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[ - ] Best parent-child dialogue this week from TBBT: Father (holding credit card bill): "Why did you spend a month's rent on a toy helicopter?!?!? Son: "Oh, so YOU'RE where that bill goes..." I so wish I had rich parents who paid for everything. :-D 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:16 PM Flag
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Tbbt? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:26 PM Flag
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The Big Bang Theory [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:29 PM Flag
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Funny were watching it now too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:47 PM Flag
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Raj is too funny with his parents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:50 PM Flag
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and he then cuts Raj off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:47 PM Flag
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Temporarily. But it would be fun to be so rich I didn't even know where the bills went. ;-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:50 PM Flag
[ - ] I'm a SAHM who until recently had a job in Big Law. My DCs are in school. Any help dealing with this transition? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:16 PM Flag
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What transition? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:16 PM Flag
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what do you mean by "any help dealing with this transition"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:17 PM Flag
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I was a small law attorney who had to quit (somewhat happily) when we moved abroad. Even though I HATED law, the alone time was killing me. I didn't realize how little I knew how to relax. Try to find a "soft" job, or work on a blog or something that takes up some time. Otherwise, you will turn into that mom who comes to the school everyday and asks to "help" and then takes over the PTA and everyone hates her. Don't be that mom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:23 PM Flag
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So true. the PTA moms are the worst, always volunteering because they have nothing better to do. Ugh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:18 PM Flag
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wine helped me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:18 PM Flag
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what area of practice? why are you no longer in biglaw--quit, asked to leave? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:20 PM Flag
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Divorce law. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:48 PM Flag
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I took 3 years off. The change is incredible. I did pro bono work to keep a finger in the game and have something for myself. GL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.25.15, 12:39 AM Flag
[ - ] Divorced moms: How long did it take and cost? Did you go to trial? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:13 PM Flag
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it's friday night on UB! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:15 PM Flag
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yeah fck those bastards! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:16 PM Flag
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Oh, it's really easy. You just go online and submit a divorce request and then a judge calls your husband and tells him to leave the house and make sure he gives you all of his money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:16 PM Flag
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very few go to trial, right? that is crazy expensive and stressful and probably not necessary. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:30 PM Flag
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10K for custody hearing only for me. Contested. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:05 PM Flag
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It did not go to trial. The lawyers duke it out and then present agreement to the judge. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:06 PM Flag
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Judges almost never let it go to trial - they send you to mediation and threaten to make a ruling on their own if you can't come to an agreement. I had one DF that forced a trial, and there ended up being four lawyers involved; one for her, one for DH, one for DC's and one to handle the real estate liquidation/distribution. By the end they had nearly $250k in lawyers fees and therapy fees for DC's (required by the court), and she ended up with the settlement and custody arrangement that the mediators had initially proposed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:45 PM Flag
[ - ] The head says: we can't afford it, we don't have time or energy to handle 2, we don't want to move to a bigger place, it doesn't make sense but the heart says: I really want DB #2. What do you do? 46 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:03 PM Flag
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Sounds like you'll regret not having #2. Have baby #2. You can always find a way to afford things you want. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:06 PM Flag
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It's not even a question of things I want, it's stuff like tuition (not NYC, nowhere near that ballpark) and camp for DC #1 and one day DC #2, we live in a 2 bdrm now and I'm afraid we can't afford more space, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:08 PM Flag
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Kid #1 getting a slightly better camp experience is not a reason to not have Kid #2 if you want a second child. Stop over thinking it -- are you in poverty? homeless? does DH beat you? are you educated? have a reasonably stable job? Just do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:16 PM Flag
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Ha, none of the above (except last one). I am a chronic over thinker. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:16 PM Flag
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The kids can share a bedroom. You usually get a discount on tuition for the second child. YMCA camp. It can be done. There are tradeoffs, but you are the judge of what's more important to you. OR [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:20 PM Flag
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Thanks to you, these are all good points. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:20 PM Flag
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I'm strapped right now with two, but I'll be better after dc2 is in K. However, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've never seen anything more beautiful than my children playing together and saying they love each other. And then there are the times they seem like they're trying to kill each other... But, I remember the good times. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:36 PM Flag
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Held at one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:09 PM Flag
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Tell me more please, if you don't mind - part of me feels like wanting #2 so bad is a phase that will pass and we'd be happy with one, but sometimes it hurts so freaking bad that we don't have a second (DC #1 is 6, FWIW) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:09 PM Flag
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How old are you? Can you decide in a year? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:17 PM Flag
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36, will be 37 in June - so yes and no I guess, but had a m/c last year that has me freaked. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:21 PM Flag
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Is it that you miss DC's baby stage? Because that I can relate to. But I didn't "hurt" to have a 2nd. And by the time DS was 6, we were pretty happy with our family size. One child was a breeze to manage when we looked at what our friends were going through. And by 6 or 7, the age gap was so big, I felt like they would both be onlies. DS is now 15 and no regrets. But those first 3 or 4 years, I really wanted a 2nd. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:17 PM Flag
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Yes, I relate to a lot of what you're saying - love our family the way it is, it IS a large age gap (and my brother and I are 8 years apart and we are really like 2 onlies). However, every time I hear of a friend or family member who is pregnant/having a new baby I feel absolutely gutted. Don't know if that is just missing baby stage, feeling bad about a m/c I had a year ago, or really wanting a second. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:19 PM Flag
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I know a lot of families where there is a 10 yr age gap btw siblings, including my parents. My dad and his brother are 11 yrs apart and get along really well. They live 10 minutes apart from each other. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:21 PM Flag
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How close were they as children? As a 55YO and a 66YO, sure. But as a 5YO and a 16YO, not so much. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:26 PM Flag
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I would say teen years. 15 and 25 maybe. But still. They're great now and have been for decades. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:27 PM Flag
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Why does everything have to be for young kids?? You're talkng about years of adulthood! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:27 PM Flag
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Point is some parents have children, expecting them to be friends. A big age difference doesn't make this any easier and can make it more difficult. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:32 PM Flag
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Possibly in the beginning but you're talking a lifetime here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:35 PM Flag
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Someone once said you won't ever regret having 2, but could regret having only 1. That seems pretty spot on. Signed, mom of an only. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:16 PM Flag
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I feel like I know a few people who regret having 2, even if they don't admit it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:17 PM Flag
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Np: OMG, it's 2 kids people! We're not talking about a herd of kids here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:19 PM Flag
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I do as well, and they are the ones where one spouse capitulated to the other's desire for a second. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:19 PM Flag
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THIS!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:21 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:30 PM Flag
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Again,the only time I see this "no one ever regretted having a kid, they only regretted not having one" is on UB. And it's bullshit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:59 PM Flag
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np: thank you for saying this. I keep thinking "stop trying to make this a thing" every time someone on UB writes that! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:26 PM Flag
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NP I agree that if one is not up for another child and feels pressured, then absolutely that would be a source of such major tension. Terrible. (Mom of 2 here) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 11:17 PM Flag
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Live within your means. Stick with one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:21 PM Flag
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1+ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:26 PM Flag
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A few things: 1) how does DH feel? 2) I do think your m/c might be clouding things. Maybe talk to a counselor? 3) Of course if you had a second child, you wouldn't "regret" him or her - it would be a living child that would bring you joy. That said, you have a great set-up right now, and you will probably be fine as a one child family, and more comfortable in a lot of ways. Don't fix what ain't broke. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:26 PM Flag
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1) DH didn't want one for the longest time, and now is suddenly hot to trot; 2) you're probably right, I'm a mess about it still; 3) I know what you mean, but I wonder if it will just add more stress/strain that will make life crazy. I'm afraid I think. And thank you for saying that about a one-child family, Things are really good the way they are in a lot of ways I think. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:28 PM Flag
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I am OR, and the mother of an only child by choice. We are 100% happy with our decision (for the reasons stated below - lifestyle, giving her lots of attention, etc) and adore our daughter, and she is happy and doing great. I still love looking at babies! But I know we did the right thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 11:26 PM Flag
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They do say, having an only you pretty much can still have the same exact life like you had pre-child. I know plenty of people who only had one child because they wanted to keep the lifestyle they always had. Finding a sitter to watch one isn't as hard. Traveling isn't as hard. Etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:33 PM Flag
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Many times, I have regretted having a 2nd. Not my child herself, but how our family dynamics changed, how much more expensive and complicated life is now. DC1 was always easy, DC2 has a different personality and more challenging for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:29 PM Flag
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Really? This is what I'm most afraid of. Tell me more, if you don't mind sharing... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:31 PM Flag
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People can be so selfish today. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:37 PM Flag
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Thank you for being so honest. This is a good reality check for me (also wish I could have #2, but probably not in the cards). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:05 PM Flag
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Honestly, you're in the same boat as like 90% of dual-income WOH parents in the city. None of us can easily afford two kids living here, and we're all exhausted. But most people go for the second (and third) kid anyway. If you want more than one, you want more than one. Go for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:31 PM Flag
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90% really? Nyc is like the wealthiest city in the world. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:36 PM Flag
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EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH HARDER IN NYC. SO. MUCH. HARDER. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:00 PM Flag
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Omg!!! Then why do you people defend it to no end?! Make up your mind. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:05 PM Flag
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Wow tin ear for satire there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:11 PM Flag
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This is a ridiculous statement. If you believe it, it's because you have no worthwhile life experience or perspective. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:09 PM Flag
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If you can't afford them, don't have them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:34 PM Flag
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This. Whether #2 or # 4. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:00 PM Flag
[ - ] Started reading trashy romance novels. These are great. Easy to read, fun, and encourages me to initiate sex more with dh. For people who read them, who are good authors? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:02 PM Flag
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Depends on what your tastes are. There are ones with more graphic sex and fewer sequences just to get to the next scene, and there are those which have a ton of historical detail but still some hot stuff. Outlander comes to mind with the latter. What are your tastes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:40 PM Flag
[ - ] PS87 moms please share your experience! I'm concerned about over crowding and only 1 teacher per class. And principal...... Would be very appreciated! 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:00 PM Flag
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Isn't this one of (the most?) popular schools? the PTA doesn't cover aides? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:43 PM Flag
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I LOVE our principal. It's a big school, 900-1,000 kids, but it doesn't feel over-crowded to my dc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:52 PM Flag
[ - ] ex-dh has the dcs tonight, what wine should i drink while watching netflix? 37 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:57 PM Flag
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Whatever is on sale. Bottoms up!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:58 PM Flag
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sorta hijack -- is there really a trend toward 50-50 parenting arrangements these days? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:59 PM Flag
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op he has them for 2 weekends a month [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:00 PM Flag
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do you know if that's typical? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:00 PM Flag
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not sure [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:11 PM Flag
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I have 50-50 (I'm the mom), he has M, T every other F-Su, me the opposite. Most of my divorced friends have a similar schedule. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:50 PM Flag
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BLOODLINE!!! Best show I've seen in a long time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:04 PM Flag
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^lol, reading comp - that was for the Netflix. For the wine, Camars (it has a goat with a suit jacket on the label) - delicious, inexpensive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:05 PM Flag
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Bloodline is really, really slow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:07 PM Flag
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But it's so good. Slow burn. Did you watch Damages? It's the same people - very similar feel. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:08 PM Flag
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So? Loved it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:15 PM Flag
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JUST FINISHED IT LAST NIGHT. CONCUR [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:11 PM Flag
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OR: it is RIDICULOUS, right? The last 3 episodes were the best thing I've seen in a long time. If the guy who plays Danny doesn't win the Emmy, I'll be furious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:14 PM Flag
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^Kyle Chandler is also great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:15 PM Flag
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Love him. Ever since Homefront. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:22 PM Flag
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LOVED Homefront. Boy, was he handsome in a totally down-to-earth way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:27 PM Flag
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OR: loved him in FNL too... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:32 PM Flag
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I've wanted to watch this, but only because of him. The football backdrop turned me away, but I hear I should reconsider. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:41 PM Flag
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Oh yeah, it's not about the football. Great show. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:44 PM Flag
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Agree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:16 PM Flag
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NP- watch it! not about football [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:46 PM Flag
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You should. Connie Britton is great in it too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:16 PM Flag
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she made that character come to life. In the movie version, that character is a minor one [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:31 PM Flag
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Oh yes. Sooooooooooooooooooooo handsome. I loved it, too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:40 PM Flag
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Oh yeah. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:16 PM Flag
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Love, love. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:16 PM Flag
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So true! He was so great. He started off seeming pitiful and at the end he was completely scary! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:15 PM Flag
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That show has the highest cliff hangers of any show I've watched -- I am about 4 episodes in and put it aside. Maybe I will continue watching tonight. I was wishing Sissy Spacek had a more dimensional role. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:08 PM Flag
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np. Love Bloodine! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:15 PM Flag
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netflix? Youre not watching the Bruce interview?!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:09 PM Flag
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sorry don't care about these freaks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:11 PM Flag
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God this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:48 PM Flag
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Right? Bruce is headed for a major fall. I actually feel bad for him. It's not going to work out right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:17 PM Flag
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Washington State reds in general, anything from Charles Smith is always a good choice. I like most Syrahs and Syrah blends. Or a nice Rose from Provence. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:15 PM Flag
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We're in Brooklyn and all but a couple of the divorced families we know do 50-50 custody. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:19 PM Flag
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outlander [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:34 PM Flag
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Champagne! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 11:21 PM Flag
[ - ] I guess I am an at home wife ( my kids are in school all day). I enjoy my free time. A neighbor was in a bind last week and needed child care during the day. It was no problem to watch her kid for two days. She did it again this week. I am not interested in watching kids during the day. How do I say no next week? I know it takes more than 2 weeks to hire a replacement but I do not want this to be a recurrent thing. 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:56 PM Flag
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"I'm sorry, I just can't do it today." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:58 PM Flag
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Should I say something early on so she can arrange for backup and not just assume I will do it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:00 PM Flag
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yes that's a great idea. Just be upfront. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:00 PM Flag
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No. Just wait until she asks. She may find someone any day, and never ask you again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:02 PM Flag
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this! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:12 PM Flag
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No. Leave them hanging. Hate users. When I SAH I had all these women who pretended that their kid was my dc's best friend. Once I started working again and wasn't useful, crickets. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:08 PM Flag
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What do you mean yluu guess you are an "at home wife"? You are a SAHM but you still have a life. Nice that you did the chid care but not more than 2 weeks in a row. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:27 PM Flag
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Her kids are in school all day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:49 PM Flag
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So what? None of her friend's business. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:08 PM Flag
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Just don't answer the phone for 6 hours. Seriously, when I was a SAHM I realized that if I ignored their calls they went on to the next person. You are not their handmaiden or backup nanny. And if they call and you feel like you have to answer, just text back. You don't have to give them an hour by hour of your day. None of their business. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:07 PM Flag
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ITA -- so nice of OP to help out a few times, but now it's unfair for her to keep lending a hand over and over if she does not want to. Just ignore the calls or if she asks, say you're sorry but you are busy with a few other things and can't. The end. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 11:19 PM Flag
[ - ] 4 hours till Brucilla. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:55 PM Flag
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On W Coast -- you all will need to provide an update. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:01 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:17 PM Flag
[ - ] When I was 12yo my mother was sure that my best friend had an eating disorder, so she called the mom and had a talk about it. I lost her as a friend. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:54 PM Flag
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Some friends aren't forever; people come and go in our lives. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:56 PM Flag
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So true. I have learned that lesson. The way of the world. Particularly your kids' friends and parents of the friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:06 PM Flag
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Was it ever revealed that your mother was right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:56 PM Flag
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She has a thyroid condition and necessitated a special diet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:02 PM Flag
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so why weren't you friends? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:15 PM Flag
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What made your mother think that? Did you friend, in fact, have an ED? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:57 PM Flag
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Hate busybodies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone have their dc at PS 151? Might move to that zone and looking for info. Thanks. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:51 PM Flag
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i don't but i've heard good things. also 527. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:43 PM Flag
[ - ] S/O Why are so many non-moms posting and giving advice on childcare questions? Go away you annoying infertile spinsters. Quit cluttering the threads with your idiotic remarks. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:51 PM Flag
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The relative who gives the most child-rearing advice is childless. She has a degree in education (from 40 years ago, and doesn't teach). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:53 PM Flag
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Why are you making a whole new post instead of calling them out on the relevant threads? Attention seeking? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:01 PM Flag
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You've accused me of being childless on two separate threads in the past hour. I have 2 kids. Maybe you just think everyone who disagrees with you must not have kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:56 PM Flag
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Mean! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:57 PM Flag
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This and it is URBAN baby so if you live in the country and your dog is in the neighbors yard or you don't have a baby or child get your own site or at least dont post. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:59 PM Flag
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You sound jealous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:01 PM Flag
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How do you know they're none moms? And do you actually have DC's? You sound paranoid and shifty. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:48 PM Flag
[ - ] s/o divorce settlement -- who pays legal fees? What if DH has more/all income or assets? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:50 PM Flag
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There are now funds to finance high-earner divorces. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:50 PM Flag
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I paid all my legal bills to my own attorney from funds from a separate account in my name, but my ex let me establish the account with no prejudice. He wanted the divorce and I just gave it to him as easily as possible, since he did not want custody and he did not want to fight over money. He just wanted it to be fast and easy. I think he figured he would just earn back anything he gave to me in short order. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:57 PM Flag
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Wow, why did he want out (and away from his DCs) so badly? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:59 PM Flag
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He was never an involved dad, I don't think he ever really wanted kids. I think he felt like he had to have them because that was what his parents wanted, but he really never had any patience for them. He always wanted me to SAHM. He was a hold-the-baby-give-her-right-back type. Of course he loves our kids, in his own way, but he does not want custody and did not want to be married anymore. Fortunately for me, he does not mind paying for his freedom. He sees the kids when the mood strikes him, and he returns them pretty quickly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:32 PM Flag
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I was married to one of those. In my case he said he was forced to have kids with me. Anyhow he is gone and we hardly see him. He paid a lot for his feedom [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:41 PM Flag
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Yep. If they pay, that goes a long way towards being ok with it. Or as ok as you can be I guess. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:46 PM Flag
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usually each party pays their own legal fees. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:32 PM Flag
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wait, you have no access to any assets? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:32 PM Flag
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If that's the case, she's screwed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Time to graduate from full=time nanny to an after-school sitter. Will use Sitter City but want to know when is the best time to look. In July? August? We want to start someone in September. Would love any tips. Thanks 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:48 PM Flag
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It's 50/50. We hired a great sitter and someone awful. But hardly anyone posts bad reviews so a mother can never know if they're terrible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:54 PM Flag
[ - ] Close friend has a 3yo who she rarely sees. Friend works full-time, has him scheduled for loads of classes on the weekends "to keep him busy," is sending him out of the City on a bus to camp this summer, can't wait to send dc on a bus to school for K, etc. This is not about her being a WOHM but i don't understand why people like this even have children. All she does is focus on the "accomplishments" like getting him into a good school, teaching him to read, getting him to be good at tennis, etc. but she literally spends about an hour with him each week. Yes, I know. Mind my own business. Still find it odd. 71 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:47 PM Flag
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Sad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:50 PM Flag
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Men have done this since human tribes settled in one place and specialized labor. NBD. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:51 PM Flag
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Yeah kids don't really need parents. Let the collective raise them. The commies were right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:50 PM Flag
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Your poor kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:51 PM Flag
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No. Men in most tribes are around much more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:57 PM Flag
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Yeah, because the mothers were taking care of their kids. Now neither parent is there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.25.15, 08:59 PM Flag
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Duh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.25.15, 09:01 PM Flag
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everyone does things differently. for thousands of years, people have procreated as a biological imperative and thought not one iota about "parenting" and quality time. this is the current trend in MC/UMC parenting. if you are poor, you will work around the clock just to put food on the table and you will be judged for not doing that, even though it means never seeing your kids. spending time with kids is a luxury in many ways, to those who do not always need to work. hostorically, extended family and older sibs raised the kids while able bodied adults worked - eithe rin the house or outside of it. children were sent far away in order to be cared for while parents work. so stop imposing your values on other people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:55 PM Flag
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op. honestly, your response doesn't make any sense. reread it. my question boiled down is this: why have children if you do not have interest in being with them? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:57 PM Flag
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for any number of reasons that you will think are invalid - bc it's expected, bc it's biological imperative, bc your parents wanted grandkids, bc they are a status symbol, bc YOU wnat to have adult kids one day, bc you want the chance for grandkids one day, bc you think when they are older they'll be fun, bc for the 1 hr you spend with them they are fun. my point is that most people historically who had kids didn't have them bc they were interested in spending time with them and in fact did NOT spend that much time with them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:01 PM Flag
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np. yes, this is correct. but historically, i bet parents spent a ton of time with their children. kids weren't shipped off to camp, didn't' have after school actiivites like they do now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:05 PM Flag
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historically in certain time periods, yes. not in others. in france, kids were routinely shipped off for years as babies a few hundred years ago. aristocratic english had nannies care for the kids in the nursery 24hrs a day and rarely saw them. i'm sure many other cultures were very different and parents saw their kids day in and day out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:08 PM Flag
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np. ok. stop this. now we're going back hundreds of years ago. The poster is talking about today. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:09 PM Flag
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In today's world no one gives a shit about SAHM with FT nannies or their DHs who never see their kids. The only problem is when WOHMs dare to have children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:11 PM Flag
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op. well, this is not me. frankly, i think SAHM with FT nannies are the worst. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:13 PM Flag
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You are free to think that. It's literally none of your business though. Maybe they think the nanny does a better job than they would. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:20 PM Flag
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Fine, but that's not the norm either. I was a SAHM for 10 years and didn't have a nanny. Why are you so invested in this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:02 PM Flag
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You're the one who is posting about it! I just responded! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:24 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:32 PM Flag
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I was just responding to her "historically...." comment. I haven't commented on this thread before what I said above. And anyways I agree that people have kids for a variety of reasons despite not wanting to spend much time doing actual childcare. It seems pretty commonplace to me. Some people end up doing a ton of childcare anyways because they can't afford help- but for those who can, they hire help. I personally enjoy spending time with my kids (usually) but I don't think what OP is describing is that uncommon. The mother loves her child and wants him to have the best upbringing possible- which she doesn't think really involves her presence very much because she knows she is not cut out for childcare. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:13 PM Flag
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Well said [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:15 PM Flag
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Yes, and this poster keeps talking about either aristocrats (tiny percentage of the population) or factory workers in the 1800s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:01 PM Flag
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OMG. Lady, calm down. We're not talking about a few hundred years ago, we're talking about human history and women had no birth control and had children every few years and children were with their bio relatives. Ugh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:00 PM Flag
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No one gives a shit what dumb aristocratic people did. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:01 PM Flag
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Just trying to answer your OP. Which is clearly trolling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:32 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:05 PM Flag
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You're wrong. Sorry. You seem to have issues of some sort. in traditional societies kids are a part of the community and are around their parents and relatives. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:00 PM Flag
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np: if you re-read the response, it answers your question perfectly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:02 PM Flag
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You not liking her answer is not the same thing as her not answering you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:03 PM Flag
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This is not true historically. Hunter gatherers had kids around all the time, working side by side with parents, siblings, aunts, uncles. Their parents weren't working in factories. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:59 PM Flag
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were you a part of their culture or something? how the fuck do you know what the hunters/gatherers did for childcare back in 1000 BC [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:56 PM Flag
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I'm sure your DH sees his kids a ton, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:00 PM Flag
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1) yes, he does. 2), he makes every effort to spend time with his kids. 3) during his free time, he doesn't pawn our kids off on coaches, camp counselors, etc. her child is 3! and honestly, the few minutes she's with him each week, she complains to me about how it's so difficult because he doesn't listen to her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:02 PM Flag
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But wait he's not with his kids from 8 to 6 right? With kids in bed by 7pm that's like an hour. I mean why did he have kids. What an ass. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:04 PM Flag
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op. your assumption is incorrect as dh works from home. but that is not my point. my point is that friend does everything in her power to avoid being her child. dh does not in any way do that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:06 PM Flag
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1) she's not your friend 2) MYOB 3) you just hate her because she has a vagina and works and doesn't fit into your mold of what a mother should be. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:07 PM Flag
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op. why does everyone here always make this about WOHM. i AM a WOHM [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:09 PM Flag
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LMAO Honey, no one will believe that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:10 PM Flag
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op. seriously, WTF? i do WOHM. work full-time in advertising. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:11 PM Flag
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lololol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:13 PM Flag
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And Taye Diggs is sucking on my toes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:14 PM Flag
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She doesn't LITERALLY spend an hour per week. You just prefer to think that way so you can be superior to her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:00 PM Flag
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no, i actually think she does. she leaves for the gym before ds is awake. she comes home after nanny puts him to bed. on weekends, she "sees" him but he's typically with a coach or some such. she and dh go out every weekend and their weekend sitter starts at 3pm both days [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:04 PM Flag
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So, you're envious, because she gets all of the fun parts of having children but doesn't have to do any of the work? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:06 PM Flag
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What are the fun parts? Bragging he got into a good preschool? Watching him from a distance learn to swim? To me, the fun parts are bonding with my dc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:08 PM Flag
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Opening presents on birthdays and holidays; playing a quick game after the nanny has his fed, bathed, and in his pajamas; and yes, bragging about schools and grades and awards and tournament wins. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:12 PM Flag
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wow! i think that's a sad and crazy perspective. that's the role of an aunt or a grandma. not a mother. flame away. i think all of you have lost the plot here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:14 PM Flag
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Horses for courses. Rich people's children have been raised by paid household staff for as long as there have been rich people. They turn out fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:18 PM Flag
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OP, I am surprised by these responses. If the woman honestly does everything she can "to avoid being with her child," then, yes, I'd say that is strange and I'm shocked anyone else would debate that. Sometimes people here like to disagree just to disagree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:07 PM Flag
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BUt the woman doesn't honestly avoid it. OP just doesn't like the fact that her friend dares to have a career she enjoys [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:07 PM Flag
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OP. sorry but i do have a career. and a successful one. think again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:09 PM Flag
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Originally responder here. It does sound like she tries to avoid parenting. How would you argue the contrary? I am beginning to feel like the woman the OP is writing about is on right now and responding repeatedly. Can't believe no one else sees it like me and OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:10 PM Flag
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The thing, you have OP's word that someone "literally" spends an hour. I mean think about it, does it make sense that a parent literally spends 60 minutes PER WEEK with their child. And "This is not about her being a WOHM" is basically code for "Let me slip it in innocently that she WOH" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:12 PM Flag
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op. I WOHM!!! GET PAST THAT. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT. WHY ARE SO MANY WOHM SO DEFENSIVE? YOU BRING THE HATE UPON YOURSELF. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:14 PM Flag
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I AM A SAHM you moron. I just can spot a stroll when I see one. No one spends 60 minutes per week with their child unless they're a troll looking to rile up some WOHM hate. I worked for decades before giving it all up to SAH, it's hard work balancing a career and a family and no one deserves to be criticized for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:17 PM Flag
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op. move on. reread my post. she CHOOSES to not spend time with her chid. job completely outside. you need a refresher course in reading comprehension. moron. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:19 PM Flag
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op. and i suppose you know every single person on earth and their schedules and for certain know that not a single person only spends 60 minutes a week with their chid? stop it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:20 PM Flag
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I have a friend like this, single mom, but it's more leaving her kid with her mom so she can go out. I know she loves her DS, but if she wanted to do all this, I don't understand why she had him. It isn't fair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:08 PM Flag
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She wanted to say she had a kid and have a prop for her Xmas pictures or whatever. She didn't actually want to be a "mother"....how outré. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:55 PM Flag
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You'll get flamed, but I don't understand people like this, either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:10 PM Flag
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op. honestly, why all the flames? i had no idea so many people would disagree with me. with the exception of my friend, i've never met a woman like my friend and can't believe hoards of women area defending her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:12 PM Flag
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You're presenting a caricature of a WOHM and no one believes you. There's a difference. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:13 PM Flag
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yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:13 PM Flag
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OR: I believe her because I know parents like this. It's as if they cannot handle a minute of free time with their children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:16 PM Flag
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OP ah ha! sadly, this is a real portrait. not a caricature. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:16 PM Flag
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op. and again, my point is NOT that she has a career. my point is that her goal is to spend as little time with her child, as possible. for example, instead of going home after work before going out on a friday night, she'll go to starbucks or barnes and noble to kill the in-between time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:18 PM Flag
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Your friend is doing what she has to given her situation. Good for her that she can afford to give her ds a head start in academics and athletics. I hope ds gets into a TT...I bet he'll get admitted to Collegiate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:39 PM Flag
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Let me ask just one simple question: do you suspect for a second that your friend loves her child any less than you love yours? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:45 PM Flag
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Love is a verb. Who gives a shit if she just loves the hell out of him if she can't be bothered to spend any time with him. UB amazes me... A pod of grannie moms who wait till they're too damn old to be parents so it takes thousands of dollars to conceive then once they've attained that particular goal they can't wait to ditch their poor Petri-dish spawn on someone else and go to spin or get their twat waxed. Parenthood Isn't for everyone,and if you don't like spending time with kids, you'd best concentrate on being a awesome aunt or whatever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:54 PM Flag
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OFFS - it's well after 5, have a drink and calm the hell down. I can't imagine in this state of mind you're doing anyone any favors as a mother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:57 PM Flag
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Offs. Fine don't have to tell me twice...tini it is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 10:02 PM Flag
[ - ] How do you know if you're depressed or generally just a lazy, unmotivated person? 27 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:46 PM Flag
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Are you a glass half full or glass half empty type? :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:49 PM Flag
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But which is which in this scenario? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:52 PM Flag
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Probably half empty. Everything is an ordeal to me. Running an errand. Packing up he kids to go over a friend's house. House work. Going in the backyard. Not joking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:52 PM Flag
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Hmm. I am OR and I am somewhere in between. I never want to do things but I schedule things in fits and starts .. Pick up three things in the yard every time I walk the dog even if I leave six behind. I went through a huge energy boost all last fall and got a shit ton done ... Have been more on the lazy side since putting Christmas decorations away, but still tell myself small but consistent efforts have results that accumulate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:35 PM Flag
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This is a good point [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:39 PM Flag
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When something is important to you, or it's something you're personally interested in, do you go out and do it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:54 PM Flag
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I don't go out but I'll do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:56 PM Flag
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If you do the things that are important to *you*, it's not depression. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:02 PM Flag
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Then what is it? I feel like my feet are stuck in cement. I laid on the couch for 2 hrs while toddler napped. It takes a ton of effort to get kids in coats and such to go outside. Taking them to school at 8:30am is awful to me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:05 PM Flag
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Laziness. Or anemia. How's your copper intake? At any rate, if you can get it together for the things that *you* want to do, and just not for the things that seem like boring chores, it's not depression. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:20 PM Flag
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Ok. Thanks. A lot of times I don't even want to go out with friends. Like that's a chore. How do you cure laziness? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:22 PM Flag
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Get rich, so you can call it "leisure". Or eat more seafood, lean meats, and dark, leafy greens. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:28 PM Flag
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LOL. Ok. And if I am already rich? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:30 PM Flag
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Give away all of your assets and move to a one-bedroom apartment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:34 PM Flag
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Hmmm, with 3 kids. Not sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:38 PM Flag
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Op: I pretty much want to sit all day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:58 PM Flag
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How old are you? how old are the kids? do you cook for dh? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:04 PM Flag
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I'm 35. Kids are 5,3, and 13 months. I cook 3xs per week and make sure to make enough for leftovers. Why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:06 PM Flag
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I was you at 35 and kept going to my doctor and asking him why I was always tired. He would laugh and say because you have kids!! Wait til they are 10 and up, you will get your groove back [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:11 PM Flag
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Ha. But that's 10 years away? I see all these moms going to the gym, volunteering, looking good and I'm like, I just want to do nothing. I'm not overweight btw [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:13 PM Flag
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Stop comparing yourself to other people. You don't know who's faking it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:36 PM Flag
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I know. But it's easy to assume. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:38 PM Flag
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It is somewhat normal, but IMHO you need a boost of some kind at your age. Your kids are too young to have a mom who wants to just sit around. My kids are older and they don't care, they do not want me involved, but you should have some energy when they are young somewhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:40 PM Flag
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Op: yes! I know and this makes me feel more guilty. During the afternoon I lay on the sofa. Older DC doesn't nap and he has an hour of rest time, then does his learning activities, like workbook or computer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:53 PM Flag
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35 is too young to be completely unmotivated, talk to your dr. You can't possibly be the best mother you can be right now. And no one is saying you have to be the best mother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:38 PM Flag
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What dr do I talk to? Do I find a counselor? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:53 PM Flag
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These tree attributes go hand in hand. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:39 PM Flag
[ - ] Has anyone used Sittercity? Is it worth paying for? What quality referrals have you gotten? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:44 PM Flag
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Yes. I've used it many times and often recommend it to friends. I like how you can get very detailed about the kind of sitter you want or don't want. I have found that response rate can be low so cast a wide net. In the past I've posted an ad, replied to responders via email and based on the emails from potential employees set up phone interviews. After that it was pretty easy to see who you want to meet in person. I've never used it to find a full time nanny - just part time sitters. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:14 PM Flag
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we got our nanny over 4 years ago from Sitter City. The best $50 bucks we ever spent. you have to be very particular about what you want and also meet/speak with a lot of candidates. But we found the one we love and it's been great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:35 PM Flag
[ - ] Just discovered that there are webcams for dd's college. I am staring at the screen looking for her. Yes, there is something seriously wrong with me. I miss her! 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:44 PM Flag
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I do the yik yak app, makes me feel like I know what is happening on my dc's campus. I love hearing what the kids are talking about on any given day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:46 PM Flag
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op- I do that too! Love hearing what's going on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:47 PM Flag
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I will be a mom dork with you anytime :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:48 PM Flag
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:) - Glad I'm not alone! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:49 PM Flag
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Thought you had to be nearby for Yik Yak? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:52 PM Flag
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op - nope - you can look at any school! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:53 PM Flag
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Np. Yes, it is called a "Peek" ... You just can't post, but you can read the yak on any campus you want. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:59 PM Flag
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Depending on how much time you are spending on the webcams, I find it no different from parents in the past who read their children's letters home over and over, or read the school/local newspapers or yearbooks looking for mentions of DCs. Just a different medium. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:48 PM Flag
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op- Good point! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:49 PM Flag
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How did you find this out? I am so curious! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 08:53 PM Flag
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+1 link? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:01 PM Flag
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Shouldn't be be coming home from school for summer vacation in about a month? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:16 PM Flag
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You're weird as shit. Get a job. You desperately need one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.24.15, 09:55 PM Flag
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