• Filter the conversation
[ - ] Bar/bat mitzvah moms who have BT/DT: If you did a Havdalah service outside of a temple setting, do you have any regrets about it? TIA 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:28 PM Flag
»
We didn't but I have been to a few that were really nice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:46 PM Flag
»
I did one of each - one at my temple and one at the place where the party was. Both services were phenomenal. It’s not the place it’s the people! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:46 PM Flag
»
I actually think it's nice for the guests to stay in one location. Signed, goyische guest [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:14 PM Flag
»
I had havdallah at a club - it was one location [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:16 PM Flag
»
It was the perfect solution for us. And people appreciated that they didn't have to go in the morning, kill the afternoon, and then come back at night. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:49 AM Flag
[ - ] "A sibling is the best gift you can give your child". Really?? 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:26 PM Flag
»
My mother that was molested by an older brother would disagree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:29 PM Flag
»
+100. Scars remain forever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:55 PM Flag
»
this is just - so not the point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:01 PM Flag
»
Or: agree but that’s such a stupid sentence. I have a brother and have 0 relationship with him. Same with my dh. I have an only and have ridiculous statements like this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:54 PM Flag
»
+1000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 12:30 AM Flag
»
This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 07:52 AM Flag
»
Well if you remember that the gift is a ppssibility not a guarantee of a lifetime friend, then yes. Can be a good or bad gift. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:31 PM Flag
»
It really shouldn't be a "gift" for the other child. Such a weird way of putting it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:36 PM Flag
»
Hm, when my siblings were my best friend and playmates? Sure. Now that we never speak or visit each other? No. Wish I was an only child. Actually as the oldest I do wish I was an only child! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:48 PM Flag
»
I think this happens a lot. Siblings move in different directions. Doesn't always pan out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:52 PM Flag
»
+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:28 PM Flag
»
My SIL doesn't even tell people she has a brother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:54 PM Flag
»
Same. Nobody knows I have sister out there somewhere. If I ran in to her on the street I would walk on by. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:04 PM Flag
»
It's more of a context than a gift. As with anything, one of your kids can suck the others down. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:57 PM Flag
»
Not a fan of that, but it was in our case. Our ds was a little self-centered and at 7 got a sibling. He had someone to tell silly jokes to, read to her and put on theatrical performances for her. She loved it. Now they are adults and spend a lot of time together without us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:57 PM Flag
»
disagree [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:59 PM Flag
»
I think it totally depends. I'm an only and no way would my parents have been good for two of us. They just didn't have the time energy ir interest. We had two, in part so they would have each other. They get along realy well now, but we will see in the future. Dh has siblings and the cousins all play, but I know from my experience that likely cousin relationships wont be tight when they are adults [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:00 PM Flag
»
I, the best thing your parents can give you is the ability to navigate this world. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:13 PM Flag
»
I didn't like having siblings growing up and do not spend time with them now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:38 PM Flag
»
My sister and I get along fine but aren’t close- I enjoyed having her to play with as a kid but i think the emphasis on doing something wrong by not giving your kid a sibling or assuming all siblings will grow up to be best friends is crazy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:19 PM Flag
»
Disagree, My younger sister hates me so much. very sad to me. We grew up in an alcoholic family, just the two of us; in case you're wondering what I "did," I was born first and she fantasized that being an only child would be the answer to her problems. Eventually she created that scenario by cutting me out of her life. I spent decades trying to work things out with her, agonizing, blaming myself but not knowing what I'd done, apologizing for what I imagined it might be. Finally decided to let her dream come true. She hasn't communicated with me in years. I used to send birthday and holiday gifts. Also stopped that--why be a masochist? She never acknowledged it. I wish her peace [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:19 PM Flag
»
There's a woman I know who keeps posting crap like this every since getting pregnant with her second. I wish her well, but she has NO idea how sour a sibling relationship can go...it's a bit nauseating actually that she thinks she's done this marvelous grand thing. Good job, lady, you had another baby. *eye roll* [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 12:33 AM Flag
»
A child is not a gift. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 12:47 PM Flag
[ - ] I'm eating one of those high protein, low sugar bars right now and it's very tasty and sweet. What's the catch? I know sugar alcohols can cause gas, etc., but are there any other downsides? It's 1g of sugar and it tastes like maple syrup. Having it with my black coffee and it's really really good. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:14 PM Flag
»
Basically, you're eating a candy bar. Enjoy! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:24 PM Flag
»
The catch is that it's actually processed food. But it's not like a Kraft cheese slice. Enjoy it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:26 PM Flag
»
High in carbs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 02:47 AM Flag
»
No it’s low in carbs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 05:02 AM Flag
»
Artificial sweeteners have not had enough testing time in humans, so you're taking a long-term health risk. But one won't kill you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 07:56 AM Flag
»
it's great for an occasional snack or desperate meal replacement, but don't make a habit. it's just not natural. have an apple with natural nut butter, or veggies and hummus. eat real food. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 12:18 PM Flag
[ - ] Help, what are those loafers that are made out of suede and velvet that are sort of like house shoes? More substantial than slippers. I think there is a name for them that I'm missing. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:06 PM Flag
»
Smoking slippers [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:10 PM Flag
»
Are they really? That's what I was thinking because they look like something you would wear with a smoking jacket/robe. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:15 PM Flag
»
birdies? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:10 PM Flag
»
opera pumps [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:15 PM Flag
»
Belgian Shoes E 55th Street. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:37 PM Flag
»
You are awesome [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:48 PM Flag
»
Not usually, but thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:06 PM Flag
»
Sonja makes some with her family crest! Oh wait, he ex-husband's family crest. Ask Dorinda about them! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:48 PM Flag
»
op. THANK YOU! I was looking for Belgian shoes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:48 PM Flag
[ - ] Back on WW. I lost the weight, felt great and I started not tracking and having treats now and then. Put the weight back on. Anyone on WW and have any tricks? Or things that are 0 that they really enjoy. I know I need to move more and eat less but in my late 40s, metabolism isn’t what it used to be. Thank you :) 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:58 PM Flag
»
Most people just stay on it. When you stop following the program, the weight is going to come back b/c you're not keeping calories in check. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:04 PM Flag
»
I have definitely added calories to my daily intake. Thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:20 PM Flag
»
Keep going to the meetings. They make a difference. Build a treat into your day a few times a week and plan for it. basically, keep doing what you did to lose the weight. You have to make real lifestyle changes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:05 PM Flag
»
I find I do better when i attend the meetings and only weigh in once a week. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:20 PM Flag
»
You’re fat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:25 PM Flag
»
OP: you logged in just to tell me that? Lol. Sad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:45 PM Flag
»
The meetings are enormously helpful for me. Tons of ideas, plus the accountability of the weigh in. The trick I use most is to just load everything down with veggies. Omelette? Stuff it with veggies. Pasta? Make a small amount and add a ton of veggies. Lunch? Huge salad with a few nuts or a bit of chicken. And finally, be honest with yourself, but don't be hard on yourself. Forgive yourself for putting the weight back on and then re-commit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:39 PM Flag
»
That is very helpful! Thank you so much :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:44 PM Flag
»
"Metabolism" is an excuse that people use when they want to eat too much and be sedentary. Spend at least 45 minutes a day doing something that has you breathing too hard to have a normal conversation. Keep up with an 18yo for a week to get a reality check about how little you actually do compared to the time in your life when your "metabolism" was higher. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 07:59 AM Flag
»
OP: LOL! I have way more energy than my 18 year old, but thanks for the helpful advice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 03:20 PM Flag
[ - ] A friend of mine hosted our family for dinner and when it was time for dessert, she said, we have chocolate pudding. DS who is allergic to nuts started having his bowl of pudding and started feeling sick. I asked what's in the pudding. She said, oh its filled with cashew milk and all sorts of wonderful nuts and seeds. DS got violently ill and her 5 year old said, I'm glad your not feeling well and I'm happy you're leaving! she said nothing to him. Best day ever! 51 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:49 PM Flag
»
I'm so sorry. My son is anaphylactic to multiple foods. Are you really comfortable with others cooking for him? We always brought our food with us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:52 PM Flag
»
Its the first time in 11 years. It was a mistake on my part not to ask. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:54 PM Flag
»
Did she really understand the issue? My family doesn't even get it sometimes. How is your ds? Did you need an epipen? We just were very strict about what dc could eat and never chanced things with others's attempts to cook for him. One person didn't understand that butter was dairy for instance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:05 PM Flag
»
She didn't understand at all, she sent laughing and crying emojis to me while we were in the emergency room and said she was sorry. I've told her so many times in the past about my son's nut allergies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:08 PM Flag
»
Well I'd think it was very insensitive of her to send that type emoji of course. I guess I wouldn't trust a person like her then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:10 PM Flag
»
+1 and I would almost wonder if she had done it on purpose. What kind of jackass is she to make light of your kid going to the ER?? Sounds like her daughter is similar. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:16 PM Flag
»
^son, not daughter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:18 PM Flag
»
Either a slow fade with this “friend” or a face to face, it’s over. She seems really awful. Friends DO NOT do this. If my friend accidentally did this to my child, she would have shown up at the ER in tears. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:21 PM Flag
»
THIS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:23 PM Flag
»
i started to explain to her that i needed space. then i asked if she heard her son's comment, which she denied hearing. she told me i was being judgmental about her parenting.this is when i started getting upset. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:24 PM Flag
»
I wouldn't slow fade. I wouldn't bother with a face to face. This would be a simple "Our relationship is over" text. do not waste your time on this person. not worth it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:34 PM Flag
»
This! She put your dc in danger and is pretending it was no big deal. DROP HER! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:52 PM Flag
»
IMO, it doesn't even matter what her son said. He's young and 5 year olds say dumb things... I'd be more worried about your 'friend'. She made it clear how she feels about your child's allergies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 04:32 PM Flag
»
This, I would feel awful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:36 PM Flag
»
Did she think the laughing emoji was crying because of the tears? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:36 PM Flag
»
Nope. She'd be dead to me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:50 PM Flag
»
I posted below, and I think we can all agree that it wasn't malicious, but her reaction was off the deep end. Consider the possibility that it was a stress reaction: for all she knew, she thought she had just killed her friend's child! How you respond is 100% your decision, but just bear in mind that forever is a long time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:25 PM Flag
»
No sane person makes chocolate pudding with cashew milk and nuts and doesn't say anything, that is not chocolate pudding. Are they dairy free? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:12 PM Flag
»
this, it is bsc [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:14 PM Flag
»
Her family makes such a big deal about healthy eating. They are so strict about their kids eating healthy, they can't even eat ice cream from the ice cream truck. It's disgusting to them [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:15 PM Flag
»
I am starting to smell bs here because this person would probably constantly lecture you about being dairy free and using nut milk so you would automatically assume that any sort of "dairy" dessert would probably not be nut free [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:17 PM Flag
»
They are not dairy free. they are just judgement and consider processed food to be unhealthy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:21 PM Flag
»
processed foods are unhealthy (we eat them, but in moderation) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 02:05 AM Flag
»
seconding [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 12:10 PM Flag
»
I have two allergic sons. There are some foods that raise red flags and others that I would never think to ask. I wouldn't assume that chocolate pudding had nuts in it. I think your friend was being careless. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:18 PM Flag
»
thank you, i completely agree with this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:22 PM Flag
»
I posted below: I think we all agree she wasn't malicious, but her reaction definitely wasn't normal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:58 PM Flag
»
Yes, it was. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 07:23 AM Flag
»
To be fair, a cashew is not a nut. It's a seed. If you didn't tell your friend that cashews are on the list of allergies, and you didn't ask before eating, she couldn't know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 07:26 AM Flag
»
I am so sorry for what you are going through. If someone sent me a laughing emoji while I was in the ER with my child for an anaphylactic reaction, i would never speak to them again and block them from my phone after sending a text to that person that i can not have that person in my life. Nothing would be able to fix that. I hope your son is all right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:33 PM Flag
»
My SIL once got this way about an asthma attack - acted glad when we left because we had obviously ruined her party - that we didn't actually speak for over a year. And that's not great either. But I would consider how big a presence they will be in your life after this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:38 PM Flag
»
I am sorry you dealt with that. sounds awful. there is a very small chance i would be able to forgive if the person who had the attack was me -- but my kid, I don't have that in me - a laughing emoji when my kid is in the ER with something that serious is a friendship Rubicon for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:42 PM Flag
»
It's possible that this is how she deals with stress or maybe she was feeling ashamed of herself - you'll never know. Whether or not you want to continue the friendship, or associate with her creepy DC, is up to you, but definitely don't eat there. And tell her if she asks why. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:53 PM Flag
»
I think your friend is very insensitive. However, you can’t expect people to keep track of other people’s allergies. It is super important for you and ds to ask before Eating ANYTHING if it has nuts in it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:19 PM Flag
»
+1000000 OP is troll [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:53 PM Flag
»
+1 I have a friend w nut allergy and she asks before eating ANYTHING. The oversight is not your friends fault but reaction is very odd [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:22 PM Flag
»
I was going to say this - the friend sounds very strange and inappropriate but I have to ask, did you specifically tell her before coming over that he can't have anything made with nuts? I doubt she was trying to harm him. From observing what friends of mine have gone through, you HAVE to underline this point relentlessly with anyone preparing food and err on the side of seeming dramatic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:48 PM Flag
»
lots of older people think the laughing emoji is crying because of the tears. Did your friend not know about DS's allergy? I smell troll. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:52 PM Flag
»
I've ended friendships for less than this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:53 PM Flag
»
This sounds strange to me. I have a dd with anaphylactic allergies, and typically an allergy parent is not going to let someone else cook for their kid unless they have quizzed them on every ingredient and read every label. Friend sounds clueless but most people don't understand food allergies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:25 PM Flag
»
I disagree, but my friend's ds has allergies and we have been close friends for many years. She leaves his epi pen when us when he sleeps over - or when he goes to anyone's house. She lets her child eat food cooked by other people. Most people remember and most people don't put cashew milk in chocolate pudding (wtf on that). I don't know how old your child is but at some point you loosen up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:36 PM Flag
»
my dd is an adult now. We have close friends and relatives who we trusted to cook for her and we ended up naturally being closer with families who were understanding and willing to take the precautions in order to include her. I shouldn't have said that about "most people". We ran into a few people who didn't get it but now that I think about it, most people went out of their way to accommodate her. It's not a matter of loosening up, it's that you gradually transfer the responsibility to the dc. As a teen she became fully responsible for herself. But she can never let down her guard, there's no loosening up for her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 12:13 AM Flag
»
I hope your son is OK now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:32 PM Flag
»
Sorry you went through this. He's ok now, right?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:50 PM Flag
»
op is troll [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 05:17 AM Flag
»
A cashew is not a nut. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 07:26 AM Flag
»
This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 12:55 PM Flag
»
I get it, and a peanut is a bean, but the issue is her friend's response and what she intends to do. NP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:18 PM Flag
»
It's been discussed already. Need we analyze this more? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:20 PM Flag
»
So what? It's still considered a nut for those who have tree nut allergies. A peanut is a legume and all these allergies go together. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 04:28 PM Flag
»
I'm surprised no one caught this but her DD response tells all! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 12:11 PM Flag
[ - ] Thoughts on Aire Ancient Baths? Worth the money? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:49 PM Flag
»
I got a GC and went... had a massage and time in the pools. It was very nice, but not sure I'd repeat if I was spending my own money. Might be more fun to go with a friend or something. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:05 PM Flag
»
I’m a bathhouse person and have gone many times to the 10th street Turkish Bath house, Fulton st spa, spa castle, various Korean places in koreatown and Aire. I didn’t think the massage at Aire was worth the price, but the baths are very clean and considerably more upscale than the Eastern European ones. It’s under renovation so the hot tubs are out of commission, but I recently had a good experience at Juvenex in Koreatown. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:42 PM Flag
[ - ] Moving to Nyc next year, dc is currently in 7th grade. Can someone give me a high school 101 for public or point me to a link where I can get this info. Thank you. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:40 PM Flag
»
It’s all on the DOE website. Google “NYC DOE.” [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:49 PM Flag
»
this is a great starting point. then read the admissions handbook. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:05 PM Flag
»
I’d suggest in the spring to attend a high school workshop and go from there. Encourage dc to do well in school this year and keep absences and latenesses to a minimum. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:51 PM Flag
»
Also can start some prep for SHSAT if interested. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:56 PM Flag
»
Besides the shsat scores, do the high schools also have grades in eighth grade and absenteeism/lateness as a criteria? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:06 PM Flag
»
Is this a single workshop for all public high schools? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:07 PM Flag
»
There are several specialized HS. They require an exam and listing on a separate form your choice. There is an art school called LaGuardia (performing arts, music, dance and fine arts--one major picked and auditioned for). There are other schools that you can find out from the DOE website. If you live in D2 you have many to choose from. Fewer if you're in D3., etc. You can place up to 12 on a form for your dc to get sorted by. You can conceivably get 1 option from the specialized HS, one from LaG, and one from the 12 form choice list. Then you determine which dc would like to go to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:55 PM Flag
»
Is there just one test needed for all public schools or will it be separate tests? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:01 PM Flag
»
There's one test for the specialized academic focused schools (SHSAT test). The roster of 12 schools form are other schools that use their own criteria. It could be grades on standardized tests and classroom grades + attendance. Some require a small interview as well. It seems daunting (and can be) but you'll soon figure it out. Many school PTA have a meeting to discuss the process. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:17 PM Flag
»
Insideschools.org is great resource for public schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:57 PM Flag
»
Do you already know the neighborhood you will live in? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:00 PM Flag
»
We have some flexibility so can pick the neighborhood as needed keeping the school in mind. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:03 PM Flag
»
there's few zoned high schools most are city wide. move where you want to and go from there [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:44 PM Flag
[ - ] How upset would you be if your 11 year old told a few lies in succession about a particular topic? She downloaded some social Media apps without permission and when questioned it was: I did it for school (not true), my friends all have it (not true), I haven’t looked at it in weeks (she posted yesterday). I know the problem is not the social media, it’s making sure she understands the rules. I wasn’t as upset she did it as I was that she kept making up things. How do others keep this in check? 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:07 PM Flag
»
Imho, 11 is too young for social media. You need to put rules in place. If it were me, I wouldn’t allow her to have it at all. Trust me - nip this now - these issues only get worse if you’re not firm early on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:12 PM Flag
»
I totally agree!! She isn’t allowed. She downloaded it and I found it on her phone. Then the excuses. Ugh! No more phone? Flip phone? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:13 PM Flag
»
To me, yes. Flip phone. She will be miserable but she will know you mean business. Have you tried having a serious but calm conversation about why she is lying and how she needs to be truthful if she wants to earn privileges? A smartphone is a privilege not a right. She needs to respect your wishes - she’s 11! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:17 PM Flag
»
You have a kid who finds a way to get what she wants. Be glad you don't have a pushover! Personally, I don't think lying is as big of a sin as people make it out to be. If you really don't want her to lie, you will have to let her have her way more often, and then create dialogue and trust between the two of you. She has demonstrated that she will not submit to your will. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:13 PM Flag
»
She doesn’t have to submit to my will but she needs to respect the rules no? And that includes no social media at this age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:19 PM Flag
»
Excuse me, but how else would you define submitting to someone else's will? Your rules, your decision right? You can call it "the house rules" but it's not fooling her. If you want her to respect the rules, she needs to see a good reason for it. Or your daughter does in any case. Work with what you've got. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:34 PM Flag
»
I see what you are saying. I’ve always been a rule follower so this is kind of upsetting. I really do appreciate you giving me the other point of view. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:41 PM Flag
»
I don't let my 10 year old download anything w/o my password. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:20 PM Flag
»
Can you stop free downloads? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:21 PM Flag
»
Yes. As well as any purchases or deleting apps. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:28 PM Flag
»
this! every single download goes through me. I need to approve it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:24 PM Flag
»
+1, I have Google Family link and she has to request a download. I feel a little stupid policing my child like that, but I think it is too much for them to handle. It is very appealing, they don't understand the repercussions yet and apps are designed to be addictive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:35 PM Flag
»
This. Brains are not fully formed until our early 20s. An 11yo is not able to handle all of the temptations, "addictions", and technical risks. Control until 13, monitor through high school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 08:12 AM Flag
»
I try to turn such convos into a dialogue about trust. It isn't the actual action or even the lies -- which are completely age-appropriate, btw. It isn't even about social media, which is a siren song, and you will let her be on in it a year or two anyway. It's that she needs to know that she has violated your trust and that is something she needs/wants. She needs to understand how great it is to have parents who trust you, and how painful it is when you lose that trust (and how long it takes to get it back). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:26 PM Flag
»
I completely agree! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:30 PM Flag
»
She's 11. Whether she's lying b/c she's scared or is lying b/c she's willful are 2 different things. She needs to learn it's OK to make a mistake but lying about it makes it worse. But kids do try to stretch boundaries. It's part of developing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:07 PM Flag
»
I would take away all screens for a week for lying about it. Did you expressly tell her not to download the social media platform? I would also lock down her devices so she can’t download without your permission. My kids’ devices can’t download anything without a request coming to my phone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:45 PM Flag
[ - ] Where would you go in Europe for spring break vacation with middle schooler? Want to do a little of everything- sightseeing, beach and other fun activities. TIA. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:07 PM Flag
»
Spain? Portugal? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:10 PM Flag
»
Greece [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:14 PM Flag
»
no too many swimmable beaches in Europe that time of year. Weather is southern spain is decent then, but not really warm. Portugal is pretty cool then. You can't actually do a little of everything in most places. I'd go to Rome, but that's just me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:29 PM Flag
»
Spain for sure. There is history, beautiful beaches. I would do Granada, Seville, Marbella [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:33 PM Flag
»
beach might limit it. I'd try for a fantastic hotel pool with a great view. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:34 PM Flag
»
Spring break not a great time for Europe. We're often there visiting family at that time - it's like it is here. Why not do a cool US trip? We've done grand canyon/sedona, LA/joshua tree - so many cool things to see in this country! Go to Europe when it's nicer out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:44 PM Flag
»
Op: thank you! Grand Canyon is definitely on list of places to take dc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:59 PM Flag
»
Spring break is a great time to do national parks in Utah (Moab, Bryce, Zion) and end up at the Grand Canyon). Those parks are insanely crowded (and insanely hot) in the summer, but spring break is an ideal time to go. We've done that twice with our 3 DCs and we've all had a great time. We don't camp, btw, so if that's not your thing, there's plenty of places to stay. We hiked during the day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:22 PM Flag
»
It’s not really warm enough for swimming. Stay at a hotel with indoor pool and do everything else you want. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:52 PM Flag
»
Op: sounds like Europe might be better in summer.....I’d love to do Rome, Paris and Madrid. We’d stay for 2 weeks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:59 PM Flag
»
At that time of year only southern spain or Portugal may be swimmable (not sure when Spring break is for your school either, unless it is in April then I wouldn't expect to do the beach anywhere) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:13 PM Flag
»
Europe in spring is good because it's less crowded than summer but then you can't also have the beach weather. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:28 PM Flag
»
Maybe Sicily? Or check southern spain and southern france. March is tough weather wise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:28 AM Flag
[ - ] TMI - sorry in advance - but I have the most disgusting gas and it’s pretty regular so it’s now interfering with my daily life. What can I do that will help? TIA. 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:36 PM Flag
»
Try cutting out all dairy for a week and see if it helps. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:37 PM Flag
»
Op: thank you but not sure it’s dairy. I literally have the nastiest gas now and I haven’t had a drop of dairy. Ive only had tea, water, protein bar and nuts thus far. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:40 PM Flag
»
Maybe it's your stomach telling you it's starving and you need to eat? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:09 PM Flag
»
Protein bars often have sugar alcohols ( like malitol, same kind of stuff as in sugarless gum but in much larger quantity) in them, some people cannot digest these at all , will cause major gas and diarrhea, stomach cramps. Lay off the protein bars and see if that helps. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:43 PM Flag
»
What are you eating? Hummus does that to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:38 PM Flag
»
Op: maybe protein bar? It’s only thing I can think of.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:46 PM Flag
»
Peanuts make the smelliest farts [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:57 PM Flag
»
Op: hmmmm maybe I’ll cut out peanuts. I’m so embarrassed in my office and hope no one walks in. It smells disgusting but I can’t hold it in. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:01 PM Flag
»
np:This. Peanuts are not actually nuts but members of the legume (or bean) family. Hence their notorious odor potential. Even peanut butter can do this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:06 PM Flag
»
Have you tried a low FODMAP diet? This is a pretty common symptom of someone who needs to avoid FODMAPs. You probably don't digest them very well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:04 PM Flag
»
Op: what’s FODMAP? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:05 PM Flag
»
FODMAPs are a group of fermentable carbohydrates. They are notorious for causing common digestive issues like bloating, gas, stomach pain, diarrhea and constipation in those who are sensitive to them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:11 PM Flag
»
This. Google FODMAP diet. My DH is a GI, and I've posted before about FODMAPs on here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:23 PM Flag
»
Have you tried a low FODMAP diet? This is a pretty common symptom of someone who needs to avoid FODMAPs. You probably don't digest them very well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:04 PM Flag
»
In Quest protein bars for example, there are several high FODMAP ingredients including erythhritol, milk isolate, and micellar casein. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:07 PM Flag
»
Op: thank you...will look into this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:40 PM Flag
»
Chew mint, take bean-o [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:23 PM Flag
»
I drink peppermint tea. Seems to help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:08 PM Flag
»
Check those protein bars for chicory root. Kind bars have it and it gives me the WORST situation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:22 PM Flag
»
Also check for any fake sugars that have alcohol in them or sucralose. All those protein bars have these sorts of things. And soy. I can't have any of that stuff or it's a few days' worth of misery. Also your morning cereal: stay away from Kashi. It's something you're eating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:23 PM Flag
»
It’s the sugar alcohols for sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:08 PM Flag
»
See a doctor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:41 PM Flag
[ - ] Any opinion of Williston Northampton boarding school? My middle school boy wants to try boarding school, but I am not sure about boarding school. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 10.21.19, 07:34 PM Flag
»
My son has applied to boarding schools for next year (as repeat 9th grade boarder), and he is not a competitive kid so we focused on strong 2nd tier and hidden gem schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:36 PM Flag
»
have you visited? you can get a really good feel for a school by touring. I went to BS and toured many schools and quickly picked which I liked and didn't like based on the best fit for me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:21 PM Flag
[ - ] What makes more sense - SHS or private ? DC currently in private. Money is not a factor and it is a good private - referred at TT by ub. 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:16 PM Flag
»
Of course the assumption is that dc gets into SHS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:19 PM Flag
»
If money no option, at a great school and DC is happy, why switch? SHS will never provide some of the bells and whistles a TT would. What is the problem? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:21 PM Flag
»
What bells and whistles are you referring to? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:41 PM Flag
»
Beautiful lunches, coddling teachers, smaller classes, nicer facilities [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:54 PM Flag
»
No harm in looking at all your options now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:23 PM Flag
»
any private will be smaller than SHS. So for me that makes private more appealing since you get more individualized attention [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:26 PM Flag
»
Being large is not always bad - they have more options - for instance a dozen different options for debate club - which could never be there at private coz not enough kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:35 PM Flag
»
I would stay in private bc it's harder to get into TT colleges from SHS. THere are too many graduates, and colleges can only take a certain number from each HS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:26 PM Flag
»
+1 SHS are all huge. too many kids to place. too much competition from within [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:27 PM Flag
»
Would this not be the same at tt private? Too many hyp parents so quite a few legacies to compete with. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:32 PM Flag
»
Stuyvesant could have 900 kids graduating. SS TT will have 60 tops and . coeds will still be under 200. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:45 PM Flag
»
Sure but out of the 60, 20 at the least would have hyp parents. Do you think hyp would take more than 20 from one TT SS? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:03 PM Flag
»
SHS are not all huge. HSAS, HSMSE are not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:36 PM Flag
»
At TT private yo are competing with the parents (legacy, donor, etc) for top college spots. At SHS you will be competing with a large number of motivated kids. Seems like if your child is willing to work hard, they could potentially be a top student at a SHS and get into a good college on their own merit. At a tt private, if you are competing with legacy kids and huge $$ donors, there is nothing your dc can do on their own to compete with them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:09 PM Flag
»
Sad but true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:20 PM Flag
»
You realize TT privates put multiple people in different schools right and there are only 60 kids? One year Brearley sent 7 kids to Harvard. Do you think they were all legacies? How many “big donors” do you think exist in each grade? A hand full? There is a big difference between rich and huge donors right? The mid GPA at SHS is a 94. Try to distinguish yourself in that pack. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:52 PM Flag
»
this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:03 PM Flag
»
This. TTs like B, S C collegiate send one third to Ivies, one third to top LACs. The remaining third go to SUNY s for financial reasons, or eccentric choices like St Andrews, or 2d tier but still very selective LACs. Not so at large SHSs. Far from all are legacies or enough $$ to buy a slot. Far from it. Stay where you are. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:50 PM Flag
»
You realize TT privates put multiple people in different schools right and there are only 60 kids? One year Brearley sent 7 kids to Harvard. Do you think they were all legacies? How many “big donors” do you think exist in each grade? A hand full? There is a big difference between rich and huge donors right? The mid GPA at SHS is a 94. Try to distinguish yourself in that pack. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:52 PM Flag
[ - ] I'm 42 my husband is 51 - we have two healtyh beautiful kids (aged 3 and 5) - I think I want a 3rd baby! Is this insanity? Hormonal? For the last few years I swore off the idea of a third bc life with two babies close in age was chaos and hard work. But now that these amazing kids are a little older - I long for the baby days. We live in NYC. I work FT. Tell me this is a phase and I need to get over it. We are "old". Is this just a woman thing, mourning the option to even have a baby anymore. Thanks and please no flames. Am looking for perspective from others who have felt the same. 78 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:07 PM Flag
»
If you can afford it, why not? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:08 PM Flag
»
Because her husband is 51, which means if she got pregnant tomorrow, he would be 52 when she delivered and 72 when the kid turned 20. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:47 PM Flag
»
So what [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:56 PM Flag
»
This. Look for friends who are having babies and offer to babysit, or volunteer as a night nurse for someone who had a tough childbirth. Volunteer at a family shelter, babysitting infants while their parents deal with social services and other needs. Or just let go for now and look forward to grandchildren in 40 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 06:44 AM Flag
»
Who cares, honestly? He can still be a good father. Better than the abusive ones. Nothing in life is a guarantee. You could have a baby when you are 30 and die in a car crash the next day. You never know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 02:01 PM Flag
»
Very possibly hormonal. Which is fine, just make sure you really think it through. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:13 PM Flag
»
I would not due to age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:14 PM Flag
»
OP: I know, that's what I'm thinking. Why take such a risk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:16 PM Flag
»
on the other hand, 10 years from now if you have a 3rd you will not be able to imagine your family without them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:23 PM Flag
»
Are you pro-choice? Would you terminate a baby with a chromosomal abnormality? If yes, then you can control the main risks of AMA. Other than those, you don't have a significantly higher risk with anything else compared to say a 35-year old, provided you can get pregnant. Since you already have two healthy kids, the odds are in your favor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:51 PM Flag
»
Nothing wrong with it. Challenge might be actually getting pregnant (even if you start now, you will deliver at 43). What does DH say? If he's game why not try and see what happens? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:14 PM Flag
»
It’s typical to mourn. You are in new stage in life. I would not have other DC, especially considering DH’s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:15 PM Flag
»
+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:52 PM Flag
»
OP: is 3 that much different than 2? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:16 PM Flag
»
I don't really know because I stopped at 2, but I've heard it's a game changer. You cannot each take one anymore, someone has to double up. It seems the world is much easier for a family of 4, for example, cars, hotels, even amusement park rides. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:20 PM Flag
»
so true. life as a family of four is so much more doable and realistic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:41 PM Flag
»
At 42 and 51, yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:20 PM Flag
»
I felt the same kind of craziness around age 40, wanted a 3rd. Three subsequent miscarriages brought me back to my senses. I’m 52 now and perfectly happy with two. DH is my age FWIW. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:19 PM Flag
»
You would be 69 or 70 when your child was graduating from high school, and 73 or 74 from college. As a 53 yo with a high school junior and can't imagine being a competent parent of a high school senior at 69. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:24 PM Flag
»
She is 42. If baby born at 43 she will be 61 when kid is a senior. DH will be in late 60s. But so what? So are half the NYC parents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:28 PM Flag
»
Sorry, I misread. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:33 PM Flag
»
Half of NYC spent half a million dollars on their kids education. Because it's common doesn't make it normal or a good idea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:52 PM Flag
»
Half? I don't think so [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:04 PM Flag
»
Do what feels right for you.....42 is not old for baby #3 imo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:31 PM Flag
»
+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 02:01 AM Flag
»
There is a husband involved. Having a 10 year old at 62, is in fact, old for a kid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:50 PM Flag
»
No matter how many kids you have, you feel sad when the baby days are over. It doesn’t mean you should have another one. You are older and so is your do. The chances of have a healthy kid are less. All my friends and relatives who had kids 43 and older all had issues- with pregnancy, learning and behavioral issues. It’s tough [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:39 PM Flag
»
OP: yep, this is well stated and when I use my head to think about even having a third I tell myself this. Of course, my heart keep fantasizing.. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:41 PM Flag
»
science and research does not show causality between maternal age and adhd or learning issues. there is some link between the instance of autism (I think mainly related to the age of the dad). the link to adhd and maternal age is actually stronger for women who are younger when getting pregnant. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:44 PM Flag
»
This! While pregnancy and delivery after 40 carry a slightly higher risk, behavior and learning issues are not correlated to an older maternal age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:48 PM Flag
»
You say you long for the baby days (totally understandable!) But do you also long for every other age and stage? Nobody ever says "I want to get pregnant so I can have a 14 year old!" Probably the last time I was truly, blissfully happy for any extended period of time was during my pregnancy and baby years. But that hasn't made me want to raise another child (although if I'd had another I'm sure I couldn't imagine life without). Separate nostalgia, wistfulness, mourning – from desire to have another person in your family. Then make your decision. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:47 PM Flag
»
Don't tempt fate. You are definitely on the older side of child bearing age, and your husband is definitely. Not saying you can't, but the odds are not in your favor of having a healthy baby, without significant medical intervention. While babies are fun, raising teenagers when he's pushing 70 is not. I know people do it, but I think it's more a mourning of this phase in life. We had friends who had a 3rd child at that age, and it's been a tremendous stressor on their marriage. They had a massive gap in employment and retirement plans are nowhere near where they used to be. Don't tempt fate. Good luck. I know it's hard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:51 PM Flag
»
This is something to think about--it's not about having three cute little children; it's having three big surly teenagers with growing expenses (just food alone is shocking) at a time when you're beginning to slow down and need to think about retirement (your husband will be in his mid to late 60s with three going through college). And I'm a fan of having three kids--I have 3, had my 3rd at 39 and can't imagine life without him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:04 PM Flag
»
+1 I know someone who died in childbirth having number 3 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:09 PM Flag
»
My parents were on the older side when they had me and were 10-15 years older than my friends' parents. I had to worry about their health at a younger age, and they died when my DC were little. I am not resentful because of this, but I am sad that they missed out on their grandchildren and my DC have no memory of their grandparents. It helps to think about the children's experience. And how your DH will feel when he's mistaken for the baby's grandfather (yes, this happens). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:58 PM Flag
»
Np- I had a sorta similar situation. My dad was 20+ years older than my mom. Everybody thought he was my grandpa (and my mom his daughter). I was scared he was going to die all the time. It weighed heavy in my young little heart and psyche. I loved him dearly though and still miss him 18 years since he died (I was 26). I wouldn’t have changed a thing except for them missing out on wonderful grandkids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:33 PM Flag
»
Ps- the diner waitresses loved/hated us because we were a senior citizen/kids meal combo but my dad was so darn cute (and I was a good kid) and the ladies liked him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:36 PM Flag
»
this is the sweetest. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 02:40 PM Flag
»
As I said on another post about voluntary older parenting - I want old parents said no child EVER. And UB responses were that no child ever truly thinks this way. Yeah, right. All the people I met in high school and college with older parents simply didn't talk about their older parents, it was very obvious when everybody else is joking about their folks and talking about their families. Maybe they didn't want to admit that their parents were in an old folks home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 02:24 AM Flag
»
Been there, done that. It's a phase. I decided against it, as I couldn't live with the increased risk of downs syndrome, autism, miscarriage, etc. I had a beautiful family already and feared tinkering with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:01 PM Flag
»
Don't tempt fate...2 healthy kids is great. College costs a fortune. Why have another kid if you work FT? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:07 PM Flag
»
For me it was a need to nurture something. I got a dog to foster. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:25 PM Flag
»
This. Get a puppy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:52 PM Flag
»
Having 3 DC's myself, I would not recommend it in your circumstances. 3 DC's are a LOT of work, #3 will inevitably take some of your attention from the other 2 (and they will need more of it when they go to school, trust me). But most importantly - it's taxing physically at your age and there are well-known risks, some of which may not be easy to diagnose early. But also - your DH will be too old to be a father of a small child. 60 is not a great age to teach your kids to ride a bike. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:39 PM Flag
»
This--nights of homework, school projects, playdates, sleep overs. I like having 2. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:09 PM Flag
»
+1. I have 3 dcs and an older DH (he was 46 when the youngest was born). I am glad to have 3 but having an older DH I can tell you, this is almost certainly going to be an issue. He may or may not have the energy to be actively involved. FWIW while I am very happy with my 3, there was a point where I wanted #4 and we didn't try for it and I am glad that we did not. I do not think you will have lasting regrets about not having a third. If you were contemplating trying for a second dc I might have a different answer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:27 PM Flag
»
+1. I have 3 dcs and an older DH (he was 46 when the youngest was born). I am glad to have 3 but having an older DH I can tell you, this is almost certainly going to be an issue. He may or may not have the energy to be actively involved. FWIW while I am very happy with my 3, there was a point where I wanted #4 and we didn't try for it and I am glad that we did not. I do not think you will have lasting regrets about not having a third. If you were contemplating trying for a second dc I might have a different answer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:27 PM Flag
»
You guys are both too old. Playing russian roulette at this point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:32 PM Flag
»
Disagree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:46 PM Flag
»
Agree. Reconcile yourself to your age, don't bring a SN child into the family that will mostly certainly negatively impact the older kids who need the dwindling energies of both parents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 02:27 AM Flag
»
you guys know there is such a thing as cvs testing right? Having a SN child is possible but not like a guarantee at 42. She's not 50. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 03:09 AM Flag
»
He is! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 03:56 AM Flag
»
CVS testing does not rule out autism. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:04 PM Flag
»
This is done WAY into the pregnancy. its not like you have the test at 4 weeks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:51 PM Flag
»
100%. you dont play these odds unless you dont have any kids and its a last-chance scenario. My friend almost died at NYU having her 1st at 43, with no complications until delivery day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:52 PM Flag
»
thank God she had the best doctors. The entire staff was in the room to save her life. I was there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:53 PM Flag
»
Sure, but I don't want to be 60 years old taking a teenager to college, not because I think that there is anything wrong about that, but because I want to have the freedom to travel, do what I chose to do when I chose to do it. I think we also tend to forget the bone deep exhaustion of parenting a baby/toddler and just have a great nostalgia for the tender moments. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:46 PM Flag
»
you take them to college then you travel. that's how college works. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 03:10 AM Flag
»
Way easier to travel when you're not paying for college. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:05 PM Flag
»
you're paying for college at some point regardless of the age you do it at. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:25 PM Flag
»
You’re asking for trouble. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:48 PM Flag
»
I know a family whose 3rd had massive health problems. It really destroyed their finances and marriage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 12:48 AM Flag
»
I know many with 3rds who are the lights of their family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 02:03 AM Flag
»
That is me (OR below). I have a much closer relationship with my third even though other are very closeness o her in age. It’s just her personality that clicks with mine. We have the best time together and she is truly the light of my life even though I love all my children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 04:20 PM Flag
»
here's the deal - 42 is NOT that old to have a baby. your dh is kinda old but that's surmountable (o hai alec baldwin). It's more like - do you WANT to be 60 with a college freshman? If you do - then great - go for it! I think the odds are in your favor with close medical monitoring that you will be ok. I was born in 1977 and a ton of my friends parents had kids into their 40s even in the 80s when I was little so this is not a new thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:58 AM Flag
»
like alec baldwin is packing 5 lunches and brushing the teeth of 5 kids. give me a break! his wife is in her 30s and they have a freaking STAFF- no judgement for that, but get real! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 04:34 PM Flag
»
Do it!! We did it. Had DC3 at 43. We are all madly in love with her, cannot imagine life without her. Had a few heath scares (pre term labor) and was on bed rest towards the end. But recommend one million percent. Wishing you the very best. Don't over think it, just go for it:) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 02:25 AM Flag
»
+100000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 03:08 AM Flag
»
Thirding [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 04:32 AM Flag
»
look at the stats its a high risk pregnancy/ miscarriage is only one risk. When i was pregnant at 41, i was shown the stats during genetic testing (since i'm 1/2 ashkenazi). It was startling. You have 2 kids. come one now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:50 PM Flag
»
How old is your partner? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:51 PM Flag
»
Us too, #3 at 40 and DH at 48! We all adore him!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 04:30 PM Flag
»
the question isnt if she would love her 3rd baby. thats a given! you roll the dice at a later age. if your result was a healthy baby, of course you are happy with the choice [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 04:35 PM Flag
»
totally depends- what makes you think you can just try and get pregnant right away? if not then you would have to start ivf, could be years [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 03:15 AM Flag
»
sorry to be harsh here, but here is my unpopular opinion: If you dont have your hands full with a 3 yr old and a 5 year old, then you need to find some more focus and purpose in your life. Your life must be 100% kid-centered. I wonder if you are afraid to be alone with yourself when you dont have a baby that needs to be held. DO you want every momemt of your timee to be tending to your kids, or do you have any interests? You will have zero time for anything if at 43 you have a newborn and a 3 yr old and 5 yr old. But im guessing that may be part of your motivation. Some peopple who are obsessed with having more kids just dont want to have their own life, other than being a mother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:48 PM Flag
»
well said! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 02:38 PM Flag
»
Had them at 39 41 and 43 dh almost 6 years old very happy. Think the comments about kids preferring young parents are bizarre. Is there life with older parents so hated and miserable they would rather not have been born at all than have old parents? Because that’s is the choice. And maybe some believe that, but the choice isn’t whether to have younger or older parents because that particular kid with older parents would otherwise just not have been born. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 04:17 PM Flag
»
Had ours at 32, 34, and 40! DH was 39/41/48. Our third, now 2 yo, is so HILARIOUS and ENTERTAINING! We all adore him! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 04:32 PM Flag
[ - ] WHY is the a/c on in my office? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:55 PM Flag
»
Because use I’m sweating outside. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:00 PM Flag
[ - ] anyone use lexvid for CLEs? It's cheap and I have to pay for the credits myself. Thank you. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:49 PM Flag
»
i use MCLEZ. about $69 for two years worth of credits [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:52 PM Flag
»
wow great thx! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:54 PM Flag
[ - ] Deciding between 10 days in Morocco or 10 days in Vietnam for family trip with teenagers for December break. Any opinions on which would be better? We've never been to an Asian countries as a family but it is quite a long trip to Vietnam (both would be with a family tour group if relevant, so seeing lots of the highlights with other families). Thanks for your input. 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:47 PM Flag
»
we did morocco recently with our two teens and it was a great trip, and definitely a shorter flight! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:52 PM Flag
»
^^happy to answer questions [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:24 PM Flag
»
Would live your itinerary please. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 12:39 AM Flag
»
flew in and out of casablanca; visited Rabat, Fes (with stops in volubilis and meknes), marrakech, casablanca. Personally i liked fes and marrakech the best but be aware in fes guides will take you shopping the whole time if you don't ask for something different. Casablanca has a huge mosque that you can go into (there are only two in the country that admit non-muslims) but otherwise not much to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 03:45 PM Flag
»
Asia too far for 10 days. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:00 PM Flag
»
No it’s not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:03 PM Flag
»
np: its hard with the jetlag. we did ti for a week once and i never fully adjusted. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:06 PM Flag
»
If you are flying business, maybe, but you will spend 2-3 full days travelling/recovering. Done it many times. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:06 PM Flag
»
Can you share your itinerary? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:55 PM Flag
»
No advice on deciding, but I've used Asia Transpacific Journeys a number of times for custom trips in Asia (Japan, Thailand/Cambodia). They are excellent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:25 PM Flag
»
Can you do 12 or 14 days? Vietnam would be great (a little longer to get rid of jetlag). That time of year, and depending on budget: (3) An Lam Retreats (Saigon River/Ho Chi Min); Intercontinental Danang or Six Senses Con Dao. Really windy in certain parts. Do you want city and beach? or Morocco would be much easier with jet lag from NYC (3 nights Marrakech; 3 nights Kasbah Tamadot (Atlas Mountains) and 3 nights Essaouira (Heure Bleue) or Fez (Palais Amani). I am sure you already have hotels, but check these out... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:27 PM Flag
»
Did you not read Dec break? The kids only get 11 days incl weekends and need to return by Jan 2. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:35 PM Flag
»
Wow. That was a hostile reply. And FWIW privates get more than two weeks and don't need to be back until Jan 5. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 01:09 AM Flag
»
Both will be great. But 10 days is a bit short for Asia trip. You'll have to allocate at least 1 day to recover from jetlag if this is your first trip to Asia. OTOH, Vietnam will definitely be cheaper and better food. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:30 PM Flag
»
Which tour group are you looking at? We are considering the same 2 places. Thx [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 12:38 AM Flag
»
Backroads or Thompson [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 03:31 PM Flag
[ - ] S/o on the picky eater post. DS 8 has always been a picky eater and would throw up if given an ultimatum about eating something he didn't want. For the past few years there have been enough healthy things that he would eat and once a week he would need to try something new that it hasn't really been a problem. Since school started he no longer will eat some things he always has (ex: roast chicken, carrots. Now wants pasta plain, no sauce). Yesterday he asked me if he could just skip dinner from now on and only eat breakfast and lunch. He's small. When he had his last check up this hasn't started. Anyone been through this? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:19 PM Flag
»
He really should be evaluated for food aversion. Some kids have that. Textures bother them. It could be OCD related or otherwise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:21 PM Flag
»
Thanks - is the pediatrician the first step? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:22 PM Flag
»
Is he eating a lot of junk from the school cafeteria that is making him nauseous? My ds would buy lunch and only get snack stuff ( cookies, fro yo, etc). I was going a little crazy trying to figure out how to get him to eat healthy. He's athletic so we talk about healthy eating and what his favorite sports stars eat. It helped a lot. He eats very healthy now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:23 PM Flag
»
No - he has no access to things unless I pack it for lunch - today he had half a ham and mayo sandwich, strawberries and blueberries and a yogurt squeeze. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:26 PM Flag
»
I'm thinking of serving him dinner when he gets home from school because he's usually starving them but don't know if that's a bad idea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:27 PM Flag
»
That's a great idea. If he's hungry he'll eat. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:31 PM Flag
»
I think that sounds smart [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 10:49 PM Flag
»
very good idea [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 03:16 AM Flag
»
If you don’t buy it and cook it is plain pasta with butter then he can’t opt to eat it. When he’s hungry enough he’ll eat what’s served. It takes something like 20 tries for someone to get around to eating a new food. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:49 PM Flag
»
I think you are missing the point. Her kid is reducing the foods that he used to eat. And the when he's hungry he'll eat only works with a small percentage of kids. OP, start with your pediatrician and ask for allergy testing. If he is already small for his age, he may fall off the growth chart and it is hard to make that back up. Unfortunately some eating disorders start by 8 (for girls AND boys) so get on top of this. Yes, feed him an early dinner if he is starving right after school. That is fine. Try to focus on calories first and then the rainbow of colors secondly. But talk to your pediatrician. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:58 PM Flag
»
And OP, look up ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). Not saying your child has this or even has an eating disorder. Just that most people only know about anorexia and bulimia but there are EDs related to pickiness. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:03 PM Flag
[ - ] 9 yo son is funny, smart, lovely, a reader, loves to play Boggle and Scrabble. But he doesn't write or want to write. Refuses to do so in school. He has none of the dysgraphia markers--he has good fine motor skills, etc. It's writing itself that seems to trigger some perfectionist panic or something. Anybody else go through this? Any tips? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:07 PM Flag
»
Yes, my son was like this and grew out of it. Now in HS he is a very good writer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:11 PM Flag
»
Write anything or write essays? Does he write in a work sheet. What about typing? Can he convey ideas with keyboard? Mine had horrible writing and teachers graded him down. He's now a journalist, lolz. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:20 PM Flag
»
Yes, you're talking about my son exactly. His favorite games are Boggle and Scrabble, and he begs to play constantly, and often wins, but when it comes time to write a book report or anything else, he complains, whines, and pushes back, either crying or getting angry from frustration. I try to have him write little things every couple of days (tell me about your day, describe your favorite dessert, etc.) just to get him used to it. I don't correct it, I just have him read it to me and I give him positive feedback. Hoping that practice and time will help him get past this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 06:20 PM Flag
»
10YO DS did have motor skill issues and ADHD, but found writing on a computer soooooo much easier. Teacher said it was probably the fact that you can edit easier that makes it feel less daunting. You can easily insert words, sentences, fix spelling, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 07:22 PM Flag
»
Heck, I don't even know why this is considered an "accommodation." NONE of us write by hand. College kids no longer write by hand. I am a journalist and I break out in a sweat imagining if I had to write stories by hand, and make all those little insert marks, and be unable to switch things around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:36 PM Flag
»
It is an accommodation because it is inconvenient in many circumstances for kids to be able to type tests and type work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:20 PM Flag
»
which is idiotic because all college kids type work. No one writes in those little blue books anymore. Why do we do this to kids? We should make it easier for them to type if they want. Actually, we should REQUIRE them to type. Which, btw, they do at most privates. I know there is a cost involved re laptops, but surely it shouldn't hamper a child because he cannot handwrite something. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:30 PM Flag
»
Assignments are not made on editable pdfs, that is why. IN college kids are doing much larger assignments, not answering questions about a short reading. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 11:41 PM Flag
»
Something we are currently trying with our 9yo who HATED writing last year, seems to be helping a lot so far. We let him dictate what he wants to say verbally while we type. He can edit along the way and after we read the final product aloud. Once it's composed, he has to handwrite it (not allowed to turn in typed stuff for school). Eventually will transition him to do the typing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 08:13 PM Flag
»
My kid at 9 started working with an OT specifically for handwriting. It worked wonders. He does not have dysgraphia. He got better. He can now write (cursive was better because he learned that correctly in the first place, print took longer to get better and more fluid because he had to unlearn and relearn correctly) and she taught him touch typing too. My ds played with legos, etc, we had no idea he had this problem. Get an evaluation with an OT who does handwriting with kids. We paid for a lot of extracurricular stuff over the years and the handwriting was hands down the best investment we made. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:18 PM Flag
»
schools don't really spend much time on handwriting now the way they did when we were kids. Some kids just need more help. If you watch a class of children write, you will find many kids who don't form their letters correctly and are very inefficient. Some kids just need more help but schools (at least in my district) won't do OT for kids unless they have at least one other diagnosis. For kids who are highly verbal but there is a disconnect with writing, it is worth it to go to an OT and see what they say. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.21.19, 09:27 PM Flag
»
Are you comfortable recommending this OT? We've had 2 evaluations done for our son and had 6 months of OT that have done NOTHING for his handwriting. It's so frustrating and he is falling behind. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.22.19, 12:44 AM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions