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[ - ] Any nail biters out there? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:56 PM Flag
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^^Lifelong nail biter here who managed to give it up. Actually had to get the manicure lady to CUT my nails today -- first time in my memory they've been cut. So proud. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:57 PM Flag
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^^And sorry to those who don't understand--I agree it's disgusting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:57 PM Flag
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Me! The only thing that stops me is getting a manicure (has to be done by someone else). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:59 PM Flag
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I don't really consider myself a nail biter but I guess I am. I just keep my nails short and natural. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:02 AM Flag
[ - ] These UWS AND UES Mom blogs are ridiculous. Mommas, I write this in tears with a humbled heart from one mom to another. I hope this is not inappropriate or anything. I am coming to all of you in desperation, and embarrassment, and because ive seen how wonderful you all are. I am a single mother, and have always pushed to make ends meet without help. Now with the steep cost of private daycare, I am struggling tremendously to support my daughter and I. Although it is only for a few more months; bills, groceries and pull ups will not wait that long. If anyone can find it in their heart to help us in anyway, even a small loan (will gladly pay every cent back in March) it would be greatly appreciated and will definitely be paid forward next year. 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:56 PM Flag
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Other Moms post the info to help het like government assistance programs but she said she makes too much money. LOL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:57 PM Flag
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Is this UES mommas? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:58 PM Flag
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No..UWS...On FB. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:59 PM Flag
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Just found it. Hmm. No real responses so far. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:13 AM Flag
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no.. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:28 AM Flag
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Tis’ the season for scammers [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:00 AM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:03 AM Flag
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Maybe she should move to the upper upper west side or use a family daycare. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:21 AM Flag
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i think she's a scammer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:28 AM Flag
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i just sent her 100 bucks. feel bad [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:35 AM Flag
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really? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:21 AM Flag
[ - ] Private school parents: to whom do you give holiday gifts? Just teachers? Teachers and support staff? Teachers, support staff and admins? And how much for each? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:46 PM Flag
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We contributed $50 to class collection for teachers. I think they're giving small amounts to specials teachers and more to the classroom teachers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:48 PM Flag
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^^Request was $40-$60 btw. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:52 PM Flag
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We gave 1k to the holiday fund. They split it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:50 PM Flag
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OP: We did $100 to the class fund, which was all that was requested but it’s only going to the main teachers. Wondering if we need to do foreign language, art, music, PE and coding teachers as well as teaching assistants and front office. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:51 PM Flag
[ - ] OMG that divorce story in the Post 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:44 PM Flag
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I’ve heard worse. Only thing that makes this interesting is the amount of money involved. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:01 AM Flag
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I read it too. The putting the house in a trust was interesting. And she’s only getting 25k. My friend gets one million a month. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:24 AM Flag
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Wow who is your friend married to? That’s insane outside of a Court ruling [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:37 AM Flag
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link? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:01 AM Flag
[ - ] Will michael cohen be able to bring down Donald Trump? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:42 PM Flag
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Fingers crossed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:46 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:47 PM Flag
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Thanks for confirming you are here tonight! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:48 PM Flag
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From your lips.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:21 AM Flag
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I found MC so slimy, but this story is such an epic one if he is able to bring down an even slimier family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:04 AM Flag
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If there is a god... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 02:19 AM Flag
[ - ] Any psychiatrists on? Isn't is somewhat overreaching to tell a troubled 26 year old "failure to launch" person who is still living at home that she should move out and that in the therapist's experience, the parents usually pay for such a move and set them up in an apartment??? 26 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:36 PM Flag
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Maybe. Depends on the situation and the type of therapist. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:37 PM Flag
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Actually just sounds like the therapist is living in a bubble or caters to a bubbled clientele. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:37 PM Flag
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I think that's it. How easy is your job when you just sit there, collect your $400/hour and blame everything on the parents. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:53 PM Flag
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If my 26-year-old were still living with me, I would pay to move her out. Not the best thing for her or fair, but a means to an end. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:39 PM Flag
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And then you would continue to pay her rent 100% (assuming she was not and is not working)? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:46 PM Flag
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I actually can't fathom being in that state. DD is 10 and is dying to get a job -- she asks every business we frequent how old you have to be and doesn't understand why nobody will hire 10-year-old babysitters. If anything I worry more about her wanting to skip college to go right to work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:50 PM Flag
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Me neither. Me and my brother were the same growing up -- always working. I hate it the few times I was out of work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:53 PM Flag
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It's a good trait! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:54 PM Flag
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I agree! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:59 PM Flag
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are you the step mother of the child? Or the aunt an this is DH's sister's kid? Does the 26 year old have a job? or is this purely hypothetical? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:40 PM Flag
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Aunt [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:44 PM Flag
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No job [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:47 PM Flag
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well job seems to be thing number one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:48 PM Flag
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Right that's what I'm thinking. Thx. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:52 PM Flag
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My brother's child [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:48 PM Flag
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Too little information. Parents can boost a child's independence this way but they have to follow through. If they have a job and can support this apt. fine. Otherwise what's the point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:41 PM Flag
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That's what I'm thinking. From what I know of the situation (since she doesn't have a job) this would just be "faux" independence and more expensive than having her continue to live at home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:45 PM Flag
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If this is about Pete Davidson, I'm pretty sure having first and last month's rent and enough for a set of Ikea dishes isn't the issue. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:42 PM Flag
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? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:49 PM Flag
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I helped both my kids when they moved out, after college. It’s tough to pull together rent, deposits, etc. does this 26 yo have a job? That would come first. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:42 PM Flag
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No. I think (no kids here hence why I'm posting) that having a job (and keeping it for a decent amount of time like at least 6 months) should be the first priority. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:46 PM Flag
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I wonder if the therapist thinks that he is so dependent on his parents that he won't be able to do anything at all if he doesn't get outside the home? That said, if she wants him to be independent, a job seems like the obvious place to start. Is there possible mental illness making it difficult to work? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:55 PM Flag
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Yes --she's been on anti depressants for 2-3 years now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:57 PM Flag
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She sounds like a crappy and overpaid therapist. The reason her clients have failed to launch is because their parents have taken care of them too much for too long and the kid hasn't developed confidence to take care of herself. Advising her to ask her parents to support her is contrary to the goal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:09 AM Flag
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Thank you!! I felt like calling her and saying how dare you. My brother’s so upset . [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:36 AM Flag
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This! The therapist just wants to keep her fees. Rather than really helping with a solution. You need annewnrheeapisrbb [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:39 AM Flag
[ - ] Do you consider Georgetown and Notre Dame to be the same tier? If not which is “better” and why? What other schools do you consider comparable? 26 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:15 PM Flag
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I think most people would view Georgetown to be more prestigious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:17 PM Flag
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What other schools would you consider to be a similar level with Georgetown [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:19 PM Flag
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np- Vanderbilt, McGill, Duke [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:47 PM Flag
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Duke is top 10, Georgetown top 20-25. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:09 AM Flag
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On a stupid us news report with ridiculous easy to manipulate rubric [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:51 AM Flag
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Ok, Georgetown grad [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 02:53 AM Flag
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Personally I think they are both the same - however Georgetown is the one that has the clear feed to work in DC. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:21 PM Flag
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If we are talking Catholic schools, Boston College. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:22 PM Flag
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Is that different than Boston University? And which is better? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:23 PM Flag
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They are different schools. Boston College is far more selective than BU right now. They're both fine schools at which you can get a fine education. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:39 PM Flag
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Actually, BC isn't more selective. BU's admission rate is now 22%. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:26 AM Flag
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no because of Lynch undergrad teaching school and undergrad nursing. maybe their business school is almost comparable to ND and G. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:24 PM Flag
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Boston College is a top school today, hard stop. It's filled with kids who could have gone to Harvard who were poured over into BC admissions. Undergrad nursing only accounts for 100 students per class out of 14,000 total students. It's hardly statistically significant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:38 PM Flag
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I work with a BC Lynch grad who tries to pass herself off as an economics major because of a few classes, it is very easy to get into and get a human development degree from lynch, [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:28 AM Flag
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If you get into Boston college for teaching, you're pretty fucking smart. As in, you'll probably have lots of room to go on to Harvard for an M.Ed [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:42 PM Flag
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BC is a safety school for kids who couldn't get into Ivy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:02 AM Flag
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?? Boston College is nowhere close to the same tier as Notre Dame. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:02 AM Flag
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georgetown bc of location [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:25 PM Flag
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They are equivalent as far as selectivity. But they have different vibes. Of course, both Catholic. But Georgetown for DC work and being in a city. ND for big-time midwest sports. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:25 PM Flag
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Georgetown probably has a wider universal appeal (to non Catholics), but education is comparable is probably what you make of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:39 PM Flag
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Georgetown has a far greater appeal, for obvious reasons, to international students. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:41 PM Flag
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OP: thanks ladies! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:41 PM Flag
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Same. Gton gets more respect on the east coast. ND gets more in the Midwest. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:10 AM Flag
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Georgetown harder to get into, only 50 or 55% of students are Catholic, much more worldly. Notre Dame much much more Catholic with nicer students. Both great schools. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:33 AM Flag
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UB hates Catholic schools. Meanwhile, more open minded NYC kids are flocking to Georgetown [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:40 AM Flag
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I wouldn’t send my kid to any of these. Better off at a SUNY without sexual abuse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:42 AM Flag
[ - ] Number of dates before you have sex? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:08 PM Flag
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It's not a number, it's a feeling. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:10 PM Flag
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Always different. Been with DH 19 years. Before that had a 7 year LTR that almost ended in marriage. I slept with my ex on 2nd date. I slept with DH about 3 days after I met him - we didn't have dates, we met during a trip where I was staying at his house with a friend. Before that with dating it would depend on how I felt about them and how much I wanted to sleep with them. Sometimes 2-3 dates, sometimes never. And I never spent the night. I always wanted to wake up at my own place and shower in my own shower. I hated sleeping over at guys' places. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:18 PM Flag
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First date with dh. We met online, chatted for 3 months before meeting. Sex on first date. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:37 PM Flag
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Are you 17? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:38 PM Flag
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DH and I had it on the night we met. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:58 PM Flag
[ - ] I need to bake some cookies using cutters. Should I go for the regular butter/shortbread cookies? Also, once I take them out of the oven I should put them on a rack, correct? And put them a tin jar? I'm clueless! 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:08 PM Flag
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Butter yes, not shortbread -- too crumbly. Yes re rack -- recipe will direct you. Let cool completely before wrapping air tight. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:15 PM Flag
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Pick whatever recipe you like. Cool on rack. Store in airtight container. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:16 PM Flag
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There's a sugar cookie recipe on Epicurious I use. You want to search for "rolled cookie" recipes. Yes usually you put them on cooling racks after you take them out of the oven. They never last that long in my house so I don't usually put them in a tin jar. Apparently if you store them with a slice of apple or fresh bread they stay fresh longer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:17 PM Flag
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we're going to a "cookie swap" thing so I need to transport them. Ugh, I am so not into baking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:19 PM Flag
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op. just looked up the recipe - that's perfect. When it says softened butter it means I should take it out of the refrigerator in advance, I can't heat it up on the stove, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:21 PM Flag
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Quick zap in the microwave. Don't let it melt to liquid, just soft enough to beat. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:24 PM Flag
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Nooooo- leave on counter 20 min [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:12 AM Flag
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Seriously, a quick zap does the job. I'm a great baker! :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:20 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:41 AM Flag
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NP: that's correct -- you can't use melted butter -- the texture will be wrong. Take it out of the fridge maybe two hours before. Also, sugar cookies should come out of the oven white, not brown. If the edges have even a hint of brown they're overbaked. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:24 PM Flag
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NNP, I like a hint of brown! Just a hint. More crunchy! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:31 PM Flag
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thanks for the tip! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:43 PM Flag
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Only take the butter out of the fridge 2 hours before if your apartment is very cold. Otherwise, it takes 20-30 mins. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:46 PM Flag
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Op. One more question! If I want to decorate them with some glaze - it also doesn't matter which cookie recipe I use, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:22 PM Flag
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Right. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:24 PM Flag
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is there a time window when I can decorate? Right after? When they're completely cool? Next day? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:48 PM Flag
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Any time can decorate. Popular is royal icing - lots recipes can use Mirange powder or real egg whites with sugar. Takes st least 4 hours for icing to dry and set - depends how thick [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:14 AM Flag
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oh boy, 4 hours! thanks for the heads up and for all the tips! I got some cute cookie cutters from William Sonoma, so excited to implement all the tips! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:16 AM Flag
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Completely cool [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:36 AM Flag
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Just use Pilsbury sugar cookie dough [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:04 AM Flag
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do you have a rolling pin? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 04:13 AM Flag
[ - ] Starving. Ordered from the diner Caesar salad Penne vodka and buffalo chicken sandwich 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:00 PM Flag
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Enjoy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:05 PM Flag
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I ordered Indian food [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:06 PM Flag
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All three? Two out of three sound good to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:08 PM Flag
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Wish I could eat like that. Not that it's bad. It's a normal dinner. I just have to always limit calories to stay in my jeans. That would be an indulge meal for me - about one or two a week. Enjoy for me! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:10 PM Flag
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I always order extra food when I get dinner delivered. 1. Leftovers 2. This horrible insecurity that the restaurant will judge me for not making a big enough order. Yes, I’m crazy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:46 PM Flag
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I am so excited. Don't live in NYC and my favorite gourmet chinese place just went online. Game change! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:59 PM Flag
[ - ] How involved to people get in kids' school projects, longer term ones? Details in reply. 46 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:30 PM Flag
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Fifth grader has to create something, due Thursday, that I know will take multiple days. I talked to her once about what medium she will use, so I know multiple steps with drying time in between are involved. If she doesn't start today, she's basically screwed. Should I just let her sink or swim at this point? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:31 PM Flag
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I mean I'd definitely point that out to her- that with the multiple steps and drying time involved, she needs to start today if that's going to be her project. I'd offer to put on some Christmas music and help her get her supplies together, etc to make it fun. But if she refuses I wouldn't push it- she'll just have to learn the hard way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:38 PM Flag
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Remind her one more time. And warn her that you don't have time for anything mid week. She's capapble of figuring this part out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:35 PM Flag
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Sink or swim. It's for the best, longterm. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:33 PM Flag
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Not really. It depends on your kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:44 PM Flag
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Not if the kid really just doesn't know how or where to start, or how to plan how long it will take. You need to be taught that stuff. Once she is taught it, and she's 14 years old, then yes sink or swim. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:51 PM Flag
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Not true. Often teachers assign inappropriate projects that the children cannot possibly do on their own. When I point out the flaw, I’m told it’s “for the family” and it “will be fun.” Um... no. I’m not under your control and it is no it is not fun by any stretch. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:56 AM Flag
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Sit her down tonight and show her how to make a schedule. Tell her to put down all of the steps start to finish broken out by day if possible, then working backwards start with the day before the due date (and preferably two days before the due date to give a buffer for unexpected) work backwards to see when she needs to start. She needs to be explicitly taught this. Once this is in place, check in with her once a day to show her how to check off that she's done that day's step. That is totally appropriate and normal. I am teaching a 40 year old woman how to do this at work now. Would have been better if her mom did so when she was in 5th grade. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:40 PM Flag
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Am I crazy, when I was in school, teachers did this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:44 PM Flag
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For each kid's individual independent project? I could see for a project that was going to be the same for each student, but a teacher can't spend 10 minutes with each of 20 students to lay out their study plan for their very different individual projects. it's over 3 hours of class time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:49 PM Flag
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For papers? Outline, etc, first draft. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:52 PM Flag
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I don't think OP's kid is writing a paper if the project involves "multiple steps with drying time inbetween" and she apparently had a "choice of medium" to use. Meaning it's an art project, and it was an individualized/student choice of project. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:54 PM Flag
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OP: It's an art project in conjunction with study of an ancient culture. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:30 PM Flag
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I posted the suggestion and I don't remember being taught this at home or at school. I figured it out when I was older and I wish someone would have explicitly taught me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:50 PM Flag
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Kids sometimes have to be shown things more than once? Some kids need more help with learning to plan and organise? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:50 PM Flag
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This is excellent advice. Much better than sink or swim! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:44 PM Flag
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I'll just share this. I was in an elementary school looking at school projects on the wall. I had helped my kid a little by making suggestions and checking his text for errors. But it was REALLY clear which kids had parents who helped them, because my kid doesn't do projects like a 45 year old would do them. Also, though, the sadder part was when I saw projects that were clearly not helped by any adult at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:00 PM Flag
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UB for some reason shits on parents who help their kids with work, but YOU AS PARENTS ARE ALSO THEIR TEACHERS. You are teachers at home. You should be helping them at home where you can. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:01 PM Flag
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I have a sneaking suspicion sometimes that the campaign here to call involved parents "helicopters" with calls to "land the chopper" are sometimes just calls to throw your child to the wind for their education, like the "sink or swim" poster above. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:03 PM Flag
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Overall it is a good thing for parents to be involved. Children with involved parents do better in school, and in life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:03 PM Flag
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REally depends. If involved means doing work for kid, disagree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:09 PM Flag
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If a parent does work FOR their kid, then there is a natural wall in their future, which they will hit. You don't need to police it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:12 PM Flag
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Parents can't take the SATS for their kids. For example. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:25 PM Flag
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Weeellll.... that depends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:01 AM Flag
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np: Yes, it depends. I also think there's a correlation vs. causation issue here. I.e. parents with more education tend to dive in and get involved more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 03:58 AM Flag
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there's a strange subset of parents on this board. The kind who takes doors of hinges for a bit of snarkiness, the kind that somehow thinks that at 18 years old you cease to have any kind of meaningful parental relationship with your child, and yes, the sink or swim posters as well. I think these are the same, sad women who post incessantly about setting boundaries with every single person in their lives and cutting off family members. It's very black and white thinking on their part [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:08 PM Flag
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That's why I'm saying I'm not so sure it isn't one of those subtle social campaigns to make it a shameful thing to continue to parent your kids past the cutoff date of 18. Just like the subtle campaigns to never tolerate anything other than a perfect relationship (get divorced now!) and treating all health services like scams. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:17 PM Flag
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I am one of those people. The data is in our favor. Benign neglect was effective but cruel, and naturally, we wanted to go the other direction. We have gone too far. The consensus on here is not that you can't have a meaningful relationship with your child past 18, but that you shouldn't be helping them choose their college classes or contacting their professor when they missed a test because they were sick. And the rise of depression and self-loathing proves that you SHOULD cut off cruel and toxic relationships. Who on earth would argue that!?! I'll go toe-to-toe with anyone who says, "family is family!" as their MIL comes to their home and insults them repeatedly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:55 PM Flag
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np: I generally agree about not being involved in the lives of college students. But not sure what you mean about how the rise of depression and self-loathing proves that cutting off "toxic" family members is good. How are those two things related? I think you're kind of collapsing cause-and-effect here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 02:49 AM Flag
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Those are not sad projects (the one's without imput). My parents never worked with me on anything. I actually got good about stuff. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:36 PM Flag
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I'm really sorry your parents didn't care enough to work with you. I really am. You shouldn't have to talk about your childhood self in terms that basically imply you survived not having your parents give a shit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:45 PM Flag
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They cared--I just said they didn't help me with school work. I went to an Ivy. My dad taught me B&W photography. Not sure what you're being nasty about. I'm saying not every project without a parent's hand is "sad". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:46 PM Flag
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So ... your dad DID work with you to teach you photography? That's a bit distant from "my parents never worked with me on anything." An immediate contradiction, even. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:49 PM Flag
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I was talking school work. He was a photographer and on days I had to be with him at a shoot I was his helper. Why are you so invested in this? I was talking about a parent helping a child with an assignment for school. Sorry I was vague saying "with anything". But my parents to a large degree did not get involved with my social life or schoolwork. My dad was a hippie and we just were mellow about life. Capeesh? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:32 AM Flag
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"My parents never worked with me on anything" is a sad statement overall. It's like "my parents never gave me anything and I'm OK so I'm not going to give my kids anything either." It's a stupid statement on its face. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:47 PM Flag
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School work. Honestly you're being a little over the top. I grew up in the late 60's where moms and dads were not as helicopter parents as today. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:33 AM Flag
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My parents were hands off school for me too. Straight A student. I did just fine [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:21 AM Flag
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I love those all kid-made projects and don't see it as a reflection on the family at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 03:51 AM Flag
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OP: I had to step away for awhile (ironing) and am surprised at the long replies and debate. FWIW I wouldn't do the substance of the work -- hate those science fair projects that are obviously the parents' work. I just wonder if letting her screw this up would be beneficial long term (more beneficial than any success at one fifth grade project would be). Thanks for the lively engagement! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:27 PM Flag
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The answer is, consider yourself a 2nd teacher and behave like any teacher would. Guide, give ideas and suggestions. Learning should be both at home and at school. I've always been appalled by any suggestion that you should just let your kids "figure it out" on their own. Your kid's teachers have dozens of other kids. They can't possibly give the individual attention that you can. I would never homeschool, I don't have that structure or dedication, but your education SHOULD be also used to benefit your children. Chances are that for elementary and middle school education, your children are being taught with educators with similar or most likely lesser credentials than you have. I don't understand why you should not be able to help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:34 PM Flag
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Like I said above, if you do the work FOR your kids, there's a natural wall they hit if you are *really* doing that much work for them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:36 PM Flag
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Also, no, I'm not at all a Tiger mom. And my kids are grown. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:36 PM Flag
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I did my kids hw in elementary. SAT was 99th percentile. NBD [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:23 AM Flag
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not beneficial to let her screw up. there's nothing wrong with pointing out how a project timelime works. she's only 10 or 11, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:36 PM Flag
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I would not let her screw up. Supervise and help. But agree, do not do it for her in the form of acting as if you are a project partner as some parents do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 04:00 AM Flag
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I helped with display and formatting of history fair boards. DCs cannot cut a straight line on construction paper. Substance was 90% theirs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:14 AM Flag
[ - ] What time frame would you expect a cocktail party to occur? 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:15 PM Flag
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Put 6:00 - 8:00 on invitation and expect some to linger until 9:00. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:17 PM Flag
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Will people understand that if I say cocktail party during that time I won't be serving heavy, dinner food? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:26 PM Flag
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Yes. But it wouldn't be a bad idea to have one substantial thing to present at 8:30 -- a lasagna or something. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:27 PM Flag
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^^At least that is what my Emily Post Etiquette says, but it's from 1963. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:28 PM Flag
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something substantial but not a lasagna...keep it to cocktail foods..meatballs on stick, mini bruschetta, sliders even. You don't want to have to do plates, forks, whole entree thing. And would be weird to do lasagna without salad, rolls etc.-very un-cocktail party. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:26 PM Flag
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Np: I wouldn’t invite people for that time without having heavy apps [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:40 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:59 PM Flag
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6-8 is prime dinner time. Better have some hearty appetizers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:32 PM Flag
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huh, in NY 8 is prime dinner time. I would expect people to bolt a little before 8 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:38 PM Flag
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I would expect to eat between 6-8 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:18 AM Flag
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That's on the early side in the city. With kids, sure, but an adult event 6-8 is drinks only, with apps (you can do warm apps, which are great at this time of year). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:27 AM Flag
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Or 2am. That’s what time my cocktail parties last. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:20 PM Flag
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If you're not serving dinner food, I'd say 4-6 and expect some to linger until 7 or 8. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:40 PM Flag
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Four is weirdly early. You can't even wear your diamonds until 5. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:56 PM Flag
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She's not even serving food!!! It can't be like 6-9! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:22 AM Flag
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4? That's day drinking! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:28 AM Flag
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What is considered heavy appetizers? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:56 PM Flag
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Lots of fat and protein, meaty stuff. Not just crackers and crudités. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:28 AM Flag
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5:30-7 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:41 PM Flag
[ - ] I've been using up everything in the freezer and just found some pesto I made in 2015. Would you use it? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:14 PM Flag
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probably not [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:15 PM Flag
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Gross [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:20 PM Flag
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not unless you have a really special freezer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:25 PM Flag
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let a bit thaw and taste it. There's no reason those ingredients should "go bad" over time, but since pesto is about taste you should preview it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:37 PM Flag
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I'd try it. What do you have to lose? You are not going to get sick from it, but it might not taste great. Pasta is cheap. Live on the edge! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:39 PM Flag
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No. Ew. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:37 PM Flag
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I would not use from July 2018 either [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:16 AM Flag
[ - ] Any recs for a place to get laser hair removal in Brooklyn (preferably near Park Slope) ? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:13 PM Flag
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I live in Park Slope but go to Deify in Chelsea. It's convenient to the F train though! They do great work, as far as I can tell. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:14 PM Flag
[ - ] What does UB think of this apartment? Right price now? 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:12 PM Flag
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https://www.corcoran.com/nyc-real-estate/for-sale/park-slope/435a-9th-street-apt-3/5552375 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:12 PM Flag
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Do you think it's big enough for a family of three? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:12 PM Flag
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That bedroom is TINY for a child to live in forever. If it’s a starter apartment then it’s fine. The apt is nicely turned out in that rustic chic way but I have a 5 yo and that bedroom is too narrow, so that would be my issue. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:25 PM Flag
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Ideally, kids don't live at home forever ;) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:08 PM Flag
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This! My 15 y/o's bedroom is 6'x10' (originally the maid's room). Eventually, it will be my office again. For right now, there is a twin bed, a dresser, a small bookcase and a shit ton of shoes littering the floor. It's her, there is a door that closes and it's all good. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 03:57 AM Flag
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What about with a loft bed? It would fit across the shorter wall I think (7'4") [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:36 PM Flag
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It’s not a “starter” apartment. That’s obnoxious. It looks nice. I agree with the poster about the bathroom redo. Also noise check—-busy corner. What’s the building itself like? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:37 PM Flag
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Small. https://www.google.com/maps/place/435A+9th+St,+Brooklyn,+NY+11215/@40.6670707,-73.9819912,3a,75y,41.01h,90t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1suP6nPWXVxQyD9xkcIPQ1pA!2e0!7i16384!8i8192!4m5!3m4!1s0x89c25b0295f13765:0x94b9f426939f69da!8m2!3d40.6672035!4d-73.9818388 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:38 PM Flag
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Super. ugly and who wants to live on East 9th Street? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:25 PM Flag
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? Just 9th Street in Park Slope. Not the one in Williamsburgh or wherever. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:28 PM Flag
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NR: It’s in Park Slope not Manhattan so this is Brooklyn people. It’s not ugly, I mean the bathroom is blah but that’s an easy fix. You UB peeps are too uptight about real estate because of where you live. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:29 PM Flag
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This isn't a desirable address? Right on the subway and blocks from the park? I don't think it's an ideal time to buy anything now unless you get a big discount but I don't consider location to be a problem for this particular apt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:34 PM Flag
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It’s fine for the price. I wouldn’t want to live on such a busy corner though, make sure you gauge the noise level. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:36 PM Flag
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It looks small.... that kitchen looks almost too small to be functional, as does the 2nd bedroom. I'm not even sure that's a twin bed they have displayed it looks more like a toddler bed size [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:43 PM Flag
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I think it's cute and the price is decent. Kids don't need 3000sqft. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:44 PM Flag
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This. I would take a w/d over bigger kid's bedroom. I think storage available too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:47 PM Flag
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I think it's overpriced. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:47 PM Flag
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Zillow says $919k. Does that sound better? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:43 PM Flag
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Nice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 03:41 AM Flag
[ - ] We stopped hanging with our neighbor since the summer over our kids not getting along. Nothing major said or done, just not seeing/texting/staying in touch. I know I'll see the mom very soon and she'll say we must make plans etc. how rude would it be to say: I've noticed you didn't want to hang out with us so I didn't even bother. 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:05 PM Flag
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I wouldn't do that -- just see her if you want, let it go if you do'nt [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:06 PM Flag
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Pretty rude [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:07 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:13 PM Flag
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sheesh. What she will say is "we must make plans" and you say "yes, we should!" with a smile and then you guys move on and don't make plans. If your kids aren't getting along now, don't burn bridges but don't put pressure on the kids right now. In the future they may be more on the same page again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:07 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:11 PM Flag
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Op. lol I know it's rude and would be the end of any future relationship. I know some people who are so straightforward and I admire them for this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:09 PM Flag
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You are not being straightforward, though. You're being passive aggressive. Just nod your head and say "sounds great" ... and then don't follow through if you don't want to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:13 PM Flag
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Direct, but tactless is nothing to aspire to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:14 PM Flag
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Straightforward would be - Jane I have noticed we haven’t been able to get together much. Is there a problem? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:24 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:26 PM Flag
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That's not straightforward, it's passive aggressive and rude. Say "you want to make plans? I'd love to. I noticed you didn't seem interested in getting together earlier this fall, was anything wrong?" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:45 PM Flag
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It sounds like it's you who don't want to hang out with her? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:27 PM Flag
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Don't do this. This is rude/aggressive and it won't go well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:52 PM Flag
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I ran into a guy I briefly dated at the market. I'd dumped him bec he said something racist. He doesn't know why I dumped him. Anyway, at the market after short pleasantries he says, 'Lets keep in touch.' I said, 'Ah, no.' and walked away. I don't get why people would suggest silly things for the sake of something to say. That's passive aggressive and socially awkward. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:11 PM Flag
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what was the racist thing that he said? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:35 PM Flag
[ - ] Today I went outside to grab my uber. A woman stopped me asking for help finding Sloan Kettering. I couldn’t really help her. She was looking for an address that didn’t exist. I asked her which building. She said the hospital. I typed in Sloan Kettering hospital into my phone and it said 67&york. She insisted it was york between 67/68. I said there was no york between 57/58 because it’s sutton there. I felt bad but at the same time it was raining, I tried to help and I had somewhere to be. How awful am I on a 1-10 scale? 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:02 PM Flag
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0 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:05 PM Flag
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Not horrible unless she was visibly weeping. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:05 PM Flag
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Not weeping. Very old. But so incredibly lost. If she’s demented she should have had someone give her a paper with the address of where she was going. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:07 PM Flag
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I can’t give directions to la la land. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:07 PM Flag
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OR: Sounds like someone gave her the address by phone and she mis-heard. If she wasn't willing to be corrected to 67 from 57, not much you could do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:16 PM Flag
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You're not awful. Next time direct her to a doorman or someone who can help her find her way. Stop burdening yourself with false guilt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:07 PM Flag
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Sloan Kettering is on York between 67th and 68th. I don't understand what the confusion is [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:11 PM Flag
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Sorry. She insisted it was 57/58. I see the typo. And i said this isn’t even york ave! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:15 PM Flag
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It's impossible to help someone making no sense when you're sidetracked in rain. Don't beat yourself up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:18 PM Flag
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At least you tried to help. She can always pop into a store and ask someone else when she gets closer. NBD [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:32 PM Flag
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This. Most likely she doesn't need to be there right on the dot of a certain time. If she'd been en route to a job interview that would be different. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:34 PM Flag
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You’re not awful but I don’t think your funeral service will go over the scheduled time due to overwhelming testimony about what a wonderful person you are. Shrug. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:06 AM Flag
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omg [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 03:46 AM Flag
[ - ] Looking for advice for those who have BTDT. DH had an affair. He ended it. It was brief and he is remorseful. Communication has been better than ever and he acts all Lovey-dovey. While I don't bring it up and I try to be in the moment, my issue is that it happened. One moment I'm fine and the next I'm thinking "Who are you?" You were lying and capable of lying. I don't know who I'm married to. Can someone be unfaithful and still love their DW? 63 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 09:59 PM Flag
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Weird, I just asked the same question below [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:00 PM Flag
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He slept with her? How long was the affair? How did you find out? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:02 PM Flag
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It only lasted a few months and was very infrequent. He ended it and then told me two months later. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:07 PM Flag
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He’s an asshole for telling you. He should have silently vowed to himself never to do it again and gone to his grave w the secret. He has passed the burden on to you. Weak. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 03:09 AM Flag
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did you chase after him, or give him an engagement ultimatum? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:02 PM Flag
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Wtf? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:21 PM Flag
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We're married so no I didn't chase after him. He begged me not to leave him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:30 PM Flag
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when you were dating [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:35 PM Flag
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No. He pursued me. I even broke up with him at one point and he pursued me endlessly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:25 PM Flag
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He likes the thrill of the chase. Hence the serial infidelity. Np [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:53 PM Flag
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good question. In other words, was he ever that into you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:26 PM Flag
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How did you find out? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:03 PM Flag
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Most women who've been cheated on will say, "no". Most men who cheated on their wives will say, "yes". Most other women, especially prostitutes, will say, "yes". It all depends on who you choose to believe. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:04 PM Flag
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Well said. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:54 PM Flag
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If you cant get over it, dump him now so you stop wasting everyone's time. The more you act indignant while he is trying to make amends, the more likely he will give it up and cheat again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:04 PM Flag
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Yes, women should never be angry, or take time to process their DH's hurtful behavior, because men don't like that. It's important to make men happy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:23 PM Flag
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This is true! And if the DH cheats, or leaves her, it is always her fault. There is no way the DH should be blamed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:32 PM Flag
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OK, fine, let him stray again- I suppose you never reward your kids with positive reinforcement for desired behavior. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:44 PM Flag
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All true, maybe a few weeks ago, but maybe not once he has been on the remorseful track for a while. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:43 PM Flag
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Disgustingly true! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:19 AM Flag
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He might think he loves you but what kind of love is ok with lying and hurting someone so badly? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:05 PM Flag
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How was your marriage before the affair? Would he have been justified in saying you were neglecting him or putting work and kids ahead of him? If nothing was wrong and he strayed anyway I would assume he might do so again. How did you find out about the affair? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:06 PM Flag
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Yes it was strained. I have posted on here before. One of my parents died and I went into a combination of grief/depression. He was neglected but it was a big life shock for me. He should have been there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:27 PM Flag
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Wow, he has behaved like a child. So selfish. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:38 PM Flag
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Men aren’t good at being supportive. Sadly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:41 PM Flag
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This. My husband is as energetic and helpful as anyone, but about a month after my mother died I could tell he was ready for a normal wife again. They can't help it -- it's how they're wired. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:51 PM Flag
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Bullshit. We need to stop making excuses for men's bad behavior. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:22 AM Flag
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Their not being women is not bad behavior. They just aren't women. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:22 AM Flag
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It’s not about making excuses. They are more selfish than women. Not as nurturing. Can’t change that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:37 AM Flag
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This is you trying to justify your own crappy husband. My DH was raised by progressive parents and he is the most supportive, helpful person you have ever met. Men behave the way they’re socialized to behave. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 02:53 AM Flag
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umm, ok [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 03:49 AM Flag
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You sound old and out of touch. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 04:32 AM Flag
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How long ago was the affair? It takes a while to move on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:13 PM Flag
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No [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:17 PM Flag
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If you are better off with him, then stay. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:36 PM Flag
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NNP: My thinking is this- if he really loved you he never would have told you. I know that sounds weird but if he realized it was a mistake and he ended it- then why burden you with the knowledge? What did he have to gain? A smart man would have kept his mouth shut. Just my opinion. Maybe you should go see a therapist to work through this and or sort out what your real feelings are about DH now you know him to be this person. Also if you don’t have kids yet I would leave. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 10:36 PM Flag
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Thank you. We have two tweens. They do not know. He said he told me because of how close we are (were) and he never wanted any secrets between us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:28 PM Flag
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What a sweetheart. Pity it didn't stop him having sex with someone else. Truly, he's got a guilty conscience, and so he told you about it. He knew it was wrong, and he did it anyway. You have a right to be angry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:35 PM Flag
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LOL. I like you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:14 AM Flag
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Hmm. He told you in order to relieve his guilt and to put you on the defensive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:42 PM Flag
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and numb and dumb. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:27 AM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:38 AM Flag
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He is full of shit. He is handing you the pain he thinks you deserve. THIS is what you need to explore in 1:1 therapy. Not "why did he stray?" but "why did he tell you about it?" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:24 AM Flag
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AND while you are numbed out in pain, you will fail to notice that he is beginning another relationship. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:26 AM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:38 AM Flag
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of course you can love your wife and have an affair. What kinds of responses are these? giving in to your temptation says a lot about your character, but not much about your love for your spouse. The fact that he came clean to you means he has a conscience and was extremely remorseful. You need to decide if you want to be married or not. Because if you do, then you'll need to work towards putting this behind you. You can't use it to bludgeon him for the rest of his life. He's got his part to play in helping you get over it, and it would be good for you to understand WHY he had the affair in case there are deficits in your relationship you need to address. It can definitely get better, but the period before the dawn can be dark indeed. GL. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:01 PM Flag
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No, Coming clean means he has a guilty conscience. That's all. So, he knew it was wrong, and he did it anyway. Weak. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:30 PM Flag
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Everyone who cheats knows it's wrong. Everyone who cheats is weak. Not everyone who cheats confesses and apologizes. This suggests he's capable of sufficient remorse to make positive changes easier than someone who was just caught. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:37 PM Flag
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No. He apologized to relieve guilt [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:41 AM Flag
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Undoubtedly. That doesn’t change the truth of what I said. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 03:22 AM Flag
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People make mistakes. I would try couples therapy and see if you can forgive him/trust again. I do not think it’s a given that he will do this again. You need to work on your marriage of course. And if you want to leave him that’s ok too. But I wouldn’t do anything until couples therapy. Give yourself some time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.16.18, 11:45 PM Flag
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?? Having sex with someone isn't a "mistake." It's a huge character flaw that you cannot control yourself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:13 AM Flag
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True. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:41 AM Flag
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Eh. Because it happened once doesn’t mean it’s destined to happen for all time. Kids drink to excess throughout college. Most don’t end up incapacitated alcoholics. Some people cheat once and never again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 03:25 AM Flag
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?? Kids who are alcoholics in college end up being alcoholics. Who knows how many times he'll cheat. The point is, it was not a mistake, like something that just occurred and caused him to make a bad decision in the moment. It is a fundamental glitch in a person's soul when they can obliterate love, trust, obligation and pride without stopping themselves first. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 04:00 AM Flag
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Obviously people who are alcoholics in college are alcoholics as adults. You missed the point entirely, which is that some people drink to excess and DON'T become alcoholics. Just because you show bad judgment once, or for a stage in your life, doesn't mean you're destined to repeat the error for the rest of your life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 04:23 AM Flag
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Do yourself a favor - don't listen to us. Responses will be all over the place depending on the poster's personal view, which will be filtered by their relationship in the past, and life. Everyone is different. Some men can be trusted after an affair, some men cannot. We really don't know what the case is with yours. Only you will know this, and you might not know it now. But you will eventually. At some point when you least expect it that little voice will tell you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:14 AM Flag
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I think the answer is yes, a man (or woman) can have an affair and still love their spouse. The real question is whether or not you and the marriage can move forward. It's not as simple as being apologetic and lovey-dovey. It's a matter of him coming to terms with the pain and betrayal and developing an understanding of why he cheated so that he knows what his vulnerabilities are in the future. I've BTDT and an apology just wasn't enough. Certainly I was glad he was remorseful, but it didn't change *my* reality; I was reeling and was emotionally distraught. What ultimately helped was DH taking responsibility and building trust brick by brick. This is a case where actions speak louder than words. Apologies are a starting point, but that's all they are. Beyond that, he needs to *show* you that he's worthy of another chance. And it took time--at least a year--before things were truly better and another 6-12 months beyond that before I felt like we had established a new normal. And yes, the "who are you?" feelings (and the anger) are a normal part of the process. Good luck. It's rough. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 12:42 AM Flag
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It has nothing to do with you or whether he loves you. He is not a kind or good person. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:10 AM Flag
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I just wanted to say I don't have the answer but I really feel for you. You must feel so sad about your parent and betrayed by the person who was supposed to take care of you a. in general but b. especially when they are gone. I really think you probably need counseling overall and like a poster below said, none of us have any idea what the answer is to this. The answer is within you somewhere, and him. But overall you deserve support right now and should throw money at getting it and get a lot of it. Maybe you already are. And think about taking a week or so by yourself somewhere warm and just think and be with your thoughts and kind of heal - if you can afford it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 01:56 AM Flag
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No good advice for you. My dh cheated twelve years ago with a prostitute told me about it and claimed it was a one time mistake and was very angry if I ever brought it up that I was judging based on something that was not who he was anymore . Come to find out 6 months ago he had repeated the behavior multiple times over the past tw o years all while calling me crazy for suspecting he was being unfaithful. We are now getting divorced, I guess I wish we has ten years ago but it wold have been harder to raise the kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 02:32 AM Flag
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Personally, I could never go back. Never. May the force be with you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 02:43 AM Flag
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I think a spouse, male or female, can love his/her partner and be unfaithful. Only you know your relationship w DH. I would look at it like this: Obviously no affair is best. No resentment and healthy coping, while you were grieving, while he was dealing with loneliness or lack of your attention or your depression, while you are processing his affair, etc is best. You both need better ways to deal with stress in life, as does most everyone. Work on this, individually or together. Also ask if you really would have preferred to know about the affair, and was it the right approach by DH. Did he tell you for his sake, yours, or the relationship. Sorry and good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.17.18, 03:33 AM Flag
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