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05.22.13, 06:26 PM
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Interesting question. Personally, I would find out. Forgive yourself a bit for the possible disappointment and remind yourself that when they get here you will love them SO much no matter the gender. I would rather know than wonder, but I suppose it depends how much time you spend "wondering"
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05.22.13, 06:27 PM
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I'd find out and then get over it as quickly as possible, focus on the positive (having a healthy, happy baby). Congrats!
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05.22.13, 06:22 PM
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OP: :) Thanks. I was so excited for this pregnancy, and I guess realizing how much I want a DD has made me feel a bit guilty. I think you're probably right though. Just find out, and focus on what I KNOW is good: healthy baby, that I will love no matter what in the end.
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05.22.13, 06:25 PM
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Find out. You'll love the baby no matter what.
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05.22.13, 06:28 PM
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If you're worrying about it a lot, I would find out. 1) It might be a girl and then you'll have relieved yourself from months of worrying. 2) If it's a boy, at least you know. And it's okay. LIke you said you WILL fall in love right away. Don't feel badly about disappointment. Handle it discreetly, but don't beat yourself up about it.
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05.22.13, 06:29 PM
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You are going to be anxious either way, so I would find out.
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05.22.13, 06:30 PM
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I would need to know. But that's just me. I also would "fake it to make it" of I found out it was a boy. What I mean is, however disappointed I may feel, I would tell everyone how thrilled I was to be having another boy, and let the truth of that settle in, rather than allow myself to wallow in disappointment and exacerbate the feeling. I am a big believer in that though.
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05.22.13, 06:30 PM
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np I agree with this overall. That said, if you are disappointed I think it's good if you have SOMEONE you can share that with. I would not publicize it generally, but if there is someone you can share this with in confidence I think that would be good.
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05.22.13, 06:26 PM
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+1 I dealt with something like this. It IS important to "keep it to yourself" to an extent. You don't want to wallow, or advertise disappointment like this. But if you're struggling (and it's very normal to struggle with this for many), it's also good to have someone to talk to who will encourage you, lest you let guilt take over.
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05.22.13, 06:31 PM
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It is ok, I think you are going to love your DB not matter what, remember that you are a human and sometimes we feel and think things we shouldn't, it is ok. My Mom had 4 girls, I bet she felt like you do right now but she is the best Mother someone could ask for. gL
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05.22.13, 06:30 PM
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OP: Thank you! This is very sweet, and encouraging.
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05.22.13, 06:27 PM
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find out in advance and let it settle. signed, btdt TOTALLY thrilled w/ the awesome child that is my second boy!
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05.22.13, 06:31 PM
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OP: Thanks! I KNOW I will be thrilled, I think I was just blind-sided by realizing how much I was hoping for a dd. But you are right of course that I will LOVE #3 no matter what. Our chance to find out is next week and I've been debating. But I think I will go for it.
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05.22.13, 06:28 PM
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Friend had 2 boys, wanted to try for a girl, twin boys.
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05.22.13, 06:35 PM
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OP: LOL. Well I do know that it's NOT twins!
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05.22.13, 06:30 PM
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I'm the type that needs to know. I'd rather deal with what I know than worry about what I don't.
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05.22.13, 06:29 PM
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I'm in the same boat. I'm waiting for the birth. I know I'll be a little disappointed and feel guilty if I find out before but if I wait until the baby is right in front of me I know I won't care.
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05.22.13, 06:38 PM
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05.22.13, 06:19 PM
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Cute all American
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05.22.13, 06:26 PM
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no
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05.22.13, 06:20 PM
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I like Kirsten
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05.22.13, 06:28 PM
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I prefer Krirsten.
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05.22.13, 06:35 PM
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A tad exotic dancer-y.
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05.22.13, 06:26 PM
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too goyish. what if she wanted to marry or work for a jew?
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05.22.13, 06:26 PM
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We would give DD anti-Jew training from an early age so it would not be a factor to worry about
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05.22.13, 06:33 PM
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it's very 80s...Kristen, Krystal, Kirsten, etc
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05.22.13, 06:28 PM
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05.22.13, 06:18 PM
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Nobody's perfect. Count your blessings and get off FB.
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05.22.13, 06:18 PM
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Same boat here! Does your SIL actually do anything well?
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05.22.13, 06:13 PM
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Op, She does, and I think she is a good Mother and a Wife, I just hate her bragging.
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05.22.13, 06:25 PM
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Your capitalization reminds me of Hunter S. Thompson's.
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05.22.13, 06:24 PM
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Lol
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05.22.13, 06:32 PM
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While I don't post such things on FB (I avoid because I think it comes off as braggish), I don't think people feeling blessed necessarily think they are super anything. I think many of them just feel blessed, and good for them!
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05.22.13, 06:21 PM
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ITA
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05.22.13, 06:21 PM
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Op, I find the term " bless" awkward, why would you think you are more specially in God's eyes than everyone else ?
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05.22.13, 06:25 PM
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FB and UB just do not mix. UBers have so many hang ups about FB it baffles me. Just get off of FB if it's making you dislike people so.
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05.22.13, 06:22 PM
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This.
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05.22.13, 06:22 PM
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Awesome advice!
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05.22.13, 06:25 PM
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Op, It is not only FB, she is like this when we meet ( family gatherings ). Annoying.
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05.22.13, 06:21 PM
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not everyone is annoying on FB
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05.22.13, 06:29 PM
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The fact that she sits on FB making her life sound wonderful is a great indication that it isn't.
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05.22.13, 06:21 PM
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+1
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05.22.13, 06:21 PM
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Op, I don't wish her bad things and I think her life is not bad, as I said before bragging is what annoys me
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05.22.13, 06:22 PM
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There is perfect and there is Facebook perfect.
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05.22.13, 06:28 PM
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This. Some people care more about Facebook perfect, which is so, so sad.
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05.22.13, 06:34 PM
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How* ( sorry iphone )
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05.22.13, 06:22 PM
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I think I'm friends with her on Facebook - totally want to gag at nearly every one of her posts!
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05.22.13, 06:36 PM
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05.22.13, 06:16 PM
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We did it - and while we were in the midst of it, life truly sucked. Now I am so proud of our baby!
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05.22.13, 06:23 PM
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(Umm maybe baby wasn't the right word - I meant beautiful palace!)
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05.22.13, 06:24 PM
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I would do the renovation to have the place you really want. You'll end up living there a long time
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05.22.13, 06:22 PM
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any renovation i've ever heard of goes longer and more expensive than planned. i'd buy the ready to go version if i find something close to what i like
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05.22.13, 06:24 PM
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We went with the done brownstone. Bought a way more expensive place than planned to get as close to what we actually wanted as possible, and we are super happy in it. Eventually bought a second home that is a fixer upper to get my renov fix. But at least it is a place I don't have to worry about actually needing to be in when construction runs long.
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05.22.13, 06:37 PM
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05.22.13, 06:15 PM
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good grief, where to even begin with this one...
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05.22.13, 06:16 PM
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+1 All over the place.
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05.22.13, 06:27 PM
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Lean in. How much does he make? Why do you rely on him for the income?
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05.22.13, 06:11 PM
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What does lean in mean? Is this some marketing thing used by that facebook chick? And where did I say I rely on him for income?
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05.22.13, 06:23 PM
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You're saying he does not make money and that you SAH.
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05.22.13, 06:29 PM
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I don't SAH, did not say that.
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05.22.13, 06:33 PM
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^ I WAH but it's downshifted in terms of hours
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05.22.13, 06:33 PM
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Seems like what bothers you the most is that DH doesn't make money. I have bad news for you, at 43, with not a career and kids the probabilities that you find a new DH that makes money are 1%
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05.22.13, 06:20 PM
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Please site some stats here. I have many friends who've divorced in their 40's with children and went on to find very fulfilling marriages with perfectly good providers.
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05.22.13, 06:25 PM
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With not career whatsoever ? REALLY ?
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05.22.13, 06:30 PM
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And what exactly entitles you to a high-income provider, OP?
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05.22.13, 06:33 PM
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Why don't you work ? And why are you relaying in DH financially ?
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05.22.13, 06:21 PM
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I do work, I am not relaying or relying on Dh financially. That is not the problem.
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05.22.13, 06:17 PM
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Focus on your career. Get yourself back to an good financial position. Then reevaluate.
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05.22.13, 06:23 PM
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OK thanks. I thought that this was the answer but I feel overwhelmed.
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05.22.13, 06:25 PM
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No! You are not getting any younger. You have known you've wanted (needed?) out for a long time, so don't wake up and be 53 thinking the same thing.
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05.22.13, 06:32 PM
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OK thanks.
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05.22.13, 06:30 PM
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Upshift the career, get your DC settled into school and start making plans. You haven't had sex in 5 years and before that you wanted to leave? So maybe no sex isn't really all on your DH. Do you get pregnant to save the marriage?
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05.22.13, 06:23 PM
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This sounds feasible. I was having some irregular sex with DH when I got pregnant but I was supposedly not capable of having DCs. So a big surprise. But no sex since then. He's a good dad, good friend, but we are not romantic/sexual at all and I don't think it's fair to live this way forever.
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05.22.13, 06:33 PM
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sounds like you want to leave but there is no perfect life out there, so... think carefully before making a decision
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05.22.13, 06:23 PM
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stay, have a discreet affair.
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05.22.13, 06:25 PM
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1. Go get laid. After a year, I'm giving you a free pass. 2. Get back in the workforce. That may mean school or starting out at a lower position but start somewhere. The good news is that 43 isn't old and you have plenty of time to start over. Good luck.
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05.22.13, 06:32 PM
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exactly. it's not cheating if your marriage has literally no sex in it.
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05.22.13, 06:28 PM
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Thank you. I have a great WAH job/career but I meet no people during this time and I feel like it's a bad idea to be isolated when I need to expand my life instead of shrink it further. I'd love to be in the workforce again.
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05.22.13, 06:29 PM
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05.22.13, 06:14 PM
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I think I'd have 4 and space them about 2-2.5 years apart. I would really like to have a dd, so I suppose gender wise I would hope for that one of the four times. Beyond that, I don't care.
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05.22.13, 06:23 PM
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Would stay with just having my one DS.
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05.22.13, 06:18 PM
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Three, at least one girl. I'm 32 so they'd be spaced close together.
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05.22.13, 06:28 PM
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just the one, thanks
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05.22.13, 06:22 PM
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3 is good
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05.22.13, 06:22 PM
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3 of any sex
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05.22.13, 06:24 PM
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I'm fine with 2.
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05.22.13, 06:36 PM
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i didn't stop at 2 because of money.
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05.22.13, 06:37 PM
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05.22.13, 06:11 PM
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I wouldn't
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05.22.13, 06:06 PM
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ditto
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05.22.13, 06:08 PM
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OMG the OP is asking if you could, not if you would.
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05.22.13, 06:11 PM
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OMG If I could, I wouldn't do it.
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05.22.13, 06:21 PM
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ditto. I could and wouldn't. Idiot
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05.22.13, 06:25 PM
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Girl I lived with for about seven months. She was awful, frequently threatened to kill herself for attention, made up stories about being molested. Now that I think about it, can you go on LinkedIN and write a nasty recommendation?
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05.22.13, 06:07 PM
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You have to request her as a connection and she has to accept. Then yes, you can write whatever you want.
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05.22.13, 06:14 PM
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Can't you delete a recommendation on your page, though?
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05.22.13, 06:15 PM
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No idea.
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05.22.13, 06:30 PM
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Ugh fuck that. Trust me, nothing is worth dealing with someone who says that she's thought about cutting herself because you threw your coat over the couch and didn't hang it up in the closet.
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05.22.13, 06:16 PM
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Mary Beth Herschkovitz
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05.22.13, 06:13 PM
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Haha
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05.22.13, 06:28 PM
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You. "She asks questions that make me think she's a jerk."
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05.22.13, 06:26 PM
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Could be true!
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05.22.13, 06:30 PM
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Lmao
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05.22.13, 06:37 PM
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Who even thinks of this evil?
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05.22.13, 06:33 PM
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05.22.13, 06:07 PM
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Hey welcome to UB - great to have you here!
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05.22.13, 06:09 PM
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Thanks! disclaimer: I was making a joke about a video someone posted a couple weeks ago. if this were a twitter account I would be @NOTchloesevigny
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05.22.13, 06:18 PM
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+1!
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05.22.13, 06:09 PM
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try to be more original
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05.22.13, 06:20 PM
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I had to google he name to figure out who you are, but good for you. You should yey the pumpkin waffles with all the fixings from sarabeth
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05.22.13, 06:10 PM
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thank you my kind fellow human
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05.22.13, 06:18 PM
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With Nutella?
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05.22.13, 06:10 PM
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not storebought. homemade
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05.22.13, 06:19 PM
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Why announce yourself? Needling the ego rub?
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05.22.13, 06:08 PM
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only if it is done with vegan massage oil
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05.22.13, 06:19 PM
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loved you in Portlandia
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05.22.13, 06:14 PM
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thank you, kind soul traveling on this road we call life
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05.22.13, 06:19 PM
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Hi Chloe, how do you say your last name?
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05.22.13, 06:09 PM
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7yee
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05.22.13, 06:19 PM
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Suh vay nay (sounds like like va jay jay)
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05.22.13, 06:20 PM
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lol, I almost did the sitcom water spit laugh
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05.22.13, 06:17 PM
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Would you lend me a cup of canola oil if I asked?
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05.22.13, 06:11 PM
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of course!
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05.22.13, 06:19 PM
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05.22.13, 06:03 PM
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As my trainer says, "abs are 10% exercise and 90% diet" - you have to cut the carbs too.
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05.22.13, 06:04 PM
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You can't just spot-treat your abs, you have to do regular cardio
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05.22.13, 06:06 PM
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+1 I got good abs when I started running. Before that, nothing else worked
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05.22.13, 06:15 PM
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Cardio helps abs. Swim, run, sweat.
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05.22.13, 06:06 PM
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Me too! I'm doing a 30 day ab challenge. Good luck to you
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05.22.13, 06:11 PM
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cut the calories along with the exercising
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05.22.13, 06:09 PM
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05.22.13, 06:01 PM
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Do you know for certain that the positions you envision actually exist? If so, what about reaching out to people who already do what you hope to do, and get their feedback on your education plans
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05.22.13, 06:10 PM
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OP: Thanks so much for replying. I am surrounded by people in education and I know that while I want to start off in the classroom, I don't want to stay in the classroom. I want to remain in education but I'd prefer j more the policy/curriculum side. I have some friends and relatives that are attorneys---I'm not sure how to take their advice: they all say go for law school. However none of them are in education law and they all received their degrees with the idea of purely practicing in a firm. They also received those degrees anywhere from 15-20 years ago. I know the general advice right now is to stay away from a law degree if you plan on practicing law solely and therefore will be looking for a traditional legal job but in essence I would be using the JD to assist me while following my career trajectory in education.
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05.22.13, 06:21 PM
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Jd again--so expensive so much time. If you don't plan on using it and just want the credential a phd makes more sense
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05.22.13, 06:23 PM
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OP: Thank-you.
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05.22.13, 06:31 PM
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I am a JD--it doesn't sound like you need a JD for the type of positions you are talking about. Get your master's and then pause and see what the job opportunities are like before throwing yourself into a JD program.
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05.22.13, 06:10 PM
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These types of programs are money makers for the provider. Make sure there is going to be a real job for you when you finsih
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05.22.13, 06:10 PM
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05.22.13, 06:01 PM
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I would just laugh, that is so random and stupid.
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05.22.13, 06:08 PM
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^^^and I'd send her a picture of like a $2.99 Goody from DR.
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05.22.13, 06:08 PM
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Cracking up.
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05.22.13, 06:29 PM
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Just tell her that a dollar store brush would be a fantastic birthday present. Ugh.
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05.22.13, 06:37 PM
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Send her a link to mason-Pearson
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05.22.13, 06:08 PM
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op. lol!
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05.22.13, 06:04 PM
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I love it!!!!
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05.22.13, 06:29 PM
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;-)
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05.22.13, 06:24 PM
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Make sure to give her a list of the most expensive Mason Pearsons. That is all.
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05.22.13, 06:03 PM
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I'd send her some pictures of what you'd like - maybe 3 hairbrush pics and a pic of a pony.
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05.22.13, 06:10 PM
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Send her a link to Mason-Pearson....the most expensive one they have.
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05.22.13, 06:12 PM
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I like your own advice best. Thanks for thinking of me but a gift isn't necessary.
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05.22.13, 06:11 PM
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Play along with her but give her gifts of equal value when it's your turn to buy. She is setting the bar
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05.22.13, 06:11 PM
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op. Ha, I'm very tempted and really wish I could! But it's fairest to treat all my SIL's the same, and I have two other super sweet SIL's. Besides, she keeps track of other people's presents and would have the biggest hissy fit if her present didn't measure up.
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05.22.13, 06:16 PM
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that's a race to the bottom. nobody wins and everybody feels like shit. say, "oh, thanks so much. no need to get me anything."
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05.22.13, 06:18 PM
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Such odd choices. I am poor and my friends and I never give each other mundane gifts like razors and brushes.
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05.22.13, 06:18 PM
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op. She must not like me...
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05.22.13, 06:17 PM
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I think I agree.
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05.22.13, 06:25 PM
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My immediate thought is this: This dislike is mutual for both parties and along with expressing her dislike for you, she is also trying to communicate something else to you: how are you in the grooming dept? Evidently, she believes that you need some help.
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05.22.13, 06:23 PM
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Yup this is an insult wrapped in poor taste.
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05.22.13, 06:25 PM
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op. Yikes, what a thought. Not to be a bitch, but I'm usually well put together while she puts no effort into her appearance. If she has a problem with my grooming, that would be just the funniest, most passive aggressive and messed up way of communicating that to me.
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05.22.13, 06:34 PM
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I'd go Mother Teresa on her superior grooming attitude and suggest that all you want is a donation to a charity you value. Maybe one who repairs cleft palates since she's so looks obsessed.
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05.22.13, 06:24 PM
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This!
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05.22.13, 06:32 PM
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Is she broke? maybe this is all she can afford
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05.22.13, 06:26 PM
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op. She's not, my BIL makes $$ and takes good care of her.
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05.22.13, 06:35 PM
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Razors are pricey these days;)
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05.22.13, 06:28 PM
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true...
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05.22.13, 06:36 PM
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These gifts are rude & inappropriate. I would say Thank you kindly for thinking of me but I wouldn't dream of asking for personal grooming items from my sister in law!!!
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05.22.13, 06:32 PM
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