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05.24.13, 03:02 PM
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Better gauge than inputs (i.e., TV, electronics time) is outputs. How does your DC interact with other kids, at classes, at school? Is DC interested in books and learning? If so, then don't focus on how much TV/ipad time they have.
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05.24.13, 03:09 PM
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They know it, but they're bullheaded.
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05.24.13, 03:09 PM
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I don't want close - give me the nadir of the sanctimony spectrum
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05.24.13, 03:10 PM
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05.24.13, 03:00 PM
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I know two families like this. They're exhausted (the Mom is anyway) but they're doing well and living the 4 kid dream they had.
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05.24.13, 02:55 PM
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Depends on whether you adopt a newborn or a 1 yo or older. For the former, not a big deal. For the latter, the most important resource you can give your child is TIME together for bonding and attachment. The disruption, even in infancy, from their prior placement to you is HUGE. You or DH would need a lot of time off work to attach to the kid. In these first few years, it's essentially a special needs situation, and you need to think about whether you have the time and focus to give that much attention to this kid. It might not be. It's not the same as having a bio kid, because bio kids didn't have this traumatic disruption (again, assuming it's not that you do a domestic adoption of a newborn).
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05.24.13, 03:05 PM
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Thanks. You definitely identified one of the big issues and one of the main reasons that I haven't done it yet. Originally, I wanted to adopt a toddler but the reality of that may be too tough. Domestic newborn adoption is not what I had in mind in my idealistic youth but it may be the only way to do it now - if I'm going to do it.
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05.24.13, 03:09 PM
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You're welcome. But just to be clear, lots of friends with other kids, and who WOH, have done toddler adoptions that have been GREAT. They didn't have awful hours or a ton of stress.
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05.24.13, 03:08 PM
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05.24.13, 02:51 PM
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ITA, but good luck.
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05.24.13, 02:52 PM
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no. it's not. a leash is disgusting. you are a bad mom if you put your kid on a leash. full stop.
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05.24.13, 02:53 PM
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Yeah, better to have your kid get hit by a car.
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05.24.13, 02:55 PM
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if the leash is the only thing keeping your kid from being hit by a car, you are a bad mom.
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05.24.13, 02:56 PM
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If it's the only thing that would prevent it, I'd do it.
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05.24.13, 02:58 PM
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agreed. special needs kids excepted from the analysis. OR
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05.24.13, 02:54 PM
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Not just SN - I posted about my brother below. From about 18 months to 2.5 he needed a leash - my mom is about 100 pounds soaking wet and could not keep a hold of him. He was crazy about running toward the street for some reason, she put him on the leash to keep him safe. My mom is a great mom, she recognized that this was a potentially very dangerous situation.
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05.24.13, 02:57 PM
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^^^and while he was on the leash, she would talk to him about staying on the sidewalk and all that, until he didn’t need it anymore. It’s easy to judge if you’re not in the situation.
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05.24.13, 02:59 PM
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These people are kidding themselves.
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05.24.13, 03:11 PM
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Most kids do not need a leash. A minority of children don't have the common sense required not to get hit by a car.
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05.24.13, 02:59 PM
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That was my point, but better stated - thanks.
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05.24.13, 02:59 PM
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Why must you assume it's the ONLY thing?
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05.24.13, 03:14 PM
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And these women seem to assume that their nieces and nephews are all putative molesters and act accordingly. I don't take these people too seriously.
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05.24.13, 03:10 PM
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said the mother that probably still has her kid at 5 still in a diaper
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05.24.13, 02:59 PM
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LOL, right?
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05.24.13, 03:00 PM
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No, not full stop. You're completely incorrect.
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05.24.13, 03:10 PM
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I agree – my brother was definitely a kid who needed a leash. He was a big toddler, hard to control physically, and would always find a way to dart into the street somehow. My mom finally gave up and got the leash for him until he was a little older and could control himself.
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05.24.13, 02:54 PM
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I disagree completely. You teach your kids how to behave, and part of that is how to behave while walking, going to playground, etc. A leash doesn't teach them proper behavior, it enforces it. There's a hug difference.
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05.24.13, 02:50 PM
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because you are a GOOD mom.
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05.24.13, 02:57 PM
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Some children have issues. You are a lucky woman but you can attribute that to your inherent goodness if you prefer.
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05.24.13, 02:59 PM
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+1, nobody in Europe uses it, children are taught to behave in public and in crowded places. It's part of being a parent.
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05.24.13, 02:54 PM
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Most children do not have to be taught not to run out into the middle of a street. They have a self-preservation instinct. Other children are not so sharp and need help.
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05.24.13, 02:56 PM
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most children have to be taught not to run off, you have to actually teach them the self-preservation yet they are not on the leash.
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05.24.13, 03:10 PM
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But that's true of SO many things. You can teach them proper behavior AND use a leash. Do you never use a stroller? Do you never hold their hand? Can I claim that if you hold their hand it's because you didn't teach them to stay next to you when crossing the street?
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05.24.13, 03:09 PM
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I completely agree. I don't need it for my kids, but if I did, I wouldn't hesitate. Signed, NYC mom
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05.24.13, 02:58 PM
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+1
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05.24.13, 02:58 PM
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+2
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05.24.13, 02:56 PM
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+3
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05.24.13, 03:00 PM
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i wonder what the overlap is between parents who let their kids play on electronics to keep them quiet in restaurants and people who put their kid on leashes. i bet it's 100%. losers.
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05.24.13, 02:53 PM
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By the time they can play on electronics they don't need leashes.
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05.24.13, 02:57 PM
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same loser parents.
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05.24.13, 02:58 PM
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I think it's one of those things that is probably a lifesafer (literally) for a toddler with special needs or one with high propensity to dart out in the street and not follow directions. Unfortunately, I think many parents probably abuse it and use it INSTEAD of teaching their normal toddler not to run in the street
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05.24.13, 02:54 PM
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I think you need to do both. If you're still doing it when the kid is 5, there's a problem. But there's nothing on earth dumber and with more potential for self-harm than a 2-3 yo.
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05.24.13, 03:11 PM
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+1. Never did it with my kids (and my youngest is still 2.5) but really don't think twice when I see 2yo w one of hose backpack things. I just think different strokes. I doubt the child fails to realize s/he is tethered to mom, which would be my principal concern from a safety/behavior development standpoint.
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05.24.13, 03:01 PM
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there are places you can go where I don't question it. Like the airport. mom has a million things to keep her hands full with and kid can walk and will scream all day if you stick him in the stroller. put him on a leash - i don't care! but when I see leashes on kids in most scenarios, i just cringe.
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05.24.13, 03:01 PM
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I am sorry but what are those million things ? Our family travels often and it's a very straightforward process, you drop off bags, check in, walk through the security and then it's just waiting at the gate. Teach your kid to be civilized
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05.24.13, 02:58 PM
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This. Leashes are a cop out.
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05.24.13, 03:11 PM
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05.24.13, 02:51 PM
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Less than 1.5% of Fieldston class gotaccepted at Harvard - the definition of great has been truly diminished
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05.24.13, 02:56 PM
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You don't know about the ones who got into Harvard but went to a better school instead.
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05.24.13, 03:01 PM
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The Fieldston site notes that the vast majority of students got into their first or second choice college.
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05.24.13, 03:06 PM
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exactly, so if Yale was the first choice and Harvard was their second choice, then your statistic that only 1.5% got into Harvard is a piece of shit.
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05.24.13, 03:11 PM
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that means nothing. that is there just to tamp down on students' expectations.
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05.24.13, 03:07 PM
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lololol. like all the ones who got into Harvard but went to oberlin or colby or middlebury.
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05.24.13, 03:08 PM
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I just spit my cafe out my nose!
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05.24.13, 03:12 PM
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05.24.13, 02:50 PM
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it's going to the damn union
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05.24.13, 02:51 PM
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The union gets its money from the compensation of the teachers. Are you saying the teachers compared to those countries are too well compensated?
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05.24.13, 02:52 PM
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^^NP: I would add, comparisons like this usually ignore the fact that benefits like retirement and healthcare are usually not factored in for those other countries or factored out for US.
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05.24.13, 02:54 PM
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np: No, they have too many bad teachers and the unions don't allow them to be fired.
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05.24.13, 03:02 PM
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pp: This is about cost. Unless you are saying there is a huge number of bad teachers who are being paid BUT not actually teaching, how would this increase the per pupil cost?
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05.24.13, 03:07 PM
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comparing apples to oranges. everything is more expensive here. i highly doubt the answer is to spend less on education.
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05.24.13, 02:49 PM
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it clearly not to spend more on education. Japan and Singapore spend far less and have approximately the same costs as the US
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05.24.13, 02:57 PM
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maybe their students have a smarter baseline than ours do.
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05.24.13, 03:03 PM
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This is actually not true at all. Everything is not more expensive here at all.
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05.24.13, 02:58 PM
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of course it is. give an example to dispute this.
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05.24.13, 03:03 PM
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Stupidity exists. Stupid kids cannot be taught to be smart. It's like trying to force a cat to learn Calculus.
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05.24.13, 03:08 PM
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05.24.13, 02:40 PM
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No
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05.24.13, 02:41 PM
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^^not necessarily.
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05.24.13, 02:42 PM
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You must be feeling pretty anxious - understandably. Can you go out and do something to distract yourself?
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05.24.13, 02:52 PM
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Not at all.
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05.24.13, 03:00 PM
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Longer is better in these cases, usually. Because if there is a problem you will usually hear about it right away.
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05.24.13, 03:05 PM
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Can't tell if it's the same in your case, but the one time the "report" came back with really, really bad news, the doc called personally and right away.
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05.24.13, 03:08 PM
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+1 - Doctor's wife here.
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05.24.13, 03:06 PM
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05.24.13, 02:38 PM
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good juju
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05.24.13, 02:32 PM
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prostitution WHORE! i love me some windchimes!
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05.24.13, 02:43 PM
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Who pissed in your cornflakes?
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05.24.13, 02:38 PM
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^ says the chick with annoying wind chimes!
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05.24.13, 02:34 PM
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I live in an apartment, but if I had a house I would have wind chimes and gnomes. If I am going to go suburban I am going fucking hard core.
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05.24.13, 03:12 PM
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ITA! Not to mention they are creepy and belong at the beginning of a Lifetime movie, right before the psycho ex-husband breaks into her house.
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05.24.13, 02:39 PM
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The Hand that Rocks the Cradle
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05.24.13, 02:35 PM
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Yup.
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05.24.13, 02:41 PM
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They're kind of nice to hear...on a sunny day.
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05.24.13, 02:34 PM
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No way. Birds chirping are nice to hear on a sunny day.
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05.24.13, 02:43 PM
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Nah, birds, chimes, and a breeze are nice to hear/feel on a sunny day.
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05.24.13, 02:41 PM
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i love them - the more the better
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05.24.13, 02:41 PM
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Eh, one is enough.
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05.24.13, 02:43 PM
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lol.
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05.24.13, 02:43 PM
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I like the sound of some of them. It conjures up happy memories.
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05.24.13, 02:36 PM
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Yes! If your kid was banging metal together for any extended amount of time, it'd be "Joey! Knock it off!" but if it's done under the guise of wind chimes - ahh... so relaxing?! not!
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05.24.13, 02:42 PM
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LMFAO
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05.24.13, 02:37 PM
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Good karma: every time a temple bell chimes it's a prayer.
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05.24.13, 02:37 PM
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noise pollution. should be illegal.
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05.24.13, 02:43 PM
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+1
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05.24.13, 02:39 PM
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My son and I used several lengths of copper pipe and made wind chimes for DW for Mother's Day a few years ago. We spent a few days tuning them till they sounded great. I love them. (If you are within earshot, sorry but I'm not taking them down.)
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05.24.13, 02:56 PM
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That's ok. I'll take them down when you are not around. hmpf.
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05.24.13, 03:00 PM
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Sorry, honey, I pretended to like them!
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05.24.13, 03:00 PM
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lol
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05.24.13, 03:12 PM
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05.24.13, 02:37 PM
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And in other news, the sky is blue.
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05.24.13, 02:38 PM
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lol!
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05.24.13, 02:47 PM
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UB is a much better way to spend it creates deep thoughtful kind people
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05.24.13, 02:34 PM
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lol, this. I love when people on here rail against the evils of TV...uhhhh.
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05.24.13, 02:41 PM
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Good one.
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05.24.13, 02:37 PM
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The problem with your statement is that is presumes that it's 1985. Television today is phenomenal - much better than film. Plus, with the advent of time shifting technology it's not like people are sitting in front of their televisions for 4 hours a night anymore. And video games, even though I don't play them, are much more sophisticated than Mario brothers. I think you need to rethink what television and games are all about.
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05.24.13, 02:42 PM
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OP--what they are all about is zoning out. I don't care how interactive the video game is, you're still focussing your attention on an electronic thing instead of a person or conversation. Is it any wonder that kids with autism and ADD absolutely LOVE television? And older teens with social problems love video games? Sure, the average population enjoys them too but specifically these types truly LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Because it enables them to even further disconnect
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05.24.13, 02:52 PM
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+1 OP is one of those "When I used to go to school, I had to walk five miles..." people and thinks everything stays the same. She probably also has no problem with children using phones and iPads.
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05.24.13, 03:01 PM
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OP--no, I have major issues with toddlers using iphones and ipads, especially in public restaurants, church...etc
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05.24.13, 02:58 PM
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You're assuming that there's good TV and bad TV. The main problem with kids watching television too much is that it's a passive medium that requires very little of the viewer. Children (hell, adults too) need to spend less of their waking hours absorbing what's on the tube and more doing activities that require them to think and/or be physically active.
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05.24.13, 02:59 PM
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This is like saying, "wow, processed food has come a long way!" It's no longer those frozen TV dinners you used to eat in the 1970s--now there are so many more interesting options! It's still processed, artificial, junky. Sometimes the old school way really is better.
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05.24.13, 03:08 PM
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You're preaching to the choir, lady. People who don't watch tv don't put their kids in front of it either.
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05.24.13, 02:43 PM
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I watched a ton of TV as a child, and never watch it as an adult. Except Daily Show when I'm up late, and the new Tony Bourdain show on DVR when I can.
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05.24.13, 02:39 PM
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Really dumb statement. Kids take after their parents, tv has nothing to do with it.
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05.24.13, 02:46 PM
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I watch a lot of TV, play SOME video games (more apps now, but some games when younger). I'm a lovely person and people like being around me. I also read and play sports and am involved politically. I like TV...i watched it as a kid too. My kids also like tv and like to play video games. They're highly social, popular. Now, they both would opt for playground or playdate or going somewhere over the TV or video game, but on a rainy sunday or at the end of a long day when we're all tired, I'm happy (and grateful) for the screens!
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05.24.13, 02:54 PM
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05.24.13, 02:36 PM
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I'd have to think about it.
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05.24.13, 02:30 PM
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you always have a choice. always. even the choice to choose the status quo
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05.24.13, 02:31 PM
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no, I think it would all be easier without choice
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05.24.13, 02:38 PM
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I'm too indecisive
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05.24.13, 02:38 PM
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Yes, def
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05.24.13, 02:32 PM
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I can and I will
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05.24.13, 02:38 PM
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Please. I knew a kid in high school who was addicted to Donkey Kong. I think he's a brain surgeon now.
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05.24.13, 02:41 PM
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Carl??
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05.24.13, 02:47 PM
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No. Chris.
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05.24.13, 02:52 PM
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05.24.13, 02:33 PM
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Trick question. America no longer exists.
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05.24.13, 02:34 PM
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Of course.
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05.24.13, 02:41 PM
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Yes, of course. The most successful young female attorney at my BigLaw firm has a totally over the top girly name and the second most successful has one that is even girlier.
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05.24.13, 02:42 PM
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Lucy and Crystal?
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05.24.13, 02:39 PM
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If President Jayden Braxton appoints her. It's going to be a brave new world out there!
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05.24.13, 02:42 PM
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What's wrong with the name Violet? Summer or Sunshine might have a problem though.
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05.24.13, 02:38 PM
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No. Nor can Violet be the president of IBM. Nor can she be the keynote speaker at a conference you'd want to attend. Violet is a wonderful painter, landscape architect, or kindergarten teacher. It's a great middle name though! Or she could be something like Violet Elizabeth and go by V Elizabeth LastName when she is Secretary General of the UN.
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05.24.13, 02:38 PM
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ITDA. We had a Secretary of State named Madeline and Hillary. You never know.
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05.24.13, 02:50 PM
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Point taken.
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05.24.13, 02:52 PM
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Yes.
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05.24.13, 02:52 PM
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When Oprah can be a billionaire and respected philanthropist and Barack can be a two-time President, of course Violet can be Chief Justice.
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05.24.13, 02:57 PM
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I know a nuclear physicist named Velvet.
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05.24.13, 02:57 PM
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Since she's competing against Tallulah, Mackenzie, Sadie, and Rose for the job, sure.
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05.24.13, 03:01 PM
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truth!
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05.24.13, 03:08 PM
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Thurgood? People rise above their names
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05.24.13, 03:10 PM
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