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[ - ] Dh surprised me with a vow renewal tonight. Just the 2 of us and dd on the beach :) 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 06:13 AM Flag
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Aw, that is sweet!! How many years married? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 06:08 AM Flag
[ - ] Divorced and haven't had sex for 2 years. Finally feeling the urge again after licking my wounds for several years. Today, an old flirtation reached out to me on facebook and he still looks great. He made sure to mention that he was divorced as well. Would you reconnect just for the sex if in my situation? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:48 AM Flag
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yes!! i mean at least see if leads to that. meet up for a drink and see how you feel. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:09 AM Flag
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Why wouldn't you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:12 AM Flag
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how old are you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:40 AM Flag
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Why not? And why does it have to be just for the sex? It could end up being more :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 06:00 AM Flag
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Sure! Two consenting adults, nothing wrong with that... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 06:24 AM Flag
[ - ] What are the main advantages of Canada? 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:33 AM Flag
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torton is very livable and vancouver has great chinese food. prob quebec has good french but never been there or montreal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:31 AM Flag
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toronto [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:33 AM Flag
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Any thoughts on U of Toronto for undergrad? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:00 AM Flag
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don't know how prestigious but is a very pleasant city. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:06 AM Flag
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It is actually very prestigious. Considered by most Canadians to be their top university, and in worldwide rankings it is always highly regarded. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:16 AM Flag
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My best friend went there about 5 yrs ago. I visited several times. She got a great education and liked it a lot, classes are huge though, so seems best for an independent and responsible student. Since the classes are so huge, the professors don't know you and most of the homework/readings are left up to you, and then final papers/exams hold all the weight. Great city to be a student in, I loved visiting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:34 AM Flag
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Health care. I know many people who would have gone bankrupt due to illnesses if they lived in the states. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:32 AM Flag
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^^including myself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:33 AM Flag
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but some canadians haul ass to the US when they need some real medical treatments. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:33 AM Flag
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Do you know anyone personally who has done this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:47 AM Flag
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I know people who've done it for ivf. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:42 AM Flag
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Ok ivf is important to many people and I know OHIP covers a bit and a secondary insurance will cover some more, but its not a life threatening treatment that requires hauling ass to the states for said treatment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:59 AM Flag
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yes. you can even google it. the best medical care is right here in the good old usa for cash paying or well insured people. there might be some very obscure disease that a swiss doctor knows better/operates on in switzerland but it is a rare exception. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:55 AM Flag
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The hospital for sick children brought in a specialist from the states to assist in the diagnosis and treatment that was needed to save my life. My mom quit her nursing job to be with me in the hospital. If we lived in the US, my parents would have been either bankrupt or in serious debt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:23 AM Flag
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No they go to India. I know 6 people who went to India for surgery and it cost less than half of what they would have ad in the states. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:20 AM Flag
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*paid [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:20 AM Flag
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they do that for costs -- why, i thought it was free? but if they need cutting edge, they come here. i can't imagine going to india. maybe thailand but not india. that place is so horribly dirty. i'd be afriad of cathcing another disease while there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 06:02 AM Flag
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From the UK too. Have a friend with MS who says she now can't move back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:27 AM Flag
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They're nice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:26 AM Flag
[ - ] S/o of controlling mom & mammo posts: is it nice, weird, controlling or just annoying if your mom calls you to ask whether you've made your mammo appt yet? My mom harasses me every year, almost to the anniversary date of last years appt. we have no family history fwiw. She will call me at work several times a day demanding when it's scheduled for and what time because she doesn't believe me if I only say I made an appt. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:00 AM Flag
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Maybe nice to call once, the rest is nagging overkill even if done w love. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:51 AM Flag
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Agree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:54 AM Flag
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WEIRD x 10 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:01 AM Flag
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she's just worried about you. if you're under 50, you could just tell her a date, mark it on your calendar and not take her calls that morning/afternoon. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:19 AM Flag
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Op- thank you for confirming that it is annoying and freaking weird. I told her that much and she told me that all mothers who care about their children do this. It's gotten worse as she has gotten older (75+). Is this some sign of early dementia or something? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:22 AM Flag
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My aunt was like this and really did save my cousin's life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 07:18 AM Flag
[ - ] You always hear about kids who DIDN'T prep and got 99s-- anyone's kid smart, but not gifted, but prepped and ended up w/99s? More specifically, for Hunter? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:57 AM Flag
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You know selection for Hunter via R2 is u,it to ya random selection. You have no idea how they pick,..it's not just the smartest. Often seems to be middle of the pack, but that's distribution I guess. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:17 AM Flag
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i think it is too random. you won't move a 89 kid to 99. that just won't happen. but sometimes, you'll get a kid who was 96 or 97 get 99. and that is what you hear from parents who get dinged two years in a row. they got 99 unprepped. then they reapplied next year unprepped and got 98 or 97 or, heaven forbid, 96. the prep is the last 2 or 3 percentiles, at most. there's just too much randomness. it is probably still too random at that age even with prep but you do it because you would hate to be that woman who got 97 unprepped and wonder if it could have been pushed a little teeny tiny bit higher. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:09 AM Flag
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Best answer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:33 AM Flag
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This. 100%. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:45 AM Flag
[ - ] Ever since DS was born 6 months ago, DH refuses to sleep in our bedroom. I sleep in the bedroom with DS, and DH sleeps on the couch. He says it's because he doesn't want to be tired for work in the morning (I WOH too). WTF???? 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:43 AM Flag
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Co sleeping? Of course he wants to sleep somewhere else. He could roll over on the baby. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:45 AM Flag
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No, not co sleeping. We have the crib in our bedroom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:33 AM Flag
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Does ds have a bedroom? When will he move to his own room? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:45 AM Flag
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When we move to a bigger apartment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:34 AM Flag
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move crib to living room? do cry it out method til baby can sleep through the night. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:48 AM Flag
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Sorry but I think CIO is really cruel. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:38 AM Flag
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I agree! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:53 AM Flag
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np: I think not teaching your baby how to put himself to sleep is really cruel. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:56 AM Flag
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There are other ways. This is not "teaching". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 07:19 AM Flag
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At 6 months is fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:57 AM Flag
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Does he make more money than you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:49 AM Flag
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No [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:49 AM Flag
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Hmm. Is he taking his phone with him when he sleeps on the couch? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:53 AM Flag
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My dh couldn't sleep in same room either. He would listen to breathing, then think he couldn't hear breathing and get up to check, then hear stirring and lie awake wondering if baby was getting up or just sighing... rode the couch until baby was in own room. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:03 AM Flag
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yeah, i was the same EXCEPT i didn't have the choice to ride it out on the sofa. i had to be there in the room with the baby. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:11 AM Flag
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well if the baby is going to deprive everyone of sleep, might as well switch off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 06:46 AM Flag
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You need the intimacy of sleeping together. Put the baby in the LR. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 07:20 AM Flag
[ - ] Is anyone on? A friend was trying to sell me on Jersey City tonight. Any shot that there are decent public schools over there? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:34 AM Flag
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no chance in hell on paper but i have found that schools, public and private, are largely what YOU put into it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:11 AM Flag
[ - ] My DS is in K and I'd like to start him in ice hockey. Manhattan moms, any recommendations? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:30 AM Flag
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Move to Canada [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:35 AM Flag
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Play hockey or learn to skate. Entirely different things...need to learn to skate first [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:44 AM Flag
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Yes, he knows how to skate. Been skating since he was 2 yo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:33 AM Flag
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Do you always assume people are morons? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:34 AM Flag
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Yes. My son was skating since two and many parents show up at learn to hockey and have DCs in two that belong in learn to skate. Infuriating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:07 AM Flag
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In tow [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:08 AM Flag
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"infuriating?" get a grip. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:17 AM Flag
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Hockey costs a lot of money and the kids that can't skate waste everyones time/money. Ice time in the city is hard to get. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:18 AM Flag
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Tiger Mom [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:15 AM Flag
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Chelsea Piers is all I know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 07:20 AM Flag
[ - ] I am depressed because I just realized I will be 58 when my youngest goes to college. Sucks to be a granny mom. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:21 AM Flag
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you had your last at 40? That's not really granny mom. Granny mom has first at 40, second at 42 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:22 AM Flag
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lol. Yes I had dcs at 36, 38, 40. I feel like a granny mom. Seems like most moms had their first between 28-35. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:23 AM Flag
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Well, that would be me. But by your definition I am also a granny mom because I had my last at 39! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:16 AM Flag
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I'm 50, my DD will soon be 5. I don't really get this mentality but I'm also in really good physical condition and don't look my age. My mother had me when she was 38. Never bothered me a bit how old she was. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:26 AM Flag
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Wow is your DS yours biologically? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:39 AM Flag
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no of course not, no matter what she says [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:45 AM Flag
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That's pretty harsh. I posted below. My mother was 45 when she had me--naturally--more than 50 years ago. It happens. She was told she would never have children (my dad had dud sperm from cancer treatment as a teenager). She miraculously had 2. And, yes, we look just like our father. ;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:47 AM Flag
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csb [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:16 AM Flag
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Why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:27 AM Flag
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I feel like I want to start retirement ASAP lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:40 AM Flag
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If it makes you feel any better I had my first at 42 and second at 45. I don't feel, I know am one the oldest parents I will meet. Do I care? Not really but I'm just thrilled I got to be a parent to 2 amazing and healthy kids when I had begun to accept that it was not going to happen. Also a few of my best friends are old parents with kids the same age and we spend lots of time with them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:40 AM Flag
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This is amazing. Did you get pg naturally? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:42 AM Flag
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My mom was 61 when I went to college. She gives me a lot of crap about why she doesn't have grandkids yet when all her friends' grandkids are going to college. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:44 AM Flag
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^^and, yes, I am my mom's biological child. Surprise baby after 17 years of infertility. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:46 AM Flag
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wow [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:34 AM Flag
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I love it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:17 AM Flag
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My bro is an old dad but I tell him he drew his youth out as long as possible and had a great time! Now it's time to pay the piper. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:47 AM Flag
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My mom was 45 when she had me. I was 16 when I went away to college, so that made her 61. You people on UB make a bigger deal of it than it is. I never paid any attention to it growing up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:52 AM Flag
[ - ] I have 2 DS ages 3 and 1, just found out I am pregnant with #3. DH and I are thinking it's time to consider the burbs. I am having a panic attack...will I miss the city terribly? I love living here. Ugh 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:11 AM Flag
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omg get a grip lady. It's a city FFS. What's more important- your family or a bunch of buildings? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:16 AM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:30 AM Flag
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Moving won't just happen to you. Look around, see what you think. Nothing to panic about. If you don't like, don't move. And congats! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:32 AM Flag
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Congrats. Have them share rooms; you'll be fine! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:26 AM Flag
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I forgot to clarify we don't know gender of #3 yet... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:39 AM Flag
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Still. It's fine for at least 6-7 more years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:13 AM Flag
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+1 share rooms. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:41 AM Flag
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Go or don't go, but it will be fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 07:22 AM Flag
[ - ] How old were you when you had your first mammogram? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:06 AM Flag
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40 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 02:56 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:02 AM Flag
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39. Honestly, I feel like it's a big racket. They always make me get a sonogam too. Why, if mamms are so great? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 02:58 AM Flag
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Breast tissue density [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:19 AM Flag
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38. Was going to wait until 40, but my friend who was just diagnosed convinced me to go [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:12 AM Flag
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36 and having first next week - skin changes on one breast, pain and a lump :( Nervous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:08 AM Flag
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38. Gyno said I have lumpy breasts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:09 AM Flag
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I think I was 42. The first time I had to get a sonogram, too! I was freaked out. There was nothing there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:09 AM Flag
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39. i wouldn't have done it until 50 and haven't done it since but i had some blocked duct pain and discharge over a year after db stopped nursing (apparently happens now and then). it was nothing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:13 AM Flag
[ - ] Why are the bags under my eyes so puffy/swollen. I take ambien and sleep 7-8 hours every night. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:05 AM Flag
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Salt, hormones, allergies, genes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:09 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:30 AM Flag
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Could be allergies? Or does this run in the fam? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:22 AM Flag
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Gluten sensitivity. Get off gluten. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:16 AM Flag
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Ffs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:33 AM Flag
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My eyes always get bags when i take Ambien, don't know why. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:19 AM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:20 AM Flag
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Ugh was hoping someone wouldn't say this; I'm a horrible sleeper always have been, it's the only way I can manage being a mom, wife, working etc etc. Any suggestions for tapering ? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:23 AM Flag
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Try melatonin and valerian instead. I take 5mg of melatonin + 2 dropperfuls of a product by HerbPharm (Relaxing Sleep) that has a lot of valerian. Works pretty well, as long as not too hot at night. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:40 AM Flag
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Np Melatonin? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:28 AM Flag
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I rode the craziest of the crazy trains on melatonin, never again! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:43 AM Flag
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What happened? Have some, scared to try it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:05 AM Flag
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Wild dreams, just insanity LOL. Woke up exhausted, never again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:55 AM Flag
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Weird [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:03 AM Flag
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I love Ambien, too. One-third of a pill gives me 6-7 hours of sleep, I wake up refreshed, but have the bags under the eyes! If I don't take Ambien, there are no bags in the AM. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:55 AM Flag
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drink a large glass of water before bed [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:35 AM Flag
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Weird. I started taking ambien 3 years ago given to me by OB and then PMD and stopped about 6 months ago. I never put it together that ambien could be the cause of my bags suddenly getting huge when I started. It was so dramatic and sudden that people I had not seen would ask me "what happened." The bags are not improved since stopping though. I thought it was the pregnancy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:46 AM Flag
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I swear the Ambien does it. I went off it because I didn't want to be puffy eyed before my wedding and - surprise- I wasn't, even though I barely slept. ITS THE AMBIEN. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:41 AM Flag
[ - ] Separated and currently living with family. Unfortunately I have no choice but to live with them as dh emptied/spent every $ we had. My job pays ok but I'm trying to save $ for dc's schooling/retirement/emergency fund. I've had to swallow a lot of pride to move back home but I'm so thankful that we have a safe & loving place to stay. My problem is this- my mother has reverted to telling me how to do anything and everything. She undermines the rules I've set with dc. She tells me how to cook, clean, put on lipstick...I could go on. Initially I would say ' I'm in my forties, i've got it' but her feelings would be hurt and she'd snap at me. So I switched to 'ok thanks' or 'ok thank you' and she's annoyed by that too and starts arguing with me. Does anyone have any suggestions how to deal with this. I think she is very sensitive and I don't want to be dismissive but it's starting to cause problems. Tia. 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 02:54 AM Flag
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"Mom, I'm so grateful for everything you've done for me during this difficult time, and your support and advice is fantastic, but I'm feeling a little vulnerable new, so although I'm taking in everything you're saying, I'm just a little overwhelmed to Mae a lot f changes right now." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:11 AM Flag
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Op: I've tried that. It's almost impossible to not offend her if I don't do things her way or agree that's the best way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:06 AM Flag
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Well clearly your mom has little faith in your ability to do things for yourself... then again apparently you haven't done so well for yourself in that you chose a lousy DH so who's to say your Mom is incorrect? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:14 AM Flag
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Why be so bitchy? OP sounds like she is trying to make the best of a tough situation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:19 AM Flag
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Op: Ah, I was wondering if someone would reply as you did. Basically if I had divorced dh after 4 months of marriage and not caved to family pressure ( we don't divorce!) then I would not have lost nearly as much money. Even after I told her that he hit me she thought I should try harder for the sake of dc. This has been going on for 6 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:11 AM Flag
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Sorry, if you knew 4 months in but went on to have DCs then you're not the innocent victim you're portraying yourself to be. And I am sure there were issues before the marriage if you knew as soon as 4 months in. You're not being entirely forthcoming. Perhaps your mom is sick of you not listening, fucking up, getting everyone around you all sucked into to helping you, and then you having such a help-rejecting attitude. Bye! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:33 AM Flag
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You two have some issues. You blame her for staying in your marriage and not supporting you. Perhaps when you accept responsibility for you decisions, what she says to you will be less important. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:41 AM Flag
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Op: I do blame her for things that happened growing up. I've tried to talk/clear the air and she get defensive -it's always the mothers fault! I accepted that she takes no responsibility for anything that happened and have moved on. But it seems like I've moved right back into the pattern. It's so much worse as an adult than teen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:50 AM Flag
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So glad Ms. Helpful chimed in. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:14 AM Flag
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She always does! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:33 AM Flag
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I beg your pardon but I didn't realize this was helpfulbaby.com, not UB [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:24 AM Flag
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NP: you have issues lady. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:58 AM Flag
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Mom.. unsolicited advice is actually criticism okay? Repeat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:18 AM Flag
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Noooo, your mom is doing you a big favor, OP. Be as gracious as you can be. How about Mom, I am so grateful for your help. And I know you are worried about me. Thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:10 AM Flag
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Op: I think I'm going to try this out. Because she really doesn't understand that's what she's been doing. I haven't been able to say this as succinctly as you put it. TY! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:14 AM Flag
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That is so defensive. Think it, if you must but don't say it out loud. It is no better than what your mom says to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:37 AM Flag
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She does this out of fear. Laugh it off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:12 AM Flag
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Op: Can you elaborate? I'm not sure what you mean? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:16 AM Flag
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I mean, she is fearful, which leads to controlling. If you can stay calm and reassuring, maybe she'll be less fearful and back off. Unless she is controlling of everyone and just can't stop... then you just have to suck it up, save money and hightail it out of there asap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:34 AM Flag
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I think you have to suck it up while you stay there, and just focus on the fact that it won't last forever and this is a sacrifice you are making for dc. Maybe your mom is worried about you and trying to help? At least this is a safe place to stay. You are being a good mom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:26 AM Flag
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Op: thank you. That is what I've been trying to focus on but it's getting difficult. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:17 AM Flag
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Then move and stop mooching off your mom to save your own dime [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:37 AM Flag
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Op: I'm paying rent, paying her HOA monthly fee, paying for all utilities. Even she said she would have to move if I hadn't moved in because it's become too expensive for her to live comfortably in her current neighborhood. So yes, I need her but it's not the kind of mooching you are implying. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:41 AM Flag
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I moved back home for a few months in similar circumstances. Mom tried to control everything about me because she was afraid I would fall apart and never move out! I let her know that I was doing well emotionally and tebuilding financially, but that I wasn't perfect and it would be good if she coukd be more hands off. She eventually laughed at herself and rekented. But she was very relieved when I moved back out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:38 AM Flag
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Op: she complained that she can't go from picking up dc from school and being responsible to being hands off when I get home. As an example, dc hurt himself and came to me, sat on my lap, needed a hug/kiss. My mom comes over and tries to take him out of my lap saying 'let grandma make it all right'. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:34 AM Flag
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Omg, you have my sympathy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:09 AM Flag
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Np I kind of understand what she"s saying. She should not take him off your lap, but she is not a nanny who can hand him off at the end of the day and stop caring. The good thing is that she loves him and sounds responsible and helpful. Feeling some ownership is flip side of that coin. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:57 AM Flag
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I'm the NP below. Usually this kind of behaviour is not out of love but displayed as a way of control and for the deep desire of being needed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:42 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:21 AM Flag
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NP: From what you've written so far I think your mom has narcissistic personality disorder. How I know? She sounds very much like my NPD mother. If this is the case, your best bet is to move out and not to let her control your life anymore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 05:40 AM Flag
[ - ] I really want to make a difference in the world but I don't know how and don't feel qualified to do anything substantial. 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 02:52 AM Flag
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Donate 250 to smile train and fix a child's cleft palate. You will literally save a life [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 02:42 AM Flag
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I don't have $250 and I want to do something memorable. I was at an event today honoring people who have given their lives for others. I haven't done and am not on track to do anything meaningful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 02:45 AM Flag
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Visit the St. Michael's Soup Kitchen any Saturday morning. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:01 AM Flag
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Or any of the other MANY soup kitchens in NY. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:06 AM Flag
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I'm not in NYC. I was volunteering 2 nights a week at a homeless shelter and doing computer work for a school for girls in the Middle East but when I started doing foster care I quit volunteering. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:08 AM Flag
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OMG you're doing foster care. You're already making a difference in the world! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:47 AM Flag
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Np This is an excuse to wallow and say "woe is me," rather than doing something, however minor, to move the ball forward. Most of us won't cure cancer or end wars but we are all capable of making the world a better place. Visit shut-ins, deliver Meals on Wheels, write editorials, volunteer at Head Start, mentor a child. Don't say "if I can't be a hero, I don't want to do anything." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 02:52 AM Flag
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I realized the greatest peace when I got comfortable with the idea that it's ok to touch fewer lives deeply than "make a difference in the world" how old are you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:00 AM Flag
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Ha. Good way NOT to do anything useful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:06 AM Flag
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I volunteer locally, I work at an organization that does great good but in a sea of billions of people I am not going to change the world. This is a different reality than I imagined when I was 23, and that's ok [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 02:58 AM Flag
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OP: I'm 32 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:06 AM Flag
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I try to tell myself that because I do make a difference for a few children and families through fostering but then I think about all the suffering in the world and that fact that I have time to be watching netflix and on UB at night and I don't think I'm doing enough. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:10 AM Flag
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It sounds like you do a whole lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:36 AM Flag
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Volunteer in a school or nursing home. Donate books to a school library and help organize them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 02:48 AM Flag
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There are thousands of ways to volunteer. If you're not doing it, you just like the idea of it, but not really doing it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:07 AM Flag
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I don't mean so much volunteering as I do politicians & agency heads who enact policies that impact huge numbers of people, law enforcement & military who give their lives for others and even people who start their own organization to help larger numbers of people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:16 AM Flag
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Np We get it. You want to be important. Part of growing up is realizing that we're not actually that special and we're going to lead generic, normal lives rather than becoming rock stars, famous writers, Nobel Peace Prize winners, etc. You aren't the first female president or the star of the show. You will still feel better doing something rather than nothing. You may be making a huge difference in the life of your foster child. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:26 AM Flag
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Become a nurse [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 02:49 AM Flag
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gross [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 02:51 AM Flag
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SAHM? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 02:51 AM Flag
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No I work in forensics [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:06 AM Flag
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Sure you do [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:21 AM Flag
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A good start would be logging off UB [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:06 AM Flag
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she can do good on ub. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:29 AM Flag
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Give blood. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:07 AM Flag
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I donate $50/month to IRC--I don't have a lot but I do this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:07 AM Flag
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good for you. one of the few charities that matter a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:29 AM Flag
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Be nice to people. Lighten their load. Spread goodwill and kindness. So many ways to be of service to others. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:31 AM Flag
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that's most of us. raise your kids well and do what you can. don't try to pretend you're somebody special cuz probably, you're not. my husband and i have this argument sometimes. we have like $200MM. he says he was given the ability to make that money to do something good in the world. i said even five or ten times that wouldn't even be a tear in the salty sea of humanity. he used to live in denial believing in providence all the while being an atheist but now, after 13 years together and seeing crap around the world and insufferable people, he is inclined to agree with me that it means nothing and he won't be making much of a difference to anybody except dcs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 04:17 AM Flag
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With that much money you absolutely could make more of a difference. You do not sound at all generous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 07:24 AM Flag
[ - ] Frigid in new york city but enough about urbanbaby posters haha 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 02:44 AM Flag
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Hahahaha!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.14, 03:40 AM Flag
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