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[ - ] Dh calls me a cunt about 8 times a week. Then I'm the one who needs to apologize to him for things like walking too slow when he "made it clear" he wanted to hurry home from the grocery and apparently I was taking too long. FML. 101 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:15 AM Flag
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sorry. he sounds awful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:20 AM Flag
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Thanks. He vacillates between really sweet and really terrible. The terrible makes the sweet that much sweeter but then it also makes the terrible that much more terrible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:27 AM Flag
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DTMFA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:03 AM Flag
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That’s the classic “cycle of violence” of domestic abuse. Even the ones who hit instead of using unacceptable and demeaning language don’t do it 24-7, because it would be easier to dump them. This is domestic abuse and it’s terrible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 09:30 AM Flag
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But they will never admit it. They will blame you until their dying day. They will promise you the moon and you will wind up with a handful of dirt. They will love bonb you so you don't abandon them, then turn around and treat you like shit when you stay. Eventually they will move on from you but want your kid as narcissistic fuel. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 09:42 AM Flag
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Who cares? They won’t admit it, but they are a waste of skin. Get away from this man and go live a happy life, and let him meet and torment someone else. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:44 AM Flag
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Unfortunately this poster is right. But she will not look at it this way since then she would have to leave. OP, until someone hits you it can be hard to recognize this for what it is. How long have you been together? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:19 AM Flag
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Um, this board explicitly advises many women to stay even if they are being hit, even if they're being hit in front of kids, even if kids are being hit or objects thrown...because in UB it's 1952 and you do what it takes to keep that ring on your finger and keep up appearances. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:44 AM Flag
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That’s probably just one poster who always chimes in with this viewpoint, and she (or is it he?) has shit for brains. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 11:04 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 09:54 PM Flag
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I’ve never seen anyone say that in the eight years I’ve been reading UB. I’ve seen advice to stay with a cheater but that’s the closest I’ve seen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 04:43 AM Flag
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ITA. This is abuse and it might escalate to becoming physical. When you are in a relationship like this, it’s very hard to see that you are being abused. OP, I mean this in the nicest possible way, please see a therapist about your relationship, do this for yourself. I have been there and so have many others. It’s not your fault. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:00 PM Flag
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Do you have kids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:15 AM Flag
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this is terrible. I'm sorry. Make a plan and get out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:29 AM Flag
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I don't want to get out since I love him and the good times make up for the shitty times most of the time. It's a very bipolar up and down situation. Lots of high highs and low lows. He does so much for me but also is so cruel to me. But my life was terrible before him, and I don't think it would be better if I left him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:32 AM Flag
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Please get yourself in to therapy. This sounds so unhealthy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:34 AM Flag
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What would therapy do for me though? I already know it sucks that he calls me names and does these things, but if I go to therapy and raise my self esteem then I'm just going to think it sucks even more. Doesn't seem like therapy would make things better, it would just make me feel even worse about my situation to hear the therapists disapproval and her telling me how awful it is and how I don't deserve that and he shouldn't do that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:40 AM Flag
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because you have no tools for dealing with his mood swings now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:44 AM Flag
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okay. I will look into it. Thank you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 06:20 AM Flag
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No tools will fax a man like this. They hate their wives and are staying for kids and wife does not understand this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 09:03 AM Flag
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^fix [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 09:03 AM Flag
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OR No it won't fix him. But she needs tools to deal with his mood swings. She isn't going to leave him in the state she is in, and she may never leave him. She doesn't think she deserves to be treated well. But the situation obviously bothers her if she is posting about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 12:47 PM Flag
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They’re not “staying for the kids”. They don’t really give a damn about anyone but themselves. An insightful and loving man understands how painful it is for a child to see his mother be verbally or physically attacked. They stay because they have a free servant and punching bag, until you leave him or die. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 08:34 PM Flag
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Fake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:03 AM Flag
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Not OP, but there is one troll on here who always calls fake on credible posts of women in abusive marriages. There's a special place in hell for you, troll. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:15 AM Flag
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It's not credible when they shoot down every single option. This post is a troll. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:37 AM Flag
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Of course it is, and she has not "shot down every single option." She said she recognized the benefits of staying even though she is mistreated. Besides declining help is something depressed people do a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:42 AM Flag
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Real as fuck, unfortunately. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 08:40 PM Flag
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Oh, shut the fuck up. Fake? Like this doesn't happen? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 03:24 AM Flag
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You are correct. Therapist and friends will tell you to leave. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 09:02 AM Flag
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Oh, you're a troll. Or a moron. You come here looking for pity and when helpful, practical suggestions are given, you squash each one with why it won't work. So you're either trying to stir shit, or are really stupid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:37 AM Flag
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Not OP: you need to examine your own motives here. Why she comes here is really not your concern nor are you the arbiter of why she is allowed to think, feel or post. You have significant anger management issues yourself based on your responses. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:40 AM Flag
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therapy would help you understand the aspects of your personality that got you into this situation and what you're trying to get out of staying. it will help you get perspective beyond the narrative that exists only between you and him. if your therapist "disapproves" of you, that is a bad therapist and you should get a different one. they aren't there to judge. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:37 PM Flag
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You might visit a divorce attorney too, just to get a viewpoint. These men usually tell their wives that they’ll take the kids, she’ll be broke etc and it’s just not true, even if they scare you into believing it. A divorce attorney can give you a more objective view, and guide you how to document what will inevitable come so you can get a restraining order or whatever you need to tip the scales in your favor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 08:25 PM Flag
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Then quit complaining about the bad times. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:03 AM Flag
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and don't come crying to UB when you are dead. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 08:50 AM Flag
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Really not cool. This woman is trapped in an abusive relationship. They are not easy to exit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 09:43 AM Flag
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She wants to stay. He's lowered her self worth to the point that she thinks she can't have anything better. She says so herself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:05 AM Flag
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Plenty of women do not move on to anything better and spend the rest of their lives alone, especially if they have DCs, or wind up divorced again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:12 AM Flag
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So a life of enduring abuse, and letting your kids experience abuse, is better than being on one's own? Really? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:38 AM Flag
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Do you have ny fucking use how many people grow up near one form of abuse? Just as divorce doesn't have to define you, abuse doesn't either. It's not everyone choice but non-physical abuse while maintaining a settled home, good education, good community and social circle, good geography is a trade off one people think is preferable to divorce, custody battle, split homes, social stigma, directed parenting, financial ruin, downward mobility, instability, and eventual new stepmom and sins whonreplace the DC and get they life they used to have. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:52 AM Flag
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Yeah, but they’re wrong. By keeping up appearances, they let themselves become habituated to abusers, and then the cycle continues anew. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 11:05 AM Flag
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She probably could have had something better before him, doesn't mean she can get it now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:13 AM Flag
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ANYTHING is better than what she has. Being ALONE is better than what she has. The willingness of this board of supposedly "TT" educated, intelligent, savvy women to subscribe to "being Mrs. at any cost" is astounding. Imagine your daughter is married or even dating a man who calls her a cunt as a matter of habit (and yes, even once is enough for me to end things -- and I have); you would be cool with this? You'd think it was just ducky that your grandchildren witness their father, on a regular basis, demeaning and insulting their mom? As long as she isn't OMG DIVORCED! Now THAT would be terrible! You all deserve what you get: you are whores who stay for the money. No better than a drug addict or streetwalker. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:41 AM Flag
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Here's the thing about adulthood: everyone can make their own choices. Your level of anger at a stranger for not making the same choices as you is pathological. It is no wonder you are divorced. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:44 AM Flag
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It’s also misguided hope. These women hope when their husbands are being nice it’s the “real” him (it isn’t) and when he’s being a giant douchebag it’s some kind of abherrition (nope, that’s the real him.) I am the poster w/ the douchebag lawyer seeking alimony detailed below. I’m an MD and somewhat of an authority figure. The court sent my exDH to a neurologist and drug-tested him because I said, “Something’s wrong with him!” Haha. What was wrong is that he is a domestic abuser. I was just such a atypical target that both I and the court had a harder time seeing that it was just domestic abuse, not frontotemporal dementia or something. This was before Trump’s election and #MeToo...probably would be named correctly more swiftly these days. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 11:22 AM Flag
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^Abherration sorry this misspelled typo makes me crazy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 08:42 PM Flag
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You have to mourn the life you wanted, I understand. No one wants *this* DH. She wants the man she imagined him to be before the ugly truth emerged, and she wants the happy family life she deserved, and could have had with a better man. The cognitive dissonance is extremely painful. Coming to terms with her sad reality, and doing something about it, is a process. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 06:42 PM Flag
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+1. People simply don't understand abuse. I am a driven, ambitious, well educated woman living in TT suburb. My DH has physically, verbally and emotionally abused me for years. I am getting a divorce because my DCs don't need to see their mom being treated like shit. You people who don't get abuse are probably the same people who think the holocaust never happened. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 03:26 AM Flag
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make a list of all that is horrible about him. write it all down. you will see more clearly with the list. He is an abuser plain and simple. you deserve better [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:48 PM Flag
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We married the same guy. I also like the good times but the bipolar aspect with the rage attacks and streams of obscenities have ruined so many otherwise good occasions that I left. I know what you mean though. My life sucked before him and will suck after, apart from the relief of not dealing with him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 09:01 AM Flag
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Np-my life was good before, and good after, and I look forward to the day that I hear exDH is dead. He called me the “c” word once. Take note, shitty DHs, normal women don’t accept it forgive this kind of conduct. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 09:33 AM Flag
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Well, now I have my pride and am living in a modest 2BR rental with ikea furniture and kid in shitty public, so. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 09:39 AM Flag
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Oh, is it better to whore yourself and kids for a $$$ couch? Idiot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:06 AM Flag
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You have major anger issues. What part of "She left" don't you understand? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:11 AM Flag
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She left and is complaining that her economic circumstances aren't cushy enough. She is implying that her pride is less valuable than having impressive furniture. She clearly implies regret. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:42 AM Flag
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To state the obvious, you don't know her or her full picture. You feel so comfortable judging and you level of rage is beyond beyond. You need serious psychological help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:47 AM Flag
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Np—not my story. My kids go to good schools, their 529s are full, we live in a comfortable home and I am shopping for something a little nicer. Marrying a good man is what we should all hope to do, but another person’s character is out of our control, and there are many more married men than good husbands so most of us lose this lottery. Having a career where you can single-handedly provide for yourself and your DCs IS in your control so I am glad for all of the good choices I did make that landed us in a better life without him (both emotionally and financially—he was a spendthrift and a lazy ass who always dreamed of get-rich-quick nonsense) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 11:10 AM Flag
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^This is one of the wisest things I've seen written on UB. Good for you. You are a good example for your kids. I feel the same way and will teach my girls the same. I'm currently in a solid marriage with a good guy but I would never stand to be treated like shit and could support myself and my girls if needed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:22 PM Flag
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ExDH would follow me from room to room in the house yelling until his voice got hoarse. A few hours later he’d be acting fine and nice, while I still felt as shaky as being in a car accident. It was like he’d taken a giant emotional shit and felt better after. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 06:35 PM Flag
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Same here. What were his beefs against you? Wondering if this is a guy thing or just a pathological maniac thing. How did he behave in the divorce? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:22 PM Flag
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Like a stark raving loon. Left hand-drawn signs with eyeballs on them saying “I am watching you” and sent me emails stating that he had rigged the house with hidden cameras. The guy’s a lawyer so it was suprising he left such a trail of evidence of bad behavior. His “beefs” with me were nonsense, and had very little to do with me. One all-day meltdown was because I mentioned that it was time to put up baby gates when our toddler started crawling to keep her away from the dog (a small one that nipped). He screamed that he wanted no gates around the stairs, that it was a kid’s fault if a dog bit them, and other nonsense. Then a week later, baby gates went up with no peep of complaint. It was weird. He also also flipped out one day when I rearranged the spice cupboard, and another at the completion of a several months-long landscaping project I initiated. It was about exerting control, and shitting on any initiatives I took. The topics of his meltdowns were never a big deal themselves. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:56 PM Flag
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I was supposed to learn to question myself and make myself small to avoid his meltdowns. But I failed to learn my lesson:) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:58 PM Flag
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Unbelievable! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 05:40 AM Flag
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Or do you think this is a cheater’s thing [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 05:39 AM Flag
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This is not the OR. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 12:48 PM Flag
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Why did you leave? I'm sure it wasn't because he called you a c--- once. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 09:47 AM Flag
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He actually filed for divorce (the babysitter cancelled, and he had to watch the kids while I went to work when he had planned to sleep in and work from home that day—-I kid you not, the *only* day in their lives he had had to watched out 3 young DCs. I had a babysitting service send someone over, but it still took a few hours to get him help, and during that time he called a divorce attorney. He had a process server come to the house and serve me the next week. I think I was supposed to beg him for forgiveness and ask him to call it off after seeing the “error of my ways” at this point in his mind. Suffice to say, I did not. During the week between calling a divorce lawyer and having me served, hr called me “cunt”. I was shocked—he was often selfish and lazy, but was not vulgar to me like that before. In hindsight, he was working up a head of steam to feel more justified in doing something so terrible to me. He was seeking alimony, and joint custody—when I agreed to neither, he became physically abusive for the first time. In court, I got all kids’ decision-making and the majority of custody, the marital home, and of course he was denied alimony. He is a bad person and the world will not miss him when he’s dead someday. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:52 AM Flag
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He’s a lawyer, btw. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:55 AM Flag
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What state? How did you get all kids decision making? Of course he called you a cunt. You were dead to him by that time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:55 AM Flag
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Colorado. I got it because the judge saw that I was a reasonable person and he is a terrible one. Yes, I was probably dead to him by the wedding night and he was just looking for a way to “cash in” at some point. He seriously did think he was going to get alimony, and that I would have to take out a bank loan and buy him out of the marital home. It came out that he had 19 maxed out credit cards in his name (including 3 that he opened a few weeks before filing, and out 60k in during the 8 months it took to get the divorce finalized, under the mistaken impression the judge would consider this “marital debt”. She gave him all of his debts, and me none. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 11:01 AM Flag
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We had 6 mo old twins and a 2 year old at this time. He’s just an unwell Man. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 11:01 AM Flag
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np: Why not get an annulment then? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 01:36 PM Flag
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You’d have to ask exDH. We had been married 4 years, and he filed for divorce. He probably figured he wouldn’t get any alimony for an annulment? The final arrangements were more annulment-like, and I could probably get an annulment if I ever wanted to get married in the Catholic Church again since there was so much bad-faith behavior in his side. (Discovery phase, where he had to turn over statements from his 19 credit cards, showed that the kids and I were dead to him the whole time essentially.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 06:20 PM Flag
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^we had a civil wedding since I am of Catholic background and he Jewish but neither of us religious. I will start taking the kids to Catholic Church for holidays as they get older most likely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 06:37 PM Flag
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WOW! I'm so sorry. How are you and the kids doing now? How much visitation does he get? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 12:05 AM Flag
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He has them 2 days/week, and has already had begun waiving his time regularly after 3 years. The first year he had no overnight visitation so it was gradually phased in after they were no longer infants. The kids are fine; they don’t remember any of this. I’ll never be the same again but I know now that I am probably not prone to depression...this was like a stress test for it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 12:38 AM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:05 AM Flag
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Voice note [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 11:19 AM Flag
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Good call. GoPro, nanny cam. Document this (and say nothing, don’t get drawn into an argument, because this highlights his conduct even more in the documentation instead of sounding like two asshole spouses fighting). He will deny he does this so it’s helpful to have this proof. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 11:25 AM Flag
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It's admissible? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 03:27 AM Flag
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This makes me so sad. I was once in a relationship like this, the abuse just kept escalating and got more and more violent. I kept thinking it was “really” abuse, because that could never happen to me. Now that I’m finally out I see it so clearly. Please be realistic and honest with yourself about what this is. It’s not normal. See a therapist or social worker, document, get some money in a separate account and make a plan to get put. Please. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:16 PM Flag
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agree 100% [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:46 PM Flag
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Np w/ douchebag lawyer exDH: Reading Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That?” opened my eyes. I am such an unlikely target for domestic abuse that I didn't grasp that -*this* is what I was experiencing. I read book after book about personality disorders trying to dissect what was wrong with him and why, but this book of domestic abuse vignettes was illuminating as I realized I had lived through about half of them. It doesn’t matter to me now whether he’s a male borderline or a narcissistic or just a selfish ass. He’s a domestic abuser, and it helped me move on to finally call it by its name. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 06:28 PM Flag
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Woah, why marry someone like that? That's insane. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:07 PM Flag
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No one marries someone who acts like this *beforehand*. It’s a breathtaking switchers, which is unfortunately easy and common for a certain type of man. You can tell yourself that you are safe because you’d never be fooled, but this is a common fallacy. Men get tricked too, and so did everyone who invested with Bernie Madoff—by blaming victims to help yourself feel safer, you are helping these predators keep operating in plain sight. Victims who feel ashamed (because of people like you) stay quieter. May you never know how this feels. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 06:32 PM Flag
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^switcheroo [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 06:32 PM Flag
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This! Same thing happening to me. His ugly side really reared its head after we had kids and we moved to Asia. Such a freaking nightmare. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 05:43 AM Flag
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I was you too. i can relate. had identical situation. have been called every name. i filed for divorce about 5 months ago. couldnt be happier. good luck [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:45 PM Flag
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The only way to deal with a bully is stand up him. Do IT [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:49 PM Flag
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I'm sorry this is happening to you and that you don't believe you deserve better. I recommend you read Co-Dependent No More. Start educating yourself about abusive relationships. Work on your self-esteem. You both should be in individual therapy as well as marriage counseling, and give all three therapists permission to share information with each other. If you have children, please know that you are showing them an example of what type of behavior to accept from someone who supposedly loves them...as well as how to treat someone you supposedly love. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:27 PM Flag
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1+ This is a huge harm. Even if he’s “just” verbally abusive, seeing this growing up is disabling your kids’ healthy avoidant responses to bad people. Divorce him, and read them “The Gift I’d Fear” at bedtime. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 08:16 PM Flag
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^“The Gift of Fear” lol, sometimes the typo exceeds the original thought [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 08:16 PM Flag
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What can we do as a society to stop raising sons who turn into these men? It’s a terrible sickness. The men who act this way poison so many lives around them, but they’re so miserable and stunted themselves. I love my sweet-natured DS so much, I’d be almost as heartbroken if he grew up to be this kind of man as I would be if my DD fell prey to one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 06:50 PM Flag
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Same. My DH recently gave this treatment to his own mother, whom he now calls a cunt and refuses to call. He is angry at her for divorcing his POS father when he was 6. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:26 PM Flag
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I know. Perhaps when we stop excusing little boys who hit with "boys will be boys", and insist it's impossible for little boys to be considerate, and think about other's feelings. Because they're boys. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:23 PM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 01:01 AM Flag
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Absolutely this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 05:44 AM Flag
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No no no. Unless there's some clever irony established between you two then no. Unacceptable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 03:11 AM Flag
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Unacceptable. You don't deserve this. It's disrespectful and abusive. I am in the midst of divorce from DH. I rationalized the physical and verbal abuse for years. His hot and cold fucked with my self confidence. I was this joyful, strong woman who over time became afraid, uncertain and second guessing everything about myself. I hope and pray that you will get out. You deserve peace and to be cherished. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 03:23 AM Flag
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Please read that book by Lundy Bancroft (why does he do that) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 05:23 AM Flag
[ - ] I asked DH, point blank, if he was planning on divorcing me once I could afford to rent an apartment on my own. His reply: "No, I don't have plans for that yet." 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:01 AM Flag
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Have you guys talked about divorcing? We need more context here. Did you cheat or something? You sound like you feel you deserve to be divorced. Do you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:12 AM Flag
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We talked in the past about it. Things seemed better, but now they seem bad again. He doesn't smile. He sighs when the kids ask him for something. He snaps when I start speaking, then when I finish my though he answers normally because I wasn't saying anything bad. So I think he assumes he knows my thoughts and believes they're bad thoughts. I didn't cheat. I did make a career change. I don't think I need to deserve divorce to be divorced. You haven't had to prove fault for divorce since 2010, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:24 AM Flag
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I don't know, I'm not a lawyer, I don't think so though. I was speaking more in the moral sense because it sounded like you did something awful at first, but now it seems like you didn't do anything wrong and he is just being a jerk. Did you quit your job and become a SAHM without his okay? What kind of career change justifies his hostility? Why not tell him to cut out the shit or move out? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:29 AM Flag
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So that's good news, no? Sounds like first he wants to try to work things out? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:12 AM Flag
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I sound like I'm quoting High Fidelity, but it's the word "yet." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:27 AM Flag
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What is High Fidelity? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:30 AM Flag
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It's a movie. John Cusack. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:39 AM Flag
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How does it relate to your point though? You're saying you think he doesn't really want to work it out or that that he probably does? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:41 AM Flag
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Retard alert [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 06:08 AM Flag
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Reading comp. Try it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 06:09 AM Flag
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Sounds like he is just being pissy to scare you. I think if he were actually going to divorce you he wouldn't tell you, he would just silently get his ducks in a row. Telling you would give you the upper hand since then you can start siphoning money. I don't think he will divorce you. Sounds like he wants to punish you for something though. What did you do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:30 AM Flag
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Are you two in therapy? Sounds like you need it. Google ecstasy MDMA for marriage counseling and building empathy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:29 AM Flag
[ - ] DC came home from dad's. She's using the most filthy language. Practically from starting go at the airport. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:51 AM Flag
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how old [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:53 AM Flag
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16 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:01 AM Flag
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hmm what if you start cursing back but using the words incorrectly? Like Cocksucker! I just damn forgot my asshole credit cards at home! Asswhipe! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:06 AM Flag
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Huh? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 06:10 AM Flag
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whipe? hoity-toity. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 08:53 AM Flag
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It’s pronounced, “ Ah-SWEE-pay!” [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 09:35 AM Flag
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"Here's the deal. You are 16. You are old enough to know what language is expected in different situations. You are old enough to decide for yourself whether and when to conform and make people comfortable and whether and when to ignore other people's feelings and do what you want. You are also old enough to live with the consequences of those decisions. I'm not going to waste my energy telling you what language is acceptable anymore. I spent the first 16 years of your life doing that. Now it's up to you. If you alienate me, or your teachers, or anyone else, you're the one who has to live with the consequences now. Don't expect me to want to spend time with you or do you any favors if you deliberately use language that is not acceptable in our home." Then follow through. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:10 AM Flag
[ - ] s/o of 5th grader with ADHD post. I am really struggling with whether to get my kid who is kind of unfocused evaluated. Truth is, I suspect he is borderline, and I am pretty sure that drs rarely DON'T recommend meds, even if the ADHD is relatively minor. But there is this nagging feeling that everyone does it with any kid who is not on their own super-focused. NYC makes you feel as though if your kid only had medication they could REALLY focus and be a superstar. I am not doubting that some kids have ADHD, but do you think there are people who just can't accept that their kid simply not that driven or focused on school work, that meds will turn their kid into one of the many laser-beam kids out there? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 08.14.18, 04:37 AM Flag
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our doctor did not prescribe meds until his learning was affected. He was very smart so even if he wasn't doing his work, he still knew all the stuff they were teaching. He was older and then it was tough. It doesn't change their personality, but it lets them focus. Anyway, here is an article about ADHD inattentive type vs learning disorders. The case studies part at the end is interesting. My ds is so like the mom who would start one task and swan off to something else and forget what she was doing. https://www.additudemag.com/how-adhd-inattentive-type-looks-a-lot-like-learning-disabilities/ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:52 AM Flag
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^^sorry, it is late and I missed some words there! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:53 AM Flag
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Oh, it's one of the pharm sponsored websites. How nice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 01:12 PM Flag
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How much time do you spend each day teaching your child how to focus and then practicing with him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:11 AM Flag
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None? Can you talk about what you do to teach your kid focus? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:23 AM Flag
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hmm maybe I should hook up the biofeedback machine I have in the garage [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 12:52 PM Flag
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I know! I feel like anyone who has a kid who doesn't want to do homework is now evaluated. And medicated. Are there no kids who just are lax, not that into school and don't want to do homework? I have a kid who is like this, and New York makes me feel as though he has an illness and needs meds. His sister is meticulous and does her homework right away. So that is what I'm shooting for, I guess. It all seems pretty creepy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:03 PM Flag
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ADHD kids are not just lazy or undisciplined. There is a huge difference between an ADHD kid, and someone who is just lax and not that into school. A lot of ADHD kids struggle, want to do well, force themselves to sit there to try to do the work, but their mind just wanders, makes loud noise, introduces new thoughts, and they can't focus. there are a lot of literatures out there, esp those written by adults with ADHD, that document the real struggle of the ADHD brain. It goes a hundred mile a minute, a lot of these people grow up to become innovators with great new ideas, but when they are kids and before they learn to master and harness those racing thoughts, many are driven to tears and try to self medicate (if they're not on the proper ADHD meds) to calm down. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:50 PM Flag
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I think lots of people medicate kids who are not weeping as they try desperately to chain themselves to their desks.My kid is not emotional enough to admit that he struggles. It's not as though he doesn't try; he's just not able to sit and do it. He gets distracted. But he is not living in a racing hell going a mile a minute. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.15.18, 12:39 AM Flag
[ - ] Hosting 8 yo DS's birthday party at a park tomorrow evening and it's going to be hot (upper 90's). Can't change venues and no water source at park. Ideas for keeping guests cool? So far we're planning: water balloons; 5 gal. jug of water and a bunch of sponges (they can dip them in water and play catch with them), spray bottles for misting, cool drinks. Is that enough? Other ideas? TIA! 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:10 AM Flag
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Pick up all the plastic from the balloons please [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:35 AM Flag
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Of course! Frankly, water balloons are a pita, but I'm struggling with fun ways to keep kids cool. Any thoughts? Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:37 AM Flag
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I don’t know the name of them but the things that suck up water and then you spray water at someone - like little water cannons. Cheap water guns break instantly. But you might need more than 5 gallons of water for that. I think if you can bring 10 lbs of ice in a cooler sonthe drinks are cold, you’ll be good. Kids don’t feel heat like adults do. Happy birthday to your ds - it will be fun! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:48 AM Flag
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I don’t know the name of them but the things that suck up water and then you spray water at someone - like little water cannons. Cheap water guns break instantly. But you might need more than 5 gallons of water for that. I think if you can bring 10 lbs of ice in a cooler sonthe drinks are cold, you’ll be good. Kids don’t feel heat like adults do. Happy birthday to your ds - it will be fun! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:49 AM Flag
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Do you have plenty of shade? If there is not a large shelter that provides shade for everyone, bring extra canopies. Also, is there an electrical outlet you can use? You can make your own mister for kids to run through with fans. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:14 AM Flag
[ - ] I feel like I'm asking for trouble here, but since we finally got a moderator: how much will my dd being biracial (black/white) help, realistically, with UB TT high school admissions? 32 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:10 AM Flag
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I think I might be in a bubble because I know a lot of high income black kids with good grades/scores and I worry the acceptance rates are so low in general it won't realistically/practically help. We aren't wealthy but high six figures professionals with full pay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:11 AM Flag
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okay. You make high six figures. You are wealthy. Just stop now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:38 AM Flag
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What is high six figures to you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:53 AM Flag
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God, another "we are not wealthy, we are just earn heaps of money". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:57 AM Flag
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Maybe high six figures is 190k to her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:28 AM Flag
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My guess is at least 800,000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:48 AM Flag
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Is she a top student? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:11 AM Flag
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Yes, but see above. She has good grades at a public middle school and a 92 (not very consistent scores, though, very tilted). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:16 AM Flag
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are you legacies anywhere? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:16 AM Flag
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Does that even matter if we're not donors? We both went to the same top ten undergrad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:17 AM Flag
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It didn't help the famous blacks I know. Try Spence. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:22 AM Flag
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^ people will know what I mean next month [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:22 AM Flag
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Oh, great. Which one is showing up? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:25 AM Flag
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Comedian. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:28 AM Flag
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I can put it on ybm for a few minutes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:30 AM Flag
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No need- I figured it out- into the high school, yes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:45 AM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:50 AM Flag
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Thanks for the tip! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:51 AM Flag
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My pleasure [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:56 AM Flag
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NP: well I didn't figure it out. What happened. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:38 AM Flag
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I can post it at a certain time on ybm [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 11:19 AM Flag
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I never visit that site. I'd be lost. When will you post it here, please. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 01:52 PM Flag
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Everybody hates Chris. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 06:18 PM Flag
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Hmm [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:20 PM Flag
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Why would Spence be any different? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:47 AM Flag
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It won't help for trinity or hm. I suggested Spence. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 11:18 AM Flag
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All these schools take the smartest kids in High School. Trinity has the most space, if you have 8 and 9's on ypur ISEE and can pay trinity and HR are fair shots. the ss schools have 5-12 spaces so harder to get into IMO. Know plenty of dc's that got into Trinity but not Brearley etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 11:38 AM Flag
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Haha HR=HM. OP just apply broadly ever year is different. But make sure ISEE scores are above 7. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 11:39 AM Flag
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I think Spence admissions sort of leans latina/mixed race. np. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:02 PM Flag
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I think always helps to be different, so if there are fewer mixed applicants I would think it would b a positive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:31 AM Flag
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It helped a really smart girl coming from private but her parents met at an ivy. Heck she would have gotten in anyway. 9th grade Sept. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:33 AM Flag
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HELP? OMG. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 01:55 PM Flag
[ - ] Pros/cons of "revenge" cheating? 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:02 AM Flag
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you feel vindication for 5 minutes. You feel childishly stupid and sleazy for years [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:05 AM Flag
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This. Only have sex with people you genuinely want to have sex with. Regretted sex can't ever be undone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:16 AM Flag
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Hpv. Herpes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:06 AM Flag
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condoms? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:11 AM Flag
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Not for those diseases [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:21 AM Flag
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The CDC disagrees [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:29 AM Flag
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Lol no fucking way lady. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:44 AM Flag
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Use latex condoms the right way every time you have sex. This can lower your chances of getting HPV. But HPV can infect areas not covered by a condom – so condoms may not fully protect against getting HPV; [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:53 AM Flag
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Cdc^ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:53 AM Flag
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Be aware that not all herpes sores occur in areas that are covered by a latex condom. Also, herpes virus can be released (shed) from areas of the skin that do not have a visible herpes sore. For these reasons, condoms may notfully protect you from getting herpes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:55 AM Flag
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Cdc [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:55 AM Flag
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It's boring [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:45 AM Flag
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You lose IQ points. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:45 AM Flag
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no, you want to bank the points. have him make it up to you in other ways. like dollars. and jewelry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:09 AM Flag
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Don't be petty. Hit em up in style. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:11 AM Flag
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Don't get revenge. Get everything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:11 AM Flag
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No, you want to save up his guilty ego for larger things than just sex. Have him buy you a vacation house in your name only. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:14 AM Flag
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diamonds or cash only. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:14 AM Flag
[ - ] OTM are you here? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:00 AM Flag
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No, but Gullible Mom clearly is! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:16 AM Flag
[ - ] How do I get my boyfriend to be more adventurous in bed? He's great and very loving, but it is very routine and I need more... we've been dating since junior year of college fyi. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:52 AM Flag
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How old are you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:52 AM Flag
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26 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:53 AM Flag
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Sign him up for mind reading classes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:55 AM Flag
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Send him a singing telegram to let him know you need more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:01 AM Flag
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Tell him what you like. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:16 AM Flag
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teach the man. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 08:55 AM Flag
[ - ] UB gals, you're my best pals. You're always there just before bedtime. You're conveniently situated on my laptop on my tummy. I can floss while I gossip and throw shade. It's gross to floss while typing, but that's ok because you can't see me. Just wanted to say, THANK YOU ALL and GOOD NIGHT! 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:43 AM Flag
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night babe! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:45 AM Flag
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aw. luv u 2 gurlfriend [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:47 AM Flag
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how is the wine? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:48 AM Flag
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scotch, love [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:51 AM Flag
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nice [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:53 AM Flag
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I sometimes feel your identical gratitude, sans flossing. GN [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:00 AM Flag
[ - ] Just found out I am going to be let go from work, and i am so relieved. Maybe working is not for me. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:41 AM Flag
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maybe if you don't need the money [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:42 AM Flag
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Congrats? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:02 AM Flag
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Working is definitely for me, but I have been fired from two jobs and both times I walked out with a smile on my face. Find a job you look forward to on Monday morning. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 07:18 AM Flag
[ - ] If you or DH were laid off, how long did it take for you to find another job? DH has been looking for 7 months, feels like eternity and he is starting to get discouraged bc he came very close 2-3 times. 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:24 AM Flag
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took me 5 yrs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:25 AM Flag
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Why do long? You did not work for 5 years? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:30 AM Flag
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*so [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:30 AM Flag
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yes. it took a long time because i wasn't being flexible enough. i was too narrow in what i thought i wanted. then i stopped looking for about 3 yrs. then when i started again i widened my search and now i have a great job i like. i think i needed to change my paradigm but couldn't do it without the time off. we get really attached to our self image of "x" and it's awfully hard to switch to "y" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:37 AM Flag
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If I was laid off (more or less impossible in my line of work), 1 week maybe? I have a prestigious federal law job and could easily go into big law if I wanted to. But if I was in big law rn that would be very different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:26 AM Flag
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What, exactly, is a federal law job?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:32 AM Flag
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AUSA, in house work at an agency, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:38 AM Flag
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That's a law job with the federal government and no one a) calls that prestigious and b) thinks they "easily" could go into big law on a whim. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:40 AM Flag
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LOL, right?! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:42 AM Flag
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She's probably in the DOJ then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:47 AM Flag
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np: anyone "in the know" knows exactly what she means. I can think of at least half a dozen "prestigious federal law jobs" including some at DOJ, SEC, FTC, FCC, AUSA, clerkships, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:58 AM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:01 AM Flag
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I didn't work in big law but I worked at a litigation heavy firm and we had an informal list of jobs where we'd basically take anybody from. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:03 AM Flag
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about 4 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:32 AM Flag
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What did you do in the mean time? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:35 AM Flag
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Lived off of savings/investment dividends [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:37 AM Flag
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Varied from no time to years [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:03 AM Flag
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Since moving here, one week to three weeks. Before moving here, we had a bad period. We were both unemployment for eighteen months. Kind of the hazards of working at the same company. You can both get laid off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:59 AM Flag
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DH laid off from his job of 26 years. He was 62. Took him 19 months. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 01:44 PM Flag
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Never [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 01:51 PM Flag
[ - ] What is your favorite hotel in Mexico/Caribbean with DCs? Nothing outrageous, but nice & luxurious. No all-inclusives, I simply cannot subject myself to the crowds and terrible food, much as I love my kids. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:23 AM Flag
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amanyara [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:32 AM Flag
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Jumby Bay. We have done the Atlantis Bahamas as well. I wouldn't stay anywhere other than the Cove though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:45 AM Flag
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round hill, jamaica [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:54 AM Flag
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So nice, but starts at $2.5k/night, ugh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:10 AM Flag
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Palmilla, Cabo [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:01 AM Flag
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Canouan Mandarin [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:07 AM Flag
[ - ] Is Otie M on? 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:19 AM Flag
[ - ] I went from 156 to 137.5 this summer and I want some kudos for it because nobody else seems to have noticed. 41 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:17 AM Flag
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Awesome! Great job! I bet you look bangin’! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:18 AM Flag
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I am down 15 lbs since June myself, but still have a c section bulge that is stubborn. Baby is 7months [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:19 AM Flag
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Thank you! I hope so too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:23 AM Flag
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Np. I am down 9. It looks really good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:32 AM Flag
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Yeh you!!! How did you do it? i need to lose 20lbs stat [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:18 AM Flag
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Cancer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:20 AM Flag
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people don't want kudos for cancer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:21 AM Flag
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1200 cals a day, but I had a few cheat days. It really works, I followed 1200isplenty on redit as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:23 AM Flag
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thanks! i've lost weight on 1200/day too - i think it's the magic number. i just can't seem to get myself to stick to it, even for a day. i always go over. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:27 AM Flag
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It was hard at first but it is really easy if you don't try to eat healthy. This was the trick for me - 80 cal fat free fudgesicles, 35 calorie pieces of chocolate, pasta when I want it (but carefully measured), 40 cal bread x 2 with one slice of kraft for a grilled cheese, etc. I don't feel deprived and the pounds fell right off. I also "steal" from the next day for snacking if I really, really want something. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:29 AM Flag
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Also, SO MUCH ALMOND MILK. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:29 AM Flag
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^And pancakes (about 70 cals) bulked up with peaches, tons of food and super low cal. And string beans and low cal marinara. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:30 AM Flag
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thank you! I have to do something! I am going to try this. I willlook at that reddit forum [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:31 AM Flag
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Np, I just can't eat low cal and healthy at the same time. It was super easy with a lot of subs and eating what I want, I'd definitely check out the reddit for tips. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:33 AM Flag
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wow, that's the first time i really thought of it that way. you always think you have to be so clean on a diet. but you really don't, do you. great idea! eat what you want just control your portions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:39 AM Flag
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Yup, once you break that weird "I have to eat gross food" mentality it becomes a million times easier. I had never really dieted before and tried eating healthy and it wasn't working because I would binge on gross food. I realized a lot of healthy stuff is actually high calorie, just eat what you want and worry about nutrition afterward. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:43 AM Flag
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I just looked at that reddit site and now all I can think about are fudgesicles and trader joe's corn dogs. AWWW [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:01 AM Flag
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Good work! How did you do it? How do you feel? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:18 AM Flag
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Licked raw chicken breasts so I would get food poisoning. My stomach has never been flatter! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:21 AM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:30 AM Flag
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Thank you, calorie counting, basically. Started June 5th. I honestly don't feel that different but it had to happen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:24 AM Flag
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IQ? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:19 AM Flag
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Congrats, how tall are you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:30 AM Flag
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Five foot two, maybe five foot three on a good day. I gain a lot in an hourglass way so it was easy to excuse the weight gain. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:32 AM Flag
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If you are going to have extra weight, be an hourglass. It’s the most forgiving shape. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:33 AM Flag
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It's definitely nice but prob not good for long term health. I was going through an album of women's bodies with weight/height and I look so much thinner than most at my biggest/smallest because of how I distribute weight. Guess I'm lucky in that regard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:35 AM Flag
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Do you have a lot of muscle mass? What size are you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:37 AM Flag
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Not really, I just barely gain in my waist. At 156 I fit comfortably into a 6 or a Medium at most stores. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:40 AM Flag
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You must have a wapnwaist by now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:43 AM Flag
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I have lost a little in my waist but it's kinda just the same. My boobs lost weight, as did my ass/thighs and arms. That's where I really notice it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:45 AM Flag
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not even DH? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:36 AM Flag
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He said he only really notices it in my face and seems mostly annoyed that I can't go out to eat with him which is really fucking annoying because he's over a foot taller than me and works out, so he can eat whatever the hell he wants. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:36 AM Flag
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He could not tell the difference? Wow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:38 AM Flag
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"I guess you lost weight but you kinda look the same all together so I can't really tell." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:41 AM Flag
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My husband lost 30 pounds. I tried to compliment him by saying I really liked his new strong, sexy body. And he responded "I didn't do this for you." You could take that attitude about it. Made me want him to want to look good for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:37 AM Flag
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Hi sister, I'm right there with you on everything you said. I went from 168 to 129. It took me a year. I am so happy about it -- feel like I look and feel younger -- I am 57. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:40 AM Flag
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Congrats, that's so amazing and great for your health as well!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:42 AM Flag
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wow, amazing! did you do 1200 cals a day too? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:43 AM Flag
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congratulations to you and to OP!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:32 AM Flag
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What ! How could no one notice? That’s major. I bet you look great. How’d you do it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 10:15 AM Flag
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Sweet! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 11:35 AM Flag
[ - ] My father's response to me talking about my life is always "I grew up in a concentration camp and all of us got out, grew the fuck up, became successful, and had happy families - what the fuck do you have to complain about?" Like, thanks dad, I'm sorry I wasn't tortured by nazis? 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:16 AM Flag
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You should read "Night" to see what his experience was actually like, then maybe you complain a little less? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:18 AM Flag
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I'm not an idiot, I know it was horrific. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:24 AM Flag
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he's encouraging you to find inner strength and persistence [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:28 AM Flag
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No, he sounds like a military wife who acts like you're not allowed to miss your husband when he's away because her husband was deployed in places like Iraq and Afghanistan. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:41 AM Flag
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i don't know from military wives [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:44 AM Flag
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What does "I don't know from military wives" mean? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:37 AM Flag
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This. Or when you say here, "My mom just told me I'm fat and now I feel sad," and someone responds "My mom died. Grow up." He's telling her that he doesn't care about her feelings and never will. The irony is, he's telling her "All of us grew up the fuck up and had happy families" when in fact he is probably a very sad and damaged person whose emotional growth was understandably stunted, and his dd is not, in fact, happy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:46 AM Flag
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oh shut up, people's whining has no excuse. grow up and deal with it. you don't know this guy. my grandparents dealt with horrific stuff in WWII and they grew up and never complained and yes they raised happy families. i actually know because I ACTUALLY AM IN ONE. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:49 AM Flag
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LOL, yes, you sound SO HAPPY and not at all like someone with a severe anger management problem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:50 AM Flag
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I have posted here before about how whenever I think stuff is bad, i think of my grandpa in Dachau and I know I can get through whatever my small problem is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:21 AM Flag
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Watch a movie called "night and fog." Will put your life in perspective. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:22 AM Flag
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I can see how it would be hard to grow up w/ message that you could never feel bad about anything because your life wasn’t truly horrific. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:23 AM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:34 AM Flag
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Tell him about the theory of the Hedonic Treadmill. People are so adaptive that being in a concentration camp, horrible though it must be, might have less impact on longterm happiness than you'd think. This is given that you survive of course. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:30 AM Flag
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He's a absolutely right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:33 AM Flag
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When you are in a concentration camp, you don't have the luxury of trying to determine whether you are a boy or a girl. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:48 AM Flag
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I somehow doubt that someone whose father is old enough to have been in a concentration camp is in a phase where she's trying to determine if she's a boy or girl, nice trolling though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:49 AM Flag
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He has a point. My mother wasn't as harsh in her delivery, but she reminded us often of the difficult WWII years in England. The bombings, lack of food, no father because he was drafted by the British Army at the age of 43(!) to serve in Burma. She was the eldest and had to grow up fast. She had 4 younger siblings to help her mother care for and then her mother died suddenly from cancer. Yeah, I had it easy in comparison and it stopped me from complaining! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:51 AM Flag
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Uh huh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 11:37 AM Flag
[ - ] My friend's DC was severely injured and has brain trauma and may never walk or speak again. The nature of the accident is unclear, I just know from facebook updates that her DC is suddenly having seizures and is unable to talk or walk after some type of incident. I just saw this DC a few weeks ago. This is so sad. I wonder what kind of head injury causes something like this? It wasn't a car accident, it was something that happened at party they were at. I am so confused how something like this can happen to a small 6 year old child. So tragic. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:05 AM Flag
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head trauma if damaged in the right spot does not need to be cataclysmic in order to be this serious. It could have been something as simple as falling down stairs, hitting his head on a pool. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:09 AM Flag
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Her facebook update said MRI was clear so if that is the case I am confused as to how her DC could have all these symptoms from a fall? How does that happen biologically speaking? If it involved a fall down the stairs then wouldn't the skull need to crack and the brain need to bleed in order to save these types of severe symptoms? And if the skull cracked and the brain was bleeding then wouldn't both of those things show up on an MRI? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:16 AM Flag
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Then he may have had meningitis or another infection. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:17 AM Flag
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So latent meningitis what suddenly went into full swing when the injury occurred? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:23 AM Flag
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I have no idea but why are you so invested in finding out the cause isn't is bad enough he is in trouble? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:39 AM Flag
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What do you mean bad enough? Where are you getting that I want it to be more bad? You have no idea why I would be curious about a friend's child who was injured in some freak accident? Weird that you don't understand this basic drive of human nature to seek to understand things we don't understand. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:45 AM Flag
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Why don’t you just call [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:22 AM Flag
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Don't want to wake them up if they are sleeping. I'll send a card. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:23 AM Flag
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Pool accident? Under water for too long? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:24 AM Flag
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It wasn't water related. They were playing outside, no pool at the house. I'm thinking another kid may have accidentally caused the injury? But these were little kids, so it's hard to imagine another 6 year old inflicting such severe injuries. Unless maybe a foreign object was thrown. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:31 AM Flag
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Well look at what Jon Benet's brother did. Killed her my throwing a flashlight at her. It's not that hard to severely injure a small child with any number of household objects. Could have been a stapler a picture frame or even a cell phone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:32 AM Flag
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That's what happened to her?. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:04 AM Flag
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Is Jon Benet's brother on UB? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 01:01 PM Flag
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Its called a TBI for a reason. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:28 AM Flag
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Can happen to anyone [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:10 AM Flag
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I would not jump to thinking that another kid caused the TBI because the MRI was clear. That doesn't even make sense. The truth is the kid was injured in some way and some brain injuries do not show in MRI. https://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/02/health/02brain.html [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:24 AM Flag
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Aneurysm, something congenital, horse riding? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 09:40 AM Flag
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Aneurysm, something congenital, horse riding? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 09:40 AM Flag
[ - ] How much weight will I lose if I only sip water? And how many days can I survive on water only? 33 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:55 AM Flag
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12 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:56 AM Flag
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I did it for 32 days. lost a shit ton, gained it all back, don't do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:00 AM Flag
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You gained it all back because you resumed the eating habits you had before. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:11 AM Flag
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No, you gain it all bad because you slow your metabolism to a crawl doing that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:44 AM Flag
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I do a 14 day water fast annually. It helps me renew my body and control my appetite. Go for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:04 AM Flag
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That is certifiably insane and could land you in the hospital. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:05 AM Flag
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OR from above who did 32 days she won't get sick if he takes vitamins and husk drinks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:05 AM Flag
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Still crazy and stupid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:11 AM Flag
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not really. it won't hurt her and it isn't stupid. I have 'survived' it twice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:18 AM Flag
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Some of us have loftier health goals than "not dying." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:43 AM Flag
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Ok lady, you do you and I will do me ok? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:45 AM Flag
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Water fasting is an ancient healing technique. Gosh some people are stupid. Your body can go several weeks without food. After the third day you won't even feel hungry. In two weeks your skin will clear up and nagging pains will disappear. I do it annually without any health complications. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:10 AM Flag
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This person is trolling you guys for sport. This is extremely unhealthy and puts you at risk of all sorts of diseases not to mention more prone to injury and makes you retain weight more in the long run. Ignore this troll. Talk to actual doctors about your health decisions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:29 AM Flag
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And you know this how? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:36 AM Flag
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either trolling or incredibly stupid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:39 AM Flag
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It's not trollish. For four weeks I was in the hospital and they only let me eat about one day out of every three because I was back and forth between antepartum and L&D. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:47 AM Flag
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So many idiots on UB. You are putting yourself at risk for all sorts of diseases when you do that. You lower your body's ability to fight infection when you starve yourself. You may die of pneumonia at 55 instead of 95 if you keep up that idiotic behavior. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:12 AM Flag
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Thanks Dr. Know-Nothing. The immune system is stronger while fasting as long as there are no mineral deficiencies. The body actually heals itself when you don't eat. Animals instinctively fast when they're sick. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:16 AM Flag
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So I guess doctors are all idiots when they tell you to eat healthy food and soup and drink lots of juice and tea and fluids when sick. You're a moron. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:25 AM Flag
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You're confusing categories. I'm arguing for fasting as a way of renewal. Read a little big on the subject and get back to us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:33 AM Flag
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Starving yourself is not "renewal", it's depriving your body of the nutrients you need to be healthy. Go back to goop.com and go buy some $400 healing crystals. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:39 AM Flag
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Of course there will be deficiencies if you starve yourself. Are you actually this dumb? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:25 AM Flag
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There will not automatically be deficiencies. Many minerals are stored in bones etc. You really need to read up on the benefits of fasting. You're clueless. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:30 AM Flag
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I'll stick to actual medical advice from the experts, thanks. Have fun with you Gwyneth Paltrow shit though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:40 AM Flag
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The human body can live 3 weeks without food, 3 days without water, 3 hours outdoors in freezing temperatures, and 3 minutes without air. if you are ever lost in the woods, your priority should be to find water, not food. Most people are found within a few days so you will survive a few days without food, will not survive a few days without water. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:10 AM Flag
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You gain weight during starvation mode. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:18 AM Flag
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This. Your body starts burning calories more slowly since it thinks it needs to conserve energy so it takes you longer to burn the same amount of fat. It will keep taking longer even if you no longer fast since your body will be on the lookout for another period of starvation. Did no one on UB take biology class? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:28 AM Flag
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Starvation mode is not the goal of fasting. Autophagy is. The body uses fat and dead cells for fuel. Starvation doesn't kick in for several weeks. Wow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:35 AM Flag
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cite a CDC or Mayo clinic link recommending this practice or GTFO [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:42 AM Flag
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angry? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:35 AM Flag
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no just proving my point that you are full of bullshit and trolling people with awful advice [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 05:10 AM Flag
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and then your body just burns fat more slowly in the long run so you are screwing over your long term metabolism [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:42 AM Flag
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I think in the "survival" literature it's sort of a rule of 4s: you can survive about 4 minutes, maximum, without oxygen, about 4 days, maximum, without water and about 4 weeks without food. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 12:41 PM Flag
[ - ] Brother said NO to 50K. I hoe he dies an awful death. Cheap asshole. 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:54 AM Flag
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get a job [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:55 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:11 AM Flag
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Why are you in debt? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:56 AM Flag
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he doesn't want to enable your bad habits. it's 50k today, 150k tomorrow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:56 AM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:22 AM Flag
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If this is true, you are one greedy SIL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:56 AM Flag
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?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:56 AM Flag
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I am guessing this is not the first 50K your DH has asked for. You too need to support yourselves. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:56 AM Flag
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This has to be fake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:57 AM Flag
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Of course or we'd be getting more info [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:34 AM Flag
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Did he pay for the dinner? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:58 AM Flag
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Suck up to your BIL's wife. She probably senses that you don't like her [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 02:58 AM Flag
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Prove to him you wont short him when payments to him are due. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:04 AM Flag
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What's the story here? Someone asked her brother for money? For what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:05 AM Flag
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I am really sorry that you didn't get the loan you needed, but really I wouldn't blame your brother in law, it isn't his responsiblity. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:06 AM Flag
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For lipo and a tummy tuck [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:23 AM Flag
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I thought it was for a llama farm. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:26 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:11 AM Flag
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My DH and I wouldn't loan anyone in our family 50k. Its never a good idea to mix family and money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 03:29 AM Flag
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Many years ago (almost 30), I loaned my older brother $30K to buy his first house with his new wife. I had a very lucrative job, so it wasn't a great deal of money to me, but it made a huge difference to them. He made every monthly payment and I got every penny back plus interest. My brother is a good risk. Some people aren't. Know your customer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 04:40 AM Flag
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Totally 100% this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 01:15 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.14.18, 01:34 PM Flag
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