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[ - ] Have you ever found out an employee of yours was completely miserable at work - and been surprised? Did it affect you and if so how? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:06 AM Flag
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No, but I would be very upset. If she were miserable I would hope she would have felt comfortable talking to me about what problems she was having and I would want the opportunity to try to make things better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:48 AM Flag
[ - ] Pep talk to self: tomorrow will be a better day. I’ll start out at the gym, eat healthier, not let work get to me, focus on being present with my kids. It will be better, I’m in charge 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:36 AM Flag
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Everyday is a new start. Sleep well and begin on the right foot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:52 AM Flag
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You are already a good mom. If you weren’t you would not be giving yourself this Pep talk. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Signed - exactly the same mom [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:04 AM Flag
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Why not "Right now"? Why put it off until tomorrow? Why can't you turn off the internet, do some good stretches, a minute plank, and twenty pushups and situps, then eat a banana and go to bed for a good night's sleep? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:48 AM Flag
[ - ] I’m a teacher. I’ve been off for a week now. Due back tomorrow, but I’m sick. Also giving a huge professional development presentation Wednesday. I think my options are 8:30am walk-in doctor appt to find out what I have and then decide or tough it out and call in sick Thursday. Wwyd? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:17 AM Flag
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Don’t infect my kids yo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:20 AM Flag
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Your kids probably infected her [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:35 AM Flag
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How is your admin? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:21 AM Flag
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Bipolar. A teacher called out Friday before break and she really got yelled at. And they said if she doesn’t bring a doctors note she will be on probation. I think I’ll be ok to go in tomorrow. I can get through the day, but I don’t know if I’m contagious. No fever for awhile now but sore throat. Could be allergies. Also, I won’t be around kids most of the day tomorrow. Just making copies for the PD and rehearsing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:23 AM Flag
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Hs teacher here. Tread with caution. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:24 AM Flag
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Just go in and suck it up? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:29 AM Flag
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Yes. Take medicine. Once my chair wrote me up because I was sick on a Monday. He made stories up. Our president is a ruthless witch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:33 AM Flag
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He said I left my classroom a mess and “unreachable” on a Friday afternoon. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:34 AM Flag
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Pp-I hope you feel better. Some admin are great and others make you want to quit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:34 AM Flag
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can you go to urgent care tonight? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:00 AM Flag
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what are your symptoms? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:00 AM Flag
[ - ] My brother is dating an au pair and complains that she never gets any time off. Her family does overwork her and violates any au pair contract I’ve ever heard of. I assume if she complains to the agency, she will probably be fired and maybe reassigned or sent back. But I really don’t care and told him to date women his own age for a change. 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:02 AM Flag
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She may have agreed to stay after her contract was up. Your brother should suggest a trip to Canada or Mexico, see if she can leave the country. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:04 AM Flag
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She still has about a year left on her visa. He took her to our family beach house a few weeks ago and was pissed to learn she’s not a citizen. Maybe they deserve each other. He flew separately from her so he could use his TSA. Lear and not have to wait for her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:09 AM Flag
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So she's a pushover and your brother a jerk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:10 AM Flag
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^^Or she is after his money and passport. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:12 AM Flag
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He told me she’s rich. I’m so confused. If she rich why not study abroad instead of be an au pair. Au pair programs are the worst. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:14 AM Flag
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Then they should fly to her family's chateau. Sounds very suspicious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:16 AM Flag
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Some parents actually expect their kids to work! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:18 AM Flag
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But wouldn’t you prefer they make at least minimum wage? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:20 AM Flag
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np. One of my friends had an intern who father sent him to a developing country to intern for free. The dad just gave him a stingy allowance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:21 AM Flag
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But being an au pair is a shitty job and pretty useless skill. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:24 AM Flag
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Depends on who you work for. A few of my friends have AuPairs and most of them have a very cushy life. I’m sure there are some who are worked toohard too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:45 AM Flag
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Interning is different than being live-in “help” [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:25 AM Flag
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It is not looked down on to be an au pair, even if you are rich. It is a way to come to the US and master the language. A lot of europeans do it for gap year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:36 AM Flag
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This. Lots and lots of middle class Europeans. Most want to travel and improve their English. About half go back to an apprenticeship and the others head to University. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:51 AM Flag
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You can't send an 18yo young woman to intern on her own in a developing country, the way you can send an 18yo young man. Women who want to minimize their risk of assault have fewer options than men have. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:51 AM Flag
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Not really. I care more about their education, learning how to do a job well and their education. My sister was an AuPair for a summer. My parents definitely did not care what she was paid and my family was much more comfortable than the family she worked for. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:43 AM Flag
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They are really marketed well overseas as a family cultural exchange. So many of the kids don't know what they are getting in to. The au pair also to has to pay a pretty steep fee to participate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:18 AM Flag
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Yeah. I believe that. Major marketing scam. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:21 AM Flag
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FALSE. If she was rich she’d be doing a BS bachelors degree at a school like New School. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:26 AM Flag
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Op. That’s what I thought. She also has gross lip injections so I’m not buying her story. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:30 AM Flag
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He thought an au pair was a US citizen? That would have been unlikely. I think they can work up to 45 hrs per week. If she is over that, she should talk to her coordinator, and the company may warn the parents and possibly kick them out of the program, and they would look for a rematch for her. The family and the company could get fined for violating the rules set out by the state department. They may be doing a deal under the table for the extra hours. Another possibility is that she doesn't want to see your brother so much so she just says she is working. I would suggest you stay out of it because the au pair knows what to do if she is unhappy with the situation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:16 AM Flag
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She probably pretends to work too much so the brother misses her and maybe forces him to propose marriage. She is probably seeing someone else too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:18 AM Flag
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^^So many good ideas come to me now that I am 40 and married! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:19 AM Flag
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Lmao Np [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:21 AM Flag
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Do you think most men know the difference between an au pair, nanny and babysitter? He’s just mad at me because he knows I could get her a real nanny job tomorrow, but she has her visa issue and such. I don’t really want to be involved. I also don’t know her, met her once and wouldn’t leave her with my kids so I also don’t want to refer her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:20 AM Flag
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How old is he? He is stupid to think you could get her a real nanny job tomorrow, she is contracted with au pair program and cannot do any other work besides that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:32 AM Flag
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He’s 39 and all I know about her age is that she’s between 18 and 26. I personally think that’s really pushing it for him. I told him if he dated a woman in her thirties she might have more control over her work schedule. Idk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:38 AM Flag
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The rule is half plus 7. So a 39 year old shouldn't be messing around with anyone under 27. Below that is creepy child molester territory. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 09:41 AM Flag
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Yuck. Sounds like she’s the one who need protection from him. How old is he? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:52 AM Flag
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I bet that’s a story she made up for your brother. There is a very clear chain of command for Au Pairs to report this kind of stuff. She won’t get fired. She’ll need to find a new family to work for. The family she’s currently working for could get kicked out of the program, if what she says is true. Unless she barely speaks English and has no other Au Pair friends, there is no way she doesn’t know how to report her current family and start the process to get a new placement. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:56 AM Flag
[ - ] Does crying alone in the backseat hurt your Uber rating? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:00 AM Flag
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Asking for a friend? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:01 AM Flag
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Op - how did you guess? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:04 AM Flag
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Because your friend is my friend too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:05 AM Flag
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Not if you are wearing a low cut blouse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:01 AM Flag
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^ esp if you’re male. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:04 AM Flag
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You never know! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:04 AM Flag
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hahaha, ah, thank you UB comic [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:05 AM Flag
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:) But seriously, why the tears? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:13 AM Flag
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Op - just a terrible day of work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:14 AM Flag
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Just tell the driver your girlfriend dumped you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:15 AM Flag
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Not if you’re crying about your Uber rating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:03 AM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:13 AM Flag
[ - ] For the older moms with grown children, do you regret not having more children? If you could go back, would you change that? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:00 AM Flag
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No, I don't have any regrets. I sometimes wonder what another child would have been like, but I wonder about it in the same way that I wonder what it would have been like to have a sister. But I wouldn't trade my brother for anything and I wouldn't have wanted more siblings. Curiosity is different than regret. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:10 AM Flag
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Interesting. How many DCs do you have, and what are their ages? I like the idea of a bigger family, but worry it will be difficult financially and logistically. We already have 2 great DCs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:18 AM Flag
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NP. I agree with the above poster. I have one DD (almost 17) and no regrets, but occasional curiosity about what it would have been like to have a second child. There are so many variables when deciding on family size. For us, we decided that we'd be better parents and enjoy the process more with a small family. There were lots of factors that led us to that conclusion, but that was the essence. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:30 AM Flag
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Can you share some of the factors? I am paranoid that this will be my biggest regret as I get older, and I am already 39 and DCs are 6 & 3, so I need to decide soon. I have been very anxious about this major decision, more than any other decision in my life so far. DH is against it, but can persuaded, I think :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:34 AM Flag
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We basically took a very honest look at our goals and limitations. We knew we would love another child, but we also knew that our circumstances and needs (and our resources of time, energy, money, no family close by) would not fundamentally change or expand with another child. We looked at our personal goals, our marriage, our goals for the family, our finances, our career aspirations (I wanted to work part time), our temperaments, etc. Looking at those things and weighing our priorities led us to conclude that we were very happy with one child. But I think looking at those questions could just as easily result in concluding that you feel like your family isn't yet complete. I think the main thing is to be honest with yourselves about what you want and the point at which you'll feel overwhelmed and stressed (and perhaps won't enjoy it as much). GL! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:09 AM Flag
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No. Zero was and is the perfect number of children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:52 AM Flag
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I have a 17 and 21 year old. Perfect for us. However, if I were wealthy, I would have had a third. At our HHI, 3 kids would have been very, very tough. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 06:17 AM Flag
[ - ] What do you think is an ideal height and weight for a woman? 26 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:54 AM Flag
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Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size But when I start to tell them, They think I’m telling lies. I say, It’s in the reach of my arms, The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:56 AM Flag
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5’8, 120 - not too tall but thin and slender [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:58 AM Flag
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seconding, 130-145 depending on how she carries it. 120 is too thin, unless she's skinny fat and can barely walk from the curb to the door. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:02 AM Flag
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This. That would mean not alot of muscle. I have worked with models. Most have low muscle tone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:50 AM Flag
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This. 120 at this height would mean tiny bone structure and no muscles. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:51 AM Flag
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So close to perfect! Lol. I’m 5’7” and 125 but I’m happy with that [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:03 AM Flag
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Dammit. I’m 5’8.5” and 118 lbs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:05 AM Flag
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Too tall, sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:13 AM Flag
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Those are good stats! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:05 AM Flag
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That's me, and thank you, it is perfect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:05 AM Flag
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Too tall [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:07 AM Flag
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I’m 5’7 and 115 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:11 AM Flag
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Naturally thin or you make an effort? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:13 AM Flag
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I work out but eat a lot. I just try to eat everything in moderation [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:22 AM Flag
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what did you eat today? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:25 AM Flag
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Today was more than usual but had half a bagel with butter and an orange for breakfast, chicken and vegetables for lunch with a bag of chips, almonds and crackers with hummus, cheese, two slices of pizza and half a bar of chocolate [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:32 AM Flag
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And two glasses of wine [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:33 AM Flag
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I’m 5’8” and would be hospitalized at 120. 130 puts me in sample sizes but I feel more comfortable at 140 and size 4/6. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:50 AM Flag
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Heigh enough so a foot won't squash her into the mud. Slim enough so she can slip under your door at night to drink your blood. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:58 AM Flag
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5'6" ot 5'7", 118 lbs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:01 AM Flag
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5'7". I am 5'8" and find it a bit too tall. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:02 AM Flag
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lbs? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:06 AM Flag
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120. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:07 AM Flag
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5’4”, 112 lbs, 34-24-34 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:08 AM Flag
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hey that's me :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:53 AM Flag
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5'10 to 6',135. DH is 6'3 and got sick of dating shorties. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 06:35 AM Flag
[ - ] Thoughts on this house? https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/851-Hartzell-St_Pacific-Palisades_CA_90272_M10705-79897?view=qv 83 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:48 AM Flag
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I wouldn't even walk inside. A house that is nothing more than a front door and a garage in the front is a deal breaker. And, no, I didn't even bother to look at the interior. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:49 AM Flag
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Agree that’s not ideal. But it is the location. Houses in CA are very close together. The house is long and skinny. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:51 AM Flag
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NP: don’t like it at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:53 AM Flag
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Interior is Manhattan “luxury” condo meets suburban tract house [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:56 AM Flag
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That is typical california beach house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:39 AM Flag
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Ha... so much real estate in California is like that. DH and I joke that CA architecture style is called, "Welcome to my Garage." The other hallmark of a California Garage is that it has to be filled with stuff and you don't actually park inside of it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:04 AM Flag
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don't let this be you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:44 AM Flag
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my friend calls it the california basement [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:52 AM Flag
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LOL, it’s neither modern nor a farmhouse [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:53 AM Flag
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It’s ugly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:53 AM Flag
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It looks virtually staged, including the exterior? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:01 AM Flag
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overly formal for PP and boring to me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:41 AM Flag
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The driveway, alone, annoys me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:54 AM Flag
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guess you decided to move to pacific palisades after all? re DH commuting to WeHo [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:57 AM Flag
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these are two very different locations. if you want to walk, choose the first, if you want to drive - or a long walk - choose the second. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:58 AM Flag
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p.s. i don't like the powerlines, and the 3 faucet sink, of the first one. both have weird style choices. wish they had floor plans. the second looks more usable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:00 AM Flag
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I’d much rather walk but finding somethjng we can afford is daunting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:05 AM Flag
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That’s only 3 bedrooms. I need 5. We have three kids and very frequent visitors in our guest room. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:11 AM Flag
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oh! well the good news is there are 3 more that have 5 bedrooms [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:14 AM Flag
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https://www.redfin.com/CA/Santa-Monica/201-Ocean-Ave-90402/unit-B1504/home/82086371 if you want manhattan in pacific palisades / santa monica, there's towers - lots of units in it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:10 AM Flag
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Definitely no towers or apartments. We want a house [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:15 AM Flag
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https://www.redfin.com/CA/Santa-Monica/392-Entrada-Dr-90402/home/6840226 don't know why but i don't like this one, maybe it's the wood? some of the rooms seem small [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:12 AM Flag
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I don’t mind that one. Dated kitchen and bathrooms but that can be fixed. Good public schools too it seems. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:17 AM Flag
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I really like this one. This style is very typical of the beach houses along the coast. Demi Moore and Bruce Willis's house was like this too, although their house faced the highway and their view was at the back. Their mansion was just a box with garage doors from the street. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:19 AM Flag
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Yeah saw that one. Agree with the comments above that i don’t prefer the look of driveway and front door. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:14 AM Flag
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https://www.redfin.com/CA/Pacific-Palisades/1230-El-Hito-Cir-90272/home/6844950 more persian california styling than whatever you want to call what we've seen so far - it's not california, it's not craftsman, i'm with the other ORs, there's no consistent style the previous two [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:11 AM Flag
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I would do Mediterranean but prefer the cleaner white farmhouse style. But i need 5 bedrooms. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:13 AM Flag
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https://www.redfin.com/CA/Pacific-Palisades/16426-Akron-St-90272/home/6844175 this is a love or hate house, remember that you will LOVE the weather here, and I could see this being an easy 'kids get older in' house too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:12 AM Flag
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It’s alright. Don’t love all the black. It’s too small though [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:18 AM Flag
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https://www.redfin.com/CA/Pacific-Palisades/571-Radcliffe-Ave-90272/home/6841653 so the garage is in front, but it's california styling and not as obvious [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:13 AM Flag
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I do like this one. Has potential. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:19 AM Flag
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NP 9000 sq ft lot is HUGE for california. My lot is 5900 sq ft here in CA and I would not want to go smaller. 9000 is a great sized lot considering you are looking at large houses with 5 bedrooms. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:47 AM Flag
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this is my favorite of all the houses posted so far, but for heaven's sake, plant some trees in the front if you buy this house! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:48 AM Flag
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we have a winner! :D I miss being a relator in Los Angeles :( I loved helping families relocate, usually international though [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:48 AM Flag
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I agree, this is a great house. I would jump on it if I lived in LA area and had a budget of 3.5 million. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:56 AM Flag
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Where are you house hunting? :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:58 AM Flag
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I have a house already (bought it last year) and live in the bay area. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:02 AM Flag
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But it looks like it’s in a canyon and has no yard [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:58 AM Flag
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It has a front yard with grass. Canyon means you have less landscaping to maintain, get a great view, but you have to worry about mudslides and earthquakes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:04 AM Flag
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Bedrock is safer than flat in an earthquake; plant deep rooted natives to stabilize the slope. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:43 AM Flag
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Don't like exterior but nice inside. I like being on a hill (live on a slope in SoCal) for views and light but the stairs might get to you. How old are your kids? Can they deal? It's generally safer being on a hill on bedrock rather than on flat soil that can liquefy in an earthquake. Have a look at the USGS map to see where the faults are and buy the EQ insurance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:34 AM Flag
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it's pending, which means that unless you have a contract you're too late. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:37 AM Flag
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Great house but Malibu is way too far!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:29 AM Flag
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https://www.redfin.com/CA/Los-Angeles/801-N-Kenter-Ave-90049/home/6847492 I was looking for an area I think you'd love but it's $10M :( this is a few streets over, Brentwood, ugly outside but get past that and it's a gem [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:21 AM Flag
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NP this is a good size for a 5 bedroom. I think the rooms look small because they have too much furniture in it. But it is really nice and OP should take a look. She would have money left over to improve the curb appeal too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:51 AM Flag
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Really pretty. I like that part of Brentwood. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:30 AM Flag
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Pretty sure the lot is $4m and then you have to pay to build the house itself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:31 AM Flag
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Ha, that’s me. Still deciding. The idea of private school scared me off from other locations. It’s expensive and really competitive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:01 AM Flag
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:) yes, be prepared to make an offer asap. FWIW I like the broker of boardwalk realty, but it really varies by agent. and he's near that area too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:04 AM Flag
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Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:07 AM Flag
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The home is very nice but my pet peeve with any home is a garage that is the focal point of the house. It reminds me of every 100k Florida house. It screams to me, “look this is my garage and I paid xyz for it!” 100k or 3M garage in the front is a deal breaker for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:58 AM Flag
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that's LA when you don't have acerage, or an alley way entrance [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:00 AM Flag
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The second one is better [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:02 AM Flag
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agree but no yard. it's a concrete slab with 2 chairs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:03 AM Flag
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It has a yard. Not a huge one but still plenty of grass for kids to play [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:10 AM Flag
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It's an allée . [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:06 AM Flag
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LOL! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:16 AM Flag
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zinger! UB comic strikes again :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:48 AM Flag
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OP here and it isn’t my favorite. My “ideal” houses are in the $6m-$8m range. Wah! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:02 AM Flag
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at least it's not $10MM? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:03 AM Flag
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May as well be. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:06 AM Flag
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This is a CA tradition. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:36 AM Flag
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Op. I love this house. I think the interior is clean, modern, spacious and built for a family. But is this really priced well? For $4Mm in Nyc you could get a massive apartment on Park Ave... this price seems crazy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:59 AM Flag
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CA prices are indeed crazy. I really like the more expansive houses and I’m trying to like the ones in our price range. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:03 AM Flag
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People in NY have no idea of how much more expensive homes are in CA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:12 AM Flag
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And how ugly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:20 AM Flag
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hahaha unless you like 1970s [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:22 AM Flag
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my house is from the 1960s [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:53 AM Flag
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it helps if you are okay with 50s-70s honestly. There aren't enough frank lloyd wright houses to go around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:54 AM Flag
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A 4 mm apartment still would not be bigger than this place. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:43 AM Flag
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House is nice but yard is super small and no pool for a high price. I’d rather have 1,000 sq feet less and better outdoor area. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:55 AM Flag
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This is very normal in CA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:55 AM Flag
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yep this. You will get used to it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:06 AM Flag
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If this is your house budget, why aren’t you doing private school? Someone correct me if I am wrong but Palisades schools are not THAT good. Maybe they’ve improved but when my friend went, it was a pretty rough school compared to your Scarsdale type of school in Westchester. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:01 AM Flag
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She said she wants to get out of the private school world on another thread. Schools and districts change a lot as real estate gets more expensive. One of the very highly desired high schools in the bay area now is the one that was written about in the book that the movie Dangerous Minds was based on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:18 AM Flag
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LA mom here, I like it but it is a bit sterile and yard is beyond boring. Love the school sink in the kids' bath. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:29 AM Flag
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i missed the sink the first time. Love it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:55 AM Flag
[ - ] I want to create a tree allee. I live in southern CA in a traditional style house. What tree variety do you think would work well?? 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:32 AM Flag
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I reallee don’t know what a tree allee is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:34 AM Flag
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that's what its called [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:36 AM Flag
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that's what its called [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:36 AM Flag
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Allee Style Tree variety sets the tone and style of your tree allee. Deciduous shade trees, for instance, in time can create a canopy over the driveway or walkway they line, creating a feeling of privacy and protection. Columnar evergreens or pollarded deciduous trees lend a more formal effect and a sculptural quality. For congruency, match your allee style to the style of your home or other feature at the end of the allee. Tree Size When selecting a tree variety for your allee, height and width at maturity are of ultimate importance. Survey the area where you plan to plant your allee. Project into the future and imagine your trees at maturity. Observe nearby structures and overhead wires for possible obstruction in years to come. Take measurements of the path or driveway the allee will line. If you desire a canopy, select spreading trees whose branches eventually will meet and overlap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:38 AM Flag
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Alley? A tree alley? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:47 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:53 AM Flag
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Apparently it is tree allée, who knew. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:59 AM Flag
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i guess a columnar evergreen. But would that work in southern CA? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:48 AM Flag
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Translation: "I found a new term and want to show off, but I know if I do it where people know my name, I will rightfully be mocked relentlessly." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:55 AM Flag
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isn't that what landscapers are for? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:38 AM Flag
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i just want to plant a few trees, my landscaper doesn't know much and don't want a designer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:47 AM Flag
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So, basically, a line of trees. I grew up in CA and we didn't use such pretentious terms back in the day. I live in FL now and I have a "tree allee" of triple Christmas palms across the back of my yard and a "tree allee" of Italian cypress along the front drive. Choose your trees wisely. Low maintenance is where it's at. Do not plant trees that require professional tree trimmers to clean them up regularly (big bucks). Don't choose trees that are messy. Don't choose finicky trees. Because you will have to get pros in there to plant your "tree allee," they will give you advice. Do your own research. Ask questions. You do not want to make an expensive mistake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:48 AM Flag
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ILY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:51 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:58 AM Flag
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Yes a line of trees I was googling line of trees but nothing came up until i found this term. neither palm or cypress is right for my house. but it seems you know a lot about trees. Do you have any suggestions [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:52 AM Flag
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I am kind of an expert in palm trees, but again, choose wisely. I like Christmas palms because they drop their fronds naturally, so no trimming necessary. They also don't get too huge. They do make a mess when they flower and seed, but I have grown lots of palm trees from those seeds, so.... What about spindle palms or bottle palms? I have a bottle palm in the front of my house and it is very cute. Neighbors always comment on it. I don't know how big your house is or how much land you have. You need to choose trees that are in proportion to your house/lot. Do NOT plant royal palms. I was almost killed when my next door neighbor's tree released a 50 lb frond and it landed inches from where I was walking. She actually had to cut some down because they were so tall and so dangerous that they were destroying her roof, gutter, etc. We won't discuss how much that cost.... Choose trees that do not make a mess, do not grow too large and do not need to be trimmed. You are welcome. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:02 AM Flag
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poplar grow fast, and are columnar, but oak trees would be prettier and are native to california [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:51 AM Flag
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and tree gardenweb or something like that, this is a parenting site! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:51 AM Flag
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thanks so much! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:52 AM Flag
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Where are you in California? You need to know your Sunset zone and then get trees that do well in that zone. You can also go to your local master gardeners group for good ideas. I moved in last year to my house in Sunset zone 9b and I have planted 13 so far. They are all ones that thrive in this area. I have 3 italian cypresses that I can't stand and I don't like palm trees because the fronds when they fall take out power lines. I also have moved a couple of small trees that were not in the best locations. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:10 AM Flag
[ - ] For lack of anything better to discuss Scotland Yard should have started investigating the Madeline McCann case right off the bat. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:14 AM Flag
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Just watched the documentary on Netflix [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:14 AM Flag
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Haven’t finished it yet. It was such a hot mess. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:19 AM Flag
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I found the documentary and the case both v frustrating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:20 AM Flag
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Does Scotland Yard have jurisdiction in Portugal? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:56 AM Flag
[ - ] I thrive in chaos and am a total over achiever. I make very good money. Dh is a laid back, easy going guy. He’s a great guy and I love him. Recently - he just can’t take the stress of our lives. And I’m not sure what to do. He is so unable to cope - screams; complains, so unhappy. My kids (3) drive me crazy too - but they are good kids and I am a glass half full person and truly love my life and am so grateful for everything I have. I also manage my stress by exercising every day, getting enough sleep, eating healthy - I even take moments here and there to pause and breath and relax. I read, I see my friends a lot. He does no self care. He is getting worse. I’m not sure what to do. He won’t listen to me when I offer him ideas on how to be calmer amoung the chaos. I don’t think he will leave - but living with him is just not enjoyable anymore. Pls help. 52 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:02 AM Flag
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Also - between childbirth and breastfeeding I truly believe women are just stronger. We can deal with so much more. Yet men get all the credit. Bottom line - he is weak and cant handle 10% of what I deal with. What do I do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:03 AM Flag
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Stop trolling UB and go fix some of the chaos in your life so your partner isn't miserable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:57 AM Flag
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Living with you - and even just reading one of your paragraphs - doesn’t sound enjoyable either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:04 AM Flag
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Well then you can’t keep up. My life is awesome, full and totally awesome. If dh isn’t for me anymore - I need to know this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:06 AM Flag
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Bye, troll. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:08 AM Flag
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This! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:14 AM Flag
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is your DH depressed? It sounds like he might be. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:10 AM Flag
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Should he get on meds? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:27 AM Flag
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Nonviolent communication [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:10 AM Flag
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Maybe therapy can help you find your way back to each other. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:10 AM Flag
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Why are your kids crazy and causing chaoes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:13 AM Flag
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Not fully developed prefrontal cortex. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:19 AM Flag
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Usually it’s bad parenting [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:21 AM Flag
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They cause many things. Chaoes is not on the list. Not op [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:19 AM Flag
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The usual - he pushed me - she made a face at me - I don’t want to eat carrots tonight - I want to watch tv - I don’t want to watch teen titans - Yada Yada Yada [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:28 AM Flag
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OK, but why? Who does the childcare? Who makes the rules? Who disciplines? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:38 AM Flag
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We truly both do. They don’t respond with a “yes ma’am”. Do your kids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:49 AM Flag
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No way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:01 AM Flag
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So why are you asking me why there is chaos? ? Kids = chaos [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:12 AM Flag
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Keep telling yourself that! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:14 AM Flag
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Yes, I guess I’m just better at it than you are! Maybe it’s time for less self care, more kid care? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:10 AM Flag
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Np. Misery does love company. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:12 AM Flag
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This. Funny how this "overachiever" can't manage a little bit of order in her own home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:58 AM Flag
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Because OP is always out to the gym, meeting friends or self-caring. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:51 AM Flag
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Wait this phase out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:20 AM Flag
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I guess. How old does the youngest have to be for him to find peace? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:29 AM Flag
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10. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:30 AM Flag
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He doesn’t sound laid back, easy going. How old are your kids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:21 AM Flag
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He’s laid back - untrusted me - but things have to be easy. Kids are 10, 7, and 4 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:29 AM Flag
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That's not what laid back means. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 05:59 AM Flag
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It sounds like you’re rarely home (btw work, gym and out with friends) and oblivious when you are, and he deals with all the slack. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:33 AM Flag
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Also her glass is always half full so drinking disorder. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:35 AM Flag
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Right, practicing that self-care! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:40 AM Flag
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Yeah whatevs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:41 AM Flag
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The 2000s called. They want their whatevs back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:46 AM Flag
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^ Kidding. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:42 AM Flag
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ILY! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:51 AM Flag
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I knew someone would think this - but my job is very flexible so I do all this crap during the workday .i work our at 9am. I meet friends for lunch. I stop for a coffee on the way home at 4:30. No one believes me when I say I do all this on company time and make as much as I make - but I do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:41 AM Flag
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Yeah whatevs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:43 AM Flag
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Np. I believe you. I think you’ve got your crap together. Your DH doesn’t. I suggested earlier that you give this time. He’ll be ok once the youngest one gets to middle school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:44 AM Flag
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That’s very far away. Six years away. What do I do for the next 6 years? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:50 AM Flag
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Response below. Takes work - ideally something your DH should do but you could coach him subconsciously too, may be. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:53 AM Flag
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You believe this because....? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:05 AM Flag
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Because I have several friends like this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:07 AM Flag
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yep. OP is in the thick of it now. I think you need to be sure your kids have a strong bond, OP, and work together because they will be easier if they can feel empathy for each other. My youngest is 10 and they don't fight and only bicker a tiny bit. It was chaos when they were younger. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:43 AM Flag
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Not typical. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:54 AM Flag
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Quick, thoughtless reactions to emotional triggers can complicate getting the best outcomes for stu- dents and teachers, both in and out of the classroom. The Meta-Moment process is designed to help children and adults gain emotional self-control and take effective action in difficult moments. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:52 AM Flag
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^ This comes naturally to you, OP. You need to get your DH to practice this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:52 AM Flag
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Thank you for being nice. But how to I get him to cope better? A daily massage? force him to do cardio? Force him to go to bed earlier? I know for a fact all of the above will help - he brushes me off and tells me he doesn’t need it. He doesn’t eat healthy either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:11 AM Flag
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Working out keeps my DH happy. Could he get a trainer or join you at your gym? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:15 AM Flag
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Relax and do something fun with him. Stop pushing healthy eating or early bed time. You do sound boring and exhausting (and I was you once upon a time). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:17 AM Flag
[ - ] Tarot mom are you on? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:49 AM Flag
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The card I drew says you will see a whale, do the excursion. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:52 AM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:09 AM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:11 AM Flag
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Lol! I am Alaska cruise mom, and I love Tarot Mom! Wish I had posted this! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:22 AM Flag
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Seems like Fishing mom gave you better advice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:52 AM Flag
[ - ] what is the reputation of York Prep on the UWS? is it desirable? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 04.23.19, 01:45 AM Flag
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no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:22 AM Flag
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It's a school that works with children with learning disabilities. I know someone who graduated from York who is attending a very good college now (the same college a friend's child who graduated from Chapin attended). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 08:19 AM Flag
[ - ] Going on an Alaska cruise early July. UB recommended whale watching as an excursion. Some of the Juneau whale watching trips “guarantee” seeing a whale. Is that worth it? 26 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:38 AM Flag
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OP: people on UB raved about whale watching, and I’ve always wanted to go. But worry we will spend all day on a boat and maybe see a whale tale through binoculars. Any recommendations would be great! Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:39 AM Flag
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If you have never done it, do it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:42 AM Flag
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Don't they track them somehow? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:48 AM Flag
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Pass. Is your cruise an inside passage? We saw more whales - species, splashes, #, on the cruise - than on the excursion [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:00 AM Flag
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OP: we are going Ketchikan, Juneau, Skagway. Is that inner passage? We will have a balcony! We are also thrifty, so if we can enjoy the experience from our already-paid-for balcony, even better! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:17 AM Flag
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Yes. I did this same cruise with my mom last year. She enjoyed the train in Skagway, I wish I had done the bike ride. She enjoyed the float plane, salmon bake, we saw bears in Juneau. I seem to remember there was glacier climbing, etc. which again more active, my style. I could see touring around Juneau, museums, etc. too. There isn't much to do in many of these towns and if it's hot, your family is tired, etc. it's nice to be near the cruise ship - the whale watching is like an hour bus ride away, you're on the boat, etc. Ketchikan, do NOT do the lumber jack show. The totem pole museum is small but excellent, take advantage of the guide at the museum. And walk there, through the older part of town, very visually attractive. Lots of shopping here too. HTH? Oh, I think I might do the fjord there too. The dry suit scuba diving I heard was absolutely freezing! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:47 AM Flag
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OP: thanks sooo much!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:50 AM Flag
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you're welcome, it was a fabulous trip :) truly, amazing [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:52 AM Flag
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and the balcony is totally worth it! schedule breakfast to be delivered, or at least coffee/tea [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:52 AM Flag
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NP. Are you going with kids? My two DCs (7 and 9) especially enjoyed the trip into the Yukon from Skagway (we did bus in, train back, and there was a cheesy but fun dog-sledding ride) and they LOVED the lumberjack show in Ketchikan. Not highbrow entertainment for sure but they are still talking about it, one year later! In addition to whale-watching in Juneau, we did an easy hike in Mendenhall Glacier Park and even saw bears. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:54 AM Flag
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OP: my kids are jaded teens. Also hate the outdoors. Lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:05 AM Flag
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I went fishing in Alaska a number of times. I always saw whales (AND caught fish). I would not go on a whale watching trip just to see whales. Zzzzzzzz. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:52 AM Flag
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OP: hmmm good idea. We are thinking of a fishing trip in Ketchikan that is not on the deep ocean, but maybe better idea to do a deep sea fishing trip where we might see whales too? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:57 AM Flag
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OR: I vote for that, but I am biased. Fishing is fun. They clean the fish on the boat and eagles swoop down to grab the entrails. So, catch some fish (halibut or salmon), see some eagles and spot some whales? Sounds good to me. I caught so much halibut that I was giving it away left, right and center when I got home. Day afer day I used to go to work with a big cooler and hand out packets of fish to my coworkers. Haha. I caught hundreds of pounds of fish and shipped it all back on the plane. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:09 AM Flag
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OP: nice! We will be gett8ng back on the cruise ship, so probably won’t bring the fish with us :(. More of the experience of fishing for us city slickers. Lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:15 AM Flag
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Alaska is amazing. I just got back from a trip that was during the worst time of year according to all guides, tour operators, hotel folks and seasoned travelers and it was fantastic. I saw bears, moose, bison, muskoxen and wolves. Plus I skied and hiked and ate fantastic food. The only bad thing about Alaska that I discovered is that the indigenous people are nowhere to be seen. It's like they have been wiped from the landscape and the tourism history. It's really weird. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:01 AM Flag
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OP: were you in any of the ports? I am embarrassed to admit that we are not people who like the outdoors at all, so we are looking for “activities” to fill our days at the ports. Any recs? Ketchikan, Juneau, Skagway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:16 AM Flag
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Boring [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:16 AM Flag
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OP: hard for me to judge because I really am like a deer in headlights when it comes to nature/outdoor things. I go on “hikes” and it all just looks generic green to me. Lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:23 AM Flag
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Lmao. Come let’s go get a glass of wine, twin. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:24 AM Flag
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OP: lol! I always feel so doltish when I say this in real life. Like I am missing some chromosome that allows one to differentiate between fauna and not want to gouge out their eyeballs.lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:26 AM Flag
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OP: my father hosts a family trip every year, and cruises past few years. We typically have done cruises of Europe, Greece, Norway, etc., but the only one that worked with everyone’s sch3dule this year was Alaska. My siblings are all about kayaking and zip lining and I just want to go to a gift shop somewhere and then get cocktails [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:27 AM Flag
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I replied earlier in the thread - trip last year with mom - do this! It's so much more fun to catch up over meals or in cabins or on the boat about what you did differently in port. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:49 AM Flag
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OP: yes! That’s a great perspective to take. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:05 AM Flag
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We took a whale watching trip out of Juneau. It was fantastic and we saw non-stop whale activity up close (they were feeding), much better than the quick glimpses that we saw from the cruise ship. We had a balcony room and saw lots of wildlife, but it's not the same as a dedicated whale watching trip. I highly recommend Gastineau Guiding, as they have small boats and limited number of people per trip so you're not fighting a crowd. The company usually offer trips through the cruise lines. Also: www.cruisecritic.com is a great source of reviews for excursions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:17 AM Flag
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OP: thanks so much for his info! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:38 AM Flag
[ - ] Advice, please. Ninth grader is bright but unmotivated.This year, I followed the advice other parents gave me (and Urban Baby gave me) and allowed him to suffer the consequences which has resulted in very poor grades. While I fully recognize that motivation must ultimately come from him, what can I do to at least try to help him develop it? I'm worried, as most parents would be, that his immaturity will really set him back. I am sure he will wake up one day and want to put his brain to use but by then, it'll be an insanely large upbhill battle 45 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:34 AM Flag
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Honestly I don't think there is much turn around to motivate a kid. Either he wants to learn or doesn't. Does he have an undiagnosed learning issue? Did he always have this behavior? Did you go over homework at night and talk about his classes and what he was learning (showing interest in what's going on in his life?). Schools can't do everything. Parental interest and participation is very important. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:40 AM Flag
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He was a better student in the early MS years. When the work started to pile on, he seemed to lose focus. He is a super curious kid who loves reading, coding, etc. That is why this is so frustrating. He actually loves learning; just not working hard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:00 AM Flag
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if you can afford, get your DC tested stat. we just went through this. if you cannot afford, then figure out what the options are in getting DC tested through other options. once we got results back, it all made sense, even to DS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:26 AM Flag
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What was your son’s diagnosis? How are you treating it? To be honest, it’s very possible DS has ADHD but I’m pretty resistant to meds [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:33 AM Flag
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If he has ADHD and you don't help him with treatment, he is the one who is going to be hurt. People with untreated ADHD tend to self medicate and the results can be life-destroying. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:12 AM Flag
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Is he unmotivated or disorganized and overwhelmed? People think kids will figure it out and gain these skills but they really need scaffolding. Some kids you can give a two wheeled bike to with no training wheels and no parents helping and they can just figure it out and ride it within an hour. My ods was in a gymnastics class with a 3 yr old like that. Other kids (like mine) needed the balance bike first and then moved up to a regular bike. Some kids need training wheels and then a parent running behind them. School work is not so different - kids are all different and how you teach them will be different. GL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:41 AM Flag
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np: I agree that kid may be overwhelmed. We're in a similar situation with ds, also 9th grader. It's just hard for him to keep up with the homework, not in terms of hours necessarily but rather the amount of assignments in every subject, every day. So we do step in by asking a lot of questions until we get a full picture of what is coming up next in terms of tests, projects, etc. He doesn't like our being so involved, but it does help him stay afloat, and I think that he would suffer much more from seeing his grades drop any further. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:53 AM Flag
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Kids internalize so much stress. Just this week, when he's on vacation and we managed to go somewhere for a week, he's a different person, smiling, always ready to help out with chores, asking how he can be of any help, even being proactive. During most of the spring we had a zombie at home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:54 AM Flag
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OR same here. My ds refused to go anywhere for spring break because he has so much work to do. Then he had testing week where they had state tests and no HW and he was like a different kid that week. His old, happy self. It is hard to see them miserable. :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:58 AM Flag
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Wow. Gosh. I am the OP. I know my DS is totally overwhelmed and very down about this. Maybe I am confusing disorganization and sadness and frustration with lack of motivation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:04 AM Flag
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I thought it was lack of motivation too but my dh told me to cut it out. Now things have turned around and I see he was right. Also my ds was dxed with inattentive type ADHD in middle school and getting him on the right med combination has helped a lot. If you have any suspicion that this could be a result of ADHD then get him evaluated while you can still influence new habits. If you wait until 18 then it is very hard to get your child the help they need because you make them go to the dr. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:07 AM Flag
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op. interesting. i definitely have thought about ADHD but to be honest, in this case, it seemed like an excuse for laziness. but maybe i'll have him evaluated at least [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:10 AM Flag
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Their brains work differently. I have ADHD too but I didn't see the signs in ods and thought it was laziness, lack of motivation. Meds give my ds a fighting chance. He still has to work hard, but without them it was like telling telling him to play hockey with a pencil instead of a hockey stick. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:09 AM Flag
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OP. Yes! This sounds like my son exactly in terms of there being a lot of work. I managed him in 7th and 8th but frankly, it was exhausting and I felt that he should have been more motivated. Perhaps his behavior is more typical than I think and that most other parents are the driving force behind their kids. I just don't know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:02 AM Flag
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Can you get an older high school kid to help him? My DD had several different tutors from Stuy. It really helped. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:20 AM Flag
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There is way too much homework now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:18 AM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 04:12 AM Flag
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People advise to sink or swim but if your kid misses out on foundational skills it will be hard for them to catch up. We realized that our ds had missed a lot of organizational skills because he was smart enough to skate through in elementary. We forced him to do things like let us show him what to do and help him and build a schedule for big projects that included time to revise, rewrite, etc. He did not want help so it was motivating him to get it together to get good grades to avoid our help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:57 AM Flag
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When did you do this? How old was he? I"m worried it is too late [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:05 AM Flag
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8th grade. It is not too late if he is still living with you. College is too late. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:10 AM Flag
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No one pushes the school. No one wants to be “that mom” FFS - this is the schools fault. Go in there and make demands. “Why is my child not thriving?” “Does he need to be evaluated?” “Do I need to pay for a private evaluation?” “Are the teacher’s boring?” “Does he need to be prompted in class?” “Hire a lawyer and get a f IeP where you have state mandates to help your child. He spends 6 hours a day there - that is where the problem is. No one in this country pushes the teachers. And so they remain lazy and part of their f unions. The teachers, counselors, advisors, principal, assistant principal need to be called out for failing your child. Btdt [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:57 AM Flag
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What? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:59 AM Flag
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You speak English? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:04 AM Flag
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OR does not make sense in context of the OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:08 AM Flag
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Teacher here. Fuck you, lady. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:02 AM Flag
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Ah, a winner. No further comment needed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:04 AM Flag
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She's right. Teachers need parents to help. They can't force a kid to learn. Esp. in high school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:01 AM Flag
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Yikes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:08 AM Flag
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Teachers need to do more. Op - have you emailed every one of hisbteachers? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:13 AM Flag
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Exactly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:25 AM Flag
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You need disruption here. Think of EVERY possibility and talk to him on the weekend in a nice new place and really listen to him. Fewer activities? An easier class or two? Something this summer that will get him away from academic pressure and moving toward maturity and self-motivation, such as Outward Bound or a backpacking trip? Also start charting college plans now. Let him know it's a loose first draft but have him pick 5-6 schools he may like, majors he may like, target GPA for admission and any necessary financial aid. Let him see first hand (without nagging or criticising) what all the fuss is about. GL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:04 AM Flag
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op. Thank you. This is helpful. I was thinking along these lines. I do think he feels so overwhelmed that he is sort of paralyzed. Not making excused--trust me. I am pissed. But I do think he has a lot on his plate [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:08 AM Flag
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OR: I hate what MS and HS have become. It's hard on almost all kids (some boys esp.) and for such little payoff! Other than a handful of kids who enter STEM college with strong foundation kids today are not leaving HS ready for much of anything that is going to help them in career or life. I feel for your DS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:12 AM Flag
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op. thank you. this post is a good reminder to me that perhaps my son is merely caving under all the pressure. still, i need to help him figure this out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:14 AM Flag
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OR: it's hard on you, too! The whole thing is a mess. Throw in addictive video games and toxic social media and the whole thing is a nightmare. Love him, guide him as best you can but don't snowplow -- that works in HS but hurts for development. Try to be patient but forgive yourself when you're not. I wish you and him the best. Most boys develop a TON over the next 5-6 years so hang tight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:20 AM Flag
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You are the kindest, most insightful, intelligent UB user ever! Thanks so much for your thoughtful response. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:22 AM Flag
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[ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:25 AM Flag
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Op - stop being so mousey and apologetic. Help your son now. Be a badass and make demands. FFS you owe it to him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:31 AM Flag
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Demands of him? Or demands on his school? Truly want to understand your advice. Open to it all [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:34 AM Flag
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It’s as if you are unwilling to unleash about how angry and upset you are so you are downplaying this. This is utterly awful and unacceptable and you need to go to the school guns blazing, and on him. You just sound like you are embarrassed and feel bad brining this up - and aren’t siding with your child. Go in there - defend him - fight for him - don’t downplay this. He needs help and you are not equipped to solve this. These apparent educators attend school to learn how to educate our children. Make some demands of them FFS. I am being sincere here even though I sound like a total b!tch. I’m sorry if I do. But as his mom - this is on you to focus and fix. Demand they help him. And don’t be embarrassed or apologetic. Be that mom. It’s your son. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:45 AM Flag
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Lmao. Waachu smokin, Willis? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:42 AM Flag
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No do not hang tight. FFS get in there and DO SOMETHING [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:46 AM Flag
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You are totally making excuses and you need to stop it now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:47 AM Flag
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Np: your post was so helpful and got me thinking. Thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:35 AM Flag
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FWIW, DD's 9th grade year was a low point for her academically (after being a rock star in MS). She transferred to a different school and I think having all the different balls in the air at once (academic, social, co-ed environment after being in SS, etc.) was a lot to deal with. Her sophomore and junior year grades have been much higher--even though the classes are also harder. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 03:18 AM Flag
[ - ] Any update from the vacation mom hosting the 11 yr old who was calling home all the time and crying? I was thinking about you and hope it’s a better situation. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:32 AM Flag
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+1. But what is the girl's mother doing in all this? If it were my DD, I'd say suck it up and stay or I'll come pick you up. I certainly wouldn't take crying calls from DD for a week. Has the other mother reached out to the host mom? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 01:37 AM Flag
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Seriously what is the girls mom doing?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.23.19, 02:36 AM Flag
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