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[ - ] I just had a weird thought. So, suppose I cheat on the SATs and get into a great college. It comes out that I cheated as a 17 year old. Is it now a defense to have my parents simply claim that they directed me to cheat, and I can avoid expulsion that way? If colleges are letting kids stay because they were minors and because their parents told them to cheat, there's a hole in that policy that can be exploited. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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My advice is to not let yourself or your kin have to ponder this question or suffer the consequences, if any, from same. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:47 PM Flag
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op. I'm just pondering, philosophically. I don't have any more skin in the game. I just find it all kind of fascinating because I can relate to all the moving parts. The parents, the kids, the athletic coaches, the schools. College admissions itself is already fascinating. This week is that on steroids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:57 PM Flag
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I've also been thinking of how quickly I've seen other students in the past thrown out of prep school/college for a lot less trouble and ingenuity than these people went to. So I've been pondering the difference between one of these kids who gets to stay and the people I remember who were just told, "pack your things." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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The coaches and proctors cheated because of cash. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:38 PM Flag
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I can't relate to any of them. Definitely not the parents - why would I pay my hard earned cash to get my DC into a school they don't belong in? Just so they can flame out in the first year? What happens when they (IF THEY) graduate? How the hell are they going to function? How long are you going to keep up the charade? As one of the DCs I would be very concerned about being found out to be a fraud. For the coaches, they are obviously very unhappy people who decided to make shitty decisions. No happy person gleefully takes bribes putting their life's work at risk. I mean, I don't know. I work in the finance industry (20 years). My guiding mantra has always been, "I'm not going to jail for anybody." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:42 PM Flag
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I doubt you can pass the buck to your parents in terms of being kicked out of school or having your degree rescinded. Even if your parents did it, they did it for YOUR benefit under false pretenses. I think the issue of being a minor only comes up in contract law. Attesting to the truthfulness of your application or test scores is not a contract. In fact I wouldn't be surprised for the test scores that if they find fraud your score is nullified. So there's that.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:37 PM Flag
[ - ] new driver here. how in the hell do you change lanes on the highway in the dark, when it's packed and everyone is going at 60-70 an hour? i mean, how? i tried to do it last night and got honked at left and right. especially to the left - you cant see anything, the lights from the back cars are blinding.. 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:44 PM Flag
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It will come with practice and experience. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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i came home last night and couldnt move. how people drive for 4 hours and enjoy it is beyond me.. ive literally never been that tired in my life [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:51 PM Flag
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Your anxiety is 90 percent of this. Once you become comfortable with it, it becomes second nature. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:53 PM Flag
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I would look for a private driving instructor who will do time with you in this - highway at night - situation. It is very common for people coming from other countries to get driving instructors to tutor them on US driving. Look for someone who can help you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:03 PM Flag
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At 46 I'm already starting to find night driving a little challenging, sadly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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especially when I don't change my wipers often enough and it's raining [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:46 PM Flag
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Change your wipers every time you get the car inspected. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:47 PM Flag
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I find night easier. The lights make the cars so visible. But just make sure your mirrors are set right and really turn your head to check also. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:48 PM Flag
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so you need to prep for exists a lot earlier than GPS? ie if you need to be in the left lane to exit, plan for it 10 minutes before? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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It's hard to change lanes at any time when traffic is heavy. I put my blinker on and make it obvious that I'm looking to move over. In my side mirror I can usually see someone nice dropping back to let me in. Just take a quick look to your blind spot to make sure no one's hiding there, move over, and do the thank you wave in your rear view. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:49 PM Flag
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I spend a lot of time in the right lane to avoid this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:50 PM Flag
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sounds like you need more driving lessons. not being able to change lanes, is a danger to you and other drivers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:57 PM Flag
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Did you flip you your rear view mirror to the antiglare position? https://www.scienceworld.ca/blog/how-does-rearview-mirror-antiglare-work You need to get match the speed of the cars in the lane you are changing in to, signal and then pull in to a hole. If you are not able to match the speed then you have to gauge if you can get in to the spot and up to speed fast enough to not get hit by a car coming up behind you already in that lane. If you can't get up to speed fast enough, you should stay in the lane you are in. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:02 PM Flag
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also pp is right that you need to always check your blindspot before pulling in to what you think is a hole. There may not be a hole there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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When going to the lane to your left, check the left side mirror, then take a quick look with your peripheral vision over your left shoulder. Since you're not looking directly at any headlights, it shouldn't be too bright in your eyes. When you think it's clear, put your blinker on and start to shift lanes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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It can’t be that packed at 60-70 miles an hour. Cars traveling that fast are not bumper to bumper. You have to wait for a big enough gap btwn cars. Put your signal on and change lanes. Sounds like you should mostly stay in the right lane anyways. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:36 PM Flag
[ - ] Is distance from MIL often a silver lining of divorce? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:38 PM Flag
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Honestly, it was in my first marriage. But I would really miss my current in-laws. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:43 PM Flag
[ - ] Speaking of celeb parents who said unflattering things about their dc, should I forgive Alec Baldwin and listen to his podcast? I would prob enjoy his subjects. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:32 PM Flag
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No, but you will anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:38 PM Flag
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His show is pretty good (at least when I listened to it a couple of years ago). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:45 PM Flag
[ - ] Bronx Science vs. Columbia Grammar(Columbia Prep) for smart DS (very strong in math and science and growing interest in political science)? DS is very down to earth and really wants strong academics. He goes to CTY during summers and is currently at a K-8 private school. 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:31 PM Flag
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I am not flaming any school, but if your DS is "down to earth and really wants strong academics" then Bronx Science in a New York Minute. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:36 PM Flag
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Thanks for the comment. Bronx Science is his preference now but my DH, who is not familiar with the specialized high schools, wanted to see some of the parent's opinions in this board. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:43 PM Flag
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Any specific questions, I'll be happy to try to help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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I believe the peer group at Bronx Science would be great but are the large classes (compared to private) a major issue? Also regarding exmissions, would it be easier to be admitted to a top college from Columbia Prep? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:50 PM Flag
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As to the first question, there's no question that the classes are large - the FDNY caps them at 34 I believe - but many classes are smaller. As far as exmissions are concerned, the kids go everywhere, and you really can't compare it to a private, where there are legacy preferences. Also, many BxSci kids come from immigrant families and want to go to college closer to home. You also have the option of your DS "shadowing" a kid for half a day - it's very common in private but takes a little extra planning in SHS, but it's not unknown. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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It is very clear. Bronx Science in a heartbeat. Columbia Prep will not have the same peer group and socially, it is much more of a viper pit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:56 PM Flag
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Much sharper peer group at SHS; not criticizing any other school but that's just how it is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:02 PM Flag
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Thank you for the thoughtful comments - consensus is Bronx Science which I thought would be the case given prior postings in this board. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:08 PM Flag
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UB will always say SHS over nonspecialized. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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And selective non-SHS over CGPS, LOL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:34 PM Flag
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BxSci for sure, in part for their speech and debate team, ranked #1 in the country. Ds is not doing it but we spoke to a senior last year who did it for 4 years, combined it with a strong interest in math and got accepted at MIT. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:56 PM Flag
[ - ] Moms of kids that are not skinny, what and how do they eat? My oldest DS (7.5) is skinny (like 15% of weight). My youngest is starting to thin out out too. Pediatrician is not concerned since they are showing upward growth patterns. I see kids who easily weigh 15 pounds more than them and just wonder what makes the difference. The doctor says it’s just the way some kids are. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:23 PM Flag
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This is a really odd question. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:27 PM Flag
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Truly. I have a kid in 2-4 percentile for the last 10 years. Can eat like a horse, especially as a teenager....has his father's genes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:32 PM Flag
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I agree with your doctor. Different body types, different growth patterns. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:28 PM Flag
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Are you a moron? Genetics and diet. Not that complicated. Your kids must have the skinny genes! Wow! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:29 PM Flag
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Op- I am a chubby short woman. And DH is not skinny either. Just wondering when kids put on weight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:41 PM Flag
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you just asked why some people are skinny and some are fat. seriously? hmmm...genetics/diet/both. jfc [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:35 PM Flag
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Aside from genetics, I have one kind of skinny (but athletic) and one athletic and solid kid who is heavier. My more solid child loves carbs, and would eat a bowl of pasta with cheese for every meal if I let him. My other one likes fruits, steak, salmon, shrimp, smoothies, sometimes a little bit of rice. Usually he finishes all his meat and leaves his starch, and my other one finishes all his starchy food (pasta, rice, bread, fries) and leaves a significant amount of meat on his plate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:43 PM Flag
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I have one skinny one and one not skinny one. Neither are picky. They seem to eat as much as necessary to keep a certain weight at any one time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:47 PM Flag
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Milk [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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My very skinny ds drinks lots of milk but less skinny wont touch it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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Genetics. My very skinny DC [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:38 PM Flag
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cont. eats about the same as my non skinny DC. They are both pretty active with physical extra-curriculars every day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:39 PM Flag
[ - ] Can someone talk to me about Bronx Science? I'm worried about the workload and then pressure. 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:19 PM Flag
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DD graduated a couple of years ago. Pros are a very smart and motivated student body, lots of classes and ECs to choose from. Cons are that some of the teachers are duds, though you would find that in any school, and school discipline seems stuck in the 1950s. If you have any specific questions I'll be happy to try to help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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Ds is very smart and gets good grades but has done that with a minimum of homework and virtually nothing that could be called studying. I hear horror stories of kids with 4 hours of homework (at lots of schools) and am worried he'll drowned. Do these numbers seem right to you? Do kids do homework during free periods and SGI? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:27 PM Flag
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DD also went to a small progressive middle school. Yes, there's a lot of homework - too much IMO - but you would find that in any SHS or more-academic school, and there's apparently a feeling of teamwork that they're in it together. If your DC was accepted, I suggest the evening for accepted students, so that you can ask the kids their opinions. They're very honest and will tell you anything you want to know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:30 PM Flag
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The truth is yes. Your child will do homework IF they have any free periods. My DD didn't because of the classes she wanted to take. There are 4 hours of homework but even at non SHS the homework is a lot but not for all 4 years. It really is the worst their junior year. I wouldn't say she loved it but she made some nice friends and the kids do go through the trenches together so they bond . I asked her if she would do it again and she said I don't know. probably. My DS had some anxiety and knew he didnt want the pressure of Bronx Science. He wound up at Beacon and he had a great HS experience. They went to the same college- Michigan. I would let your child decide what they want since in the end, they are the ones who have to do the work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:36 PM Flag
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What are the other option(s)? Just want to compare. BxSci is obviously a great school, but yes, the pressure can be intense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:33 PM Flag
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The other option is Beacon. The problem with the "let your kids decide" advice, which I'd like to take, is he doesn't know and there is no chance to revisit Beacon before deciding [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:42 PM Flag
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NP I know a kid who picked Beacon over Stuy, and then complained that he barely had to work for 4 years. I'm not knocking Beacon, which is a great school, and teenagers exaggerate, but they're very different places. Does Beacon have a presentation for accepted students, the way Bronx Science does? If so, you should go to both. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:44 PM Flag
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Everyone has their set point at which they perform their best, but it varies by the person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:50 PM Flag
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No, Beacon has no accepted students day. And it is hard to remember what we learned in the tour back in November [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:18 PM Flag
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Beacon usually has a stealth "accepted" students morning with a re-tour given by students. We found out about it a few years ago from friends at Beacon. Ask your guidance counselor or email admissions@beaconschool.org [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:31 PM Flag
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Thank you. Although this being stealth makes me hate them [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:43 PM Flag
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I had the same reaction, but it was the best fit of DC's options. The school's administration makes me nuts, but my DC is thriving thanks to some great teachers and great friends found through their theater program. I try to remember this isn't about me. My DC would not have been as happy at SHS or LaG (her other options). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 05:00 PM Flag
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I am not in the "let your kids decide" camp for that reason. I mean, I did within reason, but pushed a bit, explaining why I thought one was a better fit. We reached consensus :) Beacon is great IF your kid is really motivated and can provide own structure. My nephew coasted through there and enjoyed the social aspects more than all of the great opportunities. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:51 PM Flag
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dd is a freshman and is pretty settled and happy (for her). The workload has been manageable so far - some teachers give less than others. She works on the bus/subway, during lunch, before practice - 10 minutes here, 10 minutes there, and usually has 2 hours tops by the time she gets home. Does maybe 5 hours on the weekend. Honestly, the few times where she has been in a crunch and panicked were due to either debate prep or procrastination. There is a huge range in terms of ability and motivation - there's plenty of competitive kids, but plenty of kids who are happy to do the bare minimum. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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PP this is something that people often don't realize: you don't have to "major" in math or science. Yes, the students have to take math & science for 4 years, but they don't have to take post-AP whatever if they don't want. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:32 PM Flag
[ - ] Is there a resource where I could see this year's high school acceptance offers for a particular middle school? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:15 PM Flag
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No, I don't think so. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:20 PM Flag
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Which middle school? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:09 PM Flag
[ - ] WWYD? Leaving for family vacation tomorrow to Turks. Have had a stomach pain since last night that is still here. Can't imagine what is causing it. My doctor is on vacation and besides, I think I probably need something more than just to be seen. Should I go to ER? Confused how to handle 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:09 PM Flag
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City MD [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:09 PM Flag
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They don't have any machines like an ultrasound. Sounds like OP needs more than just a dr to look at her [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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she has no idea what is wrong. City MD is first place to start. Basically, she has a stomach ache [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:11 PM Flag
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i'm the op. it seems like more than a stomach ache. it is a severe, sharp pain in a specific area [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:12 PM Flag
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right upper quadrant could be gall bladder, appendicitis might start around umbilicus and move to right lower quadrant [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:13 PM Flag
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but the people at city md can inform her of that and if it is critical can send her to er. Saves waiting 4-5 hours. Or go ahead [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:14 PM Flag
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With this info, it's a no brainer. You go to the ER, get evaluated for appendicitis and kidney stones and then go from there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:14 PM Flag
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Friend's dh just had a kidney stone that was presenting as abdominal pain (higher up), took the docs a few days to figure it out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:16 PM Flag
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Start with a GP and move from there. We can stand around all day wondering what it is and guessing what kind of treatment you need. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:14 PM Flag
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This. I've had some horrible GI and stomach problems over the last week, but also had a monster cold. I think it's all connected. Got some kind of weird bug. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:13 PM Flag
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Anxiety about the trip? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:28 PM Flag
[ - ] There has been a ton of stuff we have had to "roll with" lately (kids getting sick, trips, funerals etc) and I was saying how I keep waiting for the next week "when things should be easier." He said that it's because we live in NYC. That if we left NYC, we wouldn't feel this way. Do you think that is true - esp if you are not in NYC - or is it part of having elementary aged kids? 51 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:47 PM Flag
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How would you avoid an illness or a funeral by living elsewhere? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:49 PM Flag
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I don't know. But he was just implying that life would be so much easier if we were elsewhere, so I'm trying to understand those people who might think this way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:53 PM Flag
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"Hard" is subjective. Lifestyle-wise, NYC is easier for me. I grew up in a rural area and that comes with its own issues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:50 PM Flag
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what are those, if you could tell me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:53 PM Flag
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Isolation; having to drive everywhere; limited resources; etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:04 PM Flag
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A huge house to furnish. Car maintenance. Isolation. Taking out the trash. Expensive energy bills. Trump voters. Etc [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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leaky roof, taking care of lawn, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:05 PM Flag
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Nope. Move to somewhere “easier” and then find out your big house has a cricket infestation and needs a 7 k roof repair, and the people at the schools your kids go to are boring materialistic stepford wives. (This is my life) shit happens everywhere. Might as well deal with it in a place you love [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:56 PM Flag
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In the past 6 months I've had close to 20k in unplanned home repairs. signed, homeowner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:00 PM Flag
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I posted below (dad’s birthday). This is my life and I hate it. Would move back to NUC in a minute. Above all you need to fit in where you live. The step ford wives wouldn’t fit in in NY, and we don’t fit into materialistic suburbs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:04 PM Flag
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it’s so true. You think “eh people are people, good and bad everywhere” but there’s really a difference [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:08 PM Flag
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Sure, but there are plenty of suburbs and small towns that aren't materialistic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:13 PM Flag
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OP But what is that difference? Really, please explain. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:16 PM Flag
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I felt this way this week, too. Does it have to be this hard EVERY day? Never occurred to me it would be easier if we were out of NYC. One in preschool, one in ES. I just think this stage of life is hard. Make a plan to do something low stress, low energy this weekend with the kids. Even (horrors!) lying around a watching a movie. A couple hours of easy and fun helps... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:58 PM Flag
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i definitely think nyc is stressful and living elsewhere is easier. i live in a big city on the west coast now and every day feels like vacation. i still have a lot of trips though, and i don't think the number of funerals would change for you! but day to day life is much more frictionless. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:00 PM Flag
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So every day is like vacation? You don’t work? That would be an easy life anywhere in the world. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:03 PM Flag
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Ha no, I work. Every day is like vacation in terms of my daily stress levels here vs NYC. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:23 PM Flag
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Can you please give me an example? I'm OP and a native NYer. Maybe I don't notice the friction, but I genuinely want to know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:15 PM Flag
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Other people's lives may have been simpler than ours. But here is what I remember stressing me out: I love the subway system, but everyday there were tiny stresses from the negative interactions I saw just going to and from work everyday. And although there are plenty of kind people in Manhattan, a lot of people are just abrasive and jerky to each other a million times a day, which adds up stresswise. I didn't really realize it until I left. And bigger things: my kids (young enough that they couldn't go to school on their own) went to two different schools on different sides of Manhattan (one UWS, one UES) that started at the same time. Our neighbors in our apartment building always had drama with one another that I found grating. My ds (and a lot of other boys) always seemed to be in trouble for something, or developing a little too late for his school... but those problems disappeared when we left Manhattan (I think because in other places, schools are less rigid about how they want dcs to behave). I hated having to worry about the school rat race all the time too. Everything just really wore me down! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:29 PM Flag
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^^Maybe I just wasn't cut out for NYC. Still love to come and visit! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:29 PM Flag
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Oh and of course the cost of living. I still live in an expensive city, but it's much less expensive to live here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:30 PM Flag
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Thank you. I really appreciate your perspective [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:43 PM Flag
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I agree. SF feels like a vacation compared to NYC. Just fewer people/lines everywhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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Who said that? It sounds ignorant to believe that bad things don’t happen outside of NY. Trips, sick children and death happen everywhere in the world and it’s part of the human condition. I moved away from NUC a few years ago and my life definitely isn’t better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:00 PM Flag
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^ NYC. Btw, today would have been my dad’s birthday, but he died. He lived in another country. Could I have avoided his death from cancer if I had moved to Chicago? I doubt it... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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Sadly, I can confirm that we have cancer in Chicago. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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I agree and if anything nyc has more resources to deal with any problem than anywhere else [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:02 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:06 PM Flag
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We live in a small non stressful town and love our house. We left crazy stress and traffic for this life. Our kids are in elementary and middle school and dh and I are practically holding our breath for spring break in a few weeks. It is just having little kids and then middle schooler's homework. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:03 PM Flag
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So how is it less stressful for you? Really, what stress did you have and not have now? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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We are much less stressed - the school situation is infinitely easier and our kids are happy. The traffic difference is the biggest thing. Our lives revolved around traffic and it was horrible. Here there is very little traffic and a big biking culture so we can bike anywhere without risking our lives. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:46 PM Flag
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Also I think the traffic made other people grouchy before. People are really not grouchy at all here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:49 PM Flag
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Interesting. Thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:53 PM Flag
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I'm in Chicago with teenagers, and I feel like it's still always something. Problems with the kids, problems with the house, problems with the cars, aging parents, high school applications, college applications, work expecting me to travel more now that the kids are older, perimenopause. We're always saying it will be better once X, but that never happens. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:04 PM Flag
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It really never ends. My dog has hook worms and my car engine is leaking and kids were sick all winter and dh needs dental work and roof needs repair.. it’s a slog [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:12 PM Flag
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Life's a bitch, and then you die. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:15 PM Flag
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That makes no sense at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:05 PM Flag
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When my parents moved from DC burbs to Raleigh NC, it was much better for my dad, who hated his DC commute. My mom hated Raleigh for a while but now she loves it too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:11 PM Flag
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Also, it's improved a lot since they moved there (decades ago). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:12 PM Flag
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If moving means you can get rid of a category of stresses, this might be true. Moving to a lower COL area and cutting back on work, reducing a commute, not dealing with applying to schools, etc. But usually you're just trading one set of stresses for another. Likewise, moving can help if you're increasing access to something you love (near the mountains if you love skiing, for ex) but many people just don't have the time to take advantage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:18 PM Flag
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^My mental health is better when I see water, so even changing up my commute to go by water helps. So obviously there are places to live that would make that easier or harder. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:19 PM Flag
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OP One of the things I think about is that if we left the NE entirely, we would be leaving an area that is generally Jewish friendly. I've lived away from family and it is so hard to get home for even just the big holidays and I am not interested in having dc not be with extended family for holidays. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:46 PM Flag
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For us, the NY metro area was hard, but of all the places in the area to live - the city seems like the easiest, since there is little commute, no home maintenance, airports are close, etc. That said, we now live in a college town and find it the easiest of all. It is very COL, so we are able to outsource all home expenses that arise. DH is not from the NE, and thinks a commute of 20+ minutes is inhumane. We are close to a small airport. Flights are more $ (and fewer direct options), but with the COL difference, it is still nbd, and it's so nice driving 15 minutes to the airport and then having a short security line and free parking right outside the terminal. Public schools are good, with nice facilities/smaller class sizes, but still diversity and educated people. There is little traffic + ample parking, so driving isn't stressful, plus there are closer-in areas where kids walk to school, library, etc., so it's not just all sprawl (we live out more in the country -dh won that one). Local kids are nice, neighbors all try to help each other, jobs are more laid back. That said- the issues you describe don't seem to be related to your location, but rather to having a lot on your plate right now. That could happen anywhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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NP: I think college town is actually ideal for many reasons. Unfortunately, I can't leave the city. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:31 PM Flag
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Yes. We are lucky that we have jobs that we can do here. Also, to Okies point, I think city can be more challenging when the children are little, with an easier when they are teenagers. In the burbs, kids can play outside by themselves, ride bikes to their friends houses, school bus brings him back-and-forth to school, etc. But then when they are older, there is more schlepping them around, where is in the city once they can use the trains and buses, [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:38 PM Flag
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Sorry for typos, I am dictating [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:39 PM Flag
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As they get older, kids in the city can be more independent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:40 PM Flag
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another NP I am the poster above who moved to a small, no stress town. I moved to a college town and my dh is a hyper commuter. We have everything here, and the few things we don't have here, we have in the next town over or the city that is 20 minutes away. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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Theres always something. The one thing that changes is space. If you have a lower COL, you can have a house with a basement playroom and you can get the kids out of your hair whenever you need to. Also, Im a native NYker. I visited my friends in Maplewood and their kitchen overlooks a fenced backyard playground. She can make meals while the kids are playing outside. You dont need to go to a park to give your kids exercise. So, there is that. When they are older, and can get around the cirt themselves, its better to be in the city than have them driving, in my opinion. Other than that, problems are problems. hes probably sick of city life which has the daily stressors that go on top of normal life stress [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:27 PM Flag
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OP LOL, just got off the phone with him. As one of DC was sick, I sent him to work with DC's lunch. He said "Seriously, you sent me to work with soybutter and jelly sandwich and hummus and carrots?" We both laughed. Guess that wouldn't change if we lived elsewhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:44 PM Flag
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All of the things you listed are a part of life no matter where you are. Yes, there can be more pressure living in a city. If you leave the city for a rural area, there are trade-offs: less traffic/little or no public transportation, stores are far and few between, fewer organized things for kids to do/lots of outdoor activities, etc. The way to handle it is to stop waiting for things to get easier and start accepting that these things are a part of life. "Roll with" is a part of life. Acknowledge it when it's tough, cut yourselves some slack, and keep you humor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:11 PM Flag
[ - ] How often do you have sex with your DH just to make him happy? I did last night - he woke me up for sex which really really annoys me. I was cranky the whole time but did it just to satisfy him. I'm still annoyed now. I feel like I should have spoken up for myself but at the same time I want to keep a happy marriage. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:38 PM Flag
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I think life is about compromises, but communication is also important [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:41 PM Flag
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about 90% of the time. I am on a drug that lowers libido. I enjoy the intimacy of sex but I would maybe initiate once a month and we actually do it about three times a week. It's worth it to me to have the initmacy, keep him happy and to ensure he doesn't look for it elsewhere [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:42 PM Flag
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OP: I'm pretty similar, minus the medication. I like sex well enough, but much prefer sleep. It's really important to DH though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:47 PM Flag
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OR and truth be told, how long does it take? I figure 10-20 minutes 3x a week, I can manage that to make him happy. I do much more elaborate things to keep my kids happy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:48 PM Flag
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np: the question is, what does he do to make you happy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:50 PM Flag
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A ton. He lets me sleep in as long as I want on weekends. Makes me coffee every morning. Listens when I'm in an anxiety phase. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:52 PM Flag
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OP: In my case, a lot. He is very thoughtful and loving. I just don't like being awakened. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:52 PM Flag
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OR can you figure out a time to have sex with him so he doesn't get the urge when you are sleeping? I know it might feel strange, but I have a mental calendar, so if we haven't had sex in the past few days, I'm sure to initiate with him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:54 PM Flag
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We generally do a few times a week, without his waking me up. I do the same thing, keeping a mental calendar. Just sometimes he wants it at night anyway and I feel like it's so disrespectful! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:57 PM Flag
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So then communicate that. If he generally gets his needs met, saying "I really don't feel sexy while being woken up in middle of the night" is totally ok [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:05 PM Flag
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I know you're right. I know if I had said that last night he would have been upset. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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OK so say it tonight. Suggest that it was lovely to do it then, but you prefer x or y. GL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:12 PM Flag
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I would not say it in the moment. I would say it some other time, that you would prefer at bedtime or in the morning or whatever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:35 PM Flag
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I almost never say no. To me, it's a part of marriage and I generally don't mind. But it's 1-2x/week; I might have a different answer if it were more often. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:55 PM Flag
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I've been saying no a lot lately. We have a 9 month old DS and a 2 year old DD who shares our bed (to our dismay). We have little to no alone time and, when we do for a few minutes, I'd rather sleep. DH is really upset about it. I know I have to give in soon. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:04 PM Flag
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It's a tough situation. I feel you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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Nap time! Surprise him. A little goes a long way in those years of little kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:36 PM Flag
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Doing it when you’re not in the mood and doing it when you’re not in the mood AND woken up are two different things. I absolutely hate being woken up in the middle of the night for any reason, and now that my dcs are older, it had better be an emergency. I think it’s important to make time for regular sex for the sake of the marriage (and it might make you want it after a while) but you can and should tell your DH not to wake you for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:02 PM Flag
[ - ] Is there a list of Round 2 school openings posted anywhere? I remember a spreadsheet we could look at last year. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 03.19.19, 02:31 PM Flag
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Thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:05 PM Flag
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Good luck! Read the guidelines carefully because it's different this year. You can appeal in May without going into Round 2. If you don't see seats at a school you prefer to current match, don't go into Round 2. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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there is, not sure where [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:37 PM Flag
[ - ] My son needs to do something for a charity - and my mom passed away from breast cancer so he wants to focus on doing something related to either patients or prevention - which organization would be best? Thank you! 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:31 PM Flag
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Can you find a race to run in where he can collect sponsors? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:02 PM Flag
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where do you live? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:16 PM Flag
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Long island [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:20 PM Flag
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Try looking through the Charity Navigator site. It'll help you determine which organizations do a good job of using donations. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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I would steer him toward one of the small programs at MSK. They do support for kids with moms with cancer, research about new treatments, etc. They are a great place, and if he targets a small program he will feel like it is a more direct impact. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:52 PM Flag
[ - ] I think the really question we should all be asking is whether a Liberal Arts degree from a Brand Name School is really worth the effort. If your DC is applying to MIT or a similar school, at least you know they have to earn their spot and will have the necessary skills to be employed once they graduate. This liberal arts stuff is so loosey goosey and subjective. That's why its so easy to bend the rules for certain people and to grease the wheels for admittance, internships and ultimately jobs. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:21 PM Flag
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*the real [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:22 PM Flag
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We paid full fare for two liberal arts educations. Both my kids are satisfactorily employed. You do what you want [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:25 PM Flag
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Sure, it's loosey goosey if you're a loosey goosey person. Otherwise, many people are gainfully employed with a liberal arts degree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:27 PM Flag
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Education is valuable in itself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:33 PM Flag
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it's hard to imagine real people post this stuff in earnest. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:46 PM Flag
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It happens when people have no real world experience. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:47 PM Flag
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Compared to who, you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:43 PM Flag
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Then log off. Nobody is forcing you to be here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:43 PM Flag
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My 4 all have liberal arts degrees and are doing great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:53 PM Flag
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Its not about doing great, its about the culture of buying a DC's way into college. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:37 PM Flag
[ - ] Searching for a really fantastic a-line dress. Met with a personal shopper at Bergdorf's yesterday, but left empty-handed. Willing to spend $$$$, but it has to wow me (but doesn't have to be). Neckline can't be too high (makes me look matronly). Pattern or solid (but no red or orange) okay. Can be evening (but no sparkles) or daytime. I'm pear-shaped - small waist, narrow-shoulders, big busy, bottom-heavy. Size 4-6. 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:21 PM Flag
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Have you considered Carolina Herrara? She tends to stick with this style. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:24 PM Flag
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I tried on several and liked, but didn't love. I am super picky, both about fit and pattern, so it doesn't make this easy. But I also feel like a $1k+ dress *should* wow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:34 PM Flag
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Agreed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:36 PM Flag
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I like Altus zip front dresses in sleeveless or with sleeves. Very flattering and you can adjust the split neck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:26 PM Flag
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AKRIS & Akris Punto [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:27 PM Flag
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OP: I like, but would rather not [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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^^^ get black or navy (in this style as I have something similar). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:03 PM Flag
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look at Halstead [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:27 PM Flag
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Oscar De la renta is have a samplesale now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:44 PM Flag
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Ooh! Liked the fit of the Oscar that I tried on, but hated the pattern/color. Off to Google... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:45 PM Flag
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Where is this sample sale? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:53 PM Flag
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or look on the real real. They always have Oscar de la renta dresses. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:09 PM Flag
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What is the dress for that it can be evening or day? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:48 PM Flag
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OP: Sister's wedding. 4 p.m. in a restaurant. Under 20 people total. Her dress is long, but simple (and she's the bride!). No wedding party, but I am doing a reading. She's very relaxed and really doesn't care what I wear. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:57 PM Flag
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Ah, got it. Good luck! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:32 PM Flag
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I have good luck at Saks for dresses. Or Neiman Marcus. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:14 PM Flag
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OP: yes, Saks is next on my shopping list - and I did want to go to Hudson Yards (new Neiman's). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:30 PM Flag
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Alice and Olivia? Sometimes they have nice A line dresses [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:54 PM Flag
[ - ] I'm genuinely curious about what happens in therapy and why it's helpful. I'm having a hard time imagining it-- do people go and talk about issues with a sympathetic listener, or did the therapist give techniques? 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:04 PM Flag
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It isn't helpful. They let you talk (which does nothing if you have an average IQ), or they give you techniques (also does nothing, because those techniques are the most obvious, inane ideas that any (again, non-moron) person would have tried a million times over before even seeking a therapist. And then, they charge you $250 for 45 minutes on top of it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:08 PM Flag
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You sound like someone who needs therapy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:23 PM Flag
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No kidding. Unfortunately, I need real answers, not worksheets and mantras, or as below poster suggests, help with seeing patterns in my life. How dumb would you have to be to not see the obvious patterns we put ourselves in? "Oh, wait, you mean my new husband is just like my ex-husband?? Shocking!!" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:26 PM Flag
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actually LOTS of people dn't see these similarities. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:32 PM Flag
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^^And I'm not saying there aren't a lot of low-IQ people out there who couldn't benefit from these sessions. I just think it's arrogant to pretend it's a real profession, which requires an education and its corresponding income. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:33 PM Flag
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I have to agree. Therapists are more like life coaches than mental health professionals. np [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:55 PM Flag
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Poor people have limited access to mental health services, in part because the privileged have booked them fully. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:57 PM Flag
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Most people know intellectually that they are repeating certain patterns. Knowing intellectually is not enough. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:38 PM Flag
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But therapists can only point it out. They can't change it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:45 PM Flag
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Change comes with talking about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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Mine gives me homework. Like having to call my mom on big occasions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:26 PM Flag
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Totally! Wow! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:36 PM Flag
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To the poster who needs therapy: You sound so funny and cynical. Wish we could be friends in real life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:58 PM Flag
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It totally depends -- on your therapist and what's helpful to you. Most of the time they will help you to see patterns in your life "You seem to put yourself in situations like this a lot, can you see how this situation relates to the one you're describing from 5 years ago?" What you do with that is up to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:09 PM Flag
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Ok, so they try to make observations about your behavior? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:16 PM Flag
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np: and they also ask you probing questions to get you to reflect on why you make the choices you make or how you might envision changing your behavior. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:25 PM Flag
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it depends on what you are looking for and your issues, in part. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:30 PM Flag
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We work on practical solutions. If I'm most upset about my son's seizures, we discuss how we can do better with his ketogenic diet (involves math that I dislike and avoid). If I'm upset about his educational progress or his therapies, we talk about what I've said to the school or agency and what the next step is. If I'm most upset about my tween's behavior, we discuss how to respond to her behaviors and get her what she needs. If my mom is going to be visiting, we discuss how we will plan the visit to minimize temper flares. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:38 PM Flag
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I pay $25 co-pay [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:38 PM Flag
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I'm not low IQ, but I have too much baggage to unpack on a friend, so I'm fortunate to have a good therapist. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:57 PM Flag
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It is helpful if 1) you have a good fit (person gives you what you need, an ear to bend or advice) 2) do you have close friends who can/do listen 3) if the person moves you forward or keeps you spinning your wheels [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:51 PM Flag
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I am having a very successful experience with therapy. My therapist has given me several techniques (journaling, meditation, EMDR, cranial-facial release, etc.). We talk and she's very good at pointing out where my thinking is awry and asking questions that help me to understand my issues. Sometimes it's exhilarating, sometimes it's painful, but I definitely feel that I'm making progress. Not all techniques work for everyone and not all therapists are a good match for you. But you've got nothing to lose by trying it. Just remember that YOU have to do the work. Good luck, OP! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 04:20 PM Flag
[ - ] Admissions Scandal: This is not a good look for Georgetown. They currently have a position open for Development Associate, Athletics - Office of Advancement. And you wonder why the coach took bribes? LOL. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:00 PM Flag
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Ha ha. That is pretty tone deaf in light of what's going on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:14 PM Flag
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No one knows that is the look. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:08 PM Flag
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I don't get it, this is nothing to do with admissions and is just a fundraising job in the athletics department which is a normal thing as athletics alumni tend to have a higher rate of giving. The school itself had nothing to do with the scandal and fired the coach. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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Maybe they saw the salary? I don’t get it either [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 03.19.19, 03:03 PM Flag
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