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[ - ] Proud that my resting heart rate is down to 53! 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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oy yoy yoy the sh*t people post here about. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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What the hell is sh*t? If you can't spell it then find another word bird-brain. NP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:10 PM Flag
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lol bird-brain. with the hypen. are you that grammar moron? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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I'm assuming that was intended to be humrous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:26 PM Flag
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I am proud that I had two bowel movements this morning instead of one. Anything to get the number on the scale down! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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Why so ugly? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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It's not like I took a picture of it before I flushed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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That is giving me such an awesome instagram idea! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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That will be the next selfie trend - mark my words. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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I'm thinking coffee table book of celebrity poop. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:32 PM Flag
[ - ] What's your favorite bargain clothing item? 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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OP--I'll start. I own workout leggings from Zella, Lulu, Target, and Old Navy. The Old Navy ones are the best, hands down [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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eye roll. Could you be more boring please [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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Jesus bitchy much? Go eat something. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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sorry hear you are fat as well as poor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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I am neither. You however sound low tone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:27 PM Flag
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WTF is wrong with you women??? This is why we struggle with equality. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:12 PM Flag
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Speak for yourself. I dont' struggle for shit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:37 PM Flag
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I speak for all women and their daughters. Open your eyes! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:29 PM Flag
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Old Navy Tami tanks. Horrible name, fabulous tank [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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I'm with everyone else - I love Old Navy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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jockey cotton bras at walmart. better fit and quality than VS and 1/4 the price! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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Is that like a sports bra? I hate all of the ones I have tried - they smoosh everything into a uniboob. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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no, those are regular bras. HOWEVER, walmart also carries a danskin line of sports bras that i LOVE as well. pretty sure that those are a good deal too, but i don't have a specific price comparison on them with other similar items. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:34 PM Flag
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I get most of my work clothes from JCrew Factory Store, Banana Republic Factory Store, and TJMaxx (the latter two are finally online now!). However, I mix them with 'higher end' pieces from other stores. Favorite workout clothes are from Target and TJMaxx, have lasted for years. Bought a pair of Lulus the first time this year, they got a hole in them within a few months. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:42 PM Flag
[ - ] S/O on the wills post. Why do people assume having a trust and investments is an UMC thing. These probably the same ppl who think prenups are stupid. MC and LMC folks can definitely use trusts to their advantage if they knew how beneficial it would be... 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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They could, but the cost of hiring a lawyer to analyze their situation and draft a trust would probably cost more than they would save. Even with the glut of lawyers, legal advice is just out of reach for most LMC and poor people, and barely in reach for the MC. Loan payments set a floor on costs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:24 PM Flag
[ - ] Grammar snob Mom here. Yesterday I got an e-mail from my DC's (very expensive) preschool about scheduling home visits to acclimate the kids to school. Here are a couple snippets: "I am looking very forward to meeting all of you and your wonderful children in September." Also: "I hope everyone is having an adventurous, yet restful summer and excited for the school year to start! The teachers are back to school and getting ready to welcome the children for the fantastic school year!" And oh wait, there's more: "No special activity need to be planned, but the child may wish to show the teachers his/her room, a favorite toy, a pet, etc." It's just clear that not only is English a major challenge for this teacher, but the teacher didn't proofread. Am I overreacting? Flame away. 40 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:10 PM Flag
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Seems like a very nice letter and a warm, wonderful school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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WITHDRAW FROM THE SCHOOL IMMEDIATELY. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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Meh. Maybe they are really good with kids, English not so much. I'd prefer that than grammar nazi. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:00 PM Flag
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Just remember, the PITA's kid does not get in to her first choice K. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:01 PM Flag
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IMO those errors aren't egregious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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editor mom: relax. you've a long way to go. this is not bad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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OP: editor mom. That's funny. Maybe that will be my new UB name. I just have a thing about this stuff. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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stfu [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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I have a thing about it, too, but if you react this way to what is basically a sweet, very welcoming letter, you will be a wreck by kindergarten. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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I feel the same way about people who write "text" abbreviations in emails. "2", instead of "to," "r" in place of "are," etc. It would make me cringe a little, too but just vent on UB--you'll seem like a pain if you complain to anyone else. As far as getting flamed on UB--who cares? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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Get a new thing. You sound like a PITA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.29.14, 04:03 AM Flag
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You're overreacting. Have you considered homeschooling? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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I'm totally with you. Eeek. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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+2. Cringe-inducing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:56 PM Flag
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+3 But she may still be nice, loving and kind which is more important. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:16 PM Flag
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What's wrong with the second example? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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I think you're right! Granted, it's preschool but still.......The other day I was looking at a Facebook post that was made by a Kindergarten teacher in my school district, and she didn't seem to know the difference between your/you're and their/there. I had the same reaction as you do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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I think those errors are worse than OP's examples. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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That seems sweet. What's your problem? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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OP: "I am looking very forward to meeting all of you" is IMO, egregious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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Obviously wrong, yes. Egregious, no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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she's a pre-k teacher not dean of harvard law school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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I am not an editor or a grammar mom but these are what I think are the problems: "I am looking VERY forward to meeting you." - lose the very. "I hope everyone is having an adventurous yet restful summer and that you ARE excited for the school year." "The teachers are back AT school". "No special activity needs to be planned" or "you don't need to plan a special activity." Other thoughts? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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I think it's important for a school--even a preschool--to show that they value good writing and communication. My example: Washington Market summer camp newsletter reported, several times, that the children bought plumbs at the Green Market. Yes, someone should have proofread this and corrected it before it was given to parents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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LOL. I had to read this three times before I realized what was wrong with it. I kept focusing on the word bought instead of "plumbs". I guess they were thinking of thumbs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:30 PM Flag
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ok wait. is it that Green Market should not be capitalized? I'm lost now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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Plums not plumbs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:35 PM Flag
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oops! good think I'm not the one who has to take those common core tests! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:32 PM Flag
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Help! What is grammatically wrong with each example? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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Forget the grammar, what the hell kind of school does home visits to meet dc's pet lizard? Smh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:18 PM Flag
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My kids public school kindergarten teachers all did this. The idea is that the teacher comes to the child's home and is welcomed there. The facilitates bonding with the teacher. (I *THINK* this is what it was.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:33 PM Flag
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This not the. Sorry [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:34 PM Flag
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WITHDRAW FROM THE SCHOOL IMMEDIATELY. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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Many of these NYC preschools have teachers who are barely educated. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:39 PM Flag
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Hope you didn't vote for this President! Quote: Obama 'Very Much Looking Forward' To Meeting Queen Elizabeth II [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:41 PM Flag
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That is proper grammar. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:41 PM Flag
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The writing in those examples is embarrassingly bad. But: these are preschool teachers. Personality matters more than intellectual achievement. It's not like they're going to be teaching composition to 4-year-olds. It's a lot better that people like this - who probably have a real interest in teaching - get jobs as private preschool teachers than to have them wind up as public high school teachers with tenure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:05 PM Flag
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Those who can't do teach. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.29.14, 04:10 AM Flag
[ - ] I have a male best friend who I have known since I was in diapers. We are practically cousins, our fathers grew up together and they ended up passing away in the same accident. We have been through everything together and he has stood by me no matter what. He is getting married and he asked me to be his best woman, obviously I said yes. Unfortunately, I got a call from his fiance and she not only wants me to resign from my position, but also wants me to keep it a secret that she was the one who request it. Ugh, so pissed right now. I can't deal with this drama. 183 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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are you single? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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No, I'm happily married with a newborn. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:07 PM Flag
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Did she say why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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She said something about it "seeming a little odd" but no, she didn't give a real reason. She just said that she wanted me to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:58 PM Flag
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So why in the world did he not ask her about this first? Scary. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:58 PM Flag
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Maybe he did. If she won't admit to him that she's uncomfortable, he may well have told/asked her first and she just acted cool with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:09 PM Flag
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It is HER day, you have to do what she says. If she feels uncomfortable with you, then perhaps you should get out of his life... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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If she is that uncomfortable with me and also feels this comfortable scheming behind her husband to be's back, perhaps she shouldn't marry him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:57 PM Flag
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Perhaps he should communicate with her before putting together his bridal party. It seems he is closer to you than he is to her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:59 PM Flag
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Np. Stop projecting. We have no idea whether he did or didn't talk to her first. If she's not willing to admit to him now that she has a problem, she may have been asked and said nothing to his face. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:23 PM Flag
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hi OP! your true feelings revealed! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:07 PM Flag
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I disagree. She can demand that you resign. No way do you have to lie to him. Screw her - she is an a-hole for asking you to lie to him about why you are resigning. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:00 PM Flag
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HER day????? Isn't HE getting married too? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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Yes, HE is getting married to HER and she shouldn't be learning about something like this after the fact. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:00 PM Flag
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+1! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:30 PM Flag
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What? You are doing some serious projection... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 09:08 PM Flag
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op, give it a rest. you suck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:07 PM Flag
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+ infinity. This argument piises me off so much! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:22 PM Flag
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It's totally inappropriate to ask OP to keep this as a secret. The bride should speak to her fiancé about it directly and if I were in op's position, I'd tell bride either she tell him or I will. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:28 PM Flag
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The groom should have spoken to the bride directly about this BEFORE he asked you. She is asking you to keep this secret to save face. DO IT. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:00 PM Flag
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Brides face isn't OPs problem. This marriage is on the clock anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:19 PM Flag
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There's always one bridezilla apologist in every one of these posts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:49 PM Flag
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Did she give a reason? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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Her reason was essentially "I want you to." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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Because of course the groom is closer to OP than the bride and didn't bother to tell the bride until after the fact. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:01 PM Flag
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Are you involved in this situation? How do you know what he did or didn't tell her? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:24 PM Flag
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do brides always tell the groom who her bridesmaids will be? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 09:22 PM Flag
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Easy. Just call the fiancé and say you are willing to resign as "best woman" and won't be offended, but you will not keep it a secret that she requested it. Ask her whether she would like to talk to her fiancé first, or whether you should let him know what both of you discussed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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This. These things don't have to be complicated. Its her day - so if she doesn't want you, thats fine. But you are not willing to lie. And its her call on what to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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Wrong, it is not "her day". It is a day for both the groom and the bride to celebrate with their families. When did brides suddenly get the right to act so selfish under the guise of "it's my day"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:01 PM Flag
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OR: I imagine that she is conservative and she doesn't like the idea of a woman being a "best man". Do I agree? Nope. Is it an issue that someone needs to stand up for on principle? Nope. In life, you pick your battles, and don't fight the ones that cause trouble for no reason. If the groom objects, that's one thing, but my guess is he would happy as long as OP is at the wedding and she doesn't need to be the "best woman". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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NP - My guess would be that she feels uncomfortable with her husband having a female friend. This is the first step, you can bet the wife is going to try to cut her out of his life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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Yep. This is coming. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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OR: Ha, you expressed that so much more concisely than I did (and far better). But ITA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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THIS. Otherwise it will totally affect the friendship! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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ITA. Why should you lie to someone you are close to on her behalf? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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bingo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:01 PM Flag
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I totally agree. It's his day too, and you shouldn't lie to a close friend. Besides, if it were me, I'd want to know if I were about to marry someone insecure and dishonest. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:02 PM Flag
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+10000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:07 PM Flag
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Absolutely this! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:42 PM Flag
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This. This. This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:11 PM Flag
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Tell him and let him make the decision. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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It's her big day. Let it go. PS wives come and go … just sayin don't alienate your long time friend over this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:01 PM Flag
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But it isn't her big day, it is his big day too. He gets to decide who is in his wedding party. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:03 PM Flag
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You don't get it. If she called him and resigned for no reason THAT would alienate him. It isn't her day. By definition, a wedding is a day for two!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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NFW. Why should she risk her friendship on this bitch's behalf? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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ThiS! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:12 PM Flag
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Won't your friends ask why once you resign anyway? Then what will you say? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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Be honest - you're anonymous here. You're just a BIT too friendly with him, maybe? You secretly like to deploy inside jokes from your past when his soon-to-be wife is around that leave her as the odd man out? If the three of you are out together your buddy spends 75% of his time and attention on you, while his fiance is sort of the third wheel? It's obvious that the reason she doesn't want you to serve in this capacity is because she doesn't want the love of her husband's life standing there on the alter next to her as a glaring reminder of "yes she's the bride, but the one next to her is the one he really 'should' be with." And lets be honest - you really want to be up there, too, to reinforce that idea. You turned him down at one point, or knew that he had feelings for you and let him try his best to woo you, and then chose someone else. But you REALLY like the fact that this guy would drop his wife for you, and you want to stand there as an example of how "even though he's marrying her, he really STILL wants me." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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Wow I would hate to be married to you. Bitter and paranoid much? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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I had a similar experience in my marriage and I really, really hated it. To have this other person who has a close, special relationship with your spouse that you're not a part of, who they clearly prefer when the three of you are together, is very hurtful. And I'm convinced that this third person knew what they were doing and liked the fact that they knew they had an inappropriately close relationship with someone else's spouse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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Get Over Yourself. Spouse does not necessarily mean Best Friend. Unless are still in high school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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Really? You're OK with your spouse having a best friend of the opposite sex whose company they prefer to yours? Who they go off and have fun with without you? Then yes, you're a much more secure person than am I. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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Well to be fair, you don't sound like much fun given what you posted above. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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Sure but it doesn't mean everyone thinks like that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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np: then your bad for marrying a man like htat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:32 PM Flag
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And I think that's what's happening in this case. The bride knows that this the road she's headed down and wants to cut the other woman out instead of breaking off her marriage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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This is sensible comment... bride doesnt like it, and thinks she can cut the best friend out of groom's future life... NASTY.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:40 PM Flag
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She should have dealt with this long since instead of waiting until the wedding. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:28 PM Flag
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Hi op. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:08 PM Flag
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Uh, step away from the rom coms! Sounds like someone's watched My Best Friend's Wedding one too many times. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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+1 :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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wow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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Sound like a movie . . . [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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Maybe you should have broken off the relationship once you discovered this dynamic instead of marrying him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:41 PM Flag
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I think she's right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:57 PM Flag
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You seriously sound crazy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:03 PM Flag
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hi op. are you done pleading your case? a true best friend would realize her place and let her best friend move on independently. You did, with another man. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:02 PM Flag
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This is actually one the most astute responses here. I'm sure there is more of this than the OP will ever admit, and do people not realize that "My Best Friend's Wedding" is such a popular movie because it rings true for many people? YOu think the writers came up with that plot out of thin air? LOL, the naivete. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:00 PM Flag
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You must be the OR. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 09:03 PM Flag
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you must be the op. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 10:54 PM Flag
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Hangover was also a very popular movie. Sponge bob is a popular tv show, lol. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 09:03 PM Flag
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Heh Heh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:13 PM Flag
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Ma'am, you can pick up your meds at the next window. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:13 PM Flag
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You cannot resign without damaging your friendship so don't lie to make her feel better about it. She sounds really insecure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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I would absolutely tell your best male friend. Does he really want to marry someone who doesn't respect his choices and decisions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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That's the way I feel. If she is this uncomfortable with me and really feels the need to scheme behind his back... why is she marrying him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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I would talk to her first and say that you have no problem dropping out of the wedding if they both agree but that you cannot keep that a secret from him at all. SHE IS NUTS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:53 PM Flag
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This happened to me, other way around though. I was female friends (best man). I am gay and her husband wanted her to have a maid of honor. He asked me to step down in private. I told him that "She asked me" and if their is a problem talk to her. They talked and it was all good. He apologized to me and my husband. Say something [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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Good advice here. It's almost always best to discuss things openly. If fiancee really incapable of that your friend has a big red flag before it's too late. I agree with other posters that this just the beginning of her pushing you away [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:45 PM Flag
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You're on your way to getting booted. She wants you out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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Ooh this is gonna be good. Tell us what happens when you call her back and say what the other ladies here suggest. She sounds like an asshat, FWIW. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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The groom sounds like an asshat for doing his wedding party and not discussing it with the bride first. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:50 PM Flag
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I didn't ask my husband what friends I was allowed to have in my wedding. Are you the bitter woman from above? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:14 PM Flag
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She is projecting hard-core. There is no way of knowing from OP's post whether or not the discussed it with her first and she pretended to be cool with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:29 PM Flag
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He doesn't need permission. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:14 PM Flag
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I don't think this sounds like a behind the bride's back appointment. It sounds like the bride is jealous or dislikes OP for some reason and wants to go around the groom's back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 10:10 PM Flag
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He may have and she didn't want to look like she was being petty to him, so we went the back-door route. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:15 PM Flag
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FYI - as a man, I feel like I have to weigh in. There is no such thing as a man who has a close, long term friendship with a woman he doesn't want to fuck. I'm sorry to be crass, but it's true. Men do not want to have women best friends to share important moments with. Sometimes they couch it that way, as a way to keep the relationship going for years and years, but in my experience these "friendships" where a man and a woman are best friends is actually a man hanging on to see if he'll finally be able to sleep with this woman. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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I'm sorry that you seem to have the emotional range of a carrot, but that is hardly true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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np Most men have the emotional range of a carrot. Most men also like it that way; good buddies, no drama. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:31 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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It's very true. You seem to have the sexual appetite of asparagus. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:51 PM Flag
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- don't forget the gays [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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i think if you grow up like family, then that's different than say a friend you make in college. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:33 PM Flag
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Agree. If their fathers died together and they knew each other since they were kids, they must have a very strong bond. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:36 PM Flag
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Well even if that's true it doesn't sound like it will ever happen so why should OP be forced to lie? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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I think Harry said that too! And of course, Sally disagreed : ) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:32 PM Flag
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ILY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:32 PM Flag
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: ) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 10:00 PM Flag
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DH. Disagree. He's right in a lot of cases, but not all. I have a female friend, from childhood, who is like a sister to me. We know everything about each other (probably) - and always gravitate to each other. But its not like we hang out once a week, or anything... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:54 PM Flag
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Was there a time in your life when you wanted to sleep with her? I'm only going on my experiences, and I know that there have been women in my life who I became good friends with but I realize now that I really was just attracted to them and wanted to get into their inner circle to see if there was an opening for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:46 PM Flag
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Second DH. Sure there was, when I was about 22 and sleeping with everyone I could. Which is why I don't disagree with you. But that's not been part of my thinking for about 20 years now..! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:02 PM Flag
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THIS! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:50 PM Flag
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You're nuts. My three best friends are men. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:56 PM Flag
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And all 3 want to have sex with you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:09 PM Flag
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I doubt it. I have severe PCOS, am morbidly obese and have some other appearance issues that are not appealing to most men. What are the chances 3 guys are waiting and playing games to have sex with me? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:31 PM Flag
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Yeh, guys wait 20 years playing games, so MAYBE he can tap that ass just in case something comes up in 20 more years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:29 PM Flag
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are you sleeping with him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:40 PM Flag
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That's the wrong question. The better question is "have you slept with him." I'm fairly sure there's a history here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:42 PM Flag
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I'm married. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:42 PM Flag
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.... and before you were married? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:35 PM Flag
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Not since we were kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:37 PM Flag
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^I started dating my husband when I was twenty one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:37 PM Flag
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Huh you had sex with him when you were kids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:50 PM Flag
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So... the answer is "yes, I slept with him a long time ago?" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:39 PM Flag
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Actually, this is some important information that was left out in the initial post! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:58 PM Flag
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NP. I don't see how this is relevant. My DH and I are friends with some of our past flings. It was years ago and it doesn't mean anything. One of them was in our wedding and my DH was in his. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:54 PM Flag
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Exactly, we messed around when we were younger. Experimentation, everybody did it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:15 PM Flag
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didn't answer the question... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:52 PM Flag
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No, this isn't a movie. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:54 PM Flag
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that wasn't the question, OP.... DING DING DING [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:46 PM Flag
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No "ding, ding, ding". I'm not fucking sleeping with him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:15 PM Flag
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But you did. You really don't see how having an ex-lover with whom you have an extremely close relationship stand next to you on the alter at your wedding to someone else is very weird and insulting to the bride? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:16 PM Flag
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He is not an "ex-lover". Stop making this into a shitty romcom, we messed around as children. Nothing more, nothing less. We never even dated or anything like that, it was too weird. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:10 PM Flag
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In inserted his penis into you. I see you like to trivialize this matter. You are a funny troll. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:06 PM Flag
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Because it isn't that big of a deal. Having sex with somebody when you are that young means absolutely nothing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 09:04 PM Flag
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I would wonder what other decisions is she making/going to make behind his back. She sounds manipulative/immature/controlling. I would definitely tell your friend. But probably phrase it like..."Is Suzy ok with me being your best man? She said something the other day that sounded like she is sort of uncomfortable with me standing up there with you." He'll let you know 1) whether it is a point of contention in their relationship/wedding plans that he has thus far kept from you (and everyone else) and 2) he should discuss it with her...if they cannot talk openly about this what does that say about the chance of a happy/successful marriage? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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This is exactly how I feel. How can they have a successful marriage if they can't even communicate? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:42 PM Flag
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Well I would absolutely bring it up in the most subtle way and see where the conversation goes. When is the wedding? If it's coming up soon then I would press him a little bit ...like in a big sister way giving 'general' wedded bliss advice " if I had to give you one piece of advice, it would be to make sure you keep the lines of communication open and know that you two can talk about anything. Bad communication equals bad marriage"... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:36 PM Flag
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I agree but I wouldn't press him. The advice above to let the fiance tell him first is a good way to proceed. It's really an issue between the bride and groom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:40 PM Flag
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Idk. It sounds like the groom & she are family. If it was my brother or cousin or someone I deeply cared about...I would let them know. I would want to know if it was my wedding and my significant other was bullying people I cared about behind my back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:49 PM Flag
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Hi OP. How can they have a successful marriage if neither of you are willing to cut ties with your childhood lover? If he can't cut ties with a woman he had sex with as a kid (ew, what were you, like 10? you sound like low-class trash btw) then you should be the bigger person and cut ties with him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:11 PM Flag
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"You sound like low-class trash btw" and that is when whatever argument you have loses any credibility. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:52 PM Flag
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Why in the world is this her problem. The Groom was the one who failed to communicate! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:52 PM Flag
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Where in the OP does it say that? The bride is the one failing to communicate right now, so it is at least equally plausible that he asked her, she said "sure honey" in order to seem laid back, but was actually uncomfortable so is trying to fix it up secretly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:21 PM Flag
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You don't know that he failed to communicate. In any case, it is not the bride's place to determine who is in the groom's party. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:24 PM Flag
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np. She sounds totally normal. U had sex with this man and now you expect to outshine the bride at her own wedding. Everyone is going to wonder/ assume and actually their assumptions are right on base. You need to back off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.29.14, 03:51 AM Flag
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Of course you resign! He was a complete idiot for not talking to her about this first. The relationship is between the two of them, not you and him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:58 PM Flag
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If it's between the OP's friend and his fiancée, why is it being kept secret from him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:08 PM Flag
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The resigning is not so problematic, it's asking the OP to lie to her BF that's makes the fiance totally in the wrong. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:09 PM Flag
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Wrong. She didn't ask HIM about this first. The groom doesn't need permission and how on earth do you know they didn't talk? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:16 PM Flag
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Why are you assuming he didn't talk to the fiancé? He may have told her first, but it seems she is unwilling to admit her insecurity to him and prefers to deal with it underhandedly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:05 PM Flag
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exactly. or is projecting, pretty pathetic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:18 PM Flag
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Who are these insecure psychos? If my fiancé went behind my back and asked one of my bridesmaids to secretly decline/not participate in something to which I had invited her, I would be livid. That would honestly make me reconsider who I was marrying. It's a noxious mix of controlling and deceitful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:02 PM Flag
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Even if your maid of honor was a guy you had sex with before? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:59 PM Flag
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OP - I haven't slept with him since I had "teen" on the end of my name. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:17 PM Flag
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^age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:17 PM Flag
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OR. Yes, absolutely. It is not the fiancée's place to drive away her fiance's friend. I posted above regarding a friend of mine and DH's with whom I had had some fun when we were teenagers. He was in our wedding and my DH was in his. Rational adults don't care about ancient history. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:18 PM Flag
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This is a good one! It went from "this terrible bridezilla won't let me be there for a man who is like a brother to me!" to "I've had a very, very close relationship with this guy that involved sex at some point in our youth, and I'd like to stand there in a prime position, right beside him, at his wedding." It's one thing to invite past lovers to your wedding. It's another, rather weird one, I think, to invite them to be the key witness to your wedding to another person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:15 PM Flag
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I call his mother "aunt" and I have known him for the entirety of my life. We have stuck together through everything, naturally I would be a part of one of the most important days of his life. He is not my past "lover", we messed around as kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:20 PM Flag
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You had sex with him. Please do not say "we are like cousins". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:12 PM Flag
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We fooled around as kids, we are practically cousins. I call his mother my aunt, our fathers grew up together. We are like cousins. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:29 PM Flag
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I didn't have sex with my cousins. I don't think most people do. Also, were you two really kids (0-12 yrs), or teens (13-18 yrs)? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:03 PM Flag
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kissing cousins [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:12 PM Flag
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kissing cousins [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:12 PM Flag
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This does not bode well for the bride. The groom is setting up a weird dynamic which he should know would bother the bride, but it looks like he likes to make her jealous and is triangulating (Google it). The person the bride should be talking to about this is the groom, not you, as it was the groom's decision. I also agree with the poster that somehow you are enjoying it, being sort of like an OW, given your past sexual relationship with your friend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:24 PM Flag
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God, what the fuck is wrong with you people? I'm not enjoying being "the OW"? We messed around when we were practically kids, holy hell, you are reading way too much into that deal. It is hardly relevant. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:31 PM Flag
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Crazy town. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:33 PM Flag
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np: Either he is so self-centered that he didn't even ask his fiancé before asking you or he is just rude and pulling shit to call off the wedding. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.29.14, 03:54 AM Flag
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Tell him, don't tell him, who cares, it doesn't matter. In 5 years you'll be divorced and best friend will be single and you two will get married and have the family you both secretly wanted to have with one another all along, ever since you were "kids" and first rubbed your genitals together. Stop inflicting yourselves on outsiders. Your universe is only big enough for two people. Don't deny your true feelings. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:57 PM Flag
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Very, very much so. I totally agree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:54 PM Flag
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Please keep inflicting yourself on outsiders. This is good stuff. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:15 PM Flag
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This poster has admitted she is projecting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:47 PM Flag
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this poster thinks he/she can tell who is the same and who is different on an anonymous no-signature message board. lol. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 10:53 PM Flag
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I would not back down, I'd stay in the wedding party as the best woman and not give another thought to this. I had a guy in my wedding party who everyone assumed I'd been sleeping with (i never did) and I didn't care who thought what. He was one of my closest friends and that's what mattered to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:06 PM Flag
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OOOOOOHHH. Wait wait wait. Your "Best friend," the Groom, is a man you have been close to all your life and have previously HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH (it does not matter what age this happened) and you are pissed because his bride to be doesn't want YOU in THEIR wedding party. Really? You can't imagine why she might be justified in feeling this way? Piece. Of. Work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 10:15 PM Flag
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You left out the part where the bride wants OP to lie to her friend about why she's stepping down. OP is not the piece of work here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 10:25 PM Flag
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np: OP wants to have her cake and eat it too. got herself a husband and a man on the side who can boost her ego cuz he still wants to have sex with her, like they did as 11 yos. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:14 PM Flag
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I can't tell if you are psycho or just projecting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:53 PM Flag
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This is a common scenario. Most women are jelly of dh's close female frinds [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 10:34 PM Flag
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In the movies the best friend always breaks up the wedding. Always. daniel radclif of harry potter is in a movie like this right now " what if" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 10:36 PM Flag
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The "keep it a secret that she was the one who requested it" is nuts on the other woman's part. If she has a problem, she should tell her fiance, not sneak around. Tell her to talk to him about it. If that causes a huge blowup, good riddance to her: she would make his life hell in time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 10:51 PM Flag
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I have read this entire thread. I understand why she feels threatened yet I think it's totally inappropriate for her to ask you to back out and lie. Can you sit with your best friend and say. "I'm so honored to stand next to you but I've been thinking and I was wondering if (Jen) is ok with it? She may have says something and he may use it as an out. I agree that the fiancé is bring manipulative but some women get absolutely nuts when they are getting married. You are happily married with a newborn. If you can take the high road on this one without lying, you are a good friend to both. I have a super close friend that I've never slept with. His wife basically hated me until I got married and I stood back (he didn't ask me to be in his wedding fwiw). Some people, especially those that don't have similar relationships just don't get that you two would have married if that is what you truly wanted. Good luck! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 11:57 PM Flag
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this is just a sign of things to come [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.29.14, 01:23 AM Flag
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Holy shit. The op bent over and had her face down and ass up for the groom. Now the bride wants op to keep a low profile. Op needs to listen to the bride. No one wants to be thinking about the groom raw dogging the best woman [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.29.14, 02:04 AM Flag
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The op needs to step back and just be in the audience not on the chuppqh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.29.14, 02:04 AM Flag
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Not on the chuppah [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.29.14, 02:04 AM Flag
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I would drop out gracefully and explain to him that it looks a bit weird and you think it is sweet but slightly inappropriate. Do not tell on her if you ever want to keep him as a friend. I set up my 8 yr ex-BF with his wife and the 4 of us hang out all the time with our toddlers but I am very cautious not to get too friendly and make plans through her. I also am more distanced with him than my other male friends to make her more comfortable. This is the nice way to go about it and the only way if you want to continue a relationship with him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.29.14, 03:31 AM Flag
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So you essentially gave up 90% of your relationship with him? Right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.29.14, 03:35 AM Flag
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or: yes. But I gained a friend with her who I had only met briefly before setting them up. They come to our family events and we go to theirs and we hang out in the park and apartments all the time. It is wonderful for me to have them in our lives but I am very cautious to make her feel comfortable. Only because I am so cautious and non-threatening can we keep this relationship. I actually like her more than him in many ways. It only got a bit strained when I got pregnant naturally and easily and she did not. They got IVF and kids are only 6 months apart so it is great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.29.14, 04:55 AM Flag
[ - ] A while back there was a thread posted about the terrible (violent) things some kids say. One mom posted about a kid (not hers) who said they wanted to peel off someone's skin and pull it over my body. My young teens are watching American Dad and the weird alien character said that exact phrase.... even my kids, no snowflakes, were fairly mortified. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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It's a cartoon written for adults. If your kids were disturbed, they are either way too young to be watching American Dad or they are snowflakes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:54 PM Flag
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This is nowhere near the weirdest, creepiest thing Roger has said. His whole function on the show is to be outrageous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:55 PM Flag
[ - ] I am having a 'big' birthday party next month. I have a question regarding registry etiquette. I just checked both of mine and most of the inexpensive (think $25-75) gifts are gone. Problem is, I know some of my friends are not wealthy and cannot afford more of the big ticket items. I also don't want a lot of meaningless junk though, so adding more things to the registry is not an options. anyone btdt/wwyd? 26 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:02 PM Flag
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i wouldn't stress about it--they will probably buy gift cards. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:03 PM Flag
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I wouldn't register for gifts, and I wouldn't expect or want them after age 16. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:51 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:04 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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agree [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:14 PM Flag
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+4. What ever happened to "No gifts please"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:38 PM Flag
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Even this is bad form. Requesting no gifts makes the assumption that guests would otherwise be obligated to bring gifts, which they are not. Gifts should not be mentioned in an invitation, and a preference for no gifts should be spread by a few close friends or family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:04 PM Flag
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Adults expect birthday gifts? Confused. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:52 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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Haha. I have a single friend who throws herself a big birthday party every year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:16 PM Flag
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you registered for like a 40th birthday party for yourself? Is this a thing or are you a troll? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:52 PM Flag
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op: several of my friends have done it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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Klassy peeple... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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X100 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:54 PM Flag
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Yuck....hope you are fake. Tackiest thing I have heard in a long time! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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this has to be fake [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:58 PM Flag
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This is absolutely fake. Someone's on a roll. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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I can't imagine the type of person who would register for gifts for a birthday party. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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This is so tacky, I hope it's fake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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+1000000000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:44 PM Flag
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I hope you are joking, because if not, your parents should be smacked. I would be horrified if one of my kids registered for Bday gifts. Please tell me that you are joking. What ethnicity are you??? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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white [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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For my wedding 3 of my friends got together and bought 1 of my registry items. I thought it was genius. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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You must add more stuff. $25, $50, $75, $100. I love candles, add four of those for $50 each. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:32 PM Flag
[ - ] If you had to drive to Boston for labor day weekend...would you leave now or early tomorrow morning (like 4am)? 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:57 PM Flag
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I would leave early tomorrow morning. There's a Thursday afternoon rush hour in the summer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:00 PM Flag
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+1 Also, kids will sleep from 4am til 7 or 8. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:53 PM Flag
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Leave early. Which way are you going? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:50 PM Flag
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Very early tomorrow for sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:03 PM Flag
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A lot of people are off this week, I don't think there is going to be that much traffic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:53 PM Flag
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There will be traffic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:27 PM Flag
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either late night tonight (leaving city after 7pm) or early tomorrow morning. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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If possible, leave late tonight and sleep in. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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I would leave tonight at 7 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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Can you leave at 8 pm tonight? Just don't take 95 whenever you go. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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we are headed up that way and are leaving tonight at 7/8pm. DD will sleep in the car and and we'll roll into my mom's house by 11pm. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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Take the Hutch/Merritt not I-95. Be familiar with alternate routes. You'll be there in less than 5 hours no matter when you go. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:46 PM Flag
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Really? I would take 84 to the pike east [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:53 PM Flag
[ - ] Should we move to the suburbs? We are currently on UES, would love to have more space, a yard for dd to play in, a pool, more of a sense of community, close friends. We did the Hamptons thing and really didn't like having two homes to go back and forth to. We can afford to stay in the city, and have a quite spacious apartment, stick it out or start looking at burbs? 33 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:40 PM Flag
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Burbs are nice, it's an easy life [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:43 PM Flag
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Op. I guess what I'm looking for are comments from people who have moved to the burbs and regretted it, wish they would have just stuck it out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:43 PM Flag
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If the search function worked here, you'd be able to see A TON of these. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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Op. People who regretted it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:45 PM Flag
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Yes. (Also some people loved the suburbs, but keep on this board for a while and you'll see that a lot of people -- at the least -- are wistful for their NYC lives) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:46 PM Flag
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My sister and I both lived on UES with our families (we grew up there too, if it matters) and both moved to the suburbs. She grew to really love it and I never really got used to it or found my niche. There are things I loved. Cooking dinner in the backyard while my kids and their friends played on the lawn, inviting them over for dinner, etc., etc., was all nice, but I never felt alive the way I do in the city. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:02 PM Flag
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I think the first few years of life in the suburbs can be hard. It takes a little time to build up your community, and it seems to me that most of the anti-suburbs posts are people who have moved and are lonely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:01 PM Flag
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really, this is your decision. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:43 PM Flag
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You say you want more space, a yard, a pool. Are you asking for permission to look? Grow up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:44 PM Flag
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NP: Why so rude? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:02 PM Flag
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Because the question is ridiculous coming from a grown woman. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:07 PM Flag
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Every question here is pretty ridiculous. This no more than most. She is asking if people who made the move liked it. Not at all strange. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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you sound fun [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:54 PM Flag
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Op. No I'm asking for opinions of people who have done it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:43 PM Flag
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If you want space and a yard and a pool, what else would be your option? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:48 PM Flag
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Op. Just doing without it. It's not a necessity. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:55 PM Flag
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And what would be achieved, some sort of moral victory? Whatever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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Op Looking for "oh we moved out of the city for more space and a pool, but it wasn't worth it, etc." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 10:06 PM Flag
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It's a long winter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:39 PM Flag
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if both options are affordbale, then it's really a lifestyle choice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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exactly this. i don't see how people on ub can help make this personal decision. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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It totally depends on which suburb you choose. There are some that are wonderful, great, walkable towns that have a lot going on, and there are others that are cul-de-sacs in the middle of nowhere with no town center. Those will be very different experiences. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:53 PM Flag
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We moved to the suburbs in 2013, and last winter was the best. We were snowed in so much, and I got to spend every day cleaning & fixing up the house & playing with the kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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It was a blast. I loved that being in the suburbs & having all of that bad weather gave me the excuse to stay home with the kids and put off all non-essential activities. My home was so clean by spring. And we built a snow fort. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:41 PM Flag
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Omg I remember you from the winter! I was so but bitchy and you were so cheerful [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:47 PM Flag
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You could live in the hamptons full time. Lots of people do [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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yup, people who can't afford to live in the city full time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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OR the ones I know keep their NYC homes too but prefer the pace of life out east [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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but that's not the choice op seems to be presenting, right? she's saying stay on UES or move to the suburbs, not have a second home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:34 PM Flag
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But living in a home they already own in a community that's familiar to them is a very good option. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:47 PM Flag
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Not if you both work on city [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:43 PM Flag
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Op. DH works in the city, so it needs to be commutable. I WAH. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:41 PM Flag
[ - ] Spinoff to SD post. I am surprised people are being so harsh on the OP. My friend was in a similar situation, although worse, and it ruined their marriage. Her DH cheated when she was pregnant with DB1. She found out after the fact, he begged for forgiveness, and she forgave him because she was ashamed and didnt want to go it alone with a new baby. 7 years and another kid later their relationship was doing well and out of the blue she found out her DH fathered a child with the affair... when that child had to come live with them. It turned out was secretly paying child support, she had no idea. I dont know how she was that in the dark about their finances but she was completely blindsided. But, OW got very sick and could no longer care for child, who was 6 I believe, a few months younger than her oldest child. My friend ended up filing for divorce a few months later, but I do know a lot of it was the deception. Was just an insane situation . 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:36 PM Flag
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what does SD stand for? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:38 PM Flag
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Stepdaughter [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:10 PM Flag
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Step daughter [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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I think I saw this exact thing on All My Children in 1981. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:55 PM Flag
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Yes- I believe Tad Martin had a similar conundrum. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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That's a different situation. In the MP post the DH's daughter pre-dated the marriage, and the DW had her own DD that predated the marraige. Cheating wasn't the issue, lying wasn't the issue, the issue was that the OP didn't want "her family" polluted with SD. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:30 PM Flag
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This is a very different situation. Your friend's DH cheated on her and kept the love child secret from your friend. The love child is now a constant reminder of DH's betrayal. In the other post, DH supposedly didn't know about SD and is now fulfilling his parental obligations. Also, that DH has been financially supporting the OP's daughter, whom he is not related to and had no legal obligation to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:06 PM Flag
[ - ] Everything else equal, would you rather marry a DH earning $1M who lives lavishly with you, or $5M who lives modestly with you? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:36 PM Flag
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The rich guy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:39 PM Flag
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The latter. A $5m guy's modestly is still pretty good in my book... and all long-term worries gone. Easy choice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:53 PM Flag
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This is the wrong question, because everyone is going to say "the $5 million guy" because they figure a modest $5 million lifestyle is as good or better than a lavish $1 million one. The better question is - would you rather marry the guy making $1 million who spends it all or the guy who makes $500k who saves half of it every year? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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OP: Modestly, in a rent controlled apartment. Same choice? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:20 PM Flag
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If either of these clowns has a rent controlled apartment, something's wrong. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:29 PM Flag
[ - ] A friend's DH just died young unexpectedly. No DCs on their part but devastating none the less. Got me thinking about life insurance though as I live in Manhattan and have 2 young DCs. If my DH died like that, what kind of life insurance is enough? we have half-million. Is that good? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:35 PM Flag
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We know nothing about your situation to comment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:25 PM Flag
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Exactly. Need to know DH's income, and housing situation at a minimum. $500k sounds low, but it really depends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:28 PM Flag
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It doesn't cost that much overall to increase the coverage, and if it gives you peace of mind you might as well do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:26 PM Flag
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that's good for a couple of years-you need at least $1M [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:43 PM Flag
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how did he die? IR to life insurance, our HHI is about 500K, 2 young dcs and dh has $2.5M coverage and I have $1M coverage [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:45 PM Flag
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Do you have a job? What %age of HHI do you bring in? If you or DH died, how much would the other need to cover final expenses, and then cover the missing salary for 2-3 years while the family transitions? Or cover the missing salary until kids are grown and out of the house? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:37 PM Flag
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Our financial advisor suggested $1M per kid [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:39 PM Flag
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Asusming you are 30s with kids, you want something like at least 6x HHI in coverage. More like 10x better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:54 PM Flag
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if you can afford it, the idea w life insurance is to replace the lost income to dependants. so if dh makes $50K and you have no debt and decent savings, maybe $500K is enough. if DH makes $200K and you have a mortgage and student loans and little savings outside of 401k, it's probably nowhere near enough. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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It's very individual. Our HHI is less than 80K but we are getting 1m policies each b/c of multiple houses with mortgage and kids close to going to college. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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If your kids are young this is reasonable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:12 PM Flag
[ - ] Are most charter schools (nationally) lottery based? Is there any way to increase your chances of getting in? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:25 PM Flag
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Yes and the only advantage you get is by being in the right district for the school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:49 PM Flag
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In NYC, almost all charter schools give priority to low income students and some to ELL. Success Academy is one of the few charter chains that doesn't give priority to low-income students. (It does give priority to ELL students now, but in most of their schools -- especially the ones in the affluent neighborhoods -- the % of ELL students is shockingly low). And siblings almost always get priority. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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The key priority is that you live in that district. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:41 PM Flag
[ - ] To those applying to private school this fall. If you can just afford it, dont do it. It will be years of feeling inadequate and miserable! 42 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:23 PM Flag
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I agree with you. In my DD TT there are two families that can not afford the usual lifestyle. No one is mean to then but they are so sensitive and paranoid they have a shit life [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:13 PM Flag
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They are self concious [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:13 PM Flag
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We maybe the fanily you are talking about. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:16 PM Flag
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No these two families are not on urban baby. But they are so nervous about being poorrer than me. Their nervousness is ruing their lives [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:31 PM Flag
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How do you know they are not on. I dont tell anyone I am! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:20 PM Flag
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I just know these people they are not ub types [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:35 PM Flag
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who is not a ub type would you say? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:24 PM Flag
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Nobody would EVER think I was the UB type. But here I am! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:43 PM Flag
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+1 except I've started referencing it in conversations! I find it a great source of sociological insights [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:46 PM Flag
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Yes! I've learned so much from this site. It's endlessly fascinating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:55 PM Flag
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I assume every woman I know of every age is on here in nyc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:45 PM Flag
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weird and creepy that you know so much about the other families in your DD's school [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:26 PM Flag
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Some might say having my DC attend an overcrowded, crappy public school would also engender "years of feeling inadequate and miserable." Pick your poison. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:16 PM Flag
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OP here. Very true. But most of my friends with kids in public are very happy, and do nice things with the money would have spent on private. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:29 PM Flag
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Depends. If you go to public school at ps six most moms are upper middle class and you feel like u fit in. If u go to Trinity you feel dirt poor and feel crappy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:32 PM Flag
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If you go to Public school in Harlem you feel terrified about your daughter's safety ... Class and money do not matter [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:32 PM Flag
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Okay that is extreme! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:00 PM Flag
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Having less money than you does not make me feel inadequate or miserable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:23 PM Flag
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Unicorn [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:35 PM Flag
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Less so than you'd like to think, I imagine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:31 PM Flag
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np: ita. i went to private schools my entire life and was definitely at the lowest end of the income scale but for some of the FA kids. my parents were very frugal immigrants who sacrificed a lot for me to be there. while we are much better off than my parents, we still make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay tuition at private for our kids. we are definitely at the lowest end of the income scale. i do not feel inadequate just bc we don't travel internationally on vacations or whatever. and i'm definitely not miserable. i feel fortunate that we can provide this educaitonal opportunity for our kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:47 PM Flag
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Ditto - also former FA student [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:50 PM Flag
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Not true. We're in private on FA and don't feel inadequate and miserable and neither does my dc. Sorry. Try again op. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:40 PM Flag
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Your kids are probably not in highschool yet. Just wait! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:36 PM Flag
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You're right. They're not in high school, but they will learn to be strong individuals and will understand that there are people that are wealthy, poor, and everyone else in the middle. They will learn to navigate the world of the rich and the normal world. They are getting a great education (that they otherwise wouldn't be getting), and are making connections that will last a lifetime. So again, try again OP. My kids will be fine, and I hope yours are too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:50 PM Flag
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they are fine until spring break when all there friends clear out, or summer is the same thing. They are also not fine when all their friends are goign out to dinner and shopping and they have to opt out because of money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:43 PM Flag
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or: you don't get it. They will be fine b/c they will be confident and comfortable in their own skin dc. Also, 1) they have friends OUTSIDE of school; they socialize with other children so when their private school friends are vacationing in Europe, my dc will be with their df from their neighborhoods. 2) my kids will be able to go out to dinner with their dfs from private. You sound nuts. They will shop with their dfs and buy what they can afford and watch their df buy what they can afford. My kids will be fine and they won't be insecure. You sound very insecure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:51 PM Flag
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SO they go out to dinner and just order an appetizer and eat what they can afford. You dont get it becaus your kids are not there yet. Also we live in NYC, not a lot of neighborhood friends. you sound a little unreal [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:54 PM Flag
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i posted above about how i went through private shcool at the low end of the income scale. and i completely agree. i also found both then and now, that it's a misconception that all the kids clear out over every break - there are some who do and others who don't and it's not always income dependant. my best friend had a dad who was a big law partner and they COULD have afforded tons of expensive trips and all that, but her dad worked all the time and her mom did not like to travel alone with the kids, so in the summers they would go upstate to visit grandparents who lived in a rural area (i would often get to visit) and they spent other breaks at home, playing with friends and other normal stuff. her mom didn't believe on OTT spending for clothes and from her I learned about outlets and Century 21. my kids have friends who are always away, and other who are always around - and income is not always the reason - quite a few families are 2 career couples w limited vacation time for example. my oldest is in MS, but even among the HS kids, i don't see expensive clothing/shoes, etc. in fact, i see more among my friends whose kids are in suburban publics. and i would not allow my kids to be going out to expensive restaurants in HS, bc i think that's inappropriate, even if we had that kind of discretionary spending. but we can certainly afford for them to go out for burgers or pizza or whatever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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they are fine until spring break when all there friends clear out, or summer is the same thing. They are also not fine when all their friends are goign out to dinner and shopping and they have to opt out because of money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:43 PM Flag
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They won't be the only ones. And it builds character if parents aren't all upset by it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:48 PM Flag
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np: i don't get this - why when your kids are in HS would you feel more inadequate and miserable?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:57 PM Flag
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Read the reply above this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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I am really thinking about this right now. We have one dc in a great selective public that we picked over a private we could barely afford. We have a younger child and not sure what to do about that dc. Selective public has no sibling preference but it seems weird to put one dc in private and one in public. UGH it might be burbs here we come! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:45 PM Flag
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I know a few families that have one dc in public and one in private. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:50 PM Flag
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or - for us one private tuition is stretching it so not sure that is a good decision UGH I hate being poor [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:42 PM Flag
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it's not weird if you stop thinking of one as better that the other - each child should go to the school that's right for them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:57 PM Flag
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Agree. We did 2 years of expensive preK and K and switched to public. Granted we have a great zoned school, but this had made life easier on so many levels. Will worry again in time for middle school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:54 PM Flag
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I was in public school til 6th grade, tt private from 7-12. Never felt inadequate or miserable. Hope to provide the same education for my kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:57 PM Flag
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Back in the day did HM start in 7th? I went to a suburban private and that's when it began. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:46 PM Flag
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Yes. BTDT. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:09 PM Flag
[ - ] S/O married men who cheat. Do you think they'll ever become monogamous after divorce? I'm newly involved with a man who is divorced but just divulged that the reason he got divorced was because she found out he cheated on her multiple times. No DCs, fwiw. Does this mean this man would cheat on me if I end up marrying him or should I just move on now and see this news as a red flag? 40 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:14 PM Flag
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yes, will cheat on you; yes, move one; yes, red flag [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:16 PM Flag
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really? I even asked him that and he said it was because of her and the kind of dynamic their marriage created. I want to believe him that people can change yet I read here all the time that that isn't so. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:06 PM Flag
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He did the cheating. It's because of him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:08 PM Flag
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YUP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:25 PM Flag
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Maybe she got fat or stopped putting out. There's that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:16 PM Flag
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Still, not her fault he cheated. He could have left her before starting a new relationship. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:35 PM Flag
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it's true -- they could have had a very bad marriage. but why not divorce first. especially if no kids. It's not the fact that he is divorced from a marriage that had a bad dynamic. It's the weasly, cowardly way it all played out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:20 PM Flag
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actually - ties of marriage are so strong and difficult to extrecate from, i think unusual for it to end without outside catalyst like cheating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:38 PM Flag
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It's ALWAYS because of "her" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:23 PM Flag
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What he does FOR YOU he will do TO YOU [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:24 PM Flag
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this x 1000000000000 (Code 10, Code 10, evacuate now!) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:16 PM Flag
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+10000000000 - it's not the woman, it the strong urge for variety. eventually people get bored sexually and some people cheat as a result. Cheating ONCE and leaving marriage is not necessarily huge red flag (although really any failed marriage is a red flag) but serial cheating/lying is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:37 PM Flag
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These guys cheat from the first relationship they are in [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:17 PM Flag
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Depends on why he was cheating. Chasing a high or truly incompatible with the first wife. Has he had therapy for why he was cheating? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:06 PM Flag
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OP here, yes--he is in therapy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:31 PM Flag
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he's telling you now, so that when he does cheat on you, he can be all "hey baby, i was always honest with you. you knew what you were getting into ..." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:06 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.29.14, 04:06 AM Flag
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cheating with just one woman is different than cheating with lots of different women. When it's just one, there's still some part of him that values commitment. If he was having flings here and there all the time, you are crazy if you think he won't be the same with you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:08 PM Flag
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Well if the trolls aren't already out I know my response will certainly do it - my husband's prior marriage went up in flames over his cheating. Now for me, I think it's a positive sign that this man volunteered that information to you (as did my DH to me when we were dating). I'd say give it some time if you really like him and think there could be a future, but to be on higher alert with him for other signs that he may or may not still engage in the behaviors that contributed to his having cheated. Here's what I mean - my DH definitely engages in certain behaviors (one example is that he often behaves as if rules apply to everyone but him, or blames others for his feelings and actions) that I believe are part of what allows a person to justify cheating to themselves. His behavior has not manifested itself in him cheating on me, but obviously it causes other issues in the relationship. Does that make any sense? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:21 PM Flag
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I responded similarly above. Even if he doesn't cheat again (i.e. have sex with a woman who is not his wife/girlfriend), his character is flawed, and I would have a hard time trusting his judgement in other areas. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:12 PM Flag
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yep, you've hit it right on the head. ours is not a perfect marriage but so far in 14 years we've avoided his bad judgment on the important stuff. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:27 PM Flag
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Oh please. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:18 PM Flag
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OP here: yes, that sounds like him a bit! I've not known him very long but the certain behaviors sounds familiar. However, I will say that he prided himself--even when he stayed with ex-wife--that his marriage had longevity (I know it sounds a little strange but true). He stayed married to her for almost 2 decades trying to work things out but she avoided therapy and so he'd cheat because he was the breadwinner, etc. There is some elements of "trying so hard to be good" part of his story that pulls my heart strings. Crazy or worth it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:34 PM Flag
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I think you know the answer to this one. I don't follow the logic of "he'd cheat because he was the breadwinner." Is he saying that he didn't want to divorce her because she would be unable to care for herself? So, instead of getting divorced when they were 30 and she could find another man/job; he waited until she was 40 and it was too late? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:53 PM Flag
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OP here: Yes that was the outcome [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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As much as I'm poo-pooing this, my very close friend was in your exact same situation (she was the OW for a DH who cheated on -- but did not leave -- his wife because the wife was ill/unable to hold a job/etc. No kids from first marriage. Multiple affairs.) He eventually left his wife for my friend, the OW, and they now have 2 kids together and seem happy. But I can't help but think he's a douchebag. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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np: so you're saying he was miserable and unhappy but felt that he had to stay married, so his outlet for that unhappiness was having affairs? but some sense of obligation to her kept him from just asking for a divorce? bc he never did, right? SHE found out and that prompted the divorce, correct? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:44 PM Flag
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He's no more likely to cheat than any other guy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:16 PM Flag
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Really? How can you say that? He is batting 1.000. Basic statistics state that there is a decent chance that he will. it might not be guaranteed but it is a lot better chance "than any other guy(s). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:32 PM Flag
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That's not what the data shows. Each time a person cheats, cheating again is more likely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:22 PM Flag
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There are guys who have cheated and guys who haven't cheated yet. There's no way to tell. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:54 PM Flag
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Yes. That is true. However, the ones who have cheated are more likely to cheat than the ones who haven't? Do you get it sweety? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:05 PM Flag
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Nope, pretty sure no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 09:16 PM Flag
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My DH left his wife for me after we had an affair for several years. We've been married a while and it doesn't even cross my mind that he'll cheat on me, honestly, although that's not what these women want to believe. They married pretty young and things fell apart in a spectacular way long before I came on the scene. I suppose I should be waiting for "karma" or whatever, but it's not a concern. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:18 PM Flag
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This is what happens in sexless marriages [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:35 PM Flag
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DH fooled around with a friend as his previous marriage was falling apart (he and ex-wife had already been living apart for over a year). Is he totally over her? A freshly divorced man may still have issues. If you decide continue with this guy, be careful and watch him carefully. And keep seeing other people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:33 PM Flag
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This is really not cheating in my book. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:05 PM Flag
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I cheated in first marriage. Not proud of it, not blaming her, but I did. Have not cheated in second marriage and simply can't see it happening. Married for 16 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:08 PM Flag
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He may cheat but he certainly loves you and wants to be in the marriage. But it can be difficult for a man to pass on the excitement of variety, especially when variety comes so easily. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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Kinda weird if you're newly involved that he's self-disclosing the cheating thing. Means he has little shame about it. Just sayin.' [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.29.14, 04:11 AM Flag
[ - ] I know that there are ton of lawyers and ex lawyers here, so please help me figure this out. I was quoted $900 to prepare a will for pretty much the sterotypical UMC couple. Married, a house, two kids, and retirement accounts. No investments, no trusts, no properties or inheritances or alimonies or anything like that. I'm thinking that the attorney is going to charge me $900 to talk to me for 30 minutes, and then run a "find and replace" on the will document that he uses for every other client to just insert our names. Am I going to get a document that has been specifically drafted for me, or is it really just "you have to pay this much because I have the secret words on my laptop and you don't know them, and we've been able to convince people to pay this much because we know they need what we have." 32 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:10 PM Flag
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Forget the will; spend the $$$ on a shrink. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:16 PM Flag
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It is a good lawyer? $900 is about 3 hours work for a good (not excellent, just good) family lawyer. That's one meeting to talk about you, one hour to draft a document, and 1 hour to talk you through it. Now - if you just want a will, you can buy one on the internet for $15, and do the name change yourself. If you want advice, just in case you life isn't as simple as you think it is, then you will need to pay for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:31 PM Flag
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It just seems so expensive for what I'm getting out of it, but I know I need it. I don't begrudge someone their money, but I have this sneaking suspicion that there's not a ton of work involved in what I'm asking for. I'm almost positive it s the same document that they've completed dozens of times and so what I'm really paying for is the document, not any advice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:35 PM Flag
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So read some advice online about writing your own will, download a few different versions of different kinds of wills, and draft your own. If you're not happy with the results, you can always go back to the lawyer later. -np [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:27 PM Flag
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OR. So if you don't want advice, then don't go to a lawyer. Get a "do it yourself" will and well, do it yourself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:44 PM Flag
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np: well, some of it is not just cookie cutter - you want a will that's flexible enough that if your situation changes as the years go on, it will cover the changes wo necessarily needing a new will. and usually when doing wills attorneys also cover the kids' stuff (who will be guardian, who will manage the assets) in case something happens to both of you. also living will and health care proxies for you guys. also advise on beneficiary designations for retirement accounts and life insurance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:03 PM Flag
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Thank you, this is helpful. I guess what I'm curious about is - how much work is this, actually? I mean, a health care proxy is something that is already written that they're just going to put my name on. The guardian stuff is just "who do you want to be your kid's guardian?" and then type that name into the appropriate space on the will, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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^^ Or will they actually advise me on which person in my family would be a better choice, and why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:57 PM Flag
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They can't tell you which person would be best guardian... they are lawyers, not your families social worker. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:03 PM Flag
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So then they're really just asking me form questions and having a secretary type the answers into an existing document? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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yes and no. as OR posted, you're really talking 3 hours of work which isn't very much. sure, you could probably do it yourself with forms online. i did a power of attorney for my dad when he suddenly went into the hospital one time and it was easy (disclaimer - i went to law shcool, but am not a practicing lawyer) FOR ME. but honestly, i work as a financial planner and i've seen plenty of people screw it up in some way or forget a document that would have been beneficial. and everyone's knowledge base on these topics is different. no a lawyer isn't going to advise who should take care of your kids, but they WILL advise whether in your specific case it would make sense to designate a different conservator from the guardian. or whether it would make sense to create a trust to receive the assets. a lot of couples make the mistake of sweetheart wills which create problems in the event of both dying. these are things the lawyer will discuss with you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:30 PM Flag
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$900 is actually very inexpensive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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So what am I actually paying for? If I'm paying for the documents that seems quite high, as they're clearly already written and are re-used from client to client. If I'm paying for their advice, then should I expect an actual advisement beyond "tell me who you want to be your guardian and who should get your money?" That seems like a clerical job, not an advisory one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:59 PM Flag
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You're paying for someone to give you legal piece of mind; that's a combination of advice, the right documents, being liable if something goes wrong, being a contact person for further questions...the list goes on...$900 is cheap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:07 PM Flag
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I mean my root canal was $3000. I am sure everything they did was repetition and template from other patients...the time they spent was maybe 40 minutes. So what am I paying for...piece of mind that I was taken care of by professionals who know what they are doing and have honed their skills for exactly that purpose. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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You know, I thought of this too. But at least with a root canal I feel like I'm paying for an actual, hands on procedure. They are actively doing something unique and special to me as a person. I'd feel similarly overcharged if the dentist just had a "root canal kit" that they had mass produced and shoved into every person's mouth who came through the door. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:19 PM Flag
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OP is either stupid or deliberately obtuse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:24 PM Flag
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+1 She's a high class troll... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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Why are you being mean? This is my first time dealing with this and I'm surprised at how much it costs to do something that I thought was kind of pro-forma. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:29 PM Flag
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Again - you are buying a little amount of a very expensive person's time. If you don't want that time, there are other options - like a $30 will you can buy online. You seem to be unable to figure that some people's time is EXPENSIVE. There are crappy lawyers who would charge you $100 and do your find and replace for you... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:34 PM Flag
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You know - that's probably the core of it. You're right. I resent someone who says "my time is worth $300 an hour" because I don't think it is, but if they say it is, and I need what they have, then I have to pay it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:40 PM Flag
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Except you don't HAVE to pay it. You can choose. If you don't think you need legal advice, you can just buy a simple will online... If you want (or need) legal advice, it is fckn expensive... it is worth what people will pay for it... and people pay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:45 PM Flag
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It gets complicated because it's a friend, who we've already asked to do it, and now that we've asked we can't very well say "oh shit, I didn't know it would cost that much. Forget it, let me call some other guys." Oh well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:52 PM Flag
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Yes you can. Just say "Oh shit, I didn't realize how expensive it is. What do you think of the online wills - given our simple situation?". Friend will probably tell you they're fine, and even point you to the best site... if friend thinks you need advice... then friend will say something like "Actually, in your case, I think...". Most professionals, counter to popular opinion, are into helping not not screwing their clients... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:57 PM Flag
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This. Get one online. It doesn't sound like your situation is complicated, why line some lawyers pockets. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:56 PM Flag
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This is not something you should do yourself. Talk to several lawyers if you feel the price is high. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:11 PM Flag
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I would seriously doubt the competence of any lawyer charging less than $900. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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An orangutan could draft a will. OP, UB is full of lawyers trying to preserve the mystique of their profession, but a will like yours isn't complicated and anyone of average intelligence could do it themselves. Google a kit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:57 PM Flag
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You are right that it is going to be a find and replace. It is not terribly hard to draft a will for that situation. If all you want is to have a will written, I would look elsewhere (including for an online kit). On the other hand if you want a preexisting relationship with a family lawyer if and when issues arise (probate for example) you have to give him some work every now and again. Regardless of what you decide please also look into a living will / health care proxy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:25 PM Flag
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most wills are boilerplate and you can do it yourself. Check "legalzoom" or something. Don't spend $900 on something that takes little effort. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:55 PM Flag
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In Manhattan, the going attorney cost for preparation of a UMC will is about $2,000. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:16 PM Flag
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LOL. The sucker tax. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 09:17 PM Flag
[ - ] Dont you think 13 is two old for a parent to call you if yours DDs are not getting along? This mother called to discuss it with me. Let them work it out themselves. Honestly the true problem is my DD dosent really like the girl in the the first place. How can I force her to be friends with her. As long as she is repectful towards her there is nothing more I can do. 27 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:06 PM Flag
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Sorry about the spelling errors.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:07 PM Flag
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Was your dd being respectful? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:21 PM Flag
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Yes she was. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:24 PM Flag
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Tell the other mom that at any age, it is cruel to force your DD to be friends with another girl she doesn't like. And at 13 it's inappropriate to have any say in your DD's social circle (unless she's friends with girls who are doing drugs and having sex, then you gotta intervene) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:22 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:14 PM Flag
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Yea nothing like that. She went to a pool party her DD wasnt invited to. The mom said my DD should have made sure her DD was invited. I get it. Its hurtful but DD has been left out of plenty of things. Its life. Her DD is brags all the time, and is very competitve. I think other girls have had it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:14 PM Flag
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np: i do not think anyone has a right to tell someone hosting a party whom they should inivte. your dd would have been rude to do so. it's unfortunate that her dd is being left out and i'm sure that hurts and the mother is hurting for her dd. but i think it's reasonable to say " i'm sorry Jennifer wasn't invited to Ella's party, but it really would not have been appropriate for Maya to tell Ella whom to invite. perhaps Ella and Jennifer should work this out between them." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:07 PM Flag
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Yes times a million. My DD is 10, and even that age I think is too old for the parents to be intervening. I have another mom friend who is practically maniacal about maintaining control over her DDs social life. Even though our girls are friends she will still call me to set up playdates. I think it's overkill. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:26 PM Flag
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Depends on whether the kid is being bullied or not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:32 PM Flag
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I don't think OP is using 'not getting along' as a euphemism for bullying. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:23 PM Flag
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Oh please. Ridiculous, this constant "bullying" on here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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It is overused, however it does depend on OP's DD's behavior whether or not it was appropriate for the mother to call. From what OP says, it sounds inappropriate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:45 PM Flag
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You don't call about a 13 yo, period. There is no grey area. Unless a girl is threatening bodily harm, there is no phone call. Period. God city kids must be weak as shit having their mommies out there managing their social lives for them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:58 PM Flag
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I'd hear her out, but not make any promises, and I'd talk to my daughter about it. No, you can't/shouldn't try to force her to be grinds with someone she doesn't like, but I would encourage her to be kind and inclusive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:18 PM Flag
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^^friends, not grinds [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:18 PM Flag
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Tell the other mom that the two girls aren't going to "play", or whatever the hell it is that girls that old do together, for a while. And tell your dd to just not address the other girl for a while...these are girls, by next week the entire story could change. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:20 PM Flag
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This. Separate the kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:35 PM Flag
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Yes this is what I did. It was getting in to a he said she said situation...DD was invited to a party and she was thrilled and nervous and she went and had a great time. The other girl is upset. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:02 PM Flag
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the social lives of middle schoolers cannot and should not be "managed". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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Often these disagreements happen because one girl is growing up faster than the other interested in boys and etc. stay out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:36 PM Flag
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Just listen and be polite and noncommital. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:26 PM Flag
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What specific things was the caller complaining about? "Let them work it out" if often code for "let the bitchier girl prevail," IMO. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:55 PM Flag
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Bitch is in the eye of the beholder. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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Which is pretty much the way life works. 13 yos aren't babies. Grow the hell up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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I don't think adult life works that way so much. Short-term, maybe. But long term, karma's a bitch, especially if you are. I do happen to agree with OP, however, based on what she said. The caller can't blame the OP's daughter because her kid wasn't invited to a party. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:51 PM Flag
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No way. More parents should get involved and there would be less bullying and middle school angst. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 07:16 PM Flag
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Of course, judging by the UB board, lots of grown women are still taking their behavioral cues from middle school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 08:00 PM Flag
[ - ] Baby sitter (manny), DS age 7 and DD age 5 are very physical when they play together. The wrestle each other a lot. I constantly find them lying on top of each other; or the kids would sit on top of his legs, tommies, etc. Would you find this uncomfortable? 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 04:59 PM Flag
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Don't feed the pedo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:00 PM Flag
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^^^ I mean that this is a fake post and the poster is a pedo (not the babysitter). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:15 PM Flag
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This is FAKE FAKE FAKE [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:50 PM Flag
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I'm surprised the manny allows this. I use male babysitters and they are so so careful with any notion of impropriety. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:05 PM Flag
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Not every man is a pedophile, and if you think your babysitter is one, then fire him. Of course they are physical -- isn't that why you hired a man, so they would do "boy stuff" like wrestling? If you're uncomfortable, then hire a woman, who have never been known to molest anyone ever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:14 PM Flag
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No, because my dh is like this with our kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:15 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:08 PM Flag
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If he were a pedophile and wanted to abuse your kids, he would be behaving very differently in front of you and grooming them when you aren't around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:09 PM Flag
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This is a good point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:37 PM Flag
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if it trips your pedo sensors, you must fire. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:23 PM Flag
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This. Just do not hire mannies. Simple [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:14 PM Flag
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I'm just curious: why would you ever hire a male babysitter? Most normal men I know have zero interest in other people's children. Females do - which is why lots of girls and women enjoy being babysitters. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:13 PM Flag
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Be real. Very few women and girls enjoy being babysitters. It's a job that any woman over 15 years old with good hygiene can get, with no certifications or special education, hourly, and under the table if necessary. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:18 PM Flag
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or: I liked it. Babysat here and there in college. I got very attached to some of the kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:19 PM Flag
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OP: I don't think babysitting is a skill that is specific to any gender. Most are females, because most moms feel more comfortable with females. Regardless of genders, they all do it for the money, some enjoy it and some don't. My manny is doing it for the money. Just moved to NYC right after college graduation and needed a day job to support himself while waitering at night and trying to become an actor- just a very typical story that I have seen with all these young adults babysitting. Although my manny genuinely enjoys babysitting for my kids. He was an orphan and never really had a childhood. Babysitting for us is like finding his childhood that he never had. They played with stuffed animals and other toys that he never saw or had. He is generally a good sitter. Just don't know if I should mention anything about them being too physical while playing or if it is just a normal part of playing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:30 PM Flag
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What did the other mom say? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:19 PM Flag
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DH. Very normal behavior. Trust your gut, though, about what makes you uncomfortable, etc. - its your life. BUT - please don't be crazy, irrational person and think that all men are pedos. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:46 PM Flag
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I honestly do not personally know anyone who has a manny. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:06 PM Flag
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I hated babysitting as a kid, didn't like the kids, did it only for the money. My guess is a male would do it for the same reason. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:14 PM Flag
[ - ] DD got high 2s on the 4th grade exams. We're in District 2. Does Wagner (non-SP) program automatically have to accept her? (Trust me - it pains me to write "high 2s" - sounds like saying she got a D+ - and we are also high academic achievers so we the ego deflation added to the very real worry about what middle school options we have) 27 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 04:58 PM Flag
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Either Wagner or Baruch, depending upon which is closer (I believe.) Don't beat yourself up. Scores on 4th grade exams don't set her path for life. Plenty of time for her to find her academic achievement groove. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 04:48 PM Flag
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np: you, I like [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 04:51 PM Flag
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np: ITTA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:10 PM Flag
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Did you do any prep at all? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 04:48 PM Flag
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Sadly, yes. Think it's the 'reversion to the mean' phenomenon that RM and others keep posting about, because older brother is a whiz (smarter than both us parents combined). Indeed, she did worse than she did last year, and last year had zero prep. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:02 PM Flag
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np: sometimes I think the prep backfires because performance can be influenced by stress. If she is a good student, don't worry about it. You are lucky to be in D. 2 where there are lots of good middle schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:23 PM Flag
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I unfortunately don't know the answer but am curious - did she do well on her grades? Were the high 2s unexpected? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 04:48 PM Flag
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Last year was a 3 in Math, high 2 in ELA, so we got her prepped. School just isn't her interest, unfortunately. Sports and other stuff are. Which I think is totally and completely fine -- if we didn't live in NYC. Really pushes me to want to move to suburbs where she can just progress like any normal kid and find her academic niche or talent later in life, without having to get tracked at middle school then again at high school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:04 PM Flag
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np: I am usually not a fan of suburbs, but you are exactly right that they are PERFECT for a kid like that. She may be a late-bloomer and it may not even happen until college or grad school. But it is certainly sad that in NYC these kids sometimes are lost. That being said, District 2 is one of the best districts for a kid like that and there are nice middle schools for nice kids who may not be so academically inclined. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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I would talk to someone at the school. Find out what the issues were with the test--they can do a line item analysis and see where things went wrong. My question would be: if she's a high achiever and is struggling on the tests, is there an undiagnosed learning issue? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:02 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 04:52 PM Flag
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Not a high achiever in school. Think she she, sadly, isn't that smart. That said, she's one of those kids that everyone likes, exceptional at sports, musically talented. We lived overseas for a while and she was quite talented with foreign languages as well. She'll do fine in life - but not if she gets tracked into a bad school and, even worse, if her self-esteem suffers because of the tracking and fact that all her friends are going to other schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 04:55 PM Flag
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OR: She's young, she'll take her cue from you. So if you seem disappointed that her friends are gong to other schools, she'll get that whiff. If, on the other hand, you are vocal about what she is good at (and that list is impressive: music, sports, languages) then she'll start to understand her talents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:10 PM Flag
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OP: Thank you! That's the type of advice I need to hear over and over. In hyper-competitive NY (and with my upbringing), it's so hard to amplify the positive and keep saying "she'll be fine." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:12 PM Flag
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You're welcome. And seriously, in the long run, would you rather have a kid who has social charisma, speaks multiple languages and plays an instrument or one who can write a five paragraph essay on demand? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:21 PM Flag
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^^I'm not suggesting academic achievement is a bad thing. Of course it's good. But it sounds like your dd has lots going for her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:25 PM Flag
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ps ICE I think purposely takes lower performing kids who have flair/personality. my dc got into mark twain & nest and didn't even get an interview at ICE. might be good for your dc? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:41 PM Flag
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Try MAT. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:16 PM Flag
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in this situation I might go private OR suburbs. I agree terrible for kid to feel tracked at this age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:40 PM Flag
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Two thoughts: 1. is that you shouldn't be pushing her into one of the top schools in D2 or making her feel as if SHE needs to go in that direction. It's hard if her brother is a whiz. 2. This sounds like one of dc's good friends. Decent, not stellar grades and terrible test scores. Dx with severe learning disability in middle school--no one caught it before then, partly because he was one of those nice, easygoing kids who never makes trouble. If your dd already feels as if she's not smart, do some investigation now, before she gets into middle school, where the work gets harder. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:11 PM Flag
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OP: Thanks. Will look into this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:14 PM Flag
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You could look at Mark Twain for middle school, although it is a long ride from Manhattan. It is perfect for a kid like yours because it has a range of very smart students, and students who get in because of their music or sports "talent". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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I feel for you. I think this will be my dd in 2 years. She's just not that into school and tries very minimally. Anything that requires deep thinking and effort is a struggle. Which ever ms you are zoned for will automatically accept her. Luckily we are zoned for Baruch so that's the worst my dd can do for ms. Harder still, sibbling going to first choice ms in next week. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:18 PM Flag
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OP: Yep, older sibling is a high academic achiever, so there's also the internal family dynamic we need to work on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:13 PM Flag
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this is why I sent my dd to success academy. worried her brainiac older brother would force her into a non-academic identity. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:42 PM Flag
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If Wagner is close, she'll automatically be accepted (as long as you list it on the form) and she'll be just fine there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:08 PM Flag
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If you live within the zone of Wagner and Baruch, you will be admitted to the non-SP program. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.28.14, 05:29 PM Flag
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