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[ - ] Stiletto nails - yea? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:49 PM Flag
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God no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:50 PM Flag
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Short ones? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:50 PM Flag
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Ugly. Sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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Definitely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:52 PM Flag
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I don't know - I wouldnt think yea but I saw someone at the salon getting them and they looked kind of awesome in a natural color. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:53 PM Flag
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How could you do anything without scratching yourself? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:54 PM Flag
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I could not... can't do that to my feet! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:06 PM Flag
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If you want your nails to scream "fashion victim." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:27 PM Flag
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Not allowed: they could be used as weapons, I suppose. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:56 PM Flag
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yuck [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 05:01 PM Flag
[ - ] Your 8 yo ds is rude to you during a family/friends get together with other kids. Major backtalking or similar. Do you, a) send him to his room in front of everyone thereby embarrassing him or, b) wait until later, take him aside and talk to him sternly? This did not happen so no more details but, always a possibility. 40 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:40 PM Flag
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I like public humiliation. Or take him to the bedroom in real time and talk to him there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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op - I'm more wondering about the public humiliation part of it. I think it's effective but, wondering what others think....guess you do too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:46 PM Flag
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It's terrible and awful to do that to a kid - trust me on that one. The people who do it are sick people who get off on throwing their power around. There are clearly ways to discipline your kid privately without making him the object of ridicule of everyone around. I'm continually surprised by people who think it's totally fine to treat their kids in ways that would be totally unacceptable to anyone else they've ever met. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:48 PM Flag
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Don't listen to this guy. Overly dramatic much? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:53 PM Flag
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How do you know I'm a guy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:56 PM Flag
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He's not an object of ridicule. He's being disciplined for bad behavior. Cut and dry. If he has a conscience, he will feel some shame. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:54 PM Flag
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Permissive parenting makes snowflakes. Go ahead and let your snowflake backtalk to you in front of friends and family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:59 PM Flag
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And the parenting you're proposing leads to conversations like this - "yeah, my son really does love living in Denver. He's having a wonderful time there - he just called me a few weeks ago and said he's been doing a lot of hiking. Usually he gets home for a few days at the holidays unless he's swamped at work, so I'm hoping to see him in a month or so." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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Kids love and respect boundaries. I think the permissive parent is more likely to end up with the pot-smoking ski bum in Denver. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:05 PM Flag
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Yes, they do. They don't love and respect being made an example of in front of their whole family when they have absolutely no power to fight back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:06 PM Flag
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You don't need to fight back when you're being disciplined. If you don't want to be disciplined, don't give your parents major back talking. It's that simple. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:10 PM Flag
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op - no one "let's it happen" - it just happens and we all deal with it different ways. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:03 PM Flag
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wow i really wouldn't trust this advice. kids need to know this behavior is 100% unacceptable and if you take them to the side later they will probably already have forgotten about the incident and just nod and pretend to listen so you'll shut up more quickly. much, much worse things happen to a kid than being sent to their room when friends/family are over. i was spanked in front of others and i don't look back with shame, although i wouldn't spank my kids. i adore my parents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:31 PM Flag
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Same here! If they let me backtalk them in public I would have had zero respect for them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:38 PM Flag
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Would not do public humiliation. Would take him out of earshot and warn him thast if he didn't pull it together instatly, that I would have to ask him, in front of everyone, to go to9 his room. If that happened (which it wouldn't, I don't think) I would be very civil and polite and just say, I think you should go take a break in your room. You seem like you're a little upset about something and it is making you speak rudely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:14 PM Flag
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Send him to his room immediately. Who cares about him feeling embarrassed, he knows better not to talk back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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THIS. But you need to lay groundwork first. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:54 PM Flag
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Talk about it beforehand. Make sure he knows that there are rules and table manners that must be adhered to. he gets one warning. He will need to apologize to you for backtalk. If the back talk continues, he goes into a time out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:53 PM Flag
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op - beforehand? he knows never to talk back (as I assume most kids know) because we definitely talk about it in a general sense and whenever it happens [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:58 PM Flag
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Eh, you can always remind him of proper behavior... he's 8... you need to learn to do this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:07 PM Flag
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You're talking about Thanksgiving, right? So, Thanksgiving morning, remind him to be on his best behavior and tell him if he's good you'll let him stay in his pjs til noon on Friday and watch a movie when he wakes up. This isn't rocket science. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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^^And if not, the consequences will be inversely un-fun [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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+ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 05:30 PM Flag
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In front of everyone, immediately after it happens and in a stern but calm voice, say "Joseph, may Inspeak to you privately?" Pull the kid aside and correct the behavior. Tell him he will be punished for it later ( and be sure to follow through). This way, he gets a taste of the public humiliation (for being pulled aside), everyone listening sees that you don't stand for that crap, and you don't have to lose it/ruin the day, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:55 PM Flag
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op - this makes sense [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:57 PM Flag
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Or- my mom did it this way. It was very effective. She would pull us aside and be quietly reaming us out, but no one was the wiser. We weren't mortified in front of family/friends but it was a check on our behavior nonetheless. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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You know what's embarrassing? Allowing your eight year old child to talk back and be rude to you. Your friend and family will cringe over that before you disciplining him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:58 PM Flag
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This! So embarrassing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:02 PM Flag
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op - we don't "allow" that to happen. kids aren't perfect -it's our job to set down rules and then there are consequences for not following them. I'm not above thinking my sweet boy will never talk back to me amongst friends. am I crazy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:02 PM Flag
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Meanwhile, I had this exact situation (my 8 year old talking back) and I did address it. It led to me getting a lecture from an older family member who I respect very much about how (1) my kids are getting mouthy, (2) I need to remember the big picture that they are very good kids, (3) he understands that I feel pressure to address it in front of other family members lest I be judged as too lenient, and (4) it's okay to use ignoring it as a tool in my arsenal. Puzzle that one out for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:02 PM Flag
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op - what? strange advice, esp #4 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:05 PM Flag
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Ha! He probably was a non involved dad himself and over compensating with the younger generation of children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:17 PM Flag
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Agree. It's so uncomfortable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 05:31 PM Flag
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You know what I realize? It's all about you. I had a mother like this, and every time she belittled and embarrassed us in front of others it was because SHE felt embarrassed. Reaming out your kids in front of others is about you maintaining your reputation as a "good" parent - "see, I don't let my kids talk back to me!" It doesn't really have anything to do with helping your kid realize why he was wrong, but it makes you feel a lot better at his expense. If that works for you, keep on keeping on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:05 PM Flag
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op - what is your solution then? I do believe in being stern and quick to give consequences so, what to do? I obviously posted this because I don't have all the answers [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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In my case, I get up from the table and bring him to the other room to explain how he's being inappropriate, that I'm disappointed in him, and that if it continues I'll be taking away whatever his toy of the moment is. Then I leave him alone in the other room to think about it. After a few minutes he comes in sheepishly and asks me if I'm going to really take away his toy, and I say "well, that's up to you, I guess. Are you going to change your behavior?" And he usually does. In all this stuff though I'm a big proponent of employing an attitude of "I'm a grownup and I don't have time for your baby games" method. I'm a fucking adult - I don't need or want to spend my time screaming at an 8 year old to make a point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:12 PM Flag
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What's wrong with a little chastising when it happens but not enough to embarrass? I like discipline but I don't approve of public shaming. Why are rules different for kids? Then, later, I'd let him have it in terms of how angry you were and what his punishment is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:15 PM Flag
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I pull aside or whisper "I do not want to embarrass you in front of your friends, but if you make me, I will." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:30 PM Flag
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If it is once in a long time, I'd give him a look and say, "Excuse me?" Let him apologize and move on. If it's been getting to be a habit, I'd say, "You are not allowed to talk to me like that. Now, you don't get X," and move on. If it was something horrible, like, "I hate you" or "Get off my back" or something, I'd drop everything and personally escort him to his room. Then, he'd stay there for a long time and lose a lot of privileges. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:37 PM Flag
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Send to room. Maybe not after the first incident, depending on what was said, but definitely any time thereafter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 05:31 PM Flag
[ - ] So what was the supposed scandal brewing with Brearley? Anyone? 63 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 11.24.14, 03:35 PM Flag
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Molestation. That was what was posted last night. I have no skin in the game. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:34 PM Flag
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Yikes. Link? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:37 PM Flag
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Good luck. The search engine is impossible here. They said it was a middle school girl, I think. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:35 PM Flag
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Scary. And to think they've gone a few years without a scandal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:38 PM Flag
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Isn't that the kick in the head school? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:37 PM Flag
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Yup. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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Well, I'm glad I'm not spending 40k for that shit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:38 PM Flag
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Give me a break. There are bad apples everyone. It's how the school handles the bad apple that matters. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:41 PM Flag
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Uh... still. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:54 PM Flag
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Brearley handled the kick in the head scandal very poorly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 05:02 PM Flag
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Did the teacher get fired or is this just a rumor? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:42 PM Flag
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I have no idea, this is based on last nights post. There was a whole debate about how they aren't supposed to talk about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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Why do schools do this? Try to hush things up? Because that worked out so well with the Halloween party head kicking incident, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:11 PM Flag
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link please! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:46 PM Flag
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oh who cares. it's not going to keep people from listing the school as their top 3 backup options. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:37 PM Flag
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as a top 3 backup option [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:38 PM Flag
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You mean the mysterious disappearance of the former HOS? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:37 PM Flag
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Stop. It's all rumour. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:36 PM Flag
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Do not discuss. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:45 PM Flag
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Oh pish. The scandal is the Brearley mom who mortified her daughter by having sex with two teenage boys [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:46 PM Flag
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Was the mom who did this married? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:46 PM Flag
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Yes, similar to the Eric McLean case. In that case, the father discovered what the mom was doing and shot the teenage boy that was servicing his wife, Eric served only 28 days in jail after being sentenced to jail for reckless homicide in the shooting death of his wife’s teenaged lover. He was later awarded custody of his two sons and his ex-wife was ordered to pay child support. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:48 PM Flag
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Now that's a real Lifetime movie. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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When did this happen? That would have made the news. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:01 PM Flag
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WHY DOES THIS MATTER?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:55 PM Flag
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Was she pretty? What's wrong with these people? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:57 PM Flag
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That must have taken her 10 whole minutes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:46 PM Flag
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What took ten minutes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:49 PM Flag
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I was joking, fucking 2 teenage boys would take about 10 minutes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:48 PM Flag
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I think this joker is saying that teeenage boys do not have staying power [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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Yes. Sorry. Bad joke. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:50 PM Flag
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i thought it was a great joke [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:55 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:57 PM Flag
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Aww, thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:56 PM Flag
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What! Were the boys the dds friends? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:56 PM Flag
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No, it was a brearley mom and a teenage girl from nightingale. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:04 PM Flag
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That was two years ago. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:03 PM Flag
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np: yes but please don't discuss on a public board. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:30 PM Flag
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WTF?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:07 PM Flag
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Nightingale girls are hot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:13 PM Flag
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No way, that was a Chapin mom and a three headed goat. Don't you remember? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:22 PM Flag
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Wait, the father discovered that his wife was having sex with a top tier teenage boy and shot dead the teenage boy and then the father was awarded full custody of the kids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:50 PM Flag
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Wait, the father discovered that his wife was having sex with a top tier teenage boy and shot dead the teenage boy and then the father was awarded full custody of the kids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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What? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:49 PM Flag
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What? Link to the man [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:11 PM Flag
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link!! please! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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txs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:09 PM Flag
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No real info there, just more speculation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:12 PM Flag
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Omg! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:15 PM Flag
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If my husband found out that i was having sex with the teenage brothers of my DD's friends my husband's reaction would be to shoot me, not to shoot those teenage boys [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:16 PM Flag
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FUCK YOU CHAPIN MOM [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:14 PM Flag
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What makes you so sure it's a Chapin mom and not that anti-brearley Trinity mom? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:19 PM Flag
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there's more than one anti-brearley mom from trinity. most of them just are ss school bashers [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:23 PM Flag
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Sad commentary on this site that that some bash schools so often that they're recognizable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:25 PM Flag
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SS school spammers should stop posting and listing their schools with top coeds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:31 PM Flag
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Sadly, brearley has some haters within its own parent body. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:51 PM Flag
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the ones pissed off at the admin and their handling of the head-kicking incident? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:54 PM Flag
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that and the dire facilities down wind from the garbage dump [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 05:24 PM Flag
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This thread cracks me up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:40 PM Flag
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Why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:45 PM Flag
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It's a total cat fight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 05:24 PM Flag
[ - ] Recommendation for a weight loss clinic in NYC? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:34 PM Flag
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Cut out sugar and eat dinner 3 hours before bed [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:32 PM Flag
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and cut wheat - add fats and veggies as well as meat - op will lose weight [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:58 PM Flag
[ - ] Prek/K admissions: do they wait until all playdates for every child are over to make their decisions or do they know if they'll accept/waitlist you as soon as you leave? Is it better to have playdates earlier vs. later (November vs. January)? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 11.24.14, 03:31 PM Flag
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How would anyone know the answer to this? That aside, we did some late playdates for TT schools in December and got in. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:32 PM Flag
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Nothing is final until the end but I think it's safe to assume the playdate will effect whether you are in the probably yes, probably no or maybe pile until the admissions committee meets at the very end. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:43 PM Flag
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They clearly don't decide that early since the school report isn't even in yet, and the school report is the most important thing. That said, they might basically eliminate some kids barring an unbelievably good school report. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:08 PM Flag
[ - ] Best stroller for db? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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Ergo & Maclaren. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:29 PM Flag
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UppaBaby [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:06 PM Flag
[ - ] Grammar moms: please correct this sentence. Myself and my assistant are available to meet ... Why is it so awkward? TIA! 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:27 PM Flag
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My assistant and I are available to meet (?) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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My assistant and I are available [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:26 PM Flag
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yup [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:34 PM Flag
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"My assistant and I are available to meet" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:27 PM Flag
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Lets do math next! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:27 PM Flag
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Let's;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:36 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:48 PM Flag
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My assistant and I... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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Misuse of the word myself is my grammar pet peeve. When in doubt, remove the other person and then say the sentence again. You would never say Myself is available to meet. There is your answer (and word it the way the people above all said). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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NP: it just reminds me of Austin Powers - "allow myself to introduce...myself." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:31 PM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:30 PM Flag
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haha [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:49 PM Flag
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Stupid football players always seem to say "myself" in post-game interviews in an attempt to appear "intelligent." Bugs me big time! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:37 PM Flag
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They also rape and knock women out, but I can see why that would be the big annoying thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:41 PM Flag
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Also, don't put YOU first. YUCK [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:56 PM Flag
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Because you never use "myself" like that. You also refer to yourself second. "My assistant and I...." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:30 PM Flag
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my assistant and I [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:34 PM Flag
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College graduate? High school? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:33 PM Flag
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Seems highly unlikely [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:49 PM Flag
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"Myself" is a reflexive pronoun, and what you are looking for is a personal pronoun in the nominative case, namely the pronoun "I". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:37 PM Flag
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The correct use of myself is as an object in a sentence where the subject is "I". I gave one piece of pie to my son, one to myself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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Well, you don't give a piece of pie to yourself, but.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:43 PM Flag
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I am available to meet... I mean, really, why mention the assistant at all? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:41 PM Flag
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Why not? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:56 PM Flag
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Myself is a reflexive pronoun, you use it to 'reflect back' to an already used pronoun - like "I myself hate the misuse of myself' or at least that's how it was explained to me when I learned English. I think of it as a mirror pronoun, if there is nothing in the mirror already don't use a reflexive pronoun. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:50 PM Flag
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WHAT? You have an assistant and you don't know BASIC grammar? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:55 PM Flag
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Maybe OP is the assistant and is writing something on behalf of her boss. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:06 PM Flag
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It's awkward b/c myself is a reflexive pronoun. You should only use it to modify a verb that refers to you (I made it myself, I'll get it myself) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:12 PM Flag
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Owww, my ears!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:37 PM Flag
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OMG [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:48 PM Flag
[ - ] Gingko Biloba supplements - do they work in terms of improving short-term memory / organization? I am one of those people who misplaces keys or forgets small things on a regular basis. Usually I have it under control but when I screw up, it tends to be a few things at a time in a cluster and it drives DH (very organized person) insane. I've always been this way, and I hate it. Help. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:26 PM Flag
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Herbal supplements have not been proven to work. Changing your habits has been shown to work, in people who really want to change. Start with a shelf or bowl inside the front door where you stop, think, and then put your keys/wallet/accessories there every time. Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it every fifteen minutes, or set an alarm on your phone every fifteen minutes, to remind you to pay attention to what you are doing and not end up on autopilot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:36 PM Flag
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hmmm - have never tried those last two. thanks for the idea. I was thinking of putting cards at the front door and on my nightstand with a list of things which I should know where they are at bedtime and without which I should not leave the apartment. e.g. "Keys, wallet, phone," etc. What happens is I conquer my issues for a while and think I'm fine, or that I actually fixed something about myself, and stop reminding myself, and then bam, I screw up 3 or 4 things inside of a couple of days. Hate it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:15 PM Flag
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no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:35 PM Flag
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watching this post. I am the same. I have ADD and took Adderall and it worked but I don't like the side effects. I researched and heard that fish oil helps with memory and attention so I've been taking it...that is if I don't lose the bottle haha [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:45 PM Flag
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I use them sometimes and it seems to help. It might be placebo, but it works for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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they helped me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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No. Snake oil film flam. But if you want to waste your money, go ahead. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:30 PM Flag
[ - ] Dd might have the flu. Will confirm shortly. Should I cancel thanksgiving? No kids coming other than ours 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:24 PM Flag
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You should tell everyone the situation and explain you will keep him in the bedroom when guests are their. But leave it up to them whether they want to come. Some people care a lot about illness and others not at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:26 PM Flag
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Tell them NOW. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:57 PM Flag
[ - ] Thoughts on PS166? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:24 PM Flag
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It's a good school...do you have specific questions? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 05:21 PM Flag
[ - ] is it possible to make a wishlist for a school? need to start having parents donate snacks for kids so would like to use amazon or diapers.com or something. any parents have experience with this? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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donorschoose.org [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:23 PM Flag
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Our teachers have wish lists on Amazon. Donors choose is really to raise money from other than parents and isn't really right to use for supplies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:24 PM Flag
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ITA. I saw my dd's school and a desirable D2 high school have donorschoose projects and are listed as "high poverty." WTF. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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In their defense, donor's choose automatically designates that status. They see NYC, which has a certain % above poverty line, and designate the region. But that is why teachers shouldn't use it to get thinmgs from their own group of parents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:29 PM Flag
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seriously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:40 PM Flag
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If so many families cannot afford to provide food for their children, to the extent that the class needs donations to provide snacks, I'd say that's high poverty. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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They used to ask one parent to have snack week and provide snacks for whole class in my public, and mnoney was no issue. Always thought it was odd. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:17 PM Flag
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I think the younger kids have snack time... the schools provide free lunch at lunch. This is different [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:17 PM Flag
[ - ] DH is jewish and grew up with Hanukkah and I'm not but always had christmas. Neither of us are particularly religious - but we both kind of want our DC to experience both. I'd love to have the mystery of santa bringing the presents etc but at the same time want to include Hanukkah some how. Anyone have any success celebrating both holidays in their home? and if so how do you do it. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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Growing up we did both. It was fine, lots of fun. As my mother says "you can never have too much celebration." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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We do both. Neither is religious. DC now 5 is psyched to get extra holidays so not a big deal. We do Chanukah and bruchas. We have a small tree. It's just all festive and fun. When DC asks if Santa is real we just say "no one really knows". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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Hanukkah Harry on Christmas and Santa on Hanukkah. Change it up a little. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:31 PM Flag
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DH is jewish, and we have a tree and a menorah. Practically all of DD's classmates are from interfaith families anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:33 PM Flag
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what school? just curious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:34 PM Flag
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Every one: elementary, MS and HS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:55 PM Flag
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We did both, but in the end Christmas sort of won out. Hanukkah seemed more like a religious holiday and we weren't raised religious at all, so the rituals didn't mean anything to us. Whereas Christmas can be totally divorced from religion, and just about Santa, presents and a big dinner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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We celebrate both - Jewish dh and agnostic (but from Christian family) me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:01 PM Flag
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We do the traditions of each- a small treat/family fun for Hanukkah and gifts on Xmas. Hanukkah isn't one of the more religious holidays, like Yom Kippur. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:31 PM Flag
[ - ] Please help me brainstorm why dh's brother's wife would call my dh all the time? 36 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:18 PM Flag
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They are having an affair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:18 PM Flag
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yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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That is beyond messed up. Step mom, I mean aunt. Step dad, I mean uncle... WTF. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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You think that doesn't happen??? I have a bridge to sell you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:23 PM Flag
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Pretty sure it does. The kids are going to need some major therapy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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Are you a by product of this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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LOL no, but I know 3 different families where something like this has happened. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:30 PM Flag
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I'm picturing fucking my BIL right now and I am nauseous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:53 PM Flag
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Maybe his brother is sick? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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They like each other and have a good in-law relationship? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:23 PM Flag
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Survey says: X [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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aw, you're sweet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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Only recently or consistently over time? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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Consistently [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:30 PM Flag
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That's pretty strange. Do you think they are sexually attracted to each other? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:35 PM Flag
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Yes she liked him when they first met and were all single but she ended up with her dh because she thought he was my dh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:48 PM Flag
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Are they twins? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:57 PM Flag
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They have a bad marriage or your BILL is abusive? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:24 PM Flag
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Hmmm, no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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They don't have normal boundaries and one of them is enjoying a sexual charge from the other. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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THIS x1000000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:58 PM Flag
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We need more context. How long has this been going on? Does your DH keep it secret or seem flustered when she calls? How long has she been in the family? What do they seem to talk about? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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We've been married two years and it has been going on the whole time. She doesn't call here, only at work. She has been in the family for about 10 years. They talk about her kids, what she's cooking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:31 PM Flag
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They could be friends? Who knows. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:32 PM Flag
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She kind of treats my husband like a servant or additional husband. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:34 PM Flag
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And she was around 8 years before you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:35 PM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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My guess is your DH was the sad bachelor and they all got to be really good friends and then you came along and she doesn't like you but is still close with him. Or they are banging. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:46 PM Flag
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I experienced something very similar with my ex-husband and SIL. They even had pet names for one another and would embrace like long lost lovers at family gatherings. Never found out if they were doing the deed, but their relationship was sure icky. Have you talked to DH about how you feel? What does he say? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:12 PM Flag
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Ask your DH. Are they all close? they known each other since high school? Grew up together? Is your BIL nice? Are you nice? You probably know the answer to this question. May be an affair, may be a nice family relationship that is perfectly normal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:29 PM Flag
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I'm just annoyed that she doesn't call me. And she asked him to talk off of work to babysit for her kid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:34 PM Flag
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Maybe she doesn't like you. You do seem suspicious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:33 PM Flag
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Babysit her kid? NFW. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:03 PM Flag
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Are you kidding? Seriously, is this a joke post? If not, it's screwy. If so, well played. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:19 PM Flag
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I could have written this same post. My BIL's wife has boundary issues and possibly some mental health issues. She's very territorial towards DH and his family. I had to pressure DH to say something to his brother. His brother's response was 'that's just the way she is'. The family enables her bad behavior. She was angry that we called her out on it. Ultimately, this conversation seemed to lessen her agressiveness. You and DH need to set your boundaries and let BIL's wife know it isn't appropriate behavior. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:30 PM Flag
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Ask her. And ask DH why he responds. Information-seeking is always appropriate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 05:33 PM Flag
[ - ] Cutting down on carbs and lost abt 10lbs in a month. Yay! However I have diarrhea all the time. What gives? I have any 25 lbs to lose so happy with the weight loss but my stomach is a freaking wreck. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:15 PM Flag
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yikes. what are you eating? does no carbs mean no fruit as well? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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Not eliminating carbs - just less (i love bread - kill me). Eating lean proteins like chicken & fish, egg whites, greek yogurt, veggies. Not a ton of fruit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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if you have increased the fiber in your diet dramatically in a short period of time, it can wreak havoc on your GI system. Try some digestive enzynes before you eat and a probiotic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:24 PM Flag
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Switch to lean beef for a week and see what happens. You may be sensitive to salmonella, so even the small amounts that are tolerable for most people are intolerable for you, and without carbs & fiber to (ew) bulk things up, you have a worse reaction. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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Diarrhea is a very common side effect of low-carb diets. For some people but stops after the first few weeks, but for others it doesn't stop. I really don't believe a low-carb diet is terribly healthy, though it can definitely help you lose weight (and especially if you've got chronic diarrhea, you'll lose weight!). Better to eat a normal amount of carbohydrates, but make sure they're minimally processed carbs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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This. Eat a balanced diet and quit trying to game your body. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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What is a "normal" amount? I'm not cutting out completely, but I don't lose weight if I eat my "normal" carb intake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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np: IMO, most people who say they are cutting carbs (as opposed to atkins or similar) are really reducing STARCHES. if you eat lean protein and vegetables, healthy fats, some fruits, you do not need do eat pasta, bread, cereal, rice, potatoes, etc. that are common diet staples, in substantial quantities to have a healthy diet. plenty of carbs in vegetables! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:40 PM Flag
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You're losing water weight... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:59 PM Flag
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I have been lower carb for years and lost 60 lbs. it was not all water [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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and it stays off? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:16 PM Flag
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yes been 4 years - i can eat more carbs now than I did when I was losing the weight, but still try to keep it under 100 grams [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:29 PM Flag
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Do you drink alcohol? Coffee? Tea? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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Minimal alcohol, one coffee/day, maybe a caffeine free tea. Tons of water. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:19 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone have experience with a guy who - many months in to dating - still seems nervous about showing affection (cuddling on the couch holding hands, etc.). He will on very rare occasion initiate, and when I do after he gets over his initial nervous response he is fine with it. Thoughts? Never encountered this, especially not from a thoughtful guy who doesn't hesitate to make me a cup of tea without asking, etc. 26 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:15 PM Flag
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Age? Gay or has an STD and hasn't worked up the nerve to tell you yet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:16 PM Flag
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Age 34. We had pretty frank talk about sex so I don't think STD. Obviously we didn't have a frank talk about being gay, but I kind of assume since he pursued me that he is pretty clear that he likes women, not men. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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Well after you initiate does he seem energetically into it, or still hesitant? Are you guys exclusive? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:27 PM Flag
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We are exclusive, yes. After I initiate it he does seem to enjoy it, but as described below, it is like he has to get over a little case of nerves every time. Which seems kind of weird to me as at this point, you would think casual cuddling on the couch while watching TV wouldn't be a big deal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:30 PM Flag
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Many months.... but you guys have not yet had sex? I'd be nervous too!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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We have had sex, yes. Not lots of crazy, totally with abandon, early-in-the-relationship kind of sex, but some sex. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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the tea thing makes me thing he may be british. I have found this is the way with certain british men. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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Ha, nope. I just like tea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:26 PM Flag
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He's not touchy-feely. This is not going to change, btw. There is a woman a few posts down who married a non-cuddler and is not regularly disappointed and dissatisfied. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:27 PM Flag
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This! If you don't mind, fine, take him as he is. If you do mind, get out now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:55 PM Flag
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If you don't like the guys style of affection, I'd consider him a tosser. He's not even worthy of analysis. If he's not breaking down the door to paw on you now, can you imagine how affection-starved you'd be in marriage? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:27 PM Flag
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You may be right. The thing is, if I initiate, he seems to really enjoy it, albeit is awkward for the first few minutes. Almost like a 16 year old who all of a sudden finds a girl snuggling up to him and is sort of in shock and figuring out how exactly he is supposed to hold her while trying to minimize any outward display of nerves. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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Is this guy kind of an aspergery introvert? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:36 PM Flag
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A bit I guess. Earlier in his life, he has worked through some social anxiety stuff. But he definitely has friends (including long standing ones) that he gets along with well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:41 PM Flag
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So are you happy with this? If not, I'd move on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:55 PM Flag
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I am fine that he is a bit of an introvert. But I would like that when it is just the two of us, he feels comfortable enough to be affectionate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:58 PM Flag
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This is very weird. I think you have to muster up all your courage and ask him about this. Something is wrong. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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So just straight up ask him why he seems nervous around initiating physical affection? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:43 PM Flag
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Yes. Better now than before you get serious with him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:54 PM Flag
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a guy here...He's just not that into you. It's that simple. I've been like that with plenty of women but trust me, with my wife I've always loved being affectionate. Move on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:50 PM Flag
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ok. So why does he still initiate 75% of the time we spend together? Dates on Friday and/or Saturday, hikes, over to his place for dinner, seeing if I can grab lunch midweek because things are busy but he says he'd really like to see me, wanted me to meet his mom when she was in town, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:56 PM Flag
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For us guys, sex and companionship is very different from intimacy for us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:59 PM Flag
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Or, if you makes you feel better, he actually really loves you he just doesn't enjoy showing affection. If this is the case, you aren't going to change that part of him so if it's the case so enjoy hugging your pillow if you stay with him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:59 PM Flag
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ok, so by this logic he wants companionship from me? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:01 PM Flag
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yes, often times guys will choose to hang and have sex with a girl they don't like a lot over being a lone. Meeting parents is no biggie either I've introduced no less than 15 girls to my parents over the years before meeting my wife. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:02 PM Flag
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Is he from New England? Nebraska? Upper Midwest? Some places aren't into PA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 05:10 PM Flag
[ - ] Holiday bonus for nanny - 4 days/wk, 40 hrs. NYC. Please advise. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:10 PM Flag
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One week's pay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:12 PM Flag
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Definitely not two? (I'd obviously prefer one but want to know going rate.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:13 PM Flag
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1-2 weeks pay [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:13 PM Flag
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What makes it 2? (Nanny is very well paid, btw and we have one db.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:15 PM Flag
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5 days a week to start [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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How long has she worked for you? We give our nanny her bonus in August, because DH gets his by May/June, and because our nanny has college expenses in the fall. We give her 1 week's pay per year worked, so this year it was 3 weeks' pay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:30 PM Flag
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Worked for us for about 10 months. I would never do 1 wk per year… what happens when she's at year 4-5? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:32 PM Flag
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She gets a 4-5 week bonus. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:41 PM Flag
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1 week bonus plus maybe a small gift w/reciept, card and handmade present from kids, and a big thank you and maybe do it early so she is not guessing about her bonus all holiday season long. 2 weeks btw is wonderful if you can. We often rounded up and did like, 1 1/2 weeks of pay to get to an even $ amt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:48 PM Flag
[ - ] Talk to me about double strollers. I have a 2yo and due with db #2 soon. I can't decide on tandem or side-by-side. I noticed with the tandem strollers one db is stuck with a crappy seat (either underneath or one that doesn't recline). But the side-by-sides seem wide. Thoughts? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:03 PM Flag
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Side-by-sides are rude in cities and in stores/restaurants/other indoor spaces. If you live in the suburbs and will use it mostly outdoors, side-by-side is fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:08 PM Flag
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side by sides are hard to maneuver. for tandem, i'd go with the city select or britax b ready. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:07 PM Flag
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I had a tandem and they fought over who got to sit in the "crappy seat." They liked riding low in the back. Much better size-wise, too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:10 PM Flag
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Op: Good to know! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:11 PM Flag
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We have the City Mini GT and it is great and folds very easy. It goes through standard doors. When our children were smaller we had an iCandy (tandem) but our children are over the weight limitation. I don't know why people say it is rude as long as you are courteous and share the road I don't see a problem. I did prefer the tandem though because it is easier to get through isles but my kids prefer the side by side as they can chit-chat during walks. In the tandem one is always hidden and it is a pain during winter when the are all bundled up and you have to fit them in the back seat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:12 PM Flag
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side by sides are awful and don't always fit down aisles of smaller stores - if you're in NYC do not do it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:12 PM Flag
[ - ] DD (3rd grade) complains that certain girls in her class ignore her. They do not say anything mean, but at the same time do not respond to her when she asks them for something. I told her to stay away from them. Your suggestions? 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:01 PM Flag
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I think you're right. What else can she do? If she tries to ingratiate herself to them, they'll just treat her with more contempt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:04 PM Flag
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ITA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:08 PM Flag
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This. Dead on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:12 PM Flag
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I'd tell her that some people are still working on their social skills and how to be polite. So she should continue to be polite with them but choose to spend her time with other girls. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:03 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:04 PM Flag
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I think what you told your daughter is fine. i would also mention what your daughter tells you to the teacher, so he or she can keep an eye on the classroom dynamics. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:06 PM Flag
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Girls suck. Hang out with the tomboys and avoid this petty crap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:15 PM Flag
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bitches [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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This is how girls "bully," through exclusion. It's also why the social/emotional groups the girls schools offer are BS. She should avoid them and seek out friends who are nice and make her feel good about herself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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Yep. This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:31 PM Flag
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This happes a lot nowadays, it seems. Outright bullying isn't tolerated, which is obviously a good thing, but then the kids resort to social exclusion. Have 2 dds at a ss private and this is how it plays out. And it can go on for many years, sadly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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Uh oh, I am applying to SS and this is the one issue that makes me hesitate. I think we may go co-ed if we ate given the choice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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I don't think the issue is only at SS privates, it's everywhere. I know 2 boys who went through 10+ years of the same thing at Dalton. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:45 PM Flag
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4th grade DD told me a similiar story about a person whom she described as "popular" with a "I don't think she likes me" thrown in. I said something to the extent of be polite, appreciate her for who she is, but give a wide berth. DD is far from perfect, but she just doesn't understand random, unsolicited meanness. I really wanted to be more explicit - "it is always the less attractive, slightly pudgy "popular" girls who are vicious. Stay away." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:30 PM Flag
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There are lots of mean girls who are thin and attractive. I would also advise DD to stay away. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:38 PM Flag
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Yes - that's why I decided not to pass on my prejudice and kept the advice to her general. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:40 PM Flag
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Smart. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:54 PM Flag
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GOod thing you weren't explicit, because that's a hell of a lot of projection, mommy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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Agreed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:04 PM Flag
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Your response is perfect. WIsh more parents would do this instead of getting involved and making it worse for their kids. Never to early to learn not to seek affection from those who don't want to give it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:00 PM Flag
[ - ] Argh! Dh's family has decided to crash Christmas. He comes from huge Italian family (he's youngest of 10), and MIL died this fall, so everyone's super-sad. Our Christmas tradition has generally been us hosting my DS and her family of 5 from down south. Two years ago, BIL came to stay because he was going through heinous divorce, and he had a blast, so at MIL's funeral, when everyone was being mournful about the end of good times, he regaled them with tales of fun in NYC during the holidays. Just got emails from the fam that 18 - 18!! - people will be here between the 26th and the 1st. WTF??!! Age range from 18 months to 65. At least they have rented a house nearby, but what on earth am I supposed to do?! They all want "to be together," and "do fun NYC things," and spend time "with your family, too." Oh. my. god. Ideas? I can't even begin to figure out where to take them for one single dinner, beyond Chinatown.... 31 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:01 PM Flag
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First, its not your problem. Write them a list of suggestions, host one afternoon, and that's it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:01 PM Flag
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What's second? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:05 PM Flag
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This. Provide suggestions and let them go at it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:04 PM Flag
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+1 DH can manage this. Your job is to let DH know how much you can handle, and when, and to be cheerful and welcoming during those times/activities. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:10 PM Flag
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Well, the problem is BIL has regaled them with our traditions that he was included in last time - circus on New Year's Eve, trip to favorite Italian restaurant, blah blah blah, and they all want to come along and be part of it. I am happy to give advice on things to do, but the main impetus of their visit is to be together. So any suggestions for mass outings would be appreciated. I guess ice skating is good... I just don't want this to be my new tradition! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:11 PM Flag
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If you don't want it to be your new tradition, listen to PP and put it all in DH's hands. He plans & organizes, and you go along and be in a good mood. When DH sees how much work is involved, he will make sure it doesn't happen every year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:14 PM Flag
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+1 *Most* men are very good at keeping things simple and saying no to extra work. DH's family, DH's job to organize -- and I guarantee it will all be fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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The year my Dad died we did something completely different for the holidays. We just didn't want to be home without him and he died about a week before Christmas. It didn't become our new tradition, but it was a Christmas we will never forget. All being together away in the mountains was just what we needed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:15 PM Flag
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Sounds fun to me. How old are your kids? They will LOVE it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:10 PM Flag
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OP - my kids are college and older, and they rely on this holiday for seeing my sister's kids, who are the same ages. One sticky point is oldest dd lives overseas, and will only be home for only that week. So my plan is to carve out one night where I tell everyone, my sis and DH's family, that everyone is on their own and we go out with DD, just our family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:21 PM Flag
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Perfect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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You know what? Sounds like fun. Don't stress, enjoy it. Holidays with big families aren't supposed to be perfect, but they are supposed to have a lot of laughs, wine, food, and memories. Specific ideas - ice skating, window displays, Central Park walk, board games at their rented house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:08 PM Flag
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Word, I wish I had a big family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:13 PM Flag
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Hmmm. Maybe. I have 27 nieces and nephews, and 15 great nieces and nephews. It's overwhelming at times, because everyone wants to be in nyc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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I'm an only and my mom is dead. It sounds nice to have people to enjoy during the holidays. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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NBD. Host one meal, send them to Radio City, St pats, tree, holiday windows. Tell them to eat at tony di napoli. They will have a nyc experience to remember. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:11 PM Flag
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Sometimes the more people, the easier it is to manage / not be overwhelmed by any one personality. And they're not staying with you. Go to Tony's/Carmine's for dinner (UES, UWS and Midtown locations) and then do a pizza night at Patsy's or that well-known spot in LIttle Italy, take them to Radio City for the Christmas Spectacular, go shopping and ice skating in Bryant Park. The fact that MIL died means they need someone to lead this and you're great for doing so. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:16 PM Flag
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I'm from a big Italian family, though not that big, and probably not so close. What would happen with my family is that some people would participate in some of the activities and some people would participate in others. When we talk about being together, it's more around eating meals - mostly at home - together. Of course the meals are multi-hour affairs - we don't sit at the table for appetizers, but move around the group and catch up, some people here, some people there. My advice is to contact whoever the matriarch is - the one who arranged for the rental probably - and discuss. Don't freak out, those Italian ladies will do most of everything. Relax and enjoy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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I am de facto matriarch. DH has only brothers. So the work is me. I am happy to have people, but it will be enormous work. The fact that they have a house is truly great, but food will be at my house, three meals a day. I know this already. But you guys have cheered me up - a family that is happy to be together is a good problem to have. I am breathing now! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:26 PM Flag
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DH is one of ten boys?! And re three meals a day, just order food or go out for things other than breakfast… and do one brunch out. Also, tell DH you're happy to host but will need a cleaning person several of those days. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:30 PM Flag
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are there wives? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:53 PM Flag
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Italian lady from above - get a ton of salamis, prosciutto, mozzarellas, olives etc. In most Italian households, breakfast is coffee and a piece of bread or a couple of cookies - the kind that you can dunk in coffee is preferred. Lunch is the main meal (although here in US that switches up on weekdays) and dinner is often light - in the families I visit in Italy and in my own here, it's often a salad, fruit and some salami/prosciutto, maybe some cheese too, good bread. The main meal on the weekend - only one meal. Do not feed these people two meals, you all will explode! So one main meal a day, that's all. No one will expect more. Have wives pitch in. My family the men cook, but that is not always the case. The guys can be charged with putting out the appetizers and taking care of the wine. In my family, the men always do all of the clean up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:58 PM Flag
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Thanks! I will hit up Esposito's and Caputo's for supplies! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:13 PM Flag
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One BIL divorced, another has the lamest wife ever. But the two BILs plus DH will do the shopping and clean up, so I will have their help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:13 PM Flag
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OP - thanks - I will definitely get the cleaning lady! good advice! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 04:14 PM Flag
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Awesome. I wish I had a big family that wanted to hang out and have fun together over the holidays. You are SO lucky! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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ITA! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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your kids will remember this forever, make it for the right reasons. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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On the one hand, I sympathize, but on the other, not so much. We have virtually no family, here in NYC or otherwise, and it's lonely at times - especially around the holidays. Try to focus on the fact that, as problems go, yours is a damned good one to have. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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The grass is always greener. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:42 PM Flag
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That actually sounds awesome--especially with them renting a house. I wouldn't call that "crashing." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 03:21 PM Flag
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