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[ - ] Why has locally made coffee gotten so expensive in NYC grocery stores? It's really not that expensive to make right? All of the ones i like are about $18 for 12 ounces. I've finally given up and started getting Lavazza on Amazon. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:10 PM Flag
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What do you mean by "locally" made? The smaller the producer, the more expensive the product is likely to be. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:11 PM Flag
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there's a bunch of local companies Gorilla coffee, Brooklyn Roasters, and others. not sure where they make it exactly.-op [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:13 PM Flag
[ - ] Really need UB advice. DS is 13 and has ADD (no meds). He can be careless, forgetful, spacey. I am for the most part, kind, patient and loving with him. We got into an argument this morning and I really yelled. I just lost it and said the F word about three times. He was in tears. I was in tears. I'm at my wits end. Do I need meds, therapy, both? A vacation? I'm losing all sense of control and feel ashamed by my behavior. 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:03 PM Flag
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Why were you yelling at him? What was it about and how did he respond? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:04 PM Flag
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It was about an assignment that was due today. This is a pattern with him. He responded by being defensive and telling me it was no big deal. All of this was happening as we were all trying to get ready to leave. He has no sense of priorities. I know everyone will say let him fail but he needs to bring up his grades and he did the work. To me it would be foolish to lost points for not handing it in when due. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:08 PM Flag
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He can't help that he has no sense of priorities and it's probably not going to change. I'd lower your expectations or become his personal secretary. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:13 PM Flag
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Let it go. Teens suck [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:04 PM Flag
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You need to forgive yourself - we all lose it sometimes. Do something special together tonight - go to the park, or out for dinner or ice cream together. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:04 PM Flag
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Thanks and I know everyone loses it but do they sound like an insane person and curse at their children? I really think I am becoming bi-polar with him. This can't be normal parent/teen interaction. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:09 PM Flag
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You should probably talk to someone. Is his condition being treated otherwise? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:07 PM Flag
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Aw. It's okay mom. You should be proud of the fact that you've gone this long without a blow out. :) My 15 year old ADD kiddo can really push my buttons. When all is calm again, revisit the blow up with him and explain what made you so upset and why. Let him do the same. Remind each other about mutual respect and love. It'll be fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:08 PM Flag
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op here: Thanks. Now I'm crying. You get it. They can be exhausting but I don't want him to feel worse about himself. I try and support him and give him prompts and do the 'mom' job but I'm so tired. No matter what I don't want to yell and curse. I am full out crying now so better go. Thank you. I feel other people somehow control themselves why can't I? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:11 PM Flag
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How is he doing in school with the problems you describe? If struggling, why not let him take meds? I'm just imagining teachers having the same reaction to him that you did. Poor kid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:09 PM Flag
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He is doing well in school. There will be comments about fidgeting, etc... but he is a good kid. He is more of the inattentive/daydreaming type. So he isn't bouncing off the walls, disruptive, or anything behavioral. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:13 PM Flag
[ - ] Dh is fairly involved and capable with the kids but I WAH and have done 90% of school-related stuff in the past few years (kids are 10 and 14). I have to leave town suddenly for an emergency....and cannot think straight about how to prepare him for my absence. He will need to deal with a new tenant for a rental apartment. Also, he will have to take 10 yo dd to school and pick her up (I will put her in after school). Also, he'll need to make dinner every night and supervise homework, the kids don't need help with hw but just reminders. And take care of my cats. I will be gone 1 - 4 weeks. He is used to doing his own thing 3 - 4 weeknights and for huge chunks of the weekend. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:02 PM Flag
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This should be fun. Make lots of lists. Your kids are old enough that they'll be able to set him straight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:03 PM Flag
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If you can explain it to us, then explain it to him. He's a grown man. Write a list. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:03 PM Flag
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^^^ You are not magic -- picking up kids and making dinner is not a Ph.D. level activity. Why do you think that he is incapable of doing your so super special housework? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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Right, I guess I need to focus on making the cleaning and prep and turnover of the apartment easier for him. Kids he can do, and yes, they are big. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:08 PM Flag
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Yes, I 'm just stressed out! Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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He'll be fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:04 PM Flag
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They are 10 and 14 not 1 and 4. I'm sorry the circumstances aren't good but this will be good for all of you. They will step up and so will he. He can order in or they can eat sandwiches and cereal for four weeks. They will be ok. Really. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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Pay 14yo to clean cat litter and feed them [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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This is helpful, thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:11 PM Flag
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you have seriously overestimated your capabilities. he will be fine. it's not actually that hard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:06 PM Flag
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It's not about difficulty - more about quantity of work. 10 yo can't get home alone - we have zero child care. I don't have a property manager but perhaps I will get one for this month. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:10 PM Flag
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your post, "i do so much. dh wont be able to handle it." turns out, he will. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:10 PM Flag
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So if you had to leave town for a month tomorrow, your dh would be all set? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:12 PM Flag
[ - ] I had a dream that an unemployed friend found a job. I called her to tell her she seemed annoyed. What could that be about? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:01 PM Flag
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you're picking at a scab. i know you're trying to help, but it still hurts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:04 PM Flag
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Like calling a friend struggling with infertility or miserable about being single and saying you dreamt about her baby or her wedding. Who wants to hear that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:04 PM Flag
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Unemployment is not a joke. Dreams aren't 'real' unless you are clairvoyant. Are you Clairvoyant? I would be very annoyed, too. That could be about her needing you to not trivialize her experience. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:04 PM Flag
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Because you sound flaky and really didn't help with anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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You're clueless [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:05 PM Flag
[ - ] Complain complain complain. Brag brag brag. Repeat. (Facebook) 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:00 PM Flag
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Picture of food. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:02 PM Flag
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And then feet on the beach. Maybe with a cocktail in the foreground. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:06 PM Flag
[ - ] Which MS are you hoping for today? (NYC public school parents) 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:00 PM Flag
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IS 187. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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^ You? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:06 PM Flag
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MS 54 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:07 PM Flag
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Loved ESMS but in end decided to stick with 276. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:06 PM Flag
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One of those would be one heck of a commute! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:13 PM Flag
[ - ] A SAHM who sends her kids to full time daycare is no less of a mom than a working mom who sends her kids to daycare. Sorry but it's true 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:59 PM Flag
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All moms are wonderful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:00 PM Flag
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She's not contributing to family resources in the same way as a SAHM or a WOHM. But yes, she's still a mom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:01 PM Flag
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Of course it's true. Why be sorry? I sah so I can take care of my kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:01 PM Flag
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What if it's a ft nanny? Somehow if you're wealthy it's okay according to UBers ... I posted about a former friend who does this and was flamed. We have similar finances and family structure and I do it all with only some cleaning help while she outsources everything... imo she's way less of a mom and wife. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:03 PM Flag
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I don't think there are degrees of being a mom. You either are or you aren't. You can suck at it, but you can't be less of one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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Okay she sucks at it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:10 PM Flag
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Huh? What SAHM does this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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It's worse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:06 PM Flag
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What is she doing all day at home by herself? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:08 PM Flag
[ - ] "The header details" IS or ARE? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:58 PM Flag
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are. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:02 PM Flag
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details are. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:06 PM Flag
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The dets is here! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:08 PM Flag
[ - ] Any opinions on Weight Watchers? I hear mixed reviews...I'd love some UB opinions. thanks! 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:56 PM Flag
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I lost 12 pounds on WW last year. It works, but you have to really stick with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:58 PM Flag
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I lost some weight on it, but it was really hard to stick to. I've had better results tracking calories with an app on my phone. Plus it's free! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:59 PM Flag
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ya, I've tried that. I feel like I need some real accountability, a coach, meetings etc...!-OP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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I know many people who lost weight and kept it off from WW. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:00 PM Flag
[ - ] Spinoff - biglaw moms, when is the best time to have kids? I feel like too junior and it kills your prospects and doesn't let you establish yourself and focus on building your career, too senior and it may hurt your chance at making partner, and now partner and you don't really get maternity leave because you might lose your clients? So mislevel does least amount of damage? 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:55 PM Flag
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A biglaw mom should marry a man with a lesser job who is ready to be the primary parent. With that in place, big law mom can focus on her job without missing a beat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:56 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:57 PM Flag
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Go with biology. Younger is better. Signed, btdt attorney IVF mom [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:57 PM Flag
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Being a biglaw mom in a non-NYC city is best. In NYC, you need total dedication and willingness to put in long hours. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:57 PM Flag
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Right after you make income partner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:58 PM Flag
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Just posted blow and ITA. In some firms, this is really 6/7th year associate. In others it's more like 8/10. Either way, you've established yourself enough and been "validated" by the firm that your skill set won't be questioned. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:00 PM Flag
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But you'll need to spend all your time pretending the baby didn't happen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:01 PM Flag
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why would you need to any more than if you were a 7th year associate still trying to make income partner? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:03 PM Flag
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Yes, assuming you never want to take time off. Mid-level to senior (depending on how you define it). If you want to take time off, the more senior you are, the more time you can take and still come back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:58 PM Flag
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When you say time off do you mean beyond the 6m maternity leave? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:00 PM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:01 PM Flag
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Is that common? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:02 PM Flag
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Common? no. Does it happen? Sure. The more experience you have before you take time off, the easier it is to go back to work, whether in exactly the same job or another one [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:04 PM Flag
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+1. I've found that there is a lot more flexibility the more senior you are... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:09 PM Flag
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After retirement. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:05 PM Flag
[ - ] Does the death penalty, anywhere in the world, really genuinely serve as the deterrent it is intended to be? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:50 PM Flag
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Nothing works as a deterrent but I'm glad to hang em' high and get them out of here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:51 PM Flag
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Studies say no (people don't think they will be caught). In addition, it costs more to execute than to incarcerate for life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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According to Amnesty International, no. In fact, societies with the death penalty are more violent, not less. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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Societies with certain populations are more violent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:53 PM Flag
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Nope. Civilized societies (of which we are not one) do not kill on behalf of the state. End poverty and oppression. End crime. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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Most of the poor and oppressed are not violent. People with high testosterone are the most violent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:54 PM Flag
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Just feeling a bit mellow at the moment due to some executions in Bali. By all accounts, 2 of them are completely reformed - executing them is just a way of saying "don't bother reforming in prison or being a model prisoner, you're screwed anyway" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:54 PM Flag
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I have never met anyone who would genuinely kill someone, if only there were no death penalty. Honestly I'd probably rather get the death penalty than life in prison. Maybe in the situation I wouldn't feel that way, but point being, no one kills someone because they will "only get life in prison". With some crimes, or at least some societies, harsh/barbaric penalties seem to work well. What's the rate of theft in Saudi Arabia? How often do people in Singapore spit gum on the street? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:04 PM Flag
[ - ] My friend lives in a new complex where the majority of owners are from abroad and only live in the apartment like one month out of the year, at most. As someone who's been searching for housing for what seems like years, this is extremely frustrating. Is there anything inherently unconstitutional about prohibiting foreign investors from buying homes here, especially if they do not really occupy the units? And if not, why hasn't something like this been legislated already? 29 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:50 PM Flag
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you don't need to stop allowing it, but imposing sky high property taxes with an abatement for those who can show that they are using the apartment as their 1st residency could help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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Michigan does that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:53 PM Flag
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Good for them! It's a no-brainer public policy wise. Now the ones that should follow through are NYC and SF, who don't seem to be able to address their own housing shortages. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:54 PM Flag
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And, LA, too. It's turning into Vancouver. And since CA has Prop 13 (where property rights are grandfathered in the year you buy), it really becomes a problem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:57 PM Flag
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it's a nuisance given that NYC has a perennial housing shortage (same with London, say), but if they pay a lot for it to the point that what they pay is used to the benefit of every other resident then it's welfare positive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:53 PM Flag
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This. At least then the property tax money would flow back into the community. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:56 PM Flag
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They are paying for the space. End of story. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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How much is the fair pay is the question. Right now, at least in NYC, property taxes are assessed in a ridiculous way and it HAS to be redesigned. Not only 1st residences should be paying much less than those who keep apartments empty, also condos should stop being punished to benefit co-ops and townhouses. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:56 PM Flag
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1st residences should pay higher taxes. Those are the people using the roads, utilities, schools, and other infrastructure and services that cost money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:58 PM Flag
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Stop [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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Particularly when places in China are in the midst of a ridiculous housing bubble: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/28/opinion/rent-a-foreigner-in-china.html [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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Property rights. People are free to do what they wish with their own property within the confines of the law (including selling it to foreigners). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:53 PM Flag
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Designing optimal tax policy is a key part of optimal public policy. Everybody knows that property taxes are not well designed and htey should be. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:57 PM Flag
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Of course, but OP's question was about the affirmative prohibition of property purchases by foreign buyers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:00 PM Flag
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OP: OK, scratch that. I am in favor of astronomic property taxes for foreign investors. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:04 PM Flag
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So funny. you're going to try and limit the amount of income landlords and developers can have? Good luck with that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:53 PM Flag
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You want to collapse the 2nd home market? I think domestic vacation home owners and resort communities would not be sending you Christmas cards if you tried that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:55 PM Flag
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Hey, I'd be OK with that! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:56 PM Flag
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What is the problem? That the apartments are rented out during the other months, or that they are empty? Oh, you're saying that you can't find an apartment bc someone else has snapped it up BUT DOESN'T EVEN LIVE THERE. Money talks. Who are you to legislate what people can do with their money? Would you want someone to prevent you from buying a summer house, because then a local person couldn't buy that same house? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:55 PM Flag
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"the apartments are rented out during the other months" not all. vacancy rates are a funny thing. many countries with housing shortages are dealing also with high amount of empty homes. it's a failure of the market to allocate space optimally. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:59 PM Flag
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This. Such an ironic proposal from a NYer, the population with the highest number of second residences. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:59 PM Flag
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Look, I'm OK with Americans buying second homes. It's been well-documented that foreigners, particularly the Chinese, are buying property here as a way to park their wealth, as a kind of tax loophole. We're swiss banks to them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:00 PM Flag
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So it's a xenophobia thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:06 PM Flag
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NP: It's more like a "it's no fair that these foreign billionaires have more money to buy expensive apartments than I do." Meanwhile, we spend $5.50 on coffee at Starbucks picked by village women for 3 cents an hour. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:09 PM Flag
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OK... but we could do the same, right. Couldn't I take my meager earnings and buy an apartment in, say, Guatemala as a tax loophole? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:06 PM Flag
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Our across the hall neighbors use their apartment about 5 days a month. They gave us a key and told us we can use it whenever we want - my parents always stay there when they come for a visit, it's great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:56 PM Flag
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London is trying to deal with a similar issue: tons of old ladies are living in a house that's bigger than what htey need, while young families are limiting the # of kids they have because of lack of space. They are thinking about taxing per amount of bedrooms that go empty. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:58 PM Flag
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the issue i have is that these luxury developments are getting huge tax breaks and they are like 90% foreign owned and unoccupied. i don't think that is beneficial to our economy long term. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:07 PM Flag
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You need to see the big picture. Let them pay them off, let real estate crash, then they all sell at a loss to locals. A boon economically. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:09 PM Flag
[ - ] LASIK: mid 30's healthy fit female. -2.75 had corrected to 20/15 five years ago. Everything was fine until 1.5 years ago when sight started going fuzzy. The doctor who did my procedure wants ~$400 to exam in me to see what the problem is. He promises reduced rate on corrections if they are needed after consult. Reasonable? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:48 PM Flag
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eyes can change over time. I am 40 and mine still change year-on-year, so my optometrist has said I am not a candidate for Lasik. Doesn't mean it is the Drs fault. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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Op. The doctor who performed on me said I was a good candidate for LASIK because of my age (32 at the time) and state if my eyes. LASIK should last longer than 3.5 years. I feel he's trying to gouge me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:57 PM Flag
[ - ] Do parents of young adults today get involved in their DC's work, no matter what it is? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:47 PM Flag
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Oh come on, stop it with the generalizations. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:48 PM Flag
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Not many do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:49 PM Flag
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Not many? But some do, rt? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:50 PM Flag
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No. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:50 PM Flag
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Not my friends and family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:01 PM Flag
[ - ] When I was young my mother opened a joint account in her name and mine and would deposit checks that my grandmother gave me into this account. Well now I'm in law school and want the money, and my mother says no I can't have it. (I have a theory she already spent it.) I went to the bank and they told me she set up the account so that only she can withdraw money from it. Even thought I'm over 18 I can't have access to checks that were written to me due to my mother forming this joint account before I turned 18 and making it such that only she can withdraw money. In order to change the terms of account both parties on the account need to sign a new form agreeing to the new terms which my mother is unwilling to do. I can't even see how much is in the account. What are my options here logistically? And please don't just say "talk to your mom", because she can't be reasoned with. I can't believe banks allow this. It's fraud and borderline child abuse to use kids as conduits to launder money. 39 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:46 PM Flag
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op: TLDR version: Mom set up joint account for checks written to me from my grandparents when I was under 18, and now that I'm an adult she won't let me access the money. I think she probably took it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:47 PM Flag
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Contact an attorney but don't believe that your assertion that the banks launder your money will get you anywhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:49 PM Flag
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op: This does seem like the most practical solution, but I don't really have the money to spend on an attorney. And what if the attorney cost me more than I would gain from getting back the money my mother hid/maybe stole from me? If I knew how much money was in the account, then I would know if getting a lawyer would be worth it. But there's also the stress factor. Taking on a lawsuit against my mother while trying to go through law school almost gives me an anxiety attack just thinking about it. I can't believe there is nothing the banks can do to stop this sort of thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:55 PM Flag
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You're in law school. Figure it out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:00 PM Flag
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Sounds like a custodian account rather than a joint account. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:48 PM Flag
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op: So there's no age out process in a custodian account and the parent can just deposit checks written to the kid and then steal them? How have banks not caught onto this scam? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:53 PM Flag
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Opposite. A UGMA/UTMA account automatically converts to the sole ownership/control of the child at 18. A joint acount established in the names of the parent and child does not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:01 PM Flag
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op: So if there any way out of this joint account? How can they keep my money in an account that I do not consent to be a party to when I'm a legal adult? This seems completely nuts to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:03 PM Flag
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were the checks deposited have your name on them? sorry to hear this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:48 PM Flag
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op: All the checks were written to me with only my name on them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:51 PM Flag
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Sounds like she's a thief and you have nothing to gain by exposing her. Is your grandmother still alive? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:50 PM Flag
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op: No, she's no longer alive. Nothing to gain by exposing her to the legal system or to other family members? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:51 PM Flag
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Consult with a local attorney. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:55 PM Flag
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op: I don't have money for that at the moment. I'm just a 1L, so I won't have money for a few years. :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:00 PM Flag
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Get a lawyer willing to take the case provided he only gets paid if he wins, and then he's paid with a percent of the money he wins back for you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:01 PM Flag
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np: um, lawyers are only willing to do that when there are tens of millions of dollars at stake. Even then, only if it's a loyal client. Op's case does not sound likely to qualify for that sort of deal [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:01 PM Flag
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Get an attorney and take her to court. Notify the press and social media when proceedings begin. Enlist family/church support. Go public and shame her hard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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op: Then I'll just look like "the little bitch who is suing her mom". And people will say "and after all she did for her daughter paying for private schools all those years. What an ungrateful little twat." Despite the fact that my dad paid for all my tuition. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:57 PM Flag
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Mention that factoid in your contacts with media and family. Do you want to fight for what is yours or are you going to play helpless? Be your momma's child and fight dirty or STFU. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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op: I like your go get 'em attitude, but do you really think the media would really care about my story? It's not like I'm a celebrity. And we may only be talking a few hundred thousand dollars here. maybe even a less than 100k [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:13 PM Flag
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This has to be a joke. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:09 PM Flag
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If it were me, I would drop it (see it as paying her back for all that she gave you growing up). It would also likely sour my relationship with my mom. But as far as the money is concerned, I would let it go-- suing your mom for it seems very trailer-trash to me. How much money are we talking here? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:52 PM Flag
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op: I wish I knew how much money was at stake. I don't see how I can know since my Grandma is no longer alive and the banks won't tell me. I wish there was some sort of app where you enter in your social security number and answer some security questions from your bank and it tells you the history of all the checks every written to you. With all these credit report apps out there, I'm kind of surprised something like this doesn't exist. It seems crazy that the bank won't give me information on checks written TO ME! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 05:59 PM Flag
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MY response would be similar to this responder, but I would put the choice and responsibility on your mom. "Mom either i get access to the records and the money or our relationship is done" why does she say she is denying you the money? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:02 PM Flag
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op: The relationship is already done. It has been for years. She sent me to boarding school at 14 when she married a guy who didn't want kids around. She doesn't give a shit about me. She just used me to get child support payments from my dad and my grandparents. Appeals to emotion or humanity won't work with her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:05 PM Flag
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ah, you are the one with the younger sibling still in boarding school and she wouldn't sign the papers. I think you just let her go. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:08 PM Flag
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There's nothing you can do to get your money from the bank. Your mother spent it. The issue is with your mother. You have to decide if you want to fight your mother on this, and what you want your relationship with your mother to be. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:00 PM Flag
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op: There is no relationship. If I never see her again, it will be too soon. I just want the money my grandma gave me, and I want to never have reason to talk to her again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:06 PM Flag
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Call the IRS. If the money is in her name and under her control, she should have paid income tax on it and reported any interest paid. The potential back taxes and fines could cause her a headache or two. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:03 PM Flag
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op: Yes, I know for a fact she has paid income tax on it. But how will calling the IRS get the money back? Can they force the bank to give it to me? Or do you mean this could show how much money I have, and then I would know whether it was worth it to have an attorney? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:07 PM Flag
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If she took the money as her own income and paid taxes on it, the IRS can't help. You'll have to sue. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:13 PM Flag
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This is a completely stupid answer. I doubt grandmother was giving more than 14K a year and that amount of money can pass free with no tax. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:08 PM Flag
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what if you approached your mom and told her a- your relationship will be over if she doesn't give you access to the money and/or bank records and b- you will proceed legally if need be. also, since you are in law school, is there any chance you can have somebody write a scary sounding letter to your mom? don't you think that would be enough for her to relent? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:04 PM Flag
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+1 This is the best idea here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:08 PM Flag
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also, can you objectively say you have a right to the money? I am sure you need it now, but is there a chance your mom used it for you when growing up? that extra pair of boots you really wanted or those piano lessons that she couldn't have afforded otherwise? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:10 PM Flag
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op: She doesn't give a shit about having a relationship with me. It actually makes me sad to see all the moms on here thinking of course the mom would want a relationship with her daughter. But I'm glad for all the kids out there who have moms who think like this, so I shouldn't be sad. I guess I'm just jealous. And a scary sounding letter probably wouldn't do any good since she's pretty smart and would be able to sniff something like that out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:11 PM Flag
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op: But thanks for the suggestion, I will consider that option [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:11 PM Flag
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While you were under 18 it wasn't legally your money. You don't own anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:06 PM Flag
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Put another way, if your grandmother gave you a CD player and you failed a class at school, your mother could have taken that away, too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.28.15, 06:07 PM Flag
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