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[ - ] why don't teens dry hump anymore? why are they going right to bjs and intercourse? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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they still dry hump. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:57 PM Flag
[ - ] You know, schools like Dalton and the such have their own version of the Senior Salute. It happens in Manhattan also you know. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:50 PM Flag
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It happens everywhere. Think of the movie Dazed and Confused, which was set at a TX public school in the 70s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:53 PM Flag
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Not at DDs single sex, thankfully. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:53 PM Flag
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Naive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:55 PM Flag
[ - ] Apparently Labrie's parents were divorced, and according to public papers, his dad was an adjunct who worked from time to time. Have to wonder if his dad treated younger women like objects. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:45 PM Flag
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Given the attitude of the women on UB, I think there is at least a 50% chance he learned his misogyny and sense of entitlement from his mother. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:48 PM Flag
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You could tell that by looking at him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:48 PM Flag
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No, I could tell the parents were divorced from the papers. The word "wonder" implies I couldn't tell. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:54 PM Flag
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He got into St. Paul's on a scholarship and his own family had a fairly low income. He was surrounded by people who are very wealthy. My theory is that he felt insecure and inferior, and that that's what lead him to brag about his sexual prowess. It was an area where he could compete with the other guys. I don't think that he felt entitled. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:57 PM Flag
[ - ] Damn I drank the stale coffee today. 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:41 PM Flag
[ - ] Why are so many of you involved in your kids sex lives? Get a FUCKING life of your own geez. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:37 PM Flag
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It's just weird. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:38 PM Flag
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No interest in getting into dcs sex life (they are too young). Much interest in ensuring they have the language, tools, and comfort to navigate this arena safely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:48 PM Flag
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Well your kids may not want to hear you talk about this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:55 PM Flag
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It's an ongoing conversation. Have discusses the SP's case, for example, and it's going quite well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:56 PM Flag
[ - ] Ok, parents: How about we teach our daughters that when a boy starts trying to get their clothes off is the time to make sure their "no" is conveyed explicitly? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:21 PM Flag
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OP: Yes, I get "no at any time means no," but just like we want to teach our kids that getting impaired (drinking, drugs) can lead to situations that get out of control, why not also teach other factors that can lead to this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:23 PM Flag
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You never took off your shirt but then said no to sex? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:24 PM Flag
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OP: Yes, but that doesn't mean taking off tops and bottoms isn't putting one in an exponentially more complicated situation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:26 PM Flag
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OP: And I also think UB is being purposely naive. Is there no oral sex that goes on in adolescence??? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:27 PM Flag
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In your scenario, is the boy taking their clothes off, or taking your dd's clothes off? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:25 PM Flag
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OP: Either. Left it vague. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:28 PM Flag
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How about we teach our sons that they are never entitled to any form of sexual contact, ever. If they want to hook up and a girl wants to hook up, great. Otherwise they should not be verbally, emotionally, or physically trying to coerce a girl into doing anything at all. This applies 100% of the time, even if you're both naked. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:30 PM Flag
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This, but OP doesn't want to burden her son with any morals. Too bad that Labrie's parents thought the same. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:42 PM Flag
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Don't put yourself in that situation stupids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:33 PM Flag
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Totally. We should encourage our dds to wear burqas too. It's their responsibility to avoid tempting men. If a man can't control himself and has sex with a girl against her will, it's her fault for not enforcing this standard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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Well at least one person here gets it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:56 PM Flag
[ - ] Can, we have a sereeus convarsation about O 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:16 PM Flag
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prah? bama? rgasm? rioles? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:40 PM Flag
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Ily [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:49 PM Flag
[ - ] People on the subway smell so awful. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:53 PM Flag
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How do you know? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:06 PM Flag
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Yes, there are a lot of blacks on the subway [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:13 PM Flag
[ - ] Thoughts on how to prevent children from distracting themselves from every task at hand? Both our DDs have this problem, but especially the 7-8 year old, who always rushes to tell us or her sister every new thought that crosses her mind. (I'm going to retry meditation with her, but in the meantime need some cognitive behavioral or similar methods.) Thanks. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:47 PM Flag
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Try a Tibetan singing bowl for meditation. You strike it and then stay silent until the bell stops singing. It's a sort of forced meditation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:52 PM Flag
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hahahahaha [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:01 PM Flag
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We do that but we call it, "Downton Abbey bowl." You may not speak until it's over. -np [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:09 PM Flag
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Two comments... Can she write her thoughts or tape them? You can share with her later. Also it can be a controlling behavior...attention seeking.. Sometimes kids can be told you can't listen to them and quiet time is enforced. Otherwise she's seeking negative attention. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:04 PM Flag
[ - ] What are the towns in the Westchester or southern CT area where you might be able to get a waterview home for less than $1M? Either as primary home or waterside bungalow or townhouse? Does this exist? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:45 PM Flag
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If you do not need schools, yes. New Rochelle or Yonkers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:49 PM Flag
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Try rye, there are some tiny bungalows near but not on the water that go for somewhere in the 8s [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:53 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you think St. Pauls will settle the civil suit from the girl? which you know is coming? Or go to court? 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:41 PM Flag
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Settle. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:44 PM Flag
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Settle and she'll transfer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:45 PM Flag
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I can think of one girls' school that would take her application unseen [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:46 PM Flag
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I would hope all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:47 PM Flag
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Girls schools have different personalities. Catholic schools would think twice about her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:51 PM Flag
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And by that I don't mean there's anything wrong with her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:52 PM Flag
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Oh, please. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:01 PM Flag
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Which? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:58 PM Flag
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I thought she had already left. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:47 PM Flag
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Oh, you're right. Keep forgetting this all happened in 2014 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:49 PM Flag
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She was smart enough to get into St Pauls. She can get in anywhere. She has courage too poor thing [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:15 PM Flag
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The administration cannot claim to be unaware of the problem. Shamus Khan, an alumnus who is now an associate professor of sociology at Columbia University, described the role of ritual at the school in his 2011 book, “Privilege: The Making of an Adolescent Elite at St. Paul’s School.” He wrote that rituals are used there mainly to impose hierarchy, with some of the rituals organized by students having taken on a pointedly sexual turn. There is the annual dance, called Screw, when “the sexual desirability of girls is determined by their value on the ‘screw’ marketplace,” he wrote. He also described “newb nights,” in which new female students had to divulge their sexual pasts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:45 PM Flag
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Ugh. And we wonder why men are such assholes. They start young. The debasement of girls and women starts in middle school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:05 PM Flag
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It starts at home. They don't magically pick up this behavior in middle school in a vacuum. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:41 PM Flag
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I grew up with all boys, most of them had amazing families and were very respectful of girls. Things change when they get toward end of high school into college. My friends that I grew up with were sleeping around, going to strip clubs, watching porn and other (bigger ) things. I always wondered what happens to these guys at a certain age? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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I don't know what to tell you. This has not been my experience at all. My male friends never went through this change you seem to think is inevitable, and I wouldn't have stayed friendly with them if they had. Maybe the boys you know don't have such "amazing" families after all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:55 PM Flag
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I hope other suits come out too. Bring them down, make them change. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:46 PM Flag
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Disgusting. St. Paul's will last though. Look at Horace Mann. These places are disgusting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:06 PM Flag
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It will last and probably should if it can use this opportunity to re examine its values and policies. Sadly they will probably sweep it under the rug. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:15 PM Flag
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What did Horace Mann do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:36 PM Flag
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What happened at St. Pauls? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:43 PM Flag
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Nothing that anyone needs to talk about here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:57 PM Flag
[ - ] Equinox spin off: does anyone use the pool at Columbus circle? Is it always crowded? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:35 PM Flag
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Doesn't that mean that they do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:44 PM Flag
[ - ] I try to have a calm conversation with my dh expressing my concern about needing more intimacy and attention and he automatically accuses me of attacking him. Is there a way to have an uncomfortable conversation without coming off as attacking and sending my dh on the defensive. I'm asking for a little physical attention, I am pregnant and feel unattractive and he just doesn't help things at all. He never gives me a compliment even when I am blatantly asking for one. I feel so insecure with him right now and I was trying to address it and not be passive aggressive but it backfired. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:31 PM Flag
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When you are pregnant and hormonal all bets are off - but in general, dh and I do better over the phone or in email [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:33 PM Flag
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I feel like emailing would be childish when you sleep next to the guy every single night. Not trying to be judgey, just mean that email would only suffice if we couldn't actually speak face to face. This has happened before when I was not pregnant but my desire to feel loved and wanted by my dh does not end because I have a baby inside me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:40 PM Flag
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but his inability to talk about it seems to be your issue...so email him and see if he is more receptive to the information versus face to face,maybe it will give him more time to think about your words rather than just reacting [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:42 PM Flag
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Thanks, good point. I hate the idea of emailing but maybe he can get the message without feeling attacked and put on the spot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:44 PM Flag
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Hand write a letter. Nicer and more personal than email. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:16 PM Flag
[ - ] If you're going to be renting out your summer house for the season, do you think there is value in putting in a pool? Or is it just too much hassle? Also, we're a block from the beach. Want to get top dollar for our beach house on the Jersey Shore that we rarely use. TIA 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:25 PM Flag
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can you do some comparison research to see what houses rent for w/without pools by you? as a renter i love a pool... but the cost of putting one in is around 40,000 and might be hard to recoup. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:27 PM Flag
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the expense and liability of a pool may outweigh whatever additional rent you may get [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:30 PM Flag
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I think it's basically going to take 2 seasons to recoup the cost of the pool fully. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:34 PM Flag
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does that include maintenance and insurance?...how much more rent do you think you can get from having a pool? seems like 2 seasons is not enough. but I have no idea what the rent jump would be where you are [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:37 PM Flag
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If you have a $5M house, maybe. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:55 PM Flag
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Do you want a pool for yourself? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:33 PM Flag
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It needs a pool. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:53 PM Flag
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I think it depends on the rental market value of your house. Some I think it clearly makes no sense to invest that kind of money. Others, you make it back easily & basically get a pool for free. Talk to a good rental broker to see what your house would rent for, with & without pool. Check out the comps to see if his/her opinion is accurate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:54 PM Flag
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May increase your liability. I wouldn't. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:06 PM Flag
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Depends on the town. We rent in ocean City and never expect/want a pool [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:54 PM Flag
[ - ] Did you read the Vanity Fair article about Tinder and the online hookup culture? Many UBer's kids are the type mentioned in the article (20 somethings in NYC). http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:18 PM Flag
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Someone posted about it before but I didn't read it. I'll read it now while on train. I'm 29yo single teacher/tutor/babysitter. I post about dating a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:20 PM Flag
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I am proud to say I don't use tinder. Dating a few guys at the moment. One I met on IG, one through Zog sports, one at a bar and talking to one from bumble but we haven't met yet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:51 PM Flag
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Have you slept with any of them? Make them wait. It seems like men are back to the Madonna/whore thing and if you sleep with them right away you're done. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:12 PM Flag
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Are hou the one who told the storey about those 3 guys on the train? Hysterical. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:08 PM Flag
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haha I remember that! I think she was on some type of tinder thing though [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:32 PM Flag
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I am old. I got married before online dating took hold. This is horrifying and for lack of a better word--gross. I can't imagine being part of that scene. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:49 PM Flag
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I asked dd (in high school) if she said she knew about Tinder. She said that it's gross and that her friends wouldn't think of using it. They know it's full of horrible, sleezy guys who would certainly have STDs. She and her friends aren't hooking up. There will always be a subculture of sleezy guys. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:10 PM Flag
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Showing my age here but in my day, going on a date with a boy outside of the same high school was very bad news. It says something about society that even HS kids today have been on Tinder and the likes enough to know what's out there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:14 PM Flag
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the investment banker crowd 10-20 years ago were slightly creepy then too, but never slept with 100 women like they claim now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:32 PM Flag
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So she says. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:37 PM Flag
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I read it and was pretty horrified but there are so many young men in my office getting married right now. They are all nice attractive guys. They are between 27 and 30. So men are still into relationships. Young men in My building have girlfriends and are getting married. I'm hoping by the time dd is their age the scene will be OK. It is scary though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:15 PM Flag
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Little lengthy but great read. Scary. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:52 PM Flag
[ - ] We went to the Giants preseason game last night and my take away has nothing to do with football. The amount of women with breast implants was, well, enormous. It was a warm night and most were wearing tank tops or t-shirts...with body frames covering the entire spectrum, but not a lot over 5'5" in height. 9 out of 10 of these women looked like tanks, bricks and mini suv's. Nothing subtle, less was definitely not more. Please help me out, is it a culture thing? Are they trying to shift the attention north from their mid-sections? I'm sure big boobs are in the genes in many of these women. However, the disproportionate bodies on display last night was undeniable baffling. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:08 PM Flag
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Football culture is All-American. Big boobs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:09 PM Flag
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+1 So true [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:38 PM Flag
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Are you in Texas or something? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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The Giants played the Jets so we were in North Jersey! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:17 PM Flag
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Sorry :) Just sounds like you are discussing Texan women with big hair and big boobs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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I don't get big fake boobs. They seem vulgar to me. However I will say that my poor sagging boobs after two kids aren't much to look at either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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OP: as are mine! However a good bra does wonders and keeps proportion in check. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:16 PM Flag
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But you can't wear a bra all the time, including when it counts the most - during sex. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:40 PM Flag
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why not? the mata hari did! ;o) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:54 PM Flag
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So NOKD [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:38 PM Flag
[ - ] Any women equity salespeople here? How do you schmooze with clients? Feels like an old boys club with client entertainment (golf and other sports, fishing, drinking) ... how to succeed? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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You just need to be smart and understand the research product. Get friendly with a couple of the star analyst and they will help you to look good in front of your clients. The buyside are not all alpha males, there are plenty of them who just want ideas, access to CEOs, tickets, free lunch etc. you'll find a niche for yourself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:28 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:39 PM Flag
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Absolutely. My DH is an equity analyst on the buyside. These are the nerds of business school. He says there are few rowdy ones in each group but it sounds like on the whole they are a pretty tame group of guys. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:55 PM Flag
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OR that's true for the most part, but if OP is covering hedge funds in NY or CT it's a tougher bunch! I was on the sell side for years and have lots of great friends who are on the buyside. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:06 PM Flag
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Not exactly equity sales, but I was in international business development in asset management. I am now retired. Yes, it is very much an old boys club. I was one of the boys (but then again, I grew up as one of the boys). I played golf, took clients fishing, etc. For me, it was just an extension of my life, since I do those things off duty as well. I think it's more important to know your stuff than to play golf with people, but understand that people do business with people they like, respect and trust. Be that knowledgeable, likeable, trustworthy person whom your clients respect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:33 PM Flag
[ - ] how to proceed with a friend who is in denial about her dc and suicidal depression? i think she now knows i think she is in denial and don't think she wants to be friends now. but i'll feel badly not supporting her. 31 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:54 PM Flag
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if she cuts you off, it will be her choice. she may not need or want the kind of support you're prepared to offer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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How do you know? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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Yes, I want to know too. NP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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i was so upset about it, i spoke to my own shrink. he said, from what i told him, she was reportable to child protective services. obv i can't put any details here. so i know i'm not overreacting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:08 PM Flag
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It's your interpretation. What makes you an expert on what is going on in someone else's life? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:15 PM Flag
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trust me, if i gave you the details, you would be flabbergasted. im not known in any way for being in someone's business. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:17 PM Flag
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^^ i would add that dh, who couldn't give a shit about other people's lives, was also flabbergasted. he thought i should at least signal that i didn't necessarily agree with her perspective because of how dangerous this was. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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I don't trust you. You sound like a busybody. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:22 PM Flag
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op: literally she could get ARRESTED. she did something that is not just negligent but a crime. im not busybody. im looking for advice. you're just a bitch [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:25 PM Flag
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then she will have to live with whatever happens. You seem genuine, but at some point you have to disengage if they don't want your advice [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:29 PM Flag
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op: i know im not overreacting but i am having a personal response to it that is exaggerated - ie it's affecting me more than it would other people, because of relatively recent traumatic and fatal exp. with a mental health problem. i know she doesn't thinking about that but this is why it's such a brutal issue for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:32 PM Flag
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^^ loss of a family member [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:33 PM Flag
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so are you sure you are not exaggerating or overreacting, since it seems to hit some hot button for you? Maybe you do need to pull away for a little bit [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:35 PM Flag
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def hot button. but it's sort of like, i don't want to make this about ME - so i can't really tell her, um, remember the thing that happened to me not too long ago? like what does she need that for. that said, i don't think i can deal with being involved. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:41 PM Flag
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^^ to be totally explicit, the life of my fam member could have been saved if someone had been more direct with me. so that's my prob. it shouldn't really be HER problem though [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:44 PM Flag
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Then call CPS if you believe her life is in danger. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:31 PM Flag
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listen to her, don't try to fix the problem for her. if she freezes you out, not much you can do [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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op: it got to the point where it seemed incredibly negligent and enabling as a friend to just listen. (i have too much experience with the whole topic of mental health etc). i was super gentle about the provocation i made. but she got the message, i think. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:14 PM Flag
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if you got your point across and she does not want to acknowledge, there is not much more you can do. How old is the child? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:17 PM Flag
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tween. i don't want to abandon but now it's so awk im not sure how or if to proceed. which would be really sad b/c this was a very close friend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:20 PM Flag
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np: i get how awful this would be to witness. if it were a very good friend, i would express my wanting to be there for her, but also my concern about dc. i would say that i understood it wasn't my business but that sometimes it's hard to really see a situation when you're in it - and see if she wanted to discuss it more. i don't know, though, op - that is a tough one. and i am a psychologist. if there is abuse in some way going on - and that can be emotional abuse, or no support/access to resources - then you can report to dcfs anonymously. they will, at most, make a visit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:32 PM Flag
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gosh thank you so so much. i guess what i see is a loving mom who is overwhelmed and in denial. it is such an eye opener too when you see how obvious love and dangerous neglect (which is happening ONLY because of denial - not because she is an abusive person) can coincide. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:39 PM Flag
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Yes. Happens all the time. Teen suicide is so common and parents are in denial. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:20 PM Flag
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The DC is suicidal or your friend? I'm not sure there's much you can do if she's pulling away, other than periodically touching base and saying "I'm there to help". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:12 PM Flag
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op: the dc [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:14 PM Flag
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How old is the dc and how do you know that the dc is suicidal? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:47 PM Flag
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this - you cannot live other peoples lives for them - throw it out there and maybe she will come around [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:16 PM Flag
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Call CPS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:41 PM Flag
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You have done your best. You have warned her. If you think she's in denial you are probably right. Sometimes outsiders can see situations more clearly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:16 PM Flag
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Tell her to watch "about a boy". Mother in movie is suicidal and takes pills so her son finds her. Maybe she'll see herself in it and get help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:18 PM Flag
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thank you! but it's her child not her [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:38 PM Flag
[ - ] Thinking about teen/teen sex. What about teaching girls that giving a hand-job in situations when they have given initial consent but do not want to have sex/change their minds? 68 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:41 PM Flag
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Such bullshit. FFS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:42 PM Flag
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What a terrible idea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:51 PM Flag
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OP: Not being funny here. Sexual encounters are often unpleasant, messy, confusing. Maybe teaching boys and girls a variety of less intrusive ways to get out of the situations (that they got themselves into) would be a good life skill. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:43 PM Flag
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How about saying: "Hey, Jack - this isn't a good idea. I'm leaving. Bye." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:44 PM Flag
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And if jack doesn't like that idea then what [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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Then Jack can go fuck himself. Literally and/or figuratively. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:05 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:55 PM Flag
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I think you are right. I have two daughters and would like them to know this was potentially the best option if they're in a tough situation. I'm in my late 40s now but when I was initially sexually active a dry hump was all the rage. It's scary how intimate the kids are now as I worry about disease, pregnancy and so on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:45 PM Flag
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Then they should tell the guy to give himself a hsndjob [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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OP: Seriously, this is a good idea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:57 PM Flag
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AMEN! At what point does a boy/man's boner render everyone else personal sexual rights moot? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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Exactly!!! Girls should not be expected to service boys. Ugh. Even if they do have sex it's terrible. These guys don't know anything and just care about racking up the numbers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:25 PM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:24 PM Flag
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Why? Boys aren't entitled to sexual gratification just because a girl seemed into it earlier. If she changes her mind, that's it - game over. Boys have the right to do the same. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:47 PM Flag
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the voice of reason. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:50 PM Flag
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+ million [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:01 PM Flag
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Of course! Their dick's not going to fall off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:25 PM Flag
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That's perfect. "Hey, if you pressure Molly, you'll at least get a hand job out of it!" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:51 PM Flag
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True. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:26 PM Flag
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OP: I didn;t say it was an ideal solution. Maybe this is more of a strategy for college. I recall nights when there was drinking involved and truthfully it would not have been feasible to walk out and wander around the streets at night. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:56 PM Flag
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I can't believe what I'm reading. Call a fucking cab. You sound like a pimp. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:59 PM Flag
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Nope, she sounds like the mother of a boy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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"She" sounds like a guy, actually. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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WHAT? How about we teach boys that they aren't entitled to pressure girls into having sex, EVER. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:58 PM Flag
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OP: Yes, of course. But sex is messy (theoretically and literally) and it isn't so black-and-white. At a certain point it is purely biological and it de-escalates quickly after that. Why shouldn't girls know this? If it isn't a matter of getting an STD or pregnant, it's akin to someone having food poisoning and feeling better when they vomit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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You seem to be giving no credit to men and teenage boys on controlling themselves. Plenty of teenage boys have been hot and heavy with their girlfriends and had to stop when she said no. The majority of teenage boys understand that they don't have right to a vagina because they have an erection. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:07 PM Flag
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I think society has devolved and boys and men have literally gotten worse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:27 PM Flag
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Doesn't seem like it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:27 PM Flag
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np - Dr. Ruth was on NPR not too long ago and was saying exactly what you are. There's def some truth in it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:12 PM Flag
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This is disgusting. You would never encourage a boy to do this. "George, you flirted with Olivia and went with her to this secluded room to make out. You owe her an orgasm now for creating this expectation on her part. Hope your fingers are up to the task if you aren't willing to have sex with her!" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:59 PM Flag
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OP: Not talking about making out. Talking about clothing removed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:08 PM Flag
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OP: I know that the correct answer is to have your DDs (I have a DD and DS) say NO to a horny boy after the girl has consented to taking off her clothes and getting pretty intimate. But there gets a point where boys (in particular) get into that zone and, you know, it takes two to get there. That's why a hand job can be a good way to get that over with. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:59 PM Flag
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I am so fucking glad I don't know you or your spawn. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:01 PM Flag
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You said it better than me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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No, no, no. No man died of blue balls. He can get himself off if he got himself into a zone. You seem to think men pass a certain zone, and apparently it's when a women gets naked that he can't control himself if she changes her mind. What is wrong with you? Millions of men go look at strippers without demanding they have sex with them because they got naked. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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That's true, however, there are bodyguards at these places. The women are 't alone with them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:28 PM Flag
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Tell your son that is rape. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:24 PM Flag
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Since I am guessing you do not have a daughter, maybe you should tell your son he can do it himself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 03:59 PM Flag
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OP: I have a DD. I teach her that there are consequences to actions (not meaning she should have sex against her will) and that taking off clothing and touching in certain ways is putting her in a situation that she may not want to be in. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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But, like, the guy can just masturbate. I mean, it's not nice to get a guy riled up, but they can ALWAYS masturbate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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Of course! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:29 PM Flag
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OP: What responsibility does the girl have for consenting to go to a certain extent, knowing it leads to a boy getting really horny? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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Zero [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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ZERO. Most 18 YOs boys are horny a lot of the time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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None, you sicko. People like you are the reason rape is so common, underreported, and almost never punished. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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Exactly. What a fucked up world. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:29 PM Flag
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None, pimp. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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Sexual activity is between two WILLING partners. At anytime either party can say nope...I have had enough. Any responsible person understands this. Men who respect women understand this. Only creeps and rapists think there is this expectation that women owe them sex if they ever express a slight interest in it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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This is another troll MRA post. I'm collapsing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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OP: Is a hand job (by girl or boy) "having sex"? Or is it just relieving a biological urge in a less intrusive way? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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WTF! I am under no obligation to touch any man's penis just because he is aroused. PERIOD! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:08 PM Flag
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ty. yak! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:24 PM Flag
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You make my skin crawl. Really. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:09 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:31 PM Flag
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The girl has no responsibility. Guys always have the option to jack off once she leaves, they are not entitled to anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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Everything makes a guy this way. He should relieve himself. Case closed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:20 PM Flag
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You're a troll. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:29 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:31 PM Flag
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Like where you are going with this, but a BJ is a better option. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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So if your DS misinterprets the intentions of an older boy and engages in behavior that the older boy interprets as flirting, is he then obligated to give the older boy a handjob because he created this expectation and made the older boy horny? Or does this standard only apply to girls? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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OP: Would apply to same sex too. But NOT FLIRTING. Not what I am talking about at all. Clothing removed, beyond making out. Jeez, everyone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:08 PM Flag
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Uh huh. Let's say your freshman DS makes the varsity hockey team, and a senior takes him under his wing, pays attention to him. At some point at a school dance, he takes him to a secluded room to hang out and starts kissing him. Your DS goes along because he is not sure what to do and doesn't want to offend this older boy. He also realizes if he does offend him, there is a strong possibility this other boy will spread stories about him. By this time their shirts are off and he has tried to politely back out of the situation, but the older boy keeps pressuring him. Does he owe him at least a handjob for leading this older boy on? Because that's pretty much the situation that happened in the St. Paul's case. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:23 PM Flag
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Lady. Go take your meds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:31 PM Flag
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Word! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:09 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:31 PM Flag
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When I was teen, I and everyone I knew fooled around and took out clothes off with boys before having sex. Kids typically do not go from nothing to sex without stuff in between. Plenty of normal boys stopped when we said no. Boys are not incapable of stopping once they are excited. It happens all the time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:22 PM Flag
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Agreed - it is a good skill to have regardless. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 04:59 PM Flag
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That's what people used to do. My mom said in the 50s girls were experts at handjobs and boys would grind against them to get off. Boys learned how to pleasure girls too. Girls weren't expected to give bjs, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.30.15, 05:23 PM Flag
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