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[ - ] Most of my I laws are divorced-my step mother in law walked out on her first husband on my brother in laws 1st birthday. They are always spouting off about traditions. Especially step mother in law. I really want to say "someone who is divorced isn't going to lecture me about traditions!" 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:56 PM Flag
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Move to a country that has banned divorce. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:01 PM Flag
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+1 The Philippines welcome you, OP! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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This sounds kind of like my ils. No one is close, but we are all forced to celebrate every minor holiday, birthday and anniversary together so mil can maintain her false belief that we are a close knit family. Everyone bickers, it's not enjoyable at all. Pretty much all interactions consist of planning these get togethers a with no relationship outside of these incomfortable dinners. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:01 PM Flag
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Her weird way of trying to right her wrongs. Being judgmental about divorce won't help anything... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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Divorce is hugely traditional. There has been divorce for as long as there has been marriage. It was so common in ancient Egypt and Ur that pre-nups and divorce contingencies were part of the standard marriage contract. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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Don't invite them over anymore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:07 PM Flag
[ - ] We were set on being surprised with db2's gender but now that dh is losing his dad we are reconsidering. Thought process is to be able to tell fil if he'll have a grandson (he only had granddaughters now) that he may or may not ever meet. Dh is his only son so ... I don't know. wwyd? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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Find out. Let him know before he pass. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:49 PM Flag
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if you think it's important to FIL, you should find out and tell him [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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We haven't told him about the pregnancy yet. We can definitely just ask if he wants to know... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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and what happens if it is a girl? but if it is important to your fil to know the sex, go for it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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I think it'd be more important to dh to be able to tell his dad he's having a son. If it's a girl, still happy news, not sure if dh would feel like he really needs to tell him though [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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is there any special reason besides you wanted to be surprised for not finding out the sex? if not, I don't see why this should be a big deal, just find out and tell him if it will make it easier for your dh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:10 PM Flag
[ - ] My therapist told me "It's OK to be angry." Then I let myself be angry. Why do we always need 'permission' in our culture? i.e. It's OK to be a stay at home mom... It's OK to be fat and wear lingerie.... It's OK to be honest... 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:39 PM Flag
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Some of don't and never have. If you need a therapist to tell you this, charge those sessions to your parents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:43 PM Flag
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It OK to feel angry. However you're not entitled to express it in a way that violates or disrespects others. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:43 PM Flag
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Because we were taught to be polite for a long time but now there's a new "me first" culture that's very permissive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:45 PM Flag
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I wonder if it is better. Is it more 'honest'? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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It's more narcissistic for sure. Imo it's not better. There's self awareness and then there's expecting everyone to accommodate your feelings... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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Not sure the two are the same. It's possible to be "honest" while simultaneously stfu. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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It's probably going too far at this point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:01 PM Flag
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There is a LOT of area between stifling your emotions and being "me first". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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There is. How do we articulate this? I'm asking because I have a sil who lashes out at people and if she's not coddled her response is "well I guess I can't tell you how I feel". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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Watch American movies from the 30s and 40s, and British tv shows from the 90s. They all had brilliant ways of expressing emotions and thoughts without being rude or raising their voices. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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I would say, "I guess not" and just smile pleasantly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:12 PM Flag
[ - ] For people with a parent with Narcissist Personality Disorder how do you manage them. Is there any way to just do minimal contact or do you cut off for life? Do you cut them off for a number of months and then re-calibrate the amount of contact? Do you bother to tell them they have NPD? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:39 PM Flag
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Okay, I talk to my dad, but very civil, just the facts, yes and no answers, never tell him I love him etc. he has complained to my sibs that he feels like he is walking on eggshells around me, and they tell him that's exactly where she wants to keep you so you don't say something stupid, it has work for two years now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:43 PM Flag
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op: Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:03 PM Flag
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Has a psychiatrist diagnosed your parent? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:44 PM Flag
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op: My mother would never go to a psychiatrist but my old psychiatrist diagnosed her without even meeting her just by the stories and events. My friend who is also a psychiatrist and knows her is also 100% sure she is NPD. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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That's not a diagnosis. That's taking your version of events and giving you some words to attach so that you can feel better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:07 PM Flag
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Best friend has a mom with NPD. She has very minimal contact. If she didn't have her dcs, she would probably cut off mom completely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:51 PM Flag
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op: Thanks. I feel bad because I have now enabled her so badly that she has zero friends or anything in her life. I considered keeping her happy was my daughterly duty but now I see I have a duty to my dcs, DH and myself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:07 PM Flag
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Can you give some examples of why youre sp sure she has NPD? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:12 PM Flag
[ - ] Bawling my eyes out. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:27 PM Flag
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I just went through something similar, second baby though. Now pregnant again, testing next week, I'm a wreck [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:31 PM Flag
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Let it out- [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:40 PM Flag
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Sigh. Very tough. I wish her well. Went thru similar stuff, decided to adopt. Throughout the process, I feel like everyone around me is pregnant. She was right, a very lonely time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:46 PM Flag
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Np. EVERYONE. It's so crazy how bellies and babies are everywhere when you're going through something like this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Do I want dd to try for nutcracker? I'd love here too - just not sure about this year. Means not going home (maybe for several Xmas seasons) and my mom is old 26 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:26 PM Flag
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Why? Let her do real parts when she gets older. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:27 PM Flag
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It's lincoln center. A lot of her classmates will do it. It's a big deal [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:28 PM Flag
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Not really. Means basically nothing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:46 PM Flag
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Doe she want to do it? If yes why not have grandma come and see the show as a Xmas present? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:30 PM Flag
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She would like to do it, very much. Not sure shed be cast. It's her first eligible year. Mom is 91 and can't travel [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:31 PM Flag
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Then visit for Easter [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:31 PM Flag
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Would def visit another time but I have 8 siblings and Xmas is when we gather. Could miss a year but these kids seem to do it for 4-5 years in a row [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:34 PM Flag
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Then I guess you don't want her to get in, that's what it sounds like, why don't you make up your mind first before you do anything? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:38 PM Flag
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Im very conflicted [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:39 PM Flag
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That is where the problem is, why don't you talk to one of your sibs about it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:44 PM Flag
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I'm sure your mom would want her to try out. In any event, until she is cast you have no real decision to make except a theoretical one [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:34 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:36 PM Flag
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NP. It's bad form to try out if you're not going to accept. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:36 PM Flag
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This presumes she'll be cast at all. Maybe she won't. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:44 PM Flag
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The family makes the decision if you're willing to give up your Christmas before the audition. Not after [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:45 PM Flag
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Here's a shocking question. Have you asked your mom? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:01 PM Flag
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OP. she says yes! My sisters tell me she's a wistful tho [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:11 PM Flag
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Umm.... she hasn't even tried out. Aren't you putting the cart before the horse? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:36 PM Flag
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OP. no, you sign up to audition (in 2 weeks) and you don't audition unless you'll accept the role [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:37 PM Flag
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OK [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:44 PM Flag
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SAB mom here. Is she girls II? She'll want to do it. But it will be several years and there's no rush. UNLESS she's tall. She'll grow out at 5'2". If she's tall, let her do it now. Do NOT audition if she's not taking the spot [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:41 PM Flag
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OP. thank you. I've heard about the height limit but didnt have an exact number. That's helpful [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:45 PM Flag
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I would. Make up the time with mother on Skype and more visits throughout the year. If she has a shot it would be amazing for your old mother to watch on video or if possible fly her in. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:42 PM Flag
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Your mom is 91? Did she have you at 45 or something? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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np: Not that unusual. We had last dc at 46 so she could have a newborn when we are in our 80s. Our parents are also in their 80's as they started late also. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:11 PM Flag
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I guess I don't understand why you can't visit your Mom at the holidays and let DD stay with your husband. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:10 PM Flag
[ - ] Just wasted 5 years of my life with a narcissitic habitual cheater. So disappointed in myself. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:21 PM Flag
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Two things: what do you need to do next? What can you do to avoid this happening again? Go from there. Don't go into victim mentality. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:25 PM Flag
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Narcissists exist because of people like you. Learn. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:28 PM Flag
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+1 Also, remember that good judgment comes from experience. Experience that was usually the result of bad judgment. Live & learn. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:46 PM Flag
[ - ] My child's art stinks big-time. Do I lie and say that it is great, or do I tell him there are ways that it could be better? 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:14 PM Flag
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How old is this dc and are they actually asking for your opinion or just saying, "Look, Mommy! Look at my rainbow!" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:15 PM Flag
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He asks me pointedly, "mom is this good; do you like it?" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:17 PM Flag
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Don't tell him you don't like it - liking something is completely subjective and not the same as saying the drawing is great. You could make some suggestions like, "Maybe you could finish this area over here with more colors," I don't recommend telling a 9 year old that he isn't talented though - this is different than over-praising, if that's your concern. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:23 PM Flag
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You tell him it's great. The world will correct his perspective later. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:15 PM Flag
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How old? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:15 PM Flag
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9 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:16 PM Flag
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Why are you judging it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:20 PM Flag
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Cause he asked me to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:21 PM Flag
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Do you do everything your child asks? Do you not have your own brain and free will? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:26 PM Flag
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Find something to comment on. "Love that tone of purple," "Tell me about this shape," etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:21 PM Flag
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Good advice [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:27 PM Flag
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Just say it's great and move on, why be an art critic to your own child? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:22 PM Flag
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Yeah, you're probably right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:27 PM Flag
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9 is old enough for some real truth. Say: "I love it but maybe some other children have better techniques. You can get better techniques by practicing. Are is also subjective and what seems like lack of technical development may be interpreted as great expressive art by another. It all depends on whether you'd like to be disciplined and with on technique of you'd prefer person expressive art. But practicing never hurt anybody." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:32 PM Flag
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OMG do not say this. Lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:33 PM Flag
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Lie. Say it is really good at least. He is 9 and will get better if does more. Also art is not a necessary life skill (like cooking.);) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:44 PM Flag
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:-) Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:49 PM Flag
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Tiger mom? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:59 PM Flag
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Say it's great. If it were math, I'd say be honest and tell him he's doing it wrong. Art is subjective, and the purpose of a parent is to say your art is great and stick it up on the refrigerator. That's called unconditional love. One of my saddest memories was over my crappy art. My older sisters and I all had to enter art in some school wide art contest and I remember my project broke on the way to school. They got ribbons/trophies and I got nothing. I was only 5, and I felt terrible. I still remember how I felt looking down at my broken painted animals with nothing next to it. You can't make the school reward your child for art, but certainly as a mom you should. That's my take anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:12 PM Flag
[ - ] There is a reason these "migrants" are not going to Muslim countries. Has anyone else noticed that the migrants are 80% men? But the media searches for a woman with a child to take a photo of? They know we'll take migrants if they pull on our heart strings. The western world is over as we know it. http://mobile.wnd.com/2015/09/isis-smuggler-we-will-use-refugee-crisis-to-infiltrate-west/ 29 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:01 PM Flag
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ISIS leader praises terror attacks on West "ISIS, meanwhile, continues to take advantage of Western blind spots, where mere mention of the word “refugee” tugs at the heartstrings of well-meaning Christians and Jews." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:04 PM Flag
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Turkey and Jordan have each taken in over 1 mil refugees, STFU [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:06 PM Flag
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You're blind. Wake-up. This is so obvious but you're in denial. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:07 PM Flag
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Yes, and now the refugees are leaving turkey for Western Europe. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:07 PM Flag
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yep [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:13 PM Flag
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+1 that toddler drowned because the parents left turkey, night Syria, for Europe. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:23 PM Flag
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Persian gulf countries and Saudi have taken zero. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:58 PM Flag
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Thank you Obama. You got what you wanted. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:08 PM Flag
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Obama: 'Islam Has Been Woven Into the Fabric of Our Country Since Its Founding' [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:09 PM Flag
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He's a Muslim deep down. He's his mother's son, after all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:23 PM Flag
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Ugh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:32 PM Flag
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Wtf are you talking about, what president hit the hornets nest first? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:17 PM Flag
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Your idiot Messiah [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:32 PM Flag
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What are you talking about cray cray? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:33 PM Flag
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Colin Powell saiid to president George W. Bush, 'You are going to be the proud owner of 25 million people,' he told the president. 'You will own all their hopes, aspirations, and problems. You'll own it all.' Privately, Powell and Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage called this the Pottery Barn rule: You break it, you own it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:21 PM Flag
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Yeah so? He started it but then the current idiot finished it by withdrawing troops like a total fucking retard. Congrats. He's even stupider and less competent than Bush was. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:33 PM Flag
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Oh I'm sorry what president was it when 9/11 happened? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:34 PM Flag
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What does that matter? So completely withdrew troops from Iraq against better advice and pushed for that fucking Arab spring? Your idiot messiah. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:47 PM Flag
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too many of our young men and women have died or have gotten injured in this war that was based on a lie and what do they get for it, low pay and subpar medical services. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:58 PM Flag
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Yeah, and? I'd it going to be better when Muslims take over England, France and Germany and change who are our allies and how the world functions? If we had South America in Europe, does that make it all better? And what are the options for these people in the services? They go into it because it is the best career opportunity available to them. They were not forced. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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All of this was going to happen if our troops are there or not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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Vaginal dryness [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:09 PM Flag
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How mature. Make jokes, but this is real. In this century we will adopt Sharia Law. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:12 PM Flag
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Gosh, I hope not. Keep them out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:33 PM Flag
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Then you won't hear about vaginal dryness, fer sher. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:34 PM Flag
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They're maggots - multiplying like crazy with microscopic brains [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:26 PM Flag
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Change is constant. The world as we know it is over, regardless of what comes next. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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True. But some changes are good. Others, not so much [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:09 PM Flag
[ - ] DH declaring his intention to get a new job in anither city and has started calling our son "it" and "that thing." 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:57 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:59 PM Flag
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Sorry to hear this. Are things otherwise alright between you and your spouse? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:11 PM Flag
[ - ] In general, I believe when you have problems with several people it is likely to be you and not the people. However, I am just beginning to think that because I was raised by an abusive narcissistic mother with no boundaries and I was constantly on pins and needles trying to please and keep the peace I have attracted a DH and several friends who are difficult because I just put up with more shit than the average person. Anyone BTDT? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:55 PM Flag
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Yep. Had a narcissistic father and kept wondering why I had all these shitty people in my life - friends, partners, even shitty coworkers. Woke up and realized a lot of that was because of how I was conditioned, and that that personality type is drawn to you like you're drawn to them. I cut nearly everyone out and started over. Spent one year being really lonely, but now I'm with an incredible, kind-hearted man and have zero negative people in my life (and zero tolerance for negative people who bring me down). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:01 PM Flag
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^^ And is was partly because of my behavior. I had a role in these awful relationships too, by allowing them to continue despite being difficult and draining. Instead of standing my ground I would keel over then bitch about it to other people. I takes both removing the negative people and working on respecting yourself [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:03 PM Flag
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op: Totally agree. It is my fault for staying with a boss for over a decade that no one else ever has lasted 1 year with. It is my fault that I have put up with friends that do not respect boundaries and boss me around like I am a child. My DH is also sick of me bitching about mother and friends and he is sick of being affected by their whims and me not standing up and just saying no. (As in, "no that day, time, event will not work for us." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:23 PM Flag
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op: Thank you so much for the reply. I can't believe I am just realizing this in middle age. I went to a therapist over 15 years ago who used to refer to my mother with NPD but it never really clicked. Recently the rage attacks finally became too much to take and I basically cut her off and then read about it on the internet and it is textbook. Now with dcs I also do not have the time or patience to tip-toe around demanding friends either and have cut out a few and my life is so much better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:18 PM Flag
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Yes, I do think this can happen. Narcissists are really good at making you feel like the problem is YOU and you end up questioning yourself and not knowing when it's ok to stand up for yourself. And if you come across as non-assertive, you're going to attract people who are overbearing and take advantage. You can work on this, though - I think this is a characteristic you have the ability to change. GL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:28 PM Flag
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op: Thank you so much. Since a child my mother told me I was a "weird kid," "oversensitive," "crybaby" and had me and the entire extended family thinking I have mental problems and could never get married. I was prepped from birth to keep family secrets of her tempers. She even told my DH I have always been an oversensitive, crybaby and told him numerous times in her wildest dreams she never expected me to get married. She wanted to keep me as a personal checkbook and servant and punching bag. I have put up with friends who everyone else has dropped decades ago. Thanks for the good wishes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:36 PM Flag
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oK so experienced chronic invalidation of your feelings. That can fuck with a person, yeah. Sounds like you could benefit from reading up on DBT. Check out "Calming the Emotional Storm." It's extremely helpful and practical. Also comes in audiobook [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:40 PM Flag
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Entirely possible. I was raised with high self esteem (but not deluded) and I give very little thought to pleasing others. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:37 PM Flag
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op: Thanks, I guess. "Little thought to pleasing others" sounds a bit extreme. Do you try to please your husband or kids or dinner guests? Do you every have guests or parties? That takes thought in pleasing others. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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No. I'm nice and giving. I just don't see saving people or being universally liked as my mission. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:07 PM Flag
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Right there with you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:08 PM Flag
[ - ] My brother's DD just dropped out of high school. I am devastated. 25 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:54 PM Flag
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(white trash much?) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:55 PM Flag
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The mother may be a little wt, but she is a successful at her job and a happy person to be around. Both parents were very loving. I can't understand it for the life of me! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:57 PM Flag
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typo: is successful [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:57 PM Flag
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What is the mother's job? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:58 PM Flag
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Event planner [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:02 PM Flag
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Is it a niece you are very close to? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:55 PM Flag
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Sadly, she never got close to anyone in the family. I always tried to foster a relationship. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:01 PM Flag
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Sad. What was her reason for doing so? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:59 PM Flag
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OP: daughter did suffer with social anxiety, but was placed in a home-school program. Is now 16 and just quit education altogether. She got great grades up until middle school, when social pressure had an affect on her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:00 PM Flag
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Is she planning on getting her GED or is she just done altogether? HS can be tough for some but college can still be an option if she gets her GED [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:01 PM Flag
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No talk of GED. I am totally in the dark on all of this. Anytime I try to discuss it with my brother, he changes the subject. Just so sad to see her entire life ruined like that. I keep saying if it were my child, I would be doing things SO MUCH DIFFERENTLY, but my advice is not solicited, so I can't butt in. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:06 PM Flag
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Sounds like there is more to this and you're simply not going to be privvy to all the details. Keep your big trap shut. It's probably hard enough and embarrassing enough for your brother without you running your yap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:21 PM Flag
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this and if op is so devastated she can reach out to her niece directly and try to find out what is going on and what she can do to help the situation [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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OMG, BUTT OUT! You don't know the whole situation and saying "I keep saying that if it were my child, I would be doing things SO MUCH DIFFERENTLY" isn't advice, it's beyond rude and insensitive. Her whole life is NOT ruined. And you saying you're devastated is you just being dramatic: this isn't about you. If you really want to help, try being supportive instead of judgmental. Actually, the kindest thing you can do for these people is to leave them alone and just stay away. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:58 PM Flag
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Devastated? Are you that emotionally fragile? Concerned and disappointed, ok... but devastated? jfc [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:05 PM Flag
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I just can't imagine what the future will hold for this child. It is an awful thing. I can't imagine what my brother must be thinking. It really has me shaken. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:08 PM Flag
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People find different paths in life. Maybe she will find a program to work as a graphic designer or massage therapist or something that she likes/work to earn money that isn't UB-approved. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:47 PM Flag
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She'll be all right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:24 PM Flag
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Why? Drugs? I would be devastated. I don't personally know anyone who dropped out of HS who went on to have a normal life. I am so sorry. It is devastating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:25 PM Flag
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OP: exactly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:28 PM Flag
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pp: So sorry. I am sure you are feeling so helpless since your hands are really tied. She is not your daughter and they don't want your imput. Sad that she is intelligent and is going to waste it. Could she be pregnant? That would be best case scenario that they are trying to hide and put it for adoption. Some girls who drop out for that reason and give for adoption do go on to have normal lives. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:52 PM Flag
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Ok , but it is devastating for HER, not YOU. Quit taking on other people's drama. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:52 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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Relax, if she is smart and gets through this she can press a restart button, I dropped out of hs, went to work, realized I needed more, got my ged, went to community college, then to bklyn college and currently a lead assistant to a ceo of a large company. Love what I do... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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Does she have a plan? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:08 PM Flag
[ - ] VAGINAL DRYNESS 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:52 PM Flag
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organic coconut oil [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:54 PM Flag
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It's so bad. I went on hrt and that helped. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:55 PM Flag
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Estrogen cream? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:25 PM Flag
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Prescription estrogen cream. It's been a game changer. I don't want to know about all the side effects and crazy ingredients because it has given me my sex life back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:33 PM Flag
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+1 I'd rather die happy & fulfilled at 70 than miserable at 90. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:50 PM Flag
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right [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:06 PM Flag
[ - ] Are your own parents divorced? If so, how old were you when they split? How did it affect you? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:51 PM Flag
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Yes, 19. Not at all [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:54 PM Flag
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My parents never divorced but they were separated for several months when I was 9. I remember wishing they would divorce. Too much tension between them. But I guess I'm glad they didn't in the end. They're still together and they seem more loving toward each other. Maybe it was the stress of raising us kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:55 PM Flag
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glad it worked out! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:56 PM Flag
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No but I prayed mine would divorce. I told a friend once she was a lucky duck that she had divorced parents and she looked at me like I had 3 heads. There was constant fighting and tension. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:28 PM Flag
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I learned after both of my parents died that they had gotten divorced after I had left for college. They continued to live together until my father died about 10 years later. My parents had a lot of secrets that I only learned once I was in possession of all of their papers after they had died. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:46 PM Flag
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My mother was never married to my biological father (yes, I know what that makes me). She's been married to the only man I've ever considered my father since I was five. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:49 PM Flag
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Yes. 28. I was glad for my mother as my father is a narcissistic ass who refused to work and treated her like shit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:51 PM Flag
[ - ] Where can I find good, sturdy luggage? It's for my teen DD to use when she comes back and forth between home and boarding school. 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:47 PM Flag
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^^ And about how much should I expect to spend? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:47 PM Flag
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$8000 min for good luggage [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:49 PM Flag
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no way, $5k is plenty [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:52 PM Flag
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OP-Are you guys screwing with me? She just needs a couple of pieces to throw in the car. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:03 PM Flag
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She's going to boarding school, get her some nice luggage! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:04 PM Flag
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Luggage gets stored at school, there's no place in the rooms. Get ready for it to take a walk next time someone goes home [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:08 PM Flag
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Thats a lot of luggage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:09 PM Flag
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patagonia [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:58 PM Flag
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just go to tjmaxx and look for the higher name brands. Ive seen brics, tumi and hartmann there. You can check out the online store too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:02 PM Flag
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Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:03 PM Flag
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Just go to TJ Maxx or Marshalls and see what they have. I always find great stuff there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:05 PM Flag
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If you would be willing to spend some money on it now, you can get something that lasts forever. My parents bought me two pieces of T. Anthony luggage for a semester abroad in college. I'm in my 40s and still use them. Once the wheel on the larger piece broke and I took it in to the store and they repaired it for free. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:11 PM Flag
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No luggage lasts forever and even if it does, there are so many technological improvements (wheels! lighter weight! carbon fiber!) that you don't want luggage to last forever. Also, they are constantly shrinking acceptable dimensions on check-in and carry on bags, so don't invest in "forever" luggage. It doesn't make financial sense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:14 PM Flag
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+1 My family gave me a set of luggage for high school graduation. I don't like to travel, so I gave it to my cousin when she started college, and she passed it to the next cousin, who gave it to my brother. Still in use now 20+ years later. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:53 PM Flag
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Tumi [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:30 PM Flag
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Skip the luggage. Get a couple of sturdy duffle bags. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:51 PM Flag
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TJ Maxx, Century21.. Can also order from Amazon [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:00 PM Flag
[ - ] I'm so glad I don't know you bitches in real life 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:45 PM Flag
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Aww. I've had some nice feedback from some of these bitches. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:51 PM Flag
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You do [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:54 PM Flag
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I'm not miserable enough to know any of you in real life [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:55 PM Flag
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You do [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:54 PM Flag
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There are two local moms I know for sure are on here [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:02 PM Flag
[ - ] S/O of the name post, what are some names you're feeling these days? I don't care about your background, let's hear what you do like! 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:43 PM Flag
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Harper for a girl...yeah, yeah [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:43 PM Flag
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I like that name too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:49 PM Flag
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Michael, Henry, Oliver, Oscar [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:44 PM Flag
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Agnes. We're Polish though, so it's less of an old lady name than it seems in America [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:48 PM Flag
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Quinn and Alice [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:49 PM Flag
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Quinn for boy or girl? I know one of each [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:50 PM Flag
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The hottest guy in my college dorm was named Quinn [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:50 PM Flag
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+1 Although it always reminds of Daria's sister [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:52 PM Flag
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I'm loving Quinn too, for either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:32 PM Flag
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John and Pearl [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:52 PM Flag
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ew [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:53 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:06 PM Flag
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Mary [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:00 PM Flag
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Love Mary! And Marion [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:04 PM Flag
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Corinne [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:06 PM Flag
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If I could have another and it was a girl I'd name her Juliette. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:12 PM Flag
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That's pretty [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:36 PM Flag
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Jacks for days. In the past year I've had SIX friends name their baby boys Jack. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:13 PM Flag
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Josephine. If I had a dd tomorrow that's what I'd name her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:25 PM Flag
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Girls names: Logan, Dylan, Valentina. I have no idea what I would name a DS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:03 PM Flag
[ - ] We are getting our first au pair in about a month and the below post has me nervous. Our au pair seems like a nice, rather unassuming young woman (she's 22), not a party type and I've already told her we will expect her to keep a curfew. I'm working on a handbook and house rules (like, no food in her room, keep room and bathroom picked up, etc), but what else should I be doing? Several friends have told me to be really strict at the beginning and I can ease up a bit later if things are going well. 40 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:31 PM Flag
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Why does she have to pick up her room? Can't she close the door? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:34 PM Flag
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Because I expect her to keep it at least minimally neat, I think requesting that she not let laundry pile up isn't too much to ask. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:36 PM Flag
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give her a hamper [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:37 PM Flag
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I plan to. So I expect her to use it and not leave the room a mess. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:39 PM Flag
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why so anal over her room? be more strict with punctuality and interaction with your dc, how she keeps her room should be of no business to you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:01 PM Flag
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I'm not anal, I just expect people in my home to maintain a minimal level of neatness. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:39 PM Flag
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Agreed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:37 PM Flag
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Mom who has always used aupairs and have not had these problems. Biggest problem is with use of the car. I suspect MANY of the anti-aupair posts are from nannys. You should have a local coordinator (who is an adult). She can help you with norms. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:37 PM Flag
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Thanks. We live in the city so car isn't going to be an issue or option for her most of the time. We do have a local coordinator but other than our home visit I haven't had any interaction with her - is that normal? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:38 PM Flag
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I found that ours was always there to help. Far better to bounce things off her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:54 PM Flag
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I don't think it's terrible to have food in her room on her own time, as long as she's neat about it. Some people are self-conscious about eating in front of others. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:40 PM Flag
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hm that doesn't sound like healthy thinking [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:44 PM Flag
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What does that mean? Eating can be a very personal thing. It doesn't harm anyone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:02 PM Flag
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You must be fat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:54 PM Flag
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Yes, I'm off to kill myself now. Thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:03 PM Flag
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I would not have an aupair but if I did I would let her eat in her room. If I were and aupair I would like to make a sandwich and eat in the privacy of my sanctuary away from the family. She should have some private 10 x 10 sq feet of space to call her own. Not everyone leaves plates and food all over the floor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:59 PM Flag
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This. Mom who has had aupairs. As long as they bring plates back, fine. One issue is that with younger kids, it is hard to make them understand when aupair is off duty, so it is only fair to let her eat in piece. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:03 PM Flag
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Absolutely. If she is a good and loving aupair your kids are not going to leave her alone to eat in peace. She is not going to throw her food on the ground and she can swift and vacuum weekly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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Tell her you reserve the right to go through her room trash to make sure she is following all the rules [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:42 PM Flag
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NO [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:42 PM Flag
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Really, she can't choose ro have a snack or meal in private when watching TV etc? Everything has to be with family? You sound difficult [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:47 PM Flag
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I know. I would hate to not be able to make a sandwich and lock myself in my room and watch some TV after a day of your Gremlins. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:00 PM Flag
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She can definitely eat on her own but we keep food on one floor and don't have it elsewhere in the house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:37 PM Flag
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I'm the OP of that post, I think you are right to think this through ahead of time and write down every detail. Please be dressed and ready to start work at 7am, the schedule is xxx, dcs are not allowed to be left unattended for 20 minutes when you shower, no texting in work hours [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:49 PM Flag
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+1. Be very specific because they won't necessarily have the common sense to know not to do these things, unless you make it very clear. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:52 PM Flag
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OR I've told our Au pair some stuff 5+ times and she just doesn't listen it, she's not that smart and she doesn't pick up on stuff. For example she unloads the dishwasher and puts stuff in the wrong place every time, even plates or cups that it's obvious where to stack them. I think we might get rid of her as she also isn't serious enough about the safety of our dcs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:56 PM Flag
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Never had that problem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:00 PM Flag
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You sound like a nanny who resents that she is told to be at work at 7. Live in aupairs not the same. No texting? Good luck with that for a nanny or aupair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:12 PM Flag
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One thing I found is far better to have a TV in their room and let them eat there. More privacy for you. Just my opinion [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:55 PM Flag
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this - let her have a place to go away from the family [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:01 PM Flag
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I completely agree. Even with houseguests I give them a basket of snacks and fruit and water bottles for their rooms. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:04 PM Flag
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There is a tv in her room. We have a 5-story house and do not have food except on the kitchen and dining room level. My feeling is that I will make the rule that we don't allow food elsewhere but if it becomes an issue for her then I will reconsider. But the idea that if she wants to eat t will always be in front of the family is ridiculous. Her room is at the top of the house dodge has plenty of privacy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:36 PM Flag
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Can she have a bag of pretzels if she keeps it in her purse? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:58 PM Flag
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NP, we live in Chicago and it is *much* easier to have an au pair here than it is in Manhattan [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:32 PM Flag
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Why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:32 PM Flag
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Apartments in nice doorman buildings cost one quarter as much here. So for example, in our building DH and I bought a four bedroom for our family to live in, and two studios. Each studio is on a different floor. OK, when my DH parents visit they stay in one of the studios, and our Au Pair lives in the other studio. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:33 PM Flag
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This sounds better than cramming everyone in to one Manhattan apartment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:33 PM Flag
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We live in a townhouse in NYC. 4000 square feet, no one feel crammed into anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:44 PM Flag
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The Gold Coast is Chicago's TT neighborhood. Here is a doorman studio suitable for an Au pair to live in. Studio costs only 157 thousand dollars http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/1440-N-Lake-Shore-Dr-Apt-11B_Chicago_IL_60610_M75139-37156?row=1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:38 PM Flag
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Shit! At that price point, you may as well have two au pairs each with their own studio. I mean why not? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:42 PM Flag
[ - ] Which was your favored parent when you were growing up, Mom or Dad? Why? 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:23 PM Flag
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Dad. HE spoiled us more [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:24 PM Flag
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Mom obviously... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:24 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:32 PM Flag
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My dad. He was more fun to be around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:25 PM Flag
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My mom took us to more "enrichment" type of activities and actually seemed to care more about our days. She worked just as much as dad but we never saw him, he had his own life that I guess we never factored into much. Was an easy preference [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:25 PM Flag
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DAD! Mom micromanaged everything!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:26 PM Flag
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same [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:53 PM Flag
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Dad was the disciplinarian. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:31 PM Flag
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I barely saw my dad but have some lovely memories of doing special things with him. I remember more quotidien things with my mom and I was definitely closer with her but I wouldn't say either was more favored. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:34 PM Flag
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Dad. My mom was verbally abusive and scary. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:40 PM Flag
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Mother. My dad was the disciplinarian in the family. My father used to spend a LOT of time with us when we were kids, taking us skiing, hiking, camping, boating, etc., and for that he was my favorite, but he was tough and strict and being around him always required being on our best behavior or else shit went down. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:44 PM Flag
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mine was like that too, could never relax and be silly/be myself around him [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:46 PM Flag
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Yeah, I remember he took my brother and me skiing (my mother hated skiing so she never went and my dad was not into skiing anymore, but he enjoyed the scenery). We drove 4 hours through the night to the ski resort. When we arrived first thing in the morning, there was a blizzard. My brother and I did not want to ski in that, but my father blew a gasket and insisted that we ski since he had brought us all the way there. He unloaded the skis from the top of the car and we had to ski all day in white-out conditions and freezing cold while he went off to the lodge for a nice day in front of a roaring fire. I remember how much the skiing sucked. In retrospect, yes, we were total brats complaining after my father drove 4 hours to bring us to the resort, but I never forgot that day. My brother and I still reminisce about that skiing fiasco 40 years ago. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:03 PM Flag
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yikes. How's your relationship with him today? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:05 PM Flag
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He died about 25 years ago, so.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:07 PM Flag
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My parents were such a team it's hard to parse them out as individuals. I love them both, every decision seemed to have been formed simultaneously in both of their minds [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:47 PM Flag
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Sounds like an awesome set of parents :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:48 PM Flag
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thanks, I aspire to be like them in so many ways! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:49 PM Flag
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My dad worked 10 - 12 hour days, 6 days a week so mom was the constant. Dad was always the good time charlie. Mom was the go to person but I had no favorites. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 02:50 PM Flag
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both. My mom was nurturing, but my my dad (despite a bad temper) was fun, engaged, and really got me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:16 PM Flag
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Mom. My brother was effectively my father's only child. He had not interest in girls [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 03:35 PM Flag
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Neither. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.05.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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