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[ - ] Anyone here has / had a kid who received CPSE services and has sensory issues? Mine does, has a late fall birthday, and we are in hell. Here are our choices - 1) ICT which she cant handle because of class size 2) keep her in her current pre-school another year and be forced into 1st grade if we have to go public 3) no special ed schools will take her because she doesnt have ASD / language disabiliites 4) no mainstream private will take a kid who had CPSE services 5) find a 20th tier private school and spend $50K we barely have for small class size 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:32 PM Flag
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My dc with sensory issues did well in a charter school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:54 PM Flag
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which one? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:58 PM Flag
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I did, but this was a decade ago, but DC had a late Spring b-day. I know it's tough. We did an extra year of nursery school and then private (which wasn't a good experience). Looking back, I think it was the right thing to do. DC needed an extra year to mature and is still considered, as a teen, to still be a little immature. Nothing to get kicked out of school, but more skating by on a good memory instead or doing homework properly. Good luck, I know it's stressful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:56 PM Flag
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there doesnt seem to be any place for her at all, anywhere. ive talked to / toured 25 schools [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:00 PM Flag
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Have you tried smaller schools that go K-5, like Alexander Robertson (I think that's the name)? Otherwise, there may be smaller schools in northern NJ, although some of those tend to be very academic. The reverse commute isn't too bad, depending on where you live and they may have buses. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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Didn't you write about this before? My vote was for a preschool with a "K" class. Small, with individual attention, they can work to prepare her for 1st if that's where she ends up instead of another year of K. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:00 PM Flag
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I can sue the city to have her SEIT services continue. It will be questionable because she's improved so much. Should I do this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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is it possible for her to go without them given the improvement and the small class size? If you really think she needs them, then yes, sue and you will get pendency. Will the SEIT agency help you do this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:27 PM Flag
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No one knows, that's the problem. Our SEIT basically told me that she doesnt think she can testify to her needed a SEIT again, our OT disagrees. She's improved so much in just 6 months. If I sue, the case will probably go to hearing because it's so borderline. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:30 PM Flag
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but you don't need to win the case to "win." when you sue, it take months and months to go to a hearing, and during that time it will be ordered that her services continue. So say it takes six months to go hearing, and at hearing you lose. During that six months, she'll still have gotten services, which hopefully will be enough for even more improvement and she'll be able to get by without it after? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:34 PM Flag
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I am afraid we'll be in the same situation in a few years. Is there anything you would have done differently looking back? Our daughter receives EI, has an early Spring birthday and we're not sure if she will fit into a Gen Ed school or not. Also no ASD or language based disabilities. I think considering a pre-school with a K could be a good way to go. Not sure your location but maybe Weekday School up by Columbia. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:29 PM Flag
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the weekday school K class is great. My DC went there a few years ago. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:30 PM Flag
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I went there over 30 years ago and turned out great! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:13 PM Flag
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Every kid is so different it's impossible to offer any advice. What I would recommend is not relying on EI / CPSE evaluations - they are worthless. Go to Dr. Jennifer Cross, a developmental pediatrician. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:50 PM Flag
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She is our doctor! Good to have reassurance that we're in good hands :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:12 PM Flag
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ICT class. There are 2 teachers (one special ed), plus however many aides are needed. They keep strict ratio of SN kids. If money is tight, use the money saved from sending her to public to add in private sessions after school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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Yes, my daughter has a summer bday and had sensory issues with services and a SEIT in preschool. She did not have ASD or any diagnosed learning disabilities at the time and was ahead in all milestones/reading/writing etc. Her sensory issues caused behavoral issues such as lack of focus/overstimulated - basically she had ADHD but was too young to diagnose. She went to an ICT K class - I never thought about private school because of the $. Her public school never has more than 25 kids and there were 2 teachers (one with a special ed cert)- while not ideal, it was fine. Yes, a smaller class size would have been better, but because she didn't also have a learning disability, she was fine (at least until 3rd grade when academics got hard and then she needed meds to really stay focused). My daughter is in 6th grade now. Looking back, the kids that have a more extreme issues (ADHD with some kind of other issue or academic learning disability such as a processing disorder) really had a hard time with the size of the public school class - my daughter was more moderate and just has ADHD. Again while not ideal, she was fine. The 2nd teacher makes a big difference. Had her class size been 32 though, not sure it would have worked. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:59 PM Flag
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Some private schools that could be good at Birch or Dwight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:00 PM Flag
[ - ] This is likely the dumbest thing anyone will post all day, but I have to get it out of my system. DD, 5 has the flu. Last night she and I fell asleep early, in mine and DH's bed, snuggled up under the comforter from her bed and on top of the comforter on our bed. DH claims that he tried to wake us up and asked for her comforter, but I wouldn't give it to him. I have no memory of this. He then fell asleep on DD's bed without a blanket. This morning he was furious with me because he didn't have a blanket and was cold. I pointed out that there are numerous blankets in the house, including several stored to overflowing in a large basket in the living room. He replied "I didn't want to spend time finding a blanket, I wanted that one". His response says it all, there were plenty of blankets available and he chose not to find one and now he is angry with me. This is his mindset generally, everything that irritates him is someone else's fault. Is it crazy that this feels like the last straw for me in whether I want to stay with DH? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:31 PM Flag
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Not crazy at all. What kind of father doesn't get that his 5-year-old with the flu is the priority here. He can get his own damn blanket. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:34 PM Flag
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I'm sorry, and that sounds awful. Whenever I read posts on here, it always makes me feel better about my marriage and my DH. I truly feel like the little things are important, and that may seem like something small, but if that's how he acts on a consistent basis, I couldn't stay with someone like that. That kind of thing has happened before and my DH has either gone to sleep on the couch, or has moved us over and grabbed another blanket and then jokingingly said that we hogged the blanket. It just wouldn't be a big deal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:36 PM Flag
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+1 Anybody who feels blah about their marriage should just spend 5 minutes scrolling UB for a gratitude check. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:39 PM Flag
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Exactly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:10 PM Flag
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He sounds like an asshole. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:38 PM Flag
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He’s being a total baby [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:42 PM Flag
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I’m just going to point out you are both tired and dealing with a sick child. It’s not the right time or frame of mind to think about this. I’ll agree though That a lot of men seem cranky and difficult way too often. And helpless. I think this is what’s called taking your partner for granted. Maybe you need to talk with him when you’re both feeling better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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He’s unreasonable and petty. He’s sounds like a guy who only cares about his needs. And if his needs are met then he isn’t happy, therefore he’s going to make sure no one is going to be happy either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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Omg. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:48 PM Flag
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sort of crazy that it is your last straw, but I will say i am divorced and this story made me happy that I don't have to deal with this man-baby stuff on a daily basis, let alone when I am caring for a sick child. for the posters who say scrolling here makes them feel better about their marriage, I hear you, but it also makes me feel ok about not being in a relationship. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:49 PM Flag
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Who is this person Lets shame him on FB> What a jerk! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:47 PM Flag
[ - ] An attorney that we (spouses) had together dropped me as a client (no explanation why) but kept my spouse. How do I obtain a copy of my file including any documents (and documents in progress) including those that may be in the best interest of my spouse for me not to have? 27 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:20 PM Flag
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They have to give you a copy of the file. Call and request it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:26 PM Flag
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If you're in New York, as long as you've paid your fees, the attorney is obligated to make a copy of your file and turn it over to you. If your file involves other parties on issues not relevant to you, then those can be withheld. You need to request it from the attorney/firm. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:26 PM Flag
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Not entirely true. She may not have a right to the entire file, like internal work product and internal attorney impressions and notes, etc. Also, you are right that whether she has paid the fees is critical. If there are any unpaid fees, including disputed fees, the attorney/law firm has a "retaining lien" on the file whereby they can keep the file until you pay. However, attorneys should give the client any files that could negatively impact the former client's ability to advance the case forward. I just dealt with this issue myself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:50 PM Flag
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Op - everything is paid. I’m sure there’s a fee to send me my file too? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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Can I should I ask for internal files? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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Ask for them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:27 PM Flag
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Get your own attorney. Advise her of the situation. Have her help you protect all personal and family assets. Have her ask the other attorney for your files. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:28 PM Flag
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All she wants is the file. All she has to do is ask. Attorney is obligated to give it to her. End of story. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:30 PM Flag
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Sure, but the way she wrote the post indicates she has been unable to get information from the attorney or the husband, which sends up red flags. There is something going on that the attorney and the husband do not want to disclose to OP. She lost her attorney and is at an information disadvantage. She needs an attorney. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:35 PM Flag
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Where in her post is there an indication that the attorney has refused? Just because she was dropped does not indicate that the attorney has refused to hand over the file. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:42 PM Flag
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It's possible she hasn't even asked the attorney. But you are being wilfully obtuse in asserting this situation is "end of story". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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I'm not being obtuse, but the question was: how do I get the file. You had her hiring attorneys, protecting assets, the whole barn. Stick with the question. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:47 PM Flag
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You're being obtuse. Deliberately and wilfully. You would rather be "right" than be helpful to OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:54 PM Flag
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Op - exactly how do I get my file? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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OP - You're correct I haven't asked yet because I want to be careful about the language I use because what I would write - "Please provide a digital copy of my file including any documents, supporting documents, and documents in progress." Does that CMA? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:47 PM Flag
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Ask your attorney. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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OP - This attorney is not cooperative. He hasn't returned any of my phone calls in months. He takes days to reply to an email. The last email I have from him is that I need to put in writing that spouse is also his client and that he can talk to him about anything too. Immediately after that email - within an hour - I got an email from my spouse saying that attorney called him on the phone, and that I should hire my own counsel becuase he isn't working with me anymore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:46 PM Flag
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Okay, that's a different story then. Keep a record of all calls and correspondence. If no response, you may have to resort to a court order (at which time you may want to hire an attorney to handle). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:49 PM Flag
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He can't jointly rep you and DH, then drop you and continue repping DH, and refuse to give you your files. That violates several ethical rules and could get him in big trouble. At the least, he has to stop repping DH in anything that would be adverse to you. I would send him a letter or e-mail, copying DH, and tell him all this. Or better yet, get your own lawyer and have that person put him on notice of the ethical violations (because there are several here) and tell him that if he doesn't turn over the files and withdraw from any representation of DH adverse to you, the attorney will report him to the disciplinary committee. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:42 PM Flag
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Where are the ethical violations relating to handing over the file? She has indicated that she has asked for them yet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:43 PM Flag
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^^hasn't indicated [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:44 PM Flag
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+1 Get your own lawyer and get real legal advice from a person who puts their name to it. Do not take legal advice from random anonymous trolls on the internet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:46 PM Flag
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When OP decided to give more info, I responded accordingly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:49 PM Flag
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Says the random anonymous troll. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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The question about the file was easy, and doesn't really require a lawyer. But the more concerning aspect is that the lawyer is repping the DH in a matter that may now be adverse to the OP. That's the bigger issue that a lawyer should've been able to spot and add value--in order to tackle that she will likely want a lawyer herself to make these assertions to scare the other lawyer into compliance with the ethical rules. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:31 PM Flag
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what type of matter is this? did you have a business together or something? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:50 PM Flag
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Immigration. But spouse uses for business, will, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:15 PM Flag
[ - ] If you are an alumni and have written a recommendation letter for someone will the university send you a letter of acknowledgement and thanks? 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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Probably not [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:12 PM Flag
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Some advice: it's not "alumni," it's "alumnus" or "alumna." Alumni is plural. If it's all women, then use "alumnae." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:21 PM Flag
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Or don't use a sexist dead language and just say "graduates". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:28 PM Flag
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Many living language (especially in Europe) are "sexist" then. Did you not know that? It's not the "sexist" part that's the problem here...maybe you have a point with the "dead" part but Latin permeates English, and any educated person would know that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:33 PM Flag
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Yes, they are sexist. And English has dropped the gendered parts of Latin. Which we all appreciate. The European and other languages that still separate men and women, and even lump women under masculine groups while never doing the same to men, are sexist and support sexist thought processes. There is no need for the Latin word here when we have a perfectly good, non-gendered and non-gender-biased, English word. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:37 PM Flag
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LOL, good luck in your quest to eradicate Latin from English, as well as your campaign against European languages. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:38 PM Flag
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Good luck in your campaign to support them just so you can anonymously lecture people about grammar. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:48 PM Flag
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Not a lecture, my response was an attempt to be helpful. If someone were to write "alumni" to refer to him or herself, that person would not come off well in my opinion. Hopefully, the OP reads this and improves so that when she writes in real life, she won't make that mistake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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There is no Latin in the English language. There are some Latin roots and some Latin words that have been borrowed and anglicized. You don't know what you're talking about. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:49 PM Flag
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Your second sentence contradicts your first. And not every word has been thoroughly "anglicized." Rethink this, and try again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:18 PM Flag
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+1 First, "alumni" has become acceptable in ENGLISH to be singular or plural and non-gendered, just like they/their/theirs. Second, yes, we have an English word - we can use that and bypass the whole thing! No petty grammar fascists needed! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:50 PM Flag
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Acceptable by whom? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:56 PM Flag
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I echo the other response to this post--acceptable to whom? The OP made an error, and it's not "acceptable." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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Thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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doubt it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:36 PM Flag
[ - ] S/O Another college topic. It’s saddens me how much pressure there is on kids trying to go to a top school to have a “singular passion.” They’re teenagers, they barely know who they are in the world yet, they SHOULD trying different things to help them grow and develop not starting simethng at age 8 and just sticking with it for 10 years so they can get a bunch of awards to help them get into college. And yes I know there are kids out there who really do you know that one thing they love from early age but I don’t think it’s the majority and I don’t think it’s healthy. I kind of worry about the mental health and happiness of a lot of kids who do end up making it to the tippy top schools. 33 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:09 PM Flag
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Yes it’s unhealrhy and we’re all buying into this “ industry” but who wants to be the first not to do it? There’s talk that any college education is not worth the cost and some people are better off financially if they persue a trade. But who’s going to be the first to jump off the college track? I won’t do that to my kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:13 PM Flag
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No I agree. And I’ve got a junior who has done very well for herself and will certainly be a contender at some good/competitive schools. But as I’ve watched her over the years I see that the best parts of her growing up have been when she has allowed herself to try something new and grow from it, sometimes that has led to some real success and other times not so much. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:16 PM Flag
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We effectively did, but it wasn't really our choice. DDs started a business in high school building websites for small businesses. They ended up making enough money part time that older DD decided to delay college two years to run the business full time. Now younger DD is planning to do the same when she graduates from high school this spring, and they'll run the business together. Older DD has take a few courses at a community college to learn how to run a business. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:19 PM Flag
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That is super cool they sound like great kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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Great for them. : ) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:23 PM Flag
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We told dd if she had figured out her path after high school and started solid ground work for it, she didn’t need to go to college. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:42 PM Flag
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Are you worried about all kids? Or are you just worried that this puts your kids at a disadvantage because they are in the majority who can't talk about a singular passion? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:13 PM Flag
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OP- all kids, see above and below. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:20 PM Flag
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Sounds like sour grapes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:14 PM Flag
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It’s not, see above. My kid has done her own thing in her own way and has some pretty cool successes to show for it. She’ll be fine. But every time topic about college comes up on UB there is extensive discussion about kids having a passion and lots of accolades to show for it and I know that not all kids have that yet nor should they - developmentally that makes sense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:18 PM Flag
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so if your own child is fine, why do you believe other children to be fragile and unable? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:29 PM Flag
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+1 "I have no evidence that this is a problem and in fact I have anecdotal evidence that it is not a problem at all. So I will whine about it on UB for my daily drama." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:39 PM Flag
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Huh? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:46 PM Flag
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Being willfully obtuse does not advance this discussion at all. I know a lot of teenagers and the pressure is that they are under just to get through the day, get all their work done, navigate social issues etc. is enormous. I just know very few who have really have grown up enough to develop “passions”. They are doing the developmental work of trying to make it to adulthood and that’s a big job. (I have a kid who of her own accord has found a few things she loves and is very good at, but I see that she’s actually a bit of an outlier in her peer group.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:40 PM Flag
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I agree. Kids get the message their lives are going nowhere if they don’t excel by age 17. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:16 PM Flag
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Did the mod just delete the post asking if smart but normal/non-passionate dcs can get into ivies? Where did it go? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:17 PM Flag
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OP - Wondering same I was actually going to put this as a response there but it’s gone [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:20 PM Flag
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I hadn't finished reading the responses! It was kind of heartening to know that it is not as cut and dried as people have been making it out to be. I wonder what happened. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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Yes, it's gone. I was watching that post and I saw someone start making comments about "white slots" and how it's others vs the whites. Nothing gets a post deleted around here more quickly than racist remarks. I think at least two other college discussions I was following got deleted for similar reasons. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:37 PM Flag
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Why not just remove those comments though? There was so much good info on there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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My son is a 8th grade competitive tennis player. He is listed as a 5 star recruit right now which certainly puts him in line to be a recruited athlete. He wants to quit. He hates the other kids at tournaments, thinks they are all weird or all cheat. He is mad he has had to give up being on the debate team and the basketball team and wants to go out with is friends. He keeps saying he wants to try different things not give up every weekend to tournaments. So of course we are dialing it way back and just having him play for fun and a few tournaments right now. He is 100% right to want what he wants but I am having a really hard time with it because of college recruiting [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:23 PM Flag
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OP- I appreciate your honesty and also your willingness to listen to your son [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:28 PM Flag
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Np - so interesting. DH and I are hyp grads, both academic physicians at hyp. I constantly struggle with holding back on tiger mom tendencies. All of DD11 teammates play on serious club teams but she still enjoys other activities so we have held back. I try to keep my eye on the big picture - many of our colleagues have succeeded on grit and drive. Much is politics, EQ, ability to network. Hyp pedigree doesn’t hurt but it’s really more what life lessons you learn along the way that helps continue the trajectory. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:35 PM Flag
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thanks for sharing. I have a DD who is younger but is showing great promise in ballet. There is a part of me that is excited because this could be her "hook" for college. I know it would be very hard not to discourage her from quitting if she wanted to, just because of the college thing. Which is sad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:46 PM Flag
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I knew several former professional dancers at Princeton in the 90s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:39 PM Flag
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yeah, it's a good hook, but dance is hard. Should a kid keep doing it for the sake of college? Because it's not enough to be a great student these days, you have to be a great student + oboe player in national orchestra, great student + nationally ranked tennis player, great student + had own art show. It puts a lot of pressure on kids to find and continue with that hook, to the exclusion of exploring other interests. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:33 PM Flag
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+10000000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:31 PM Flag
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HS teacher here - all kids are just figuring things out. My school has an amazing internship program. I can't tell you how many kids say they want to be fashion designers or doctors. Then, get the ideal placement in a fashion showroom with designers or on the floor at a major NYC hospital and know that it's not for them. They like the idea of the thing but don't like the work that each profession does on the day to day and change it up often. My my ds's highly public competitive middle school in Manhattan I already see this with some kids- their parents pushing them to go famous and beyond in a specific thing like they're already working on their hook. All we can do is expose them to their interests and see what happens and notice when they're good at something and encourage it. This pushing will create early flame out big time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:42 PM Flag
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OP - thank you for this perspective. Trying on lots of identities/ different skills and ways of being in the world is exactly what they should be doing which is my only point. This in contrast to the idea that to be successful kids have to be specializing in one thing before they turn double digits. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:46 PM Flag
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I think all kids have passions, they are just not adept at writing about them/communicating them on college essays. Colleges could be moved by an essay about how much your dc loves a videogame or sleeping if it was written in a clever and interesting way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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np. My kid wrote about a video game. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:56 PM Flag
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I don't think it is as bad as people on here would lead you to believe. Live your life, do what you're going to do and hopefully, your kid will end up where they should be. We won't know until April how this all works out. Dc has areas of major interest but has never attacked them in a way that would demonstrate passion like what others talk about. I'm a bit skeptical. No amount of passion is going to outweigh solid academics at what are supposed to be academic institutions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:53 PM Flag
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Wanting to know about a kid's "true passion" always puts me in mind of a very very creepy Stephen King story, "Apt Pupil". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:27 PM Flag
[ - ] I feel like a complete grouch-- about 90% of the time, when people give me a gift it's not too my looking and I end up getting rid of it. I'm mostly a minimalist (not a ton of space), which is the root of it. 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:06 PM Flag
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sell it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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No you’re not. Tell people this. Ask them not to bring a gift or convey the name of your favorite charity. Some people want to bring a gift so they don’t seem like a moocher. They feel bad showing up empty handed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:11 PM Flag
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I'm thinking about three specific people who really enjoy gift giving, if that makes sense. They asked, so you have XYZ 'as seen in TV item'. I told them no, I don't have it and I don't need it. Bam, next week they give me one [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:13 PM Flag
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Your under no obligation then. Toss or donate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:17 PM Flag
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haha. this is me. i hate getting gifts. i dont want or need anything. a card is great and shows you care. anything else is just embarassing and i dont need it. Some comedian has a bit about this. He says his mother always gets him clothes and they are always just "wrong" in some way. The mom always says "i included the reciept you you can exchange it". The comedian said ' Great! you just gave me an ERRAND for my birthday". I just killed the joke, but thats how i feel. Its always some crap i dont need want and i feel bad they spent money on it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:18 PM Flag
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Yeah, most of the people giving the gifts need the money more than I do. But maybe it's how to they justify spending [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:19 PM Flag
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this reminds me of a faux-suede baggy "Members Only" style jacket that MIL bought DH from "Kohl's" in the midwest. We dont even have a Kohl's here, but it came with a receipt to exchange. DH left it in the box, with the tissue paer, in our bedroom for a year, not knowing waht to do with it and feeling guilty. I eventually just donated it because it was taking over a chair and i was tired of looking at it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:28 PM Flag
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My mil bought DH a jacket from the thrift store. There was a patch on the sleeve that said “SECURITY”. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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i feel evil about this, but atound holidays my mom grills all of us about what we want and we have to send her lists. It turns every holiday into this weird chore, where i not only have to shop for everyone else, i have top provide lists for her. I just go shop for peope. I dont demand that they tell me what to buy for them. I dont mean to be ungrateful, but its actually forcing me to shop for myself, and for DH to shop for himself when we all have to articulate exact;y what to buy for us. we dont even want anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:30 PM Flag
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My family is like this too. It’s totally transactional and really dumb. The last two years I announced I was only buying gifts for the kids in the family. The first year, I still recieved gifts, but when my family saw I was serious and that they wouldn’t get anything in return, they finally knocked it off [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:58 PM Flag
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I'm so with you on this. I hate having to come up with gifts for everyone to buy for me and my kids. As if I don't have enough to do, now I have to worry about what you're going to buy us. Here's a suggestion, just don't get anything! I feel the same when people ask me what to get for my kids for their birthdays. Just forget about it if you have to bother me for suggestions! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 08:16 PM Flag
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Souvenir gifts are the worst. I don’t want a t shirt or ceramic Knick knack from your trip. It’s instant clutter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:32 PM Flag
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We live in an age where things are cheap, and social mores have not caught up yet. People still feel the need to give things to people who have everything. I have a family member who feels the need to give me something every time I see her. She's family, so you would think we could get over this, but no. It's like a compulsion. I need nothing that she gives me, it's such a waste of stuff and money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:34 PM Flag
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Yes, my sil brings me a gift every time she comes over, and once yelled at me for not bring a gift when we went to a friend's for tea (ie, not even a meal). She then handed me an extra "emergency gift" so I wouldn't embarrass myself [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:38 PM Flag
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thanks to my SIL, I have a collection of like 20 wallets/coin purses/small bags/jewelry holders and 30 kitchen timers/specialty gadgets/salt and pepper shakers/tea towels, none of which I need or want. Instant clutter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:55 PM Flag
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Is she Asian? My Chinese mother is always bringing stuff like this. So I understand the concept of instant clutter. Her thing is magnifying glasses, slippers, and magnets too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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No, but my MIL is like this too so it appear to be a passed down compulsion. It's like she followed every small gift suggestion for what to give a woman you do not know, but she's my SIL, she doesn't have to do this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:04 PM Flag
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Not to mention bad for the environment and a waste of resources when there are people out there who are truly needy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:03 PM Flag
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I don't know what my problem is, but I get irrationally irritated by gifts as well. MIL gave me a very nice and "gadgety" magnifying mirror for Christmas and I get irritated every time I see it (DH won't let me dispose of it).Some women probably enjoy looking at their skin magnified x 1,000, but I do not. The last thing I want to see is my aging skin and resultant flaws magnified and lit up by the surface of the sun. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:37 PM Flag
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I get super irritated too. It makes me feel misunderstood or something. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:59 PM Flag
[ - ] In a tough spot. Recently secured my dream job of assistant professor after a fellowship. Making $120k in my first year. We have a preschooler and DH makes $1m. Preschooler has 2 weeks spring break coming up and I have to teach and DH doesn't want to pay for camp or other childcare, tells me to "figure it out". Does he have a valid argument, since I am the lower earner? This has been a recurring argument, so want to know how to think about it? 98 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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It sounds like he really resents your job and wants to sabotage it. Working couples find childcare or camp. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:03 PM Flag
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Find childcare. You have no other option. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:03 PM Flag
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This. If you both work, you both pay for childcare. But you should start paying attention to how little of his share of housework and childcare he does, and how often he undermines you, and be prepared in one small part of your brain to DTMFA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:21 PM Flag
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+1 Sounds like OP married a SOB [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:19 PM Flag
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WTH does your DH do for a living? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:03 PM Flag
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He makes no sense and is very mean. Has he asked you to SAH? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:03 PM Flag
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op: yes, many times. He feels that we should put all of our "effort" into supporting his career, since he clearly is in a high-paying field. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:04 PM Flag
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And then what happens to you if he leaves, or dies, or gets in a car accident or has a stroke and can't work for a year or more? What happens to you when your kids are grown and you have nothing to do all day? If he has the right to work while he has kids, then so do you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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Is he putting half of all income and assets directly into your accounts in your name only, to pay you for your efforts supporting his career? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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Sorry to say, but this will not change. It will escalate, especially as your responsibilities increase in your job. You need to go to couples therapy. If he refuses, you have to leave him. You can't be married to a man who is not supportive of your career. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:58 PM Flag
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He hates both OP and his DC, yet another miserable high earner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:20 PM Flag
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No, that makes no sense at all. You have to work. You can either pay for childcare or he can take the time off. The fact that you are the lower earner is totally irrelevant and actually insulting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:06 PM Flag
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op: there are many issues. I took off 3 days for this most recent break and it was tough to keep up with my work at night. So I researched camps and sent him the options for the upcoming break and he said that this is the trade off of living in NYC...that if we would move to the suburbs like he wants, it would be cheaper and then I could afford camp. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:09 PM Flag
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Good lord. We live in NYC and have a HHI that's less than half of yours, and we do camp. Your DH has a warped sense of marriage and the world. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:18 PM Flag
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Why do you need his approval to send dc to camp? Just sign up! Why would you send him the options for approval?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:59 PM Flag
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Yet SAHMs are expected to do their husband's bidding at all costs? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:09 PM Flag
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Posted below about high/low earners and no, SAHMs shouldn't be expected to do everything at their DHs' bidding. It's a partnership. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:18 PM Flag
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Of course not. What kind of marriage do you have that you do your husband's bidding? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:23 PM Flag
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IDK. I'm a SAHM and I do what I want, lol. But it seems that whenever someone describes horrible, semi-abusive DH behavior on UB, the very first question is "But do you work?" Like it's terrible, inexcusable behavior... unless you're a SAHM. Then you deserve it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:30 PM Flag
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SO TRUE! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:31 PM Flag
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You have to work and you pay for childcare. Period. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:07 PM Flag
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Why? Why does one spouse have to shoulder all childcare costs? That makes zero sense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:40 PM Flag
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It’s not one spouse. It’s marital assets. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:03 PM Flag
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No, he doesn't have a valid argument because you're the lower earner. DH earns less than I do and I wouldn't dream of telling him to "figure it out." You're in a partnership. It's really disturbing to me that people think this way in terms of salary and earnings when it comes to marriage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:07 PM Flag
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The denizens of UB tend to have a very transactional view of marriage, with power and decision-making doled on based on relative income, like shareholders in a business. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:11 PM Flag
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op: there is quite a disparity in our incomes so I feel like this definitely comes into play. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:12 PM Flag
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I stand by my position. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:16 PM Flag
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No. What comes into play is that he wants you at his beck and call 24/7, so he can say he's a father, but not have to do any parenting, and he can say he has a great home, but not have to do any housework. If he wants that, he has to pony up for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:25 PM Flag
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np -- no. You need therapy. He has gaslighted you. You are falling for it. Please go to therapy because you are 100% thinking of it the wrong way. That is, if you want a healthy marriage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:01 PM Flag
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Sometimes I feel this way about myself, but DH, thankfully, doesn't feel this way at all. I'm sorry you're in this situation [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:08 PM Flag
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With $1m+ HHi you can afford camp. Also, sounds like you are tenure-track? Congrats! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:12 PM Flag
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op: thank you! I'm absolutely thrilled. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:13 PM Flag
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np - and you should be!! Your work is just as important as dh's. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:02 PM Flag
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Sounds like there are a couple of issues. He wants to live in the suburbs with a SAM wife, he lives in the city with a wife who is working to get tenure. Perhaps there is some more discussion to be had, if not around your work around your geography. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:18 PM Flag
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op: yes, his dream would be to live in the suburbs with a SAHM, which is not going to happen, so we are stuck in that regard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:53 PM Flag
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weird. your salary can pay for lots of camp. Sounds like he was expecting you to be SAH. I do agree that whoever is the higher earner gets their career prioritized. If someone has to stay home with DC when theyy are sick, it should not be the parent earning $1m. That is the career you protect, in order to survive! It has nothing to do with whether its the mother or father, but the higher earner's job is more impt to your financial security. Also i dont mean higher by 410k. You earn a fraction. He is the breadwinner. However, he has no right to say you cannot hire childcare. THAT IS BS! Set up camp, find sitters, make it work. He doesnt want a burden on his high-earning career, and there doesnt have to be [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:23 PM Flag
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See, this is the type of bizarre analysis that kills me here. So, because I'm the "breadwinner" in your scenario, DH should just dump everything and handle all the crap. No, it doesn't work that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:28 PM Flag
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When the breadwinner is passd over for promotion, doesnt get bonuses or raises because they have to take DC to dentist appointments, and go to school events. Yeah, that's poor planning. Feel free to sabotage your career to keep everything 50/50 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:33 PM Flag
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I didn't say 50/50. It's the attitude that the higher earner takes priority. DH works in the public sector and has very little flexibility. Whenever he needs off to take care of things like this, it needs to be planned and there needs to be a meeting of the minds on who is in the best position to handle it. That's what's missing here. It's not about the money. It's about two people who are married, who decided to have children together, who work together to make things happen. It's not about: oh gee, I make so much more than DH and gee, why should I have to do this? No. It's about working together to create some sort of balance for both. Take the salary thing out of the picture. Most mature adults, especially those who make the decision to have kids, will take these things into consideration. What I'm seeing in your response is a total denial of what it means to be in a partnership. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:38 PM Flag
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tldr [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:42 PM Flag
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great points - have you always had this challenge? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:12 PM Flag
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Sensing some bitterness that while you are the breadwinner, your DH's lower-paying job lacks the flexibility to cover you unless its planned in advance. That sucks :-( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:44 PM Flag
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Collapsing for stupidity. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:50 PM Flag
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Must have hit a nerve. Sorry ;-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:18 PM Flag
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I know a lot of situations where the $1m+ dh didn't lift a finger the whole marriage, worked his butt off, and was still let go from the job. This happens a lot. Then they are upset that the wife can't contribute financially...when all along she was supporting his career and doing 95% of the domestic duties. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:06 PM Flag
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more great points [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:12 PM Flag
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No, the PP is saying that, although it sucks and is unfair, it IS more important to protect the DH's career than the OP's. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:34 PM Flag
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I know what the OR is saying, and I disagree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:39 PM Flag
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Let's face it, sending the preschooler to camp over spring break is not fucking over the dh's career. He is just being an asshole. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:47 PM Flag
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This. He doesn't want her to work. He wants power. He wants her trapped in the burbs. I see this a lot. Then they cheat, and wife moves back to the city. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:08 PM Flag
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+1 Let's face it, OP, you do need to prioritize his career. That's what's affording your lifestyle. I doubt your salary moves the needle much. But there's a big difference between prioritizing his career and literally sabotaging yours. Why can't you just use your salary to pay for camp/childcare? Why is he controlling both his income and yours? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:32 PM Flag
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op: I am totally fine prioritizing his career and I have never asked him to take off work for doctor visits, dentists, all the school closures, because I know he can't. I am also fine with him going to the gym daily and sacrificing my own workouts because I know it helps him relieve stress. I try to make my own arrangements for childcare and he wants to be involved in every step so that he can veto. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:55 PM Flag
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He wants VETO POWER? No. Just no. This man is very controlling. Couples therapy or divorce him. Luckily you have a great job and benefits. Plus, you'll get alimony and child support. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:04 PM Flag
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No, he doesn't have an argument. I hope you have separate checking accounts. If you do not you need to open one and have your salary deposited into it. Then pay for camps. It isn't any of his concern and if he pitches a fit about it I would divorce. No man is going to dictate whether or not I can work. That's very controlling behavior. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:29 PM Flag
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you better sort this out now because kis have SO much time off in the school year. its crazy. and summer camp ( if you need it) gets fulled up in february, so prepare for that. Also, get a sitter you can rely on [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:40 PM Flag
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op: I know...I have taken off so much time already. Now that I have more responsibilities at work, I can't do that as easily. Luckily my job is somewhat flexible on the days I do not have to teach. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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I feel ya. This is why people SAH. It’s stressful having to take time off from work for kids’ needs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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Do you have DD or DS? Curious what his expectations for his own kids would be ie wouldn’t he be furious if DD were treated this way without respect her career? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:41 PM Flag
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op: DD, and he doesn't see anything wrong because he doesn't really feel that work is valuable if it doesn't pay a high salary. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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he is an ahole (np). Sorry op, but congrats on your professional success! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:20 PM Flag
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Sorry, but he's an ass. Find someone who values you and your work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:05 PM Flag
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Two working parents= you need to pay for childcare. DH is being very unreasonable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:44 PM Flag
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I make 25K a year as the lower earner in our household and I "figure it out" by putting my kid in day camp during spring breaks, etc. Your DH is being an a** [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:54 PM Flag
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Ding ding ding [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:18 PM Flag
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Agree. Still, those day camps go until 5:30 MAX. Many many jobs ( I know, NOT ALL) do not end the work day at 5:00, and definitely zero jobs that pay $1m allow u to leave at 5. So u may need a sitter too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:22 PM Flag
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np. someone in academia usually has flexiblity to leave that early for pickup, though maybe you have to work later to make it up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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Why does he want you to SAHM when you are so clearly happy about your career, and you pretty much have the holy grail of relatively flexible, interesting job? I tried SAH at various time times after we moved for DH job and was absolutely miserable. Now I happily work, even though we pay more in childcare than I make in salary. DH supports me, though, wants me to be happy/fulfilled, recognizes that childcare comes from both our salaries (and we'd want to pay for our kids to have camps and schools anyway), and that long term it makes sense. Plus- you guys are loaded. You can afford to do what you want! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:18 PM Flag
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It sounds like she’s already taken a lot of time off and he senses he’s about to have to share childcare duties. You need to get some sitters, because hi pressure, hi paying careers will not allow for your Dh to take your kids to Dr appts mid-day. He can sense that his days of covered chairs are are over. I don’t think this is about camp or the holiday breaks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:25 PM Flag
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Covered CHILDCARE, not chairs. Lololol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:25 PM Flag
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op: That sounds like a great situation. DH just does not see the value. I did some higher-paying freelance work during my fellowship, which required me to be on conference calls during dinner time (5-8pm), and travel frequently, and DH was not happy with that scenario either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:26 PM Flag
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He sounds like a total control freak. Do NOT ever become SAHM with that kind of guy! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:21 PM Flag
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Wow! How does a new prof make 120? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:22 PM Flag
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op: is that considered higher than normal? I do research also. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:28 PM Flag
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thats waht new engineers make. i thought professors were lucky to get 75. u have the summer off, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:34 PM Flag
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op: no, it's a 12-month position, although I don't teach in the summer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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There are no summers off--there's a non-stop research and writing but no teaching. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:40 PM Flag
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yes it is higher. At our school, new profs make 65k. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:21 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:41 PM Flag
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Sounds like a fundamental disrespect for you as a person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:06 PM Flag
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No, he sounds like an asshole. He does not have a valid argument. Do NOT let him continue to blow off your career and treat the relationship like he has more power because he earns more. That is not marriage, and you aren't his employee. DO NOT let this continue with a preschooler. Why are you sending camp options to him like he is in charge and the boss of you. He is NOT. Fuck him. I am a SAHM but have worked in the past and will work in the future. My dh's career has priority but when I work it is because I NEED to work psychologically. I find childcare and book it. I think your husband is an asshole and I wouldn't put up with being treated that way. Fuck him. FUCK HIM. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:40 PM Flag
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I guess that for more helpful advice than just telling to fuck off, I would tell him I DID figure it out by booking camps, and also book marital counseling. What an ass. Usually the men who pull the "making more money, therefore in charge" card have a wife who does NOT have a prestigious career like college professor. I would tread carefully here because you have a high prestige career and he is treating it like crap and controlling the family finances. This is unusual and frankly concerning. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:45 PM Flag
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Honestly, thinking more about it. Is it possible your dh feels threatened by you or your career? The only reason to treat a spouse with a prestigious career like their career is worthless is because you feel insecure about it. I think marital counseling is good and he may need individual therapy as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:50 PM Flag
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np: love you for getting mad for op! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:12 PM Flag
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He is a cheapskate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:44 PM Flag
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Marriage counseling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:45 PM Flag
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Nah, OP's DH is worth divorcing imho, he's disgusting [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:21 PM Flag
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This isn't about spring break and camp. You mentioned that you have taken off a lot of time lately and that its an issue. Your DH seemed to think he was covered for childcare, but the situation has changed. It cant be about camp, its that you know you are going to have to ask him to take off time from his $1m job so you can go to your passion-job. Your gig sounds awesome and makes you happy, but its not why you live the way you do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:46 PM Flag
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Where does it say she will have to take time off? She is booking camp! She can get a babysitter to pick up her child or take them to camp if she cannot. If he is stressed out they can get a full time nanny to handle it. This isn't about coverage of childcare, I think he is insecure and threatened by her success. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:57 PM Flag
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these are her own words "I have taken off so much time already. Now that I have more responsibilities at work, I can't do that as easily." Its just a matter of time before she cant take any more days off. If you even have kids, you KNOW that you miss work because of them. Im just saying, he knows that he wont be 100% covered the way you are when one parent is SAH. Its a real luxury for the working parent, and he knows it. Of course you can book camp, etc when school is out, but theres more to it than that [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:25 PM Flag
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Ambivalent. Make what ever arrangements you need to make. In the end, it is you who will vet the childcare and will determine the scheduling. It's not about the money? Or is it? Choose your battles. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:53 PM Flag
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No, you have to get a camp. He doesn't get to decide that. And he likely resents that you now have set hours that interfere with things around the house, that you didn't have with the fellowship. Sounds like he wants to move to the suburbs and is trying to use this as a wedge to make it happen. You need to sit down (calmly) and discuss when and how everyone is going to be happy with your living and financial arrangements. Seems like, your job change triggered some issues that haven't been addressed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:20 PM Flag
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Do you really want to be married to this guy? It's going to get worse and worse. I would divorce someone who is this much of an asshole in a second. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:20 PM Flag
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UBs answer to everything is divorce. lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:20 PM Flag
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That's a huge salary for an assistant prof--not humanities I suppose. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:40 PM Flag
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you have got to be effing kidding me. DH and I agreed we would pay for nanny then au pair for a few years even though we were just breaking even on cost difference between my nonprofit salary and the costs. We decided it was better for me to keep in work force, bank retirement, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:08 PM Flag
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My DH would be STOKED if i were able to land a $120K job. He def appreciates my flexibility - i left work force nearly 4 years ago due to some family changes and needs. Has been great in many ways, but he knows that it has been tough for me. Old job had good pay, great benefits, and a LOT of flexibility. Very hard for me to find that now, especially at time where I need to be available for family demands. But he would love if I were contributing financially again to the household (even though he is very aware that it would be costly to pay for what I do for us every week day). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:17 PM Flag
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I am in a similar spot. I figure out the childcare, pay for it with my own money, and save every dime of the remainder for dd’s college and my own retirement. Having your own money is having your own power. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:54 PM Flag
[ - ] Remember when I wrote in asking if you’d be ok with dh leaving your 11yo alone in a hotel room while he goes to a meeting, in Argentina (they both speak perfect spanish, btw, so language wasn’t an issue)? Well, ds is 1.5hrs in and doing fine.. I just talked to him and, coincidentally, he’s watching “home alone” on his iPad ;) couting the minutes through the next 1.5hrs.. I need to get busy! 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:00 PM Flag
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you really do need to get busy....oy! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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Yeah, doesn't she know this is UB? You're not supposed to worry about your children. Not even when they're alone in a hotel in a foreign country. You need to always be focused on More Important Things instead of trivial matters like family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:06 PM Flag
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don't worry, op. everything will be fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:11 PM Flag
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Hi! I’m op- that wasn’t me ;) glad to know I’m not the only freak on here who worries about her kids ;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:37 PM Flag
[ - ] In my opinion, MM's friends should have hosted the same type of elegant shower in London. Did they do this to avoid having kate / Camilla etc attend ? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:58 PM Flag
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Collapse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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I saw she didn't open her presents at the shower? Isn't that the whole point of a baby shower? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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Noted. It’s over. She went home already. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:02 PM Flag
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Agreed. MM has no class [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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We really have no idea what BRF will do for her at home in England. Maybe they don’t do the shower?. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:31 PM Flag
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they probably don't do showers. why would anyone in the BRF need one? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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Couldn't care less [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:12 PM Flag
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what on earth makes you think there is and will only be 1 shower? or that kate/Camilla weren't invited? I am no royalty and had 3 showers. One in nyc hosted by friends, one sin hometown hosted by mom's friends, and my office threw a shower for me too. And I think dh's office gave us a mini shower too. It sounds excessive now, but in the moments it was wonderful and low key. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:00 PM Flag
[ - ] when a college says their acceptance rate is 15%, what is it really if you take out all the people who get waitlisted or rejected because they need a lot of FA? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 02.21.19, 02:46 PM Flag
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15% [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:47 PM Flag
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I thought competitive colleges are generally need-blind? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:48 PM Flag
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ok i'm talking about U of Southern California. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:50 PM Flag
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np- very few I think. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:50 PM Flag
[ - ] Is momofuko noodle bar high chair friendly for lunch? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:13 PM Flag
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Probably- thinking of the one at Columbus circle- but the food is spicy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:26 PM Flag
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^^^ can you call them? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:26 PM Flag
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Its really not at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:38 PM Flag
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so many restaurants are ditching high chairs. ive noticed this. it cuts down on pwople dining with babies, which isnt great for business [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:34 PM Flag
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too hard to get in [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:41 PM Flag
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yeah. little ones dont like waiting forever to get into a hot lunch spot [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:37 PM Flag
[ - ] Away with my family in the Caribbean - we go somewhere warm every year at this time and every year I deal with horrible hair. Have naturally curly hair which is kind of pretty back at home, but away on vacation it takes on a different curl and texture. I do t know what to do about it, it make me miserable!!!anyone best?? Any tips? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:09 PM Flag
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My dd wears a bandana over her hair, or uses a flat iron to tame it a bit with some hairspray. We lived in FL for years so it was her daily thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:10 PM Flag
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It's the humidity. Can you put it up in a bun? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:11 PM Flag
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I just look horrible, am away. With a bunch of families and all the women have keratin which I have never done so everyone looks polished and I look like a hot mess [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:13 PM Flag
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Try a flat iron then. It might tame the curls. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:18 PM Flag
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Your hair isn't as bad as you think. My sister's hair sounds like yours. She hates how curly it gets in warm weather. I absolutely love it, and tell her how amazing it looks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:22 PM Flag
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You need to lean in to the curls - buy a styling gel for curly hair, then air dry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:30 PM Flag
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You need the curly girl method. Look up some youtube videos. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:30 PM Flag
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Can I please have your miserable problem? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:51 PM Flag
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ha totally! and how hard is it to pull hair back in a pony tail or bun. use some hairspray if it is still unruly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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I just mean, sheesh, the girl is on vacation. So lucky! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 08:00 PM Flag
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IHY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:26 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone dealing with a person with dementia/alzheimer's? We rotate nights we spend with FIL who is 93. He now has developed dementia where he wakes up several times during the night and is very disoriented, thinks he's got to go to work (which is somewhat cute actually) but can get very upset and yells. Doctor has given him a mild sedative but won't rx sleeping pills (not safe). Any tips? He's 93 and in perfect health albeit old. 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:06 PM Flag
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Hire a night nurse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:23 PM Flag
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We have but it's very very expensive for 7 days a week. We do 4 days and get a 3 day care giver. He has daily care for daytime as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:42 PM Flag
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10mg melatonin [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:36 PM Flag
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Interesting. From personal experience with someone? I'll ask his doctor. TY. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:43 PM Flag
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yes, actually start with 5mg. but yes ask the dr! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:44 PM Flag
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I will, didn't think of this. I read that having light therapy during the day is important too to set the circadian rhythm. Any experience with that? FIL doesn't go out enough in the cold (refuses). I think he's just not feeling day/night as much. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:52 PM Flag
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can he sit near a window? i work in long-term care and i know the evening shift gives melatonin, i've seen 3 and 5mg bottles. it's very common for them to wake up during the night, there is also a time in the late afternoon when they get restless ("sundowning"). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:55 PM Flag
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^Some families refuse to allow us to give melatonin! the families home in their beds who don't understand! these patients fall in the middle of the night too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:58 PM Flag
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Yes he does major sundowning all of a sudden. I will talk to aid about sitting him near a window. His apt. unfortunately is very dark. She's a loving aide but is very stubborn too. She doesn't like us micromanaging his care and for the most part we don't. Thanks for taking time to share some tips! Much appreciated. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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*aide [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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good luck! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:06 PM Flag
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That said, there are a few medications that may be less risky, and are sometimes used: Melatonin: Melatonin is a hormone involved in the sleep-wake cycle. A Scottish study found that 2mg of melatonin nightly improved the sleep of people with Alzheimer’s. However, in the U.S. melatonin is sold as a poorly-regulated supplement, and studies have found that commercially sold supplements are often of questionable quality and purity. So melatonin may work less reliably here than in Europe. Trazodone: Trazodone is an older weak anti-depressant that is mildly sedating. It has long been used by geriatricians as a “sleeping pill” of choice, as it seems to be less risky than the alternatives. A small 2014 study found that trazodone improved sleep in Alzheimer’s patients. To summarize, although medications are often used to manage sleep problems in dementia, most of them are pretty risky. So it’s better to avoid sedatives until you’ve exhausted all other options. Non-drug approaches like plenty of outdoor light, regular exercise, a stable routine, optimizing chronic conditions, and checking for pain often help. Plus, these usually improve the person’s quality of life overall. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:12 PM Flag
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from what ive seen sundowning can be helped with a nap or a snack. Poster below. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:25 PM Flag
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from what ive seen sundowning can be helped with a nap or a snack. Poster below. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:25 PM Flag
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from what ive seen sundowning can be helped with a nap or a snack. Poster below. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:25 PM Flag
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So very sorry is all I can say. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:58 PM Flag
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I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I would look into moving him to a dementia unit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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That's what they're for. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:46 PM Flag
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We call it "loving lies" around our house. Tell him what you need to in order to get him back to bed. Say that work is at 9 AM and it is now 2 so go back to bed so you can be ready for your job in the morning. Yelling and other behaviors are common when they are tired and hungry. You may need to consider a facility for him if this is taking too much of a toll. This is the stage when many people do. There is Caring Kind in NYC that offers seminars and other resources for people dealing with Alzheimers. My mother has it and it is devistating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:24 PM Flag
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OP: I'm sorry about your mom. I'll look at Caring Kind...we need a resource. We want him kept at home as long as possible, he's 93. Not much money to spend and also he's actually better in the daytime and more congnitively aware. I'll check on snack (he has had issues with low blood sugar as an adult--hypoglycemia so maybe his aide isn't giving him one in the evening. He reports no pain or has no other chronic conditions. He's wheelchair bound due to a form of ALS (non fatal).) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:41 PM Flag
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Caring Kind offers seminars and other informational support as well as group sessions (that can be like therapy). Alzheimer's Weekly & Dementia Weekly is an email with videos that my father likes (he is the primary caregiver). But give yourself permission to lie to him. It doesn't hurt anyone and can be very calming. I take my mother one day a week. And when we finish with the task (movie, museum, lunch etc) and I say we are going back to my house, she always asks if dad is going to come for dinner. If I say no, she wants to go home, which gives my dad less of a break. If I say yes, then she comes willingly. It is strange to lie to her, but it gets the job done and doesn't hurt her at all. As my father says when he does the same thing "do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:54 PM Flag
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Can I ask what the kids of your FIL are doing for emotional support? I used to go to weekly therapy, but it didn't work with my schedule after a while. And it is such a slow process, that there isn't anything new to report each week. DH is great with my mom (as it sounds like you are with FIL) but it is hard to dump on him all the time. I'm just wondering what else I can do for myself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:03 PM Flag
[ - ] Vent: A lot of kids at DDs school applied to Duke, it just so happens a very tight clique of four girls got in. They must have worked hard, and they are smart so they deserve it. But they are now wearing the sweatshirts everyday, going to parties on the weekends there, and posting themselves partying there. They are all set, and I understand why they are proud, but it is boarding on obnoxious and making other kids feel bad. There are still so many kids who have to wait to hear . FYI DD did not apply to Duke. 97 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:59 PM Flag
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That's life- they'll always be annoying people everywhere you turn. May as well get used to it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:01 PM Flag
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ha totally! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:36 PM Flag
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They are not making anyone feel bad. No one can make you feel bad. If you feel bad it's your own emotional reaction to not getting what you wanted. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:51 PM Flag
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THIS THIS THIS. Besides, they sound perfect for duke if you know what I mean [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:55 PM Flag
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And what's going on in your social life, OP? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:01 PM Flag
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I have a full time job and good social life, I travel a lot for work. I just sympathize with these other kids. I also think the college process is very fair unlike yesterday's post. I also think a little humility is part of life. Maybe not a bad time to practice it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:06 PM Flag
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OR: You can't really change the behaviors of others, though. You can affect the way your child handles and views the world and the example that she sets. Let her set the example. That's the only way that change can happen in her generation. It doesn't matter what we think. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:38 PM Flag
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OP: That is a very good point and a good idea in moving forward. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:41 PM Flag
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Ok. This seems typical no matter what. My dc's year it was the Ivy sweatshirts. My dc was crushed of course but it's a life lesson. He got over it and had a blast at his college. Now doing great and has a master's degree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:02 PM Flag
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OP: That is great to hear. I know that will happen to these kids to. congrats to your son! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:08 PM Flag
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Where do you live that they can go there on weekends? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:07 PM Flag
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NYC but this particular group has a lot of money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:09 PM Flag
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I’m calling fake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:11 PM Flag
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It is not fake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:12 PM Flag
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I love in every post someone calls fake. Do people come on here and just make stuff up for no reason? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:15 PM Flag
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Yes, a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:51 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 08:13 PM Flag
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4 from NYC at the same school accepted ED? Does sound fake. Duke is not that popular here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:22 PM Flag
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It is so true, my DD must go to the same school, because there are four in the senior class. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:26 PM Flag
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You must not have dcs at tts in nyc bc Duke is very much revered here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:19 PM Flag
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Are you kidding? Duke is the hottest school around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:20 PM Flag
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Oh yes it is! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:57 PM Flag
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you really got to be kidding. Duke is a four-letter word to me, but lots of DCs' friends in a frenzy for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:05 PM Flag
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This is crazy. They are high school kids that go down to party? Call me paranoid but I went to a school with a party culture and I feel like it marks them a bit as targets for predatory frat boys [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:43 PM Flag
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This. Also why I think this is fake. Everyone knows what Duke frat culture is like. No one there is ever proven innocent. It is always just "conflicting stories" and "not enough evidence" and "unreliable victims and witnesses". No parent who cares at all sends a high school girl to party at Duke for the weekend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:53 PM Flag
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Not OP, but dd had similar experience at her school last year. And I was told by the parents that they allowed their girls to fly down for a few parties. I was shocked. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:00 PM Flag
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I would be embarrassed to attend a party that high schoolers fly in for. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:10 PM Flag
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Unless you were a lecherous 21 year old bro [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:02 PM Flag
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Last weekend was the ED visit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:56 PM Flag
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Actually it wasn’t the weekend but still... all the ed kids went to Duke [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:56 PM Flag
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You mean to say they are flying down to Durham, NC every weekend? Where do they stay? What do they do during the day? Students at Duke are not partying 24/7. They are studying and hanging out and working at their jobs. They don't want to hang out with HS seniors. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:04 PM Flag
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Unless they are lecherous 21 year old frat boys. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:02 PM Flag
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I agree with other responders. It’s life and I’m sure there was one or two of their clique who got WL or denied. They’re young and arrogant no doubt but nothing you can do but live your life. If nothing some others viewing these posts will see how annoying and smug behavior turns others off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:09 PM Flag
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OP: You are right about this and I agree. and it shouldn't bother me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:14 PM Flag
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OP- I also completely understand as my DS is also a senior and has gotten into one school but also been rejected & deferred by his favorites, school naviance indicated were real possibilities. The waiting for RD is awful and it’s a hard but necessary life lesson to see others get acceptances even if they haven’t worked as hard, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:21 PM Flag
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Thanks. These girls actually worked hard. They set their sites early on to go to a good school like Duke and they deserve it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:24 PM Flag
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It’s worse when the kid who gets in a) doesn’t really care or b) had a hook that made it easy for them. But again, that’s life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:29 PM Flag
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Yes absolutely can not fault them for getting in. As I said they were smart and worked hard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:37 PM Flag
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I hate when people say that certain kids "deserve" to get into a school. It's not a prize. It has nothing to do with being deserving. They had what the college wanted. That's it. It's not an award. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:25 PM Flag
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^^^^ I forgot to mention I find it hard to stomach sometimes, too. I get a little green monsterish but try to set a good example by reminding ds life isn’t fair and hard work will eventually be rewarded so stay focused. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:24 PM Flag
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OP: yes this is me, I am not proud it bothers me. I am trying to do the same [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:27 PM Flag
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Don’t worry. You’re human and a mom. We want our kids to be happy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:32 PM Flag
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Thank you. Nice to hear [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:35 PM Flag
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Seems highly unlikely that four girls from the same high school all got into duke. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:09 PM Flag
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NP I bet they were EA or ED. Duke has done a great job of really bringing their % acceptances way down by advertising like crazy all across the country, and encouraging kids who have little chance of getting in to apply. It is a marketing success that has raised the ranking considerably. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:12 PM Flag
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There was an article about this in the Atlantic about fifteen years ago. Duke really transformed itself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:14 PM Flag
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Yes! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:00 PM Flag
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Gates $ helped [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:59 PM Flag
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They were ED. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:14 PM Flag
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It's not really about Duke. Duke is a good school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:17 PM Flag
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We went to a presentation by Duke at Stuy, and they were the least impressive of the schools there. Their rep did not do a great job of selling the school. Dd had been interested in it given the reputation, but was not after the presentation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:24 PM Flag
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I don't mean to dis the school, it is a good school, but it didn't appeal so much to our NYC crowd. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:26 PM Flag
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Really this is an NYC school. People love it. It definitely was not a match for my DD. The work would be too hard and she is amore into the arts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:39 PM Flag
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I think what turned off the crowd was the talk of collaborative group work over and over. And the rep kept saying "um" and had some valley-girl type speech patterns. Maybe it would engage kids who love things like sororities, but these were a lot of shs tiger parents and such. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:43 PM Flag
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What's funny is many of my dc's classmates from an average public school also got into Duke--they were just average public--not tt privates. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:16 PM Flag
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I think there was discussion yesterday, colleges want public school kids more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:19 PM Flag
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A certain percentage come from private and public each year. One is not wanted more than the other. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:32 PM Flag
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No but if I paid 50K a year for 12 years and my dc got into a school with kids that had free public school all the time I'd feel somewhat deflated, no? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:43 PM Flag
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This sentiment is posted here almost every day. Most people sent their children to private school for the real time benefits and not for exmissions. Everyone knows you can get into any college from public or private. People are not stupid! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:46 PM Flag
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Real benefits--what does that mean? My kids are successful in life. I and dh are successful in life. What are these "real benefits"? Smaller classes are great I suspect, but we've managed. None of us ever had tutoring either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:55 PM Flag
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Real time benefits without regard to exmissions. You seem very sensitive and angling for a fight. Why do you even care about private school families? Why is there a bee in your bonnet? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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Because people here think it's going to get their child into an Ivy when in fact it might not. And that they tout the real benefits without actually thinking many of those same things can be said about a good public school. And it's snobbery then.??? BTDT with experiences with many families. Several who were condescending to us when our dcs got into tt colleges (from public??? What strings did you pull?? etc). Nonsense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:42 PM Flag
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The same exact arguments could be made in favor of attending a state college rather than a top private one. Presumably you sent your dc to tt colleges because you thought they were a better fit. Others think the same about tt K-12 for their kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:40 PM Flag
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Do you really think that any decent college has all private school kids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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Highly unlikely but true [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:18 PM Flag
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Chapin took 4 or 5 early this year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:17 PM Flag
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100% true. Chapin [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:00 PM Flag
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Those girls will be remembered for being obnoxious and rubbing it in other kid's faces. That will be their legacy. History won't be kind to them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:15 PM Flag
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sounds like they have so much money they wont care about their history. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:17 PM Flag
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Where does this kid go to school where there are such rich kids. And ftr, Duke is not all that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:19 PM Flag
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TT private. NYC is full of rich kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:20 PM Flag
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So the kid who is upset must be rich too? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:21 PM Flag
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It's not just one kid who is upset. But my kid is not rich for sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:25 PM Flag
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OP: Its not a knock on Duke. I think its an amazing school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:21 PM Flag
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Hopefully not. If a person holds on to a high school memory like this something is very wrong with that person [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:02 PM Flag
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Is this at a TT SS? This happened last year as well. I didn't hear about from DD but heard about it from the parents at a graduation party. So odd that they would allow their girls to fly there to attend frat parties! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:32 PM Flag
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Unless a brother or cousin was there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:37 PM Flag
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Nope asked that question. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:39 PM Flag
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Some parents are idiots. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:41 PM Flag
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they're partying at duke every weekend from NYC? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:37 PM Flag
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Not every weekend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:40 PM Flag
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this part seems very bizarre. regardless of money, I dont know anyone who went to party at their future college every weekend. dont they want to go skiing or to the carribean ? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:42 PM Flag
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i don't know anyone who partied even one weekend! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:45 PM Flag
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same [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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Some schools offer parties for incoming freshmen. They can get a feel of the campus etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:44 PM Flag
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Totallly obnoxious, but aren’t you also glad at this point yours didn’t apply to Duke? These girls sound rather awful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:40 PM Flag
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Yes . Duke is a great school, and anyone would be lucky to go there. but it wasn't for DD from the start for so many reasons. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:43 PM Flag
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It's a great school for a certain type of person. Not for my dc's who really hated the thought of it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:52 PM Flag
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np: It is a really fun place to go to college while getting great education. Everyone I know who went to Duke loved it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:20 PM Flag
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That can be said of most any school. Duke is a good school. Not a fit for my child, but a great fit for many [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:04 PM Flag
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I went to duke (and loved it). I find it very odd that they are going down to duke regularly for parties. They would have had to know a few people there to even know where a given party was taking place plus people would think they were losers and weirdos for showing up at parties every weekend or even more than once or twice if they haven’t even matriculated yet. With that being said, op, you should find better things to worry about with your time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:19 PM Flag
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I can see the party thing if kids from the same school get in--they invite their incoming former schoolmates. Friends of friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:43 PM Flag
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Is this Chapin? Holy cow, I can't believe the school allows it. At ours nobody can wear their college gear until May 1st. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:19 PM Flag
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Do they not wear uniforms? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:04 PM Flag
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Why on earth are you viewing this? Next question how do you know how other kids feel? You are WAYYYY over involved in this especially considering you don’t have a dog. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:54 PM Flag
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Duke sends a box of goodies to ED accepts [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 06:05 PM Flag
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SO obnoxious. Also, Duke is a sh*tty school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 08:06 PM Flag
[ - ] my 14 yo wants to get her ears pierced. any advice on the best way/place to do it? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:41 PM Flag
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A piercing/tatttoo place. Seriously. They are very sterile and do this a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:52 PM Flag
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that's what I've been hearing. thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:55 PM Flag
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NP make sure she cleans her lobes frequently afterwards. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:56 PM Flag
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And turns her earrings (as instructed) with clean hands. They'll give you/her an instruction sheet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:58 PM Flag
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great thank you... will be diligent... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:06 PM Flag
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+1 - dd got her ears pierced at a tattoo place. They give excellent instructions on how to keep the piercings clean, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:56 PM Flag
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Yes, they are sterile and need a good reputation [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:58 PM Flag
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thanks, all. appreciate it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:06 PM Flag
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Since tattoo places use a needle rather than a piercing stud, you can usually get small hoops as your first earrings. They can be a lot more comfortable to sleep in than studs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:15 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you think Meghan Markle does damage to the BRF? She comes across as very frivolous. I am sure other members of the RF travel as much and luxuriously but this trip was really out in the open for all to see. 24 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:33 PM Flag
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I really don't give a giant hoot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:34 PM Flag
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I think they all live like this but are more discreet about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:37 PM Flag
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Why would anyone give a flying fuck? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:37 PM Flag
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Obviously some people care. I came across her SUV yesterday and there were lots of photographers and bystanders. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:38 PM Flag
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Care to meet her or see her in person, sure. Care to speculate on whether she "damages" the British Royal Family? Who cares? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:40 PM Flag
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This. I can't think too deeply about it. Sure, I'd love to see the royal family pass by. Do I care what they do beyond that? Not really. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:46 PM Flag
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Love Meghan!!! Her mother-in-law, Princess Diana, would have loved her! Looking forward to following Meghan and Harry in the future! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:44 PM Flag
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Is this sarcastic or do you meant this? Just curious. To me the BRF has no more significance and should go. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:52 PM Flag
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Have you watched “The Crown?” It changed how I view the royal family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:12 PM Flag
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A fictional TV show changed how you view real people like the BRF? Please tell me you don't vote. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:56 PM Flag
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All the primary members of royal families live this way. This trip was a big deal in the media because everything she does is covered 24-7 due to being an actress. If you think Princess Caroline of Monaco and Princess of Masako of Japan don't live this way then you would be wrong. Leave Meghan alone! So sick of the mud slinging on her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:47 PM Flag
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+1M [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:50 PM Flag
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But she is not a primary member. They are very low in the hierarchy. Would love them to work instead of living on taxpayer's dime. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:53 PM Flag
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They are primary members in that Harry is the son of Prince Charles, the heir to the throne, and Princess Diana, who became an international celebrity in a way that other Princesses are not. He has been covered by the media his whole life in a way that his first cousins have not. They work a huge amount, stop being rude. Most people would not want to work so much in that way, I know I wouldn't. Having to go to events constantly and then be covered incessantly by press and now freaky haters who go online and trash you (not calling you one, I'm talking about the two american women who were written about in the news) - what a nightmare. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:02 PM Flag
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Do they actually to a lot of events? I don't follow them closely but was more under the assumption they show up once a month or so. Wrong perception? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:10 PM Flag
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Very wrong. They do events all the time. Way more than I could handle. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:02 PM Flag
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She's American. They'll learn to deal with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:52 PM Flag
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It’s not as if she can take a cab or the subway to Orsay. Security is an issue even if it’s just to protect her from overeager fans. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:10 PM Flag
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Don't agree with you. NYC is actually pretty laid back with celebrities. Many of them move around without issues. I think she loves the coverage. She was a third tier actress and now lives like she is an Oscar winner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:13 PM Flag
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She's the f*cking duchess of HooHaw or whatever. She can take a limo if she wants. She's also pregnant. And tbh, how do you even know this? I barely heard about it on the news yesterday. I doubt it was all over anything unless you're obsessing. Get a grip. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:17 PM Flag
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Ok. You’re entitled to disagree. You’re now the Duchess of Disagreement and you can take a subway or a cab anywhere you like. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:30 PM Flag
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I'm glad you asked, because I really wanted to talk about insignificant sublebrities in another country. /s [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:54 PM Flag
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I think even my 10 year old can spell "celebrities" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:53 PM Flag
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I'm guessing but I think the Brits are more concerned about Brexit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:44 PM Flag
[ - ] Where is the best place to sell my unused chanel wallet bag? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:29 PM Flag
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the fastest is therealreal.com but they will take a big cut of it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:43 PM Flag
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ReBAg? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:48 PM Flag
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I've had good experiences with Poshmark. The take a 20% cut. For high end stuff (>$500), if someone buys it, you send to them first for authentication and they mail it to the buyer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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And you get to set the price yourself (although, people can negotiate with you) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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np I have a bunch of stuff listed on Poshmark. not one bite yet. how do you get things sold on there>? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:27 PM Flag
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I have several listings on Posh. You have to share them continuously throughout the day to keep the listing relevant and increase the chances that someone will see it. There's also an algorithm. Google it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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one tip: Use a picture of the original item on a model, and then post your own pictures of the actual item afterwards. Makes it look much more appealing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 07:45 PM Flag
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Facebook marketplace. You don’t have to share a cut with anyone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:50 PM Flag
[ - ] It’s so annoying that I make healthy meals every day for dc and other parents send crap then I’m pressured to send crap and we all revert to the least common denominator! 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:26 PM Flag
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I've never had this problem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:31 PM Flag
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The teacher told me yesterday that db is reaching for other kid’s food implying her snack should be gold fish instead of fruit and vegetables. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:50 PM Flag
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There's no "implication" there. So it's a baby you're talking about. Babies do this. Continue to send in your own food. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:54 PM Flag
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Were you part of the conversation? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:01 PM Flag
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No, but it sounds like you have problems standing your ground. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:03 PM Flag
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+1 Make your own choices and don't worry about everyone else's. Stand on your own two feet. You know, like you're *supposed* to be teaching your children to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:56 PM Flag
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Send crap where? Teach your ds to decline other things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:53 PM Flag
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You must not have dc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:01 PM Flag
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No mine had allergies and couldn't eat goldfish or else they'd have anaphylaxis. I wish they could have eaten whatever was being handed out. It was hard for them but they knew to decline from age 4. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:03 PM Flag
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This reminds me of the mom of DC's friend who texted me after a birthday party, saying she was "disappointed" that I allowed my DC to have soda at the party because it "tempted" her DC. If you're going to adhere to strict standards, don't expect the whole world to bend for them. Sneauflake will have to get used to munching on spinach leaves while other kids get goldfish (probably because mom has an eating disorder) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:06 PM Flag
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Why do you think soda is necessary? And you’re the one with an eating disorder if you think gold fish are food. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:11 PM Flag
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np: Soda is not going to destroy any child. And as this person said YOUR child will see a lot going on in life and will have to know how to navigate a larger world. In my kids' world he is allergic to milk, eggs, nuts and peanuts. His treat will be a soda or a "safe" cookie. For all the medical bullsh(t he has to endure I don't gaf about sugar or soda. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:13 PM Flag
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You seem very afraid of these foods, but in our home, we are not. There are no "forbidden foods". Everything is fair game for an occasional treat, as long as your diet is providing a good balance of nutrients. I credit this philosophy for helping all of us in the family stay slim and fit without obsessing over foods or developing weird phobias. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:27 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:44 PM Flag
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+2 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:48 PM Flag
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Lol how did you respond? What an ass. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:35 PM Flag
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I don't remember exactly what I said but I kept it to the fewest possible words. This mom is insufferable... in a perfect world I would have absolutely nothing to do with her, but our DCs have been BFFs for years and the kid is lovely. As they've gotten older I've been able to get away with much less contact. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:40 PM Flag
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I raised my children on only drinking water and those sugar fruit pouches from Costco - were ubiquitous - fortunately, they never gravitated towards them Saddens me me that my neice is a coca-cola junkie, she is 5 years old at my beach house tugging on my dress like a junkie saying, nah, c'mon you have coca somewhere right, please,... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:51 PM Flag
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You are going to have a very long and hard road if you think you can dictate what other people send to school with their children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:30 PM Flag
[ - ] S/O: so what is a respectable career for an Ivy grad? 28 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:24 PM Flag
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analyst at goldman [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:25 PM Flag
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Whatever she wants to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:27 PM Flag
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This! We come all this way from the 50’s. It seems the biggest right you could have is to be whatever you want to be and do what you choose with your education. Some people seem to think we just need a new set of imposed rules. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:34 PM Flag
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Doctor [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:27 PM Flag
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Manual labor [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:28 PM Flag
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Really? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:29 PM Flag
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Something in the arts [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:28 PM Flag
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Lawyer, psychologist, finance, tech startup [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:29 PM Flag
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Phd program [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:30 PM Flag
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Unless in a hard science, not this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:50 PM Flag
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Yale has a top drama program. Have met many great Yale grads in the theatre world. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:34 PM Flag
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Nothing screams "white privilege" and "person of means" more than wasting a Yale degree on a drama program. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:38 PM Flag
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That's your opinion, dunderhead. How do you even know the backgrounds of these people. One of the head production people I used to work with grew up in working class Pittsburgh. So put your little biases aside. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:43 PM Flag
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yeah like the black guy from cosby show and trader joes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:48 PM Flag
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You probably don't know this, but he is an example of black privilege. He comes from a well to do family. His Dad was a prominent NY congressman. I think the actor had some other issues including substance abuse and mental health issues) that led to his economic downfall. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:38 PM Flag
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you are nuts. its an excellent drama program and just bc there are some famous white celebs who have attended, doesn't make it a useless degree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 03:39 PM Flag
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That’s a hard life. Low pay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:59 PM Flag
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So? It's a happy life and the people who do it love their work. I wouldn't expect people who aren't in the arts to understand though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:00 PM Flag
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Thought leader, innovator, disruptor [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:40 PM Flag
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Global Leader of Tomorrow. (Truth. We were at a college fair and that's what one of the reps told us his school produces). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:46 PM Flag
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Law school [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:51 PM Flag
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UB troll [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:53 PM Flag
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Although my career may have been laughable to some here, I once rallied behind a cause to get school nurses in every school in our district (went on TV, spoke at a county forum etc) and we won! I think everyone should have the opportunity to a great education anyway. Hate that it is now so competitive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:55 PM Flag
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That is a great cause! All school districts should have that. It is horrible that most schools don't have a school nurse on site. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:06 PM Flag
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It was upsetting once I learned that school secretaries or support staff were responsible for kids that had colostomy bags, trach tubes, needed epi pens. The worst was several schools had kids that tested all day long for blood sugar and needed insulin or a sweet to keep their sugar levels normal. This was all done by a receptionist with no medical training. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:08 PM Flag
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Well...half of my friends are SAHs with me. Is that respectable? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:46 PM Flag
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as long as you don't try to sell me Rodan and Fields and post about your work/life balance and no more Sunday scaries! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 02:51 PM Flag
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Honestly, a lot end up as things like professor, teacher, policy wonk, do-gooder, artist. Being brainy and good at school -- and good at following rules and griding out work -- doesn't usually translate into certain "successful" areas like entrepreneurship. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 04:00 PM Flag
[ - ] Can someone please provide link to the college admissions post from yesterday? Thx. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:30 AM Flag
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Thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 05:42 AM Flag
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There were like three yesterday [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.21.19, 01:11 PM Flag
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