UrbanBaby

She invited me to the dinner days ago though. It was very hurtful. And I would have been DD and have a large car. Probably wouldn't have stayed out until 4am, but would have eliminated several taxi rides for half the group. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:29 PM Flag

OR - if it were me, I'd ditch her as a friend, permanently. She is not a good person. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:33 PM Flag

This [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:48 PM Flag

Your "friend" is horrible. I have actually never heard of that before. So classless. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:28 PM Flag

How rude!! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:19 PM Flag

She's not your friend. You're better than that - find new friends. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:25 PM Flag

Ditch this witch! Or put her on blast on fb. What a jerk! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:20 PM Flag

Post an unflattering picture of her on FB! And tag it! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:23 PM Flag

You know how to get under her skin. She's a photo nazi and it would only last two seconds and she would never approve it lol [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:32 PM Flag

She is terrible. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:25 PM Flag

Really?...Cut ties with this "friend"...Wow, not even a little bit cool. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:34 PM Flag

Like everyone else, I say she was not acting like a friend, more like a bitch real housewife. Do you know why she did that? Do you not get along with newly invited person? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:34 PM Flag

I don't know most of the other invitees. I'm not sure. I am hurt. She invited me days ago so I gave dh the green light to go out with guys. Now I'm alone. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:49 PM Flag

Sorry. (gotta get this bitch back, snarf) [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:46 PM Flag

Dude, she's a bitch. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:46 PM Flag

[ - ] Growing up, father was in and out of my life for years at a time starting when I was seven. He never paid any child support and had really bad drinking problems. Long story short, I haven't seen him since I was twenty, which was a little less than ten years ago. He left a message on my phone that he's going to be in NYC in two weeks and would like to have lunch. If he actually just wants to meet and maybe slowly ease back into a relationship, I think I might like that, but I have a feeling that he just wants money. It hurt a lot growing up with out a father and I've worked very hard to get myself where I am financially and I don't think that he is entitled to any of that. My mom, who I was very close with died last year and sometimes it's sad for me not having either parent in my life anymore. Should I chance it and go to lunch with him or is he just a waste of my time at this point? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:10 PM Flag

go to lunch, but have low expectations [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:12 PM Flag

This. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:22 PM Flag

I would go with the full intention of closure and saying, no... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:13 PM Flag

Agree with others. Go, but hold your ground if he lets you down. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:26 PM Flag

+1 On all above [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:35 PM Flag

Can you talk to him before going out to lunch, and straight out ask him why he wants to do this after all these years? then if he says that he wants to make amends, go with him, but if he hems and haws and you feel that he just wants something (money), you can say no and not set yourself up to be disappointed. I hope you are not disappointed though. xo [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:42 PM Flag

No, you should meet with him. It's worth the chance. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:46 PM Flag

You might be pleasantly surprised that he wants nothing from you, but be careful about being set up for the long con as well. I have parents like this. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:38 PM Flag

My story has some parallels and I am no longer in contact with my father. He was very cold and did not wish to make contact. Therefore, if this was me and he made an effort to want to see me now, although I have no interest in him I would wonder what brought this on. You never know, he could be ill and want to apologise for being an absent father. I would agree to meet but like other posters have said, have low expectations, be prepared to say no to money requests, and be ready to say goodbye. Good luck. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:46 PM Flag

[ - ] Why are breastfeeding moms who do not cover up so adamant that everyone else should do the same? I personally do not like seeing breasts at restaurants, etc... However, I respect that it is a legal activity and breastfeeding moms can do it if they please. So, why can't they respect that I do not want my breasts on display? Why do they have to try and make you feel like shit about your choice? 36 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:09 PM Flag

They are very narrow minded, even though they think they are not. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:11 PM Flag

because if you do not do exactly what they do, they are afraid you are judging them. They do not want you to have your own mind. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:19 PM Flag

Women who are brestfeeding don't have their breasts on display. But, I don't care if you cover up, don't cover up,, bottle feed or breastfeed, use a pacifier or a sippy cup. We should all support each other ladies! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:14 PM Flag

I'm the poster you got so pissed off at in the last thread. I don't try to make people feel like shit, but OP in that thread was asking what she should do. Multiple posters told her to cover up or implied that she should, by saying *they would cover up. I believe that's completely wrong, and usually stems from our culture's completely upside-down pornified view of the female body. That's why I spoke up. Seriously, when I bf, I wear a nursing top and give my in-laws fair warning, but when I see people basically advising a mom to cover up in her own house in front of her own kids, I think it's wrong. Sorry if I sound obnoxious but I hope this answers your q. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:21 PM Flag

Or: want to stress, I really don't care if women who want to cover up, do so. Just making it clear that I don't think women should be told to. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:24 PM Flag

She asked for opinions. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:20 PM Flag

She did. And I thought the "go hide" opinions were damaging so I argued with them. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:21 PM Flag

I thought they were just opinions. If you are going to get offended by opinions then don't ask. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:23 PM Flag

Do you not see how you're contradicting yourself? Our opinions are damaging to the OP so you need to set us straight? That is EXACTLY the attitude I am talking about. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:29 PM Flag

Don't see how I'm contradicting myself. I see how I'm being obnoxious and possibly sanctimonious, but if OP on the other thread noted my objections then I think I was helping. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:27 PM Flag

Your contradictions: "I really don't care if women who want to cover up, do so." then, you say that women who cover up only do so because of our pornified view of women. So, basically, anyone who disagrees with you has an unhealthy view of the female body? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:30 PM Flag

Don't put words in my mouth. We live in a culture that's pretty crappy to women. Lots of women feel uncomfortable baring their breasts to feed their children. Some of them feel uncomfortable because they have an unhealthy body image. Some feel uncomfortable because the culture is is so hostile toward it. Some feel uncomfortable because of other reasons. I am not out to force anyone to bare their breasts who might be uncomfortable with it. Nor is my intent to make anyone feel like crap for not baring their breasts. All I wanted to do was help a woman who did not seem uncomfortable with the choice to feed her children freely in her home, to continue to feel OK about it, despite the posts of several women who seemed to think there was something wrong with it. (Whether they were saying it about themselves or about her explicitly.) I believe the best she could do in the situation is to feel comfortable nursing the new baby in from of the other DCs and not sorry so much. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:40 PM Flag

Jesus Christ. Do you read what you write before posting or do you genuinely believe I am putting words in your mouth? The first part was a direct quote. The second part, I got from this quote: "I believe that's completely wrong, and usually stems from our culture's completely upside-down pornified view of the female body... I gave you a clear contradiction and now you backpedal and say some PC shit. How is that putting words in your mouth; they clearly came from you. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:51 PM Flag

And I personally think you helped our view because you sound so uncompromising and unwilling to listen to other's points of view. If OP really wanted opinions, you beating people over the head with how wrong they are for not wanting to BF in front of a 10-yo, probably just made you sound stupid. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:37 PM Flag

Ftr, I wasn't the only one on ,y side on that thread. And I don't think that what I typed could be classified as "beating over the head." [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:42 PM Flag

She asked that specific question. I think she wanted to know the answer to that specific question. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:28 PM Flag

She asked of SHE should. Not, WWYD, am I wrong? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:34 PM Flag

Woops I was completely wrong. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:35 PM Flag

Your debating skills are really poor. You are contradicting yourself left and right. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:26 PM Flag

No.. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:43 PM Flag

Bfing is hard enough without hiding from your children. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:19 PM Flag

agree [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:28 PM Flag

But that's my point. YOU think it is completely wrong. OP was asking for multiple points of view. I personally, as mentioned above, want people to cover up. So, my opinion that it is better to cover up is completely wrong because it is not yours? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:27 PM Flag

NP: no it's wrong for other reasons which have been stated previously. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:30 PM Flag

What are you referring to as wrong? My view that I should be able to cover my body while breastfeeding without being blasted and told I have unhealthy view of women? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:41 PM Flag

You do understand that you cannot be accepting of another's choice while proclaiming it to be "completely wrong" right? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:45 PM Flag

Because they are annoying. Some women take on motherhood as though it was some kind of epic holy calling, not just raising kids the best way you can. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:16 PM Flag

Who the hell are you hanging out with? Honestly - I can't believe 1/2 the stuff I read on here. I've never met anyone IRL who actually cared what anyone else did w/ regards to feeding their DB. Maybe the occasional FTM - insecure and bragging about whatever they're doing to make themselves feel validated - but never so far as to suggest someone should whip out a bare boob at the dinner table. Well - MIL did think it was strange that I nursed because her DD's didn't and she didn't like it so didn't do it... until one of her DD's did - then it was, of course, best for DB... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:28 PM Flag

This was from a post down-thread. But I live in San Francisco and let me tell you, breastfeeding mothers are like vicious animals on the attack. If you don't breastfeed your children, you are basically the worst most uncaring mother ever. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:31 PM Flag

np: Breastfeeding moms should not judge others. That said, it's so damn good for your child (and your health) to breastfeed. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:26 PM Flag

This wasn't even about BF'ing. It was whether or not to use a cover-up. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:27 PM Flag

For the love of God - can't we just be supportive of each other? Where's the sisterhood? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:51 PM Flag

What the fuck, is this some backwoods, African Zulu Nation? Women flopping their titties out in public, like some national geographic photo? Nobody wants to see that...except the few creepy fetish loving guys that are sneaking peeks at your engorged, veiny mammary glands...not caring they they are being used to feed a baby...it's still a tit. So, for the sake of everyone, including your dignity...cover up. How hard is that? You're not in the jungle. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:29 PM Flag

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:42 PM Flag

NP: part of the problem. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:43 PM Flag

I agree with you completely. I hate when people try to force their choices or make it seem like you are inhibited! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:29 PM Flag

[ - ] DH and I just spent $300 at Fairway, stocked up on a lot of meats, veggies, fruits, yogurts,beans,sauces, quinoa and frozen foods for our son - how can I stretch this over the next 3 weeks? We typically only spend around $100 per week at Fresh Direct, but going to Fairway is such a treat! 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:01 PM Flag

Freeze a lot of the meats; make a big post of chili or soup and freeze what you don't eat; eat the fresh veggies and fruits first or make some purses to freeze [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:58 PM Flag

[ - ] Is having children a career now? all SAHM in this area pop out a kid every 3 to 4 years. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:00 PM Flag

Is someone putting a gun to your head and forcing you to do the same? Why do you care? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:00 PM Flag

It is odd. isn't 5 kids a bit much? Wouldn't it be better to have 2 and give them the best education, lifestyle, attention, life experiences... than 5 neglected ones? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:08 PM Flag

I have five and they are not neglected in any way. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:13 PM Flag

Keep telling yourself that you lazy slob, as your poor husband keeps working to support our expanding future moochers [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:41 PM Flag

Your [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:42 PM Flag

np: I'm the eldest of five, and I feel in no way 'neglected'. And my youngest sibling was born when I was seven, so there was a lot less than 3 years between each of us. None of us went to private school, and we all paid our own way through college, but I wouldn't trade my enormous, love-filled family for a better 'lifestyle'. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:15 PM Flag

I agree that love and attention are more important. That said, I am one of six and we had more than most people I knew. We all went to private colleges that my parents paid for. Why do we assume that large families have neglected kids? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:14 PM Flag

Because I know these people and I know more or less their HHI. No preschool for kids and directly to local public school, no vacations, no one on one time with parents... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:37 PM Flag

I have a problem supporting you to go to college through financial aid. Cross your legs and stop having babies [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:42 PM Flag

Eldest of five: We didn't get financial aid. Our parents' HHI was too high for any of us to qualify. We all got student loans and paid them back ourselves. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:46 PM Flag

You are making a lot of assumptions. I don't want 5 kids, but it isn't my business what other people do. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:17 PM Flag

Since when do ub people kind their own business? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:40 PM Flag

I'm starting a new trend. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:41 PM Flag

yes. raising children is a viable way to spend one's life vs. pushing papers. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:14 PM Flag

I think it is lazy moms who want to justify never going back to work [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:39 PM Flag

I don't think there's anything lazy about being a SAHM to five kids... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:42 PM Flag

Under achieves who do not want to get out in the real world [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:49 PM Flag

My dentist once called me an underachiever because I SAHM even though I have a law degree. He was a pos. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:51 PM Flag

[ - ] Any thoughts on ICE (institute for collaborative education)? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:59 PM Flag

Don't know anything about that but do like ICE (Institute for Culinary Education). [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:55 PM Flag

I heard it is a bit cult like, you must drink the juice...the kids seem nice that go there... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:06 PM Flag

lots of artsy, middle class and affluent kids from Brooklyn. agree you need to drink the juice, but parents and dcs seem very happy [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:11 PM Flag

Ha. That's us. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:17 PM Flag

I know one artsy kid that goes there. He lives in Brooklyn a pond his mom is happy with the school. He said he loves it [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:11 PM Flag

Sounds like a nice place but I don't get this business about the "juice." I know it runs differently from DOE schools, is that what everybody means? No grades, testing, AP classes? I'm down with that. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:21 PM Flag

[ - ] Grammar mom, I am ESL: please let me know when to use who, which and that. Thanks! 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:50 PM Flag

http://www.grammarbook.com/grammar/whoVwhVt.asp [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:57 PM Flag

Thanks!!! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:57 PM Flag

No problem. It's a great, straight-forward site for pretty much all things grammar. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:04 PM Flag

[ - ] The NY Hall of Science is holding a special design exhibit for kids starting this week: http://www.examiner.com/article/this-week-design-zone-exhibit-at-the-new-york-hall-of-science-queens 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:50 PM Flag

[ - ] i am still in bed! dh fed the kids. should we go to walmart or just walk around town? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:48 PM Flag

You are on the wroooooooooooong board, dear [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:49 PM Flag

HAH!! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:46 PM Flag

Why? np [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:53 PM Flag

ITA. Walmart? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:08 PM Flag

go to mcdonalds [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:44 PM Flag

Walk around town. Is there a Wal Mart here? I know there's a Target on FDR [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:51 PM Flag

I love the Target on FDR - what's wrong with it? They have deals, ever been in there??? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:09 PM Flag

Sorry, you sound black...except for the walking bit, they're too lazy for that. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:08 PM Flag

I wish NYC had a Walmart! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:14 PM Flag

Go to Target. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:43 PM Flag

Target is much cooler than Wally World. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:46 PM Flag

[ - ] The caribbean has weird racial politics. Plenty of women who in america call themselves black in the caribbean dont 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:47 PM Flag

Yes. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:49 PM Flag

Why do you care? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:45 PM Flag

My family is from the Caribbean, it's not that they don't call themselves black (It's afro-caribbean btw) it's that colorism is a problem there due to the settlement of the islands. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:51 PM Flag

Weird [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:45 PM Flag

[ - ] Have the following choices as far as summer break with DH without the children (our first trip without them in years). Antigua: St James Club (Mamora Bay- all inclusive); Turks and Caicos; or St Lucia. Please tell me what you'd pick and why. Have not been to any of these. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:42 PM Flag

St. Lucia is GORGEOUS! Went last summer with DH and three DC. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:38 PM Flag

Seconded. Highly recommend Jade Mountain, though it's $$$$ [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:53 PM Flag

I would not go to the Caribbean in summer. Dreadful. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:50 PM Flag

We have babysitting arrangement available only during the summer months. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:45 PM Flag

You obviously haven't been. It's near the equator, so the temps are not much different than any other time. And it's way nicer than being in the city [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:52 PM Flag

I have not only been but I have several spent summers in the Caribbean. I would not go: mosquitos, dengue fever, hurricanes, ridiculous heat. And the Caribbean is closer to the Tropic of Cancer, not the equator. It does change and it does matter. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:48 PM Flag

Turks and Caicos [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:52 PM Flag

The water is beautiful [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:52 PM Flag

Turks and Caicos [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:52 PM Flag

[ - ] Would you let your husband hire an attractive Nanny under 30? 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:42 PM Flag

No, lol! Unless he's male and you are a SAHM. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:49 PM Flag

If she was qualified for the position and had good references, then absolutely. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:44 PM Flag

This! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:15 PM Flag

Why is your husband in charge of hiring the nanny? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:44 PM Flag

No just curious. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:52 PM Flag

The answer is no then. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:56 PM Flag

My DH is too successful to manage or hire household help. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:44 PM Flag

LMAO [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:55 PM Flag

+1 [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:59 PM Flag

I wouldn't let him hire a nanny period. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:45 PM Flag

That's not what Eliot Spitzer called her. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:57 PM Flag

I have an attractive 26 year old nanny. I hired her. I don't understand what is this obsession with nanny's looks. She was the most qualified for the job, my kids love her. She is great. My DH travels for work all the time, if he wanted to cheat he could easily cheat in a different country or state he doesn't have to cheat with the Nanny [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:02 PM Flag

It happens a lot, though. Maybe not in your circumstances, but Robin Williams and Ethan Hawk ended up marrying the nanny. Jude Law had a fling with her. Also there was the 'Girls" subplot...They are in the house being kind to the kids...Those are just the famous people. It's different from a woman abroad, it is an intimate situation. That said, we had female young au pairs in the house at times and it was fine. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:08 PM Flag

It doesn't happen "a lot". Does your life resemble Jude Law's in any way? Why assume it would in this way? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:10 PM Flag

Yes, 3 random people constitutes a lot. Yeesh. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:18 PM Flag

I would expect it is the same as people hooking up with their secretaries. Men tend to fall for those who are in close proximity over time, and especially younger women. You don't think this is true? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:18 PM Flag

(Not saying your husband is going to stray, by the way. These are gross generalizations. But if the marriage is on the rocks and the nanny is fetching and warm to the family I would be uncomfortable.) [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:20 PM Flag

Nanny here: I would never cheat with my employer. But if Jude Law came on to me I'd be pretty tempted. Does your DH look like Jude Law? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:30 PM Flag

Lol [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:38 PM Flag

No, he looks like he second cousin twice removed with the bad posture and breath [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:37 PM Flag

We make these decisions together. Yes, I would be fine if the nanny was young and attractive. I trust my husband. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:15 PM Flag

Why put him in this position? Even if he didn't stray, he's gonna fantasize. Wouldn't want that in my home every day. Sorry. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:30 PM Flag

Why is your husband hiring the nanny? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:26 PM Flag

[ - ] Okay, any helpful advice appreciated. This is long but I need straight up UB advice. During the past 2 years my husband has been out of work. I was a full time student but I went back to work to help support the family. Going back to work full time (with excessive overtime, sometimes working 100 hours a week to make up for the low pay) caused my gpa to slip so I decided to transition to an entry job in my soon-to-be field that had less hours. He was supposed to at least find a part time job anywhere, fast food even... and we could make it despite living in a high COL. Husband still could not(would not maybe? He never really applied places and spent a good portion of his time playing video games and sleeping) find a job and then his unemployment ended. He told me that he could do better in a new town because he would be ashamed to work a low status job in his home town so I quit my entry level job and we moved to a small town to live with my family until we could afford to rent a place on our own. Husband was again supposed to be looking for a job but instead had issues with asthma (which was legitimate) but then also after those issues were resolved, he would often lay around, not do anything, and be on Facebook all day. Meanwhile I am in school, volunteering in my field to get experience, bringing in money through work, etc. Eventually my relatives get tired of seeing him lay about and they have a falling out. He decides to go back to the city that we moved from to supposedly find work and save money so we can move back. It's been almost a month, he has put in some applications but they've been for penny ante jobs such as one place that paid solely commission for some industry he has no experience in. He was vocationally trained in a well paying career that he does not want to return too(his excessive absences caused him to be fired from his last job). He's living with his dad. I still live with family but I am in school and almost done, volunteering, working, etc. The marriage was struggling even prior to his job loss. He has 2 kids from a previous relationship (not marriage) and we have 2 kids so he has people to support(forget including me, even when I didn't work I had grants and scholarships so I was able to contribute to the house). Even at his old well paying job, he would often not go to work because he didn't feel like it. He would also be very cruel about my weight, he has often told me that he "settled for me", that he could do better, that he only married me because he was at a down time in his life, etc. I don't know what to do. I see an opportunity for me to take off running in terms of my life goals but I want to be married because I have children and I want to have a two parent family for them. However He seems okay with mediocrity and it's been nice being away from his drama. I never noticed this before or I didn't want to see it. Give it to me straight. TIA. 27 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:41 PM Flag

too long [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:43 PM Flag

I'm so sorry that a paragraph is too long for you to read. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:42 PM Flag

+10000000000 [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:52 PM Flag

Ugh, sounds like my DH exactly. I will be watching this. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:38 PM Flag

Too long to read. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:38 PM Flag

Ok, I am going to give it to you straight and by the way, I am so sorry. I used to have your DH. he will never ever get another job again. He is ok with the status quo (even if he says he is not). He is ok with you pulling ALL of the weight and even better, he gets to sit back and do nothing. This is an innate character trait that will not go away. he will never ever find a job he'll want (there will always be something wrong with it). Not only that, but he has given you evidence that even if he does have a job, he does not take it seriously. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:39 PM Flag

My DH is like this. A lower level job is not good enough because they will put him on linked in and then he will never get any higher level job again. Meanwhile the higher level jobs are not interested in him. He manages his "investments". We had to move to a lower col area to save money and now - surprise- there are no job openings here. I am at the end of my rope. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:49 PM Flag

God, I am having flashbacks. I used to apply for tons of jobs for my ex. While working and going to school (no DC's). he would do absolutely nothing all day (well, I later found out, he was doing crack). Then I would get home, have to go grocery shopping and cook. While his sorry ass did nothing except complain about how no one would let him show his goddamn potential. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:52 PM Flag

And the other day he said he shouldn't have married me but should have waited until he is a billionaire to marry. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:55 PM Flag

Seriously, get thee to the courthouse. Do NOT tell him. Don't be histrionic. Do not engage with douchebag. Simply have him served divorce papers. He will panic, apologize, promise to be good, stop verbally abusing you. When sociopaths panic, they make grand promises. Do not believe him. File those papers. He is the definition of a piece of shit. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:01 PM Flag

You know the answer here. Dump the parasite. He'll have a job in no time. And he'll be married again next year and having more kids the year after. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:40 PM Flag

He'll only get a job if she stops supporting his loser ass. And then, he'll only have that job long enough to trap his next victim. Men like this are becoming more and more normal. he's a straight-up loser and I believe you should call him, tell hiim very matter-of-factly that he is a loser and you no longer want to be married to a loser. Then, go on down and file those papers. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:43 PM Flag

Definitely is becoming more of a trend as women are in the workforce and doing well. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:53 PM Flag

Am really sorry too, OP. I think DH is depressed which would explain the overall lack of drive to get up off his butt and support his family. This lack of drive is only made worse by your OVERDRIVE to support the family so it's really hurting him inside. That being said, sounds like he resents you for being the one taking care of everything and he's lashing out (with those nasty comments about your weight etc) I think it's ultimatum time and you give him 1, 2, 3 months to get his act together completely or you are filing for divorce. You sound like a real gem, so keep focusing on you and your kids and if DH wakes up and realizes he's missing the boat on you then so be it - his loss! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:52 PM Flag

It's not depression; it's piece-of-shit-ism. he wants people to make excuses like he is depressed. he wants people to continue making excuses for his inexcusable behaviors. As long as you allow yourself to think things like this, you will get trampled. There are NO excuses for his behavior; he is using OP for money and not even pretending to hide it Sorry, OP, I really do feel for you. I was you five years ago (except we were only engaged) and now, looking back from a completely objective standpoint, I can totally see how he was manipulating me. You have to get away from the situation and see things as others see them. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:12 PM Flag

Oh and the fact that he puts you down is his insurance that you will never leave him. My ex used to do this with me. He's being intentionally cruel to you, refuses to support his 4 children, and is ok with his mommy paying his way. He is a bonafide loser and nothing will ever change that. The good news is, you sound incredibly hard-working and resourceful. I would personally quit my job and then file for divorce (so he cannot get alimony from you) [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:41 PM Flag

Your kids will be better off with you happy and fulfilled (instead of the model of you pulling all the weight, always). Please, please begin to think of leaving him. A great weight will lift. You have the wherewithal to give your kids a decent life and they'll visit dad but you deserve a loving, present (non-deadbeat) mate. Why throw love away on this guy? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:46 PM Flag

It is amazing that multiple women want to reproduce with this man. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:54 PM Flag

I'm also sorry to hear you have to go through this. I think you should have a talk with him and let him know that he can't lay about all day because he's an adult with financial responsibilities to take care of. And tell him that he shouldn't stop looking for work until the "perfect job" comes his way, he has to work at something for the time being. Hope things work out for you, if not then maybe it's time for you to move on because people like that can quickly become a burden! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:57 PM Flag

I hate to say this, but talking will not help. He sounds soooo much like my ex. We would have talks, he would cry and promise to get a job within the week. These men can talk circles around you. Plus, he is clearly verbally and mentally abusive, so he is just the definition of a master manipulator. Talking with a master manipulator only gives them the upper hand. Every time. Take the garbage out and let him live in his parent's basement. You'll have an excellent shot at custody if your ex is an unemployed loser who has no home of his own. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:57 PM Flag

You know the answer - move on. The sooner, the better. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:58 PM Flag

for gods sake - just get rid of him, live your life and raise your kids to the best of your ability [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:58 PM Flag

Tell him you can't afford to keep him anymore and need to cut expenses. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:58 PM Flag

LOL [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:57 PM Flag

People like this will continue to under-function as long as we enable them. Quit picking up his slack. Go about building a life without him. If he wants to participate in yours, he will have to contribute. I'm betting after a few months he won't be coming back. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:55 PM Flag

Pretend your friend wrote you this in an email asking you what she should do. What would you tell her? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:12 PM Flag

OP: Thank you to all who responded. I did read through my post and even as I read through what I'd written, it became clear that as things stand, he is not doing what he needs to do with the most important realization for me being that he likely does not intend to in the near future. I can't say what massive personal transformations he may make, people can change, but I don't have the time to wait for that change. I will continue making the strides in my life and instead of having things on hold with the idea that we may move back to be with him, I will instead make some solid choices that support where I want to go in my life for the sake of my children and myself. For one, though this is a small town I am 60 miles away from a major city and another 40 miles away from the state capitol. Within the next city over is a year long program that merges a paid internship with graduate work that I've lately been eyeing but had shelved because I didn't know what he was doing. Even beyond school, there's a lot more opportunity career wise here for me than there is in my prior city (husband's home town). I will admit, I worry a lot about the entire father issue for my son (he's only 7) more than anything. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:50 PM Flag

[ - ] What to do in Boston on this dreary weekend with two DSs-age 12 and 9. They aren't grumbling just want something to do since the beach is out 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:41 PM Flag

Science Museum, Duck Tour? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:57 PM Flag

We would go visit John Adams home, but my boys are US History buffs [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:30 PM Flag

[ - ] Does anyone else get completely exhausted on the day their period starts? I usually just get crampy and hungry, but today I feel like I could go to bed right now and not wake up until tomorrow morning. Ugh! 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:40 PM Flag

yes. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:46 PM Flag

This sucks. :( [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:50 PM Flag

Yes, every month. Between that and heavy cramping, I'm pretty much out of commission for that one day each month. It sucks. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:51 PM Flag

I get heavy cramping, but I'm not usually exhausted like this so I'm able to cope with it. Right now, I just want to curl up in a litle ball and cry, while eating an entire bar of dark chocolate. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:00 PM Flag

I hear ya. I never crave chocolate, but I have a deeply--bordering on inappropriate--relationship with my heating pad that day. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:03 PM Flag

Yes, I get that beginning of PG exhaustion. It's awful. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:59 PM Flag

Yes, every month, I think I have developed cancer or any other disease where fatigue is a symptom. Then my period comes, and I am good. Every single month; you think I'd learn. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:58 PM Flag

Me! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:44 PM Flag

[ - ] I know nannies from the Caribbean get a bad rap on here but why? Are there really any sort of Nannies that are not trustworthy? 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:38 PM Flag

I can think of one particular nanny who proved that. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:40 PM Flag

There are certain members of every ethnicity that are not trustworthy and others who can be trusted. Many families have both types in the same family. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:40 PM Flag

Which [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:37 PM Flag

Thanks, we never learned proper grammar in our grade school and I've had hell to pay on UB. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:38 PM Flag

Caribbean caregivers rule. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:34 PM Flag

Caribbean nannies are conditioned to be more inclined to crime [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:35 PM Flag

My husband hired a japanese nanny in order to minimize the risk. Goto wikipedia and you will see japanese commit less crime than caribbeans [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:36 PM Flag

Your husband hired the Nanny? I bet he's fucking her. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:37 PM Flag

I doubt it. This japanese girl is exceptionally ugly [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:46 PM Flag

He does it from behind. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:41 PM Flag

Yuck [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:49 PM Flag

I bet you he does. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:53 PM Flag

WTF? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:37 PM Flag

Go to wikipedia. It lists the violent crime rate for each group. Clearly shows caribbeans close to the top [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:38 PM Flag

Caribbeans commit more crime and also do itin a violent way. Supreme court justice breyer was violently assaulted and robbed by caribbeans. Google it [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:45 PM Flag

WTF?????????? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:53 PM Flag

Hello, nanny Krim. Case in [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:45 PM Flag

I sailed in the Caribbean and the people there are feral. I would never hire a Caribbean person to come to my home. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:51 PM Flag

This. Parents took a cruise there years ago. HATED it. Said the people were awful and would never go back [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:55 PM Flag

Ignore all these posts. Caribbean women stand up for themselves and can be tough (in a good way, I think) and are (stereotypically, but it has held true as far as I've seen) not pushovers and not passive. Some women have a problem with this attitude. Good for the kids, in my opinion. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 05:54 PM Flag

because they're rude, but rich white girls are terrified of them, so that's cool. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:22 PM Flag

If you want a servant, don't hire a Caribbean woman. If you want a loyal, hard-working woman who knows her own worth and loves your kids (but can be very firm), do hire her. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.25.13, 06:29 PM Flag