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[ - ] Why did you all marry such douchebags 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:04 PM Flag
[ - ] Ughhhh, so tired of going grocery shopping! Finding recipes, getting ingredients, same old same old. So monotonous! 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:58 PM Flag
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so just order the same on Fresh direct each week takes no time [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:01 PM Flag
[ - ] Ds got accepted to Hunter. Debating whether or not to accept. Any Hunter moms on that can give me pros and cons. He is a late fall bday fwiw. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:48 PM Flag
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Why would you go through all that and not accept? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:49 PM Flag
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what is other option? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:49 PM Flag
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Troll university [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:55 PM Flag
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The TTest of TT. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:02 PM Flag
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what are your choices? better than anywhere except ties with top private if money no issue [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:49 PM Flag
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OP is late fall so too young for privates. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:51 PM Flag
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We would keep him in preschool and apply out next year. I think a school like Hunter would be great but I am having minor panic attacks about him being so young [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:55 PM Flag
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You are insane. Don't allow your craziness influence your dc's future [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:57 PM Flag
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op - that is exactly what I am trying to do - ensure best options for him. Is he better off being "bored" in ps one more year and be on the older side in private or go to K at Hunter now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:59 PM Flag
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I'd go with private. He will be older so not behind the other kids, and TT privates are better in many ways than Hunter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:02 PM Flag
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A bird in your hand [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:03 PM Flag
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Go with Hunter. You can still apply out to private next year and being from hunter isn't going to hurt. Can you imagine foregoing hunter and then only having Dwight as an option next year. It happens [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:03 PM Flag
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It's not all geniuses. Enroll. Don't think about it again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:58 PM Flag
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You are crazy if you don't take it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:57 PM Flag
[ - ] I hate how my DH shoves the kids around whenever he's angry. I asked him to stop, and he said that at least he doesn't yell like I do. It's true - he gets quiet and intense and scary. :( 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:47 PM Flag
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like physically? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:48 PM Flag
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Yes. Grabbed and shoved DS up against a wall to lean in and start admonishing him. He doesn't yell, though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:50 PM Flag
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:( seems like both of you should try to change. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:51 PM Flag
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I hate that I end up screaming a lot. I just feel like no one ever listens to me, and then I get fed up -- which gets their attention. :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:52 PM Flag
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I think both of you need to work on your parenting styles. recognizing you need to change is the first step. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:53 PM Flag
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I think so, too. I've seen a counselor twice already to talk about how overwhelmed and powerless I feel, and I think the next step is telling DH about it... and convincing him to come with me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:02 PM Flag
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your husband has no idea that you have seen a counselor about this? wow you guys have a lot of work to do on your relationship [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:03 PM Flag
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This is a fake post. Otherwise she cares about herself more. She's dependent on him financially. She will lie and say she works too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:53 PM Flag
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I don't work full time (I work as a freelance illustrator), and I am dependent on him financially. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:00 PM Flag
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Whoa [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:52 PM Flag
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I don't like the sound of that [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:50 PM Flag
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I don't like being a witness (accessory?) to it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:00 PM Flag
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You are a bad mom. You are going to let dh do this for YEARS and your kids will hate you both. FOREVER. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:52 PM Flag
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DH was abused by his father in really horrible ways, so any criticism is immediately dismissed because he doesn't cross the line like that with our DCs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:56 PM Flag
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Leave. Now. Take DC and run. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:04 PM Flag
[ - ] ECFS or Hewitt? Spirited child. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:46 PM Flag
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are you kidding? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:49 PM Flag
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no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:02 PM Flag
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Hewitt. I think a kid like yours won't be appreciated ECFS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:51 PM Flag
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Did you get a call or snail mail from ECFS? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:55 PM Flag
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both [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:02 PM Flag
[ - ] What school is PAMBS? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:35 PM Flag
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PAMDS. Sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:35 PM Flag
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Park Ave Methodist Day School [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:38 PM Flag
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Silence of the PAMBS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:39 PM Flag
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Isn't it toast- as in closing? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:03 PM Flag
[ - ] DF just told me her Ds is being counseled out. Not sure if this just happened or she has known for a while. When do schools inform parents of this? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:34 PM Flag
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Is he in 8th? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:36 PM Flag
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It can happen at any time but usually at the MS or HS break. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:36 PM Flag
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So they always tell them right before contracts ? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:43 PM Flag
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OP: he's in 5. Just seems like it's late in the year for her to find a new school. That's why I think she knew and did nothing. Now she's panicking... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:45 PM Flag
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He probably needs sn or public with aides [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:45 PM Flag
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Honestly, what he needs is parents with good limit setting, but she's my friend and won't listen. Good kid, but she writes off his behavior as "spirited." She spent a year working connections to get him in to schools and thought she was done.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:48 PM Flag
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so this is a private K? wow! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:56 PM Flag
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5th grade I think she means [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:57 PM Flag
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I read the child was 5 my bad! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:00 PM Flag
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Ideally one finds out the prior fall that you need to look elsewhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:04 PM Flag
[ - ] Looking for a queen size ben with a minimal footprint (small room). Needs to be beautiful. Any suggestions? Bonus for links:) 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:29 PM Flag
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I have a platform bed that I got to fill a small room, and I love it. A beautiful blanket and pillows is all it needs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:34 PM Flag
[ - ] ECFS or good public school? We would need FA and it isn't our FC and I'm not sure I want to commit. Do most ECFS kids move on to FM or do some apply out to stay in the city? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:27 PM Flag
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why did you apply? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:32 PM Flag
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Most stay at school through 8th. About 20% apply out to better HSs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:34 PM Flag
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20%? that sounds high if it's true! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:56 PM Flag
[ - ] Would you let your (middle school) DC go rock climbing outdoors for another kid's birthday party? My DC has little experience and is fat, but bday kid has quite a bit of experience and is fit. Seems dangerous to me. 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:25 PM Flag
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it's not FREE fall rock climbing is it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:25 PM Flag
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aren't they usually belted with spotters on top and bottom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:27 PM Flag
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I don't know much about rock climbing. This will be using holds made from natural rock, but there's gear for protection. I think I should make my DS sit this one out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:29 PM Flag
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no, don't if there is gear for protection and experienced rock climbers, he will be fine and he might just enjoy himself [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:34 PM Flag
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It would depend who is supervising. If they've hired qualified instructors, I'd be OK with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:27 PM Flag
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Her DS is fat and short. He won't be able to pull himself up if he needs to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:33 PM Flag
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does you ds want to go? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:29 PM Flag
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Very much so. I would let him if it were indoors on a (12 to 20 foot) wall. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:31 PM Flag
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just ask the mom, what safety precautions are being used. I would lean on letting him go, especially if he wants to - maybe he'll find he loves it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:33 PM Flag
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fat middle schooler, eh? OK let's see where this troll goes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:29 PM Flag
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He has baby fat. No real growth spurt yet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:30 PM Flag
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I would if there are professional guides and harnesses. I think in this case have him ask the birthday kid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:34 PM Flag
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Will do. Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:48 PM Flag
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Where are they doing it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:37 PM Flag
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Chatfield Hollow in Killingworth [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:48 PM Flag
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that's a nice spot, the kids will have a great time [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:51 PM Flag
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my child who still has baby fat (5th grade) went to one of these parties but at an indoor place. he loved it and had a great time. Just ask the parents if the kids are being belayed and have helmets. I can't imagine they would have them free climb because it would be impossible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:48 PM Flag
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No, keep him home and give him a cookie. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:49 PM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:54 PM Flag
[ - ] How much violence would you tolerate before you file for divorce? 32 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:23 PM Flag
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none - i don't like violence and don't understand it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:25 PM Flag
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NONE [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:25 PM Flag
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None, it only gets worse [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:25 PM Flag
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Worse from what, for example? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:27 PM Flag
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If he's violent with you at all, it's likely to escalate. This is a huge problem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:29 PM Flag
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Eh, not always. Dh and I were a real wreck in the early years of our relationship. Physical violence included. Years of maturity and counseling later it is a non issue. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:28 PM Flag
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Counseling is good but many men are not willing [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:30 PM Flag
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Well, yes obviously if there it's violence and they're not willing to seek help that's an immediate deal breaker [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:32 PM Flag
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How long ago was it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:30 PM Flag
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About 15 years since any sort of physical violence [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:31 PM Flag
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Do you had DCs? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:37 PM Flag
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Now, yes. At the time of the violence, no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:39 PM Flag
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Why were you violent to each other? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:40 PM Flag
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Stress leading to blow up arguments about any number of things we disagreed on escalating to physical violence. Alcohol was often involved. Majorly changing our drinking habits and being involved in couples and anger management type counseling were big game changers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:43 PM Flag
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(It's important to note that while the violence was bad we both recognized our fault in the matter and were willing to put in the effort to fix it. If your dh is not at that point, I would not stay.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:45 PM Flag
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How did you both get to the point to recognize your faults? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:46 PM Flag
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We recognized from the get go that we were both at fault [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:47 PM Flag
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I think this may be the difference. Usually, abusive person doesn't think it's their fault. They blame others for their abusive behavior. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:51 PM Flag
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How were your families? Were they abusive? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:56 PM Flag
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NOKD [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:45 PM Flag
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I would not stick around for years of this. I like being alive. Bad advice here, OP. Ignore. Marriage isn't all that important. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:45 PM Flag
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I didn't stick around for years of it, nor am I advising OP to do so. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:47 PM Flag
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Don't encourage her to stay!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:55 PM Flag
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None!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:26 PM Flag
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Did something happen? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:28 PM Flag
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Throwing things and shattering objects and more... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:32 PM Flag
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I wouldn't "tolerate" any, but I might stay in the relationship if the person recognized the issue and had an aggressive plan for fixing it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:29 PM Flag
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Violence? None. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:44 PM Flag
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Throwing things I would tolerate although I'd try to get help. I might tolerate a push once or twice. Anything more than that, I'd draw a line in the sand and if it were crossed, I'd leave. Too dangerous even if you love him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:50 PM Flag
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This was repeated a few times already after I gave him a warning. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:52 PM Flag
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Ugh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:53 PM Flag
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A man's blood pressure goes DOWN after he beats his wife. The wife's blood pressure goes up. Guess who dies earlier? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:54 PM Flag
[ - ] Dh has become increasingly a bully over the past few years, since having dc, and honestly I can't spend one hour with him without him being domineering and hassling me about any thing I do or don't do. It could be not putting the pan in the sink right after cooking bc doc needed help in the bathroom and I chose to attend to him first. Or I did or didn't say the "right" thing according to him at any given moment- over minor nothing things, totally unpredictable. I work but don't make an extremely large Salary so it's going to take a while to get out of this. Any tips for dealing/maintaining sanity in the year plus it might take to get out? I can't concentrate in anything in his presence including fully my dc... I mean, I can make sure he's fed and cared for, but seriously it's like trying to have a nice time with your child while a snake sits there ready to strike at you. No physical a use or anything else that can be construed as an emergency. 41 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:13 PM Flag
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Get a therapist and a lawyer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:16 PM Flag
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DH tries to be like this with me, I have to lose my shit on him and he backs off for a long long time. His nature is to be a bit controlling (his parents are insanely controlling). Every couple of years we have a big issue and he backs off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:16 PM Flag
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What do you mean by "lose your shit on him"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:19 PM Flag
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Very aggressively telling him to back up and stay out of my way, basically. Men change as they get older, it's like a weird power struggle every few years. I see him very slowly changing into his parents and I am honest , maybe even a bit mean with him about it. You as a woman can't always play the peace keeper [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:23 PM Flag
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Like screaming at him? Is that enough to get him off your back? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:27 PM Flag
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Yes. It has gotten a bit ugly but once I'm like that he has pushed too far. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:28 PM Flag
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It may not work for other men. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:34 PM Flag
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This is no way to live. Who are these women so desperate for a man [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:46 PM Flag
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I'm so sorry to hear that. Can you discuss the situation with him? Does he spend time with your DC? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:17 PM Flag
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He spends time with dc but is overbearing/controlling with him too. He has a real king if hue house attitude. Any attempts, from nice/concerned to tough stance "don't fuck with me anymore" result in him just upping the overpowering behavior. None if it gets through at all. He's had bits of this in the past, before dc, but was much more self reflective/open to discussion about it. We went to therapy over it and thought was in the past. This is worse and absolutely impenetrable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:21 PM Flag
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It seems like you will have to be prepared to divorce him. Someone like him may never change. You don't want to expose your DC to this kind of behavior for years to come, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:25 PM Flag
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wow awful [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:26 PM Flag
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Absolutely hate exposing dc to his behavior and yes will have to split. Unfortunately that won't stop dc's exposure, maybe even make it worse bc then he'll have to be alone with dh, who's so controlling there's no way he'd let me "win" dc full time. He hasn't committed any crimes legally and so no law stopping him from warping his sons life through basically being an asshole. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:29 PM Flag
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:( I'm sorry. Can you talk to him about his relationship with his DS and how it will suffer? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:32 PM Flag
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If he became violent, wouldn't it limit his exposure to your DC/ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:35 PM Flag
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He's too smart to be physically violent or break the law. Doesn't do drugs. But will do things like rant at me that I'm awful, friendless, worthless, etc all the way to a social gathering and then walk in with a smile and put his arm around me and act like he's totally in love, then walk out and denigrate me all the way home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:41 PM Flag
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OMG. He sounds like a sociopath. I think, you should leave this guy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:42 PM Flag
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he is a sociopath. You need to get to a therapist and an attorney. This is serious abuse and you need a restraining order. But you need to work with an attorney for the long game. I'm so sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:45 PM Flag
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OKAY I guess I would set up marital counseling and make him miserable with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:49 PM Flag
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that is insane. like a split personality. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:46 PM Flag
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Not trying to make excuses but could he be depressed. Having a kid is such a life changing event, I do feel like it affected my husband differently and he did get angry (just as I did, I definitely had PPD and was angry a lot). My DH got a bit crazy after our baby and I had to have a heart to heart with him when i just couldn't take it anymore [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:28 PM Flag
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Did ti work? What happened after your talk with him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:29 PM Flag
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OP: in my case no heart to heart or any other form of communication getting through. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:31 PM Flag
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yes it worked for us, we talked, realized the baby was a huge stress and we both needed to change out we both made the effort to listen to eachother, respect eachother more etc. My DH is very controlling and I told him that babies are obviously unrpedictable and he needed to get a grip and stop being so crazy about the way he thought things should be. He let go and things are much better. The reality is sometimes things don't get done because the kids need us. My DH had a hard time with that but he has gotten over it. Ultimately we love each other and wanted to make it work. And he's a reasonable person who go it after a clear talk about it. I'm sure not every situation can be fixed this easily, but taking a step back and talking about it when we weren't angry at eachother helped a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:36 PM Flag
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My dc is 3 going on four. So the new-dad flip out excuse is a little way back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:33 PM Flag
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Does he and everyone else think he is really nice and laid back? But at home is another story? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:29 PM Flag
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Yes! He is the "nicest" guy. Literally other acquaintance moms tell me I'm so lucky. Infuriating. Also why I don't think I'd get full custody despite his making our home unlivable for me and his child. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:32 PM Flag
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YUP. Are his parents very controlling? Sounds like upbringing with a bit of depression. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:34 PM Flag
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wow scary [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:34 PM Flag
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Keep the records and evidence of what he's doing to you and your DC. This might be useful if you file for divorce. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:37 PM Flag
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It seems like t should be useful but from y understanding even violent men get partial custody. Just being a jerk doesn't deny a man his children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:42 PM Flag
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Do you think he would seek 50/50 custody arrangement? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:45 PM Flag
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of course. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:47 PM Flag
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He doesn't seem to care about his DC though. Do you think he would seek 50/50 to get back at you? You may need to talk to an attorney. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:50 PM Flag
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Is this typical for abusive men? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:33 PM Flag
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My dh was like this and worth. Left when DC were very young and SO GLAD I DID. Mothers who allow their DC to grow up under these conditions are guilty of parental malpractice IMO. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:48 PM Flag
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^^ worse not worth. Worst autocorrect ever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:48 PM Flag
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I hear you and feel like a failure as a parent every new day my dc is still here with him. And yet the advice I've gotten from "friend" attorneys has been that even a record is still my word against his (spiteful people do lie in court and I could be seen as one of them) there is no "proof" other than my word and he's a very charming persuasive person who wins over many unknowing people, and yes I think he would go for 50/50 to uphold his massive ego (he's very into his status as a dad) and to spite me. That's why haven't left sooner bc didn't want dc alone with him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:55 PM Flag
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Can you record him secretly when he's abusive? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:59 PM Flag
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How is he now? Is your DC in contact with him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:54 PM Flag
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This was many, many years ago. DC now 20 and 23, and I never refused contact with them. And there were many, many awful visits with him, and when they got old enough I refused to make them go with him. And since then....he's considerably cleaned up his act where they're concerned. He realized they were growing up and could take him or leave him. He'll have the relationship hell have with them but he'll never be able to say I blocked him from their lives - but no way in hell were we living with him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:59 PM Flag
[ - ] If you have a long time nanny, is it understood that her salary will eventually top out? Our nanny's salary has almost doubled since we hired her, and we just can't afford to keep giving raises. Plus, she is being paid way above market, so she should be happy - she couldn't earn more elsewhere. Still, I feel bad about no longer giving raises. How do people handle this? 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:13 PM Flag
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you stop giving her raises [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:13 PM Flag
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But are nannies usually resentful of this? I don't want to offend her, but I just can't afford to do it anymore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:15 PM Flag
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NP then she could find a better playing job if she's offended. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:34 PM Flag
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Her job is getting easier. If she doesn't like it, she can quit. she is replaceable. Silly to overpay dramatically. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:36 PM Flag
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This. Just like you and me, if nanny is unhappy with her job or compensation, she's free to find another job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:39 PM Flag
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bonus goes up versus salary [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:19 PM Flag
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how much do you pay? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:33 PM Flag
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$1150/week. (She started @ $650 6 years ago.). I'm tapped out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:44 PM Flag
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some big increases over 6 years, did circumstances change? responsibilities? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:46 PM Flag
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Yes, started with 1 DC, now have 3. That plus annual raises got us to $1150. No one I know pays this much for child care. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:47 PM Flag
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OMFG. too much. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:47 PM Flag
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Fwiw, she works around 55 hours a week, and earns around $21 per hour. She acts like she could be making way more to take care of 3 DCs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:49 PM Flag
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then say buh bye. when your youngest is in school FT you 'll be so happy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:52 PM Flag
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so cut her hours, no OT and then you'll be paying $840 a week [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 05:00 PM Flag
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We stopped giving raises over a year ago and our nanny has been with us for 5 years now. She is also paid above market rate. We do give her generous bonuses and a more than decent amount of paid time off. If this isn't working for her, she's welcome to find another job elsewhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:34 PM Flag
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Also, her job is getting easier. DCs are in school for most of the day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:38 PM Flag
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I've wondered the same thing about our nanny. Can I ask how far above market you are paying and how many kids you have? We have 3 now and when she started had only 1. I realize now that every time we had a child, we increased her salary way more than standard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:35 PM Flag
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I pay $1150 now for 3 DCs. 2 of them are in school, and the youngest goes to half day school, which is why we still need a FT nanny. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:45 PM Flag
[ - ] What was your major in college and how much do you make? 28 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:03 PM Flag
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Psychology, 0 (sahm) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:05 PM Flag
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English. $7k [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:06 PM Flag
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History, 7 figures, 18 years in investment banking [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:07 PM Flag
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How did you get into IB? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:09 PM Flag
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NP my DH went to dartmouth and they don't have "business" majors - his friends who are in BigLaw or finance/ibanking all studied geography, history, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:36 PM Flag
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Analyst training program out of college. First job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:13 PM Flag
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Did you have a strong math background? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:14 PM Flag
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Probably ivy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:16 PM Flag
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Bio 12k [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:08 PM Flag
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Business / FIN. 0, SAHM [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:09 PM Flag
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There often will be no connection. Neither I nor DH do work related to our college major. But, communication and about 100k. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:09 PM Flag
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History, $400K, in house counsel [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:10 PM Flag
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are you the GC? If not, what area are you in? that's great comp for in-house! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:13 PM Flag
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I am senior counsel for a large bank, 13 years experience. I think my comp is 50th-75th %ile for similar jobs. (Our HR dept has a survey and uses this as a benchmark.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:15 PM Flag
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thanks for the info! do you think those numbers hold for both transactional and litigation? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:23 PM Flag
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I think so. I'm a transactional lawyer, but have friends with a litigation background who work for other companies (insurance companies, etc), and the pay is similar. Btw, the $400 represents base of around $290, plus bonus of just over $100 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:46 PM Flag
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International Relations - $150K [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:15 PM Flag
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English, graduated two years ago and live in D.C., $52,000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:26 PM Flag
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English, $96k [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:27 PM Flag
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Communications, $110K [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:29 PM Flag
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Art history, 170k ish depending on year/bonus [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:29 PM Flag
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Poli sci, 170k [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:31 PM Flag
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Psychology, 140k. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:34 PM Flag
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As someone said above, my work is not related to my college major, either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:35 PM Flag
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what do you do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:37 PM Flag
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Account person at an ad/marketing agency. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:39 PM Flag
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Philosophy and Polisci, 235k [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:48 PM Flag
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Psychology, $1.5 million. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:54 PM Flag
[ - ] Design moms: what do you do with a very large living area? How to make the space useable without being crowded/cluttered? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 03:58 PM Flag
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can you make two sitting areas? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 03:59 PM Flag
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Considered that, yes. Wondering if there's anything else to be done ... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:02 PM Flag
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Do you have a separate office? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:04 PM Flag
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no, but wouldn't want all the personal stuff attendant to an office in a public space. We already have shelving against one wall, but I can't figure out what to do other than an office (which is unappealing for the reasons given) and two sitting areas. Already have a den and dining area. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:15 PM Flag
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You can get hideaway furniture? I think as kids get older it is better to have a computer in a public space. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:25 PM Flag
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This. You should consider two sofas [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:17 PM Flag
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Here are some pics of a big LR with multiple seating areas: http://thezhush.blogspot.com/2011/03/our-housefeatured-in-cottages-gardens.html [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.07.16, 04:29 PM Flag
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