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[ - ] DD wants to look at Colby and Bates in Maine. Has anyone visited either and what was your impression? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:40 AM Flag
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My younger cousin went to one and I know someone who ED the other...that being said, I’ve never visited either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:44 AM Flag
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Cold. Typical LACs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:44 AM Flag
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bates is by a small town but there is literally nothing bt Colby. I know kids both who love it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:50 AM Flag
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I live in Maine and have spent some time on both campuses. Both are small, pretty. I somewhat prefer the look of Bates but they are more similar than different. Neither Lewiston or Waterville are particularly nice towns and there is definitely some town/gown tension particularly in Lewiston I believe. Both are considered good solid LACs, not as competitive as Bowdoin, but tend to draw reasonably high achieving kids. By reputation culture at both schools is low key preppy/athletic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:57 AM Flag
[ - ] 9th grade DS still needs help regulating himself with screens. If left in his room with unlimited access, he'll do a super half-assed job on HW and constantly be distracted by his phone. Is this normal? No flames but I truly and starting to become concerned. Advice? Anyone btdt? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:31 AM Flag
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New rule: no phone in the room while doing homework. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:33 AM Flag
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op. Does this seem age appropriate? This is what I've been doing for the past week. I just wonder if it's normal that I need to monitor a 15-year-old like this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:37 AM Flag
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Np: My guess is yes. He’s still 15 yo. It would be nice if he had the motivation to do it on his own. But since he doesn’t, you do it for him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:39 AM Flag
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Yessss, but mine is way younger and same story. It's totally normal for a young boy to want to ignore HW when other more interesting distractions are readily available. I've never succeeded in making him just put down whatever screen was available and put more effort into HW. The only thing that works is just lock up the electronics and take away remotes, or set expectations of how much HW has to be done before electronics and if not done then take away electronics for a day or more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:56 AM Flag
[ - ] How do you balance everything? Just keeping a tidy house seems like a full-time job to me and I'm not super particular. Making beds, doing laundry, food shopping, prepping dinner, filling humidifier, cleaning Swell bottles...it all adds up. I just can't keep up. Any tips or advice? What am I doing wrong? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:29 AM Flag
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Outsource [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:34 AM Flag
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+1. And order your groceries for delivery. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:37 AM Flag
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op. I do but i still need to unpack them which takes at least 15 minutes a couple of times a week. i like to have a lot of fresh fruit and veggies around [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:49 AM Flag
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This. I wasn't sure if you WOH or SAH, but if you SAH, it's just your job. If you WOH you have to outsource or ask DH to step up with some of these, make him responsible for humidifier and food shopping, most men can manage this, even laundry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:54 AM Flag
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I probably spend 2-3 hours per weekday on things like cooking, cleaning, taking out the trash, sweeping floors (before and after work). Big things, like laundry and food shopping, happen on the weekend. It is exhausting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:44 AM Flag
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op. Yup. totally exhausting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:48 AM Flag
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half ass it unless company is coming. If/when company is coming, do this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBwELzvnrQg [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:52 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone on who did a breast lift/implants post-kids. I have initial consult with dr in 4 weeks. I have two good friends who did it and they rave about it. Any advice? How long to recover before work and exercise again? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:58 AM Flag
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I wish I could afford one, plus a tummy tuck [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:07 AM Flag
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I want to do that + tummy tuck/light lipo. I am thinking of scheduling a consultation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:10 AM Flag
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I did, got a lift, plus implants, plus a tummy tuck. It was my 40th birthday present after 4 kids and it wasn't an easy recovery, but I look great and regret nothing! Took 8 weeks for me to work out again, so basically a c section recovery, but worse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:18 AM Flag
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NP: What is the tummy tuck scar like? Did it heal well? The ones I have seen online seem really long and noticeable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:51 AM Flag
[ - ] would you rather live in Charleston SC or Charlotte, NC? 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:45 AM Flag
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Charleston [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:49 AM Flag
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charleston. Been to charlotte and it isn't much [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:49 AM Flag
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Charleston is a small town compared to Charlotte. Nice place but may not be the easiest to live in [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:51 AM Flag
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And five minutes outside there are confederate flags. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:54 AM Flag
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Charleston has terrible traffic, is hot as hell in the summer, and the private schools are all spread out. Not to mention you’ll have to evacuate at least once a year for a hurricane, and good luck insuring your house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:55 AM Flag
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More companies in Charlotte. So work wise, probably more opportunities there. But Charleston is beautiful and right on the coast so that would be my choice if money were no object. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:00 AM Flag
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Charleston. Charlotte is boring. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:01 AM Flag
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Charleston was very very small. Swampy too. In the summer I can't imagine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:07 AM Flag
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Charlotte if I'm a MC person with a job. Charleston if I'm retired and wealthy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:12 AM Flag
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Charlotte is a beautiful city with major sports franchises, great public schools and universities and beautiful surroundings - lakes, mountains, etc. Diversity of local industries, with emphasis on banking, which attracts a well-educated population of transplants. Less insular. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:14 AM Flag
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You're never going to be truly accepted in Charleston society if you're not from local old money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:23 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:26 AM Flag
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Who cares. You know where that money came from, right? Who wants to be associated with that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:28 AM Flag
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Newsflash: most people could care less about self important “society”. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:29 AM Flag
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Neither. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:29 AM Flag
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charleston [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:36 AM Flag
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Charleston is the epitome of nice to visit, not nice to live in. Charlotte is the opposite. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:53 AM Flag
[ - ] Does Collegiate ever do nursery school visits? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:31 AM Flag
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When I worked at Chapin they only did for siblings or legacies. Maybe that's changed now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:46 AM Flag
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? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:59 AM Flag
[ - ] Lately, I’ve come to realize that my husband and I have grown apart. I honestly have not invested the way I should have in the relationship. Working mother and taking care of my son. Just surviving but lately I have realized that my relationship with him seems empty. How do I turn this around before it is too late? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:06 AM Flag
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Go on a date night and really talk. We were having the same type of things and we really had to spend time talking and listening to each other. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:45 AM Flag
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Actively engage in a common interest. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:31 AM Flag
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Maybe try little things to begin with, like saying “thank you for...” or “I appreciate it when you do...” Good for you for doing something about it and it will be good for your marriage. Your kid will be out of the house in 10 or so years and you’ll really have to deal with each other (or not) at that point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:47 AM Flag
[ - ] After a health crisis, I took kids out of school and went to Park City to ski. Didnt realize it was Sundance. It's like being in a movie - people buying $1K worth of crab claws at Whole Foods, skin tight lepard snowsuits, etc etc. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:43 AM Flag
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csb [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:01 AM Flag
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Why so mean? She just said they had a health crisis. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:05 AM Flag
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That sounds like a sight to behold! Wishing you better health. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:31 AM Flag
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I've been to that Whole Foods! It is a posh little town in general and the landscape around there in summer is awe inspiring. Hope you feel better! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:35 AM Flag
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I would love to see that scene, sounds like great people-watching! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:38 AM Flag
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+1 Enjoy! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:58 AM Flag
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feel better! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:07 AM Flag
[ - ] Do nannies eat your food? I never minded them eating here and there with the kids, but now she regularly eats all her meals even when we have just enough for the kids, tonight I came home and enraged to find out the dry age steal that I made last night for kids that was even expensive for us, she helped herself to a full steak!!! She is overweight and loves food, don’t think she can fight the urge, what should I tell her? 34 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:42 AM Flag
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The truth. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:46 AM Flag
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have you asked her to stop? if not, she has no idea you don't want her to do it (and don't say its obvious. it isnt.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:49 AM Flag
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I fired a nanny - one of the issues was she was buying her own groceries and preparing meals for her family using ingredients in my home! Meaning she bought some stuff and used the rest (sugar, flour spices etc) from us!! I think common manners are to not eat your food. I wonder if it’s worth keeping her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:55 AM Flag
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What is wrong with you people who fire the women you entrust with your precious dds because they use your salt and nutmeg. Do you also ask them to bring their own toilet paper to work! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:06 AM Flag
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You are completely overreacting. Being a nanny is a job, yes I trust her, but that’s nothing to do with the trust. I work at a firm, they trust me, I pay for my own lunch and dinner. I’m always carefully what to charge to company. It’s called being professional. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:15 AM Flag
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This is different. I am a lawyer as well. You are not trusting her with a deal but your tiny innocent children, perhaps non verbal ones. Do you really want to piss off that person by nickel and diming them over some table salt! You can often spot the nannies who resent their jobs a million miles away. They snap as kids or at best are distracted and uninterested. Do you also expect your date night sitter to pay for her train to queens instead of sending her in an uber? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:32 AM Flag
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As I said, I never minded her eating mostly. Specially prepared meals are different, she sure knows it wasn’t for her, for gods sake, I am not her cook. What kind of lawyer not see this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:44 AM Flag
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Your post makes it sound like she bought groceries and used your spices to season them and you want to fire her. We lend out our beach house to friends and while i would not expect them to raid our wine cellar and drink a $700 bottle of wine I do expect them to use our condiments! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:53 AM Flag
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you are confusing 2 different posters in this thread. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:01 AM Flag
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If they are not happy to work for you unless they get a full run of the house and get resentful for every little thing, maybe you look for another nanny? What is the reason exactly to keep a resentful unhappy and snappy nanny? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:40 AM Flag
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My guess it's more than that, I think there must also be a problem with hours nanny spends cooking for her family while OP is paying for something else. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:38 AM Flag
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I can't believe you're back again. Collapsed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:00 AM Flag
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To stop. You are the employer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:08 AM Flag
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Who raised you?! I could never have someone sit in my home, employee or not, while my family eats expensive steak and have them eat something different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:24 AM Flag
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I think the nanny ate a leftover steak [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:29 AM Flag
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She is going to be the next FIJI water mom!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:35 AM Flag
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This!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:34 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:40 AM Flag
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Does your nanny dine with your family every night? That's very strange, unless she is the au-pair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:47 AM Flag
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A nanny is not a guest, chill out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:47 AM Flag
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I think it's going to be hard to put the toothpaste back in the tube on this. I think you want her to eat a reasonable amount and not say don't eat anything but it's clear she doesn't know what that means. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:30 AM Flag
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Yeah, there is a judgement issue here. Many nannies would know not to eat a dry aged steak. My nanny doesn't eat food that looks like it is intended to be for dinner. (We buy plenty of lunch and snack type food, and there are always leftovers) Several possibilities: (1) she has terrible judgement, in which case you can try to explain to her some guidelines about what she can eat but it probably won't help; (2) she is trying to take advantage (some people are always doing this in life)- and if you get this sense overall, you should fire her; (3) honest mistake (she though it was leftover). I would point out the reason why this type of item is off limits. I've had people whose nannies helped themselves to entire packages of smoked salmon or $50 containers of lobster salad, and usually one of those things is going on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:35 AM Flag
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ITA. A friend had her nanny go through their freezer, pull out 2 steaks, make both steaks, eat one and package the other one to take home. Who does that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:38 AM Flag
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wow, just wow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:12 AM Flag
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She ate leftovers. Get over it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:34 AM Flag
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+ 1 if something you don’t want her to eat then let her know you are saving it for guests are party etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:39 AM Flag
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They bring their own food in our hh - can you say something eg we've decided to be more strict with our meal-planning, could you please bring your own meals? Otherwise you budget for nanny eating your food, seems it's too far gone now and this is what you need to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:42 AM Flag
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You’re gross [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:35 AM Flag
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Some people just take more because they can. My mil is like this. She is a woman with means. She eats more depending who is paying for the meal. I’ve been to weddings with her and the amount of food she eats is obscene. She loaded up like 10 of those tiny cocktail plates full of food at cocktail hour. Dh told her, you know they are serving dinner? She’s eating more because it’s “free.” When mil visits she stays at my house. Bil will bring breakfast foods over bagels, muffins, whatever. And she will eat something from my pantry, like cereal. Which I thought was odd, because I would want to eat the fresh baked goods. When it was time for her to leave she took all the baked goods bil brought over to my house, home with her. She didn’t even ask. I would of said yes if she did. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:50 AM Flag
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OP, we had a situation with an au pair who would eat all the food in the refrigerator even though she had guidelines, a budget to buy her own food when she did the children's food shopping, and her own refrigerator. Finally, we explained that any food stored on two drawers in the main refrigerator were intended for the parent dinner (usually leftovers, etc - we ate separately from the kids 4 nights/week due to sleep and work schedules). This largely solved the problem. But two months before she ended with us, we had a 40th BD party for DH. All the leftover food did not fit in the two drawers, so I had to use the third one. She ate EVERYTHING in the third one in one afternoon - basically three hours - and did not offer any to our DCs. I didn't even have time to say, "oh there are some leftovers if you want to have more of what you had on Saturday night." Don't even know how many calories she consumed, but I was never so happy to have someone leave my home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:11 AM Flag
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So f$&@ing what? She cares for your kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:36 AM Flag
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Au-pair situations is more tricky as you are actually supposed to provide meals, aren't you. With a live-out nanny usually meals are not provided unless there is an agreement. Most people bring their meals to work wherever they work or they go out to eat or buy their meals. Same with live-out nannies, they bring their food and put into the employers fridge and are allowed to use any of the equipment for heating and serving and condiments too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:45 AM Flag
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IDK, sounds unusual. Nannies usually bring their own food and leave in the employer's fridge, or they may help themselves only if employer suggests that they do. It might be that that's what employers want, they maybe want to include free meals as part of compensation, but it's more common for live-in situations. I don't know what your situation is, if your nanny isn't a live-in and if you didn't explicitly encourage her to eat your food or agreed that meals are included as her perk, then you have a problem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:43 AM Flag
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Did your contract include a meal plan? Free meals is a perk and has to be discussed beforehand. If you suggested to her that she should eat here and can help herself to whatever you have, she might have understood that meals are a part of her compensation, so she can take whatever she wants. It's usually a very uncomfortable fine line and you have to be very specific upfront if you want to make it work. If you don't like to deal with this, it's better to just ask the nanny to bring her own food for lunch or go out to lunch or if you want to pay for her meals, better to give her a per-diem amount she can spend, but not worry ever about her crossing any lines. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:52 AM Flag
[ - ] are all the food delivery apps forcing customers to tip through their sites? I always choose cash in order to guarantee the delivery worker gets the money. Ugh! 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:00 AM Flag
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Seamless doesn't I think. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:12 AM Flag
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no, this was seamless. i've been using for awhile and able to provide cash tip as i do not trust the companies to provide the money directly to the delivery person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:50 AM Flag
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Start to place an order, then abandon the cart and send a note to customer service through the contact form to tell them you won't place an order with a mandatory tip online. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:27 AM Flag
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then? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:50 AM Flag
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I find to be it sneaky as well. Fresh automatically applies a $10.00 tip. If you’re not careful during check out they won’t charge it but you’re able to adjust the tip 24 hours after the order is either received or placed I’m not sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:34 AM Flag
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Postmates lets you decide tip after food is delivered. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:31 AM Flag
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I work in corporate for a company that uses gig-workers. I don’t know of any that take the tips. You can always check their T&Cs if you have any questions, but that’s pretty standard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:42 AM Flag
[ - ] Just got a call from a blocked number asking if I know someone with the same last name as us. I said no. Assumed it was collections related, it’s a common last name. Told dh and he said that’s his dad’s estranged brother’s name. Now he’s upset that I didn’t get any info. Wonder what it could have been... 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:58 PM Flag
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It's likely a spam call. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:12 AM Flag
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Some calls prompt you to say "yes" which is then agreeing with something they are promoting or selling. You could find yourself in debt due to that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:13 AM Flag
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no It was just a human asking- do you know (person with same last name as me)? She said sorry for bothering you and we hung up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:16 AM Flag
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Phone bots sound like humans now. Most people can't tell that the first line of customer service or a sales call is actually a bot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:20 AM Flag
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Lol. I get lots of bot calls. It wasn’t. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:46 AM Flag
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I think that's an urban legend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:31 AM Flag
[ - ] I interviewed for a position when the co was doing mass hiring. I was interviewed but not selected. They are having another round of mass hiring and I am considering applying again. Nuts? Or keep trying? Tia. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:44 PM Flag
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no harm in applying again, nothing to lose is there [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:50 AM Flag
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Once this happened to me. I was hired on the second go. There is no harm in trying. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:08 AM Flag
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Op: thank you! This is exactly what I needed to hear. I felt so sad to be rejected AFTER the interview went really well (or so I thought) and they reached out to my references. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:41 AM Flag
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Keep trying. Give them another chance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:10 AM Flag
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Op: thanks! I will update my resume and keep trying! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 02:42 AM Flag
[ - ] I've asked this here before. Where can I find postings for more middle and senior remote work? Are there headhunters? Do not want to teach ESL or work for for-profit colleges but these seem to be the only jobs I see. Edutech, research, or fundraising would be my areas. I could be in NYC up to 1 day a week with light travel. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:54 PM Flag
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Where do you present your ideas and research, for potential clients to see what you are capable of? Do you have your own website with your portfolio? Do you post ideas and research results on Linked In or in education journals? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:57 PM Flag
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I have always been in house and recently in academia so no. I am not a self promoter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:11 PM Flag
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If you want to be independent and remote, you need to be a self-promoter. You need a professional presence that people can look at, to get an idea of the kinds of work you do and the results you get. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:12 PM Flag
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+1 Linked In. Write two articles every week on a current topic in your industry. Keep your profile current. Then when headhunters and hiring managers look you up, they see what you have written. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:22 PM Flag
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Thanks. This is good advice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:56 PM Flag
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I think you are doing it backwards. You're at a senior level, so you don't rely on public job postings anymore. Decide which universities you want to work for and find out what their "pain points" are (sorry for the buzzwords). Then you can approach them to say you have ideas for solutions and want to talk about open or new positions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:24 PM Flag
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ITA. Also, I got a very senior role (in a completely different industry) from a recruiter reaching out on LinkedIn so make sure your LinkedIn is updated and shows open for roles [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:33 AM Flag
[ - ] So we have been bugging out 10th grader to figure out where to do his Community Service this year. I gave him a few suggestions. He keeps asking ME to look into it. I refused obviously. So he missed the deadline to turn in the form that will say where he will volunteer. I told DH I was staying out of it as it is up to him. Just got an email from the school saying he will receive an incomplete if he doesn't figure out his placement. Now what? Do I get involved now or just show him the email and tell him to figure it out on his own? I mean, he just needs to google and email or reach out to some organizations. It seems like a no brainer to me! But I also feel like now ds is just trying to be a PITA about this. Not sure why he is so stubborn about this. Ideas? 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 01.28.20, 10:21 PM Flag
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how much do you not want him to have in incomplete? because i bet a lot, in which case yes, get involved, but don't do the work all yourself. Sometimes kids just get blocked on things like this, for a variety of reasons. also recall that what seems like an easy task for you, an adult , who reaches out to other adults all the time, may seem scary to him. Telling him its easy won't usually help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:30 PM Flag
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+1 I clearly remember feeling like there was a huge boundary between high school and "the real world". Like, thinking the language would be different, and adults wouldn't have any use for a student, and that even calling on the phone felt intimidating. I got an internship at my aunt's employer the summer before junior year, and it changed my whole perspective because I had conversations with "real adults" and found out they were doing work that actually did relate to what I was learning in school. It's a big leap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:39 PM Flag
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OR: yes, my confident outgoing son, who could talk in person with strange adults just fine, flipped out whenever he had to email adults he didn't know about a job or anything else. he would take days to send the most basic messages unless we sat by and made him do it. and now, he can do it on his own. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:43 PM Flag
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+2 I had a similar block with writing large term papers. My older sister walked me through step-by-step and it all came together. Every student has a weakness somewhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:54 PM Flag
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Make him do it, but sit beside him while he does it this year. Make him type in search terms to find an organization that does something he wants to help with. Make him read the website. Make him find the volunteer contact info. Make him send an email or complete the contact form. Two days later, make him call the number to follow up. Sit there right next to him so he can't get distracted, and if he needs help forming a sentence or deciding on an organization, you can walk him through the process. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:34 PM Flag
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This is what I was thinking of exactly. I already told him he was on his own with this project as I already provided help with my suggestions, but maybe I will claim that I am merely supervising or something? I don't want him to feel like I am "saving" him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:37 PM Flag
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its supporting, not saving [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:59 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:00 PM Flag
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+2 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:57 AM Flag
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So you can't admit that you made a mistake and didn't give him the support he clearly needed, but you expect him to admit he made a mistake AND fix it by doing something very hard for him. He is 15? It isn't like he is 20 and asking you to call his landlord to fix the sink, OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:56 AM Flag
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Op is trying to raise an independent adult. He may have not needed support but was being lazy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:14 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:45 PM Flag
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I'd show him the email and make him sit down right now and start fixing this. I've got a niece that no one ever rides herd on and she's failing 11th grade now. I really feel like if just ONCE they had sat her down and explained what failing one class (never mind all of them) meant for college placements she'd be actually working at this now. I'm sure your son isn't in this bad of shape but nip it in the bud now. Hover over him until he's got this back on track. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:45 PM Flag
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Ask him why he has not taken care of this and listen to him. If he doesnt care about doing community service or is being spoiled and or lazy, let him fail. If he says he struggles with contacting strangers or expresses anxiety about that, then help guide him/ do it together. He is giving you the opportunity to learn about real life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:07 PM Flag
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This--I have one kid that can't make phone calls and struggles with cold contacting. She'd be great if someone just said--here's your job now do it. She's straight A's and only recently is getting better at contacting professors and such to get info on things. It's a good skill but takes practice. Don't do it all for him, but be there guiding him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:04 AM Flag
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I'm not sure that is a great question to ask a teen who is avoiding something. I agree with asking him but I don't think asking "hey, do you care about community service?" is a great question. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:55 AM Flag
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This is a really hard thing for some kids to do. There was just a thread on this very subject like a week? two weeks? ago. Did you have to contact someone to see about volunteering there when you were in highs school? I didn't. The first time I did that was when I was an adult and out of college. My teen volunteers for something where teens and college students often just show up or they submit a sign up genius form to put their name down. No one has to call or email anyone directly. I think that is why this organization has good turnout every weekend. They make it super easy. Your kid is in 10th grade. Is this really your hill to die on? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:53 AM Flag
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Hey all: update. My dc received same email as me from the Dean. I calmly asked him to sit with me. Asked him which organizations he wanted to reach out to and said we would google their websites together. He chose two, we easily found contact email, found out he is old enough for both places, I helped him craft a super simply inquiry email, and off they went. Took us 10 minutes. I asked him after why he thought he got stuck on something that was actually pretty easy. He didn't have an answer--so I really don't know if he was being lazy or anxious. I do know he hates this teacher though so maybe that had something to do with it. Anyway, hopefully he will hear back soon. Thanks for your feedback ladies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:28 AM Flag
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GL to him! I think sitting with him was a nice thing. We still have to parent them even when they may be taller than us, ha ha. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 01:47 AM Flag
[ - ] As I get older when I get a cold it is a dry cold (rather than one full of snot like when I was young). I was up at 2 am with the dry headache, sneezes and sore throat and moderately upset stomach and took the day off. Going in tomorrow but I feel like no one will believe I am sick because I don't have that full on cold/flu "look". Still feel gross right now. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:20 PM Flag
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dont shower? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:30 PM Flag
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I don't understand workplaces that act like that. I am clear with my direct reports every fall: If you get sick, do NOT come to the office and get us all sick. We have Monday for a reason; I know exactly what you are working on and what's an urgent priority, and I can work with the rest of my team to cover you while you're out. If you come in and get me sick, do not expect any help from me on anything for a long time. Don't come back to the office until you look healthy enough to work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:42 PM Flag
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Hire me? --NP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 10:48 PM Flag
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nnp: Threatening an employee that you will punish them "if you get me sick" is actually terrible management, your workplace must be really bad if this sounds appealing to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:13 PM Flag
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I don't think she was being literally threatening. I'd rather work for a manager who threatens me if I go to work sick, than a manager who threatens my job security if I get sick and need to use leave I've earned. --PP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:26 PM Flag
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I get that she thinks this is cute. Like I said - your workplace must be really bad if this sounds good to you. "I'd rather be threatened for X than Y." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:30 PM Flag
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My workplace is pretty bad. People are pressured not to use sick leave or vacation, even though both are use or lose. And I have seen a lot of posts here on UB by people with the same problem (see: OP). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:32 PM Flag
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OP - In my workplace they actually once sent around a public service type flyer on the difference between cold and flu and the message was if it's just a cold, come to work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:13 PM Flag
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np Ugh. I quit a job last year because the owners promised part-WFH when they hired us and everyone WFHed when they got a cold, but then they hired an 'old school' CFO who decided no finance, accounting, or IT could WFH at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.28.20, 11:36 PM Flag
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With all the flus going around--I'd call in. A fever and dry cough is a symptom of flu along with headache. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 01.29.20, 12:05 AM Flag
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