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[ - ] Task rabbit - should I do it or not to make extra money this summer? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:56 PM Flag
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^^teacher here [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:57 PM Flag
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Hell no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:00 PM Flag
[ - ] Its a BEAUTIFUL DAY to be a RODAN + FIELDS Consultant -- even FORBES thinks so! Forbes' list of the 50 Most Successful, Self Made Women--my employers Dr. Rodan & Dr. Fields coming in at #42! So proud of them & honored to be a part of their newest empire! 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:55 PM Flag
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My employers. Lmao. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:58 PM Flag
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drinking the koolaid!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:59 PM Flag
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Thanks god you are not a friend of mine. Had one of 25 yrs that started pushing crap on people and had to do the fast fade. Get a real job if you need money or otherwise SAHM. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:00 PM Flag
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It's a sahm whose DH is an MD [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:01 PM Flag
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I would flag this but can't tell if it's a joke [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:00 PM Flag
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Yes I copied from facebook [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:01 PM Flag
[ - ] Why is a man who is way out of my league dating me? Just doesn't make sense. 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:51 PM Flag
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Are you exclusive or one of many? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:52 PM Flag
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Exclusive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:58 PM Flag
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^^ surprisingly, I might add [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:58 PM Flag
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If you remind him of a family member (like his mom or sister), you have it made in the shade. He feels comfortable with you which bodes well for a long-term commitment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:59 PM Flag
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Slumming [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:54 PM Flag
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you again? didn't you post this a few months ago? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:54 PM Flag
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^ if so, and he has been dating you this long, he likes you and that is wonderful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:54 PM Flag
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I don't know if I posted this a few months ago. Could be me again. We have been seeing each other for a while. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:59 PM Flag
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With that attitude, he won't be much longer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:55 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:01 PM Flag
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Are you having sex with him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:55 PM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:00 PM Flag
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i was the funny/smart girl for someone out of my league. we were not exclusive ... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:56 PM Flag
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obviously not for your self-confidence [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:57 PM Flag
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he's gay [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:59 PM Flag
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Well, my husband married me. You can't think of it as "leagues". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:00 PM Flag
[ - ] Any lawyer moms on? I'd like to do some estate planning (revise will, set up living trust) before we go out of town in July. We have an appointment with attorney next week. Can we get this done in a month? Any tips for a newbie? TIA! 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:48 PM Flag
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Are you and DH in agreement about where the money will go in the event all of the immediate family dies? Who will be the guardian and back-up guardian of the children? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:51 PM Flag
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Yes, money will go into trust for kids. Legal guardian and executor of trust would be DH's brother and SIL (our only family members with kids). Grandparents are all in their 70s+. Anything here a red flag? Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:59 PM Flag
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Took us three months; sure, the first month after the initial meeting was partly us dawdling, but unless you are ready to go now with the details or have a non-busy lawyer, could be hard to get it hammered down entirely in a month. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:54 PM Flag
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Good to know. We'll try to be as prepared as possible, I guess. And ask the lawyer about her timeline. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:00 PM Flag
[ - ] I had a friend break up with me in part because I thought circumcision was ok 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:46 PM Flag
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Dogmatic, intolerant types are the worst. So rigid and narrow-minded. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:48 PM Flag
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You are better off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:54 PM Flag
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Good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:57 PM Flag
[ - ] Why the FUCK can't my husband call people on the phone and figure shit out? He sends cryptic emails to contractor, leasing companies, then I have to pick up the phone and actually get shit done. It makes me so crazy I want to kill him. 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:44 PM Flag
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I also wonder if he is like this at work. How can someone survive in a professional setting like that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:45 PM Flag
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He's probably the boss. Shit floats higher. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:58 PM Flag
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first world problem [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:45 PM Flag
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NP: I'm guessing if we were suddenly airlifted to a third world scenario, I'd still be all, "Why the FUCK can't my husband walk the mile to get the water from the well?" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:50 PM Flag
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:) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:56 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:57 PM Flag
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Introvert. He married you to interface with the world for him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:47 PM Flag
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+1. this is my dh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:54 PM Flag
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At least he does that much! Mine will always ask me to do it: "Can you call so-and-so and ask them blah blah blah?" claiming I'm "better" at those things (admittedly, he's right, but still...) We both WOHM (and oddly his job is communications-based), but he's useless when it comes to getting crap done. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:48 PM Flag
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*WOH (I'm the "M") [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:48 PM Flag
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We are married to the same person. Mine wants to email our realtor/lawyer, but never gets the answers we actually need to proceed. So I need to bother the poor souls a second time with the questions we actually need answered. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:51 PM Flag
[ - ] Any tarot moms on? 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:44 PM Flag
[ - ] Is anyone dealing with a little kid who has spring allergies? my dd is 6 and they came all of a sudden for the first time this year. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:40 PM Flag
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40% of children get seasonal allergies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:44 PM Flag
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really? that makes me feel way better. she has had a cough for weeks. gets better with antihistamines. but doctor just ordered a chest x ray. he claimed the radiation was less than you'd get flying, but as a cancer survivor i hate to subject her to it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:54 PM Flag
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yes, 40x less is what I heard [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:55 PM Flag
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he gave me this statistic that x rays are 1,000 times less than catscans, but come on! nobody's talking about a catscan here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:56 PM Flag
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he's right. if you have ever taken your kid on a plane, that's way more radiation than a simple chest radiograph. don't worry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:57 PM Flag
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my 14 year old has them all of a sudden [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:59 PM Flag
[ - ] i just discovered a 'reality' show with the biggest bunch of douchebags of them all: Made in Chelsea. A bunch of useless eurotrash rich kids in London. apparently this has been going on for years. i think it's douchier than the hills! 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:38 PM Flag
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isn't that the one stephanie from the hills was on for a bit? I have never seen it, but I am a sucker for the dailymail online. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:43 PM Flag
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Was addicted to it while living in London the past several years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:44 PM Flag
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the guys are so unbelievably douchey. is that really what rich kids are like in london? in nyc at least they don't have their heads up their asses as much. that counts for something. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:55 PM Flag
[ - ] Gawker has a story about a school that asked graduating girls to dress modestly for the ceremony and "not try to put 10 pounds of mud in a 5 lb sack" which everyone is all agog at ... but honestly when I went to my dc's 8th grade graduation last year, there were more 13 and 14 year olds dressed up like whoreclowns in training than you could shake a stick at. Red lipstick, dark eyes and heels they could barely walk in. Nothing to the imagination, and this was in broad daylight. I get it. 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:38 PM Flag
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I went to a bat mitzvah on Long Island two years ago and it was like a Nevada whorehouse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:39 PM Flag
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lol i would like to see a picture of this one [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:44 PM Flag
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Laguna Beach mom here: same scenario out here, haha. It is like they are not wearing a bottom half to their outfit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:48 PM Flag
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Ayah, put on pants!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:49 PM Flag
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There are better ways to phrase it. My school had the same problem (Catholic school), and our wise nun administration had the firefighters from across the street tell us how whoreish we looked. Surprise: nothing really changed after that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:40 PM Flag
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LOL I have to say that if that had happened to me, the only thing to change would be my respect for nuns and firemen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:43 PM Flag
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agree [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:00 PM Flag
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I actually quite like the way she phrased it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:49 PM Flag
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Yikes, that backfired. The men confirming that the look got their attention. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:50 PM Flag
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Yes shaming by men doesn't work because the whole point is to get attention from men. The shaming must come from other girls/women. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:57 PM Flag
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Does it have to be shame-based? How about pointing out where such things lead and how to maintain a higher trajectory in life? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:01 PM Flag
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When I was in high school, our campus was undergoing renovations and we had construction workers all around. One day, they called all of the girls down to the auditorium and had the boys stay in the classrooms. All of our female teachers were in the auditorium. They proceeded to tell us "Though it's not explicitly listed, underwear IS part of the uniform. You MUST wear underwear under your skirts"... Apparently there were girls not wearing underwear and one of the construction workers told the school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:52 PM Flag
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hahahaha [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:58 PM Flag
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wow [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:01 PM Flag
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"Not try to put 10 pounds of mud in a 5 lb sack". Hilarious. I have to use this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:51 PM Flag
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Of course all of the girls think they are 5 pounds of mud in a 5 lb sack and that the advice must apply to some other girls. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:54 PM Flag
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Tenafly bat mitzvahs are an ass cheek fest [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:00 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone been diagnosed with narcolepsy? Looking for treatment option or just more information. TIA! 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:35 PM Flag
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Zzzzzz [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:37 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:40 PM Flag
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FTW! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:44 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:56 PM Flag
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first time this is the best answer for a question [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:44 PM Flag
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Better would have been, "CSZzzzzzzzzz [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Best movies on Netflix? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:34 PM Flag
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Armageddon [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:34 PM Flag
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Does it have to be Netflix? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:36 PM Flag
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no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:36 PM Flag
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Irreversible [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:42 PM Flag
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i always want to find tv on netflix. so sick of the stuff they have. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:39 PM Flag
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does anyone do the $5 a month service where you can switch to any country's netflix and get different stuff? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:39 PM Flag
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In a World [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:49 PM Flag
[ - ] What beach do most hipsters go to during the summer? Jersey shore? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:32 PM Flag
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Last trip out to Rockaway was pretty hipster-y. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:33 PM Flag
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+1. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:33 PM Flag
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Where? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:34 PM Flag
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Like 87th area [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:35 PM Flag
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Brighton? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:34 PM Flag
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Mostly for arthritic hips(ters) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:37 PM Flag
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rockaways. they stay in the city. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:40 PM Flag
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fire island, back when i was a hipster [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:41 PM Flag
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Well, they don't really have much a summer since that is pickle-jarring season. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:42 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:01 PM Flag
[ - ] Sunset = Financial District 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:31 PM Flag
[ - ] Anybody ever do a fit body wrap? does it work? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:30 PM Flag
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Is that like a seaweed or mud wrap? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:34 PM Flag
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a long time ago. I didn't notice any difference at all. I prefer massages. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:36 PM Flag
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Me too, no question. Before the wrap, I hadn't really thought about being claustrophobic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:50 PM Flag
[ - ] I'm finally ready to file for divorce. My husband is verbally abusive, mean, hyper-critical, controlling. And a terrible father. I have an appointment with a lawyer (chose him a couple of years ago after initial consultation) later in June. I will get information from him, of course, but in the meantime I'm worrying about what it will be like to live with my husband after he gets the papers. Does anyone know if I'll be able to force him to move out? I would be happy to move out with DC, but it would be very expensive to rent a place in the school district. It makes more sense for him to rent a small apartment. I'm happy to go either way, move to a rental with DC (as long as he will pay) and sell the house or keep the house until DC are in college (2 years) and sell then. I just want to be free of him. One DC is completely estranged from him and the other doesn't have much use for him, either. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:28 PM Flag
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Sorry to hear this. Hugs. I would ask atty all these questions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:32 PM Flag
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This, DH has a right to remain living there. Ask the attny to negotiate a temporary living arrangement. GL! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:37 PM Flag
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OP: I hope that he can do this. He is awful now and will be worse when he knows about the divorce. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:43 PM Flag
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If he is dangerous, get a restraining order. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:45 PM Flag
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OP: I don't think he would ever be physically dangerous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:50 PM Flag
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OP: Thank you. I will, of course, discuss all this with the attorney. But while I'm waiting to see him I'd like to hear about others' experience. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:42 PM Flag
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Does he see this coming or will it be a complete surprise? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:37 PM Flag
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OP: I think that he will be shocked, strangely. I am sure that he is planning to leave me after DC are out of the house. I was hoping to hold out that long, but I can't stand it any longer. Worse, it is now a bad situation for younger DS, has been bad for older DS for years. He won't want to stop living with DS2. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:45 PM Flag
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OP: Not that he should be surprised. He's done a number of very aggressive things, like opening his own private bank account a year ago (after decades of marriage). He goes through all my things periodically even though I've told him that I find this intolerable. When I went away with DC to a family reunion 2 years ago he threw away all my out-of-season clothes. (He has never been willing to go to any of my family events, even though I used to beg him to go.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:54 PM Flag
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So is time with DS2 the issue? Would he be ok with moving out as long as he still gets a decent amount of time with DS2? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:57 PM Flag
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You can't force him to move out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:38 PM Flag
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OP: That's what I'm afraid of. I hope the lawyer has a way to do this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:50 PM Flag
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Where is fsmily? Can you move temporarily over the summary just to get away but with plans to put the house on the market or to negotiate for you to come back and for him to leave? Kids seem old enough that they can and will simply decide to be with you so you don't need to stay put out of fear of loaf custody [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:42 PM Flag
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OP: Closest family is 200 miles away, most relatives are over 1000 miles away. So I can't move in with relatives. I've been following rentals in the school district, and reluctantly came to the conclusion that I can't afford to do this. My preference would be to rent a place and move out while he's on a business trip, so that we were out before he found out. Yes, no question that kids would want to be with me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:49 PM Flag
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Even in a hypothetical situation where you divorce and he gets the house, kids will be able to stay in the school. You will still own the house when school starts even if you sell eventually. I'd move to cheaper place even out of district for the time being. This is more important than breaking a lease. Once you have divided assets/determine who gets the house, you will presumably have resources for a temp place in the school district. You only need to swing it for a year or so. If you leave district in the middle of the final school year, DS will not need to transfer for his last semester. Good luck!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:55 PM Flag
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OP: Thank you. Good points. It will be months before the house is sold, even if we end up deciding to sell right away. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 08:00 PM Flag
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does he have a gun? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:49 PM Flag
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OP: Good question, but no. No possibility that he would ever have a gun. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:51 PM Flag
[ - ] Need some advice. I am not looking to cut MIL out of my life as I feel she has some good qualities and I want her to have a relationship with the DCs, but she's driving me crazy. First, she undermines DH constantly and thinks it's funny. For example, DH will say, "Don't hit the plants. It's not allowed." MIL will laugh and say, "Grandma says it's ok, and if you continue, I'll pay you $20." Second, she instructs them to keep secrets from us. She takes them for drives without their car seats (that we paid for) and says, "Don't tell mom and dad!" My MIL is also the lazy McDonald's MIL from last night. She'll feed them McDonald's 3x in one day. She buys them lunchables at the Duane Reade on her corner and feeds them to the children for lunch. PS - She is not poor. Not even close. She's just ridiculously lazy. She'll feed the kids cereal three times a day if they don't go out. Now, I don't call on her for childcare. She begs and begs to have the children for the day and she'll just park them in front of the TV (they NEVER leave her apartment except to go to the McDonalds on B'way & 81st). When I try to limit time with MIL, she complains that I'm keeping her from the DCs. I think she's just lonely - FIL is very social and attends events 4-5x per week without her - but she doesn't know how to deal with young children. Also, she's not DH's mother as she's FIL's second wife and much younger. She's only 53yo. She had one child, but the kid was raised by nannies, so she has no childcare knowledge whatsoever. How do I deal with her? Sit down talk? 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:25 PM Flag
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Ask your father-in-law. He obviously doesn't like her either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:27 PM Flag
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you need to tell MIL that secrets are bad for kids…..I heard a specialist say at one point that child molesters / pedos use the phrase "it's our secret" so that they can continue abuse. Best to tell kids there are no secrets in our family [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:28 PM Flag
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kids should respond to people that "we don't keep secrets from each other in my family" teach them this phrase [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:29 PM Flag
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How often is she in charge of them? I see you're irritation at these things, but having just lost my own MIL, I can see now that many things I griped about were not that important and in the scheme of things she was a good grandparent. If she's kind to the kids and sincerely wants to be part of their life, that's a good thing. The car seat thing is a no-no. Discuss that at least. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:28 PM Flag
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She would see them every day if she could, but I limit it to 2-4x per week. We live 5 blocks north of them, which is why it's so easy for her to see them often. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:34 PM Flag
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this is an extreme version of my parents and dh's. i limit contact to once a week unsupervised, and then basically accept that they are going to eat crap (i balance out the rest of the week). i would not put up with the car seats. mil is constantly saying things like, we did xyz and nothing happened. yes, your kids got likely, you didn't know the risk, but i do and i'm not willing to take it (wanted dc to sleep in the same crib as daddy - death trap). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:30 PM Flag
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Whoa. Ok none of that is ok! The last person in the world who should be teaching a child to disrespect and have secrets from his parents is his grandmother. Sit down talk, no more secrets, no more breaking parents rules or she can't see them anymore. Make it clear this isn't special rules for her, it's for anyone who spends time with your kids. If an uncle did it you'd have the same talk with him etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:30 PM Flag
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Do not spend time with both her and the kids. If she wants to see them, she needs to see only them; if she wants to see you & DH, you get a sitter. That way, there's no parenting power struggle, and she has to deal with the consequences of spoiling the kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:30 PM Flag
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That's what we do now, for the most part, but there are times where we have to spend time together - holidays, birthdays - and I would like to not have to dread our time together. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:52 PM Flag
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Cut the bitch [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:32 PM Flag
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It sounds like a difficult situation. Would DH be willing to sit down and talk with her? Or would it be better for both of you to do it? I would say just what you've said here, you love her and value her relationship with your DC, but certain things are unacceptable. They are never to ride in a car without being properly restrained in carseats (make sure she knows how to buckle them in correctly and make sure they are installed correctly); she is never to contradict you or DH and she must respect your rules. She is never to tell them to keep secrets from you. Those are the most important things, in my opinion. I'm not sure what I would do about the food. I would allow McD's occasionally, but not every time they're with her and certainly not more than once a day. I don't like the lunchables and cereal, either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:34 PM Flag
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Dh finds talking to her to awkward, so it would have to be the two of us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:48 PM Flag
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It's probably better that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:55 PM Flag
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"She's only 53yo" NOKD [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:36 PM Flag
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? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:40 PM Flag
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She lives in manhattan but drives children in a car?! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:39 PM Flag
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Obviously too much money [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:40 PM Flag
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Yes, they keep a car at a garage and she takes them on the west side highway for fun. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:45 PM Flag
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I don't see long term harm here. Sing with me.... Let it go, let it gooooo [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:40 PM Flag
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you and OP's MIL would get along great [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:47 PM Flag
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Grandpa got a trophy wife and the grandkids got the booby prize [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:41 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:46 PM Flag
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53yo is not a trophy wife [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:52 PM Flag
[ - ] When your dd hates you….and it is all misplaced anger (ie: you are the parent who stayed, you are the parent who takes care of her, you are the parent who puts rules into place and boundaries) how do you handle it? Ex left the picture and sees them semi-regularly and dds ADORE him. But me? They hate me…..their anger is all for me. I don't know how to keep my sense of self in the face of it anymore. I literally don't know how to keep it together anymore. It is really damaging me…any advice? 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:24 PM Flag
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^^sorry I didn't make it 100% clear - there are two dds. One just hates me more than the other... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:25 PM Flag
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How old are they? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:25 PM Flag
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middle school [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:27 PM Flag
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It's the age. If it wasn't for this, they would hate you for something else (not letting them dye their hair pink, not letting them go to an unsupervised party, doesn't matter). It's compounded by the fact that, as you say yourself "you are the parent who puts rules into place and sets boundaries"- no 12 year old girl is thankful for rules. You have to be mean mommy and daddy gets to just be there for fun! Plus, as a good parent, you probably haven't disclosed to them the details surrounding your divorce. Mark my word, in the next 15 years, their hormones will subside. Their father's faults will come to light, they'll start to understand why things didn't work out. They'll be thankful for the rules you put in place. I always say "the only reason I can be friends with my mother now is because she did not give a rat's ass about being my friend when I was growing up". It sounds like you need some you-time- can you send them off with their father for a weekend and splurge on a spa trip for yourself? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:45 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:46 PM Flag
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op: oh my gosh, you really made my day. Thank you so much for your words. They REALLY hit home.. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:53 PM Flag
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They can't be angry at him. They're afraid he'll leave them 100%. They vent their anger at him to you b/c they know no matter what you'll always be there for them. Maybe a therapist? Someone neutral that can get this anger out of them in a non-judgemental way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:30 PM Flag
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I found a therapist for the eldest…she hates her though and that feeds into more of the anger for her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:32 PM Flag
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Can you try a new one? Are they involved in activities outside of school? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:43 PM Flag
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First, you stop talking is such overdramatic terms ("keep my sense of self"?). It is their turn to be overdramatic and silly; it is your turn to be the even-keeled parent with the common sense and the perspective. They are teenagers; their opinions do not count. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:32 PM Flag
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well….mothers are people too. it's hard when you come home to this day in and day out. it's really hard to keep it together with no support system... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:34 PM Flag
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Mothers are adults. You knew that your children would turn into teenagers, so you have been preparing for this, and their hormone-driven angst rolls right off of you. If you don't like their behavior, apply some consequences. But don't do it because of your "sense of self"; do it because you pay the bills and you will not allow them to disrupt your peaceful enjoyment of your own home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:41 PM Flag
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op: while I understand all of this. I just think your black and white thinking does not take into account how hard it is to do this by one's self. Are you a single parent? Growing up, I was the "least likely" to be a single parent. However this sucky thing happened to me and now I have to do this all solo. I cannot emphasize enough how I thought I married an honest, good, hardworking man. But I didn't. He turned out to be a lazy cheater who left when things got hard. Now he's not even a part-time parent and I do not make a lot of money. It's just hard, that's all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:50 PM Flag
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Sorry. I was a horrible teen (to both of my parents, who weren't divorced). I grew out of it but I know it was rough for them. My dcs are young but I don't think I would accept that sort of treatment. I would want to make it clear that their behavior was unacceptable and they need to be civil at a minimum or there will be drastic consequences. Easier said than done, I know! My parents never punished me though, and I think that made it worse - it just sharpened my desire to victimize them until I got a reaction. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:38 PM Flag
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op: would you take away social commitments if, for example, your dd came home and spoke to by saying things like "shut it" when you talked to her? What if you knew the mother for the social commitment had bought theater tickets for the girls attending? It's tricky…. I told her if she spoke to me one more time like that today, I would pay the mother back for the ticket that would go to waste, and she would not attend the party tomorrow [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:48 PM Flag
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I like the way you handled it. I would go further, though, and start imposing larger consequences laid out in advance. "If you speak to me like that one more time, you lose X. The next time, you lose Y (something bigger). A third time, and Z." And then stick to your guns and tell her she's free to ask her father if she can live with him if she doesn't like it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:58 PM Flag
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Your kids need a real dose of their mean reality. The next time they are mean/nasty/angry with you I would tell them that you are done: they need to call their father so that he can come and get them. Say flat out that you would be more than happy if they went to live with daddy. Of course, your ex will not let that happen, but they have to hear the words from him. Your dcs also need to understand that you will not be a scapegoat for their father's failures. Do this now or your home situation will get even worse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:41 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:42 PM Flag
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op: very helpful…thank you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:46 PM Flag
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Say that you love them, but that if they want to live with their father you won't stop them. Otherwise, it's "mom kicked me out of the house" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.29.15, 07:55 PM Flag
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