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01.05.17, 11:01 PM
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Pick their own
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01.05.17, 11:01 PM
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how will they learn about new things (and like them) and be exposed to them if a parent doesn't expose them to them?
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01.05.17, 11:05 PM
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Uh, because kids tend to have natural curiosity about the world? My kid asked for piano lessons and ice hockey. I didn't need to force anything.
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01.05.17, 11:06 PM
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But, if your kid had never seen or felt a harp before, how would they know to ask for harp lessons, if you don't make the effort to expose them to it?
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01.05.17, 11:07 PM
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I don't really care if my kid plays the harp. As long as they have some activities they enjoy...isn't that what extracurriculars are all about?
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01.05.17, 11:08 PM
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You're missing the point.... forget it.
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01.05.17, 11:09 PM
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Ok
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01.05.17, 11:09 PM
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NP: You're being argumentative and annoying.
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01.05.17, 11:11 PM
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Why would you want to play the harp? Maybe your kid hasn't been exposed to it for good reason: it's unpopular, ungainly, heavy, you can't transport it, you can't play it in a band. So basically...pointless.
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01.05.17, 11:09 PM
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It's going over your head! It's not about the harp, per se. It's about any activity X that your kid doesn't know about.
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01.05.17, 11:10 PM
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I'm making an analogy. Replace "harp" with "activity X." There are REASONS that some activities are popular and some aren't. Kids are usually exposed to the popular ones through school, friends etc...and they pick from there. There is no need to introduce obscure things like harp or curling or wahtever.
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01.05.17, 11:11 PM
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I have four kids close in age (12, 10, 8, 6). Unfortunately this means they can't do 4 different activities at the same time. I have them all in the same sport, which they do 4-5 times a week together.
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01.05.17, 11:05 PM
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They pick there own. i am not wasting $ on things they don't want to do given that all activities are so expensive
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01.05.17, 11:09 PM
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01.05.17, 11:00 PM
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^ I'M A POST-GRAD STUDENT BTW.
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01.05.17, 11:00 PM
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Yes. You suck it up. Sorry but that is how it is. My graduate advisor tortured me until I developed a stutt.
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01.05.17, 11:01 PM
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Sorry stutter. Also, try to figure out what you bring to the situation. Like any relationship it takes two to tango
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01.05.17, 11:03 PM
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What grades?
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01.05.17, 11:04 PM
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lol, all the time. Most couldn't control a class and let other students take away from learning. I sucked it up bc my mom wasn't interested in hearing about it. I went to a great college and by then it was fine.
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01.05.17, 11:05 PM
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She constantly told me to turn off my caps lock.
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01.05.17, 11:06 PM
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hahaha this
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01.05.17, 11:06 PM
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LOL!
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01.05.17, 11:07 PM
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fake
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01.05.17, 11:10 PM
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01.05.17, 10:50 PM
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Completely agree. 9 of 10 situations like this are disastrous. Hope you're the 1 lucky case.
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01.05.17, 10:52 PM
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Whatever happens, stay out of it. Play dumb. Pretend like you don't even know they are a couple.
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01.05.17, 10:55 PM
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this
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01.05.17, 10:56 PM
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It might not be too bad, I worked in a company that often hired relatives and friends of people - most people can handle it
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01.05.17, 10:59 PM
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Jealous?
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01.05.17, 11:00 PM
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of....?
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01.05.17, 11:04 PM
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That this person is connected?
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01.05.17, 11:05 PM
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If she gets a promotion over you, just blow the whistle and make a big stink with HR.
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01.05.17, 11:01 PM
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01.05.17, 10:46 PM
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I think this is normal for that age. My kids are younger though
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01.05.17, 10:47 PM
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Maybe you should sit him down and tell him what you just told us. I feel like sometimes there is a communication gap between parents and tweens. Just tell him. He will get it.
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01.05.17, 10:47 PM
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This is not a bad idea, except I run the risk that I won't be able to exit the apt to pick up my little one from his sports practice.
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01.05.17, 10:49 PM
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So sit him down later on, before bed.
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01.05.17, 10:49 PM
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I will try. He will have all his homework and music practice when we get back. Sorry--I am not making excuses. Just over-explaining. You are making a good point.
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01.05.17, 10:50 PM
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No music practice tonight. Do this instead. It's more important.
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01.05.17, 10:51 PM
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so if it is not tonight than tomorrow - actually probably better tomorrow when he is not tired and can focus and have a conversation with you
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01.05.17, 10:58 PM
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^^frame it like, you are really busy with the younger kids and you need his cooperation to help run the household smoothly. don't frame it like "you have to do what I say OR ELSE."
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01.05.17, 10:51 PM
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I never frame it like that. He has become increasingly difficult, but I have always managed to manage it. We just hit a wall and I need to get my bearings. He doesn't know that I am at my wits end.
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01.05.17, 10:52 PM
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You need to tell him. Communicate. You can't blame him for not knowing if you don't communicate this. The bursting into tears thing tells me he doesn't know/doesn't understand where your frustration is coming frmo.
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01.05.17, 10:53 PM
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I appreciate this. I should clarify that the kind of conversations that are being suggested here have been had. Periodically. They have been productive. My point here is that it is like a switch has been flipped. The music practice is usually skipped. It is getting so that he is becoming unreachable.
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01.05.17, 10:57 PM
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^^For the past 36hrs his father has been the primary communicator--I pretty much do everything, all the time, but when the wall was hit with me, I backed off and kind of said, "I'm out." Well, DS told dad, before dad left to coach another's team. that he would of course do everything, and now he is doing nothing. He is re-reading a Harry Potter book.
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01.05.17, 10:59 PM
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What do you need him to do instead of the Harry Potter book? Homework? My advice is to back off and let him get in trouble for not doing his homework if it doesn't get done. He's 11. He needs to learn this.
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01.05.17, 11:01 PM
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How many kids do you have?
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01.05.17, 11:03 PM
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3
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01.05.17, 11:06 PM
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So what's his punishment for not doing as he was asked and lying to his father?
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01.05.17, 11:06 PM
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At a calm time, say in a nice voice, "You're not in trouble or anything, and I'm not angry with you, but I notice that you're having a really hard time doing the things I ask you to do. What's up with that?" There may be other things going on that he's not able to express to you, and you've opened the door so that he had permission to share. He may not actually know what's going on, just that he has a lot of big feelings these days, but at least you'll start some sort of dialogue.
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01.05.17, 10:58 PM
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IMO, this is how you talk to a 6 yo, not an 11 yo. NP
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01.05.17, 10:59 PM
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disagree. This is fine verbiage for a middle school boy
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01.05.17, 11:04 PM
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You have a low bar. 11 year olds don't need to be spoken to like they are babies.
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01.05.17, 11:05 PM
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Is he over-scheduled? Maybe he's rebelling b/c he has no time for himself. Between lengthy hw, after school activities etc. my dc had meltdowns. When we cut back on some things and she was able to decompress after school and just do what SHE wanted, there was less rebellion when it came time for me to tell her what she had to do. We gave up piano b/c of this and she's now 18 and doesn't regret it at all.
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01.05.17, 10:58 PM
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He's not over scheduled. He hates school. He is very bright. We are at a private, but he will test for Anderson (just found out today). He does not want to talk to me. I'm grateful for all the responses. They are also making me feel a little desperate as I realize I have done these things, and have had these conversations, and we seem to have crossed some kind of line here, and I am uncertain of what comes next. This DS has been speaking with a therapist for a year. I like the therapist, as does my DS. Anyway, I now need to head out. Wish us luck. Thanks all. I'll welcome more suggestions. There are certain nuggets of language shared in this thread so far that will be helpful when I try again.
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01.05.17, 11:04 PM
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Sounds like its a bigger problem, so talk again to the therapist. Could be ODD. My friend's kid had it.
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01.05.17, 11:06 PM
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oh ffs
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01.05.17, 11:07 PM
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01.05.17, 10:46 PM
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one
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01.05.17, 10:47 PM
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They can write the same recommendation and just change who it's addressed to.
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01.05.17, 10:48 PM
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Some of the scholarships have different focuses and ask for slightly different things in the recs.
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01.05.17, 10:53 PM
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Can professor X write a recommendation that is not addressed to a specific organization therefore making it possible to use the same rec for all of your applications?
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01.05.17, 10:48 PM
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Don't they have something where you upload your recommendations to the school website? He can upload the same recommendation to different programs.
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01.05.17, 10:49 PM
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You mean for separate programs? Can't they just be copied in a sense.
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01.05.17, 10:59 PM
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01.05.17, 10:44 PM
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Yes. And I can say this authoritatively, because it is completely reasonable to characterize millions of individuals with one label. Thanks for asking.
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01.05.17, 10:52 PM
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Are you Russian?
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01.05.17, 11:05 PM
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No more than any other population who has suffered under a oppressive regime. I understand what PP is saying, but there are groups of people who are more likely to partake in certain behaviors for the necessity of survival.
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01.05.17, 10:57 PM
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01.05.17, 10:32 PM
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He's either talking too much in class, asking silly questions, is late with assignments. or none, some of the above. Tell him to lay low for a bit with the participation and just focus on good writing and reading,
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01.05.17, 10:34 PM
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This happened to me and it motivated me to learn on my own. It was ultimatum very beneficial.
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01.05.17, 10:35 PM
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Ultimately
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01.05.17, 10:36 PM
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My son is having a similar experience as a freshman in another subject. I am really thinking for the first time ever I need to approach a principal or something, but am so uncomfortable doing so. I am at a total loss. Teacher has a really horrible reputation among students. The stories I could tell. The principal HAS to know how bad this teacher is but she totally screwing with my son's head and grades
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01.05.17, 10:36 PM
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Principals know but can't do much about it. It's not a tenure problem more of a how much does the Principal want to get involved problem They are usually too overwhelmed to deal at the classroom level. If anything, contact the AP or Guidance Counselor. If you tell Guidance that it's impacting "well being" you might get more action.
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01.05.17, 10:39 PM
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Tough one. If she is truly being abusive towards him, I agree you should go to the principal. But if she just doesn't like him...there's not much you can do. I would frame it like a challenge...see if he can figure out how to get on her good side. This is good practice for the real world...the sooner he learns these skills, the better.
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01.05.17, 10:42 PM
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How have his grades been? If okay, just have him tone it down a bit in class.
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01.05.17, 10:43 PM
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Does he have any insight into why she doesn't like him? Not saying he's doing anything wrong...but there is usually a reason. For example, does he participate a lot in class discussions? Some teachers might (wrongfully) see that as being domineering/"trying too hard" etc. I had a teacher like that in HS.
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01.05.17, 10:43 PM
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Does he have any written comments, either in a progress report or on a paper or test? You need to figure out what the trigger issue is.
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01.05.17, 10:45 PM
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Teachers like this confuse me. I used to teach, and I cannot remember a single student that I actively disliked. If a student was behaving badly I would try to figure out why.
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01.05.17, 10:46 PM
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01.05.17, 10:24 PM
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If it is what I think, it is Yonkers. Terrible schools, if you need schools. One building has elevator to train, others you walk up/down about 8 flights of steps. I know empty nesters who have sold homes and moved there. Not much to walk to.
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01.05.17, 10:26 PM
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Ok, also an areas in Yonkers, but these are nice. Irvington schools.
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01.05.17, 10:36 PM
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hackney private school
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01.05.17, 10:37 PM
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Over the top
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01.05.17, 10:47 PM
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01.05.17, 10:14 PM
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Better than to eat the doughnut not having been to yoga.
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01.05.17, 10:15 PM
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I used to go swimming at a hotel pool then get a pastry from their pastry shop once done.Couldn't help it
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01.05.17, 10:15 PM
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I'm so addicted to these donuts and they are only $1. A brownie at starbucks is like 2-3
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01.05.17, 10:16 PM
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Its ok. Life is short.Eat a donut. Be happy
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01.05.17, 10:23 PM
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Not weight loss TBH. Really need to go for the stretching and strengthening. Having back pain.
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01.05.17, 10:42 PM
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It depends on what your goals are.
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01.05.17, 10:18 PM
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I used to work out at the 14 St Y. On Thursday they sold challah loaves by the front door. mmmm....
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01.05.17, 10:19 PM
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You are better off having done neither yoga nor get a donut. Yoga doesn't really burn calories whereas a donut has up to 600 calories. Hope it wasn't a Krispy Kreme. Give up donuts in your life and you will be a happier person.
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01.05.17, 10:21 PM
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np-could not disagree more
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01.05.17, 10:25 PM
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I think it might be krispy creme. Whatever 7/11 sells. I loooove.
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01.05.17, 10:42 PM
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Why do yoga if you can't have a donut ??
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01.05.17, 10:43 PM
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No, it's not like yoga really burns enough calories to offset a donut anyway.
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01.05.17, 10:53 PM
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01.05.17, 10:09 PM
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Chicago is a big city and the violence is occurring in the poor neighborhoods. The south and west sides are plagued by poverty and violence. And Rahm has done nothing to stop it.
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01.05.17, 10:13 PM
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What can Rahm do? Personally go and take every gum away himself???
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01.05.17, 10:24 PM
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It's better than nothing. It wasn't happening under Daley.
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01.05.17, 10:25 PM
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And we're still paying $$$ for mayor Daley's watch.
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01.05.17, 10:30 PM
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I don't care about that. That's not what's causing the violence.
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01.05.17, 10:33 PM
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That is what's calling the violence. Are you from Chicago?
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01.05.17, 10:36 PM
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Stop and frisk!
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01.05.17, 10:44 PM
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Police have repeatedly said that the violence is limited to 5-6 neighborhoods, is gang and drug-linked, and seem to be doing what they can. Emanuel has hired more police. Those parents are being shot as well as their kids. Your stereotypic statements say more about you, OP, than victimized and frightened parents in Chicago.
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01.05.17, 10:41 PM
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Do you feel the same way about the white teens who tortured and raped a black special needs teen and got off with probation.
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01.05.17, 10:14 PM
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Did they also commit almost 800 murders last year in their city? This isn't just ONE incident or one thing - if it were, the problem would be simple, since you'd just go after the small number of perps. This is about open civil war and savagery and the third-worldization of a major American city due to poor parenting.
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01.05.17, 10:16 PM
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I don't think it's even poor parenting. It's failure to parent. These parents are not around. Drop off kids with relatives and others who are also unfit to parent. You see the parents yell and yank their kids around on the El. It's terrible.
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01.05.17, 10:23 PM
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The parents that yet and yank their kids around are the kids that grow up to stay out of trouble.
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01.05.17, 10:29 PM
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No they are not.
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01.05.17, 10:33 PM
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Ok, ma'am.
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01.05.17, 10:37 PM
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Do you think that yelling at a 3yo to shut the f*ck up when they are being dragged around at 9/10 at night is disciple? Yanking a kid by the hair? I see this all of the time. These kids aren't growing up to be model citizens.
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01.05.17, 10:43 PM
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Most Chicagoans don't live like thugs in the ghetto. Agree that Rahm is an idiot.
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01.05.17, 10:16 PM
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Every city has bad neighborhoods. Chicago isn't even close to the worst city in the US in terms of black-on-black crime.
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01.05.17, 10:17 PM
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The 60 minutes piece discussed that.
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01.05.17, 10:19 PM
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It's actually among the worst cities in terms of murder rate. Its murder rate in 2016 is almost 30 per 100,000, which is insanely high. It used to be slightly below 16 just a few years ago. Which is still extremely high, but was lower than a lot of US cities with murder rates in the 20's.
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01.05.17, 10:24 PM
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Relax. Cities have cycles. Gangs are more or less active, and the more shootings you have, the more revenge shootings follow. It's a cycle that feeds on itself. Millions of people live very safely in Chicago.
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01.05.17, 10:32 PM
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I was born in Chicago. Now I'm a little worried. Do you think I have violence inside of me
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01.05.17, 10:17 PM
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I was born and raised and still live there. Does that mean I could go crazy at any minute and start shooting up the place? ;)
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01.05.17, 10:21 PM
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I think it does! Maybe we can shoot each other!
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01.05.17, 10:30 PM
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You might. It's a risk. If you don't want to be tainted by association, get Chicago's mayor to do his damn job and clean the city up.
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01.05.17, 10:25 PM
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He needs to get voted out.
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01.05.17, 10:26 PM
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Hopefully he'll become Barry's regular golfing buddy very soon.
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01.05.17, 10:27 PM
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Do you think I should turn myself in? You know for everyone's safety? I could snap at any time and go full Chicago
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01.05.17, 10:30 PM
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Yeah, they just convicted a bunch of gang leaders and they're fighting for that position, plus add on the new gangs that have no leaders with a bunch of dumb kids running around. It's a hot mess. My only suggestion for the people that truly want a better live for they're kids is to move up north away from that shit.
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01.05.17, 10:28 PM
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Not everyone can afford the North Shore.
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01.05.17, 10:29 PM
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My parents couldn't afford the north side, but they made it happen.
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01.05.17, 10:31 PM
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I live on the north side now and can't afford to drop $1.5 million on a house with a sub-par public school.
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01.05.17, 10:33 PM
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What hood do you live in? The only houses in Chicago that cost that much have great public school.
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01.05.17, 10:38 PM
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NP. I've noticed an uptick in black families in Lincoln Park. Some people are trying.
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01.05.17, 10:40 PM
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She said she can't afford 1.5 m.
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01.05.17, 10:45 PM
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What the hell is going on? It's obviously a drug war over territory. Ohio, Indiana, and WV are getting heroin. The whites buy the drugs and kill themselves. All roads lead to #WhiteGenocide. Never forget that.
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01.05.17, 10:35 PM
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Huh?
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01.05.17, 10:41 PM
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01.05.17, 10:05 PM
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This is such a clusterfuck. I'm *almost* even past Clinton not being elected because this is going to be such a mess. And it will all play out in public.
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01.05.17, 10:08 PM
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Agreed. I'm looking forward to watching the show.
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01.05.17, 10:21 PM
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i have a personal server to avoid the freedom of information act and i don't click phishing links, love, hillary
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01.05.17, 10:09 PM
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still talking about Hillary 2 months later = very weak game. That's all you have?
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01.05.17, 10:19 PM
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Very very smart move on her part. This is a real shit show.
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01.05.17, 10:39 PM
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"Russian hacking" sounds like fake news to me. Defense contractors trying to stir things up to get more money, etc.
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01.05.17, 10:11 PM
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Except there's ample evidence of pro-Russian internet work everywhere. Like you being here every day pushing your talking points.
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01.05.17, 10:16 PM
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Well, there was a hack. Who did it? US intelligence has pointed to Russia. Who are you going to point to and where's your evidence?
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01.05.17, 10:18 PM
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Trump m
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01.05.17, 10:22 PM
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There are always "hacks." Everyone hacks everyone else. The US and Israel openly hacked Iran, Chinese hacking attempts are always being reported (the OPM hack was probably Chinese), etc. The "fake news" aspect is pretending that Russia is somehow doing something unusual or unique.
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01.05.17, 10:27 PM
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Well, they did. There's very good evidence that release of the DNC emails influenced the election. And whether or not it was true or not, this means that they have the ability to selectively hack every single one of our future elections and release cherry picked information to protect certain candidates at the expense of others. Whether or not the US does the same thing is irrelevant. We are Americans and this whole election was about Americans first. So put Americans first. NO ONE on foreign soil should fuck with Americans on either side, simply because it's Us vs. Them.
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01.05.17, 10:34 PM
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And next time you may not agree with the direction Russia chooses.
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01.05.17, 10:35 PM
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+1
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01.05.17, 10:39 PM
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+1 Remember what Marco Rubio said.
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01.05.17, 10:39 PM
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Washingtonians are indiscreet about their Emails. So are Londoners and Parisians. I'm really surprised that our people are that thick.
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01.05.17, 10:45 PM
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US hacking has influenced elections. This is nothig new.
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01.05.17, 10:42 PM
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Mmmk.
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01.05.17, 10:22 PM
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Didn't Trump make a comment that he knew things about this that no one else knew and he would release this info this week? Did I miss something or was this just another asinine comment
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01.05.17, 10:24 PM
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Oh he will have that press conference. Right after Melania's immigration records press conference
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01.05.17, 10:27 PM
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Just another asinine comment. He knows more than the generals, he consults himself because he's very smart, blah blah blah. He just said today or yesterday that he doesn't agree with Assange he "just repeats what he says." He comes down on all sides of every issue. I will enjoy seeing him go down in flames sooner rather than later.
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01.05.17, 10:29 PM
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Np. +1 This is the change they voted for.
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01.05.17, 10:36 PM
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It's another asinine comment. He not only doesn't know "things no one else knows" - he knows significantly LESS
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01.05.17, 10:37 PM
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The unknown known to use the Rumsfeldian ontology.
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01.05.17, 10:52 PM
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You are right. I guess he was too busy being deposed about one if his corrupt businesses
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01.05.17, 10:38 PM
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Of course they did. They are all comprised.
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01.05.17, 10:38 PM
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That sounds like you're inciting criminal activity. I know wonder if UB is used for passing coded messages among intelligence assets.
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01.05.17, 10:54 PM
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01.05.17, 10:02 PM
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Today's thought: Friends are the salve that keeps life relevant when times get tough, when they are true- time erases time.(c)2017 joi cardwell
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01.05.17, 10:03 PM
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Today's thought: If you did not know let me remind you. We are all created from a divine origin. In understanding this you realize that your very existence is both a miracle and and everyday thing. Be worthy of the role of being you!!! (c) 2017 joi cardwell
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01.05.17, 10:03 PM
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Hi Joi my name is Emma Buchowski and I too embrace positivity. I think we shall be great friends on this board and I look forward to working with you!
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01.05.17, 10:06 PM
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U r dolt (c) 2017
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01.05.17, 10:29 PM
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Please stop picking on my friend - Emma Buchowski (c)
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01.05.17, 10:36 PM
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01.05.17, 09:49 PM
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I don't think you know what "bougie" means.
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01.05.17, 09:50 PM
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Overall, I like them. Usually well located, clean, reasonably priced and a touch of funk.
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01.05.17, 09:53 PM
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We just got one in Austin, and it's pretty nice. The bar is cool. My parents stayed there the last time they were in town.
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01.05.17, 10:02 PM
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What do bougie and swell mean?
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01.05.17, 10:03 PM
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A swell is a gentleman in the 1850s sense of the word. Bougouise is the other
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01.05.17, 10:29 PM
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^i don't know if that was autocorrect or typo. I meant: bourgeoisie
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01.05.17, 10:31 PM
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The term "bouvier" was first popular in the late 60s amongst Black Americans. It's a derisive term meant for UMC Educated Black folks who were believed to look down on LC Blacks. Comes from this book https://www.amazon.com/Black-Bourgeoisie-Brought-Self-Revelation-Middle-Class/dp/0684832410.
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01.05.17, 11:10 PM
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Swell is a good way to put it.
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01.05.17, 10:18 PM
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I have not had good experiences. The one in Aspen was a disaster. They were supposed to be tearing that one down. Don't know if it has happened yet.
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01.05.17, 10:32 PM
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^^Google reveals it has not yet closed. It was supposed to close April 2016. I wonder what happened. Anyway, AVOID. It was quite the dump. Fortunately, the manager was sympathetic and helped us out, but the place is dirty and GROSS.
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01.05.17, 10:39 PM
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I just looked up these hotels in my city. They are simply preexisting hotels that have been rebranded. I can't imagine there is anything special here unless it involves membership rates that become quasi time shares
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01.05.17, 10:34 PM
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Kimpton hotels have a certain style of interior design which is eclectic and a bit baroque. If done well it's really engaging and charming, but if done poorly it hits a really off note.
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01.05.17, 10:56 PM
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They often have free breakfast and cocktail hours so I like them for that
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01.05.17, 11:03 PM
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