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[ - ] Any fencing moms on? Which academy in Manhattan offers the best training? I know nothing about it so want to make sure I am getting quality for my money. Want to go 3 times a week. Thx 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:42 PM Flag
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Lots of good ones, including Fencers Club on 28th and 7th, and Manhatan fencing Club on 39th and 7th [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:36 PM Flag
[ - ] Name of a company that will decorate our home inside and out for xmas? I am providing the decorations. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:37 PM Flag
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Just hire doorman's family [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:42 PM Flag
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Slaves R' US [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:39 PM Flag
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If you can't do it yourselves it's too elaborate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:22 PM Flag
[ - ] Can anyone recommend a summer writing program for a MS who loves to write? Looking for ideas besides writopia. Thx 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:37 PM Flag
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Try your local universities...they often have summer pgms for kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:46 PM Flag
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Op: thank you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:52 PM Flag
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YW, GL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:54 PM Flag
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Bravewriter [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:00 PM Flag
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if you are in nyc, our school mentioned john Hopkins university. know a few who did it for math in 4th grade [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:03 PM Flag
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Yes, Johns Hopkins has a good program for talented children: http://cty.jhu.edu [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:35 PM Flag
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i took creative writing at CTY in middle school and it was amazing! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:16 PM Flag
[ - ] Very dire situation 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:37 PM Flag
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"""Indeed, the study found that, among families where the head of household worked in child care, many were on public assistance: a low of 30 percent in Minnesota and a high of 59 percent in New York."""" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:36 PM Flag
[ - ] Hebrew speakers: How would you write the name "Augustus" in Hebrew? (In an Israeli textbook, how would Augustus (of Rome) be written, for example?) Thanks. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:30 PM Flag
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No fucking clue, lady. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:33 PM Flag
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נִשׂגָב [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:34 PM Flag
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^^ google [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:35 PM Flag
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Thanks, I tried googling [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:56 PM Flag
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OP. I went on the Wikipedia page for Augustus and then clicked on Hebrew on the side and it looks like Wikipedia has used the Hebrew אויגוסטוס for "Augustus". Could someone please confirm this or confirm נִשׂגָב which was posted by someone above? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:20 PM Flag
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I read some Hebrew. אויגוסטוס looks right to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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נִשׂגָב = August, not Augustus [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:41 PM Flag
[ - ] Nearly two months ago I posted about collection agency coming after us about magazines DH to which had supposedly subscribed. Yes, the mags were delivered to us BUT he had never subscribed to them. FF and BBB got them to stop. No reason given why they were even hassling us, but they have stopped. Any BTDTs? Any other steps I need to take? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:22 PM Flag
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We have been getting Martha Stewart magazine in dh's name and I'm worried about this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:40 PM Flag
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OP here. Yes, we started getting a mag and didn't think anything of it. Then boom, about 3 months later, collection notices. DH did not subscribe to mag. This is the one I just took care of through the BBB. They sent BBB a note that they will close the account. What I would like them to tell me - how did you even get an account? FWIW, the agency has been in trouble with the FTC, cease and desist orders on them, etc. We also got another mag DH did not subscribe to - this one says "if you don't want the mag, then let us know and we will send you a refund." While I thought for one second about how I would spend the refund, I quickly thought this was also a ruse and that they are probably trying to entrap us. But for what, I have no idea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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Was is M2 or something like that who subscribed you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 11:22 PM Flag
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wow, I started getting 2 magazines a few months ago, and never thought about this. don't even know what they are cuase I throw them out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:04 PM Flag
[ - ] Looks like DH's firm may ask him to relocate to NYC. Our DS is a smart, consistent student but doesn't like too much pressure. Interested in arts, but not overly wild. Plays sports, but not uber competitive. Doesn't want S/S (nor do we). What would be good Manhattan independents for him for middle school? TIA. 31 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:04 PM Flag
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Grade? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:07 PM Flag
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Look at the progressives. What neighborhood will you be moving to? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:13 PM Flag
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Go public [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:15 PM Flag
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Hard to do for middle school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:28 PM Flag
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Hard to do for middle school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:28 PM Flag
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Will be for 6th. Won't pick neighborhood until we get into a school. DH went independent and wants our DS to also attend. For a hot minute, we thought about publics, but how can a child not already living in NYC get into a public? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:19 PM Flag
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It is in many ways easier to come in for 6th grade in publics. Your dc goes through a summer admissions process and there are usually openings in good schools if dc is a good student with a good report card. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:28 PM Flag
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I have been told DS needs to take a NY State standardized test to get admitted into any NYC public middle school. Is that not the case? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:33 PM Flag
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It is not the case. In fact, a dc who isn't in a NY State public school can't take the state tests. Kids from private schools use their standardized tests. You would use whatever standardized tests your dc takes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:32 PM Flag
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I think there are some good zoned middle schools on the upper east side but not sure (we do private). Do you have any friends here whose kids are in public MS? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:27 PM Flag
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No, very few friends in city and they don't have kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:33 PM Flag
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Wagner is the zoned school on UES. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:41 PM Flag
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Huge school for a kid new to NY. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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Can you afford any neighborhood on top of private school tuition? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:26 PM Flag
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Brooklyn Friends (if you are willing to venture from Manhattan). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:25 PM Flag
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Most kids in 6th grade can travel a bit to school and your kid will too, after he gets oriented. You do know tuition is about 40k, right? It may really come down to who has a spot for him. I'd look at Poly Prep(in Bklyn, but they run a bus), Grace Church School (he could stay on till h.s. if happy), Trevor, Columbia Grammer. Start calling an see who'll consider an applic. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:28 PM Flag
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From what little I know, doesn't sound like Poly Prep would be good fit as DS is not overly into sports - plays rec with friends, but not competitive and doesn't follow teams. What about Trevor and Columbia Grammar? Please say more about them. What do you think one needs for HHI for 40 K tuition? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:35 PM Flag
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Poly also has a strong arts program so don't discount it. Look at Riverdale also. As to HHI, hard to say - depends on lifestyle. Car/garage, expensive vacations? You'll need to pay about 5k and up for a 2 bedrm apt, and you'll be shocked at the space. Trevor is pretty progressive - kids need to be able to focus and work independently. CG is pretty traditional, right down the middle. You may not have many choices so start calling around now. Do you have a relocation consultant? We came from overseas but company hired Intrepid Relo-great with schools, neighborhoods - a very boutique service. Our consultant was amazing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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Poly also has a strong arts program so don't discount it. Look at Riverdale also. As to HHI, hard to say - depends on lifestyle. Car/garage, expensive vacations? You'll need to pay about 5k and up for a 2 bedrm apt, and you'll be shocked at the space. Trevor is pretty progressive - kids need to be able to focus and work independently. CG is pretty traditional, right down the middle. You may not have many choices so start calling around now. Do you have a relocation consultant? We came from overseas but company hired Intrepid Relo-great with schools, neighborhoods - a very boutique service. Our consultant was amazing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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Thanks for your thought and time here. DH's firm doesn't have practice of using relo consultants, but no harm in asking. I know I shouldn't be overly concerned about status, but if DS ended up, after MS, seeking a more competitive HS, will he be hindered by being at a K-12 like Riverdale, Trevor, or Columbia Grammer? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:56 PM Flag
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There are plenty of options: Dalton, Trevor, Fieldston, Riverdale, Horace Mann, Trinity, Little Red Schoolhouse and Elisabeth Irwin High School, Grace Church, Friends Seminary, Lehman Prep, Lycée Français, Avenues, Birch-Wathen Lenox, Town...do your research and make your choices. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:28 PM Flag
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Some of the first schools in your list I understand are quite competitive and not sure how good of a fit that will be for DS. I understand Trevor is not as competitive. Is that true? We've talked with one person about schools - they discouraged Little Red - may be not competitive enough for DS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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LFNY is not for a kid who is not fluent in French. I'd look for a k-12 school. Why have him change in a few yrs if he doesn't really want to. Downtown schools will put you in a pricey area for apts. Birch, Leman, Dwight - meh. I'd go pvt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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Meh to B, L, D, but what about Trevor? Agree that changing again in a few years sounds like a nightmare. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:05 PM Flag
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Worst case scenario he can go to rye country day or dwight englewood. They bus from manhattan. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:44 PM Flag
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What do you mean by worst case? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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If he can't get in elsewhere. Great schools, just not great location. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 09:32 PM Flag
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Look at st Hilda's st Hughes. It only goes through 8th. But it is the most wonderful well rounded school. Then you can get your bearings and pick the right fit for high school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:02 PM Flag
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try Speyer Legacy -- they might have slots for middle school [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:02 PM Flag
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You are way behind the ball on this. You need to get applications in ASAP. 6th is a natural entry year. Get those apps in! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 08:06 PM Flag
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Speyer, Avenues, Mandell, CGPS... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 09:55 PM Flag
[ - ] This is strange. According to news reports, Schools Chancellor Carmen Farina said she wanted “to ensure that, as there are openings in upper grades, that the kids that are accepted in are not just kids who get postcards because they’re level 3’s or 4’s,” referring to the highest scores on the state tests." I wonder why she made that postcard reference? Do some charter schools send postcards out when they have openings in 2nd or 3rd grade? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:02 PM Flag
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In Chicago, charter school reps go to neighborhood publics, look to see if the honor roll is posted on the wall at the school entrance, write the names down and then solicit the high(ish) performers. My acquaintance works for a well known charter and this is part of her job description. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 09:10 PM Flag
[ - ] MIL went into my closet and snooped around. How do I know? she's wearing some of my things and asked about things in my closet. my closet closed. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:59 PM Flag
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W H A T?! WTF! WHY? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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This can't be real. Who does stuff like this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:01 PM Flag
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my mil. I was posting yesterday, steadily. I went to "bed" at 8...."woke" up at 10:45...and I see her wearing my stuff. I knew she opened our kitchen cabinets...but I made sure I closed my closet. I am so angry...but I know this is stupid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:03 PM Flag
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creepy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:04 PM Flag
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Did you say something to her? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:05 PM Flag
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Did she find your sex toys? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:14 PM Flag
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Yeah, she left juice on them [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:40 PM Flag
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I wish. I hope she saw all my lingerie. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:30 PM Flag
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I cannot imagine a MIL who wants to look at DIL's closet [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:17 PM Flag
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Weird! Does she think you're blowing her son's money on clothes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:18 PM Flag
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she's wearing your actual clothing? or she bought clothes that you also have? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:03 PM Flag
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What is she wearing? If it's a sweater or an extra pair of sock, NBD. She might just be cold. Ask her to leave them in the dirty laundry when she's done with them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:00 PM Flag
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good idea [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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a sweater and my slippers. I am more bothered by her snooping. the slippers were deep in my closet, underneath some things. so that indicates to me she probably dug through things. I wish I had a dildo so I could've kept it in there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:26 PM Flag
[ - ] s/o- Why haven't there been changes to gun laws after ALL these horrible mass murders? What is the real reason why republicans protect the right to own these guns when our society clearly can't handle the responsibility. I don't get it. If it were up to be I would abolish all guns but clearly thats not going to happen- how about some real laws? 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:43 PM Flag
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^ *up to me (not be) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:45 PM Flag
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gun lobby is strong funds their campaigns - dead children do not [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:45 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:39 PM Flag
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2nd Amendment + $$$ of gun lobby. It's disgusting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:48 PM Flag
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But why? What's the draw? Why would you want to have this horror hanging over your head- I blame the republican right for this. All of it. Selfish bastards. Protect guns + lower funding to schools and mental health series= dead kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:50 PM Flag
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1. It means they get a lot of money from the NRA. 2. It appeals to the base. I support your right to bear arms and I think the government needs to back the eff off on this issue (as well as many others). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:04 PM Flag
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they are the cause and should be held accountable [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:39 PM Flag
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The second amendment is a red herring. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:03 PM Flag
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If 5000 young black men joined the NRA, there would be gun control laws in 48 hours. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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Brilliant! Lets start signing young AA guys up for the NRA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:01 PM Flag
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I love this idea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:30 PM Flag
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Lol!!!!!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:39 PM Flag
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Money. The gun lobby lines all their pockets. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:03 PM Flag
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Thanks to the republicans [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:45 PM Flag
[ - ] DH is a hedge fund manager. He wants to send DS to Avenues. I'm an artist and maintain a very popular pinterest account. I want DS to go to LREI. I really don't want DS to become Daddy's Little Capitalist (DLC). 27 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:43 PM Flag
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What do you guys think about Avenues? I love DH and rely on him for income, but I want to draw the line in the sand here. Avenues seems very gross. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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everyone I know who goes there loves it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:46 PM Flag
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see here's the thing- unless you have two kids going to two different schools, you cant really compare [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:54 PM Flag
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So weird what you are saying. It's ok for DH (who you purportedly love) but not for DS. Are you ashamed of the kind of mind-set that provides you with the freedom to be an 'artist' whose crowning achievement is a pinterest account? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:56 PM Flag
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+1 Please, OP. Spare us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:02 PM Flag
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Avenues makes my stomach turn. The (several) families I know who go there are showy, flashy and new money. AND they were all kids who didn't get into any other schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:48 PM Flag
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Go wherever you want and stop asking people that have no saying on the matter...have him be Mommy's little loony (MLL) or DLC, whichever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:01 PM Flag
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You don't sound like much if an artist if your only "art" is a Pinterest account. FAKE!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:03 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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A very popular Pinterest account? ROFLMAO! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:05 PM Flag
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You beat me to it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:09 PM Flag
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that made me lol as well [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:14 PM Flag
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+1.000,000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:23 PM Flag
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Fucking hilarious! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:30 PM Flag
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Could you afford private if not for your capitalist dh? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:14 PM Flag
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Exactly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:58 PM Flag
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LREI - its been around longer, much more proven, much more down-to-earth (even though half the parents are bankers...for goodness sake the President of the NYSE sends his kids to LREI). I actually had a friend in this same situation, she chose Avenues and was so unhappy, they reapplied for LREI at 1st grade and changed schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:21 PM Flag
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Anyone who works in education will say LREI [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:21 PM Flag
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Bullshit. LREI is a joke. Awful school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 08:14 PM Flag
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You married a capitalist, should have thought about it then. Because your dh works you can make your art. I'm an artist and at this point, I wish dh was a hedge fund manager. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:47 PM Flag
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Weeeeeeird post! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:57 PM Flag
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You must be a very successful artist to be able to afford LREI without those dirty capitalist dollars. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:00 PM Flag
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Yes pulling down all that money from Pinterest. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:10 PM Flag
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Trying to take this seriously, what matters is that you find a school that is a good fit for your son. Doesn't he have a personality and preferences at this point? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:13 PM Flag
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I am just wondering how well "managing a very popular Pinterest account" pays... Sounds like a job for me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:44 PM Flag
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"I'm an artist and maintain a very popular pinterest account" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Real artists don't, honey. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:24 PM Flag
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LREI is full of hedge fund douchebags, dont worry [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 08:14 PM Flag
[ - ] Has anyone seen the documentary Girl Model? Ashley the agent is the creepiest person ever!! 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:33 PM Flag
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Omg- Her blonde hairy cyst! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:34 PM Flag
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No. Lol, she is such a creep [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:39 PM Flag
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Meant np^^^^ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:39 PM Flag
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Is that the one on netflix where she travels to Russia etc? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:48 PM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:50 PM Flag
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Yes I've seen it! Very weird..... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:49 PM Flag
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this was so disturbing [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:27 PM Flag
[ - ] So the final report on the Newtown school shooter came out. The role that parental denial played is huge. Oh and yeah the mother believed her son was profoundly gifted even though testing showed he was simply average intelligence. It is amazing how many special requests and exceptions were made based on mother's pushiness and insistence that she alone knew what was best. Very disturbing. 34 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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Shut up! Link? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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In a September 2005 visit to the Danbury Hospital Emergency Room for a crisis evaluation, Nancy Lanza described her son to the health care providers as "having had 'borderline autism' in the past, but having since outgrown it," the report said. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:33 PM Flag
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link? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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Oh page 7. Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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Here's the PDF: [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:33 PM Flag
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On page 31 the mom was a hypochondriac who claimed she had MS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:18 PM Flag
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Every time the kid started to make progress and show improvement in returning to a school- mom yanked him out. It is disturbing to consider the motivational factors driving the mom's behavior. Much more to it than simply a struggling and well meaning parent. Very disturbing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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I blocked it out- did the mother survive? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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No he killed her first. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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np. I actually knew that, but somehow the way you just said that made chills go up my spine ... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:19 PM Flag
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What's heinous is he actually penned a 'book' detailing mass torture/murder of children and that didn't get him locked up. What the fuck did she do when she found that work of evil? Stick it under his pillow? And I sure hope authorities are keeping an eye on the 'buddy' he penned it with. Pure evil. Rest in hell. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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The buddy he penned it with is an adult residential psychiatric facility. Long-term. That speaks volumes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:47 PM Flag
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Link? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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Page 29 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:56 PM Flag
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Very hard to know what is fantasy and what will become reality especially with kids. I agree of course that he did pure evil. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:48 PM Flag
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Yes and given that ambiguity it's best to proactively intervene, not "wait" and ignore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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I know someone who has an only child with a lifetime physical disability. The dc wrote a book in his/her teens about taking revenge on all his/her friends. They published it and everyone says the book is a sign that he/she a wonderfully gifted writer ... not that he/she may be a psycho or anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:21 PM Flag
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good grief [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:28 PM Flag
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He was mentally ill. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:57 PM Flag
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Well she certainly got hers... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:18 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:29 PM Flag
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Nothing new here. Parental denial is real. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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I think this beyond denial. Mother likely had mental health issues as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:03 PM Flag
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And the person I most want to shake hard is... the father. Because the boy was mentally ill and the mother was enabling him and may have even been unstable herself to travel this route of denial so many years. And where was dad? He split. Removed himself from the situation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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I'm sure the mom made it impossible for him to be involved in his life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:25 PM Flag
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This. If she was so crazy with schools and professionals that tried to help her son, can't imagine what she was like at home. Id bail too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:27 PM Flag
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You both may be right. I just can't help thinking that he was the sane adult at home. He was the only one who could have intervened for Adam. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 09:16 PM Flag
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It's all so sad. The kid really needed help and think of how many lives would have been saved, including his own, had many Lanza not been so distrustful of mental health professionals. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:43 PM Flag
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^Nancy, not many. Autocorrect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:44 PM Flag
[ - ] What is a good gift for a 10 year old girl? She is a smart, proper, has her own stationary type of kid, btw. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:11 PM Flag
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books? or pretty charm necklace? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:14 PM Flag
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I hate to pick books for these types of kids. Who knows what she already has? I actually just hate gift shopping I think. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:13 PM Flag
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Me too! How about cute clothes from Crew Cuts? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:16 PM Flag
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Yeah, that sounds good actually. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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Cant go wrong. Get a gift receipt. Then its basically a thoughtful gift card. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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a calligraphy set [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:34 PM Flag
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This, or perhaps a craft from the Met Museum shop like the hieroglyphic kid or similar. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:38 PM Flag
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Np. I like this idea. Or an oragami set [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:41 PM Flag
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i was really into ink and a quill [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:40 PM Flag
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Diary [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:52 PM Flag
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A set of sealing wax wih her initial? I remember getting this at that age and loving it (especially since she has stationary). Maybe an elegant stamp and ink kit? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:09 PM Flag
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Ugh, women! it's stationEry. Egad! Buy yourself a dictionary while you're shopping. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:07 PM Flag
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blank journal, fancy pen (jet pens has some awesome fountain pens), and a gift card to a bookstore [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:17 PM Flag
[ - ] TMI: I had a failed ivf. Got to know of it a week ago and immediately stopped all progesterone supplements. I started to bleed Wednesday but its a very light period coupled with severe cramps. Earlier this morning, the cramps were so severe that i passed out. I am not sure if this is normal. Anyone btdt? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:10 PM Flag
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Go to the doctor! Asap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:11 PM Flag
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Op: I don't like my ivf doc and unless truly necessary don't want to see her again :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:11 PM Flag
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Go to your Gyn [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:12 PM Flag
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You have to see someone. Losing consciousness should be addressed by an MD. Call your gyn or pcp. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:30 PM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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Its normal to have excess cramping, wait it out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:21 PM Flag
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No. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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I'm sorry :( I had a mc beginning of nov. Would this be equivalent to a mc? if so, then yes, the cramps can feel like contractions. A hot pack/hot shower helped me out a lot. Best of luck to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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I'm sorry that happened to you! I used to throw up with cramps. But since you are on progesterone please go to the ER!! You need to make sure you don't have a blood clot!!! Good luck honey! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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I am so sorry you've had to deal with this. My heart goes out to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:28 PM Flag
[ - ] S/O- What's the real deal with getting into middle school with an IEP. Everyone says its easier to get into a good school but as far as I can tell my ds is being compared to "normal" kids. fwiw- He is a very "good" IEP, very low needs and pretty good grads, mostly 3 and a few 2s. 77 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:08 PM Flag
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I wish I could sticky this, wondering same thing. All I know is that LAB has a separate admissions process but I can't tell if it's for kids like yours and mine, or just "bad" IEPs. (I.e., severe LDs) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:30 PM Flag
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I think an IEP is and IEP. And that these schools look for "good" ones- thats what I've been told by the other parents. I have a meeting with the school person next week but they can't seem to actually tell you anything real. Its so fucking annoying. Just give me the deal. If I were LAB I would want a good kids with an IEP. I have to turn in my application after t'giving and I'm in the dark. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:35 PM Flag
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Is your ds in an ICT class? At many of these schools you would get in with lower grades than if you were applying for a Gen Ed spot. Unfortunately in past years they looked at more than 1st choice rankings for ICT spots but now that seems to be the same as Gen Ed. I don't know anything about if your child has an IEP but not ICT though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:37 PM Flag
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He's in a ICT class. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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Are you in D2? I ask b/c I also think this may be a district by district if not school by school thing. I just remembered I know one more thing - Clinton was very upfront about their practice of being an inclusion-only school. They want kids with IEPs, but they said that if the kid is used to pull-out services that Clinton may not be the right school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:40 PM Flag
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Clinton said this? An inclusion-only school. What does that mean? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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pull out means that a child would take some subjects out the room- its stressful to the school because of space and staffing. Inclusion means that the kids all stay in the normal classrooms. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:53 PM Flag
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I took it to mean that your kid can have supports like extra time, but not anything that needs to take place one-on-one or in small groups. Argh, I took notes but left them at work. Will look at their website. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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Okay. I get it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:11 PM Flag
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np. I was at an open house for Clinton recently, and they did make this point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:03 PM Flag
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Does the middle school application list services your child needs on it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:45 PM Flag
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It just says ICT [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:53 PM Flag
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He doesn't have pull out services, he's just in a ICT class. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:52 PM Flag
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I am 90% certain you can ask the AP, that she's the one who spoke - Cheryl Goett, cgoett@theclintonschool.net [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:11 PM Flag
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I will- thank you!! Thats helpful. I feel a little lost. Clearly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:14 PM Flag
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What is a good IEP? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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PP here - I took it to mean not a ton of extra supports, mine has one for exec functioning issues and speech. So he's not in ICT classes and has no behavior issues. I know that's clumsy language and I don't mean to offend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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Okay. My ds is in ICT and we are going through the process now. Sounds like Lab would be best for you. They emphasized how they offer all of the services (unlike Clinton). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:52 PM Flag
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OR- we're going to tour LAB next week. I'm worried about the work load- it sounds fierce. Clinton was all about happiness- with really left a mark on my ds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:57 PM Flag
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We like Clinton too. Will they offer the services your ds needs? I agree Lab seemed hard but also a great school that's very supportive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:02 PM Flag
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... now I am getting confused with OP whose ds needs services! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:02 PM Flag
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They have to- all the school have to have a ICT classroom. Its mandated. They only look at 20 kids for ICT. Makes me nervous. I would love to see DS at Clinton because it seems so warm and nurturing. LAB scares me a little but as I said I haven't toured yet -next week. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:06 PM Flag
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I get it. We decided against Lab b/c it's far from us but it was impressive. You'll know right away after you tour. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:16 PM Flag
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I hope so! Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:19 PM Flag
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The work is not as bad for IEP dcs. The pace is slower in that class. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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Really? I assume they modify for the child? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:13 PM Flag
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No. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:38 PM Flag
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OP- A child could have an IEP for a million reasons, all LD and ED issues. You could have child with extremely disruptive behavior or super special needs. My DS basically needs more individual teaching and gets stressed out when he needs to compete or is timed. He gets extra time on testing. He has no behavioral issues and unless you knew that he had an IEP you wouldn't know he was LD. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:56 PM Flag
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Okay. So then I think the advice for you is Lab b/c you need the pullout services. Right? Plus you get a different admissions procedure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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We don't need pull-out. Its not in his IEP- just ICT. I might put LAB first, Clinton 2nd, 104SP 3rd. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:10 PM Flag
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I don't mean to stress you out, but I would contact someone at Baruch/104 before ranking them 3rd. I wish LAB was more transparent - I had heard from another parent that if you ranked LAB 3rd but had an IEP they would still consider it, but this is just gossip. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:12 PM Flag
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I have a load of gossip! I need to talk to 104 anyway- I need to know if there is even such a thing as ICT-SP? I do not want him in gen-ed ICT in 104. Yikes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:15 PM Flag
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I don't think there is. My dc is at 104 and has gym class with the IEP class. There is a huge range of dcs in it. Huge. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:41 PM Flag
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This was true in prior years but I heard this year is different. First only - unless you know something we aren't being told publicly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:30 PM Flag
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I wish they would just tell us the story so we can stop guessing. Its so stressful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:33 PM Flag
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If you really want Lab I would not risk it. I would put it first. (Unless someone from the school tells you otherwise). I don't want Lab (too far) but if I could put it lower on the list I would consider it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:37 PM Flag
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I'm close enough. I would be thrilled with LAB but I think personality-wise Clinton is a better match for DS. I have a meeting with our schools social worker who is in charge or dealing with this process. But I don't feel like she knows much either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:40 PM Flag
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You can rank LAB anywhere if you are ICT. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:41 PM Flag
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OP- Is that true for this year? How do you know? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:59 PM Flag
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I wouldn't do either Clinton or 104SP if my dc was ICT. Lab. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:13 PM Flag
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not sure we have that much choice! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:35 PM Flag
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Those are very different schools. If you like Clinton you probably won't like Lab or 104 and vice versa. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:39 PM Flag
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I don't feel that way. I saw good parts of both- 104 is so clean and very well run (its also 2 blocks from my house!) Clinton is cozy and sweet and goes through HS. Lab is a very known tried and true school with a long track record. I would really be happy with all. EXCEPT for gen-ed 104 ICT- thats a NO. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:06 PM Flag
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Have you considered Salk? For a dc who is highly anxious that might be a good place. It is very nurturing and dcs cannot see daily changes in their grades online. 104 is clean and well-run but the Engrade system is very hard on anxious dcs. Especially if your dc does not get great grades and it sounds like your dc does not. Your dc will be bumped to AP if he can't maintain an 85 average. Also, you need to be cool with the gen ed at 104. They want people who see it as one school, not the ones who are horrified by the "ghetto" dcs, whom your dc will be with at lunch, in the playground, in the gym, etc. Finally, your dc must be very, very organized to succeed at 104. True of all ms but especially 104. GL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:36 PM Flag
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Thank you for this! I think that if he didnt have an IEP I would be fine with 104 gen-ed. I haven't considered Salk- I thought it was too academic for him and they only take kids with two 4s. I didn't even tour. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 09:27 PM Flag
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It's less academic than Lab in many ways and it definitely takes dcs with 3s/4s and even lower (much lower) for dcs with IEPs. I know of dcs at Salk with IEPs with 2s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.14, 12:49 AM Flag
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^That said, there is only 1/2 a class of IEP dcs at Salk. So you are competing for one of 15 spots. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.14, 12:49 AM Flag
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^^Also it is not very clean and some grumble it is not well-run. ; ) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.14, 02:00 AM Flag
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why not? Lab is not for every child [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:42 PM Flag
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It's the best for dcs with IEPs of that list. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:44 PM Flag
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Sorry. I posted above too. Getting two people confused! That sounds like a good ranking. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:17 PM Flag
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Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:20 PM Flag
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this is such a joke. more time because he gets stressed out? please. welcome to the real world, veal dc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:12 PM Flag
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Thats a super ignorant comment based on a tiny piece of information. But I'll engage- when he gets 'stressed out' he completely shuts down and stops learning. 3rd grade before he was tested, was a nightmare and during the testing he completely broke down and finished the year very far behind. All we needed was a smaller environment and no timing- and everything changed. In time he'll learn to deal with the stresses of the world but right now he's 10 and needs some extra help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:17 PM Flag
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my ds is exactly the same and we also learned this in 3rd grade! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:31 PM Flag
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I think when the testing started he just fell apart. He did well once we took out his triggers. He's doing well. I'm very happy with the ICT but I this middle school thing is a mess- there needs to be better information and more transparent. We can't rely on UB for information. Its bananas! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:38 PM Flag
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If you are in D2, don't sweat it. They are all good schools. GL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:45 PM Flag
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That would be 100% true if it wasn't for the ranking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:02 PM Flag
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I'm the one who posted about similar son above. What information do you need? I feel like the information is good. It's just the ranking that's hard b/c most schools require a 1st or 2nd ranking so you basically have one real first choice and then the 2nd should be your safety (if it's not a zoned school). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:17 PM Flag
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No one can tell me what the deal is if you have an IEP. Some say the ranking rules change but its all a mystery. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 10:53 PM Flag
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I repeat, what will your son do in the real world? Where the government isn't in control? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:46 PM Flag
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Ugh. You know, let's face facts, a girl/woman won't get the same accommodations. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:46 PM Flag
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Really? Why? I don't know that to be true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:53 PM Flag
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This makes me depressed. MY dd will NEVER have these accommodations in the real world. And if she is in college and gets jerked around by some asshole (meaning date rape) she will be blamed. Ugh. If I had it to do over I would be a man with only sons. They have it made. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:50 PM Flag
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This is a crazy post- you know that right? What does date rape in college have anything to do with an ICT classroom in middle school? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:00 PM Flag
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OR will be calling her son's boss saying, why aren't you giving Johnnie more time to finish the report? My brother has major issues and the REAL world doesn't accommodate. OR is doing her son a disservice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:45 PM Flag
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OP- I certainly will not. That's crazy- and I am not crazy. Why wouldn't I take advantage off all the leg ups offered to my kid? Would you really, say no thank you to extra help offered to your child- especially in the sprawling DOE? What's the difference between taking advantage of the extra help and pulling him out to send him to a school like Birch? Private schools are FAR less real world than a ICT classroom in public school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:58 PM Flag
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What will your son do when her is in the real world? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:46 PM Flag
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Go ask the 20 years of ICT kids who have graduated and moved on to their lives. And while you're at it- go ask all the mid/lower level private school kids too. Basically the same thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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op: please don't respond to posts like that. Just ignore it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:25 PM Flag
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You're right! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 09:25 PM Flag
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IEP is IEP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:06 PM Flag
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Depends on the district, the school, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:02 PM Flag
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Go to Lab. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:43 PM Flag
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Former Lab mom here. I just want to add our experience to the mix for your consideration. My DS had an IEP, was in an ICT class in elementary, and got into Lab. We were happy because it had such a good rep for delivering special ed services. But in our experience Lab has its own set way of delivering special education services and is not very flexible with individual children. For example, my DS was required to sit through remedial math classes, even tho he was a strong math student. His IEP mandated speech, but Lab wouldn't make time for the during the school day and so he had to give up lunch. It know the program works well for many students. But if you're considering Lab, I suggest you have a detailed discussion with someone there (like a guidance counselor, not a parent coordinator) to be sure the services they offer match what your DC needs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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Thank you!! This was completely knowledgable and level-headed! Great advice! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 09:25 PM Flag
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You're welcome. GL! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 09:43 PM Flag
[ - ] Jumpstarting my re-entry to corporate by volunteering at non-profits supported by my target industry. I cold called the Director of one of them and we'll meet next week. How should I prepare and present myself with volunteerism in mind? TIA 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:00 PM Flag
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Humility, what you can offer the NPO, you are eager to learn. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:36 PM Flag
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Your skills, detailed schedule of when you're available, make an impression that you are easy to work with and you aren't going to flake out and disappear. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:20 PM Flag
[ - ] My sisters and I are disagreeing about how to handle a delicate family situation this Thanksgiving. We are from an old school Italian family. Very Catholic, conservative, etc. My grandmother is in her late 80s and this is her last Christmas (cancer diagnosis a few weeks ago). She is not open minded- she's a little old Sicilian lady who goes to church almost every day. A virgin on her wedding night, gays are going to hell, etc, etc. The problem is this: our 26 year old brother wants to bring his boyfriend to Thanksgiving. Everyone in the extended family (uncles, etc) kind of knows he's gay, but its not talked about. Grandma does not know. I just want a peaceful uneventful meal for grandmas last Thanksgiving. I want my grandmother to die not thinking that her grandson is going to hell. My sisters think that my brother should get to decide when he comes out, that he has the right to let his grandmother know who he really is before she dies. I'm hosting this year and one of my sisters is preparing some of the dishes. I asked her if she would be willing to host a separate meal at her house so w could keep our brother away from grandma. She freaked out and said no. I don't know what to do. I don't even know what I'm asking. Just venting I guess. 102 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:53 PM Flag
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OP- also, FWIW, I'm scared to have a frank conversation with my brother about this bc he's a drama queen. I don't want to start a feud. I just though if I said there are too many people this year, we broke it up into two parties, that might fly better. My other sister can't cook so I didn't even ask her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:00 PM Flag
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Haha. You are such a type- "she can't cook". I can imagine you op. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:41 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:10 PM Flag
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Brother should be able to bring boyfriend. He can say it's his friend if he feels uncomfortable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:59 PM Flag
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+1 the end. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:08 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:24 PM Flag
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I get that you are trying to be sensitive, but don't think your brother should have to tiptoe around Grandma. He has a right to be open about his adult life, and your family should respect that. Grandma is old enough to deal with this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:01 PM Flag
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Too self absorbed. Brother needs to keep it on dl for grandma's sake. If he can't then he needs to not be there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:13 PM Flag
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PP--I totally disagree. Grandma got her way for 80 years, and besides, she's probably seen way more than any of her grandkids give her credit for. She could live another 5 years, and then what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:39 PM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:11 PM Flag
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I understand your feelings about your grandmother, but why can't you just have your brother bring his bf but not let on that he is a bf - just his friend? It's not that hard, should be easy enough to hide from grandma, but still allow your brother to live his life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:01 PM Flag
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^^ also, have you discussed this with your brother in a sensitive way? Obviously he's not happy that his grandmother feels the way she does about his sexual orientation, but if he loves her (and she loves him, as I'm sure they do) he'll probably not want to upset her either. I think your sister is totally right to refuse to have a "separate but equal" Thanksgivng! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:01 PM Flag
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Is your brother sensitive to the situation. Have you spoken to him about brining his BF as "just a friend?" Can't he and BF keep it quiet while grandma is around? If they can't be respectful of her, no PDAs, etc. then maybe it's best for him to skip it. But give your brother a chance first. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:03 PM Flag
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if your grandmother truly loves him, it will all be fine, if she is a true christian she will still love him...if she is not it will be a problem, but it is her problem... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:03 PM Flag
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Well said [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:06 PM Flag
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Hell is real to Catholics. She can love him and still think he is doing the wrong thing by being gay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:07 PM Flag
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have her listen to the pope about this issue, he said we have no right to judge... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:07 PM Flag
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NP: I know old ladies like Grandma. She probably thinks Pope Francis is a young upstart and will lead followers into hell. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 09:00 PM Flag
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I think these old folks have had good, long lives in which they got to have it their way. Your brother now deserves his turn. He should bring boyfriend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:02 PM Flag
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Hi, I feel for you. This is my advice: grandson is an adult, grandma is an adult. Grandson should know what he's getting into, and so should grandma. Grandson is entitled to bring his friend. However, it would be unkind to grandma to spring it on her. Better for grandson to tell her in advance. If grandson won't do it, someone else should. Then have dinner and let the chips fall where they may. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:04 PM Flag
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Coming from a conservative family, I understand your fear and concern for your grandmother's wellbeing. The idea that your brother being gay could kill her is a real one. People who aren't raised in families like this don't understand how genuine the fear of hell is for catholics and how what comes across as judgement is really a panic to protect loved ones from said hell. That said, there are a few things about your brother coming out. 1. It's none of your business. Really. Even if it disrupts Thanksgiving. It's his and only his decision to make. And 2. Your brother should not be shamed out of his truth for one minute on your watch. That should be your priority, not protecting someone who is loved, but bigoted. If you can't allow your brother to come with his boyfriend to protect your thanksgiving peace, you need to have your head examined. This is so much bigger than a Thanksgiving. And though you say you are protecting your grandma, it really feels like you are protecting yourself. But it's not about you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:03 PM Flag
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OP- I love my brother and respect him and his lifestyle. But he's lived in the closet for 26 years. What's one more! She could be gone by Christmas. Easter would be a miracle. I just want everyone to be happy. I know she will never change her views and will not accept him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:11 PM Flag
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don't you think he knows that? but she could surprise all of you and he wants to find out. he is living a lie. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:13 PM Flag
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Do you see what you did there? I love my brother, BUT! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:36 PM Flag
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OP- Its also not just about her feelings. I don't want him to be shattered when he REALLY finds out that she will not accept him. I know that's very meta... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:12 PM Flag
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It's not for you to protect him. And the fact that he was closeted for TWENTY SIX YEARS means he deserves every last not in the closet holiday he has. Who can blame him for being closeted that long when this is the reaction he is getting? You say you want everyone to be happy, but that is not true. You are excluding your brother and his boyfriend, who, if he sticks around, will have started off on a very bad foot. Also, it sounds like your other siblings are ok with it. Who are you protecting here? Seriously, I know. I come from a family like this. I have had to make countless decisions like this about whether it is kinder to be honest or kinder to lie to conservative elders. The answer is always to choose truth, no matter how inconvenient it is . It just is. And this one is non negotiable. You must stay out of this decision. If your brother wants to come out to his grandmother, he must be allowed the dignity of doing so whatever the consequences. This is Big Deal moment for your family. Don't miss the opportunity to do this for your brother. Seriously. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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He's not dumb. However 'drama' you think he is, he knows what attitudes are. He's not doing this because he thinks it will be a fun party. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.14, 12:47 AM Flag
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are you kidding? she is 80, she lived through many changes she will be able to deal with it...you underestimate her coolness... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:05 PM Flag
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Italian mom here- you obviously don't know Italian grandmothers... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:08 PM Flag
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yes, i do, born and raised in bensonhurst [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:10 PM Flag
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See my post below. I had a similar grandmother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:15 PM Flag
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Staten Island Italian mom here. None of these posters have a clue what you are dealing with OP. Where are your parents on this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:06 PM Flag
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+1 and I'm neither Catholic nor Italian. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:07 PM Flag
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OP- my mother passed. my father is in the "we don't talk about it" category. The boyfriend being there will be difficult for him too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:09 PM Flag
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how old is your dad? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:13 PM Flag
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He's in his mid 60s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:55 PM Flag
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He should be hipper than that, he was a kid in the 60s [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 08:20 PM Flag
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You have a whole life ahead of you with your brother. You must nurture that relationship. Imagine feeling like bringing your husband to Thanksgiving would KILL your grandmother! Just by virtue of being there. Your brother needs unconditional love and support this Thanksgiving no matter how confident he seems. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:12 PM Flag
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I have a similar grandma and I do know what she's talking about. My hunch is she already knows. And my grandma had a cancer diagnosis at 83, stopped chemo after 1 treatment and died at 101. Have your brother bring his friend. I would not expect PDAs if they were a straight couple. These old ladies are very able to use denial expertly. If she doesn't want to "get it" she won't. Have fun. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:14 PM Flag
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This! Read that NYT piece about the old Italian woman who lived in the Tenement Museum building as a child. She mentions the gay neighbors... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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This is true, don't underestimate the ability of conservative catholics to not hear what they dont wan to hear! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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Yup..grandma knows. And this may not actually be her last Christmas. Don't stress. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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Yup..grandma knows. And this may not actually be her last Christmas. Don't stress. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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ITA with this no PDA but no need to pretend either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:54 PM Flag
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+1000. She will be in happy denial (I'm from a seriously Catholic family who have a hard time accepting anyone misses Mass) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 09:02 PM Flag
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As an aside - i was sure I was the only Staten Island Italian here. Good to know someone else can relate to me. Do you still live there? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:27 PM Flag
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^^and I agree that these folks don't really get the situation. We don't do the "live and let live" thing. Theres a real chance this woman will disown her own grandson two months before she dies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:27 PM Flag
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+1 this. You know you family op. These posters do not. It's not an obvious answer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:56 PM Flag
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Haha. Hi. Yup, my whole life. I don't post here often [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:57 PM Flag
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She already knows - it'll be a big drama over nothing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:15 PM Flag
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She already knows - it'll be a big drama over nothing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:15 PM Flag
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Your brother should talk to grandma beforehand, privately. Just like "wanted to hear it - i am gay- from me first", "heads up he is coming to thanksgiving". Grandma can then have a bit of time to process. If you know it is a lot for her, this is more fair. Also my grandma passed away from cancer recently... she was in very poor health when she got her diagnosis, they said there is a 10% chance someone wiht her condtion would live past a year, and she lived a year and 6mo. Sooo you never know, this could maybe not be the last christmas! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:18 PM Flag
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Just change the word gay to black. Would you be okay if your bigoted grandmother didn't approve of your black husband and you had to hide him away. Grandma got 80+ years to live in a bubble. The world has changed. The entire family should stand behind your brother and if grandma can deal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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this times 1,000,000,000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:21 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:52 PM Flag
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So easy to say when it's not you who has to stand there and be disowned by your dying grandmother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:31 PM Flag
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The OP doesn't either, but somehow this is all about her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:48 PM Flag
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OP-? What? How did I convey that I think it's all about me? It's about two people I care deeply for, and having as little drama in the family as possible. Sheesh! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:02 PM Flag
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Op- I hear what you are saying, but I don't think it's comparable.to my grandmother, homosexuality is a sin-as in burn in hell for eternity. She might not like a black person at thanksgiving, but it wouldn't be a sin to her. This is a while different ball game. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:00 PM Flag
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So not the same. One can be black and gay you know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.14, 03:23 AM Flag
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The thing is, this is really out of your hands. Your job, as the host, is to invite your family and prepare dinner and to welcome everyone to your home. Your brother is the only one who gets a vote on when/how he introduces his partner. He's the one with the real dilemma here, not you. He has to decide if he wants to come out to grandma or let her die thinking he's still going to heaven. He's got a few choices: 1) He can choose to openly confront the situation (by bringing his partner and introducing him as such, being openly affectionate over the holiday, etc.); 2) he can choose to bring his partner as a "friend" w/o PDAs and let grandma make of it what she will; or 3) He can leave his partner at home and eliminate all doubt about the nature of his "friendship" and keep the peace. Not an easy choice in my view--each path has consequences for him psychologically and potentially, with his partner. Either way, none of this is under your control. You have no choice other than to let the chips fall where they may and to be prepared to support your brother and his partner and to try to comfort grandma (w/o betraying your values or your brother) if she takes the news badly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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+1 Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:23 PM Flag
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I really don't get the point of infantilizing these old people who have been around the block a few thousand times more than any of you. If this will relly "kill" your grandma, which I highly doubt, then so can about a million other unimportant things. my upstairs neighbor is a 93-yr. old sicilian lady who has lived in the neighborhood all her life. She tells very colorful stories about the "queers" who lived on the block--back in the 30s and 40s. These people aren't stupid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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ITA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:40 PM Flag
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Yeah, but she's dying. Why upset her ? Boyfriend stays home op. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:03 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:13 PM Flag
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I come from a big crazy family and I had a lot of therapy to learn to deal with it. You know what I learned? Your sibling's issues are not yours. You are displaying codependent behavior. Your grandmother is an adult, even if one with many would consider 'old-fashioned' values, and adults are required to deal with things like disappointment and shock. It's why we get to play with the big kid toys. I get your concern, but at the end of the day, let your brother make his own decisions and deal with them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:29 PM Flag
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Absolutely this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:31 PM Flag
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Catholicism: treats women and gays like second class citizens, encourages reckless reproduction in the face of finite natural resources, denies women decision making authority and positions of political power within the church (nun = Ebola fodder), and protects kiddie rapists. And to make matters worse? It's just a made up magical bullshit fairy tale. The good news? The Internet is aggressively chipping away at Catholicism - relentlessly investigating, relentlessly questioning, perpetually encouraging discourse and dialogue. In 20 years? LOL. Adherence to Catholicism will be treated or characterized as a manageable mental disorder. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:52 PM Flag
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Does your brother really have to give her all the details? Can't he just say he's a friend? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:01 PM Flag
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It doesn't seem like it should be an massive injustice to avoid pda or avoid a controversial subject for a few hours. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:31 PM Flag
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Have him bring the boyfriend and just refer to him as a "friend." Your grandma will have so many emotions and thoughts she will be preoccupied with. And, truthfully, people of that generation usually aren't going around trying to figure out if people are gay or not. It should be fine and uneventful. Sorry about your grandmother's health. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:10 PM Flag
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Does your brother WANT to come out to your grandmother? Bringing a male friend is not the same as standing up and telling dying catholic grandma he's gay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:14 PM Flag
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I think he wants to introduce his boyfriend as his boyfriend. It's a coming out moment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:47 PM Flag
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Well, I had racist grandparents who didn't like black people. One of my cousins knocked up his girlfriend who turned out to be black. They had a kid. No my grandparents didn't like the black part, they didn't like the unmarried part. But no one told them that for the sake of their feelings, we would not have cousin's girlfriend or their baby at the same dinner table in the same building, no matter how they felt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:26 PM Flag
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Your siblings will be around much longer than your grandmother. You should think more about the damage your attitude is doing to your relationship with them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:42 PM Flag
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^^^My DH's family had the same "sensitive situation" except the SO being introduced to the family was black, not same sex. Fast forward many years down the road and the couple is still together and it's the sibling that wouldn't accept him that is estranged from the family [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 04:54 PM Flag
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Op- but I have more time to repair whatever damage occurs between my family members and myself. I just want our grandmother to have one nice last family holiday. I don't want her to die thinking our brother is going to hell. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:37 PM Flag
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This kind of damage doesn't get undone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 10:26 PM Flag
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half my family is italian - old ladies and especially italian grandmothers are champions are ignoring what's right under their nose. have him bring his boyfriend; just ask him to refrain from PDAs until next year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:23 PM Flag
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Confused why so many people think it's the OP's place to instruct her adult brother on how to behave? Also why you all assume that, but for the OP's instruction, the couple intends to engage in "PDA" at the Thanksgiving table. Is this common among opposite-sex couples in your families? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:50 PM Flag
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Op- Our mother passed many years ago and I'm the matriarch of our family I guess. I'm 12 years old than he is. It's not my place to tell him what to do, but it's my place to make sure that there is peace between my family members. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:36 PM Flag
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The rest of the family doesn't seem to have gotten the memo appointing you matriarch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 10:25 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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Op- thanks for your thoughs everyone. I had to sign off for a while and go out. I'm reading everyone's thoughts and trying to think it through. I really want to support my brother AND protect my dying grandmother from any more sadness and difficulty in her final weeks. I'm thinking I'll have a conversation with him and ask him to not "come out" until she's passed. He can bring his boyfriend to dinner. But I'm hoping he is willing to do compromise with me and not make a big deal about it. I'll stand with him 100% after this. But I need to have one last nice holiday for nonna before she's gone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 06:46 PM Flag
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Also, to clarify, I don't think telling her he is gay will kill her! Nor do I think she doesn't already know. I just think putting it in her face will unnecessarily upset her. It's not all about protecting thanksgiving either. I don't want him to tell her at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:16 PM Flag
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OP, I just have one thing to say. I come from a family like this, where we don't say the certain thing that will upset that person who will then go off. You know what? Drama happens anyway, because those kinds of people 'get upset' no matter what. Sorry to be insensitive to Nonna but my guess is you're behaving this way because she usually gets upset about something and today this happens to be it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.14, 12:56 AM Flag
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she may just surprise you and you really should not be trying to orchestrate the dinner [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.14, 03:26 AM Flag
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Classic tale- Italian mothers (and it seems like you have that kind of relationship with him op) and their sons! They aren't little boys. He's a grown man. Let him make the choice. He knows her, her religious views, etc. same as you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:08 PM Flag
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If you posted this same thread on a Staten Island moms/Italian moms message board, you would get completely different responses. I mean completely different. Everyone would tell you to protect the grandmother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:13 PM Flag
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Protect her from what? Her own bigotry? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.14, 02:22 AM Flag
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Stop being obtuse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.14, 03:25 AM Flag
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I don't think you realize how condescending you're being. Stop infantalizing Nonna and give her an opportunity to do something truly great at the end of her life and look her grandson in the eye knowing who he truly is and give him her blessing. Don't take that away from her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 07:22 PM Flag
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Tell your faggot brother to leave his little queen butt buddy at home out of respect for Grandma. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 08:53 PM Flag
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I don't think it's up to you to tell your brother what to do. If it's going to be an issue, it's between brother and grandma. The choices are theirs to make. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 09:14 PM Flag
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your brother should do what he wants. He can say he is a friend if it makes it better. He is 26 and has every right to be open about this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 10:48 PM Flag
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This is your brother's decision. He gets to decide whether his grandma dies thinking he is 'going to hell.' Stay out of it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 11:38 PM Flag
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Grandma might not get it. My brother is gay & brings his boyfriend to family events and my grandma thinks he's his 'roommate.' [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 11:38 PM Flag
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Let grandma die in peace. If I had a boyfriend she didn't like I'd skip bringing him or celebrate elsewhere. The phrase, "it's not about you," comes to mind." I'm picturing little old lady in terrible cancer pain, but grandma, don't think of yourself, you need to know who I am! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 11:44 PM Flag
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I saw an old-school Italian family handle pretty much this (a wedding) as saying "this is Gino's friend." It was obvious to anyone who cared to think about it for two seconds, but allowed the old folks to pretend he hadn't found the right girl yet. Don't mistake me - I'm not saying it 's right that old folks should pressure younger ones into pretending identities. That being said, if this is grandma's last year, and we all pretend to some extent... assuming she's not stupid or demented she'll catch on, but will be able to plausibly deny to herself if she so chooses, and thus is spared the hell fear. It's an old lady about to die, not a workplace, a social scene, etc. We all do things we normally wouldn't to ease the old and ill out of this world. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.14, 12:50 AM Flag
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Have him bring his bf as a friend. Dome of these posters are being unrealistic. I come from a conservative black family and my second cousin came out to his elderly father. The father never spike to him again even when his son was stricken with(and later died from cancer). She's old and it's not worth the drama. Bring the bf along as a friend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.23.14, 03:28 AM Flag
[ - ] Housekeeper's Christmas gift/bonus question: she gets paid $600/week and has been working for me since late March this year. She has had 3 weeks vacation + major holidays off. How much bonus for Christmas should I give? Or alternatively, should I give her a gift instead? How much should the gift be? TIA. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 02:49 PM Flag
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A week's pay is pretty standard. Since she's been working less than a year you could do maybe $500. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 03:01 PM Flag
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march is almost the whole year. i would think about how this is a goodwill gesture that pays YOU forward. if you are going to want her to do anything extra around the holidays, bump it up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.22.14, 05:22 PM Flag
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