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[ - ] Someone posted "you're a man" when I said I think it's sexist that women should expect a man to pay for a first date. (Apparently this person thinks all women think the same way.). Once a relationship has been agreed upon by both parties it makes sense to come up with whatever payment routine both parties agree to. Maybe the man pays for everything, and that's fine. But expectingn a stranger to pay for you just seems gross to me. How can you say women deserve equal rights and then turn around and act helpless like you can't afford a dinner? Adults should pay for their own food. Only children should get ther tab picked up. I'm a SAHM and I think it's fine for a man to pay for things once there is an established relationship or marriage, where both people agree to the arangement but to go into a date with the entitlement that another person should pick up the tab just seems wrong to me. Does anyone have an actual reason why this is a good idea that the man always pays other than "men should pay because men should pay." In terms of the person who said "the person who invites pays" I have invited girlfriends to lunch hundreds of times and never once had them expect me to pay. What kind of adult expects another adult to pay for them? 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:00 PM Flag
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The demographic of women on UB is older. No one under 30 expects a man to pay on a date. Only very conservative women or uneducated women. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:01 PM Flag
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op: maybe. I'm 28 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:01 PM Flag
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I agree. These women are in for a rude awakening when their daughters marry guys who earn less than they do (happening all the time with my age 30-ish friends). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:04 PM Flag
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I am 27 and I expect a man to pay if he invites me out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:11 PM Flag
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My guy friends weed out girls who expect them to pay. Red flag. Gold digger alert. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:02 PM Flag
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Wealthy and classy men will pay for their date. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:02 PM Flag
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But then they expect you to put out? Doesn't it make you feel gross to be "bought" like that? Why not pay your own way and then the man knows that if you want a second date that you actually like spending time with him and aren't just using him for free dinners? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:03 PM Flag
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Ok, you have to be a man. Nobody thinks like this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:11 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:10 PM Flag
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Smart men weed out gold-diggers. That's why I always paid for my own way on dates.and guess what? My DH never asked me for a prenup because he knew I wasn't a gold-digger. Now I'm a SAHM and he makes millions which im entitled to half of. All my friends who made the guy pay on dates ended up with guys who made them sign prenups. Sucks for them [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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You sound nuts [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:10 PM Flag
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Jesus you sound like such a caricature. Have fun taking half of his millions, I guess? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:12 PM Flag
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I think a woman should always be prepared to pay her half on a date, but I expect a man to offer and pay. I also expect a man to hold the door open as a woman walks in, not just hold it open behind him as he walks in. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:10 PM Flag
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If a guy invites a girl to dinner, he should pay. And vice versa. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:10 PM Flag
[ - ] Bought DD a bathing suit at Walmart and 2 weeks later, it's all stretched out. What brands of bathing suits hold up well, especially in chlorine pool water? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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Speedo [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:53 PM Flag
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My Costco bathing suit that cost $19.99 held up through a winter of swimming twice a week. I am on my second one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:53 PM Flag
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I like lands end and they're suits are all on sale right now - or at least they were yesterday. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:55 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:59 PM Flag
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this. For boys Old Navy work well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:01 PM Flag
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Was it the right size? My kids use Walmart all summer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:57 PM Flag
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Target for boys seems fine. Don't have girls [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:04 PM Flag
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Boden, Lands End [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:10 PM Flag
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Lands End [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:11 PM Flag
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It's a lesson for supporting Walmart. Evil company. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:13 PM Flag
[ - ] Spin off. My sons are 16 and 12 yo. Dh and I teach them that if they take a girl on a date, they pay for her, even if she offers. They hold the door, and they pull her chair out. Do you teach your sons this? It seems mothers don't emphasize chivalry in their sons anymore. 39 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:48 PM Flag
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I would teach them the door (this is a tradition that doesn't appear to be going away, so better they learn it then be thought rude even though I dont like it), and tell them that if they ask a girl out they should pay (even if she offers). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:49 PM Flag
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You don't like it when a man holds the door for you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:50 PM Flag
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I've always thought this was strange. I hold the door for anyone, male or female, who is coming in behind me- why would I take offense to a man holding the door for me? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:55 PM Flag
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I have never heard of anyone being offended by this. Is that a real thing? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:57 PM Flag
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I've heard about it online but I've never actually met someone in real life who feels this way, thankfully [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:07 PM Flag
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I plan to teach my 10 yo ds this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:51 PM Flag
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Start now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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It's not too early to start telling him. My kids took etiquette/ballroom classes beginning in third grade. This is huge in the suburbs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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I have a DS and a DD. I will raise both of them to respect the other sex and that both are perfectly capable of asking someone out on a date and paying for it. Both should hold the door for those behind them...regardless of gender..The pulling out of chair is old fashion. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:53 PM Flag
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There's nothing wrong with being old fashioned. It's better than being a mannerless oaf. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:53 PM Flag
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We teach our DS and DD that if they ask someone on a date, they pay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:54 PM Flag
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Np. I would never encourage my dd to ask a guy on a date. This is the mans job, and if he can't do it, he probably sucks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:55 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:56 PM Flag
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Really? Sad that you are raising a daughter with low self esteem and sexist cliches. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:59 PM Flag
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NP Then I hope your daughter doesn't date my son. These sorts of rigid gender roles are antiquated and useless. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:00 PM Flag
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Completely agree. I hope my sone does not end up dating a doormat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:01 PM Flag
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A door mat? You are confused. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:02 PM Flag
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No, a girl raised to expect a man to pay for everything is also the one who expects not to work. She's a future doormat - whether she is the wife of some guy who hits her, or an UES wife who waits for her wife bonus. A worthless doormat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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I am the med student from the other thread. The entire focus of my life is my career. But I appreciate it when a guy invites me to dinner and pays. I am turned off when a guy invites me and then expects to split the check. He invites, he should pay. It's just the way things work. My current boyfriend is very old fashioned and I love it! He wasn't raised in NYC though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:07 PM Flag
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^^i prefer a nice southern gentleman over your typical NYC jerk. I have found guys raised in ny have terrible manners, on the whole [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:08 PM Flag
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Nnp. I am in my 20s and currently dating. I'll be honest...there is something very off putting about a guy who can't muster up the courage to ask me on a date. It's a good way of weeding out losers, flakes, and guys who aren't truly interested. And trust me...in this city, a lot of guys fall into at least one of those categories! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:04 PM Flag
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Np. They are not useless, they are based on basic biology. The man does the chasing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:03 PM Flag
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Hate to say it but ita [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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Your theory justifies why all men should be unfaithful- it's biology! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:11 PM Flag
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You seem dumb. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:11 PM Flag
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I would not tell them to pay even if she offers. That's because I'd be raising a girl who I would tell to pay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:55 PM Flag
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What? You sound combative [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:56 PM Flag
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Chivalry is about treating all people with courtesy. It is not about men dating women. Most of the rules of chivalry were about protecting the poor and the weak and treating male guests with courtesy and respect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:55 PM Flag
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Thanks for the history lesson, but I think you know what op means [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:56 PM Flag
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THIS! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:57 PM Flag
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I don't think I taught them this necessarily, but they somehow all learned it. They are all gentlemen with their girlfriends. I did teach them specifically how to always leave a good tip and appreciate service in order to expect good service. When one of them had only 60 dollars to pay a 57 dollar dinner bill and left 3 dollars, as soon as I found out I drove him and a friend back to the same place exactly one week later to make sure the same server was there, and apologize and tip her $20 in advance of the order and then 25% after the check. I had a cheapskate dad growing up and I never really got over the way he would stiff service persons. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:57 PM Flag
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So far he's 7. We've taught him that men keep their word. We tell him that if someone doesn't want to be touched, they stop. I don't know if we will focus on the door and the chair thing, but I will want them to be polite. I think paying for the date isn't the same thing as being polite. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:59 PM Flag
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I agree with this and will have similar discussions with my son. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:00 PM Flag
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I have 2 sons and I will not teach them to do this based on gender. I will emphasize treating all people equally. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:02 PM Flag
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Your intentions are good, but guys I know who are raised like this turn out to be boors. the kind of guy who will break a woman's nose during a coed volleyball game. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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A woman shouldn't be there if she's not willing to get her nose broken. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:12 PM Flag
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I also have boys, but I'm a man. I will never teach my sons to treat women like this, because it doesn't work. You're raising two boys who will be frustrated by the fact that your old lady techniques leave them alone every weekend while the girls are out with the assholes who couldn't give a shit about them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:11 PM Flag
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This is untrue. med student above. one of my favorite things about my current boyfriend is how old fashioned and polite he is. I have treated him many times but he always feels uncomfortable about it because he thinks the man should be the one to pay. I think it's cute. He also holds doors for me, pullsmy chair out, etc. maybe I am unusual but I like nice people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:13 PM Flag
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You are a troll, not a father. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:14 PM Flag
[ - ] What is the point of Mika (Morning Joe)? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:47 PM Flag
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Makes Joe Scarborough look smart(ish) by comparison. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:48 PM Flag
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Barely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Scene in the Suburbs: Three Mexican landscapers sprawled out taking a nap on the sidewalk in front of the house they just finished cutting the lawn of. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:42 PM Flag
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They are smart!!! Naps help you live longer and better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:43 PM Flag
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How do you know they're Mexican. Maybe they are from Guatemala or Peru? Anyone with no neck looks alike [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:44 PM Flag
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White ignorant mom from the burbs lacked the proper Geography lessons in HS, she can barely locate her own country in a map. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:48 PM Flag
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The Ecuadorans have a lock on the biz in some areas. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 06:13 PM Flag
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It's called a siesta for a reason... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:49 PM Flag
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How does it feel to have your business partners turn on you mr trump? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:49 PM Flag
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LOVE Carlos Slim!!! He cut Donald Trump's balls so neatly for everybody to see. No wonder he's the richest man in the world. His English is lacking a bit, his girlfriend is BRILLIANT and very classy: Queen Noor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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