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[ - ] UB has been extra boring these past 3 or 4 days. wtf happened? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:56 AM Flag
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I left. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:57 AM Flag
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Israel happened, apparently. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:50 AM Flag
[ - ] s/o: Shoe on the other foot: Husband makes spreadsheet of wife's turndowns of sex for an entire month, including the reason, then emails it to her when she's leaving for a business trip: 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:53 AM Flag
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"Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He's never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it's a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won't miss me for the 10 days I'm gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my "excuses", using verbatim quotes of why I didn't feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his 'document', we've only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 "attempts" on his part." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:54 AM Flag
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[ - ] What movie should I watch tonight? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:49 AM Flag
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To Kill a Mocking Bird [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:48 AM Flag
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What movies have you liked? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:59 AM Flag
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Gravity. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:53 AM Flag
[ - ] What do you do with inherited furnishings? If you inherit different properties, do you simply dispose of the previous furniture? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:35 AM Flag
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I had to sell a lot of furniture when I inherited my parents' house. I have a large house, but it was already full of furniture and I live on the opposite coast, so I had to sell. As it was, I shipped a huge load of stuff across the country to my house--a lot of which is *still* in my garage 5 years later. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:28 AM Flag
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Do you have plans to sell/donate them or do most of them hold some sort of sentimental value? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:33 AM Flag
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Sentimental value. I let too much stuff go and I regret it. These things I'll keep. I figure the next time I move, I'll get some of that stuff into my house. ;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:36 AM Flag
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I was lucky and the ski house and furnishings (which I do not want) I sold as a package, so I did not have to deal with the furniture on it's own. the condo I was not so lucky and had a sale, anything that did not sell I donated...I really did not need or want any of it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:33 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone else addicted to buying clothes? I'm like a drug addict. I've been dealing with this in therapy for 7 years and still cannot overcome it. 27 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:28 AM Flag
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Have you been seeing the same therapist? Have you gotten better? How do you fund this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:29 AM Flag
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Op I have a somewhat wealthy dh. I've seen the same therapist and have gotten better, but I can't completely stop. I don't know what my therapist could do differently. She's very good. The problem is me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:21 AM Flag
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Do you buy all at once or in a certain mood, so it gives you a rush? Buzz Bissinger wrote about his clothing addiction last year, and I think he was being treated for bipolar disorder (and he went into residential inpatient treatment after that article was published, because I think others pointed out that he had a worse problem than he realized as he was writing it.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:27 AM Flag
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Op I have been diagnosed with depression, but I've been on meds for a long time and never feel depressed. I shop the most in the fall when all the new things come out, other times of the year it depends on my mood. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:39 AM Flag
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Me! I lost 30lbs and started making a lot more money. Lethal combo. I can't stop buying. It is the Bly time in my life that things actually look good and I'm not wearing all black. What do you buy? How much? How often? What do you thnk precipices this? Weight loss? That's what did it for me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:30 AM Flag
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Op I spend about $5,000 per month. I grew up LMC and always felt like a have not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:34 AM Flag
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^I buy something almost daily. All different designers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:24 AM Flag
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You are better than that. Don't let irrational thoughts and strong feelings take you down. Fight it. You have plenty. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:25 AM Flag
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Op I tell myself that then 15 minutes later I'm shopping online. I don't wear 75% of what's in my closet. It eventually ends up in a consignment shop. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:27 AM Flag
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I'll come over and sell it for you for a cut. What size are you? We need to be friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:31 AM Flag
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Op lol, size 6. Just check out Collette on UES. You'll see lots of my things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:31 AM Flag
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What do you do with it all? It is online and an impulse? What does your therapist say? Not trying to be mean but part of you must be unhappy to be doing this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:26 AM Flag
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Op I'm happy. I'm just trying to feel "good enough" I think. Trying to make up for not having those Gloria Vanderbilt jeans in the 80's...lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:29 AM Flag
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I had them. And now I'm 43 and miserable. No amount of expensive anything can change how I feel. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:44 AM Flag
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Do you have kids? Do you realize you are wasting money that could be invested and go to them years from now? Think about it that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:48 AM Flag
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No. I'm the opposite. I hate clothes but I love expensive food. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:32 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:35 AM Flag
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Op I can't imagine hating clothes! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:35 AM Flag
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Op Curious..what do you think when you see someone in clothes that look expensive? What a waste of money? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:25 AM Flag
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No, I just don't care. I used to, but now I don't. It doesn't impress me. But I do like fine food and spa days. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:38 AM Flag
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Op I should get addicted to massages. Every time I go (which is about every 6 months) I think "I should do this more often". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:41 AM Flag
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Start one day at a time. If you can make it to 7pm without looking or buying, treat yourself to something non materialistic. Then try and go a few days. Write down your feelings of anger as you tell yourself you can't do it. Then write over and over how proud you are of yourself for getting through the day. If you buy, save all receipts and tags so you can return if necessary. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:34 AM Flag
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I get my expensive clothes dirty. I have 3 pairs of Manolos and 2 pairs of Jimmy. I don't wear ANY of them and trying to sell it all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:32 AM Flag
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Do you do your own laundry and take care of your clothes yourself? That makes me not want to buy bc I realize how much I have and what a pain it is to really properly care for them (i.e. soak them, hang them up to dry, wash, iron, steam, etc) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:44 AM Flag
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I'm over 200 and live in the midwest but have lots of money. I get excited when I find stuff that fits me. I just recently found some really pretty dresses with some drap-ey thin washable sweaters that I can wrap around. I love it when i find nice colors and things. I get my hair nicely done and highlighted and I am good to go where I am. My downfall is handbags and I got over it ten years ago when I bought a vuitton murakami pochette and I went into a boutique later in NYC and I heard a sales associate whisper, "obviously you can sell her ANYTHING." I heard it clear as day. I kind of never went back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:42 AM Flag
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I worked out that I shopped when I was bored. I also figured out that having so much stuff caused me stress. Those two realizations stopped my shopping impulses. I was no where near 'addiction', mind you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:57 AM Flag
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RETURN IT. All of it. The hassle of boxing it up, taking it to the post office or UPS should help you stop. Or cut up your credit cards. Or put them in your safe deposit box so they're not accessible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 01:02 AM Flag
[ - ] Do you know many people moving out of nyc? What are the reasons? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:24 AM Flag
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No [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:16 AM Flag
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Space, to live near family, don't want public but can't afford private, tired of rat race [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:17 AM Flag
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Not many but the reason is normally space or schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:29 AM Flag
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They are having 2nd child and cannot afford a larger apt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:29 AM Flag
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this is the tipping point for most people i know in the burbs…additionally, w 1 kid you are sort of your old self but with a baby in tow. once you have 2 kids, it's like you're actually parents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:52 AM Flag
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To have a larger place to live [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:50 AM Flag
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My sister moved out because she wanted a calmer and less stressful lifestyle. She didn't like the rat race- I love it. To each her own. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:51 AM Flag
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No..but my kids are older. People who were going to move for schools or space would have already. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 01:01 AM Flag
[ - ] SO: NP: I am a non-Jew and a non-Muslim. I have no dog in this fight. That said, I *DO* care about Israel, as I would care about any pluralistic democratic peaceful country that was attacked by terrorist thugs. Do you know that being gay is a crime in the Gaza strip, punishable by death? The Gaza strip is a hellhole where the gang of thugs in power slaughter their fellow Muslims who disagree with them - just as they do in Syria and elsewhere in the Arab Muslim world. If they succeed in wiping Israel off the map, they will only expand the area of their terror state. It won't be the next Singapore - it will be a terror state like Iran or Syria 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:24 AM Flag
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Ok. Thanks for sharing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:25 AM Flag
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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand COLLAPSE! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:28 AM Flag
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Being gay is illegal in a lot of places. Homosexuality is illegal lots of places. In Indian being homosexual is a crime where the per can be sentenced to life in prison (better than being dead I guess). Let's stand up to all of those countries instead of picking in choosing...starting with Russia. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:28 AM Flag
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cool story, bro [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:29 AM Flag
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This. Gaza is a conflict to prevent the formation of a terror state. Unfortunately it is a red herring to the bigger issue of ISIS gaining control of other countries and territories. This is why Egypt is quietly backing Israel. They are terrified of ISIS and other terror groups taking control. The West has no idea what's coming. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:25 AM Flag
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Do you know how to read a newspaper. Read about Egypt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:37 AM Flag
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^^^its an excellent analysis of why Egypt wants Hamas destroyed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:34 AM Flag
[ - ] 700 people slaughtered in Syria last weekend. The New York Times and other media didn't feel this warranted a story. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:21 AM Flag
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Because it's been happening for awhile. When violence first erupted in Syria it was all over the news. Channels like cnn visited Syria refugee camps. The media will move past tthis too and the next few weeks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:14 AM Flag
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But 160,000 people have been killed. Isn't this a massive humanitarian crisis that people should be demonstrating in the streets to stop? Civilians are being massacred. 700 in one weekend, and you're telling me this is old news ? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:38 AM Flag
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IT'S FRIDAY FUCKING NIGHT, CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT THE HUMANITARIAN CRISIS IN THE MIDDLE EAST FOR ONE. FUCKING. NIGHT. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:51 AM Flag
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That's because no actual human beings died [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:51 AM Flag
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Are Syrians less important than Palestinians? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 01:00 AM Flag
[ - ] I am partially black and I grew up in the 1950s. I was raised by my black grandmother until I was seven, when my wealthy, white uncle took me to NYC. Any questions? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:21 AM Flag
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Sorry for double post! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:21 AM Flag
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Where were your parents? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:21 AM Flag
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My mother died when I was a baby and my father didn't care much for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:22 AM Flag
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sad [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:27 AM Flag
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Was the racism strong, even in the city? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:22 AM Flag
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Yes, of course, but I looked white enough and my uncle kept a tight lip so I was able to be raised white. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:34 AM Flag
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Nope. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:22 AM Flag
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Interesting. Are you in touch with your grandmother's side of the family? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:38 AM Flag
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Which side of the family is black? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:39 AM Flag
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How old are you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:31 AM Flag
[ - ] kids and parents in union square park today were thoroughly disgusting. most kids completely unsupervised and rude. witnessed a little girl crying for her mom, who was nowhere to be found. a pile-up of obnoxious, loud kids on a slide. kids pouring water on people who didn't want to be wet. parents: watch your kids, ffs. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:17 AM Flag
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UES is obviously much more OKD [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:08 AM Flag
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Always avoid that playground. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:09 AM Flag
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op: i will now. it's a shame, because the equipment is cool, but the people are UGHHHHHHH. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:23 AM Flag
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Nice little playground, but way too crowded for my comfort. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:20 AM Flag
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op: yup [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:24 AM Flag
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Am I missing something? Sounds like kids at a park. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:18 AM Flag
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union square is the worse second to madison square park [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:36 AM Flag
[ - ] I am still in touch with my ex. Is it bad? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:16 AM Flag
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Ex what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:12 AM Flag
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Ex what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:22 AM Flag
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zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:16 AM Flag
[ - ] How was your sex post baby? I heard its painful. Any tips to make it tolerable.. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:16 AM Flag
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Let's just say after having a large object like, I don't know, a baby, come out of your vagina, you really don't want anything going in for a while. Slightly painful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:32 AM Flag
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we waited 8 weeks and it was not a problem for me, earlier I think i would have been - but I was really ready to go [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:34 AM Flag
[ - ] Who here has felt at some point or another that they were in love with their therapist? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:15 AM Flag
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Never. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:07 AM Flag
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Not romantically, but I did start to see my therapist as more of the mother figure I never had…Until I realized I was paying her to be the mother figure I never had. I stop my sessions without notice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:08 AM Flag
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I had a similar experience and it dragged on for years. She was very unprofessional about letting me go [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:40 AM Flag
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NP: I had a coworker assume a motherly role in telling me how disappointed she was in for going on vacation with an exbf. Long story short she tried to shame me about my (age appropriate) lifestyle. Weirdest relationship! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:34 AM Flag
[ - ] Just had first DC and my mom wants him to call her "Gigi" instead of grandma. Apparently it's not that unusual? Should I let her go with it or request that she be "grandma" to my DCs? I never thought this would be a topic of debate! 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:13 AM Flag
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The name is for her to decide, not you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:18 AM Flag
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+1. I know another Gigi. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:30 AM Flag
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Correct. You do not assign my name to me when I am a grandma. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:21 AM Flag
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Is your dh's mom around? Let her be grandma. Usually each set of grandparents end up with different nicknames anyway, Gigi is pretty common [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:30 AM Flag
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I did not have a "grandmother" I had a Nonnie and a Mimi - it's whatever they want to be called [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:27 AM Flag
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I think it's fine. My mom too goes by momo [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:59 AM Flag
[ - ] If you hired a designer for your kitchen renovation and is charged an hourly rate for the project. In the middle of the project you fired the designer for incompetence. Then she sends you a final bill that includes hours that she spent to revise her previous mistakes because she was not listening carefully to what I asked her to do. On top of that, she padded the bill as well as having super slow turn around time, so it was costing me a lot more money to get take outs every meal for the family. What would you do with the final bill? 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:11 AM Flag
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Stop reposting this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:03 AM Flag
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Went to dinner and could not find the original post. Sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:04 AM Flag
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Don't pay it. Report her [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:05 AM Flag
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Where can I report her? I would really love to. As much as I feel that she did not produce anything useful, i would like to pay her for her real hours worked. The problem is I already pay her part of it, but I don't really know how much is truly fair. She paced her hours, charged me for something I did not ask her to do, then charged me again to change it to what I actually asked her to do, charged me to bring in her associate to sit in at our meeting (which I did not ask for and got no prior approval from me to have some one else sit in the meeting), charge me for researching standard building code that a designer should already know, etc. When I went over these issues with her, she threatens to put a lien on my property if I don't pay in full. How do I know what is a fair amount? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:20 AM Flag
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Talk to an attorney to see what can actually happen. Is it that easy to put a lien on someone's property when there is a dispute about a bill? Get some more information and some peace of mind. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:12 AM Flag
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I spoke to my attorney already. The lien itself is really inconsequential. I can either ignore the lien, bond the lien or force her to foreclose. If she actually serves me with a lien, I would force her to foreclose- meaning force to start the law sue, so we can go into trial and let the judge decide. I am trying to see what's fair to do. I intend to pay her for the hours that she actually spent (no padding the bill, no bringing someone else to the meeting to just sit and listen without prior approval, no charging me for something I did not ask for, etc.) I want to see what others feel when they are in this situation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:21 AM Flag
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Report her to the New York state licensing board for one, better business bureau and Yelp. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:20 AM Flag
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Thank you! Does Yelp has a page for every designer? Or do I need to create one? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:22 AM Flag
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google her [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:37 AM Flag
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whats her name [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:37 AM Flag
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whoa--a designer should not "already know" the standard building code! The code is extensive and research is required for every specific situation. There are consultants who get paid to only do this. You are an idiot and clearly don't know what you're doing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:47 AM Flag
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I am not an idiot. And please watch your language. I know that building codes are very extensive, except this is the very basic one that everyone knows. I have been interviewing new designers- everyone I interviewed knows it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:53 AM Flag
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Oh, please. If it's so easy, do your own kitchen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:49 AM Flag
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Why are you so hostile? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:54 AM Flag
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I'm a designer. This person clearly has no idea what a project like this requires. It's like hiring a lawyer and complaining that they bill you for research or due diligence. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:48 AM Flag
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NP: You don't seem like an open minded person. Just because you are a designer, you are already siding with the designer without knowing the details. Are you saying that ALL codes need research and there are no basic codes that all experienced designer would know? I am a developer and work with many people industry. I find your statement to be untrue. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 01:04 AM Flag
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Hard to answer because we don't know the details of what she's charged, or whether she's itemized the bill, or how much time she spent, or the like. Also you're probably at fault for some aspects for not checking what she would buy and design to avoid some of these problems, and for your part in the communication. You'll probably want to choose a number between 60% and 75% depending on these answers, to reflect her efforts and your part but remove the padding and have her share some burden of her mistakes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:35 AM Flag
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My communication is very clear. I have everything written down in a email for her detailing exactly what I want to do. I expect her to come back with questions if she did not understand. But instead she does something different and either said that she "forgot" what I said or she did not read what I wrote yet. In terms of 60% to 75%, is that industry standard? She is paid about 50% of her bill already. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:40 AM Flag
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omg, judging by the petty and obsessive nature of your comments here, over and over and over, you are clearly a crazy person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:46 AM Flag
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NP: I disagree with you. I think OP sounds very fair and trying to do the right thing. She is providing details to get people's thoughts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:54 AM Flag
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Like all legal issues, all that matters is what each side can prove. If you have all of this in emails including her responses acknowledging your views, then don't pay beyond what you calculate were requested service hours. If you can't prove the areas of contention, just pay her. You need to prove: her mistakes were clearly HER mistakes and not due to any miscommunication on your part, how many hours were dedicated to fixing her prior errors, details of bill "padding" and that it was outside the norm, slow turnaround was caused by her poor performance and was outside the norm, charges for services you did not request including initial agreement limiting the scope of her duties and you immediately letting her know your dissatisfaction upon learning of the events, you did not request or allow the associate at the meeting AND you explicitly denied approval if she mentioned it ahead of time, you immediately let her know your dissatisfaction with charges for associate upon receiving the bill. The building code issue is silly. The meals you'll never get. Finally, you better have a clear email trail and proof that you acted upon her errors at each step and ultimately terminated her in a reasonable time frame if she was so grossly incompetent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.26.14, 12:54 AM Flag
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