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05.23.13, 11:08 PM
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We will give her sunday afternoon off so she can go to the boardy barn
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05.23.13, 11:09 PM
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Why?? I have done Hamptons live-in jobs 7 of last 9 years. Ask me anything. It's not as fun as you think it is, when you're the help.
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05.23.13, 11:04 PM
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What hours did you work, did you live in 7 days a week, do you drive, what kind of accommodation do you have, was it always with the same family?
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05.23.13, 11:07 PM
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Worked for a few different families over the years. Sometimes seven days a week, sometimes only two (weekends). Sometimes I had my own house, other times I had to share a bathroom with the other 5 people living the house. Sometimes I was a slave, other times I was allowed to go out in the evenings if the parents were staying in. At this point in my life, I absolutely will not share a bedroom with a child.
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05.23.13, 11:12 PM
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What hours did you work, did you live in 7 days a week, do you drive, what kind of accommodation do you have, was it always with the same family?
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05.23.13, 11:07 PM
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I'll take the job if she doesn't want it
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05.23.13, 11:10 PM
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I'd rather chop my arm off.
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05.23.13, 11:05 PM
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OP - yes unless she is a spoiled millennial. I am now a Gen Xer and my summers babysitting for kids at a country club were still among the best I've had. Hang out at a country club all day with cute fun kids and get paid for it.
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05.23.13, 11:06 PM
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^^ I am a GenXer
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05.23.13, 11:06 PM
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How many friends does she have? What are her hours? Do you let her borrow your car? What time does she wake up? How much do you pay her?
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05.23.13, 11:08 PM
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Were you able to go back to your own life after your day at the country club? or were you expected to take the DCs home, make them dinner and put them to bed while their parents went out to dinner?
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05.23.13, 11:27 PM
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Not necessarily.
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05.23.13, 11:12 PM
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Sorry, I am positive it is not very enjoyable. But, it's her job.
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05.23.13, 11:13 PM
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Boardy Barn was my favorite place in the tri state area when i was in my twenties. Like spring break every week.
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05.23.13, 11:15 PM
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No you sound like a dildo
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05.23.13, 11:09 PM
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If it's so much fun to take care of your kids in the Hamptons, why don't you do it?
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05.23.13, 11:19 PM
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+ 1 million!
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05.23.13, 11:21 PM
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brilliant
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05.23.13, 11:21 PM
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For real!
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05.23.13, 11:22 PM
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happy to work all weekend? why do you rich people think people are blessed to be your slaves? so egomaniacal!
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05.23.13, 11:20 PM
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This is why I switched to aupairs, they were happy to travel and vacation.
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05.23.13, 11:26 PM
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Not if she's leaving her friends and family in the city.
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05.23.13, 11:29 PM
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05.23.13, 11:03 PM
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The original title was "War, what is it Good For?"
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05.23.13, 11:06 PM
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hahahahah
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05.23.13, 11:12 PM
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Wow-I'm sorry your brother is carrying this on with your dds. No, my family is not this way.
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05.23.13, 11:13 PM
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Dysfunctional. I mean, I'm sure everyone is a little competitive and jealous internally. Thinking "what does niece have that my daughter doesn't" is a very different thing that what he said though. Just like being happy that you're more financially successful is fine, rubbing it in his face is not.
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05.23.13, 11:19 PM
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We were this way with each other but definitely not with our kids. That's pretty immature.
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05.23.13, 11:13 PM
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This brings sibling rivalry to another level.
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05.23.13, 11:15 PM
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Maybe you shouldn't be telling him how much you make and how elaborate your vacations are. In my family, siblings don't brag to each other.
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05.23.13, 11:23 PM
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For this and other things I'm happy to be a single child.
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05.23.13, 11:20 PM
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You guys are grownups. Act like it. Stop bitching about him and live your life. You can't control how he feels, but you can control how you do.
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05.23.13, 11:34 PM
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05.23.13, 11:01 PM
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Who cares if they do? More important to find a balance for you and DH. Your plan sounds fair to me!
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05.23.13, 11:09 PM
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judge you for what?
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05.23.13, 11:10 PM
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People gonna judge and you gotta live your life. Do you really want to live a life based on what other peoe think of you?
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05.23.13, 11:04 PM
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^^sorry people
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05.23.13, 11:04 PM
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God I feel se sorry for some adopted children.
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05.23.13, 11:06 PM
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I already had two dc's. I do not want to disturb my career again. I also don't want to hire a surrogate. That is weird.
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05.23.13, 11:09 PM
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You would be adopting for all the wrong reasons. Integrating an adopted child into a home with biological children is a huge thing and you don't even mention anything about it. You just want to shtup the kid with your unemployed dh. Wtf.
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05.23.13, 11:27 PM
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Stop hating on Brad Pitt.
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05.23.13, 11:14 PM
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In life people will judge you no matter what. For WOHM, SAHM, having an only, having Dcs too close together, too far part. Live your life! You and DH need to be happy.
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05.23.13, 11:15 PM
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I'd think that you creatively met your needs and gave a nneedy kid a good home.
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05.23.13, 11:31 PM
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05.23.13, 11:01 PM
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Your needs always come first. Let your husband take care of the kids and find your true love.
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05.23.13, 11:03 PM
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OP: There is no way I can live without my kids. Why is that a requirement in your eyes?
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05.23.13, 11:04 PM
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Np I believe that was sarcasm.
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05.23.13, 11:12 PM
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No but this is fake
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05.23.13, 11:03 PM
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Not fake, I can assure you.
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05.23.13, 11:04 PM
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Whoa. Watching this carefully. I have no advice, but I do wish you well!
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05.23.13, 11:11 PM
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I am waiting it out til DC go away to college.
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05.23.13, 11:07 PM
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You too?
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05.23.13, 11:16 PM
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Yep.
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05.23.13, 11:14 PM
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You honestly don't think you can do both?
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05.23.13, 11:07 PM
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Np seriously. You can't talk to your husband about this and take it from there? Even if you do separate for a little bit so you can find yourself, it doesn't mean you can never ever speak to your kids again.
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05.23.13, 11:11 PM
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OR here oh no no no I wouldn't mention anything to dh but good lord, you can have your cake and eat it too...
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05.23.13, 11:28 PM
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If your DH has any intelligence and you feel like you can have an honest conversation with him, then you will be doing him a big favor by telling him how you feel. Depending on how old the kids are, this will be difficult for them. However, if you can split amicably and co-parent amicably, then this will give both you and DH an opportunity to develop new, more personally satisfying relationships, while still looking out for the best interests of the kids. (Remember though, there are a lot of "ifs" in my statements.)
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05.23.13, 11:14 PM
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I'm just not really sure. My desire for women is 100% sexual and I really have no real desire to have sex with a man after the first month of dating (novelty, I guess?). What if this is just a taboo sexual thing and I'm not really interested in having a relationship with a woman? I don't want to destroy my kids' lives over this.
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05.23.13, 11:17 PM
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Your DH has probably figured out that you don't like sex with a man after the first month, so cut him some slack. Depending on who's home when, you can also trying watching via Netflix or DVD all seasons of The L Word, the Real L World, Lip Service (BBC version), and Queer As Folk. If the characters and the way they interact with each other appeals to you, then the next step would be to have a lunchtime beer at Henrietta Hudson, and try to strike up some conversations. At the point, either you will be completely grossed out or your rubyfruit will be tingling. If the rubyfruit is tingling, then it is time to work out some co-parenting guidelines and set DH free.
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05.23.13, 11:25 PM
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OP: Too funny, I have seen all of those shows (except Lip Service) and I have been to Henrietta Hudson on more than one occasion, as well as Meow Mix (is that even still around?!). I definitely know I enjoy the idea of women sexually and have done this on more than one occasion, but not in recent history. I never thought I wanted a relationship with a woman, though. This is my conundrum.
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05.23.13, 11:32 PM
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What sexually gets you going with women
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05.23.13, 11:23 PM
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Have you been with other women
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05.23.13, 11:10 PM
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Yes, several times but not in about 10 years (married 7)
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05.23.13, 11:17 PM
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Did you use a strap on or just oral
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05.23.13, 11:17 PM
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Troll?
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05.23.13, 11:32 PM
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No interested
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05.23.13, 11:27 PM
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I have no desire for penetration so no strap on.
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05.23.13, 11:32 PM
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Ask him to bring other women in for 3some
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05.23.13, 11:11 PM
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+1 this could really spice up your marriage. Maybe you're just bored and in that case it would eliminate the boredom? Or you could see that you're really into poonaynay.
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05.23.13, 11:13 PM
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How do you know for sure you're a lesbian? Imo the worst thing would be to tell your dh "I think I'm a lesbian" only to break up and realize you aren't actually a lesbian.
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05.23.13, 11:12 PM
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Do you love your DH?
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05.23.13, 11:12 PM
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Of course, very much. I'm just not sexually interested in him.
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05.23.13, 11:32 PM
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You may be bisexual, btdt. You could try and go to a strip-club and see how it goes, maybe DH would go with you, nothing wrong with this.
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05.23.13, 11:22 PM
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If your desire for females are only sexual, then you are not a lesbian. A lesbian wants to spend the rest of her life with another female, besides the sexual stuff. ( have a family and and forth ) I think you are bisexual or bi curious, do you watch porn ?
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05.23.13, 11:24 PM
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I would be willing to join you and your dh in bed you could try it out maybe it will work
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05.23.13, 11:26 PM
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Hahahahaha! I'm willing to bet that you are a man.
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05.23.13, 11:33 PM
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If you enjoy watching the women fight on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills/New York, and don't care about what happens with the men on the show, then you are definitely gay.
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05.23.13, 11:32 PM
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05.23.13, 10:55 PM
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Childrens Museum
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05.23.13, 10:53 PM
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the kid is 6 AMNH is more like it.
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05.23.13, 10:55 PM
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My 5.5 year old boy loves it
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05.23.13, 11:27 PM
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Go see the friends cafe in West Village. Midwesterners like crap like that.
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05.23.13, 10:53 PM
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?
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05.23.13, 10:55 PM
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That's the only thing my midwestern sister enjoyed during her recent stay. Didn't want to see Annie or go to any museums.
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05.23.13, 10:59 PM
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Doubt the 6 yo nephew will enjoy it.
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05.23.13, 11:02 PM
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Your sister will. And you can get him an ice cream cone.
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05.23.13, 11:05 PM
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Hecksher playground, Union Square playground
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05.23.13, 10:53 PM
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AMNH, the Intrepid, maybe the Met.
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05.23.13, 10:55 PM
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Museum of Natural History
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05.23.13, 10:56 PM
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Walk along the Highline for an outdoor activity, any playground in Central park, grey line bus tour-6 yo will get a kick out of the double deck and it's cool to see the city this way sometimes even as a resident. Also AMNH.
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05.23.13, 11:05 PM
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Transit museum in bk, amnh
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05.23.13, 11:07 PM
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05.23.13, 10:54 PM
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I wouldn't give him a penny. You don't subsidize the luxurious lifestyle of someone who is bad with money. End of discussion.
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05.23.13, 10:59 PM
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OP - Its true but he's so depressed about the whole thing. I can't imagine the embarrassment of having to ask your children for money? How do I reconcile not helping the person that put me through college?
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05.23.13, 11:04 PM
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Pay back your "college loans".
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05.23.13, 11:06 PM
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OP - No, I'm pretty sure it was my mother who scrimped and saved to make this possible. Believe it was a huge point of contention in their marriage.
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05.23.13, 11:08 PM
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OP - PS - Sorry I know, I didn't mention that earlier. Just came to mind. As you can see, I'm quite conflicted.
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05.23.13, 11:15 PM
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This is a man who is living in denial. He is living a luxurious lifestyle that he can't afford. If he were legitimately broke that is another matter. I wouldn't feel the slightest twinge of guilt for not helping out someone who fritters his money away on first class international travel, luxury cars and luxury shopping. Again, I wouldn't give him a penny. Tough love and tough luck.
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05.23.13, 11:12 PM
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OP - True. My husband and I once told him we were going to Wal-Mart to pick up some things and invited him to come with us in the event he needed something. He actually made a snide comment about how he doesn't shop at Wal-Mart -- seemingly because it was beneath him. It's those comments that really enrage me now because maybe if he wasn't so arrogant, he would actually have enough money to pay his bills!
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05.23.13, 11:17 PM
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Why is this so hard? Your father is digging his own financial grave. This is not your problem.
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05.23.13, 11:14 PM
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Offer to help him look at his budget and find a way to save some money. Start with his car.
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05.23.13, 11:01 PM
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OP - I've talked to him about his spending dozens of times before over the last ten years. He used to get angry and tell me his finances were "none of my business" and now twelve years later he went through it like water.
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05.23.13, 11:03 PM
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np: now he's made it your business. sell the house, downsize the lifestyle, etc. and if he can't afford to eat, you can then help.
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05.23.13, 11:14 PM
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OP - true. So disappointed in him. I have so many other "real problems" to contend with right now. This is really the last thing I needed to add to the plate.
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05.23.13, 11:21 PM
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Np: you will be throwing money down a bottomless pit. Offer to help with budgeting but do t give money unless you see real progress. Check out Dave Ramsey and his advice on giving money to family. He gets it right.
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05.23.13, 11:11 PM
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OP - Thank you. I will do this. I feel really guilty.
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05.23.13, 11:22 PM
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I would show him your budget(or some of it). Tell Jim you don't have the money to help him out for the reason of saving for college and retirement.
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05.23.13, 11:16 PM
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OP - he will see our level of savings and not believe us.
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05.23.13, 11:22 PM
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05.23.13, 10:47 PM
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no it's not.
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05.23.13, 10:47 PM
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np, yes it is! it is a step in the right direction. you may not be satisfied and that's fine - but to deny that this is not progress is just plain silly.
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05.23.13, 10:50 PM
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Np: it's not real progress because their still showing their prejudice and they gave in to allowing gay boys in because it had become a PR nightmare
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05.23.13, 10:54 PM
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*they're* learn to spell.
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05.23.13, 10:53 PM
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Shut it...it's e freaking autofill
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05.23.13, 11:01 PM
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The scouts have always had gay Boy Scouts as members. Now the boys don't have to stay closeted. Not PR, just joining the rest of us in the 21st century.
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05.23.13, 10:57 PM
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and again, it is real progress.
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05.23.13, 11:13 PM
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NNP: how many other youth organizations even feel the need to have policies and votes re: gay CHILDREN? it's not progress, just more of the same
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05.23.13, 10:59 PM
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your logic is, ummm, interesting.
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05.23.13, 11:13 PM
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Good for the Boy Scouts.
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05.23.13, 10:49 PM
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Big shit...they want to impress me they take off any limitations on gays as it is.
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05.23.13, 10:50 PM
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I'm not sure it is to impress you - but all in good time my pretty.
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05.23.13, 10:54 PM
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Yes it was this damn iPad replacing damn words
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05.23.13, 11:01 PM
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As if there weren't gay Boy Scouts for a hundred years. Step in the right direction.
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05.23.13, 10:53 PM
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I suspect the naysayers would never consider scouting even if they lifted the bay on leaders (which will happen - the handwriting is on the wall). It just takes some time to educate people that gay does not equal pedophile. Look at the ignorance on Urban baby.
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05.23.13, 11:12 PM
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05.23.13, 10:43 PM
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What meds
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05.23.13, 10:40 PM
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I see a psychopharmacologist who is also a therapist. Very gentle and empathetic. Carl Boyer 212-247-3376 on W 13th. Good luck.
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05.23.13, 11:18 PM
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Just called him and left a message- THANK YOU!
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05.23.13, 11:25 PM
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Effexor (been battling major depression since adolescence and I'm now 57) and lithium ( was also diagnosed with bipolar II two years ago).
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05.23.13, 11:22 PM
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Go to the ER. They will get you help.
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05.23.13, 10:40 PM
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Try a clinic - Washington square institute or pst graduate center
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05.23.13, 11:04 PM
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Clinician here...OP seems a bit too ill for a training institute. She needs a seasoned therapist. Both are great options for other situations though.
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05.23.13, 11:14 PM
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Sadly, I agree- can you help me out with any names of someone you think could help me??
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05.23.13, 11:27 PM
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I listed the two people below. Gl.
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05.23.13, 11:34 PM
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As your internist. Joe Simonettti is an excellent therapist in midtown west but he sets pretty firm limits and won't tolerate any bull. Nice guy.
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05.23.13, 11:13 PM
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Try Debra Rothschild, PhD, UWS.
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05.23.13, 11:15 PM
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THANKS SO MUCH - Called & left a message just now- please keep your fingers crossed.
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05.23.13, 11:32 PM
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28 Replies
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05.23.13, 10:43 PM
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Is this an anti-gay post?
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05.23.13, 10:40 PM
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NP: I think so, I had to read it twice.
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05.23.13, 10:47 PM
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What a tool
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05.23.13, 10:41 PM
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There are two sides to the issue. Gays deserve equal rights but do you really want homsexual men, men who find boys to be sexy, taking boys in to the woods for overnight campting trips?
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05.23.13, 10:48 PM
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Think. Would you let horny hetro men take your nubile daughter on a camping trip?
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05.23.13, 10:48 PM
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Double standard. Urban baby moms protect daughters but sacrifice sons to anal rape. It is the liberal thing to do
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05.23.13, 10:52 PM
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my son is a scout and has never been raped.
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05.23.13, 11:13 PM
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Yes, please can we have the "does homosexual = pedophile" debt again?
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05.23.13, 10:50 PM
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It's so new!
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05.23.13, 10:54 PM
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You're an ass. You're saying gay men are pedophiles what a douche
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05.23.13, 10:45 PM
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That would be a pedophile. Homosexuals find other men to be sexy. So the two troop leaders might be banging, but no dc's involved.
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05.23.13, 10:48 PM
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guess you didn't pay any attention to the facts, huh?
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05.23.13, 10:55 PM
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Fake.
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05.23.13, 10:42 PM
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The whole BSA always seemed like the gayest activity for a boy anyway.
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05.23.13, 10:42 PM
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THIS
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05.23.13, 10:51 PM
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how RUDE.
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05.23.13, 11:14 PM
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I bet he got it up the ass in camp
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05.23.13, 10:49 PM
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Really? Proud to have him be a part of an organization that's basically calling adult gay men pedophiles
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05.23.13, 10:50 PM
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You make a good pair then. I'd be so disappointed if my dh felt that way.
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05.23.13, 10:53 PM
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nice! love you.
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05.23.13, 10:56 PM
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ugh +1000
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05.23.13, 11:18 PM
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Sounds like a real prince.
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05.23.13, 10:55 PM
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I'm sure you already have this - but just to make sure you send that Eagle badge to the right place: Boy Scouts of America, 1325 West walnut Hill Lane, Irving TX 75038-3008
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05.23.13, 11:01 PM
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LOVE
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05.23.13, 11:14 PM
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Is this the actual address? She could have easily gotten it off google. Or am I missing something?
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05.23.13, 11:18 PM
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Your DH is a dumbass.
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05.23.13, 10:59 PM
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LOL. Fake.
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05.23.13, 11:20 PM
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Your DH is an eagle scout? What a nerd
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05.23.13, 11:22 PM
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05.23.13, 10:40 PM
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Plus living expenses: dorm, food. Then they canget a pt job for their partying.
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05.23.13, 10:50 PM
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What about study abroad fees?
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05.23.13, 10:54 PM
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Usually room and board are about the same as at their home school. Spending money could be more or less, depending on where they go.
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05.23.13, 11:17 PM
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in our family, it meant tuition, room, board & books. for DC it will mean whatever can legitimately be paid out of her 529.
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05.23.13, 10:55 PM
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We paid room and board - dd worked for spending money and books. She'd saved from summer jobs and worked in college. Did well enough that she left college with 3k in her saving acct, even after her yr abroad.
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05.23.13, 11:19 PM
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i put a roof over my head, food on my table and took care of my medical and all expenses while paying for school. still in debt. but it was worth it. i really wanted to go to school and though i was a national merit semi-finalist, i'm a white girl, so no big scholarships for me.
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05.23.13, 11:19 PM
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05.23.13, 10:29 PM
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6pm. 2hours
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05.23.13, 10:30 PM
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8 and 10 seconds
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05.23.13, 10:31 PM
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Why have kids then?
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05.23.13, 10:33 PM
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it happens
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05.23.13, 10:34 PM
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Why don't you call him and ask
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05.23.13, 10:34 PM
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He provides
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05.23.13, 10:35 PM
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+1
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05.23.13, 10:36 PM
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+1000
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05.23.13, 10:31 PM
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Some people have to work for a living you judgmental bitch!
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05.23.13, 11:16 PM
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Usually by 4 or 5, spends about 4 hours with dd.
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05.23.13, 10:33 PM
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That is cool.
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05.23.13, 10:35 PM
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It is nice to have a lot of family time. Sometimes his schedule is more hectic but his good hours make up for it.
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05.23.13, 10:43 PM
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Lucky you.
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05.23.13, 10:40 PM
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What a lazy sack, minimum wage?
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05.23.13, 10:35 PM
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Such unnecessary hostility.
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05.23.13, 10:32 PM
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Doctor who has a great schedule actually.
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05.23.13, 10:33 PM
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So yes minimum wage
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05.23.13, 10:34 PM
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You're right 600K is definitely minimum wage.
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05.23.13, 10:41 PM
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Un no I call bs
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05.23.13, 10:43 PM
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Uh not BS he's an Anesthesiologist with a specialty that pays more.
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05.23.13, 10:44 PM
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You jealous bitch ...at leat her kids SEE their father and spend quality time with hi
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05.23.13, 10:47 PM
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Thanks, I don't get the flaming for this at all.
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05.23.13, 10:49 PM
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You don't get why you calling someone who gets home early..lazy...offensive? Not everyone's dh is at "work" until 8 or 9 PM...
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05.23.13, 10:52 PM
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Anyone making a living is
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05.23.13, 10:54 PM
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No I don't get why someone flamed me for it.
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05.23.13, 10:48 PM
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You are equating late hours to more money.
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05.23.13, 10:56 PM
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What? I don't equate more money with late hours, I think you're confusing me with the troll. He makes good money for his profession and has less hours so he spends lots of time with dd.
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05.23.13, 10:58 PM
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My response was to the woman who said "lazy sack".
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05.23.13, 11:00 PM
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You're reading the responses incorrectly...they are not under your response but under the person who called them lazy
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05.23.13, 11:22 PM
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op: My dh comes at 830 and he only gets to spend around 15-20 mins with him.
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05.23.13, 10:34 PM
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The few times he gets home before they are in bed for the night I put those "Hello, My Name Is" name tags on our DCs
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05.23.13, 10:29 PM
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lol
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05.23.13, 10:36 PM
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Snort
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05.23.13, 10:32 PM
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ahahahaha
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05.23.13, 10:32 PM
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Any sex
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05.23.13, 10:34 PM
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We work together - usually whoever wakes up with db spends 2 hrs with him in the morning, then we have 4-5 hrs in the evening after work before he goes to bed.
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05.23.13, 10:38 PM
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8 2x a week - 10 the other days. It's the main reason I have help 4x a week. From morning to night with no help would be awful.
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05.23.13, 10:34 PM
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I hear you. In the same boat.
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05.23.13, 10:38 PM
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Oh dear god
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05.23.13, 10:48 PM
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He does school drop-off and has the walk to school, can be available during the day for sick days but really doesn't get much time in the evening. He's home by 8ish and usually does a story or two.
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05.23.13, 10:40 PM
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4pm, different times depends on age and bedtime
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05.23.13, 10:46 PM
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Depends on the project he's working on, but he's usually home by 4 and able to spend a good four or five hours with our DSs.
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05.23.13, 10:46 PM
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he's unemployed and spends lots of time with them (careful what you wish for)
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05.23.13, 10:47 PM
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Both extremes are bad.
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05.23.13, 10:57 PM
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9-10. 0, they are in bed.
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05.23.13, 10:47 PM
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Any sex
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05.23.13, 10:57 PM
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SAHD
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05.23.13, 10:57 PM
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between 6:30 and 7. A lot - he usually walks DC to school in the morning (she's at school at 8, he's in his office at 8:20) and they are at the hockey game tonight.
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05.23.13, 10:58 PM
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He works from home. Spends 5-7 PM with us, DC goes to bed at 7, he works some more. We both work in IT. Before you call him lazy, he makes 250k per year, which is more than adequate for our family and the flexibility is amazing.
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05.23.13, 10:53 PM
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That is amazing.
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05.23.13, 11:02 PM
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10pm M-F so he doesn't see them. They are very young & he is early in his career so hopefully this won't be for long.
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05.23.13, 11:11 PM
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