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05.25.13, 12:52 AM
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they sell a really good mix in the supermarket -- go for it.
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05.25.13, 12:53 AM
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like a strawberry shortcake type of cupcake?
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05.25.13, 12:53 AM
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Yes -- they are actually very good.
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05.25.13, 01:02 AM
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OP: no, not shortcake. Strawberry cake and then I plan to make homemade vanilla icing. Just looking for a good recipe to help with the cake part.
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05.25.13, 12:57 AM
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Never tried this before, but I've always had good luck with Martha Stewart cake recipes. http://www.marthastewart.com/338183/strawberry-cupcakes-with-strawberry-butt I'm not a big fan of cake mixes; you can always tell they aren't the real thing.
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05.25.13, 12:58 AM
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^^Do them the night before (or a few nights before and freeze) to see if they are good. If not, buy the cake mix. If so, just ice them the day of the party.
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05.25.13, 12:59 AM
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05.25.13, 12:28 AM
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Do you have kids? whose idea was it?
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05.25.13, 12:30 AM
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Yes, dh's, not mine.
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05.25.13, 12:33 AM
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Wait, so yu separated because you didn't like being a mom?
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05.25.13, 12:42 AM
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Haha, no, I love being a mom! The separation was his idea.
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05.25.13, 12:51 AM
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Why? Is he a cheater ?
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05.25.13, 01:02 AM
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No, I don't think so, he says he is not happy anymore.
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05.25.13, 12:58 AM
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you still like him?
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05.25.13, 12:41 AM
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It's hard to shut that off in the short term, we have been married 12 years.
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05.25.13, 12:51 AM
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It's hard to shut that off in the short term, we have been married 12 years.
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05.25.13, 12:51 AM
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Sending you hugs, :(
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05.25.13, 12:37 AM
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Thank you.
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05.25.13, 12:33 AM
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hugs. I went through this 3 years ago. I found that the huge change in routine was the thing making me feel so uneasy.
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05.25.13, 12:43 AM
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Probably true. Instead of cooking dinner together and having a chat about the day I now need something to do.
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05.25.13, 12:52 AM
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I've been there. It gets better, I promise.
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05.25.13, 12:51 AM
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How long???
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05.25.13, 12:53 AM
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3 to 6 months. For me its been six year, now divorced, but SO much better...
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05.25.13, 12:50 AM
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3 to 6 months is not too bad, I can get through that :)
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05.25.13, 12:51 AM
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05.25.13, 12:18 AM
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cool and quilting is an oxymoron find another site to post this drivel
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05.25.13, 12:19 AM
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Jerk, quilting is fine. Don't know any sites for it - GL, OP!
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05.25.13, 12:32 AM
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Thanks:)
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05.25.13, 12:29 AM
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Awww, I feel sorry for you if you believe that cool quilting is an oxymoron. Such a narrow view of the world.
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05.25.13, 12:29 AM
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Ravelry is a knitting/crochet website & community. There are plenty of quilters over there who might be able to point you in a direction, but I don't think that the quilting community has anything quite like Rav.
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05.25.13, 12:36 AM
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05.25.13, 12:18 AM
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the kool aid apparently
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05.25.13, 12:24 AM
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On my second glass of Chardonnay.
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05.25.13, 12:27 AM
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+1, 3 actually
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05.25.13, 01:04 AM
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My bitter tears
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05.25.13, 12:28 AM
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on my first glass of sauvignon blanc
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05.25.13, 12:28 AM
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One glass Sauv. Blanc. Now I'm on the lemonade. Not much of a drinker anymore.
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05.25.13, 12:24 AM
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coffee?
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05.25.13, 12:25 AM
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pina colada in a huge mug from the Czech Republic (think giant beer mug)
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05.25.13, 12:26 AM
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Wow, you sound like someone who likes a good time!
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05.25.13, 12:34 AM
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I have a 2 month old who just started sleeping long stretches at night. :)
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05.25.13, 12:39 AM
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Two glasses of rose.
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05.25.13, 12:37 AM
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+1
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05.25.13, 12:50 AM
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pinot noir
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05.25.13, 12:41 AM
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vodka on the rocks. #2, last one for the night.
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05.25.13, 12:36 AM
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i'm pot head mom - having a couple of bat-hits
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05.25.13, 12:39 AM
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Woodchuck hard cider- summer limited edition. Tied with their fall flavor for my favorite cider.
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05.25.13, 12:52 AM
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And then possibly the rest of the red wine from Eataly. They gave amazing wine!
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05.25.13, 12:52 AM
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I loooove their cider!
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05.25.13, 12:57 AM
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05.25.13, 12:16 AM
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Hardly ANYONE regrets having their kids. The fact that you're thinking of it at all, shows that you're probably a good candidate for motherhood. You would also be a great candidate to have an only. You could always freeze your eggs I guess.
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05.25.13, 12:19 AM
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Also hardly anyone doesn't have moments when they resent their kids, if that scares you a lot then you are also a good candidate to stay childless.
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05.25.13, 12:21 AM
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You mean childfree. Childless to me implies a desire for kids but inability to have them. Childfree is a choice not to have them, period. -OP
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05.25.13, 12:50 AM
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Sure, as you like.
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05.25.13, 01:05 AM
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But wouldn't freezing my eggs be pointless at my age (37)? What's the point of freezing if I can have kids now where DH and I can afford them. I don't want to be changing diapers while worrying about menopause..lol -OP
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05.25.13, 12:27 AM
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If you don't know by 37 that you generally want kids, if say you don't. I always knew I wanted kids but was never in any rush to have them. Could say w certainty that I didn't want to be 50, 60 etc w no kids. Had first at 38, second at almost 40
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05.25.13, 12:19 AM
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If you don't want a kid, do not have a kid. They are a lot of work and you shouldn't be having them for other people if you do not want them. Enjoy Egypt
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05.25.13, 12:20 AM
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1. You are on UB. What would Freud say about that? 2. Do you feel that you will be happy alone some day? 3. Not everyone needs kids or can handle having them
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05.25.13, 12:21 AM
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Those are 3 good questions and I really don't have a good answer for most of them. I don't know if kids guarantees I won't be alone in old age though, my aunt has 3 kids, and all of them live overseas and one refuses to talk to her because he is gay and hates our family. -OP
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05.25.13, 12:30 AM
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No, I always wanted children. I think it's great that you have confidence in your decision and aren't deciding to have a baby because others are telling you to. GL! I think if you've gotten this far and haven't had the urge yet then you won't.
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05.25.13, 12:27 AM
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No, I always wanted children. I think it's great that you have confidence in your decision and aren't deciding to have a baby because others are telling you to. GL! I think if you've gotten this far and haven't had the urge yet then you won't.
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05.25.13, 12:27 AM
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What I'm about to say is an unpopular opinion, but I'm going to put it out there anyway. Human beings are animals. It's in our nature to want to reproduce. It's not logic, it's just instinct. If you don't feel it, you might be out of touch with something essential to who you are. Your concern about your flat belly is, imo, a sign of that as well, that you are more focused on societal values than your own true inner spiritual voice. You might think I sound like a quack, but you also might realize this could be a wake up call for you to really reconsider your priorities and try to attain the next level of self-actualization. Meditate on it a bit, if you can. I wouldn't be concerned with being 45 and regretting not having children so much as being 45 and feeling empty and not really knowing why.
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05.25.13, 12:28 AM
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I am not the type to say something like that, but unfortunately there is something to it. The instinct to replicate sits quite deep...
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05.25.13, 12:27 AM
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Hi, no I really appreciate your opinion! It's an interesting perspective ! So are you saying that the possibility of me waking up one day at age 45 & "feeling empty" would be a result of my decision not to have kids, or because of other reasons? Do you think I should find more enjoyable hobbies? Maybe I am just bored with too much time on my hands.? -OP
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05.25.13, 12:33 AM
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OR: I think the possibility of you waking up one day feeling empty has to do with the possibility that you are not paying enough attention to your own self, not fully inhabiting your body so to speak. I would be concerned that you are living too much in your head and that even your mind is being overly influenced by the illusions of what you see around you and not enough by what comes from within. I think not feeling a desire to have children could be a symptom of that (as is your hyped up concern with appearance, career prestige, pop culture, even travel/"adventure" to some extent) but not the cause of it, if that makes sense. I don't think the answer is seeking hobbies the way you're thinking of it now. I think the answer is actually the opposite, taking some time to quiet your mind. It doesn't sound like you're the type of person who has spent much time just sitting alone in a quiet room. I would try that if I were you (and, by the way, you might as well try it before you have a baby since you certainly wouldn't get much of it afterwards!)
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05.25.13, 12:42 AM
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Interesting! You make good points and give me lots to think about..thanks for that insight...this is why I like UB. -OP
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05.25.13, 12:51 AM
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I really only rarely say this, but everything you have said says to me you should just march on and not have kids. Really, it's just like you participate in life in one way or another, and when you have kids, you're slaves to them, literally. You sound like you enjoy your own life. I really didn't. I came out of a bad childhood and wanted/needed to have kids to reconstruct what I didn't have growing up. It's a psych thing. However, having kids is so fucking stressful, can ruin your marriage, suck the life out of your career ... don't do it, steel yourself and walk away. Although, 1st poster is right, you never regret having kids when you have them. You only might regret it when you're older - I've seen that happen.
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05.25.13, 12:24 AM
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Thank you for sharing! I have heard other CF folks tell me this (I post on many boards, for both women and CF women, I don't discriminate!) and it really gnaws at me because I am not the nurturing type AT ALL (I can't stand babies crying on airplanes nor the idea of changing diapers or feeding someone else). Maybe I don't have to make a decision..lol
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05.25.13, 12:41 AM
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Get off UB if you don't have kids.
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05.25.13, 12:33 AM
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Why? I like the non kid topics. -OP
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05.25.13, 12:41 AM
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You don't sound weird at all!!!! My sis married her DH when she was 35. They weren't in a hurry to have kids, so I don't think they tried for a couple of years, but once they did, she got pregnant right away at 39. Now her ds is 3 years old, and they're trying for a second. Not going to be devastated if they can't have a second, but they would like another child. I mean, don't ignore the fact that your fertility is declining, obviously, but you don't have to rush into anything.
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05.25.13, 12:28 AM
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To OP: you make some good points. Being a parent is stressful and results in less time and disposable income. Kids decrease the control you have over your life, and they are quite demanding. The 'pro' arguments are existential and not pragmatic: you pass on your bloodline and it feels meaningful to be there for your children as your parents were for you. Another, double- edged argument is the irreversibility of the decision. If you don't have a kid by 45, you can't unring that bell. Then again, if you have a kid and regret it, neither can you take back that decision.
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05.25.13, 12:38 AM
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Exactly !! I always see both sides f every situation (I happen to be a lawyer..lol). I feel so 50/50 on this it isn't even funny!! I ENVY women who KNEW they wanted to be mothers at age 20. I envy women who got married at 25/30 and had kids by accident and realizes it was the greatest thing that happened to them..but at the same time I see so much sadness from what kids do to marriages or when kids don't live up to their parents expectations (ie Charles Mansons mom, Hitlers mom, etc) or other bad stuff (turn out gay, don't have grand kids, become parasites, criminals or a burden to society). I was a Philosophy major in college so I over analyze things,,I hate how you can't give back kids once they are born into this world..lol -OP
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05.25.13, 12:48 AM
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Your children being gay would be "bad stuff"? Coupled with your self described shallowness and love of material/frivolous things, yea, I think it's better you don't have kids. I don't know that you would give your kids a loving nurtured childhood.
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05.25.13, 12:53 AM
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Do you like older children?
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05.25.13, 12:39 AM
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I'm not sure! I like the idea of companionship (I love being married even though I did want marriage since age 16 lol). My concern with older kids is college funds (I don't want to be a status obsessed mom like some UBers who feel private schools are the only way to go). I also worry about not being a good role model. I like taking vacations, eating whatever I want, when I want, sleeping late, etc. My parents were wonderful because they were disciplined with me since I was born. They were excellent role models,- no drugs or alcohol ever, and they cared about my schooling. I can't see myself doing those sacrifices for my kids (if I were to have them). I can't see myself doing Chore charts or driving them to soccer practice and I find that sad because I believe every child should have that experience (I did only because my mom didn't work for 10 years). I can't afford to quit my job and neither can DH. I believe parenting IS a full time job in itself, and I love my career too much to give that up, KWIM? -OP
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05.25.13, 12:58 AM
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I think it's unlikely that you will eventually regret not having kids; your life makes sense without them. And you're just not feeling it. Also, to disagree with an earlier responder, some people do regret having kids (even if they do love their kids). Still, I'm not sure that you understand parenthood; it's profoundly meaningful, even if people grouse about it and even if much of it isn't fun.
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05.25.13, 12:40 AM
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05.25.13, 12:14 AM
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He loves, not lives.
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05.25.13, 12:14 AM
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Where in Europe?
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05.25.13, 12:24 AM
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I'm french and my DD is the same way. We spent all last summer in Paris and she got to play with her cousins and do tons of other fun things. She always asks if we can live there one day :)
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05.25.13, 12:26 AM
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Nice, how old is your DD? Do you think it will last? I am afraid it won't, when they go to school they might put their ancestral land on the back burner. However, I have heard of some families who were able to maintain strong ties between their kids and their home land.
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05.25.13, 12:28 AM
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DD is in kindergarten. Hoping that it will last a long time as well and I think it will. She is thrilled every time we go there. We speak french at home with her and I think that that has helped a lot as well. Where are you from? Do you speak english at home with DC?
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05.25.13, 12:33 AM
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That's so adorable!
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05.25.13, 12:27 AM
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05.25.13, 12:13 AM
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at 47, i have started i believe (although have not gotten to the dr to confirm), but cycle is getting weird - i range from 18 - 24 days now (was always 29 days) but only have it for 3 days versus 5 - 6 days. PMS is out of control too. No hot flashes either, but have experienced night sweats
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05.25.13, 12:11 AM
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Try progesterone cream. Lifesaver.
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05.25.13, 01:00 AM
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I'm 46 and my cycle has been getting shorter over the past 3 or 4 years. And way heavier periods.
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05.25.13, 12:11 AM
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Same here - and my normally very thick hair has started to thin a bit. I think it might be related, but I'm not certain. Anyone else have this?
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05.25.13, 12:27 AM
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pp - yes, definitely heavier, so not fun
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05.25.13, 12:44 AM
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^seem too soon. And start, not star. Typing on an iPad sucks.
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05.25.13, 12:17 AM
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OP here: ok, this is kind of what I'm experiencing, but I expected this to happen a few years later,not now. Anyone else in their early 40's with wacky stuff going on? The shorter cycles are definitely not fun, nor are the 2-3 days of very heavy flow.
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05.25.13, 12:21 AM
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At 49 my periods became irregular. At 51, I think it's over--340 days without a period. At 365 days, I will have gone through menopause. No other symptoms. No hot flashes, no weight gain, no irritability (well, DH makes me crazy sometimes, but he would drive *anyone* nuts!).
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05.25.13, 12:51 AM
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^^Oh, and I never had shorter stretches between periods. I always had longer stretches between periods, but never any heavy flow.
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05.25.13, 12:47 AM
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Not too early. I went into menopause at 46, but early menopause runs in my family. You can have these symptoms for 10 years.
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05.25.13, 12:45 AM
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I started peri symptoms at 39 (hot flashes) and total menopause at 45. Done. Still need the progesterone cream though.
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05.25.13, 12:59 AM
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05.25.13, 12:10 AM
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Same thing. An addict is a nice word for junkie.
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05.25.13, 12:13 AM
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Yes
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05.25.13, 12:20 AM
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op- yes it sounds like the person has no respect for you. FWIW I am neither but was called one.
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05.25.13, 12:21 AM
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Junkie used to specifically mean heroin, but it's become synonymous with addict.
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05.25.13, 12:24 AM
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They're either calling you an addict or they're saying you're too skinny like a junkie
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05.25.13, 12:30 AM
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I only call someone who is injecting heroin intorheir bodies junkies. That said, it is 10x worse than being called an addict. A junkie is, in my mind, a sociopathic piece of shit who would kill you for one more dime bag.
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05.25.13, 12:55 AM
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your being a tad dramatic, no. a junkie started out as a reference to 'junk' - the slang for heroin
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05.25.13, 01:03 AM
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Not at all. I have unfortunately had a lot of junkies in my life. I will only fall the lowest scum of the earth junkies. Maybe other people use it more loosely, but for me, that is the lowest of the low. Junkies really are despicable pieces of shit.
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05.25.13, 01:06 AM
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