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05.25.13, 02:19 PM
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magna tiles, or anytype of art project thing..design your own jewlery box
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05.25.13, 02:23 PM
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a couple of books (my 3yo dd loves madeleine and angelina ballerina) or maybe a couple of coloring or sticker books
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05.25.13, 02:18 PM
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Melissa and Doug anything, pretty much. And/or Alex art kit. Where do you live? If on UES, I can suggest specific stores that will wrap for you.
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05.25.13, 02:28 PM
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05.25.13, 02:10 PM
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I see you point....but I remember going to my HS father and daughter dance and it was fun. I was a freshman and had a few hours with my dad who was always working
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05.25.13, 02:11 PM
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NP: I did too, but my best friend's father was not in her life (parents divorced when she was 2, her father lived outside the US). She felt pretty crappy about the whole thing, but didn't say anything to me about it at the time. Afterwards I realized that there have to be other ways to get to the same result without making some people feel like shit.
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05.25.13, 02:25 PM
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My dd goes to a school where they have a lot of those - grandparents day, fathers breakfast, and such. They always say "and special friend" to include everyone. I think it's a great idea
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05.25.13, 02:28 PM
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I have never heard of them in real life. I never had any growing up and my dc has never had any (in HS now). So to me, they sound odd and old-fashioned.
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05.25.13, 02:30 PM
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You should feel angry that men get away with abandoning their children.
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05.25.13, 02:25 PM
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I think they are sweet and lovely. Plenty of people don't have moms or dads and things like Mother's Day are tough, but that's part of life.
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05.25.13, 02:33 PM
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^ But I agree, I like that today, these things are always presented as inclusive, so you could bring an uncle or grandfather or cousin.
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05.25.13, 02:34 PM
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05.25.13, 02:09 PM
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Do they have a restaurant with some significance? Where they had a first date? proposal? a favorite romantic place? It's hard to make a suggestion without knowing your parents.
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05.25.13, 02:07 PM
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No, just looking for a nice restaurant wIth a "special" vibe
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05.25.13, 02:17 PM
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do you want this to cover their meal?
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05.25.13, 02:13 PM
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If you want to cover the entire check, you'll need to at least double what you want to spend. Per Se, Jean-Georges, Daniel, Del Posto, Aureole
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05.25.13, 02:21 PM
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^^^Unless they don't drink!
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05.25.13, 02:21 PM
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Cafe Boulud, Annisa, The Crown are all nice. That said $200 will be a bit tight/just enough without drinks
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05.25.13, 02:16 PM
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Union square cafe or any Danny Meyer restaurant.
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05.25.13, 02:27 PM
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05.25.13, 01:54 PM
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So you came to UB...
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05.25.13, 02:06 PM
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I am the same. So bad.
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05.25.13, 02:09 PM
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i'll show my ignorance (I am not a facebook user), what's to waste time with? on your own facebook page? or other peoples? do you just surf from one persons page to another? I guess I never knew what facebook was good for, so I never bothered - and since that train left the station so long ago, I am not going to ask anyone irl what or what to use it for
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05.25.13, 02:08 PM
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I hear people say they are addicted to Facebook and I always ask myself how? What are they doing that takes up so much time and I don't know about. I look at my feed once a day, takes about 10 minutes or less. Is it because I have fewer friends that post? Or am I missing features? Now, on the other hand, UB? that I get.
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05.25.13, 02:10 PM
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really? I don't care that much about FB but I spend too much time on UB :(
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05.25.13, 02:34 PM
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05.25.13, 01:34 PM
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A lot of the most common ones (and best smelling, probably) are just "greener"--not all natural or anything. Still, I use a lot of these. Method (the lavender all purpose spray is the best kitchen counter cleaner according to Cook's Illustrated--I agree, cleans well) and Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day are two. Ecover is more natural, but some of the products smell pretty good. Also, they make a great liquid laundry detergent (have been using it almost exclusively for 11 years).
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05.25.13, 02:19 PM
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Vinegar and water works on most things.
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05.25.13, 02:27 PM
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Yes, it's worth it. I used to have mild asthma. After switching, my breathing is significantly better. I also buy the non toxic concentrate kind ( saw on Oprah couple years back). So all I need is to add water. Save tons of money too. I am not home so I forgot the brand. It starts with an s. google it.
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05.25.13, 02:27 PM
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05.25.13, 01:33 PM
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You never know. About anything or anyone. It's why I'm never ever jealous of anyone, for any reason. Because who the heck knows what the real story is?
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05.25.13, 01:46 PM
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Op- that is such a good philosophy. You are SO right!!
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05.25.13, 01:46 PM
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They obviously do live beyond their means.
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05.25.13, 01:40 PM
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Op- the thing is I don't see it at all. No fancy vacations, handbags etc... Two kids both had FULL scholarships!!! I am so worried about this. I am worried for her
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05.25.13, 01:44 PM
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Do they gamble? I know a seemingly normal woman with a $3,000 a month on line gambling addiction.
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05.25.13, 01:52 PM
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Maybe she is living beyond their means ? Debt for their kids colleges ? Maybe she doesn't have a decent paying job ? Debt can accumulate fast in a blink of an eye.
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05.25.13, 01:42 PM
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Op- 2 kids had full athletic scholarships, modest home, no great vacations etc..... This is weird. She is normally the level headed one. I am deeply concerned. I know where she works and it is decent paying for sure. Like I said not amazing but she shouldn't be in this position. I'm worrie there is more o this. I just don't know what
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05.25.13, 01:46 PM
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Maybe an addiction ? Gambling ? Does her husband work ?
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05.25.13, 01:47 PM
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If you are going to lend her the money, I think you are in the right to ask her how she got into much debt. I would ask her.
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05.25.13, 01:47 PM
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+1
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05.25.13, 01:59 PM
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still costs money to send kids to school even with scholarships - but I find it really strange that you did not bother to ask her why she needed the money
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05.25.13, 02:09 PM
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She asked for money and the conversation just stopped? You didn't ask her why? If she worried about foreclosure, something big happened. She probably needs some sisterly love and support, in addition to money. And I agree with the poster above: you never know what is going on in someone else's house.
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05.25.13, 02:07 PM
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Be careful. If they haven't been able to come up with the last three payments, where are the next three payments coming from?
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05.25.13, 02:19 PM
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+1. It's often best to let things resolve themselves naturally. She's going to lose the house sooner or later, so don't throw your money into that black hole.
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05.25.13, 02:24 PM
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05.25.13, 01:32 PM
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Me either I randomly ended up here after college bc a friend got me a low paying job. I kept working my way up, met dh and stayed here w ds (I'm also on the UWS). I have things I never even knew I was supposed to want. I never take any of it for granted.
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05.25.13, 01:35 PM
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Well said, I also have things I never knew I was supposed to want (or imagined existed). Like you I am grateful.
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05.25.13, 01:54 PM
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I was born and raise in another Country, move to the States with a summer job offer, came here with a basic English knowledge, met DH and ended staying. Crazy!
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05.25.13, 01:38 PM
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There are just as many reinvented people in New York as there are native New Yorkers. My parents have now been on the UES for 50 years, but dad was from Atlantic City and mom was from the South side of Chicago. They met at Columbia/Barnard.
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05.25.13, 02:05 PM
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I am the opposite and so grateful. Raised privileged, secular, UMC and now I live in bible belt country (still not religious.) We have a more simple life than how I was raised, but wonderful.
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05.25.13, 02:16 PM
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You sound just like a friend of mine, she was raised evangelical and even went to a large Christian university. She feels like she escaped from prison sometimes.
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05.25.13, 02:29 PM
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05.25.13, 12:05 PM
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People really need to learn to respect boundaries. I have a friend who regularly texts me befor 7 am and another who sends messages after 11. I am 39 weeks pg and hardly sleeping as is. Drives me nuts.
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05.25.13, 12:15 PM
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* 11 pm that is!
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05.25.13, 12:16 PM
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Turn off your phone or text sounds. How is texting someone overstepping a boundary?
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05.25.13, 12:31 PM
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It's not. Some people can find fault with anything!
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05.25.13, 12:39 PM
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Texting is contacting someone, as is calling. You don 't call someone that early on a weekend.
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05.25.13, 01:22 PM
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nope
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05.25.13, 01:27 PM
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So is emailing. Do you have a problem with that? Texting is basically a truncated email and is nothing like calling.
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05.25.13, 02:27 PM
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I agree. I don't find texting invasive. I just don't even look at it, until I'm ready to respond.
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05.25.13, 01:36 PM
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same
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05.25.13, 01:56 PM
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Same here. What a nutty complaint.
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05.25.13, 02:26 PM
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So don't keep your damned phone next to your bed! Or turn off the sounds.
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05.25.13, 02:26 PM
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Yes I probably would. But I don't sleep with my phone and if I do have it in the same room I have sound turned off.
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05.25.13, 12:23 PM
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I wouldn't specially if it is not an urgent matter, specially the weekend.
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05.25.13, 12:20 PM
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Yes. I've never thought of texts as something that depends on the person being awake. Turn your texts notification sounds off.
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05.25.13, 12:26 PM
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This. That's like thinking someone should be awake before you email them.
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05.25.13, 12:27 PM
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np I think the above sentiments are more common in the younger generation. How old are you, OP?
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05.25.13, 12:27 PM
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Define younger. I think of texting for anyone but very close personal friends to be something only the "younger generation" does anyway.
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05.25.13, 12:31 PM
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np I'm 44. Until about 6 months ago, I never texted. Now text daily with plenty of people (also keep tabs on older dc this way). Usually go over my text limit for the month! Convenient way of communicating--no requirement for the recipient to reply right away.
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05.25.13, 02:29 PM
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OP: I'm 34. It wasn't a business question. I sleep with the phone by my bed and I keep the sound on in case of emergency (I always keep the sound off for email). We don't have a land line.
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05.25.13, 12:37 PM
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By why do you text w her instead of email, given that you describe her as a former colleague rather than close friend?
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05.25.13, 12:36 PM
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OP: We have kept in touch, but are not close friends. She initiated (the text wasn't in response to something I had sent earlier, it was personal, not business). I text with plenty of people (assorted age ranges and relationships) - but am mindful of timing, I've always assumed that people leave their text notification on at all times. For whatever reason, I consider email to be different (and maybe that's b/c I always keep the sound off on my phone for email).
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05.25.13, 12:54 PM
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I text whenever I feel like it, assuming the person's alerts are off if they're sleeping. Now I feel like a jerk! I'm gonna do a poll on fb now and make a note of how my friends deal with this.
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05.25.13, 01:39 PM
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np She states she has sound off for email but not for text. She's making up what's rude based on her phone settings.
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05.25.13, 02:30 PM
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So keep the sound off for text.
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05.25.13, 12:38 PM
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And I'm am sure everyone knows your phone rules and that it is on for emergency only. Come on. Get a grip. Its a stupid text. Get over it.
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05.25.13, 01:34 PM
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x100000000000
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05.25.13, 02:30 PM
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+1. That said, I don't actually text w anyone but DH, nanny and a couple of mom friends w kid related stuff. Would always email for even remotely professional purposes.
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05.25.13, 12:29 PM
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^in answer to np, I'm 42
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05.25.13, 12:30 PM
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Ah, okay. Well...I think age has something to do with it then. Get used to this. Texting is not something people constrain to moments when others are awake.
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05.25.13, 12:40 PM
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That's Ok. If my nanny, DH or girlfriend needs to text me at random times, I can deal. Everyone else would be emailing, especially a "former colleague"
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05.25.13, 12:43 PM
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OP: posted above, we've kept in touch, but I don't consider her a close friend. It was a personal text, not at all business-related (and I don't mind that she texted instead of emailed - I text a lot - it's the timing that annoyed me).
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05.25.13, 12:57 PM
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I guess I'm saying that if you text the same way others email, you should expect to receive them the same as email too
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05.25.13, 12:56 PM
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+1. I get annoyed when someone texts me early because it wakes me up - but it is my fault for not turning the sound off.
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05.25.13, 01:33 PM
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That's ridiculous...so now we have to turn so it off for the comfort of others ?
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05.25.13, 12:52 PM
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No, for the comfort of yourself. I sleep through text notifications. If I did not I would turn it off for MY comfort.
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05.25.13, 01:24 PM
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If you don't want to be freaking woken up then yeah
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05.25.13, 01:36 PM
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+1
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05.25.13, 01:31 PM
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I send texts when I think to send them. If they are asleep, I assume they won't answer right away.
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05.25.13, 12:29 PM
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But sometimes they just wake people up. It is annoying.
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05.25.13, 12:34 PM
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So turn off your text sounds. Would you be annoyed if I emailed you and your phone notified you?
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05.25.13, 12:39 PM
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I have those sounds off, but my texts are on in case of an emergency or an important notification.
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05.25.13, 12:53 PM
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If it's that important, you will get a phone call, even in the middle of the night. You can safely turn the text notifications off.
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05.25.13, 01:29 PM
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THIS. If there was a 911 type emergency with a sick parent or whatever, you'd get an actual phone call--not a fucking text!!
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05.25.13, 02:32 PM
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An emergency text? Wouldn't someone CALL if there was an emergency?
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05.25.13, 01:25 PM
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It's a TEXT. If you're sleeping, TURN OFF THE SOUND!
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05.25.13, 12:43 PM
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Apparently you don't care for sick parents, some ppl cannot turn off their text or phones. Just be smart and send an email instead of a text that will wake ppl.
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05.25.13, 01:02 PM
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I do have many people who rely on me. In emergencies they call. IMO, texts are not meant to wake people up for an immediate response or they would constantly beep until answered.
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05.25.13, 12:58 PM
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Some ppl are lite sleepers. Just send an email and be thoughtful
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05.25.13, 01:02 PM
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this - texting is not for emergencies
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05.25.13, 01:22 PM
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This this this
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05.25.13, 01:41 PM
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Eh my emails sent an alert to my phone too. I don't have a problem w/people sending texts or emails anytime - if the sounds annoy me I turn them off. I don't have to answer them right of way. If they called me it would be more of a problem.
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05.25.13, 01:23 PM
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I send texts and emails in the middle of the night when I can't sleep and am catching up.
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05.25.13, 12:44 PM
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Ar you kidding, right ?
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05.25.13, 12:39 PM
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np I do this too. What's to kid about?
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05.25.13, 12:40 PM
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Huh??
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05.25.13, 12:46 PM
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Nope unless I was asked to send it early. I don't send text before 10am esp on the weekends
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05.25.13, 12:57 PM
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Yea I think this is a generational thing and I am on the cusp at 32. I get texts at odd times from people who assume my phone is off-- and I don't mind it. But people older than me probably wouldn't.
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05.25.13, 12:57 PM
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Texting late is like calling late, rude. I refuse to turn off text or phone since I have elderly parents but if you need to end me anything late send an email...not a damn text. Think of others
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05.25.13, 01:01 PM
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I disagree because it does not demand your immediate attention but you can always ask people not to text you after 10pm.
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05.25.13, 01:24 PM
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No, texting late is like emailing late. And you can turn off JUST the text sound if it bugs you. I have a hard time believing your elderly parents will text you in an emergency.
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05.25.13, 01:26 PM
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ITA. My Mom texts me to say she's running late at the doctor's office and will call me when she's finished. She never texts for anything urgent.
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05.25.13, 01:51 PM
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Never. Send an email, though this could also wake people up. Don't assume people can turn off sounds, many of us have to keep them on because of kids or parents.
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05.25.13, 01:10 PM
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Wouldn't that be the ringer that you need to keep on? Who is emailing/texting bt not calling in true emergency?
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05.25.13, 01:09 PM
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this!
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05.25.13, 01:21 PM
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Well, obviously many people DO keep the sound on, so inappropriate to send texts outside of normal hours
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05.25.13, 02:22 PM
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You can turn off your text or email notifications without turning off your ringer, grandma.
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05.25.13, 01:27 PM
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I don't think it's the "grandmas" with this issue. It's the 30ish crowd who text everyone and have merged boundaries and want to impose rules on others rather than establishing boundaries.
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05.25.13, 01:34 PM
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Sorry. 45 y/o and texts are not for emergencies. If it's that important, I will get a phone call and yes, I have elderly relatives who rely on me. When my mother texts me, I will get back to her when I can and even she understands this. When she calls me at 1am, I pick up the phone. BTW - she started texting to stay in touch with her grandchildren.
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05.25.13, 01:54 PM
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Right but does she text her peers, no. Only the kids. Unlikely they would text her or even you in an emergency. Surely they would cAll. I just thi k OP is being silly about his
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05.25.13, 01:54 PM
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Her peers - probably not (but it's certainly possible) - they were all teachers and pretty good at keeping up with what their students were into. I know she texts me and my siblings and of course, her grandkids. Watching my then 13 year old niece teach her was a funny afternoon.
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05.25.13, 02:06 PM
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If you are regularly texting with your former co-workers and acquaintances, you are part of that crowd.
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05.25.13, 01:48 PM
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I'm not! Not OP and I agree with you on that
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05.25.13, 01:52 PM
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Lol!!!!!
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05.25.13, 01:38 PM
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If it is a work matter that I need to know before heading to work the next day, good send me the text, but if it is something you can easily tell me or text me the next day when I am awake, please don't text. This is why I leave my text sound on, but it doesn't mean I should be available to you 24/7
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05.25.13, 01:45 PM
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If its an iPhone, use the "do not disturb" feature at bed time. Phone only rings when coming from a favorite number.
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05.25.13, 02:05 PM
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Why am obligated to do something to accommodate others' bad manners? I get probably 3 texts a day (usually all from DH) so would never think to turn off my phone
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05.25.13, 02:17 PM
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This is one of those irritations that is easily solved by people who like life without irritation.
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05.25.13, 02:17 PM
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05.25.13, 11:47 AM
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Way better, people don't want to admit but from an exmissions pov, private is a huge waste of $ they always mention intangibles like "connections" that it is so overrated,
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05.25.13, 12:36 PM
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For many people private education is not about what college your kids gets into!!!
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05.25.13, 12:39 PM
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LOL riiight, you can tell this by UB obsessing with HYP
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05.25.13, 12:46 PM
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Thank god I am not one of those people and UBers are not my everyday friends!! Quite possibly many UBers think that they are buying a ticket to HYP with a K admission to Trinity, but that would not be me.
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05.25.13, 12:57 PM
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You really have no idea what you're talking about. On a percentage basis, Hunter is the only one of the schools listed that is anywhere near Collegiate, HM, Trinity, Brearley, etc. That said, College bragging rights are not the only thing to think about when choosing a HS. These can be tough years and the right environment for a particular child can make such a difference - public or private.
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05.25.13, 01:30 PM
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05.25.13, 11:43 AM
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How about paying them back over time rather than in a lump sum? Would that allow you to honor your parents and still buy an apt?
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05.25.13, 11:46 AM
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It will, but this being New York, we aren't going to have a lot of money left over with mortgage and my parents are in 70s.
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05.25.13, 11:55 AM
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They've told me it's from my will money so that I don't have to pay them back,but it might be the entirety of will money and I feel an obligation to give them money back. Math wise, if we half savings between the two, neither goal will be satisfied for a long time.
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05.25.13, 11:58 AM
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np-I think if you have an honest and open conversation with them, then it is OK to not feel too pressured to pay them back right away. It probably is your inheritance that funded the rent, but it seems like the are OK with that. It's nice when it all works out (nice parents, appreciative/thoughtful kid). Best of luck!
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05.25.13, 12:01 PM
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Thank you. I feel so stuck with this, this was nice to hear.
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05.25.13, 12:06 PM
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I'm glad...also, maybe it's better, tax wise, for them to give it to you like this, rather than in one big chunk...I'm not a CPA, but my in-law gift a hefty chunk to spouse and in-laws once a year, so it's probably something similar. Maybe just make sure to let it be all open to your sibs so that when it all settles out, they understand (if you have sibs).
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05.25.13, 12:44 PM
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sorry, that should be "spouse and brother/sister in law once a year"
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05.25.13, 12:45 PM
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+1. If it is money that would come to you eventually, in a way it makes sense for them to give it to you now, as you avoid inheritance tax. My only concern is that you say they could "use the money" - are they struggling to pay their own bills? if so, then I think you should repay them (at least some). If not, I would put aside whatever you can after mortgage etc, in anticipation of having to help them later. You say they are in their 70s - they could live another 20 years potentially.
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05.25.13, 01:37 PM
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It it is this then get the apartment and move on. Your parents may need you in others ways in 5 - 10 years. BUT if you think they really do need the money then pay it back.
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05.25.13, 12:02 PM
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If they are ok with this, then pay them back later or make small payments.
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05.25.13, 12:28 PM
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Pay them back later if they are okay with that.
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05.25.13, 12:30 PM
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If you have siblings, if this amount is material, suggest parents adjust their will, and subtract it, with interest.
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05.25.13, 01:03 PM
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I agree except for the interest amount.
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05.25.13, 01:33 PM
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05.25.13, 11:16 AM
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If it is true OCD, which can be thoughts and not behaviors, meds and therapy. My DD has what she refers to as Sticky Brain. A thought comes in and sticks. A great child psychiatrist, the right meds and lots of work on her part.
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05.25.13, 11:45 AM
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Acknowledge, "oh that's me and my 'sticky brain' forgive yourself and move on. Keep busy.
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05.25.13, 12:36 PM
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NP: If it is true OCD, while the sentiment is nice, this alone will likely not be enough.
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05.25.13, 01:38 PM
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when i have these thoughts, i remind myself that i am being ridiculous and am looking for problems because i don't have any real ones. maybe that sounds harsh, but it works for me.
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05.25.13, 02:02 PM
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05.25.13, 10:46 AM
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I think you should apply to all three. Don't limit yourself 4 months before the application process even begins
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05.25.13, 10:45 AM
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T is evident from your post that haven't got a clue about the K process. Your chances of you ds getting a spot at these schools range from ain't going to happen to very unlikely. You, my friend, aren't going with any school you mention.
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05.25.13, 12:01 PM
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This is obviously a fake post that is meant to stir trouble.
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05.25.13, 12:18 PM
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Collegiate is much smaller school.
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05.25.13, 01:09 PM
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