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[ - ] I'm addicted to snooping on DH (checking his computer/phone etc.) and it makes me feel crazy. I need to stop, get more therapy, or leave. While dating I caught him emailing prostitutes, he sent one a picture of his friend and so I bought his story about doing it for fun. After marrying I once saw a pop up his laptop for a strip club in Montreal (he has been there for business by himself). Caught him calling and searching for handjob/masssage parlors two years ago and have been crazy vigilant ever since. Confronted him and have been to therapy together and even if he never does anything in the future I don't know how I'm ever going to kick this habit. I have the compulsion not to trust him and then I snoop, find nothing, and feel awful. For the record my Dad was totally untrustworthy and nuts so it probably didn't take much to send me over the edge. WWYD? 53 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:02 PM Flag
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Do you have children? I wouldn't frame this as "addicted to snooping...", your DH has committed multiple scumbag acts. Your DH is addicted to sex. Divorce? Sorry. I would. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:53 PM Flag
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Yes we have young children. Financially we would be fine if we divorced so it is an option, but the emotional impact on dcs stops me from getting serious about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:57 PM Flag
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DH here. I suspect your husband feels the same way about divorcing you. My guess is that eventually, one of you will throw in the towel despite the effect on the kids. I'd suggest that you just let this go and not worry if he visits a strip club in Kalamazoo when he's there on business but the type of women who respond to posts like yours are always encouraging you to go the distance with snooping and divorce. Time to decide what's important for your life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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op- in addition to knowing that he for sure paid for handjobs I also know he searched for city specific escorts while traveling, again with the claim that he was doing it for fun and while jerking off to the ads. He lied about the handjobs before I told him I had proof. I guess my issue is that there is a big difference between a strip club and hiring escorts, and I am terrified that I am living a lie and he has done things behind my back that aren't run of the mill bad male behavior. Perhaps it is because my Dad was such a liar and unfaithful guy that I can't let it go, but it terrifies me for some reason. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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Be strong Op. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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You are living a lie. You just don't want to admit this to yourself. You did everything you could. Let him go and terrorize some other woman. Get your own life back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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You are in the power position so you don't give a shit about OP anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:49 PM Flag
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"The type of women" you refer to … I think, means most women. Most women find this sort of thing repulsive … hand jobs from strangers, prostitutes. It's not just about trust it's about … who is this guy? If my DH chose to lie to me about … how he spent some money or whether he ate all the ice creams that'd be way different from the sleaze that this guy is involved in. You think it's okay but most females don't! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:13 PM Flag
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If I were you, I would look into DBT asap. And I would tell him that he needs to password protect his computer and phone. I'd also start meditating every day, just because that helps with EVERYTHING. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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Yoga helps a lot, I've started to go several days a week. Will check out DBT/meditation. TY. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:58 PM Flag
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good, yoga is very helpful! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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maybe you need a little therapy just for yourself [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:54 PM Flag
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np. I dont think she does. She needs to follow her gut more often. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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her gut is telling her to snoop, when it should be telling her to run like hell...what kind of life is she living, she would be better off alone [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:41 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:43 PM Flag
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You do realize that you are just making him better at hiding his tracks. One discretion, maybe. But multiple and you still stay. What emotional payoff are you getting from spying? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:03 PM Flag
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I think it is a false sense of control. I suspect he does things I don't know about, so my spying gives me the sense that I am also doing something he doesn't know about...doesn't make a lot of sense but I think it is to try and feel in control. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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That makes complete crazy batshit-crazy sense. I mean that in a nice way. Are you willing to live like this forever? Is he that great that you can't leave and be with someone who you can actually trust. It sounds like the trust is gone and it isn't coming back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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You may think he doesn't know but I am sure he does. He no doubt has accounts you know nothing about that are not even linked to his phone. Seriously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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This. And messaging apps. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:42 PM Flag
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Spying? Op needs to keep her household straight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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It's straight out spying. Everyone is entitled to some privacy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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Oh please. Her husband is getting his intimacy elsewhere. Op, be vigilent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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Or better yet, grow up, leave him and find peace and happiness with someone else. You can't make someone be faithful to you. And you will make yourself crazy trying. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:28 PM Flag
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np - ITA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:34 PM Flag
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It makes you feel crazy because you are crazy. You do realize that no matter how much you snoop there's nothing you can do to prevent him from cheating if he wants to? Honestly- you need to take a step back and figure out what your deal is. It's painful but I think you know you need to do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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Op isn't crazy. Being married to a sociopath is making her act crazy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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op- not sure about the sociopath label but I do feel as though I have been driven crazy rather than that I am an intrinsically crazy person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:27 PM Flag
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OR- I agree- but WHY have you accepted this situation? I don't think you are "crazy" per se but that your current behavior and reasoning is crazy. I have BTDT (divorced now) and I honestly feel for you because I can truly empathize. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:32 PM Flag
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Thank you for sharing. I have accepted it because he wants to be married very much and makes me feel hugely guilty for wanting to leave, and the burden of being the one who split up the family would be on me. If he weren't willing to do therapy etc. or hit me or did any other deal breaking thing it would be easier but I feel like it is possible to hold things together if I can just change the way I feel or see things. I have come much closer over the past few years to being able to forgive myself because I know I have tried really hard and my feelings are still there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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If you don't want to leave then you have to basically detach emotionally. Tbh I don't think that will work but GL. It sounds like you have bought into his emotional abuse /manipulation and actually believe that if you walked away from this situation that it is your "fault" and that he was not to blame. That's such distorted thinking. Do you want to waste more years on this? Cause it's not going to change. I guarantee it. But GL. I hope I'm wrong. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:48 PM Flag
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A therapist once said to me, "you can go on my phone and computer any minute of the day and you won't find anything". He wouldn't even look at things I wanted to show him that I had found from my dh. He told me that there are guys out there that will never be on a strip club or massage site. Pp. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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Read the book titled "Gaslighting". You can get it at the library. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:50 PM Flag
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I hear you, however, she married him KNOWING that he was like that. That is mental illness on her part. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:50 PM Flag
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Sociopaths are very charming. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:03 PM Flag
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Gross. He is a loser. Somehow, you have been brainwashed into thinking "men do these things". You snoop because deep down you know he is up to no good. How old are you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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37. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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You are young and have life ahead of you. Why languish? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:32 PM Flag
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STDs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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This. Stop sleeping with him without condoms. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:41 PM Flag
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What reason does he give for seeking out "professionals"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:35 PM Flag
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I think it excites him, sort of a fantasy (and obviously at least with the handjobs also a reality). From a cynical/analytical standpoint it also is the easiest most efficient way for a man to cheat. If he were seeking out relationships I would look harder at myself and our relationship and what role I played in the breakdown but this is his thing imo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:43 PM Flag
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OP, I'm sorry but you're addicted to drama. We can't help you. Your father and mother were/are fucked up or you are mentally ill yourself and/or have OCD. That is the only answer to why to married this shithead in the first place. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:03 PM Flag
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Even if he was seeking relationships, this is nothing YOU did. This is him. If he was married to Heidi Klum he would still be doing this. It is compulsive thrill seeking. He can't change, and it puts you and DC in danger. Danger of disease, embarrassment and frankly - much of what he's doing is illegal, so he is consorting with shady people. It is not safe. Leave him and find a nice guy who appreciates you and your hot yoga bod. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:53 PM Flag
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lmfao. TY. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:57 PM Flag
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I can empathize with this so much. Is this just something you do in moments of doubt--or do really think he hasn't quit with the shady behavior? What steps has he taken to show you he's with you and has nothing to hide? Snooping is a crutch that might enable you to stay a bit longer, but it won't fix anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:55 PM Flag
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I think he has quit it right now and goes to therapy both alone and with me, but when discussing the handjobs for instance he will still say it wasn't cheating and point out that his friends have gone to those places but he will say he knows now that it was disgusting and reprehensible. He tries to please me and is open to therapy and goes but I think he is still super angry I caught him and says I need therapy because I am so suspicious and he thinks the reason I have had so much trouble forgiving him is all related to my Dad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:50 PM Flag
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Can anyone like this ever really quit? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:07 PM Flag
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You knew he was a sociopathic asshole (congrats you married the one of the 4% of men who are sociopathic). So you have made your bed. Move on. You most likely had a horrible father and didn't know any better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:48 PM Flag
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I did have a horrible father and to be fair I did a LOT better than that for dcs. I know dh intimately (obviously) and don't agree with the label of sociopath. My father was a sociopath and I think I know the difference. Despite his faults in this particular area he is not a sociopath. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:13 PM Flag
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It sounds more like he is a big child who seeks constant thrill and the chase. I don't think that goes away. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:27 PM Flag
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Therapy doesn't help sociopaths. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Is an underbite correction for a kid really necessary? Anybody done it for their dc? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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Under bites are ugly. Fix it if you can. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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Yes of course. Both my kids wore retainers. It can make a huge difference! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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The sooner the better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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Yes, my ds had a palette expander put in, braces on the top front teeth. He is being fitted for a retainer next month. Worth every penny. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:28 PM Flag
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Yes. It will get worse and worse. Have a friend who didn't get on it enough for her dd and she is ugly now. Like a witch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:52 PM Flag
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My brother's HS GF had a horrible underbite. Took forever to correct. Saw her years later and barely recognized her. She was always cute but looked really good post-correction. And she was hot enough not to have to date losers like my brother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:32 PM Flag
[ - ] List three responses you made on UB in the past day and we'll try to guess your age, profession, location... I'll go first 24 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:58 PM Flag
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1) I told the materialistic 2nd wife to pay attention to why she was so materialistic 2) I left my dc alone at age 10 (in a doorman building) and 3) I suggested DBT and meditation to the snooping wife. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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47 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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42.. but am an old soul, I guess [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:00 PM Flag
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No, you just had babies younger than most UBers these days. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:32 PM Flag
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What is DBT? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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dialectal behavioral therapy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:59 PM Flag
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Ok here goes:1. I'm going to sue the person that stole my nudey photos. 2. I have terrible arthritis in my knees and wrist - doctor says it's wear and tear due to my age. 3. In response the the age and dress size below - I am 57 and wear a size 20. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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So, we'll guess ..... 57? Right? ;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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Oops :-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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you work in publishing or at a non-profit? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:00 PM Flag
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1)Under bites are ugly. 2) Proactive worked wonders for me. 3) Don't ruin your kids' lives because you and your husband have different values. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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33? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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Close but I'm a few years older. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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32 years old. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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Chelsea? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:59 PM Flag
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I'm the snooping wife and have been replying on that thread, told the wife who thinks preferring different homes is a reason for divorce to stfu, and my response about women receiving more of the blame is the sad response that in general I expect more from women. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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You stated that you were 37 in the snooping post. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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ok well then profession and location? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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OK, I think you are SAH and live in Chicago. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:06 PM Flag
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wrong and wrong :) I work and don't live in a city. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:28 PM Flag
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I mean a big city. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:29 PM Flag
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Hmmmmm..... OK, lawyer in St. Louis? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:32 PM Flag
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Nice, Miss Marple. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:59 PM Flag
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West Village? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:00 PM Flag
[ - ] My DH is very frugal, I'm not. Over the years, I've become more fiscally responsible and he has become more willing to spend, but our default modes on the subject are different. Anyone else? Any good advice for me? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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Thank him for it. Regularly. And count your lucky stars one of you is frugal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:58 PM Flag
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Keep separate accounts [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:41 PM Flag
[ - ] Why do women always get the blame while the man gets away scott free? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:52 PM Flag
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because men rule the world [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:53 PM Flag
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For what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:02 PM Flag
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Is this another OW post? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:50 PM Flag
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In general I expect more of women. Sad but true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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Oy. So over this spam crap. Either post the dets of your own sitch or just stop with this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:10 PM Flag
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Because we live in a sick Patriarchal society where men make the rules and women literally look for scraps. I remember reading an article about aid workers in Africa and the fucking African men were total assholes. They would go to the table (free fucking food from the US!!!) and eat everything they could and make sure their SONS got everything they could and the wives and daughters literally ate crumbs. The aid workers were so freaked out that they gave the women and girls food secretly. Fucked up. Bones of women and girls had serious signs of osteoporosis and poor nutrition. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:56 PM Flag
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I don't know what you're referring to. The posters who write about "patriarchy" and the like don't make a ton of sense, though. If the OP was talking about something on here, the "blamers" are other women, not men. Unless men are doing mind control, it's women's attitudes that are the issue. If it were really the case the "Men Make the Rules," the concept of monogamy wouldn't even be on the table. Women make more of the rules then men do, when it comes to family / sex / relationships. Men make more when it comes to business / sports / cooking outdoors. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:43 PM Flag
[ - ] what size are you and your age? 39-size 12. 26 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:41 PM Flag
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34, size 4 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:44 PM Flag
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41, 12 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:45 PM Flag
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34 size 00 (or 2 in designer) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:33 PM Flag
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34, size 0 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:33 PM Flag
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41 size 6. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:48 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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39, size 2 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:36 PM Flag
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51 (8/10) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:48 PM Flag
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36, 8 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:38 PM Flag
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Hike [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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31, size 0-4 depending on the brand. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:40 PM Flag
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29, size 2-4 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:54 PM Flag
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36, size 18. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:45 PM Flag
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32, btw 6 and 8 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:58 PM Flag
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49, size 6 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:49 PM Flag
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42, 8 top, 4 bottom [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:57 PM Flag
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46, 8, but 6 feet tall [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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39, size -00000000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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39, size 4-6 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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53. 10 or 12 depending on the cut and brand. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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33 size 16 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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37, size 2 or 4 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:33 PM Flag
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42 size 2/4 in tops and 0 in bottoms [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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64- size 8 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:42 PM Flag
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40 - size 0-2 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:12 PM Flag
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52, size 2-4 (but I'm also only 5'4"). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:11 PM Flag
[ - ] Does mix and matching lingerie look tacky, i.e. different color/lace bra, suspenders, panties? 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:37 PM Flag
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Usually. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:30 PM Flag
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Depends on what you're mixing and matching. In general, I would say no, but most of my things are black, white or nude so they don't really clash. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:42 PM Flag
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Who's looking? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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and who are you doing that for? because men just want to see you naked after a new york second... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:45 PM Flag
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Suspenders? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:07 PM Flag
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Garter suspenders [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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most men don't understand tacky. why do you care [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:36 PM Flag
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I seriously want to know how you manage to wear this stuff, come off as sexy and have kids sleeping down the hall. I really want to wear lingerie but I feel like a dork. Do you put it on after you put the kids to bed? Do you have sex in it? seems like after all the trouble of putting it on and walking out of the bathroom while DH waits to just have it come off --- please help me how does this work?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:27 PM Flag
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Owning sexy lingerie is one of my favorite things. I usually wear it only on a weekend evening night out. For me, if the clothes are fancy, the underwear should be too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:46 PM Flag
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I generally don't wear lingerie in a way that the general public would see and frankly my husband is only interested in seeing it on the floor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:47 PM Flag
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do you wear heels? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:11 PM Flag
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On nights out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:46 PM Flag
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Who the hell cares. It's underwear. No ones looking. And guys don't care. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 08:17 PM Flag
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I hate lingerie [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 08:17 PM Flag
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I only wear a thong and no bra so don't have to worry about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 08:38 PM Flag
[ - ] How old were your DCs when you first started to leave them along in the house / apt for small stretches of time? TIA 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:35 PM Flag
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I'm doing it now (7 & 9) but only to run a quick errand on my block. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:27 PM Flag
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10, but have a doorman and on first floor [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:38 PM Flag
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6 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:39 PM Flag
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My 10 yo travels independently within neighborhood and can stay home alone for as long as we need. Short starches probably started at 8 or maybe 7 but I can't remember [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:58 PM Flag
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nyc? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:26 PM Flag
[ - ] post office working today? Postal truck just pulled up - seems so strange to see 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:33 PM Flag
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I just saw a postal truck driving in our hood. Could be special deliveries. Or Amazon stuff. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:23 PM Flag
[ - ] Looking for advice on preschool strategy for 3 year olds in nyc. My son is 20 months now. We want him to have great preschool learning experience but we don't care about prestige, we aren't millionaires, and may not have stomachs for blood sport of admissions process for top privates. What would you do? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 09.01.14, 05:32 PM Flag
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Move out of NYC? Not trying to be mean, there's just no way to avoid the competition. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:51 PM Flag
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Not expecting to totally avoid the competition...and willing to fight for a school that is worth it. But feeling overwhelmed...just saw Nursery University and totally depressed by it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:48 PM Flag
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We are about to do it also after a dry run last year (applying only to young 2s programs)- I dont find this difficult except for maybe the networking to enhance your application- you just have to budget the time to go through the rounds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:10 PM Flag
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We applied to few nice preschools close by. We don't care about anything but it being a nice place since we will do public school and public pre-k [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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Preschool in the city is free and go public. Even public can be competitive as you can see by reading other posts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:51 PM Flag
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If we want to send him at 3 yo, we have to pay! But is it worth paying for a top school if we get in? Especially if we may move or go public after 3? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:10 PM Flag
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Not pp, but I would say no. My advice would be tour 4-6 schools in your neighborhood, and stop the process when a school rubs you the wrong way. If you're planning on public K, there is absolutely no reason to pay 20K unless you are just crazy about the school (no judgement if you choose to.) Throughout the process, go with your gut. I still think about the wonderful teacher I observed at a humble but sweet school near Columbia, and wonder if I made the right choice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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Thank you all! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:30 PM Flag
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Totally agree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:42 PM Flag
[ - ] I have a DH that is really giving, kind, loving man. HOWEVER, he has this very juvenile, some-what insultive way of communicating with people whom he is close with, (including me). He tends to pick on people in front of others I guess, and pretend it's all hilarious and in good fun. He will say things like, "make yourself useful" to me. Yesterday I had our close friends over and was talking about how spinach makes my teeth feel strange and out of nowhere he says, "well, you never had that nice of teeth to begin with." It's almost like a very juvenile idea of humor or something. I am regularly embarrassed of him. His friends have also called him out on this, not just me. I have told him repeatedly and he puts it back on me, like I am supposed to let him "be himself" and not criticize him. I don't even want to socialize with him. I should also point out that he loves to drink and his behavior increases the more he drinks. 41 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:32 PM Flag
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He sounds like he has a nonverbal learning disability. Or is a jerk. But you say he's not a jerk, so I bet it's the former. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:21 PM Flag
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He is not an angry guy or a jerk in private. When he gets around a crowd he starts performing almost and the way he does it is to make impulsive, ribbing, insult-as-a-joke type comments. I should also note he also has put on big displays for attention in public like pay for a strangers very expensive meal at Scalinatella, even though they were very clearly bewildered and confused and insisted he not. In a crowd he has to take over or he is not comfortable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:38 PM Flag
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i hate people like your husband - what he does is not humor - it's degrading and mean spirited...surprised you have friends still [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:25 PM Flag
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OP here - I hate him too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:39 PM Flag
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then why'd you say he is "really giving, kind, loving"? He certainly doesn't sound that way... stop enabling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:51 PM Flag
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I should have added "in private". This behavior is strictly when he is in a crowd. His behavior changes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:57 PM Flag
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that is still enabling.... or you just don't notice at home because you don't have other people around to comment on it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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Yikes. Very bad sign. Very bad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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You're rationalizing his bad behavior because you don't want to accept the truth. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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MY ex-DH was like this. He is on his third marriage. And I'm sure it won't be his last. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:34 PM Flag
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he sounds very insecure and immature. at this age it will probably never change [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:33 PM Flag
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This. What an asshole [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:41 PM Flag
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i would be so embarrassed...what do you do? are your friends understanding? i think if you have already talked to him, having one of his friends talk to him man to man will maybe help him realize how mean and unwarranted its coming across [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:40 PM Flag
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I just give this eye roll and this look like, "That's my husband again." Some people laugh out of discomfort. He seriously doesn't get it. He has lost friends due to his constant ribbing. Most recently a very close friend who flatly told him he doesn't wan't to be the butt of his jokes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:31 PM Flag
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im sorry, i can see how its uncomfortable for everyone involved. i think he will heed someone else's advice better bc then it won't come off as you "nagging" or criticizing him. he'll hopefully be able to realize that other people are saying the same things you are. GL! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:46 PM Flag
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Humor that is always at someone else's expense isn't really humor. I think you need to tell him that you--and others--don't like always being the butt of his jokes. If he tells you that you or others are too sensitive, tell him that while that may be, you still don't like it. So you're asking him, out of respect for your feelings (and that of others), to dial it down. See what he does. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:40 PM Flag
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I have, and he insists he has dialed it down. To me, even one insultive thing in an evening is enough to turn me completely off to him. I am cold and unloving and then he is constantly telling me he needs more affection. I can't be affectionate toward him though. I view him as an imbecile and he completely turns me off. It's a disaster. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:47 PM Flag
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so sorry you are stuck with a jackass [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:50 PM Flag
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This might be a good situation for marriage counseling, with the ultimate goal of having him get to the bottom of his passive-aggressive (bordering on hostile) style of humor. The fact that he wants to be in the limelight also seems telling. If nothing else, if you spoke to a counselor, it might give you some tools on how to either address it or how to move on if he is unwilling to see how destructive his behavior is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:50 PM Flag
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Picking on people in front of others is not giving, kind or loving. That's abusive behavior. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:31 PM Flag
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Sorry... you need AA. Whether or not he is an alcoholic, you are co-dependent. Read your first sentence and then read your last two. ... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:51 PM Flag
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I disagree. I am trying to point out with limited space that in private he is kind, giving, loving, not angry, etc. The negative character traits seem to arise when he is in a crowd, he is a performer and this is how he performs. His close friends, whom have now broken up with him, say the exact same things. We all think he has deep insecurities that cause him to feel uncomfortable in crowds, so he gains power by this behavior. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:43 PM Flag
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You also said drinking exacerbates the aggressive personality. lady, I'm trying to help you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:55 PM Flag
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I know, I appreciate it. I know counseling is in order. I guess I feel really aware and I call him out every single time, to the point that it has destroyed our closeness because he feels I am at war with his personality. So I guess I don't see myself as an enabler. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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I know someone like this. Successful professor but socially inept. I feel sorry for him when he's not pissing me off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:43 PM Flag
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My DH is also very successful, but very insecure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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"Someone" or your DH? lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:10 PM Flag
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He sounds borderline aspie. You should think of some good comebacks to shut him down when he starts being obnoxious. Maybe then he'll understand how it feels to be embarrassed in front of an audience. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:53 PM Flag
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I hate this "be himself" response and have been on the receiving end of it from DH before. He sounds like an ass. Therapy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:00 PM Flag
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OP - There are other symptoms of his insecurity issues. I have dealt with many over the last 15 years. He is just a handful and I'm just at the end of my rope. If we didn't have kids I would leave. I'm just stuck in this situation of work with this person more (which makes me shudder) or destroy my home life with my kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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Well, what are you teaching your kids based on the example you're setting? That one should sacrifice self-respect and put up with emotional abuse? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:28 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:50 PM Flag
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he does not do it to your kids I hope - if he does...another reason to leave him imo [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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He never insults our kids, but he asks my son to do weird parlor tricks in front of others, like roll his stomach for example, even though my son does not want to. So I always interject and say, "actually he doesn't have to perform parlor tricks for you and your friends." Then my DH claims I am insufferable. I guess I just don't like anything about him. I actually can't remember how I ever liked him. Is this what happens when you know you are ready to divorce? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:44 PM Flag
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Umm that is horrible. You need to at least separate. Seriously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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Agree you should separate. You have to make your kids feel like you protect them... obviously he has issues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:51 PM Flag
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I'd leave BECAUSE I had kids... I wouldn't want them to think this was a relationship to model. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:52 PM Flag
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Is this Laura Bush? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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He sounds mean and unfunny. I'm sure he makes others uncomfortable too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:27 PM Flag
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It seems like a form of self-deprecating humor that's slid off target onto his wife. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:45 PM Flag
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One possible, somewhat non-intuitive explanation: you have to be pretty secure to do self-deprecating humor. He's too insecure to make jokes about his own teeth (or whatever) not being that great, but he knows people look at you favorably, so he has no qualms about making fun of "shortcomings" of yours, since he doesn't really think they ARE shortcomings. Just to be clear: he's not thinking this all through - he's just doing it, without thinking, or at least without thinking consciously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:48 PM Flag
[ - ] Dh seems to be getting angry a lot at me for small reasons. It's obvious there is something else going on - I know he is frustrated with a number of other things none of which relate to me but I wish he would open up and talk to me instead of making me his punching bag. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:28 PM Flag
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Same here. Projects all of his frustrations and insecurities onto me. Eventually I just wanted him to move out and he did. I miss him but my god PEACE at last! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:46 PM Flag
[ - ] Does proactive work. Please share your experience. !3 year old DD is really broken out. 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:22 PM Flag
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My teenage niece swears by it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:28 PM Flag
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Go to the dermatologist. There are too many options, and improvements all of the time. Too hard to advise for an individual anonymously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:37 PM Flag
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I used it in college. Yes it works wonders. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:37 PM Flag
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Just go to a derm. They are doctors and take your insurance. She'll prescribe a good face wash and a topical cream. I never know why parents don't take spotty kids sooner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:30 PM Flag
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never worked for me, but did nto try it as a teenager [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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No, try something else. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:54 PM Flag
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I used it for years and it worked wonders! My niece also used it and it cleared her face and kept it clear. My only issue with it was that if I used the wash more than once per day(they recommend 2x) it would really dry my face out. If I stuck to once per day, it was great! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:23 PM Flag
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does she eat dairy? if so, try to go off it for a few weeks... this usually works wonders [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:53 PM Flag
[ - ] Are Skip Hop straw water bottles good party favor gifts for 3-5yo crowd? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:18 PM Flag
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I'm talking about these http://www.skiphop.com/product/zoostrawbottle.html [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:19 PM Flag
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I guess so. Maybe too young? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:10 PM Flag
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+1 they seem a little young - like for 3 and under [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:29 PM Flag
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Moms of 5-6yo - would your dc like these bottles? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:38 PM Flag
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Too babyish. How about those water bottles that basically collapse when they're empty? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:29 PM Flag
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Thanks. Would these make a good party favor? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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Link please? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:44 PM Flag
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i'm not sure if they would be into either. What about just a plastic sports water bottle? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:39 PM Flag
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Straw cups are best for 1-2 year olds [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:54 PM Flag
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Party favors are unnecessary. Yet, if you really want to - it is nice you are giving something functional. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:37 PM Flag
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[ - ] I have a second date with a really good guy this week. What to do to just keep it light and fun and ensure a third date? We are each divorced with one child. Also I am so physically attracted to him, how do I keep that at bay and retain my dignity when I truly just want to jump into bed with him. I never thought if meet someone Iiked as a person so much again and certainly never thought I'd find this electric chemistry. Help! 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:11 PM Flag
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Just enjoy his company? If you like him, shouldn't be too complicated. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:17 PM Flag
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don't talk about your ex at all. ... enjoy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:31 PM Flag
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You use the same self-control that you have been teaching your children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:21 PM Flag
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Just relax and have fun! Wait until date 4 or 5 to fool around. Trust me on this one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:34 PM Flag
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OP: this is what I'd like to do -- but with not fooling around, will I even be asked on a third or fourth date? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:51 PM Flag
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You have more to offer than sex! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:22 PM Flag
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If you don't get asked on a third or fourth date because you didn't fool around, good (unless you yourself just wanted a one-night stand). If the guy only wants to see you a third or fourth time because there's sex involved, he's only interested in the sex and will move on after a few goes for some new opportunity. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:51 PM Flag
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OP: you're right. I sort of wish I hadn't met a man that I liked straight out of the divorce gate --- wish I'd had chance to date for dating's sake first to reclaim my sea legs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 08:42 PM Flag
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It's been two dates. You don't know if he's a "good guy" yet. That takes time to find out. You've had 2 great dates with someone putting on their "best" self. Chill. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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OP: you're very right [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:52 PM Flag
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It's ok to be excited and he may be fantastic in his own life but you should base your decision on when to sleep with him according to what he's done in relation to you. Try to enjoy and realize this is also exciting you because you had kind of given up on yourself post-divorce but now you're realizing you didn't have to do that. That being said, don't artificially hold out on sex. If you truly want to go for it, do it. You've gotten past the hump of not sleeping with him on first date. Have fun! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:05 PM Flag
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OP: thank you for the candid advice, it really helps [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 08:43 PM Flag
[ - ] Spin off. I can relate to some of the posts here. I feel like my house is a war-zone when it comes to food. 2 of my 3 kids are obsessed with food, especially greasy junk and desserts. I try to limit what I can, but it becomes a battle. I don't want to be too restricting because that always backfires, eg, one of my kids snuck an entire bag of M & Ms and puked everywhere. Does anyone else have this issue, and how do you handle it? 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:07 PM Flag
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^^Here is another example. We went out to dinner recently, and one of my kids ordered a SECOND entree when no one was looking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:09 PM Flag
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no one was LOOKING?? why not? pay attention. it's not about being restrictive, but it sounds like you need to be more observant. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:42 PM Flag
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Are you kidding? We were at dinner with friends and family, I was not watching so intently. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:29 PM Flag
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have they ever been to a restaurant? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:54 PM Flag
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huh? of course [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:43 PM Flag
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then they should know you only order one entree [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 08:01 PM Flag
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What did you do when it showed up at the table? A waiter seriously took a second order from a 13 y/o and didn't check in with you>? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:35 PM Flag
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I was furious with DC. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:28 PM Flag
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I would have been furious with both dc and the waiter. That would not have hit the table or the check. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:42 PM Flag
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Why was it the waiters fault? My 13 yo looks old for her age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:37 PM Flag
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How old are your kids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:10 PM Flag
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13, 11, 8 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:10 PM Flag
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I don't have an answer for you. This describes my house growing up. My parents tried to limit, but I became fat anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:11 PM Flag
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Maybe they are hungry. Try feeding them, ana mom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:12 PM Flag
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Who hurt you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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you are too controlling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:15 PM Flag
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I don't have an answer for you either. But am really glad my house isn't like this. I assume you cook and enjoy good meals together? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:19 PM Flag
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yikes, what if you tried giving them some junk but letting them know binging/gorging on this kind of food is not good e.g. puking after the bag of m and ms [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:29 PM Flag
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get out of your house with your kids and do something away from the kitchen [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:43 PM Flag
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They are still at the age where they depend on you for food. Don't buy the crap on the first place. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:55 PM Flag
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don't control what they eat, control what is in your home. i think if your kid is hungry let them eat, but make them choose from what is available. don't completely eliminate treats and junk, just have a balance. and my child would be punished, i.e. time out or privilege revoked for ordering an entree when "no one is looking". you are adult, and the one in control, put your foot down [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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My approach has always been to not have junk in the house (my kids are much younger though, so they can't get it themselves), and to let them regulate their own appetites from the healthy food on offer. We often have sweets after dinner with the attitude that it's nice to have a small, reasonable treat. They do enjoy junk food occasionally, but we don't have it in the house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:03 PM Flag
[ - ] Can't stop entertaining the thought that my DH's ex is actually the person he was meant to be with. They are much more kindred spirits than I think we are. It makes my blood boil to think about it, and I think I overlooked it for so long because I was and still am so in love with him, but honestly she was better suited for him. They are both more free spirits, creative, like to make things, see the world an an immaterial and romantic way. I on the other hand am more type A, more materialistic, etc. I think he likes how I balance him, but also longs for a different life. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:07 PM Flag
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But maybe you are exactly what he needs. I'm not married to a male version of myself--and I think that's true for many (if not most) people. Two free spirited romantics might struggle to live and raise a family "in the real world." Also, even if he does want aspects of what his ex represented (less materialistic, creative, romantic, etc.), there are healthy outlets for him (a photography class, hiking, writing, to name a few). And maybe you could explore that side of yourself, too. I'm a Type A who t [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:33 PM Flag
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^^sorry, got cut off. I'm also a Type A who took up yoga (not something that appealed to me previously), but I love it and it has been a good outlet for me in terms of both exercise and in learning to be more "in the moment". Be open minded and don't take your differences personally. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:35 PM Flag
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Thanks for this, you really made me feel better...and I will try to explore our differences in a positive way [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:25 PM Flag
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Yes, and remember that you can't fill all of each other's needs. No one can. So the important thing is to learn and grow from each other. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:47 PM Flag
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+1....my husband is type A and I am the liberal/free spirited one. We definitely balance each other out, and I know DH sees it as well. I know if I married a guy like myself, we'd be in serious financial disarray, the house would be messy, and nothing would be organized :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:44 PM Flag
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so true! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:40 PM Flag
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Balancing each other is good, but being materialistic is not... maybe you want to reflect on that part of your personality and figure out what's missing? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:41 PM Flag
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yes thank you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:41 PM Flag
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do you have kids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:41 PM Flag
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Why did they split? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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Is this how he has described her or do you actually know her directly? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:37 PM Flag
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Don't put thoughts in someone else's head, particularly thoughts about you. The source of your impression of what "longs for" in this context are your own insecurities about yourself, which likely have no particularly basis in the world, but just come out of your own psychology. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:53 PM Flag
[ - ] I feel like my DH and I are not right for each other anymore. He fundamentally wants to live life in a different way than me. I love and respect him immensely, and I know he loves me. However, I feel at a crossroads where if I give into his way of life I will be chipping away at who I am, and I don't want to make him give up on who he is either. Is it feasible to amicably divorce and not harm our three young children? Money would not really be an issue for either of us. It's sad and I love him so much, but I love myself too. 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:04 PM Flag
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Is there no compromise for either of you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:19 PM Flag
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There is, and that is what we have been doing for years now. But we are at the point of making a big decision- he wants to live in one house and I want to live in another, and both represent and are symbolic for our differing ideals, so it is coming to a point where one of us has to make the biggest compromise of our lives, or we go separate ways [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:10 PM Flag
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What kind of life do you want to live? What kind of life does he want to live? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:09 PM Flag
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He wants a more off the beaten path life. Wants a house that is not so nice, even though we can afford it, not as much in the limelight and social, and all around laid back. I am a high achiever, want a nice house that reflects who I am, am social and like to hang out with other families, I like nice things and don't want to feel guilty about that. Its not that I over consume, I guess I am just a bit more straight laced than him [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:24 PM Flag
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I don't think splitting up your family because you want to live in a nice house is the best plan for your children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:16 PM Flag
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doesn't sound like that's the real problem... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:43 PM Flag
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I agree [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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You sound insufferable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:30 PM Flag
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Don't ruin your kids life because of this. We can't always get everything we want in life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:41 PM Flag
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I don't like to tell others how they should live their lives but to get a divorce over this when you have young children strikes me as the height of selfishness. You and your husband need to talk at length about what is important to you and how you can cooperate and compromise to make the marriage work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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amicable divorces do not seem to screw up the kids as bad as when the parents are blaming each other for everything [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:28 PM Flag
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yeah, i mean i can literally see us in the sort of situation where we live a mile apart, like our houses are walking distance and essentially in the same neighborhood from each other. he thinks i am crazy for suggesting it, but i think we would be happier living how we each want to live [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:32 PM Flag
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I had a vision like that too--I truly thought we would both be happier and we only live 4 blocks apart now that we've split. But it has not been the all positive thing I thought it would be. Ex-dh has struggled so much. He's very unhappy and lonely and dc knows it. He was a horrible husband and told me he wanted out and I took him up on it, but I know he regrets that immensely now. I am better off now. I think in the end dc is too, but don't believe your vision of how easy it could be. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:05 PM Flag
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No, there is no way NOT to harm your kids with divorce. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:25 PM Flag
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And there are PLENTY of ways to harm your kids in a bad marriage, too... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 07:44 PM Flag
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Bullshit [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 08:21 PM Flag
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So if you move into the dh-style house, your friends wont come over? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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I have real reasons to want to divorce my husband and would love to fucking smack you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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If either of you plans to pursue other relationships, get an amicable divorce. If not, live separately. This is not the same as being separated, by the way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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Can't you buy a weekend house so that one of you gets one way a few days a week and then you all live the other way a couple of days? Sounds like you've both grown tired of each other. If you truly loved each other you would both fight to find a way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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Have you been feeling this way for a long time or is it just coming on now? If the former.... you should be honest with him and yourself and separate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:40 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone have kids going to Ella Baker? What will you do about after school care? Empire Camp is no longer an option and Manhattan Youth closed on all school holidays-- that's over 30 days during the school year. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:00 PM Flag
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There is no holiday coverage at almost all other NYC public schools. I don't know of any other one in D2 that has it! The rest of us look for camps, like NYC chess, Chelsea piers [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:19 PM Flag
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manhattan youth has holiday camp usually... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 05:38 PM Flag
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Only the longer holidays-- Xmas, Spring Break, Feb break. That's it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.01.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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