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[ - ] DH here: I had gay sex last night and I think I'm traumatized. I've had a "sissy" fantasy for a long time. The idea of being a woman really turns me on or at least it does while I'm alone. Last night, I decided to go all the way and have sex with an actual man and it was absolutely terrible. I walked into his apartment and he started fondling me and calling me sexy but I was not into it at all. I didn't want to disappoint him and ended up going all the way, but the entire experience was horrendous. I woke up today and I don't feel like myself at all. I'm shaky and a nervous wreck. I feel like I've made a huge mistake and basically destroyed my masculinity for nothing. Its honestly making me sick to my stomach. I try not to think about it, but the thoughts of him touching and caressing me come back and then I feel like puking. I'm almost wish I would die. I have no idea what to do. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:17 PM Flag
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┬╗ sometimes one has to experiment across the spectrum to be confident in their sexuality. now you have lived out that fantasy, and know that it is not for you. you live and learn. stop thinking about it and move forward. i think the bigger issue is the betrayal to your wife. i would definitely not tell her if you are 100% sure you are not gay. just bury that experience deep in a closet. your life is ruined if she finds out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:18 PM Flag
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Reddit is for you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:18 PM Flag
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Hey troll...What are you getting out of these post. You are on a women's board for god sake. You probably are sitting at your computer in dirty underwear, wanking your tiny penis. I'm sorry you are an ugly person who is never going to get a date but this is sad and pathetic. You don't even post original crap. Just the same crap you stole over and over again. You are sad. Get help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:22 PM Flag
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I woke up today and I don't feel like myself at all. I'm shaky and a nervous wreck. I feel like I've made a huge mistake and basically destroyed my masculinity for nothing [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:28 PM Flag
[ - ] DH here: When I was 14 I faked sick so I could stay home from school one day. I slept for most of the morning, then got up for lunch. Around one I was hanging out in my room, still in my pajamas, waiting for the Saved by the Bell syndication episodes to start, and as you do when you're 14 and bored I decided to beat off. I pulled off my pajama bottoms and got down on the floor, put a paper towel down, started going at myself, looking up at the poster of pamela anderson on the wall, thinking about her, thinking about a girl at school. Then suddenly I look up and my own mom is standing at the doorway, completely silent. I stopped, I started spluttering excuses. She just put her finger up to her lips. Didn't say a fucking word. Then--and I shit you not--she raises a hand to one of the thin shoulder straps holding her dress up. She pulls its thread loose, then reaches for the other shoulder and does the same. Lets her dress top fall. It slid down her skin and then revealed two perfectly round, gorgeous tits. I just stared. I'd never seen live tits before. I could see the nipples harden. I came right there. Right across the paper towel in front of me and onto part of the carpet. Then I look up and she's already pulled her dress back up. Tells me to get some rest. Later that night she makes me my favorite dinner, and we sit there, the whole family, at the dinner table, just eating, nothing's changed. I still don't know why she did it. But I do know (and this haunts me) that I'll probably never see a pair of tits as perfect and as beautiful as those. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:11 PM Flag
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Can you go back to reddit... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:15 PM Flag
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You again [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:24 PM Flag
[ - ] I see the three day weekend has pissed a lot of parents off. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:57 PM Flag
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What [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:04 PM Flag
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tahW [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:11 PM Flag
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Meaning? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:14 PM Flag
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┬┐gninaeM [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:15 PM Flag
[ - ] People with nannies, what's your HHI? 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:51 PM Flag
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Varies but always $750k+ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:55 PM Flag
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About 800, but we cut down to aupair when youngest in first grade (burb mom) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:56 PM Flag
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Really varies. 400k in some years, up to three million in a great year [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:57 PM Flag
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Why do you people take your nanny with you to the hamptons? We found it better to hire a local Hamptons girl to nanny for the summer and give our Manhattan nanny the summer off as paid vacation [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:05 PM Flag
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Why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:05 PM Flag
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Our Manhattan nanny has all her friends and her boyfriend in Manhattan. Too hard for her to be stuck in the Hamptons, [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:05 PM Flag
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This is what is great about aupairs, they all want to see different areas. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:06 PM Flag
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^^^We have places at the cape and florida, they are happy going to each place at least twice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:07 PM Flag
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Do girls in the Hamptons accept nanny jobs? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:07 PM Flag
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The girls that grew up in Montauk are not wealthy, Many of their dads are fisherman . These Montauk girls are happy to nanny [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:07 PM Flag
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OP: I didn't the question about taking a nanny on vacation? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:07 PM Flag
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What do you mean? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:08 PM Flag
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About $1.2 m [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:14 PM Flag
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OP: writing too fast. I wanted to make it clear that I did not ask the question about taking nannies on vacation [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:16 PM Flag
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How is that relevant [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:17 PM Flag
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OP: It was an obnoxious question, and I don't want anyone to think that I asked it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:21 PM Flag
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Our HHI is $2mn, we have three DCs and two nannies. Two FT WOH parents [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:24 PM Flag
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$140k [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:26 PM Flag
[ - ] PSA on hiring a nanny: set expectations low. Nannies all get lazy. They all start feeling entitled. They all stop working hard. Your unearned generosity wont be appreciated. Here's my advice. 51 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:42 PM Flag
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1. No separate vacation time from your vacation. They take vacation when you do. That's it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:43 PM Flag
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I don't agree with your premise or #2 (we give a month) but we do follow this rule. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:46 PM Flag
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2. One week net salary is the expected bonus. Don't set a higher expectation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:43 PM Flag
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Agree. This is why I switched to aupairs. Yes, they go after a year or two, and yes, the do less than nannies, but they do what they are paid for. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:44 PM Flag
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3. If you give a credit card, you expect a receipt. Charges must all be authorized and for the kids. Dont even allow them to do things like buy bottled water or a snack for themselves, because they'll expect it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:44 PM Flag
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Agreed. Give typed list for groceries. We do not allow bottled water. NYC water is fine. Use filter if you want. Everyone in house gets re-usable water bottle. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:45 PM Flag
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True. Any generosity is taken for grantedd [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:46 PM Flag
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4. Nannies take public transport, not cabs. Period. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:46 PM Flag
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5. Cabfare and dinner only for staying after 8:30 pm [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:47 PM Flag
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Even this is BS. They can take public transport like most everyone who isn't working in a law firm [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:50 PM Flag
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6. Try to be on time for releasing the nanny, but dont get in the habit of paying overtime if you are late, or if you occasionally ask them to come early. Flexibility in hours around the margins is part of the job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:48 PM Flag
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ITTA my experience has unfortunately been that the more generous I am the more lazy and entitled nanny gets. Has never worked out well [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:49 PM Flag
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This this this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:50 PM Flag
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7. Part of the job is doing laundry. Including yours. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:49 PM Flag
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This is a joke, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:49 PM Flag
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Transparent troll attempt to get into MP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:58 PM Flag
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8. Children eat home cooked meals, not takeout. It should be a rare instance where the nanny is buying a meal for the kids outside of the house. If the kids need to eat outside of the house, the nanny should be packing food for the day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:50 PM Flag
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9. The house should be tidy when you get home. It isn't their job to scrub floors and toilets, but the toys should be put away, and the kitchen area should be clean. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:50 PM Flag
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NY employers are crappy. That's why they have a revolving door of crappy nannies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:51 PM Flag
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Basically i suggest a detailed contract that spells out everything so nanny can not get lazy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:51 PM Flag
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10. If there is downtime because the kid is napping or in school, the nanny should be doing something productive for the household. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:51 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:53 PM Flag
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Wow, never followed this ridiculous advice and had an awesome nanny for the years we needed it (parted on great terms a few years ago and now another family is lucky enough to have her). I realize your fondest wish is to live in Downton Abbey but that isn't happening OP...maybe change your views if you want to keep staff and not be on here complaining about why your nanny is not what you expected. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:52 PM Flag
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11. Part of the job is being organized. If your nanny is disorganized, forgetful, etc. she needs to be fired. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:53 PM Flag
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What i did when hiring nanny was i told her that i would get a serious cleaning lady to do deep clean two days a week. But that the other days, nanny was responsible for keeping the house organized. Nanny needed to fill dishwasher and essentially be housekeeper on days without a cleaning lady [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:54 PM Flag
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12. The nanny should be expected to check out high quality childrens books from the library, not a bunch of crap like "Captain Underpants." Yes, this means your nanny needs to ask the childrens' librarians for book recommendations. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:54 PM Flag
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Vacation is a tough issue. I used to take nanny on three week vacations to .europe and she was worried that she could not be apart from boyfriend for that long [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:55 PM Flag
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Probably the boyfriend cheated.. Wouldn't any twentysomething guy cheat if deprived of sex for that ling? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:56 PM Flag
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13. W/r/t cell phone usage, a few brief calls during the day is fine. But if your nanny is spending 30 minutes on the phone at a time, it's time for a new nanny. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:55 PM Flag
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14. When you send a text or call the nanny, you get a return text or call within 5 minutes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:56 PM Flag
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T h i s [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:58 PM Flag
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What if she is in the shower [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:58 PM Flag
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Ok so a good compromise is to do shorter vacarions. I told my nanny that The family goes on eight weeks of vacation a year but that she was only required to go with us on the vacations of eight days or less that worked well for us [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:57 PM Flag
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15. Playdates should be made with children your child wants to play with -- not with children who happen to have a babysitter from the same Carribean island. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:58 PM Flag
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Lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:58 PM Flag
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Nannies come from all over the world.You're a true idiot [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:18 PM Flag
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16. Come home and visit the park at unexpected times. What you see is what is happening when you're not there. If you dont like what you see, fire the nanny. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:58 PM Flag
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I provided nanny with iphone and ipad that she carries with her. She doesn't know that with " find my iphone" i know exactly where she is at all times. I have caught her lying a few times [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:00 PM Flag
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Like what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:00 PM Flag
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Ok so i asked her how much time she spent at playground and she said two hours when find my iphone showed it was really one hour at the park and one hour in Forever 21. Nanny was shopping for slutty clothes when she promised she would be at park [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:01 PM Flag
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Did you confront? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:09 PM Flag
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17. Attitude matters. Come to work with a fucking smile on your face. If you're sullen, I'm looking for a new nanny pronto. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:59 PM Flag
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What about social issues? In the Nanny Diaries Scarlett started dating a guy who was in the same building as the family that employed her [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:59 PM Flag
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18. Don't tolerate lateness. 8:00 am means 8:00 am, not 8:05 am. Nip any lateness in the bud early. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:59 PM Flag
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Do you think it's because there's no room for advancement in the field? Like most nannies leave a job with three kids at top of pay scale. Then have to go back to a lower rate for one kid. I think the whole industry is screwed up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:59 PM Flag
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How so [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:02 PM Flag
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19. Your child should be learning something from your nanny -- letters, reading, math. If this isn't happening, your nanny sucks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:01 PM Flag
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20. During the summer, your nanny needs to make weekly plans. "Going to the park" is not a plan. Your nanny should have planned, scheduled, and structured time (as well as unstructured time) scheduled. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:03 PM Flag
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21. Have a running to-do list. Your nanny should be crossing things off it, and you should be adding things to it. The list should never run out of things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:12 PM Flag
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22. She can help herself to a reasonable amount of food, but dont accept your nanny cleaning out your groceries at an unreasonable pace. If she eats that much, she needs to pack her own lunch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:19 PM Flag
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This is why i only hire skinny nannies. The fatties eat twice as much [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:20 PM Flag
[ - ] Our nanny works five days each week, sometimes Mon - Fri and other times Tues - Sat. She worked Mon to Friday this weekend as she wanted Saturday off for the holiday. Do I need to pay her an extra holiday since she wasn't here? July 4 is one of the holidays we pay for per her contract. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:38 PM Flag
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Omg! People, get your head out of your ass. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:39 PM Flag
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Nanny here. It goes a long way if you do. Clarify your contract that holidays on non working days will/won't be observed. I wish my boss at least have me an additional vacation day to use at their convenience to make up for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:44 PM Flag
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if it is specifically in the contract that she will receive compensation for July 4th' and there is no distinction as to whether she must actually be there, then yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:45 PM Flag
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Of course. And Friday was the holiday off (post offices, Wall Street, etc closed) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:57 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone think that Christie Brinkley's comment about Billy's new wife being a "great new friend" for their daughter is throwing shade at her age? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:38 PM Flag
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Maybe, or it could just be an innocent remark. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:39 PM Flag
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I thought that at first, but on some other sites people are saying Christie needs to get over it already. I wondered if other people also read it that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:48 PM Flag
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I think Christie got over being married to that drunk (but very talented) man years ago. I'm sure she's happy to see anyone else taking him on, and if new wife is nice to her kid, so much the better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:58 PM Flag
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^^would be different if walked out on her for this young OR but not the case. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:59 PM Flag
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OP. I like your interpretation a lot better, so I'm going to go with it. It was also my understanding that they were very amicable these days. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:02 PM Flag
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She's a nutter. Who cares what she thinks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:20 PM Flag
[ - ] Ok to date a man who is separated or should you wait for divorce? 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:13 PM Flag
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Depends. Is he clearly established in his own home? If so i say go for it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:17 PM Flag
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Separated but she only moved out three weeks ago. I think it's too soon [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:18 PM Flag
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NP: If they are living separately, then you can go for it. If you do not some other hungry single will. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:22 PM Flag
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Lol I'm asking for a friend. Nervous for her though. Could b fine or get super ugly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:25 PM Flag
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Read post below, waiting is for people willing to come in second place or worse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:26 PM Flag
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She's not thinking of some other hungry single, she's just trying to figure out if this is a right choice long term [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:39 PM Flag
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If she likes him enough to consider waiting until a divorce is final, she probably likes him enough to not want to lose the chance of finding out if he is the one for her. The wait can end it before it begins. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:44 PM Flag
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Ugh there was a wealthy guy in my firm that was getting separated from his wife, i decided to do the right thing and wait until his divorce was almost final. But another woman in the office jumped in there and grabbed him first. I feel like my scruples hurt me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:18 PM Flag
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Did she get it on lockdown? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:19 PM Flag
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What does that even mean [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:19 PM Flag
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Did she get a diamond? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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What a snide comment [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:25 PM Flag
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np: it's absurd BUT the point is still relevant. Are you envious of his rebound thst everyone in the office will know about when he moves on again or is she going to be his wife? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:28 PM Flag
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no i would wait until he had a relationship or two after the divorce, not going to be a rebound relationship [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:27 PM Flag
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If he has kids, they will hate you and assume the worst. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:32 PM Flag
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+1 they will never believe you on the timeline if they've only been separated 3 weeks. At the very very least the relationship should be on the DL for at least a year. Do NOT meet his kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:33 PM Flag
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No kids involved. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:44 PM Flag
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Absolutely. He's probably been mentally checked out for a long time. If you like him go for it but just know that going through a divorce is stressful and messy so you'll need to be supportive of him at times. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:32 PM Flag
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You have no way of knowing this and because the wife moved out, she may be the one who was checked out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:02 PM Flag
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OP is smart enough to figure this stuff out. Men either like to be in relationship or they don't. My view is that meeting a separated or divorced man is superior to one who's never been committed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:26 PM Flag
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wait [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:36 PM Flag
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Isn't that one of the main why people separate? Divorces can be dragged out for eternities if one side is unreasonable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:43 PM Flag
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Too soon and have some self-respect, who wants to be rebound girl. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:00 PM Flag
[ - ] For those who care, Princess Charlotte's christening today and she (and George) are cuties! I love that family 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:11 PM Flag
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Who is that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:12 PM Flag
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Picture link? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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Gorgeous family. The duchess looks radiant. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:23 PM Flag
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Omg so cute!!! Kate look beautiful, george is a cutie! and from the glimpse of charlotte she is starting to look like george!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:38 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:40 PM Flag
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did you see the pic after the ceremony where George is on tip toe looking into the pram? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:40 PM Flag
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yes! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:45 PM Flag
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Not yet!!! Those damn kids make me want babies so badly. But I am not British so probably can't wear as many hats as kate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:45 PM Flag
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LOL! I am one of the firmly no kids ladies here and I can't get enough. They are SO cute. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:46 PM Flag
[ - ] Need gift ideas: Brother's mid-20s gf just moved in with him, and is hooking me and dc up with some difficult to get tickets. Looking to get her a housewarming and thank you gift... Wine is out, bro is finicky so household items are sort of out also. TIA! 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:07 PM Flag
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subscription to a streaming service; netflix, hulu, ect...... or a gift card to a grocery service; fresh direct ect.... or a gift card to a car rental service; zip car ect.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:12 PM Flag
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great ideas, but those are covered already (bro uses the family Netflix acct, and has his own car). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:14 PM Flag
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How about a g/c to a cooking skills class. Like knife skills, or something like that? Kind of housewarming-ey but you are not sticking them with a thing that your brother might not like/want. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:50 PM Flag
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Another good idea - it'll have to be something other than cooking, but I'll think about what class might work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:53 PM Flag
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Does she work out? How about a month at a studio type of place near her new location? Assuming she did not just move a few blocks over. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:55 PM Flag
[ - ] Just about to hire a nanny for the first time. Do you give your nanny all or some public holidays off? What's the norm? 42 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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My rule of thumb is to hire the absolute best person I could and then be as nice as I could..meaning give as many holidays off as possible. if you're not working, she isn't either (and I personally don't like nanny around if I am...if you have several kids it might be different of course) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:06 PM Flag
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OP: That's pretty much my way of thinking but I wanted to be more explicit than that in a contract to avoid confusion. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:25 PM Flag
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OR: If you get a great person and you are generous with her on an ongoing basis (e.g. if you take an extra day off give her one too, occasionally let her go home early) hopefully she will be flexible too and the 'contract' will not be that necessary. Worked that way for us, but there is some luck involved too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:40 PM Flag
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I would like to think that's the case but from what I read here and being an employer myself that isn't always the case and I don't want the drama. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:49 PM Flag
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If you have the day off, you should give her the day off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:10 PM Flag
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Write up an agreement. Will force you to think about things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:12 PM Flag
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A to Z contract by Lora Brawley is on sale this weekend [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:17 PM Flag
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OP: That's what I'm doing but I'm just wondering what is the norm as I don't get them all off and my kids get some but not all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:24 PM Flag
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The norm is that she is off when you are off. When I was a SAHM with DB and toddler, she was off when DH was off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:30 PM Flag
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Where are all the dads, why aren't they caring for there children? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:33 PM Flag
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I'm taking a wild guess thst they are working at least as much as the moms [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:35 PM Flag
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I don't give minor holidays like veterans, Columbus, mlk, presidents day, etc. Even if I am off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:35 PM Flag
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OP: Thanks, I was wondering about those days in particular. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:39 PM Flag
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Some don't but as you see here it's s mixed bag. I think it's the norm to give them but as PP suggest it's not outrageous not to [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:41 PM Flag
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Why do you need a nanny around if you are off? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:41 PM Flag
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For my own free time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:47 PM Flag
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You work full time, and when you do get a day off to spend with kids you want the nanny there so you can have 'me time'. Okaay.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:49 PM Flag
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I can do as I please. Yes I need me time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:51 PM Flag
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I don't understand why anyone would want there nanny around when they're at home. I don't want to put a bra or take a shower. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:00 PM Flag
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Well I'm perfectly comfortable brings home same time as nanny. Plus I may have my own plans outside the house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:10 PM Flag
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OP: I don't get them all off. I'm also more concerned about what is the norm contractually. Plus the ones she may need to work may involve her looking after 3 kids which I don't want her doing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:48 PM Flag
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Nanny here I get six, but didn't get Fourth of July bc on sat. It sucks. I am not happy. I was happy when I got ten and used them day before if on weekend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:16 PM Flag
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Start looking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:17 PM Flag
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Other reasons keep me there. But a meager 4-5 extra days off a year would make me exponentially happier. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:22 PM Flag
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We're your employers off on Friday? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:31 PM Flag
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One of them owns a company. Made everyone work. Not such a great employer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:35 PM Flag
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A week off a year would make most people happier. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:40 PM Flag
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It sucks changing jobs to one with less benefits. :( I only get two weeks of vacation and five holidays. I'm 30. I am working on finding something with better work like balance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:47 PM Flag
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Well good luck with that. You're already getting what most professionals in America get. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:53 PM Flag
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So untrue. Most get more time off. At least the ones I know. I am almost done working for others though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:14 PM Flag
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It depends on what you need. I used to give nanny all holidays with my 1st. Now as a WOH mom with 3 kids and all kids are at some sort of school I do the opposite and nanny doesn't work ft every day but often works holidays and some weekend days (not often) I know UB wisdom is as posted above "be as nice as possible and as generous as possible and nanny only works when you do" but after 3 kids and 3 different nannies my motto is "it's what I need and if you don't like it I will find someone else" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:17 PM Flag
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Where's you dh in all of this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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Relevance? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:34 PM Flag
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He should be helping out with his children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:40 PM Flag
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To answer your question, he works just like I do. We like spending some 1 on 1 time with kids sometimes as well as having a little bit of rest. We have been at this for 12 years and still have 1 very young dc so we have grown to learned that being a martyr isn't going to get us very far and it's not a race [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:41 PM Flag
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Spending time with your children makes you a martyr? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:52 PM Flag
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I bet you give decent vacation time? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:23 PM Flag
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OP: I have 3 and I'm hoping to strike a balance. I'm willing to be generous but would like certain things to be clear from the get go. It's too difficult otherwise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:28 PM Flag
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I made it clear that most holidays excluding Christmas will not be given as days off. My nanny has a ton of flexibility during most school weeks. It's what I need and I was very upfront about this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:37 PM Flag
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I give the major holidays off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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Google for the park slope parents nanny compensation survey. Lots of great Intel there. My experience is that nannies are very sneaky so put everything on paper up front. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:36 PM Flag
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basically you make up the schedule that works for you and make it clear in writing. My employer needs me to work a lot of the holidays because their schedule requires it; however I have been given other days off to make up for it. Just make it clear from the beginning [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:19 PM Flag
[ - ] What would be a good housewarming gift for a 12 year old boy and 10 year old girl for their recently divorced father's home? TIA 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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basket with some snacks..popcorn etc.. In the past I would have said 'with some DVDs, but not sure what you'd replace that with now. Books? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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ITunes gift cards. Headphones. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:07 PM Flag
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Are there reasonably priced headphones that kids like? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:24 PM Flag
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Will they be splitting time at two households? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:08 PM Flag
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Yes. More time at their moms. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:09 PM Flag
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Then I like the above reply - iTunes (or Steam) gift cards, headphones. Or Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime membership. Or even a battery backup/extra chargers for devices. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:11 PM Flag
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Are you dating the dad? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:12 PM Flag
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No. Grew up with him and we live in the same town. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:13 PM Flag
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Robes? Personalized towels? Bean bag chairs... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:14 PM Flag
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NP-Check out yogibo if you go this route. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:15 PM Flag
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Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:31 PM Flag
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Ipads for each [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:18 PM Flag
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wow, wish you were buying my kids gifts... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:19 PM Flag
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That's a bit out of my price range! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:21 PM Flag
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Ok [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:37 PM Flag
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Nothing. Buy a plant or bring a dish for the new house but those DCs don't want to celebrate their parents split. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:58 PM Flag
[ - ] What is the best au pair agency in Westchester? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:50 PM Flag
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Depends where you are. What you need is the biggest one in your school district. They run local meetings, so girls can meet others. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:57 PM Flag
[ - ] So proud of myself. After two years finally cracked my hardest design challenge -- super long room that needed two seating areas. No one irl cares, of course. Why should they? But I am pretty happy. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:50 PM Flag
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Okay I have one of these, too. How did you do it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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It actually sounds dopey but works. I have a couch anchoring one end with two occcasional chairs facing it. Then a small love seat behind those two chairs facing the fire place at the other end of the room with high wing back leather chairs facing the love seat at either side of the fireplace. This took me forever to get the size of the pieces right and all the side tables and coffee tables in place. But those are the basic elements. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:58 PM Flag
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NP - I am happy for you!!! I am currently trying to figure out how much of my downstairs to do in the same floor. I'm not ready to redo the kitchen, but that is on the table in the next 5 years, and I don't want to paint myself into a metaphorical corner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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pp. Interesting mine is a brownstone parlor room and each wall has either French doors, windows or a fireplace. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:09 PM Flag
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Np - I have the same dilemma! Long brownstone parlor, with the kitchen at the rear of the house and a long front parlor with hardly any wall space for furniture, because of fireplace, windows, big archways. Since this room is my family's main living space (two small dc's) I've tried to cozy it up. I've found some great design ideas by searching key words on Pinterest and Houzz. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:18 PM Flag
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I have a living room where I just can't crack like that. What did you do to figure it out? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:55 PM Flag
[ - ] Third DC at 42? 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:41 PM Flag
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now or never [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:43 PM Flag
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Thats what I was thinking. OP here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:43 PM Flag
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Good luck if you decide to go for it! Are both you and your partner strongly on board? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:44 PM Flag
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DH is totally on board. I am slightly less because I do 95% of parenting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:47 PM Flag
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I take it you stay at home and he works long hours? Is he helpful when he's home or does he check out? Anyway to wrangle to better division of labor for you, or are you happy doing 95%? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:56 PM Flag
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Depends, when it comes to 3rd DC, it is not the age that matters, but whether you can handle having that 3rd DC. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:45 PM Flag
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How do you know until you have it? That is a big concern for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:47 PM Flag
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np. 2nd dc did me in so I am clear. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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Lol same here. Plus I know I can only afford a 2 bed apartment [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:22 PM Flag
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Eh, if you are on the fence, don't do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:54 PM Flag
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wish I had done it. now 44. you will regret not doing it even if you are on the fence right now. I'm resentful towards dh that he didn't want another at that point, now he admits that he wishes we did it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:58 PM Flag
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I wouldn't say I am on the fence. I do want it. Just very afraid of being able to handle it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:00 PM Flag
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you will step up to the plate. it will be hard first year or so but, there's a light at the end of that tunnel. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:05 PM Flag
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Wish I had done it. Now they're older and it would have been tough for a few years. Then great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:13 PM Flag
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The people telling you to go for it don't have 3. It actually gets tougher, not easier as the kids get older. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:17 PM Flag
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Do you have 3? Do you think the third is exponentially harder than the two? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:32 PM Flag
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Thanks can you elaborate? I mean do you think kids in general get more difficult as they get older or do you think it is the third that makes it so? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:33 PM Flag
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Kids are involved in more and more activities as they get older. If you have 3 kids, and each plays one sport per season and a musical instrument, the logistics are difficult. Kids' emotional needs are more complicated as they get older. Each one needs your time and focus. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:00 PM Flag
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OR, yes to all of this. And I was quite a bit younger when I had #3. Unless husband is on board as an active parent, IMO, 3 isn't the best idea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:19 PM Flag
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^^and taxis, and hotel rooms. It is constant. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 05:21 PM Flag
[ - ] 44. Single, never married mother. Friends and family have stopped asking me if I am dating anyone or if I ever will be. On FB I see men I used to hang around with my age and older have babies and getting married (for first or second time). I hate feeling like such an old drudge and spinster. 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:30 PM Flag
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But you have a child! be happy with what you have. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:31 PM Flag
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Okay - If I were a 44 year old single man would you say be happy with your child? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:34 PM Flag
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Np- yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:35 PM Flag
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Divorced mom. Yep. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:45 PM Flag
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np: I'm a 47 year old single man and I'm happy with my child. Everything else in my life is in turmoil, but I look at my son and smile. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:58 PM Flag
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Be young at heart. Be that Mom who is willing to go zip lining, water rafting down the Colarado and teach your DC to love adventure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:33 PM Flag
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Some of these things are complicated and expensive to do by yourself with a child. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:41 PM Flag
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What efforts have you made to date? What care do you take with your appearance? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:36 PM Flag
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The point of this post was that the people who know me best just stopped asking and it hurts my feelings. I have aged lately - have more wrinkles. My family - sister in particular are very vocal about the grays I let show. But honestly, I am somewhat classic and well put together dress wise. 120 lbs. 5 feet 4. Perhaps the bar was set higher for me with them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:46 PM Flag
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I am older with child and husband. Our marriage is asexual by his choice. He is laconic and cranky with me and loving with DS. I envy you. Grass is always greener. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:37 PM Flag
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np: i'm sorry :( that's no way to live. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:39 PM Flag
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I lost my shit at both of them this morning (due to be snuggled by the wrong male) and now it's hostility day in my house. I love him and we should have a good life, but he has no sex drive or communication skills. Nicest man in the world if only I were celibate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:41 PM Flag
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Is he willing to go to sex therapy?? I had issues with ED/low libido w my DH but he's been open to change. started working out, eating healthier, not depressed anymore...just overall happiness in his life has changed his attitude a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:45 PM Flag
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No, all he says us you are doing the best you can in a tough situation. Low sex drive baseline. Sulks and retreats. Very ashamed of himself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:48 PM Flag
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my dh was really ashamed as well. he ended up telling me on our honeymoon. it's been frustrating/sad/confusing bc we're young, have a db on the way. but this past year, seeing him be proactive and really do something about it has given me hope. I wish you well and gl. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:54 PM Flag
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Isn't ED a sign of health problems? Has he been checked out for heart issues? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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that's the next step..he hates doctors. refuses to go..but he said he will if the ed doesn't resolve w losing weight, exercising and eating healthier [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:04 PM Flag
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+1 a lot of women in their 40s are weighed down by the men they have lives with. It's easy to imagine in your head that things would be much rosier, but the truth is, you'll never really know if you would actually be happier with a man in your life. If you're healthy and able to support yourself and your dc and be a good parent, be thankful for what you have. It will always be more than what someone else is dealing with. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:41 PM Flag
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Get a mini- makeover- color and style your hair, update your wardrobe, take a makeup lesson, join a new social group- running club, museum, tennis, charity, etc. Just go out and enjoy life. A smile and a happy YOU is very attractive! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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I am 35, divorced with 2 DCs. I have dated some, but had a tough time really letting myself be vulnerable and open to another relationship. I have a good life though in many ways. I genuinely enjoy being a parent and am adventurous and independent and my DCs are really great kids. I like my job, it is engaging and challenging. I don't know exactly what the next ten years hold, but living your life with an attitude of enjoying the day to day helps a lot I think. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:57 PM Flag
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If you never married, there must be a reason. On some level you must not want to marry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 03:58 PM Flag
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This will be me in 15 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.05.15, 04:24 PM Flag
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