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[ - ] Hypothetically if I wanted to leave nyc I would not be able to with a baby from a boyfriend right? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 08:12 AM Flag
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That depends on a lot of factors, including whether he knows and cares. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 08:21 AM Flag
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Yes he is fully like a DH in every way. I guess legally I cant move. I am a physician and could make so much somewhere else but he is in banking and can only work here. I would not take him away from his dad anyway but it sucks that I would have a respectable job and income anywhere else but here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 08:59 AM Flag
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Are you the poster from below whose boyfriend donated thousands to college sport team and lied about it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 09:15 AM Flag
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I am in the same boat and I have researched this topic extensively, including a consultation with a lawyer. NY laws very much protect the "best interest of the child", which means that unless the father of your child agrees with this move, you are unable to move until the child is 18. The judge may give you a certain radius, so perhaps the suburbs would be fine, but out of state is a no go. The exception is if you have police reports or retraining orders against this boyfriend, which would almost automatically give you full custody and the autonomy to move anywhere you see fit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 09:32 AM Flag
[ - ] For those who donate to their college or college sports team what % of your HHI? Do you still donate and take it out of savings. DH is donating much higher than I think is reasonable especially since I am still in med school debt and especially frugal and never buy clothes hair, nails, vacations or anything for myself. We even decided not to send dc to preschool based on the cost because he would absolutely love it an he took a few classes last spring and learned so much at 74th st magic. I was not going to do anymore classes just because of finances and we bought an apartment that needs quite a bit of work to be livable. We took 1 super cheap vacation in 2 years just to save money and I come to find out that he lied and is still making donations to his college athletics team. What % of HHI is reasonable considering you have no family money, retirement, college fund, or real savings? Thanks? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:57 AM Flag
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^Thank you for any advice!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:58 AM Flag
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reasonable in this situation is 0%. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:46 AM Flag
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^ but the real problem is the deception/hiding [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:48 AM Flag
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op: I agree. and he knows I owe money so if he wanted to be a family he would put it in retirement, my loans, or college savings. He does not want to grow up and have us as a family he wants to be a big 20yr old stud and have his athlete friends as his family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 08:52 AM Flag
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He said he made a commitment to donate 10k for 5 years and feels the need to follow through. He already donated 100k in the past. He used to nag me when I was pregnant for taking a cab from east side to far upper east side for work because it was a "waste of money." Our ds would have a much better chance of getting into college if this money were in a college fund but it goes to a specific college sport that is likely to be cancelled. I am perplexed that strangers are more important than your own child. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 06:25 AM Flag
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Seriously, for those of you who give to your college what % of that is your HHI? And do you include your spouses HHI since your spouse did not attend that college. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 06:27 AM Flag
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And meanwhile his brother who makes very little sacrificed and put money in 529 and DH just gives 10k away every year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 06:29 AM Flag
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What is your HHI, OP? And what % do you bring in, and what % does your DH bring in? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 08:23 AM Flag
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HHI last year around 425. 200k mine and DH 150 base but 75k bonus. He has been out of work from 2007-2012 but I have been working and he was living on his "savings because he didn't want to work for the man. We have been together for 2.5 yrs and before was on and off. So I brought in just a bit less than 50% but my job is stable and his is obviously not. I can't believe I am holding him off preschool (I was going to do a cheap one,) vacations, cutting and highlighting hair x 2.5 yrs, and not buying any clothes even though I need them for work (lost the weight but quit my gym membership since I don't have time and it is another expenditure.) And I come to find out he is still giving 10k away to the sports team. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 08:42 AM Flag
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^And I owe over 150 in private college and medical school loans. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 08:49 AM Flag
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Increase your payments on your loans. Do not spend on luxuries like highlights and vacations. And most important, sit down with your husband and create a new financial plan for the remaining time you will be paying off your loans. Each of you gets to spend your discretionary funds as you wish, but if I were you, I would spend mine on loan payoff and a secret savings account in case you divorce. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 09:55 AM Flag
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You've been together 2.5 years and have a preschool-aged child. Did you get married because you got pregnant? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 10:01 AM Flag
[ - ] I'm having a really hard time. I'm happily married for three years to someone I met after school, and I'm still really close to my ex-boyfriend from college, who I lived with for a few years after graduating before we broke up. Sorry so much context! Anyway, a (close-ish) female friend of mine in college has recently started dating my ex. They knew each other in college through me and we've all been in the same group since then, so great! They both seem really happy and I'm so happy for them. We're all even going on vacation next week - me and DH, him and her. But she told me tonight that she has cheated on him several times, including once recently (very). I've been closer to my ex than this girl for many years and think my loyalty lies first with him - we've been through much more than I have with the girl. So, what do I do? 1. Tell him everything, which I know she'll get upset about. 2. Tell her that she has to tell him or I will. 3. Tell her that, if it happens again, I'll tell him if she doesn't? Sorry for the huge clump of writing! 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:18 AM Flag
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I would drift away for a while and let them work themselves out. They are not married. What does your DH think? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:22 AM Flag
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Don't tell. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:59 AM Flag
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I would immediately tell your dh and ask his advice. This situation could go psycho on you pretty fast and no matter what u want dh on your side [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 07:17 AM Flag
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Stay out of it. Tell her that if she tells you any more, you will tell him, so if she wants to cheat, she has to do it knowing you don't approve and won't keep your mouth shut when you find out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 08:25 AM Flag
[ - ] F/u on me who is the stupid poster with a baby that signed a giant mortgage for a coop and then boyfriend said it was not my business to see all of his financial records that we both submitted and he saw mine.__I read the responses to DH and I think how many people called me a loser, dipshit, insane crackpot that it must be fake because it is so out of normal adult reasonable mature behavior. he finally showed me the documents and he was hiding his financials sucked and he is still giving 10k to his college sports team which he promised he would not. I am not even sending dc to a 8k catholic preschool due to finances. At least I know now. Thank you all so much for giving me the guts to not accept No for an answer from him!! Thank you guys x 1000. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:56 AM Flag
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Good for you! I'm happy that you found out and this can be an experience you can draw upon when you feel as though you need more power / need confidence that your gut feelings are important and (apparently) correct. You go, girl! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:06 AM Flag
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op: yes. Thank you!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 06:39 AM Flag
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Is he a husband or is he a boy friend [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 07:19 AM Flag
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This is why all women should do a business degree, in addition to whatever else they want to study. I can't believe the number of women I have known who will make a major financial investment with a partner, but not do a full review of the partner's financial position. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 08:28 AM Flag
[ - ] What's worse: husband having an affair or cheating escorts? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:46 AM Flag
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oops, cheating *with* [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:47 AM Flag
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Affair. There's an emotional connection there that he wouldn't get from an escort. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:48 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:02 AM Flag
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I think affair is worse, too. Although it would depend on how long he'd been going to the escort(s), too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:59 AM Flag
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Pp: I mean, if he saw the same escort weekly for a year, that would be more like an affair, so worse. If he's seen different ones a LOT, maybe some sort of addiction? But what really matters is how the wife feels. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:13 AM Flag
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Affair. Duh. If he's going to escorts, I can join him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:23 AM Flag
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Bisexual? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:23 AM Flag
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Meh. Bicurious maybe. I'm not into dating females or being in relationships with them, but I appreciate the female body [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:23 AM Flag
[ - ] What's the most selfish thing DH has ever done? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:19 AM Flag
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Post this again tomorrow. Bet will make most popular. Too tired to think of best answer right now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:22 AM Flag
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Drugs. Not kidding. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:11 AM Flag
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My dh is incredibly selfish when he is sick. Freakin man colds... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:14 AM Flag
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My husband went to the ER in the middle of the night without waking me for what turned out to be.........GAS PAINS!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:18 AM Flag
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Mine is the opposite. I'll be puking and, well, you know what.. at the same time and he'll tell me to shut off the lights and come to bed, he's trying to sleep. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:44 AM Flag
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When I was pregnant I sprained my ankle and stayed out of work with foot elevated. He went into kitchen and ate all the food and there was nothing for me to eat and I couldn't walk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:58 AM Flag
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^Another classic was when I was 38 weeks pregnant and we spent the whole day out with friends in the hamptons boat and beach for the day and came home starving and I assumed we would get dinner on the way home. DH loves real estate so the wanted to se the Grocery store because it tells you a lot about the people. He came out with a half eaten Italian hero and then scarfed down the other half while getting out of the car. I was growing his baby and was very underweight and he didn't bother to see If I was hungry, or what I wanted to eat (there was a cute fish shack down the road.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:04 AM Flag
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^ I also used to have to hide chorizo sausages in my closet while pregnant because he would eat everything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:05 AM Flag
[ - ] My sister and I have been in a "love triangle" since I was sixteen. Long story short, I ended up marrying the guy. That being said, it was a very messy process and to this day some of my relatives hold grudges against me. I am continually blamed for my sister's current life (no future, dropped out of college, got pregnant with some loser, etc.) and I'm honestly tired of hearing that I wasn't supposed to be the "one" that turned out to be successful. At this point my sister's choices are her own and I don't know what to do. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:16 AM Flag
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Define "messy"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:19 AM Flag
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Our families pressured them into dating. They were the perfect match, everybody thought they were great together. I swear my mother already had their wedding mapped out. While we were all in high school my husband and I used to sneak out and make out- he would drive me up to New York and we would visit museums and such. It was wrong, but it was high school. A lot of things happened in between but eventually my sister and him ended up getting engaged when they were 21. Then during the summer about a year after they got engaged he broke up the relationship and we ran off and eloped without telling anybody. It was our own little love story, and even though we didn't make the best choices I don't regret anything that happened. That being said, the fall out was very rough for all of us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:13 AM Flag
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how did sis feel about all this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:22 AM Flag
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How old are you now? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:39 AM Flag
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36. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:52 AM Flag
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Then ignore them. People move on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:43 AM Flag
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Actions have consequences. Sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:29 AM Flag
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ignore, ignore, ignore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:29 AM Flag
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Who was older, you or sis? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:25 AM Flag
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My sister. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:52 AM Flag
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You're pretty lucky your family still speaks to you at all TBH. Suck it up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:36 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:47 AM Flag
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Ok so op fucked her sister's fiancee. Really? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:51 AM Flag
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There are other male in the world, you know? Bad decision. Now you'll have to deal with it. It's your sister. Relatives never go away. Even if you are responsible and move on with your life. The only way is to ignore them. No other choices but to cut them out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:42 AM Flag
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How old are both of your DCs? It sounds like your families are wealthy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:47 AM Flag
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How did you know how many kids I have? And yes, my family has money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:55 AM Flag
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I think OR meant how old are yours and how old are sister's kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:59 AM Flag
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So all this drama started twenty years ago when u were sixteen? I am happy you and your husband are still so much in love twenty years later. Congrats. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 07:26 AM Flag
[ - ] What are WASPiest LI towns? Manhasset? Garden city? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:14 AM Flag
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Sand's point [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:51 AM Flag
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+1. No home for sale under $1 million. Def very upper crust. Signed, potential Port Washington resident [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 06:06 AM Flag
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Brookvilles, Muttontown, Lattingtown, Locust Valley, Mill Neck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:58 AM Flag
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Take out Locust Valley. We have a name for it "low cost valley" especially cheap homes under $500k in tye numbered streets [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 06:07 AM Flag
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OP: Thank you. What are the easiest commute for WASPy towns? Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:19 AM Flag
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LIRR runs to various town like Locust Valley. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:20 AM Flag
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op: Thank you? How would you compare a town like Locust Valley to Manhasset to Bronxville. Thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 06:01 AM Flag
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Locust Valley shouldnt be in the same sentence..lol. It is a nice area but much cheaper than Manhasset where average home is over $700K. LV is more like 600-700K but a whole section has lower income residents and working class people who service the rich in Lattingtown/Upper Brookville/Muttontown. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 06:09 AM Flag
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Previous poster here. I agree with this poster. Manhasset is less WASP and more Asian and Jewish. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 06:13 AM Flag
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Garden City although it skews mostly Catholic/Irish. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 06:08 AM Flag
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WASP as in White Anglo Saxon Protestant?? Thats extremely rare now in LI, especially Nassau County where parts resemble Queens east. Most towns in north shore Nassau now skew heavily Asian (esp along Northern Blvd from Douglaston, Queens through Jericho and Syosset. Many Jews in Nassau. True WASP- maybe Muttontown, Sands Point and Lattingtown and Laurel Hollow where properties average price runs over $900K. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 06:12 AM Flag
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op: Thanks everyone!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 06:31 AM Flag
[ - ] Thoughts on akris tote? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:11 AM Flag
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I've never had one in hand but it seems like it would be a pain to open and close? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:20 AM Flag
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Not a pain at all. I have one - it can get heavy, but when I carry it in my hand/on my elbow it's fine. Half the time I don't even close it, so I use it like an open tote. Not my coolest or most useful bag, but I do very much like the look of the closed trapezoid. The quality of the stitching, leather etc. is excellent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:31 AM Flag
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OP: thanks. Deciding between this and rectangular celine bag [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:32 AM Flag
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Hard to go wrong with Celine. To me, the Akris is a more conservative choice, but maybe a little bit easier to wear? It doesn't feel out of place when I carry it with just jeans, whereas I would feel a need to dress up every time I wanted to carry the Celine. Maybe that's just me? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:22 AM Flag
[ - ] WWYD if teen DS came home one day bloody and severely beaten, and at the hospital when the police you called came to interview him, he simply said "I ain't talking to cops" and refused to say anything else? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:09 AM Flag
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Why did you call the cops? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:17 AM Flag
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depends on the kid. if he's normally a good kid, i'd be really alarmed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:23 AM Flag
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What race? Certain races have stop snitching as the mantra. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:52 AM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:52 AM Flag
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Ask hospital to send a counselor etc - someone to whom he can open up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 05:00 AM Flag
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I probably wouldn't force him to tell or they might seek retribution. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 06:02 AM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone here know Emmett's dad? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:08 AM Flag
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Uh, what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:09 AM Flag
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The Emmett I know has two moms. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 08.31.14, 04:09 AM Flag
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