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05.22.13, 02:39 PM
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Stop beating yourself up, that will only make you more upset. Bravo for recognizing this is an area you need to work on. Give yourself a chance to learn how.
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05.22.13, 02:40 PM
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Go to therapy. Do it for you.
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05.22.13, 02:35 PM
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Good for you to recognize it. Give it the time and attention it deserves. Stay focused on wanting to be rid of the negativity and you'll know when you're ready to let go.
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05.22.13, 02:41 PM
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05.22.13, 02:35 PM
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Lol...I was just goi g to post something similar
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05.22.13, 02:35 PM
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This makes me feel better. ;)
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05.22.13, 02:36 PM
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Not paying enough attention to your snowflake?
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05.22.13, 02:30 PM
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No, bristly and terrible with kids and adults.
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05.22.13, 02:39 PM
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Is she older? Most older teachers are pretty fed up with this generation of parents. I hear this all the time. I personally have nothing to compare you to so it doesn't annoy me as much.
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05.22.13, 02:34 PM
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it is almost the end of the year
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05.22.13, 02:36 PM
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yes, for everyone
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05.22.13, 02:40 PM
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Sorry to hear this. Better luck next school year!
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05.22.13, 02:40 PM
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Thank you!
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05.22.13, 02:41 PM
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05.22.13, 02:30 PM
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little things? one hole per ear and no tattoos. bigger things? confidence. the belief that i could do anything if i set my mind to it.
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05.22.13, 02:31 PM
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one hole per ear=amaze(balls)
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05.22.13, 02:41 PM
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Knowing how/when to write thank you notes.
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05.22.13, 02:37 PM
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+1 - her expression "you don't wear it, spend it, or play with it until that note goes out!"
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05.22.13, 02:41 PM
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words to live by!
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05.22.13, 02:42 PM
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For giving me a childhood just messed up enough to give me good stories and a sense of humor, but not so much so that Im permanently scarred.
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05.22.13, 02:37 PM
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Nothing much beyond my childhood being a How Not to Parent primer. That's useful.
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05.22.13, 02:37 PM
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My sense of humor, my ability to speak my mind, my toughness, my take no bullshit attitude, my morals. She was an amazing woman who took NO shit. None.
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05.22.13, 02:32 PM
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My mom was a SAHM who drilled it into my head that I needed to be able to support myself. She made sure my sister and I learned to be strong independent women.
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05.22.13, 02:40 PM
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05.22.13, 02:29 PM
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easy, have the older one watch over the younger ones.
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05.22.13, 02:26 PM
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He already does. This allows me to handle what I need to handle. I just don't feel like I am giving enough attention to each child especially the older child.
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05.22.13, 02:33 PM
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Do younger ones nap? Can you make their naptimes special activity time for older DC on weekends? Also, how about letting older DC make more decisions w you -- eg, pick what to have for dinner (w/in reason) so that there is a connection there even if you aren't always the one feeding dinner.
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05.22.13, 02:37 PM
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I always have dinner with them. Older dc's school work is slipping so its more that kind of attention.
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05.22.13, 02:40 PM
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Keep working until they are all school aged (ie, more manageable) and reevaluate?
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05.22.13, 02:32 PM
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I was thinking this. However when my db is in school my older dc will already be 15 yo and I am not able to give him or the middle child enough attention now. Is this just my own problem?
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05.22.13, 02:34 PM
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Is PT really not an option? Even if you could make $20/hr, you could get child care for that, and still keep a foot in the workforce, plus not have the burnout of taking care of 3 kids 24/7
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05.22.13, 02:30 PM
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My income is 150 + benefits. I could make 60/hr+ but not for pt. I could get shot term contracts but I would work crazy hours and have breaks between contracts but I have BTDT and during breaks I ended up "working" for free searching for new contracts.
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05.22.13, 02:39 PM
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I think it's better to think about the global set of loving relationships that your DCs have - with each other, with you and your DH, with teachers, etc. - and how together, those things give your DCs a consistent sense of love and security, rather than focusing just on the one-to-one relationship between you and each DC. Also, can you and DH build little routines of one-on-one time with each DC? Maybe you and your oldest pick one weeknight a week where you go for a walk to get ice cream together or something?
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05.22.13, 02:32 PM
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05.22.13, 02:27 PM
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Big ones or little ones and how old are your kids? If they're not infants or toddlers, Borax is great.
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05.22.13, 02:35 PM
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Have them come weekly and put combat traps everywhere. Also have them spray the hinges of the cabinet be us they hide in there. My mothers neighbor is infested and is spreading everywhere to the other neighbors yuck
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05.22.13, 02:31 PM
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05.22.13, 02:25 PM
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Knee is fine.
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05.22.13, 02:27 PM
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i just had this revelation. i'm covering the girls more and lengthening the skirts slightly. i decided nobody wanted to see 42 yo thigh or get an accidental glimpse of a 42yo cleavage.
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05.22.13, 02:28 PM
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OP:i can't really understand how i got to be 45. it does not make sense. :)
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05.22.13, 02:29 PM
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ha. that's cute.
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05.22.13, 02:38 PM
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As long as they aren't above my fingertips I will rock those skirts! Of course, work is a different story, but in any case knee length is the longest you should go unless you're wearing a maxi, ball gown or have joined some polygamous religious sect.
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05.22.13, 02:36 PM
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05.22.13, 02:14 PM
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Not too long - go for it!
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05.22.13, 02:15 PM
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I guess it depends what you mean by "slightly neglectful." Too much TV? Go. Letting kids run around outside alone or by a pool unsupervised? Don't go.
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05.22.13, 02:10 PM
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You can FaceTime them while you are there
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05.22.13, 02:17 PM
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Need more info about the ILs. Do they adore your kids? If so I would do it. If your kids are going to end up traumatized in any way, then no I would not go for that long.
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05.22.13, 02:17 PM
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^You can always go to Europe for 5 days. If they're EVIPs - are they on American?
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05.22.13, 02:18 PM
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Yes they're on American... Trying to find a list of their direct flights from Miami, dh wants to travel FAR if it's in first class on them!
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05.22.13, 02:20 PM
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No, I definitely don't think traumatized... just wondering if thy would feel sad/lonely after a few days as grandparents tend to do their own thing at home and just lv kids to their own devices.... Dont spend that much time interacting with them... Though they are extremely responsible when it comes to safety issues, etc. I kinda like another poster's idea to hire sitter to help them, hadn't considered that...
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05.22.13, 02:23 PM
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Go for it! If you can afford it, try to get a babysitter to help out your parents for a few hours a day. It will make it easier for everybody.
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05.22.13, 02:12 PM
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+1
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05.22.13, 02:20 PM
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Go! Have a fantastic time! The kids will love being with their grandparents.
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05.22.13, 02:13 PM
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This.
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05.22.13, 02:15 PM
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ita. i just read my dd a berenstein bears book about this! go find it if you want to be inspired!
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05.22.13, 02:25 PM
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This.
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05.22.13, 02:26 PM
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GOOOOO!!!! Have fun. They are old enough and they'll be with GPs who will spoil them. If by "neglectful," you mean you will worry, maybe offer to get a sitter to help during the witching hour or other demanding times.
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05.22.13, 02:25 PM
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I left my ds for 8 days when he was 3. I missed him a ton and was excited to get back. He hardly even looked up when I walked in the room! He had a great time with his grandparents.
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05.22.13, 02:26 PM
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Definitely go. You'll remember it forever and your kids won't even notice that you're gone. I would say that a week is probably the appropriate amount of time to go, however.
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05.22.13, 02:34 PM
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05.22.13, 02:13 PM
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Amy's bread? It is so delicious.
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05.22.13, 02:17 PM
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No, I think this is Amy's baking company, Scottsdale AZ. Completely insane people ... Supposedly they are now a genuine meltdown phenomenon
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05.22.13, 02:21 PM
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That show always grosses me out, they also help people who are incompetent or past the point of saving their business. We own a restaurant and there is no excuse for that kind of filth.
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05.22.13, 02:25 PM
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This wasn't about filth...it was about epic bat shit craziness!
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05.22.13, 02:40 PM
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05.22.13, 02:10 PM
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What are your alternatives? Unless you want to SAH, not going back isn't a great idea, IMO.
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05.22.13, 02:12 PM
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op: My son was born at 35 weeks. I was thinking to spend a year with him and start looking early next year. I partly blame her for my water breaking as it happened the same day as she screamed at me. (You can search for my old post).
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05.22.13, 02:18 PM
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np - I don't see the connection between the screaming and the water breaking. There are pregnant women in much more stressful situations.
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05.22.13, 02:20 PM
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op: I agree, one probably has nothing to do with the other. However, she started to treat me really poorly once she found out that I am pg. I worked with her for 4 years and always had a good relationship. I cant believe she treated me like that when I was pg.
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05.22.13, 02:24 PM
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pp - I had the same exact situation with my best friend (who was also my counterpart at work) - we had been best friends for years (she was my MOH, etc. we were very close) and she treated me like crap the minute she found out I was pg. You have to let it go and move on. Go back to work, be professional, and look for something new.
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05.22.13, 02:26 PM
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nnp. She just assumes you will quit your job. She's disappointed in you, and wants to get it over with as soon as possible.
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05.22.13, 02:21 PM
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np. Pretty soon, the Capitalist Female Chauvinist Pig Douchebag Moms are going to find this OP. Don't listen to them. You've posted over and over about this, and this is a clear example of a woman being pushed out of the workplace. Not "opting-out". Being PUSHED OUT. Listen to your DH. Your boss is trying to make your poor performance a self-fulfilled prophesy. By a female boss no less! Oh, can you feel the sisterhood?
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05.22.13, 02:25 PM
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NNP - or it could just be a conflict between a boss and OP. Why read any broader social ramifications into it?
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05.22.13, 02:28 PM
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here we go...
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05.22.13, 02:29 PM
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What? We've all had good bosses and we've all had horrible bosses, what is the issue?
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05.22.13, 02:30 PM
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Read where they had a GREAT relationship until the pregnancy.
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05.22.13, 02:35 PM
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I posted above - same thing happened with my best friend/co-worker when I was pg. It happens all the time - some people get very crazy when other people are pg. I don't know why that is, but it just is. Some people are a-holes, it's not a reason to quit your job if you need to work.
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05.22.13, 02:42 PM
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op: no, we had a GREAT relationship until she found out that I was pg. This is my second child and I returned to work after my first.
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05.22.13, 02:25 PM
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i know you've posted about this twice before, but I don't have the links. do you have the links?
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05.22.13, 02:36 PM
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You blame her for your early delivery?
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05.22.13, 02:16 PM
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op:partly, I posted here that she screamed at me because consutant that she hired to replace me screwed up. That night my water broke.
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05.22.13, 02:15 PM
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I would let that go, probably a coincidence. I agree with DH, you have to go back.
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05.22.13, 02:21 PM
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np Please. Not nice to be "screamed" at (and I have a feeling your interpretation of screaming is a slightly raised voice), but it's to going to make your water break.
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05.22.13, 02:23 PM
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op: no, she actually screamed at me. I heard other people gasping in shock.
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05.22.13, 02:28 PM
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np. i've been there once. Big 4. horrible boss. don't go to HR. hang in there, and find a new job. Drop the bomb on them with your notice. Then she'll be kissing your ass, as her bosses will want to know why she didn't know you were out the door!!!
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05.22.13, 02:32 PM
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i'll say this as nicely as i can. you are looking for reasons to quit work. just be honest with yourself and your dh and tell him you dont want to work.
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05.22.13, 02:28 PM
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Cannot believe you just said that to someone whose baby was not born at term.
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05.22.13, 02:38 PM
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np 35 weeks is not bad at all, baby has no issues, op is just looking for someone to blame.
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05.22.13, 02:35 PM
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Your DH is right. Even if you can survive on one salary, the economy is still in the shitter. You should not give up a decent job just because you don't like your boss. If you choose to not go back because you dislike her, you are letting her win. She very well may be trying to get you to leave. Do not let her succeed. Go back and look for another job. Get your work done and be sweet as pie to her. If you show that she's freaking you out she wins. I imagine you are a bit scared of returning. But you now have an amazing baby at home, so work matters a little less. As soon as you go in and break the ice on that first day or two, you'll be fine. I promise!
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05.22.13, 02:11 PM
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Your dh gave you good advice.
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05.22.13, 02:18 PM
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I don't know where you live but in NYC the economy is not in the shitter for IT. I work at a tech company and it's hard to hire quality people. Not sure what your financial situation is but I wouldn't go back if you could swing it. Talk to DH, come up with a solid plan for your job search so he knows you are serious about going back in a few months. While you are on maternity leave, spend a few hours each week keeping your skills and your linked in post up to date & networking. If you can do all this, don't go back. If you won't do all this and you'll slack, go back.
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05.22.13, 02:33 PM
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op: I am in NYC and I have been actively applying ever since I delivered. I can see that there are a lot of openings. We have savings and can swing by for a year.
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05.22.13, 02:38 PM
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If you are actively applying, don't run the risk of it looking like you were fired and that's why you're looking. Go back. Sorry.
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05.22.13, 02:42 PM
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np. everyone says IT is saturated with highly skilled workers from Asia. What gives?
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05.22.13, 02:40 PM
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Get a prescription from doctor to calm your nerves. Then go back to work.
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05.22.13, 02:37 PM
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I think you are on crack and just looking for somebody to blame. Her yelling has nothing to do with your early delivery. Take DH's advice and look for another job.
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05.22.13, 02:31 PM
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05.22.13, 02:06 PM
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Could be a yeast infection.
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05.22.13, 02:14 PM
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Call your pediatrician, please!!! Sounds bad to me, but I am not your doctor. Neither is anyone else on here.
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05.22.13, 02:16 PM
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That happened to my 2 yo a few months ago. Was fine a day later.
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05.22.13, 02:18 PM
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Has he been eating a lot of oranges or tomatoes or other acidic foods? Sometimes my ds will get a rash like this if not changed immediately after a poop.
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05.22.13, 02:25 PM
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Thanks for all the suggestions. I think it's not yeast infection from what I researched online. And he hasn't had an increased of acid. Most importantly, he seemed to calm down after a bath, so I'm going to keep my eye on it for a day and bring him to the doctor tomorrow if needed. Thanks again all.
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05.22.13, 02:34 PM
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05.22.13, 01:55 PM
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Wash your vagina with soap and water every day.
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05.22.13, 01:53 PM
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I thought you are not supposed to wash your vagina with soap because it stings and vaginas are self cleaning.
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05.22.13, 02:03 PM
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^^So water is enough.
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05.22.13, 02:04 PM
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What kind of soap are you using? I do this and have never had a yeast infection in my life and my vag is fresh as a daisy.
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05.22.13, 02:00 PM
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+1. Though I don't know about the daisy bit...
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05.22.13, 02:07 PM
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I use a hand held shower massage - water works - favorite part of my daily shower!
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05.22.13, 02:02 PM
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Ewww....just waterZ. Are you kidding? The smell isn't going to go away with water
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05.22.13, 02:13 PM
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x2
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05.22.13, 02:19 PM
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np- Yes, just water- otherwise you are killing the healthy bacteria
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05.22.13, 02:26 PM
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Sorry no...not like your putting the soap UP INSIDE your vaginal canal. No wonder some men think we smell like fish. I had no idea women were just using water
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05.22.13, 02:39 PM
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Or: thank you, just a quick scrub, not a soap douche.
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05.22.13, 02:36 PM
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I'd get it checked out if it stings
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05.22.13, 02:05 PM
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np: soap always stings if I use it - have never had a uti or std
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05.22.13, 02:09 PM
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Use a milder soap. No body wash, it is filled with perfumes and crap.
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05.22.13, 02:04 PM
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Soap isn't supposed to sting...you may have issues with certain brands or cuts. Look for a mild soap
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05.22.13, 02:40 PM
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You rinse it.
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05.22.13, 02:00 PM
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Nasal hair
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05.22.13, 01:59 PM
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Wax, never shave. Took dd to get her legs waxed when she was 12.
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05.22.13, 01:54 PM
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Beauty: Less is more. My mom instilled this in me and taught me early on how to wear mascara etc. i skipped the whole over-plucked eyebrows/too much eyeliner stage, unlike EVERY SINGLE FRIEND OF MINE.
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05.22.13, 01:54 PM
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Truth. I don't think anyone thinks a makeup monster looks good.
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05.22.13, 01:56 PM
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except the makeup monster themselves.
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05.22.13, 02:27 PM
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This.
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05.22.13, 02:06 PM
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Slim is always in.
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05.22.13, 02:04 PM
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When they're in their early 20's, I would cough up the cash to get their legs and pits lasered.
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05.22.13, 02:12 PM
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Do not pierce your ears till you're at least 12, 16 ideally. And then, only ONE on each lobe. I am so glad I listened to my mother, and avoided that hideous row of holes all along the ear as so many of my friends had. All my mom said back then was "Sweetie, what are you going to do with all the other holes when you have a nice big solitaire when you're older". Absolutely!
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05.22.13, 02:18 PM
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but what is wrong with piercing at 7 or 8?
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05.22.13, 02:13 PM
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Tacky - kids should be kids
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05.22.13, 02:16 PM
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So they can' eve kids with earrings? That is silly.
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05.22.13, 02:17 PM
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I just think kids look better without pierced ears
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05.22.13, 02:23 PM
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And others feel the opposite. We all are different.
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05.22.13, 02:26 PM
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ITA. My dd loves her earrings. Ponies, kittens, little shakes and fries, butterflies. I love her earrings, they are adorable.
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05.22.13, 02:25 PM
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Nothing.
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05.22.13, 02:25 PM
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agreed. thanks mom!
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05.22.13, 02:29 PM
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My mom was way too passive about this, so I get your question. Use the right products for hair type. Like I had crazy thick hair and it took my mom forever to introduce conditioner. So you can help with that. Keep hair and nails neat and clean. Clothes that fit - stress fit vs trend. And buy them bras when needed or asked, don't put it off.
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05.22.13, 02:18 PM
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05.22.13, 01:49 PM
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The biggest - I am hoping for more posts here as this the the penultimate forum to discuss
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05.22.13, 01:46 PM
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:)
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05.22.13, 01:47 PM
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You I love.
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05.22.13, 01:49 PM
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You're misusing penultimate. Look it up.
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05.22.13, 01:57 PM
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I did misuse penultimate - this is not the next to last forum this should be discussed - it is the last forum which it should be discussed
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05.22.13, 01:56 PM
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Not necessarily, assuming she thinks UBM is the "ultimate" one.
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05.22.13, 01:57 PM
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I think you're reaching by a lot.
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05.22.13, 01:53 PM
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+1
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05.22.13, 01:55 PM
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+2
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05.22.13, 02:05 PM
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+3
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05.22.13, 02:14 PM
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Obama harrassed journalists now? (Or are you talking about the old story where the Justice Department followed the law that the Obama administration asked the Republican Congress to repeal?)
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05.22.13, 02:03 PM
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I can't really make myself care about this.
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05.22.13, 02:15 PM
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05.22.13, 01:45 PM
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I think you're missing the forest for the trees. OP was complaining about a DH who is checked out of family life and doesn't participate. Surely someone would have asked her for an example, so she gave one presumptively. Love the clueless responder who said that OP had it easy bc "all" her DH did was cook meals for the family.
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05.22.13, 01:56 PM
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^preemptively
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05.22.13, 01:57 PM
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05.22.13, 01:45 PM
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Depends on your home country. Dh is expat and we live in my home country. While he is here, he misses his home country. When we go back, he can't wait to leave.
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05.22.13, 01:54 PM
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Then don't leave!!! I had a very, very hard time coming back after just a few years. We have now decided to go back out and I would love it to be permanent. Everything just seemed so stale her and still does. Even city living does not compare to the adventures of expat living. People live in their own bubbles, whereas expat communities thrive on getting to know new cultures and friends from all over the world. We are leaving this summer and I hope never to be back - except vacations :)
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05.22.13, 01:51 PM
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OP - sigh, isn't that sadly the price expats have to pay? It's like innocence lost - one can never go back yet there's always a part of you that's tied to home. I agree it's fantastic meeting other expats - love how open everyone is. It's so disappointing to go home and face friends, communities that have such narrow views.
But I can't seem to shake the thought that the kids should somehow have a base to call home come 10-12 years old. Being an Expat kid somehow gives me pause.
Where are you heading back to?
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05.22.13, 02:06 PM
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We're going to Hong Kong. I hear what you're saying about expat kids, but all the kids we know are so open to the world and actually know where a country like Singapore is. They have friends from literally all over the world. The world is changing and I'm not sure a country base is important. Also, the family unit in an expat family is almost always very, very close just because of this - being away, but together. Maybe I will feel differently when my kids are older, but I doubt it. I am so tired of NYC, everyone thinks they're so worldly, but they are far from it. Even some of the wealthiest people I know only travel to Paris, London, St. Barths - little desire to see the world. I'm rambling :). If you are happy as a family, I say you should stay. In the end that is all that matters.
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05.22.13, 02:39 PM
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05.22.13, 01:37 PM
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I love how the mom let's them go anywhere with a weird cat in a strange vehicle. I think she is banging the UPS guy.
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05.22.13, 01:41 PM
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I don't understand how those kids are allowed to follow curious george without a bit of concern.
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05.22.13, 01:49 PM
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Or why everyone leaves a monkey in charge of such important tasks.
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05.22.13, 01:50 PM
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also, why haven't they notice that george is a fuck up by e now? Every single time they give him something to do, he messes it up and ends up in mud.
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05.22.13, 02:00 PM
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He's a monkey, not a fuck up. He is actually a pretty smart monkey, but would I leave him in charge of my ice cream shop for a few hours? No.
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05.22.13, 01:57 PM
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He is a fuck, I think he's on drugs. Why does he always end up in mud? Why????? He's running an icecream shop, where did he find mud?
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05.22.13, 02:06 PM
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because George doesn't let them watch tv.
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05.22.13, 02:11 PM
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Op. i know, terrible parents. I cannot STAND this show. Love Martin Short, hate the cat in the hat.
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05.22.13, 01:53 PM
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I was kidding, it's just a cartoon.
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05.22.13, 01:55 PM
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Op: Yeah, I've noticed.
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05.22.13, 02:04 PM
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05.22.13, 01:36 PM
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Kids and youth are the same. Do you mean "jersey" as in sports jersey (like football), which tend to be worn a little big and do not shrink as much as tshirts. Probably large youth?
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05.22.13, 01:51 PM
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Op: thanks. Yes it's a sport jersey
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05.22.13, 01:53 PM
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In general a youth size L fits a 10 y/o (which is size 10-12). That said, my very thin average height 10 y/o can wear a size M. Large is a little big (though some dcs like to wear them that way).
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05.22.13, 01:47 PM
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You should probably have him try it on, because there can be a big variation depending on the manufacturer. For example, I'm wearing a woman's L but I can also go with a man's M.
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05.22.13, 01:51 PM
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Ask his Mom.
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05.22.13, 02:35 PM
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