• Filter the conversation
[ - ] What’s “Google Hangout”? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:32 PM Flag
»
google chat [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:33 PM Flag
»
Is it a legit site or for creeps? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:35 PM Flag
»
?? You can only talk to people you give you their information (or you give them yours). You can't meet random people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:37 PM Flag
»
What type of people use it? Why not just text? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:48 PM Flag
»
Its more convenient than text because you can use it on your phone or your web browser and its synced. Sort of like imessage with Apple. Also some people have it as their chat client at work. But it allows you to chat with anyone who has it, even if they are outside of your org. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:51 PM Flag
»
^ for ex, my DH had it as his chat client at his old job so we were able to IM each other throughout the day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:52 PM Flag
»
It's literally Google's version of Skype. Like, Google just straight-up ripped off Skype and called it "Google Hangouts"...that's all it is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:56 PM Flag
»
Weird. My BIL had a startup with another Skype clone. I felt bad because he gave us all free accounts to use it and I never did. I wanted to tell him it's not because his product was bad, it was because I hate talking on the phone to anyone, much less doing it on camera. It didn't work out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:06 PM Flag
»
Oddly, I think Google supported it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:07 PM Flag
[ - ] Give me honest advice and tell me if I'm out of line here. Sunday morning, I got up and made a big breakfast for the kids--pancakes, bacon, etc. DH and I had discussed that I wanted to go to a 9am yoga class. While the kids are eating, I start cleaning the kitchen--put away clean dishes by the sink, unload dishwasher, was bowls, griddle and so on. DH eats his own breakfast and goes upstairs. Kids finish eating and I clean up the rest of the kitchen. When DH comes back, it was 8:51 and I said there wasn't time for me to make the yoga class anymore. Yes, I was irritated that he did nothing to help and only worried about himself that morning. He got really mad at me for not telling him that I needed to get ready and said I don't communicate. Then he shouted that he can't live like this and that I ruined another weekend (I posted yesterday about him being a mean fighter). When I asked him to tell me other instances where I don't communicate he refused. He said the entire fight was my fault and I could have avoided it if I had just gone upstairs to tell him that I needed/wanted help cleaning up the kitchen. Help me sift through this please. How do I move forward and "apologize" for not asking for help with the dishes? 156 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:31 PM Flag
»
Why didn't you go get him earlier? I think you are mixing two issues here - one that he isn't helpful and two that he is inconsiderate. He sounds both. But you need to speak up and say what you need. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:34 PM Flag
»
He is helpful when he chooses to be, but I think he can be quite inconsiderate. He saw me doing the dishes (claims he didn't notice), but chose to do absolutely nothing. He ate and then went upstairs. I have spoken up in the past and have to regularly ask for the same things....at what point can I stop asking? Makes me feel like a nag. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:36 PM Flag
»
Well when you no longer care about whether you make your yoga class on time or if the kitchen is spotless before you leave, you can stop asking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:40 PM Flag
»
Ugh. It makes me feel like I"m his mother and that everything in the house is "my" responsibility. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:45 PM Flag
»
Look, he may have an entirely different sense of urgency about these things. You are creating a pattern where you swoop in and handle everything before he has a chance to get to it, then get pissed off at him. You guys need to discuss how to handle this. Carve out things that are exclusively his responsibility, and don’t do them yourself or nag him to get them done immediately. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:49 PM Flag
»
You can't be mad at him for doing the dishes you created and then not asking him for help. It wasn't like you couldn't have left the dishes there and got to your yoga class. You are being a martyr for no reason. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:54 PM Flag
»
I guess that is my point though--why are they "my" dishes to clean when I cooked for our family? What normal partner doesn't dive in and help? He read the sports news and drank his coffee. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:56 PM Flag
»
Seems like you’re not interested in solutions, you just want to be mad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:57 PM Flag
»
I am admittedly very mad. I don't want the dynamic to be that unless I specially ask him for help, he's under no obligation to do anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:01 PM Flag
»
So tell him this, calmly, and work with him to come up with solutions. Do you guys actually like each other? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:03 PM Flag
»
I'm not sure how much he likes me anymore. Seriously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:05 PM Flag
»
So look at it from his point of view - he feels like you are never happy, always mad because he can’t read your mind, so he’s given up trying - just like you’ve given up trying to ask him for help. You are both stewing in resentment and it won’t grt any better unless you try something new to break the cycle. You owe it to your marriage and your kids to try. Snap out of it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:08 PM Flag
»
That's exactly how he feels. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:24 PM Flag
»
You decided to make a big breakfast. If you had left early and let him make breakfast, I would have said the same thing - he should clean up after himself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:57 PM Flag
»
He doesn't' cook and DD asked me to make breakfast because of her sleepover. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:00 PM Flag
»
Next time he can take dd and her friend and you out to breakfast. NO DISHES! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:06 PM Flag
»
This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:18 PM Flag
»
At this point, I'm just resigned to handling everything myself. If he chooses to help, fine. If not, at least I know it will get done and I won't be pissed at him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:57 PM Flag
»
Climb down off that cross, it doesn’t have to be that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:58 PM Flag
»
You want him to proactively take care of you. he doesn't want to guess at what you need/want. Can he proactively take care of you in other ways, and can you be specific about what you need/want when you have specific needs? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:34 PM Flag
»
I just want him to proactively help. If I ask him to clean up the family room, he will do it. But otherwise, he just walks by a holy mess, totally oblivious to it and waits for me to clean it up. Why is it my responsibility to ask him each and every time to do the most obvious of tasks? That is my frustration. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:37 PM Flag
»
you may just have different needs for organization. there are days when I am okay with my family room not being perfect. sounds like he is too. if you are not okay with it not being perfect, you need to clean it or communicate a request for him to clean it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:45 PM Flag
»
He never needs it to be cleaned or straightened. Ever. So if I ask him, he's doing me a favor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:57 PM Flag
»
I don’t think you need to apologize, but the way you handled it was pretty passive aggressive. If you are always like that I can see why he might occasionally lose it. You need to communicate what you want / need directly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:34 PM Flag
»
He said I was passive aggressive. I guess I don't see it that way. The kitchen was a mess and the dishes needed to be done. He had already decided he wasn't going to help, so I did the dishes. Am I really supposed to stop cleaning, go chase him down upstairs and say that he needs to help? That makes me feel like the mother of a teenage boy. He knew the timeline just as well as me, so why was it my sole responsibility to ask for help? I'm just so frustrated. If he got up before me, unloaded the dishwasher and cooked for the kids, there's NO way I would watch him do the clean up too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:40 PM Flag
»
Say “hey sweetie, heading to yoga, can you finish cleaning up?” You are making yourself into a martyr. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:41 PM Flag
»
In retrospect, I guess I should have. I was just already so pissed. He slept in, did nothing to help in the kitchen and then went back upstairs. That makes me feel like the hired help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:50 PM Flag
»
Well give your kids cereal then. For me, I enjoy cooking on a weekend but since no one asked me to, I don't get pissed if they don't clean up. It's a hobby for me, my job to clean up. If I don't cook, we order takeout. My choice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:31 PM Flag
»
The dishes didn't "need" to be done right then. I would have said, "Ok, I'm getting ready to go. Remember, I'm going to yoga. And then gotten ready and left." And if I wanted him to do the dishes, I would have said, "Will you clean the kitchen?" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:46 PM Flag
»
That is what I would have done. The dishes are not going anywhere. I would just say I am heading out and do the dished if you get a chance and that would be it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:56 PM Flag
»
I don't ever leave dirty dishes. One of my quirks, but he knows that well. I suppose the part that pisses me off the most is that he saw me cleaning and walked out anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:07 PM Flag
»
You are the architect of your own problems with these "quirks". Dishes in the sink in soapy water are not hurting anyone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:31 PM Flag
»
If DH had a quirk that he never allowed dishes in the sink, not only would it make me not want to do them ("do them yourself if it's so important to you"), but I would also assume that anyone so anal about it wouldn't be happy with the job I do, either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:43 PM Flag
»
Sounds like a personality disorder. Those with BPD will not accept blame for anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:34 PM Flag
»
Which one of us? Him or me? lol He is saying that I am passive aggressive and never accept blame. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:40 PM Flag
»
Him. People with BPD blow up into rages over the slightest things, fight mean, catastrophize (ruined the whole weekend!) and accuse you of things they are doing. Irrational and impossible to deal with. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:44 PM Flag
»
She was extremely passive aggressive. I don't think exploding about that makes someone BP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:16 PM Flag
»
you could have (1) communicated with DH, (2) left the dishes for after yoga, or (3) not chosen a day where you have a place to be at 9:00 as the day for a big breakfast for the kids. you made choices and it seems possibly you are making them to create conflict in your marriage. who know who is right generally but this could have been avoided. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:35 PM Flag
»
I see your points...kind of. But a few things...we talked about the yoga class (I go every Sunday) so he knew the schedule. Honestly, coming home to congealed bacon grease and piles of dirty dishes would ruin any relaxation gained at yoga. I never leave dirty dishes and he knows this. DD has a friend sleeping over, so I made them a big breakfast. I got up early (he stayed in bed) to make sure that I had it all prepared in time. I just put everyone else before me. I don't see that as making choices to conflict with my marriage? I acknowledge that I could have chased him down upstairs to help, but I was honestly so stunned that he watched me cook and clean and then just wandered off upstairs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:44 PM Flag
»
you seem to be refusing to acknowledge that you made choices that led to this conflict. it doesn't make one party right or wrong, but I gave you 3 ways this whole thing could have been avoided and you are making excuses. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:48 PM Flag
»
It feels like the onus is on me for everything and he just gets to do what he wants. It could have been avoided if he unloaded the dishwasher while I cooked or if he washed the cooking dishes while the kids ate. I guess I'm just SO TIRED of having to specifically tell him the most obvious things. That makes it feel like he's just another one of the kids and not my partner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:54 PM Flag
»
NP But a partner needs to be told what to do sometimes. I would have said "I'm leaving, please do the dishes" and my DH would have done them. But if you wanted him to unload dishes while cooking, yes you should have said that. He needs to fight fairer AND you two need to be on the same page [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:57 PM Flag
»
We are so not on the same page. I can't imagine watching him cook and clean and not helping. That would make me feel bad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:27 PM Flag
»
who decided to host the sleepover? who decided to make a big breakfast? who didn't cancel yoga (not that you should have)? who couldn't let the dishes wait? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:03 PM Flag
»
+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:21 PM Flag
»
So now it is my "fault" that I let DD have a sleepover? That I cooked the breakfast she requested? Seriously? And I should cancel my class so that DH has plenty of time to do whatever the hell he wants? Really? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:27 PM Flag
»
you are so missing the point. it isn't about blame or right and wrong. It is about choices -- which you made -- and the repercussions for those choices. if you have made a commitment (sleepover, breakfast) or need something done a certain way (sink clean immediately after breakfast) either you need to do it, communicate for someone else to do it or accept that you may not get exactly what you want. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:35 PM Flag
»
Or...you could have said, "Babe, can you unload the dishwasher/do the dishes, I don't want to be late for yoga. Thanks." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:34 PM Flag
»
This. If you do not leave dishes in the sink, why make a huge breakfast for him to clean. Just go to yoga. I would not get up on Saturday morning to rush to dishes at 8 am because my dh does not like dishes in the sink. They are not going anywhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:58 PM Flag
»
I just wanted help! If he had helped me with any single part of it, the schedule would have been fine! I wasn't expecting him to clean everything, but I can't fathom sipping my coffee while he did everything. I would never do that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:03 PM Flag
»
I sip my coffee while dh does everything. When he wants help, he says, hey, will you clear the table/put the clean dishes away/load the dishwasher/make toast? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:10 PM Flag
»
I would never do that, to anyone. I can't fathom sitting and watching someone cook and clean without helping. Its rude. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:31 PM Flag
»
It is our house? I cook much more often than dh does. Sometimes I just want to sit and chat with him while he cooks. If he wants help, he will ask. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:34 PM Flag
»
^^^ And likewise, when I am cooking, if I want help, I will ask. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:34 PM Flag
»
My DH doesn't cook at all, so I do all of that. Fine. I always either do the dishes, alone or with him. I have never once left a dinner table, at my house or anyone else's, and not helped with dishes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:37 PM Flag
»
If you are doing all the cooking, then you need to step back and let him do all the dishes. On his own time line. Or you guys need to do whoever cooks, the other one cleans - and your dh can figure out how to cook something. I have several friends who don't cook (their husbands do) and they still make very simple things for their families when they need to - they make quesadilla, they make salad with already cooked chicken... your dh is an adult and can figure it out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:41 PM Flag
»
Listen, I'm a good cook and don't mind doing the cooking. What irks me is the idea that he can just push back from the table and go watch the evening news while I do the dishes...unless I specifically ask him for help. This isn't the 50s. And like I said, I always help with the dishes even if he is in there too. Because I'm considerate and a team player! I would never just walk away and leave him with a trashed kitchen, even if I did do all of the cooking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:18 PM Flag
»
I cook and my chicken cleans the dishes. Often, he cleans them the next morning. I would do it that evening. I let him do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 10:55 PM Flag
»
EXACTLY, you put everyone before you...and then you feel resentful. Thats being a martyr. You dont get points for that. You need to be less uptight about dishes, or ask him specifically to do them. He watched you do them...because you were doing them and you are uptight about dishes. If he had plans, NOTHING would have kept him from them. Thats because your LIFE AND INTERESTS are more impt than soothing annxiety by doing dishes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:18 PM Flag
»
But what normal, helpful loving partner sits and watches someone do everything without offering to help? I don't like a dirty house, very true. And I don't like coming home to dirty dishes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:29 PM Flag
»
NP - you sound so, so rigid and fixated on all the ways you’re right and how he should read your mind. There’s probably enough blame to go around - you both sound passive aggressive. If you want a satisfying marriage then own up to your choices (you chose to say nothing and miss class) and think about how you can change. Someone has to go first. Your openness may then spur him to change also. Patterns are really difficult to break and his avoidance and your “my way only” rigidity both sound horrible to live with. Sorry to be harsh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:42 PM Flag
»
I guess I don't see it as reading my mind to help with the dishes (that I'm already doing) when I've done all of the cooking. That seems like a basic consideration. But I'm obviously in the minority. I'm a very considerate person and always offer to help with things--friends, family, even strangers. So it just feels so very very rude to me that he doesn't feel compelled to help--not because I asked him a favor, but because it is just the nice thing to do. But again, everyone has told me that I'm wrong. I have a lot of thinking to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:14 PM Flag
»
The dishes do not need to be done early in the morning. I am a helpful person but it would not necessarily jump to dishes at 8 am on a weekend because dh wanted them done. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 10:58 PM Flag
»
You are looking at it from a womans point of view. Men rarely think this way. If a male friend cooked for them, they would wait for their freind to jokingly yell at them to stop being lazy and help them clear the table.. Women see each lack of action as not caring. If you asked and he said no, THAT is not caring. Next time at a dinner party, see how many men offer to help the hostess [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 11:05 PM Flag
»
+1. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:46 PM Flag
»
I agree with this OR. You are purposely creating conflict. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:32 PM Flag
»
Make the 9am yoga class a regular thing and get the Sunday routine down as to who does what. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:37 PM Flag
»
It is a regular thing. DD had a sleepover, so the big breakfast was a bit of an outlier. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:46 PM Flag
»
I hope the friend was gone when you started fighting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:00 PM Flag
»
I said yesterday that he shouldn't have said another weekend was ruined but you really should have shared the whole story. 1. Kitchen did not need to be cleaned right then. 2. If you want help, ask for it 3. you should have said at breakfast, "I am going to leave at 8:45 to go to yoga, so after breakfast I am going to get ready." or whatever. Yesterday I suspected he was cheating on you but now I think you are really passive aggressive and could benefit from marital counseling with him so you two can communicate better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:37 PM Flag
»
But why does he have no responsibility in the matter? How come he gets to sleep in, saunter down and eat and then go back upstairs while I do literally everything else? I'm asking because I want to understand. I don't view myself as being passive aggressive, but I'm hearing several of you say that, so I am trying to understand. I just do what needs to be done around here. If he has already decided that he's going to do nothing to help, then I just do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:48 PM Flag
»
I didn't say that at all. So he never makes breakfast? He never cleans up the kitchen? I don't make breakfast if I don't feel like it and dh cleans the kitchen half the time. Are you saying that he just does nothing so you step in to the breach? In this case I think marital counseling is going to be helpful because you are unhappy with the status quo and he is unhappy with how you are communicating your unhappiness. Does that make sense? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:02 PM Flag
»
He makes cereal or whatever, but no, he doesn't cook. He does help with dishes at night, but usually only once I've started them. More often than not, he sits at the table and reads stuff on his phone while I unload the dishwasher, make breakfast and clean it all up. That is a typical week day morning. Sometimes he helps, but usually no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:11 PM Flag
»
Stop doing what you wish he would do. He knows youll do it, so everything appears under control. If you leave things messy for him, he will clean up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 11:07 PM Flag
»
When he came down you should have said "Everyone remember, I have to leave at X time. Please clean up after yourselves. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:03 PM Flag
»
^ If my husband had a time he had to leave, he would leave. I would be fine with that. I don't always remember his schedule - that is his job. But if I agreed in advance that he was leaving for a 10:00 tennis match, I would never be pissed when he walked out the door at 9:30, even if the house was a mess. And we split household chores! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:05 PM Flag
»
It ws already too late by then. It was 8:50 and I hadn't eaten myself yet, gotten dressed, brushed my teeth. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:08 PM Flag
»
I think she means, when he came down for breakfast. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:16 PM Flag
»
If he was going to do something and made a breakfast and left the kitchen a mess for you to clean and than got upset because you did not run to clean up at 8:45 am on a Saturday, how would you feel? I would be annoyed. I want to relax on Saturday mornings and not rush to clean. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:07 PM Flag
»
If he was cooking I would have been in there cleaning. No doubt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:15 PM Flag
»
Not me. I do not jump to clean at 8 on weekdays when I work all week. I would lounge a bit and clean later. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 11:00 PM Flag
»
I'm sort of the same way OP, and DH and I have had this fight before, so I get where you're coming from. You resent that his attitude is that the house and kids are your responsibility and he will "help" if asked, but otherwise he wanders around like he's at a hotel, whereas you look around and see things that need to be done and it's constantly on your mind. Saying "just ask" just put the burden on you to manage everything with him as a grudging helper. I think you need to sit down when you are calm and make things his responsibility (i.e., he is the default on it) like he does laundry/takes out garbage and certain things are yours. And then you don't do his work. For changes in routine like having a guest over and making class, you're going to have to ask, and I would just walk out when it was time to go. And you will probably need to drop your standards. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:17 PM Flag
»
Yes!!! That is exactly how I feel. He gets to treat it like a hotel and will "help" if I pointedly ask. I'm tired of being the hall monitor. I'm just so tired and frustrated. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:19 PM Flag
»
OR: I get it. It's really hard to stop the resentment from creeping into your voice too, and DH will then say I don't communicate and I'm angry all the time. We are twins. It's hard to not descend into a fight about it, but you gotta pick a calm moment and say if you don't want to live like this, we have to fix it and we need to divide things up better. Let's make a list of our different responsibilities -- and you got to stick to the list. If trash is his responsibility, let the trash overflow.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:30 PM Flag
»
Thank you for understanding. You made me tear up a little. I'm so tired. Thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:34 PM Flag
»
YW, GL. I think what you really want is for some acknowledgment that yes, you have been wronged and DH is inconsiderate. That is true. It is fundamentally unfair and so many DHs have this really sexist view of housework and childcare. It makes me angry. But unless you want to get divorced, you have to go work something else out rather than carrying around this ball of righteous anger. Now let me go take my own advice. :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:47 PM Flag
»
Good luck to you too. Thanks for your kind words. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:10 PM Flag
»
TY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:21 PM Flag
»
But do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? He doesn't see it because he doesn't really care and frankly a lot of this sh*t actually is NOT important. Like the difference between dishes done before 9 or done before 12. He is not morally wrong for not caring about housework. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:39 PM Flag
»
You ARE passive aggressive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:52 PM Flag
»
You seem to hate him for other reasons. He is NEVER going to read your mind so you need to give up on that. You choose to look at everything he does as if it is a personal affront to you - you are imagining all the nice things he could have done. You just seem like you hate him and want to fight. did you grow up in a dysfunctional household? Don't you care about harmony at all? Or again, why do you hate him? (Like not why does this stuff bother you, but why do you deep down want to see him as an enemy and see everything he does in the worst possible light?) You really need help. If I were him I would divorce you over your terrible attitude. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:36 PM Flag
»
Because I’ve asked him for help with allllll of this so very many times but nothing ever changes. A good example is him getting annoyed when I’m stressed out preparing for a trip. He packs himself. I pack myself, three kids, do all of the laundry before we leave and all of the laundry when we get back, make arrangements for house, mail laundry and so on. But he will say “what’s the big deal? You just throw some stuff in a suitcase.” He likes the tidy house and clean laundry...i think he just likes to imagine that it gets done magically. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:44 PM Flag
»
I also pack for myself and 3 DCs and I also work FT in a very demanding job. So I stay up late the night before or we forget something and buy a new one on vacation. Whatever. But my DH handles our finances, keeps our insurance current, pays our bills (writes the checks I mean), makes the plane reservations and hotel, etc. Scorekeeping is really bad for a marriage. Try for a day to really see what he DOES instead of what he doesn't do. You may be surprised. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:56 PM Flag
»
^ Also if you don't care about a neat house, don't straighten it up. If you do, don't pretend you're doing it for him. If he were dead, you'd be doing it anyway. Ergo, you're doing it for you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:57 PM Flag
»
Then I guess are you just a better person than me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 09:13 PM Flag
»
I also pack for myself and 3 DCs and I also work FT in a very demanding job. So I stay up late the night before or we forget something and buy a new one on vacation. Whatever. But my DH handles our finances, keeps our insurance current, pays our bills (writes the checks I mean), makes the plane reservations and hotel, etc. Scorekeeping is really bad for a marriage. Try for a day to really see what he DOES instead of what he doesn't do. You may be surprised. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:56 PM Flag
»
My dh is not helpful with house stuff. I just outsource so I’m not resentful. It would also be a big commotion for me to leave for the gym on the weekend so I go during the week when nanny is there. My dh isn’t going to change so it’s not worth the fighting [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:38 PM Flag
»
+1 exactly me too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:48 PM Flag
»
That's my new mindset, honestly. I don't have a nanny, but I'm just accepted that I will handle all house stuff and not expect anything from him. If he decides to help, it will just be a bonus. But at least this way I don't be disappointed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:51 PM Flag
»
Martyr. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of resentment - it’s not healthy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:52 PM Flag
»
It makes me happier than saying "dh, could you please put your coffee up in the dishwasher? DH could you please help me wash the dinner dishes? DH could you please pick up the toys in the family room? DH could you please take this overflowing garbage outside? DH could you please put a new trash bag in the garbage can now that you've taken it out? DH could you please put the milk away when you are finished using it? DH could you please wipe the spilled food off the counters? DH could you please put away this large pile of dishes I washed?" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:00 PM Flag
»
These are not your only choices. Have you actually tried to discuss this calmly? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:02 PM Flag
»
Are you OP? Because you aren't happier. You are miserable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:17 PM Flag
»
I don't see how treating him like a child that needs to be reminded of the most obvious things will make either of us feel better. He bristles when I ask too many things, so just F--k it. I'll lower my expectations of him and just do it myself. I get upset when I expect him to intuitively help because it is a nice thing to do....so I'll just have to let that go. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:12 PM Flag
»
"I'm sorry, I was disappointed that I missed the class and I took it out on you. Next time I will ask for help." It's not that difficult really. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:46 PM Flag
»
Omg, that will make me feel like a subservient loser. I'm sorry I cooked and cleaned for our family while you caught up on the sports news and therefor missed my class? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:55 PM Flag
»
It sounded like a houseguest complicated the morning and that usually you make it to yoga class just fine? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:02 PM Flag
»
Yes. And it would have been fine if he had helped literally anywhere along the way. I got up early, he slept in. I put away the dishes by the sink and unloaded the dishwasher, he read stuff on his phone. I served all of the kids. I started cleaning while he ate and then went back upstairs. He didn't do a single thing to assist at any point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:13 PM Flag
»
N: You CHOSE to miss the class. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:02 PM Flag
»
That's not my view. I cleaned up a messy kitchen that needed to be cleaned. I understand that other people are happy to leave a messy kitchen and get to it later, but I don't do that. Never have. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:13 PM Flag
»
But the kitchen only needed to be cleaned right at that minute because YOU wanted it done. You had a choice here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:22 PM Flag
»
The kitchen is always cleaned right after a meal at our house. Always. I don't leave dirty dishes because it grosses me out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:30 PM Flag
»
AGAIN - you sound awful. He might be awful too. But I’m not even married to you and it’s incredibly grating just in this thread that you are so fixated on how the kitchen has to be cleaned immediately. This is truly a matter of preference and not written in stone. Please - for your own happiness, don’t choose to be a martyr and cast all the blame outward. Life is so short. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:47 PM Flag
»
I get that it isn't written in stone, but its how I prefer my house to be and how it has always been. We've been married for 15 years so this isn't some new piece of info. I"m not defending my stance, just explaining it--it depresses me to come home to a mess and know that I have to clean it up. DH would be very unlikely to walk in from the gym and dive into the dishes. So then we would have lunch piled on top of breakfast and I personally just don't like that. So I need to drop the idea that I was ever going to make the yoga class and just do it the way I would like it to be done. That is the least stressful path out of this for me. I've asked DH to put his phone down at breakfast and help out 1,000000000000000 times. Sometimes he does it, but the next day we are right back to where we started. I'm tired of fighting that battle. I'm just so tired. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:08 PM Flag
»
Just ask him not to bring his phone to breakfast or to put it away for 30 minutes. But maybe on weekdays he needs to check it for work? And on weekends, that is all I want to do. EAt my bagel, drink my coffee, read the Times on my phone. and I am a DW. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:41 PM Flag
»
I have asked that. More times than i can count. Obviously i understand work stuff, but reading up on sports stuff while i do everything for the kids is just plain rude. Yeah I’d love to do that on weekends too. But we have three young kids. That just isn’t possible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:47 PM Flag
»
I also have 3 young kids. And a TV so weekend mornings, we have peace. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:51 PM Flag
»
Me too. I responded above. If my she expected me to clean the kitchen at 8 am so he could go to the gym, I would not do it either. I work all week. My dh runs on weekend mornings while I watch the kids. If he said the kitchen needed to be clean before he left, I would laugh in his face. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 11:05 PM Flag
»
This is my takeaway also. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:15 PM Flag
»
You are itching for a fight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:04 PM Flag
»
+1. what's more important, a dirty kitchen for a couple hours or a peaceful household? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:47 PM Flag
»
But it isn’t just this. This is a recent example, yes. But this attitude is indicative of the overall dynamic in the house. That’s why I’m so frustrated. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:50 PM Flag
»
You should have left for class!! You are clueless and passive aggressive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:55 PM Flag
»
Im sorry to say this, but my first thought was ' why didnt she just say 'see you guys in an hour" and leave the dishes for him? You knew you would miss the class if you stayed and did dishes. You have to put your needs first, like he does, and say " Im leaving for yoga, can you get the dishes?". Then come back happy. You are angry he wasnt watching the clock for you, but thats not his job. If he had a movie to catch with a friend, and you were upstairs making the bed, would it be his fault he was doing dishes if you didnt come down and insist he leave right away? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:00 PM Flag
»
also, you should apologize. " it wasnt your job to get me out of the door on time. sorry i lashed out. Next weekend ill be leaving at 8:30- can you do the breakfast cleanup while im gone?" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:02 PM Flag
»
So you think his behavior was fine and I'm solely responsible for the argument? That is his position. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:09 PM Flag
»
OP: look, i hate to take the DHs side, but he did nothing wrong. Ideally he could have siad, " oh, leave the dishes since you cooked"., but he didnt. That's not a big deal. You dont just clean when you feel he should and get angry that you dont do what you want. You should have left the mess and asked him to clean up, or dont ask at all. MY DH is the cook, and i just clean up. You decide on that division of labor in advance. You will have an unhappy marriage if you exoect perfection and blame him when you step in to do what you WISH he would do. Dont do dishes, go to yoga, maybe come g=home to dirty dishes and ask him to do them then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:15 PM Flag
»
Why are the dishes always my domain in these scenarios? DH is just a guest in the house and it is my job to ask him to chip in like a normal partner? That makes me so frustrated! Your point that I do I what I wish he would do is totally valid. But I makes me so angry that he just bumbles around totally oblivious to things. So either I have to ask him to do the dishes or do them myself. Why can't I have a partner who WANTS TO HELP ME? Who sees that I got up early and cooked for everyone so he WANTS to lighten my load. I feel like a chump. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:23 PM Flag
»
YOU MAKE THEM YOUR DOMAIN!!!! You are uncomfortable with leaving the house when tere are dirty dishes. Thats not your DHs problem. You decided you cant leave the house unless they are clean. I only say ask him to clean them because you care that they are clean when you return. I'm also obsessively clean, but I cant imagine missing my plans because i felt compelled to scour the kitchen. I would tell my DH to do do it! You feel unappreciated, but blaming him for you missing yoga is not going to get you appreciated. Leave the dishes, and see what happens. Maybe he would have cleaned them. You make it your problem, when its not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:28 PM Flag
»
But equally, I can't imagine watching my partner do all of that while I don't lift a finger. I'm never going to leave a dirty kitchen for anyone else. I'm not inconsiderate. But I wish so badly he would see what I do, appreciate it and help me without being asked. I'm not his mom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:40 PM Flag
»
Well you already married him! Are you going to divorce over some dirty dishes?? Would you seriously listen to yourself? Yes you are not married to Fabio who will also cook and clean and then rub your feet before he goes and vacuums without being asked. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:43 PM Flag
»
Jesus. Hoping for a partner who will Help with dishes is now expecting Fabio who will cook clean and rub my feet. Never mind [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:48 PM Flag
»
You have the husband you have. You need to find a way to like him and let go of this anger, or get divorced over dirty dishes. He and your kids don't deserve to live with your toxic anger. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:52 PM Flag
»
OP seemed more wedded to being right (in her own eyes) than interested in communicating or helping to fix the problem. Yes, you can choose to be “right” and this miserable forevermore. But it’s a choice. He probably is lazier than you but the virtue of your working hard is wayyyyy undercut by how passive aggressive you are. He sounds avoidant because the interaction is just so unpleasant at this point. He will never live up to your rigid rules of perfection. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:51 PM Flag
»
You have all given me a lot to think about and I do appreciate it. As you can tell, I'm really angry right now and so worn down. I will try to think through all that you guys have said and find a path out of this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:04 PM Flag
»
whoa nelly, you sound really passive aggressive. i'm not calling you a bad person or anything, but my god, part of being a good partner is being able to communicate your needs effectively. You drove yourself off a cliff and then blamed him for it. He's not thinking everything has to be done immediately and perfectly in order for your plan to work. I think it would be very difficult to be married to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:08 PM Flag
»
NP She is very, very angry. There is a lot of anger in there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:12 PM Flag
»
I am really angry. That I can admit. I feel like he takes it for granted that I'll just get it done and he can do whatever he wants. I get up before him every damn day and he sleeps in later. And I'm so pissed because I HAVE communicated all of this stuff to him until I"m blue in the face. Having to ask him specifically every single time to help with dishes makes me want to bang my head against a wall. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:17 PM Flag
»
Have you worked with a marriage counselor before? I don't think you guys can fix this on your own? I can understand your frustration philosophically, but I can tell you that I don't give a flip about dishes. If we were married, you would have already killed me for being a PITA. Dh drives me crazy because it doesn't occur to him to ever put a new bag in the trash can or compost bin when he takes out the trash or the compost. We have been married for 14 yrs. The chances of him starting to do it now are so tiny. They are probably about equal to me suddenly caring about doing dishes at any time BEFORE we run out of counter space or clean plates (which is what motivates me). We both have our flaws and we negotiate this stuff. But you are so, so angry with the way the situation is, and he is angry at the way you are handling your anger. I think marital counseling is much cheaper than divorce. I wish you lots of luck. I'm sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:24 PM Flag
»
I think I"m going to start with a counselor myself. If he wants to come, find. But he probably won't. That's okay too. I"ll work on me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:09 PM Flag
»
You are expecting him to act like a woman. Men cannot see things that "need to be done" or think through a family's schedule like a wife can. Yes I know there are exceptions. Quit worrying about whether that is "right" or not. Just tell him what you need. You chose to miss that class to prove a point and now you are both mad. You should have just walked out when you needed to or reminded him as he went upstairs that you were leaving in 15 minutes or whatever. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:34 PM Flag
»
THIS THIS THIS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:59 PM Flag
»
Leave the mess and go. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:49 PM Flag
»
I’m betting you didn’t say it as neutrally as you put it here. You could have finished when you got back or asked for help. But you chose to blame him. I’d be pissed too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:18 PM Flag
»
I don't understand why everyone thinks DH shouldn't do anything on his own volition. I get that I could have gone upstairs to get him and didn't or just left the mess. Fine. I chose not to do those things. But why is it okay for him to sleep in, eat leisurely and then head back upstairs while I do everything for our family? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:25 PM Flag
»
It just is. It would be OK for you also. If the kids are hungry, they will come and tell you, and then you can decide between you who will do what to get them fed. They would rather that than this fighting and possibly you divorcing over a breakfast that was so not worth it to them. Seriously, ask your DD how she feels now about having a sleepover and asking for a cooked breakfast. She probably feels like utter sh*t. I hope your self-righteous mindgames with DH are worth your kids' happiness. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:46 PM Flag
»
OP? Any response to this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:58 PM Flag
»
To what? I fundamentally disagree that one parent can do whatever he wants--choosing to help if and when he sees fit-- while the other tends to the house and family. And do you think I told my DD that it was her fault or something. For the record, DH was the one who said "here we go kids, another weekend RUINED by mom." So spare me the mind games. I took care of the kids while he screwed around on his phone and then HE dragged them into it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 09:16 PM Flag
»
You both sound awful. Nobody is saying he should do nothing. He does not need to do dishes at & on a Saturday. I would die if I was married to someone so anal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 11:10 PM Flag
»
YOU ARE IN THE WRONG. Why can't the dishes wait until you get home, or ask him to finish them while you're out. Nowhere is it written that they have to be finished before you can leave the house, and I am sure he assumed you would do what you needed to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:29 PM Flag
»
Did you tell him ahead of time that you both need to be up early to cook sleepover guest a big breakfast? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 09:23 PM Flag
»
I told him that i wanted to do the 9am class. He slept in, ate breakfast and went back upstairs. When he walked away i was at the sink washing dishes. Reappeared at 8:51 and was confused why i couldn’t go. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 09:38 PM Flag
»
EVERYONE is confused why you didn't go!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 11:07 PM Flag
»
Everyone is different. He can't read your mind. You need to speak up! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 09:26 PM Flag
»
One thing I have learned is this fundamental difference between the genders: If you tell a woman that something needs to be done by a certain time, she understands what steps need to be done and when to get to that goal. With man, you have to give him concrete instructions. So while he was definitely not in the right to get mad at you, you should have been very clear and said "Honey, I am leaving at 8:30 for the yoga class, please take care of the dishes while I am there." I know, I know, you want him to be smart enough to figure this out on his own, and step in without you having to ask, but that's now how he is built. Accept it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 10:36 PM Flag
»
this. also, men dont really see chores as anything more than tasks that do/do not get done. You see the dishes as yet another thing he doesnt take responsibility for or appreciate that you do. Theres a lot riding on whether he does them... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 10:51 PM Flag
[ - ] I have a lot of skin-tight, body con, lack of a better word-- "hoochie" type clothes. They are all good brands. I wore them until I got married and had kids. What should I do with them? Just donate them to Goodwill? I have sons so I'm not saving the clothes for them. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:29 PM Flag
»
Are you the poster who was asking earlier about where to donate your underwear? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:34 PM Flag
»
LOL no, that's not me! But I have a bunch of Herve Leger bandage dresses, etc, type clothes, and I don't have the body to pull them off anymore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:36 PM Flag
»
Alas. They donate them to goodwill and get a tax receipt, or if they're "vintage" then a place like Beacon's Closet might buy them from you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:37 PM Flag
»
^^Then donate, sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:38 PM Flag
»
Give them to Lauren Sanchez [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:39 PM Flag
»
LOL! I would love to donate them to a young woman in Manhattan, maybe someone trying to make it as an actress or something. If I had daughters, I would save them for them to use 20 years from now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:41 PM Flag
»
Do you have any older nieces or friends with teen daughters? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:44 PM Flag
»
Or you could donate them to a high school drama club. LaGuardia? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:44 PM Flag
»
No, no young female relatives. My kids are 2 and 8, so no friends with teen daughters. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:46 PM Flag
»
You know what, I think my doorman has a teenage daughter. I could give them to him to give to his daughter. TY! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:49 PM Flag
»
I’ve been too lazy but the real real makes it easy to sell. I just give everything to my nanny [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:45 PM Flag
»
Good for you; my employer used to do that, and fortunately we were the same size. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:19 PM Flag
[ - ] 300K HHI. How much do you think is reasonable to save eventually for two kids to attend college? kids are 11 and 5. 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:28 PM Flag
»
$600,000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:33 PM Flag
»
$200k each. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:34 PM Flag
»
Probably the $200K each is about right. Won't pay full private, but will take care of a good chunk. I was told when ds was a baby that I should put in 10K a year if I wanted to fully fund private. Sadly, we could only do about 25K.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:46 PM Flag
»
^lol, about 2.5K! We only have a 60K saved for college. DS is 16. SUNY, here we come! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:47 PM Flag
»
really depends on you mortgage/rent? Did you purchase 20 yrs ago, or more recent? A $6000 monthly payment would have much different lifestyle than $2500 payment [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:52 PM Flag
»
OP-our mortgage is about $5000 a month [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:54 PM Flag
»
And you also need to fund retirement. But you can probably swing closer to the 10K per kid than I could... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:01 PM Flag
»
OP-unfortunately DH and I still have about $700 a month in grad school loans ourselves. Looks like we will be looking at SUNY as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:09 PM Flag
»
np; we save about $8k per yr for 529, similar aged kids/mortgage and HHI. But we do not have student or car loans. and I am not working so limited camp expenses too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:23 PM Flag
»
Well, it is going to cost you about 400k each fr private. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:06 PM Flag
»
how do you get 400 each for dc who is 11. I thought college was $60 now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:26 PM Flag
»
NP: I have a kid at an expensive private. Tuition is now around 52-55 but room and board is another 20. It will be 80K/year by 2022. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:56 PM Flag
»
wow! r&b much more than I guessed. was thinking 10 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 11:10 PM Flag
»
Fund retirement first but save as much as you can now so that it can grow. We saved 130 and it was really only half of what we need. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:57 PM Flag
»
How did you cover the remaining half? Loans, grants, etc.? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:39 PM Flag
[ - ] At what age did you find your DC really started to "understand" things you said to them? Like beyond basic/simple commands. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:23 PM Flag
»
Maybe 18 months? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:25 PM Flag
»
Read some child development books. Kids don’t fully understand the word No until three. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:28 PM Flag
[ - ] My almost 2 year old will not play with toys. He likes empty seltzer bottles and boxes and packages of pasta, but he will not play with toys. Do you think this is grounds for an evaluation for EI? 27 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:19 PM Flag
»
No [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:20 PM Flag
»
Does he line them up? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:25 PM Flag
»
Yes! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:25 PM Flag
»
Is this indicative for some type of spectrum behavior? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:26 PM Flag
»
It is one of the things on the list. Typical children will outgrow this but children on the spectrum often don't use toys in the normal way and like to line things up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:30 PM Flag
»
That was my fear. TY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:31 PM Flag
»
Does he make eye contact with and respond when you call his name? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:36 PM Flag
»
Eye contact is sporadic. It's hard to say if he responds to his name-- generally, he's throwing a temper tantrum and he's crying/screaming most of the time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:37 PM Flag
»
That sounds very difficult! Is he speaking at all yet? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:39 PM Flag
»
He has some words, but we can't understand him like 80% of the time. He can say Mom-mom, wawa(for water), and nana(for banana). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:42 PM Flag
»
Keep your doctor informed of your concerns - he/she should advise if an evaluation is needed. Hope everything turns out just fine for you and your son! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:46 PM Flag
»
Disagree - don't rely on a ped who only sees your kid for short amounts of time and is mostly concerned with their health. If a ped catches something, great, but if she is concerned she should just call EI and schedule an evaluation. That is what they are there for. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:51 PM Flag
»
Does he point at things he wants? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:48 PM Flag
»
Don’t get carried away. Most kids that age are happier playing with the boxes or pots and pans. Figuring out spatial relationships is a skill, not a symptom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:21 PM Flag
»
Interesting. My ds did this, but he is not on the spectrum. He would string long lines of Duplo blocks instead of building up. That was until he was about 4 or 5. He could also build up; he just didn't like to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:50 PM Flag
»
What about trains or vehicles? My DS didn't really play with anything until he became obsessed with trains at age 2. Not on spectrum at all - just a more technical/science-y minded kid (in 5th grade now). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:29 PM Flag
»
No interest in cars or trains. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:29 PM Flag
»
I hope you are a troll. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:31 PM Flag
»
No, I am not. If you don't have anything helpful to say, please collapse this thread and move on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:33 PM Flag
»
That's pretty rude. A mother's instinct is generally pretty good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:35 PM Flag
»
Hopefully, all of the "experts" and "professionals" will not destroy your child's wonderful imagination. BTW, construction blocks are often considered the perfect toy - they teach balance, spatial orientation, imaginative play, etc. etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:39 PM Flag
»
Does he flap his arms? Walk on his toes? Has he lost words? Follow your gut. My friend's ds was not dxed with autism until it was caught by his kinder teacher who suggested an evaluation - she felt in her gut something was wrong and her pediatrician kept dismissing her concerns. (Her ds did not have any of these things I listed here above, BTW.) Good luck to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:45 PM Flag
»
^^^ I see above that he is throwing temper tantrums and crying/screaming most of the time. Have you tried signing with him to teach him a few signs? He may be having tantrums because he can't communicate in words yet and he has things to say. I would go and and do an EI evaluation. It doesn't hurt at all and you will get more information. I had a relative who's child was like this at 2. Turns out he just needed speech therapy and OT for sensory issues, and he is the calmest and sweetest kid by elementary school. He was much more calm than my kids who were much easier at age 2 than he had been. He is in college now. Go through EI and see what they say. Earlier help means it will take less time to get him caught up with his peers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:49 PM Flag
»
I would call EI now. Good luck! I have an eval scheduled for Thursday for my DS and I'm so nervous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:47 PM Flag
»
Good luck! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:56 PM Flag
»
You sound worried. So why not get him evaluated for peace of mind. FWIW my df’s son hardly had any words when he turned 2. Suddenly at 2 1/2 he was speaking in full sentences and actually taught himself how to read. Not kidding. He was sounding out words on signs, the mail, everywhere. My df was completely freaked out but kind of thrilled. Needless to say, the kid is now a young adult and a successful computer programmer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:49 PM Flag
»
I remember really loving the textures and sounds of boxes with pasta, smooth glass bottles, etc. I was even older and preferred playing with those types of things. I eventually outgrew them and started playing with the things everyone else did. If you’re worried, mention it to your pediatrician but I wouldn’t be worried. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:51 PM Flag
[ - ] I just ate a Mandarin orange (Sunkist) bought at a fruit vendor this morning. It is SO sweet! I guess it's orange season? Anyway, posting this in case someone needed an idea for a healthy and cheap snack. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:18 PM Flag
»
Thanks, we have a bunch of oranges and tangerines in the fridge. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:19 PM Flag
»
I don't keep them in the fridge unless they are peeled. I didn't know people kept them in the fridge. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:22 PM Flag
»
You do you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:23 PM Flag
»
I’ve heard they lose their vitamin c if they’re refrigerated. I’d love to know if that’s actually true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:57 PM Flag
»
I am a big fan of Cara Cara oranges. They are in season now. Every once in a while you'll get a mediocre one, but usually they are delicious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:26 PM Flag
»
They are so good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:29 PM Flag
[ - ] I have a weird question to ask. We are very fortunate to have enough money saved for our three kids' college. They are in 8th, 6th and 4th now. My son was accepted to a Catholic HS that we really like. He was given an academic scholarship based on his tests and record. No application, it just came. We feel like we would prefer t go to someone who otherwise can't afford the school (Tuition is about $20k.) Would it be weird to ask that? Should we just donate back the $8k/year or so that he got? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:17 PM Flag
»
It's up to you. If you think someone else can use it, sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:18 PM Flag
»
I just don't want to sem ungrateful, or look like we are trying to flaunt wealth. We are SO not like that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:19 PM Flag
»
You're thinking WAY to hard about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:20 PM Flag
»
You could also save it for the education of your grandchildren. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:21 PM Flag
»
Even with the scholarship, you will be asked to donate to the school. You could donate that amount you were going to pay in tuition. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:28 PM Flag
»
stop with the guilt. The school wants him, he earned it, just take it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:35 PM Flag
»
Honestly don't feel guilt! Just want someone else to benefit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:09 PM Flag
»
Can you find out if they have separate scholarship fund for those in need? If so, see if you can donate speciafically toward that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:36 PM Flag
»
Great idea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:08 PM Flag
»
Merit based scholarships are for merit. I took one in graduate school because that school wanted me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:41 PM Flag
»
Is that St Peter's Prep? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:16 PM Flag
[ - ] DH just found out his bonus and is so disappointed. He was only at the firm for 2.5 months in 2018, but boss had mentioned a number when he interviewed, and bonus is half of what he said. I feel so bad. He's been working so hard. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:17 PM Flag
»
expectations should always be set low imo. I guess they wanted him so they made him think he would earn more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:20 PM Flag
»
i agree boss mishandled that, could be things turned out worse for the business than expected but still [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:23 PM Flag
[ - ] What is the ideal weight for 5'7" and a thin frame? I did Whole30 last summer and lost about 8 pounds (135 or so to about 127). Even over the holidays, I kept it all off. I'm doing a January Whole30 now just to reset after the holidays. I didn't expect to lose any more weight, but halfway through, I'm down to 124. I eat healthy, higher fat meals (lots of avocados, eggs, etc) and feel satisfied and full. But I'm wondering if this will be too thin? 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:16 PM Flag
»
i'm almost that height and my ideal skinny looking and feeling weight is bet 125-130. under that people asked me if I was ill... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:18 PM Flag
»
Yeah, I guess I'm surprised that I have lost more. That wasn't my intention. I just wanted to reboot after indulging in more alcohol and sweets than I usually eat. I feel good and don't think I look ill or anything, but I'm surprised. I haven't weighed 124 since high school! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:24 PM Flag
»
I'm 5'6 and I look best when I am around 135. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:21 PM Flag
»
Same. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:23 PM Flag
»
What is Whole30? Never heard of it... I am looking to lose 3-5 lbs the heathy way. Thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:26 PM Flag
»
In a nutshell, you cut out dairy, sugar, grains, soy, and legumes for 30 days. You eat vegetables, proteins and healthy fats and after 30 days you slowly reintroduce them to see what (if anything) adversely effects your body. For me, my stomach bloat disappeared, my skin cleared up and my chronic headaches went away. My triggers are too much sugar and too many carbs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:34 PM Flag
»
+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:24 PM Flag
»
+3 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:27 PM Flag
»
+4 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:36 PM Flag
»
Lots of people who are 5'6'' [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:04 PM Flag
»
I'm just shy of this and am best at 115 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:58 PM Flag
»
I am 5"7". Look best at 132. 124would definitely look like I have an eating disorder. I am neither of those weights today. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:31 PM Flag
»
I definitely don't look like I have an eating disorder. And my clothes all still fit, so I don't look skeletal or anything. And my frame is naturally small--wrists, arms, etc. are all small. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:35 PM Flag
»
I'm 5'7" and 130 lbs at 7 months postpartum. Hoping to lose a few more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:39 PM Flag
»
125 is perfect [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:59 PM Flag
[ - ] DD has her Hunter R2 playdate this weekend. Any tips from people who have BTDT? She is pretty bright but not a prodigy, and we can't afford private. Any advice greatly appreciated! 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:14 PM Flag
»
I think the less you say the better. She is more likely to be herself and relax. f you try to tell a 4 year old how to act I can't see it going well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:18 PM Flag
»
She is generally pretty well behaved, but she is SO shy. She shuts up like a bad clam and refuses to talk when strangers try to talk to her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:20 PM Flag
»
That’s better than a loud Miss Bossy Boots [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:24 PM Flag
»
That won't be great, but i think if you say too much she will get nervous. You could just say this is a play date where they try to figure out which school will make you happiest, so try to answer what they ask you so they get to see who you are. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:10 PM Flag
»
What kind of advice are you looking for? Just go to the play date and let your kid play. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:21 PM Flag
»
My advice — look into G&T publics or move. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:22 PM Flag
»
Or a good GenEd like 6, 290, 158 etc. Hunter isn't the only good public school in NYC, folks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:33 PM Flag
»
Go to Starbucks during the play date. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:32 PM Flag
»
This. The less you care, the better off you will be. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:39 PM Flag
»
By the way, Gen Ed is not a curse! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:11 PM Flag
[ - ] My mom wants a "veggie-lover's special from Papa John's" pizza-- are there any pizzas akin to this in Manhattan? She is visiting from Tampa. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:12 PM Flag
»
Maybe you could encourage her to try real pizza? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:13 PM Flag
»
I don't know what that looks like, but most pizzerias are willing to work with you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:15 PM Flag
»
I should say she wanted it to be thin crust as well. FML [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:16 PM Flag
»
You can't just order the pizza with whatever veggies she likes from your local pizza place? I mean, it won't be exactly the same but it's... pizza. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:19 PM Flag
»
I did a few days ago, but she said it wasn't good. Again, she insisted on getting the veggie lover's special from papa Johns. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:21 PM Flag
»
So, I did a quick google search for you and there's some Papa Johns downtown. Just stick with that. Good grief. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:23 PM Flag
»
^^there are [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:24 PM Flag
»
Are you the poster whose mom is visiting from out of town and has been making tuna casseroles and cottage cheese lasagnas and is upset you're not more excited about it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:29 PM Flag
»
There is one in Fidi. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:30 PM Flag
»
Order her Dominos. It's the closest thing probably. And yes, it is WAY better than NY pizza. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you share suitcases with your DH when on vacation or do you each bring your own bag? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:12 PM Flag
»
When we traveled long distance in the old days, our rule was one bag per person (carry on). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:13 PM Flag
»
Share [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:16 PM Flag
»
We each bring our own bags. We do not travel lightly. One carry on and one checked bag per person--but we sometimes return with 2 checked bags per person when hauling goodies home from overseas trips. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:18 PM Flag
»
I bring my own bags and dh always complains that I pack too much. I do my best but he got on my case over the summer because I took a 25 inch suitcase and a small carry on for a 12 day trip... tried to explain so many times that women have more things and that is not bad... I know many women who carry at least 2 large suitcases, literally take their whole closet w them. But then again, my dh is a jerk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:29 PM Flag
»
Yeah, he sounds like it. What does he care how many bags you bring? Do you not check luggage? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:50 PM Flag
»
Everyone gets a carryon and backpack/bag. No checking. We have done 2 weeks in Europe just fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:30 PM Flag
»
This is my travel goal! Share your packing list/tips? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:54 PM Flag
»
We do this. The trick is to go the whole trip with only 1 or 2 pairs of shoes. Also wear the same clothes over and over — just stay at a place with a washing machine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:59 PM Flag
»
+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:59 PM Flag
»
Now with 2 kids, we all share one large suitcase. Before we had kids, we each took a carry on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:36 PM Flag
»
We each bring our own, but we each put one outfit in the other's in case one bag gets lost. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:27 PM Flag
[ - ] Trying to cut all added sugar out completely from my diet. I know there is fructose, etc in fruit, but do you think I should eliminate fruit from my diet, too, if it triggers a sugar craving? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:09 PM Flag
»
Yes. For sugar craving eat pickles. Check that they are no fructose added. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:09 PM Flag
»
pickles--great tip! Ty! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:11 PM Flag
»
Huh? How would a salty pickle (which usually has added sugar by the way) satisfy a sweet craving? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:19 PM Flag
»
No, because fruit has fiber and vitamins. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:10 PM Flag
»
Fruits usually satisfy a craving for sweets in a healthy way and provide good nutrition. You can minimize them but I wouldn't cut them out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:10 PM Flag
»
You can have fruit in small quantities. But try to stick to the lower sugar ones like berries and melon. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:14 PM Flag
»
^ melon meaning canteloupe and honeydew. Watermelon has a lot of sugar. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:16 PM Flag
»
I'm a big believer in Whole30 and I have a major sweet tooth. For me, eating some grapes, mango, apple, etc. satisfies my sweet tooth in a healthy way. I still love sweets, but eat them very very sparingly now. I make sure it is something I truly want instead of just munching on wasted sugar. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:18 PM Flag
»
Why do this to yourself? Fruits are not evil. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:19 PM Flag
»
This. The keto craze has really done a number on people. Should you gobble fruit all day long? No. But is it a great snack to satisfy a sweet tooth? Of course! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:25 PM Flag
[ - ] Following up on my recent post. We are the brooklyn family who host in-laws at a rented beachhouse for a week during the summer, and dont want to pay to house & feed everyone anymore, but they are all dead broke. We found a smaller cheaper house for just me, DH, DC and MIL, and planned to invite BIL and his teenage DC and adult DC down to BBQ, hang out during the day. There just wont be bedrooms to sleep in. They live a driveable distance away. Even when we had gotten a larger house, BIL and niece only stay 2 nights because of difficult MIL. Nephew stays the whole week, but just plays videogames, eats all the food, contributes no help, and comes just to get away from his mom for a week. Soooo, We just told MIL the plan, and she offered to chip in so we can rent a larger house so everyone can come. She is broke as well and cant afford it, so its crazy. We pay for her plane tickets to visit us, and I know we will soon be paying her other bills, because DH is the only son that isnt broke. How do i talk her out of it. She likes the idea of a big house with everyone, but she honestly shouts at BIL and his kids until BIL bails anyway. 36 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:07 PM Flag
»
What does DH think? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:08 PM Flag
»
OP: havent had a chance to talk, but he HATES to take her money. It repulses me to see her paying for BIL and his kids, and knowing we will eventually foot the big bills when she runs out of $. Its like we are the safety net, and alls well because we are "rich" ( not!) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:16 PM Flag
»
We already told you you need to suck it up and get a house everyone can stay in, even if it's a cheaper house than you usually get. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:14 PM Flag
»
Why? BIL doesnt even want to be there! So we spend a lot more money for bedrooms for everyone? The cheaper houses dont have AC in every room, which would be awful. There are not a ton of options. We are already looking at houses that are a good walk to the water. They are usually pricier! Im tired of being an open checkbook to my in-laws [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:20 PM Flag
»
Can you explain the cost difference here? I am curious [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:25 PM Flag
»
THIS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:30 PM Flag
»
i wont for 2 reasons: there are a lot of truly rich UB'ers who will immediately say "big deal". That doesnt help. The amt is significant to us and we have added expenses this yr. Most imptly, if MIL is paying to afford a larger house, she cant help pay for the other expenses and fees she contributes ( dont want to out myself by being any more specific). That will push OUR cost back to what it was last year. Also, the whole dynamic is toxic, and i think day visits are just a better option!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:31 PM Flag
»
This is all that matters, it is significant to you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:45 PM Flag
»
I didn't say that. I agreed with someone else who wrote that she should take a year of this year to reset expectations and then do a smaller house next year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:31 PM Flag
»
OP: we have to visit this summer and we ARE GOING to stay at this beach community. MIL has multiple cats, lives near nothing fun for DC. This is our vaca too! We dont travel much. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:35 PM Flag
»
I think you guys should stick to your guns and do the smaller house, politely decline MIL's offer and just let BIL and his kids come visit during the day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:05 PM Flag
»
If DH and MIL both want the big house, you're kind of stuck. If he will side with you, then he tells his Mom how it will be this year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:16 PM Flag
»
DH is with me. Its just awkward to say wed prefer not to house everyone. Theres a weird money-blindness in the family. People pretend they have more than they have, then they cant afford to pay for small bills and are in panic mode. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:23 PM Flag
»
np -- just point out in years past, you've gotten the big house and people have not stayed, so you don't want to spend the money for rooms that are not used. don't get into who can pay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:27 PM Flag
»
This. Short and practical. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:28 PM Flag
»
OP: i will do this. MIL will say that the nephew stays the whole time, but he isnt even interacting and she screams at him. I dont get why she wants him there when shes basically always yelling at him! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:33 PM Flag
»
Rent the big house for 3 nights and then the smaller house for 4 nights. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:17 PM Flag
»
OP: you cant. in-season they are all 1 wk rentals. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:22 PM Flag
»
Go for a long weekend instead and get hotel rooms for each group. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:27 PM Flag
»
OP: the hotels are really bad. the reason a house works best is that you can hang out during a hot day, and BBQ. There are B&Bs but they cost way more than renting a house [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:32 PM Flag
»
Sounds horrible. Just skip the whole rental and get a hotel somewhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:33 PM Flag
»
Smaller house, but invite everyone. Some sleep on sofa bed and bunk beds possibly in rotation. Model money saving behavior. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:38 PM Flag
»
This. Bring air mattresses for the kids and some adults. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:41 PM Flag
»
OP: so im buying air mattresses now? they cant even affprd the weekly fees to stay at the community, so MIL ends up paying that for them. Its enough. Come visit during the day! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:47 PM Flag
»
the house cant get any smaller and fit people. My nephew is 300 lbs, so i doubt he'll be on a bunk bed with my 75 year old MIL. Try selling my DH that we sleep on a bunk bed on our vaca. Niece already crashes on a couch in the "big" house. My DD is 8 so im not about to put her in a room sleeping with her 14 year old cousin [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:42 PM Flag
»
Stick to your guns. Just tell her, this is what we are doing. We hope to see you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:47 PM Flag
»
You don't talk her out of it. You say, "No thanks. This is the way we want to do it this year. Let us know if we should count you out." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:53 PM Flag
»
OP: omg. a bit harsh suggesting that she doent come! we are going to visit her! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:04 PM Flag
»
I like OR's first two sentences. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:06 PM Flag
»
If you don't get a bigger house people will still crash on the couch. I'd rather them in their own rooms. You can't tell mil what she can and can not spend money on [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:02 PM Flag
»
OP: if someone wants to crash on sofa for a couple of nights, fine with me. We can tell MIL what our accomodations will be, since we are paying for it. She cant afford it, and any money she overspends, is essentially our future savings going to her bills. Thats my issue. She has medical issues and i forsee big bills. She wants to help support her other son, and we support her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:07 PM Flag
»
Op MIl can choose to do her own rental, but she can't tell OP that they have to rent a bigger house and let MIL make up the difference in cost. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:07 PM Flag
»
Tell her that that doesn't work for you. You are getting a smaller house, and if others want to stay, they can also get a smaller house nearby. My in-laws used to insist that we all vacation together, and it made it so stressful that it was no longer a vacation. This is your time off and your money. You get to decide how to spend it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:30 PM Flag
»
OP: 100% agree. More difficult for my DH, because he wants to spend time with his family but they are broke. the dynamic is that we end up paying for everything and no one feels good about it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:16 PM Flag
»
You just say no, you’ve made your plans. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:24 PM Flag
»
OP: I just realized that we need to just break it to BIL that it’s not in the budget. Then the decision has been made and we r merely telling MIL what has been decided. There can’t be a discussion. I also want BIL to know that we want them to come and BBQ, and not just hear bad news from MIL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:44 PM Flag
[ - ] Any thoughts on Room & Board furniture? Good quality? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 01.15.19, 06:03 PM Flag
»
I have a sofa + chairs from them for 10 years and it's still going strong. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:05 PM Flag
»
The best! We love their stuff (have couch, bed, dresser, and rocking chair from there). Long lasting and excellent customer service. I love their simple but beautiful and comfortable style. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:07 PM Flag
»
OP: So Great to hear! Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:09 PM Flag
»
Yes. Good quality. Much better than the chains like Crate & Barrel, West Elm, Rest Hardware, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:11 PM Flag
»
How about Sit Down NY - anyone familiar with them? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:15 PM Flag
»
We have the Julian Table white/white and it’s indestructible (I have gotten sharpie removed) and we love the Oxford pop-up sleeper sofa with the chaise and storage in Navy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:35 PM Flag
»
Yes, good quality [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:45 PM Flag
»
I've been very happy with all my R&B purchases--outdoor furniture, esp [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 08:00 PM Flag
[ - ] Is there any way to get a two year old to listen to/obey you? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:02 PM Flag
»
Nope! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:03 PM Flag
»
Fear [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:03 PM Flag
»
OP - She's not afraid of my scary voice. Not in the slightest. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:04 PM Flag
»
Consequences [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:18 PM Flag
»
This. "If you sit down you can have (insert reward here), if you don't sit down you will not get that thing you want." Or conversely, "If you don't sit down I will take away that thing you want." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:23 PM Flag
»
At two, the rules aren't for them, they're for you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:15 PM Flag
»
Maybe outdated but a chair in the corner for "time out" calmly tell her to think about what she did "wrong" and maybe how she can think about she will do it next time. For example friendly hands, no shouting at mommy, it is not safe to touch, not ok to write on the wall or don't take off your diaper etc. By the way the terrible twos were never a thing with any of our three boys. It was more the terrible threes and time outs saved us! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Can someone please explain athletic scholarships to me in a non-snarky way? Everyone is desperate to get their kid an athletic ride but my understanding is that almost no one gets significant money because it has to be split amongst the entire team. Also I thought the Ivies didn’t give athletic scholarships but everyone keeps winking and nodding that they give money via traditional financial aid which makes no sense. 28 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:42 PM Flag
»
Your understanding is correct. MOST people do not get them. My daughter got a lacrosse scholarship, as did several girls in her graduating class, but most were not full rides, and even f they were, the amount these parents spent on camps and coaches FAR outweighs the benefit. We did all that too! But never expected a scholarship. We did ti because she loves to play and showed commitment and promise. The girls who play at Ivies dd not get FA, but it helpd give them an edge in admissions. Same n D3. Not a HUGE edge, but an edge. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:48 PM Flag
»
This is us with our son. By the time we’re done paying for hockey we could have paid for college twice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:54 PM Flag
»
Of the kids you know we’re they awarded $10K/year or $30K/year [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:56 PM Flag
»
They ranged from full ride to Northwestern and BC to about 15k/year at Duke and Holy Cross. There were a few other, but those are ones I knew best. The two best players got the full rides, and could have gotten tham at several schools. But they are REALLY good. Had a few offered $ at D1 schools but chose NESCAC for no $ (they don't give scholarships). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:02 PM Flag
»
I am always amazed how many LAX scholarships our HS seems to get, but then I looked at college rosters and 90% of the young women are from NJ, LI, and MA. So I think our HS is kind of a big deal in LAX. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:08 PM Flag
»
Ivies do not give scholarships but they make it work for you financially with aid. Not sure what happens if you are extremely wealthy though, I don't know anyone who has been in that situation. They even work out aid for people who are not from the US, I guess via academic scholarships [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:50 PM Flag
»
Ok so are you sure about this? My niece was recruited by Princeton, Duke and Northwestern for field hockey. Duke and NW offered her a ton of money but Princeton offered nothing because they had no demonstrated financial need. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:53 PM Flag
»
That's what I meant, I don't know what happens if you can't demonstrate any need. If you have need they make it work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 05:59 PM Flag
»
Got it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:11 PM Flag
»
That sounds right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:00 PM Flag
»
Depending on the sport there are plenty of full rides but they may not be at places you want your kid to go to school. A lot of full rides in sports like soccer and tennis are taken up by foreign players making it much harder for US players to get the $$. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:02 PM Flag
»
This is true. The lacrosse schools are mostly really good schools (at least for girls' teams) but my daughter's friend was only offered a soccer scholarship to a not so great school. she got into Yale and they sucked it up and paid for it and she played on the team. Not sure if she was a walk on or committed in advance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:05 PM Flag
»
Totally true, lacrosse is typically played at good schools, my DS plays soccer and all of his coaches are English and had a full ride to schools I have never heard of and wouldn't want my kid to go to even for free [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:10 PM Flag
»
Ok not everyone is desperate for this. I also don’t get it unless your kid is clearly VERY talented at a sport. The money spent for these travel teams, private coaches etc etc. could have been used for their tuition. It is middle class people gambling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:03 PM Flag
»
Agreed. As I said above, we let my kid do any camp or club she wanted to do because we could afford it and she was driving it. I would have actually preferred if she played in a D3. I think it is a better college life. But she is very happy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:06 PM Flag
»
So do only D1 schools give athletic scholarships? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:13 PM Flag
»
I am honestly not sure about D2 because there are so few and they are usually not great schools (I am sure there are exceptions!) D3 does not, and Ivies, which are D1, do not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:14 PM Flag
»
No, D2 and NAIA give scholarships too in a lot of sports - I think OP is talking about lacrosse which doesn't have as many teams but in other sports these schools have plenty of $ to dole out but you may not know who any of them are [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:19 PM Flag
»
D2 schools are crap schools. True or false? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:21 PM Flag
»
Can a school be in different divisions for different sports? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:26 PM Flag
»
They can get some sort of waiver to do so - yes. It isn't common though. I think Hopkins id D1 in M Lax and D3 in M basketball, for example. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:12 PM Flag
»
Depends, there are a lot of smaller branches of big state schools in D2. Generally not a list of UB approved schools though [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:30 PM Flag
»
You have a better chance of getting your child accepted by being a full pay family vs their chances at getting an athletic scholarship to a good school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:41 PM Flag
»
I think with athletics it's more about recruitment, less about scholarship money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 06:45 PM Flag
»
Professionally? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:01 PM Flag
»
OP I absolutely agree. Athletics are a hook. Our kids love their sports so we encourage them as much as possible. I’m just not seeing the sports as a free ticket to college angle. I think most of the athletes getting “full rides” also have substantial financial need. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:10 PM Flag
»
I am a one trick pony, but that is definitely NOT true in W Lax. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:13 PM Flag
»
For a majority it is [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.15.19, 07:33 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions