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[ - ] Can someone explain to me what the point is of dying the juice blue in a foil juicebox that already has a blue straw? You don't see the juice! 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:04 PM Flag
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dyeing [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:07 PM Flag
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thank you for the correction, you're right [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:13 PM Flag
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It's no fun if your tongue doesn't turn blue. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:09 PM Flag
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perhaps I am approaching the question from the wrong perspective, lol. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:16 PM Flag
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I would write to the producer of said juice and suggest a change. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:18 PM Flag
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I'm not one of those organic moms, I just get pissed because it leaves blue stains on everything when one of the kids can't get a straw through the first time, or someone drops one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:27 PM Flag
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NP: Organic mom or not, you're right in that the whole point of artificial colorings is to make foods "fun" or more "appealing" and this just seems like an unnecessary addition of a crappy ingredient. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:47 PM Flag
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op. Someone also just reminded me that some people freeze them to make popsicles. So then they see the blue, which is fair. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:54 PM Flag
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I cant imagine anyone is making a popsicle out of juice from a juice box. People use juice from larger containers or frozen concentrate for that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:14 PM Flag
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And the people who would buy juice with blue dye in it would just buy regular old popsicles. Making your own isn't about saving money, it's usually about making a slightly healthier alternative. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:14 PM Flag
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Can someone explain to me why they buy such crap? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:40 PM Flag
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op. I really don't buy this stuff but it was left over from our son's college going away party last night where we had to cater to the nieces and nephews etc. My actual kids are older. For some reason I thought the juice would be clear (I vaguely remember a company getting rid of the dye, maybe Sun was the brand?), I accidentally stepped on a half pouch while cleaning up and it sprayed all over the place. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:18 PM Flag
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I don't drink juice and not in pouches. This is garbage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 11:53 AM Flag
[ - ] Has anyone here tried Slow TV? It's kind of fascinating how much I like it. For anyone who doesn't know, it's programming like putting a camera at the front of a train about to take a 7 hour trip through Europe, so for 7 hours you're just watching countryside go by. It's so calming. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:53 PM Flag
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I read about and saw some clips. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:55 PM Flag
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They also have walking tours. Someone straps on a go-pro and just walks through a city or the countryside or some charming French village. Where has this been all my life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:58 PM Flag
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Here's a link to choosing from 675 walking tours around the world. Reddit has a r/slowtv sub, this is a top post there right now. https://www.reddit.com/r/SlowTV/comments/croemd/i_made_a_map_showing_the_locations_of_675_video/ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:32 PM Flag
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Best thing I learned on UB today. Thank you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:50 PM Flag
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I am so happy that you found something you like. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:23 PM Flag
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we watched a lot of Norwegian knitting this winter. very similar. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:29 PM Flag
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I haven't seen it, but that one's definitely on Netflix. I've seen it discussed, though. Sounds like the opposite of Housewives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:35 PM Flag
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When DS was little he loved trains. We'd watch videos of trains going by, train journeys, etc. with no or low narration, and I did find it very relaxing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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Aw. My little boy was also fascinated with trucks & trains. When we were on the train going into the city to day car and we went across an overpass, he'd see a truck and yell and point "FUCK !!!!" and the whole car would crack up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:21 PM Flag
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I want to try this now! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:41 PM Flag
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I found this trick. The trains in Norway are silent, so I say "Alexa ask sleep sounds to play train ride" and then I get the accompaniment of the satisfying clickety clack to go with the passing scenery. For some reason this is so massively soothing, I can fall asleep to it any time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:19 PM Flag
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Bad to sleep to tv. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 12:54 AM Flag
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A very long time ago (say 1992), DH and I went to a movie at the Film Forum, and just picked some random movie. So for hours it was a train running through the countryside. We had never heard of such a movie (this was in the days before the Internet0 and we kept waiting for something to happen. It never did. We finally walked out. When I heard about Slow TV, I finally realized that we were supposed to be relaxing rather than waiting for a plot! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 03:11 AM Flag
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I'll have to see it but I'd think I'd throw a shoe at the TV at the 10min mark. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 11:53 AM Flag
[ - ] Long, need to vent: I like to drink latte extra hot and always ask for extra hot when ordering outside. We are staying at a hotel right now in LA and DH went to get lattes from hotel cafe. I specifically reminded him to order extra hot for me. He came back with two lattes, none of them extra hot, claiming he forgot. This sounds like something so small but really annoys me as DH has a tendency to dismiss what I ask for or prefer. At the first years of our marriage, he used to ask everyone if they want another drink and forgot to ask me. Many things have improved but somehow he finds a way to dismiss or forget. I had strong codependency issues due to growing up with a highly narcissistic mother. As I become more aware, I can't tolerate anything as simple as this latte thing and I lose control and start screaming at him. I hate myself when I do this but I don't know how to channel my frustration. What to do? 83 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:31 PM Flag
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I gave DH's asking for another drink to everyone but not me as an example. Many examples like this that seems little. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:34 PM Flag
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The best advice is to say - please try harder to listen to me because when stuff like this happens I do t feel loved and I want that feeling [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:34 PM Flag
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Doesn't work. He starts remembering after I throw a fit. If I ask nicely and say nice things he continues to happily forget or dismiss. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:36 PM Flag
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Then divorce him and find someone who cares about you and your feelings [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:37 PM Flag
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And stop training him to wait for fit [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:38 PM Flag
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This is not the best advice. She's asked him, he does not respond the way she wants. She needs to try something new. Does this tactic actually work for you? Does is work ON you, when someone insists you do something so that they feel better? Does that make you want to do that thing, or does it make you want to tell them off? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:49 PM Flag
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Leave. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:35 PM Flag
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F*%$ing get your own coffee! You sound like hard work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:42 PM Flag
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Meanwhile, I was packing baggages including his. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:44 PM Flag
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Huh? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:45 PM Flag
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OP is obviously not a native speaker [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 05:11 PM Flag
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CBT therapy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:43 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:48 PM Flag
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+2 so this. It is unreasonable to get upset about something like this. I think you probably have some underlying anger issues that you need to address (and I say this as someone who has gone through something similar myself--so no judgment, just love). Put your mental health first. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:53 PM Flag
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Count down the days until he leaves you. You sound like a complete mess. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:49 PM Flag
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Why don't you cut to the chase and tell us what you want to hear. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:49 PM Flag
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...crickets... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 09:46 AM Flag
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I don’t know why other responders are so mean. You’re acknowledging that your response is overblown. I am having similar issues where my husband forgets 85% of what I ask him to do, then complains when I remind him, then I just get mad. I’m starting cognitive behavior therapy. I’m hoping it helps me reframe the issue. The Gorman Institute also has a formula... something g like you need three positive interactions to outweigh one bad one with your spouse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:07 PM Flag
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I suggested that above and it wasn’t out of meanness. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:17 PM Flag
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I like my coffee hot. I can't stand when it's served lukewarm. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:40 PM Flag
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And do you scream and scream like OP? Come on, you're not a toddler. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:43 PM Flag
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Who would be happy to pay for a lukewarm cup of coffee? This is not much different from being served a lukewarm plate of food at a restaurant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:57 AM Flag
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Who said it was lukewarm? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 03:56 PM Flag
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GROW UP. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:42 PM Flag
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Get your own damn coffee if you are so particular. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:54 PM Flag
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she just said they were on a trip and she stayed back to pack everyone's bags. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 10:15 AM Flag
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hard for us to know about DH just from this, but a caution - really hot milk can go off, so watch your stomach. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:57 PM Flag
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I don’t understand the “codependent” connection... isn’t that where you feel compelled to take care of others... ? connect the dots for me here? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:38 PM Flag
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Probably she keeps on taking more and more responsibilities and when little responsibilities assigned to others is not taken care off she explodes ( underlying resentment as she is overworked on other aspects). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 06:00 AM Flag
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Ok, this is going to seem so hard, but: find anything that he does right and thank him for it. Repeat over and over. What you are doing so far does not work, as you have seen. And, you know...definition of insanity and all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:46 PM Flag
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Sorry - this is weird. If someone is nice enough to get me a coffee, I wouldn’t complain. If I like it a specific way, I would get it myself and DH can pack the bags. You realize if my DH yelled at me for not getting his coffee exactly right, that’s the last time I would ever get it for him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:59 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:45 PM Flag
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I totally agree. What adult yells because they didn't get exactly the correct coffee? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:54 PM Flag
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Do you think he "forgets" on purpose? The possible red flag I see here is that you had a narcissistic mother, so if your DH is of the same ilk, narcissists love to do subtle crap like this ("forgetting" something, however trivial, that they know that brings you pleasure) to get an emotional reaction out of you. If that is what he is doing, it totally explains your over-reaction. But you have to stop giving it to him as he's trying to get under your skin and make you look crazy. Just a thought. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:08 PM Flag
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and to add to this, if he is narcissistic--"forgetting" is his way of showing you that you don't mean much to him. Like how he asks everyone else for their drink order but yours. It's a way to subtly devalue you, yet if you protest (like you are doing on this thread), YOU are the one who looks unbalanced and you blame yourself for losing control. But *if* he's purposefully doing this, then your feelings are warranted but you definitely need to find a way to stop feeding the beast by giving him the over-reaction he was looking for. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:15 PM Flag
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x 1,000,000 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:54 AM Flag
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^^^ what she said [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 03:15 AM Flag
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Does not compute. What does codependency and a narcissistic mother have to do with your being a complete and utter bitch? Why does your DH stay with you? You sound abusive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:10 PM Flag
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He probably does not forget. He probably just feels stupid asking for a hot beverage to be served hot. It seems so high maintenance. I would not make that request. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:36 PM Flag
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This. I think if you asked for a skim latte, the order would always be right. It’s the oddness if he request. Really finicky. I would be too embarrassed. The baristas are taught specifically NOT to make them too hot, because people burn their mouths. Coffee is hot. To ask for it to be hotter is OOT. He doesn’t want to anrgue with you but no man on earth would Ofer a coffee extra hot [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:44 AM Flag
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I always ask for extra hot when I’m getting a coffee for someone who isn’t drinking it immediately. By the time they get the drink it will be normal hot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:54 AM Flag
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You are high maintenance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 09:12 AM Flag
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My dh divorced me and he thinks I was abusive for stuff like this. I realized 2 things after a lot of therapy. 1) My dad was exactly like me and what I thought was normal marital arguing was over the top. 2) I resented my husband and took out my anger on minor things. He was forgetful, scattered and I always felt like his mom. He tried hard to please me but I was impossible He likes to be a a fun, life of the party and I resented him. He left me for another woman and it was so difficult. Get yourself help before you blow up your life and your kid's lives (if you have kids). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 12:15 AM Flag
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Wow. Thanks for your honesty [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 03:34 AM Flag
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If my DH lost control and started screaming at me because I didn't get a hot latte "extra hot" (which, ime, everyone with that drink order is a total fucking nightmare) I would seriously question staying in the marriage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 12:20 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 12:29 AM Flag
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I think I would laugh in his face if he complained that his coffee is not hot enough. That sounds like my 2 year old whose toast is often not brown enough or too brown! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 12:36 AM Flag
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Amen. And I would not ask. Actually, I would lie to my spouse and say that they couldn't give me extra hot coffee due to liability issues. When you have to plan your lies to avoid the wrath of a crazy spouse, it is time to exit the marriage stage left. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:07 AM Flag
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OR you could just get your wife the extra hot coffee. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:52 AM Flag
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Why? Why bother trying to make someone happy if they're just going to lose control and start screaming over minor shit? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 02:02 AM Flag
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Then say so. I am sure if he would have told op then she would have switched assignments. I bet if he would have been packing he still would have forgot to pack her stuff on purpose. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 04:12 AM Flag
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I wouldn't disgrace myself by asking for something like that. Before this post, I didn't even know "extra hot" coffee was a thing. High maintenance. I don't indulge high maintenance people and their demands. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 04:54 AM Flag
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It’s more than the coffee. It’s the chronic inconsideration that’s really hurtful. It’s similar to asking your kids to do something 10 times but they ignore you and you finally explode and everyone is like why is mom so crazy. It’s also borderline gaslighting when he accuses you of being a nag when you gently remind him but then you're unreasonable for being upset when he doesn’t do what’s asked because you didn’t “nag” him. Sorry I feel your pain. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 12:44 AM Flag
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He does not want to look like an asshole by asking for his latte extra hot. Stop projecting all this other stuff on this situation. What dh would want to do this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 12:48 AM Flag
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OP is unreasonable. Many coffee shops don’t provide “extra” hot coffee due to liability issues if someone gets burned. Also - extra hot beverages can cause oral cancer. My DH likes his tea extra hot and I make it only regular hot (not lukewarm) because I certainly won’t contribute to this dangerous habit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:01 AM Flag
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There’s a difference between the coffee shop refused and I refused to get you what you wanted. And really I’ve never heard of a hot beverage oral cancer link. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:50 AM Flag
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+1. He is not putting up an argument about health. He “forgot” because OP’s wishes are not important for him. It’s covert narcissism. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 04:11 AM Flag
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WTF? OP sounds nuts and her DH sounds beaten down. If I were her DH, I'd be gone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 04:45 AM Flag
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That’s what I mean. He is not gone instead he will stick around because he gets kick out of it ( covert NPD). He is doing it repeatedly. Not good for a healthy marriage. Bottom line they sound incompatible. If they want to make it work they need therapy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 05:50 AM Flag
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Op shares one story and her day is a narcissist? He could just as easily have social anxiety and will not ask. He can be a normal person who wants to be nice to baristas. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 09:14 AM Flag
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Interesting, it’s text book example of NPD. I recently read a book about narcissist and in that book it was quoted as example. By doing small things he chronically devalues you. You still think he is a nice guy because he got coffee for. Everyone and including you yourself will think you are crazy if you explode or complain. Leave him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:15 AM Flag
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^^^ he is devaluing you. It a cycle idealize, devalue, and discard. Read “ how to become narcissist’s nightmare”. They fake and alter reality so in relationship you are the one who is sensitive and crazy and they are the caring ones. GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:25 AM Flag
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Omg. Only on UB does a woman who admits she screams at her DH over nothing get told her DH has classic NPD. OP has the issue and your DH is just being a guy who is trying to maintain his dignity [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:47 AM Flag
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That’s how a covert narcissist behaves. He makes everyone think his partner is crazy. She can’t even vent on anonymous board think about real life. He builds frustration by multiple small acts and enjoys. OP you must read that book. It will give you real tools to manage your response. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 03:23 AM Flag
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Exactly! I tried to say that above but you did a much better job! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:51 AM Flag
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I think the above is an interesting possibility. I'm not sure at all that it is the case-- we would need to know more about the husband, but it's possible and if so, the OP is going to have to really reinforce the part of her life that are under her control alone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 12:55 PM Flag
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Meditate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 02:40 AM Flag
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Doesn’t it burn your throat when you drink it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 03:35 AM Flag
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Doesn’t hurt as much as when her partner ignores her. Pay attention to the reason she is venting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 04:29 AM Flag
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You need to change your response. If he is NPD and realize it’s not triggering anger anymore then he will stop it and switch to another method till he he annoys you. If he is just a normal guy he will be happy and you will be happy. Read some books about gaslight and narcissism. It will help you deal with him and your mom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 04:36 AM Flag
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Have you considered the possibility that you're testing him and setting him up to fail? This may seem like a small thing to you, but it may seem high maintenance to him (and, frankly, to most people). My mother orders diet coke with extra ice. She doesn't rely on my dad (her husband of 50 years) to do this; she orders herself or she accepts it as it comes. He may be inattentive, but you're not picking your battles wisely. Further, an OTT reaction makes a passive aggressive person dig in their heels because they don't want to feel pushed around or controlled. If he doesn't consider your feelings, that's a serious issue and you should address with him (through counseling or whatever), but your examples say more about your issues than they do about his issues (and I say this with kindness, not to be snarky. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 05:13 AM Flag
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Honestly get some therapy. Worrying about a nit pick like this is a sign of something deeper. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 11:54 AM Flag
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here's something you could try, OP: since we can't really help what triggers us, use the trigger for good in your life. for instance, perhaps keep a journal for times like this. When the trigger hits, go to the journal and write and really think through what will make things better. take your own feelings seriously yourself. keep your own counsel. Maybe after working through it, you will talk to your husband about it but maybe you will realize this will only hurt you further, and you need to make other arrangements for your coffee (or whatever). I guess I'm advocating for you to take it seriously but you need yourself, not him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:00 PM Flag
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Or--here's a novel concept--get your own damned high maintenance coffee! No wonder so many marriages on UB end up in the crapper. All of this psychological BS about NPD and codependency and whatever. Everyone looking to pin blame on someone or something else. Take responsibility for your own weirdness and do not suck other people into your swirling vortex of destruction. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:28 PM Flag
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this is the OR-- we are maybe saying something similar honestly. If you take ownership of your own feelings, you deal with it on your own, like write or meditate or something. But it just doesn't work (generally) to tell somebody to get over a feeling. They often have to process it so it is ideal if their processing mechanism is healthy and adaptive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 04:53 PM Flag
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Nuke it in the microwave you monster [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:23 PM Flag
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NP: Go get your own latte? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 04:12 PM Flag
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My husband is very particular about his coffee. I'll make a cup for myself in the a.m., ask him what he wants and 9 times out of 10 he asks that I change it. I've finally stopped asking him if he wants coffee...so we no longer share that morning ritual. Have the latte the way you want it by continually screaming at your DH when he doesn't get it right, or enjoy the fact that you can have coffee together. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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also, extra hot is really subjective. it's not like cinnamon. i bet half the time you get it, you don't think it is actually extra hot so just chill about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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Count your blessings. If this is his worst offense, your life is pretty good. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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Read post again. He does it again and again he is driving her insane. She is loosing self confidence. It’s called “ emotional abuse”. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 05:24 PM Flag
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Oh, pluuuse...is she in a wheelchair? Get your own damn coffee. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 05:38 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 05:38 PM Flag
[ - ] I've been running lots of what if numbers for my expected family contribution. I do not make much each year, compared to DH. After our au pair and taxes, I only make about $5,000 per year. If I quit my job, our expected family contribution drops from $31,657 to $26,602. 58 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:42 PM Flag
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For what? Private school tuition? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:44 PM Flag
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Sounds like college [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:50 PM Flag
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with an au pair? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:03 PM Flag
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I have younger children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:06 PM Flag
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College. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:05 PM Flag
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Au pair and taxes aren’t your only expenses. What is pre-tax income? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:10 PM Flag
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Our adjusted gross income is $141,136 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:47 PM Flag
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do you contribute to a 401k? Does your employer offer benefits? You have an au pair now and are sending a kid to college when? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:13 PM Flag
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No, I don't have a 401k. I do have an IRA. My oldest is sixteen. My youngest is two. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:48 PM Flag
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It cost $ to work and you save $ by staying home [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:23 PM Flag
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No, you don’t save what you don’t make. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:24 PM Flag
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Yes you do save money in relation to Ub budget. But carry on [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:26 PM Flag
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HH [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:27 PM Flag
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What are you saving? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:28 PM Flag
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You save on transportation, clothing, dry cleaning, coffee and lunches out, prepared connivence food for home ... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:29 PM Flag
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You are also able to shop sales for additional savings [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:30 PM Flag
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I do that (save on deals and stuff) and I also work full time). I cook at home. Your assumption is that working people do everything for convenience and that’s simply not true. I also save for retirement and other things. I’m not saying staying at home isn’t a good option, just trying to understand why you think that it results in actual savings. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:33 PM Flag
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My assumption is you are looking for a fight and I’m not interested. Enjoy your weekend [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:36 PM Flag
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I’m not. But have a good evening. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:42 PM Flag
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I'm the OP. I sales shop. Every Wednesday, the weekly sales ad comes out for my local grocery stores and I look it over. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:50 PM Flag
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But no money is replacing that. So again, how are you saving actual dollars? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:30 PM Flag
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I’m not into arguing with you - manage your budget your way. I cacukated my budget and am sharing an insight many do t see ;) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:31 PM Flag
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You honestly dont comprehend lowering your nut saves money? What work do you do? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:33 PM Flag
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I’m a lawyer. I’m also not a big spender, which I know is hard to comprehend for many people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:35 PM Flag
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I'm the OP. I understand what she's saying. If you are labor, you have to earn more than one dollar in order to spend one dollar. That's why reducing your annual spending by $10k results in more money in your bank account than earning an extra $10k annually. But we are very frugal people, so we don't have a lot of the expenses people associate with working. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:53 PM Flag
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I saw the lady in the NYT today who quit because of the cost of childcare for 3. But she was a HS teacher. So I assume she can always go back. For a lot of us, you have to keep working to be able to work once kids are grown. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:03 PM Flag
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I'm the OP. I walk to work, wear a uniform, have not paid for dry cleaning in a decade, make my own coffee at home, do not eat out, and we hardly ever buy convenience food for home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:49 PM Flag
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You also save on child care! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 03:40 AM Flag
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Yes, when we were working opposite house there was no child care costs and that was much more sustainable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 04:21 AM Flag
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Schools may also have their own forms and in general expect both parents to work and contribute to college expenses. An EFC of 26K means you are not likely to get aid from any state school that relies only on the FAFSA and may not get much from private colleges that only rely on it as well, as they are not the schools with the most money for financial aid. Many of the top colleges in the country also use the CSS. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:57 PM Flag
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Our calculators show we'd get a lot of aid from all our state schools, though not much from UC Santa Cruz or UC Merced. Berkeley offers the most aid to a student from my household- more than $30k. We're right next to them, too, but there's no way she can get in there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:56 PM Flag
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Tuition and room and board at Berkeley is 28K for in-state student. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 12:35 AM Flag
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This is from their calculator: tuition and fees: $17,528; room and board $18,754; books and supplies $870; other expenses: $2,276; total cost of attendance: $39,428; Middle Class Access Plan Award: $29,928; Estimated Net Cost: $9,500 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:31 AM Flag
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https://saservices.berkeley.edu/calculator/ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:31 AM Flag
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So, no point in quitting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:18 PM Flag
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and I say this as someone who does not work. Your income is not the reason your EFC is what it is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:19 PM Flag
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Yes, it is. We have no investments, own no real estate, own no businesses. We do have four months of living expenses saved, but that doesn't change our expected family contribution on the FAFSA if I run it with our checking and savings at zero. (Which is what it would be if I put it all to DH's student loans.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:59 PM Flag
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Curious about your HHI, we are around 200 and are full payers. But only one kid and some equity in RE. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:07 PM Flag
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I think this is the 150k, 4 kids poster. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:15 PM Flag
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Yeah, just under $150k, and four kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:59 PM Flag
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^And I know it sounds pretentious to have an aupair, but it was so much cheaper than after school care for two kids plus daycare for a toddler, or a nanny share. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:05 PM Flag
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Newsflash, if your kid is applying to a private college, you could be expected to pay more than the expected family contribution. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:56 PM Flag
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yep [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:11 PM Flag
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Especially if you are a non-working parent. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:45 PM Flag
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It depends. I'm making a spreadsheet. Both Bates College and Smith are below our expected family contribution, but not by much. DD wants a SLAC, but I think she may have to settle for a state school that has a very low population of students. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:01 PM Flag
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np--If you are in California and money is tight, why would you look at colleges across the country? The cost of transportation would only add to your money issues. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 11:16 AM Flag
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don't quit working. you won't need the au pair for forever. my dc became pretty self sufficient including walking everywhere starting at 9. we dropped the sitter then. you can always up days with your house cleaner and order more meals in or whatever. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:59 PM Flag
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I know we don't need the aupair forever. I was doing it without her for awhile, but working opposite hours from my husband became unsustainable once my youngest became two. I need to get more sleep than I was getting while working nights. Because he grew go go gadget extendo arms overnight. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:03 PM Flag
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what are "go go gadget extendo arms" (trying to picture this, lol!) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:17 PM Flag
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Inspector Gadget would say "Go, go gadget" before extending his metal telescopic arms. I think of that when everything that is supposed to be out of this kid's reach suddenly is no longer out of his reach. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:36 PM Flag
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So quit your job and have your child apply for college financial aid. Please report back your experience. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 12:38 AM Flag
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Honestly, I might once it's time for our aupair to leave. It's been really hard. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 01:32 AM Flag
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That is crazy? How are you going to pay for college with less money. Put the kid in school next year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 09:11 AM Flag
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OR of this thread--my suggestion was made as a joke. I think OP is delusional enough to accept it as a good suggestion. She would be better off making money and setting it aside for her oldest child's education. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 11:19 AM Flag
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^^^ or to pay off her husband's student loans [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 11:20 AM Flag
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community college for two years and then state college [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 11:21 AM Flag
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You are putting too much emphasis on your family EFC. It sounds like you don't have the money to pay either 26K or 31K, especially if your husband still has student loans. You can come up with another plan for your teen that includes community college and then transfer to a state college. I myself would choose to work and pay off current student loans. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 11:58 AM Flag
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California mom - couple of things jump out at me. 1) Your DH is not the child's bio father, and is she officially his child by adoption? You should look into whether his income counts towards EFC. 2) Whether it's 26k or 31k, yes, looks like it's a wash when your income is 5k after expenses and taxes BUT what difference does it make? You're borrowing that $ anyway. You can borrow either 31k X 4 or 26k X 4. Maybe not look into colleges that have such EFCs? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 02:38 PM Flag
[ - ] How is west elm furniture quality for a starter apartment? 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:07 PM Flag
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I think it's super expensive. Check the website Article. Similar stuff, same quality, much cheaper. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:08 PM Flag
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Agreed, but there’s a bed for $300 which is pretty low [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:11 PM Flag
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West Elm? I think the quality is probably fine. Like Crate and Barrell, ZGallerie, etc.. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:21 PM Flag
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Thanks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:24 PM Flag
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Mentioned too many times lately not to be spam [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:24 PM Flag
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It’s junk. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:33 PM Flag
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Ok but for a $300 bed, is there much better? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:48 PM Flag
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Not true. It has gotten much better over last 5 years and they have some higher end pieces. Miles ahead of ikea which is typically particle board. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:39 PM Flag
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West Elm is terrible quality [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:52 PM Flag
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What’s better for cheap [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:17 PM Flag
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np--IKEA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:10 PM Flag
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Overpriced. Go to goodwill and craigslist. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:59 PM Flag
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It is fine. We bought plenty for our beach house. 4 years in, all is holding up well. Strange comments. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:41 PM Flag
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I also like WE because it is reasonably priced and they do deliver/assemble all the big stuff as opposed to a wayfair or overstock. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:42 PM Flag
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I have some and it's fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:42 PM Flag
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My starter apartment was furnished entirely if hand me downs and a goodwill couch, so I think WE sounds pretty nice ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:50 PM Flag
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We have a west elm sofa bed that we got at an outlet and the bed is actually decent. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:31 PM Flag
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Are you the mom whose kid is moving into an apartment in NYC? Let her figure this out herself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:11 PM Flag
[ - ] Relocating for public schools. Do you think it’s better for the family overall to move ASAP into a home that is good enough for now and then the kids will be in the district they’ll continue all the way through high school or wait until we can buy our forever home in 3-5 years but then the kids will have to move to a new district when starting middle school? 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:46 PM Flag
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Everyone needs to do what’s good for them. We will be moving when our children are in middle school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:57 PM Flag
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True. Trying to gauge how important the timing is. My kids are little but I anticipate the transition being much easier now in early elementary than in middle school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:06 PM Flag
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Move now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:57 PM Flag
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I agree. I think it’s more important for our kids not to be the new kids and know no one upon starting middle school, we won’t know any of the families. Dh wants to wait so we never having to deal with buying/selling/moving ever again. I think this is the time to sacrifice convenience for our kids... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:03 PM Flag
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Go with a good enough house in a good location. Your priorities may change a lot once you are in the area. Ours have changed for sure. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:23 PM Flag
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Thanks. I agree. Seems important to be in the community even if we’re not in our dream house [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:25 PM Flag
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Move now. I also don't believe in a forever home. We aren't really set up for that in the US. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:13 PM Flag
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Yeah it almost seems like it’s dh’s way of staying comfortable, by setting an impossible standard [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:27 PM Flag
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I know so many people who built or bought a "forever home" and then sold it within 3 yrs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:30 PM Flag
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Dh and I agreed on a house but there was a housing shortage and sellers market so we were just lucky to get one of the ones we made an offer on. BUT we have had conflicts about the priority order of the things we want to do to it. Eventually he came around to my way of thinking on the first conflict but it wasn't easy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:35 PM Flag
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Go with the good enough house. It could take forever to find the "forever" home, and being uprooted in middle school is very hard for kids. MS sucks under the best of circumstances, why would you deliberately make it worse? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:17 PM Flag
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Thank you! I completely agree. DH says he just wants to “love” the house if we’re spending what we are which I totally get BUT I think I’m much more realistic in realizing we may have to do some work or compromise on something for now... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:23 PM Flag
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OR, totally agree. And you may come to love the "good enough" house. I didn't love our apt. when we bought it but it was very close to DC's school. Ten years later, we considered moving but realized that there was nothing out there that was better so we are focused on making the most of what we have, which is perfectly fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:31 PM Flag
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NP so agree. The longer we live in our house, the more we like it. We bought for location and have never regretted it. Yes, we could have another bedroom, or a second living area, but we love our house. Haven't seen a single thing for sale that we like better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:39 PM Flag
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Get in now [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:25 PM Flag
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I don't believe in moving for schools at all. Hold out for the right property. We moved out of a great school district into our condo which wasn't in a "good" school district after looking for 2 years and we just figured out the school stuff and it all worked out great. moving is very expensive and you waste money doing it. in the end, we liked two of our district's middle schools a great deal, but dc ended up at a citywide school anyway. also, you have no idea what you school needs will be like in the future or how any school in a district will look - so much changes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:05 PM Flag
[ - ] Working on a script and one character needs to be a country singer. Can anybody recommend some country music singers or songs I can listen to to get myself in the spirit of it? TIA! 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:45 PM Flag
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Can you just ask alexa or spotify to play country? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:47 PM Flag
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will try. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:49 PM Flag
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Alexa, play ONE OH ONE SEVEN THE BULL on iHeartRadio! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:50 PM Flag
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thank ya! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:54 PM Flag
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You'll be tapping your toes to a girl, a truck & a red solo cup of whisky in no time! It's my daughter's favorite station in the car, she knows all the words to all the songs, and unfortunately so do I. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:01 PM Flag
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Old Town Road [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:51 PM Flag
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i always like Jewel. I don't know if she still lives there, but for a long time she lived in a tiny town in Texas called Stephenville, with a professional bull rider. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:41 PM Flag
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Too broad a category. Male or female? Pop princess or traditionalist or deep thinker? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:13 PM Flag
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Dolly Parton all the way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:51 PM Flag
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Patsy Cline. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:28 PM Flag
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Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks Barnard Blues by Bob Wills Look the Other Way by Justin Townes Earle Hurt by Johnny Cash [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:15 PM Flag
[ - ] At my friends house in the Hamptons, and she is SO RELIEVED I didn't bring a gift. She said, "UGH I CAN'T STAND ALL THE GIFTS." 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:20 PM Flag
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That's what I always say to smooth over the awkwardness. As a hostess, it is my job to make all guests feel comfortable in my home, even the rude people who arrive with empty hands like we're supposed to be all wowed by the sheer gift of their presence. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:38 PM Flag
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Np. This is the correct etiquette. If Op had brought a gift, the hostess would have raved about it to Op's face. Too bad Op doesn't realize this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:47 PM Flag
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Your friend is a braggart. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:38 PM Flag
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She is being gracious. Try it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:45 PM Flag
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I hope you are buying dinner if you go out one night? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:58 PM Flag
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IMO a nice bottle of wine is always the right gift. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:59 PM Flag
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Yes, something consumable, wine, cheese, coffee, fruit. Don't bring a cocktail set or a marble tray, but do make some kind of contribution. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:50 PM Flag
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You seriously arrived empty handed? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:05 PM Flag
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Pretty funny post! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:51 PM Flag
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No macaroons? We have been through this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:32 PM Flag
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Honestly, that's how I feel when people visit me. My ILs are the worst with all the gifts. I look at it like they just gave me work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:11 PM Flag
[ - ] Got rid of cable and using Roku and Sling. Don’t like the Sling interface at all. Anyone like another internet tv service? Thanks. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:16 PM Flag
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I have Netflix, Hulu, Prime, Acorn & Britbox ... they cover all my bases. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:25 PM Flag
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OP: also have Netflix, Hulu, prime. We watch a lot of sports and some cable news too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:31 PM Flag
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Np. Try Fubu [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:57 PM Flag
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Sry,*fubo [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:58 PM Flag
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How do you get your sports? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:54 PM Flag
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Started with Roku & Hulu +Live TV, added Netflix. SO happy to have cut the cable cord! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:45 PM Flag
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OP: I am thinking of switching to either Hulu plus live or YouTube tv. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:04 PM Flag
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Roku is the best device, so much better than their competitors. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:16 PM Flag
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I love it - have 2 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:06 PM Flag
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I sign in with my in law's Netflix, sign in with a family friend's Hulu, subscribe to Amazon Prime, subscribe to Crunchyroll, and we get something from AT&T as part of our cell/fiber internet package with them. It includes HBO, which is the only part of the package we use. We also let a LOT of people sign into our HBO. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:09 PM Flag
[ - ] Good place for hot dogs in Manhattan. Taking teens but two adults want to eat too 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:15 PM Flag
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Shake Shack [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:48 PM Flag
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So good [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:55 PM Flag
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Are Nathans or Gray's Papaya still around? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:04 PM Flag
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grays papaya [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:36 PM Flag
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Crif Dogs [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:53 PM Flag
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+ the east village location has a “secret” phone booth that opens to a bar. Or used to, anyway. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:34 PM Flag
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yes! been to the one in Williamsburg more times than I'd like to admit to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:07 PM Flag
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The cart outside the Met where they grill the dogs (not dirty water dogs) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:13 PM Flag
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Grays papaya [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 10:43 PM Flag
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umm???? hot dogs???? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 11:55 AM Flag
[ - ] I have a friend who's been a bit stalker-y lately.. I don't want to "fade" her or ruin our friendship as we are neighbors, both with 3 kids, and rely on each other for many things... she relying on me more so than the other way around. she is constantly trying to get our kids together (makes me feel like she needs my kids to entertain her) despite my kids not really liking hers (they're younger) -- we've spent the last two Sundays together doing fun kid activities, all well and good, that she initiated... now she's after me again, asking where we are, what we're doing today, what time we'll be at this place I mentioned we were going to lunch to... I am alone w my kids today and we just want to chill and yesterday when she asked, I responded with our plans but didn't invite her along... apparently I wasn't clear enough and she's following me to what is an out-of-the-way area of town and trying to meet up.... OMG!!!!!! 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:58 PM Flag
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^needs my kids to entertain hers... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:59 PM Flag
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Wow, what do you think the draw is? Is there some reason she's literally pursuing you, or do you just think she's socially awkward & you're her only friend? This would freak me out completely! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:04 PM Flag
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Some people don't get hints, or don't realize that the other person is not reciprocating. To be fair, it sounds like they are friendly and OP has agreed to many of these outings, so maybe she doesn't realize she is coming on so strong. Also, maybe her kids don't get along with each other and behave better with OP's kids and she's desperate? Either way, OP is completely entitled to set boundaries, but I don't think it makes this other mom a horrible person necessarily. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:52 PM Flag
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You're right, it's a brief picture. Also, though, my nightmare is when people try to invite themselves along to something I'm doing. I once told a mom that I really needed to spend the day cleaning my house, and she offered to come over and help me. I had met her like twice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:19 PM Flag
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Yeah, people just have different boundaries, and maybe that mom thought she was doing you a favor (although I would hate that too). That's why I'm a fan of the kind but firm "sorry, we're busy" with no explanation. I feel like when you give an explanation it opens the door for people like that to squirm their way in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:14 PM Flag
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I would be friendly and evade. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:04 PM Flag
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like 'oh shoot we ended up eating early!' [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:05 PM Flag
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did that - told her I'm on my own today and in single mom mode (she's with her dh and 3 kids) and we ended up changing plans... I'm annoyed bc obvs I lied and we haven't yet eaten and I still want to go to this place I mentioned yesterday but would hate to run into her there!! arrrggg [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:31 PM Flag
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totally get it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:46 PM Flag
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You need to be more clear. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:05 PM Flag
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With your plans. Tell her that you need alone time Or whatever it is you need. She sounds needy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:11 PM Flag
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This and draw your boundaries. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:16 PM Flag
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Of course. Sorry Jane. We are having a just family weekend. Lets try for another time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:37 PM Flag
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+3. You can't just leave it to her to decide if she's joining/stalking you. I had some friends like this. Sometimes I'll say 'hey, this weekend is stacked, but next weekend I can meet you for at the park at noon....or whatever. But you have to say no. Do it in the nicest way possible. But say 'Saturday is not good.' Don't rely on telling her everything you're doing. She will try to hop in. She is not getting that you don't want to be together this much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:51 PM Flag
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This. Some people aren’t good at reading between the lines. They keep calling and texting because they are unsure if you want to hang out with them or not; you would be doing her a favor by just being clear instead of wispy- washy. You can still be nice about it, but avoid saying things like “maybe later” because they take it literally. In this case, you guys are having a family day today, so you can’t get together. Period. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:45 PM Flag
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I had a somewhat similar situation that I posted about last week, but it's with a nanny who wants to completely monopolize my and my child's time (the kids are good friends, but we have other friends and other things we want to do). Like you, I was very accommodating and got fed up at first. People told me to just set strong but unmistakable boundaries, and she's starting to get it. Just say you're busy (no need to explain or elaborate), and you'll let her know when you're available. She might try to protest a little bit but she'll start to get it. Once you set boundaries it won't be as grating on you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:48 PM Flag
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Why can you not just say, “I want some alone time with my kids before the go back to school.” You don’t set boundaries and apparently she doesn’t have any of her own. Speak up. It doesn’t have to be rude. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:02 PM Flag
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I think this is the right idea, but sometimes when you give explanations to people like this, they try to negotiate or debate with you. IMO better just to say, sorry, we are busy today. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:09 PM Flag
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Just be honest, you'll find once you start practicing that it gets much easier. You don't have to be mean, just tell her you want to hang with your kids alone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:08 PM Flag
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I get this but not about me, about play dates with my daughter. I either ignore or say I will let them know when we are free. Some are more insistent than others but it’s not my problem. I don’t owe them my daughter’s time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:05 PM Flag
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So she never has play dates? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:12 PM Flag
[ - ] How much tip for a $180 facial? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:45 PM Flag
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$36 or 40. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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20 dollars [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:57 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:17 PM Flag
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Not this. Don’t get a $180 facial if you can’t afford to tip 20%. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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$40 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:09 PM Flag
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$40 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:09 PM Flag
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$36, but no way on earth would I spend $180 on a facial to begin with. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:11 PM Flag
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This. What a waste [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:55 PM Flag
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np. seriously? It's really not that much [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:57 PM Flag
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NNP: I can think of a million other things I would rather spend $180 on than a useless facial. Don't you have some fifty dollar bills to light on fire? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:01 PM Flag
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Employee $30; owner $0. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:07 PM Flag
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$35-40 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:56 PM Flag
[ - ] The electric bike I ordered from amazon just arrived with a hole in the box. The box is still fully sealed. Should I first open the box to inspect for any damage? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:44 PM Flag
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Why wouldn’t you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:10 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:11 PM Flag
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Take a photo of the punctured box before you open it, for proof [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:57 PM Flag
[ - ] I'm sure I will be flamed but ... if you were about 50 and attractive and successful and were looking for a DH what type of man would you go after? I know I won't have much of a choice but I am just trying to imagine if I want a big-law DH or finance or media or retired or professor, etc. Which field has better perks, nicer people? I'm going to ask people to set me up (I have friends in many fields who have offered). Money is not an issue but want someone with an interesting lifestyle. Any thoughts welcomed. 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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I would go after men who I'm interested in, and I hope when I hit 50 I realize a person is more than their job. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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+10000000 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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I would be open to everyone, go out as much as possible, and wait and see who I find the most attractive. And when I say attractive, I mean more than just looks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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I wouldn't want any man, personally. They are rarely worth the trouble later in life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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This! 55 here and not starting over if I was in that situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:20 PM Flag
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Agreed. But, in case anyone's interested, this is one of my all-time favorite threads on the internet, it's all stories of older women being married for being a 'nurse or a purse' and how that worked out for them. Some of the stories they tell about the men they date being almost functionally paralyzed (like not knowing how to turn on a stove) are pretty funny. enjoy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:25 PM Flag
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http://www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/706152-older-men-looking-nurse-purse.html [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:26 PM Flag
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Hahahaha: "General rule of thumb is that the older a man gets, the neater his grooming and clothing need to be because it's a fine line between looking deliberately tousled, like a surfer, and looking like he should be sitting on a corner jangling a tin cup." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:24 PM Flag
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We have owned our second home for 2’years and my husband still doesn’t know how to lock the door. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:52 PM Flag
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np. It took my divorce to figure out a ton of things about my house. It wasn't that my ex did anything, it was more like there were lots of things I didn't bother learning because I was subconsciously dependent on his figuring it out for the both of us if something went wrong. Now that it's just me, I've even done small home repairs on my own. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:01 PM Flag
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oooh thanks! it's raining where I live, I have nothing to do :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:03 PM Flag
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I haven't looked at it in a while. I had completely forgotten that two 50 something guys dropped by in the thread to start a pissing contest over who knew more about dating younger women. One of them bordered on delusional in his description of himself and what a catch he is in his 50s and how young women like him better than younger men. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:22 PM Flag
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"Nurses with Purses" is a book about how women get themselves into trouble marrying men looking for this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:07 PM Flag
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It's free on kindle. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:07 PM Flag
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She doesn’t have to marry or even live w him. But it’s nice to have someone to hang out and do stuff w. My ideal set up if I were single would be maintain separate residences, but not too far away and see them 2-3 times a week. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:51 PM Flag
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That sounds perfect. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:59 PM Flag
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2-3 times a week could be too much but I get and agree with what you're generally saying. NP. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:26 PM Flag
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I would want someone who was artistically inclined and liked to do things. PS don’t sell yourself short. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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I am 58 and if I were single and looking, I would tap into my network of friends, including old classmates from business school. I am a member of a number of different professional associations and I meet interesting men there all the time. I also participate in hobbies and volunteer activities and meet nice men that way, too. I am more interested in someone who shares my interests than profession. At my age, the men are mostly retired anyway. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:29 PM Flag
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What do you like to do in your free time? I'd look at that rather than at the profession. I love classical music, reading, playing piano, European travel, jokes/puns/comedy, history and I'm a liberal Democrat. If I weren't married I'd probably join meet up groups devoted to those interests, maybe a lecture series, a political group. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:47 PM Flag
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So weird that you are focused on profession. Look for a man who is financially secure and either child free or not enmeshed with his kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:57 PM Flag
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just go on as many dates as possible and see who you click with in person. Chemistry is the most important thing, and that can only be gauged in person. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:59 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone go to Europe recently and been turned off by the enormous numbers of tourists. Okay, we are tourist too, but it seemed overwhelming the last two years or so even in small historic towns. I think maybe we'll go somewhere in the USA next year. Will miss it, but it has not been pleasant. 45 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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I spent the summer there. Some places are better than others. Avoid August. I avoided most cities. Lots of beach time. I would go late after cruise ships left. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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We live in Spain. We can't tell the difference between North American, South American, Asian, and other European tourists without talking with them. Everyone is dressed the same and everyone is on vacation at the same time. It's no different from US summer vacation spots. Things are very crowded, but there are enough restaurants, bars, shops, and beached to accommodate everyone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:29 PM Flag
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+1. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 03:42 AM Flag
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Hey Russia. You still suck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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Too bad you can't go in the fall. Some places are definitely worse than others. I went to barcelona one summer and never will again. It was crazy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:22 PM Flag
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True. The school year is part of the problem. Before kids, we could go in the spring or fall and it was fine. Even 5-10 years ago, I don't remember this many people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:30 PM Flag
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We went to Europe in the winter and it was lovely. I don't think I will ever go back in the summer. It is out of control [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:39 PM Flag
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Yes, in Paris. The crush of tourists was overwhelming and I have no plans to return. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:05 PM Flag
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I just went to Paris. Did the catacombs with prepurchased tickets. Went to that Van Gogh light show prepurchased as well. Did a walking tour of Montmartre and a few bars. Walked along the swine to the Eiffel Tower late one night and watched the twinkle at midnight. It wasn’t too bad. If I tried to do louvre, Versailles, and Eiffel Tower I might have been cranky. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:01 PM Flag
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Newsflash: There are many tourists from other countries in the US, too. DH and I always joke that Germans always seem to be hooked into the best places, no matter where in the world that is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:05 PM Flag
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Yes, but it is not as bad and it is down over the past few years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:17 PM Flag
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I love Europe, but do not understand why anyone would go in summer, unless you are headed to a beach town. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:14 PM Flag
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Don't go during tourist season. Go in spring or early summer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:45 PM Flag
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Avoid Europe in July August. Avoid Southern Europe in the summer esp. go off the beaten track - Scandinavia, Eastern Europe, mountains in the summer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:51 PM Flag
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I had the same impression going to the Grand Canyon and Joshua Tree a few years ago--so many Europeans having the great American vacation! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:53 PM Flag
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Married to a European and lived there many years. This is always the case if you go to the "famous" parts of town, known sites, etc. I never experienced this when going to our neighborhood restaurants, parks etc. so it is more related to where you're spending your time within a given city. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:11 PM Flag
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No, but I've heard that it's gotten really bad. When my dh and I went to Barcelona a few years after the Olympics in the 1990s, we had Parc Guell all to ourselves. Too many people are traveling now. International trips should go back to being special occasions. When Alabamans write blogs about taking the kids out of school to travel the world, you know international travel is played out. Not to mention CO2 emissions from the flights. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:26 PM Flag
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It's always someone else who causes the problem, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:48 PM Flag
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Is that the best you've got? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:52 PM Flag
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Airfare is MUCH too cheap now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:50 PM Flag
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WTF. Who are you to get to say who gets to travel. LOL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:58 PM Flag
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Right? New Yorkers can travel, but heaven forbid an Alabaman travel! UB is a complete shit show. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:08 PM Flag
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There's a picture of you in the OED next to the entry for "entitled". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:24 PM Flag
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entitled, elitist, and delusional [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 05:47 PM Flag
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OMG - as long as YOU get to travel it is okay but no one else? WTF WTF [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:47 PM Flag
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this. I bet this person in real life is a total asshole as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 05:46 PM Flag
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DH and I went to Parc Guell about a decade ago and all we had to do was climb a bit to have the place to ourselves. That said, your snobbery sucks. If all it takes to stop you from traveling internationally is the thought that people from Alabama are also doing it, clearly you were doing it for the wrong reasons in the first place. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 03:09 PM Flag
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played out! LOL and SMH-- the entitlement! You are special bc XYZ, and therefore Alabaman's travels causes it to be played out. What planet do you live on?! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 05:46 PM Flag
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It got so popular nobody goes there anymore [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:00 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 11:21 PM Flag
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Do you expect tourist destinations to send tourists away and stop making money so you can pretend you're special? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:10 PM Flag
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We have (temporarily?) stopped traveling. We moved to a new country last year, so we're doing only local things, for at least the next couple of years, to reduce our carbon footprint. Our hope is that VR travel will be ramping up as we get bored and think about seeing more of the world again in a few years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:11 PM Flag
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*eyeroll* [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:31 PM Flag
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Why eyeroll? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:51 PM Flag
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+1 For us, it's as much about budget as about the environment. But the environment is part of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:07 PM Flag
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This. DH and I were saving for Everest base camp, but when we started researching & planning, we found out how polluted & trashed & insufficiently-sewered it is. There is so much trash left behind that they have had started a new fee to pay for the people and trucks to get all of the trash out. And that doesn't even include human waste at & below base camp (and the pile-up of human bodies on the mountain). We're doing a home theater instead. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 09:14 PM Flag
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The nepalese govt. pays the sherpas for the trash they bring down from the upper camps. It does sound pretty gross, though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 02:03 AM Flag
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There aren't currently enough resources (people, money, transportation, recycling facilities, landfills...) to bring it all down and dispose of it. They need to charge hikers and climbers a lot more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 09:49 AM Flag
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From Everest base camp to a home theatre? I mean... Not the smartest transition. Why not travel somewhere else instead if you have an issue with E base camp. You know there is a whole world full of adventures out there.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 03:46 AM Flag
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Because the same issue is happening in most places, to some extent. We can stay home and not make a mess in someone else's environment, while we watch movies and read about other places and cultures. And since every nationality and culture in the world already comes to us, we don't have to go there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 09:48 AM Flag
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Just read in WSJ. International travelers were 680 million in 2000 and 1.4 billion last year. 1.32 billion in 2017. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 12:13 PM Flag
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we went to Barcelona, London and Paris last summer, first time in more than a decade. The tourist spots in Barcelona were insanely overcrowded and the anti-tourist graffiti was a bit chilling, but we stayed in a neighbourhood (airbnb) and our best moments were just hanging out in the local square at night and people watching. In London we stayed with another family and didn't see many tourists except the Wheel and a few places you'd expect to be overwhelmed. Lots of great museums like Imperial War were not crowded at all. The biggest change I saw in London was the huge number of Polish workers. Paris is my fave city in the world. Yes, every inch of it was covered with tourists but somehow the city is able to absorb them. The food was still amazing and walking the streets still magical. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 03:06 PM Flag
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We went to London this year and there seemed to be fewer tourists than when we went 5 years ago. Maybe that's due to Brexit. After that, we went to the continent and it was packed all over. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 04:31 PM Flag
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Toronto mom here. Come to Canada! Our Rockies are more dramatic than yours, same with our side of Niagara Falls! Our dollar is worth less so everything's on sale for you. Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver, Quebec City and Halifax are great cities to explore with amazing cuisine (esp if you like Chinese food, Toronto+Vancouver have the best in N. America). Newfoundland is like another world. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 03:12 PM Flag
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We always go during Xmas break. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.19, 04:18 PM Flag
[ - ] People with summer homes, how friendly are you with your neighbors? Do you prefer that they leave you alone? Do you interact with only a few? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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At our beach community most people are part time. We are very good friends with one neighbor. They have our key and we have theirs .Another neighbor we just exchanged hellos with. For the most part we keep to our self except for that one neighbor. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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A few hellos and goodbyes. Maybe a gathering once a year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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We spend a bit more time than I'd like with them and they can be a bit annoying, but last month our neighbor was incredibly helpful while I was taking care of a sick relative which I feel very grateful for. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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community gathering once a year drinks a few times a year with two neighbors. Chat with a bunch of them. This is in a community that was developed at the same time so we all moved here same year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:49 PM Flag
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Must be nice to all move in around the same time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 08:57 PM Flag
[ - ] Would you go out with a guy who is on disability for anxiety and depression? He’s doing a lot better ... 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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Social Security Disability? No. No way. You have to be VERY sick to get SSD for mental heath. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:05 PM Flag
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+ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:06 PM Flag
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Hell, no! How desperate are you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:07 PM Flag
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Op: lol. I want nothing to do with him .. but I feel guilty for being so judged. He wrote me a long letter explaining it all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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PP: That makes it even worse!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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I know. I feel so sorry for him tho. He isn’t even attractive to me.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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Oh no. Life is too short. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 04:54 PM Flag
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warning sign, sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:12 PM Flag
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somebody will love him so much. doesn't have to be you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:07 PM Flag
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mad respect for somebody who has pulled themselves out of deep depression. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:07 PM Flag
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I agree. But I don’t know if I want to date him [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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Hell no. Run. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:08 PM Flag
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You don't have to run. Just be nice. You wouldn't say about somebody who had fought their way back from a cancer diagnosis-- RUN! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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You can just walk away. Or better yet thank that person for being SO honest with you and vulnerable and give them a ton of respect. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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But still reject him ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 06:07 PM Flag
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sure. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:15 PM Flag
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never. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.19, 07:50 PM Flag
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