP: Thank you. I hope so. I can't go on like this much longer. It's already been well over a decade!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:37 PM Flag
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Too bad. That is the position that is most stimulating for a woman. If you want to do it, insist that this position feels good for you and you've been willing to do what feels best for him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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Op: I'm telling him, trust me. Hoping he'll wake up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:37 PM Flag
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Does he ever give you an orgasm? Or does he think it's all about him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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OP: more manual. never during intercourse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:38 PM Flag
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You. Are. Me. Married 23 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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Op: what do you do about it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:14 PM Flag
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Have an affair! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:20 PM Flag
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A lot of posts from frustrated horny wives this week [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:26 PM Flag
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sorry to be blunt, but if he's repressed you need to sleuth out the porn he likes and help him enjoy himself more. Men dont respomd well to suggestions about sex. You have to role-play it in . If he doesnt like you on top, he prob likes you more submissive. play into that. your agressiveness is prob a turn off [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:13 PM Flag
[ - ] I really don't want to turn 40. I know it's better than the alternative. But I liked being 30 something. I'm a SAHM so my career is gone. Everyone keeps telling me things begin to go downhill in your 40s, ie looks, health, estrogen, etc. Are there any perks? 111 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 03:55 PM Flag
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You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Fewer effs to give. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 03:55 PM Flag
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OP: Even if your career has gone down the tubes? I feel like my friends who kept working are the smart ones. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 03:57 PM Flag
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Different strokes. Maybe they're jealous that you're not toiling away in cube city. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 03:58 PM Flag
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Op: I doubt it. I need to do something. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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Too early for this crap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 03:58 PM Flag
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Not early at all [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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It's before noon. Go have a late morning cocktail. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:02 PM Flag
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such a dumb response. go back to bed if you're so tired. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:05 PM Flag
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Hey there, sounds like a failure to understand. Are you over 40? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:06 PM Flag
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So, start a new career. If you can afford it, it's no big deal. All of my friends are in the their early 40's and either don't work or are looking to stop working. Another attorney acquaintance just told me this week that she is quitting. Her kids are in middle school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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Why is she quitting? She has another 20 years to work if she likes her career and is established. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:05 PM Flag
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Her husband makes enough now/they have saved enough, kids are older. I guess she likes not working more than she likes her career. She is not the only one. It happens regularly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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Who is "she" and why do you know so much about her? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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?? I know very little about her nor have I stated that I know much about her. She is a mom at DC's school. I know how old her kids are because I see them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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"Her husband makes enough now/they have saved enough." "I guess she likes not working." Those are some big leaps on something you "know very little about." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:43 PM Flag
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Not many options other than those, plus she mentioned that she is able to now. I guess she might have robbed a bank. What difference does it make? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:05 PM Flag
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You're the one holding the "facts." I'm just asking how you know/can be sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 09:16 PM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:15 PM Flag
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Being smarter, which escapes many. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 03:56 PM Flag
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?? You start to lose cognition after 40. Memory and recall start to go, vocabulary ebbs, judgment goes, too. It's very slow, of course, and not anything to worry about, but you certainly aren't getting smarter. NP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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Please. Don't troll. The fact that you came back with your proof of cognitive degeneration "after 40" is a load of crap. I was admitted to the bar at age 40 and most of my contemporaries are in their 50s/60s. Now, if you want to sit on your tushie at age 40 and after and complain about mental decline, you go right ahead. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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She's right. Mental abilities peak in your 20s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:02 PM Flag
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Stop with the "she's right" (you're NP and OP and all the other responders) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:03 PM Flag
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No, I'm not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:08 PM Flag
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Cool, then birds of a feather. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:39 PM Flag
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And? I didn't say you can't put two sentences together or need to quit your job. I would bet that you and all of your colleagues were much smarter, faster, more efficient in the past. There is no way you are getting smarter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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Good god, Literal Mom, give it a rest. Knowledge comes with experience. I'm sorry I said "smarter" because it appears that Literal Mom is clinging to that and running with it. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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And I'll call you no comprehension mom. All of the decent, significant knowledge/experience/wisdom/intelligence you have gained in your life has come from 40-ish and under. Obviously, if you learn to play the ukulele at 50, you have learned something new. Again, not saying anyone is a dribbling idiot after 40. But generally speaking, no one is gaining great wisdom in their old age. The "elders" people used to revere and consult were the only source of knowledge and memory at the time and were in their 40's. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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Those are some big words. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:48 PM Flag
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Please. Plenty of old people in their 60s and 70s then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:51 PM Flag
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Quick recall diminishes but judgment/wisdom increases with age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:02 PM Flag
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But being SAHM, she has no experience, other than with kids, that generally does not result in judgement/wisdom of any value. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:05 PM Flag
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Hey OP, I knew you were a troll right from the start. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:07 PM Flag
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Op: I did not write this. I hate the automatic jumps saying everyone is a troll. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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Yes, my credit sales experience brings such great wisdom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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Um, yes, up until about 40-50. Then, the decline catches up and overtakes the "wisdom." I work with a lot of 60 yr. olds. They know their jobs because they have been doing it for decades. They drop the ball ALL THE TIME and have lost their judgment skills. Not judging. It's part of the normal aging process. But wisdom increasing with age over a certain point is a myth. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:07 PM Flag
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+1. My parents are 60's. They try to give advice all the time. They are brilliant people but are either flat out wrong or just out of touch most of the time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:22 PM Flag
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It’s happening with this woman at work. She is 70 though. She’s being pushed into Retirement [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:52 PM Flag
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This is positively idiotic. I’m 55 and get better at my job every year. I’m a better parent each year, I read more things, I have more patience and compassion. I think my experience is typical. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 10:54 PM Flag
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getting closer to having kids be grown up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 03:57 PM Flag
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How is this a good thing? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:00 PM Flag
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getting some freedom back [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:08 PM Flag
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can stop paying for nannies and babysitters. kids are more independent [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:08 PM Flag
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The whole point of having kids is enjoying them, especially when they’re young. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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of course it is great when they are young but OP asks for perks of being 40 and older and to me that is a perk. Kids become more interesting and developed as they get older . that to me is more satisfying than baby care [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:22 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:20 PM Flag
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i enjoy my teenagers plenty. am i with them as intensely as i was when they are toddlers? no, but now I can have actual conversations with them, the are funny and interesting and i really enjoy them as people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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totally. but teenagers are no joke! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:27 PM Flag
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yeah, there's a whole new universe of problems, for sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:30 PM Flag
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it sounds like yours are lovely though by your comment. whats your secret? I'm getting attitude [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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they aren't lovely all the time for sure! but i genuinely like them and like talking to them and IMO if you pay attention, take them and their interests seriously it goes a long way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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sounds great! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:48 PM Flag
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For you. Everyone is different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:19 PM Flag
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agree [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:59 PM Flag
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why should the focus be on "especially when they're young"? you can enjoy kids more and more as time goes on [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:00 PM Flag
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NP - Speak for yourself. About to turn 41 and I have a 2 year old and 7 month old. LOVE IT, but I'm exhausted. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:00 PM Flag
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You're still closer to having kids be grown up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:03 PM Flag
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totally. closer now than in your 30's! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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Yikes. Sounds tiring. I guess one of the benefits of having kids young was that. But you prpbably have more now to get help than I did when I had kids that age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:03 PM Flag
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Op: How is it? Thinking of having another, but will be 40. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:06 PM Flag
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OR - I'm tired all of the time, but have nothing else to compare it to. I imagine all new moms, regardless of age, are tired all of the time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:40 PM Flag
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The downhill starts more seriously around 45 or 46. Through age 43, many are still fertile and glowing. Enjoy! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 03:58 PM Flag
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np is it the end of fertility that changes the skin quality? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:00 PM Flag
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When the estrogen stops flowing, the body changes all over and is no longer advertising fertility. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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Yep. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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Also sun damage and overall aging [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:25 PM Flag
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THIS SUCKS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:36 PM Flag
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Great, so 3 more years. A hear the clock ticking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:00 PM Flag
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same here! but I think my eye area is already showing this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:03 PM Flag
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This is so sad to me. I love being young, in my 30's. So a woman really only has 15-20 years of being a young woman? Early 20's were ridiculous, more too young and dumb, not being taken seriously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:36 PM Flag
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Yes. Men get old too though. Young women don’t want old guys except for money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:56 PM Flag
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You can start another career. You’re still young! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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40 is the new 30. Change your mindset! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:02 PM Flag
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totally. it is all in how you think and what you tell yourself [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:04 PM Flag
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This is SO not true. You're not premenopausal at 30! 30s are the best all around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:07 PM Flag
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In my experience at 52 the 50s are better than the 30s. Things look a little different but everything still works and life is pretty fabulous. But I had my kids young (26 and 28) so we are enjoying being empty nesters with tons of travel and adventure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:26 PM Flag
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I feel like you're in your prime at your 30's..... young, career is on track, newly married, planning for a family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:34 PM Flag
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What does that even mean? Being in your prime? Every decade offers its own challenges and pleasures. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 09:19 PM Flag
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Kids are almost teens! Start planning empty nesting travel plans! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:02 PM Flag
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totally! closer to freedom ! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:03 PM Flag
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I think it's sad. I love babies and young kids. :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:08 PM Flag
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well then you are getting closer to having grandkids! even though that will be farther in future [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:12 PM Flag
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OP be will be hooked up to a ventilator in a year, so I wouldn't count on traveling and all that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:04 PM Flag
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Heh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:26 PM Flag
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Me time!! Worries of young kids are almost over and I can get back to being selfish, spending time with DH, traveling, reading, and I don't care what anybody thinks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:03 PM Flag
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unless you have a baby at 41. I see a lot of that [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:05 PM Flag
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Are you afraid of being bored? You still have many years to live... doing what though? Reading? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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Bored? Reading? Um, no. I would be bored at work. DH's dad still works at 80, because he would be bored otherwise. He has no interests or imagination. DH's mom has been retired since 59. She has many hobbies and interests and is never bored. Bored has to do with the person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:18 PM Flag
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What do you mean "bored at work?" What did you do at work? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:31 PM Flag
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Attorney. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:39 PM Flag
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Any kind of work can be boring. I'm an attorney too. It pays my bills and every now and then it's fun. Not changing the world but it creates a life that allows me to find excitement and happiness in other areas. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 09:18 PM Flag
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When you get older, the best thing is money. Make sure you have money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:07 PM Flag
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I am in my 50;s and yes, there is a physical decline. However, I'm wiser than ever, I could not care less what people think of me, and my kids are out of college. Life is good at this age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:08 PM Flag
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NP: still have a kid at home but mid 50s. Life is great at this age! I know people will wallow in self-pity in their late 40s and early 50s, but there's life beyond. I guarantee. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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Are you the one with one son who is 12? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:18 PM Flag
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No, I don't have a son. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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The biggest thing for you to consider is that what you are feeling is very normal. You are settling into your life, and truth be told for the vast majority it does not look exactly like you imagined it would. You simply have to make the best of it. Embrace those things that make you happy. Develop good adult friendships, maintain adult interaction with someone other than your S/O. My biggest advice is that if you take care of your body your body will take care of you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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You just have to really take care of yourself. If you drink cut down. Eat more plant based meals. Get your sleep. Exercise. There’s a book, Better Next Year which I found helpful. It’s nothing you don’t already know but it’s puts it all together and motivates you to live well. Good luck, it’s not bad at all but changes do happen. Mitigate and enjoy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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Interesting [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:59 PM Flag
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I'm in my early 50's and don't feel anything has gone downhill. I feel sorry for you. Get some self worth. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 04:53 PM Flag
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Not nice at all [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:33 PM Flag
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NP: I feel sorry for you that you're still a bitch at that age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 10:53 PM Flag
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I turn 50 next week, and I've got to say, I LOVED my 40s. It sounds cheesy, but I really found myself. I made new friends based on who we were rather than that our kids were friends, we worked together, or something like that. I learned a new sport and started several new hobbies. As my kids get older, we do more things based on mutual interest and have really interesting conversations. I'm doing more volunteering and activism for causes I believe in, and I feel like I'm making a difference in the world. Yeah, I have to work harder to look as good, but I also don't care if I go out with no makeup and my hair a mess. 40s were great! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:06 PM Flag
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Thank you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:37 PM Flag
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Read The Bright Hour by Nina Riggs. The whole time you are hoping she will live to make it to 40 (she's 39). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:38 PM Flag
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Read The Bright Hour by Nina Riggs. The whole time you are hoping she will live to make it to 40 (she's 39). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:38 PM Flag
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You are exactly me!!! Right down to maybe having another baby. Life decisions are really hard to make sometimes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:43 PM Flag
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I think the 40s can be a very difficult decade. I keep hearing about divorce after divorce. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:05 PM Flag
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you are MUCH more secure in your own skin in your 40s. I would hate to be single, but you're married so the one major disadvantage doesn't apply to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:03 PM Flag
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Many. I’m 55 and take care of myself. Much more time and money for travel and exercise. Your mistakes or burdens (for me - divorce, too much youthful clothes shopping, stress with my teens) soften and recede to the past. I have a great boyfriend ten years younger than me but I don’t have to live with him or rely on him financially. My career is thriving. It’s just a pleasurable time if you have health, money, a positive outlook for trying new things, and take reasonable care of yourself - almost like a life renaissance. When I was married with young kids I had absolutely nothing of my own. All time and money went to family priorities - which was appropriate then, but life is so much easier now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:01 PM Flag
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