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[ - ] What’s the scoop on Birth Wathen Lenox? What sort of families/kids do well there? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 01.28.20, 11:50 AM Flag
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I know two families that were counting the days until graduation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:50 PM Flag
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I think it’s very structured and supportive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:10 PM Flag
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conservative, low key families. Kids with mild learning issues. Kids who need small, orderly classrooms. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:27 PM Flag
[ - ] CSH, MM, or St Ignatius Loyola? Trying to decide if the $45k difference is really worth it. HHI $500k, 1dc. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 11:18 AM Flag
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Huge difference between CSH/MM and St I. Surely you saw that on the tours! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:34 PM Flag
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What does that mean? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:11 PM Flag
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I mean if they all seemed the same to her - I guess the differences aren't something that would matter to her? But agree big difference between these schools. Especially between CSH and St. I. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:06 PM Flag
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OP. Of course I saw the difference on the tours. But I can’t decide if the differences are worth an extra $45k/yr. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:36 PM Flag
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NP I had dc at g and t public ad now at private. Yes there is a difference between schools that have to teach to the test and keep all kids vs those that have private curriculum and can expel problem children. I looked into St I even though we are jewish because it is a good school with private amenities and not a huge pricetag. If you liked it, I would go there and save the money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:11 PM Flag
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What grade? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:11 PM Flag
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K [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:35 PM Flag
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NP - Curious about this as well. Following... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:31 PM Flag
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If the concern is money, know your dd -- if she does well in SIL -- will have a good chance to get a HS admit to CSH, MM or Loyola. CSH and MM have a separate admission track and special scholarships for girls coming out of parochial schools [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:19 PM Flag
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If you try to justify it by dollars, it almost never makes sense... But there is such a huge difference between CSG and ST. I in almost ever way. You either really like one or the other. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 07:25 PM Flag
[ - ] At what point do you thing you've "made it"? $5M liquid assets, $10M? More, less? 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:09 AM Flag
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I’m not sure about “making it” but I was excited when we hit $1M. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:20 AM Flag
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I think the number is subjective to one’s personal goals. Do you want to maintain the Same lifestyle or prepared to scale back? Set up your kids, cover their education, no kids....? Want money to leave to charity? There is no one number that fits everyone’s bar for “making it”. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:04 AM Flag
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For me that number is when I don't have to work anymore but I can still live a relatively expensive lifestyle. In other words, never gonna happen. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:49 PM Flag
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It's not a number. It's a stress-free lifestyle where I'm happy every morning when I wake up. I've made it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:08 PM Flag
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How are you stress-free? Serious question. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:09 PM Flag
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I live 50m from the beach and 100m from the sea. I enjoy the work I do and get enough of it to pay all of the bills, but rarely need to work more than 25 hours/week. I have lots of outdoor options for fun and for exercise. I live walking distance to some good restaurants and bars, and there is frequent bus and train service close to home, to go out in other neighborhoods. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:21 PM Flag
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Thanks. Do you ever feel stress about work or kids? Family stuff? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:35 PM Flag
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+1. Do you have kids?? Because I have less stress than you do, and just worrying about the kids gives me chest pains. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:43 PM Flag
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No stress about work - I really like my work and look forward to each project. DH has two DCs from his first marriage, and they stay with us for long weekends and vacations. DH's and my parents are all still living, but we get along with them very well and they have home care when they need it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:14 PM Flag
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Oh, well that explains it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:53 PM Flag
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np: you're not stressed because you didn't have children! Truly. So many of the women in my extended family in their 70s who didn't have biological children are so much more healthy and centered. Enduring those early years of child rearing really changes women. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:53 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:00 PM Flag
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Thanks. Do you ever feel stress about work or kids? Family stuff? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:35 PM Flag
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How are you stress-free? Serious question. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:09 PM Flag
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I've made a lot of choices very deliberately. I chose work that makes me happy. I chose a partner who is on the same page and has the same values and goals, and who is pickier than I am when it comes to cleaning and laundry. Once I met his two DCs, and after listening to so many family and friends stress about children, I decided being a part time step parent was enough for me. And we chose a place to live that is low-COL but still has lots of clean, modern amenities. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:42 PM Flag
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She doesn't have kids! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:54 PM Flag
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+1000000 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:57 PM Flag
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+1 I feel the same, with regard to "making it" financially. what you never know is what's around the corner for relationships, family issues, and health. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:22 PM Flag
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+2 np I was actually voted Most Likely To Be A Millionaire in my high school. I will never be a millionaire but I've reached the point where I don't "have to" do anything. Everything is by choice now. If DH or I lost our job tomorrow, we'd be just fine. Most of it was luck, though. DDs are healthy with no disabilities. We moved for my job 18 years ago and lucked out with an affordable city where we can easily live within our means. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:58 PM Flag
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$4M would be great. I have 2M, though 600 of that is allocated for college for 2 DCs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:58 PM Flag
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I would have thought after receiving tenure at my university, but then the expectations actually just increased along with the stress. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 07:26 PM Flag
[ - ] Two nanny candidates, who would you choose? Option 1: older woman, mid 50s, grown kids, married, lots of experience nannying, seems a little weary but has excellent references. Options 2: very young woman (21), seems mature and confident, bubbly and fun personality, good references but not a lot of experience nannying, mostly babysitting. We are a family in the burbs with an infant and rambunctious toddler. 34 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:46 AM Flag
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Definitely the older woman for kids that young. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:00 AM Flag
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Agree [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:08 AM Flag
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This [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:48 PM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:18 PM Flag
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Is there an option 3? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:05 AM Flag
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These two are charging a reasonable rate. Option 3, who is fabulous, wants $27 an hour, which seems too high for 2. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:14 AM Flag
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I would do that. between the other 2, it's a toss up. we had issues with an older experienced nanny when we had a toddler - she just couldn't keep up and resisted taking our dc to various activities. we had a great success with a younger college student who sat for us after school on a set daily schedule - way more engaged, challenged and played extremely well with dc and also really bonded with dc, smart, etc.. but flaked on us a couple of times. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:36 AM Flag
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The expensive one wants time and a half for over 40 hours, healthcare, etc. Its just too much. The older lady seems active enough. She was very focused on vacation time and which holidays she would get off, which seemed a little bit like a red flag. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:39 AM Flag
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Actually, that seems like a good sign to me. She knows what she wants off, wants to negotiate it now. Likely no surprise requests for time off outside of an emergency. I’d be more concerned w the people who don’t want to lay it all Out of the table. It’s their job you’re talking about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:08 AM Flag
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This. Pay for quality and experience. This is the person who will care for and help raise your children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:23 PM Flag
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If we were wealthier, then I would have loved to hire this one, but it will be over $80K per year. Plus private preschool. We just don't have the budget to afford that cost for a nanny. We would do a daycare instead, but I have found some other people where it will be more like $55K per year, and that we can swing for a few years while the baby is young. Also, I don't actually know that this expensive nanny is "better." She just seemed great, but there are great nannies who don't cost $80K per year as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:47 PM Flag
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Asking about holidays and time off is not a red flag, conversely you should have a basic contract with all of the expectations in writing. A little weary is not a good quality for a nanny of an infant and rambunctious toddler. If option 3 is too expensive keep looking. This is an important hire--I would not settle. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:52 AM Flag
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Agree that you should write out a contract of the duties and benefits, including OT, days off, etc. This sets expectations so there are no hard feelings. You are the boss, treat employees how you would want to be treated. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:58 PM Flag
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This is not a red flag, as it's a good idea to have everything laid out ahead of time. This is a job and you are an employer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:46 PM Flag
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You mean like a real job? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:31 PM Flag
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Are you in NY burbs? Can I ask how you found the “fabulous” one? We’re just starting our search and selection seems really limited unless we go through an agency. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:01 PM Flag
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No, different big city. But I agree, it seems much harder to find nannies out in the suburbs compared to the city. I have been using Care.com, but it's hard to feel comfortable when they don't have any reviews. So I just started to mention it to everyone I know (that I was searching) and tried to get personal referrals wherever possible. The "fabulous" one was a personal referral. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:50 PM Flag
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Thanks so much for your reply! That’s really helpful to know, and I agree - this is certainly a stressful process [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:01 PM Flag
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As long as option one isn’t named Deb (wh is an alcoholic) I would go with the older and more experienced one. I don’t want calls about what to do when x or y happens at work [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:11 AM Flag
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No, not Deb, phew. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:14 AM Flag
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How many years Do you plan to have a nanny? I’d be looking for a mix of the two: young enough to have the energy and desire to run around after babies but someone who has had some experience. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:06 AM Flag
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Keep looking. If these are the only two options ie you need to make a decision, my concerns are as follows Option1- will she have enough energy and desire to come up with ideas and engage your kids now and in 2-3yrs Option 2 - how long will she stick around, will she be reliable and able to handle emergency or unexpected situation [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:07 AM Flag
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Older for sure. We had an older nanny, tons of experience, DC adored and felt safe with her. Would not have changed her for anyone, she was better to and for DC than either grandmother, neither of whom understood or accepted DC the way nanny did. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:20 AM Flag
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I'm sure the 21yo will burn out quickly or look for a desk job. Why does she want to be a nanny? This day and age that would be a weird thing to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:43 PM Flag
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Some people just like working with children... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:31 PM Flag
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I would go w older. what do you mean by weary though? mid 50's is not even old [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:16 PM Flag
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That's the age of most moms on this board, lolz. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:37 PM Flag
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wonder what OP means by weary? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:59 PM Flag
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I nannied for a bit after college, and posted about it here. Give the young one a chance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:17 PM Flag
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I'd go for stability and experience over bubbly any day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:23 PM Flag
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PP former nanny - in the abstract I would agree with you, but OP uses phrases like "weary" and "older" which makes me think that she has some misgivings. OP describes the younger one with better adjectives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:31 PM Flag
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we went with the young, fun, bubbly one and had her for 7 years. great young woman. tattoos, green hair and all. Don't judge. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:09 PM Flag
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For kids those ages, the first one. For kids 5+, the second one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:28 PM Flag
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I was worried our older nanny was not bubbly enough even though 2 20 somethings were no shows for the interview! She is wonderful. Is she the most exciting cheery person ever no. However she is kind, extremely raliable, a safe driver, and she is very proactive: if the dishwasher is full she unloads it, if the kids have dirty clothes lying around she starts a load of wash, if she notices there is no meat for dinner then next night she picks some up for me. I love her! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.20, 12:17 AM Flag
[ - ] DD (8) has always been friends with our neighbor's daughter and her mom and I often helped out each other with childcare which I didn't mind since the girls got along. This year we switched to a local public, they're in the same grade. The neighbor asks me very often to help out with pickup/afterschool care (she also has another one in K). Again, I work from home and always welcome a company but it turns out the friend ignores my child in school and is only nice to her when we're playing in the neighborhood. I feel bad for the mom but this relationship does not seem healthy to me. 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:43 AM Flag
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Talk to your daughter & see how she feels about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:13 AM Flag
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She says she understands.. "she is still a good friend".. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:03 PM Flag
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I had similar issue. I finally told my neighbor that my dd liked having choices after school and sometimes we didn't always come home right away. I was a little peeved she viewed my being at home to be her childcare situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:45 PM Flag
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yes, I see how that can get annoying. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:21 PM Flag
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They're 8! It is not an unhealthy relationship. It sounds like this other little girl was already in the public school and had a group of friends there and now her neighbor friend (your dd) transferred to the school and she's not sure how to incorporate her two different friendships, which is understandable. Even adults sometimes have a hard time navigating these situations. Is your dd having a hard time making friends? If so, if anything, keeping up her friendship with the neighbor is probably to her advantage. Maybe you could even talk to the mom and ask if she would have your dd and a couple of other girls over one weekend at the same time to help smooth the transition. and you can even say to the other little girl "thanks for being Jane's friend at school. It's hard to be new." Just a gentle reminder. This is certainly not the sort of thing that you should let upset what sounds like an otherwise good dynamic for everyone. Most people would kill to have a neighbor they could exchange favors like this with where the kids get along. Think long term. Second grade drama will soon be a distant memory but if you're lucky these neighbor friends will be for life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:48 PM Flag
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ah you're so wise. It's the 3rd grade but the drama is everpresent. Yes, it is hard to mix groups, my dd says all the kids who were her friends before she started don't hang out with her but there are new kids so I am on a fence inviting others who don't seem interested as I don't want to look desperate or am I overthinking? We're actually going to the neighbor's dd birthday party this weekend so I will catch a glimpse of the dynamics. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:08 PM Flag
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We're in a very similar situation but the girls are ten, and I'm GLAD they play with other kids at school - they have so much time playing together at home, they need to branch out at school. The girls are really close at home and have a certain underlying closeness at school but really do not play together at all. I also wfh so do more pickups etc. I'm also glad for that because I get to hear the girls chattering about the day - I learn way more than I would if I weren't doing that tiny bit of extra (which is not really "extra" anyway since I am already doing the pickup.) Are you sure the neighbor is "ignoring" your DD or is she just sort of cluelessly playing with the kids she has always played with? As long as it's not actual meanness, treasure those relationships you have - it's not easy to find someone with whom you can work out child care arrangements so easily! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:06 PM Flag
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I have to pry out details out of my kid bit by bit so it's hard to tell. No open meanness but there's definitely no excitement to see my dd at school, again, that's fine, that's when dd needs to branch out, as you said. I see that that at pickup other girl never initiates a conversation or asks my dd about anything, seems indifferent. Once she's at our place they get along playing board games, drawing, they include the girl's younger sister. I've just been resenting this situation and not asking the mom about returning favors since I've noticed the shift in dynamics. I think I am going to let this one go as suggested and remind my dd about how this happens even with adults mingling at parties. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:21 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you always wear a bra at home? DH feels its inappropriate to walk around in my pjs in front of my teenage boys without one. I just can’t stand the thought of always needing to be dressed in my own home! Especially because they go to sleep after I do. What do you think? 53 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:54 AM Flag
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Your DH needs to loosen up. The moment I get home, the bra comes off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:00 AM Flag
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This. Wtf. They are your dc no matter how old they are. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:27 AM Flag
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Definitely needs to loosen up. This is not the Spears family walking around naked. I used to have the opposite problem, dh could not keep his hands off mine including when kids are in the room, although they are young and girls. I had to tell him to tone it down. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.20, 12:19 AM Flag
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Hell no. My boys are 9 and 11. I will not be required to wear a bra in my own home. It’s bad enough I have to wear one in public. Tell him once he starts wearing a jock strap w a protective cup all waking hours, you may consider it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:00 AM Flag
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ILY [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.20, 12:19 AM Flag
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That is crazy!!! CRAZY! Women have nipples. Tell your DH that he should teach his sons that women are allowed to have nipples without them staring at them 24/7. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:01 AM Flag
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x1,000. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:20 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:19 PM Flag
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Seriously?? We have a pretty "European" household and my teenage boys seem just fine (and completely unphased by the bodies of their family members). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:12 AM Flag
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Thanks his mother is the type who stays fully dressed down to the shoes and stockings til she goes to bed. So that’s what he grew up with. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:16 AM Flag
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And to be fair to him I am very large so it is very recognizable when not wearing one [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:23 AM Flag
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Np: doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t wear a tank with no bra but normal sized pjs is fine with no bra. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:28 AM Flag
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Maybe its DH the one that has a problem seeing your breasts as they are [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:26 AM Flag
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And? You’re a woman! Many of us have large breasts. Everyone can show a little maturity and get over it. I don’t purposely undress in front of my kids and make an effort to stay covered, but if they see me naked, so be it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:10 AM Flag
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*unfazed [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 11:58 AM Flag
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Bra comes off the minute I walk in the house and doesn't go back on unless I have to go out in public. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:29 AM Flag
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I go out in public without one before 12pm on the weekends and mine are noticeably saggy! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.20, 12:21 AM Flag
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LMAO what?! You’re going to let your husband tell you to wear a bra in your own home? Your boys are going to have a ton of issues if their moms tits are making them uncomfortable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:56 AM Flag
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+10000000 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.20, 12:22 AM Flag
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Heh. Tell dh you'll wear one at home when he wears a bra all day to the office and also around the house. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:00 AM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:08 PM Flag
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Maybe get some comfy bralettes and supportive tanks? But yeah he is being ridiculous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:01 AM Flag
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Your husband is wrong. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:09 AM Flag
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I have large breasts and love taking my bra off, it is such a relief!! But I change into a sports bra, the support is actually more comfortable [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:29 AM Flag
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I don't have big breasts and I find having support way more comfortable too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.20, 12:53 AM Flag
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Absurd. I don't wear a bra under my pajamas, and DS and DC don't wear boxers under theirs. We're all ok. OP's DH needs to get a grip. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:23 AM Flag
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Tell him to never take his tie off at home and see how that feels. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 10:49 AM Flag
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I always wear a bra (well, mostly bralettes, but also bras). When I get ready for bed, I wear a sleep bra - a soft pullover thing I discovered at A Pea in the Pod during my first pregnancy. I’m not very big - 34B - but I just like the feeling. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 11:57 AM Flag
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That said, do what YOU want. Your DH is wrong here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 11:59 AM Flag
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I sometimes wear one or not. Dh needs to take a chill pill. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:43 PM Flag
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Does he always wear shorts around the house? Dh always is in his underwear and dd hates it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:44 PM Flag
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PJs are perfectly fine. I walk around in my sweats & nothing else, or on weekend mornings in a hoodie footie, which exposes nothing but my face and hands, LOL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:49 PM Flag
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Tell your dh that ds's now have to wear blindfolds when at home. That's their problem (and his). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:55 PM Flag
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hahahahahah [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.20, 12:23 AM Flag
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I am in this situation (teens at home) and large breasts and I don't wear a bra at home. How uncomfortable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:03 PM Flag
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Do you have very large breasts that are hanging out at the top of your clothing? (I worked with a woman like that -- you could always see a lot of cleavage. It was also the way she dressed). This is the only situation where I can maybe see your husband's point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:11 PM Flag
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I wear a bra 24/7, but I am between a C and a D cup, and I hate not having support. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:25 PM Flag
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Same [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:59 PM Flag
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+1. I don't wear it every night, but sometimes. I hate being braless. I'm a 34G. I'm shocked that large breasted ladies are comfortable walking around without a bra on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:09 PM Flag
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34F and don't like wearing a bra [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 10:00 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 11:03 PM Flag
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32C here, cannot imagine not wearing a bra... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.20, 01:02 AM Flag
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Also have a son. Mother nature and gravity will take a toll on my breasts soon enough. I've not going to go bra free and help gravity accelerate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:24 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:58 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:11 PM Flag
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Yup [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:15 PM Flag
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As the mother of a teen I can confirm that boys don't consider their moms to be sexual objects. Though I agree with PP. Those breasts are going to fall more quickly without a bra. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:28 PM Flag
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Yes, If you are old enough to have teenage boys barring any breast enhancement surgery I doubt your boobs are sexual to your sons. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:15 PM Flag
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Tell him he needs to wear a tie at home at all times. That will teach him! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:54 PM Flag
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And they all have to wear cups because you don't want to risk seeing any penises, outlines of penises, semis, or erections. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:07 PM Flag
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Wow, memories! I'm a DH and I was on the fencing team in college: I had forgotten how those felt! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:34 PM Flag
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Ask him if he's worried the boys are going to jack off to their mom's boobs the way he must have jacked off to his mom's. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.20, 12:12 AM Flag
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Your DH sounds like my MIL. Prude uptight white lady who was horrified that I breastfed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.20, 12:20 AM Flag
[ - ] how much should i expect to pay for hair and makeup in nyc at my home for an event? tia. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:39 AM Flag
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A friend used Glamsquad with great success. I did a trial run and it was a disaster. Would do a test run in case you have similar experience. GL and have fun! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:55 AM Flag
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Glamsquad. Trial run is a good idea. Check out their rates. Reasonable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 07:28 PM Flag
[ - ] DH and I are members of a church with a very desirable preschool. The school gives very strong preference to church members when evaluating a child for admission. Friends used our name as a referral for church membership without asking (they are expecting first child) and have been very curious about the school and church few months ago. We never offered referring them. We found out when the church contacted us. How would you respond (to church)? 62 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:32 AM Flag
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I would reach out to them first. And let them know they are taking advantage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:33 AM Flag
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Np- itda. If you like them, give them a good reference. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:38 AM Flag
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OP - feeling used tbh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:39 AM Flag
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How does this put you out, exactly? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:43 AM Flag
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This. Isn't the key tenet of Christianity spreading the word/gospel, getting people to join your congregation? Also, since they are becoming new parents, perhaps they are looking for a "home church" to baptize the baby in, etc. Have you said good things about the church and school to them? You should be flattered. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:49 AM Flag
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^ also - my kids went to a preschool affiliated with a church, and in order to get preference as a church member, it had to be proven that we attended services regularly, had met with a minister for counseling, donate money, etc. It wasn't enough to simply show up on Christmas and Easter. If someone is willing to make that commitment to your church and the community, you should be happy, especially a friend. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:53 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:41 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:15 PM Flag
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Turn the other cheek. You know, do what Jesus would do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:40 PM Flag
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Why would the church contact you? Is membership not open to anyone? I do think it's a bit odd that they didn't tell you they were going to join but I'm not seeing anything inappropriate about them saying, "We'd like to be members of this church and we found out about it because of Jen and Michael Smith," which is essentially true. If this were a close friend I wouldn't hesitate to vouch for them but I'm getting the sense you think they are users or might embarrass you in some way? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:40 AM Flag
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I’m feeling used and sense that the only reason they are becoming members is because of the preschool. Also they never mentioned considering membership (we saw them recently) so it feels behind the back. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:42 AM Flag
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You have problems. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:44 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:15 PM Flag
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What is the church asking you to do, just confirm that you know them? I think they could have approached this in a better way but I would just give them a reference and keep my distance for a while if I weren't feeling them in general. There really is no downside to you if they join, unless you were hoping to not see them every week. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:47 AM Flag
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That's actually WHY a lot of religious places have a preK...to get members. I taught in a Jewish preK. We got so many new members through our great preK offering. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:46 PM Flag
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Do you like these “friends”? Is this typical of their behavior? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:41 AM Flag
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They are the type that would benefit from friendship but would not reciprocate (have experience with this first hand). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:43 AM Flag
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You sound touchy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:48 AM Flag
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Np ok I’ll bite. Call their bluff / your speculation - do something similar with them - see how they respond. Respond in kind if your religion teaches tit for tat behaviour. Or is your church just a show for you and the membership is more important to you than the church’s teachings? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:56 AM Flag
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Frankly, I feel that they are using church as a pathway to preschool. Which is not teaching of the church. Why otherwise wait to become members until you are pg? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:00 AM Flag
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OR: Do you have any idea how many parents of Catholic school kids go to Mass every week only because it's required for a tuition discount? This is very common, albeit not exemplary, and I am sure that the church/preschool is aware that they are incentivizing parents to join. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:04 AM Flag
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This--so funny how Catholics just know this stuff. Also, the way we say "peace be with you" and then 20 minutes later we're road-raging in the parking lot trying to leave! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:19 PM Flag
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NP: I posted above. Many people rejoin or rediscover church/religion when they have kids and start a family. They want to baptize their kids, raise them in the church, etc. And wanting their child to attend a preschool that espouses the morals/values of the church is a big part of that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:07 AM Flag
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Sometimes it's lazy parenting too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:50 AM Flag
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That is for the church to decide -- not you. If you feel that certain you would say that to the church instead you're on here for some time so what's that gap? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:49 AM Flag
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oy vey. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:47 PM Flag
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I think you should work on your Christianity. You are making the rest of us look bad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:18 PM Flag
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I hear you on feeling used. What is the church contacting you about? I would be honest and say, I had no idea DF put me down as reference, esp since to my knowledge she doesn't go to this church. However, despite not going to this church, we have known each other for X years and I am so happy they are now expecting their first child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:56 AM Flag
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This is a good response. I am not with all the responders here attacking OP. The "friend" is clearly a user. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:04 AM Flag
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I'm not attacking OP at all. I just think she's taking this the wrong way and needs to reflect on why she feels affronted. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:11 AM Flag
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or here - no need to lie. I'm not Christian or church-going, but I've dealt with users in the past. Honesty tends to be a good way to deal with them, ie shows them not to mess with you, and you were just being honest, what did they want, for you to lie? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:49 AM Flag
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How is trying to join her church a form of using her or messing with her?? It's not like asking her to get them a job. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:07 AM Flag
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We are talking about a church here right? Christianity? Love thy neighbor and all of that? Aren’t you committing multiple sins in your disdain and anger here against your fellow Christian “friends” for the “sin” they committed of saying they knew a family in the church. Sad sad sad. I think you should rethink your relationship with your religion. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:58 AM Flag
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This [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 09:44 AM Flag
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What sort of church requires a "referral" for membership??? Don't most churches celebrate people wanting to join the church? And don't most of them create "active member" requirements when there's a benefit that can only be accessed by being a member? I've never heard of a church requiring some sort of application process! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:14 AM Flag
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NP: I'm guessing that it's likely not a requirement, just more of a "how did you hear about us" type thing and it was mentioned to them that their friends were interested. OP is treating it like a business transaction that would somehow negatively impact her, not a celebration of community and growing congregation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:18 AM Flag
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Seriously, it sounds more like a Country Club [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:20 PM Flag
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What kind of church asks for a reference before “allowing” membership? It’s not like they’re joining with a 3 year old. If they join and are members in good standing, then your pastor/priest can deal with whether they’re recommended for preschool. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:15 AM Flag
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They are expecting their first child. They don't have a 2 year old and are making a last ditch effort to join Brick to give them a bonus in admissions. Did you join Brick purely because of the preschool, and that is why you're so touchy about it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:23 AM Flag
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It’s definitely Brick. This woman sounds like a parody of a Brick mom. They treat it like a private club. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 09:21 AM Flag
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It does sound like a parody, and I think it is as neither Brick nor any other church asks for referrals for membership. this is a fake. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:37 PM Flag
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This is a church, and not a country club, so how is this even an issue?? I've never heard of a church asking for references. Many people join a church when they are expecting their first child. Typically, the churches that have preschools attract families with children and as a result have vibrant children's ministries. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:02 AM Flag
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I do not understand how this hurts you or the church at all. I imagine the church is happy to have new families interested, however they become involved. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:11 AM Flag
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This is how churches grow. OP is off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:42 AM Flag
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This is really sad to me. I hope you can take a few steps back. Way back. First, it’s entirely legitimate to become interested in church when expecting a child (whether or not you are trying to get into a pre school). I don’t the they needed you as a referral for a “membership”. It’s not an application process, is it? They just may have been asked if they know any congregants. So you think the interest in church is only a scheme to get into the pre school and you feel like they “used”‘you. This sounds so petty and icky and I’m sorry your heart is so mean and small [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:32 AM Flag
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+1 this is really sad to me too. and please do take some steps way back. you are enjoying your high status right now so much, even posting this and amusing yourself with the responses, and that is not what Christianity is supposed to be about. of course they want a great preschool for their child -- who wouldn't? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:17 PM Flag
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+1000 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:47 PM Flag
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This isn't a reference. It didn't say references, it said REFERRAL. As in, who do they know who is there at the church. Maybe you mentioned it them. FWIW I was a member and my child went to our very desirable church preschool. I was proud to "refer" people to the church. More members is a good thing. I thought these people were your friends? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:42 AM Flag
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I'm not sure why you're so offended. Do you not like these people and don't want them to be part of your "club?" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:19 AM Flag
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Either these aren't really your friends, or you are a really bad friend. Anyone involved in the church would want to encourage a new family to join, regardless of whether they want their future child to go to school there. It's extremely selfish of you to insert yourself in this and make it about you and how you're being used because they dared to mention your name. It's like this whole country has lost it's Christian spirit. Rather, those claiming to be Christians seem to acting in some very un Christian-like ways. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:33 AM Flag
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This! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 07:49 AM Flag
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So this! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:48 PM Flag
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Sorry but this is a fake. No church asks for referrals or references for church membership, other than a letter of transfer from your prior church (and even that is not mandatory). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:36 PM Flag
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I think the church has - like so many places do - a place where you can say who referred you. This is just so that they can say, Hey Tom, thanks for referring the Mendez family. Or hey Tom, I hear your friend the Mendez's are joining. It is similar to the "how did you hear about us?" question that places use to see how their advertising is working. Did you see an ad on a bus? Or where you told by word of mouth? internet? preschool fair? etc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:16 PM Flag
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Places use these so that they can follow up and have insights in to how to draw the the new people in to the community if it seems like they aren't connecting. It gives an ice breaker - "Hey, I heard you are friend with Tom and Mary Jean. Do you guys hike with them (or whatever it is that Tom and Mary Jean are known for)? You know, the Haupts also really like to hike and they set up church hikes once a month!" and so on, or "Oh, I heard you are friends with Tom and Mary Jean. You know, Mary Jean is in the women's club, you should come to a meeting! We love new members!" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:22 PM Flag
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The IRONY of this post is EPIC. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:42 PM Flag
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Also your ability to draw people to an institution reflects well on you. If someone mentions you as a reason for coming to a church, the church is THRILLED. for you to turn around and give a horrible “they didn’t get my approval” reply would be so incredibly nuts and ultimately it would harm your own standing. I agree w the poster that said the point of the press school is to get congregants. Duh!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:22 PM Flag
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I'm going to assume this is an Episcopal church, since typically they have lot have esteemed pre-schools associated with them and do prioritize members and sometimes even discount tuition. But a member is someone who pledges regular donations (and honors those pledges) and attends services regularly, not someone who drops the name of a current member / parishioner to "get in." No one needs a referral to join the Episcopal church, just the commitment to attend and contribute (ANY amount mind you, as long as it's honored!) The church would have called you to find out info on them in a friendly way, as a benefit to both you and your friend, not to vet your friend! Maybe you are confused? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:49 PM Flag
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Brick or Christ Church? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:45 PM Flag
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99.99%! Sure you are substituting church for synagogue. Just a hunch. Contact the friends. Tell them the clergy contacted them about them and ask what they want you to say. Then say whatever you want. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:58 PM Flag
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Contacted YOU about THEM [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:58 PM Flag
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this sounds more like it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 11:24 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone has feedback on Dominican Academy in NYC? Has good stats on niche.com, but I haven't seen it discussed much here. How is the academics? How's the student body? TIA. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:19 AM Flag
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I interviewed there for a position under the previous principal Dr. Grimes. Although I did not accept the job offer, I was highly impressed with the course offerings. They did not offer regents classes and had many AP classes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:23 AM Flag
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I get it confused with Notre Dame and the one on the UES [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:25 AM Flag
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Notre Dame is downtown. Is Ferrer the other school your are referring to? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:40 AM Flag
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There's also Sacred Heart on UES [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:42 AM Flag
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And Marymount [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:19 AM Flag
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Much smarter girls than at ND. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:14 PM Flag
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I went there! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:18 AM Flag
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A very good friend went there; where the alumni has ended up is quite impressive. Accomplished, smart women. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:37 AM Flag
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I know a few families there and the girls are all really down to earth and sweet. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:27 AM Flag
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Terrible exmissions. The few women I know who went there are quite dim. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:52 AM Flag
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That doesn’t sound right. It’s much harder to get into than Notee Dame. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:15 PM Flag
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It’s more Catholic than most catholic schools. Very smart and pretty serious girls. My son goes to Regis and they do some clubs together. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:25 PM Flag
[ - ] Always lots of IL posts on here. Does every generation have this friction, or does this generation of aging boomers annoy more due to more self-involvement/less self-awareness? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:17 AM Flag
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This is the first or second generation where families don't "need" each other anymore. The guilt-trips and forced relationships are no longer relevant, so people are treating each other on their merit, rather than an obligation. Much healthier all around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:49 AM Flag
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See I completely disagree. I think so much is lost when grandparents aren’t involved. And I didn’t have it. So glad my kids do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:13 AM Flag
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I agree with both of you^^ It's true, none of us really "need" each other for daily life/survival, and hell yes I'm treating my family members on their merit--one brother is awesome and the other + his wife have been acting like a-holes. I didn't grow up with grandparents, but my DS has a great relationship with all four, and for that I am very grateful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:13 PM Flag
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I don't think you're disagreeing with me, unless you think so much is lost when grandparents who are jerks and who force a relationship out of guilt aren't involved. Nothing is lost when there are loving, respectful grandparents around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:47 PM Flag
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What is lost when racist, or selfish or alcoholic grandparents aren't involved? Do tell. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:50 PM Flag
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I think technology makes the generations feel more isolated. One lives for their phones and the other uses them, [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:21 AM Flag
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Everyone I know over 50yo is attached to their phone 24/7. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:43 PM Flag
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Neither of my parents got along with, or liked, their parents or siblings, and neither of my parents liked their ILs either, so we had almost no contact with relatives when I was a kid. DH however is very close to many, many relatives, some of whom I also am close to, and many of whom I at least get a long with. I think it's more individual than generational. Some ILs just suck, whatever generation they are. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 07:17 AM Flag
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This. I have a huge extended family and nurture the relationships of relatives am truly fond of. The problematic and unpleasant relatives are problematic to everyone in the family, I just medium chill with them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:38 PM Flag
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I don't think the data exists to compare this generation to past generations, and of course none of us were around for past generations to fairly compare. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:15 PM Flag
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i think there has always been plenty of friction. If in your culture you move into your IL's house when you get married and are expected to take care of them, of course some of the time you will not get along. its just you were also under a LOT of pressure to obey and pretend everything was great. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:08 PM Flag
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I think that if you're hearing a lot of this, it's because of social media offering an anonymous forum for these thoughts. Otherwise, one vented to a few close friends, spouse, etc., but you'd never hear about it in general like you do with social media. Remember, in-laws and in-law jokes have been around forever and in-laws are people you don't choose to have in your life, a family member brings them into your life whether you like them or not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:14 PM Flag
[ - ] Has any body lotion you use ever made a difference? I am scaly within hours. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:13 AM Flag
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When you shower--turn off water and pat some drops of baby oil on your body. Use a humidifier at home. Drink water. Lotion wise: Amlactin (or drugstore equivalent) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:18 AM Flag
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TY! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:34 AM Flag
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Coconut oil always does the trick for me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:21 AM Flag
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TY. I'll try it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:34 AM Flag
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Cerave Healing Ointment, https://www.cerave.com/skincare/moisturizers/healing-ointment, slater on hands/wear gloves and feet/wear socks. Works great. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:31 AM Flag
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TY. This looks great. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:33 AM Flag
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DS uses the cerave in the tub, the only thing that keeps him from getting bumpy skin in the winter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:02 PM Flag
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My derm recommended roche posey lipikor and it does seem to help [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:51 AM Flag
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Np: thx. Just ordered some [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:28 AM Flag
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+1 I use this as well, I have extremely dry feet and this makes them feel human-like instead of hooves. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:43 AM Flag
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Keep a bottle of baby oil in your shower. Rub all over after you’ve showered but before you dry off. It will make a huge difference and it’s cheap. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:08 AM Flag
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Cetaphil every night. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:51 PM Flag
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Lotion is a temporary band-aid. Real moisture comes from inside your body. Eat and drink better, including lots of foods rich in iron, copper, vitamin C, calcium, omega-3 and omega 6 fats, and proteins, and drink 2-4 liters of water every day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:17 PM Flag
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Vanicream moisturizing lotion. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:45 PM Flag
[ - ] For past few months when my period comes around, I feel extremely down and I am beyond tired. I just want to sleep all day. I’ve gotten thyroid and iron levels checked. Anything else to check for or things that might help me cope? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:52 AM Flag
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low dose of sertraline or prozac [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:31 AM Flag
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Copper. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:17 PM Flag
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My mom was Vitamin B-12 deficient as is dh. Both have taken either shots or drops from health food/vitamin shoppes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:06 PM Flag
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I had this after my twins were born. They were about 15 mos old and it was not at all normal--I felt like a truck hit me those few days (as opposed to caring for twins 24/7 exhaustion:)). I started taking rhodiola. Game changer. Don't need it like I used to, but I still take a low dose. Took a break from it when I got pregnant and was nursing a third. GL. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 07:34 PM Flag
[ - ] How do you define success for your child? 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:15 AM Flag
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Self-sufficient and happy. The rest is up to them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:41 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 05:16 AM Flag
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+2 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:50 PM Flag
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+3 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:18 PM Flag
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Loving relationships, work which allows him to use his talents and interests, resilence, a tremendous work ethic, the ability to live within his means and save for the future..and, of course, an appropriately close relationship with his parents. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:01 AM Flag
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Able to form and maintain long term goals and relationships [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:10 AM Flag
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not married into a family who will potentially mooch off him. Yes, I'm projecting. BIL has been unemployed for a year, asks us for money. My mom worries that my income/wealth will go toward supporting him and his family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:48 AM Flag
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^trying to be objective, I want DS's to be healthy, happy, good people. I guess the rest is filler. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:49 AM Flag
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Do you earn a lot of money? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:24 AM Flag
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ok here I go derailing the thread... bil has a decent standard of living, has an inheritance he's spending, plus spends the interest of DH's inheritance (which dh hasn't touched and continues to give bil+mil). before hitting up dh for money, I'd expect bil to seriously look for a job, sell the family property and spend his share of cash from that sale. IL's don't think I earn much but think DH earns a lot (neither is true). Anyway, I don't think my situation is too bad, but I can see how it would be a bad situation for dc's to marry into a family of moochers. (mil has also occasionally asked dh for money despite no real reason to. each time dh has said no - so far) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:06 AM Flag
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Happy and has a decent job [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:22 AM Flag
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I think it's important to remember that time flows and your dc's situation this year is not necessarily their situation 5 yrs later. When I started a business my mom freaked out (while trying to be "supportive" lol) - but 3 yrs later when business took off she was relieved. Today (9yrs later) I think she's pretty proud of my work/income. When I first started she probably thought I would not be successful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:54 AM Flag
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If they are happy and able to adult [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:26 AM Flag
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Right now, if he has friends and is doing well in school. As they get older same, but an understanding of their privilege and a desire to use it to make the world a better place. When out of college, to find a career they enjoy and to be resonbile with money. Eventually marry someone who loves them for who they are (and vice versa) and give me grand babies to spoil [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:14 AM Flag
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happy, capable, productive, compassionate, and comfortable in their own skin. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:54 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone transfer to Bard, Baccalaureate or Townsend Harris during for sophomore year? GPA in 8th grade 98, tests were in 98% percentile as well. DC doing well academically in Honors track in private, but not so much socially. They are probably only 2-3 kids on her level, she tells me she is "stifled by mediocrity". She also noted rampant cheating in school and it doesn't sit well with us. We can't transfer to SHS, and local public is not very safe. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:26 PM Flag
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Eye roll. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:33 PM Flag
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Home school is your only option then. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:41 PM Flag
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My dd transferred out of NYC schools and went to Bard Simon's Rock. It was good for at that time b/c they are smaller classes in symposium style and she was with kids that were really feeling stifled (despite some eyerolls by others). She then got her GED, then transferred out of Bard SR to another college. She's 2 years ahead of her cohort in graduation rate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:52 PM Flag
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You lost me at “stifled by mediocrity” [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:03 AM Flag
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Stop, these are teenagers full of drama. It's their way of expressing that are not fitting in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:19 AM Flag
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It’s not that. It is the whole tone of this post. She’s on the Honors track, but there are probably only 2-3 kids at her level? There is rampant cheating? And sorry, but if my kid said she was stifled by mediocrity at school I wouldn’t repeat that phrasing. OP could just say she’s not challenged or that she’s bored. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:24 AM Flag
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Some don't though. My dd was above the pack and her friends were not that into learning. She enjoyed higher learning. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:18 AM Flag
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You can get into a SHS for 10th. Take the SHSAT in the fall. Depends how !any spots there are [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:06 AM Flag
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She did not sit for SHSAT unfortunately. We are trying to transfer to a more challenging private, but it will be more significantly more expensive and I am not sure if we can pull it off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:23 AM Flag
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there can be attrition, but don't bank on it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:33 AM Flag
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Won't be cheaper, but there is always boarding school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:27 AM Flag
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How can you transfer to these very sought after schools after missing the application deadline in December? That is my biggest et peeve, btw. December 1 is very early for a student to make a decision about submitting out an application [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:44 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone bought a Moncler ski jacket lately? I have two older ones that are a size 1 but are a looser fit. I recently tried on. size 2 in a store and it was tight. I am looking to order one online but not sure how the sizes are running these days. If you have one you ought recently can you please share you apron measurements and what size fits you? TIA 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:22 PM Flag
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you are not going to get a Moncler now.. those are all sold out by early fall [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:26 PM Flag
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not really at all. there are dozens of styles available [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:35 PM Flag
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what are apron measurements? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:42 PM Flag
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Sorry *approximate measurements [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:55 PM Flag
[ - ] Need some college admissions advice. DC is getting interview requests from UPenn and Brown that are "virtual interviews", i.e via Skype, or advised to upload "video portfolio". Considering that we are in NYC and they probably have tons of alumni available, should I presume that they are not as interested? FWIW, the Emory alumni interview was in person in NYC. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:18 PM Flag
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Not totally sure but I did read the Brown info closely because DD had originally planned to apply. My understanding was that they were equally happy with interview or video submission, one truly not valued over the other. Given the general low importance of alumni interviews - as far as I understand - I would not interpret this as lack of interest from Brown. I would more think it's up to the kid to decide which option they prefer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:35 AM Flag
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A video interviews works better than an alum interview. A video interview records the interview for multiple reviewers to see, vs an alum who is the only one to pass judgement [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:40 AM Flag
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The alumni interviews don't count for anything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:08 AM Flag
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ITA - not worth thinking about at all. Although, if invited she should do it. We are in NYC and dc has 6 interviews, 4 in-person and 2 on facetime. It doesn't make any difference. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:43 AM Flag
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I do interviewing for one of these schools and do not believe whether the interview is in person or virtual matters. Good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:37 AM Flag
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This! I'm also an alumni interviewer for one of these schools and Skype and in person interviews are treated the same. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:05 AM Flag
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I do alumni interviewing for one of these schools and know that they are struggling to recruit enough alumni to keep pace with the rise in applications. I think the virtual option has arisen because of this disparity and should not be viewed as a signal of any sort. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:07 AM Flag
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I used to do alumni interviews for one of these schools and ITA. Btw, I quit because they were a lot of work and had no influence on whether or not the kid got in. It was all free marketing labor for the school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:52 PM Flag
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They don't care. It makes no difference and is such a small part of the picture. Interviews are done to keep alumni engaged. what good would it do to read into this anyway? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:50 PM Flag
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I was an alumni interviewer for Brown. FWIW I agree that it's probably mainly to keep alumni engaged, and that admissions officers don't seem to put much stock in alumni interviews. A long time ago when I was at Brown I worked in the admissions office for a month over christmas break and observed the same thing. I'm not speaking for Brown or anyone but myself though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 09:01 PM Flag
[ - ] Has anybody been shut out of schools like Birch and Léman for MS with decent grades and average ISEE? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 10:51 PM Flag
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I think these schools sometimes WL kids who they don’t think want to come. What do you consider average isee? I think teacher reports are more important than people realize. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:06 PM Flag
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And the problem with WL is a lot of schools never go to WL for middle.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:07 PM Flag
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Really? Why not? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:07 AM Flag
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That surprises me. They don't have the PSD brokering like they do in K, so really don't know who is serious. Any likely places like Dalton get all the FC letters (to the extent people send them). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:42 PM Flag
[ - ] What are some of your favorite condiments? How do you use them? 70 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 10:48 PM Flag
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Recently discovered curry ketchup. I use it where. I typically would use regular ketchup. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 10:53 PM Flag
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+ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:33 AM Flag
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I like a Harissa called cHarissa. It gives extra flavor to soups, or stews. I recently used it on sautéed beans. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 10:55 PM Flag
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https://www.charissaspice.com/ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 10:58 PM Flag
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+ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:33 AM Flag
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Op-or spices? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:00 PM Flag
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Cumin. Sea vegetables I use like spices (replied below). Black garlic. White pepper just looks nicer than the little black flecks and some people whinge about pepper IF they can see it. Celery salt. I like spice blends like curry (experiment), pumpkin pie spice I'll use year round often instead of cinnamon. Experiment. I don't like cloves, I like ginger and it's good for you so I look for a spice higher in ginger and no cloves. Remember to buy fresh or grind your own and replace often. Check expiry labels when you buy too - my most recent purchase was expired :( Tomato paste in the tube. Anchovies paste in the tube. Umami/meaty/smoky, not fishy. Cashew butter for mouth feel, doesn't have a flavour. I feel like I'm forgetting a lot. HTH oh! Jalapeño powder. Lot that! More than hot sauce and cayenne. Smoked paprika from Turkey. I was using cocoa powder to experiment but learned that's high in heavy metals and bad stuff so stopped that and grinding cocoa nibs just isn't the same. Experiment with coffee too - interesting with fish and meat. Mesquite powder in baking, desserts. There's a book you can buy that shows you the flavour combinations - like raspberries with crab and almond with red meat. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:48 AM Flag
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sooo many. cumin, coriander, turmeric, ginger, mustard seeds, basil, thyme are probably the most common. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 10:44 PM Flag
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Hoisin sauce on shredded chicken. Oyster sauce on steamed broccoli. Sesame oil on vegetables. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:10 PM Flag
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Yum-- my new thing is to simply brush Hoisin over a pork tenderloin, oven t@ 400, and in 25 minutes it's done & delicious. I like Oyster sauce too, and Sesame Oil as a finishing oil--so good! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:24 PM Flag
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cinnamon. put it in my yogurt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:10 PM Flag
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+ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:33 AM Flag
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It's good this time of year too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 10:37 PM Flag
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Gag [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 11:26 PM Flag
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Oregano on lemon potatoes, and lemon chicken [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:25 PM Flag
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Cookie butter in my Greek yogurt. Olive spread on crackers. Sesame oil on raw baby carrots [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:39 PM Flag
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tapenade? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:33 AM Flag
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Kewpie Japanese mayonnaise. It is not my favorite but it is a tasty mayonnaise. I use it where I would use regular mayonnaise. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:00 AM Flag
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how does it taste differently? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:33 AM Flag
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I really don’t know how to describe it but if you had a spicy California roll, the sauce is made using Japanese mayo. I like to use it especially when I have a boiled eggs. It’s very rich so you don’t need much to get a really nice flavor. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:50 PM Flag
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Salsa. Erode. Tacos, bean stews, sautéed beans. I add it to any protein when I want some Mexican flavor. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:01 AM Flag
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*Salsa Verde* [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:01 AM Flag
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+ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:34 AM Flag
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What's erode? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:33 AM Flag
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Spelling error. Autocorrect changed verde to erode [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:50 PM Flag
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Japanese sesame salad dressing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:48 AM Flag
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Kensington dijonnaise [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:48 AM Flag
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piment d'espellettes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:48 AM Flag
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Tajin - fruit, chips, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:26 AM Flag
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Horseradish sauce. Obsessed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:29 AM Flag
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I love hot sauce and use it on almost anything [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:44 AM Flag
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I put that shit on everything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:09 AM Flag
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+ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:34 AM Flag
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Does no one here appreciate mustard?!? Mustard is amazing. On sandwiches, in potato salad and deviled eggs, on roast pork, on burgers, in salad dressing, in marinades. And there's so many different kinds. I could go on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:09 AM Flag
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I like really spicy mustard [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:19 AM Flag
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+ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:34 AM Flag
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I like the super grainy French kinds! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 02:25 PM Flag
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So I just tried vegemite for the first time (my daughter is doing a project on Australia) and I think I am going to incorporate it more! Salty and umami. Yum. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:14 AM Flag
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How do you think you will use it. I bought it once and tossed it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:19 AM Flag
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NP I logged in to add how I do - I dip almonds. You might like marmite more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:35 AM Flag
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It’s deliciously salty and malty. It was good on buttered toast. I may add avocado. May make vegemite and cheese sandwiches in lieu of pb&j- lots of B vitamins. I’m going to try vegemite brownies with my daughter for her project. Apparently it’s good for marinades as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:02 PM Flag
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Please post update on the brownies. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 10:38 PM Flag
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Buttered toast and a small slice of cheddar. So good! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:48 PM Flag
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Salivating [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 11:28 PM Flag
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Sour cream. Soups, pierogies, other pastas, stews, sautéed vegetables [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:20 AM Flag
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Toum on everything (middle eastern garlic spread) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:48 AM Flag
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+ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:35 AM Flag
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Ajvar, which is an eggplant/pepper spread. I could it it with a spoon [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:49 AM Flag
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And zakuska which is similar [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:49 AM Flag
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+ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:35 AM Flag
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zakuska means an appetizer in Russian [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 08:56 PM Flag
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np. But that poster is referencing a specific pepper spread similar to avjar. Every country in that part of Europe has its own variation, it even varies from village to village in the same country. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 10:41 PM Flag
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^^The stores in Astoria and Woodside have them all, it's good to experiment. I used to eat them on buttered bread, or spread on a slice and topped with feta cheese. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 10:42 PM Flag
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I put a + next to everything I do too instead of repeating ORs. I also like shredded nori on almost everything. I hate sesame oil so sometimes it's difficult to find nori without that. I like sesame seeds if you find that mixed that's good too. I sprinkle red dulse on a lot of things. I use kelp dust and similar sea vegetables sparingly on cooked food and stews often to replace salt. I use smoked salt on...experiment. I experimented with tahini but it never turns out as well as restaurants so I gave up. I went through a white balsamic vinegar as salad dressing phase. Also a dijon mustard balsamic vinegar phase better with shallots and herbs mixed in. I like fresh cilantro but it is perishable and the easiest to use. I mix garlic hummus and tinned tuna together. Eat with romanic lettuce like a dip. Green chilis are yummy on lots. I went through a frank's hot sauce phase pretty sure I would have eaten anything in that then. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:41 AM Flag
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If you like shredded nori, get some Furikake to sprinkle over everything - heaven! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:23 PM Flag
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+1 to furikake. It is so simple to use. I make brown rice in my rice cooker, and sprinkle some in there at the end and have with either a clean protein and/or vegetables. My Whole family loves it. Just beware of the sodium content. Use it very sparingly. A lot goes a long way. Some of the different flavors have higher sodium. Look for low sodium varieties [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:54 PM Flag
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Vintage which is a grilled pepper spread from Romania [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:54 PM Flag
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*vinate* [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:55 PM Flag
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Sriracha Mayo [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:56 PM Flag
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Sesame seeds [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:56 PM Flag
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I have been using yogurt in place of sour cream [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 07:54 PM Flag
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Thai peanut sauceL great for vegetable dips, rice, salads, protein. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 08:48 PM Flag
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Yes! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 09:48 PM Flag
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Just tried Piri Piri sauce. I like it and use it where I would hot sauce [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 09:48 PM Flag
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Sriracha but that is nothing special these days [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 09:50 PM Flag
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Berbere spice powder in beans. Typically found in Ethiopian cooking [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 09:51 PM Flag
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Za’atar, salads, bread. African spice [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 09:52 PM Flag
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Glazed balsamic in sandwiches or salad [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 09:53 PM Flag
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Here is an interest read for you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 09:57 PM Flag
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https://www.thekitchn.com/spice-mixes-189368 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 09:57 PM Flag
[ - ] Parents of recent college grads of unimpressive colleges..how are your children faring? 31 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 10:37 PM Flag
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Not a parent, but an aunt of a grad of Arizona State. He was always very business minded, selling used phones on EBay which he purchased on Craig's list. Got his real estate license and now with a national real estate firm. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 10:38 PM Flag
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Arizona State is unimpressive? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 10:54 PM Flag
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Yeah. ASU is unimpressive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 10:56 PM Flag
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Agreed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 10:58 PM Flag
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+2. But I like this story OR. Maybe it can help the rest of us/them chill out about college. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:00 PM Flag
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Aunt above: He's doing really well. His ultimate goal is to own a number of rental properties and I believe he'll get there. OTOH, his brother with a 146 I.Q. is a professional intern since he can never find a job good enough for him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:02 PM Flag
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I'm the person who said ASU isn't impressive. You can do well going there. There's nothing wrong with the university--they have some good programs--but traditionally it hasn't been tough to get into. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:25 PM Flag
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np: This. Very high acceptance rate but I also know people who went there or whose kids went there and were very happy. I would be fine with my kids going there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:30 PM Flag
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I think that's it. It does have a very high acceptance rate and it is a good fit for kids who may need time to get their academics up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:02 AM Flag
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Maybe so, though the only ASU grad I've met was student at Stanford Law School, went on to a pretty prestigious career. He was surrounded by people who went to much fancier undergrads and did just fine for himself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 12:29 AM Flag
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never underestimate a top grad from a state school. fwiw, when i hired interns, the hardest working ones had felt they had the most to prove. The Ivy interns spent more time signaling to each other about their perceived importance than showing us what they could really do. i've rarely been disappointed by a state school hire. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:30 AM Flag
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Same. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:04 PM Flag
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ASU has the finest Honors College of any public university in the US. My dad is top in her class, and it's her first choice. Phenomenal school and internship programs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:01 AM Flag
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Illinois State. Interested in medical school. Now an EMT and studying for the MCAT. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 10:59 PM Flag
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U of I, occupational therapy, then masters', now owns her own practice managing several other OTs, Waiting list for her services. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:03 PM Flag
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Ball State, 2nd grade teacher in an urban school. One of the happiest people I know. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:03 PM Flag
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Love this. You did a good job parenting! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:08 AM Flag
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I’m not sure why people are answering you honestly. But your questions is super obnoxious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.27.20, 11:28 PM Flag
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Ah, thanks for your comment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:02 AM Flag
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np here - I think she's just phrasing it honestly. Would you prefer she said "grads of non top100 colleges?" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:50 AM Flag
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I am answering this obnoxious question because there are others on UB who are caught up in these top schools and causing anxiety in their kids over nonsense. Let your kid live their life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 10:24 AM Flag
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My child graduated an unimpressive SUNY and he is an accountant with no debt. He has his own apt and is happy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:14 AM Flag
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Beautiful! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:16 AM Flag
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That's amazing! For for him! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:49 PM Flag
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U of Rochester- UB unimpressive. Dd was employed as a business analyst right out of school, sharing an apt with friends in the city. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 01:49 AM Flag
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Rochester is a great school! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 04:34 AM Flag
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It is ranked #29 on US News & World Report's list of National Universities. I don't think that is what OP means by "unimpressive" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 06:42 PM Flag
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I think anyone who goes to college is impressive. Only an a-hole "ranks" people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 03:52 AM Flag
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I agree, you can’t rank people, but you can rank their achievements. Not everyone can be a Nobel Prize Laureate... why is it so hard to accept for some people that there are prestigious universities and high-achieving individuals? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 09:24 AM Flag
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I graduated from a top-tier university abroad. One of our brilliant graduates is a professor at ASU, could have gone anywhere including ivies but preferred to stay there because has more influence, actively engaged in establishing many institutions there, still very enthusiastic about work after 20 years. Just because of this, I believe ASU is a great university. Also I know UofRochester graduates who are now professors at other top-tier universities. Long story short, it doesn't matter where you go but matters what you do with it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 07:54 PM Flag
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I love this post. It's a good reality check for us anxious parents of pre-college kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.28.20, 11:09 PM Flag
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