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05.22.13, 01:50 AM
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Human nature is to make your job as easy as possible, so sitters will always be on phone, etc. I understand, but that is just how it is. I fired one when I discovered she spent all her time planning her wedding on my computer yrs ago. Now I'm not so naive.
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05.22.13, 02:00 AM
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Sounds right for a short term babysitting situation,
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05.22.13, 02:00 AM
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I assume you meant "they shouldn't be too tired ... " and yes, I agree with you.
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05.22.13, 02:00 AM
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05.22.13, 01:44 AM
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Back up. Slaves child has cancer? How awful. Also, lauri is back? The one who married George?
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05.22.13, 01:47 AM
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Yes! And he doesn't pay cs and bought grechen a rr. Lauri's face is grotesque. Cameo.
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05.22.13, 01:49 AM
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She was a major gold digger. Only normal one on that show was jenas daughter cara and Vickie's daughter briana
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05.22.13, 01:52 AM
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Briana is getting weird too. She and her military husband moved in withvicki, pay her 1k a month and have her babysit and forbid her to bring her bf over
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05.22.13, 01:56 AM
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he didn't buy it. he leased it right?
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05.22.13, 01:48 AM
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Yes, that its only "a couple hundred dollars more than the lease on the Mercedes"
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05.22.13, 01:53 AM
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What about Vicki?? What did she do to her face? She looks awful and frightening. She seems like a total lunatic too. She seriously behaves like a teenager. They're all awful though... And so am I for watching.
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05.22.13, 01:48 AM
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np Didn't know it's back on or I'd be watching too;)
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05.22.13, 01:50 AM
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Chin implant and fat grafting
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05.22.13, 01:50 AM
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Slade was the one with Joi, yeah?
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05.22.13, 01:50 AM
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Yes
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05.22.13, 01:50 AM
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He probably leased it and got a discount for flaunting it on the show.
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05.22.13, 01:45 AM
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But still
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05.22.13, 01:50 AM
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I live in San Diego and see these types all the time.
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05.22.13, 01:47 AM
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Tacky! Heather Dubrow acts like she does it all...LOL she has nannys!
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05.22.13, 01:51 AM
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This! She acts like such a martyr. Ten Mexican nannies are probably hiding in the shadows.
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05.22.13, 01:53 AM
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They showed the Asian one this time
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05.22.13, 01:54 AM
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I felt embarrassed for Alexis when she showed up at her acting class all gussied up like an OC hooker.
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05.22.13, 01:54 AM
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I was embarrassed when she tried to act
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05.22.13, 01:50 AM
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she s groos too and her husband is creepy! I used to like Gretchen but she is trash.
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05.22.13, 01:55 AM
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I dvr'ed it and fast fwded all that
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05.22.13, 01:58 AM
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Soooo fake that The first time Tamra sees Laurie in years is when she invites her to go pick out a ring for gay Eddie.
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05.22.13, 01:54 AM
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And speaking of gay, I'm 100% positive that Lydia's husband is gay.
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05.22.13, 01:55 AM
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05.22.13, 01:43 AM
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(OP) We don't make plans often, but I ran into her in the park and we hung out for 1/2 hour. When her DS 4.5yo is a jerk to my 3yo son (yanking a ball out of his hands and running away) she does nothing. She only praises her DS when he's doing things that are good; never criticizes him when he's a jerk. He has the biggest ego of any kid I know. She claims that he gets nothing but good reports from school, which surprises me. I have a 4.5yo DD and I'm always correcting her when we all hang out together (e.g. don't destroy living plants in the park), and when my DD points at this jerk, I'm always saying, "different moms, different rules."
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05.22.13, 01:44 AM
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That's all you can do. Everyone is different. I tend to be more like you.
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05.22.13, 01:53 AM
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Your good friend is a moron.
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05.22.13, 01:52 AM
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It's fine--in fact it's good to be positive and praise your kids, but you need to also discipline them
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05.22.13, 01:53 AM
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05.22.13, 01:43 AM
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What part of los angeles? Plenty of los angeles moms here
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05.22.13, 01:49 AM
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There are two separate los angeles neighborhoods. Malibu is filled with white moms... Very little crime .. Upscale stores and restaurants ... And the beach
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05.22.13, 01:50 AM
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Other part of los angeles is called silver lake, filled with cool edgy people with tatoos and piercings. Silver lake is where the independent musicians and live music are
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05.22.13, 01:51 AM
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Silver lake is much trendier but had six times the violent crime rate
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05.22.13, 01:51 AM
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It's for DH's business trip - we'll have 3 nights on our own. I've no idea where to stay!
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05.22.13, 01:59 AM
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stay in west hollywood, bev hills or santa monica. shop, see the beach
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05.22.13, 01:51 AM
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Is a car necessary for these areas?
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05.22.13, 01:59 AM
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watchning this. I am too. Staying in BH
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05.22.13, 01:47 AM
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Depends what you want. If you want to see a skanky violent neighborhood filled with smelly hipsters go to silver lake. Silver lake is just identical to greenpoint
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05.22.13, 01:54 AM
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Meh, I'll pass.
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05.22.13, 02:01 AM
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Stay at Shutters on the beach in Santa Monica
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05.22.13, 01:59 AM
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05.22.13, 01:42 AM
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pay some bills
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05.22.13, 01:43 AM
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which ones? utility, cable, phone, etc? thats more or less already covered.
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05.22.13, 01:47 AM
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Home improvement
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05.22.13, 01:37 AM
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interesting - tell me more. why?
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05.22.13, 01:47 AM
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I am paycheck to paycheck and expecting a $5K net bonus in July. I am keeping the entire thing in checking to live off of for the next 6-8 months so I don't have to ALWAYS deny myself a lunch or dinner out, a pedicure, a babysitter once in awhile.... - you could do that.
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05.22.13, 01:38 AM
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i hear ya, but the thing is, 1 and 2 have to get fundwd somehow - so what is the point of just plopping it in the bank, if i know it will get spent?
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05.22.13, 01:48 AM
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never 3 or 4.
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05.22.13, 01:45 AM
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you suck! come on! let me live a little! you must work in finance or maybe you are an accountant?
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05.22.13, 01:46 AM
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np you're paycheck to paycheck and expecting a kid and you want a winter vacation or diamond earrings? Seriously?
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05.22.13, 01:45 AM
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no, I do not work in finance and I am definitely not an accountant but I don't live paycheck to paycheck.
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05.22.13, 01:51 AM
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yeah, there is a good reason why you are on paycheck to paycheck. Go ahead, buy those cheap diamond earrings.
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05.22.13, 01:53 AM
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#1 - you have to buy the stuff at some point. That said, #2 makes it sound as though you are living paycheck to paycheck either by choice bc of current expenses or job loss and you once were able $ to set up trusts etc (which also presumably have $$ in them)
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05.22.13, 01:40 AM
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i wish. its just life insurance trusts. to avoid estate taxes. they are $1500 a pop. we need to do them, but always put off the expense.
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05.22.13, 01:52 AM
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NOT the diamond earrings. I'd say either vacation or home improvement stuff
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05.22.13, 01:46 AM
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whew! thank you for at least saying vacation. you dont think something i will wear every day for many years to come is better than a vacation that comes and goes?
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05.22.13, 01:53 AM
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np: I think both these options are pretty selfish in your circumstances.
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05.22.13, 01:54 AM
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NP: how are you planning a vacation with a three month old baby? I really don't think it's a good idea
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05.22.13, 01:56 AM
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OR--vacation memories last forever. better to spend money on experiences than material things. science has proven it makes you happier to spend money on activities than things
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05.22.13, 01:57 AM
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In the bank for emergencies.
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05.22.13, 01:41 AM
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$1000 for home improvement, $500 for a weekend away at a low key B&B, $500 for baby's needs, and rest towards estate planning.
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05.22.13, 01:42 AM
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you i like. so logical and organized.
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05.22.13, 01:53 AM
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Baby stuff is a need. Insurance is important but odds are you won't need it. Vacation and jewelry are wants. Do #1. The peace of mind and knowing you did the responsible thing will feel better than any vacation.
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05.22.13, 01:46 AM
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None of the above. Save for a rainy day. See what you get for baby gifts before buying anything.
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05.22.13, 01:53 AM
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1.--get crib and car seat as hand me downs, or through baby group for next to nothing. Get new stroller, that's nice for first baby. 2. DIY with rocket lawyer or similar, $200. 3. No vacation, it's not that much fin with a new baby anyway. 4. No earrings, sorry. 5. yes, do them now before the baby comes, and you'll never get anything done after that,,,
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05.22.13, 01:56 AM
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get the baby stuff used. put the money into a fund (where it will still be available) or do home improvement because that will affect everyday of your life. frankly, home improvement can be done for much cheaper if you or dh are handy - 5K doesn't get much in terms of hired labor. a lot of that stuff isn't rocket science, if some dude with a toolbelt can do it, you sure could bet you can too.
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05.22.13, 01:50 AM
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1) baby stuff.. but don't splurge.. baby needs hardly anything.. second hand crib, stroller, cheap car set. Spend $500. 2) home improvement for $1500 to make life easier with a new baby. 3) plan a cheap getaway with the rest.. you need something to look forward to
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05.22.13, 01:52 AM
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The reason you live paycheck to paycheck is probably because you want to waste it on things you can't normally afford. Spend where necessary and save the rest.
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05.22.13, 01:52 AM
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Emergency fund
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05.22.13, 01:53 AM
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05.22.13, 01:32 AM
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If you feel better, it's what's meant to be. All life is hard,who said it wasn't going to be.
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05.22.13, 01:30 AM
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How long ago did you separate?
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05.22.13, 01:35 AM
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A few months. It's still kind of new but I can feel the difference emotionally. I just feel better. And things are great with DC- our time is more enjoyable now that I'm not so tense and angry all the time.
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05.22.13, 01:36 AM
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When we had difficult times, I noticed I felt happier when he was away traveling. But we never seriously considered D. Now we're happy again. Just a process
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05.22.13, 01:42 AM
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This is so me! We have been living separately for 5 months now, divorce is almost final, kids are doing well and we both are better parents now. Yes it is hard but this is the kind of hard I can deal with. Sometimes you don't realize just how bad it was until you're out of it. Best of luck to you OP!
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05.22.13, 01:37 AM
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Thank you! I think you are very right about not knowing how bad it was until you're out of it.
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05.22.13, 01:39 AM
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thank you for this post
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05.22.13, 01:59 AM
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05.22.13, 01:29 AM
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Do you stay home or work as well?
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05.22.13, 01:30 AM
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OP: SAHM + part-time job. I manage *everything* in the house. He works, I do almost everything else. He has a few regular household 'jobs' (trash, changing cat box), but I pay bills, cooking, cleaning (I do have a housekeeper 2x/month), take care of DC primarily (he reads her a bed-time story, I do the rest.) He does often get her dinner/put her to bed a few times a week, but it's not every week.
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05.22.13, 01:38 AM
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I sounds like he's pretty involved.
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05.22.13, 01:34 AM
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OP: Sure doesn't feel that way. He's exhausted at the end of the day, he's exhausted on weekends. So when I go to talk to him about what needs to happen around here... guess what? He's exhausted! He naps a lot on weekends.
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05.22.13, 01:42 AM
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He's either depressed or faking it. He sleeps to avoid doing shit.
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05.22.13, 01:46 AM
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Have you two tried to clarify your expectations? I read a study where they asked couples to rate what percentage of household & childcare related tasks each parent was redponsible for & the total came to over 100% ;-)
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05.22.13, 01:37 AM
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OP: Many times. There's been some improvement, but he still isn't involved.
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05.22.13, 01:51 AM
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Omg you have it great. I whom full time and do al, the chores you do plus your husband. my husband does cook though. That helps a lot.
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05.22.13, 01:38 AM
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There's always one of you, isn't there? The fact that your DH cooks suggest that he absolutely does participate in your life, which is meaningful participation, unlike OP's DH. It suggests he may also be involved in shopping and in eating the food with you too. Far cry from taking out the trash. Do you do all of the kitchen clean-up or is that part and parcel of cooking?
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05.22.13, 01:50 AM
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Yeah. They suck
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05.22.13, 01:31 AM
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Not having a swing set is not neglect. My dh would never put up a swing set in a million years - you can hire someone from Craigslist to do it and make both of your lives much easier.
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05.22.13, 01:38 AM
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It's the point moron. I'm not the OP but I get what she means
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05.22.13, 01:33 AM
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np: OF COURSE she can buy the set and hire someone. The point is, why does she have to do EVERYTHING? Can't DH show some initiative? Take some interest? Have ownership instead of being a passive bitch in life?
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05.22.13, 01:40 AM
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She's not doing everything, she just likes to think she does.
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05.22.13, 01:42 AM
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you're right. He takes out the trash, read a book, and cleans the litter box, which she does all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, planning, bill paying, organizing, managing, childcare, homework. I bet she would trade chores.
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05.22.13, 01:38 AM
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Would she take his chores plus the job plus the train ride? I highly doubt it.
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05.22.13, 01:46 AM
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Oh no, not the train! Um, yes, already take the train. What kind of a princess are you that you find a train exhausting?
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05.22.13, 01:54 AM
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OP: Yes, this is how I feel. I just wish he'd show some more ownership. I mean, we're married, trying to create this family... and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one making any effort. I know he loves me (and I love him), we have a good marriage otherwise... but I guess it makes me feel very lonely in the marriage at times. I respect that he works hard. But so do I, doing my share of things. I listen to his work stuff (over and over again) and show interest even when it's not that interesting. I don't feel him doing that.
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05.22.13, 01:46 AM
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PP: This is how I felt with my first DH. I told him that I felt lonely in the marriage even though we spent tons of time together. Felt more like his mom than a wife. I saw the warning signs, and envisioned myself where you are now, so I refused to have kids with him and divorced. Married someone who was an equal partner in the relationship, and super involved and inventive parent. Night and day.
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05.22.13, 01:56 AM
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OP: That is the least of my complaint. You either didn't read or misunderstood my post. It's that he seems to take so little interest in any of it, ever. It's almost as if he either doesn't know how, doesn't want to... granted, he never had anything like that as a child, so maybe that's part of it. I just get frustrated when I feel like I'm constantly pulling him along for various things that need to get done here, especially when they are things that are important for our daughter.
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05.22.13, 01:40 AM
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"I want you to WANT to do the dishes."
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05.22.13, 01:37 AM
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OP: No, I want him to care about our daughter and her life and what she needs. I want him to care about our family life too, participate and be present.
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05.22.13, 01:49 AM
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Yeah, but to him a swing set is irrelevant. It's buying a toy on a larger scale. He doesn't care and you can't make him care about this one. Accept and move on if you want to keep the peace and he's otherwise a good dad, good provider.
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05.22.13, 01:54 AM
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np: I couldn't be with a guy who didn't care. Not about the toy, but about anything and everything. OP, was he like this before dcs? Red flags?
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05.22.13, 01:57 AM
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not everyone is a Handy Manny
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05.22.13, 01:39 AM
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Then he should outsource help instead of making OP do everything (including outsource the help).
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05.22.13, 01:36 AM
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No, this would annoy me. My dh helps out a ton with dc when he is not working. BUT...he works 40-45 hours a week. Maybe if he worked more hours, he'd be exhausted?
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05.22.13, 01:40 AM
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I absolutely feel this way and it is a source of contention in my marriage. He has zero interest in anything other than work. He does things at home but only when specifically asked and puts no heart into anything. He doesn't even look at DC and can't wait for him to go to bed.
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05.22.13, 01:35 AM
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Oh, and I also WOH and make more than 50% of the HHI.
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05.22.13, 01:36 AM
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this is my life as well
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05.22.13, 01:35 AM
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this is me too. I gave up nagging and feeling badly about it. I just do it myself and not harbor too much resentment. I WOH as does DH but he puts in WAY more hours than I do at work and often works weekends - so he's tired and really tries to take DS to the park and spent some time together as a family. I can't get too mad if he doesn't put together a toy truck.
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05.22.13, 01:41 AM
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Honestly, you try working FT and commuting. It sucks the life out of you.
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05.22.13, 01:37 AM
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DUMBEST EXCUSE EVER. Many moms work full time and commute and still have no choice but to actually do the tasks required to raise their children.
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05.22.13, 01:39 AM
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I am a WOHM that works FT and commutes. Again, if you and the OP think it is so easy, you fucking try it!
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05.22.13, 01:44 AM
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I do it every single day!
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05.22.13, 01:47 AM
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Uh-huh. And you have a SAH spouse that doesn't any child care or chores and you are A-OK with that?
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05.22.13, 02:00 AM
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I work full time and today I didn't have childcare, so I stayed home and took care of dd and did everything else in the apt -- laundry, bill paying, errands, cooking, all while keeping an eye on my email. Now I really understand what exhausted is. DH has it easy and knows it, so he feigns tired.
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05.22.13, 01:40 AM
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My DH is like this and I work. I am his second wife, and when he divorced his first wife, he told me that part of the reason was that she treated him like one of the children. I didn't understand it at the time (he used to be so interested in our life) but now I can completely and totally see it. She treated him like one of the children because he ACTS like one of the children - completely passive and waiting for me to make and execute on every decision.
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05.22.13, 01:38 AM
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OP: THIS! Sometimes I feel like his mother (!!) I mean, you should see when it comes time for him to get a haircut... first he talks about it for several weeks. Then there is the debate about who to go to. Then how he'll get there and what day. I'm like... buddy, grow a pair and get your freakin' haircut, it's not that complicated!!! I guess what really irks me is that I am left to source/purchase so many things, including household help besides the cleaning woman... and I get pushback. PUSHBACK after I've done my best to find the best deals, etc. It's so irritating.
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05.22.13, 01:46 AM
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Either therapy or divorce. Divorce would probably make you happier and solve more problems.
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05.22.13, 01:58 AM
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My bil is like that. Sister just hires everything out. My DH is very hands on. I discourage some projects bc he will take on too much.
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05.22.13, 01:38 AM
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OP: I am going to tell my daughter to marry a handy man. And I don't mean someone who can pick up a hammer and use it. Someone who wants to be INVOLVED. I wish more men understood how loved this makes a woman feel. Or more specifically, I wish my DH understood that this makes me feel loved. And we all know what that leads to... LOL... I've even tried to explain it to him this way. He doesn't get it.
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05.22.13, 01:54 AM
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I am prone to similar behavior, DH is sahd and I come home exhausted, need my downtime to recover.
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05.22.13, 01:57 AM
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How many hours/week does he work, including commute?
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05.22.13, 01:53 AM
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