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[ - ] NBD how do I choose between rentals? Should be NBD, or at least one property I feel strongly about, but all meh. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:05 PM Flag
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narrowed it down to 2 -op [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:11 AM Flag
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great location and best part of town, some view, amenities, older but very well maintained, exinlaws own a unit (but rent it out) in same complex but different building, central air, furnished, great floorplan [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:12 AM Flag
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This one. Location location location. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:20 AM Flag
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I think I would prefer this one because it has location, view, and amenities. While I like new, I prefer the other qualities more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:27 AM Flag
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https://imgur.com/a/TCbSWIN the photos are awful, shows much better, but again it's like 1990s are calling [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:28 AM Flag
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brand new, great style/colour, square footage, ground floor but elevated so safer than street level, no view, blocks from anything interesting/useful ie cafes, restaurants, shops, etc., no amenities, a/c like a motel (ie unit in each room), friend was in building (she's out of town for Easter so haven't been able to confirm if she's still there, and also, what she liked or doesn't like about the building), unfurnished [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:15 AM Flag
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there's a third option, but we were just spammed to oblivion, so I don't know if I should post again when that's gone, at which point it's late at night, so try again tomorrow? it's geographically between these two. fewer amenities, not as nice view but better than second option. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:44 AM Flag
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https://imgur.com/a/oN9eRDC the bedrooms would get smoking hot because south facing, tall windows, and it's also facing the street, so noise and light too, so i see why the owner put a bed basically in the den / open floor plan area because that would be colder, quieter, darker [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:47 AM Flag
[ - ] Random question (but it is Earth Day): does anyone have a stainless steel water bottle they like? I got one as a gift and it finally crapped out. I know there are a gazillion less expensive options. I want one that doesn’t sweat and isn’t cold to the touch. I bought one and it got so cold I couldn’t hold it. I bought another one for the DC and it didn’t keep liquid cold for very long. Thnx. 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:33 PM Flag
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I ordered a Hudro Flask for DD and she loves it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:38 PM Flag
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Sorry, Hydro, not Hudro [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:40 PM Flag
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I like the large Contigo. Not a water bottle per se, but holds enough and it's insulated, the lid locks for not spilling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:39 PM Flag
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I don't. But I do keep a good Gatorade bottle (even though plastic) for months after I drink the original drink because the mouth is wide and I can fit ice cubes in there. I've had most recent gatorade bottle for probably 5 months. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:50 PM Flag
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I thought plastic bottle leach chemicals over time [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:53 PM Flag
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I'm still alive so I don't know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:02 PM Flag
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I’m not one to freak out - I’ve certainly refilled plastic water bottles before - but it costs like 20-30 bucks to buy a water bottle. Why not use this on the regular? Smoking doesn’t kill you right away either [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:26 PM Flag
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It’s a cliche, but the Swell ones are great. Insulated, don’t make your hands cold, tight seal [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:55 PM Flag
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It’s a cliche, but the Swell ones are great. Insulated, don’t make your hands cold, tight seal [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:55 PM Flag
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Op- mine was a Swell. The kids dropped fifty times too many and it’s just not the same. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:15 PM Flag
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The Thermos ones are great. Better than Swell because you can put ice cubes in them easily. https://www.amazon.com/Thermos-Vacuum-Insulated-Stainless-Hydration/dp/B000FJ9DOK/ref=sr_1_17? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:01 PM Flag
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S'well has wide mouth ones now. I have one for coffee and one for water. Once you put coffee in one, it's kind of dedicated for that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:13 PM Flag
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Yup, I have one for coffee and one for water [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:23 PM Flag
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I love the Thermos for kids. They’ve had the same ones for 4+ years now. I just buy new valves and straws every so often. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:27 AM Flag
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Check The Wirecutter. NYT had an article and a link to the best stainless water bottles a couple of days ago. I'm pretty with the Stanley. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:05 PM Flag
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I have a Yeti which is amazing. Mostly use it for hot water but can use for cold too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:05 PM Flag
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what's so amazing about it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:11 PM Flag
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Is it a cup or a sealed water container you can put in your tote bag? I love my big 24 oz Yeti too. Arctic makes similary awesome products as well. Ps- I use the Bubba straws with the big tumblers. They’re soft rubber. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:30 AM Flag
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I would highly recommend glass! Bkr is the brand. I’ve dropped it many times and it’s never broken. Has a silicone outside. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:09 PM Flag
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People actually buy water bottles? There are zillions in every lost and found box in town. Just ask next time you’re at the library.. or gym... or school... or... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:01 AM Flag
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Also umbrellas [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:08 AM Flag
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I am pretty cool about things but that kinda skeeves me out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:25 AM Flag
[ - ] Do any Americans go to Le Rosey? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:16 PM Flag
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Why do you ask? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:18 PM Flag
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No. And very few Brits, only about 5% of the class. They really want more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:20 PM Flag
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Some, though not many. Why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:24 PM Flag
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I imagine. I went to boarding school and I've heard some things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:24 PM Flag
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I had a friend who did sophmore year there (she went to another bs the other 3 years. I’ve known a lot of people who have gone to other Swiss boarding schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:26 PM Flag
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It cracks me up whenever I hear a reference to Le Rosey (which isn't often, granted), because it reminds me of the Le Roissy, the chateau-dungeon in Story of O. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:32 PM Flag
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how old are you? I'm 29 and it reminds me of Roissy the blogger. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:31 PM Flag
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no, it is forbidden. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:11 PM Flag
[ - ] I am 48 an have $2m in brokerage which is basically my retirement savings. Also have $125K in actual retirement. I earn $200K/year (single). Want to buy a house. How much should I take out of brokerage to buy the house and then how much should I carry in mortgage? 38 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:00 PM Flag
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Ask your financial adviser. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:05 PM Flag
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I'm not sure he's all that good honestly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:13 PM Flag
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Then get one who is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:18 PM Flag
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This. What kind of FA allows someone to accumulate 2m in a taxable account and basically nothing tax deferred? Also fire your tax advisor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:22 PM Flag
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I second that, also make sure you are maxing out your 401(k) at work, and HSA if you have HDHP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:23 PM Flag
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NP: I’m guessing she inherited the 2m (or got it in a divorce settlement) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:27 PM Flag
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Sure, but she can slowly shift out $5500/year to non-deductible IRA/year. Max out the 401(k) deduction at work. Not too late since she has a stash to pull from if her living expenses are beyond what she earns if she maxes IRA and 401(k). It's 5500 + 19000 (and then goes up past 50 - 6500 + 19000 + 6000). That takes her to half a million dollars moved out to tax-deferred accounts in 10 years alone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:34 PM Flag
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^^ here - some calculators. Pretty nice - you get to 160k on the IRA assuming 5% and ~500k if you max out assuming 5% return and no employer match. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:38 PM Flag
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bank rate has a traditional IRA calculator as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:38 PM Flag
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No, reread the OP. 2m of "savings" and 200k income. Unless she was dirt poor until a year ago, there is no reason to be so dramatically under-using retirement accounts. OP, ask your smartest money friend for the name of their financial advisor. Sit with that person and plan your retirement properly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:39 PM Flag
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Why couldn't that be divorce or inheritance? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:40 PM Flag
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why should you care? she is asking for financial advice noter speculation on how she got it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:12 PM Flag
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seconding, too many nosey parkers on UB [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:52 PM Flag
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How she got it is relevant for why her accounts are so upside down. If she's making 200k a year, and has for at least a few years, she should have a half million or more in retirement. It's obvious she's just taking advice from internet trolls or a Crooked stock broker and not a professional financial advisor or Certified Financial Planner [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 06:45 AM Flag
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Hmmm yes and no. Currently, long term gains are taxed pretty darned low, and it might not be higher than her post-retirement bracket will be. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:19 AM Flag
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You should start shifting securities over to at least max out your IRA (non-deductible) to get tax-deferred savings. What is your rent now? I'd try to keep it the same nut. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:15 PM Flag
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^^ TBH, I would work backwards. What kind of place do you want to live in? Keep your mortgage + taxes/mtce to whatever your current rent is, then figure out the downpayment. Not hard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:20 PM Flag
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^^^ for example, a 400k mortgage is $2148 monthly, say another $1k for mtce (or cc and taxes) for a NYC apt. That puts you at ~$3200. Assume 20% dp, that's 500k total purchase. You take 100k out. I wouldn't be comfortable at your age, putting very much in your home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:25 PM Flag
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why not? I plan to live in it at least 5-10 years? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:56 PM Flag
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good advice, thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:10 PM Flag
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Houses I "want" are about $1m but don't know whether it's ok to take out $500K for this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:55 PM Flag
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NP I think that is too much. Do you need 1 million in house? That is almost half of your NW now. I would think you should shoot for 700k at the HIGHEST if you can find housing for that. Do 1/2 dp (350k) and then live on your earned income and pay your mortgage from that. Don't touch the rest of your investments. Max out your 401k at 18,500 and one IRA at 5,500. You will be sitting pretty for retirement if you don't overspend on housing. GL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:13 PM Flag
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I am looking at jobs now and one of them is in an area where the decent housing starts at about $800K. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:15 PM Flag
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The problem with places with high housing costs is that other stuff is a lot more expensive because businesses have to pay high $ for leases too. I'm sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:30 AM Flag
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OP: you'e probably right I'm just frustrated at what that can get where i'm looking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:16 PM Flag
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fabulous advice, thanks again [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:52 PM Flag
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seconding [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:10 PM Flag
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There’s no one answer to this? You need to figure out the price range for what the home you want/need will cost, then make a bunch of assumptions about how both your investments and home prices may perform (plus how long you work, future earnings and savings) and then decide what you are comfortable with based on the range of possible scenarios. Most financial advisers won’t do this for you, but there are a lot of resources online to help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:25 PM Flag
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OP: I really need someone else to figure this our for/with me. I have been looking online and am just confounded by all the information out there, since there is no one answer. Some say just do 2-3 multiple of income, others say ok to take out more for house, others say (like np above) that I am too old to buy a $1m house. So confused. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:52 PM Flag
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There’s no one answer - it’s just a matter of what you are comfortable with. If you take the 500k out, you will have less savings 20 years from now, how much less depends on how your investments perform, and the difference may or may not be offset by equity in the home. Do you want the security of liquid savings? Are you willing to work longer or live on less in retirement? These are all questions only you can answer for yourself, and you have to own it, because any advice you get will be colored by the person’s bias (or profit motive!) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:08 PM Flag
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She will have 1 million less in savings, maybe more, by retirement age. I think 500k is too much. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:14 PM Flag
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Case in point! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:16 PM Flag
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could you post some please? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:05 PM Flag
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OP: It's not all in stocks. It's about 60% bonds, 35% mutual funds/ETFs, and 5% individual stocks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:50 PM Flag
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Why do you want to buy a house? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:08 PM Flag
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because I have been renting ll my life and is seems like waste of money? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:14 PM Flag
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think of how else you can use that money other than being tied up in real estate [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:52 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone know the acceptance rate at Trinity High School (e.g. how many usually apply vs # accepted)? What if we also need for FA - does our change drastically become much smaller if we ask for FA? My DC will be applying in the fall, and want to gauge our odds. Thx. 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:00 PM Flag
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Are you URM? will your dc be first gen college? Are you Ivy alums? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:16 PM Flag
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Your kid's projected ISEE scores? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:16 PM Flag
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OP: URM. Not ivy alums. Not first-gen college (but 1st gen immigrants - does that make a difference?). Don't know about ISEE - haven't done anything with ISEE yet. However, my DS is an A student at school currently. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:40 AM Flag
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Nobody knows the stats. But it’s a whole lot harder with financial aid if you don’t have a hook. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:46 PM Flag
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Apply broadly. You never know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:47 PM Flag
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OP: thanks for the feedback so far. Just wondering if anyone has stats? For example, all the colleges have published admissions (e.g Harvard takes x%, Yale takes y%, etc). Just wondering what's the % for Trinity? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:41 AM Flag
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17% acceptance for Fall 2018. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:31 AM Flag
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Wow, that's really low. The odds are not good! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:05 AM Flag
[ - ] Geez, dc has another ear infection. He’s so tired and he just can’t sleep. Poor little guy, he’s only 3. I got an ear infection a few years ago and they really do hurt! I had forgotten the pain since it was 30 years that I had one. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:50 PM Flag
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Motrin [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:20 PM Flag
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A bad earache is the worst. Did you give him Motrin? Is he too young for an antihistamine like Benadryl? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:34 AM Flag
[ - ] Ok this is going to sound bad, but Is being overweight terribly uncomfortable? I’m 39 weeks pregnant and CAN’T WAIT to lose this midsection. Can’t imagine carrying extra weight all the time 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:45 PM Flag
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Being pregnant is uncomfortable because it puts weird and (in later pregnancy) weird and uncomfortable stresses that you're not used to on your body. For most other people you don't get 40lbs overweight in 9 months, and definitely not all in one place. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:02 PM Flag
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exactly. I am overweight and being pregnant is a different animal all together. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:11 PM Flag
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You really think it’s the same thing? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:20 PM Flag
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Lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:33 PM Flag
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Yes, it's pretty uncomfortable, although you don't always realize how much so and in what ways until you've lost the weight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:33 PM Flag
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this. When I gain weight, it feels like my stomach is stretched and pushing on my organs, [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:59 PM Flag
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I think that’s in your head! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:15 PM Flag
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Depends on how overweight. I don't think people put weight on as quickly as pregnancy. And certainly not all in one place like the expanding waist line of a pregnant woman. So it's one of those things that's so gradual I think most people don't notice. Like the OR below I noticed how much more active I felt, knees, joints, etc. and even laying down, pressure points on bones. Also feet size shrinks. But having a little bit of fat on my tummy to rest my hands on was comforting, for some strange reason. And I miss that, but not enough to be fat again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:01 PM Flag
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Being pregnant is really uncomfortable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:06 PM Flag
[ - ] 12 yo DD and 8 yo DS are locked in a love-hate war. which is to say, he loves her and is constantly goading her for her attention; she loves him and can't stand the goading; so they end up hitting each other a lot. Ignoring it doesn't work. Engaging with it doesn't work. So I should just...what? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:34 PM Flag
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You need to take your 12 year old out for ice cream or something and sit down and tell her how much he admires her, and that her reactions confuse you. Get her side of the story. That is, stop treating them like situations needing to be solved in the moment and sit down and listen to what your dd has to say. They're getting into physical scuffles trying to resolve emotional issues that they don't know how to solve themselves. They probably don't even recognize what's going on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:42 PM Flag
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Drink. That's what I do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:42 PM Flag
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My kids don't have this dynamic but they are the same age distance apart. When they squabble I make them do a job together where they have to work together. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:42 PM Flag
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smart! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:57 PM Flag
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Human behavior is shaped by positive reward vs. negative attention. Perhaps they want your attention and get it when they fight. Or you can keep praising ds when he leaves his sister alone. I think she deserves a bit of time way from him. He's younger and she's older and I used to just wrangle my youngest away from her brother so he could have space. I also gave him things to "help" me with (read to her, helped her with a project etc) and he got a kick out of being her mentor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:51 PM Flag
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I'm in the exact same situation. My 13 yr old DD and 9 yr old DS are constantly at odds, and I get so sad because DS loves her so much and she acts like she can't be bothered. She yells at him, gets mad at just about everything he does, and is just generally mean. What has helped is for me to sit her down and talk to her about her tone and try to get across that her brother is sensitive and younger, and that even if he may annoy her, it all comes from a place of love. I explain that how he treats his younger siblings and his peers will be shaped by the way she is treating him now, and I stress that we're trying to raise nice and loving kids, not bullies, so a good amount of that falls on her for being the oldest. So anytime she is nice to him, or agrees to play a game with him, I praise her for it and give her special snacks (like my personal supply of Godiva or whatever). I also added a daily dog walk that used to be just her, but now it's both of them, so they can spend a little time together, just the two of them and in an environment where there is not much they can fight about. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:51 PM Flag
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are you a younger sibling yourself? My little sister always sympathizes with her younger kids, and I always see the older one's point of view. Because I know younger siblings can be really, really annoying, lol. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:33 PM Flag
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Lol I'm an only so I know nothing of sibling rivalry myself. I do tell DD that I can accept how annoying DS is, just that it comes from a place of love bc he really looks up to her, and that his feelings are so easily hurt, but I do try to acknowledge her feelings too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:37 PM Flag
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Older sister, younger brother dynamic is tough bc little boys are annoying! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:54 PM Flag
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yup - grew up with one [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:34 PM Flag
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Older sisters can be real bitches. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:04 AM Flag
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And so can little brothers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:06 AM Flag
[ - ] I just signed in with a new account bc my previous account was suspended. Second time on here, although bizarrely my original account is still good but the ‘password reset’ instructions never seem to arrive as promised. Anyone know why the moderator bans accounts? I am snarky at times but never racist or trolling, and the only post I’ve ever had deleted as far as I know was a lawyer referral to a woman who said she needed help escaping her abusive husband. Not sure why that got me banned, but moderator, if you’re listening, you are ruining UB. 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:22 PM Flag
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What is this "password reset" instructions you talk of. You are only suspended or logged in successfully. There is no "banned" and there is no "password reset". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:28 PM Flag
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I can’t remember my original PW. There’s a link to reset that never arrives. And yes I am using the term ‘banned’ as a synonym for ‘suspended’. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:30 PM Flag
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OK I get that, but there literally is no "password reset" ... when you are suspended you're done with the email address you used to sign up to post. Trust me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:32 PM Flag
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Huh? The password reset is for the account that is not ‘suspended’. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:45 PM Flag
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I don't know what you're talking about. Sorry! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:50 PM Flag
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me either. np [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:59 AM Flag
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check your spam folder for PW reset email [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:12 AM Flag
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I don't think the moderator is making this a bad place. I disliked the Russian trolling as well as the racist supremacists. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:52 PM Flag
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+1 I'm with you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:53 PM Flag
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My theory is that the majority of people have left UB due to the invasion of the low IQ on here, not because of the moderator. I keeping hoping that smart people will return, but I'm disappointed every day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:27 PM Flag
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The most low IQ individual I see on UB lately is the one that whines about the moderator. End. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:35 PM Flag
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There you go. I agree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:39 PM Flag
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Oh please. Wait until your banned for nothing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:45 PM Flag
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"your" ... English please [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:03 PM Flag
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I've been here for 11 years and have said some really snarky things, even recently. Have not been "banned." I do see what people say are innocent posts being shut down because there were some clear attempts at trolling but under the guise of "oh, I'm really curious" or some shit like that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:11 PM Flag
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The low IQ poster is the one above who can’t wrap her head around synonyms [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:46 PM Flag
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Probably. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:51 PM Flag
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Moderator? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:29 PM Flag
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I don’t like the spam but that’s about it. The rest should be left unless of course UB can identify the Russian trolls definitively [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:48 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:29 PM Flag
[ - ] Haven't watched Real Housewives, but have seen posts about it. Can someone explain about Theresa Guidice's DH being deported to ITALY? 1) Isnt he married to an American (the wife)? and 2) I assume he isn't facing any persecution in Italy (lol), why doesn't he just live there? 31 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:10 PM Flag
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He was born in Italy, raised in America, and never submitted the paperwork for his citizenship. Now that he has an aggravated felony on his record, he's no longer eligible for citizenship. It's his parents fault for not getting his citizenship when he was a child. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:14 PM Flag
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OP: But isnt Theresa American? He is married to an American citizen, no? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:17 PM Flag
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That doesn’t get you citizenship automatically. You need to file for it, pass the test, etc etc. it’s not like poof! You’re a citizen! He never took the right steps and now it’s too late. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:19 PM Flag
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NP: It doesn’t matter, if he isn’t a citizen himself. A green card can be revoked for a felony. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:19 PM Flag
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OP: Oh, ok. I wont ask what his felony is for. I'll google it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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A host of white collar crimes. Mostly related to tax evasion. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:26 PM Flag
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OP: Ah, thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:27 PM Flag
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He was also a drunk driver. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:50 PM Flag
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Marrying a citizen doesn't automatically mean you're a citizen. You still have to apply. He didn't submit his citizenship application before his conviction. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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It doesn't matter. His DCs are US citizens too. But he's a convicted felon. All non-citizen convicted felons are subject to deportation after completion of their sentence. He request for relief (permission to stay in the US) was denied. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:22 PM Flag
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OP: Oh, thanks. There are worse things than being sent back to Italy! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:27 PM Flag
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Except being semi-permanently separated from your family. Sorry, I know your comment was well-intentioned. But he screwed up, big time. He probably never applied for citizenship because it would put too much scrutiny on whatever else he did in the "construction" and "pizza" businesses. Now it's come back to bite him in the ass with this administration. Consider your votes carefully. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:53 PM Flag
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He never applied for citizenship because he was one year old. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:17 PM Flag
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He had at least 30 adult years to figure this situation out. The "one year old" wasn't evading taxes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:25 PM Flag
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The day he turned 18 back in the 90s? He could have figured this out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:26 PM Flag
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But that sounds like one of those tasks in the “important - nit urgent” quadrant, and who ever gets around to those? Since 9/12/2001 I’ve been meaning to stock up on water and make an emergency plan [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:21 PM Flag
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Yeah, not the same thing at all. np [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:02 AM Flag
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He could have applied in his twenties or thirties. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:28 PM Flag
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This could have just as easily happened under another president. They were tried and convicted under Obama and talked about his possible deportation after prison back then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:32 PM Flag
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True. Joe is that bad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:36 PM Flag
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he never became a US citizen [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:17 PM Flag
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We adopted from China. I posted earlier that we had a couple of people in our group who were evangelicals. Home schoolers to boot. They didn't trust "the system" so never followed up with their citizenship paperwork for their kids either, even though the adoption agency hounded us all about it. The last I heard is that they were declined a mission trip because their daughters are having trouble getting US passports. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:31 PM Flag
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OP: Yikes! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:48 PM Flag
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There are some tragic stories of families who never got papers for their adopted children, and said children deported years later after felony. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:18 PM Flag
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^^ they are not automatically citizens if they came after the law was passed granting most international adoptees citizenship. So now they have to apply to be naturalized. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:26 PM Flag
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Let me tell you this straight: there are *plenty* of families in red states who have adopted internationally. If these adoptions are disrupted, shit is going to fly into the wind with such speed that you'll see Jesus in the clouds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:29 PM Flag
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What are you talking about? I'm not saying that the adoptions are disrupted, but that the children may never have proper proof of citizenship ever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:30 PM Flag
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They're all under the same umbrella. Children who were brought to the US without their permission beause they were minors. If you don't do the citizen paperwork, your children are going to be treated differently. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:38 PM Flag
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It isn't about the adoptions being disrupted. It is about paperwork at the time not being filled out by the parent or some steps being missed until later. It is a problem but it is a problem on a case by case basis, not a sweeping problem. Those families needed to make sure all the i's were dotted and t's were crossed but missed things either intentionally (like story in OR) or unintentionally. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:08 PM Flag
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Are his parents US citizens? My father came to the US from Italy as a minor. His parents got US citizenship when he was 11. My father was deemed to have "derived US citizenship" through his naturalized US citizen parents because he was a minor when they became US citizens. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:14 PM Flag
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[ - ] Have lost a lot of weight recently and have been feeling really confident & attractive. Just now saw a photo of me taken last weekend, and ugh, looked so fat (granted, am still fat and continuing working on weight loss; still a long way to go). It's like that photo exists just to say "don't feel good yet girly!" It's really bummed me out. I wish my confidence were a little more grounded. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:54 PM Flag
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I'm 5'4", 120 lbs., and I always cringe at photos of myself. Keep up the good work! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:59 PM Flag
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thanks :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:28 PM Flag
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I think you're amazing. It is so hard to lose weight! Keep at it. Don't let this negativeness set you back. Photos aren't everything. At the wrong angle I look horrible or if I'm caught off guard. Smile and be confident. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:59 PM Flag
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thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:27 PM Flag
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You'll always find something to dislike about yourself, even at your ideal weight. I bet you look fantastic! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:05 PM Flag
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That's nice of you to say. I thought I looked great that night, but the pictures, ugh! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:33 PM Flag
[ - ] Did anyone go to Dalton's recent benefit celebrating its 100th anniversary? How was it? Can you describe? Thx! 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:44 PM Flag
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It was amazing. We had punch with that ring of ice that has things embedded in it. There was crab salad served in avocado halves. A gelatin mold and the pièce de resistance was a baked Alaska. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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What was it like when they brought the dancing midgets out? The ones who re-enact the sale of Manhattan for the wampum and trinkets? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:58 PM Flag
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Omg LOLLLLLL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:04 PM Flag
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who the f cares. seriously you are excited by a baked alaska? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:08 PM Flag
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She was responding to the OP who asked for details and ostensibly cares. Who put the bee in your bonnet? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:10 PM Flag
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lady, i WENT to dalton and dont care. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:13 PM Flag
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This post isn't about you! The OP cares, that's why she asked. She asked for descriptions of the event, not if YOU cared. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:23 PM Flag
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this whole post is ridic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:23 PM Flag
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A bit fun too, though :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:24 PM Flag
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Have you had one? They are sublime. Cold and hot. Together. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:53 PM Flag
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No, have always wanted one. Assume it is nothing like a Baskin Robins ice cream cake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:46 PM Flag
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So, so much better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:07 AM Flag
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You you also get a ride back to 1950 something? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:26 PM Flag
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I just wish next anniversary they bring out an ambrosia salad with the marshmallows. so good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:03 PM Flag
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My in-laws call that "24 hour salad" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:10 PM Flag
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Love that. Or anything lime green with hello. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:37 PM Flag
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Jello [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:42 PM Flag
[ - ] If your children are in school this week (so likely private school) does the school lunch accommodate Passover? 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:31 PM Flag
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I thought Passover was Saturday? Can a kind Jewish UB'er explain Passover to me. Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:35 PM Flag
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It lasts 8 days [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:41 PM Flag
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Passover lasts 8 days (this year from Friday night 4/19 to Saturday night 4/27). The first two nights are seders (big family dinners with a religious component). However, the holiday last for 8 days, and if you are observant you don't eat any bread products for that week - breads, cakes, cookies etc. Instead you would eat matzah (or products made with matzah meal, which is like a kosher for passover substitute for flour). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:41 PM Flag
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which can make lunch difficult. No pizza, sandwiches, pasta etc. A lot of school lunches involve flour products [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:43 PM Flag
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I think mine has some matzah available at lunch, but other than that does not make accommodations. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:43 PM Flag
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that isn't much of an accommodation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:44 PM Flag
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what else should they do to accommodate? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:10 PM Flag
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I don't know the answer here but I always sent passover lunches for my kids and some of their friends that were Jewish also brought their lunches. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:43 PM Flag
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Our school doesn't allow the kids to bring food [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:45 PM Flag
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What school and why? I'd have complained then if no accommodations. But schools are open this week? (Charter?) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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private schools are open [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:04 PM Flag
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OK. Well I guess you know the drill when you go to a private. What do/did families do in the past? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:54 PM Flag
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My DC have school this week (not in NY). Just checked the school menus online and don't see anything special. I assume kids who are observing can bring their lunch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:13 PM Flag
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Our school has a 'passover option'. Kosher-style, not kosher. Options like hearty soups, veggies, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:42 PM Flag
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Other than the Jewish schools, which are all closed this week, none of the private schools have Kosher kitchens, much less Kosher for Passover kitchens. DCs school has Passover-friendly options - beef chili, broiled fish, etc. but none of it is actually Kosher. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:56 PM Flag
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Passover friendly option is what we are looking for. We are not Kosher but we don't eat flour products during Passover [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:03 PM Flag
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I think many of us who are Jewish just want to avoid leavened products like bread/pasta. No one I think cares that much about Kosher kitchen for Passover and if you do you likely attend a Yeshiva or Ramaz. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:04 PM Flag
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Some do, some don’t [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:32 PM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:57 PM Flag
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i think they have matzah for sandwiches. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:09 PM Flag
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They had tilapia today. Is that kosher? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:10 PM Flag
[ - ] We've always done almost every holiday with my ILs. They live closer and we like to see our nephews. However, I'm not expecting our first and I'm thinking about Mother's Day (stay with me - swear about not about to be a diva). There has been a ton of turmoil with my ILs - SIL is an alcoholic, sometimes in recovery, sometime not, who recently had to move in with ILs bc husband got tired of the alcoholism, and everyone enables SIL and she does nothing for her children, at all. I don't want to spend Mother's Day celebrating her. Can I put my foot down under the guise of it "kinda" being my first Mother's Day? I would never normally, but I'm grasping at straws here. 92 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:22 PM Flag
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Now* expecting our first [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:23 PM Flag
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will you have your baby by then? If i were you i would think about how you would want your baby to treat you when you are older and do that. I try to do so and it forces me to do many many things for my ILs i do not want to do [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:25 PM Flag
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No, not due until August. This isn't about MIL, it's about my alcoholic SIL and how everyone enables her bad behavior and doesn't ever take DH or I into consideration. Their entire family life revolves around her, and always has. It's exhausting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:29 PM Flag
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NP: So....you want to boycott Mother’s Day because you disapprove of MIL’s parenting? Is your DH on board with this plan? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:32 PM Flag
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I want to boycott to avoid interacting with SIL. Would be happy to host MIL or take her out to brunch. Just don't want to have to be around SIL and the dysfunction she creates. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:36 PM Flag
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And your DH’s opinion? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:40 PM Flag
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THIS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:45 PM Flag
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He doesn't want to be around or enable SIL either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:46 PM Flag
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Then he should navigate this with her and his parents, not you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:57 PM Flag
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He will have to, just wondering where I want to draw my own lines or what battles I want to fight. I don't want to put him in a bad position, it's just hard to spend holidays this way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:03 PM Flag
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IMO, the only person you can draw lines with is your DH. You “doing battle” with his family won’t end well, it never does. Having your own DB will give you a lot more cover, though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:06 PM Flag
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OP: oh yeah, I meant battle w him. And I’m sympathetic to the fact that none of this is easy on him. I don’t want to make it any harder, while also not subjecting us to much more turmoil in relation to his sister [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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This is his job. His primary focus should be you and your kids. Period. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:14 PM Flag
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maybe suggest that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:42 PM Flag
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Oh and to further complicate the matter, I do love MIL and don't want to hurt her. But it causes me anxiety to see this unhealthy dynamic play out time and time again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:23 PM Flag
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I don't get this. How can it cause you anxiety? Does she yell and fall down in a drunken stupor? You do sound a little diva like if DB not born yet. Why don't you go and spend time with your MIL but leave early. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:32 PM Flag
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SIL lives there. But will be on the couch scrolling through her phone, ignoring her children. Everyone else needs to step up and then take care of the kids. She'll leave and disappear and upset MIL. She'll start ranting and raving about ex, or say something to upset the kids, etc. It's a really ugly environment to be in, and everyone tip toes around her - especially with the kids around (which I can get). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:38 PM Flag
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You are imagining all this in your head. How can you possibly know what will happen. Just go, say happy Mother's Day to your MIL and leave early. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:39 PM Flag
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I assume OP can make a reasonable guess based on what has happened in the past. OP I would get DH on board, but I agree you should try to disconnect from SIL. Feel sorry for her kids though.. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:45 PM Flag
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OP: This. It's exactly what's happened at every family event/gathering. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:48 PM Flag
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I saw this to you with kindness (because I've lived this situation with the alcoholic SIL and the ILs in denial and ignoring the kids and everyone catering to her moods) but you just need to get over it and go see your MIL. Nothing, NOTHING, you will do will change this, and you will just contribute to hurt feelings on behalf of your MIL. Go, stay for a short amount of time, interact with nephews and ignore SIL. Once you have that baby, you're going to have to deal with this at all major holidays. Pulling the diva card now (and yes, you will look like a diva, although I understand that's not your intent) will only cause hurt feelings, and will change nothing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:45 PM Flag
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OP: Thank you. I think it bothers me so much bc I feel like going continues to enable the behavior. She doesn't suffer any consequences for her actions. ILs raise her kids. Put a roof over her head. Cover for her when she fucks up. Etc etc. I hate having to sit there and not acknowledge the drunk elephant in the room. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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It is never that easy you need to look at this differently. You MIL needs to see you and your DH. The kids can benefit from developing a relationship with you. What do you really expect of your MIL? Do you expect her to throw your SIL and the kids out of the house? With the kids in the picture, I think your MIL is making the best choice possible. I would ignore my SIL and tend to everyone else. Next year, start the tradition of celebrating mothers day alone and taking MIL out to brunch the day before, [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:17 PM Flag
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This is on your dh. I'm sorry but it is true. In my family the alcoholic was in my family and I stood up and protected our kids from that. My dh certainly was not to blame nor did I make him bear the burden of setting boundaries with MY family. Your dh should have stood up in that situation. I'm sorry it was dumped on you to bear the burden and sacrifice your kids that way. My kids have enough with knowing and having to remember for the rest of their lives that I have mostly likely passed on the genes for alcholism to them. I was never going to normalize that by taking them around people who are in the throes of the addiction. No way. OP, this is not easy but it is your husband's place to man up and set boundaries since it is his family with the alcoholic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:57 PM Flag
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OP: Thank you, I agree. Once the baby is here, I know he will. But he likes to avoid conflict and/or hurting MIL's feeling - which I get, but it's just a tough dynamic to watch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:59 PM Flag
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He is going to have to speak and say, I'm not comfortable being around SIL when she is drinking. You guys can also schedule things like doing the early matinee movie and inviting all of them to come, or going to an indoor gym or bouncy place that doesn't serve alcohol early in the day when your baby is older. There are solutions here to maintain the relationship with MIL but you and your dh have to understand that MIL and FIL are adults and your kids are the ones you need to protect, not the feelings of adults who are making poor decisions. Your dh should say "I don't feel comfortable or enjoy being around SIL when she is drinking" and then only schedule stuff early in the day or not at all. FIL and MIL are adults who are making their own decisions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:03 PM Flag
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OP: Thank you, great advice. Will definitely follow suit when the time comes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:04 PM Flag
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Good luck. This stuff is hard and painful. I feel terrible for SIL's kids. Maybe you can have them over for sleepovers or something. I hope they get visitation and get to go to stay with their dad some of the time. It is unfortunate that SIL has as much custody as she does. That is not good for the kids at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:06 PM Flag
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OP: Youre very kind. We try to do sleepovers as often as possible. It’s hard bc there are different fathers. So her most recent ex has joint custody and the other has every other weekend. So it gets messy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:21 PM Flag
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OMG. You are describing MY SIL/MIL dynamic to a Tee. The scrolling, the fight over nothing, the storming out, the having to make it normal for the nephews while everyone asks where their mother went, the repeated victimization narrative from MIL after SIL leaves, the emotional effort of trying to “keep the family gathering positive” amidst this backdrop etc. If you add in 500lbs of Italian food served over 17 courses (which is awesome) and the smell of cigarette smoke, you’re there! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:40 PM Flag
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If I were you and your bad has not yet arrived, I would go and say nothing and cultivate goodwill with MIL. Next year when you have the baby you have a reasonable excuse no to go, and perhaps something will have changed with SIL by then. Until then, keep your mouth shut IMO. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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^baby has not yet arrived [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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OP: True, true. I'm sure this will be the case and what we end up doing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:53 PM Flag
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How far along are you? If you really can’t deal with it, you could be tired/not feeling well that day, but I wouldn’t recommend the “about to be a mom!” path, b/c it is likely to be perceived diva-like. If it were me, I’d suck it up for one more year, do my own thing next year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:29 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:32 PM Flag
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OP: Thanks. Will probably go this route. I'm just emotionally exhausted after she ruined the Christmas holidays and has been on a path of self-destruction and selfish behavior ever since. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:50 PM Flag
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this. you cannot play that card. catch a cold [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:57 PM Flag
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OP: Fair enough [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:59 PM Flag
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No. You can politely decline an invitation to visit your in-laws with no reason given at all, but yes, it is being a diva if you claim it's your first mother's day before you have a child. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:36 PM Flag
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Isn't that better than saying "I don't want to be around alcoholic SIL?" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:38 PM Flag
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No, "It's all about meeeeeeee!" is NOT better than, "It's all about the alcoholic," but neither is a polite way of declining an invitation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:43 PM Flag
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NP: It’s all about her in either case, and this isn’t even her family! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:45 PM Flag
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OP: They've been my family for 10 years, and I've dealt with 10 years of ruined holidays. First it was heroin, then she cleaned up but was still selfish, now it's alcohol. Just wondering when we can be done. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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This is crazy. CRAZY. I give you permission to be done. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:15 PM Flag
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I get it. My SIL has her own set of issues, and DH and I have gotten some heat over the years because of them. One year we tried to opt out of Xmas because she was having marriage problems (DH’s idea) and it turned into a giant drama and we ended up having to blame the whole thing on some minor health issue my mother was having. But I also feel like I’m the least impacted - it’s DH’s family, not mine (and SIL’s life/family, not ours!) I guess what I’m saying is the more you stay out of it, the better off you’ll be in the long run. Maybe for future holidays you need to visit your own family, arrange for them to visit you, take vacations, celebrate on your own, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:16 PM Flag
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OP: thank you! I’ll definitely be trying to change the schedule as much as we can. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:22 PM Flag
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Your husband visits his mother. You visit yours. Solved. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:37 PM Flag
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Mine lives in another state, so sadly that's not an option. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:39 PM Flag
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Why not? Road trip. Train. Airplane. Skype. Zoom. There are plenty of real and virtual ways for you to visit your mother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:44 PM Flag
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OP: I included this above, but incase it's buried - I would like to offer to take MIL out. She's wonderful, and I don't want her to suffer. I just don't want to continue to be in situations with SIL where everyone is tip toeing around her alcoholism and enabling her behavior. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:40 PM Flag
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Why are you making this all about you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:41 PM Flag
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Have you spent time around an addict? I'm emotionally exhausting, and just sad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:47 PM Flag
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Freudian slip there? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:48 PM Flag
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Hahaha. I am emotionally exhausted, that's for sure [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:51 PM Flag
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And also sad [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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LOL, that doesn’t answer the question. Why are you making your DH’s family problems ALL ABOUT YOU? This must be emotionally exhausting for your MIL, too, no? Your FIL? Her DC? Her brother, your DH? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:51 PM Flag
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OP: Oh for sure, I know it is hard all around. It's really hard to watch and it's upsetting seeing what it's done to the family. That's where most of the anxiety comes from, it's not about how it affects me but seeing it kill my MIL, FIL, DH and her children. It's really really hard to watch and not be able to say anything. AND to feel like they all enable at the same time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:55 PM Flag
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So instead your proposal is to make her feel like shit? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:57 PM Flag
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OP: God no, just trying to find a way to extradite us from the situation. Thought using the baby card would work, but based on feedback, it appears not. So options are to suck it up for one more year, or just bail all together. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:00 PM Flag
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If you and dh are done, then be done. You don't need to blame being done on a tiny baby. Maybe you guys should go to Ala-non. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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Can you be upfront about that? Tell MIL you want to take her out the day before and say right out you find it stressful to be around SIL and feel it detracts from celebrating MIL for Mother's Day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:47 PM Flag
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That’s a conversation that *maybe* DH could have with his mother. Maybe. But definitely not the OP! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:53 PM Flag
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OP: Yes, I wouldn't want to hurt or embarrass her. DH has tried but he doesn't want to upset MIL either. And, generally, it ends up that they'll take SIL's side and we look like the bad guys for not wanting to enable the addict. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:56 PM Flag
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Your MIL is an adult. Your dh can say that after she ruined Christmas, he isn't up for witnessing it at Mother's day. That is okay to do. Maybe it is better to do it now before the baby comes, honestly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:09 PM Flag
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OP: this was my thought. But now I wonder if it’s just upping the timeline of a fight that’s bound to happen anyways. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:23 PM Flag
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NP: No, her DH could say “Mom, I don’t want YOU to have to deal with this on Mother’s Day”. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:41 PM Flag
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yes, her dh could. My point is, her dh can speak up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:39 AM Flag
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You are an adult. You can do whatever the heck you want. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:44 PM Flag
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THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! j/k OP, this is the right answer. You are not obligated to spend Mother's Day with your mil. Why don't you and dh take mother in law out for dinner or lunch or brunch the weekend before mother's day? You can make your own choices anyway (and when you have a new baby is a fine time to make the change) and your alcoholic sil is a whoollllllleeeee other reason to steer clear for a bit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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OP: Thank you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:58 PM Flag
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Sure, and people can react however the heck they want, and the OP may or may not like the outcome [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:55 PM Flag
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But that's part of life, no? Or you can be a people please forever and never be happy. Maybe just forewarn everyoen that you are taking a break this year and in the future you can do a combo MD again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:00 PM Flag
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There’s an 8 lane middle road in between! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:02 PM Flag
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No. You can't say she can't celebrate Mother's Day because you personally do not approve of her parenting. She's not your mother, not your daughter, and you have zero right to make it all about your opinion. Go or do not go, you can't go and exclude SIL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:48 PM Flag
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OP: I wouldn't go and exclude SIL, she lives there - so that's impossible. I'd just like to invite MIL to go do something together, but I don't even know if that's possible bc she'd want to include SIL + co. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:57 PM Flag
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And it's not about not approving of her parenting, I should've worded my OP better. I'm just tired of having to spend holidays in the midst of SILs chaos and destruction. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:03 PM Flag
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NP: You keep saying they’re enabling SIL, which is disapproval (even if true, which it sounds like it is) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:07 PM Flag
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It is okay to not want to be around drunk people who are making scenes and making holidays miserable. I doubt her inlaws will take it as a personal reflection on their parenting. If they are actively enabling her they are in serious denial anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:11 PM Flag
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OP: thank you. I don’t know what else to call it at this point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:23 PM Flag
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There are a lot of adults who enable their adult children even without grandkids involved, but I think that for the ones with grandchildren, they are trying to do their best to not anger the alcoholic so that that person doesn't cut off access to the grandkids and put the grandkids in even worse situations. I think Casey and Caylee Anthony had this dynamic with the parents/grandparents. Whatever you and dh decide, he has to be the one to deal with inlaws and take all of the blame. They will forgive him for whatever, but they won't forgive you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:28 PM Flag
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OP: Yes, the grandkids play a huge part in this. ILs are scared of what will happen to the kids if they aren’t there to take care of everything. So they essentially raise the kids while SIL drinks/does whatever in the basement. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:54 PM Flag
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Tell them to grow a pair or you'll call CPS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:04 PM Flag
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NP: Are you trying to get the OP to screw her own life and her IL’s life up as much as possible? Because this is some seriously crappy advice! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:36 PM Flag
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yes, this is what I am talking about. They are putting up with it and not letting her hit bottom because they are scared for the kids. It is a tough situation, to be sure. I'm sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 12:42 AM Flag
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If they’ve been tolerating it all this time, Mother’s Day is NOT the right day to decide to “take a stand”, unless the goal is to be hurtful to her MIL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:34 PM Flag
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^^^If we were talking about Easter/Passover/4th of July/Groundhog Day, whatever, that’s different [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:45 PM Flag
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do worry a bit that you are sounding like a diva and you haven't even had the kid. my SIL used to insist that we wish her HMD in her first years of being a mom. so insecure. you knew this when you married dh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:14 PM Flag
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OP: to be clear, using pregnancy as an excuse would be a completely made up excuse and way to avoid saying “I don’t want to be around alcoholic SIL and the chaos it creates.” [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:19 AM Flag
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I'm very straight up. I would tell MIL that I am uncomfortable around SIL, and ask her what she would do if she were you? Expose your dc to SIL behavior? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:22 PM Flag
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In utero? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:34 PM Flag
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I would take the hit this year, but once baby is here, I would be done for major holidays if SIL around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:48 AM Flag
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OP: Yes, once baby is actually here I will have to do this. I was hoping I could cheat this year and throw in the towel early to avoid the anxiety and stress. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:19 AM Flag
[ - ] If you were applying for a tourist visa for an Asian country and were asked your religion, how uncomfortable would you be to say you’re jewish? 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:12 PM Flag
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I am Jewish, but I would say "no religion" or "atheist" or the equivalent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:15 PM Flag
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I never would put down my religion on any paperwork. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:15 PM Flag
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+1000000000000000000000000000000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:46 PM Flag
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I’m Catholic, not Jewish, but I wouldn’t answer. There’s no reason they need to know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:16 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:16 PM Flag
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It wouldn't make me uncomfortable, but I also wouldn't feel compelled to answer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:17 PM Flag
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what country asks for your religion? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:19 PM Flag
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East Trollandia [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:20 PM Flag
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LOL. This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:21 PM Flag
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Good one! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:33 PM Flag
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India asks your religion for a visa. They also ask you 12 different ways if you are Pakastani, for what it’s worth. Nobody cares that you’re jewish, but I agree that it’s not their business and I would just put down “none.” [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:29 PM Flag
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I would too, so none of their business. But then the world is big and some countries have complicated situations, so I guess such questions are not unfounded, it's their rules and their laws. If they have some religion related violence, I'd think there is a good reason they'd consider this a standard profile question. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:11 PM Flag
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I went to China with a traveling group and we were told in no uncertain terms not to bring Bibles or talk to people there about Christianity. This wasn't a problem for me since I'm an atheist but we had a couple of thumpers in our group. They brought their Bibles anyway, it caused a little bit of a problem at one airport because he was carrying it in open sight and was caught talking to an airport worker while he was holding it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:33 PM Flag
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Wow. Americans are.so weirdo about religion. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:26 PM Flag
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Not me, but yeah. Others. I have older relatives like this. Every other Facebook post is "if you love me you'll send this to 12 godly ladies you know, if you don't send this I'll know you're not my true friend." I never forward anything on, obviously, but considering that both my elderly aunts actually are on the precipice of probably meeting him soon. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:35 PM Flag
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... I let it go [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:35 PM Flag
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Yes. This is the same for me. A few really odd, religious relations and friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:29 PM Flag
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I wouldn't share any personal info regardless of which religion I was. It shouldn't be a problem in Asia, unless you're possibly visiting Malaysia? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:24 PM Flag
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Iran, Iraq, and Saudi Arabia are in Asia. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:53 PM Flag
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Sure, but I would have assumed OP would have written Middle East if that were the case. Where the answer would be very united on how to handle this issue. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:05 PM Flag
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Just put no affiliation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:31 PM Flag
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Why would you list it at all? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:45 PM Flag
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Heck no, nor any other. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:41 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you know any married couples whose separation didn't ultimately end in divorce? 28 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:08 PM Flag
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Yes. Sometimes, facing up to the reality of divorce seems more scary than trying to deal with the problems that led to the separation in the first place. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:10 PM Flag
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No. Usually separation is the first step. And once you tell the kids, which is what most parents are concerned about, everyone knows the next step. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:13 PM Flag
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No, but I do know 2 couples that reunited after divorce. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:16 PM Flag
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Wow. How did that go? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:51 PM Flag
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I know a few of these too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:53 PM Flag
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This is my parents [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:57 PM Flag
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Yes, my sister separated from her husband for 9 months, then went back and says she is now happier than ever. I know she was upset at the time and felt it was "real" separation, but several factors in their lives, including the fact that they frequently spend long stretches of time apart (for work and other reasons) made me doubt that she had any intention of ever really splitting up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:16 PM Flag
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what were the reasons for separation? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:51 PM Flag
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she felt like he had lost all interest in her, never wanted to spend time with her, "the kids are grown and now he doesn't care whether I stay or go," and that life was generally empty and unsatisfying. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:31 PM Flag
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DD's age now? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:57 PM Flag
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"they frequently spend long stretches of time apart" now or then? did that happen early in their relationship too ie dating? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:18 PM Flag
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I think that started about 7-10 years in. They live in Europe, but she started coming back for about 1-3 months at a time, just because she missed family/friends/the US in general. Then they decided their teenage daughter should go to school here, so they (sister and dd) would come Sept-mid Dec, go back at Christmas, come back Jan-March, go back at spring break, and come back march-June. Her DH would come for a week or two throughout the school year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:35 PM Flag
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I think it depends on the thinking about the separation. If you separate with the intention of divorcing, you usually do, and a magical reconciliation is highly unlikely. If you separate with the idea of working on the relationship, then it may have a chance. But either way, separation is a just that...a step away from one another, not towards. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:17 PM Flag
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My parents separated, reconciled and then divorced 25+ years later. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:18 PM Flag
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wow. what is your take on this? was it good that they reunited? I find it so hard to contemplate later in life divorce, looking back on all that time as wasted. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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np My aunt (blood) and uncle (married in) did like the or below ie they separated, she was intent to divorce. Sadly as a sahm, she was financially trapped, she couldn't get on her feet independently to the lifestyle she wanted, so she moved back in, but they do live separately in the same house, under the same roof, but she hates him. While his treatment of her, behaviour, personality improved, he sadly ballooned (he must weigh 600 lbs now). Meanwhile she looks better than ever, about half the size she was, but she's unpleasant to be around (including as her relative). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:15 PM Flag
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My dad was better off with my mom, my mom is better off without my dad, and my sister and I would’ve been fine either way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:28 PM Flag
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^^^TBC, I love my dad, but he has a lot of issues, not all his fault. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 11:30 PM Flag
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No experience with any separations, but I do know a couple who got divorced and then remarried years later. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:20 PM Flag
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Mine. DH was having a midlife crisis, drinking too much, texting a female coworker. He eventually realized how f'd up it was and we worked it out. I'm sure a lot of people in my situation would not have reconciled though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:22 PM Flag
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If you separate don't you both see other people? I couldn't reconcile after that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:22 PM Flag
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Me? We live separately. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:25 PM Flag
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Yes. Friends' parents separated for a year in first grade. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:51 PM Flag
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I separated for 2.5 yrs and no way I see myself going back. Divorcing eventually for sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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Yes, of course. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:25 PM Flag
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Yes. Long separated then they died. Elderly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:11 PM Flag
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My parents. 40+ years separated now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:26 AM Flag
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Yes! And now they are happier than ever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:49 AM Flag
[ - ] I believe people's opinion of "the worth" of TT privates is a reflection of the particular school, its fit with you and your dc, your family values about the value of a good education. Less so, the quality of the public options. IMO, it does NOT have to do with college enrollment prospects. That will follow. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:03 PM Flag
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It has everything to do with peer group. If the desired peer group was at the local public school, many would go public. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:14 PM Flag
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If my child were going to a school for the next 6 or 8 or 12 years, I would decide based on the merits of the school, not the "peer group." (And what do you mean by peer group? Neighborhood friends of the child? The parents' friends? Neighbors?) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:21 PM Flag
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I disagree, have a dc at Stuy and the peer group is outstanding, but the education and teacher quality is hit or miss. The peer group at top privates is hit or miss, but the education is outstanding. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:32 PM Flag
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I thought the above poster who talked about peer groups was saying you send you child to the school that attracts most of his or her peer group. NOT that you select a school for your dc based on the type of peer group the school will provide. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:47 PM Flag
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For me, it is primarily petty logistics. I prefer the private calendar, the free (but edible) lunch, not having to chaperone field trips and the absence of fund raisers and a science fair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:12 PM Flag
[ - ] What we Do in the Shadows on FX is a genius show. Just fantastic. 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:02 PM Flag
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It's based off a movie by the same name. Hilarious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:05 PM Flag
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OP. I agree, I've seen it a few times. I'm just happy that the series is living up to the movie. Jonah Hill's sister is part of the cast, I love her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:27 PM Flag
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based ON [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:50 PM Flag
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What's the premise. Is it a comedy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:07 PM Flag
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yes see below [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:54 PM Flag
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Care to give a little summary? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:13 PM Flag
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yes see below [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:54 PM Flag
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Vampires living on Staten Island. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:16 PM Flag
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OP. The concept is a Vampire mockumentary crossed with The Real World with "confession booth" interviews from the cast. I'll give you a hint of how funny this is. There's one vampire in the group who is an "emotional vampire." He's not affected by daylight and works in an office. He goes around the workplace like the boss in Office space zapping everyone's energy with his monotone monologues about things like Q-tips. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:20 PM Flag
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In the episode I'm watching now, there's a new pale-faced girl played by Vanessa Bayer from SNL. He gets all excited because he says new people who haven't yet been ground down by the routine frequently offer an extra boost of energy. Like virgins are to regular vampires. So he goes over and instead of letting him talk she starts complaining about stuff like missing her cats and taking care of her mother. The first vampire guy stumbles away clutching his heart. Turns out he didn't realize she's not just a new coworker, but a more powerful emotional vampire. I burst out laughing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:24 PM Flag
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"But instead of frustrating the people around them for energy, they feed off of pity. Look at her, let me tell you there's going to be nothing left of Dave after she's finished with him" ... lolol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:29 PM Flag
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You lost me at vampires. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:25 PM Flag
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No worries. It's not even close to Twilight. It's like if Spinal Tap were vampires. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:25 PM Flag
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Love anything Jemaine does [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:25 PM Flag
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I will have to try it! Watching Originals on netflix now with ds. It is about vampires in New Orleans. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:31 PM Flag
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OP. I looooove you so much thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:43 PM Flag
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If anyone's on the fence, the vampires are in Staten Island and there's a thing about them having issues with the vampires in Manhattan for feeling like they are more important than they are. Just throwing that out there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:08 PM Flag
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I'll check it out, thanks! Need a new show! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:10 PM Flag
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Check out Wellington Paranormal, too. NZ comedy, so deadpan, so funny. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:31 PM Flag
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OP. I have a diary of shows. This is going in there. Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 10:39 PM Flag
[ - ] im overwhelmed. my mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and severe osteoporosis. i just saw my father and he has an obvious basal cell carcinoma on his ear. i see him often but hadnt noticed it (hes had them before). I am having nightmares about saving them from disasters. Im an only child and im watching them fall apeart in front of me. i'm scared. they dont take care of themselves and get proper checkups. they think flu shots are useless for their age, so why bother. im just venting because im trying to drive a train to save them that is off the rails. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 07:56 PM Flag
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I'm really sorry. It's no easier to try to control your adult parents than it is for them to control you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:02 PM Flag
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thx. i know. i know they cant follow what Drs are saying. My fathers hearing is bad, and my mother only hears the positive, and ignores the rest. she will do anything to avoid the pain of even having a shot, so her choices regarding her healthcare are all irrational. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:37 PM Flag
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I think the "their choice" poster below has it right. You're fighting the tide. It seems they are in the process of making their own end-of-life bargains. I'd let them do what they're comfortable with, as hard as it is to watch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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op - easier said than done. my mother is avoiding short term pain (biopsies, shots even) when ultimately she will suffer much more pain, but shes in denial. We arent talking about someone who is in hospice who has decided not to continue with treatment. She wants to live but fears pain, so her choices are irrational [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:05 PM Flag
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How old are they? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:05 PM Flag
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80, 82. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:34 PM Flag
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It's their choice. Mine go the doctors and it ends up in more referrals, tests, reports, procedures, surgeries, recoveries. They are still falling apart and will still die. There are benefits to not going through all that. You can express your opinion but it's up to them and the story always ends the same way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:12 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:33 PM Flag
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op - my mom even suggested to the dr that she just skip all medical intervention, because she just wants to live 10 more years to see her grandchild graduate from high school. She cant fathom that avoiding treatment will lead to more pain later on. And 10 years is a long time. I hope she gets that with treatment. im so sad and scared [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:40 PM Flag
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My dad's philosophy is to avoid the doctor to avoid bad news. In a way I get it, but it also makes me upset. There are certain things that can be fixed easily if caught early, and he could still have many good years ahead of him if he did simple things. The "i don't care anymore" attitude is upsetting to someone who does care. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:41 PM Flag
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op: this is what im dealing with [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:58 PM Flag
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NP I think something happens to them as part of the neurological decline. I'm sorry, OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:38 PM Flag
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1) flu shots are even more important, not useless, for their age and b) basal cell carcinoma never metastasizes. get it removed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:53 PM Flag
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op - of course. they heard that its is a lot less effective in seniors, which it is, but they IGNORE that it still is effective and that its even more impt to get as seniors. Hes had basal cells removed before, but this one was so bad. i cant see why he wouldnt go to the Dr immediately. he is putting neosporin or something on it and acting like it will go away. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:01 PM Flag
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that isn't true there is a different version of the shot though that is a higher dose for seniors, you have to ask for it specifically at the doctors or pharmacy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:40 PM Flag
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he needs a dermatologist / mohs surgeon to get it taken off the ear. very common, not that bad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:41 PM Flag
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My fil just had a basal cell carcinoma removed and they found a cancerous mass under it that they were not expecting. It was cancer that had developed in a sweat gland. They took a large chunk out of him and it may have metastasized because when they scanned him they found on another mass on his spine that they are going to have to look at more closely this week. Can you drive your father in to get it removed, OP? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:37 PM Flag
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that is pretty unusual. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:59 PM Flag
[ - ] Moms on the client service/sell side, I need to vent and of course any advice. I have a client who is a large source of business, she just called me up screaming about a bill and how it was too high because of X, Y, and Z. However, the engagement letter spells this out and is directly on point. However, she is so irrational and angry, that my company agreed to eat the costs so we could continue doing business. I smoothed things over with her, but now feel like sh*t all around. First because my troublesome client is causing us to eat expenses and two because she reamed me out. Trying to let this roll off my back and use it as impetus to diversify my client portfolio. Vent over, 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 07:54 PM Flag
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Do exactly what you are doing - learn from it - diversify your clients. sometimes you need these unfortunate situations to guide you into making smarter business choices going forward. its not a reflection on you- but its a reminder that a certain percents of clients are a PITA, and you need to protect your company from them by having a wide base. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 07:59 PM Flag
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Op: thank you so much, voice of reason. She really is very difficult and I would love to lose her if I could pick up some more business, so that will be my goal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:01 PM Flag
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you can do it! anyone with clients deals with this. you arent alone! lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:41 PM Flag
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Op thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:43 PM Flag
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NP - solid advice, I had a client that was 55% of my revenue, they were very very demanding - I spent 3 years diversifying and eventually they went away and I did not care, then guess what they called us back in and we told them the conditions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 08:43 PM Flag
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Op this would be a dream situation. I must diversify [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.22.19, 09:35 PM Flag
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