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[ - ] has anyone started randomly receiving magazines they did not subscribe to? in nyc. we have been receiving sports illustrated for over a month now (and i'm a single mom with a young dd). now i just got an issue of US magazine. what gives? no credit card charges that i can determine. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:49 PM Flag
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They're probably pumping up their circ. I got Time for years for free. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:49 PM Flag
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This. Subscriptions don't pay for magazine production, advertisements do. But the advertisers want high and increasing circulation numbers, so the mags send them out for free. I've gotten some this way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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sounds like someone is signing you up with the bill me later option [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:50 PM Flag
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this is devious... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:51 PM Flag
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it is [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:53 PM Flag
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have you made any enemies op? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:53 PM Flag
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yes, we have received a few recently, but not the ones you noted. one was fashion. I have not subscribed [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:56 PM Flag
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What they do is when a mag you are subscribed to gets canceled they just start sending you a different magazine they offer so they don't have to refund the money. I started getting gold digest out of the blue and that's what happened. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:23 PM Flag
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all the time [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 05:00 PM Flag
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I get them when I buy things from certain websites. I am usually really pleased with the subscriptions I get. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 05:27 PM Flag
[ - ] We pay our nanny $15/hr for 50 hrs per week. Is that pretty market? If paying on the books, should we offer to gross up? If not, her take home would be in the $13's which I'm sure is less than she expects. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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By New York State law, all work over 40 hours a week is paid at time and a half for hourly workers. Household employees are defined as hourly workers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:52 PM Flag
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$13's? $750 is 15x50. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:53 PM Flag
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You should discuss it with your nanny. The decision is between both of you; it's not just up to you. If you aren't paying enough, she'll work someplace else. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:56 PM Flag
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Yes, you should "gross up". 13 is low and that's part of why the industry is so much off books, because many employers don't want to pay more, and the nannies can't live on less, especially in this city. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:57 PM Flag
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OP is only paying $13.64/hour now for 40 hours week + 10 hours at time and a half. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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yep. gross up and pay time and a half. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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15 for one kid after tax is standard. i gross up to $18 for that reason :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:00 PM Flag
[ - ] New York Times article on arrested Bronx Science debate coach: 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:46 PM Flag
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This is going to sound terrible, but I'm shocked he's going to be punished they way others are. I guess even in child pornography there's a continuum of bad. He's definitely in it, but definitely at the less bad end of the continuum. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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He abused his position of considerable power. I hope this makes parents look more closely at their children's teachers and mentors and be aware of anyone overstepping the boundaries. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:12 PM Flag
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Yes. Parents are too trusting of male teachers in general. Plenty of straight teachers go after the young girls. Plenty. Professors are pretty bad too because they figure they can get away with it because the girl is 18. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 05:04 PM Flag
[ - ] My DH sucks at birthdays. I know this but each year I am still disappointed. He has good intentions but never follows through. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:46 PM Flag
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Aw sorry. I know how it is :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:54 PM Flag
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Thanks. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:56 PM Flag
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Some things your spouse is just not going to do well. I plan every vacation, every outing. It's annoying, but I know I wouldn't be satisfied w what he planned because he would put zero thought and planning in to it. Soooo he's good at other things. Sounds like you need to let him know exactly what you want. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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OP- yeah, I try that tactic but it hasn't worked. This year he he offered diamond earrings (awesome!) but he spent 2 weeks researching but never bought any. I will get no gift today. I told him which cake I wanted a few weeks ag but he never ordered it and then yesterday he was "not feeling well" so asked me to order my own cake. I'm at a loss. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:09 PM Flag
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np: OK, that is annoying. If it was just that he wasn't doing much, well, a lot of couples don't make adult birthdays into a big production, but telling you he'll do something and then just not doing it is really annoying. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:24 PM Flag
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OP- yeah annoying! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:31 PM Flag
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You're being too passive. If he offers earrings go with him and pick them out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:55 PM Flag
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Your birthday? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:13 PM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:31 PM Flag
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I cry every yr on my birthday. It's horrible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:30 PM Flag
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OP- oh no I'm sorry. Why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:32 PM Flag
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Me too! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:48 PM Flag
[ - ] UB has turned me off men completely. Or else it confirmed what I always negatively suspected. I'm divorced and staying single, screw this. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:44 PM Flag
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My marriage isn't perfect, but I love my husband and he is truly one of the good ones. I was happy single, but I think my life is better for us having each other. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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I find UB to be an interesting barometer. UB constantly seems to be about leveling the playing field. Even hint that you have some kind of advantage that someone else doesn't, and your motives are questioned as selfish, lazy, entitled, striver, mercenary, parasitic, shallow. Jesus, you can't even have cable or toss a plastic bottle or decide not to get a divorce, because goddammit that's not what we do/did, so you suck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:08 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:17 PM Flag
[ - ] I wish someone would guess my age on the grandparents thread :( 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:43 PM Flag
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53 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:45 PM Flag
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31 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:51 PM Flag
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LOL! Love you guys- and I will be 31 this year! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:53 PM Flag
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uh Love is a strong word for UB responders...lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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Love sometimes, hate at other times, want to find in real life and explain exactly how stupid they are often ;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:11 PM Flag
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61 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:52 PM Flag
[ - ] Do colleges ever see NYS Regents test scores? I've been assuming they don't. TIA 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 03.28.15, 03:36 PM Flag
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They're on kids transcripts if they took them. So, yes. The important question is do private or out of state colleges care about them? Usually not. SUNY's and CUNY's care. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:45 PM Flag
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I thought they did, that's why you study to get good grade. Its on your transcript. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:57 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you ever give your DH HJs? 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:31 PM Flag
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Never in 12 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:32 PM Flag
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All the time. That's all he gets. Sometimes in public under the table. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:33 PM Flag
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klassy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:34 PM Flag
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Yeah, nobody ever notices [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:36 PM Flag
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When I was pregnant [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:33 PM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:33 PM Flag
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No [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:33 PM Flag
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Once or twice. He prefers oral. So do I. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:38 PM Flag
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You would rather blow him than jerk it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:40 PM Flag
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Nice way of putting it, but yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:42 PM Flag
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Yes, he loves them. I find them so boring. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:58 PM Flag
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DH: HJ is all I get. She hates oral, and, no joke, the rare times she wants to have sex I can't enter her because she's so nervous and unable to be aroused that I can't enter her. I'm "average", maybe a tad thick, so it's not because I'm huge. It's because she was raped at age 20 and can't relax. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:59 PM Flag
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^^ TMI, I know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:59 PM Flag
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aw that's really sad :( is your wife getting therapy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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Do you have kids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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Sucks for both of you. Has she gone to therapy? Maybe some couples therapy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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OR: tons of therapy. I've given up. It used to be ok, but after our first DC it went downhill and after our 2nd it disappeared completely. Therapy in some ways made it worse. It made it more clear that there will always be one more new reason or hurdle preventing us from having sex. And I'm sensual by nature. Love te before and after as much as te during. And she wishes the whole thing could be just 15 minutes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:20 PM Flag
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^^ and she has been going to therapy once or twice a week for ages. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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I'm so glad my faith doesn't condone this sort of perverse sexual activity. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:18 PM Flag
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HJ is perverse? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:22 PM Flag
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Yes, BJs too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:51 PM Flag
[ - ] omg when is Easter? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:26 PM Flag
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a week from tomorrow--unless you are greek. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:28 PM Flag
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next sunday [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:28 PM Flag
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Tomorrow. Did you forget? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:28 PM Flag
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yes i did. omg [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:30 PM Flag
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Tomorrow is Palm Sunday. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:54 PM Flag
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It is not tomorrow [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:53 PM Flag
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You've got time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:07 PM Flag
[ - ] 17 month DB had 104.5 at 6 am Motrin brought it down to 101 and he has no other symptoms. Call the doc or see how it goes? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:24 PM Flag
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call the pedi- MD'S DW here [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:25 PM Flag
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what specialty is your dh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:28 PM Flag
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I've never heard any one call a pediatrician a "pedi" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:42 PM Flag
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How on earth are you an authority? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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I wonder if its the same "Doctor's wife" from yesterday. She responded the same way and stated her "medical opinon" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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Call. That's scary high. Dd was like that once, they said to keep her cool by any means necessary, tepid bath, ice pack, whatever she would tolerate. For medication alternate Tylenol and Motrin so it never has a chance to wear off and spike. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:29 PM Flag
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+1 also ice packs under arm pits and where the femoral artery (groin area) lay, help a lot too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:54 PM Flag
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I'd call the doctor but not panic--little kids can spike crazy-high fevers without a problem. An adult, though, would be in trouble with 104.5. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:51 PM Flag
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I would call the doc to let them know the situation and ask at what point do they think it's necessary to be seen by the doc. You can toggle meds w Tylenol. If your kid remains listless through meds (and not just when meds are wearing off which is normal) and can't keep liquids down, or shows signs of dehydration, I would bring him in. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:09 PM Flag
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OP- spoke to the doc who said not to worry about the number. Make sure he is drinking and peeing and give him fever reducer to keep him comfortable. She also said no cool baths or ice packs she said that was barbaric. :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:21 PM Flag
[ - ] I don't understand why anyone would keep expensive cable when they can buy a really good over-the-air digital antenna for $30 on amazon and then add netflix and hulu to the mix. 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:21 PM Flag
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where do you put the antenna? on your roof or on the tv? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:23 PM Flag
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on a book shelf next to the TV stand [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:26 PM Flag
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I was on that other thread. Seems like sports games and basic cable are still something we like. I can't always get all the programming I like to watch through the other services, like Housewives and TLC. DH likes to have bar nights with like 3 games or 2 games and news going on at once on big screens. I dunno. I see your logic, but I guess we still use it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:24 PM Flag
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hulu has the housewives, youtube has pirated episodes of that and versos tlc shows as well as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:29 PM Flag
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Hulu broadcasts current seasons? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:41 PM Flag
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yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:43 PM Flag
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you can go to a bistro / bar to watch games [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:30 PM Flag
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I can go to a restaurant to eat as well, but it doesn't mean I don't enjoy entertaining in my own home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:40 PM Flag
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That wouldn't fly with my husband. He's got his row of recliners and his big screens and beer on tap at home. He doesn't want to go to a bar and have 12 beers and worry about driving home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:47 PM Flag
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np. You know your husband is an alcoholic, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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Thanks for the tip. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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I can't afford to get a babysitter every time we want to watch games, we like to have people over to do that [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:57 PM Flag
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Please tell me how I do this. I can't afford cable anymore! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:26 PM Flag
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i have this OTA indoor antenna and love it; has great reception: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00795K7J8/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:28 PM Flag
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please provide the link to such antenna [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:28 PM Flag
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I don't understand why anyone would buy a really good over-the-air digital antenna for $30 on amazon and then add netflix and hulu to the mix when there are so many high-quality free streaming sites. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:34 PM Flag
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because not everyone likes to steal other people's copyrighted work ;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:36 PM Flag
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It's not stealing; there's no downloading, just streaming. It's no different from when we all used to watch network tv with aerial antennas. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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keep telling yourself that. if the aerial antenna can't capture it then it's not network TV; therefore watching that content on those streaming sites is illegal and you can get sued for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:51 PM Flag
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No, you can't. You can get sued for downloading. The site can get sued for streaming. Viewing what's on a site is not illegal. Also, as the model moves to non-commercial and as producers recognize that fewer and fewer people will pay for content, and other funding models come into play (like product placement), this whole issue is going away. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:53 PM Flag
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omg [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:56 PM Flag
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+1 Youtube has this down. There is too much free content in the world for pay tv to continue. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:57 PM Flag
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Lots of cool antennae channels out there. Ones with cool old movies and shows. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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Too much chance for viruses and spyware. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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like what? i've tried to find other sites, but they all look virus-y. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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I tried this and the antenna is not good. The picture is staticky. Did I do it wrong? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:46 PM Flag
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move it to a new spot - higher or lower, to the side. reprogram. based on your tv set, there are 2 ways to program it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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We like cable, we have FIOS and watch a lot of sports, it is the best option for us. I can't take my soccer obsessed 8 year old to a bar to watch games all weekend! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:55 PM Flag
[ - ] Okay, tell me that this should not bother me, but it is. I have a live-in that I pay a daily salary for cooking/cleaning/and supervising the kids. When she started, we discussed the daily tasks, but never set a schedule. So other than cleaning/tiding up in the morning and making dinner at certain hours, she is free to arrange her day. The thing is she never supervised the kids, not even 1 day for the whole year. Initially I did not say anything because I felt that she needed time to connect with the kids. As the whole year has gone by, I realized that she really does not enjoy children and hence has never made an effort to supervise the kids. So now she basically works in the morning and cook dinner and then enjoy the rest of the day to herself. She used to help clean up the breakfast tables on Sat. and Sun. before she leaves, now she does not do that, because these are her days off. 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:15 PM Flag
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why should she clean up your breakfast dishes on her day off? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:19 PM Flag
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NP: you are right, it's OPs responsibility to support this live-in as a family member whe also paying her but the live-in should do as little as possible like a teen [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:33 PM Flag
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Why have you tolerated this? Fire her immediately. Please tell me you don't have much responsibiilty at work because you have no clue how to manage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:20 PM Flag
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I am really thinking about firing her. Just need to find time to hire a new person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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Fire her, wtf?! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:24 PM Flag
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Why haven't you reiterated your expectations? Why do you think domestic employment is any different from other employment in that you, the boss/manager, talk to the hires about your expectatations? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:28 PM Flag
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This never works. I the BTDT poster below. Fire, replace with someone who is good at this type if work done. This woman is supposed to be there to make OPs life easier. OP isn't running corporate staff it's all human basic skills we are talking about [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:35 PM Flag
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Op has let a year go by with managing her hire. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:41 PM Flag
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^^ Op made a bad hire to begin with. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:41 PM Flag
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Yes, so the answer isn't OPs lack of management skills but to fire this bad hire and replace. It's very easy to make a mistake with domestic employee and best thing to do us to not try to manage her to be better but just replace [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:27 PM Flag
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I think you are right. Thanks for the advice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:49 PM Flag
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You should simply fire her and get someone new. I have BTDT and this is just going to be a never ending aggravation until you luck her out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:32 PM Flag
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I think you are right! I have tried several times for her to supervise the kids such as cleaning up, sorting their toys, etc. She does them for 5 to 10 minutes and walks away to "clean the table" or something household related that does not need to be done at the particular time for 5 to 10 minutes, then goes back to resting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:51 PM Flag
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Are you home when the supervision is supposed to take place? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:20 PM Flag
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Sometime when I work from home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 05:16 PM Flag
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When you say she doesn't supervise the kids, do you mean she's supposed to be babysitting but doesn't, or she's ignoring them? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:19 PM Flag
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They are in school until 3.30pm. I want her to supervise the kids in cleaning, sorting (any household related chores) and play with the kids if the kids ask. But she always tells them that she needs to clean and ignores them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 05:18 PM Flag
[ - ] I was reading an article on Ellen Pao, the woman who sued Kleiner Perkins and lost. Her husband was in an openly gay live-in relationship for 10 years before she met him. Would you marry a gay/bi man? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:09 PM Flag
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Nope. ex-dh was "bi" but he was really closeted gay and would cheat on me with rentboys from CL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:12 PM Flag
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Because you love each other and want to make a life together? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:12 PM Flag
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No [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:15 PM Flag
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No way in hell. It wouldn't even be a consideration. Her story reads like a movie plot. She probably desperately wanted a child as did he. She only knew him a few months before she married him. As an aside, he was pretty happy to sue but it sure did bite him in the ass. He's probably the one who encouraged her to sue KP. He is a huge scammer. Looks like he's going down in flames. http://nypost.com/2015/02/18/case-builds-against-former-ny-hedgie-buddy-fletcher/ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:18 PM Flag
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I read about that too yesterday...her life sounds like a mess [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:22 PM Flag
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Of course not! I have never met a man who said he was bi who wasn't really gay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:22 PM Flag
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Nope. Wouldn't marry anyone I didn't love and was attracted to. Marrying a bi/gay man would be like marrying a woman. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:38 PM Flag
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No, I wouldn't. But people in their 20s seem to approach relationships differently than my generation did. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:40 PM Flag
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Wow. I thought she was going to win! I wonder if she had been offered a settlement at any point? I wonder if she came off as unappealing in court, essentially proving the case for the defense. Anybody know? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:03 PM Flag
[ - ] I love love my baby. But I do find it annoying that as a woman your life changes far more after having a child than it does for a man. Even when it is the husband that pushes more for children than the wife, his life doesn't necessarily change all that much. No body changes, no societal expectation to be the primary caregiver; women are such significant financial contributors now too, that there is less pressure for men to be a provider. Just venting because I feel like I have to ask if I can go take a shower while he watches DB; meanwhile it's just a given that I will take care of the baby when he agrees to go to some sports event with his friends. Does anyone else feel like this? 24 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:08 PM Flag
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Yes, very common when they are little. Don't ask if you can take a shower, just do it, and consider it an investment in your future relationship dynamic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:10 PM Flag
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Does anyone not feel like this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:11 PM Flag
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Doctor wife doesn't. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:13 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:20 PM Flag
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NP: Do you mean wife of a doctor or wife who is a doctor? Ironically, I am both and feel similarly to OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:29 PM Flag
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There is a dh whose dw is a ped who vents about her on UB. She acts exactly like a man [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:37 PM Flag
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I don't. We make about the same amount. We share responsibility 50/50 (actually, he's probably on the 60 - 70 percent side). Yes, the body changes suck, but he's very understanding so I try not to beat myself up over it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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Yes, of course! I think it's more than a societal expectation, it's biology, we are just hard wired to do it. Seriously the only way I can describe the newborn phase is that I was like a robot, a section of my brain just switched 'on' when db was born. Dh doesn't have that but now at 2.5yo they have all sorts of fun together. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:13 PM Flag
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Yeah, but the man gets most of the benefit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:24 PM Flag
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Disagree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:29 PM Flag
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Why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:01 PM Flag
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This is why I don't and won't have kids. It's takes two to make them but takes just me from then on. I'm not geared to accept the unfairness without resentment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:18 PM Flag
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+1. I remember the day I realized this, and it was liberating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:25 PM Flag
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Agree. That is the shitty thing now. We are now expected to make a lot of money and to take care of the kid. Wake up at night, put kid to bed. It's really fucked up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:23 PM Flag
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and this is why i chose not to take on the "significant financial contributor" role... just too much to add to the mix. dh knows full well that this is his responsibility and he has fully stepped up to it (and then some). i know it's antiquated, and might come back to bite me in the ass, but at 37, 3 kids and still fun, relaxed and pretty hot, i'll take my odds.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:33 PM Flag
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It's only that way if you allow it. Stop asking, and just live your life. Expect him to do more, and he will. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:36 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:46 PM Flag
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Neither one of us asks to take a shower. Both of us ask if we can go out or do something more significant. I SAH. He works. Definitely more home things fall on me, but more outside work falls on him, so it's fair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:36 PM Flag
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Feminism made us equal earners but it can't change biology [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:36 PM Flag
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Biology makes men selfish bastards? I don't buy it. I think parents can do a lot to change this behavior by setting the bar higher for boys in terms of how they treat others. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:46 PM Flag
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Yes. Biology does make men selfish bastards, we have to fight it but history and what happens in Africa and other uncivilized countries tells us this is so. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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I totally understand what you are talking about. I'm SAHM now, and when I first started there was a lot of resentment. I didn't understand why he wouldn't help out, or made things more difficult for me (picking up his laundry off the floor when he could have just put it in the hamper himself). After a long talk I understand that the home is my "job" now. I think after a change of attitude/perspective my resentment ebbed away and DH saw it and he genuinely started helping out more (surprised me by doing dishes, unloading dish washer and cleaned the kitchen while I napped with db) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:59 PM Flag
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OP: DH is actually a really good guy and a very involved parent. But I don't think I truly anticipated the disparity in freedom that just seems to naturally evolve. It's a weird feeling as a new mom; I'm so in love with my baby, but I definitely miss just being able to get up and go. I know that's part of being a parent but it helps to vent and get some empathy on UB. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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Life is not fair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:12 PM Flag
[ - ] Leaving in about 15 minutes to go get laser hair removal. Doing my arms, legs, brazilian bikini, armpits, face and upper lip, hands and feet! 25 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:07 PM Flag
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Ouch [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:07 PM Flag
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Yeah... it's not so bad, but tonight I will be inflamed and tender. It's my second session, they said I will need about 5-8 sessions to really have lasting effects. I noticed the hair got a LOT thinner after the first session. I am polish with fair skin and have really thick dark hair, I've hated it my entire life. This was my 34th birthday present to myself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:11 PM Flag
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Np: Good for you! (I'm saying that with absolutely no sarcasm, total sincerity.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:36 PM Flag
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people still do brazilians? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:10 PM Flag
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All I know is I want the hair gone and I hate shaving! My hair is soooo thick. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:11 PM Flag
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Please don't get rid of all your pubic hair. You will be sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:25 PM Flag
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Lasered mom here, best thing ever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:31 PM Flag
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Gross. 70s bush is back and now you are tagging yourself as one of the stupid ones. If DH dies and you have to date your age will be obvious. Young women aren't doing this anymore. They really aren't. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 05:07 PM Flag
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How does this cost? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:14 PM Flag
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$450 ish per session, it's reasonable, I think. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:17 PM Flag
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That's awesome! I did it about 2 years ago and am sooooo happy with the results :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:15 PM Flag
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Did you get hair growing back later? or did it stay off? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:17 PM Flag
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Yes, a full year later I got a patch of 4 pubes! Lol. Now every once in a while I'll find a fine wispy hair somewhere, will continue to get annual touch up treatments [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:24 PM Flag
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Gross. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 05:08 PM Flag
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Why arms hands and feet? And face? How hirsute are you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:24 PM Flag
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lol this! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:59 PM Flag
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What is Brazilian bikini! Please don't go bald! It's out of fashion and you can't get the hair back! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:24 PM Flag
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It's not about "fashion" please stop caring how other people keep (or don't keep) their pubes! Np [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:30 PM Flag
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+1 No one else's business how you maintain down there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:32 PM Flag
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I don't care per se but it's so sad! Wow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 05:08 PM Flag
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I'm want to do this sooo bad! Where did you find a place for so cheap? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:27 PM Flag
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that's extreme. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:47 PM Flag
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how many sessions are you doing?? I did 5 sessions for upper lip and the hair is still there! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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Glad I'm not hairy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:13 PM Flag
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I'm not hairy either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 05:08 PM Flag
[ - ] How is Sutton Place for a family with young kids? It's within walking distance to DH's office but I'm hesitant because of the lack of parks in the area. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:03 PM Flag
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It is super safe and nice. You can walk to the park on east 52 nd [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:09 PM Flag
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Sutton is boring but nice [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:09 PM Flag
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what about 10 blocks north. there is a park at 76th and york [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:10 PM Flag
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Also looking in that area. Wish the 2nd ave train will open sooner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:15 PM Flag
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by the time you move and get settled it will be a year. the 10 min walk to lex is no big deal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:59 PM Flag
[ - ] Please recommend some great documentaries to watch! 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:01 PM Flag
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American Promise [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:02 PM Flag
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already seen, thanks though [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:14 PM Flag
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The Overnighters. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:05 PM Flag
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I'll add this to the watch list. I am currently not in the mood for a documentary that involves religion. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:16 PM Flag
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Kumare [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:05 PM Flag
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already seen [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:17 PM Flag
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Supersize me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:24 PM Flag
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My Architect by Nathaniel Kahn; The Stories We Tell by Sarah Polley (both are about families) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:44 PM Flag
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jiro meets sushi, first position, short game (all on netflix. really enjoyed jiro and short game-husband is an avid golfer and wants to teach our db) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:01 PM Flag
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love jiro and short game! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 05:13 PM Flag
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More Than Honey. Really interesting documentary about honey bees. I learned a lot! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 05:26 PM Flag
[ - ] I know DH is cheating on me and probably has been for most of marriage. Someone sent me an anonymous letter using my maiden name so it probably wasn't OW. It was an alert, hide some money, he's screwing other women. Been married over 30 years, 3 DC, last one finishing college in 2 years. Do I kick his butt to curb or wait til he dies to enjoy life? BTW, he just retired "involuntarily" and at 65, can't imagine a great market for his skills. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:01 PM Flag
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Kick him to the curb. Time for the next chapter. (I don't understand the maiden name thing.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:03 PM Flag
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Whoever sent anon. letter knew my maiden name, could have been anyone with access to DH work records but not OW. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:28 PM Flag
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Do you work? Is there any money to hide? How will you live if you divorce? One note of caution - divorce lawyers promise the world as far as what you can get for a settlement, but they rarely deliver. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:06 PM Flag
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I'd get out now. I did this 7 years ago and am much happier, living with someone wonderful who I trust completely now and would never cheat. I hated that feeling of not trusting dh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:08 PM Flag
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Depends on how much money there is and if you will be comfortable enough after a divorce to carry on the way you want to live your life. If your standard of life plummets, you're just biting off your nose to spite your face. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:13 PM Flag
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If you've been putting up with it for 30 years, what would make you want to start over now? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:14 PM Flag
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OP - We have small place at beach, NC, that I like and I do get a portion of each pension (2) and at 66, I can collect his social security. I may inherit a bit from my mother so should be fine. I hate him for losing job too. It was a "news" story in our small town. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:27 PM Flag
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Well, if he's outlived his usefulness as a spouse, that's something to consider. You have to be getting at least something out of it - ongoing financial support and access to continuing income; useful family stability or companionship. If he's gone south on all three and there are enough resources to get out of there comfortably, you may want to consider it, particularly since it sounds like there isn't going to be much *more* money coming down the line. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:35 PM Flag
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If you've been married more than 10 years, you get his ss. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:56 PM Flag
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If you get 1/2 of assets and its enough to have a good life I would walk and enjoy my life vs take care of him at old age [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:39 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:57 PM Flag
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There may not be a job market for his job skills, but I guarantee you there will be a market for his other "skills". Put some money away. When did you stop having sex with him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:41 PM Flag
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If you would be financially OK, then leave him but talk to an attorney right now to figure out how much you would realistically stand to net from the divorce, including what portion of his SS you could expect. Does he have children with any of these women? How old are you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:43 PM Flag
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OP: If I divorce him and get 1/2 of one pension, 1/3 of another and in a few years SS, I can add to my small pension from an early job and am fine. I have thought this out. No DCs will come back to where we live. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:50 PM Flag
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I'd still get a consult and start pulling together anything you can to document income, bank accounts, investments, etc. If he's been sly enough to have affairs all these years, there may be something else he's hiding. Good luck to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:54 PM Flag
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Do you like him? If not, get rid of him. If so, I'd just go about my life and look for some other company myself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:16 PM Flag
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What was the nature of the embarrassment of losing the job? Why was it news? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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OP: Basically he was fired, couched it as a sudden retirement. Small town, very public job. I really regret nixing some great offers about 10 years ago. Now he is blaming me for being stuck here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:53 PM Flag
[ - ] Name poll: Easton 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:00 PM Flag
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North's little sibling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 03:02 PM Flag
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Might as well name it: First Name: Pretensious. Middle Name: Mom [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.28.15, 04:11 PM Flag
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