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[ - ] I took a nap earlier today... twice I heard someone walk into the room, felt two hands push down the mattress right next to me and lean over, I immediately opened my eyes and no one was there. I'm on vacation in Cabo and was told two workers died at this house in the hurricane... 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:27 PM Flag
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Creepy! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:29 PM Flag
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So you heard this creepy story, then you took a nap and your subconscious decided to F with you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:32 PM Flag
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No! I asked our guard after the nap, did not tell him about it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:35 PM Flag
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Suuuuuuure [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:40 PM Flag
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Just sharing. Not here to convince anyone [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:39 PM Flag
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Vivid dreams are cool. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:32 PM Flag
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np. This was my first thought, too. I've had this off and on for year, since I was a kid. Such a ghastly feeling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:35 PM Flag
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Agree. It feels so real. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:39 PM Flag
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And when you don't understand what's going on. Ugh! At least as an adult, since I learned about the condition, I usually wake up enough to realize that's what's happening and can talk myself through it. When I was a kid, it was terrifying. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:51 PM Flag
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me too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:56 PM Flag
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Do your dc ever have it? I've read it runs in families. My mom and her mother both had it, but so far my dd has never mentioned anything. Crossing my fingers that skips her! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:58 PM Flag
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OP nothing like this. I woke up from the sound of the footsteps, opened my eyes and rolled over expecting to see dh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:40 PM Flag
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I went back to sleep the first time. The second time I got up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:40 PM Flag
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I checked my phone to see the time and opened 2 emails to see if they were important. Not a dream, not sleep paralysis. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:48 PM Flag
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I checked my phone to see the time and opened 2 emails to see if they were important. Not a dream, not sleep paralysis. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:48 PM Flag
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same thing happened to me in my old apartment [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:34 PM Flag
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I've had that happen too. Usually worse during period of stress. Agree with sleep paralysis. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:39 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:41 PM Flag
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Thats a lie. Only 5 people were killed during the storm due to drowning and 1 heart attack. None were killed in a house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:44 PM Flag
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This is not true. There were countless deaths in the barrios. The destruction in some parts is horrific. It was a category 5 for a period of 8 hours at the worst. None of this was reported in the U.S. for obvious reasons. Talk to a handful of locals and anyone can come up with more than 5 deaths without blinking an eye. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:47 PM Flag
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She's in Cabo, not in the barrios. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:53 PM Flag
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np. So OP is on vacation Cabo, staying in los barrios? Ooookay! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:51 PM Flag
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No but that's where all the poor locals live and you could ask anyone. Most of them are undocumented (yes, that happens on this side of the border too!) so nothing was recorded and won't be [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:53 PM Flag
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Sure, but how is that relevant to the OP and her claim that worker died in the house where she's staying while she's on vacation? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:02 PM Flag
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Sure, but how is that relevant to the OP and her claim that worker died in the house where she's staying while she's on vacation? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:00 PM Flag
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Specifically the two people here were part of a 6 man team that came to board up all the windows but flooding trapped them so they had to ride out the storm in the house. The guard was one of the surviving 4. & yes it's on the beach near San Jose facing due south [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:51 PM Flag
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this happened to me and was not sleep paralysis. i was in college and my bf was supposed to come by before class to pick me up at my apartment. i heard footsteps up the stairs and laid down in bed, pretending to be asleep. the door opened and i felt someone sit on the bed. i popped up to surprise him that i was awake and there was no one there! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:44 PM Flag
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That sounds exactly like sleep paralysis, actually, with the only difference being the timing of when your body "unfroze". The auditory hallucinations and the sensation of someone sitting down beside you on the bed is CLASSIC sleep paralysis. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:12 PM Flag
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I read the link and don't identify with any of it at all... none of it rings true to my experience [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:14 PM Flag
[ - ] Is there a tactful way to encourage Thanksgiving guests to make a monetary contribution? TIA! I am not being cheap just overspent or underestimated the cost of hosting friends. I think if they knew they would want to help. 26 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:27 PM Flag
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God, no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:28 PM Flag
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+100000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:09 PM Flag
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The tactful way is to assign people to bring the wine or the pumpkin pie or whatever and then go return what you bought. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:27 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:28 PM Flag
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Assigning one person to bring wine for 20 is not right. That is using people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:31 PM Flag
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Nothing wrong with telling a few people to bring 2 bottles of wine. I love to be the person bringing the wine and doing no other work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:30 PM Flag
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This is fair [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:35 PM Flag
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This. This goes way back to my elementary school days when we had to bring stuff for school parties and I always volunteered to get the soda (some people want options other than Coke or Sprite, dicks!) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:38 PM Flag
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This. It is the best way to spread around the cost. Wine and desserts can add to the cost significantly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:57 PM Flag
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Nobody suggested that [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:32 PM Flag
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Someone did a few pages back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:35 PM Flag
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Did you just ask this a few pages back? If that was you, no. If you are truly this tight on funds, you shouldn't have hosted at all. How much did you spend on groceries? Let us know and we can find ways for you to cut corners to balance the books. My first thought is reduce the amount you were planning on spending on Christmas gifts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:27 PM Flag
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+1 OP sucks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:28 PM Flag
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You can't ask. You need a co-conspirator (your mom, sister, cousin, etc) who can suggest it to the group as if it were their idea. That being said, it's really tacky to do this at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:27 PM Flag
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It takes money to host and if you can't afford to host I wouldn't invite people over. People should offer to bring something but the bulk of it is on you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:28 PM Flag
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There is no tactful way. If you cannot afford it, you shouldn't host or you should have hosted a potluck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:31 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:29 PM Flag
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yup. everybody's a big shot until the bill comes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:38 PM Flag
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OP must be a millennial. "Crowd funding" Thanksgiving. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:42 PM Flag
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Next guests will be given a link on her evite to her kickstarter page. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:44 PM Flag
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OMG, don't so it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:44 PM Flag
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No way. You could ask for a bottle of wine or dessert but that's it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:52 PM Flag
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T-A-C-K-Y. And I am not a stickler about these things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:55 PM Flag
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No tactful way to do it: it's not nice. Ask each guest to bring something specific. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:00 PM Flag
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Put out a tip jar [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:14 PM Flag
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You already posted this. How many times do you need to hear this is tacky? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:20 PM Flag
[ - ] Second home question. Interested in north of the city - Litchfield, Duchess, or Ulster counties probably. Want 2 hour or so drive from the city. Have to be near a decent size town - restaurants, things to do. What towns should I look at? 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:26 PM Flag
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How much do you want to spend on a house? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:28 PM Flag
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500k or less [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:29 PM Flag
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Saugerties: [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:35 PM Flag
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I've been looking at that house online! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:35 PM Flag
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I think it's meant to be. : ) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:36 PM Flag
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Woodstock [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:35 PM Flag
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Great Barrington ma [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:27 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:28 PM Flag
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OP here - I drove through that area once - it didn't seem like much was going on - maybe things were on side streets? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:29 PM Flag
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Rhinebeck ny [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:28 PM Flag
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New paltz [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:30 PM Flag
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what's the town like? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:32 PM Flag
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Hippies! Artsy. It's cute. There are cultural things to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:44 PM Flag
[ - ] Let's Get Ready to RRRUUMMMBBLLEEEE. Ferguson non-indictment coming! Angry Black Men Alert! 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:17 PM Flag
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And that is funny to you? They have a valid reason for the anger. Look how many Whites have killed many people and were apprehended by cops and are STILL ALIVE. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:28 PM Flag
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+1. Jared Loughner. James Holmes. Boston bomber. It goes on and on. But Black boys can't even walk hold toy guns. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:31 PM Flag
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valid could be a strong term- at least it's presumptuous. You think it's valid if they say basically they believe M Brown was trying to harm Wilson? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:31 PM Flag
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I was speaking generally since OP described it as "here we go again" anger. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:32 PM Flag
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The standard of proof for the grand jury is probable cause. There's usually a half hour of testimony by one cop for each case. Why the red carpet for Wilson? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:13 PM Flag
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That's not what motivates the protests, though - torching a convenience store owned by some Bangladeshi guy has nothing to do with protesting white cops. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:12 PM Flag
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I think they'll use either excuse to riot. They'll celebrate by turning shit over. They'll get angry and turn shit over. Animals. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:42 PM Flag
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I hope they demonstrate and I hope it's peaceful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:48 PM Flag
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OP- the populace needs to respect the rule of law and the default legitimacy and righteousness of the system's outcome [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:10 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone else think it's weird time is defined by the birth of Christ? AD. BC. 24 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:15 PM Flag
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History is written by the winners. But at least these days it's CE and BCE. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:18 PM Flag
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But what's the difference, really? It's still the dividing line. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:19 PM Flag
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The system is simply "too big to fail". (ha ha) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:20 PM Flag
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What dies CE and BCE mean? I've never heard this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:42 PM Flag
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Common Era and Before the Common Era. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:00 PM Flag
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Yes, I was just thinking about it the other day! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:20 PM Flag
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Especially as 1) he wasn't a real person and 2) his storied birth would have taken place 4 years before the 0 point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:20 PM Flag
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I don't think there is any dispute that he was a real person, only whether he is the messiah. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:27 PM Flag
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There is a lot of dispute over whether he was a real person. A lot of people recognize that there's no record of him, his activities, or his death in contemporary sources, and that he doesn't show up until Saul falls off his horse one day, years later, and starts telling the story. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:29 PM Flag
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I never think about this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:21 PM Flag
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It has to be something. Just try going by the Jewish/Islamic/Chinese.. Whatever other calendar and prepare to waste a lot of... Wait for it... Time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:22 PM Flag
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+1 The church got control of documentation in the west, so they got to choose the date system. We have to choose some point in time, and 2014 years ago is as good as any, I guess. What people do with their time is more important than how they label it, anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:31 PM Flag
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Yes I've thought this too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:26 PM Flag
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I never really thought about this in depth until DD asked why we were living in the year 2014. It seems random but I can't think of a better alternative off the top of my head. Lazy of me, I suppose. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:25 PM Flag
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Gotta define it by something. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:29 PM Flag
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Jack handy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:28 PM Flag
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Lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:45 PM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:31 PM Flag
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It is awkward for me to explain this to my kids when they ask what BC and AD mean. We are agnostic. Respect other religions, but strange that our calendar is linked to one particular religious figure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:32 PM Flag
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I thought all schools used CE and BCE now? Also, not really that hard to explain - it was a pretty big socio-political shift, and the Catholic church held most of the power from 300-1700 and beyond, so it's no surprise that theirs is the date system that stuck. We don't teach our children to respect religions in general, but we have read various world mythologies to them, including Judeo-Christian mythology, so it's not like the stories are that foreign to them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:40 PM Flag
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Weeeeird. And did you know the G-O-D is D-O-G backwards? Pass it over to me now, man. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:40 PM Flag
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What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:43 PM Flag
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IDk, what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:45 PM Flag
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Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:51 PM Flag
[ - ] Help! DH is giving me the silent treatment over a minor disagreement we had last night. He hasn't spoken to me in almost 24 hours and I am dreading tonight. I'm not really sure how to resolve it, since the silent treatment is not my thing. Any advice? 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:15 PM Flag
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I am a man. What is the "minor disagreement?" I got pissed at my wife for something that she thought was minor but really was a big, big deal to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:15 PM Flag
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Basically, he was mad that I took too long at the store, but I had a lot of things to pick up, including donations for our son's school. Not everything I bought was essential and I could've gotten back sooner but I wanted to get all of the shopping done yesterday since this is a busy week. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:20 PM Flag
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I can sort of relate, but it's not about the store as much as its about my wife being kind of in her own world. She does things like this- she worked all day on Saturday and all morning yesterday. She comes home at 1 and says "I'll take care of the kids." After about 30 minutes I realize that we needed something from the store, and she offered to go because I didn't want to go out again. We needed one thing from a store four minutes away, but she took close to an hour (leaving me home with the kids) because she wanted to buy something for dessert, and something for our parents for Thanksgiving, and something for her aunt, and who knows what else. When she does things like that I do tend to just disengage from her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:28 PM Flag
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One side of my family does the silent treatment and occasionally I do it myself. It burns out more quickly if you ignore it and carry on like nothing is happening. Even better if you're actually having fun and laughing with the children or on the phone with family or friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:19 PM Flag
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Thanks, I want it to just end, especially since his family is coming to stay with us for the holiday weekend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:22 PM Flag
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It only works because he knows it gets to you. Ignore the best you can! Good luck this weekend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:27 PM Flag
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apologize! even if you think you're not in the wrong. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:19 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:33 PM Flag
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I would love the silent treatment. My DH flies into a mean rage and gets irrational. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:20 PM Flag
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I would just ignore his silent treatment and go about my business, act like normal. That is babyish and inexcusable in front of dc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:20 PM Flag
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People who give the silent treatment are so incredibly childish. I couldn't deal with this at all. I'd be so pissed. Use your F ing words and talk it out with me. You're more than welcome to be mad at me, but icing me out is idiotic. That said, how late were you compared to when you told him you'd be home. Did he have serious negative repercussions due to your lateness (missed a work meeting, etc.)? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:25 PM Flag
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I was probably a half hour longer than I thought I'd be. No repercussions, there were other family members around to help with the kids and there was nothing he "needed" to do while I was gone. I understand he is upset but now I am mad that he isn't acting like an adult. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:29 PM Flag
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No, this just incredibly Protestant. Every group has it's own manner of dealing with anger. It's intermarriage that makes it an issue. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:32 PM Flag
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Ancient Protestant Tactic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:27 PM Flag
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It sounds like the minor incident represents more to your dh than just what it is on the surface. Try to approach it with him from this perspective. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:32 PM Flag
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Disagreement can mean different things. Did you do or say something disagreeable or hurtful, or was it simply that you expressed a differing view about how to handle something important like how to raise the children or money matters? It makes a difference in the answer. #1,, try to apologize -- back down and work it out. #2, you might just be married to a self-centered, controlling, defensive person and you'll have to work around that. There is a third scenario, where HE did or said something disagreeable or hurtful and then escalated it when you objected. In that case, you may be married to a manipulator who doesn't want to allow you to have a voice and punishes you for trying to have one. That's abide. We will need more info to give more specific advice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:36 PM Flag
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Abuse, not abide. Sorry!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:36 PM Flag
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Ok from your description above, it's #3. You have a manipulator. You didn't say sorry abjectly enough and now you will be punished. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:40 PM Flag
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Are you me? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:39 PM Flag
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Ride it out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:18 PM Flag
[ - ] Homeland. I can't take the stress. I just watched this episode looking away from the screen for most of it. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:11 PM Flag
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It was SO GOOD. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:13 PM Flag
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Augh! I had to ff thru the Saul parts, too stressed to watch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:16 PM Flag
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This season is the best so far. That episode was so good. The only part that I wasn't crazy about was when Carrie is begging Saul on the ground because it was so clich├ęd. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:05 PM Flag
[ - ] http://www.syxwn.com/elliskin/ 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:10 PM Flag
[ - ] I had one thing that made me feel superior all these years- 45 years old and i never had a cavity. Today, they found one. My bubble hath burst. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:09 PM Flag
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Have you started grinding your teeth in your sleep (or not in your sleep)? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:16 PM Flag
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That's what you get for being all high and mighty! The dental chickens have come home to roost. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:14 PM Flag
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What a run though. I'm impressed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:16 PM Flag
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Very impressed, too! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:19 PM Flag
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I'm jelly. Gum surgery is in my future. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:21 PM Flag
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Aww! That stinks. Sorry to hear that. Do your best not to get any more ;-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:15 PM Flag
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Oh wow, you and me both (didn't get mine until 45). It was a hard pill to swallow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:16 PM Flag
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It's just genetic. Nothing to do with your dental cleansing skills. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:20 PM Flag
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Is it a real cavity, or one of those "microcavities" that dentists are "finding" to drum up business? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:01 PM Flag
[ - ] Recs on good books about puberty for boys? TIA 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:06 PM Flag
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"it's so amazing" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:39 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:53 PM Flag
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Thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:07 PM Flag
[ - ] I think I hear movement in one of my walls. What kind of animal could/would this be? Yikes, 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:05 PM Flag
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Mouse. That's really the only thing that could fit inside a wall. It sounds like tiny scratching? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:07 PM Flag
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yes and a bit of running around. what do i do? is this common? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:08 PM Flag
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Yes, common. Unfortunately there's really not much you can do. It will either die in there or move to another part of the house in which you can't hear it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:11 PM Flag
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yuck. would you assume there are many dead mice in people's homes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:12 PM Flag
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Of course. Although many times mice will leave the house looking for water when they're going to die. But sure, I live in a very normal non woodsy suburb and I'll find two or three dead mice a year in the house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:16 PM Flag
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Vermont Country Store sells an electronic thing that emits a frequency (?) through the wiring in your house or apartment that annoys rodents. You just plug it in like a carbon monoxide detector - works great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:18 PM Flag
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I've had that thing for 20 years. It works but it's not foolproof. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:29 PM Flag
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It's totally foolproof. There is nothing for a human fool to get wrong - you just plug it in and it blinks a red light to show it's working. It may not be totally mouse-proof, but it has worked well for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:43 PM Flag
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Where do you live? In the city, most likely mice. In the suburbs/country, could be mice or squirrels. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:07 PM Flag
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would you be able to tell the difference? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:08 PM Flag
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^^i live in the suburbs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:09 PM Flag
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I don't know if I could. I would imagine that squirrels would be a little louder, but it depends on the walls. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:22 PM Flag
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a giant water bug, of course. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:09 PM Flag
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Or a miniature Sasquatch maybe. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:18 PM Flag
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it's coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:39 PM Flag
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sounds about right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:48 PM Flag
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I would never forget my roommates in my old apartment. The squirrel family that chewed a hike on the side of building and move into my closet. They destroyed my closet and an old jacket that I had in there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:08 PM Flag
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Mice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:13 PM Flag
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in the suburbs can be squirrels or chipmunks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:20 PM Flag
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It'll REEK if/when it dies in your wall. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:21 PM Flag
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Rat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:58 PM Flag
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Possession? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:02 PM Flag
[ - ] I accidentally stated that I graduated on my background check from a community college from 1990. I attended for a year - will this be an issue for me? I tried to amend the application but it is already being processed. These checks go back 7 years, correct? What do I do? I don't want them to think I lied on my application. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:04 PM Flag
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Levae it- they wont uncover it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:06 PM Flag
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They had a work, educations and motor vehicle back ground verification section. Why wouldn't they uncover it? Is it for recent graduates or for those with C Level positions? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:09 PM Flag
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*education [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:09 PM Flag
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because it was 24 years ago, and I presume OP graduated from a 4-yr place later. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:15 PM Flag
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OP here, no I didn't go back to College. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:22 PM Flag
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Yes they will. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:46 PM Flag
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I would call and correct it. I just had a young woman I know apply for a paralegal job. She had a typo in her graduation year. But she graduated. She didn't realize it and they caught it and rescinded an offer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:12 PM Flag
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That's pretty harsh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:17 PM Flag
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It certainly was. She had numerous interviews and they were so thrilled to have her. It was an honest typo and she legitimately graduated. They were incredibly rigid about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:37 PM Flag
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That's really shitty an overly rigid. How bad was the typo? Did she put 2013 when she meant 2014? Or did she put 1014 and meant 2014? Anyway, likely a horrid overreaction to a mistake where there was no intent to get over or no chance of getting over happening by accident. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:02 PM Flag
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I tried to call and correct it but the company said that it was already submitted and would be up to the company to make any amendments. Should I wait to see what the outcome is prior to calling them? They rescinded the offer because of a typo? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:15 PM Flag
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You falsely (accidentally?) claimed to have graduated from college. They will discover that and you won't get the job. That is not a minor mistake on an application. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:44 PM Flag
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Even for an Associates? I didn't say I graduated with honors. Should I call HR and explain there was an issue with the application? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:49 PM Flag
[ - ] I am in all honesty not an apologist for law enforcement. But I work in the court system and have seen these "toy BB guns" and there is no way someone in the heat of the moment would not think those are real guns. Many people remove the orange piece that is the only way to differentiate it from the real thing. If people are going to raise kids to use even fake guns, please teach them not to point them at police. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:02 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:02 PM Flag
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Children don't typically run into police. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:07 PM Flag
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Maybe not in your neighborhood. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:07 PM Flag
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I can't believe people still sell, much less *buy* (?!?!?) toy guns in black or grey. If the kids are going to play with guns, they must be in bright, plastic-ish colors. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:08 PM Flag
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OP: No, the kids in my actual Prius-driving neighborhood are not playing with BB guns. Hell, they're not even allowed to have plastic bags. But so often in the news there will be stories about a teenager (or younger) shot by police because the child was brandishing a "fake gun," and it is framed as if the police should not have considered it a threat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:13 PM Flag
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+1 Parents who let kids play with realistic fake guns in playgrounds are morons. Parents who don't raise their kids to do what the police say, and so kid raises a gun at a policemen are morons. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:27 PM Flag
[ - ] After seeing posts here anticipating the Ferguson grand jury verdict, I see they have reached a decision. I haven't been following the case closely, but just googled it and want to make sure I understand what the issue is that people are protesting. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:58 PM Flag
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OP: My reading of it is that some cigars had been reported stolen and Michael brown fit the description (down to color of shirt, type of hat, body size) of the person suspected of taking the cigars. Police officer in vehicle tried to apprehend him. Fight ensued. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:00 PM Flag
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White cop shut a black guy for no good reason. He's about to be left off the hook because the DA is biased towards cop. He's also now a rich man because the KKK raised a lot of money for him on the internet as a reward for killing a black guy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:02 PM Flag
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Sadly, these injustices happen all the time. I was just curious why this particular crime caught the nation's attention, as opposed to the other police shootings that happen in cities every day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:04 PM Flag
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*shot [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:02 PM Flag
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We love you Officer Wilson! #supportfergusonpd [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:03 PM Flag
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Love? Why? Support, ok. Pray for, ok. But love? That's a bit much. Unless you are over the moon happy about the shooting, that is. Weirdo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:12 PM Flag
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I don't get that hashtag either. Incidents like this (and, sadly, there are many every day) have lots of gray areas and I think it is important to acknoweldge the complexities of the situation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:14 PM Flag
[ - ] Thinking of taking DD and her friend to watch the Macy's T-giving parade balloons get inflated on Wednesday. It will be the first time for 4 yo DD, her friend, and me. Any experiences or suggestions? TIA 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:55 PM Flag
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Sounds fun in principle, but when we went, it was really crowded. It was sort of cool to be right there next to the balloons, but DH and I both agreed: never again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:57 PM Flag
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This. Miserable. It was fun 15 years ago before everyone found out about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:03 PM Flag
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I'm afraid this is exactly what has happened! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:23 PM Flag
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it's fun early. it's awful later. a morass of inappropriately aggressive bridge and tunnel people making life miserable for everyone. pass. walk across the park the next morning and watch the parade start from the high rocks on cpw. much more civilized. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:40 PM Flag
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dont do it. It sucks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:02 PM Flag
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I agree with the response above. I took my DS when he was 3 and it was so crowded that I became fearful for our safety. It's not even that exciting seeing the balloons up close. Much better to see them aloft! Never again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:04 PM Flag
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Bonus points for the word 'aloft' - good word. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:13 PM Flag
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It's all B&Ts. It's the worst. Not fun at all. 4 yo will complain the whole time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:12 PM Flag
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It's become very crowded in recent years. Go very early. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:16 PM Flag
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Don't bother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:19 PM Flag
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The best gift a random stranger on UB will ever give you is the advice to not bother going to the ABYSS OF AGONY that is the ballon inflation event. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:18 PM Flag
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And a bonus point to you for alliteration and hyperbole. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:23 PM Flag
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+100 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:41 PM Flag
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It used to be NYC's best-kept secret. Now, unfortunately, it's terribly crowded and you won't see anything. Sorry, but true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:27 PM Flag
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I found the ONLY way to do this is to go early meaning 3:00 in the afternoon. At night it is mayhem. Also be aware that there is only one or two entrances to walk around- not sure how it currently works but you end up going blocks out of the way just to get into the line. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:38 PM Flag
[ - ] I am all for women being in control of their sexuality- who they sleep with, however many partners they have, etc. However, I do think young women today are between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, hook up culture is widely accepted. On the other hand, slut shaming still abounds. So what you have is an atmosphere where girls who make drunken mistakes are afraid of being called a slut and have to claim rape, and girls who really are raped are afraid no one will believe them and they'll be called sluts anyway, so they don't tell anyone. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:54 PM Flag
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Very good observation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:00 PM Flag
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ita [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:04 PM Flag
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Better to stick with nerdier guys rather than some frat buy who hangs out in a pack of 15 guys and is waiting to give them the report. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:24 PM Flag
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Sex has always been dangerous for women for multiple reasons and that's why they are so often fucked up about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:43 PM Flag
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We also have a hyper sexualized society through music, videos and print and yet very often repressed at the same time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:47 PM Flag
[ - ] jeans for thanksgiving at someone's house. too casual? what about tween dcs? let them wear jeans or insist on something nicer? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:53 PM Flag
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Depends on who you are visiting? Casual family with DCs? Different than tradiitonal grandmother in her Park Avenue penthouse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:54 PM Flag
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depends on the whole outfit. if nice jeans with a nice top i think that's fine unless you know the hosts are formal people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:54 PM Flag
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Yes, too casual. Khakis and buttondown at minimum imo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:53 PM Flag
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Ask the hostess. We are casual here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:53 PM Flag
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We always do casual so ask if you are unsure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:58 PM Flag
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No. I don't like it when I go to someone's home for a holiday and they're wearing exactly what they'd be wearing on a random Thursday night. You have to get dressed up for the holiday. It doesn't have to be a suit, but it shouldn't be jeans either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:59 PM Flag
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You sound uptight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:20 PM Flag
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No I agree with her. It is showing respect for the occasion and for the hosts, who took the time to prepare a special meal, make the table pretty etc. Everyone can go to a little extra effort. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:25 PM Flag
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I don't mind but ask your host. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:40 PM Flag
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Nice, clean jeans with a nice top is perfectly fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:03 PM Flag
[ - ] I find that among the 30 and 40 year old moms I know almost none of them actually enjoys being a mother. Almost without exception every one of them treats being a mother as something to be tolerated. All they do is complain about the kids, complain about the homework, complain when the kids ask for their attention, complain that they have to drive their kids to events and make them dinner and drop them off at school. And this is all totally normal - every conversation among mothers is "ugh, our weekend was nuts, we had soccer games and then I had to yell at my kid to finish his homework and then I had to go to the grocery store to buy things for lunch. It was awful." I can't remember the last time I heard a mother say "you know, we had a great time at the park" or "you know I just love to hang out with my kid at home." I get that the kids are annoying, but no one ever seems to enjoy being a parent. They just do what they have to to get the kids out of their hair. 46 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:50 PM Flag
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I have met a lot of people who genuinely never considered the possibility of not having children. It just didn't occur to them that they don't have to. We have DH's DCs half the time, and I am definitely glad I did not have any of my own. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:54 PM Flag
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This. I wish I had stopped at just being an aunt. It was much nicer when I could just send them home. Love DDs, but if I could go back and do it over, I don't think I would still choose children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:58 PM Flag
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How old are your DDs? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:25 PM Flag
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9 and 6. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:26 PM Flag
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What about having children makes you have some regret? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:40 PM Flag
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I'm also a SM, and I think it's because I didn't have kids of my own, that three friends have confided in me that they regret having children. They resent the hit to their career and they feel like they traded in choices for responsibilities. I suspect there are a lot of people who feel that way, but of course you aren't allowed to say so, especially to other parents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:24 PM Flag
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I'll be the exception that proves your rule. I'm a SAH homeschooling mom to two under 9. We live in a happy little bubble. I love being around my kids, couldn't be a SAHM if I didn't. Sometimes I grumble about needing to rush around to get them places and get things done, but 99% of the time I talk about how happy and grateful I am to have this time with them. If I was on facebook or instagram, I'd be one of those #blessed smug people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:53 PM Flag
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I don't have a similar experience among my friends. Same age group. Sure we joke about it when our kids are annoying, but no one complains incessantly like that. And everyone also points out when kids are being adorable and fun. Maybe you're just hanging with the wrong crowd? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:53 PM Flag
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Maybe, I don't know. It's a rich suburban crowd and I think people would get pissed at you if you said you enjoyed your time with the kids, since we're all supposed to say how much we hate all child related things all the time to make each other feel better or something. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:57 PM Flag
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that is such a burb attitude. i remember it well from growing up, it seemed like my parents hated being parents and so did all their friends. it really sucked. (not saying all burbs, of course, but this was my experience, and evidently is OP's too.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:01 PM Flag
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np: i live in a rich suburban town and no one i know acts like this. sounds crazy, actually. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:02 PM Flag
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^^^maybe it's because everyone has help...? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:02 PM Flag
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OR: Hmm, I'm in the city (BK) and I don't run into this. What town are you in? Or area? NJ, NY? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:07 PM Flag
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i get that people have busy lives, but i know every single one of my friends love their children and would do anything for them, and generally love being home with them. i think it's partly filling air time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:54 PM Flag
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There is a book ...All Joy and no Fun or something like that. I do enjoy my kids most of the time but I am not juggling work and parenting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:56 PM Flag
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I actually agree with. I think it has something to do with ask this weird pressure to have perfect children. No tv, only healthy snacks, being engaged with them all the time, and so on and so on. Kids nowadays aren't allowed to have fun like we did. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:02 PM Flag
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hang out with me- we watch shitloads of tv and eat doritos. my kids don't have weight problems and both do well in school so we're good! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:02 PM Flag
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I would personally switch the doritos with flaming hots. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:08 PM Flag
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i've never tried those. too hot for the kids? we keep the cool ranch away- mi middle would eat those within minutes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:11 PM Flag
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^^^my [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:12 PM Flag
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Yes, to hot for little one. Older kids can handle them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:14 PM Flag
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thx [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:19 PM Flag
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I agree. I am a snarky WOHM and love my kids dearly, but 99% of parenting is a pain in the ass. Stuff to sign and places to drive them and prohects to do at home and emails about donating things and giving money and neding to be a cheerlader to encourage your kids to get through the commitments. And my kids aren't even that overly committed. When we were growing up, parents were not that involved. And, seriously, I do not help my kids with homework, they have very few playdates (both of these get taken care of at after-care). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:09 PM Flag
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Some parents won't allow their children to play in their back yard by themselves. They have to wait till mommy is fine doing whatever so she could watch you like a hawk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:18 PM Flag
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I can't speak for everyone, but I find incessantly positive people are so effing annoying, it's almost a tic of mine to phrase things negatively when I really don't feel negatively about them. I might even have a really positive feeling about how much fun it was to watch DD play soccer, and how proud I was of her that she got her homework done early, and how awesome I felt going to the grocery store and planning out a whole weeks worth of meals. But I know that if I talk like Mr. Fucking Rogers, Zip-a-dee-doo-dah-bullshit, no one is going to want to talk to me anymore. So instead I'll say "Ugh, our weekend was nuts, we had soccer games and then I had to yell at my kid to finish her homework and then I had to go to the grocery store.." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:01 PM Flag
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why would people want to talk with a constant complainer? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:06 PM Flag
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Women always complain to each other fun and to bond. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:26 PM Flag
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This. That's why they say women get frustrated when they complain to men and men offer solutions instead of just listening; men get frustrated when they complain to women and they listen but don't offer solutions. For every 100 things I complain about, I truly do not know how to solve 2 of them. The rest of them are just things to bring up when my friends are complaining so I have something to add to the conversation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:36 PM Flag
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Exactly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:40 PM Flag
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In my case I almost feel like if I said that "you know, we had a good weekend, my kid got all his work done early on Saturday, then we built a fort in the living room then he read a book for a while and then he had an impromptu piano concert for us after dinner" my friends would be pissed at me. They'd react with an attitude of "who the fuck are you to brag about how great your kid is?" It's like we have to all shit on our kids so no one gets offended. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:06 PM Flag
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This is so not my experience at all. I think you just have shitty friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:10 PM Flag
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This is crazy to me. Who wouldn't want to talk to you anymore? I love being around positive, affirming people. It makes me feel great. I love when people greet each other with compliments. I love when one mom says to another "You do such a great job - your kids are so friendly and you're so supportive of everyone." I love being around people who exist to lift each other up. There's so much negativity in the world as it is, why manufacture some more? I'd love to chat with you about how proud you are of your DD's soccer goal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:07 PM Flag
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OP: In my world, if someone said that to me, "oh, your kid is so well behaved" you're obligated to say "oh, well, you should see him in the morning! He's a terror." Accepting that compliment at face value would peg you as a crazy narcissist of some kind. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:10 PM Flag
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You can say "He has his moments, they all do. But on the whole, we're so lucky to have these little buggers, aren't we?" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:12 PM Flag
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That's maladjustment and poor socialization. The only proper response to a compliment is, "thank you". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:13 PM Flag
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OP's response is more charming and self-effacing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:27 PM Flag
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"Thank you" is adequately charming; self-effacement is not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:34 PM Flag
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I think it is. So we'll just have to agree to disagree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:41 PM Flag
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No one wants to hear that you are Mom of the Year, that you got a kick-ass dinner made, went to the gym, finished up cleaning the apartment, had awesome sex with DH. So if I mention being at the gym, I feel like I should add "DH and DC were driving me NUTS, so I went to Soul just to get a break for an hour." There's a fine line between being "positive and affirming" and being "an annoying braggy asshat". It's required to add in something completely self-derisive so as to not cross that line. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:29 PM Flag
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You are projecting. Going to the gym does not need a reason or an excuse. Stop offering excuses for details of your day that no one else is giving any thought to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:35 PM Flag
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This is me! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:15 PM Flag
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I think there is so much more expected of kids than when we were growing up. I always knew I wanted to be a parent, but the homework and random days off from school they get (we both work) and sports and all that. Just draining. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:10 PM Flag
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there have always been random days off from school [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:13 PM Flag
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You can't win, if you talk about how great things are, how amazing your kids are then people think you are a braggart and find you insufferable. Complaining is a way to humanize yourself and relate to other people. Perhaps it goes to far sometimes! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:15 PM Flag
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Puritan/Calvinist self deprecation [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:24 PM Flag
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I was thinking about that Oprah show where she had a bunch of moms on taking about their experience with motherhood so far. One mom said out right that it sucked and she had no ideas out world suck like this. One mom was in denial about how bad it sucked. She was a robot. She wouldn't say a bad word about her children and being a mother, but she was so emotionless that you knew she hated it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:27 PM Flag
[ - ] I'll preface this with saying I know is nuts. My Russian jewish 72 year old mother has major issues (personality disorder, emotionally volatile, major dependency on sleep meds akin to drug addiction, suicide attempts, plus the usual guilt). My adult daughter had to have her tonsils out. We ultimately chose to tell my mother that the surgery was postponed because we knew she would insist on coming for the recovery and it would be a sh** show if she was here. Now my daughter has recovered and her tonsils are out. How to proceed from here? Tell my mother the truth? Tell her the surgery was canceled altogether? My only worry is she might ask my daughter to open her mouth and show her the tonsils (which are no longer there!) Laugh all you want but give me advice first! ;) 31 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:44 PM Flag
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I meant, *I know this is nuts [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:45 PM Flag
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I think the problem here is your phrase, "adult daughter." Which means you don't need to be the one to handle this, she does. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:46 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:45 PM Flag
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OP- Adult tonsil removal requires 24/7 nursing for the first week (read any blog- and yes, it was rather time consuming). I flew out to care for her. Her grandmother was insisting on flying out too, so we lied. At this point we are deciding what to tell my mother. I don't see any problem with figuring this out together. We are a family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:49 PM Flag
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Wow. Did she have a bad case? I had mine out and was home the next day. It wasn't fun, but it wasn't so bad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:46 PM Flag
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How old were you? The average adult recovers within 11-14 days. It took her about 8 to get out of bed. I suppose it was pretty bad? Not sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:09 PM Flag
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I would not mention it and if she does just say itheu were taken out. Done [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:48 PM Flag
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OP - She keeps asking "So when is the surgery when is the surgery? I am going to get on the first plane out there." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:49 PM Flag
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Next time she asks just tell her they were done and that no one wanted to bother/worry her. All is done and fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:47 PM Flag
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Don't say anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:47 PM Flag
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how is she going to know whether the tonsils came out or not? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:48 PM Flag
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OP- Only if she looks in her mouth! They are gone. :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:51 PM Flag
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I still wouldn't know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:20 PM Flag
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How did she find out about it in the first place? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:49 PM Flag
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OP- Daughter discussed it with her. Did not anticipate that 72 year old grandmother would insist on flying out and staying in her apartment to care for her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:50 PM Flag
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OMG! So sorry for you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:55 PM Flag
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1. Next time keep your mouth shot. 2. Don't mention it unless she brings it up and if she does say it was simple outpatient procedure so you forgot to let her know 3. I think children learn to expect to treat their parents the same way as the parents treated grandparent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:52 PM Flag
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OP- I don't disagree. In this case the grandparent is particularly volatile. Suppose only time will tell with that one. And next time will certainly keep mouth shut. Unfortunately she knows it's a procedure which requires intensive post-care, as she has scoured the internet and regularly asks for the new surgery date. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:56 PM Flag
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hahaha. grandma, we forgot to tell you! whoops! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:57 PM Flag
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This is my mom's relationship with my grandmother and whatever you do,you need to draw some boundaries and start saying "no." It will only get harder. My grandmother is 95, my mom is 70 and still living in fear. It is ruining my mom's life, it has affected her marriage, it causes stress through every generation. You need to find the strength to say, " Mom, this is my dd and I will nurse her on my own. You are not welcome." Get therapy, do whatever it takes to get over the guilt and fear. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:00 PM Flag
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OP- This resonates strongly. Absolutely, it has made my life a living hell. I am in therapy and have changed a lot, however in this case we did not draw the boundary. Before I left to see my DD this time around my mother was threatening suicide and raising all hell-- even while under the impression that the surgery wasn't happening. I hear you though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:03 PM Flag
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OP - Tell me, how do you, as the granddaughter, stay out of this? Do you find your mother repeating the same patterns in some ways? And what have you done to break the cycle? Or is your mother conscious not to give you the same treatment? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:04 PM Flag
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I don't stay out of it but I recognize it. For example, my mom asked me to lie (she would say "not lie, just don't let her know") about when kids get out for Thanksgiving break, bc she did not want Grandma there the whole time. I will not lie, but I will help bridge the gap..."we need this time to cook." I feel guilt but am also able to see the pattern of manipulation while my mom is only nowstarting to admit it, and feels wracked with guilt but also seethes with resentment. She represses it all, does not sleep well, grinds her teeth, has gained 30 lbs since Grandma moved nearby. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:02 PM Flag
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Basically, my grandmother got my mom so scared of ever expressing anger or asserting her own needs that she's been a wonderful mom. But I see her golden years being spent this way and I hate it. It really is too late now. Your mom is young enough to get a reality check. She could live another 25 years. Seriously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 09:06 PM Flag
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Tell her you postponed it but then an emergency removal was required [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:05 PM Flag
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np. This is not a bad idea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:07 PM Flag
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NP I might not say "emergency" bc grandma would freak out, how about dr called with a last minute opening, you took it, DONE and ta da! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:09 PM Flag
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OP- Would we say it day of? Like today call and say "hey here's a last minute opening we're taking it" or say "Look, there was a last minute opening last week and we took it. We didn't want to worry you. She's okay now." (She calls 3 times a day, so not like we can call a few days later.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:19 PM Flag
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I cannot believe you have just kept lying to her. Please learn what to say to her in the guide so not get into the position again [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:48 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:29 PM Flag
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I have a crazy family like this too. All I can say is crazy begets crazy, look at all the insane things you are considering just to placate an insane person? You're sinking to her level. My method is to proceed logistically and honestly. I would have told the truth beforehand and dealt with the consequences ... my dh disagreed initially but after a few (hellish) years of this I swear it has changed our dynamic for the better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:38 PM Flag
[ - ] How much would you expect utilities to be on 2200 SF house in Westchester? Any idea? TIA 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:44 PM Flag
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New or old house? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:48 PM Flag
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I have an 1800sf older Tudor home in Westchester. $400-600/mo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:49 PM Flag
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Is that electric plus oil and gas. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:54 PM Flag
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^^^meant oil or gas [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:54 PM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:53 PM Flag
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Do you have a/c? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:59 PM Flag
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the taxes in westchester are just INSANE [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:50 PM Flag
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Right, but free schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:51 PM Flag
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And no NYC income tax either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:54 PM Flag
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CT is much cheaper [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:54 PM Flag
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Yes, but much longer commute (unless you go with Greenwich, which is expensive, sends 1/3 of kids to private AND is under investigation for segregation violations). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:58 PM Flag
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i agree. we live in westport and love it though. aside from commute, we could't have hoped for a more perfect town. and my dh doesn't even hate the commute. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:58 PM Flag
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Westport is perfect if you can take the commute. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:07 PM Flag
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I hate Greenwich [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:08 PM Flag
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The taxes are public information, I am trying to get an idea of utilities. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 07:53 PM Flag
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Assuming you do the budget plan, probably $800 all in per month. That's a big house to heat and cool. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:00 PM Flag
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2200 is not big. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:07 PM Flag
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Yes it is. We've come to imagine that that's the normal size of a house, but it's not really. 50 years ago the average house was closer to 1700 square feet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:08 PM Flag
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well, it's not 50 years ago. np [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:18 PM Flag
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That's a tad high. If you have multiple zones and can program a day/night pattern, keep a reasonable temp, etc it'll be in the 600-700 range. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:05 PM Flag
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Fair enough. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:17 PM Flag
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IMHO, you need multiple zones, and either program or manually turn down heat when not there or at night, and a good attic fan. Trick to making attic fan work, really good/big vents into attic (or pull down attic stairs, if you have that type), fan will draw hot air out of house if you open windows -- will get/keep temp at outdoor temp at night so you should not have to use a/c most nights. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.24.14, 08:30 PM Flag
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