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[ - ] How did your DH propose to you? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:56 PM Flag
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We picked out the ring together. Then a few weeks later, we took our dogs to the park on a Saturday afternoon and he proposed there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 01:00 PM Flag
[ - ] S/o are we all really pretending we'd rather marry Aidan than Big, really?? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:47 PM Flag
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Most moms are politically correct. Terrified of telling the truth. it is PC to say you would not marry for money. But a lie [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:50 PM Flag
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Aidan had money, though! Remember, he bought Carrie's apartment and the one next door. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 01:00 PM Flag
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It wasn't just over money that she married B? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 01:00 PM Flag
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^ they had passion. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 01:00 PM Flag
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Aidan was the better guy in the movie. But even In the movie, Carrie and her dusty old uterus chose the money and the apartment, and Aidan hopefully got some nice girl whom he had babies with. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 01:00 PM Flag
[ - ] alright ladies! I know I am boring and that is the only part of this post I will apologize for. So I am the dumbass with the cheating BF, who found out abt the cheating recently just as he was having his tow kids come to visit. Yesterday, he and I spoke on the phone and he was terrible. He wasn't sorry! oh no, he said all I was was a F&89- buddy! And I had had it- I told him to get his tuff out of my house. Now mind you I had said originally, that since his kids were set to come they could still do so. I was willing to provide my apartment for 3 weeks (they are home schooled) despite the cheating. And then we spoke on the phone! I never let me anger runaway- I am always nice and UNDERSTANDING and I out myself last. But I had had it. I ALWAYS the doormat- always. I am always short changed, last considered, utterly humiliated even. So- I took it back and told him NO to the 3 weeks, no to anything that I had to do that involved doing for him. And I CANNOT feel GREAT abt it b/c his two kids are involved and they were supposed to stay in my spacious apartment! UGH!!! Was I ok? Did I go to far? THANKS :)) 25 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:28 PM Flag
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I read your other posts and I don't think you went too far. It's unfortunate that the children will be in the small grandmother's apartment (is that right?), but it's their dad's fault and it sounds like he's an incredible ass to you. I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself! Now don't back down if you start feeling guilty! :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:37 PM Flag
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op: yes, grandmas and its a one bedroom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:39 PM Flag
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Thank you. This is a huuuge step for me. Lame but true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:39 PM Flag
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You're welcome! I don't think it's lame - some people are anti-confontational and people who aren't may recognize that and use it to their advantage. My mom was like that and my dad, while not an ass didn't respect her as much, and when she started standing up for herself their relationship improved. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:46 PM Flag
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Wasn't this over yesterday? You just need to move on and not feel bad about it otherwise yes you are being a dumbass. You don't owe him or his children anything. Frankly, I would just put his stuff on the curb at a designated time and call it a day. And you might want to get a therapist be use clearly you have self esteem issues that you need to work through. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:38 PM Flag
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ty [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:46 PM Flag
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He lived with you and called you a fuck buddy? Telling him to get his stuff was a favor. I would have told him he had better get to the street quickly, because that's where his stuff would be. Where did you meet this loser? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:42 PM Flag
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op; I have known him for 14 years- old friends and we started dating. UGh! I wish I had the balls to say that and do it. the thought crossed my mind but I couldn't go that far. Could you really have done that?! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:45 PM Flag
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Np: YES. I would and people consider me very nice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:51 PM Flag
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Absolutely. I am a reformed door mat. I'm not dramatic in a normal break up, but if a man who was LIVING WITH ME called ME "just a fuck buddy", his stuff would be out the door before he hung up the phone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:52 PM Flag
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op: I was infuriated! I could feel my cheeks get hot! I was soo angry! I KNOW he had put all these conditions and boundaries on the "relationship". he told me and I accepted- like a fool. Now thinking about- it yes, that was all I was a F*989 buddy- to him. But to find our abt the cheating and still try to be accommodating AND be called a F^*60 buddy! I felt real rage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:56 PM Flag
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Way to go! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:45 PM Flag
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ty [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:46 PM Flag
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Good for you! I am cheering. Do not waver on anything. And I second the suggestion to get some therapy. I'm like you. I put up with abominable treatment from my husband for years. After 2 years of therapy I'm ready to get out. Good luck! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:47 PM Flag
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op: I do have a therapist- maybe that's why I was able to do this. Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:49 PM Flag
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I read your first post and couldn't believe it. This post is so much better! Move on. His kids are his problem. Finds someone who lives and appreciates you. You sound like a nice person but you need to value yourself more [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:49 PM Flag
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op: He said I complained too much and I was too negative. But I don't care!!!!! I wasn't going to keep my mouth shut and accept shitty treatment!! I DO deserve more! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:50 PM Flag
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Yes you DO. I can tell you are super nice person. This is your chance to learn to put yourself first. You will be surprised but he will respect you more for it no matter what he says. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:52 PM Flag
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^ when my friend had an issue like yours I came over, packed her dh's stuff and took it to my storage. Texted him that he had 3 days to coordinate someone to come her it before its in the trash. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:55 PM Flag
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op; interesting! so I am not going too far. interesting- its hard to tell when all you are used to saying and doing is what works best for the guy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:56 PM Flag
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You were great; now go to the spa and treat yourself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:50 PM Flag
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Good idea! Treat yourself to a special day! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:58 PM Flag
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Good for you! You deserve much better- you deserve someone who will love you and care about YOU! This is a great first step. Get out there and find a nice, caring person! I'm proud of you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 01:00 PM Flag
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That was very nice- thank you!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 01:02 PM Flag
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You need to wrap this up, not feel guilty, and move on. Kids or no kids, you just don't need this person in your life. Sorry they are stuck with a dud dad, but not your problem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 01:01 PM Flag
[ - ] DD's friend's brother just graduated from Stuy. He got into Cornell and Hunter College but chose Hunter because of the money. Frankly, even with a great scholarship to Cornell, he could not afford to go there. At Hunter, he is going tuition free (scholarship), plus he can live at home. I don't think people on this board understand how much family money affects college matriculation. So stop comparing private school college matriculation stats to public school matriculation stats. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:15 PM Flag
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I think they do know, it just makes old money feel good to say that they went to Ivy so they can justify it in their own minds...and brag. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:31 PM Flag
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I would guess at least a quarter of graduates from most private schools need financial aid for college. It was well over 50% at my child's school (not in NYC). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:37 PM Flag
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^^^ I also think there's a cultural factor in many Asian families of wanting to keep children close to home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:38 PM Flag
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The issue is the binge drinking and hookup culture at college [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:40 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:47 PM Flag
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If DS lives at home he grows up to have the values of his family if he goes to college he learns new ones [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:48 PM Flag
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My dc is at Stuy, and I would say that at least half the class are the children of immigrants. PT conferences offer translators. Yes, all of the dcs are very bright, but with 800+ in the class, very few of those who can't afford it will get scholarships to the prestigious private colleges. Lots of dcs go to CUNY and SUNY. For that matter, lots of the middle class dcs do as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 01:00 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone else still thinking about yesterday's post re: the married woman having an affair and pregnant with her partners child? Her situation is beyond and no I don't think it was fake. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:08 PM Flag
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I do think she is proud of her situation. Almost as if she wanted to show-off to everyone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:21 PM Flag
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Yes. There's def something there. I wonder how it ends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:48 PM Flag
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I know someone who was the married woman in this situation. Several years later, she's married to the man she had the affair with, and has a second child by him. So 3 kids total, one by the first husband and two by the second. The oldest child was 18 months when she started the affair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:58 PM Flag
[ - ] Am I at the wrong here? My kids are at school till 3. We kept our housekeeper/nanny because she is great cook and is willing to clean even if reluctantly. We didn't cut her hours so that she can be available during sick days/holidays. She has 5 hours each day for housekeeping which IMO is really too much so I asked if we can give her 2 1/2 days off dieting the week in exchange for roughly 6 hours in the weekend or at least every other weekend. She said she needed to see how the long the housekeeping will take and it's taking forever. It took her 4 hours to cook 2 dishes yesterday. Am I wrong to feel frustrated? (She doesn't have family here) 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:57 AM Flag
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I'm sure you are a lovely family but she wants her down time. Everyone does, I wouldn't go for that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:01 PM Flag
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How would you feel if I just offered a pay cut to afford a weekend sitter? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:04 PM Flag
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Sure but be prepared for her to agree yet use her newfound downtime during the week to look for thr FT job she needs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:07 PM Flag
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I guess it's the nature of this business, if you don't need her then say so. Be honest about what your situation is and say "we love you but this is our situation and here are our options...a, b, c. What works for you? Then she can mull it over and have some control over how this impacts her, which I think as humans, we like to have choices and make our own decisions over. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:11 PM Flag
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I would find a new job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:15 PM Flag
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OP: I don't mind it. I pay well so I could find someone to do all I need including the weekend hours for slightly lower weekly pay. I want to keep her but there comes a point where I am having a hard time justifying the high cost. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:24 PM Flag
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You just answered your own question then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:26 PM Flag
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^ After reading UB it seems I should be happy she can cook well but is it like this IRL? Are most women so incapable now that they can't do basic housework anymore? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:03 PM Flag
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No one wants to do housework. If you need a job and that's what you can get, fine but if you already had a "better" deal it would sting [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:53 PM Flag
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OP: I like to cook. It's much easier than watching kids. I just make too much to SAHM and do housework while kids are at school but its sooo easy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:57 PM Flag
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Sort of. You are asking her to make a trade that only someone afraid of losing their job would agree to. Accordingly, she is trying her best to make it not s worthwhile choice for you either. Passive aggressive but it really stinks that you are asking her to work PT 7(?) days per week bc you think her lack of fsmily here means she has nothing better (or justifiably more important to her) to do with her weekends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:03 PM Flag
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I am asking for 3 full and 2 half days M-F and one weekend date night. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:14 PM Flag
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You need a weekend nanny, let this woman be your nanny m-f. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:07 PM Flag
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I can't afford to hire all these different people without cutting our nanny's pay. I have a budget too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:22 PM Flag
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Then you can't afford weekend help. You have to face this fact. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:28 PM Flag
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That is silly. We have made sacrifices while kids where little but now our needs have changed and we no longer need all the weekday hours. Of course we can afford to have a weekend sitter but not if we continue to pay for unneeded weekday hours. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:36 PM Flag
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My nanny does all very efficiently. This one does not seem cut out for housework - its just the way it is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:33 PM Flag
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You pay her well? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:35 PM Flag
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OP: I pay my nanny well. I can find someone who I can pay same per hour but she will do 3x the work. All I asked was a little value added from her. It's not like 2 free days till 2 pm isn't a fair exchange for 1 date night. Of course since she does practically nothing these 2 1/2 days and even if she wasn't at our apartment I would never know so the incentive isn't there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:44 PM Flag
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She does a good enough job. I at work and I am sure she works 1/2 of the time and then Skypes, reads, chats. It is an easy well paid job [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:41 PM Flag
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either pay for the convenience or look to get someone else. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:47 PM Flag
[ - ] RM here: I wanted to bring to your attention this story in the NYT about a Rwandan refugee now enrolled at Harvard. If you're a supporter of diversity in higher education, these are the sorts of blacks who should be given preferential admission: ones who truly have overcome great adversity and shown great potential as future leaders. Right now, though, affirmative action admission in the US is broken, and largely benefits upper middle class black children of lawyers and doctors, who despite the best environment, are academically underwhelming. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:30 AM Flag
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Never though I'd live to see the day, but I agree with you here, RM. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:05 PM Flag
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RM: Contrary to popular belief and my moniker, I am not a rabid racist. I am a race realist, and my policy views are informed by facts, not racism. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:52 PM Flag
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Np: I don't always agree but I do find your facts to be interesting [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:58 PM Flag
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Me to. Keep it up RM [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 01:00 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:18 PM Flag
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No student admitted to Harvard is academically underwhelming. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:29 PM Flag
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Lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:58 PM Flag
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I read that article this morning. His is a very inspiring story. But, it also made me wonder how many diamonds in the rough children live in NYC who, for a variety of reasons, have little opportunity to live up to their potential. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:30 PM Flag
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Gazillions. Even more so because the other kids in their schools, the disruptive badly behaved ones, hold them back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:43 PM Flag
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We can all agree that hardworking blacks like this one should be allowed to attend separate schools from the disruptive and destructive blacks. The current system is hell for hardworking black children [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 01:00 PM Flag
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I agree. AA should be for those who had adversity [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:43 PM Flag
[ - ] Oh my god, I feel so sad and I don't have anyone to lean on or turn to. I don't know what to do. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:25 AM Flag
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lean on yourself - get over this hump and start cultivating friends for the next time you need someone to lean on [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:28 AM Flag
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Thanks but what do I do about dh? He doesn't open his own mail or turn off lights he was using before leaving the house. But he will make sure that the EZPass he uses to commute with a coworker is filled even though he never filled ours when we used to commute together. These seem like petty things but the are emblematic of our relationship. I just can't take it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:35 AM Flag
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^^^My six year old daughter gave me a hug this morning, told me she is sorry that I had a bad day at work yesterday, and told me that she loves me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:36 AM Flag
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Love your children and take comfort in them. Husbands - meh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:49 AM Flag
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Why isn't the easy pass on auto fill with credit card? What's in his mail that needs to be opened? Frankly, I rarely schick the mail but my DH is semis obsessive about it. We used to live in an apartment and I would simply toss sbthing yhst didn't look important. He needs to open and look at everything. Could you possibly be this way? Not saying you aren't right about overarching issues but the ones you point out seem so nitpicky that it could be Parton thr issue too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:49 AM Flag
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automate everythign you can - bills go on auto pay as for the mail - pile it up for him in one place and ignore. Any major bill or financial statement needs to come to you or email. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:53 AM Flag
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You have 1 six year old child and that's it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:59 AM Flag
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np: What does that mean? Why does that matter? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:32 PM Flag
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Do you have a job? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:21 PM Flag
[ - ] I need a parental control software program that will work remotely and that will permit my dc access to only certain websites (the ones needed for homework!) during a specific period of time. Anyone have any ideas? Using MS Family Safety and it doesn't that specific. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:16 AM Flag
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Is this bc DC is home in afternoons alone? is there anything available through the school where he could have supervised access to a computer? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:52 AM Flag
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Try NetNanny - it has content and website blocking/filtering, as well as recording capabilities. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:09 PM Flag
[ - ] This weather is so bad that our pit bull wouldn't stay in his pen and slept on my legs on the bed all night. That's when you know it's bad, when he finds the super dog strength to leap three feet over the wall to run upstairs. I just looked outside and stuff is everywhere in the yard. DH stayed overnight in the city. If the basement floods, I am so screwed. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:04 AM Flag
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Your husband stayed over due to rain? Okay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:11 AM Flag
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I didn't say that at all. He works nights when a case comes in at the hospital. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:27 AM Flag
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School closed for my kids. Power is out at both the elementary and middle. Great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:28 AM Flag
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In NYC?! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 11:30 AM Flag
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For RAIN?!?! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:20 PM Flag
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Jeez, where are you??? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 10.23.14, 12:43 PM Flag
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