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05.19.13, 12:31 AM
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I'd do it at your home. People are always happy to be invited to anyone's apt. Don't compare your apt to others - just be your usual gracious self and enjoy.
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05.19.13, 12:28 AM
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Are they happy because it's unusual to be invited? It's sort of a novelty ?
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05.19.13, 12:32 AM
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Throw in that towel, OP. Rent some extra chairs, move a few pieces out, serve some stiff drinks and bask in the admiration of your peers.
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05.19.13, 12:36 AM
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I think I"m going to have to. The other parents' apartments I've been in over the years are duplexes on Park Ave or CPW or townhouses on the UES. This family apartment is NOT going to even come close to that, I feel embarrassed I have to admit.
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05.19.13, 12:40 AM
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your home sounds wonderful and way better than any restaurant. just invest in fresh flowers, a coat check thing, and super yummy food
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05.19.13, 12:38 AM
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05.19.13, 12:22 AM
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I would be too. Sorry:(
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05.19.13, 12:29 AM
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Sorry. That must make you feel ad
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05.19.13, 12:31 AM
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Bad
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05.19.13, 12:31 AM
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I'm so sorry. This is so typical.
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05.19.13, 12:32 AM
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I was suprised, shocked I guess. I just don't get it. Am I not supposed to talk to them now that he is dead?
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05.19.13, 12:33 AM
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It isn't their fault. Be angry at your dad, it was his choice. I'm so sorry.
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05.19.13, 12:35 AM
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You are right
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05.19.13, 12:30 AM
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Maybe reach out to a sibling and mention that you might like a momento ( if you do). It might bring you some closure to have a concrete item of his.
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05.19.13, 12:38 AM
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I understand that feeling :(. My dad left when I was young, had a second family and only as an old man decided to glancingly look back. It's tough--I feel for you.
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05.19.13, 12:27 AM
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I got over that long ago, it is just odd. I don't think he even has that much to leave. It is just the whole gesture of it
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05.19.13, 12:29 AM
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I have always been thankful my parents never remarried.
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05.19.13, 12:34 AM
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My mother is also remarried, she has p other children. I guess I should get ready to be cut out of that will too then
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05.19.13, 12:31 AM
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Meant 2 children
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05.19.13, 12:31 AM
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Moms are different.
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05.19.13, 12:40 AM
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I would be hurt as well. I'm sorry.
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05.19.13, 12:30 AM
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That's miserable. I'm sorry.
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05.19.13, 12:37 AM
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Was his mind sound? Can you challenge it? Maybe he just forgot you. So sorry.
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05.19.13, 12:32 AM
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His mind was sound. I wouldn't challenge it anyway. I think forgetting you have a 5 th child is even more hurtful. He was there when I was born, how do you just forget that?
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05.19.13, 12:33 AM
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Men are pigs. I'm sorry.
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05.19.13, 12:41 AM
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I'd be majorly hurt. And maybe a little angry. OK, a lot angry!
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05.19.13, 12:32 AM
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Ugh - I'm sorry - it's more about his second wife than about you or his othe kids
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05.19.13, 12:40 AM
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05.19.13, 12:21 AM
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You figured it out. The mommy wars are a bullshit media ploy to keep women hating on each other.
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05.19.13, 12:24 AM
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Right, because women need help from the media to hate on each other????
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05.19.13, 12:30 AM
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Your post suggests you don't get it -- 'many experts' disagree about what is best for young children. The only consistent research is that happy mothers --> happy babies.
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05.19.13, 12:26 AM
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Right, but if those mothers are only with them 1/3 of their waking hours... I'd say that having a happy nanny would be pretty damn important too. And many are not.
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05.19.13, 12:31 AM
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Not all parents want to stay home full time. You are judging those who don't as bad parents.
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05.19.13, 12:26 AM
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Np, I think she is just pointing out that if it was easier more women would do it and it wouldn't be this ridiculous feminist issue.
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05.19.13, 12:28 AM
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No, she just needs HER life to be the "ideal" and perpetuates the mommy war she claims to hate.
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05.19.13, 12:33 AM
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Stop. Projecting.
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05.19.13, 12:38 AM
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I hear you. But with three kids, a few years turns into ten. Some industries change a lot in 10 years. Becomes harder to justify in a faltering economy when even those who don't take time off struggle to get work.
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05.19.13, 12:26 AM
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nope. we need better child care and more supportive firms that provide flexibility so all you sahm's can get your asses back to work, but still feel comfortable leaving your kids, but also spending enough time with them.
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05.19.13, 12:21 AM
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What about blue collar women? This is an issue for women of all economic brackets, not just women with careers who work at firms.
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05.19.13, 12:29 AM
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even easier for blue collar. i know a woman who is a cop, she is home to pick up her kids at 3pm, when they were young, she actually made it home mid day to bf. its about any employer being a little flexible and working with us.
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05.19.13, 12:33 AM
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EASIER!?
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05.19.13, 12:30 AM
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yes easier. whats with you and your all cap drama?
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05.19.13, 12:40 AM
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I was thinking more of women who work at target or in factories or as home aides. A cop is union and has decent benefits.
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05.19.13, 12:36 AM
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You lost me at the "many experts have found ideal" part, because that is just false.
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05.19.13, 12:28 AM
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I agree in parts but I would also add that this is compounded by this being considered a women’s issue instead of a family issue. I think a federally subsidized 6 months maternity leave after you have worked for a company for 2 year to be taken by the mother OR the father would really be beneficial for families all around. It’s not about research or what experts say, it’s about giving families the best possible start without women having to make huge sacrifices. It would also reduce women being discriminated against in the work place when planning or having children.
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05.19.13, 12:26 AM
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05.19.13, 12:10 AM
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No alcohol, less caffeine, regular bedtime.
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05.19.13, 12:12 AM
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I cut almost all the alcohol. I should cut the caffeine after 12 noon. 10 pm is my bedtime. Thank you, these are good common sense suggestions.
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05.19.13, 12:11 AM
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They are simple and work. I am amazed at the results when I decide to put them into practice. I usually slowly but surely slip away from them, but they make a difference. When I have 2 good night of good sleep(because of no/less alcohol and caffeine) I am amazed at how great I feel.
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05.19.13, 12:19 AM
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No skipping meals.
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05.19.13, 12:14 AM
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Sleep
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05.19.13, 12:15 AM
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meditation and prayer
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05.19.13, 12:10 AM
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Can you clear away some of the events outside of work & family? Get some support so you are not missing work?
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05.19.13, 12:23 AM
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Mild sedative
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05.19.13, 12:34 AM
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I have to work at a fast pace, multitask, speak publicly often. Sedative is an impossible suggestion but thanks.
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05.19.13, 12:37 AM
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seriously - take a hot shower and get your ass in bed by 9pm, read, have tea, get up at 6:30am and do 20 mins of cardio. everything else falls into place -- the eating, the stress.
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05.19.13, 12:36 AM
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05.19.13, 12:03 AM
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silence lambs
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05.19.13, 12:04 AM
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The Exorcist
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05.19.13, 12:05 AM
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Sex and the City 2, for me
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05.19.13, 12:11 AM
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Hahaha +1
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05.19.13, 12:14 AM
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That karaoke scene. Terrifying.
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05.19.13, 12:13 AM
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I never saw it, but either saw or hostel. I can't even watch the trailer.
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05.19.13, 12:11 AM
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Martyr. Seriously. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE UNLESS YOU WANT TO HAVE NIGHTMARES.
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05.19.13, 12:07 AM
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The Haunting-original version
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05.19.13, 12:07 AM
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The Ring
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05.19.13, 12:08 AM
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Trilogy of Terror - the original, not the remake - when I was about 9 years old. It was okay until the little doll came to life. It still gives me gooseflesh to think about it. Gah!
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05.19.13, 12:15 AM
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Blanking on the name, Robert DeNiri as the bad guy, you think he's gone and then the camera pulls back and you see that he's hanging onto to the bottom of the car. So creepy!
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05.19.13, 12:09 AM
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Cape fear.
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05.19.13, 12:25 AM
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There are scenes in "Suspiria" that make my skin crawl just thinking of them.
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05.19.13, 12:17 AM
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Se7en
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05.19.13, 12:18 AM
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The Blair Witch Project part 1. The last scene gave me the willies.
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05.19.13, 12:15 AM
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+1. It's been sent up a million times, but everyone saw it and everyone was freaked out by the final scene.
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05.19.13, 12:23 AM
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The Ring. GAH
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05.19.13, 12:29 AM
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The Strangers. Saw it on a date with now-DH and made him stay over just because I was terrified.
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05.19.13, 12:30 AM
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Omen
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05.19.13, 12:35 AM
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np I used to live near the church where the impaling scene took place.
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05.19.13, 12:41 AM
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What Lies Beneath
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05.19.13, 12:33 AM
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05.19.13, 12:00 AM
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I know how you feel
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05.19.13, 12:04 AM
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Tell me more...am counting the days until a tumor
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05.19.13, 12:06 AM
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np-what do you mean?
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05.19.13, 12:06 AM
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Just that - I hate my life
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05.19.13, 12:03 AM
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I understand. Im so great at faking that things are okay. Then i wake up every morning at 3:45 with my mind telling myself how shitty of a person i am what a loser ive become.
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05.19.13, 12:01 AM
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I'm sorry to hear that. Are you working at a job that is stressful and competitive?
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05.19.13, 12:06 AM
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Nope I'm a lawyer in a dead end position but very flexible but no future - 2 great kids, great dh that I don't love, and a handful of friends that I consistently feel disconnected from. It's me - I'm wired negatively.
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05.19.13, 12:17 AM
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At least you recognize that about yourself. I have a friend who is wired depressively. Gets all weepy and jealous over stuff that more stable people wouldn't. I think it uses up a lot of her energy to mask this. Over time she alienates her family and close friends because she can't maintain the veil of normalcy. What are you doing to help yourself? Talk therapy?
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05.19.13, 12:21 AM
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This is me - wow - it's horrible to live like this - therapy didn't help - I drink
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05.19.13, 12:20 AM
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Have you tried a low level anti depressant?
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05.19.13, 12:33 AM
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Try this: be happy. Sounds stupid, but find, or make, reasons to be happy. Even the little things, like waking up and seeing that it's not as cloudy today as yesterday, can be a reason to be happy. I used to be serious all the time and never smiled, then almost died. When I recovered I realized I'd never really been happy, and just decided to let joy into my life. It can work if you set your mind to it.
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05.19.13, 12:18 AM
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I try -but my foundation has crumbled so everything feels like a facade
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05.19.13, 12:16 AM
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np: then build a new foundation. What is your alternative?
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05.19.13, 12:24 AM
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Works for some, but not many. I also had a near death experience (not OP) and for about three months afterwards kept pinching myself that I was alive and walking around. It's been 18 months since the car accident and I don't even think about it anymore. Back to being stressed, bitchy me.
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05.19.13, 12:17 AM
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Me too. A lot's on my plate. The best thing I can do is to tell myself as soon as I feel I'm going down this path that I am not allowed to have these thoughts, and replace them with something else. Baby smiling, visualizing the Candyland board, any bullshit will do in a pinch. Maybe I can get engrossed in an article or a project. If I don't distract myself it's self-sustaining, and the day is wrecked.
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05.19.13, 12:27 AM
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Thank you :) I am grateful for what I have but a bitter hag underneath :( dichotomy I know
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05.19.13, 12:24 AM
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05.19.13, 12:00 AM
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????
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05.18.13, 11:55 PM
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DH here - it's cause he has a hot DW I bet
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05.18.13, 11:56 PM
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I bet his DW is fat and smelly. Only a lame DW would post this stuff here.
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05.19.13, 12:09 AM
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No, she's hot
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05.19.13, 12:14 AM
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You probably have a ugly smelly child
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05.19.13, 12:15 AM
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NP: What is the obsession on this board with fat people and smells? I'm sure that fat people smell just like other people!
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05.19.13, 12:20 AM
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My boss smells like a donkey!
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05.19.13, 12:22 AM
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Okay, but a fat donkey or a skinny donkey?
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05.19.13, 12:19 AM
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05.18.13, 11:44 PM
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Basically, VBA time?
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05.18.13, 11:52 PM
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Yep!
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05.18.13, 11:52 PM
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Nothing really but I love them just the dame
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05.18.13, 11:55 PM
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He's 2 so this is pretty lame, but he knows all his letters, colors, numbers and he speaks in 5-6 word sentences. I'm probably the only person on earth impressed with this.
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05.18.13, 11:56 PM
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Thats wonderful. My dd knows her numbers up to 20 and colors and many shapes but only can speak a few words a sentence (4-5 words). Youre ds is two and how many months?
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05.18.13, 11:55 PM
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3 months. He is also adorable and very funny. He is so delicious.
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05.19.13, 12:05 AM
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Same here! :) I don't realize that knowing your colors at two is a big deal? DS also does puzzles geared for 3-4 yo.
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05.19.13, 12:00 AM
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For boys it is. Or so I have read. He sort of started identifying them out of nowhere. I was pretty impressed.
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05.19.13, 12:08 AM
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That is something we must do more of. Puzzles. So what kind of puzzles do you guys work on? Can you reccomend some fun ones?
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05.19.13, 12:04 AM
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We like the huge floor puzzles.
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05.19.13, 12:12 AM
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Dd has a couple of those. Got them for christmas. Forget to buy them when i go shopping for new toys. I remember next time.
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05.19.13, 12:08 AM
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We do 24 piece ones. Just find one with a theme he likes
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05.19.13, 12:19 AM
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Well he is 6 weeks old, he can lift and turn his head like a champ!
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05.18.13, 11:58 PM
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Nothing yet 8 and 11. I have average happy kids.
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05.18.13, 11:59 PM
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Both of my dcs are polite. They say "please," "thank you," "You're welcome," and "No, thank you."
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05.18.13, 11:54 PM
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I'll take that any day. I have to constantly remind my kids to do that.
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05.19.13, 12:21 AM
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Good sleeping habits.
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05.18.13, 11:55 PM
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My DS graduated from college last week, in four years, with honors, no debt and started a great job the Monday after graduation. This guy was not a great HS student but really turned on the power in college. Late bloomer but just a wonderful, resilient, caring young man. Thanks for asking, op!
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05.18.13, 11:56 PM
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What college and major ?
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05.19.13, 12:08 AM
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DD is a very bright and sweet girl! She starts kindergarten in the fall at a school which we are so excited to send her to, which makes me proud as well!
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05.19.13, 12:03 AM
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Where ?
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05.19.13, 12:08 AM
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Brearley :)
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05.19.13, 12:32 AM
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They gave up all but 1 Xmas gift to contribute to their private school's scholarship fund one year.
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05.19.13, 12:04 AM
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That is awesome.
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05.19.13, 12:05 AM
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She's a fast runner, which was something I was never able to achieve, even though I was always a good team sport player. She also did an awesome job on her last science project (something that I was deficient at too). It seems like a lot of things that DD is good at comes naturally for her even though I was a loser or either had to work hard at in my youth. Funny how that works out.
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05.19.13, 12:00 AM
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My 9yo is the best big brother and huge help. My 2 yo speaks in paragraphs.
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05.19.13, 12:01 AM
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Being a shy person naturally myself, I'm proudest of hearing from her teachers and other parents that the kids all speak glowingly of her and want to set up a playdate. She really is a kind-hearted soul, she refuses to name a "best friend" because she doesn't want anyone to feel left out, and I'm so proud of how she's bloomed!
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05.19.13, 12:02 AM
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My 3 year can count to 40 by memory, and understands numbers up to 10. She knows her letter sounds, and is starting to sound out words. If you ask her how to spell C-V-C words, she has several memorized. She speaks complex sentences in English and Spanish, and seems adept at keeping those vocabularies separate. So much for supposedly inferior Hispanic IQ!
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05.19.13, 12:12 AM
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Top grades in advanced classes in an academic middle school.
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05.19.13, 12:19 AM
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My autistic ds is improving so much. It makes me very happy.
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05.19.13, 12:23 AM
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My autistic ds is improving so much. It makes me very happy.
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05.19.13, 12:23 AM
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That is wonderful.
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05.19.13, 12:39 AM
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05.18.13, 11:38 PM
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American schools or home school
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05.18.13, 11:34 PM
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Board.
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05.18.13, 11:40 PM
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I wish that were my family
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05.18.13, 11:34 PM
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I think Id prefer summit.
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05.18.13, 11:44 PM
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Not me..would love a few years someplace else. Great family adventure.
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05.19.13, 12:33 AM
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Maybe they have schools in Anguilla?
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05.18.13, 11:40 PM
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Lol
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05.18.13, 11:46 PM
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I know it's a long shot.
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05.18.13, 11:47 PM
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And maybe they have an international school. Otherwise, public schools in Anguilla.
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05.19.13, 12:32 AM
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You think?
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05.19.13, 12:33 AM
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That DC was young, maybe they plan to move back before school? And/or local schools, they do have them there.
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05.18.13, 11:59 PM
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How old is DC?
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05.18.13, 11:56 PM
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English is the official language so I think they'll cope.
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05.19.13, 12:35 AM
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